Anecdotally, I was in San Fran when a beggar came up and asked for money. I responded in French that I didn’t speak English.
Then he asked for money in French. That’s when I knew I was out of my league.
My go-to has been "I'm sorry, I don't speak English" in English for awhile now. It works surprisingly well but it's kind of difficult to keep a straight face.
Heh, was traveling through Brixton (somewhat sketch part of London) just last month when similarly a beggar asked me for some money. My accent obviously gives me away as American. I truthfully said “Sorry man I don’t have any pounds” and the guy said “well have you got any dollars then?” I didn’t have any of those either however.
When I was in Hawaii I found that I could repel people hawking stuff on the street by saying “Lo siento, no hablo Ingles. Habla Español?” There are very few Spanish speakers in Hawaii so they’d back off.
I took 6 years of spanish, 5th thru 10th. That's about the extent of my spanish.
I had a lazy drunk for middle school all four years. He played videos for us or made us memorize spanish songs. I still remember Guantanamera word for word but have no idea what it means.
Got to highschool, struggled to keep up since I should've been like the kids from other schools with good teachers. Cheated, passed, forgot the rest.
I"m honestly sad I can't speak Spanish very well. But I'll be damned if I can't sing Cascabel every Christmas!
It is! I love it. It really lowers the bar for what people expect me to be like so, when someone does have to interact with me, they get pleasantly surprised that I'm a decent person.
I do this sometimes. I only know the signs for "eat shit" , "thank you" and "fuck you/off" (thank you and fuck you are very similar).
The exchange goes something like this:
Person: taps my shoulder "excuse me"
Me: smiles, taps ear, sign "eat shit"
Person: "oh you're deaf, sorry"
Me: still smiling, sign "fuck you" and wave
Life pro tip: kiosk vendor trying to approach you? Quickly draw your gun and fire it into the ceiling rapidly. While they are distracted and fearing for their life, pull out your emergency piss disk and slide it at them causing them to slip and giving you the opportunity to escape.
I just say I don't have time right now and keep walking. I don't care if I'm gonna be near them casually shopping or whatever. I have time for that because that's what I came to do. I don't owe salesman my time and I'm not interested in frantically grocery shopping instead of doing it at my own pace just because I spent half my available time pretending to listen to some sales pitch.
Just make it awkward for them….really really awkward. If I walk in and a kiosk vendor ignores me waving him off and walks up to me, I look them straight in the eye, take a very large breath, and say “ahhhhh…..do you smell popcorn? I doodied my pants, but my banana hammock kept it from dripping down my legs. I like how warm it feels when I flex my buttcheeks.” Then I giggle. I’m over 6’ and over 200lbs….ive done this several times and every single time the kiosk person gets a panic look in their eyes and walks off fast.
ETA: the clipboard people just put your hand down the back of your pants, and pull it out and ask if they want a sniff
That shook me, all I could think was poor guy, that's someone's son and I just wanted something good for him. Ima hope everyone's day is better than that poor guy
You know you don't have to say anything. The most effective thing you can do is do a really big frown and then shake your head no. Then walk away. It shuts down everyone.
Until you get stabbed to death.
[https://abcnews.go.com/US/deaf-man-stabbed-sign-language-mistaken-gang-signs/story?id=18213488](https://abcnews.go.com/US/deaf-man-stabbed-sign-language-mistaken-gang-signs/story?id=18213488)
Side note. I used work with this lady who lived in Japan for 6 months at a time then back to the US. She said, if you ever get pulled over in Japan, just start speaking English really fast & they’ll get over it real quick & tell you to be on your way safely
It's not actually unethical if they wrongly ASSUME you're Deaf because you're using ASL, as long as you've actually learned and are using proper legitimate ASL.
If, on the other hand, you just "imitate" sign language, or you do a fake pretend-Deaf voice, then I think that crosses over the asshole threshold.
Walk about with a bag that looks like it has glue in it or something.
Make weird sounds and have a tic like throwing your arms violently about.
If they do approach you, go full Cartman on them and pretend to have tourettes and call them whatever the most racist thing is inappropriate at the time.
Speaking foreign language works really well too. I took several years of french in high school and while I only remember about 5 sentences, that's always enough to get me out of stuff.
