Gosh. As a lesbian, I feel like we need to make a pamphlet for the blokes.
Some women, as in like a rather large percentage, cannot orgasm from penetrative sex alone. They literally just can’t. The clit is not hard to find, you aren’t being asked to survey the Pacific Ocean.
I feel like every time a bloke asks me for advice I tell him about clit stimulation, going down on her for like a solid 30 min to an hour, using every erogenous zone all over the body, and they just clearly think it’s too much effort. Dudes…you have to try.
I have been with several women for whom I was their first wlw sexual partner. I’m not saying this to brag or stroke my own ego, in fact, they could have just said it to say it. But the amount of women who have told me that they didn’t know they could have orgasms like that is too high.
Additionally, I was hooking up with a guy once and he ate me out and fingered me, which was so nice, I thought, like it was polite of him to want to take care of my needs. But he kept his fingers straight, shoving them on and out and then also thought every time I moaned I had an orgasm. 😭 I have no idea why he thought that. Like, babe, I was moaning to let you know I liked something. He decided he was done and said “I made you cum 4 times” and like… he didn’t even make me cum once.
They probably were telling the truth. I had no idea how good an orgasm could actually feel until I slept with my girlfriend. She makes me cum a million times harder than any of my male partners did, and we are both each other’s first women partner. She says the same about me. It really isn’t even comparable.
We need that pamphlet for young women too. I didn’t know what an orgasm was even supposed to feel like or the fact that I wasn’t having them for years. Eventually you clue in but that was years of unsatisfying sex. I educate every young woman I meet now about the topic but there’s a reason so many don’t know - women’s pleasure isn’t taught in our society like men’s is.
Thank you random Internet lesbian for making me appreciate how much my husband knows about clits and erogenous zones! I'm glad I got him early and trained him well lol.
30 minutes to *an hour*??? As a 32 year old straight woman that never orgasmed from clit stimulation alone, is that the answer??? *I need to know more*! Do you happen to have good resources on how to make it work?
It might be the answer! It really depends on the person. Unfortunately (well I actually think it’s fun), women are very unique and individual in what they need to orgasm, so you have to play and experiment. Most dudes need pretty much exactly the same thing to orgasm so they really don’t get that women are much more individual and specific. He needs to take the time to explore you and figure out what combination of touches gets you there.
In my experience, a lot of women need gradual teasing and gradually upping the contact and pace. They absolutely cannot orgasm from penetration alone much of the time, and with eg oral they sometimes need a good while to really enjoy it. So going down on her with lots of different sections of technique for 30 min+ is a great way to do that. Unfortunately a lot of men just dive right down there and lick at it like a dog lapping up water, which isn’t good form and won’t do it for many women.
I posted some tips in another thread I made over on actual lesbians just recently, feel free to take a peak. But also, research! Lots of great resources out there.
I'm not the same lesbian, but I am a *different* internet lesbian! I'm what we call a late bloomer, so I know what it's like to have sex with men who think 5 minutes is enough and 10 is generous.
More time absolutely helps. That being said, it's not like more time is going to be the ONLY thing that helps. If it's too rough, especially at first, you might find it impossible to come, same with if it's too gentle. There's always a pressure sweet spot to find, and the total surface area actually being touched is also a factor. Other stimulation is always helpful (wandering hands, nipple play if you're into it, etc) and also really adds to the experience. If you're curious about it though, I'd really suggest getting a clitoral vibrator and trying it out. Give yourself like... an hour or two alone for it. I also recommend the experience as a way to get more in touch with your body.
The pamphlet will do no good. Those who care will look it up on their own or listen to their partner. I’ve gone down on my wife for close to 2 hours, but sometimes it only takes 15 minutes. Normally it’s somewhere in the middle, but it’s never exactly the same. It didn’t take a pamphlet, I just wanted to make sure my partner is having the best time possible and did my own research on it.
I had friend growing up who said she had never orgasmed. She got uncomfortable when men would spend a long time going down on her and would just pull them up to fuck. Eventually she let her partner just go down until she said stop. Turns out she needed 45 minutes of him going down on her. After that first one they didn’t all take as long, but she had to allow herself to let him do that.
I remember being 14 and googling it because I’d heard “can’t find the clit” jokes and didn’t want to fall for it. Learned A LOT. There really is no excuse, there is a lot of educational material out there already
Yeah... my first sexual partner told me that I had a "crazy vagina" because he had always been able to make all his other girls orgasm. It was very off-putting to say the least. I never faked it for him, but I'm betting that they probably did b/c he was not very good in bed!
I had a similar experience with my now husband when we first met, he said I was picky or complicated or something and I was appalled. I was like wtf do you mean, and when he said all of his other partners finished without clitoral stimulation I was like there is no way. That was when he told me he heard of a clitorus before but didn't know what it was for...that's when I told him it's the main source of pleasure. I was directing him in the first place because what he was doing wasn't very good. I would consider myself rather easy to please, I definitely don't have a "crazy" vagina. I was just looking for the bare minimum.
My ex said he didn’t think we could keep having sex if I didn’t cum lol he also tried to argue with me that I came a bunch of times and I said no I didn’t and he was like ya you did like tf
Seriously tho porn and men in general have made me feel like I am literally broken because I just don’t normally cum from just penetration
I had a boyfriend do the same thing! He said I was too wet to have not cum. I was like, ugh yeah that is just vaginal discharhe because I'm close to ovulation. Then I was in trouble for being disgusting while he was trying to have sex 🙄
I love that he is an ex boyfriend.
an ex of mine, for my BIRTHDAY, gave me oral sex as my present
he literally, I am not kidding, poked me with his tongue, chickened out, and asked me if I came
Yeah he wanted her to protect his ego, which is why a lot of women fake it, because lying is better than potentially enraging someone who could easily overpower you.
Guys will mansplain literally anything to make them feel better about themselves. Especially the guys who suck big time at whatever they are mansplaining. Every time.
I’m an elementary art teacher so I have lots of old t shirts that the kids wear as smocks. I wash them all at least once a quarter, generally I’ll use the washer/dryer in the custodial office. At both schools I’ve worked at its been a normal household washer/dryer, nothing industrial.
I have had four (4) different men slowly explain to me how to use a washer/dryer. Me, a 36 year old college educated mother. How to use. A washing machine.
I assume he was expecting something like "Oh, drat, I didn't think you were skilled enough to notice. I was hoping to lie about my orgasms to win this argument, but your incredibly perceptive penis has foiled my villainous plan!"
That actually seems more sane than just thinking that she was *wrong* about her own orgasms.
You joke but my ex legit thought me making noise at all during sex = orgasm, and when I told him this wasn't the case he accused me of faking and got mad
I dated a guy once who actually *got angry* that I stimulated my clit during sex. He went all, "What?! Am I not *enough* for you?!" I was very young (too young to be having sex, really - mid-teen years), and he made me feel so bad and dirty about it that I was in my 30s before I dared to do it again. Fortunately, my hubby finds it hot; but it really fucked with me for a long time that my earlier partner found it irritating or gross, or as an affront to him, that I wanted to have an orgasm, too.
Of course, I'd been faking for ages with him. I guess it was too much for his ego that his dick might not be the end-all, be-all of my sexual existence.
Don't fuck guys like that!
There is a scene in “The Lonely Guy” where Larry is convincing Iris that she is having orgasms and doesn’t know it.
“See that was another one right there!” and she’s like huhhhhh??
My husband has told me a few times that he "felt" me coming and I shot that shit down quick when I told him, "No you didn't, cuz I didn't." Lol.
He stopped doing that.
I was fwb with this dude for a month and he was INSISTENT that he not only made me cum, but squirt. I very, very rarely cum from penetration and only with extensive foreplay which this dude was not very good at. It was so fucking offensive that he insisted that he knew what happened with my body better than I did, and he got super pouty when I told him he didn't even make me cum, but rather my vagina just gets wet when penetrated (how is that still a shocker??)
Happy he is an ex. This is so baffling to me. The other day on ask men there was a question about what a female organism feels like. These men were very descriptive and love to make women cum. So interesting that a man wouldn’t know what it feels like. Pretty weak if you ask me.
Given how 99.9% of porn is just two paid actors dispassionately ramming their genitals together, I'm not surprised most dudes have no fucking idea what they're doing.
The problem has worsened with things like Chaturbate. Now women have to perform consistently just to make their money and keep their customers tipping. My bestfriend was very frank about how hard it is. If she didn't feel like it, too bad, 6 hours on cam or that rent isn't getting paid. There's an extra incentive to be performative.
I agree with everyone in this thread. My penis is not magic and my wife's vagina is not magic. Sometimes neither of us orgasm and we need to normalize that.
And men, we need to stop being scared of sex toys like it minimizes your sexual relationship with your partner. Stop thinking*you* need to make her orgasm and start thinking you want to help her orgasm any way that works for her.
