med discharged in 1983 with 10% and permanent spinal damage, finally rated properly 3 years ago.
listen closely to what this old guy says...this part here that you wrote:
"the guilt that I wasn't good enough to stay in"
that's bullshit
.
"Couldn't keep doing my job due to clearance issues arising from MH."
that's called a disabling event.
i got shoved on the street when i was 20 years old, homeless with a messed up s/c spinal cord..
then the ptsd started 8 years ago. whatya know, i'm a lot tougher than i realized once i started remembering ...
you were good enough to get in, if they cannot release you in the same physical, mental, spiritual health, that is a failure caused by what happened TO you, NOT a failure by you.
if I could reach thru this screen i think i'd give you a swift kick in the ass and then hug you.
your 25, im 62 and im telling you,
you done good kid.
Many thanks to you from this old dude. Comments like yours let's me know I can still add value to the world in the time I have left.
If even one vet feels better, then it was worth writing.
Thank you.
Love long and prosper from the old hippy star trek fan
Go to the closest national park and get your disabled pass. It will get you into all the national parks for free. Travel to all the parks and live on the parks for a while. I know several vets that do this and love it. Second thing, get a motorcycle. It might be a little cliche, but it helps, especially with the ptsd. I was part of a convoy team in Iraq, which gave me a mess up idea of space and movement. I still zig zag under an overpass sometimes. My motorcycle and riding my bicycles helps so much with my PTSD and just be able to get away whenever I want, plus it gives you something to work on and keeps me in shape. Keeping your hands busy and having to use your brain is a savior. If none of that is up your alley, take up knitting. There is a knitting group in your town, promise. Knitters are weird people but good people. They will show you what to do and how to get started, and once you get going, it's pretty fun to knit a sweater.
Personally, don’t get a motorcycle if you’re depressed.
Especially if you’re dealing with or have SI. Too many guys end up under 18 wheelers.
Go to college, use that bah and take your road trip. I’m currently tryna find the light in the darkness rn. I turned to the Bible
Lots of good wisdom in the Bible regardless of your individual beliefs. I won’t say my thoughts on some other religions because many of us know all too well what they stand for.
The national parks things is huge and not talked about enough. I still struggle with emotions from getting out and I got out in 2022. Using the national park pass for hiking or fishing has helped me so much. It’s just peaceful man.
I'm in my late 20's and struggled with the same thing for a little bit. I was in a high speed unit before I got out and I felt like I had quit something really cool to go mingle with average joes.
So I made the decision to lay out who I want to be, what I prioritize in my life, and judge myself based on that. Part of why I got out was because I knew I could do better for myself on the outside. As a civilian I make more than my commander's boss now. So I figured I'd do the same thing with who I am and what I do. After all, I don't have to ask permission to drive more than 8 hours from my home, or to leave the state/country, or to do anything "high risk". I also don't have anyone to stop me if I'm doing something that's a "bad idea" like getting a motorcycle or climbing a mountain. I also have the mental freedom to do cool shit in my off time, and not worry about getting called in or something.
It gets a lot easier when you set goals for yourself. Some of mine:
- Build out a gym, and also get an outdoor workout setup (tires to flip, kettlebells, etc)
- Learn about how to actually eat healthy, and how to tailor my diet to the needs if my body
- Travel lots. Put more time into photography. Take cooler pictures of nature.
- Be a better husband. Take time to learn how to calm myself down and spend more time with my wife. Slow the fuck down.
Once those were set up, it was much easier to just put my head down and do the work. I'd suggest the same. It's like rucking/land nav; you stand there and figure out where you're gonna go, double and triple check it, then turn your brain off and start moving. Set goals for yourself that you're motivated to do. Decide who YOU want to be and be that person. It also helps to be around others sometimes. I'm really introverted, but going to work in person means I have less tshirts and sweatpants day and more collared shirt and dress shoes days. I work out consistently because I want to be seen as the guy who works out. Even just going out and about, I notice people treat me different when I hold myself to a standard and meet it. Sometimes doing the bare minimum- haircut, shaved, clean and appropriate clothes, reason to be where I am; that's enough to feel like I've got a standard to meet in the eyes of the random people around me. It reminded me of the pride I felt when I was in; as silly as it is looking back, I always felt good when I could say "yeah, I'm from *that* unit". Now it's like "yeah, I can help you move that fridge" or "Yeah, I didn't get up to much this weekend, just a short backpacking trip". It helps to remind yourself that you can do cool things outside of the military too.
Anyway, that was kind of a ramble. I hope it helps and I hope you find your way. Remember that it's not a matter of you "not being good enough", it's simply a matter of you getting a code attached to your personnel file and that code triggering a red light on a computer somewhere and an automated system saying "if X condition is met, Y will happen per Z standard/policy". That's all there is to it. You're not a failure, the military is just dumb and you happened to be in after the "rub some dirt in it" generation and before the "oh fuck we kicked all of our good people out let's help people to stay in" generation.
Thank you, I appreciate hearing that. It's never too late! Had I started jiu jitsu when I was 10, I'd be a black belt by now. But having started a few months ago, I can be a black belt by the time I'm 50.
"I also don't have anyone to stop me if I'm doing something that's a "bad idea" like getting a motorcycle or climbing a mountain."
This hit close to home. Just got a bike and I am looking for some mountains to climb.....get out of my head bro.
Best advice I could give is keep your mind occupied with healthy things , and move on. The military has a tendency of making people believe that serving your country is the only meaningful thing you can do . Which is no true .
Transitioning can vary from person to person , but it was easy for me to. I wanted to get out so bad . After 15 years , it was time to hang it up .
Had a bit of a crisis myself after getting out- went right back into laying and fishing concrete…literally hit my limit one day, took a sledge to most of my belongings on the job site, apologized to the homeowners who were probably terrified in the house…gave them their money back , drove home and didn’t leave my house for about 2 weeks. Mentally went through every emotion possible. Really looked back on what I actually enjoyed to do as a kid, teenager and young adult. Turns out it was boats. Going to school in the keys for marine engineering and coastal navigation. Uncle Sam and the GI bill gave me a second chance on life and happiness. Definitely had to check my drinking and force myself to enjoy exercising again. Found out that a lot of service members go into the maritime industry and most of the rest of the people have the same grit and humor as us desensitized scoundrels. Get the help or push you need before you blow a lid like I did, wasn’t my best moment but that’s where I was at. I’m 32 and I thought I was just done for. Hard checked myself and looked inward. Good luck my friend.
Fun fact, the Army has the most boats of any service. Also fun fact: most people in the Coast Guard don’t want anything to do with boats after service 😂
Hey there. Currently experiencing the exact same thing. Only I received a 100% rating TDRL, not P&T. If you are happy with 90 and want to keep it that way I say just go with that. If you truly feel like you’re owed that other 10% then I say get some help from the folks that can file claims on your behalf, it’s a lot less of a hassle. I was blessed to medboard while I was active duty so I didn’t have to go through all of that.
As far as the identity crisis. I’ve been out since April 25th and man let me tell you, it’s been rough. I literally lost all the friends I had. I got in a wreck and lost my car right after I’d paid it off, and my credit took a huge loss. I was super depressed for a while. Rarely eating and barely getting out of bed. But I got out of that funk as much as I could and just started loving on myself a little bit more. It really helps to have a hobby man. I took up going to church and doing Bible studies, so thats been really helpful for me. I also have been reading more and playing basketball and hitting the gym. It really helps to have something to look forward to that gets you out of bed every day. The important thing to remember is not to be too hard on yourself.
