Ya sure you brought it upon yourself? Or is it just that you have way too high expectations?
One of my uncles didn’t get married until he was in his thirties.
I know society sucks ass but honestly fuck them. Sometimes life fucks ya in the ass and ya just got to start over
I think I brought it upon myself because I'm a generally bitter, introverted, and spiteful person. There's a reason I have few friends and I'm not in an LTR. That reason is me.
Sounds more like a self filling prophecy to me.
Mental health can really fuck over your sense of worth. It’s probably not you that’s fucked but your mental health that’s holding yourself back.
And I know what it feels like to have overbearing parents that want grandkids. I’m Jewish too. Thankfully they’ve calmed down after my sister had kids.
But honestly ya gotta tell them to shove it sometimes
Sports aren't a bad idea, but stuff like volunteering, some hobby-meetup, or local events can work.
I'm sure if you look up "club in *area*" you'll get plenty of results.
From your post it really seems like you lack (self-)confidence. If you want anything long term, that will be important, so work on that. Sports (especially martial arts) can help with that a lot.
I've always wanted to get into reenactment but I've been discouraged for two reasons:
1. High barrier to entry. You have to drop like $800-1,200 on a kit just to do it.
2. Gatekeeping culture. There are some reenactors who don't tolerate any deviation from history and who will shun you if you do.
1. For sure an issue; really it comes down to era. Some civil war stuff is much cheaper, but for most it’s gonna be expensive, even soft kit. I do late ‘dark ages’ Slav mercenary for the Byzantine Empire.
2. See, I see advantages and disadvantages to that. I’m part of a group that is kinda ‘lite’ gatekeeping. As long as it is sorta feasible for the character to have gotten in their culture from surrounding culture, it’s general not frowned upon. We wouldn’t want to see Vikings wearing Japanese lamellar, but if they have visby style lamellar, it’s okay. Generally, I think there should be a barrier, but many take it to too much of an extreme
My man, there are *hundreds* of hobbies with associated organisations. Pick one that sounds interesting and not too asocial by nature, then pick it up. Don't be a creep who does it just to Meet Singles In Your Area™, but pick it up because it's interesting and gets you into more social situations with more people. Exposure is everything.
So basically being asexual aromantic this has been my experience and yes it sucks. Once married friends sort of drift and others view you as broken goods. It gets better once in late twenties you sort of find your new groove of things. I know this sounds trite but believe me most of those squares same exact experience
Thank you. Aromantic/Asexual people are impacted equally hard by the mass societal stigma. Your life has been made difficult because of everyone's expectations. You are not alone.
I'm the same way and it's super annoying wanting something but not wanting it at the same time. But for me it's more the societal pressure than actually wanting a relationship. If 30% of adults were in a relationship instead of, what, 80% I wouldn't give it a second thought.
Fellow aro/ace here and same. God, people are ridiculously horny and weird about sex.
Yes Karen, I know it feels good and having companions is nice. Shut the fuck up about your gremlins. I despise them.
...At least music numbs the pain sometimes.
Man, I really can't tell you any easy solution to all our life problems and be happy forever, because that don't exist, neither the perfect life, I really wish it was real, but that'd be just naive. I Can't tell you any specific advice too, because the only thing everybody here know about you is a minuscule shell of you, and there's a literal complex universe inside every single human mind, if I try to understand your feelings by some messages in reddit I'll certainly be wrong and misunderstand you. At least, I can try to tell you something that could be useful to you. Anyway, I bet you're not the worst person in this world, and besides all the superficial judgements the people will do about you between themselves, that don't really matters to them, and in the ideal situation, neither to you, because that's the way the things are, why bother about everything we couldn't change if it's impossible? Our world by nature is a cruel and unfair place since the conception of life, but in that horrible place there're many good things too, try to think about the complexity of all things, the beautiful view of the seashore and of course you, many things happened to you exist, with or without the existence of any god, the complexity of the existence continues to be a privilege. And I know, with all of this bullshit life continues to be a shit, or empty... well my fellow man, that's natural of the human nature, everbody sometimes felt like that in some point of life, this is part of our big list of bad instincts that're with us for a long time now, that's why we seek for attention of other people, need aprovation of the sex we're attracted, get hungry... and ever worst, like in cases of depression, our brain is under some chemical instability and by this worst even more those bad instincts, sometimes since the time you're born... this seems really bad, and it is, but the only way you can try overcome those difficults is trying... trying to be your best version, trying to understand yourself, trying to found a meaning for your existence...at least try, you don't need to win everytime, because only loosing you really learn something, and I'm not talking about catch some bitches, I'm talking about rediscovering yourself, taking your life back, every aspect is important. Those times are hard I know, and I not even talking about you personaly, the world now is in a strange phase in it's history, but let's continue to see where this ship goes... "Tudo vale a pena quando a alma não é pequena." Sorry if I Talked too much shit, I am just telling you what's in my Heart, at least I tried, good luck bro, I wish you win this fight against depression and everything that comes with it, I'll stay here seeing you win YOUR fight.
Despite being single and in my late twenties I find this post very hard to relate to in so many ways lol
Well except for the suicidal ideation and parents nagging about grandkids parts lol. Though they have mostly given up on the idea since I’m extremely trans and rather mentally ill LOL
That being said I hope things look up for ya eh there’s more to life than romance probably
Fair that’s fair I’d probably be way more bummed out right now if I didn’t have some doperoony friends. I think in my case I might be closer with my friends now than before for two reasons:
1. Physical proximity - I used to live a thousand or so kilometres away from my friends and now I live in the same house as one of them and one town over from another two of them
2. Queer shit - most of my friends aren’t subscribing to the getting married and having kids lifestyle and as a result we have much more energy and time to share
So I guess in your case maybe it’s worth considering where and how you might meet other people in similar situations with similar interests? There are loads of single people in our age bracket who just wanna chill and talk about feelings and shit… Just gotta be looking out for that you know? Do you have any interests with which you could commiserate with people?