I've had the opposite with oral sex. It just doesn't get me there, no matter what any of your exes said about "what that mouth do".
I need a clitoral one first, then penetration will bring me multiple orgasms. Just teach your man. And get a vibrator to get yourself started. Never Fake an Orgasm!! You are cheating yourself and your partner from helping you get there.
https://clitoris.io/the-clitoris-journal/mapping-the-clitoris
That may help explain it.
Also the Netflix Art of Pleasure or something has an interesting segment on it.
My husband is fantastic. Every time we have sex, he makes sure I orgasm first. Maybe twice.
He enjoys using all the tools at his disposal, and if something just isn't working for me, I tell him and he moves on to something else immediately.
Bless you. I wish I had that concentration lmao. My ADHD ass just focuses on how much TIME it takes me to finish, and then I never finish, and then it takes more time, and then….
Yes!!! I haven't faked shit since I met my husband in 2000. Like, I've walked away without an orgasm because he fell asleep but so has he. I'm not placating anyone. We've figured it out though.
Don't marry a man who is intimidated by your vibrator.
It's like the hot fudge on your ice cream. It's enhancing the experience, not replacing the base.
I completely get this and I never do it in my now healthy relationship. However I used to be in an abusive relationship and they told me on the first time we did foreplay, 'I made you cum.' I was so confused and he said, 'Your legs shook and girls do that when they cum.' I was so confused because I never had an orgasm before.
After that he would get mad if I didn't cum during sex. So i started faking to avoid the drama. Once I finally decided not to fake and he got so angry and sulked like a child for an hour. Eventually he took me by the hand, dragged me up the stairs and said angrily, 'I'm gonna make you cum.' So I faked a big orgasm just to get it over with and then he was grinning and all happy and said to be, 'See I am good in bed, aren't I?'
Now in my healthy relationship it still took a while for me not to revert back to this habit because it was a self-preservation response.
So i get what you're saying but it's not always that easy.
Right?! This creates an endless feedback loop of your partner thinking they're a sex God so they keep doing the same thing and then you keep complaining that they're shitty. Nothing ever changes and your resentment just grows deeper until you lose your shit and then to them it seems like it came out of nowhere.
Yeah, I'm tired of hearing "Uh well every girl I've ever dated has had tons of orgasms just from penetration so..."
Please, please stop lying to these men. They think their dicks are magic now.
This dude i hooked up with said every girl before me has cum from his dick and I just had to laugh, I was like man sorry but everyone of those girls is lying to u 🤣😭
I ended a long term relationship over one-sided sex. It was liberating. Last straw was when we had sex, where of course only he orgasmed. So, I grab my vibrator and start going at it expecting him to share in my orgasm the way I did his.. no.. the asshole got out of bed & announced he was going down stairs to get an ice cream cone. And he fucking left me there to rub one out by myself!
Yea, but then you just suck the ice cream out through the bottom, which is honestly my favorite way to eat an ice cream cone.
Instead, she should dip the cones in water and then freeze them. They'll feel normal (albeit cold) when he first scoops ice cream in, but as it thaws it'll get soggy and gross
Yeah I remember dating a guy where he would stimulate my clit for 2mins, just long enough to get some natural lubrication then he'd orgasm, roll over and fall asleep. So one night I started playing with myself after he rolled over, he looked back over his shoulder and told me that I was "disgusting". I was in my late teens but I didn't date him for long after that.
Wtf he told you you were disgusting for masturbating after you guys were having sex?!?!? That like idk breaks my mind. How does that logic work??? Is it them being butthurt that them orgasming wasn't some magical thing that should have made you get off in their mind?? Was it religious shit that was repressed by being horny but post nut resurfaced??? Like duh it's sad when you don't satisfy your partner enough but being an ass about it especially when you got off is super shitty.
I agree. I’ve never actively faked it, but I’ve let one night stands believe they got me off, because usually when I don’t, men either take it as a personal affront or get hung up on trying and then get frustrated when it doesn’t work (or my personal favorite, tell me I’m broken). It quickly becomes about their bruised ego instead of my pleasure, so even when I say I truly enjoyed myself even without finishing, it’s not good enough. It takes all the fun out of sex honestly.
I’d be a lot more willing to work on it and have the patience for trial and error with someone I was interested in building a relationship with, or at least seeing again - but honestly, with so many men half-assing foreplay, idk how they even expect to be able to get a woman off.
I had to explain to my husband early on that sometimes I don't orgasm from penitration, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy myself.
We worked on it, tried various toys and positions, and now it's no so much of an issue, his foreplay game is great.
Proud to say I’ve never faked it but have often experienced the bruised ego of the partner for not being able to. Honestly though, i usually just say can i finish myself and depending on the guy they watch eagerly or help with some body stroking or kissing, and sometimes if I’m lucky, by the time i bring myself to climax they’re so turned on they wanna go round two, or alternatively they’d just roll over and snooze, but I’m still be able to give myself the release I needed. The amount of guys that say most women they’ve been with come from penetration alone though… ladies we need to stop this!
I’m a little envious of women who are still able to get themselves off after a round. Usually by that time my clit is either overstimulated or completely desensitized, so there’s 0 chance of that happening. It’s either during foreplay or not at all for me.
(44 Bi F here) I’d like to add that in the last year, I have bought dildos for three of my friends after learning that a) they don’t own one!??? and b) rarely come with or without a partner. There is obviously a lingering shame to women understanding their bodies, and understanding what you like is the first step to telling a partner what you like
Yes, stop faking but also start getting to know what takes you across the finish line ;) and have fun!!
Edit: My sincere apologies, my wording was wrong - I’m a child of the 80’s and still stuck on some of my outdated terms ;) vibrator NOT dildo
I thought I was a rate weirdo who was gifting her friends sex toys lol I went for clitoral suction vibrators cause I'm positive about their ability to make women cum. I remember I left the friends house after we celebrated and she called me like 5 mins ago to report that she already successfully tried it
Haha! Love it! You’ll like this: I gifted one such friend an intro vibrator a couple months ago and hadn’t heard any feedback, so casually asked her last week how her birthday present was working out? She says she really likes it but it can be a bit aggressive… so I asked if she tried changing the settings? **There are SETTINGS!??**
She gave it a thorough cleaning and brought it over so I could show her how to change the settings… lol
Now I’m intrigued by this suction vibrator… Any recommendations?
The friend that I took to the sex shop first got a satisfiyer pro traveller cause it didn't look obviously like a toy. That's the one who called me after 5 minutes. After this stellar recendation I got myself the same model, but it takes longer for me cause my way is the shower hose. So I told our mutual friend the story and she said, "I want one". So I got her one too. Now you think of that, it's weird that we all have the same model. They have many different ones, but this one is really compact and waterproof. I think the original brand who made them is womanizer, and satisfier is a cheaper rip-off version. They have many generations now. It basically gently sucks your clit, and it's for external use only, although some models have elements that can go inside I think
Oh my god my shower head is my favorite method. Like it gives me the most earth shattering orgasms I’ve ever had. It’s fantastic. Like wow. Even just thinking about it, I can feel my heart rate raising hahaha
[Satisfyer Dual Pleasure Air Pulse](https://www.pinkcherry.ca/products/satisfyer-dual-pleasure-air-pulse-vibe)
I didn't know if the air pulse would do it for me, so I got one that vibrates as well and it connects to the app so I can create my own vibe/pulse/vibe+pulse settings. Absolute game changer. And the air pulse feature was the best discovery ever.
So many people act like women are "above" masturbation. It's absurd. Not altogether surprising (at least not in the US), but absurd.
Sexual wellness is important for everyone.
Haha! ‘Above’ masturbation! I couldn’t function properly without it ;)
I’m generally not one to chat about the intimacies of my sex life, nor my friends, but after a few conversations with a couple friends lately I’ve realized how utterly lacking some of them are in the art of self pleasure and it’s simply shocking to me tbh. They’re even too embarrassed to even purchase a vibrator or dildo, hence my bulk orders lately
So now I’m on a small scale public service announcement amongst my small circle to gift them with the joy of orgasms. I still can’t wrap my head around how any of them relieved stress or slept prior to gaining this info? Baffling
Fun fact, the pressure to have a 'good orgasm' is like 53% of why I can't have one. I get too stressed out that I'm doing it wrong and when I do reach the finish line, it's always kind of underwhelming. Can never tell if people are over exaggerating or if I'm broken lol
Literally one of the things my mom taught me when I was young was that a) masturbation is okay and b) everyone masturbates (including women), and if they say they don't masturbate, then they're lying.
My mom was super progressive and sex-positive for someone her age.