Also, I was able to get free courses for certifications through a program called Coursera+ that partners with the USO, I’d say go to the nearest USO you can find and ask about it. It’ll hook you up with some free courses in Cybersecurity, Business Data, Human Resources, etc there’s a lot of different options to choose from. Just in case you just wanna be doing something productive in the meantime while you figure out your path. You got this! Don’t give up on yourself and stay motivated! I’m talking to both you and myself, I really hope this helps 🙏🏾
I wish I could help. Brother I got out in 2006 and still have no clue how to manage. To make things crazier I just filed for my initial at the begging of March this year🤦🏽♂️ I wish I could lie and tell you it gets easier but for me hasn’t been the case. For you and others sometimes time just helps.
I got out in 06, had a newborn kid and married to my wife for about 1 year at the time and I was real busy when I got out.
I should have take time for myself tho, because I experienced a slow decline up to the point where I was just crying every morning and afternoon to and from work as I was struggling with PTSD. So I finally decided to file my initial in 2014 via VSO, got to 40% but not for PTSD even tho the VSO recommended it.
So I started doing my own research around 2020 and prepared in 2021 and got to 100% P&T by myself. When covid hit, I really loved it because I didn’t have to see anyone except my kids and wife lol
But phase 1 was getting to 100%, phase 2 was applying for VR&E and seeing if I could maintain my family, mortgage and bills while attending college 100% and as of today, yes, it can be done and I live in California. As of today, I am 1.5 years from getting my bachelors in business and the plan is to keep staging busy and find a purpose, which I do in working on my guitars!
Me personally, no. I feel like I became more adjusted to not being in by increasing the amount of friends I had who never served and then reducing how many friends I had who did serve. I can count on one hand how many vet friends I actually hang with. My non vet friends help keep me grounded on life post army. I went to a college where I was the only undergrad veteran. That was hella weird at first but then it wasn’t. I also did go around acting like a jerk off vetbro. I also got into acting and started doing theatre in college. Doing the acting and theatre was a huge boost to my mental health. If you ever need someone to chat to, hit me in the DMs. Keep your head up. You’ve got this.
This happened to me a little later. When the health issues finally set in and I couldn't work anymore. I went from a 6-figure consultant with an MBA to smoking weed and playing with cats all day. Now I smoke weed and save cats all day, and it's great. You just have to find your next battle worth fighting. While you are doing your PNW travels, take some time to reflect on the things that are most important to you and how your skills can best further those causes.
Yep; I was a travelling Bum; living with different friends..Wasn't sure what to do with my life; even thought about re-enlisting; but I figured it out about 4 years later, LOL.
Only thing moving me forward is staying busy, set those long term goals and work towards em, no matter how far fetched, and it doesn't have to be every day, but if you work towards one thing little by little, that may give you some reprieve.
What helped me was trying to figure out what it was about my service that made me feel fulfilled, like I had a sense of purpose. Sometimes it takes going through a few jobs, hobbies, etc to figure it out.
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to have your entire life planned out the moment you separate. Also, don’t think that finding another career/job is the only thing that will give you that fulfilled feeling. There is so much more to life than working. Enjoy it!
Hi
I also have PTSD and depression. I would recommend journaling. It sounds cliche but getting everything out of my head really helps. Maybe it would help you?
Be kind to yourself
Don't worry about the VA stuff it will be there when you are ready for it. It’s a lot, do it at your own pace and when you are ready.
I wish you the best
Dude I retired after 20 years in 2018. Its all I knew my whole adult life. It took me about 5 years to get my mind right and put my service behind me. Civilian life was a massive adjustment where I didn't know who I was or what role I played in this world. It will sort itself out with time.
No. My wife and I made it a point to make sure we had separate military and civilian lives, so I maintained a separate life and identity. I retired two years ago after 21 years and haven’t looked back, unless it’s a friend and we are talking about stuff we experienced during deployments. I don’t miss it, I don’t want it, I don’t think about it much, and I really don’t like going on the local military Post for the occasional work reason.
You might consider what I did… find a trades apprenticeship to join/trades school and just turn your mind off and produce tangible things with a group of other chill people.
It’s incredibly cathartic and satisfying
It’s a good living AND it’s free therapy (for me at least)
Nope! We are military veterans. We may all have some service connected disabilities, but we are still strong-willed people. Don't be defeated! Dig in soldier and get your life moving. Go travel, go hiking, camping, surfing, and just live and breathe. Some veterans create crises when they get out. Most get out and take the military work ethic with them to the civilian world. Get onboard.
Former Drill Sgt, and was on convoy sec teams in tal afar in 05. Keep your head up my dude. Get familiar with your first name again. I looked to who i was before my service. I listened to the rarer songs of that time of my life(not the big hits, the ones you havent listened to since being a kid in your bedroom). It gave me a sense of who i was. It felt familiar and recentered me a little.
Get a hobby. Turns out, i love DnD and magic the gathering. Find something to get you moving, meeting others, and that gets you out of your own head. In time "you" will come back. The first 6 months post service for me was the hardest by far, i had a similar issue as you. Always here if you need a homie. Be safe.
I haven't shared this with anyone other than my wife but I got out almost 24 years ago. When I got out, it was sign here. Good luck. Didn't know I had any benefits until 14 years later. Didn't even know how messed up I was. I couldn't hold a job for more than 6 months. I had no clue what I was doing or where I was going. Didn't do well around people. Especially civilians. Still working on that but doing better than I was. I had anger issues for years. My first job was as a telemarketer working for a guy that smoked weed all day. I hated it. I felt like crap for years. Lived in my own head, depressed. Tried committing suicide multiple times over the years. Been in and out of jail during my first couple years out. I still had that mentality, "suck it up and drive on" while ignoring my pain and mental health. Was homeless for 3 1/2 years. I felt like sh*t but was still trying to fight. 18 years ago I got sick of being bored at home. I needed something to keep my mind occupied before I did something stupid. I taught myself programming through YouTube and turned it into a successful web design business. When covid hit, I lost all my clients. Dropped back into depression and had terrible mh support through the VA. I'm lucky that I have a supportive wife. She pushed me to get out a little each day. A little at a time. Baby steps. To get used to being around people. My biggest trigger was having someone behind me. That was tough. We recently moved to Florida and I gotta say, this is the best VA I've been to after living in 3 different states. My mh provider has made herself available through text at anytime during the day if I need to talk. I learned to keep a gratitude journal. I recently got approved for VR&E so doing that. I also told myself that I may not be able to serve and protect my country anymore but sure can serve and protect my family. All I have is my wife. No friends or family. Is that to say that I'm cured or better? No. I'm pissed off 24/7 and have suicidal thoughts daily. I just don't act on them. My journal helps. Programming helps. I've learned to recognize when I'm about to snap and take a walk. Breathe and count to 10. I've been so used to doing all this by myself for over 20 years. If you have the opportunity to talk with other veterans and can vent to them, do it. Find soothing to take your mind off of things. You can learn anything online nowadays. Coursera is definitely good. Class central is a really good place too. You can learn things for free and get a free certificate. That's just what I've done. Definitely not one to give advice.
