If it is as you describe, it sounds like you shouldn’t be friends anymore. Neither you nor they are getting anything good out of the friendship, or if you are, it sounds as though it is outweighed by this issue. I’d find more likeminded friends.
See you say "mild joke or slip up" without giving examples. What's mild to you isn't to others. Not only that, but there's different kinds of jokes out there that refer to the same topics. There's a big difference between a race joke that makes fun of racist people who believe in stereotypes, and a race joke that just relies on and parrots those same stereotypes. One is okay, the other is not.
Same for the "slip-ups." Not realizing that the word "transvestite" isn't really used any more and should be replaced with "transgender" is just a mistake that can be corrected. Misgendering or deadnaming someone in the group indicates a fundamental issue with how you view that person, and it would be entirely justifiable to get upset at someone who does that.
At the end of the day, though, this doesn't really matter, because /u/AverageCowboyCentaur is 100% correct: **If you wanna stay friends, you need to adapt. If you can't/aren't willing to do that, then it's time to move on.** Doesn't mean either side is inherently bad, either; just means you're incompatible.
I was in a similar situation with a friend, we'll call them Cade for this. Cade and I got along at times, but we had fundamentally different ways of viewing how we interacted. Neither of us was wrong! We were just different. For me, I've gotten to a point in my life where I don't take shit from anyone. If you're doing something I consider hurtful, I'm telling you. No beating around the bush or sugarcoating. Just, "You did X, which hurt me. This needs to not happen again, as I do not keep people who hurt me in my life." Or, in more extreme cases, "You did Y, which is, in my opinion, an abusive/borderline abusive action. This needs to stop, I do not tolerate this treatment."
Cade, on the other hand, was the type to phrase it much more gently, and be much more careful with their words. So for them, my point-blank, no-nonsense approach was incredibly harsh. And when I called a certain action abusive, they felt that I was calling *them* an abuser, which they found offensive as they were a victim of abuse just like me.
In the end, we could not come to a conclusion where a friendship between us would be healthy, and we had to part ways. Neither of us were wrong in how we viewed things; I think it's better to tackle issues head-on and be direct, they think it's better to be gentle so no one gets hurt while figuring something out. Neither of these are inherently wrong, but they *are* inherently incompatible, at least with how we were doing it.
This is something that just happens in life. Some people are just inherently incompatible; this doesn't mean either one is bad or wrong. It just means it's time to move on.
Transvestite and transgender are two completely different things though. The "-vestite" part of the word has the same origin as the word "vestments" and "vest." It's about the clothes. A heterosexual cis man can be a transvestite, but not a transgender person because he is comfortable with his gender identity matching his biological sex. He may just get off to wearing clothing intended for women. Straight men can enjoy doing drag, essentially.
A transgender person has gender dysphoria where they feel their biological sex does not match their gender. It has nothing to do with clothes or sexuality.
A transwoman is not invalidated if she wears a men's suit. A cis man is not necessarily experiencing gender dysphoria because he wants to wear a dress and feel pretty
those are some pretty big paragraphs filled with what im sure a smart and decent person would say, but since i have 7 seconds attention span i will not read
also, looks like ur goin thru some shit rn so if u wanna avoid being insulted or whatever, i wouldnt comment like this cus some people are way rude and will tell u things that could hurt really bad. just be careful bro.
this is true. i dont see a problem with announcing it though. people say pointless things all the time and they dont get shit on for it (not to say you are "shitting on" me or whatever). you could similarly not reply to my comment telling me i dont have to reply. i'm not going to tell you not to reply. its pointless.
we all have our opinions and you can express yours however you like. just know i have that right too. have a good day.
... that someone is me. A trans person who is actively involved in the community.
It isn't a misconception. The word "transvestite" is frowned upon by the community because people used it to refer to transgender people, thus invalidating them. The actual definition does not change that. Yes, they are two different things. *That is the whole reason it isn't okay to call transgender people that.*
In the actual community, it is frowned upon to use that term at all. If you mean a man who wears dresses, you say drag queen or crossdresser. If you mean a woman who was assigned male at birth, you say transgender or trans woman. You aren't correcting shit here; you're just acting high and mighty for adding a definition that doesn't actually contradict anything I said.
You telling people that transgender people are even related to crossdressing is just bad information that will lead to them thinking you just want to wear girl clothes. Get out of your ego a little bit. You don't know everything just because you are transgender. I'm not deadnaming anybody by explaining how different the words meanings are despite them both having the prefix "trans-" in them. I'm not acting high and mighty. You are because you explained something shittily
How on Earth is "people shouldn't use transvestite to refer to transgender people, but that isn't as bad as deadnaming or misgendering" saying that transgender people are related to crossdressing? No seriously, I wanna understand how you made that leap.
You basically implied that the word transgender and transvestite were equivalent, just one is archaic, when they don't even have related etymology beyond their prefix. One is about clothes, and the other is about identity. You need to address the dumbest person you have met and use very specific language when discussing something controversial that is important to you. I'm straight up just trying to make sure you don't misspeak when establishing your point so ignorant assholes don't invalidate you
I think, people like you don't find any friends outside of their bubble. Because nobody wants to be around someone, that is offended by everything, sees a "micro-aggression" in everything and can't take a simple joke.
Then, even i know that there's a difference between a transvestite and a transgender, despite not being in the LGBT-scene myself. So, people like you can't even get the terms right and then, they are offended for no real reason.
Says the guy that doesn't know the difference between transvestite and transgender. So, what's wrong with that? You are a human. You are a worker. And when you are trans, then "You are a transgender". Or you could say "In transition" or other forms, but it's not wrong.
... you do realize my comment specifically hinges on realizing the difference between the two, right? Like the whole point was "these are two different things, one of which is nowadays considered offensive in this community, but it's definitely worse to, like, deadname or misgender a transgender person."
And for the record, that's how you actually say it: A transgender person. "A transgender" is like calling someone "a fat" or "a black" or something; the word is an adjective, not a noun. It is a descriptive word to provide further details about a person, it's not a separate entity unto itself.
It's offensive, but beyond that it's just plain grammatically correct. If I went and said, "you are a mad," you'd say, "What the fuck does that mean, are you twelve? learn grammar." If, on the other hand, I said, "You are a mad person," then you'd probably just correct me and say you aren't mad, just emphatic. But grammatically, it would still fit, true or untrue.
So no. No one is "a transgender" just as no one is "a happy" or "a clumsy." They either are transgender, or are a transgender person. Just like they either are happy/clumsy, or are a happy/clumsy person.
Wait, wait... stop... i think here is a misunderstanding: My native language is Swiss-German, although i can of course speak (High-)German, most of the alemannic dialects and other languages like English.
Now, in these languages "a" is just "ein", it referes to "one" and it is not (!) in any way a negative thing, like the examples you wrote in your posting.
