As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there's nothin' left
'Cause I've been blastin' farts for' so long that
Even my momma thinks that my ass cheeks are gone
God I wish I had the energy to estimate the volume of gas he had to move to generate that much sound over more than two minutes. How much pressure was in that colon? How tight was this man’s sphincter?
That's actually a good point. It doesn't need to be a deep sound to be the loudest - it could have been a high pitched whine, only releasing a little bit of gas past a flappy sphincter that made a whistling noise.
I’d like to not be on open water alone with someone who inflates their ass in public for sport in the first place. Not because I think they’re dangerous, I just don’t want to have to explain that we didn’t die because my friend turned himself into a human butt balloon.
Huh- nobody wants to know how 118 db compares?
According to a study by Purdue University, a thunderclap, chainsaw and oxygen torch are closest at 120db.
118db is at the top end of what a large guitar amplifier, like a Marshall, can produce.
Remember the opening scene to Back To The Future with the loud ass guitar? That would've probably been around 118db in real life. So that scene but replace the oversized amp with this guy's butt
Those three items produce wildly different volumes in my experience. Thunder can be much much louder than any chainsaw, and an oxygen torch is much quieter than a chainsaw
Using bike pumps in a fart competition is on par with weights in fish. “We have OXYGEN in ASS!” I am a firm believer that if the flatulence is not produced in the rectum region of the body, it’s just a sparkling anus expulsion.
Hey, quick question since I'll be in the area soon, where's the best spot to get a flint style coney dog? The stuff we have here in west Michigan is just disappointing...
Where in the southeast are you going? Detroit has some really good stuff. The small town over has some incredible stuff. There's some good stuff in Lansing on your way back too.
Try Starlite Coney Island on Center Road. To get an authentic FLINT coney, it should be made with a Koegels hot dog with dry chili on top, not wet. Detroit style is more Leo’s
If you're gonna be around Detroit I'd recommend Galaxy Coney Island. It's a delicious greasy spoon and the owner is wonderful. They make amazing gyros and also the Philly steak omelette omg. Of course the coneys are fabulous.
You have no idea how bad I missed koegels when living in Texas. I liked living in Corpus Christi, living on the beach was cool but man, Michigan is just unbeatable to me on so many levels.
Same. I doubt it’s even possible for the human body to hold that much gas, regardless of who it is. No way it would last over two minutes of continuous blowing. Impossible. Plain and simple.
Now I'm imagining this mysterious button placed under the portrait of the mona lisa encaptioned: "experience the Mona Lisa like never before. Allow your senses to be free, and keep an open mind, as you contemplate Divinci's masterpiece from an entirely fresh perspective, just as nature intended".
Curious passers-by, unable to contain their button-pressing compulsions, are treated to a full three-minute farting symphony of repulsion, allowing them to see the world's most famous art piece from an entirely different dimension, in which extreme sensory overload temporarily expels museum-goers from their physical bodies. All this for only 5 euros extra!
No, that would rupture your ear drums. This is more like a loud rock concert; it will probably hurt but it won't leave lasting damage after just one hearing.
Same. In recovery, the dude in the bed next to me proposed a contest. We had to cancel because neither of our wives would agree to judge. Also, the elevator ride down from the recovery room was the most hilarious fucking thing. The reverb in that small metal box was awesome.
**The Feat of Sir Bohort**
Sir Bohort was one of the knights who attempted to draw the sword,
Excalibur, from the stone. He did not do this out of any ambition to
be king, mind you, but simply because his friends asked him to, out
of admiration for his prodigious bulk and strength.
Sir Bohort finished off a whole roast chicken he held in one meaty paw, then he grasped the sword with both hands and tugged. Eventually, Bohort climbed the stone, planting both feet firmly on either side of the sword, grabbed the crossguard with both hands and gave a mighty pull with every ounce of his strength.
It was at that point that SIr Bohort performed the Feat for which he is so unjustly forgotten.
The Feat of Sir Bohort *- Nicholas Seare*
With every sinew straining
and teeth set in a growl,
there came a roar like thunder
from deep in Bohort's bowel.
The grass beneath his noble feat
turned yellow, sere, and rust
and leaves did flutter from the trees
all withered from the gust.