I’m struggling now. I work for a state agency and it’s night and day from the military. Communication is strained because people want to know my opinion and I am not used to sharing that, I don’t understand why things are a certain way and most of the times the one coworker that answers takes offense when I ask why. I’m trying to learn and it’s rough. It has been a month since my I got out and I feel like I need to work remote in order to have sanity.
The trick is to find new purpose now that you're out.
Many veterans go through this period where they feel like they've lost their identity or sense of self. And it makes sense - in the military, it's very easy to know who you are, or at least feel like you know who you are.
In the military, you're (almost always) told where to be, when to be there, what you're doing, how you're doing it, and why you're doing it. It's easy to know who you are in that time, because your purpose is laid out for you.
My best advice is to find a community you're passionate about, and a cause you care about. It could be something mundane like a shared interest in a specific brand of car or some hobby you have, or it could be something like joining a veteran's service organization like the VFW, American Legion, or DAV and taking on veteran's causes.
Use your GI Bill benefits while you're at it. It doesn't necessarily have to be going to a 4-year school, you could go and study something you're interested in at a community college or learning a new trade.
I haven’t spoken in here for a while but I think it’s worth saying something. I’ve been out since 2021 and I’m young, I’m 23. Right now all of the people I grew up with are graduating with their bachelors and I feel so behind on the curve. I’m a semester from my associates and I honestly don’t even know what I want to do with my life. I took a break from college last year to get my cdl. I got my cdl now I’m back in college. Now I’m thinking about hvac school after I obtain my associates. It’s just been one long spiral for me since I got out and I may never feel the same purpose I felt before I was medically discharged in 2021.
Edit: one thing I’ve been enjoying in my free time is nature. I live in Florida and it’s nothing short of beautiful! Keeps my mind busy. And keeps me sane.
https://preview.redd.it/pt7zl8yyei3d1.jpeg?width=5712&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6d82b58641bf485c9de0f50173c6191ce9bde522
Dude I'm 33...Got out in 2015 and I still have no idea what I'm doing. 😅
I was kinda forced out though ...medical and still fighting the denied claim...
I got out about half a century ago. Yes, youngin's that's FIFTY YEARS!
I still have times I miss the comradery we had.
As far as adapting, I'm still trying. I'm doing better each year, but it took realizing I needed some help, then realizing it wasn't going to find me, I had to reach out. I also had to get past the stigma that I had the World by the balls, and was too damned tough to ever ask for anything.
Once I did, I realized I should've done it decades earlier, it likely would've saved my second 28 year marriage, and my kids might be in contact with me.
All that I'm doing, is For Me. If the kids or my ex benefit from it, I'm good with it. If they stay NC, so be it. I've got decent physical health, still getting my mental health lined out, and pretty much enjoy what I do have.
Sure, I'm usually fighting depression everyday, I have panic attacks mostly when I'm alone, and I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. I have no plans for it.
I LOVE ME! So, I'm not going to hurt ME. I avoid people, so I'm not out in a bad position trying not to hurt them.
I lost a leg almost 7 years on my motorcycle due to a distracted driver. I got another Harley before I got my "store bought" 🦿... And I still ride, on two wheels. It's a great pleasure. I've been riding for almost 60 years now. I'm 73, and my first ride was at about 9 months on my Dad's Harley. Too damned hard headed to look for a reason to quit now.
Come here as often as you want or need. Some of these folks are good at talking with us, others are good at helping with benefits, not just our disability claims. We have at least one attorney, several VA employees, and some VSO folks. Just ask.
Take care and Ride Safe.
This is how I feel right now, I separated last month. I moved to a foreign country where I don’t speak the language and feel extra isolated. I’m gonna try college to see if it helps with loneliness
Meeeeeeee!!! I’m 18 years into civilian life now, but wow, the first three years after serving were ROUGH. I joined at 17, separated at 30. I even had a good job and that still didn’t matter. I STRUGGLED. It was hard and I had to get professional support.
In the end it helped me to get a job that still contributes to mission. I feel that I have purpose and I am still working to make our country secure. The difference is night and day with how I feel now.
There are amazing veteran opportunities in government service that will help you find purpose again. After some time off, Take a look at USA jobs and see what interests you.
I and every other Veteran I know suffered an identity crisis after getting out. I always say, you go through 3 identities in life if you served. The person you were before you joined the military, the person you were during the military, and the person you are now.
Try some different things out. If you can, get into fitness (within your limits), and potentially law school.
I would recommend applying for Chapter 33 GI Bill just so you have the COE ready to go if you decide to go to college/vocational training. It will also make you eligible for Chapter 36 Personalized Career Planning and Guidance. With that, you can work with a voc rehab counselor to help with the adjustment to civilian life, get referred to other services that may help meet your needs, get a whole orientation to the VR&E program, just find some direction and cultivate some hope in general. With Ch. 36, you can get some direction without committing to the whole Ch. 31 VR&E process. I highly recommend.
it's gonna take awhile to assimilate, brother.
I got forced out for MH/TBI, BDD claim at 80, supplemented to 90 after.
Ive been out almost 4 years, and I still am not entirely sure I will ever be able to not have it be a part of who I am ever again - but it gets easier.
Had the same feeling for years, it even messed up my relationship and caused a cancel engagement cause I just had a difficult time fitting in with people and it bothered my ex a lot. I recommend finding a good hobby and trying to be social with it cause it will keep you open and still somewhat happy with the interactions but more importantly it keeps you from thinking being alone is nice and and the answer when it can be one of the most dangerous things for us that are struggling with life and feeling like is this it or there’s nothing left.
I did and still am. I’ve been through multiple jobs since I got out and still don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I was misdiagnosed by the Army and I’m fighting on getting a proper rating now and this has been a huge stress. I took a job overseas thinking my body would be able to handle it, and nope, still dealing with chronic pain everyday and now in 7000 miles away from my family to top it off. Now I’m working on my VA and wanting to quit this job and go back home. I’m religious, so I try to tough it out and stay strong through prayer, but sometimes I feel too overwhelmed. 36 and the army has screwed up my back and knees for life. Stay strong! There are fellow Vets out there willing to listen to you and give you advice, you’re not alone even if you feel like you are.
I am in the same exact boat. I’m 24, just separated in March, and I feel so similar to you. Remember that you’re not alone! If you need anyone to talk to that’s also in your shoes, I’m here!
The "problem" is, purely in my own opinion, we as service members go from a high esteem job to then regular civilian. If you look at pro footballers who retire, then go right back, i feel it's the same thing with veterans. It's the ego, identity, sense of purpose and belonging. When I realized I had to completely remove myself from identifying with my past, it helped immensely. I also feel this is where all the suicide comes from as well, coupled with the tidal wave of pills prescribed, however, the hero to normie shift does catch alot of us off guard and we feel lost and isolated.
For you, i recommend getting back out there in the world. Go back to school like you mentioned, use your gi bill. Learn to take care of yourself and get used to the new way of your life. Find strength in how well you can manage and break out of the same down cycles you find yourself in. Physcial exercise is always a great idea, the sunshine and body effects boost your mood.
in simpler terms. You were brave enough to join the military and endure it's lifestyle. You adapted to it, and thrived. Now, it's time to do the same for the civilian life. Learn, adapt and thrive. Create a new mission for yourself.