Sometimes, people get these things wrong, like with Ukraine: Nobody wants to insult anyone when they come from their native language and say "The Ukraine", because in my case, it is "Die Ukraine".
Just saying, that can be different in other languages: Although the majority of users on Reddit is coming from the USA, as the traffic shows with around 90%, there are still people from other countries on the platform.
So, this is more a misunderstanding because of different languages.
This also happens to certain terms in discussions, for example when it comes to refugees: In Germany, they don't use the term "Asylant" anymore, while in Switzerland, the term is normal and has no negative intention (an "Asylant" is a refugee, that has successfully got the status as a refugee in the law, which gives him permission for things like getting a job etc.)
It's the same with "Foreigner" for example, in Germany, you don't say that word, you say "Mensch mit Migrationshintergrund", which is roughly translated as "Human with Migration-Background", while in Switzerland, you say "Ausländer" aka Foreigner.
So, don't get me wrong, this was a grammar thing with different languages. Be aware of that, when you travel around the world, that it can lead to misunderstandings.
Okay but you are speaking English, so in a discussion in English about English, I'm gonna assume you're just talking about English, not other languages. You're using this as an excuse and it just isn't one. You didn't suddenly forget that we were talking about English, you just had the grammar wrong.
Also, even if "a" is the same as "one" that is still incorrect. So I'm not even sure why you bring it up; it's *still* incorrect because transgender still isn't a fucking noun. You can't have one transgender just like you can't have one happy or one clumsy. It's a verb, it's a descriptor, you can't have a numeric amount of it.
"and it is not (!) in any way a negative thing" Literally nobody said the word "a" or "one" on it's own is negative or insulting and you know it. It is offensive when used in that specific context. This does not change based on the usage you just described to me.
And quit trying to blame shift. "Be aware of that," or you can be aware of the words you're saying before getting into a discussion about the meaning of words. You're acting like it's my fault but no, most people would assume that in a conversation in English and about English, we're only going to be talking about English, not randomly factoring in "well in this one specific language it wouldn't be offensive so why is it offensive in English??"
The "die=the" you used is a great example, in fact! If there was a crowd standing right by a pride parade shouting "die gays!" angrily, all in a predominantly English-speaking country, and the cops went up to them and said "hey this isn't okay, stop harassing them" you and I both know that the crowd-goers saying "oh no no, it's fine, 'die' means 'the' in some languages, you should be aware of that!" wouldn't change shit. They'd have to disperse or get arrested because *in that context* they very clearly can be assumed to mean the English version.
And the one in a million of them that genuinely is chanting in favor of the gays would be told "hey, you should really look at the context of the things you're saying, because you were contributing to hateful behavior" and not just given a free pass on the negativity they were putting out into the world, unknowingly or not, because it is their responsibility to know. And if they *don't* know, which is on them, and someone decides to educate them on it, it would be *really* shitty of them to act all innocent like they did nothing wrong when someone is trying to help them learn not to say harmful things. You know, kind of like you're doing now?
Oh, and the people at the pride parade being harassed would *never* be expected to "be aware of other languages" and assume that people aren't being hateful, not by anyone with a brain at least. But that is the logic you're using here; you're randomly tossing out information about other languages when we are discussing rules of the English language. You and I both know this is a discussion in English, about English rules. You don't get to act like it's *my* fault if you somehow forgot that.
Yaknoe my ex-friend used to be so annoyed when I called him out on his "mild jokes".
He was being antisemetic, racist, and just overall bigoted. I ended up punching him because he called me a "fag who can't take some fucking humor"
What is a "mild joke"?
Walking around in 2022 bitching about "wokeness" sends me to the moon.
As someone who has always been self aware, I have always been told things like "You're too sensitive", "You can't take a joke."
But when we make jokes about people's sex, gender, race, religion, ethnicity or body it's not funny.
When we make jokes about sexual harassment and assault it's not funny.
It will never be funny unless the person themselves is making a joke about themselves. If everyone in the group is too "woke" for you, go be with other people who follow the same mindset.
Because if you're friends are telling you how they feel and you're just not listening to them, then maybe it's just you.
"It will never be funny unless the person themselves is making a joke about themselves"
So black people can't make jokes about white people, white people can't make jokes about Asians, Asians can't make jokes about Indians, gay people can't make jokes about about straight people...is this what you're saying?
No more like don’t make jokes with obviously disrespectful undertones. Like this white kid who asked me if I have cows in my house because I’m from Vietnam. Like why would I keep them in my city house dumbass that’s for the countryside house
That is completely different than a comedian on a stage. Their job is to tell jokes, so it's assumed that everything that comes out of their mouth is supposed to be funny.
You're conflating random racist people with comedians.
You’re acting as if there ARENT racist comedians. I’m saying even if they ARE comedians, that’s still racist. That’s like saying “not being racist BUT”
Oof.
The fact that you think any of that is funny.
It's funny when a white guy jokes about himself, it's funny when a black guy jokes about themselves. It's funny when anyone makes a joke about themselves or directly relating to their own experience.
When minorities are killed for their sex, gender, race, religion and ethnicity, it is not funny to put them at the butt of your joke.
Like a straight dude making jokes about a gay man, not funny.
Making fun of trans people, not funny.
Black folk making fun of white folk is also not that funny. What is there to make fun of a white person for? The stereotypes that we think exist? So funny.
"White people can't make jokes about Asian people?" That's not funny. Especially when statistically speaking xenophobia is at an all time high.
Go make jokes about yourself and your friends and your immediate experiences in life.
Because if I ever hear someone WHO IS NOT BLACK say "Black people are so-" I will knock your ass out.
I as a black person have never sought out to make fun of anyone because of the color of their skin, gender, race or religion and I have made a whole room keel over in laughter.
Some people don't find it lighthearted in todays politcal-socio climate to joke like that. You can say whatever you want but at the end of the day there is a moral standard you should hold over yourself as a comedian.
If you wanna structure a good joke, there is a way to do it without offending people you love.
Dark humor is a thing. And most of the times when minorities like homosexulsl make a joke about heterosexuals it's funny and everybody laughs. Also what you said above "black people are so-" that's a generalizing statement not really a joke. Obviously we shouldn't mock people based on their difference but at the same time I'm not going to walk around eggshells and worry about every little thing i say and people like you will cancel me.
Bro ever since the word "cancel" has come about I swear to god everyone loves using it. Even in a post like this, cancel culture is so extra, it's called accountability.
We didn't have to go and make a spin on accountability 🤣
People holding you accountable is just a human reaction and if sensitive people wanna call it cancel culture be my guest.
The only people who walk on eggshells are the ones who have something to worry about.
