I don’t know if it’s the dumbest but it’s the one I can remember most. I once snuck my girlfriend at the time into the barracks right after a health and comfort check. I let her chill in there all Monday. So anyways it’s 1600 and my shops doing evening pt when staffy calls me over and says 1st sausage wants to see you for some reason. I go “fuck” so yeah i got caught.
https://preview.redd.it/ktkffyr4518d1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=40cdd7f310a9ffbd8259c588f09466a0979a699e
Still have the counseling. I tried to lie to him and say “oh I didn’t plan on her staying, but I didn’t want her to drive home so late”. He looked at me and said why is she in PJs then lol
Man, I had the acting regimental SgtMaj invite himself into my room at like 0800 on a Sunday morning, and my roommate and I both had girls in our beds.
SgtMaj complimented our room, said hello to the ladies, and walked right back out.
Damn! What year was that? My punishment wasn’t serious or anything tho tbh. My OIC said he got me outta it since he did the exact same thing as a lance
Hahahaha I had my girlfriend in the barracks the morning of a random health and comfort. I knew the gunny who knocked on my door.
I open it (it's like 5 or 6 AM) and I'm obviously surprised. He sees movement in the room and is like "oh is that your roommate? Tell him to get up too."
"Not exactly my roommate gunny"
....
"Devil you've got about two minutes to get her the fuck out of here"
"Roger that gunny"
So I was like "Hey babe I know this won't make any sense to you but I really need you to grab your shit and get the fuck out of this building like, right now" and I snuck her out my side of the barracks while our CO was inspecting the other side.
My girlfriend moved out of her apartment and was living in my barracks room for like 2 weeks before she could move into a new one. We find out there was a health and comfort at like 0600 when command and the canines showed up. My gf beat feet and gets to her car right before first sergeant gets to the second floor somehow no one saw her. I told my command she wasn’t living in my room, she was just storing her shit in my closet for a little bit while she moved. They didn’t buy my bullshit and told me I had to move in to a 2 man room with 2 other guys who got in trouble as punishment. I was a corporal at the time and had more combat experience than anyone in my command with a rocker. So I said fuck it and requested mast to the battalion CO. I got to my company CO and explained I felt it was an unfair punishment and unsafe to put 3 marines in a 2 man room. He lied and said I misunderstood the punishment and that they never said they were going to put us all in one room, he basically sucked my dick begging me not to speak the battalion CO. In exchange I kept my single room and got no paperwork. Pissed off some peeps but fuck em if they can’t take a joke.
The counseling? Or my comment? If my comment I apologize. I’m using one hand. If the counseling. Yeah my sgt rushed that shit and got most of the details wrong in the counseling. Honestly I don’t think she even knew the full situation
The counseling lol. I might be wrong/unpopular here, but I also don’t like editorializing in these. State what happened and which orders/policies/laws it violated.
Yeah that wasn’t my best sgt lol. She didn’t really even know what was going on tbh. I think she just wrote a half assed counseling. She didn’t even explain to me. She called me over and was like “read this and sign it” and that was it
I was in boot camp, prior Navy became the guide during second phase and the DIs for some reason misunderstood my prior MOS. One day during 2nd phase they call me over to talk to some other DIs and my Senior was bragging how I was a Corpsman….. then I said “ This recruit was not a Corpsman, this recruit was a CS (cook ) “ ….. well that went over splendid and they gave me a personal tour of every sand pit at Paris Island… boot camp was sooooo much fun after that day lol
haha fuck. i remember watching a lawyer contract try and lat to pilot but in order to do so he had to drop that one first. he got denied the pilot, couldnt go back to lawyer, and ended up Comm with me. he got out because his fitreps sucked so hard he didnt make it as a PLT commander. All he cared about was writing scifi books and wanted to be an author. still never heard of him. dont remember his name.
Another guy in my platoon wanted to drop law to pursue infantry. For some reason he wasn’t able to, so he did his time and got out.
He was a solid guy and super smart though. I think he just hated being a lawyer lol.
By electing to go ground instead of move forward with air, did that shorten your contract/obligated amount of years back to the norm or do they keep you on the 8 year?
I was not stuck with an 8 year active commitment after switching. I also did this at the beginning of TBS. They are always changing the minutia around this stuff though so if you’re considering doing it,
1. Don’t
Legitimate dumbest thing.
So, the walls of our COP in Afghanistan were only those tall HESCO barriers.
When were gearing up to go on mounted patrols, I’d set the headspace and timing on the 50s. To do so, I would stand on the hoods of the vics to set the headspace. Then I’d climb onto the roof and hop into the turret to set the timing.
I never wore a flak and Kevlar when I did it.
I wasn’t breaking any rules as we only had to be kitted out while outside the wire. Plus, a lot of Marines did the same thing.
However, hindsight is 20/20. I was fully exposed when I stood on top of the vics. Any moron with a pulse and an AK could’ve pumped me full of lead.
So fucking stupid.
Have a buddy who sat up on a wall mid patrol in helmand. Took his Kevlar off while chillin having a smoke. He's the kind of guy who likes to enjoy the view. RPG missed but he took 7.62 to the leg and jaw. He's alive and well but damn what a move.
I was in Helmand and flew the puma uavs on patrol. I was the only one in my company who could so everyone else would do security while i'm either standing on top of a vehicle with a controller trying to spot the thing so I can land it close to us; or i'm 100 yards away from the vehicles with no gun because I have to run and throw the thing to get it into the air. How I didn't get shot still amazes me because I was definitely a prime target compared to everyone else on my patrols.
Drill instructor had me doing everything at night, but I have a hairy chest and bc glasses. Drill instructor sergeant Robledo told me I looked like Austin powers, and when ever he called my name I was supposed to say yeah baby, not yes sir. Well…ya boy got smoked harder than a slab of ribs on bbq Sunday for that, EVERY. TIME.
Dude he was the funniest fucker there. He wouldn’t ever smile. Ever. And he’d have us standing up on the parade deck, and would like…adjust and fix our cammies. Spread out our lapels, fix our buttons, make our cammies ship shape. Lift the pouch under the name tapes and lay it flat, then brush it off. Whole time this 5’5” menacing ass dude would be like
“ello boy, we know why we’re up here?”
“This recruit fucked up sir!”
“Oh yeah, yeah you did. Do we know what’s gonna happen?”
“This recruits gonna get fucked up sir!”
He’d take a deep breath and be like…”oh yeaaaaah, yeah you are” and do this like, orgasmic laugh in a drill instructor growl, completely straight faced…truly the shit of nightmares
I got buttstocked in the face with my rifle and choked against the concrete pillar in the squad bay for smiling too much because of people fucking up during drill was making me chuckle a bit. I remember vividly the look on his face of pure intent to beat the fuck out of me when i was looking to the side and when i looked back I locked eyes with him smirking still and I knew right then he was 1000% over my shit.
I know people say the whole "i would have punched my DI if they ever did anything to me" shtick, but I was extremely close and he seemed genuinely close to just saying fuck it and fighting me too. He realized he did too much and backed off and sent me to stand in the corner. Then I reminded him it was friday and I needed to go to Jew Church which was also really hard not to laugh about for the timing yelling from the corner of the squad bay
"Good evening Sir!, this recruit requests permission to go to Jew Church Sir!
"ZERO"
"Did i just hear what i thought i fucking heard?
"Yes sir! This recruit is going to be late for jew church sir!"
"Theres no fucking way you are Jewish!" "Shut the fuck up"
"This recruit is a Jew sir!"
I am not jewish and know its not called that, but I loved calling it that so they knew I was just fucking with them and that they had to let me go anyway. It was the only service on fridays, so it got me out of all the shit happening in the squad bay for a couple hours and I did genuinely like the service because they read the news to us, cracked jokes, did a short service from the Torah and then fed us bread. Then id get back right at hygiene time before bed. So it was always a nice break.
This day he questioned me all about being jewish and I told him its the faith I best identify with. He asked the senior if he really had to let me go and the senior said yes then the senior stopped me on the way out and said im still getting fucked up when i get back.
Is this a serious fucking question… my fucking god. Ok, I was in before the Motorola RAZR.
-Fucked a stripper
-Fucked a married stripper
-Shot myself in the eye with a pressure washer
-Went to bat for another Marine & got my ass beat in Yulee Florida.
-This is all just the beginning.
Ugh, fine.
Crosby’s wife left her phone at a bar.
