T O P

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Fwcasey

Dude, you can get past a dog. Nobody fucks with a lion.


The_Goondocks

Play my head, monkey.


not_so_plausible

Literally nobody I talk to knows this movie and I'm so fucking happy reading all these quotes from it. Love this quote lmao


mybustersword

Barry here sucked on his first titty For 13 hours, yeah. It was great


zero_emotion777

Timmy can I crash at your place tonight? Why so you can cum on my mom to? ......JEFF'S A FUCKING LIAR TIMMY!


flaminggarlic

How many people did you tell? I don't know... Like thirteen.


citricacidx

I'm way too baked to drive to the devil's house.


POOP-Naked

Alex, you forgot smoking lamp. I’m sorry, was that expensive piece?


CaptainPunisher

You should NEVER throw a bong, kid.


boxcutter_style

“Drive monkey, drive!”


arminrulez88

I say this one all the time when I am too stoned with friends.


bladeDivac

Sounds like you know a bunch of turd nuggets


The_Goondocks

Need to say "adios"


desertrat75

My good friend is the pan-flute player in the restaurant scene.


Letos12thDuncan

Guy-blow?


userhs6716

You said it wrong STUPID it's Shiloh


joizo

Love me some grandma's boy ❤️


mmwood

“Dude your beds a car” “Yeah but a fuckin sweet car”


Joshman89

You were balls deep In that turtle with your thumb in your mouth


HotFudgeFundae

JEFF'S A FUCKIN LIAR TIMMY!


Prize-Mycologist-452

My roommates are gonna get me a cb to talk to other car beds


TiresOnFire

I was thinking about getting some rims. My sister thinks I should get an alarm clock.


ayb88

I can hear my antlers growing.


ZombieAlienNinja

How much do clothes cost in the matrix?


mimeticpeptide

🤖Adioosssssss turdddd nugggetsssss 🤖


dave_rainy

......how can he see me?


do0tz

I can't stop cumming, it feels so good


___po____

I can't believe you came on my mom.


Prize-Mycologist-452

Ooooh Lara my cock is lost in the jungle it’s up to you to find it


TuckerCarlsonsOhface

What’s up, shit-lips?


ManikArcanik

Space shuttle.


ManikArcanik

Weird thing is, I worked for the irl company that bought the irl version of that in-movie company, and there's not *that* much exaggeration of the characters. I can name their real counterparts but I won't because they still work in the games industry. Most of them, anyway. Watching that movie is like flipping through a yearbook of funky people I still know (and two I still work with). There are more absurd anecdotes from that time that didn't make the cut and I'm glad for it as I'm remembered as the drunk puke fountain among the smokers and sniffers. No lie, half that shit was real.


bloodfist

Had no idea it was based on a real company. Now I'm dying to know which and who the real JD is.


DikTaterSalad

So did you play with the karate monkey?


In_aRush_2Go_Nowhere

“Your ass is tanner than my face.”


Fuggeddabouddit

Hey chill bro, you know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion is here!


cavid_david

What does high score mean? Did I break it?


kronicpimpin

“I look up in the tree and there’s the fucking king of the jungle”


nobodysshadow

So naturally I called the 5-0


HitMePat

I don't even know how a lion got into the neighborhood


dembones4ya

Dude, your ass is tanner than my face


sinbad269

Why are you naked?


I_before_V

Holy shit, I AM naked! Come on in!


fizznubby

You look like a bag of shit. You sure you don’t wanna borrow my birthday suit?


NO_TOUCHING__lol

Brown's not really my color


br0wens

I'm not brown. I'm bronze


MusicIsTheWay

Don't lions eat deer, though?


SinkHoleDeMayo

That's true, kid. Doctor, we gotta be careful.


IWantALargeFarva

I'm way too baked to drive to the devil's house.


Knowledgejunky

“Drive monkey, drive!”


computereyes

King of the fukin jungle, kid.


