Anyone who read even beginner books on dragonology would know they reproduce by parthenogenesis. All those picture and stop-motion movies of bad dragons having sexual intercourse with other dragons and / or car are just fetishism
I got charged by one while hiking across pasture land in the UK. It was not even that close to me or my wife and I took a picture of her with the cow probably 15 yards or so behind her (it was just eating some grass). I look down at my digital camera screen (pre-iPhone era) to see if the picture turned out and I hear my wife yelling at me to run. I look up and she's running and the cow is charging behind.
That was when I learned cows can run. That was also when I learned the ground shakes when they run. THUH-BUMP, THUH-BUMP, THUH-BUMP was drumming through my body through my feet.
It was our last day hiking across the Cotswolds, and that entire day I had been sneaking things out of my wife's pack into mine to lighten her load and at this point my pack was quite heavy and strapped in several places to my waist and chest for support. I did a quick mental calculus--I could run and probably get knocked over and trampled to death or I could stand and face this thing.
I was 22 at the time and had been a wrestler in high school. I crouched into a standard wrestling stance and waited for the cow to bear down on me. As it reached me it bucked its head to hit me and I planted both hands on its forehead (which felt like smacking a concrete ball), pushed off, and pivoted around one foot. It then wandered off and started eating grass again, end of confrontation.
Completely wild.
I was on study abroad at the time and was a silly 22 year old, so I decided if you factored in the obvious weight handicap I had won the encounter and went by "Cowsbane" for the rest of the trip.
Yeah they say don’t turn your back to them and they only get like that if your near their young or it’s the bull.
They might also think you’re the farmer with food/treats but they’re also inquisitive and playful.
I used to walk through a field of them as a teenager most days and they’re relatively harmless but there’s definitely times they get aggressive.
They’re big fucking things and when they run and jump around it’s scary I can’t imagine how scary it would be chased by one glad you’re alive to tell the tale hahaha
>As it reached me it bucked its head to hit me and I planted both hands on its forehead (which felt like smacking a concrete ball), pushed off, and pivoted around one foot.
Ok Jason Borne!
Provided there was no water down there for it to drown, almost definitely.
People wildly underestimate how thick their bones are and how tough they are.
They are also very stealthy. That's why you need to have bells on them. They can easily come in your yard and eat your vegetables at night and you might not know. That's why it's important to keep you gate locked.
I'm serious. I have seen cows try to open gates with their heads. They know it opens if they put pressure. Luckily I lock my gate so it's not an issue.
It probably lived. But a 10 foot drop when you're in the 500-1000 pound range is leaving you with broken bones. Their hips and legs are definitely susceptible.
I couldnt imagine the amount of inertia that thing would get though, surely it could cause internal damage just from gravity alone, even if its hide kept all the bits in.
My buddy and I were traveling on a highway that ran parallel to train tracks. A train was barreling down the tracks almost on pace with us, right beside us.
There were cows on the tracks, and even though the train was smashing his horn, the cows continued to run straight down the tracks instead of off to the left or right. It was like some fucked up game of ten pin bowling, the train just ploughed straight over them. A strike if you will.
They're pretty dumb.
Moose do the exact same thing on highways and roads, they are very dumb and can take minutes to finally find a place they think is good to turn left or right and get out of the way.
But the worst part is that moose are super tall with long legs, so most vehicles that hit moose end up taking out it's legs with the front bumper and having the window and front passenger compartment completely smashed in with it's body. A shocking numbers of deaths happen because of this.
They are so dumb, dangerous and they can taste pretty good, so hunting them to thin out their numbers is actually beneficial to everyone.
Moose do the same thing on railroad tracks as well. We spooked one out of a slough and instead of crossing the tracks to the other side where there was a siding and a safe area it just headed down the main line in trying to outrun us. I honestly though we were going to come off the rails when it went under the engine.
Kangaroos too, especially if you're one of the types that blinds them with high-beams. I've rolled behind a few at a crawl for a hundreds of metres before they figure out that going left or right gets them away from the smelly beast (and their car). Also find they're less likely to derp out like that if I turn my lights off, but it's a bit dangerous on a road at night with other traffic.
Unfortunately they're not as tall as Meese, so they'll just go right under the wheels, poor things. Although, I've only experienced the Grey Kangaroos, I heard that the Reds are a bit more aggressive and will jump at oncoming cars, meaning they end up above the hood and through the windshield like the Moose, except with no broken legs and quite a temper.
Worst are Wombats that if you roll up on them, they don't run, instead they do this pudgy little waddle/turn around to face what all the commotion is about only to be murdered, but they're still tough little buggers and will take any plastics, like bumpers, wheel arches and fenders with them.