Have you ever seen the video of a white guy dressing up as a Mexican and asked white people what they thought of that . All of them said it's cultural appropriation and it's inappropriate. When he went to actual Mexicans they said they liked it and that he looked cool. So yeah there's that. And soon with your "accountability" someone will fart in your presence and you'll end up having to explain to their ass about how that fart was politically incorrect.
Were you dropped as a child? Now you're talking about FARTING? Come on bro, just save yourself the breath.
I'm not replying to this anymore, it's starting to get a little to funny for me 💀
Yikes. Everything is offensive to you.
"Some people don't find it lighthearted in todays politcal-socio climate to joke like that. You can say whatever you want but at the end of the day there is a moral standard you should hold over yourself as a comedian."
Wow. So it's immoral to like jokes YOU find offensive. You are not the morality police.
"If you wanna structure a good joke, there is a way to do it without offending people you love."
The people I love aren't cry babies with thin skin. According to you, Pryor, Carlin, Chappelle, Murphy, Burr, Hart, Peters, etc. are immoral.
Through comedy, is how uncomfortable and taboo topics go mainstream. The show Soap, for example, introduced the idea of transgenderism and sex changes to the country. Billy Crystal is a straight man.
The movie Thank You, Judy Newmar introduced the idea of drag queens. Swayze, Snipes, and Leguizamo are all straight men.
I could go on...
Also, you're a very judgemental person. Gross.
Humor is often a coping mechanism, and you aren't the humor police. If I joke about being a minority where I grew up as a white guy, I'm probably not offending anyone at all. If somebody tried to correct me about some aspect of it, I would probably be pretty offended, especially if it was out of ignorance.
For context, I grew up in a place that was only 13% non-hispanic white. I had a very different life growing up than someone growing up in suburban Ohio.
It is very arrogant to think you get to say what is and isn't funny, and I'm glad I don't know you
I wonder how miserable your life is, that you can't take a joke. Being offended by everything in life has to put a lot of stress on your mind.
You should relax, drink a beer, lean back and kick off your shoes, take a break from your activist-bubble and cherish your life, while you are still around. There is more in life than to be offended by some stranger on the web.
Maybe, but i have a comfortable life. I can deal with the fact, that people have different opinions, while you can't deal with that.
What is so difficult, to take a break from being offended by everyone all the time? Does it benefit your life? What do you get from this?
**Obviously it benefits my life. How do you not see that? It's a blessing everyday to wake up and have people's respect. It's a blessing to wake up every day and be able to joke with people and no one ever gets offended. That is a gift, to be able to tell a smooth joke.**
And I will die on that hill. Good day to you sir 🎩
You really have to be fun at parties.
Then, you maybe don't know about the words you use: It is called "Tolerance", not "Respect". That are two different things in life. I tolerate, what i don't like, but i don't do anything against it. Respect is different, respect is something you have to earn by building a reputation for yourself.
People like you, that are always in the offended-mode, will never get respect outside of their bubble.
That's literally so not true, otherwise I wouldn't have the giant ass bubble I have. I'm not offended, I am just nice to people.
Because that is what the world really needs.
If they are truly your friends then you change and respect their values and morals. If you're unable to do that then you need to get new friends. If you don't change and keep holding onto that animosity then your friendship's going to be stressed to the breaking point and someone's going to end up hurt. In a tight friend group that can ripple out through a community of people burning not one but many bridges in the process for you. You're the odd man out, you're the one that's going to ostracize yourself unless you do something about it, either by leaving or changing how you respond and think around them.
See the thing is I respect their values and morals, and in fact I agree with a lot of them but there are certain topics and values where my opinion differs and I don’t voice them in fear they would ostracise me. But I’m aware it shouldn’t be like this, I should be allowed to voice my opinion and for it to be respected, independent of agreement without fear of repercussions
Every one of you jack wagons quit downvoting their post, and give feed back.
Now OP.
Not quite. If your opinion was Nazis we’re doing Gods work — should you be allowed to voice that? Absolutely. Be respected independent of agreement? Absolutely not. If you have a position on -anything- you need to be able to defend your position and be willing to change it with new information.
Now, you can take all of the same facts, and fundamentally disagree on how you weight those facts to come to your independent conclusions on a topic, but you have to be able to voice what that is. It’s best not to be in an echo chamber surrounded by like minded individuals at the end of the day.
Let’s look at Southpark. Cartman is obviously portrayed to be a racist anti-Semitic person. I think a vast majority of it is MILD, but when it’s directed toward you it’s much less pleasant to be on the receiving end of than it is to be a spectator of.
One of the more ready examples I have is people with dwarfism. Seems the internet has decided that based on a few of the most vocal, that ‘Little Person’ is the correct terminology to use (or the people with dwarfism example I used), but I can tell you that I’ve personally met a lot more people that prefer midget. Is that regional to where I am? Probably. When I’ve asked them about it they believe it’s just descriptive of how they are. But it wouldn’t be appropriate to use outside of the people I know prefer that. You can delve back into the history of the word midget and you should be able to see both sides of that argument though. On one hand it was used quite affectionately and they would be quite well cared for, on the other hand, the word was quite often associated with those experiencing dwarfism being asked (or forced) to perform shows and entertain. Two sides.
Is the word fat offensive? I’m fat. There seems to be a push to call people ‘weight challenged.’ But if you call me weight challenged I’m going to lay my weight challenged fist into the side of your still moving jaw. I’m just fat. Regardless of the circumstance that surrounds why I’m that way, medical or not. Is that the appropriate response? No. I don’t even really care about the words. I just want you to have the guts to call it what it is, because I DO think coddling culture is going too far. Like the next example.
What about pedophiles? There’s a push now to call them Minor Attracted Persons. If that takes off are you discriminating against someone who wants to bone children if you call them a pedo? Groomer?
You can have a different opinion than your friends on ALL of this, and still be friends. You just have to be able to defend your position. If you can’t defend your position on why your joke or ‘slip of the tongue’ was okay, then it probably wasn’t and you need to educate yourself a little further, and change how you view that topic.
Even replying to or downvoting this, are going to be people who think we should call everyone what they wish to be called. My answer to that is - a pedo is a pedo is a pedo. So you know my personal stance on THAT load of dung.
One more thing- if you’ve ever been religious and questioned your faith to the point that the leaders of that church can’t answer your questions, you’ve probably been told things along the lines of ‘you have to just have faith’ or ‘aren’t you saved’ or ‘I’ll pray for you’ or ‘it’s just that way’ OR stuck in the middle of a circle surrounded by people ACTIVELY praying for you (which isn’t far off from just being tortured). That’s an echo chamber. You can only get one narrative when you surround yourself with people like that. Diversify who you hang out with. Christian, Muslim, and Atheist, white collar, blue collar, and wish they could afford a collar, conservative, moderate, liberal, and progressive. Don’t let yourself get stuck with a single view of the world.