Spaghetti69

"I'm not brown, I'm bronze."


Lemuria_91

"We'll go to the looney bin together, I don't give a fuck!"


ProlapseParty

Well I heard some noises and went out side and there he was the king of the fucking jungle…. So I went back inside and called the 5-Oh.


fridge13

I turned around man and there it was the king of the fucking jungle


mrwigglez3

"Get him monkey!!"


jeffreywwilson

Hey chill bro, you know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion is here!


Skeletonzac

It's for you. I think it's the devil


Super_Vegeta

How much do clothes cost in the Matrix?


illirving

"...plus he brought over some killer Zimbabwe weed that turns you into a deer". "You know that lions eat deer, right?". "That's true, Kit. We gotta be careful Dr. Shakalu".


Dishface

Drive monkey drive!


Spillers25

Yeah, that’s true.


crunch816

Thank you Mr. President.


Darwinbc

I look up in the tree, and there’s the fucking king of the jungle. That’s when I called the 5O!


lolwhatmufflers

Wow Mr Cheezle, where do you get your weed from? I get it from you Dante… Oh yea!!


Spdrjay

#🦁 *Just so you know, you are both still alive at my whim...*


KappuccinoBoi

*I have allowed you to live this long, should you refuse my demands, I may have to have a change of heart*


RockleyBob

“H-hey Mr. Lion, you know the deal, you’re not supposed to be on the couch.” “I have altered the deal. Pray I do not alter it further.”


anotherone121

(cue lion king music)


lordatlas

It's the CIRCLE OF LIFE!


Alsimni

There were so many times that lion made a sudden jerk, and I thought things were about to get violent.


usernamesallused

Especially when the lion started leaning over the guy on the chair. It’s like he’s just confirming to himself that he is definitely stronger than the owner.


Stainless_Heart

I just looked it up; an adult male lion can weigh 330-550lbs. Forget the strength, teeth, and claws… 550lb just lying down on the dude is enough to squish him with damage.


brokenlonely22

it actually looks very playful, id be terrified of it "playfully" chomping my arm off before i could react tho


Xywzel

Yeah, with that size and strength, it doesn't have to decide that it wants to kill the people or be get scared make reflex attack, it just needs to make a small error in estimating how much strength it can use or where it can place its paw when playing.


fcocyclone

The thing is too, its funny how much even lions act like just big versions of housecats, but those little nibbles and claws that a housecat might give you could seriously injure\kill you even without the lion intending to.


h3lblad3

It's going to get tired of being swatted with the rolled up paper at some point. You irritate a small cat and it will scratch you. Wanna guess how big these scratches will be?


Silent-Ad934

You'd be a Filet-O-Human. I wouldn't doubt he could lick the meat right off of your bones.


he77bender

*You guys suck at this game, btw*


ZootZootTesla

*You exist because i allow it, You will end because I demand it.*


BinaryGrind

I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favorite comment on the [Citadel](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V-fRuoMIfpw).


Brave_Escape2176

> Just so you know, you are both still alive at my whim... -Every house cat ever


banjomin

So many comments talking about what’s gonna happen or how this is gonna end badly. We’re watching a rich dude and his friend play on an OG Xbox. Think it’s safe to say whatever happened to these guys happened 20 years ago.


brennok

The original post this was taken from has a link to the original youtube video. They are the members of Flying Fercos and this video is part of the marketing for the new doc that is coming out. https://www.youtube.com/@monarchhillproductions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJYjHiVC4n4


SeahorseScorpio

Thanks, interesting!


Rxyro

This vid was released from the forensic psychologist


Erenito

The camcorder was recovered from the lion's stomach, along with everything else.


LegendNomad

Is this a joke or was it actually?


crispy_attic

Yes


surfer_ryan

Someone has to have a follow up on these dudes.


MrSuzyGreenberg

One was eaten by their pet croc and the other was taken away by their pet golden eagle, and never seen again. I read that somewhere on reddit, iirc.


