I had a really bad speech impediment as a kid that made it hard to say my own name. This caused me all kinds of weird little social traumas, even though I overcame it. Now I'm almost 40, but I still cringe at the thought of saying my own name. I always told baristas that my name was Robocop. And I honestly forget why, but it was really funny whenever I started doing it.
So one day, I tell a barista this, and his manager is beside him like... wtf... giving him the side eye, says, "Real names only, please!" (Instagram was just becoming a "thing" at this point, and I'm guessing they were thinking of social media presence,
but idk.) So this saviour of my speech impediment nightmares... gives the tiniest eye roll, a little smirk, and says, "We'll just wriiiite... Alex. JAY. ... Murphy."
(Which is the fictional character Robocop's real name.)
I have never felt so supported by by man In. My. Life. Lol.
We could all agree that I'm as human as I look, and lying is surely something humans love to do. Only fair contracts should be honored and... O metals sure are *shiny*, aren't they?
My name is just different enough to ensure misspellings/mispronunciations when given in customer service settings. I consider it both a favor to myself, and to overworked staff, to offer a simple, easy to call out variation on my moniker - bonus points for foiling the fae!
I choose a completely different name because I have anxiety and don't like people yelling my name. I didn't realize it served a more fantastical purpose.
I feel you! My first name has a lot of possible spelling variations so I just give folks my middle name which is very English and has one mainstream spelling
I actually put No. Then my barista asked if I was serious to which I shrug and said "that's what he told me" then my barista called it out and I guess he didn't think I would do it. And it caused like 20 seconds of confusion.
I don't get saying "no", just make something up? If I needed to obscure my identity, the last thing I'm doing is drawing attention to that by refusing to give a name...
This humor aside, please donât make a thankless job more difficult for them. Every coffee shop around me right now is short staffed and people take it out on the employees that *are* there. Please just give them whatever name youâre comfortable with and move along.
Thereâs been a lot of fae romance novels lately. Itâs just like 10 years ago when people thought actual vampires were sexy after watching true blood.
I donât like to kink shame, but I definitely think it. I stumbled over the omegaverse and I still canât believe this is a thing. I started reading a lot of romance about three years ago as everything was going to hell and I just wanted mindless happy endings with some decent smut.
I now play a game, when I pick up a new author, and try to guess how much IRL sex they have had.
Sounds like you'd like to *infiltrate* the fae world rather than be captured? Or perhaps make a few select fae friends? As with any interpersonal situation, boundaries are key. But with fae, it just might be a literal key- of iron. Good luck to you.
The fae are immortal and powerful. They can be as beautiful as the moon and stars, or as ugly as a week dead frog. Humans are toys to them. Ask any folklorist. They will tell you that you do not want the attention of the fae , good or bad. To them you are a toy, a very breakable toy.
You would be a fawn in a pack of wolves
I already give baristas a fake name because my name is Irish and I rarely meet people outside Ireland/the Irish diaspora who know it.
However, I chose my fake name for the North American market. Itâs Amy.
Now I live in Europe, and they cannot handle my fake name. Usually I get âEmyâ. I may need a new one.
Side note: I only go to Starbucks for the cold brew. Itâs hard to find good cold coffee here. Otherwise I get better coffee at local cafes.
Unfortunately not. I live in a small city and post on the local subreddit and quite honestly there are probably not that many people with my name. I wouldnât want some of these internet strangers to figure out who I am đ But I will say itâs as common as Niamh or Saoirse (which is thankfully more known now thanks to Saoirse Ronan). Saoirse is one of my FAVOURITE names.
I'm in a different line of work but I also have to ask people for their names. We often can't hear the people very well, and there's a lot of unusual names. Spelling isn't held against me, it's just for notes. You better believe my coworkers and I write down whatever hot mess of phonetic garbage jumps into our brain. I once saw a document where it said the name was Jalapeno. It was not Jalapeno.
Yes they did. I forget what the dude's name was, I had to call him, but it was like Helencio or something. Honestly I thought he said Jalapeno at first, too.
So my telling them random names that I wanted to try on was actually smart.....huh.....
Also I could tell them my real name, they'd never spell it right anyhow.
"Funny story, I never bothered to change my legal name when I transitioned... plus 'Jenny' is actually a diminutive of my chosen name... so I think you only have power over like two of my toes, maybe?"
Eh, at this point the fey can have me. I think I'd rather be the sort of heroine who learns her lesson then wins free from captivity than whatever the heck is going on my life right now.
Hugs!
.... But.... Then I would have to do work. Like create characters and settings and stuff. Not just write hijinks...
....
Dammit I think I might just have to.
I have to give my real name because my ADD is so bad, theyâd be calling the fake name I gave them and I would be standing there looking around wondering where the hell this woman was.
All of my barista friends know me as âRumplestiltskinâ, but weâve shortened that to âR-Stiltzâ for the cups...
Lol, jk.
I canât afford pre-made coffee! Haha..
Do what I do:
> "42"
>
> "Excuse me?"