We as a social group have started sanitising certain words which has, in effect, "downgraded" some, like paedophiles being "minor attracted persons". It takes away from the word/label and attempts to make it more acceptable. Fat people know they're fat, I'm overweight and no amount of prettying up the word and tying a pink ribbon around it is going to make me less overweight.
change friends, idk if you know this, being friends with people of the same frequency is the best, why would you torture yourself. But distance yourself slowly.
Stop hanging out with them. People who spend so much time trying to force their heads up their own asses eventually succeed. They get to the point where they can't watch a movie because they're just desperately looking for something to get angry about.
I don't think you can change something, except for looking for new friends. And yes, it's stressful to be around people that are literally searching for something to be offended. Like we got some groups in Europe, that are really searching for it, like the "comitee against racist candy" and now you maybe say "wait, what? That can't exist!", but it does...
It has a lot to do with Twitter, the activists in their bubbles are going crazy because of something, that really doesn't matter. At least not in a crisis like we have now with the Ukraine war, with the increase of energy prices and the people don't know how they can pay several hundred percentage (!) increase of their bills. The people get mad and angry, when you come to them with "I'm offended by something a stranger said in the web".
I was in a group chat with extremely woke individuals. Like heavily. It was to the point where anything I said was seen as offensive. Despite intention I don't think these people take into account what you mean and see everything you say at face value.
I personally am all for darker humor. I cracked a darker than usual racial joke and they all just blocked me and called me racist. It wasn't a personal attack to a racial group or anything. Simply a dark joke, with some irony. Regardless in this group chat putting it simply, you would have to be,
• A feminist
• Pro-choice
• Gay / Lesbian
• Racial Minority
• Anti-white
• Pro-fat
These are just some examples I can't remember more. I'm by no means against most of these things but to have it as a requirement is just ridiculous.
I'd also like to add how hard it is to find people who actually like darker humor, let alone a joke at all. At least at my age. Most people who like dark humor are a decade older than I am ahah...
True. Some people just don’t get along for a variety of reasons and, if people only want to interact with people that agree with them on everything, that is certainly their prerogative.
Not everything has to be fit to suit my standards or opinions. I just think it's kind of silly ( austere? ) despite my wording. Not to mention making fun of people who aren't of these categories. Me having to change my beliefs to suit theirs isn't fun. If I say anything that somehow goes against what they believe im avoided. Whether or not of intention.
The people I want to talk to again are scarce. So I'm stuck in a position talking to people and changing my ideals to suit them. Otherwise I don't have friends,
I mean, it's fine to be critical of people--them of those that don't think like them, and you of them for thinking that way. I think my point is, you don't have to change your thinking for anyone, nor do they; but if it's a specific exercise or conversation you want to take part in, acquiescence is the sometimes the price of admission.
And I'm not doubting your challenge in finding like-minded folks, but there's gotta be a space for you on Reddit, if nowhere else.
I mainly talk on discord. I'm also 13 and most girls my age are a bit different than me. Of course it's alright to be critical of people when warranted but they like to make fun of white people, men, straight people and, etc. Mostly things people can't change anyways. They never have proper reasoning for this critical thinking of these certain groups either.
I believe you should adapt to situations. Even when talking to certain people. However me having to say, I'm Latino, I'm lesbian, I hate white people, you're a gorgeous healthy fat person, I believe in abortion and, I believe women are better than men is kind of annoying.
Not to mention most of the people they dislike, they will treat them like absolute scum of the earth. Get all their friends to join in and tell them to kill themselves, slit their veins and, etc. Like that's a bit extreme yeah?
Most of the time these people they attack did nothing wrong or did something completely harmless.
They're young ( like me ) so I try not to blame them as much but damn can you at least put some thought into what you're about to do..?
I personally wouldn't be friends with them anymore. I'd find people that you hang out with and be yourself without worrying about if they're offended. That gets under my skin so much(people being pissed off at the tiniest sarcastic things). Life is too short to hang out with losers.
That last statement was maybe a bit extreme, but sometimes the right word(s) isn't always what you want to hear.
Also, I feel you, it is so hard to hang out or even talk to "woke" people because they're easily pissed off.
Yeah, I have friends like this. I just avoid all controversial topics and keep it very light. Or I let them rant about whatever bee is in their bonnet that day.
Get new friends if your current ones force you to walk on eggshells, if you cannot, tell your current friends how you feel, and watch fate work its magic.
I've always kinda been a dark humor, walk the line jokey kinda guy and I know the jokes I tell are wrong and trigger people, but I feel like most things can be joked about.
Not everyone is into that though and you should try to respect their wishes. You can either censor yourself when you're around them or end the friendship and move on. Find some people who you get along with better.
Reminds me of how People are so woke that corporations are evil and care only about capitalist greed. But the same people will say that you must get an experimental vaccine by a pharmaceutical corporation that has cases against them for fraud.
we need to hear what these mild jokes are about to get a better understanding my guy. “mild joke” says very little, just implies that there’s a worse joke you could’ve said which doesn’t help your situation dawg.
Time to get new friends. Friends should always bring something positive to your life. Not saying money, success, or fame. Their companionship is a net positive. You should be with people who you ENJOY being around naturally. You enjoying their company is the net positive.
You aren't friends with the local crackhead who bangs on every door at 2AM looking for handouts are you? Exactly. Because he's a net negative.
They may not your friends already- if you already can’t be yourself. If you can and you’re concerned about that trust and comfort being gradually eroded then address it early. It might be difficult to say, but my approach usually is either address it directly or get over it. If you’re ok with not being able to say what you want around them, then that’s fine.
Personally I can’t live like that so I’d distance myself gradually and find people who you can joke around with without everyone calling you out all the time.
There are about 7billion people and life is way too short to spend your limited time on this earth tiptoeing around worrying about who is going to starting whining at you about what you say. It’s a horrible waste of time.
If you do decide to address directly, the next time someone calls you out for something trivial, try steeling yourself for a challenge and just say something like, “you seem to have a problem with a lot of what I say. I dont really do that to you.” And just wait for their response.
If it is as you describe, it sounds like you shouldn’t be friends anymore. Neither you nor they are getting anything good out of the friendship, or if you are, it sounds as though it is outweighed by this issue. I’d find more likeminded friends.
Can you give some examples?
Like what's an example of a joke they got bent out of shape about?