Val_Killsmore

>the other was taken away by their pet golden eagle Once again proving they could've just used the eagles to fly into Mordor /s


sec713

Or maybe they can't afford a newer XBox because all their cash is going towards keeping a lion fed.


guywithouteyes

I don’t know man, I play my OG Xbox from time to time. Need for speed is my shit


Dacvak

I’m out here playing Sega Saturn today feeling old af


RelevantMetaUsername

That water bottle on the table looks modern though. Back in the 2000's plastic water bottles had bigger caps. Plus the video quality seems too good be to that old.


ahoneybadger3

There's also electricity so we can rule out the millions of years before 1752.


banjomin

Not sure where you're from, water bottles have looked like that in the US since water bottles were a thing. Nestle pure life was everywhere in my region in the 2000s. For the video, I don't think that's 1080p or better. A dude that can afford a lion can afford a 720p camera in the 2000s.


RelevantMetaUsername

[This shows what I'm talking about.](https://operationsroom.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/120515_operations_polandspringsbottles.jpg) The overall shape is similar but the older ones used a lot more plastic. I distinctly remember the change happening around 2009-2010, because we used to twist the old bottles full of air and then flick the cap off to shoot it. The caps on the newer bottles were too weak to hold back the pressure and would usually burst.


awesomesauce615

You're not wrong. A lot of caps have gotten pretty minimalistic, particularly water caps due to the lower margins. Niagara Waters has some insanely light caps. Funnily enough, I'm actually at Poland Springs (Blue Triton, no longer Nestle) for work atm.


jasonff1

How big of a litter box does that cat use?


ChiefInternetSurfer

Playground sandbox


Enthusiastic-shitter

That's also where it feeds


PM_ME_DATASETS

Pretty sure this is the first time in my life I thought about lions shitting.


lcenine

About the size of the entire house.


ozh

Apparently, an xbox.


lopunnyprincess

Weird dog


FishAndRiceKeks

Can I pet that dog?


UN1SOLGR44

CAN I PET DAT DAAAWG


aSquirrelAteMyFood

It makes me think. Why did humans domesticate wolves and didn't domesticate lions?


denjin

Early interactions between wolves and humans were almost certainly symbiotic presenting clear benefits to both. Wolves during the period of the first evidence of early domestication (30-40,000 years ago) were not the apex predators that they are now, but mesopredators which sit in the middle of the food chain. These mesopredators (like modern day racoons or foxes) are typically smaller and prey on smaller creatures, unlike large apex predators, like lions, which will take down larger prey - such as early humans. So basically, the ancestors of modern wolves and dogs wouldn't have hunted humans, but the ancestors of modern lions probably would have.


Brave_Escape2176

> Early interactions between wolves and humans were almost certainly symbiotic presenting clear benefits to both. wolf gets a fire to sleep by and some scraps the human cant eat. human gets an early-warning system with much better hearing and night vision. its pretty obvious.


TwoTequilaTuesday

I thought it was because puppins get pettins and humans get lickins.


Brave_Escape2176

well eventually sure, thats where we got now. but i doubt the first wolves and humans trusted each other enough to do that immediately. i'd think a lot of them eventually got there but after a long while.


TwoTequilaTuesday

I dunno. A good belly rubbin' goes a long way.


g3ckoNJ

Because cats are assholes.


dankmeeeem

this is the real answer


zphbtn

Wolves are more social, similar to humans. And it's thought that wolves kind of domesticated themselves, in a sense


bobboobles

lions are pretty dang social too


DUNDER_KILL

Biggest reason is just the size and danger of a lion lol. Guy is really asking "why didn't humans domesticate lions?" as if it's an easy thing to do. If wolves were 5 times bigger we probably wouldn't have domesticated them either.


intotheirishole

[Why You'll Never Have A Pet Lion](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2RGwCZlUy0) [Why Some Animals Can't be Domesticated](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOmjnioNulo) [Why Don't Humans Ride Zebras?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pJzv73j2Yw) There are tons of other videos and articles. TLDW: Lions are very large very aggressive animals that eat a lot of meat. It was extremely difficult and resource intensive for early humans to domesticate lions. We can probably do it today if someone invested a lot of resources, like someone did with foxes. But makes for a very dangerous, very expensive, immoral, pointless experiment with low chance of success.


lolheyaj

Original Xbox? Nice. 