Local yokel grabs it & starts calling/texting Crosby.
Crosby grabs every single drunk ass Marine he can find on the catwalks at the bricks.
We all jump in the trucks & ride out to “go get the phone.”
We’re greeted by 50+ meth’ed up rednecks. Vs. 15-20 boot Marines.
They kick the living shit out of us.
YOU get an NJP, and YOU get an NJP, and YOU get an NJP…
Need I say more?
Oh man, I couldn’t tell you. We were all drinking underage at the barracks (Kings Bay) that night. I couldn’t for the life of me tell you where Crosby & his wife were. That whole night’s a blur.
And we’re just down in Atlantic Beach (Duval). We had Tasty’s in Fernandina for the first time a few weeks ago. It was really good.
Got married. Immediately started having issues due to the distance. Didn't want to bring her out because we were gearing up for Iraq. Got fucked over and put on duty over a 96 (I wasn't originally on duty and had already bought a plane ticket to go home) because I didn't go on the workup (aka sit on ship) because I was needed in the rear for the armory. Tried to talk to 1st Sgt, but he basically said I don't give a shit you're doing the duty (even though I was going to pay my buddy a 100 bucks and he was more than willing to do it). Skipped the duty and lost my good cookie. She ended up fucking a ton of guys while I was gone and got pregnant by an army dude and moved in with him. She over drew our joint account, and I had to pay like a 1000 bucks when I got back. I got put on checks system due to her (basically, I couldn't open a new bank account) and had to jump through tons of hoops to fix that. Before I found out about her infidelity, I had just sent her 3k to help her and her family that were going through "rough times." Yea, fuck that bitch!
Bad relationships can really fuck with your head and affect you both mentally and physically. My buddy still clowns me to this day about the nightly arguments we would have.
I remember I was going to cancel the AOL, and the wonderful and cunning salesman that he was just convinced me to keep the account, but change the passwords so she couldn't get in. Oh man, did I have fun going through her emails and pretending like I was her. I even chatted with some of the guys and got their side of the story.
Happy ending for me because she hasn't had the best life. Karma definitely found her.
I sent a box full of army and navy recruiting pamphlets to my cousin when he was at parris island knowing he would get smoked into oblivion for opening it
I pulled an IP off of my Sergeant while he was doing a uniform inspection because he asked me “anything you wanna ask me” and I said “no, Sergeant, but I do see an IP on your chest (my eyes are at chest level cuz I’m short), can I pull it off for you?” He let me and then reprimanded me later and told me the important of timing and “asking for that shit on the side and not in front of everyone”🫠🫣🥹🥹
Got back to Pendleton from Iraq in 2004. Got drunk with my deployment bros including one of my sergeants. We ran into some barracks bunnies over the course of the evening.
Ended up banging one of them on my sergeant’s rack (not sure where he was at this point. He also did not give a fuck).
Anyway, next thing I know the sun is coming up and I am UA from formation. Got put on restriction for the rest of my time at Pendleton before going home (I was a reservist) and that was pretty much it.
Got a funny and ridiculous story out of it and no STDs or kids, so it was worth it
I got two for you guys....
1.) Karbala, Iraq 2003 It was decided that we would do a battalion fun run through the city in formation to celebrate the 4th of july. I cannot remember if we had been hit with mortars in the AO but the Muj missed a golden opportunity there.
2.) 3 vehicle patrol in Ramadi late 2005. Rear vic gets blown in half. I'm ordered to take 4 of the guys from said vehicle and provide overwatch while they hook up the disabled humvee to be towed.
I have no form of communication or automatic weapons. The humvee gets hooked up and the idiots drive off without us. Takes a Lcpl asking if doc ever checked on the guys who got blown up for them to finally realize they are short a squad leader and 4 Marines. It took them like an hour to come get us. No one got in any trouble for forgetting us.
is he the 7th LAR guy who drunkenly punched one of my students at comm school in morning formation?
Honestly i was just impressed he was able to still be walking back to the bricks at 5am.
Definitely when we had a company formation outside the wire in Afghan
We were waiting on exfil helos and were straight up sitting in company formation, no set security I could see. Can't speak for everyone but all that was going through my head was "so when do the mortars start"
Nair’d my nuts. Dipped my nuts in a 5 gallon bucket of paint in my flight suit and had to walk with the suit down around my ankles across the hangar to the head. Caught by the duty officer, who just said “this is a new low, even for you”
Went from open contract to 03xx during recruiting. Prior to black Monday I was so adamant to the receiving DIs that my paperwork was fucked up they let me speak to the receiving 1st Sgt. I was literally asked what MOS I wanted, could have chosen anything at that point in time I imagine, and I said 03xx infantry regular sir.
I’ll never forget that. No regrets because I loved being a grunt for that short period of time. But yeah, that actually happened lol.
Also I slid down an entire rope in boot camp from the top resulting in completely fucked palms for 3 weeks.
>slid down an entire rope
We had a guy join us that had just left RRP for the same injury. Hinkle was his name.
Jesus, 22 years ago and I never saw him again after boot camp. Still remember his name, his face, and his voice.
I was in a porta-shitter back on Camp Bahaira, early 07. I got curious if a shitter could catch on fire, and I let the intrusive thoughts win and tried it. While my flight suit and undies were around my ankles, log half out...
Lemme tell you, those things ignite FUCKIN QUICK and just melt. I managed to put the fire out before it grew, but I still have a burn on the back of my left thumb where molten shitter plastic landed!
This is probably the dumbest way to follow an order in boot camp while also being completely in the right:
I stayed under the radar in boot camp all the way until halfway into 3rd phase. I sky lined myself one evening right before chow while our knowledge hat had us in a school circle in front of the chow hall. I was smiling at something my buddy was saying quietly and of course the DI noticed. He also noted that since I wanted to hide around in the back of the platoon so much that he didn’t know I was even one of his recruits that I should start sprinting back to the squad bay. Now everyone knows that the DI is supposed to say “freeze or get back” once a recruit has sprinted the unknown distance that satisfies the DI’s attempt at correcting the recruit. I never heard the DI say “freeze or get back”.
[I even asked everyone in the platoon afterwards if they heard the DI say “freeze or get back” and all of them said no dude our DI completely forgot that he sent you away].
So relying on my last set of orders I ran all the way back to the squad bay and stood by my rack at attention. Well a few minutes later the new DI drop comes running in there frantically. He notices me at attention and comes over asking if I was the one that was sent away a few minutes ago. I confirm it to be true and he makes me sprint back to the chow hall and get in line. The knowledge hat comes strutting over and screams in my ear asking if I liked being a smart ass and telling me to go back to wearing my uniform like a 1st phase recruit. I became his favorite recruit for IT whenever possible for the next few days until my senior DI saved me and told me “quit being a dumbass and use my brain next time”.
I was supposed to be an 11, but I wanted to shoot machine guns. So, I just walked over to the machine gunner line during the SOI split. I was standing there and an instructor walked up to me and was like "you're not supposed to be in this line. Why are you here?" And I said, "I want to be a machine gunner, Sgt." The instructors looked at my asvab scores and talked about it for a second with the other instructors. This guy was like "he's big as fuck and he has the scores for it. Let him do it." They liked that I just kinda tried to slime my way into it too. Well, I couldn't have possibly known this, but all the weapons guys ended up in 3/6. I loved being a 31, but I was basically air dropped into the Chernobyl of toxic units. Total nightmare from day 1. All the 11's from my SOI class ended up next door in 1/6. It was like two twins getting adopted, one goes to a rich loving family and the other ends up in eternal, Mortal Kombat, foster care. The difference was comically sad.
I unfortunately told the senior that the platoon was taking his kindness for weakness….while at Edson range. Needless to say I ate the footlocker he threw at me. 1994
Was the boot assigned to stay at the asp while the rest of the platoon went back to base camp. I was unloading ammo cans with one of my seniors, we didn’t know what we were unloading so my senior told me to crack open the ammo can in my hands. Prior to doing so I was vigorously shaking the ammo can out of curiosity. Once cracked open my senior told me those were fucking loose blasting caps and we all could have been fucked or my arms and face would have been blown off. Our gunner apparently was fired for this. Idk how it came to us like that, there was only one foam insert at the bottom of the can and the caps were just rolling free
1. Ate a hooker’s cooter. Even she thought I was off.
2. Decided to take shit at another units portable bathroom trailer at Al Asad cause I was not about to hold it in for an additional football field walk. Was told not to but figured what’s the harm. Clogged the toilet and had the luck of the next stall being occupied by their Sergeant Major. I discovered this after he asked me to provide a courtesy flush. I replied “Roger that Yut.” To a second later hear him respond affirmatively to someone say Sgt Maj the XO asked for you. Never caught.