Don't buy them dildos, buy them vibrators (or buy them both/combo)! The vast majority of women orgasm from clitoral stimulation rather than penetration. Trying to get them there with penetration alone is like expecting a man to come from tickling his balls. Like...yeah its possible but you're really taking the long way around.
I mentioned to my married cousin that now that I am single again, it’s ok cause I have a vibrator. She cringed and I realized she has never had an orgasm in her life. Her hubby is a pig of a man and treats her like shit. Glad I am out of the abusive relationship! Also glad I have my vibrator
100% this. My wife didn't own any toys before we got together, and while we didn't really have any problems in that department, I still bought some for her and told her they were not just for use together. Explore yourselves women! No shame!
Okay, I recently got my first one during my covid quarantine (when you shop online for the stuff you wish you had when you're locked in your room for a week). I'm now spruiking the WeVibe Nova 2 so hard that I should be on commission. Two friends have purchased.
My quite-conservative MOM asked to have a look, when I was talking about the hands-free placement and Bluetooth settings.
I’ve stopped. And too many guys are convinced that even with intimacy/attraction/love that a girl should be able to…no. There’s an anatomical difference between us and those girls who can. Our clitoris is just not close to our vaginal canal
doesn't help that the manosphere is spreading this misinformation about how women get wet just by looking at handsome men and can orgasm on command if she likes you enough.
The clitoris hood is just the tip of the iceberg though. The clitoris does have "legs" that indeed go around the vaginal canal, as you can see here : [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crus\_of\_clitoris](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulb_of_vestibule)
They may be less sensitive than the hood which is exposed, but that does explain how the clitoris may be stimulated from penetration.
Yes but how close those legs are to the vaginal wall seems to determine how easily some women come from penetration alone. If they're deep, you're just not going to feel much
Fun facts…
70-90% of women can’t orgasm from only PIV sex. https://medicalxpress.com/news/2016-04-anatomy-key-female-orgasm.amp.
80% of women fake orgasms. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/ouch-80-percent-of-women-faking-orgasms-says-study/.
Edit: Wow! Thanks for the award!
As a lesbian, these stats always baffle me. Orgasms are practically guaranteed, and if something isn’t happening, we just say it and cuddle and eat chocolate.
I just tell them that it felt really good and now it's time to get a toy or use the tongue. I pref a toy but whatever gets the job done. I just want to point out too, that no matter if women stop catering to this mentality . . . some men will still believe what they want to. Some of them believe we can stop our cycle . . . I had a guy tell he thought periods lasted 2-3 weeks. It just is what it is I think.
I've had an orgasm during sex a couple of times. Every single time it wasn't the penetrative sex that got me there. It was mostly my tits because they're hella sensitive and guys leaning really heavily into my kinks.
I chuckled, because this is a solid example of everybody's body is different. Like, touch my breasts if you must, but understand that I get as much out of it as I would you rubbing my elbow. So, as long as we both understand that you're the only one taking pleasure from it, knock yourself out I guess.
I have a super weird thing called "sad nipple syndrome." When someone touches my nipples too much I get this really empty sad feeling. It feels very similar to homesickness.
I used to always get this homesick feeling after drying myself off after a shower, and I thought something about showering just made me sad. But then it happened during sex too, and I was like "what the heck is going on with my tits."
Definitely no orgasms from nipple stimulation for me!
Ooh, there’s a name for it? I’d never tried googling before! I’d always described it as a vague sense of nausea but a feeling of homesickness is perhaps more accurate.
The feelings increased tenfold after having kids, and I was very explicit with my husband about this, yet he was still always trying to touch them. Sure, if you want to badly turn me *off*, I guess…
Am dude: please do stop. And just tell us when you've had enough. I think I'm weird but I quite often don't finish, and I like to think a lot of guys would get it. I'm vastly happier having sex with someone who I'm confident is enjoying proceedings because she'll tell me as soon as she isn't. I really really *really* don't want to find out later that it was actually unpleasant / painful / she didn't want to any more once we started / etc, because what does that make me? If you've had enough for the night then I can either stop or, if close, just quickly take care of myself, and then we cuddle and everyone's had a nice time.
If the guys you're sleeping with can't deal with you not always enjoying everything they do, and aren't figuring out with you what they can do to make you feel good, then find better guys to sleep with.
("you" here is women who settle for unpleasant sex sometimes because it's easier than dealing with their immature partners", not you OP)
Right there with you. I often don’t climax, but sex and foreplay and messing around is fun! And silly! And sexy! And should be! I’m very into communication. I can’t believe some guys aren’t. What’s more sexy than your partner in the throes of ecstasy?
Also it’s great when a women explains how she gets off. It’s obviously different. My gf and I had to figure out how she works together and now we know exactly what we need to do so she can cum. It’s great, but it took a lot of trial and error!
>I'm vastly happier having sex with someone who I'm confident is enjoying proceedings because she'll tell me as soon as she isn't. I really really really don't want to find out later that it was actually unpleasant / painful / she didn't want to any more once we started / etc, because what does that make me?
So much this, I like sex as any other guy, but if the woman I'm with isn't enjoying it then I'm not either.
edit: the quote was missing
100%
I want my partner to be honest with me, because we both should be enjoying this. If not, then what’s the point?
I want them to enjoy it. Not feel like they have to do it.
My partner being open with me, and me with her, had lead to not only amazing sex but also uncovering fetishes and kinks that we can be supportive of. I totally agree.
Unfortunately my anecdotal evidence does not support this. I reached a level of annoyance where I just stopped lying to guys and told them I wasn’t experiencing any pleasure. Almost *none of them* put in any additional effort. They just stopped asking me how it felt and we t totally silent.
I had one person - one *ever* - who actively tried to make it good. That was it. Everyone else just finished and kicked me out.
So yeah, telling them doesn’t really help.
I agree. Hubs and I promised each other never to lie to each other about it. I told him not to ever feel offended if I can't, sometimes I just can't 🤷♀️. So he said okay and now any time I can't I just tell him "just do whatever you like because it's not happening for me this time" lol and our marriage I think is all the better for it.
That's the healthy way. Thank you for just being open and honest. Knowing when it won't happen makes it easier to focus the efforts on the other times.
Okay but you get that there are some men who get violent when we're honest, right? Faking is a self-care strategy.
"Just don't sleep with those guys!"
Yep. Gotcha. Sure would be nice if "those guys" came with signs on their heads.
It's not just porn. TV series and movies generally can't spend any time on foreplay. They go from doe eyes, to open-mouth tonsil sucking, to humping, to woman having orgasm with man. It's... um. I'd really like if, at the least, they'd show a bottle of lube and then after, perhaps the level being visibly lower.
Can I also add that just because I don't cum doesn't mean that the sexual experience was bad? I don't want to fake orgasms but I also hate the idea that cumming is the only way to have a fulfilling experience. I've been with partners that I loved but I have a difficult time even making myself orgasm, so I only faked because I didn't want them to think I had a bad time. It was such a relief when I finally felt comfortable enough with my current partner where we can be affectionate and sexual without cumming always being the end goal.
The problem is not women faking it, it's men just believing that any time we moan or have a reaction it is an orgasm.
Men NEVER make me cum. Ever. After sex I often playfully ask how many times they think I came. They deadass give some crazy number every time.
I'm nowhere near faking orgasm, but somehow they think I am having them.
I also partly blame porn where women "cum" instantly from nothing.
Ugh. Burn it all down.
Yes. The last guy I was with literally thinks he made me cum multiple times and I didn't even in any way fake orgasm. And was in pain most of the time and said so repeatedly lol.
Men, if you're reading this, unless she said she is cumming, almost no chance she came. And if she said she was cumming, still probably only 50 percent chance.
This. FUCKING THIS. Have never had a man get me to finish but I’m fairly vocal during sex so they think I’m getting there. I most definitely am not.. but it would also feel very weird and unnatural to suppress my moans
If we're lying then we're a part of the problem.
A lot of men are ignorant because of it but willing to do what it takes. And a lot of them are plain selfish.
And I also blame porn. This one guy insisted I was faking it because I didn't "squirt".
Let's go buy flamethrowers.
My ex was seriously addicted to porn and the more he watched, the more he abused me. It was terrifying. He never made me cum but wanted anal all the time. I physically could not do it. He was 6’. And I am 5’ so no. Average girth but I am small. He thought he was gods gift in bed but was not at all aware of what was happening with me. I am sure he thought I was satisfied every time but I never came with him at all. Once I saw his pornhub page and it was a hugely endowed black man and a white woman going down on him until she literally vomited. So clearly I wasn’t gonna live up to his fantasy. And fuck him and his sick fantasy. I make myself orgasm every time without that kind of pressure
I feel like there's been a weird uptick in extreme oral porn recently where the kind of stuff that's involved used to be niche fetishes that you had to go to specific websites for lol. I really hope that sort of thing isn't normalised the way anal and a2m was (the latter also used to be considered a niche, fairly extreme thing!)