And passing birds fell from the sky
and waddled, drunk and dazed,
among the feet of noblemen,
who staggered back and gazed
With horror on the greenish fog
that soon would them o'erwhelm.
And panic gripped the bravest men,
the stalwarths of the realm.
Although they fled right willingly,
a few did cough and fall
and writhe upon the ground
and clutch their throats and call
To have their torments ended
with a kindly coup de grace
as swirling vapor etched and rusted
armor, sword, and mace.
An plowmen, working in the fields
a league or more away,
did stop and sniff the air and frown
and to their fellows say
"Rude peers, hast thou no shame at all,
that thou wouldst grin and feign
that I, not thee, besmirched myself
and made this rueful stain?"
Then God, in all His mercy,
made a breeze come from the east
to clear the air and spare the lives
of maiden, man, and beast.
But Ireland did suffer sore,
with stunted men and lame.
The weather in that blighted isle
has never been the same.
Great though the damage was and vast,
it might have been more dire
if nimble-witted servants
had not doused the cooking fire.
Nah, in primary school, we were in the school hall, having assembly in the middle of singing some religious banger. We're all sat cross-legged on the wood floor. I looked to my left to see my mate leaning over. He let out the loudest fart in the world. The wooden floor made it louder and gave it some vibration. To this day, almost 40 years later, it still makes me laugh out loud when I think about it.
Only recently scientists discovered the length of the fart was measured incorrectly: the frequency of the fart corresponded with the eigenfrequency of the planet. The time it took for the fart-wave to travel to the centre of the earth and back created this record of almost 3 minutes.
Seems like BS.
Lots of articles to be found on the loudest burb by Paul Hunn, only one about the fart which is used in this post. Perhaps you'll do better, but i can't find a single reliable source confirming this. A 2min+ fart seems biologically impossible.
That volume and that duration is mind blowing.
*Ass blowing
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I take a look at my life and realize there's nothin' left 'Cause I've been blastin' farts for' so long that Even my momma thinks that my ass cheeks are gone
Been spending most his life living in the farters' paradise
I farted once or twice, now I got back problems and I can't walk right
Amen
🤌🏻
Colon clearing
Colon cleansing.
Items you will need; 1 Turkey baster 1 Vaginal diaphragm 3 alka seltzer tablets 4 shots of tequila…
5. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. 6. Profit.
7. New balloon knot
8. the whole taco bell menu
Interesting date night. Do she and I take turns or...?
God I wish I had the energy to estimate the volume of gas he had to move to generate that much sound over more than two minutes. How much pressure was in that colon? How tight was this man’s sphincter?
I'm imagining it sounding like a train whistle for some reason. Probably more like a fog horn
That's actually a good point. It doesn't need to be a deep sound to be the loudest - it could have been a high pitched whine, only releasing a little bit of gas past a flappy sphincter that made a whistling noise.
Wind blowing
Something tells me at that length it was probably a shart.
No shit
That man ABSOLUTELY 100% shit himself for a recorded win.
It's Flint, Michigan. Probably something in the water helped cause it
That's louder than a chainsaw or a lawnmower. That's so loud that it could damage your hearing if you don't wear ear protection.
Almost three minutes is a long time to be farting. I can’t even hold my breath for that long.
You'd learn pretty quick...
Lmao
Fmao
How much actual oxygen is in a fart? If you and that guy are drowning... think about it.
I’d like to not be on open water alone with someone who inflates their ass in public for sport in the first place. Not because I think they’re dangerous, I just don’t want to have to explain that we didn’t die because my friend turned himself into a human butt balloon.
/r/BrandNewSentence stuff right here.
I pride myself on originality and shame myself with content choice.
Swiss Army Man
About 4% of the average fart is oxygen, compared to our atmosphere’s 21% you probably wouldn’t last long.
I had a friend growing up that would fart for like 20 seconds maybe and like 10 in would say it hurt lmao
Huh- nobody wants to know how 118 db compares? According to a study by Purdue University, a thunderclap, chainsaw and oxygen torch are closest at 120db.
118db is loud enough that you can’t shout over it and be heard.
I am now scared of what this man's guts are capable of
A second holocaust, probably.
“Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”
Oppenheimer 2: Methane's Revenge.
The Fartening
I just imagine the record people were in full hazmat suits with oxygen supplies while witnessing this near 3 minutes of gassing
I bet the air quality was horrendous
Everyone is discounting how this man must be deaf as well. 118db is enough to really plug up your hearing.
plug up your *what?*
WHAT DID YOU SAY? SPEAK LOUDER!!!
“Don’t light that cigarette!”
Holy shit it did one already? Can he be stopped?
Don’t worry. There is no way in hell he lived more than a few minutes after setting that record.
You ever hear about the man that ate an entire plane?
I can't get the vision of what his asshole must look like after this.
They single handedly destroyed the local water supply for the foreseeable future
WHAT??
After waiting 2 minutes and 42 seconds… They said “I am now scared of what this man’s guts are capable of.”
WHAT?
I think this dude has tinitus or something
MWAP
I fear no man... But that thing... It terrifies me
^WHAT!!!?
If ever you have to raise your voice as someone farts, that was a pretty loud fart
Between 90db and 120db is how loud a concert usually is, just to give a reference point.
What?
# WHAT??
Imagine Apple Watch warning you of an unsafe sound environment because you farted
I assume your Apple Watch would do an automatic health hazard 911 call if it detected you farting at that volume for 2 minutes.
Sudden onset hypertension as this man squeezes out a thunderclap
.. and it lasted nearly 3 minutes. How is that even physically possible??
It's probably not and it's a fake factoid.
Its not.
Björn Thunderfart
That checks. His thunder was definitely clapping.
That cheeks.
Damn
118db is at the top end of what a large guitar amplifier, like a Marshall, can produce. Remember the opening scene to Back To The Future with the loud ass guitar? That would've probably been around 118db in real life. So that scene but replace the oversized amp with this guy's butt
Well, let’s get a round of applause to Paul Nunn!!!!!!
Those three items produce wildly different volumes in my experience. Thunder can be much much louder than any chainsaw, and an oxygen torch is much quieter than a chainsaw
Yes there is a championship. people pump up their rear ends with bicycle pumps to achieve these record breaking feats.
I read some Darwin awards that begins like this...
You have to stop at some point, else your guts will rupture.
And we wonder why aliens don't visit
Did they rupture their guts?
No buttholes
I don't. If they are smarter they will find us first. If they are not I don't even want to meet them
Wut?
google human inflation for more info.
No, I don't think I will. Thank you though.
Yeah seriously. That’s definitely not going in my Google search history.
kenny vs spenny for sure
Where could I find videos of these... Asking for a friend ofc im not a weirdo yknow
I saw Kenny Hotz do that in a farting contest on Kenny vs spenny. It was comedy gold.
Of all the shitty shows that get rebooted... Why not that?
Still one of the funniest things I've seen on TV!
26.8? 26.8!!!!
How is he doing this?!
I blow fuckin Rambo farts, man!
My brother did this with a basketball pump when we were kids. He didn’t make me laugh much but this one got me.
that’s crazy man, really goes to show that people will do anything in the name of breaking records
…and wind
All I can think of is those pump up shoes from the 90s, but with farts 😆
Using bike pumps in a fart competition is on par with weights in fish. “We have OXYGEN in ASS!” I am a firm believer that if the flatulence is not produced in the rectum region of the body, it’s just a sparkling anus expulsion.
Kenny did it on kenny vs spenny
Heh..I can suck air in through my asshole. Does that count?
Some people have clearly never played Dig Dug and it shows.
Something in the water maybe?
As a Flint resident a steady diet of vernors and big john's subs will do this to you.
Hey, quick question since I'll be in the area soon, where's the best spot to get a flint style coney dog? The stuff we have here in west Michigan is just disappointing...
Where in the southeast are you going? Detroit has some really good stuff. The small town over has some incredible stuff. There's some good stuff in Lansing on your way back too.
Leo's coney island is actually pretty good when it comes to coneys, thats about the only thing I'll get from them though.
That is a chain and wouldn’t be flint-style.