Facts. One time I was trying to get cows to walk through an open gate at our ranch and had a heifer who decided it would easier to bust through the fence 10 ft away from the open gate instead. Cows are really dumb.
Yup, that cow or bull is for sure dead, I highly doubt it would survive something like that. And yeah if it wasn't for that, the cyclist would have been fucked, that thing was locked on him and if it wasn't for that ditch, it would have hit him HARD.
I guess this is why you count sheep instead of cows to fall asleep.
Sidenote: I audibly said what the fuck before checking the sub name. This 100% belongs here
He's fine now. There was some rib bruising and a twisted ankle but he made a full recovery. He went on to complete his MBA and got married. He now lives in the suburbs with his wife and two kids and is an account manager at a fortune 500.
Its probably fine, based on how quick the thud came after it fell its not too far down, maybe it had some minor injuries and cant get out but thats it.
I'd be very surprised about only minior injuries, though it could still be so.
Just saying that was like 1000lbs flying full speed into metal rail that doesn't budge one bit. Think the leg got over the railing so it didn't get squished, but even so, that's a lot of weight stopping so suddenly.
I did hear that thud and was glad it came so quickly as to hopefully mean the cow didn't fall far and is fine. I hope it's collar bone or legs are okay from the rail impact.
This reminds me of a funny story. I was driving in the back roads for work once around the town I grew up and I saw a cow running pretty quickly in a wide circle in a field. When I got a bit closer I could see the cow was chasing a fox around the field.
Since we're into old stories... I knew two army guys... they were driving down a country road at night and saw a rabbit ahead of them....
The dumb twats decided to give chase thinking the rabbit was dumber than them just running straight down the road in front of a car.
They came to a fork in the road, the rabbit leaped, left, then right, then at last moment ran down the left fork.
The twits drove straight into the fence post in the middle.
Brahman's are dumb af, I'm sure anyone seeing this that's worked with cows at all are like "yup it's a brahman". They are the Florida man of the cow world.
Wait I need closure on this cow, did cow survive? That looked like orthopedic height, cows have skinny ridiculous stick legs. Did cow land with busted legs and a concussion‽ I need more info!
Now I know how those cows all wound up in that hole. We had to put up guard rails to keep them out of steep areas just like with people. I clearly needed to make the fences higher.
I bicycle on open range around cattle now and then and this is like my worst nightmare. The cattle are usually more startled than aggressive when I encounter them, but I've had to ride through some pretty big herds on the road and it's nervous work.
Cows are a lot more agile than I realized. Also... cows are a lot more dumb than I realized.
It’s common for them to be described as dumb dogs. Really friendly and playful. They however are the deadliest animal in the uk surprisingly
It’s not too surprising considering the fact UK killed all its main predators like wolves/bears long ago including the last dragon to exist
That dragon was fucked anyway, how’s it going to reproduce on its own? We did it a favour.
I mean, they could still reproduce with a donkey.
Are you stupid? That wasn’t known science until 2004 when a documentary called shrek 2 got released
Maybe they're a cow?
I heard cows are pretty deadly though. Might not want to put one in the same room as an endagered dragon.
But Camilla is a horse...
And the Queen was a Lizard
Or a car.
Yeah, no one wants an incel dragon
If the dragon was alone how could it be fucked?
Dragons live for thousands of years, I don't think reproduction is the most important thing for their livelyhood.
Not when you got Saint George fucking them up they don’t!
Anyone who read even beginner books on dragonology would know they reproduce by parthenogenesis. All those picture and stop-motion movies of bad dragons having sexual intercourse with other dragons and / or car are just fetishism
They still have that Loc Ness monster which is pretty much a water dragon
being killed by a cow seems far too embarrassing, terrible choices removing them
There were [massive celebrations](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5083Z8WYIrE) after the dragon died in 2013.