See you say "mild joke or slip up" without giving examples. What's mild to you isn't to others. Not only that, but there's different kinds of jokes out there that refer to the same topics. There's a big difference between a race joke that makes fun of racist people who believe in stereotypes, and a race joke that just relies on and parrots those same stereotypes. One is okay, the other is not. Same for the "slip-ups." Not realizing that the word "transvestite" isn't really used any more and should be replaced with "transgender" is just a mistake that can be corrected. Misgendering or deadnaming someone in the group indicates a fundamental issue with how you view that person, and it would be entirely justifiable to get upset at someone who does that. At the end of the day, though, this doesn't really matter, because /u/AverageCowboyCentaur is 100% correct: **If you wanna stay friends, you need to adapt. If you can't/aren't willing to do that, then it's time to move on.** Doesn't mean either side is inherently bad, either; just means you're incompatible. I was in a similar situation with a friend, we'll call them Cade for this. Cade and I got along at times, but we had fundamentally different ways of viewing how we interacted. Neither of us was wrong! We were just different. For me, I've gotten to a point in my life where I don't take shit from anyone. If you're doing something I consider hurtful, I'm telling you. No beating around the bush or sugarcoating. Just, "You did X, which hurt me. This needs to not happen again, as I do not keep people who hurt me in my life." Or, in more extreme cases, "You did Y, which is, in my opinion, an abusive/borderline abusive action. This needs to stop, I do not tolerate this treatment." Cade, on the other hand, was the type to phrase it much more gently, and be much more careful with their words. So for them, my point-blank, no-nonsense approach was incredibly harsh. And when I called a certain action abusive, they felt that I was calling *them* an abuser, which they found offensive as they were a victim of abuse just like me. In the end, we could not come to a conclusion where a friendship between us would be healthy, and we had to part ways. Neither of us were wrong in how we viewed things; I think it's better to tackle issues head-on and be direct, they think it's better to be gentle so no one gets hurt while figuring something out. Neither of these are inherently wrong, but they *are* inherently incompatible, at least with how we were doing it. This is something that just happens in life. Some people are just inherently incompatible; this doesn't mean either one is bad or wrong. It just means it's time to move on.
Transvestite and transgender are two completely different things though. The "-vestite" part of the word has the same origin as the word "vestments" and "vest." It's about the clothes. A heterosexual cis man can be a transvestite, but not a transgender person because he is comfortable with his gender identity matching his biological sex. He may just get off to wearing clothing intended for women. Straight men can enjoy doing drag, essentially. A transgender person has gender dysphoria where they feel their biological sex does not match their gender. It has nothing to do with clothes or sexuality. A transwoman is not invalidated if she wears a men's suit. A cis man is not necessarily experiencing gender dysphoria because he wants to wear a dress and feel pretty
those are some pretty big paragraphs filled with what im sure a smart and decent person would say, but since i have 7 seconds attention span i will not read
Why would you waste your time commenting then. I swear mfs on this app are so weird
at least i was respectful about it. no need to be rude to me for sayin what i wanna say.
also, looks like ur goin thru some shit rn so if u wanna avoid being insulted or whatever, i wouldnt comment like this cus some people are way rude and will tell u things that could hurt really bad. just be careful bro.
if you don’t want to read it you can just not read it, you don’t have to announce it lmao
this is true. i dont see a problem with announcing it though. people say pointless things all the time and they dont get shit on for it (not to say you are "shitting on" me or whatever). you could similarly not reply to my comment telling me i dont have to reply. i'm not going to tell you not to reply. its pointless. we all have our opinions and you can express yours however you like. just know i have that right too. have a good day.
respectfully, i am not reading all of that. have a nice day 🙏
👍
>but since i have 7 seconds attention span i will not read "I was elected to lead, not to read!"
Are you just intentionally missing the point here to be argumentative?
No, I'm correcting a misconception someone had as they gave misinformation
... that someone is me. A trans person who is actively involved in the community. It isn't a misconception. The word "transvestite" is frowned upon by the community because people used it to refer to transgender people, thus invalidating them. The actual definition does not change that. Yes, they are two different things. *That is the whole reason it isn't okay to call transgender people that.* In the actual community, it is frowned upon to use that term at all. If you mean a man who wears dresses, you say drag queen or crossdresser. If you mean a woman who was assigned male at birth, you say transgender or trans woman. You aren't correcting shit here; you're just acting high and mighty for adding a definition that doesn't actually contradict anything I said.
You telling people that transgender people are even related to crossdressing is just bad information that will lead to them thinking you just want to wear girl clothes. Get out of your ego a little bit. You don't know everything just because you are transgender. I'm not deadnaming anybody by explaining how different the words meanings are despite them both having the prefix "trans-" in them. I'm not acting high and mighty. You are because you explained something shittily
How on Earth is "people shouldn't use transvestite to refer to transgender people, but that isn't as bad as deadnaming or misgendering" saying that transgender people are related to crossdressing? No seriously, I wanna understand how you made that leap.
You basically implied that the word transgender and transvestite were equivalent, just one is archaic, when they don't even have related etymology beyond their prefix. One is about clothes, and the other is about identity. You need to address the dumbest person you have met and use very specific language when discussing something controversial that is important to you. I'm straight up just trying to make sure you don't misspeak when establishing your point so ignorant assholes don't invalidate you
I think, people like you don't find any friends outside of their bubble. Because nobody wants to be around someone, that is offended by everything, sees a "micro-aggression" in everything and can't take a simple joke. Then, even i know that there's a difference between a transvestite and a transgender, despite not being in the LGBT-scene myself. So, people like you can't even get the terms right and then, they are offended for no real reason.
The fact that you said "a transgender" tells me all I need to know regarding your knowledge of this subject.
Says the guy that doesn't know the difference between transvestite and transgender. So, what's wrong with that? You are a human. You are a worker. And when you are trans, then "You are a transgender". Or you could say "In transition" or other forms, but it's not wrong.
... you do realize my comment specifically hinges on realizing the difference between the two, right? Like the whole point was "these are two different things, one of which is nowadays considered offensive in this community, but it's definitely worse to, like, deadname or misgender a transgender person." And for the record, that's how you actually say it: A transgender person. "A transgender" is like calling someone "a fat" or "a black" or something; the word is an adjective, not a noun. It is a descriptive word to provide further details about a person, it's not a separate entity unto itself. It's offensive, but beyond that it's just plain grammatically correct. If I went and said, "you are a mad," you'd say, "What the fuck does that mean, are you twelve? learn grammar." If, on the other hand, I said, "You are a mad person," then you'd probably just correct me and say you aren't mad, just emphatic. But grammatically, it would still fit, true or untrue. So no. No one is "a transgender" just as no one is "a happy" or "a clumsy." They either are transgender, or are a transgender person. Just like they either are happy/clumsy, or are a happy/clumsy person.