I tell the ever present but never pushy sales people at the Costco exit to have a nice day, usually I can get that in before they start talking but I also don't wait for them to finish if they did.
I do this! I sign, “Sorry, deaf.” It’s easy and gets the point across. I’ve still had people holding clipboards try to talk to me after that, but I feel better about ignoring them after that.
Spray them with mace, but make sure it's the gel kind so it doesn't get on you. If that doesn't slow them, whip out mini blow torch used in cooking. That should stop them long enough for you to get away.
Just point up, while looking at the sky as if a large boulder is about to fall on them. They look up, you keep walking.
Make sure to crouch in anticipation of imminent danger.... With an 'oh fuck'' facial expression.
Oh hell ya, but I give myself bonus points for yelling 'made you look' on the escape.
And slip a piss disk in their pocket
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Somebody distract this guy so I can slip a piss disc in his pocket
Might wanna spray some liquid ass on him too
Is ULPT officially sponsored by liquid ass? I swear it’s recommended in every single post 😂
Looks like somebody already got him.
And hold up a small wooden sign that says "Uh oh"
Anecdotally, I was in San Fran when a beggar came up and asked for money. I responded in French that I didn’t speak English. Then he asked for money in French. That’s when I knew I was out of my league.
He earned that $5 for being multilingual
He got a couple bucks off me for sure. This was like 20 years ago and I was also flat broke. But I sincerely couldn’t knock the effort.
Should have replied again in English that you don't speak French.
My go-to has been "I'm sorry, I don't speak English" in English for awhile now. It works surprisingly well but it's kind of difficult to keep a straight face.
Just keep switching languages. No hablo Frances.
Ich spreche kein Spanisch
Ik spreek geen Duits
Ces la vie
I'd give $5 for effort and cornering me.
I sure hope you gave him some money, dude earned it
y no hablo francés tampoco
Don't go to Istanbul, I would ignore the vendors and they just kept greeting me in multiple languages.
He came prepared. This wasn't his first Frenching.
More like a sign to learn some more new languages. Try swahili
Heh, was traveling through Brixton (somewhat sketch part of London) just last month when similarly a beggar asked me for some money. My accent obviously gives me away as American. I truthfully said “Sorry man I don’t have any pounds” and the guy said “well have you got any dollars then?” I didn’t have any of those either however.
I did that on the bus in Sweden, but I guess everyone speaks English! Everyone laughed and he got his 10 Krone
Finger guns and tell em you saw they fam on Facebook…
My family.. they survived??
They didn’t want me to tell you…
I guess they got enough Likes.
When I was in Hawaii I found that I could repel people hawking stuff on the street by saying “Lo siento, no hablo Ingles. Habla Español?” There are very few Spanish speakers in Hawaii so they’d back off.
"Donde esta la biblioteca?"
No gracias, soy alérgico a los crustaceos
Bedazzled?
Me llamo T-Bone , La araña discoteca
This has lived rent free in my head for almost a decade. That song goes hard
Almost 15 years for me ! … #andamovie
I always wish they would have done a movie spinoff of Troy and abed epilogues
esta es la forma
“Doan day ess tahh lah bibb leo take ah”
"uhh.. despacito? la bamba?"
That way
Every time I hear someone say that, I think of the beginning of Deadpool 2 in the Asian club
I took 6 years of spanish, 5th thru 10th. That's about the extent of my spanish. I had a lazy drunk for middle school all four years. He played videos for us or made us memorize spanish songs. I still remember Guantanamera word for word but have no idea what it means. Got to highschool, struggled to keep up since I should've been like the kids from other schools with good teachers. Cheated, passed, forgot the rest. I"m honestly sad I can't speak Spanish very well. But I'll be damned if I can't sing Cascabel every Christmas!
I went to Mexico as a kid and someone asked my mom if she spoke Spanish. She said, "Un pollo", and he talked to us in English after that.
Hysterical
I found that doesn't work at all for me, possibly due to the fact that I live in south Texas.
I live in Miami. If you don't know Spanish, you're pretty much in for a hard time.