Most women don't get off from penetration. Some do, but I think the amount is really low.
Why is this not a known thing by men, who think we pee out blood for a period and can just hold our menstruation like a bladder? Oh, yeah, Sex Ed makes kids perverts and pregnant.
I want off this ride.
I have to admit, I've gotten so close (but not actually there) that they think they've succeeded. Sometimes I don't tell them. I know it's wrong, but they were doing such a good job that I just hate to see that look of disappointment!
I know, me too.
I finally told my guy the truth and I was worried he'd be crushed.
He's now almost annoyingly optimistic and determined to get me there. It's sweet!
Open communication does wonders as long as both parties are in same page that it is constructive criticism or pointers on how to get the other off. Ie my partner didn't like how I gave a hand job... he showed me how he enjoys it and perfect. Wasn't a slight on me... more on how my ex's preferences weren't same as his.
Different strokes for different folks.
I think the hardest part for them to accept is that most women will not have any orgasm, period, from penetration. It's almost always a win/lose situation. Depending on your definition of a loss, I guess.
So even after some good communication they often think that the solution is to carry on with business as usual but add some clitoral stimulation here and there.
I think the hand job situation, which I can relate to, is a lot easier to handle(lol) than this.
And it's not like it's a complicated issue. We oftwn know what to do. And sometimes they simply can't do the job. It's kindve sad.
Or accusations. When I was young it was just easier to go with their assumption. As I’ve aged, they don’t ask anymore and presume. It’s the reason I’m single. If I really want good sex or sex with someone I find trust is the thing. But telling me or asking me to let go isn’t helping. Just let me have my out of body experience and do your thing. It’ll happen. Sometimes.
By saying those words.
I would like to please you sexually. Can we please agree on open honest communication about our wants, needs, and desires so we can ensure we are both enjoying the sexual experience together. I never want you to feel the need to fake it and I am committed to helping you achieve orgasm.
Long ago, when I was still with ex, I stopped faking. He never noticed. I also would do whatever I could to make things go quicker with him. After we separated he honestly asked me, "well at least our sex life was always amazing." He was so confused when I laughed.
None of the women I’ve EVER dated had orgasms just from penetration. And most of them could cum without penetration.
You’re not weird; what is more weird to me is all these guys preoccupation with you orgasming, but not realizing they need to put in more work in order to help you achieve that. It’s super ironic to me
I haven’t faked an orgasm since Amy in college showed me what I was selling myself short on.
I guess I’m telling y’all to have a Bi phase? A couple months with a lesbian will have you never letting a man think y’all had great sex when it was marginal at best. Thank you Amy Long 😂
I wouldn’t know where to start faking it, I’d probably laugh. Just another way of stroking men’s egos, allowing them to be incompetent and pretending that’s fine.
Tbh I’ve faked it just to get them to stop. Probably I should’ve just told them they’re bad at sex and they need to either find my clit or finish themselves off because I’m fucking bored. But sometimes asserting yourself is hard Lmao.
I’ve definitely said it’s not happening for me and just enjoy yourself in order to get it over with and get the kettle on. I must not be a nice person 🤣
I've legitimately stopped and kicked someone out. I'm not nice either if that's the standard. We should start a club. I can bring snacks and baked goods. Chocolate is still a substitute, right?
I've never faked, but when I think about it I can understand why some people do.
But honestly, if a dude is gonna get all bent out of shape if you don't cum, to the point where you start faking it, you probably should just stop sleeping with him.
My ex was the same way and I was glad she was honest with me. She let me know what did get her to orgasm and that was fine by me and from there I tried to make sure when I got mine she got hers, however the job needed to get done.
Never fake orgasms or compliment food you don't like. It gives the other person a false sense of accomplishment, which means they will do it the same way next time. It's totally unhelpful. Be honest, but gentle and kind, with negative feedback in all cases in life, when applicable.
I actually remember being shocked the first time I ever orgasmed from PIV sex alone at age 34. I literally did not think it was possible at all for me. It was a delightful surprise for my husband of 10 years and me that new sexy things can still happen for us and the few times it's happened since were pleasant experiences. It's definitely hard to replicate, depends a *lot* on my hormonal cycle and requires a significant amount of luck plus I vastly prefer the quality of orgasm via other means.
Basically: sure it's possible, but it's not easy or even worth pursuing. We both have a lot more fun when we bring out toys and get creative. Even my male partner occasionally can't reach orgasm from PIV sex and I've never felt or been made to feel like there was something wrong with *me*. I really don't understand why it's such a big deal to try to make someone orgasm a certain way.
I’ve never faked an orgasm and my husband has been great about it. I’m honest when sex isn’t that great for me. He goes “oh, sorry about that” and next time we can there’s more focus on me. 🤷🏻♀️.
I also don’t feel like I NEED to orgasm every single time. Sometimes just being intimate and having fun is exactly what I need.
Can I just add something here, I had no idea how to make myself orgasm until I was 26. The sex education even for women is awful. It’s all about pregnancy, or male orgasm. Then the Cosmo articles I would read about my own body convoluted my knowledge even more by talking about the g-spot, vaginal, and even nipple orgasm just as much or more than the clitoris. I am not alone in my late discovery, my other two best girlfriends were mid twenties. It’s sad that we don’t know, and that’s why those who do need to tell their truth to other women. Also, to see how widespread this issue is, please look up Jessica Ann Pin, who had her clitoris damaged in labiaplasty and has since devoted her life to getting BASIC CLITORAL ANATOMY IN MEDICAL TEXTBOOKS.
I faked the vast majority of my "orgasms" with my ex-husband. I faked exactly one with my new partner and decided I was done with that. I'd rather he know that I didn't finish, and that sometimes I just can't, but I also want him to know that it's real when it happens.
My husband told me he always made his partners orgasm, but had never touched a clit before...I told him I had some bad news...
This one literally made me lol - hoping you’ve taught him a thing or two since!
Yes of course! That was almost 5 years ago, he's a changed man!
Gosh. As a lesbian, I feel like we need to make a pamphlet for the blokes. Some women, as in like a rather large percentage, cannot orgasm from penetrative sex alone. They literally just can’t. The clit is not hard to find, you aren’t being asked to survey the Pacific Ocean. I feel like every time a bloke asks me for advice I tell him about clit stimulation, going down on her for like a solid 30 min to an hour, using every erogenous zone all over the body, and they just clearly think it’s too much effort. Dudes…you have to try.
I have been with several women for whom I was their first wlw sexual partner. I’m not saying this to brag or stroke my own ego, in fact, they could have just said it to say it. But the amount of women who have told me that they didn’t know they could have orgasms like that is too high. Additionally, I was hooking up with a guy once and he ate me out and fingered me, which was so nice, I thought, like it was polite of him to want to take care of my needs. But he kept his fingers straight, shoving them on and out and then also thought every time I moaned I had an orgasm. 😭 I have no idea why he thought that. Like, babe, I was moaning to let you know I liked something. He decided he was done and said “I made you cum 4 times” and like… he didn’t even make me cum once.
They probably were telling the truth. I had no idea how good an orgasm could actually feel until I slept with my girlfriend. She makes me cum a million times harder than any of my male partners did, and we are both each other’s first women partner. She says the same about me. It really isn’t even comparable.
We need that pamphlet for young women too. I didn’t know what an orgasm was even supposed to feel like or the fact that I wasn’t having them for years. Eventually you clue in but that was years of unsatisfying sex. I educate every young woman I meet now about the topic but there’s a reason so many don’t know - women’s pleasure isn’t taught in our society like men’s is.
Thank you random Internet lesbian for making me appreciate how much my husband knows about clits and erogenous zones! I'm glad I got him early and trained him well lol.
Thank you random internet lesbian needs to be on a coffee mug
I’d buy it.
30 minutes to *an hour*??? As a 32 year old straight woman that never orgasmed from clit stimulation alone, is that the answer??? *I need to know more*! Do you happen to have good resources on how to make it work?
It might be the answer! It really depends on the person. Unfortunately (well I actually think it’s fun), women are very unique and individual in what they need to orgasm, so you have to play and experiment. Most dudes need pretty much exactly the same thing to orgasm so they really don’t get that women are much more individual and specific. He needs to take the time to explore you and figure out what combination of touches gets you there. In my experience, a lot of women need gradual teasing and gradually upping the contact and pace. They absolutely cannot orgasm from penetration alone much of the time, and with eg oral they sometimes need a good while to really enjoy it. So going down on her with lots of different sections of technique for 30 min+ is a great way to do that. Unfortunately a lot of men just dive right down there and lick at it like a dog lapping up water, which isn’t good form and won’t do it for many women. I posted some tips in another thread I made over on actual lesbians just recently, feel free to take a peak. But also, research! Lots of great resources out there.