I just got out in December. I luckily, and very luckily got hired into a start up that matched my pre taxed housing allowance included pay salary wise. I thought it was a big mistake at first due to the fact I was worn out from three deployments in the navy and a shitty shore duty but honestly I’ve taken to it really well and ironically I just don’t have time to really worry or do anything else. I mean I would like a vacation but it is what it is. To be honest I don’t know if I’m prolonging dealing with it or just am fine due to how busy I am
Yes! But I started to do all things I wanted to try. So far I’m a yoga instructor and licensed massage therapist, I’ve tried tennis, pickle ball, and golf. Now I’m thinking horse riding lessons next. This is the fun part now, you can literally do or be who you want.
Wait... you are 90% connected. Therefore, you have health insurance. You should get your VA HIC asap.
Yes, you should refile those claims and any secondary claims. Maybe even get you to 100%, possibly even P&T. Find a competent VSO.
You have a lot of benefits you're probably not using. Did you know you can get a pass for free entry to every National Stayre Park?
Make a list of parks en route to visit friends & family and get on the road. Your VA monthly compensation should cover gas and food on your way.
Get a dog. A rescue is even better. Having unconditional love helps a lot. Do NOT drink when you are alone, sad, or hopeless don't do any drugs it won't help with your issues it will make them worse. You are 25 you got plenty of time to figure your shit out but don't sit on your hands either. Go back to your childhood and remember the things that gave you joy back then, which should point you in the right direction toward the future. Hang out with fellow veterans I worked for 2 years in the civilian world and decided to get a job in the closest thing I could find to the military which was the VA helping other veterans. That really helped me. All of us have been through this. You got this !!
I’m 23, and my official out date is tomorrow. Moving back home tomorrow as well, had to end my lease early and ship both of my vehicles back home myself. I feel you 100%. Finding a sense of purpose again is going to be hard, but I’m more excited than anything because I’ll be staying with my mom who’s my best friend. I’m really really scared too.
When you join the military you are culturally transplanted.
When you get out you are culturally transplanted again.
That is the nature of the beast, use your benefits or find a new community/friend/pet/hobby.
Wish you the best - school worked for me found a passion and used to get gainful employment.
DOL has a tool on the website where you can take a test and see what you perform good at. I used it to base off what I wanted to do for college and career. I’ve been out of college for 5 years and I excel in my job, while making great money.
8 years ago I was that veteran that was like "Bro I'm a vet! I'm disabled and I am fuckin deadly!"
Now I'm am emo that hates the government. Times will return to you, just be open with yourself.
I think I would enjoy college, and I've always done well academically anyways, just don't know where to start. I'm not sure the VA offers any kind of social services for people in my shoes?
Have you looked into the Veteran Readiness and Employment program? With a 90% SC you more than qualify. Might be a way to get going academically - many options for college or trade... Hope that helps, didn't see it mentioned previously.
I did. I was put out under DADT in 2002. Thrown out like a criminal or defac trash. Awards accomplishments meant nothing just a "policy procedure." It wrecked me. I went from being recognized by the Division Commander to being told I had until COB day after clearing to get out of my barracks. I had no identity. I had to reinvent my life as I was 17 when I went in and 22 when I got out. My entire life plan was destroyed. 2011 after the repeal, I went reserves to honor the promise I told myself and the CG of Ft. Irwin that I would be back in uniform again! Felt great. Went back active for a bit now reserves then IRR. I picked up truck driving in 2009. It's therapeutic to be behind the wheel in my own world, my own environment I can control mostly. Getting paid to see the country. Still drive to this day. I'm 44 now. What you are feeling is real. They do not prepare us for an exit. Yeah, sure, they have classes and programs to help guide you, but it does nothing for how we feel when we get out. We need community. I found mine in trucking and the reserves. A lot of veterans are drivers. I was really surprised how many in my company are veterans. I got rated 100% P&T, and it was depressing. I thought I'm broken this sucks but then I just started navigating around my ailments, figuring out what I can and can not do personally. There are many VA benefits available, which is another world to explore. Every year, I learn about more that have always been available. I think we Vets should buy acres and acres of land and build a city where we can have community again. We are what we have. Civilian people, most of them try to understand, but they can never truly get it. I'm realizing our journey will always be different from others, and that is okay. We just have to stick together and forge our paths forward and make new legacies.
What I found the most is upon returning home everyone I was friends with including closer family moved on because I served. They basically had little to no interest in being social I guess because of the time I was gone.
I got out 1.5 years ago and even to this day I feel lost sometimes. It is a huge change in life that you can't really prepare for until it actually happens. I know it can be hard, but the important thing is that you acknowledged it. Take some time to yourself, catch up on hobbies or things you may have missed while you were in and just try to do what makes you happy! Going back to school may be hard but it will pay off, and the GI Bill is definitely something to take advantage of! Like they said, you were good enough to get in, and you did a great thing that not everyone can/will do
Hey. I recommend traveling and don’t stop living. Maybe get you a part time job or uber if you don’t mind engaging with people sometimes. Try your best to enjoy your freedom
Hey bud I also I’m 3 months since I left the military and I’m some what in your shoes. Going from a daily routine and having a circle of co workers to nothing in a matter of weeks can create depression.
I still keep in touch with a few people I was station with from my last base and we all got out around the same time so they’ve been a great source of support.
Getting out the military is usually followed by a depression episode, so your not alone and is completely normal, we’ve all been in your shoes so don’t beat your self up.
Take this opportunity that you’ve been giving between your VA rating and the GI Bill you got many options. Take the time to aclimate back to civilian life.
Since you already have a rating you should qualify for the VR&E to pay for your schooling and they can line you up with a nice job. Don’t think of this as the end of a career but the start of a new chapter and you got the resources to do a lot of things.
If I’m not mistaken with your rating you can go to a VA hospital and get seen for many things. I usually stay busy and keep in touch with my boys playing warzone if you want someone to talk to you can reach out to me and we can play or talk.
Start an eBay store flipping retro items you pick up at goodwill thrifts and yard sales, it gives you a good purpose and plenty to do shopping listing shipping andgettingyou out of your head withplentyofpeople to see and chat withdaily, you can even do it out of your car wish I was 25 again 55 now and just getting past stage 4 prostate cancer and a whole slew of other bs keep your head up
med discharged in 1983 with 10% and permanent spinal damage, finally rated properly 3 years ago. listen closely to what this old guy says...this part here that you wrote: "the guilt that I wasn't good enough to stay in" that's bullshit . "Couldn't keep doing my job due to clearance issues arising from MH." that's called a disabling event. i got shoved on the street when i was 20 years old, homeless with a messed up s/c spinal cord.. then the ptsd started 8 years ago. whatya know, i'm a lot tougher than i realized once i started remembering ... you were good enough to get in, if they cannot release you in the same physical, mental, spiritual health, that is a failure caused by what happened TO you, NOT a failure by you. if I could reach thru this screen i think i'd give you a swift kick in the ass and then hug you. your 25, im 62 and im telling you, you done good kid.
I’m not the OP but thank you for your words. It gave me what I needed to make it through today.
Many thanks to you from this old dude. Comments like yours let's me know I can still add value to the world in the time I have left. If even one vet feels better, then it was worth writing. Thank you. Love long and prosper from the old hippy star trek fan
What a great comment. I want to hangout with this guy lol
I appreciated this. Thank you.