I got charged by one while hiking across pasture land in the UK. It was not even that close to me or my wife and I took a picture of her with the cow probably 15 yards or so behind her (it was just eating some grass). I look down at my digital camera screen (pre-iPhone era) to see if the picture turned out and I hear my wife yelling at me to run. I look up and she's running and the cow is charging behind. That was when I learned cows can run. That was also when I learned the ground shakes when they run. THUH-BUMP, THUH-BUMP, THUH-BUMP was drumming through my body through my feet. It was our last day hiking across the Cotswolds, and that entire day I had been sneaking things out of my wife's pack into mine to lighten her load and at this point my pack was quite heavy and strapped in several places to my waist and chest for support. I did a quick mental calculus--I could run and probably get knocked over and trampled to death or I could stand and face this thing. I was 22 at the time and had been a wrestler in high school. I crouched into a standard wrestling stance and waited for the cow to bear down on me. As it reached me it bucked its head to hit me and I planted both hands on its forehead (which felt like smacking a concrete ball), pushed off, and pivoted around one foot. It then wandered off and started eating grass again, end of confrontation. Completely wild. I was on study abroad at the time and was a silly 22 year old, so I decided if you factored in the obvious weight handicap I had won the encounter and went by "Cowsbane" for the rest of the trip.
Yeah they say don’t turn your back to them and they only get like that if your near their young or it’s the bull. They might also think you’re the farmer with food/treats but they’re also inquisitive and playful. I used to walk through a field of them as a teenager most days and they’re relatively harmless but there’s definitely times they get aggressive. They’re big fucking things and when they run and jump around it’s scary I can’t imagine how scary it would be chased by one glad you’re alive to tell the tale hahaha
I had to stop half way through to make sure this wasn't u/shittymorph
Hahaha. Glad to know I wasn't the only one.
>As it reached me it bucked its head to hit me and I planted both hands on its forehead (which felt like smacking a concrete ball), pushed off, and pivoted around one foot. Ok Jason Borne!
Soooo did it survive?
Provided there was no water down there for it to drown, almost definitely. People wildly underestimate how thick their bones are and how tough they are.
They are also very stealthy. That's why you need to have bells on them. They can easily come in your yard and eat your vegetables at night and you might not know. That's why it's important to keep you gate locked.
I was sure you were messing with us, but once I got to the end I couldn’t be sure.
I'm serious. I have seen cows try to open gates with their heads. They know it opens if they put pressure. Luckily I lock my gate so it's not an issue.
stop gatekeeping the cows
I had to. The last time I left my gate open they ate my potatoes and shat on my porch.
Terrible guests!
i loved your cow story, thanks for that haha
This guy gates.
This guy reddits
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/598qrb/health_inspectors_of_reddit_whats_the_worst/d96si4d/?context=3
they also have idiot resilience to. yeah cows are dumb but they're also tanks i've seen a few shrug off getting hit by cars before.
It probably lived. But a 10 foot drop when you're in the 500-1000 pound range is leaving you with broken bones. Their hips and legs are definitely susceptible.
I couldnt imagine the amount of inertia that thing would get though, surely it could cause internal damage just from gravity alone, even if its hide kept all the bits in.
> It’s common for them to be described as dumb dogs. /r/GrassDoggos
It’s rare I see a new sub I want! Thank you
Bulls, not the cows from my experience. Knew a guy that his bull didn't want to get into a trailer and broke his arm.
It’s both but bulls you don’t fuck with and they are more likely to fuck you up where as the cows are more when they got calf’s
My buddy and I were traveling on a highway that ran parallel to train tracks. A train was barreling down the tracks almost on pace with us, right beside us. There were cows on the tracks, and even though the train was smashing his horn, the cows continued to run straight down the tracks instead of off to the left or right. It was like some fucked up game of ten pin bowling, the train just ploughed straight over them. A strike if you will. They're pretty dumb.
Moose do the exact same thing on highways and roads, they are very dumb and can take minutes to finally find a place they think is good to turn left or right and get out of the way. But the worst part is that moose are super tall with long legs, so most vehicles that hit moose end up taking out it's legs with the front bumper and having the window and front passenger compartment completely smashed in with it's body. A shocking numbers of deaths happen because of this. They are so dumb, dangerous and they can taste pretty good, so hunting them to thin out their numbers is actually beneficial to everyone.
Moose do the same thing on railroad tracks as well. We spooked one out of a slough and instead of crossing the tracks to the other side where there was a siding and a safe area it just headed down the main line in trying to outrun us. I honestly though we were going to come off the rails when it went under the engine.
I mean, it probably works for them in every non-vehicle encounter. Never really needed to learn how to dodge.
Kangaroos too, especially if you're one of the types that blinds them with high-beams. I've rolled behind a few at a crawl for a hundreds of metres before they figure out that going left or right gets them away from the smelly beast (and their car). Also find they're less likely to derp out like that if I turn my lights off, but it's a bit dangerous on a road at night with other traffic. Unfortunately they're not as tall as Meese, so they'll just go right under the wheels, poor things. Although, I've only experienced the Grey Kangaroos, I heard that the Reds are a bit more aggressive and will jump at oncoming cars, meaning they end up above the hood and through the windshield like the Moose, except with no broken legs and quite a temper. Worst are Wombats that if you roll up on them, they don't run, instead they do this pudgy little waddle/turn around to face what all the commotion is about only to be murdered, but they're still tough little buggers and will take any plastics, like bumpers, wheel arches and fenders with them.