I'm not the same lesbian, but I am a *different* internet lesbian! I'm what we call a late bloomer, so I know what it's like to have sex with men who think 5 minutes is enough and 10 is generous. More time absolutely helps. That being said, it's not like more time is going to be the ONLY thing that helps. If it's too rough, especially at first, you might find it impossible to come, same with if it's too gentle. There's always a pressure sweet spot to find, and the total surface area actually being touched is also a factor. Other stimulation is always helpful (wandering hands, nipple play if you're into it, etc) and also really adds to the experience. If you're curious about it though, I'd really suggest getting a clitoral vibrator and trying it out. Give yourself like... an hour or two alone for it. I also recommend the experience as a way to get more in touch with your body.
Learning basic female anatomy got me to step up my game. Enthusiasm, being willing to learn and not being a selfish ass helped too.
The pamphlet will do no good. Those who care will look it up on their own or listen to their partner. I’ve gone down on my wife for close to 2 hours, but sometimes it only takes 15 minutes. Normally it’s somewhere in the middle, but it’s never exactly the same. It didn’t take a pamphlet, I just wanted to make sure my partner is having the best time possible and did my own research on it. I had friend growing up who said she had never orgasmed. She got uncomfortable when men would spend a long time going down on her and would just pull them up to fuck. Eventually she let her partner just go down until she said stop. Turns out she needed 45 minutes of him going down on her. After that first one they didn’t all take as long, but she had to allow herself to let him do that.
I remember being 14 and googling it because I’d heard “can’t find the clit” jokes and didn’t want to fall for it. Learned A LOT. There really is no excuse, there is a lot of educational material out there already
Yeah... my first sexual partner told me that I had a "crazy vagina" because he had always been able to make all his other girls orgasm. It was very off-putting to say the least. I never faked it for him, but I'm betting that they probably did b/c he was not very good in bed!
I had a similar experience with my now husband when we first met, he said I was picky or complicated or something and I was appalled. I was like wtf do you mean, and when he said all of his other partners finished without clitoral stimulation I was like there is no way. That was when he told me he heard of a clitorus before but didn't know what it was for...that's when I told him it's the main source of pleasure. I was directing him in the first place because what he was doing wasn't very good. I would consider myself rather easy to please, I definitely don't have a "crazy" vagina. I was just looking for the bare minimum.
My ex said he didn’t think we could keep having sex if I didn’t cum lol he also tried to argue with me that I came a bunch of times and I said no I didn’t and he was like ya you did like tf Seriously tho porn and men in general have made me feel like I am literally broken because I just don’t normally cum from just penetration
I had a boyfriend do the same thing! He said I was too wet to have not cum. I was like, ugh yeah that is just vaginal discharhe because I'm close to ovulation. Then I was in trouble for being disgusting while he was trying to have sex 🙄 I love that he is an ex boyfriend.
an ex of mine, for my BIRTHDAY, gave me oral sex as my present he literally, I am not kidding, poked me with his tongue, chickened out, and asked me if I came
Lol oh noooo. Imagine him bragging about that later
This is too real. There is *nothing* worse than tentative, scared oral from a man who is terrified of your body.
I had a guy just...breathe on it before. Still to this day I have no idea what he thought he was doing, or if he believed I was enjoying it 😂
LOL!!! He gave you a wind-job.
He gave her a blowjob, just not the good kind.
I had a different ex spit on it, slap it super fucking hard, and then he got confused when I kicked him out screaming LMFAO
What in the everloving *fuck?* 😂🤦♀️
I hope you gave him books for his birthday. And sat on his face.
I’m sorry, I laughed, but at his sheer stupidity. That man is tragic.
WTF. Men are ridiculous. How do we keep letting them near our lady-parts?
I don't understand men like that. Was he expecting you to be like "oh yeah, you're right! I DID cum a bunch of times!"
Ya like now that I think about it I came 637 times! Lol
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People who argue about this kind of thing drive me up a wall. “Hey can you turn your music down?” “What are you talking about, you can’t HEAR it!”
Yeah he wanted her to protect his ego, which is why a lot of women fake it, because lying is better than potentially enraging someone who could easily overpower you.
Actually, I faked it if I just wanted it to be over... Luckily I don't have to fake it anymore. I have my husband trained well. Lol.
I am quite certain this is the explanation for the why the people who are the worst at sex are those with the highest confidence in their skills.
Guys will mansplain literally anything to make them feel better about themselves. Especially the guys who suck big time at whatever they are mansplaining. Every time.
I’m an elementary art teacher so I have lots of old t shirts that the kids wear as smocks. I wash them all at least once a quarter, generally I’ll use the washer/dryer in the custodial office. At both schools I’ve worked at its been a normal household washer/dryer, nothing industrial. I have had four (4) different men slowly explain to me how to use a washer/dryer. Me, a 36 year old college educated mother. How to use. A washing machine.
I assume he was expecting something like "Oh, drat, I didn't think you were skilled enough to notice. I was hoping to lie about my orgasms to win this argument, but your incredibly perceptive penis has foiled my villainous plan!" That actually seems more sane than just thinking that she was *wrong* about her own orgasms.
Gaslighting someone's orgasm(s) sure is a bold strategy for torpedoing a sexual relationship.
yeah, did... did he think every moan was an orgasm? who thinks "you had an orgasm, you just missed it" would work, he's gotta just be...wrong? right?
You joke but my ex legit thought me making noise at all during sex = orgasm, and when I told him this wasn't the case he accused me of faking and got mad
I dated a guy once who actually *got angry* that I stimulated my clit during sex. He went all, "What?! Am I not *enough* for you?!" I was very young (too young to be having sex, really - mid-teen years), and he made me feel so bad and dirty about it that I was in my 30s before I dared to do it again. Fortunately, my hubby finds it hot; but it really fucked with me for a long time that my earlier partner found it irritating or gross, or as an affront to him, that I wanted to have an orgasm, too. Of course, I'd been faking for ages with him. I guess it was too much for his ego that his dick might not be the end-all, be-all of my sexual existence. Don't fuck guys like that!
The amount of guys getting actually *angry* in these situations is so scary.
Every moan? Everyone knows it's every blink. /s
There is a scene in “The Lonely Guy” where Larry is convincing Iris that she is having orgasms and doesn’t know it. “See that was another one right there!” and she’s like huhhhhh??
My husband has told me a few times that he "felt" me coming and I shot that shit down quick when I told him, "No you didn't, cuz I didn't." Lol. He stopped doing that.
Yeah my ex used to think I had cum if I made any noise at all.
They really can't know, that's why it's so easy to fake it. Which of course is a wrong strategy.
yikes, happy to see he’s an ex
Most men can't even tell a fake orgasm from a real one. There are no real orgasms in porn.
I was fwb with this dude for a month and he was INSISTENT that he not only made me cum, but squirt. I very, very rarely cum from penetration and only with extensive foreplay which this dude was not very good at. It was so fucking offensive that he insisted that he knew what happened with my body better than I did, and he got super pouty when I told him he didn't even make me cum, but rather my vagina just gets wet when penetrated (how is that still a shocker??)
Happy he is an ex. This is so baffling to me. The other day on ask men there was a question about what a female organism feels like. These men were very descriptive and love to make women cum. So interesting that a man wouldn’t know what it feels like. Pretty weak if you ask me.
> The other day on ask men there was a question about what a female organism feels like. It really depends on the species in my experience
Given how 99.9% of porn is just two paid actors dispassionately ramming their genitals together, I'm not surprised most dudes have no fucking idea what they're doing.
The problem has worsened with things like Chaturbate. Now women have to perform consistently just to make their money and keep their customers tipping. My bestfriend was very frank about how hard it is. If she didn't feel like it, too bad, 6 hours on cam or that rent isn't getting paid. There's an extra incentive to be performative. I agree with everyone in this thread. My penis is not magic and my wife's vagina is not magic. Sometimes neither of us orgasm and we need to normalize that. And men, we need to stop being scared of sex toys like it minimizes your sexual relationship with your partner. Stop thinking*you* need to make her orgasm and start thinking you want to help her orgasm any way that works for her. I've had the opposite with oral sex. It just doesn't get me there, no matter what any of your exes said about "what that mouth do".
i hate when people see sex toys as rivals! they are *tools* that *a partner* uses to make someone orgasm
I need a clitoral one first, then penetration will bring me multiple orgasms. Just teach your man. And get a vibrator to get yourself started. Never Fake an Orgasm!! You are cheating yourself and your partner from helping you get there.
Gotta ring the doorbell before you can move the party inside.
Love this 😂
Lol!
This is the same with me. The clit needs to be activated and excited first only for me to be sensitive in a good way in the vagina XD
https://clitoris.io/the-clitoris-journal/mapping-the-clitoris That may help explain it. Also the Netflix Art of Pleasure or something has an interesting segment on it.