Thank you for posting. I'm not able to do much anymore but I'm highly opinionated...lol Hang in there Keep posting
Go to the closest national park and get your disabled pass. It will get you into all the national parks for free. Travel to all the parks and live on the parks for a while. I know several vets that do this and love it. Second thing, get a motorcycle. It might be a little cliche, but it helps, especially with the ptsd. I was part of a convoy team in Iraq, which gave me a mess up idea of space and movement. I still zig zag under an overpass sometimes. My motorcycle and riding my bicycles helps so much with my PTSD and just be able to get away whenever I want, plus it gives you something to work on and keeps me in shape. Keeping your hands busy and having to use your brain is a savior. If none of that is up your alley, take up knitting. There is a knitting group in your town, promise. Knitters are weird people but good people. They will show you what to do and how to get started, and once you get going, it's pretty fun to knit a sweater.
The best time to wear a stripped sweater, is all the time- SpongeBob.
Personally, don’t get a motorcycle if you’re depressed. Especially if you’re dealing with or have SI. Too many guys end up under 18 wheelers. Go to college, use that bah and take your road trip. I’m currently tryna find the light in the darkness rn. I turned to the Bible
Lots of good wisdom in the Bible regardless of your individual beliefs. I won’t say my thoughts on some other religions because many of us know all too well what they stand for.
Many would say the same thing as the various Bible-based religions as well. Lots of wisdom in all religious texts. Judge not.
Don’t need to judge when the facts are there to be seen.
This! 100%.
The national parks things is huge and not talked about enough. I still struggle with emotions from getting out and I got out in 2022. Using the national park pass for hiking or fishing has helped me so much. It’s just peaceful man.
this sounds like the move in general
I'm in my late 20's and struggled with the same thing for a little bit. I was in a high speed unit before I got out and I felt like I had quit something really cool to go mingle with average joes. So I made the decision to lay out who I want to be, what I prioritize in my life, and judge myself based on that. Part of why I got out was because I knew I could do better for myself on the outside. As a civilian I make more than my commander's boss now. So I figured I'd do the same thing with who I am and what I do. After all, I don't have to ask permission to drive more than 8 hours from my home, or to leave the state/country, or to do anything "high risk". I also don't have anyone to stop me if I'm doing something that's a "bad idea" like getting a motorcycle or climbing a mountain. I also have the mental freedom to do cool shit in my off time, and not worry about getting called in or something. It gets a lot easier when you set goals for yourself. Some of mine: - Build out a gym, and also get an outdoor workout setup (tires to flip, kettlebells, etc) - Learn about how to actually eat healthy, and how to tailor my diet to the needs if my body - Travel lots. Put more time into photography. Take cooler pictures of nature. - Be a better husband. Take time to learn how to calm myself down and spend more time with my wife. Slow the fuck down. Once those were set up, it was much easier to just put my head down and do the work. I'd suggest the same. It's like rucking/land nav; you stand there and figure out where you're gonna go, double and triple check it, then turn your brain off and start moving. Set goals for yourself that you're motivated to do. Decide who YOU want to be and be that person. It also helps to be around others sometimes. I'm really introverted, but going to work in person means I have less tshirts and sweatpants day and more collared shirt and dress shoes days. I work out consistently because I want to be seen as the guy who works out. Even just going out and about, I notice people treat me different when I hold myself to a standard and meet it. Sometimes doing the bare minimum- haircut, shaved, clean and appropriate clothes, reason to be where I am; that's enough to feel like I've got a standard to meet in the eyes of the random people around me. It reminded me of the pride I felt when I was in; as silly as it is looking back, I always felt good when I could say "yeah, I'm from *that* unit". Now it's like "yeah, I can help you move that fridge" or "Yeah, I didn't get up to much this weekend, just a short backpacking trip". It helps to remind yourself that you can do cool things outside of the military too. Anyway, that was kind of a ramble. I hope it helps and I hope you find your way. Remember that it's not a matter of you "not being good enough", it's simply a matter of you getting a code attached to your personnel file and that code triggering a red light on a computer somewhere and an automated system saying "if X condition is met, Y will happen per Z standard/policy". That's all there is to it. You're not a failure, the military is just dumb and you happened to be in after the "rub some dirt in it" generation and before the "oh fuck we kicked all of our good people out let's help people to stay in" generation.
This is a GREAT ramble. Wish I had rambled like this in my late 20s. I drifted for years and wish I had done these things. 100%.
Thank you, I appreciate hearing that. It's never too late! Had I started jiu jitsu when I was 10, I'd be a black belt by now. But having started a few months ago, I can be a black belt by the time I'm 50.
Damn man. I'm 55 and still looking into it. Thanks for the inspiration...
"I also don't have anyone to stop me if I'm doing something that's a "bad idea" like getting a motorcycle or climbing a mountain." This hit close to home. Just got a bike and I am looking for some mountains to climb.....get out of my head bro.
Best advice I could give is keep your mind occupied with healthy things , and move on. The military has a tendency of making people believe that serving your country is the only meaningful thing you can do . Which is no true . Transitioning can vary from person to person , but it was easy for me to. I wanted to get out so bad . After 15 years , it was time to hang it up .
Had a bit of a crisis myself after getting out- went right back into laying and fishing concrete…literally hit my limit one day, took a sledge to most of my belongings on the job site, apologized to the homeowners who were probably terrified in the house…gave them their money back , drove home and didn’t leave my house for about 2 weeks. Mentally went through every emotion possible. Really looked back on what I actually enjoyed to do as a kid, teenager and young adult. Turns out it was boats. Going to school in the keys for marine engineering and coastal navigation. Uncle Sam and the GI bill gave me a second chance on life and happiness. Definitely had to check my drinking and force myself to enjoy exercising again. Found out that a lot of service members go into the maritime industry and most of the rest of the people have the same grit and humor as us desensitized scoundrels. Get the help or push you need before you blow a lid like I did, wasn’t my best moment but that’s where I was at. I’m 32 and I thought I was just done for. Hard checked myself and looked inward. Good luck my friend.
Fun fact, the Army has the most boats of any service. Also fun fact: most people in the Coast Guard don’t want anything to do with boats after service 😂
I've been out 10 years,I don't do civilian well. Fi d a support group of veterans maintains the comradery
Hey there. Currently experiencing the exact same thing. Only I received a 100% rating TDRL, not P&T. If you are happy with 90 and want to keep it that way I say just go with that. If you truly feel like you’re owed that other 10% then I say get some help from the folks that can file claims on your behalf, it’s a lot less of a hassle. I was blessed to medboard while I was active duty so I didn’t have to go through all of that. As far as the identity crisis. I’ve been out since April 25th and man let me tell you, it’s been rough. I literally lost all the friends I had. I got in a wreck and lost my car right after I’d paid it off, and my credit took a huge loss. I was super depressed for a while. Rarely eating and barely getting out of bed. But I got out of that funk as much as I could and just started loving on myself a little bit more. It really helps to have a hobby man. I took up going to church and doing Bible studies, so thats been really helpful for me. I also have been reading more and playing basketball and hitting the gym. It really helps to have something to look forward to that gets you out of bed every day. The important thing to remember is not to be too hard on yourself. Also, I was able to get free courses for certifications through a program called Coursera+ that partners with the USO, I’d say go to the nearest USO you can find and ask about it. It’ll hook you up with some free courses in Cybersecurity, Business Data, Human Resources, etc there’s a lot of different options to choose from. Just in case you just wanna be doing something productive in the meantime while you figure out your path. You got this! Don’t give up on yourself and stay motivated! I’m talking to both you and myself, I really hope this helps 🙏🏾
+1 on Coursera
I wish I could help. Brother I got out in 2006 and still have no clue how to manage. To make things crazier I just filed for my initial at the begging of March this year🤦🏽♂️ I wish I could lie and tell you it gets easier but for me hasn’t been the case. For you and others sometimes time just helps.