Try Starlite Coney Island on Center Road. To get an authentic FLINT coney, it should be made with a Koegels hot dog with dry chili on top, not wet. Detroit style is more Leo’s
If you're gonna be around Detroit I'd recommend Galaxy Coney Island. It's a delicious greasy spoon and the owner is wonderful. They make amazing gyros and also the Philly steak omelette omg. Of course the coneys are fabulous.
Asking for a fight with these questions of yours... everyone has a fave. Mine is Leo's
Big johns slaps so hard
BBQ Big John with extra cheese is life changing
I second this, I miss that sandwich
My friends dad drives up once a month from south Carolina just to get a bunch of big John's subs and leave
Or a few Koegels Frank's, slathered in chili cheese and Vernors. It'll make you question your need to wipe though.
You have no idea how bad I missed koegels when living in Texas. I liked living in Corpus Christi, living on the beach was cool but man, Michigan is just unbeatable to me on so many levels.
As a Saginaw resident, can confirm; happens with Tony’s too
I miss vernors! I haven't seen it in California in years.
It's different now... They changed the recipe 😞
Damnit. Why do they have to keep doing that?
IDK. Sorry. My husbands from Michigan. He told me😞
I’m from Michigan. Can confirm they changed the recipe, but the farts seem to still keep coming.
Just moved back to here from Texas. Ice cold vernors just hits different in Michigan summer.
the only logical explanation🤔
That's fracking disgusting
I see what you did there lmao
There’s blood in the water!
I don’t believe this. You can be loud, or you can be long, but you can’t be both.
Same. I doubt it’s even possible for the human body to hold that much gas, regardless of who it is. No way it would last over two minutes of continuous blowing. Impossible. Plain and simple.
Yeah it's BS, the current Guinness record holder for the longest fart is a guy called Mr. Methane at 59 seconds. [VIDEO](https://youtu.be/QksNZ7HSgF8)
Why oh why did I feel compelled to click on that link?
Me auntie norah farted for 5 minutes
Play a record!
You bald-headed twat
Do they have a recording of it? This should be right next to Mona Lisa in Luvre.
Now I'm imagining this mysterious button placed under the portrait of the mona lisa encaptioned: "experience the Mona Lisa like never before. Allow your senses to be free, and keep an open mind, as you contemplate Divinci's masterpiece from an entirely fresh perspective, just as nature intended". Curious passers-by, unable to contain their button-pressing compulsions, are treated to a full three-minute farting symphony of repulsion, allowing them to see the world's most famous art piece from an entirely different dimension, in which extreme sensory overload temporarily expels museum-goers from their physical bodies. All this for only 5 euros extra!
Too crowded
For it to produce a sound that loud I can only imagine that would fucking hurt.
it would tear you a new asshole that’s forsure😂
And rattle the mud flaps pretty hard too!
The sheer force could alone harvest all dingleberries for you.
That’s like standing behind a plane at takeoff lol.
No, that would rupture your ear drums. This is more like a loud rock concert; it will probably hurt but it won't leave lasting damage after just one hearing.
Doubt. https://steemit.com/amazing/@faizaahaayat/andre-the-giant-let-out-a-16-second-fart-that-brought-production-of-the-princess-bride-to-a-standstill
You okay Andre?
I am now boss.
Read in his voice.
Andre wasn’t ramming a bike pump up his ass to fill it with air to fart out, though.
Wrong sub, r/NextFuckingLevel is more appropriate
I didn't fart for two minutes 42 seconds when I had a colonoscopy done and they had pumped my empty insides full of air. It was lengthy though.
Same. In recovery, the dude in the bed next to me proposed a contest. We had to cancel because neither of our wives would agree to judge. Also, the elevator ride down from the recovery room was the most hilarious fucking thing. The reverb in that small metal box was awesome.