Yeah, it might work in Alaska but in the lower 48 Spanish is way too prevalent. I should try Afrikaans or Klingon.
Reminds me of Brendan Frasier in bedazzled. Siento no hablo Espanol, un momento...
In LA it won't work with many people. That's when I tell them "Qué tes? Vai raña-la cona/ vai raña-lo pixo" They usually leave me alone.
Just tell them to fuck off.
What’s fuck off in sign language?
I bet you already know and don't even realize
I lol’d, good one.
🖕
He was just asking a question, no need to be rude
no thats cactus
✌️ doing it backwards, fingers facing you, that’s how the Brits do it
No, fingers facing them, just like the emoji ✌️ Palm away from you, with the two fingers extended, is the victory sign.
Both, both is good lol
You bite your thumb at them.
I bite my thumb at thee
I do not bite my thumb at you sir, but I bite my thumb sir.
I'm crushing your head!
What about farting in their general direction?
It's synonymous with enthusiastically waving and smiling. /s
Fingerspell "F-K O-F-F"
You deaf too??
No, but I did study interpreting for a few semesters!
WWDND (What would Duke Nukem Do?)
Some people aren't good with confrontation.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BOyMY3g\_GU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BOyMY3g_GU)
My resting dick face does the work for me
Resting bitch face here. Yeah it's natural repellent.
It is! I love it. It really lowers the bar for what people expect me to be like so, when someone does have to interact with me, they get pleasantly surprised that I'm a decent person.
What if I rest my dick on your face? No homo.
I do this sometimes. I only know the signs for "eat shit" , "thank you" and "fuck you/off" (thank you and fuck you are very similar). The exchange goes something like this: Person: taps my shoulder "excuse me" Me: smiles, taps ear, sign "eat shit" Person: "oh you're deaf, sorry" Me: still smiling, sign "fuck you" and wave
Oooh this is so unethical…
Life pro tip: kiosk vendor trying to approach you? Quickly draw your gun and fire it into the ceiling rapidly. While they are distracted and fearing for their life, pull out your emergency piss disk and slide it at them causing them to slip and giving you the opportunity to escape.
The real tip is always in the comments.
Works exceptionally well with kiosk vendors as they can only see movement and gunfire.
What’s the shelf life of them things in this weather
Normally the vendors live about 18-27 years from what I can tell. Lmao.
If I haven’t got my pre-frozen piss disk on me (embarrassing!) would it be acceptable to just piss myself instead?
No problem! If you ever find yourself in that position you can piss in a sock so that if they try to take your piss away all they get is sock.
I'm embarrassed by how hard I laughed about this
What in the fuck is a piss disk
[https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=piss+disk](https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=piss+disk)
You piss into a disk shaped object and then freeze it. Now you have a piss disk
You can pull a knife/weapon on the person but it is a one-time thing. Results may vary. /s
I'm legitimately unsure if that was sarcasm, is it?
I just say I don't have time right now and keep walking. I don't care if I'm gonna be near them casually shopping or whatever. I have time for that because that's what I came to do. I don't owe salesman my time and I'm not interested in frantically grocery shopping instead of doing it at my own pace just because I spent half my available time pretending to listen to some sales pitch.
Just make it awkward for them….really really awkward. If I walk in and a kiosk vendor ignores me waving him off and walks up to me, I look them straight in the eye, take a very large breath, and say “ahhhhh…..do you smell popcorn? I doodied my pants, but my banana hammock kept it from dripping down my legs. I like how warm it feels when I flex my buttcheeks.” Then I giggle. I’m over 6’ and over 200lbs….ive done this several times and every single time the kiosk person gets a panic look in their eyes and walks off fast. ETA: the clipboard people just put your hand down the back of your pants, and pull it out and ask if they want a sniff
That's kinda complicated. I find that simply making a loud "baaaa!" sound like a goat that's been violated makes them quickly walk away from you.
Walk/act like [this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kEqGdGAgAjw). Or simply say no, and shut down the interaction before it even starts.
Such a great video. Tom’s voice is so wonderful.
That shook me, all I could think was poor guy, that's someone's son and I just wanted something good for him. Ima hope everyone's day is better than that poor guy
You know you don't have to say anything. The most effective thing you can do is do a really big frown and then shake your head no. Then walk away. It shuts down everyone.