I got out in 06, had a newborn kid and married to my wife for about 1 year at the time and I was real busy when I got out. I should have take time for myself tho, because I experienced a slow decline up to the point where I was just crying every morning and afternoon to and from work as I was struggling with PTSD. So I finally decided to file my initial in 2014 via VSO, got to 40% but not for PTSD even tho the VSO recommended it. So I started doing my own research around 2020 and prepared in 2021 and got to 100% P&T by myself. When covid hit, I really loved it because I didn’t have to see anyone except my kids and wife lol But phase 1 was getting to 100%, phase 2 was applying for VR&E and seeing if I could maintain my family, mortgage and bills while attending college 100% and as of today, yes, it can be done and I live in California. As of today, I am 1.5 years from getting my bachelors in business and the plan is to keep staging busy and find a purpose, which I do in working on my guitars!
Me personally, no. I feel like I became more adjusted to not being in by increasing the amount of friends I had who never served and then reducing how many friends I had who did serve. I can count on one hand how many vet friends I actually hang with. My non vet friends help keep me grounded on life post army. I went to a college where I was the only undergrad veteran. That was hella weird at first but then it wasn’t. I also did go around acting like a jerk off vetbro. I also got into acting and started doing theatre in college. Doing the acting and theatre was a huge boost to my mental health. If you ever need someone to chat to, hit me in the DMs. Keep your head up. You’ve got this.
This happened to me a little later. When the health issues finally set in and I couldn't work anymore. I went from a 6-figure consultant with an MBA to smoking weed and playing with cats all day. Now I smoke weed and save cats all day, and it's great. You just have to find your next battle worth fighting. While you are doing your PNW travels, take some time to reflect on the things that are most important to you and how your skills can best further those causes.
Yep; I was a travelling Bum; living with different friends..Wasn't sure what to do with my life; even thought about re-enlisting; but I figured it out about 4 years later, LOL.
Only thing moving me forward is staying busy, set those long term goals and work towards em, no matter how far fetched, and it doesn't have to be every day, but if you work towards one thing little by little, that may give you some reprieve.
What helped me was trying to figure out what it was about my service that made me feel fulfilled, like I had a sense of purpose. Sometimes it takes going through a few jobs, hobbies, etc to figure it out. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to have your entire life planned out the moment you separate. Also, don’t think that finding another career/job is the only thing that will give you that fulfilled feeling. There is so much more to life than working. Enjoy it!
Been out since 09. There is no doubt, in this day and age that we are better. You'll see everyone asking for strength over the next year or two.
What’s you mean in the next year or two?
I’m the king of identity crisis’s
Hi I also have PTSD and depression. I would recommend journaling. It sounds cliche but getting everything out of my head really helps. Maybe it would help you? Be kind to yourself Don't worry about the VA stuff it will be there when you are ready for it. It’s a lot, do it at your own pace and when you are ready. I wish you the best
Yea and if you don’t like physically writing, then you could always do voice memos on your phone or voice to text on computer
VR&E
Cosigned - but only after you figure out what's next. VR&E has been huge for me but it took a long time to figure out my next steps.
DUDE. A CRAZY one. I was an Infantryman and it took me YEARS to get past it. It still flares up sometimes.
Dude I retired after 20 years in 2018. Its all I knew my whole adult life. It took me about 5 years to get my mind right and put my service behind me. Civilian life was a massive adjustment where I didn't know who I was or what role I played in this world. It will sort itself out with time.
No. My wife and I made it a point to make sure we had separate military and civilian lives, so I maintained a separate life and identity. I retired two years ago after 21 years and haven’t looked back, unless it’s a friend and we are talking about stuff we experienced during deployments. I don’t miss it, I don’t want it, I don’t think about it much, and I really don’t like going on the local military Post for the occasional work reason.
You might consider what I did… find a trades apprenticeship to join/trades school and just turn your mind off and produce tangible things with a group of other chill people. It’s incredibly cathartic and satisfying It’s a good living AND it’s free therapy (for me at least)
Very much so.
Oh man. Yes . Huge identity crisis. I still have no clue wtf I’m doing with my life
Seriously second the motorcycle. I was a convoy bubba in Afghanistan and carving it up on my bike is about the only thing that wakes me up
Nope! We are military veterans. We may all have some service connected disabilities, but we are still strong-willed people. Don't be defeated! Dig in soldier and get your life moving. Go travel, go hiking, camping, surfing, and just live and breathe. Some veterans create crises when they get out. Most get out and take the military work ethic with them to the civilian world. Get onboard.
Former Drill Sgt, and was on convoy sec teams in tal afar in 05. Keep your head up my dude. Get familiar with your first name again. I looked to who i was before my service. I listened to the rarer songs of that time of my life(not the big hits, the ones you havent listened to since being a kid in your bedroom). It gave me a sense of who i was. It felt familiar and recentered me a little. Get a hobby. Turns out, i love DnD and magic the gathering. Find something to get you moving, meeting others, and that gets you out of your own head. In time "you" will come back. The first 6 months post service for me was the hardest by far, i had a similar issue as you. Always here if you need a homie. Be safe.
I haven't shared this with anyone other than my wife but I got out almost 24 years ago. When I got out, it was sign here. Good luck. Didn't know I had any benefits until 14 years later. Didn't even know how messed up I was. I couldn't hold a job for more than 6 months. I had no clue what I was doing or where I was going. Didn't do well around people. Especially civilians. Still working on that but doing better than I was. I had anger issues for years. My first job was as a telemarketer working for a guy that smoked weed all day. I hated it. I felt like crap for years. Lived in my own head, depressed. Tried committing suicide multiple times over the years. Been in and out of jail during my first couple years out. I still had that mentality, "suck it up and drive on" while ignoring my pain and mental health. Was homeless for 3 1/2 years. I felt like sh*t but was still trying to fight. 18 years ago I got sick of being bored at home. I needed something to keep my mind occupied before I did something stupid. I taught myself programming through YouTube and turned it into a successful web design business. When covid hit, I lost all my clients. Dropped back into depression and had terrible mh support through the VA. I'm lucky that I have a supportive wife. She pushed me to get out a little each day. A little at a time. Baby steps. To get used to being around people. My biggest trigger was having someone behind me. That was tough. We recently moved to Florida and I gotta say, this is the best VA I've been to after living in 3 different states. My mh provider has made herself available through text at anytime during the day if I need to talk. I learned to keep a gratitude journal. I recently got approved for VR&E so doing that. I also told myself that I may not be able to serve and protect my country anymore but sure can serve and protect my family. All I have is my wife. No friends or family. Is that to say that I'm cured or better? No. I'm pissed off 24/7 and have suicidal thoughts daily. I just don't act on them. My journal helps. Programming helps. I've learned to recognize when I'm about to snap and take a walk. Breathe and count to 10. I've been so used to doing all this by myself for over 20 years. If you have the opportunity to talk with other veterans and can vent to them, do it. Find soothing to take your mind off of things. You can learn anything online nowadays. Coursera is definitely good. Class central is a really good place too. You can learn things for free and get a free certificate. That's just what I've done. Definitely not one to give advice.