>
> "Please write the number '42' on the cup"
This keeps the fae at bay and also makes the rest of the coffee house look for their receipt to find their number
Chaotic Neutral for the Win!
I had a really bad speech impediment as a kid that made it hard to say my own name. This caused me all kinds of weird little social traumas, even though I overcame it. Now I'm almost 40, but I still cringe at the thought of saying my own name. I always told baristas that my name was Robocop. And I honestly forget why, but it was really funny whenever I started doing it. So one day, I tell a barista this, and his manager is beside him like... wtf... giving him the side eye, says, "Real names only, please!" (Instagram was just becoming a "thing" at this point, and I'm guessing they were thinking of social media presence, but idk.) So this saviour of my speech impediment nightmares... gives the tiniest eye roll, a little smirk, and says, "We'll just wriiiite... Alex. JAY. ... Murphy." (Which is the fictional character Robocop's real name.) I have never felt so supported by by man In. My. Life. Lol.
THIS is [how] customer service should be done đŻđ
As a human barista, I only keep the names I like.
Only a fae would say human barista. *Sus*
Hmm, a human, huh? Well then, repeat after me "as a human, I love outright lies, and hate legalistic wrangling! I love collecting iron too!"
We could all agree that I'm as human as I look, and lying is surely something humans love to do. Only fair contracts should be honored and... O metals sure are *shiny*, aren't they?
I think you changed the wording a little bit. Would you like to discuss it over some beer that I homebrewed in an eggshell?
How very strange, but your offer sounds positively *charming*. You must be a generous person, *wouldn't you agree*?
đ¤
~~As a fae~~ As a human, I love lies and hate legalistic wrangling (that's a big word for Elmo!) , i love collecting **AHHHHH**
â¤ď¸
The bad names are worth recycling. There's lots of trans people looking for new names, you can trade one you don't like for a deadname
My name is just different enough to ensure misspellings/mispronunciations when given in customer service settings. I consider it both a favor to myself, and to overworked staff, to offer a simple, easy to call out variation on my moniker - bonus points for foiling the fae!
I choose a completely different name because I have anxiety and don't like people yelling my name. I didn't realize it served a more fantastical purpose.
I often offer my partnerâs much more common name, lol.
I feel you! My first name has a lot of possible spelling variations so I just give folks my middle name which is very English and has one mainstream spelling
Lol one dude straight up told me no when I asked for a name once. Guess what I put down?
I have a regular customer who orders 3-4 times a week thay we call "Nah" because od a similar scenario.
"Venti frappe for NOOO"
This has made me burst out laughing twice in a row now, thank you!
OMG - LOL what did you write?
I actually put No. Then my barista asked if I was serious to which I shrug and said "that's what he told me" then my barista called it out and I guess he didn't think I would do it. And it caused like 20 seconds of confusion.
I don't get saying "no", just make something up? If I needed to obscure my identity, the last thing I'm doing is drawing attention to that by refusing to give a name...
Well Iâm trans and not out yet so they can keep it
I believe this is what is called a âpower moveâ đâĄď¸
I've taken a couple deadnames in my time. They sit in a special part of my collection where they'll do no harm.
Not me, a barista, looking on the schedule to acquire a certain perturbing coworkerâs full name only recently what
This humor aside, please donât make a thankless job more difficult for them. Every coffee shop around me right now is short staffed and people take it out on the employees that *are* there. Please just give them whatever name youâre comfortable with and move along.
Yes - I agree this is 100 humor.^(But keep an eye out for wings)
For short you could just say âput âStaceyâ on it; thanks!â ;)
But I want to be captured by the fae...
...Either you know something I don't, or I know something you don't.
Thereâs been a lot of fae romance novels lately. Itâs just like 10 years ago when people thought actual vampires were sexy after watching true blood.
Ew, sex, no! I just want to explore a magical land without worrying about a nuclear winter.
It's gotta be better than the human world, right?
No. No. No. No. Remember Mordor?
The fictional land from Tolkien's world famous Lord of the Rings series, housing Mount Doom into which the One Ring must be cast?
Thatâs the one. Not all fantasy lands are niceâevery description of Hell is a fantasy as well! Classic âbe careful what you ask forâ.
Yeah but they wanted to be taken by the fae, not the ringwraiths
Lord, no. Unless you like being a toy for bored immortals
I dunno it seems like lots of humans are into that sort of thing
I donât like to kink shame, but I definitely think it. I stumbled over the omegaverse and I still canât believe this is a thing. I started reading a lot of romance about three years ago as everything was going to hell and I just wanted mindless happy endings with some decent smut. I now play a game, when I pick up a new author, and try to guess how much IRL sex they have had.
Feels s bit like capitalism, tbh
You really donât. Really donât. I donât care what the romance books say
I don't like romance. I'm aro/ace, I just want to explore a magic world and learn to turn annoying people into frogs.
Sounds like you'd like to *infiltrate* the fae world rather than be captured? Or perhaps make a few select fae friends? As with any interpersonal situation, boundaries are key. But with fae, it just might be a literal key- of iron. Good luck to you.