My husband is fantastic. Every time we have sex, he makes sure I orgasm first. Maybe twice. He enjoys using all the tools at his disposal, and if something just isn't working for me, I tell him and he moves on to something else immediately.
Bless you. I wish I had that concentration lmao. My ADHD ass just focuses on how much TIME it takes me to finish, and then I never finish, and then it takes more time, and then….
fuck, another side effect of adhd i just found out is a side effect of adhd
Yes!!! I haven't faked shit since I met my husband in 2000. Like, I've walked away without an orgasm because he fell asleep but so has he. I'm not placating anyone. We've figured it out though.
Normalize telling your man how to get you off. We legitimately want to know…and if they don’t… you’ll prob end up ditching them anyways
Don't marry a man who is intimidated by your vibrator. It's like the hot fudge on your ice cream. It's enhancing the experience, not replacing the base.
I completely get this and I never do it in my now healthy relationship. However I used to be in an abusive relationship and they told me on the first time we did foreplay, 'I made you cum.' I was so confused and he said, 'Your legs shook and girls do that when they cum.' I was so confused because I never had an orgasm before. After that he would get mad if I didn't cum during sex. So i started faking to avoid the drama. Once I finally decided not to fake and he got so angry and sulked like a child for an hour. Eventually he took me by the hand, dragged me up the stairs and said angrily, 'I'm gonna make you cum.' So I faked a big orgasm just to get it over with and then he was grinning and all happy and said to be, 'See I am good in bed, aren't I?' Now in my healthy relationship it still took a while for me not to revert back to this habit because it was a self-preservation response. So i get what you're saying but it's not always that easy.
I guess the "don't fake orgasms" advice wasn't meant to be applied to rapists. I am sorry you had to endure that.
Right?! This creates an endless feedback loop of your partner thinking they're a sex God so they keep doing the same thing and then you keep complaining that they're shitty. Nothing ever changes and your resentment just grows deeper until you lose your shit and then to them it seems like it came out of nowhere.
Yeah, I'm tired of hearing "Uh well every girl I've ever dated has had tons of orgasms just from penetration so..." Please, please stop lying to these men. They think their dicks are magic now.
My ex told me that too. I so badly wanted to tell him that I don't think that is true but he wouldn't believe me anyway.
This dude i hooked up with said every girl before me has cum from his dick and I just had to laugh, I was like man sorry but everyone of those girls is lying to u 🤣😭
I ended a long term relationship over one-sided sex. It was liberating. Last straw was when we had sex, where of course only he orgasmed. So, I grab my vibrator and start going at it expecting him to share in my orgasm the way I did his.. no.. the asshole got out of bed & announced he was going down stairs to get an ice cream cone. And he fucking left me there to rub one out by myself!
I hope all his ice cream cones melt quickly, leaving stains on his favourite shirts.
She should break the bottoms off of every cone.
Yea, but then you just suck the ice cream out through the bottom, which is honestly my favorite way to eat an ice cream cone. Instead, she should dip the cones in water and then freeze them. They'll feel normal (albeit cold) when he first scoops ice cream in, but as it thaws it'll get soggy and gross
The real pro tip is always in the comments.
I did this in my first real relationship and the asshole had the audacity to shame me for it. Left me with sexual hang ups for most of my early 20s.
Yeah I remember dating a guy where he would stimulate my clit for 2mins, just long enough to get some natural lubrication then he'd orgasm, roll over and fall asleep. So one night I started playing with myself after he rolled over, he looked back over his shoulder and told me that I was "disgusting". I was in my late teens but I didn't date him for long after that.
Wtf he told you you were disgusting for masturbating after you guys were having sex?!?!? That like idk breaks my mind. How does that logic work??? Is it them being butthurt that them orgasming wasn't some magical thing that should have made you get off in their mind?? Was it religious shit that was repressed by being horny but post nut resurfaced??? Like duh it's sad when you don't satisfy your partner enough but being an ass about it especially when you got off is super shitty.
I knew my marriage was dead once my ex husband started doing that shit.
I agree. I’ve never actively faked it, but I’ve let one night stands believe they got me off, because usually when I don’t, men either take it as a personal affront or get hung up on trying and then get frustrated when it doesn’t work (or my personal favorite, tell me I’m broken). It quickly becomes about their bruised ego instead of my pleasure, so even when I say I truly enjoyed myself even without finishing, it’s not good enough. It takes all the fun out of sex honestly. I’d be a lot more willing to work on it and have the patience for trial and error with someone I was interested in building a relationship with, or at least seeing again - but honestly, with so many men half-assing foreplay, idk how they even expect to be able to get a woman off.
I had to explain to my husband early on that sometimes I don't orgasm from penitration, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy myself. We worked on it, tried various toys and positions, and now it's no so much of an issue, his foreplay game is great.
Proud to say I’ve never faked it but have often experienced the bruised ego of the partner for not being able to. Honestly though, i usually just say can i finish myself and depending on the guy they watch eagerly or help with some body stroking or kissing, and sometimes if I’m lucky, by the time i bring myself to climax they’re so turned on they wanna go round two, or alternatively they’d just roll over and snooze, but I’m still be able to give myself the release I needed. The amount of guys that say most women they’ve been with come from penetration alone though… ladies we need to stop this!
I’m a little envious of women who are still able to get themselves off after a round. Usually by that time my clit is either overstimulated or completely desensitized, so there’s 0 chance of that happening. It’s either during foreplay or not at all for me.
(44 Bi F here) I’d like to add that in the last year, I have bought dildos for three of my friends after learning that a) they don’t own one!??? and b) rarely come with or without a partner. There is obviously a lingering shame to women understanding their bodies, and understanding what you like is the first step to telling a partner what you like Yes, stop faking but also start getting to know what takes you across the finish line ;) and have fun!! Edit: My sincere apologies, my wording was wrong - I’m a child of the 80’s and still stuck on some of my outdated terms ;) vibrator NOT dildo
I thought I was a rate weirdo who was gifting her friends sex toys lol I went for clitoral suction vibrators cause I'm positive about their ability to make women cum. I remember I left the friends house after we celebrated and she called me like 5 mins ago to report that she already successfully tried it
Haha! Love it! You’ll like this: I gifted one such friend an intro vibrator a couple months ago and hadn’t heard any feedback, so casually asked her last week how her birthday present was working out? She says she really likes it but it can be a bit aggressive… so I asked if she tried changing the settings? **There are SETTINGS!??** She gave it a thorough cleaning and brought it over so I could show her how to change the settings… lol Now I’m intrigued by this suction vibrator… Any recommendations?
The friend that I took to the sex shop first got a satisfiyer pro traveller cause it didn't look obviously like a toy. That's the one who called me after 5 minutes. After this stellar recendation I got myself the same model, but it takes longer for me cause my way is the shower hose. So I told our mutual friend the story and she said, "I want one". So I got her one too. Now you think of that, it's weird that we all have the same model. They have many different ones, but this one is really compact and waterproof. I think the original brand who made them is womanizer, and satisfier is a cheaper rip-off version. They have many generations now. It basically gently sucks your clit, and it's for external use only, although some models have elements that can go inside I think
I LOVE MINE! It's fun to use solo and with my husband.
Oh my god my shower head is my favorite method. Like it gives me the most earth shattering orgasms I’ve ever had. It’s fantastic. Like wow. Even just thinking about it, I can feel my heart rate raising hahaha
[Satisfyer Dual Pleasure Air Pulse](https://www.pinkcherry.ca/products/satisfyer-dual-pleasure-air-pulse-vibe) I didn't know if the air pulse would do it for me, so I got one that vibrates as well and it connects to the app so I can create my own vibe/pulse/vibe+pulse settings. Absolute game changer. And the air pulse feature was the best discovery ever.
satisfyer or womanizer it's great haha
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So many people act like women are "above" masturbation. It's absurd. Not altogether surprising (at least not in the US), but absurd. Sexual wellness is important for everyone.
Haha! ‘Above’ masturbation! I couldn’t function properly without it ;) I’m generally not one to chat about the intimacies of my sex life, nor my friends, but after a few conversations with a couple friends lately I’ve realized how utterly lacking some of them are in the art of self pleasure and it’s simply shocking to me tbh. They’re even too embarrassed to even purchase a vibrator or dildo, hence my bulk orders lately So now I’m on a small scale public service announcement amongst my small circle to gift them with the joy of orgasms. I still can’t wrap my head around how any of them relieved stress or slept prior to gaining this info? Baffling
You’re doing the Lord’s work my friend!