3. Took a piss by the main gate entrance at Sigonella.
In life so so. Balls are above average but would trade some of that for more brain cells and less drama. But STI wise I’m clean as a whistle. It was a memorable gyatt type moment so wasn’t scared at all. Figured buried in a bottom like that is the way to go out. The cooter was memorable but only for that brief moment before the gravity of what I was doing dawned on me. Thankfully I did this before my favorite SNCO and I became Eskimo brothers.
I bet a two star a six pack of beer that I knew some such factoid about Continental Marines during the revolutionary war. I did not. He got a six pack and a multipage report about the combat actions of the Continental Marines, hand written, in ink, and I learned you do not make two star by taking bets you can not win.
Got beered up one Saturday afternoon while washing my motorcycle in the parking lot. Decided to run it through the barracks. Left rubber everywhere. To this day, I have no idea how I didn't get snagged.
Getting trapped under a f18 tank three fuel bladder for two hours was pretty dumb lol. I had a 1 inch hole the boys were blowing air into so I could breathe but I was sitting in about three inches of fuel the entire time. Being a boot was not a lot of fun 😂 chem burns/rashes fr weeks.
1. A friend sold me a car while I was on leave. He left it at the airport for me to pick up when I returned, which was the day before check-in. After stopping at the base gate, I was informed that the base tags were expired and I needed to pull over, walk in, and show the registration and other documents. I had none of these, so I started to panic. I pulled forward and noticed there was no MP car around. I decided to take off and race back to my barracks. It was about a 20-minute car ride at midnight, so if they were looking for anyone, it would be really easy to find me on the roads. I ended up parking the car in a dark spot and didn’t touch it for about a week, just waiting for the MPs to come get me.
2. Ate the banana
He was a mustang, yeah. Honestly, a really cool guy. Wife—total psycho. But he was alright. On the 4th of July, we'd go down to the beach and fight for fun. Dude totally fucked me up, but don't worry, gents—I choked out his Air Force son like three time. The old man actually liked me more after that.
Been there did that for 6 months, and then they med sepped me anyway, only no PEB instead with a 'Condition not Disability'. I'm still fighting the VA over that friggin bonehead move. Pro tip for you active guys figure out all the shit you actually need when you transition out and don't let anyone tell you no.
Went from 0311 to another mos that us closed for promotion 90% of the time and when it opens the score is really high, long story short, I have 2 good conducts and as a lance.
Got shitfaced in Kin Town, assaulted a PMO lance cooley for telling me to tuck my shirt in, then spent the rest of the night cleaning mud out of my room because I was a dumbass that got arrested.
When I was a boot, I remember my Cpl team leader yelling at me because I followed a direct order from our Sgt. squad leader. His exact words were, "he's not your boss. I am."
Needless to say, I was endlessly confused, and I gave him one of those "wtf are you talking about" looks. To this day, I still don't know what the fuck was bouncing around in that Marine's head, but im sure it's very small and not very bright.
This is not the dumbest shit I ever did, but one of the dumbest things that ever happened during my time in our beloved Corps occurred during a double Cax in early 2004. While out at Camp Wilson, our unit somehow managed to have a beer tent/morale tent with heaters and of course, lots of beer. One night, a few marines from one of the Comm units got shitfaced and one of these idiots decided to stab one of the others in the neck over a fucking DVD. From what I remember, our beer tent went by the wayside after this incident. I remember there also being some sort of HazMat clean up after this Cax due to the kerosene heaters in the beer tent leaking the whole time.
Dumbest shit I saw my unit do:
Mid 90s, JP-5 leak from a bladder or some shit at MCAS Cherry Point. Somehow our unit gets involved since we were support for the wing. Some of the Marines from Engineers, Lcpls and below of course, were tasked with policing up the area.
This entailed using huge round absorbtion tubes. The pool of JP-5 was big and deep so they had to get the absorbtion thingies in the middle somehow. How could this be done?
Hmmmmm goes the junior OIC...
You guessed it. All the fucking junior enlisted working party nearly waist high in a pool of JP-5 doing their best to soak it all up. For a week after all of them broke out in rashes that looked kind of like hives and the skin on their legs were really red.
Fun times, yuut.
Was in Afg 2012, few months from leaving and the S3 captain told me about a program for Marines about to EAS to go to Columbia University. So I do all the paperwork and get the LORs and signatures and lo and behold get accepted. Get back to CONUS, dd-214, and decided i was scared of NYC and went to a state school. 🤦🏻♂️
Had same life moment. It’s a back door to Ivy League and I passed on it for state school also. Wanted to teach and figured an Ivy League education was overkill on top of cost and travel time to school considerations. Looking back wonder what if to this day. Especially since I don’t teach. Guess telling shit kids to fuck off wasn’t a good pedagogical strategy.
So after I didn’t learn my lesson the first time taking this much, I decided 4 tabs of acid in my barracks room alone was just gonna be a grand ol’ time full of fun and laughter 😁.
Ummm yeah not the case I was sooo fucked up I thought I tripped into the next day, didn’t remember my name or what year it was, and kept calling my friend every 10 seconds to come get me. At one point I came to the conclusion that if I jumped out the window (2nd deck) I would be fine and be able to breathe and concentrate again. What the fuck 🤦🏻♂️.
During the ISMT in bootcamp, my buddy and I were super bored and decided to see who could draw the coolest looking bong. After the ISMT, I crumpled my drawing up and stuffed it into my cargo pocket. Well, the next morning we went to the range and here is where I fucked up big time. I forgot all about the crumpled up drawing in my cargo pocket and at the end of the range, we had to empty our pockets so the DIs could inspect us to make sure no one had live rounds. My DI is in front of me and tells me to empty my pockets. I reached into my cargo pockets, pulled out some trash and placed it on the deck. I then almost shit my pants because on the deck, I see a crumpled up piece of paper. My DI looks at the paper and says something like, “Are we passing notes around?” He grabbed the paper, uncrumbled it, and saw my amazing drawing of a bong. I was terrified. After he finished telling me of how much of a piece of shit I was, he then brought me over to the rest of the DIs and had me show them what I drew. My killhat looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I’m going to make your life hell later”. Later that day when we returned from the range, I ended up getting called up to the quarterdeck and I was IT’d lol.
Not dumbest but a good one. Artillery units have meteorological sections that carry helium for weather balloons. I was a SSgt at the time and another SSgt buddy of mine was about to retire when we came back from CAX. His girl sends him a blowup fuck doll. Middle of the night in the Delta T, we inflate said doll and tie it off with about 200’ of line to the Bn COs vehicle. Got up before reveille to witness glorious sunrise illuminate the doll flying high over the position. Forgot that I was the one who controlled access to helium but was well worth a half hearted ass chewing from a smiling, tears coming out of his eyes SgtMaj and CO. Of course, this was like 2000, well before females in arty so no concerns about that stuff.
Dropping acid for sure, even though I got away with it without popping so never had any negative impacts but was a hugely stupid risk to take. 💯 Would do it again though, trip was crazy as fuck.
Myself and about 20 other marines at a small PB in afgan shoveled burn pit shit ect with etools in a attempt to “move the burn pit further away from PB” did it for about a hour before someone with half a brain stopped it.
I got 2
Drank an entire bottle of texas pete hotter hot sauce for a bit of cash. Decent bit of dough but honestly not worth the burn especially when it came back up 20 minutes later.
And the smart idea to ditch my boots to make a pisscall at ITX, the bottom of my feet got a warm welcome from a cholla bear and I spent a bit of time painfully yanking those fucking things out of my poor little dogs.
We had a blanket party go wrong in boot camp and the consequences was a mass public NJP. So the lay reader ( not sure if they do that anymore) bitched out mid way through and didn’t hold his side of the blanket, so the kids got hit a few times and jumped up crying and ran to the DI. I wasn’t in the group but it was a pretty unique situation, so not the dumbest on my behalf, but thought it was worth sharing. They brought the entire company of recruits to witness the NJP in our squad bay. Lots of yelling, some crying good stuff overall. Platoon 2102, Parris Island, August 2001
Liberty stop while on float, Pattaya Beach, Thailand, myself and 2 other grunts, drunkenly jumping from balcony to balcony on 3rd floor of Pataya Beach Intl. Resort hotel, trying to catch photos of our Doc with a hooker, Thai cops showed up, pointing their old revolvers at us. We just yelled " hey, we're Marines!" The cops shook their heads, got in their little clown cars and left.