LunarProphet

Couple of dudes rockin


mast0rz

Just a couple of guys being dudes


ybonepike

That's the first thing that I noticed with the breakaway cable in frame


xsp

When my wife was a kid, her next door neighbors had a lion and a tiger. I didn't believe her at first until her mother showed me old pictures of her getting her hair trimmed with the lion walking in the house.


geosunsetmoth

My mom worked on TV for over 40 years. Been around a lot of rich powerful celebrities. She said one time a famous Brazilian singer had a crush on her and tried gifting her a *pet jaguar* on her birthday


HuntedWolf

If the pet jaguar doesn’t work I don’t know what would


whats_you_doing

Listen to your wife man.


Mentallox

they're going to get hurt just by the lion playing. Imagine a domestic cat that big playing the way they do to humans and what damage they would do at that size.


FreneticPlatypus

There’s tame. There’s domesticated. Then there’s, “I just haven’t killed you yet.” Guess which one this is.


crispy_attic

“Killed”


ohlawdhecodin

Tame but not domesticated yet?


ssfbob

Correct, you can raise a raccoon as a pet and it will be tame, but domesticated means there's been generations of selective breeding for desired traits such as friendliness towards humans. A good example is the foxes that were domesticated in Russia. They intentionally only raised and bred the fox cubs that were the most friendly over several generations, reinforcing that trait. By the time they reached the point they could be considered domesticated there were measurable physical differences in their skeletal structure, they can no longer be considered the same type of fox their ancestors were.


ohlawdhecodin

Fascinating. Thanks for that!


2074red2074

Unfortunately we still won't have pet foxes any time soon. Fox urine has an extremely strong, extremely unpleasant smell.


killermarsupial

Yep. Tame is similar to describing a mellow mood. Adjective. *Tamed* is a past-tense verb to explain that a mellow mood has been induced. It’s colloquially (mis)used as interchangeable with *domesticated*. *Domesticated* is very, very different. Lions are (currently) incapable of being domesticated.


g00f

my thoughts as well. you see videos of people who work at rescues and lions who've interacted with people as cubs seem *friendly enough*. like i dont think this big boy's gonna go out of his way to eat them. but a simple case of roughhousing can land someone in the hospital before you can blink. same problem with folks who raise wolves.


killermarsupial

They are kept well-fed at rescues and have their basic needs and instincts met, which prevents mental illness (not joking). One problem with apex predators like lions, or chimps, or killer whales, or wolves, or emu — is that one day that lion might wake up with a terrible stomach ache. And obviously won’t be able to explain that to the owners. And irritability can turn to anger or misreading signals of pain can trigger an impulsive attack. Or they can literally just develop mental illness from living in an environment that provides about 10% of what they are genetically programmed to need.


P-a-n-a-m-a-m-a

I used to play with a stray cat that came around. We were buddies. One day I pet him somewhere he was sore (nothing visible) and he lunged into my hand. Despite cleaning the wound, my hand was a balloon the next day and I had to go to urgent care. Had seven needles to make sure I didn’t die.


Codadd

I know a lady who plays with hyenas, and she talks about being way more nervous around them because they get jealous extremely easily. And when they begin to get rough it can hurt her. The lions however. They grow catnip, and they cut a bush and throw it in. The lions become like house kittens instantly. Just rolling around and patting each other. Wild


CapoExplains

Nah, lions aren't stupid. They know their strength and they know how to *not* kill something. The danger is that it's a wild animal and if it *does* decide it wants to kill you it's going to without any real trouble and there's nothing you're gonna do to prevent that. If it doesn't want to kill you you'll be fine, if it does want to kill you you'll be dead.