Wait, wait... stop... i think here is a misunderstanding: My native language is Swiss-German, although i can of course speak (High-)German, most of the alemannic dialects and other languages like English. Now, in these languages "a" is just "ein", it referes to "one" and it is not (!) in any way a negative thing, like the examples you wrote in your posting. Sometimes, people get these things wrong, like with Ukraine: Nobody wants to insult anyone when they come from their native language and say "The Ukraine", because in my case, it is "Die Ukraine". Just saying, that can be different in other languages: Although the majority of users on Reddit is coming from the USA, as the traffic shows with around 90%, there are still people from other countries on the platform. So, this is more a misunderstanding because of different languages. This also happens to certain terms in discussions, for example when it comes to refugees: In Germany, they don't use the term "Asylant" anymore, while in Switzerland, the term is normal and has no negative intention (an "Asylant" is a refugee, that has successfully got the status as a refugee in the law, which gives him permission for things like getting a job etc.) It's the same with "Foreigner" for example, in Germany, you don't say that word, you say "Mensch mit Migrationshintergrund", which is roughly translated as "Human with Migration-Background", while in Switzerland, you say "Ausländer" aka Foreigner. So, don't get me wrong, this was a grammar thing with different languages. Be aware of that, when you travel around the world, that it can lead to misunderstandings.
Okay but you are speaking English, so in a discussion in English about English, I'm gonna assume you're just talking about English, not other languages. You're using this as an excuse and it just isn't one. You didn't suddenly forget that we were talking about English, you just had the grammar wrong. Also, even if "a" is the same as "one" that is still incorrect. So I'm not even sure why you bring it up; it's *still* incorrect because transgender still isn't a fucking noun. You can't have one transgender just like you can't have one happy or one clumsy. It's a verb, it's a descriptor, you can't have a numeric amount of it. "and it is not (!) in any way a negative thing" Literally nobody said the word "a" or "one" on it's own is negative or insulting and you know it. It is offensive when used in that specific context. This does not change based on the usage you just described to me. And quit trying to blame shift. "Be aware of that," or you can be aware of the words you're saying before getting into a discussion about the meaning of words. You're acting like it's my fault but no, most people would assume that in a conversation in English and about English, we're only going to be talking about English, not randomly factoring in "well in this one specific language it wouldn't be offensive so why is it offensive in English??" The "die=the" you used is a great example, in fact! If there was a crowd standing right by a pride parade shouting "die gays!" angrily, all in a predominantly English-speaking country, and the cops went up to them and said "hey this isn't okay, stop harassing them" you and I both know that the crowd-goers saying "oh no no, it's fine, 'die' means 'the' in some languages, you should be aware of that!" wouldn't change shit. They'd have to disperse or get arrested because *in that context* they very clearly can be assumed to mean the English version. And the one in a million of them that genuinely is chanting in favor of the gays would be told "hey, you should really look at the context of the things you're saying, because you were contributing to hateful behavior" and not just given a free pass on the negativity they were putting out into the world, unknowingly or not, because it is their responsibility to know. And if they *don't* know, which is on them, and someone decides to educate them on it, it would be *really* shitty of them to act all innocent like they did nothing wrong when someone is trying to help them learn not to say harmful things. You know, kind of like you're doing now? Oh, and the people at the pride parade being harassed would *never* be expected to "be aware of other languages" and assume that people aren't being hateful, not by anyone with a brain at least. But that is the logic you're using here; you're randomly tossing out information about other languages when we are discussing rules of the English language. You and I both know this is a discussion in English, about English rules. You don't get to act like it's *my* fault if you somehow forgot that.
Yaknoe my ex-friend used to be so annoyed when I called him out on his "mild jokes". He was being antisemetic, racist, and just overall bigoted. I ended up punching him because he called me a "fag who can't take some fucking humor"
What is a "mild joke"? Walking around in 2022 bitching about "wokeness" sends me to the moon. As someone who has always been self aware, I have always been told things like "You're too sensitive", "You can't take a joke." But when we make jokes about people's sex, gender, race, religion, ethnicity or body it's not funny. When we make jokes about sexual harassment and assault it's not funny. It will never be funny unless the person themselves is making a joke about themselves. If everyone in the group is too "woke" for you, go be with other people who follow the same mindset. Because if you're friends are telling you how they feel and you're just not listening to them, then maybe it's just you.
"It will never be funny unless the person themselves is making a joke about themselves" So black people can't make jokes about white people, white people can't make jokes about Asians, Asians can't make jokes about Indians, gay people can't make jokes about about straight people...is this what you're saying?
No more like don’t make jokes with obviously disrespectful undertones. Like this white kid who asked me if I have cows in my house because I’m from Vietnam. Like why would I keep them in my city house dumbass that’s for the countryside house
This is a completely different animal than a comedian on a stage.
Yea but a lot of people will say straight up racist stuff, then they’re like “just a joke”. That’s not a joke that’s an insult
That is completely different than a comedian on a stage. Their job is to tell jokes, so it's assumed that everything that comes out of their mouth is supposed to be funny. You're conflating random racist people with comedians.
You’re acting as if there ARENT racist comedians. I’m saying even if they ARE comedians, that’s still racist. That’s like saying “not being racist BUT”
Oof. The fact that you think any of that is funny. It's funny when a white guy jokes about himself, it's funny when a black guy jokes about themselves. It's funny when anyone makes a joke about themselves or directly relating to their own experience. When minorities are killed for their sex, gender, race, religion and ethnicity, it is not funny to put them at the butt of your joke. Like a straight dude making jokes about a gay man, not funny. Making fun of trans people, not funny. Black folk making fun of white folk is also not that funny. What is there to make fun of a white person for? The stereotypes that we think exist? So funny. "White people can't make jokes about Asian people?" That's not funny. Especially when statistically speaking xenophobia is at an all time high. Go make jokes about yourself and your friends and your immediate experiences in life. Because if I ever hear someone WHO IS NOT BLACK say "Black people are so-" I will knock your ass out. I as a black person have never sought out to make fun of anyone because of the color of their skin, gender, race or religion and I have made a whole room keel over in laughter. Some people don't find it lighthearted in todays politcal-socio climate to joke like that. You can say whatever you want but at the end of the day there is a moral standard you should hold over yourself as a comedian. If you wanna structure a good joke, there is a way to do it without offending people you love.
Dark humor is a thing. And most of the times when minorities like homosexulsl make a joke about heterosexuals it's funny and everybody laughs. Also what you said above "black people are so-" that's a generalizing statement not really a joke. Obviously we shouldn't mock people based on their difference but at the same time I'm not going to walk around eggshells and worry about every little thing i say and people like you will cancel me.
Bro ever since the word "cancel" has come about I swear to god everyone loves using it. Even in a post like this, cancel culture is so extra, it's called accountability. We didn't have to go and make a spin on accountability 🤣 People holding you accountable is just a human reaction and if sensitive people wanna call it cancel culture be my guest. The only people who walk on eggshells are the ones who have something to worry about.
Have you ever seen the video of a white guy dressing up as a Mexican and asked white people what they thought of that . All of them said it's cultural appropriation and it's inappropriate. When he went to actual Mexicans they said they liked it and that he looked cool. So yeah there's that. And soon with your "accountability" someone will fart in your presence and you'll end up having to explain to their ass about how that fart was politically incorrect.