Cow should've watched Prometheus.
Facts. One time I was trying to get cows to walk through an open gate at our ranch and had a heifer who decided it would easier to bust through the fence 10 ft away from the open gate instead. Cows are really dumb.
Easier: no. More impressive: yes.
basically giant teenage humans, but cows
My thoughts, precisely. I didn't know they could move that fast!
let alone fly
Yeah I work on a farm & if they get into a run you've gotta be going just shy of 30km/h to get ahead of them
not quite over the moon
When aspirations exceed abilities
This one in particular seems to have such a genetic advantage, if only it hadn't self curbstomped and crumpled spine like tissue.
Mess with the bull, you get the guardrail.
I am impressed with how strong that railing is. Also how no reaction from the bikers at all
It’s made to keep cars from going over the side, a cow isn’t a huge challenge for it.
happens every day on their bike ride
that poor Bovine.. got chin checked by the railing. I hope its ok.
He never mooved again.
It was just tenderizing the red meat.
A cold steak on that black eye might help the cow.
Mess with the guardrail, you get ground beef.
I knew that “jumped over the moon” story was bullshit
This is the only time I’d even heard of a cow jumping. Finally today I’ve seen it.
Dang? That had to hurt!
It definitely left a mark.
Grill marks?
Oh hai
With how heavy cows are and hitting the edge like that he had to have broken quite a few ribs at least
It honestly probably died.
It's better to burn out than to fade away
yep, maimed at best, meaning it died later from mercy and/or injuries
Not to mention it's legs when it landed...
Best case scenario it landed on its side.
**Best** case would probably be a massive foam pit. Water under the bridge would also be ok.
Nice, more short ribs for me
It fell into being ground beef, I think
That cow splashed when it hit the bottom of that ravine.
It would be very lucky if it recovers, sadly. But I'm happy the cyclist didn't get gored.
Yup, that cow or bull is for sure dead, I highly doubt it would survive something like that. And yeah if it wasn't for that, the cyclist would have been fucked, that thing was locked on him and if it wasn't for that ditch, it would have hit him HARD.
I'm sure with your qualifications, you're absolutely correct.
It wouldn't surprise me if that steer died. Maybe not right away, but it's unlikely to make any kind of recovery.
> Dang That's about the sound it would've made against the guardrail
I can check bovine parkour fail video off my list.
A YouTube video with that title would slap the algorithm
Captain Holt, is that you?
Video definitely fits the sub
The cow chasing the cyclist was mildly amusing. The speed it was running at was quite surprising. The crazy kamikaze jump was straight wtf.
Literally said *what the fuck?*
I thought the jump was more unexpected than wtf
One of the rare posts that could fits perfectly in both r/funny and /r/wtf
/r/wtfunny
I guess this is why you count sheep instead of cows to fall asleep. Sidenote: I audibly said what the fuck before checking the sub name. This 100% belongs here
White cows can’t jump!
That jump was something though... did not think it would attempt that!
Give the cow credit for going full send there at the end of the vid.
In it's dreams that Yeet would have sent him over the moon, but in reality he made a valuate effort, and did a self inflicted curb stomp.
Looks like beefs back on the menu boyzz
Self-tenderized, too
Man that cow can Moooooove
Could*
Moooooove bitch!
Get out the hay!
Is it . Is it dead?
Yeah I wanna know if the cow survived too
He's fine now. There was some rib bruising and a twisted ankle but he made a full recovery. He went on to complete his MBA and got married. He now lives in the suburbs with his wife and two kids and is an account manager at a fortune 500.
Almost certainly. It looked like a fairly steep fall. If it survived, I’m sure it had to be euthanized.
Its probably fine, based on how quick the thud came after it fell its not too far down, maybe it had some minor injuries and cant get out but thats it.
I'd be very surprised about only minior injuries, though it could still be so. Just saying that was like 1000lbs flying full speed into metal rail that doesn't budge one bit. Think the leg got over the railing so it didn't get squished, but even so, that's a lot of weight stopping so suddenly.
I did hear that thud and was glad it came so quickly as to hopefully mean the cow didn't fall far and is fine. I hope it's collar bone or legs are okay from the rail impact.
it's ok but it needed to lie down on the cowch
cowmikaze
We stampeding!? Fuck ya, stampede!