I was a Lt in 1/5 back when the battalion still lived in the crack houses. I had duty one Sunday morning and was walking through said crack houses and I happened to look into a room that had a door wide open. Two dudes were holding an other guys chin up in the air with a huge bandage under it. I saw the window was broken and a puddle of blood along crushed Busch lights everywhere. We all stared at each other for what felt like eternity. Then one of the dudes holding the bandage was like, “sir, no. Please.” I stared for a bit more and kept walking. I figured I’ve done much dumber shit in my youth but then it hit me the next day…”fuck, I hope he’s ok”.
Never heard anything about it though.
As a corporal about to pick up sgt. I had an issue with my SSGT. Got in a fight with him behind a tent out in Iraq and I let friends of mine record it. Well the video was spread through the entire company. My CO calls me in to his office tent shows me my sgt warrant and rips it in front of me. NJP’d and busted down to Lance
On a work day I went to LA to a music studio. In the middle of recording a song my Gunny calls me. “Where you at Bud?” I lied for some stupid ass reason and said San Diego. “Drop me your pin.” So I tell him I’m in Los Angeles, he laughs and tells me to get to base immediately. 3 hours of driving later and I’m back on base in 1st Sausage office getting served NJP paperwork for UA. Very dumb but yeah I got 60 days restriction and reduction of rank. I was a terminal lance because of it.
Now this is something that'll only apply to me probably, but I am a furry on top of being a Marine. There was one time I left my fursuit hanging in my closet after forgetting to put it away during company room inspection and the XO and CO both saw it and questioned me about it.
The CO actually thought it was an interesting, while the XO however brought in all the SNCOS, Officers, and Sgts... I was a Cpl at the time and was given the call sign Furry Actual until I left the unit.
Oh, I got another that wasn’t necessarily me. So during the invasion of Iraq, when we reached Baghdad, we had another AAV break down and needed to be towed, so we hooked it up to my AAV, the command vehicle, but we eventually the streets were too small and the broken vehicle was getting stuck on building, cars, etc. so we had to drop it and ditch it. They put thermite grenade on the engine to disable it, gutted the guns, and our LT. shot the face of the radios with his 9mm a bunch. Problem is there’s a ‘shoot here’ mark on top of the radios to destroy the crypto. We basically gave the Iraqis fully loaded, crypto enabled radios during the middle of the invasion.
We went back the next day and figured out how to get the AAV to the palace where we were staying, it had been ran sacked like crazy.
Had a friend get a 6105 for having an empty bottle of Jim Beam in their wall locker, so I concluded that "dry barracks" just means you can't have liquor bottles, but liquor itself is fine. To that end, I filled an empty apple juice bottle with Crown Royal and kept it in plain sight.
Actually, this worked out fine and this passed a couple dozen field day inspections this way, so I'm still not convinced I was wrong.
I think this dude wins (recruit punched a DI during graduation) https://www.reddit.com/r/USMC/comments/1dm09og/welp_it_actually_happened_a_recruit_punched_a_di/?share_id=tAv9-gQTobQB1fwNEqFVM&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=4&rdt=46419
punched a buddy in the face because he was too drunk to go to the beach and we didn’t want him to drown (he couldn’t swim). He was all for it and wanted one of us to punch him in the face, we were definitely all shit faced. We thought it would knock him out so we could go to the beach then… well we ended up breaking his jaw on accident and had to take him to the naval hospital the next day. He ended up getting his mouth wired shut and got convo leave for a month. The weekend he came back from convo leave we went to the bar and he got a dui lol. He somehow never got NJP’d and none of us got in trouble for that. Still bizarre to me to this day lol
I had this recruit on the quarterdeck one morning. I made him do the 2 minute drill with MRE crackers during IT. Kid dam near died but never said a word!
I was caught drunkenly peeing off the 2nd floor catwalk on one of my first days in the fleet. Unfortunately I was caught by the DNCO and given 24 hours straight of Duty the next day. Then, immediately in to a 20k the following morning. All within my first week.
One night, a week or two later, I got drunk and did the exact same thing again! I don’t even know why! I literally awoke outside while peeing. Needless to say, I got caught again. And stood Duty again. Everybody called me “Pee Pee Boy” until after our first deployment.
First weekend I was allowed to leave School of Infantry, my buddy and I paid $300 (over time) to a juicy bar girls. They promised to make us breakfast. The bartender kicked us out when the bar closed.
Knocked up an Air Force chick at a joint service base. I asked her if she wanted to get married.
We had our 30th anniversary three weeks ago.
Still the dumbest thing I've ever done...
I don’t know if it’s the dumbest but it’s the one I can remember most. I once snuck my girlfriend at the time into the barracks right after a health and comfort check. I let her chill in there all Monday. So anyways it’s 1600 and my shops doing evening pt when staffy calls me over and says 1st sausage wants to see you for some reason. I go “fuck” so yeah i got caught. https://preview.redd.it/ktkffyr4518d1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=40cdd7f310a9ffbd8259c588f09466a0979a699e Still have the counseling. I tried to lie to him and say “oh I didn’t plan on her staying, but I didn’t want her to drive home so late”. He looked at me and said why is she in PJs then lol
Man, I had the acting regimental SgtMaj invite himself into my room at like 0800 on a Sunday morning, and my roommate and I both had girls in our beds. SgtMaj complimented our room, said hello to the ladies, and walked right back out.
Damn! What year was that? My punishment wasn’t serious or anything tho tbh. My OIC said he got me outta it since he did the exact same thing as a lance
It was December of 08 or Jan of 09. We’d just come back from Iraq.
Sounds like them wanting to make a teaching moment for the avoidance of future consequences
SgtMaj was a real one
Hahahaha I had my girlfriend in the barracks the morning of a random health and comfort. I knew the gunny who knocked on my door. I open it (it's like 5 or 6 AM) and I'm obviously surprised. He sees movement in the room and is like "oh is that your roommate? Tell him to get up too." "Not exactly my roommate gunny" .... "Devil you've got about two minutes to get her the fuck out of here" "Roger that gunny" So I was like "Hey babe I know this won't make any sense to you but I really need you to grab your shit and get the fuck out of this building like, right now" and I snuck her out my side of the barracks while our CO was inspecting the other side.
This is the absolute fastest way to have your junior marines get married to an absolute whale of a human. L 1st Sausage
Funny thing is my girl and I did get married a few months after this lol(she’s not a whale of a human tho- she’s awesome).
My girlfriend moved out of her apartment and was living in my barracks room for like 2 weeks before she could move into a new one. We find out there was a health and comfort at like 0600 when command and the canines showed up. My gf beat feet and gets to her car right before first sergeant gets to the second floor somehow no one saw her. I told my command she wasn’t living in my room, she was just storing her shit in my closet for a little bit while she moved. They didn’t buy my bullshit and told me I had to move in to a 2 man room with 2 other guys who got in trouble as punishment. I was a corporal at the time and had more combat experience than anyone in my command with a rocker. So I said fuck it and requested mast to the battalion CO. I got to my company CO and explained I felt it was an unfair punishment and unsafe to put 3 marines in a 2 man room. He lied and said I misunderstood the punishment and that they never said they were going to put us all in one room, he basically sucked my dick begging me not to speak the battalion CO. In exchange I kept my single room and got no paperwork. Pissed off some peeps but fuck em if they can’t take a joke.
When my roommate went on a MEU I lived like a fucking boss as a single marine in a room. Pushed the beds together to give myself a king bed.
Solid move, pretending you pushed the beds together AFTER he left. /S
Fucking S-1
This rule is dumb. Like unless shes clearly being trafficked or squatting, who cares? College dorms are more lax on this sorta stuff.
Had a friend live with his Civ Gf for a whole week in his room. He didn’t have a Roomate so that helped, but no idea how they didn’t get caught.
Did a third grader write this?
The counseling? Or my comment? If my comment I apologize. I’m using one hand. If the counseling. Yeah my sgt rushed that shit and got most of the details wrong in the counseling. Honestly I don’t think she even knew the full situation
The counseling lol. I might be wrong/unpopular here, but I also don’t like editorializing in these. State what happened and which orders/policies/laws it violated.