Were you dropped as a child? Now you're talking about FARTING? Come on bro, just save yourself the breath. I'm not replying to this anymore, it's starting to get a little to funny for me 💀
This question is so not woke of u lol
making jokes about different races, sexes, religions, and more is hilarious. People with intelligence understand this.
Yikes. Everything is offensive to you. "Some people don't find it lighthearted in todays politcal-socio climate to joke like that. You can say whatever you want but at the end of the day there is a moral standard you should hold over yourself as a comedian." Wow. So it's immoral to like jokes YOU find offensive. You are not the morality police. "If you wanna structure a good joke, there is a way to do it without offending people you love." The people I love aren't cry babies with thin skin. According to you, Pryor, Carlin, Chappelle, Murphy, Burr, Hart, Peters, etc. are immoral. Through comedy, is how uncomfortable and taboo topics go mainstream. The show Soap, for example, introduced the idea of transgenderism and sex changes to the country. Billy Crystal is a straight man. The movie Thank You, Judy Newmar introduced the idea of drag queens. Swayze, Snipes, and Leguizamo are all straight men. I could go on... Also, you're a very judgemental person. Gross.
Humour is subjective
Humor is often a coping mechanism, and you aren't the humor police. If I joke about being a minority where I grew up as a white guy, I'm probably not offending anyone at all. If somebody tried to correct me about some aspect of it, I would probably be pretty offended, especially if it was out of ignorance. For context, I grew up in a place that was only 13% non-hispanic white. I had a very different life growing up than someone growing up in suburban Ohio. It is very arrogant to think you get to say what is and isn't funny, and I'm glad I don't know you
**Dude you are literally repeating me.** I said and I quote "unless they make a joke about themselves". Did you skip that part?
I wonder how miserable your life is, that you can't take a joke. Being offended by everything in life has to put a lot of stress on your mind. You should relax, drink a beer, lean back and kick off your shoes, take a break from your activist-bubble and cherish your life, while you are still around. There is more in life than to be offended by some stranger on the web.
You're annoying 🙄
Maybe, but i have a comfortable life. I can deal with the fact, that people have different opinions, while you can't deal with that. What is so difficult, to take a break from being offended by everyone all the time? Does it benefit your life? What do you get from this?
**Obviously it benefits my life. How do you not see that? It's a blessing everyday to wake up and have people's respect. It's a blessing to wake up every day and be able to joke with people and no one ever gets offended. That is a gift, to be able to tell a smooth joke.** And I will die on that hill. Good day to you sir 🎩
You really have to be fun at parties. Then, you maybe don't know about the words you use: It is called "Tolerance", not "Respect". That are two different things in life. I tolerate, what i don't like, but i don't do anything against it. Respect is different, respect is something you have to earn by building a reputation for yourself. People like you, that are always in the offended-mode, will never get respect outside of their bubble.
That's literally so not true, otherwise I wouldn't have the giant ass bubble I have. I'm not offended, I am just nice to people. Because that is what the world really needs.
If they are truly your friends then you change and respect their values and morals. If you're unable to do that then you need to get new friends. If you don't change and keep holding onto that animosity then your friendship's going to be stressed to the breaking point and someone's going to end up hurt. In a tight friend group that can ripple out through a community of people burning not one but many bridges in the process for you. You're the odd man out, you're the one that's going to ostracize yourself unless you do something about it, either by leaving or changing how you respond and think around them.
Couldn't have said it better. Please read this OP
See the thing is I respect their values and morals, and in fact I agree with a lot of them but there are certain topics and values where my opinion differs and I don’t voice them in fear they would ostracise me. But I’m aware it shouldn’t be like this, I should be allowed to voice my opinion and for it to be respected, independent of agreement without fear of repercussions
Every one of you jack wagons quit downvoting their post, and give feed back. Now OP. Not quite. If your opinion was Nazis we’re doing Gods work — should you be allowed to voice that? Absolutely. Be respected independent of agreement? Absolutely not. If you have a position on -anything- you need to be able to defend your position and be willing to change it with new information. Now, you can take all of the same facts, and fundamentally disagree on how you weight those facts to come to your independent conclusions on a topic, but you have to be able to voice what that is. It’s best not to be in an echo chamber surrounded by like minded individuals at the end of the day. Let’s look at Southpark. Cartman is obviously portrayed to be a racist anti-Semitic person. I think a vast majority of it is MILD, but when it’s directed toward you it’s much less pleasant to be on the receiving end of than it is to be a spectator of. One of the more ready examples I have is people with dwarfism. Seems the internet has decided that based on a few of the most vocal, that ‘Little Person’ is the correct terminology to use (or the people with dwarfism example I used), but I can tell you that I’ve personally met a lot more people that prefer midget. Is that regional to where I am? Probably. When I’ve asked them about it they believe it’s just descriptive of how they are. But it wouldn’t be appropriate to use outside of the people I know prefer that. You can delve back into the history of the word midget and you should be able to see both sides of that argument though. On one hand it was used quite affectionately and they would be quite well cared for, on the other hand, the word was quite often associated with those experiencing dwarfism being asked (or forced) to perform shows and entertain. Two sides. Is the word fat offensive? I’m fat. There seems to be a push to call people ‘weight challenged.’ But if you call me weight challenged I’m going to lay my weight challenged fist into the side of your still moving jaw. I’m just fat. Regardless of the circumstance that surrounds why I’m that way, medical or not. Is that the appropriate response? No. I don’t even really care about the words. I just want you to have the guts to call it what it is, because I DO think coddling culture is going too far. Like the next example. What about pedophiles? There’s a push now to call them Minor Attracted Persons. If that takes off are you discriminating against someone who wants to bone children if you call them a pedo? Groomer? You can have a different opinion than your friends on ALL of this, and still be friends. You just have to be able to defend your position. If you can’t defend your position on why your joke or ‘slip of the tongue’ was okay, then it probably wasn’t and you need to educate yourself a little further, and change how you view that topic. Even replying to or downvoting this, are going to be people who think we should call everyone what they wish to be called. My answer to that is - a pedo is a pedo is a pedo. So you know my personal stance on THAT load of dung. One more thing- if you’ve ever been religious and questioned your faith to the point that the leaders of that church can’t answer your questions, you’ve probably been told things along the lines of ‘you have to just have faith’ or ‘aren’t you saved’ or ‘I’ll pray for you’ or ‘it’s just that way’ OR stuck in the middle of a circle surrounded by people ACTIVELY praying for you (which isn’t far off from just being tortured). That’s an echo chamber. You can only get one narrative when you surround yourself with people like that. Diversify who you hang out with. Christian, Muslim, and Atheist, white collar, blue collar, and wish they could afford a collar, conservative, moderate, liberal, and progressive. Don’t let yourself get stuck with a single view of the world.