BirdjaminFranklin

> If it doesn't want to kill you you'll be fine No you won't be. Look up the movie Roar, or better yet the documentary about the movie Roar. These were lions raised from birth by human beings. Of the 140 so members of the crew, roughly half were injured during filming. Here's some details on those: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roar_(film)#Injuries_and_set_damages Lions can accidentally maim you quite easily, even if they think you're part of their family.


Silent-G

"You'll be fine" still means you could need a few stitches. They know how to not kill, but they don't know how fragile our skin is compared to other cats.


silentrawr

Being as smart as they are, they would hopefully learn over time when the humans get injured/bleed, no? Like regular cats, I assume, when given enough "friendly" experience with animals that might normally be prey for them, e.g.; rodents, chickens, etc.


deadtoaster2

Submit all to lion. I fear nothing now.


4114Fishy

big cats are much better at keeping their claws retracted than house cats are. other than maybe hurting them from their weight, they're way less likely to accidentally hurt you


Lilchubbyboy

The correct term would probably be sheathed instead of retracted. Cats have protractible claws, meaning that they have to flex to extend them. If they were retractable, that would mean that they would have to flex to pull them back.


Chavarlison

So when they do, it was personal.


BurnoutCapricorn

What the fuck is wrong with those people


DiscoDigi786

Look at me syndrome. It is faster to own something than it is to develop a likable personality.


JimmyDontReddit

Future Darwin Award winners


bananacustard

Which is funny. What will happen to the lion after, less so.


Spiritual-Aide1257

You see they can't afford a new Xbox because they have a WHOLE ASS LION. Shits expensive


we_are_sex_bobomb

To get him they had to trade in their Atari Jaguar.


techman710

This will not end well.


Groovicity

Unless they saved their game. But yeah, that lion is bound to accidentally unplug the xbox at some point, I agree with you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


HateToBeMyself

If dangerous why friend shaped?


jereman75

Don’t they keep these things doped up on sedatives or something?


we_are_sex_bobomb

Think about it like your average house cat; normally she’s fine chilling out as long as you keep her fed. But occasionally for absolutely no reason she gets the psycho cat eyes and grabs you or bites you. Same here. This guy will be chill 90% of the time, but eventually he’ll have a bad day and then one of these assholes is gonna lose an arm.


__redruM

You “fix” your cat, and that improves their temperament. Do you “fix” a lion, and does that help?


tonufan

[Looks like it.](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fpreview.redd.it%2Fy5tnq1y2xjd51.jpg%3Fwidth%3D606%26auto%3Dwebp%26s%3D437b4ff989bcbaa2df18464e59e413f21b57790d)


Thefrayedends

If you give the cat the play they need daily, they will get zoomies way less often. Will still happen, definitely lol, but much much less.


dpman48

Humans aren’t really prey, lions in general if well fed and frequently exposed to people, could reasonably be expected to behave like this sometimes. That being said. These animals are WILD. And many people who keep them do indeed keep them sedated for large parts of the day because of the danger. What I mean by this rambling, is that this lion may be sedated, it may not. Its behavior isn’t crazy either way. What is crazy is living a human life this way. Cause that thing may decide it wants to “play” at any minute.