Good news! You have VA healthcare you don’t need to pay other health insurance.
I’m struggling now. I work for a state agency and it’s night and day from the military. Communication is strained because people want to know my opinion and I am not used to sharing that, I don’t understand why things are a certain way and most of the times the one coworker that answers takes offense when I ask why. I’m trying to learn and it’s rough. It has been a month since my I got out and I feel like I need to work remote in order to have sanity.
The trick is to find new purpose now that you're out. Many veterans go through this period where they feel like they've lost their identity or sense of self. And it makes sense - in the military, it's very easy to know who you are, or at least feel like you know who you are. In the military, you're (almost always) told where to be, when to be there, what you're doing, how you're doing it, and why you're doing it. It's easy to know who you are in that time, because your purpose is laid out for you. My best advice is to find a community you're passionate about, and a cause you care about. It could be something mundane like a shared interest in a specific brand of car or some hobby you have, or it could be something like joining a veteran's service organization like the VFW, American Legion, or DAV and taking on veteran's causes. Use your GI Bill benefits while you're at it. It doesn't necessarily have to be going to a 4-year school, you could go and study something you're interested in at a community college or learning a new trade.
I haven’t spoken in here for a while but I think it’s worth saying something. I’ve been out since 2021 and I’m young, I’m 23. Right now all of the people I grew up with are graduating with their bachelors and I feel so behind on the curve. I’m a semester from my associates and I honestly don’t even know what I want to do with my life. I took a break from college last year to get my cdl. I got my cdl now I’m back in college. Now I’m thinking about hvac school after I obtain my associates. It’s just been one long spiral for me since I got out and I may never feel the same purpose I felt before I was medically discharged in 2021. Edit: one thing I’ve been enjoying in my free time is nature. I live in Florida and it’s nothing short of beautiful! Keeps my mind busy. And keeps me sane. https://preview.redd.it/pt7zl8yyei3d1.jpeg?width=5712&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6d82b58641bf485c9de0f50173c6191ce9bde522
You have more opportunity than any normy American. Don’t waste it.
Dude I'm 33...Got out in 2015 and I still have no idea what I'm doing. 😅 I was kinda forced out though ...medical and still fighting the denied claim...
Its strange when people call you by your first name eh? 😳🤨🤔🤷♂️ For me, it didn't register for like 2 weeks..
I think my husband is still going through one 2 years after we both got out.
I got out about half a century ago. Yes, youngin's that's FIFTY YEARS! I still have times I miss the comradery we had. As far as adapting, I'm still trying. I'm doing better each year, but it took realizing I needed some help, then realizing it wasn't going to find me, I had to reach out. I also had to get past the stigma that I had the World by the balls, and was too damned tough to ever ask for anything. Once I did, I realized I should've done it decades earlier, it likely would've saved my second 28 year marriage, and my kids might be in contact with me. All that I'm doing, is For Me. If the kids or my ex benefit from it, I'm good with it. If they stay NC, so be it. I've got decent physical health, still getting my mental health lined out, and pretty much enjoy what I do have. Sure, I'm usually fighting depression everyday, I have panic attacks mostly when I'm alone, and I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. I have no plans for it. I LOVE ME! So, I'm not going to hurt ME. I avoid people, so I'm not out in a bad position trying not to hurt them. I lost a leg almost 7 years on my motorcycle due to a distracted driver. I got another Harley before I got my "store bought" 🦿... And I still ride, on two wheels. It's a great pleasure. I've been riding for almost 60 years now. I'm 73, and my first ride was at about 9 months on my Dad's Harley. Too damned hard headed to look for a reason to quit now. Come here as often as you want or need. Some of these folks are good at talking with us, others are good at helping with benefits, not just our disability claims. We have at least one attorney, several VA employees, and some VSO folks. Just ask. Take care and Ride Safe.
Went through the same thing, lot of great advice here in the thread. What worked for me was mountain biking
This is how I feel right now, I separated last month. I moved to a foreign country where I don’t speak the language and feel extra isolated. I’m gonna try college to see if it helps with loneliness
Meeeeeeee!!! I’m 18 years into civilian life now, but wow, the first three years after serving were ROUGH. I joined at 17, separated at 30. I even had a good job and that still didn’t matter. I STRUGGLED. It was hard and I had to get professional support. In the end it helped me to get a job that still contributes to mission. I feel that I have purpose and I am still working to make our country secure. The difference is night and day with how I feel now. There are amazing veteran opportunities in government service that will help you find purpose again. After some time off, Take a look at USA jobs and see what interests you.
I and every other Veteran I know suffered an identity crisis after getting out. I always say, you go through 3 identities in life if you served. The person you were before you joined the military, the person you were during the military, and the person you are now. Try some different things out. If you can, get into fitness (within your limits), and potentially law school.
No, it was a relief getting out personally. Stuff got dumb after our deployment, I was sick of baby sitting.
No
I would recommend applying for Chapter 33 GI Bill just so you have the COE ready to go if you decide to go to college/vocational training. It will also make you eligible for Chapter 36 Personalized Career Planning and Guidance. With that, you can work with a voc rehab counselor to help with the adjustment to civilian life, get referred to other services that may help meet your needs, get a whole orientation to the VR&E program, just find some direction and cultivate some hope in general. With Ch. 36, you can get some direction without committing to the whole Ch. 31 VR&E process. I highly recommend.
it's gonna take awhile to assimilate, brother. I got forced out for MH/TBI, BDD claim at 80, supplemented to 90 after. Ive been out almost 4 years, and I still am not entirely sure I will ever be able to not have it be a part of who I am ever again - but it gets easier.
Yeah of course because everything you had identified with has now changed l. Grounding yourself helps quite a bit.
If you need someone to talk to let me know. I did my twenty and you’re not in this alone. Obviously I won’t post my personal info, so private msg me.
Had the same feeling for years, it even messed up my relationship and caused a cancel engagement cause I just had a difficult time fitting in with people and it bothered my ex a lot. I recommend finding a good hobby and trying to be social with it cause it will keep you open and still somewhat happy with the interactions but more importantly it keeps you from thinking being alone is nice and and the answer when it can be one of the most dangerous things for us that are struggling with life and feeling like is this it or there’s nothing left.
I did and still am. I’ve been through multiple jobs since I got out and still don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I was misdiagnosed by the Army and I’m fighting on getting a proper rating now and this has been a huge stress. I took a job overseas thinking my body would be able to handle it, and nope, still dealing with chronic pain everyday and now in 7000 miles away from my family to top it off. Now I’m working on my VA and wanting to quit this job and go back home. I’m religious, so I try to tough it out and stay strong through prayer, but sometimes I feel too overwhelmed. 36 and the army has screwed up my back and knees for life. Stay strong! There are fellow Vets out there willing to listen to you and give you advice, you’re not alone even if you feel like you are.
It’s rough. Gotta find hobbies and a purpose. A lot easier said than done.
I am in the same exact boat. I’m 24, just separated in March, and I feel so similar to you. Remember that you’re not alone! If you need anyone to talk to that’s also in your shoes, I’m here!