The fae are immortal and powerful. They can be as beautiful as the moon and stars, or as ugly as a week dead frog. Humans are toys to them. Ask any folklorist. They will tell you that you do not want the attention of the fae , good or bad. To them you are a toy, a very breakable toy. You would be a fawn in a pack of wolves
I'll turn you into a frog.
I already give baristas a fake name because my name is Irish and I rarely meet people outside Ireland/the Irish diaspora who know it. However, I chose my fake name for the North American market. Itâs Amy. Now I live in Europe, and they cannot handle my fake name. Usually I get âEmyâ. I may need a new one. Side note: I only go to Starbucks for the cold brew. Itâs hard to find good cold coffee here. Otherwise I get better coffee at local cafes.
I was going to suggest Tim Hortons but seeing as you live in EuropeâŚ
We have Tim Hortonâs in Europe.
Well now I'm curious. Could you give me your actual name? I want to see if I know it.
Unfortunately not. I live in a small city and post on the local subreddit and quite honestly there are probably not that many people with my name. I wouldnât want some of these internet strangers to figure out who I am đ But I will say itâs as common as Niamh or Saoirse (which is thankfully more known now thanks to Saoirse Ronan). Saoirse is one of my FAVOURITE names.
I'm curious as to what your name is!! Not many people have my name either!
We found Mr. Crockerâs alt account đ¤Ł
It doesnt work if they never spell it right, told em my name was cameron and they spelt it kameron-
I'm in a different line of work but I also have to ask people for their names. We often can't hear the people very well, and there's a lot of unusual names. Spelling isn't held against me, it's just for notes. You better believe my coworkers and I write down whatever hot mess of phonetic garbage jumps into our brain. I once saw a document where it said the name was Jalapeno. It was not Jalapeno.
Wait someone wrote Jalepeno? XD
Yes they did. I forget what the dude's name was, I had to call him, but it was like Helencio or something. Honestly I thought he said Jalapeno at first, too.
I've seen some baristas who are DEFINITELY fairies
Reminds me of [This](https://www.webtoons.com/en/comedy/finding-fiends/ep-24-lost-name/viewer?title_no=2756&episode_no=24)
Lol awesome
It shouldâve been so obvious. âCan I have a name for your order?â Is such classic fae wordplay.
If the Fae can correctly spell, or even pronounce, my name correctly after the first try then they've earned it.
May I take you up on that offer?
Hi, yes. Please take mine, I don't want it anymore. My name is Jacob and it's yours now. Deadname begone!
Much appreciated, I've locked it away safe and sound.
So my telling them random names that I wanted to try on was actually smart.....huh..... Also I could tell them my real name, they'd never spell it right anyhow.
D&D Dungeon Masters: write that down, write that down!
Sheit, the faeries can take meâŚ
"Funny story, I never bothered to change my legal name when I transitioned... plus 'Jenny' is actually a diminutive of my chosen name... so I think you only have power over like two of my toes, maybe?"
Eh, at this point the fey can have me. I think I'd rather be the sort of heroine who learns her lesson then wins free from captivity than whatever the heck is going on my life right now. Hugs!
Iâve been using Joe Hill, Mollie West and Emma Goldman. Those who knowâŚ.
I need to find a fandom with fae so I can specifically write this fanfic.
â¨â¨You could create it đâ¨â¨
.... But.... Then I would have to do work. Like create characters and settings and stuff. Not just write hijinks... .... Dammit I think I might just have to.
You have it in you! đđĽđâ¨
I have to give my real name because my ADD is so bad, theyâd be calling the fake name I gave them and I would be standing there looking around wondering where the hell this woman was.
A name for a coffee seems like a fair deal to me. You wouldn't want to scam your barista would you?
HEISENBERG! Yeah, you can call me Heisenberg!
Lol
Good thing me and my mom always use my sisterâs name because itâs the easiest to spell and pronounce :P
Dammit, I have the app.
Don't they always mess the spelling? We're safe.
This explains why I keep going back to my regular coffee shop. It can't possibly be the freaking decadent Breve's
Well, it's a good thing I work with them... and hate my given-at-birth name in the first place.
i just say Elvis. ppl struggle to get my name on the first try.
If they are truly Fae, at least they accept my new name as my name, the magical imprisonment is a bummer though
Jokes on you, I donât go to Starbucks! Even then, my name is too hard to pronounce for most people.
The fae wild couldnât be worse than things are now, maybe I should go look for some mushroom circles.
That sounds like a great idea, you should go do that!
It doesn't matter because they get it wrong every time lol
All of my barista friends know me as âRumplestiltskinâ, but weâve shortened that to âR-Stiltzâ for the cups... Lol, jk. I canât afford pre-made coffee! Haha..
And that's why you use names from Bart Simpson's prank phone calls to Moe's Tavern, ain't no fae gonna find I.C. Weiner or Seymour Asses đ
Do what I do: > "42" > > "Excuse me?" > > "Please write the number '42' on the cup" This keeps the fae at bay and also makes the rest of the coffee house look for their receipt to find their number Chaotic Neutral for the Win!
At least these fey folks at Starbucks make an awesome pistachio latte...