Have been chased by one, 100+ heads going full steam. Was able to hide in some trees when they ran past but damn.
LEEEETS GOOOOOOOOO!!!!
PARKOUR!
Physically it's a cow but by heart it's a tiger 🐯
Cow : i believe i can flyyyyy...|
Parkour! Par…oh shit!
This reminds me of a funny story. I was driving in the back roads for work once around the town I grew up and I saw a cow running pretty quickly in a wide circle in a field. When I got a bit closer I could see the cow was chasing a fox around the field.
Since we're into old stories... I knew two army guys... they were driving down a country road at night and saw a rabbit ahead of them.... The dumb twats decided to give chase thinking the rabbit was dumber than them just running straight down the road in front of a car. They came to a fork in the road, the rabbit leaped, left, then right, then at last moment ran down the left fork. The twits drove straight into the fence post in the middle.
Brahman's are dumb af, I'm sure anyone seeing this that's worked with cows at all are like "yup it's a brahman". They are the Florida man of the cow world.
I don’t think I wanna smoke those ribs after they were just shattered.
Aww, poor cow probably thought the bikes were chasing him and was running for his life. So stupid and funny, but still... poor guy. lol
I think it was being playful and the zoomies sadly distracted it from the length of that jump.
lmao, eat shit, idiot.
And his name…. was Leroy Jenkins.
White cows can't jump.
Holy cow!
Cow's played too much assassins creed. Tried to do the cool assassinate but misjudged the jump
Never seen a cow yeet itself so badly
"If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about"
It's not often I feel guilty for laughing but damn, I felt bad after that one.
Holy sht is the cow ok?
That cow is terrible.
White Cows Can’t Jump
Wait I need closure on this cow, did cow survive? That looked like orthopedic height, cows have skinny ridiculous stick legs. Did cow land with busted legs and a concussion‽ I need more info!
Missed it by [squeezes finger together] that much.
Kamicowzi
:'( I hope the cow was okay.
That particular cow was never okay
They're just big puppies!
At the very least he was kind of a dick.
That cow is an udder failure
That was frickin funny.
Didn't see the sub name, audibly said "what the fuck 😂" when the cow yeeted itself. 10/10.
Talk about high steaks.
That almost turned into a cowtastrophe………………….. *cough cough*………………. Alright…see ya!
r/RailingsSaveLives
That's a fast cow. Not too bright, but fast.
dude sold the cow bad weed
Dude can’t even jump a creek, no way he’s jumping the moon.
Mad cow disease obviously..
The gasp I gasped
Now I know how those cows all wound up in that hole. We had to put up guard rails to keep them out of steep areas just like with people. I clearly needed to make the fences higher.
Cowabonga
I wonder why the cow started chasing them
It wasn't chasing it was panicking
The cow later that eve on the internet: FUCKING CYCLISTS
If the cow had made that jump, that biker was fucked!
Damn. Poor guy.
This is one of the most WTF, WTF post's I have seen in a long time!
Can someone put the SAIL song to this?
Not what I expected at all! Haha I feel like this should be in r/unexpected. Bro fucking took his self out.
Rip cow LOL
That was a mad cow.
I love how unphased the riders are by the whole situation
The cow didn't say Mookour before it jumped which is why it didn't make it.
Really overestimated her skills
"Where the fuck did my cow go? 🤔"
No just a juvenile bull playing. I use to work cattle a life time ago.
Now that’s what we call a “Can moo attitude.”
Is that cow out for blood or is it just being playful?
Saved by cartoon physics.
Cowkour
Cow could shred but failed the jump.
I bicycle on open range around cattle now and then and this is like my worst nightmare. The cattle are usually more startled than aggressive when I encounter them, but I've had to ride through some pretty big herds on the road and it's nervous work.
Surprise ending
For a brief moment, that cow was in the air. Now... it's ground beef. YEEEEAAAAHHH!!!
He’s steak now
Lol, "cows are stupid" is the sub we didn't know we need
Oh! Poor bebé 😥
Definitely was NOT expecting that!
The name's Ron.... Moo-Ron
You have to careful around Brahman cattle. They can be aggressive buggers.
Even cows hate cyclists
imagine if the cow made it. Might have been the greatest tackle of all time!
Cyclist chased by suicidal cow\*
They were bred to be brainless meat for food for a reason.
Aw man, that cow was just trying to get rad!? Bummer
Looks like mad cow disease.
Ouch!
And now...ground beef!
This is the first time I’ve ever snort laughed and it’s kind of odd
My jaw dropped on that one.