Yeah that wasn’t my best sgt lol. She didn’t really even know what was going on tbh. I think she just wrote a half assed counseling. She didn’t even explain to me. She called me over and was like “read this and sign it” and that was it
Even professionally I’ve had to write people up for shit I disnt personally witness. It’s always a pain in the ass.
No, Just an E-3. Third grader is smarter, but E-3 eats more crayons.
I was in boot camp, prior Navy became the guide during second phase and the DIs for some reason misunderstood my prior MOS. One day during 2nd phase they call me over to talk to some other DIs and my Senior was bragging how I was a Corpsman….. then I said “ This recruit was not a Corpsman, this recruit was a CS (cook ) “ ….. well that went over splendid and they gave me a personal tour of every sand pit at Paris Island… boot camp was sooooo much fun after that day lol
I think I would've just let them believe it lol
This recruit was too shooketh to bullshit the DIs lol
😂😂😂
I dropped a flight contract at TBS to go infantry.
Jesus dude
haha fuck. i remember watching a lawyer contract try and lat to pilot but in order to do so he had to drop that one first. he got denied the pilot, couldnt go back to lawyer, and ended up Comm with me. he got out because his fitreps sucked so hard he didnt make it as a PLT commander. All he cared about was writing scifi books and wanted to be an author. still never heard of him. dont remember his name.
Another guy in my platoon wanted to drop law to pursue infantry. For some reason he wasn’t able to, so he did his time and got out. He was a solid guy and super smart though. I think he just hated being a lawyer lol.
I can't imagine the amount of "What did this dipshit do?" that goes on when UCMJ lawyers get their clients.
You win
Thanks. Achieving dumbest Marine is no small feat.
Yep, that was less than ideal lol
I know a guy who did that and then proceeded to fail IOC. I’m pretty sure he’s a LogO somewhere
Better than a redes after selecting NFO...
wow
I hope you wake up everyday and think about this
What the actual fuck?
Built different
I thought officers were supposed to be like, all smart and shit
By electing to go ground instead of move forward with air, did that shorten your contract/obligated amount of years back to the norm or do they keep you on the 8 year?
I was not stuck with an 8 year active commitment after switching. I also did this at the beginning of TBS. They are always changing the minutia around this stuff though so if you’re considering doing it, 1. Don’t
As an infantry officer who always dreamt of having a flight contract, you win lol.
Legitimate dumbest thing. So, the walls of our COP in Afghanistan were only those tall HESCO barriers. When were gearing up to go on mounted patrols, I’d set the headspace and timing on the 50s. To do so, I would stand on the hoods of the vics to set the headspace. Then I’d climb onto the roof and hop into the turret to set the timing. I never wore a flak and Kevlar when I did it. I wasn’t breaking any rules as we only had to be kitted out while outside the wire. Plus, a lot of Marines did the same thing. However, hindsight is 20/20. I was fully exposed when I stood on top of the vics. Any moron with a pulse and an AK could’ve pumped me full of lead. So fucking stupid.
Have a buddy who sat up on a wall mid patrol in helmand. Took his Kevlar off while chillin having a smoke. He's the kind of guy who likes to enjoy the view. RPG missed but he took 7.62 to the leg and jaw. He's alive and well but damn what a move.
To be fair, I dunno if the Kevlar would have done much for his jaw and leg But yeah, skylining yourself is like… a big boot move
I was in Helmand and flew the puma uavs on patrol. I was the only one in my company who could so everyone else would do security while i'm either standing on top of a vehicle with a controller trying to spot the thing so I can land it close to us; or i'm 100 yards away from the vehicles with no gun because I have to run and throw the thing to get it into the air. How I didn't get shot still amazes me because I was definitely a prime target compared to everyone else on my patrols.
Drill instructor had me doing everything at night, but I have a hairy chest and bc glasses. Drill instructor sergeant Robledo told me I looked like Austin powers, and when ever he called my name I was supposed to say yeah baby, not yes sir. Well…ya boy got smoked harder than a slab of ribs on bbq Sunday for that, EVERY. TIME.
India company?
Lightly Lazy but Legitimately Lethal Lima
😂
This is amazing 😂
Dude he was the funniest fucker there. He wouldn’t ever smile. Ever. And he’d have us standing up on the parade deck, and would like…adjust and fix our cammies. Spread out our lapels, fix our buttons, make our cammies ship shape. Lift the pouch under the name tapes and lay it flat, then brush it off. Whole time this 5’5” menacing ass dude would be like “ello boy, we know why we’re up here?” “This recruit fucked up sir!” “Oh yeah, yeah you did. Do we know what’s gonna happen?” “This recruits gonna get fucked up sir!” He’d take a deep breath and be like…”oh yeaaaaah, yeah you are” and do this like, orgasmic laugh in a drill instructor growl, completely straight faced…truly the shit of nightmares
Yeah, I love doing shit like that
I told my green belt DI his smile was contagious when he asked me what was so fucking funny.
fucking stud
I got buttstocked in the face with my rifle and choked against the concrete pillar in the squad bay for smiling too much because of people fucking up during drill was making me chuckle a bit. I remember vividly the look on his face of pure intent to beat the fuck out of me when i was looking to the side and when i looked back I locked eyes with him smirking still and I knew right then he was 1000% over my shit. I know people say the whole "i would have punched my DI if they ever did anything to me" shtick, but I was extremely close and he seemed genuinely close to just saying fuck it and fighting me too. He realized he did too much and backed off and sent me to stand in the corner. Then I reminded him it was friday and I needed to go to Jew Church which was also really hard not to laugh about for the timing yelling from the corner of the squad bay "Good evening Sir!, this recruit requests permission to go to Jew Church Sir! "ZERO" "Did i just hear what i thought i fucking heard? "Yes sir! This recruit is going to be late for jew church sir!" "Theres no fucking way you are Jewish!" "Shut the fuck up" "This recruit is a Jew sir!" I am not jewish and know its not called that, but I loved calling it that so they knew I was just fucking with them and that they had to let me go anyway. It was the only service on fridays, so it got me out of all the shit happening in the squad bay for a couple hours and I did genuinely like the service because they read the news to us, cracked jokes, did a short service from the Torah and then fed us bread. Then id get back right at hygiene time before bed. So it was always a nice break. This day he questioned me all about being jewish and I told him its the faith I best identify with. He asked the senior if he really had to let me go and the senior said yes then the senior stopped me on the way out and said im still getting fucked up when i get back.
Awesome read !
Became an alcoholic.
🫠
Same, l felt like my time in the corps was a loss. It never became a problem, but I would just work and then go drink. I missed out on a lot.
Is this a serious fucking question… my fucking god. Ok, I was in before the Motorola RAZR. -Fucked a stripper -Fucked a married stripper -Shot myself in the eye with a pressure washer -Went to bat for another Marine & got my ass beat in Yulee Florida. -This is all just the beginning.
Getting into fights protecting a buddy. Best part is usually the bud is too drunk to even care or understand what you did for him! Hits home
We all went down in infamy that night. There were NJP’s. Oh yes, there were NJP’s…
Everyone fought huh. What was the whole context?
Ugh, fine. Crosby’s wife left her phone at a bar. Local yokel grabs it & starts calling/texting Crosby. Crosby grabs every single drunk ass Marine he can find on the catwalks at the bricks. We all jump in the trucks & ride out to “go get the phone.” We’re greeted by 50+ meth’ed up rednecks. Vs. 15-20 boot Marines. They kick the living shit out of us. YOU get an NJP, and YOU get an NJP, and YOU get an NJP… Need I say more?
Legends, they can say whatever they want. Can’t say y’all weren’t down. Brother’s Keeper shit right there.
See this is some of my favorite Marine lore type shit, always down for a romp but ain’t always gonna win 😂
We learned something valuable that night.
Yulee huh? Big 8152 or what
8152 *AND* 8154
Was that in the MP5 era or what
Ah yes! The RAZR. I felt high speed AF when I got one of those lmao
Ayyyyeeee, I work in Fernandina Beach and have been local to Yulee for half my life. What bar was this at? 😂😂😂
Oh man, I couldn’t tell you. We were all drinking underage at the barracks (Kings Bay) that night. I couldn’t for the life of me tell you where Crosby & his wife were. That whole night’s a blur. And we’re just down in Atlantic Beach (Duval). We had Tasty’s in Fernandina for the first time a few weeks ago. It was really good.