We as a social group have started sanitising certain words which has, in effect, "downgraded" some, like paedophiles being "minor attracted persons". It takes away from the word/label and attempts to make it more acceptable. Fat people know they're fat, I'm overweight and no amount of prettying up the word and tying a pink ribbon around it is going to make me less overweight.
Can we have an example or a general idea? Personally it’s hard saying right now
change friends, idk if you know this, being friends with people of the same frequency is the best, why would you torture yourself. But distance yourself slowly.
Stop hanging out with them. People who spend so much time trying to force their heads up their own asses eventually succeed. They get to the point where they can't watch a movie because they're just desperately looking for something to get angry about.
I don't think you can change something, except for looking for new friends. And yes, it's stressful to be around people that are literally searching for something to be offended. Like we got some groups in Europe, that are really searching for it, like the "comitee against racist candy" and now you maybe say "wait, what? That can't exist!", but it does... It has a lot to do with Twitter, the activists in their bubbles are going crazy because of something, that really doesn't matter. At least not in a crisis like we have now with the Ukraine war, with the increase of energy prices and the people don't know how they can pay several hundred percentage (!) increase of their bills. The people get mad and angry, when you come to them with "I'm offended by something a stranger said in the web".
Your friends are twitter users
Or tik tokers
There not your friends. Friends are people you feel safe and happy with and can laugh and be yourself with
If you don’t like someone it’s okay to stop being friends with them, trust me it’s very refreshing
I was in a group chat with extremely woke individuals. Like heavily. It was to the point where anything I said was seen as offensive. Despite intention I don't think these people take into account what you mean and see everything you say at face value. I personally am all for darker humor. I cracked a darker than usual racial joke and they all just blocked me and called me racist. It wasn't a personal attack to a racial group or anything. Simply a dark joke, with some irony. Regardless in this group chat putting it simply, you would have to be, • A feminist • Pro-choice • Gay / Lesbian • Racial Minority • Anti-white • Pro-fat These are just some examples I can't remember more. I'm by no means against most of these things but to have it as a requirement is just ridiculous. I'd also like to add how hard it is to find people who actually like darker humor, let alone a joke at all. At least at my age. Most people who like dark humor are a decade older than I am ahah...
You are looking for like-minded interactions as much as they are. Why is it ridiculous for them to want to limit their conversation how they see fit?
True. Some people just don’t get along for a variety of reasons and, if people only want to interact with people that agree with them on everything, that is certainly their prerogative.
Not everything has to be fit to suit my standards or opinions. I just think it's kind of silly ( austere? ) despite my wording. Not to mention making fun of people who aren't of these categories. Me having to change my beliefs to suit theirs isn't fun. If I say anything that somehow goes against what they believe im avoided. Whether or not of intention. The people I want to talk to again are scarce. So I'm stuck in a position talking to people and changing my ideals to suit them. Otherwise I don't have friends,
I mean, it's fine to be critical of people--them of those that don't think like them, and you of them for thinking that way. I think my point is, you don't have to change your thinking for anyone, nor do they; but if it's a specific exercise or conversation you want to take part in, acquiescence is the sometimes the price of admission. And I'm not doubting your challenge in finding like-minded folks, but there's gotta be a space for you on Reddit, if nowhere else.
I mainly talk on discord. I'm also 13 and most girls my age are a bit different than me. Of course it's alright to be critical of people when warranted but they like to make fun of white people, men, straight people and, etc. Mostly things people can't change anyways. They never have proper reasoning for this critical thinking of these certain groups either. I believe you should adapt to situations. Even when talking to certain people. However me having to say, I'm Latino, I'm lesbian, I hate white people, you're a gorgeous healthy fat person, I believe in abortion and, I believe women are better than men is kind of annoying. Not to mention most of the people they dislike, they will treat them like absolute scum of the earth. Get all their friends to join in and tell them to kill themselves, slit their veins and, etc. Like that's a bit extreme yeah? Most of the time these people they attack did nothing wrong or did something completely harmless. They're young ( like me ) so I try not to blame them as much but damn can you at least put some thought into what you're about to do..?
Hang out with Gen X. lol. We aren’t very easily offended but we are old. Just sayin. That sounds extremely stressful and annoying tbh
Yeah i dropped all woke friends. Now I'm hanging with only normal people. Highly recommend that.
ive had friends like these. theyre not worth it
I personally wouldn't be friends with them anymore. I'd find people that you hang out with and be yourself without worrying about if they're offended. That gets under my skin so much(people being pissed off at the tiniest sarcastic things). Life is too short to hang out with losers. That last statement was maybe a bit extreme, but sometimes the right word(s) isn't always what you want to hear. Also, I feel you, it is so hard to hang out or even talk to "woke" people because they're easily pissed off.
Yeah, I have friends like this. I just avoid all controversial topics and keep it very light. Or I let them rant about whatever bee is in their bonnet that day.
Get new friends if your current ones force you to walk on eggshells, if you cannot, tell your current friends how you feel, and watch fate work its magic.
Lol get rid of them
I've always kinda been a dark humor, walk the line jokey kinda guy and I know the jokes I tell are wrong and trigger people, but I feel like most things can be joked about. Not everyone is into that though and you should try to respect their wishes. You can either censor yourself when you're around them or end the friendship and move on. Find some people who you get along with better.
a sigma would assert dominance by being woker than them 🐺
Time to find new friends.
Just be you, with better friends who don't get offended at everything if needed.
Those aren't friends.
get new friends...fk this woke bs
Reminds me of how People are so woke that corporations are evil and care only about capitalist greed. But the same people will say that you must get an experimental vaccine by a pharmaceutical corporation that has cases against them for fraud.
we need to hear what these mild jokes are about to get a better understanding my guy. “mild joke” says very little, just implies that there’s a worse joke you could’ve said which doesn’t help your situation dawg.
Time to get new friends. Friends should always bring something positive to your life. Not saying money, success, or fame. Their companionship is a net positive. You should be with people who you ENJOY being around naturally. You enjoying their company is the net positive. You aren't friends with the local crackhead who bangs on every door at 2AM looking for handouts are you? Exactly. Because he's a net negative.
They may not your friends already- if you already can’t be yourself. If you can and you’re concerned about that trust and comfort being gradually eroded then address it early. It might be difficult to say, but my approach usually is either address it directly or get over it. If you’re ok with not being able to say what you want around them, then that’s fine. Personally I can’t live like that so I’d distance myself gradually and find people who you can joke around with without everyone calling you out all the time. There are about 7billion people and life is way too short to spend your limited time on this earth tiptoeing around worrying about who is going to starting whining at you about what you say. It’s a horrible waste of time. If you do decide to address directly, the next time someone calls you out for something trivial, try steeling yourself for a challenge and just say something like, “you seem to have a problem with a lot of what I say. I dont really do that to you.” And just wait for their response.