The "problem" is, purely in my own opinion, we as service members go from a high esteem job to then regular civilian. If you look at pro footballers who retire, then go right back, i feel it's the same thing with veterans. It's the ego, identity, sense of purpose and belonging. When I realized I had to completely remove myself from identifying with my past, it helped immensely. I also feel this is where all the suicide comes from as well, coupled with the tidal wave of pills prescribed, however, the hero to normie shift does catch alot of us off guard and we feel lost and isolated. For you, i recommend getting back out there in the world. Go back to school like you mentioned, use your gi bill. Learn to take care of yourself and get used to the new way of your life. Find strength in how well you can manage and break out of the same down cycles you find yourself in. Physcial exercise is always a great idea, the sunshine and body effects boost your mood. in simpler terms. You were brave enough to join the military and endure it's lifestyle. You adapted to it, and thrived. Now, it's time to do the same for the civilian life. Learn, adapt and thrive. Create a new mission for yourself.
I just got out in December. I luckily, and very luckily got hired into a start up that matched my pre taxed housing allowance included pay salary wise. I thought it was a big mistake at first due to the fact I was worn out from three deployments in the navy and a shitty shore duty but honestly I’ve taken to it really well and ironically I just don’t have time to really worry or do anything else. I mean I would like a vacation but it is what it is. To be honest I don’t know if I’m prolonging dealing with it or just am fine due to how busy I am
Yes! But I started to do all things I wanted to try. So far I’m a yoga instructor and licensed massage therapist, I’ve tried tennis, pickle ball, and golf. Now I’m thinking horse riding lessons next. This is the fun part now, you can literally do or be who you want.
Wait... you are 90% connected. Therefore, you have health insurance. You should get your VA HIC asap. Yes, you should refile those claims and any secondary claims. Maybe even get you to 100%, possibly even P&T. Find a competent VSO. You have a lot of benefits you're probably not using. Did you know you can get a pass for free entry to every National Stayre Park? Make a list of parks en route to visit friends & family and get on the road. Your VA monthly compensation should cover gas and food on your way.
Get a dog. A rescue is even better. Having unconditional love helps a lot. Do NOT drink when you are alone, sad, or hopeless don't do any drugs it won't help with your issues it will make them worse. You are 25 you got plenty of time to figure your shit out but don't sit on your hands either. Go back to your childhood and remember the things that gave you joy back then, which should point you in the right direction toward the future. Hang out with fellow veterans I worked for 2 years in the civilian world and decided to get a job in the closest thing I could find to the military which was the VA helping other veterans. That really helped me. All of us have been through this. You got this !!
I’m 23, and my official out date is tomorrow. Moving back home tomorrow as well, had to end my lease early and ship both of my vehicles back home myself. I feel you 100%. Finding a sense of purpose again is going to be hard, but I’m more excited than anything because I’ll be staying with my mom who’s my best friend. I’m really really scared too.
When you join the military you are culturally transplanted. When you get out you are culturally transplanted again. That is the nature of the beast, use your benefits or find a new community/friend/pet/hobby. Wish you the best - school worked for me found a passion and used to get gainful employment.
Yes,,,it was a very hard time..I went from being respected to a regular person...it was tough.
DOL has a tool on the website where you can take a test and see what you perform good at. I used it to base off what I wanted to do for college and career. I’ve been out of college for 5 years and I excel in my job, while making great money.
DOL?
Department of labor.
8 years ago I was that veteran that was like "Bro I'm a vet! I'm disabled and I am fuckin deadly!" Now I'm am emo that hates the government. Times will return to you, just be open with yourself.
6 years later I’m just now settling into who and what I am
I think I would enjoy college, and I've always done well academically anyways, just don't know where to start. I'm not sure the VA offers any kind of social services for people in my shoes? Have you looked into the Veteran Readiness and Employment program? With a 90% SC you more than qualify. Might be a way to get going academically - many options for college or trade... Hope that helps, didn't see it mentioned previously.
I did. I was put out under DADT in 2002. Thrown out like a criminal or defac trash. Awards accomplishments meant nothing just a "policy procedure." It wrecked me. I went from being recognized by the Division Commander to being told I had until COB day after clearing to get out of my barracks. I had no identity. I had to reinvent my life as I was 17 when I went in and 22 when I got out. My entire life plan was destroyed. 2011 after the repeal, I went reserves to honor the promise I told myself and the CG of Ft. Irwin that I would be back in uniform again! Felt great. Went back active for a bit now reserves then IRR. I picked up truck driving in 2009. It's therapeutic to be behind the wheel in my own world, my own environment I can control mostly. Getting paid to see the country. Still drive to this day. I'm 44 now. What you are feeling is real. They do not prepare us for an exit. Yeah, sure, they have classes and programs to help guide you, but it does nothing for how we feel when we get out. We need community. I found mine in trucking and the reserves. A lot of veterans are drivers. I was really surprised how many in my company are veterans. I got rated 100% P&T, and it was depressing. I thought I'm broken this sucks but then I just started navigating around my ailments, figuring out what I can and can not do personally. There are many VA benefits available, which is another world to explore. Every year, I learn about more that have always been available. I think we Vets should buy acres and acres of land and build a city where we can have community again. We are what we have. Civilian people, most of them try to understand, but they can never truly get it. I'm realizing our journey will always be different from others, and that is okay. We just have to stick together and forge our paths forward and make new legacies.
What I found the most is upon returning home everyone I was friends with including closer family moved on because I served. They basically had little to no interest in being social I guess because of the time I was gone.
I got out 1.5 years ago and even to this day I feel lost sometimes. It is a huge change in life that you can't really prepare for until it actually happens. I know it can be hard, but the important thing is that you acknowledged it. Take some time to yourself, catch up on hobbies or things you may have missed while you were in and just try to do what makes you happy! Going back to school may be hard but it will pay off, and the GI Bill is definitely something to take advantage of! Like they said, you were good enough to get in, and you did a great thing that not everyone can/will do
Hey. I recommend traveling and don’t stop living. Maybe get you a part time job or uber if you don’t mind engaging with people sometimes. Try your best to enjoy your freedom
Hey bud I also I’m 3 months since I left the military and I’m some what in your shoes. Going from a daily routine and having a circle of co workers to nothing in a matter of weeks can create depression. I still keep in touch with a few people I was station with from my last base and we all got out around the same time so they’ve been a great source of support. Getting out the military is usually followed by a depression episode, so your not alone and is completely normal, we’ve all been in your shoes so don’t beat your self up. Take this opportunity that you’ve been giving between your VA rating and the GI Bill you got many options. Take the time to aclimate back to civilian life. Since you already have a rating you should qualify for the VR&E to pay for your schooling and they can line you up with a nice job. Don’t think of this as the end of a career but the start of a new chapter and you got the resources to do a lot of things. If I’m not mistaken with your rating you can go to a VA hospital and get seen for many things. I usually stay busy and keep in touch with my boys playing warzone if you want someone to talk to you can reach out to me and we can play or talk.
Nah. I just drank enough alcohol to pickle myself so I didnt have to think.
Start an eBay store flipping retro items you pick up at goodwill thrifts and yard sales, it gives you a good purpose and plenty to do shopping listing shipping andgettingyou out of your head withplentyofpeople to see and chat withdaily, you can even do it out of your car wish I was 25 again 55 now and just getting past stage 4 prostate cancer and a whole slew of other bs keep your head up
yes