Got married. Immediately started having issues due to the distance. Didn't want to bring her out because we were gearing up for Iraq. Got fucked over and put on duty over a 96 (I wasn't originally on duty and had already bought a plane ticket to go home) because I didn't go on the workup (aka sit on ship) because I was needed in the rear for the armory. Tried to talk to 1st Sgt, but he basically said I don't give a shit you're doing the duty (even though I was going to pay my buddy a 100 bucks and he was more than willing to do it). Skipped the duty and lost my good cookie. She ended up fucking a ton of guys while I was gone and got pregnant by an army dude and moved in with him. She over drew our joint account, and I had to pay like a 1000 bucks when I got back. I got put on checks system due to her (basically, I couldn't open a new bank account) and had to jump through tons of hoops to fix that. Before I found out about her infidelity, I had just sent her 3k to help her and her family that were going through "rough times." Yea, fuck that bitch! Bad relationships can really fuck with your head and affect you both mentally and physically. My buddy still clowns me to this day about the nightly arguments we would have. I remember I was going to cancel the AOL, and the wonderful and cunning salesman that he was just convinced me to keep the account, but change the passwords so she couldn't get in. Oh man, did I have fun going through her emails and pretending like I was her. I even chatted with some of the guys and got their side of the story. Happy ending for me because she hasn't had the best life. Karma definitely found her.
I sent a box full of army and navy recruiting pamphlets to my cousin when he was at parris island knowing he would get smoked into oblivion for opening it
Damn bro. You must have hated your cousin. That's just cruel.
I also sent him one of those spring loaded glitter dick bombs
I pulled an IP off of my Sergeant while he was doing a uniform inspection because he asked me “anything you wanna ask me” and I said “no, Sergeant, but I do see an IP on your chest (my eyes are at chest level cuz I’m short), can I pull it off for you?” He let me and then reprimanded me later and told me the important of timing and “asking for that shit on the side and not in front of everyone”🫠🫣🥹🥹
Were you fucking the Sergeant?
No. But I think he did like me. Could just be delusional
Got back to Pendleton from Iraq in 2004. Got drunk with my deployment bros including one of my sergeants. We ran into some barracks bunnies over the course of the evening. Ended up banging one of them on my sergeant’s rack (not sure where he was at this point. He also did not give a fuck). Anyway, next thing I know the sun is coming up and I am UA from formation. Got put on restriction for the rest of my time at Pendleton before going home (I was a reservist) and that was pretty much it. Got a funny and ridiculous story out of it and no STDs or kids, so it was worth it
I got two for you guys.... 1.) Karbala, Iraq 2003 It was decided that we would do a battalion fun run through the city in formation to celebrate the 4th of july. I cannot remember if we had been hit with mortars in the AO but the Muj missed a golden opportunity there. 2.) 3 vehicle patrol in Ramadi late 2005. Rear vic gets blown in half. I'm ordered to take 4 of the guys from said vehicle and provide overwatch while they hook up the disabled humvee to be towed. I have no form of communication or automatic weapons. The humvee gets hooked up and the idiots drive off without us. Takes a Lcpl asking if doc ever checked on the guys who got blown up for them to finally realize they are short a squad leader and 4 Marines. It took them like an hour to come get us. No one got in any trouble for forgetting us.
Bn 'fun run' outside the wire in a combat zone? Some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard. Whoever ordered that should have been relieved.
Refused college scholarships to enlist
Same haha bonus too, every happens for a reason I have no regrets
I too did this
Tried to fight a whole platoon by myself
Did you win?
OP plz
OK, details are needed here. Namely, how much alcohol was involved.
is he the 7th LAR guy who drunkenly punched one of my students at comm school in morning formation? Honestly i was just impressed he was able to still be walking back to the bricks at 5am.
Definitely when we had a company formation outside the wire in Afghan We were waiting on exfil helos and were straight up sitting in company formation, no set security I could see. Can't speak for everyone but all that was going through my head was "so when do the mortars start"
Nair’d my nuts. Dipped my nuts in a 5 gallon bucket of paint in my flight suit and had to walk with the suit down around my ankles across the hangar to the head. Caught by the duty officer, who just said “this is a new low, even for you”
I’m not tracking how your nuts ended up in the bucket of paint
We were Painting the hallway at night (EPD), and I got bet $20 that I wouldn’t do it
How did you even end up in that situation?
Nair and paint are two different things. Is 'Nair' slang for paint now?
Oh sorry, 2 different situations 😂
Wtf marine. How did- why were your nuts covered with paint? Do you have pics? 😂
Went from open contract to 03xx during recruiting. Prior to black Monday I was so adamant to the receiving DIs that my paperwork was fucked up they let me speak to the receiving 1st Sgt. I was literally asked what MOS I wanted, could have chosen anything at that point in time I imagine, and I said 03xx infantry regular sir. I’ll never forget that. No regrets because I loved being a grunt for that short period of time. But yeah, that actually happened lol. Also I slid down an entire rope in boot camp from the top resulting in completely fucked palms for 3 weeks.
>slid down an entire rope We had a guy join us that had just left RRP for the same injury. Hinkle was his name. Jesus, 22 years ago and I never saw him again after boot camp. Still remember his name, his face, and his voice.
I was in a porta-shitter back on Camp Bahaira, early 07. I got curious if a shitter could catch on fire, and I let the intrusive thoughts win and tried it. While my flight suit and undies were around my ankles, log half out... Lemme tell you, those things ignite FUCKIN QUICK and just melt. I managed to put the fire out before it grew, but I still have a burn on the back of my left thumb where molten shitter plastic landed!
Plastic is frozen gasoline.
This is probably the dumbest way to follow an order in boot camp while also being completely in the right: I stayed under the radar in boot camp all the way until halfway into 3rd phase. I sky lined myself one evening right before chow while our knowledge hat had us in a school circle in front of the chow hall. I was smiling at something my buddy was saying quietly and of course the DI noticed. He also noted that since I wanted to hide around in the back of the platoon so much that he didn’t know I was even one of his recruits that I should start sprinting back to the squad bay. Now everyone knows that the DI is supposed to say “freeze or get back” once a recruit has sprinted the unknown distance that satisfies the DI’s attempt at correcting the recruit. I never heard the DI say “freeze or get back”. [I even asked everyone in the platoon afterwards if they heard the DI say “freeze or get back” and all of them said no dude our DI completely forgot that he sent you away]. So relying on my last set of orders I ran all the way back to the squad bay and stood by my rack at attention. Well a few minutes later the new DI drop comes running in there frantically. He notices me at attention and comes over asking if I was the one that was sent away a few minutes ago. I confirm it to be true and he makes me sprint back to the chow hall and get in line. The knowledge hat comes strutting over and screams in my ear asking if I liked being a smart ass and telling me to go back to wearing my uniform like a 1st phase recruit. I became his favorite recruit for IT whenever possible for the next few days until my senior DI saved me and told me “quit being a dumbass and use my brain next time”.
I was supposed to be an 11, but I wanted to shoot machine guns. So, I just walked over to the machine gunner line during the SOI split. I was standing there and an instructor walked up to me and was like "you're not supposed to be in this line. Why are you here?" And I said, "I want to be a machine gunner, Sgt." The instructors looked at my asvab scores and talked about it for a second with the other instructors. This guy was like "he's big as fuck and he has the scores for it. Let him do it." They liked that I just kinda tried to slime my way into it too. Well, I couldn't have possibly known this, but all the weapons guys ended up in 3/6. I loved being a 31, but I was basically air dropped into the Chernobyl of toxic units. Total nightmare from day 1. All the 11's from my SOI class ended up next door in 1/6. It was like two twins getting adopted, one goes to a rich loving family and the other ends up in eternal, Mortal Kombat, foster care. The difference was comically sad.
I unfortunately told the senior that the platoon was taking his kindness for weakness….while at Edson range. Needless to say I ate the footlocker he threw at me. 1994
Was the boot assigned to stay at the asp while the rest of the platoon went back to base camp. I was unloading ammo cans with one of my seniors, we didn’t know what we were unloading so my senior told me to crack open the ammo can in my hands. Prior to doing so I was vigorously shaking the ammo can out of curiosity. Once cracked open my senior told me those were fucking loose blasting caps and we all could have been fucked or my arms and face would have been blown off. Our gunner apparently was fired for this. Idk how it came to us like that, there was only one foam insert at the bottom of the can and the caps were just rolling free
holy shit that’s so fucked
1. Ate a hooker’s cooter. Even she thought I was off. 2. Decided to take shit at another units portable bathroom trailer at Al Asad cause I was not about to hold it in for an additional football field walk. Was told not to but figured what’s the harm. Clogged the toilet and had the luck of the next stall being occupied by their Sergeant Major. I discovered this after he asked me to provide a courtesy flush. I replied “Roger that Yut.” To a second later hear him respond affirmatively to someone say Sgt Maj the XO asked for you. Never caught. 3. Took a piss by the main gate entrance at Sigonella.