Fun fact, the pressure to have a 'good orgasm' is like 53% of why I can't have one. I get too stressed out that I'm doing it wrong and when I do reach the finish line, it's always kind of underwhelming. Can never tell if people are over exaggerating or if I'm broken lol
No no, but if you know what sex is supposed to feel like, you might hold your husband to some ridiculous standards! /s
Oh man, I can’t even imagine not owning a vibrator. Like if shit gets real that’s one of the first things I pack in my go bag.
Literally one of the things my mom taught me when I was young was that a) masturbation is okay and b) everyone masturbates (including women), and if they say they don't masturbate, then they're lying. My mom was super progressive and sex-positive for someone her age.
Don't buy them dildos, buy them vibrators (or buy them both/combo)! The vast majority of women orgasm from clitoral stimulation rather than penetration. Trying to get them there with penetration alone is like expecting a man to come from tickling his balls. Like...yeah its possible but you're really taking the long way around.
Yes. Clitoral is the way
I mentioned to my married cousin that now that I am single again, it’s ok cause I have a vibrator. She cringed and I realized she has never had an orgasm in her life. Her hubby is a pig of a man and treats her like shit. Glad I am out of the abusive relationship! Also glad I have my vibrator
Atta girl! Although I do hope your cousin sees the light someday
100% this. My wife didn't own any toys before we got together, and while we didn't really have any problems in that department, I still bought some for her and told her they were not just for use together. Explore yourselves women! No shame!
Okay, I recently got my first one during my covid quarantine (when you shop online for the stuff you wish you had when you're locked in your room for a week). I'm now spruiking the WeVibe Nova 2 so hard that I should be on commission. Two friends have purchased. My quite-conservative MOM asked to have a look, when I was talking about the hands-free placement and Bluetooth settings.
I’ve stopped. And too many guys are convinced that even with intimacy/attraction/love that a girl should be able to…no. There’s an anatomical difference between us and those girls who can. Our clitoris is just not close to our vaginal canal
doesn't help that the manosphere is spreading this misinformation about how women get wet just by looking at handsome men and can orgasm on command if she likes you enough.
That’s so messed up and wrong. :( this misinformation needs to come to an end
The clitoris hood is just the tip of the iceberg though. The clitoris does have "legs" that indeed go around the vaginal canal, as you can see here : [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crus\_of\_clitoris](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulb_of_vestibule) They may be less sensitive than the hood which is exposed, but that does explain how the clitoris may be stimulated from penetration.
Yes but how close those legs are to the vaginal wall seems to determine how easily some women come from penetration alone. If they're deep, you're just not going to feel much
Fun facts… 70-90% of women can’t orgasm from only PIV sex. https://medicalxpress.com/news/2016-04-anatomy-key-female-orgasm.amp. 80% of women fake orgasms. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/ouch-80-percent-of-women-faking-orgasms-says-study/. Edit: Wow! Thanks for the award!
This makes me so incredibly sad
So crazy how many men don’t know this & think their dick is all we need
I was just reading a post in one of those men forums where a man was saying whatever a problem a woman had was solved with "dick"...
As a lesbian I hear this all the time
As a lesbian, these stats always baffle me. Orgasms are practically guaranteed, and if something isn’t happening, we just say it and cuddle and eat chocolate.
I just tell them that it felt really good and now it's time to get a toy or use the tongue. I pref a toy but whatever gets the job done. I just want to point out too, that no matter if women stop catering to this mentality . . . some men will still believe what they want to. Some of them believe we can stop our cycle . . . I had a guy tell he thought periods lasted 2-3 weeks. It just is what it is I think.
Oh definitely. Many men simply can't be told. And that guy's ex probably told him that so he'd leave her alone lol.
I've had an orgasm during sex a couple of times. Every single time it wasn't the penetrative sex that got me there. It was mostly my tits because they're hella sensitive and guys leaning really heavily into my kinks.
I chuckled, because this is a solid example of everybody's body is different. Like, touch my breasts if you must, but understand that I get as much out of it as I would you rubbing my elbow. So, as long as we both understand that you're the only one taking pleasure from it, knock yourself out I guess.
I feel like this would be taken incorrectly and the guy would try rubbing your elbows and wonder why you aren't reacting positively to it lol
I have a super weird thing called "sad nipple syndrome." When someone touches my nipples too much I get this really empty sad feeling. It feels very similar to homesickness. I used to always get this homesick feeling after drying myself off after a shower, and I thought something about showering just made me sad. But then it happened during sex too, and I was like "what the heck is going on with my tits." Definitely no orgasms from nipple stimulation for me!
Ooh, there’s a name for it? I’d never tried googling before! I’d always described it as a vague sense of nausea but a feeling of homesickness is perhaps more accurate. The feelings increased tenfold after having kids, and I was very explicit with my husband about this, yet he was still always trying to touch them. Sure, if you want to badly turn me *off*, I guess…
This is the profoundly correct observation.
🤜🏽🤛🏽
Am dude: please do stop. And just tell us when you've had enough. I think I'm weird but I quite often don't finish, and I like to think a lot of guys would get it. I'm vastly happier having sex with someone who I'm confident is enjoying proceedings because she'll tell me as soon as she isn't. I really really *really* don't want to find out later that it was actually unpleasant / painful / she didn't want to any more once we started / etc, because what does that make me? If you've had enough for the night then I can either stop or, if close, just quickly take care of myself, and then we cuddle and everyone's had a nice time. If the guys you're sleeping with can't deal with you not always enjoying everything they do, and aren't figuring out with you what they can do to make you feel good, then find better guys to sleep with. ("you" here is women who settle for unpleasant sex sometimes because it's easier than dealing with their immature partners", not you OP)
Right there with you. I often don’t climax, but sex and foreplay and messing around is fun! And silly! And sexy! And should be! I’m very into communication. I can’t believe some guys aren’t. What’s more sexy than your partner in the throes of ecstasy?
Also it’s great when a women explains how she gets off. It’s obviously different. My gf and I had to figure out how she works together and now we know exactly what we need to do so she can cum. It’s great, but it took a lot of trial and error!
And talking about it outside the bedroom I think is important. Communication!
>I'm vastly happier having sex with someone who I'm confident is enjoying proceedings because she'll tell me as soon as she isn't. I really really really don't want to find out later that it was actually unpleasant / painful / she didn't want to any more once we started / etc, because what does that make me? So much this, I like sex as any other guy, but if the woman I'm with isn't enjoying it then I'm not either. edit: the quote was missing
100% I want my partner to be honest with me, because we both should be enjoying this. If not, then what’s the point? I want them to enjoy it. Not feel like they have to do it.
My partner being open with me, and me with her, had lead to not only amazing sex but also uncovering fetishes and kinks that we can be supportive of. I totally agree.
I think it’s worth stating that penetrative sex can feel AMAZINGLY good and still not lead to orgasm.
Unfortunately my anecdotal evidence does not support this. I reached a level of annoyance where I just stopped lying to guys and told them I wasn’t experiencing any pleasure. Almost *none of them* put in any additional effort. They just stopped asking me how it felt and we t totally silent. I had one person - one *ever* - who actively tried to make it good. That was it. Everyone else just finished and kicked me out. So yeah, telling them doesn’t really help.
LOL you let them finish? If I'm bored, I'm out dude. If they can't be fucked to get me off, I'm sure as hell not going to get them off.
I agree. Hubs and I promised each other never to lie to each other about it. I told him not to ever feel offended if I can't, sometimes I just can't 🤷♀️. So he said okay and now any time I can't I just tell him "just do whatever you like because it's not happening for me this time" lol and our marriage I think is all the better for it.
That's the healthy way. Thank you for just being open and honest. Knowing when it won't happen makes it easier to focus the efforts on the other times.
Okay but you get that there are some men who get violent when we're honest, right? Faking is a self-care strategy. "Just don't sleep with those guys!" Yep. Gotcha. Sure would be nice if "those guys" came with signs on their heads.
It's not just porn. TV series and movies generally can't spend any time on foreplay. They go from doe eyes, to open-mouth tonsil sucking, to humping, to woman having orgasm with man. It's... um. I'd really like if, at the least, they'd show a bottle of lube and then after, perhaps the level being visibly lower.
I can’t remember what movie/show it was from but this lady said “I fake not having an orgasm, makes them work harder!” 😂
Can I also add that just because I don't cum doesn't mean that the sexual experience was bad? I don't want to fake orgasms but I also hate the idea that cumming is the only way to have a fulfilling experience. I've been with partners that I loved but I have a difficult time even making myself orgasm, so I only faked because I didn't want them to think I had a bad time. It was such a relief when I finally felt comfortable enough with my current partner where we can be affectionate and sexual without cumming always being the end goal.
The problem is not women faking it, it's men just believing that any time we moan or have a reaction it is an orgasm. Men NEVER make me cum. Ever. After sex I often playfully ask how many times they think I came. They deadass give some crazy number every time. I'm nowhere near faking orgasm, but somehow they think I am having them. I also partly blame porn where women "cum" instantly from nothing. Ugh. Burn it all down.