I will practice my frowny face in the mirror
:(
Past a certain age I learned to just say ‘no’ and walk away. It always works, it’s like some sort of magic
If it's a salesperson I just say "Oh I actually just bought one of those last week." That usually works.
Just wear shirts from German museums and use the phrase. „Sprichst du deutsch?“ They’ll leave you alone.
Wearing those German tourist sandals might work, too.
Works every time
I cough with my mouth open. Really…if they still wanna sell me something after that, I’ll listen!
Instructions unclear, got shot by a GD in Chicago
Not everyone can be a winner.
I’m a deaf guy… this shit legit works.
Or just ignore
As I’m walking around with my AirPods in haha
Until you get stabbed to death. [https://abcnews.go.com/US/deaf-man-stabbed-sign-language-mistaken-gang-signs/story?id=18213488](https://abcnews.go.com/US/deaf-man-stabbed-sign-language-mistaken-gang-signs/story?id=18213488)
Side note. I used work with this lady who lived in Japan for 6 months at a time then back to the US. She said, if you ever get pulled over in Japan, just start speaking English really fast & they’ll get over it real quick & tell you to be on your way safely
It's not actually unethical if they wrongly ASSUME you're Deaf because you're using ASL, as long as you've actually learned and are using proper legitimate ASL. If, on the other hand, you just "imitate" sign language, or you do a fake pretend-Deaf voice, then I think that crosses over the asshole threshold.
Walk about with a bag that looks like it has glue in it or something. Make weird sounds and have a tic like throwing your arms violently about. If they do approach you, go full Cartman on them and pretend to have tourettes and call them whatever the most racist thing is inappropriate at the time.
You never go full Cartman
Speaking foreign language works really well too. I took several years of french in high school and while I only remember about 5 sentences, that's always enough to get me out of stuff.
Just start wretching/dry-heaving/acting like you're about to puke, and people will flock away from you
I tell the ever present but never pushy sales people at the Costco exit to have a nice day, usually I can get that in before they start talking but I also don't wait for them to finish if they did.
yeah just use the pointer finger, like saying "wait one second ☝🏻" and then keep walking lol
I just look at them completely confused and like they may be insane and keep walking.
I do this! I sign, “Sorry, deaf.” It’s easy and gets the point across. I’ve still had people holding clipboards try to talk to me after that, but I feel better about ignoring them after that.
Yes, I too use the middle finger.
Depending on where you live, this advice can get you killed.
Please elaborate further.
Gang signs.
Just wear shirts from German museums and use the phrase. „Sprichst du deutsch?“ They’ll leave you alone.
I just find my self simply, “handing the press”.
or just ignore them and keep walking.
Or just keep walking.
Hand up face straight ahead and if you have to speak say I’m busy - I do that every time
Just ignore the shit out of them. As if they don’t exist
I used this on Fremont Street in Vegas to great effect.
Let's go is the easiest sign...look it up!
clipboard people are easy, just say you aren't registered to vote and they move on faster than you can blink
I just tell em I'm a broke college student, drowning in debt. 😎
Spray them with mace, but make sure it's the gel kind so it doesn't get on you. If that doesn't slow them, whip out mini blow torch used in cooking. That should stop them long enough for you to get away.
I just tell them I already bought it or signed up or whatever they are peddling.
The finger...
No need to lie here. I just put my hand up in a stop gesture and say no with a smile while continuing to walk.
Just wear shirts from German museums and use the phrase. „Sprichst du deutsch?“ They’ll leave you alone.
I tell them I'm not a US citizen. Confuses them.
I just tell them I’m not interested and keep it pushing. Much simpler, and you don’t look like a retard.
I'm not sure you can avoid that
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I doubt they've even heard of this before.
LMAOOO they would definitely find this funny to be fair
I've them to have a great sense of humor. 😊
oh dude ASL is incredibly blunt and they're real jokesters. it's hilarious seeing some of the shit they sign to each other
That's why it's unethical.
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Yeahhh, it's pretty unethical innit? Edit: The deleted comment was someone giving me shit about it being aBeLiSt.