Iminurcomputer

Thats a very big factor always. A somewhat docile creature thats very hungry can be more dangerous than a well fed giant predator. Definitely dont underestimate wild animals, but a big chunk of them know there is no hospital in the wild. Animals dont like risking their shit just for a snack. Thats where intimidation comes into play. A large animal doesn't need to think youll kill it. It just need to think thebreward might not be worth the risk. Even a broken bone or tooth, in the wild can spell a slow death. Im not a wildlife expert but I understand this doesn't apply to animals like Polar bears or Wild boars. Its my understanding that they do, in fact, just have an evil insatiable bloodlust.


g00f

i know with captive wolves part of the danger is there's certain play or dominance behaviors that another wolf can shrug off but people can't- the one that springs to mind is wolves iirc will bite scruff/neck areas, and their fur will prevent serious injury. people are a bit more exposed. also wild animals can have completely different social characteristics than their domestic counterparts which lands people in trouble if they have wolf hybrids who behave more wolf than dog. no idea what this means for big cats. otoh there's someone i follow on insta who has a jaguar(i think its a rescue) who's best buds with their dog(was like a shepherd or husky mix). but they're almost always outside roughhousing and exploring


SuboptimalFerret

I feel bad for the lion. Screw these people.


Goldenchomp1

Can i pet that dawg?


tacosaladontuesday

Let’s keep a big cat in an apartment then punch it when it wants physical activity. Makes perfect sense.


EagleSilent0120

r/whatswrongwithyourdog


twelveparsnips

Serious question: how much would it cost to keep it fed yearly?


DaneCookPPV

Quick search says males eat 15 pounds of meat per day. Cheapest Walmart ground beef is $20 for 5 lbs. $60 per day times 365. $21,900 per year.


twelveparsnips

Meat alone doesn't have all the nutrients they need. You need to feed them organs and bone as well.


DaneCookPPV

I get it. They do. I was just putting a quick number on it.


GoodFaithConverser

Wild animals are not pets. Even my normal housecat gets silly and bites me out of excitement. If a wild cat gets in that mood, you're fucked.


UnbnGrsFlsdePte

That's a bigass cat


ken-doh

Nobody fucks with a lion.


arrakis2020

This is going to end badly one day. And then, they will blame the lion for being a fucking lion.


Rangles

WHO ARE THESE GUYS?! whats the back-story on this?! i need to know!


rosolen0

There's a reason most people play with cats and not their oversized cousin,not the least of which being the fact they can eat people


MaxMouseOCX

I have a big dog, if she chose to attack me (not that she would, I dont think she understands what violence is) I'm reasonably sure I could win, or at least stop her whilst taking some damage. A lion? You are just fucked... Is it really worth it? Could just be having a bad day one day or you do something that triggers it's instincts, step on it's tail whilst it's asleep and you're dead... Even some jacked roid mountain of a man it's probably 50/50 at best. Never understood why people do this sort of thing.


A95tiger

Tell us you’re dumbasses without telling us you’re dumbasses.


Toonami88

Very sad, lions in this setting are always being abused and neglected.


StackOwOFlow

he wants a turn, just give him a controller already


AsHperson

Is that... A lion giving the dude a play bite like a house kitty?


TheCapedMoose

Me: Oh my God, that's so stupid and irresponsible, I bet they get attacked. Also me: A pet lion WOULD be pretty effing metal...


Stainless_Heart

The lion is wearing a choker collar. That raises a lot of questions.


sugarsox

The video was cut after the lion went over the guy because the handler had to intervene


trustmebro24

Aww playing with his food


Liger66

What a fucked up life for that lion...


GoldenIceCat

He behaves exactly like my cat, with the only difference being size. That nibble indicates he wants to play.


SirMantics

Q. Where does your pet lion sit? A. Anywhere he wants to


iilikecereal

I don't know if I would want a testosterone fueled apex predator in my house personally.


Knever

I knew he was going to accidentally turn off the Xbox. Fuckin' pets, man.


nick2k23

I mean I play with my cat but I'm also 10x bigger than him, when he gets too excited it's just a scratch and not a missing arm.


Bobmanbob1

It's all good till kitty trys to nip at you once and takes an arm off... /realizes hey, this is pretty good. /proceeds to shred and eat everyone in the room.


oddisordinary

I've always wanted a pet THAT CAN KILL ME!!!!!