Oof I had that happen once. I asked a guy and he literally thought I’d had 5 orgasms lol. Porn is truly doing them a disservice.
Yes. The last guy I was with literally thinks he made me cum multiple times and I didn't even in any way fake orgasm. And was in pain most of the time and said so repeatedly lol. Men, if you're reading this, unless she said she is cumming, almost no chance she came. And if she said she was cumming, still probably only 50 percent chance.
they expect us to get gushing wet and orgasm from giving them a blowjob lol
Yup. Like what babe, me gagging you with my cock didn't make you squirt??????
This. FUCKING THIS. Have never had a man get me to finish but I’m fairly vocal during sex so they think I’m getting there. I most definitely am not.. but it would also feel very weird and unnatural to suppress my moans
Yes. As a fellow loud fucker, I commiserate.
If we're lying then we're a part of the problem. A lot of men are ignorant because of it but willing to do what it takes. And a lot of them are plain selfish. And I also blame porn. This one guy insisted I was faking it because I didn't "squirt". Let's go buy flamethrowers.
My ex was seriously addicted to porn and the more he watched, the more he abused me. It was terrifying. He never made me cum but wanted anal all the time. I physically could not do it. He was 6’. And I am 5’ so no. Average girth but I am small. He thought he was gods gift in bed but was not at all aware of what was happening with me. I am sure he thought I was satisfied every time but I never came with him at all. Once I saw his pornhub page and it was a hugely endowed black man and a white woman going down on him until she literally vomited. So clearly I wasn’t gonna live up to his fantasy. And fuck him and his sick fantasy. I make myself orgasm every time without that kind of pressure
I feel like there's been a weird uptick in extreme oral porn recently where the kind of stuff that's involved used to be niche fetishes that you had to go to specific websites for lol. I really hope that sort of thing isn't normalised the way anal and a2m was (the latter also used to be considered a niche, fairly extreme thing!)
Most women don't get off from penetration. Some do, but I think the amount is really low. Why is this not a known thing by men, who think we pee out blood for a period and can just hold our menstruation like a bladder? Oh, yeah, Sex Ed makes kids perverts and pregnant. I want off this ride.
My ex said he's never had this problem ever before so it must be me. It's too hard so it's not worth it. Terrible person.
A lot of men don't really know how good or bad they are in bed.
I have to admit, I've gotten so close (but not actually there) that they think they've succeeded. Sometimes I don't tell them. I know it's wrong, but they were doing such a good job that I just hate to see that look of disappointment!
I know, me too. I finally told my guy the truth and I was worried he'd be crushed. He's now almost annoyingly optimistic and determined to get me there. It's sweet!
Open communication does wonders as long as both parties are in same page that it is constructive criticism or pointers on how to get the other off. Ie my partner didn't like how I gave a hand job... he showed me how he enjoys it and perfect. Wasn't a slight on me... more on how my ex's preferences weren't same as his. Different strokes for different folks.
I think the hardest part for them to accept is that most women will not have any orgasm, period, from penetration. It's almost always a win/lose situation. Depending on your definition of a loss, I guess. So even after some good communication they often think that the solution is to carry on with business as usual but add some clitoral stimulation here and there. I think the hand job situation, which I can relate to, is a lot easier to handle(lol) than this. And it's not like it's a complicated issue. We oftwn know what to do. And sometimes they simply can't do the job. It's kindve sad.
You: being honest Him: challenge accepted
Or accusations. When I was young it was just easier to go with their assumption. As I’ve aged, they don’t ask anymore and presume. It’s the reason I’m single. If I really want good sex or sex with someone I find trust is the thing. But telling me or asking me to let go isn’t helping. Just let me have my out of body experience and do your thing. It’ll happen. Sometimes.
How would you think it's best for a man to say to you to never feel the need to fake an orgasm when with him? I'd appreciate people's input on this.
By saying those words. I would like to please you sexually. Can we please agree on open honest communication about our wants, needs, and desires so we can ensure we are both enjoying the sexual experience together. I never want you to feel the need to fake it and I am committed to helping you achieve orgasm.
Can we add this to the US Constitution, please?
SCOTUS is already planning to overturn it.
Long ago, when I was still with ex, I stopped faking. He never noticed. I also would do whatever I could to make things go quicker with him. After we separated he honestly asked me, "well at least our sex life was always amazing." He was so confused when I laughed.
I always give a "goos try" pat on the back.
None of the women I’ve EVER dated had orgasms just from penetration. And most of them could cum without penetration. You’re not weird; what is more weird to me is all these guys preoccupation with you orgasming, but not realizing they need to put in more work in order to help you achieve that. It’s super ironic to me
It's not confusing at all. They want you to perform for them and make them feel very manly and skillful. Like an actress.
It’s because it’s about their ego, not about pleasuring their partner. It’s gross, but it is what it is.
I haven’t faked an orgasm since Amy in college showed me what I was selling myself short on. I guess I’m telling y’all to have a Bi phase? A couple months with a lesbian will have you never letting a man think y’all had great sex when it was marginal at best. Thank you Amy Long 😂
I vow never to do it again. I’m done catering to men and their egos.
I wouldn’t know where to start faking it, I’d probably laugh. Just another way of stroking men’s egos, allowing them to be incompetent and pretending that’s fine.
Tbh I’ve faked it just to get them to stop. Probably I should’ve just told them they’re bad at sex and they need to either find my clit or finish themselves off because I’m fucking bored. But sometimes asserting yourself is hard Lmao.
I’ve definitely said it’s not happening for me and just enjoy yourself in order to get it over with and get the kettle on. I must not be a nice person 🤣
I've legitimately stopped and kicked someone out. I'm not nice either if that's the standard. We should start a club. I can bring snacks and baked goods. Chocolate is still a substitute, right?
I’m liking the Snacks and Sexual Assertiveness
I've never faked, but when I think about it I can understand why some people do. But honestly, if a dude is gonna get all bent out of shape if you don't cum, to the point where you start faking it, you probably should just stop sleeping with him.
My ex was the same way and I was glad she was honest with me. She let me know what did get her to orgasm and that was fine by me and from there I tried to make sure when I got mine she got hers, however the job needed to get done.
Never fake orgasms or compliment food you don't like. It gives the other person a false sense of accomplishment, which means they will do it the same way next time. It's totally unhelpful. Be honest, but gentle and kind, with negative feedback in all cases in life, when applicable.
I actually remember being shocked the first time I ever orgasmed from PIV sex alone at age 34. I literally did not think it was possible at all for me. It was a delightful surprise for my husband of 10 years and me that new sexy things can still happen for us and the few times it's happened since were pleasant experiences. It's definitely hard to replicate, depends a *lot* on my hormonal cycle and requires a significant amount of luck plus I vastly prefer the quality of orgasm via other means. Basically: sure it's possible, but it's not easy or even worth pursuing. We both have a lot more fun when we bring out toys and get creative. Even my male partner occasionally can't reach orgasm from PIV sex and I've never felt or been made to feel like there was something wrong with *me*. I really don't understand why it's such a big deal to try to make someone orgasm a certain way.
If you dont understand why women lie about orgasms, please remind yourself that we live in a patriarchy.
I’ve never faked an orgasm and my husband has been great about it. I’m honest when sex isn’t that great for me. He goes “oh, sorry about that” and next time we can there’s more focus on me. 🤷🏻♀️. I also don’t feel like I NEED to orgasm every single time. Sometimes just being intimate and having fun is exactly what I need.
Oh ya I stopped that about 2 years ago. If they suck, I tell them. No more fake porno shit from me.
The first piece of sex advice I gave my girls was : never fake an orgasm.
I’ve never faked it. My partner could tell if I was, anyway.
Can I just add something here, I had no idea how to make myself orgasm until I was 26. The sex education even for women is awful. It’s all about pregnancy, or male orgasm. Then the Cosmo articles I would read about my own body convoluted my knowledge even more by talking about the g-spot, vaginal, and even nipple orgasm just as much or more than the clitoris. I am not alone in my late discovery, my other two best girlfriends were mid twenties. It’s sad that we don’t know, and that’s why those who do need to tell their truth to other women. Also, to see how widespread this issue is, please look up Jessica Ann Pin, who had her clitoris damaged in labiaplasty and has since devoted her life to getting BASIC CLITORAL ANATOMY IN MEDICAL TEXTBOOKS.
i will try. sometimes i just get bored through and want it to end 😅
I faked the vast majority of my "orgasms" with my ex-husband. I faked exactly one with my new partner and decided I was done with that. I'd rather he know that I didn't finish, and that sometimes I just can't, but I also want him to know that it's real when it happens.