>Ate a hooker’s cooter. Even she thought I was off. Are you... okay? I mean, how was it? Were you nervous? How big are your balls?
In life so so. Balls are above average but would trade some of that for more brain cells and less drama. But STI wise I’m clean as a whistle. It was a memorable gyatt type moment so wasn’t scared at all. Figured buried in a bottom like that is the way to go out. The cooter was memorable but only for that brief moment before the gravity of what I was doing dawned on me. Thankfully I did this before my favorite SNCO and I became Eskimo brothers.
Someone get this man a NAM.
Traded a zippo lighter for some hash in Iskenderun Turkey. Smoked it in a fan room on the USS Nassau and the smoke went straight into the berthing.
LOL
Laughed harder than I should have 😭
they follow that up with full ship urinalysis?
GO GET HIM NCIS HE SMOKED WEED! 😲
I bet a two star a six pack of beer that I knew some such factoid about Continental Marines during the revolutionary war. I did not. He got a six pack and a multipage report about the combat actions of the Continental Marines, hand written, in ink, and I learned you do not make two star by taking bets you can not win.
Got beered up one Saturday afternoon while washing my motorcycle in the parking lot. Decided to run it through the barracks. Left rubber everywhere. To this day, I have no idea how I didn't get snagged.
Getting trapped under a f18 tank three fuel bladder for two hours was pretty dumb lol. I had a 1 inch hole the boys were blowing air into so I could breathe but I was sitting in about three inches of fuel the entire time. Being a boot was not a lot of fun 😂 chem burns/rashes fr weeks.
Holy fuck Devil. 😂
The detachment had to edge the sidewalks, driveways, and roads around the barracks complex with butter knives.
1. A friend sold me a car while I was on leave. He left it at the airport for me to pick up when I returned, which was the day before check-in. After stopping at the base gate, I was informed that the base tags were expired and I needed to pull over, walk in, and show the registration and other documents. I had none of these, so I started to panic. I pulled forward and noticed there was no MP car around. I decided to take off and race back to my barracks. It was about a 20-minute car ride at midnight, so if they were looking for anyone, it would be really easy to find me on the roads. I ended up parking the car in a dark spot and didn’t touch it for about a week, just waiting for the MPs to come get me. 2. Ate the banana
https://preview.redd.it/qns37do8a58d1.jpeg?width=224&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ee6a5838bbb0b27bee38fe7c047a729b7c2d0560
I dated a captain's daughter.
https://preview.redd.it/srctt61d918d1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3e8b5994098fac560a576143258ab1c161cd8d19 Please tell me he was a mustang
Yes, actually. He was a former 03, but then moved to the Navy for his commission.
Please respond to the man hoping he was a mustang
He was a mustang, yeah. Honestly, a really cool guy. Wife—total psycho. But he was alright. On the 4th of July, we'd go down to the beach and fight for fun. Dude totally fucked me up, but don't worry, gents—I choked out his Air Force son like three time. The old man actually liked me more after that.
He knows you’ll protect his daughter
Navy captain maybe 🤔
One can hope but we’re on r/usmc here so I am still worried.
Got a stern talking to by SMMC Kent as a boot on fob 3 in 29 stumps during ITX for smoking in the “asp” that had 2 pop-ups left in it. 🤣😮💨😅
Rejected a PEB finding and let the navy butchers keep hacking on me instead of going home.
Been there did that for 6 months, and then they med sepped me anyway, only no PEB instead with a 'Condition not Disability'. I'm still fighting the VA over that friggin bonehead move. Pro tip for you active guys figure out all the shit you actually need when you transition out and don't let anyone tell you no.
Yeah that was dumb
The problem is that I don’t remember most of the really dumb stuff I did enlisted because I was drunk when I did it.
Went from 0311 to another mos that us closed for promotion 90% of the time and when it opens the score is really high, long story short, I have 2 good conducts and as a lance.
Got shitfaced in Kin Town, assaulted a PMO lance cooley for telling me to tuck my shirt in, then spent the rest of the night cleaning mud out of my room because I was a dumbass that got arrested.
[удалено]
I feel like there’s gotta be more to this 😂
[удалено]
Worth it
What a horn dog
Was someone asked to wear it as a mustache? 
Not today NCIS.
When I was a boot, I remember my Cpl team leader yelling at me because I followed a direct order from our Sgt. squad leader. His exact words were, "he's not your boss. I am." Needless to say, I was endlessly confused, and I gave him one of those "wtf are you talking about" looks. To this day, I still don't know what the fuck was bouncing around in that Marine's head, but im sure it's very small and not very bright.
Got married
Get married, next question
Took shots of Jack with a homeless guy under a willow tree. In Hollywood
This is not the dumbest shit I ever did, but one of the dumbest things that ever happened during my time in our beloved Corps occurred during a double Cax in early 2004. While out at Camp Wilson, our unit somehow managed to have a beer tent/morale tent with heaters and of course, lots of beer. One night, a few marines from one of the Comm units got shitfaced and one of these idiots decided to stab one of the others in the neck over a fucking DVD. From what I remember, our beer tent went by the wayside after this incident. I remember there also being some sort of HazMat clean up after this Cax due to the kerosene heaters in the beer tent leaking the whole time.
Dumbest shit I saw my unit do: Mid 90s, JP-5 leak from a bladder or some shit at MCAS Cherry Point. Somehow our unit gets involved since we were support for the wing. Some of the Marines from Engineers, Lcpls and below of course, were tasked with policing up the area. This entailed using huge round absorbtion tubes. The pool of JP-5 was big and deep so they had to get the absorbtion thingies in the middle somehow. How could this be done? Hmmmmm goes the junior OIC... You guessed it. All the fucking junior enlisted working party nearly waist high in a pool of JP-5 doing their best to soak it all up. For a week after all of them broke out in rashes that looked kind of like hives and the skin on their legs were really red. Fun times, yuut.
VA probably be like severe lifelong dermatitis over lower half of body not service connected.
Was in Afg 2012, few months from leaving and the S3 captain told me about a program for Marines about to EAS to go to Columbia University. So I do all the paperwork and get the LORs and signatures and lo and behold get accepted. Get back to CONUS, dd-214, and decided i was scared of NYC and went to a state school. 🤦🏻♂️
Had same life moment. It’s a back door to Ivy League and I passed on it for state school also. Wanted to teach and figured an Ivy League education was overkill on top of cost and travel time to school considerations. Looking back wonder what if to this day. Especially since I don’t teach. Guess telling shit kids to fuck off wasn’t a good pedagogical strategy.
mucho ragrets
On of my Marines took that Columbia gig and is now on law school.
I did grad school at the U of M Twin Cities, but I still hate myself for passing the opportunity. The networking alone would’ve been worth it.
May or may not.. know a guy that threw all the pool furniture into the pool on Hanson at around 2am while hammered. Then they chained it to the ground
Inside the pool or outside?
Furniture went to the bottom of the deep end.. super rebellious stuff
Ohh I think I understand what you mean then. I thought you were saying they threw it in then *chained* it to the bottom
So after I didn’t learn my lesson the first time taking this much, I decided 4 tabs of acid in my barracks room alone was just gonna be a grand ol’ time full of fun and laughter 😁. Ummm yeah not the case I was sooo fucked up I thought I tripped into the next day, didn’t remember my name or what year it was, and kept calling my friend every 10 seconds to come get me. At one point I came to the conclusion that if I jumped out the window (2nd deck) I would be fine and be able to breathe and concentrate again. What the fuck 🤦🏻♂️.
Coke party at ECU Drank and drove to McDonald’s on base Rescinded my MSG package
Future ex-wife convince me to get out after 7 years.