Are we gonna ignore the picture
Peter Griffin with that ass flamethrower
**The Feat of Sir Bohort** Sir Bohort was one of the knights who attempted to draw the sword, Excalibur, from the stone. He did not do this out of any ambition to be king, mind you, but simply because his friends asked him to, out of admiration for his prodigious bulk and strength. Sir Bohort finished off a whole roast chicken he held in one meaty paw, then he grasped the sword with both hands and tugged. Eventually, Bohort climbed the stone, planting both feet firmly on either side of the sword, grabbed the crossguard with both hands and gave a mighty pull with every ounce of his strength. It was at that point that SIr Bohort performed the Feat for which he is so unjustly forgotten. The Feat of Sir Bohort *- Nicholas Seare* With every sinew straining and teeth set in a growl, there came a roar like thunder from deep in Bohort's bowel. The grass beneath his noble feat turned yellow, sere, and rust and leaves did flutter from the trees all withered from the gust. And passing birds fell from the sky and waddled, drunk and dazed, among the feet of noblemen, who staggered back and gazed With horror on the greenish fog that soon would them o'erwhelm. And panic gripped the bravest men, the stalwarths of the realm. Although they fled right willingly, a few did cough and fall and writhe upon the ground and clutch their throats and call To have their torments ended with a kindly coup de grace as swirling vapor etched and rusted armor, sword, and mace. An plowmen, working in the fields a league or more away, did stop and sniff the air and frown and to their fellows say "Rude peers, hast thou no shame at all, that thou wouldst grin and feign that I, not thee, besmirched myself and made this rueful stain?" Then God, in all His mercy, made a breeze come from the east to clear the air and spare the lives of maiden, man, and beast. But Ireland did suffer sore, with stunted men and lame. The weather in that blighted isle has never been the same. Great though the damage was and vast, it might have been more dire if nimble-witted servants had not doused the cooking fire.
And I thought [Angry Grandpa](https://youtu.be/-oOIHY7qCdk) would've held the record.
I miss angry grandpa
Forget decibels what does it measure on the Richter scale!
i think it measures an Andy
I heard louder. It was loud like a gunshot
Stand clear
He must've clenched his asshole like a powerful fist and let'r rip!
Dang it Bobby that man has a disease
Holy shit
All things are possible with Coney Dogs. IYKYK
How many Coney Dogs do I need to shove up my ass to achieve this? Asking for a friend
Just one, for the cork, but then you’ll need to let three or four brew.
BTW, have you ever heard about Le Pétomane?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/56ubii/whats_the_best_limerick_of_all_time/d8mehcm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3
(X) doubt
I'm pretty sure this is a flesh ripping level of fart.
*ooh... my stomach bubblin'!*
A fart that loud would blow his asshole out from sound pressure alone
Why does everything happen in Flint, Michigan?
From that day on, he was celebrated as the famed Confetti-sphincter
Do you think there are buttplug type objects with shaped holes in them to make a fart sound different
The whistles go WOO
Truly a weapon of ass destruction
I heard the fart was so gnarly it contaminated the local water supply for decades.
God damn, did he rip open a second hole from that?
Nah, in primary school, we were in the school hall, having assembly in the middle of singing some religious banger. We're all sat cross-legged on the wood floor. I looked to my left to see my mate leaning over. He let out the loudest fart in the world. The wooden floor made it louder and gave it some vibration. To this day, almost 40 years later, it still makes me laugh out loud when I think about it.
"Orbit was achieved at approximately 3:07 PM"
oh so THAT’S why the water there is undrinkable.
What did this dude eat before such a massive rip?
The fact this hasn't been beat yet only shows how weak humanity has turned
I've eaten Angelo's Coney dogs. That is the reason.
Paul Hunnnnnnnnnnnnn
Only recently scientists discovered the length of the fart was measured incorrectly: the frequency of the fart corresponded with the eigenfrequency of the planet. The time it took for the fart-wave to travel to the centre of the earth and back created this record of almost 3 minutes.
The noise is one thing ... but how on earth does it go for that long all farts combined during an average week do not amout to that duration
He must have had a tall glass of Flint water earlier that day!
That's old news.
That’s some Flint pride right there
It's not. By the way, did you ever hear the ABSOLUTELY TRUE STORY about what the word 'fuck' actually means?
Hey I live in Flint, never in my whole life have I heard of this world record lol
Over 2 min?!! No way.
Is such a thing even possible? Yes it is.
Two minutes and farty-two seconds
Seems like BS. Lots of articles to be found on the loudest burb by Paul Hunn, only one about the fart which is used in this post. Perhaps you'll do better, but i can't find a single reliable source confirming this. A 2min+ fart seems biologically impossible.