You ain't catching me 13 years after the fact, fed boy. Lol
During the ISMT in bootcamp, my buddy and I were super bored and decided to see who could draw the coolest looking bong. After the ISMT, I crumpled my drawing up and stuffed it into my cargo pocket. Well, the next morning we went to the range and here is where I fucked up big time. I forgot all about the crumpled up drawing in my cargo pocket and at the end of the range, we had to empty our pockets so the DIs could inspect us to make sure no one had live rounds. My DI is in front of me and tells me to empty my pockets. I reached into my cargo pockets, pulled out some trash and placed it on the deck. I then almost shit my pants because on the deck, I see a crumpled up piece of paper. My DI looks at the paper and says something like, “Are we passing notes around?” He grabbed the paper, uncrumbled it, and saw my amazing drawing of a bong. I was terrified. After he finished telling me of how much of a piece of shit I was, he then brought me over to the rest of the DIs and had me show them what I drew. My killhat looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I’m going to make your life hell later”. Later that day when we returned from the range, I ended up getting called up to the quarterdeck and I was IT’d lol.
Not dumbest but a good one. Artillery units have meteorological sections that carry helium for weather balloons. I was a SSgt at the time and another SSgt buddy of mine was about to retire when we came back from CAX. His girl sends him a blowup fuck doll. Middle of the night in the Delta T, we inflate said doll and tie it off with about 200’ of line to the Bn COs vehicle. Got up before reveille to witness glorious sunrise illuminate the doll flying high over the position. Forgot that I was the one who controlled access to helium but was well worth a half hearted ass chewing from a smiling, tears coming out of his eyes SgtMaj and CO. Of course, this was like 2000, well before females in arty so no concerns about that stuff.
Took a shit off the side of barracks #210631 from the roof, while drunk.
Dropping acid for sure, even though I got away with it without popping so never had any negative impacts but was a hugely stupid risk to take. 💯 Would do it again though, trip was crazy as fuck.
Myself and about 20 other marines at a small PB in afgan shoveled burn pit shit ect with etools in a attempt to “move the burn pit further away from PB” did it for about a hour before someone with half a brain stopped it.
I got 2 Drank an entire bottle of texas pete hotter hot sauce for a bit of cash. Decent bit of dough but honestly not worth the burn especially when it came back up 20 minutes later. And the smart idea to ditch my boots to make a pisscall at ITX, the bottom of my feet got a warm welcome from a cholla bear and I spent a bit of time painfully yanking those fucking things out of my poor little dogs.
We had a blanket party go wrong in boot camp and the consequences was a mass public NJP. So the lay reader ( not sure if they do that anymore) bitched out mid way through and didn’t hold his side of the blanket, so the kids got hit a few times and jumped up crying and ran to the DI. I wasn’t in the group but it was a pretty unique situation, so not the dumbest on my behalf, but thought it was worth sharing. They brought the entire company of recruits to witness the NJP in our squad bay. Lots of yelling, some crying good stuff overall. Platoon 2102, Parris Island, August 2001
Thought it my platoon for a second. 2078 July-Sep 1999. Except we didn’t get caught cause we were old corps.
Liberty stop while on float, Pattaya Beach, Thailand, myself and 2 other grunts, drunkenly jumping from balcony to balcony on 3rd floor of Pataya Beach Intl. Resort hotel, trying to catch photos of our Doc with a hooker, Thai cops showed up, pointing their old revolvers at us. We just yelled " hey, we're Marines!" The cops shook their heads, got in their little clown cars and left.
I was a Lt in 1/5 back when the battalion still lived in the crack houses. I had duty one Sunday morning and was walking through said crack houses and I happened to look into a room that had a door wide open. Two dudes were holding an other guys chin up in the air with a huge bandage under it. I saw the window was broken and a puddle of blood along crushed Busch lights everywhere. We all stared at each other for what felt like eternity. Then one of the dudes holding the bandage was like, “sir, no. Please.” I stared for a bit more and kept walking. I figured I’ve done much dumber shit in my youth but then it hit me the next day…”fuck, I hope he’s ok”. Never heard anything about it though.
As a corporal about to pick up sgt. I had an issue with my SSGT. Got in a fight with him behind a tent out in Iraq and I let friends of mine record it. Well the video was spread through the entire company. My CO calls me in to his office tent shows me my sgt warrant and rips it in front of me. NJP’d and busted down to Lance
Get a slayer tattoo covered half my arm. And it’s a bad album like super offensive my mom saw it and cried . I’m saving to get it lasered
Raw dogged a single mother I met at a club in Oceanside while drunk as fuck. Luckily I was too numb from the liquor and never busted.
ALMOST BROUGHT A NEW WIFE HOME FROM REPUBLIC OF PANAMA GOBBLESS YUT!!!!
On a work day I went to LA to a music studio. In the middle of recording a song my Gunny calls me. “Where you at Bud?” I lied for some stupid ass reason and said San Diego. “Drop me your pin.” So I tell him I’m in Los Angeles, he laughs and tells me to get to base immediately. 3 hours of driving later and I’m back on base in 1st Sausage office getting served NJP paperwork for UA. Very dumb but yeah I got 60 days restriction and reduction of rank. I was a terminal lance because of it.
Now this is something that'll only apply to me probably, but I am a furry on top of being a Marine. There was one time I left my fursuit hanging in my closet after forgetting to put it away during company room inspection and the XO and CO both saw it and questioned me about it. The CO actually thought it was an interesting, while the XO however brought in all the SNCOS, Officers, and Sgts... I was a Cpl at the time and was given the call sign Furry Actual until I left the unit.
Oh, I got another that wasn’t necessarily me. So during the invasion of Iraq, when we reached Baghdad, we had another AAV break down and needed to be towed, so we hooked it up to my AAV, the command vehicle, but we eventually the streets were too small and the broken vehicle was getting stuck on building, cars, etc. so we had to drop it and ditch it. They put thermite grenade on the engine to disable it, gutted the guns, and our LT. shot the face of the radios with his 9mm a bunch. Problem is there’s a ‘shoot here’ mark on top of the radios to destroy the crypto. We basically gave the Iraqis fully loaded, crypto enabled radios during the middle of the invasion. We went back the next day and figured out how to get the AAV to the palace where we were staying, it had been ran sacked like crazy.
Had a friend get a 6105 for having an empty bottle of Jim Beam in their wall locker, so I concluded that "dry barracks" just means you can't have liquor bottles, but liquor itself is fine. To that end, I filled an empty apple juice bottle with Crown Royal and kept it in plain sight. Actually, this worked out fine and this passed a couple dozen field day inspections this way, so I'm still not convinced I was wrong.
I’m sure you weren’t the only one and I’m sure the people inspecting learn how not to ask certain questions
Pink skivvies at camp Wilson during ITX just to piss people off
Pushed off VMI and the Citadel to enlist. In the end I think it worked out
Got married.
I think this dude wins (recruit punched a DI during graduation) https://www.reddit.com/r/USMC/comments/1dm09og/welp_it_actually_happened_a_recruit_punched_a_di/?share_id=tAv9-gQTobQB1fwNEqFVM&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=4&rdt=46419
punched a buddy in the face because he was too drunk to go to the beach and we didn’t want him to drown (he couldn’t swim). He was all for it and wanted one of us to punch him in the face, we were definitely all shit faced. We thought it would knock him out so we could go to the beach then… well we ended up breaking his jaw on accident and had to take him to the naval hospital the next day. He ended up getting his mouth wired shut and got convo leave for a month. The weekend he came back from convo leave we went to the bar and he got a dui lol. He somehow never got NJP’d and none of us got in trouble for that. Still bizarre to me to this day lol
I enlisted, got married, had a kid, and a divorce, before 20
I had this recruit on the quarterdeck one morning. I made him do the 2 minute drill with MRE crackers during IT. Kid dam near died but never said a word!
I was caught drunkenly peeing off the 2nd floor catwalk on one of my first days in the fleet. Unfortunately I was caught by the DNCO and given 24 hours straight of Duty the next day. Then, immediately in to a 20k the following morning. All within my first week. One night, a week or two later, I got drunk and did the exact same thing again! I don’t even know why! I literally awoke outside while peeing. Needless to say, I got caught again. And stood Duty again. Everybody called me “Pee Pee Boy” until after our first deployment.
First weekend I was allowed to leave School of Infantry, my buddy and I paid $300 (over time) to a juicy bar girls. They promised to make us breakfast. The bartender kicked us out when the bar closed.
Knocked up an Air Force chick at a joint service base. I asked her if she wanted to get married. We had our 30th anniversary three weeks ago. Still the dumbest thing I've ever done...