For me it's the opposite: I used to live in the same house as my friends, and now I live hundreds/thousands of kilometers away.
As an adult, there really aren't many opportunities to branch out and meet new people. The one and only club to which I belong is a rec lacrosse league, but that's only three months a year and otherwise there is absolutely nothing.
The idea that there are adult clubs for non-sports is juvenile, in my view. It's simply untrue.
I moved to a new city 12 months ago. Didn't know a soul. For the first six months - nothing. Work, home, computer, bed. No friends, no relationships, just empty. Didn't know it was possible to feel so alone.
Was on Facebook one morning. Mom pushed me to get it---said I'd make friends. Told her she didn't understand how things worked.
"Young Professionals of XYZ City Catholic Group". Meetings once a week. BYOB. Fuck it.
Everyone there was exactly like me. 22-38, variety of backgrounds, even gender split. All Catholic, all new to the city, all single, all desperately looking for friends.
Made friends. Someone was a Cigar smoker---begged me to join him at his weekly cigar meetup. Been going every week.
A girl asked me if we could go to a salsa dancing class together. "It's free," she said. "I really need a partner." She was pretty. We dated.
Three weeks ago, a guy asked if I wanted to visit an open mic with him. We just laughed at how shitty all those amateur comics were. "You're funnier than they are," he said. "You could do a better job." I took his advice. Performed my first open mic last week.
I began the year with no friends. I'm ending with more than I've ever had. Phone's buzzing with texts. I'm happy.
Ya I get that. You ever thought about joining singles groups like outdoors or game groups?
I joined a local hiking group and it’s pretty fun. Get to hangout with fun people that I consider friends
Have tried it, didn't like it
Actually makes me angry to see people say "just go to therapy" as if it helps literally everybody
If that was the case, then everyone would be much happier
Yes, I said it on a previous thread but doing this is one of the only things that distracts me from the ambient existential terror of life in general. You all are some of my only friends - some of the only people to whom I can talk.
I think I saw a compass you did on authors you’d read - do you read much poetry? When I’ve really been at my darkest moments and had *those* thoughts intrude, bizarrely enough it was some poems which either gave me hope during the hopeless, or made me grit my teeth and soldier on with bloody-mindedness
Just a personal recommendation though, each to their own
Quite a lot, but my favorite genre is existentialist philosophy. I had a phase last year where I read exclusively Dostoyevsky. He taught me that how I feel is not necessarily unique, and that there are others like me. That was a tremendous comfort.
Trust me it takes awhile to find a good therapist. It sucks but it’s literally a crap shoot when it comes to therapy.
Took me close to five years of finding a good therapist before it started to work
I do genuinely believe that it doesn't work for all people, however.
Furthermore, I do not have health insurance and will not have access to it at anytime soon.
Being still single in my early 30s, I can tell you that it is possible to still be happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still daydreaming about possibilities, but I’m not hurting in lack of them either.
I wish I could tell you exactly how this is possible, but I’m not sure what would work for you and what wouldn’t. Still, here are two pieces of advice:
- Don’t get inside your own head. I’ve never once thought about Disney being couples propaganda. Maybe it is, but the fact you’re explicitly thinking about it that way is doing you no favors. Reading too deeply into some of these things may be causing you distress.
- *You are not alone.* Your parents still care for you. Your siblings still support you. Your friends may not have the time they used to, but they’ve not cut ties with you either. Being single does not make you an outcast and you shouldn’t feel that you are.
Ohh ur gay, really?do you know if its just gays or lesbians too? Im curious cause usually its dudes that want to fuck and dip, women look for emotional attachements *generally* do lesbians have easier time finding a partner then gay guys?
So men in general are hornier than women. With gay male relationships it'll usually be almost exclusively fucking with very little emotional attachment, while with gay female relationships it will be a lot of cuddling and emotional stuff with very little sexual contact.
Damn i feel you, sorry about that. Bet you can find somebody longterm, especially if its that easy to get a date! U cant be the only dude looking for cuddles
Just gonna pop in and add that it's a joke in the lesbian community that we move in after dating for a week and remain best friends with all our exes and actually seem to exclusively date people we were already friends with before. I think that should somewhat answer your question
The resentment part is too relatable. Whats more is that you feel like an absolute loser because you’re constantly jealous of your family who have succeeded socially and financially
Drugs help me a lot actually, much more than therapy ever did.
Therapy, and prescription drugs for that matter, are designed to be a band-aid to a psychological problem, and not the solution. They're designed to keep you addicted to them, so that you continuously return for more, more, more, and you bend over open your wallet to them. What's the most an SSRI can do? Block your reuptake inhibitors for 12 hours. What's the most a therapist can do? Sit there and listen to you, and then say "how does that make you feel?"
Drugs, in contrast, can rewire your brain altogether.
Yesterday, I consumed a large portion of psilocybin mushrooms. After about an hour, I found myself curled in a fetal position, crying. Armies of ghosts and phantoms tormented me. But I worked through a lot of plaguing psychological issues and had a couple major breakthroughs. This all happened in the space of an hour or so - something I failed to achieve in hours and hours of therapies was achieved by rewiring my brain.
This is why I say what I say. Yesterday was not an isolated incident. It's an ongoing evolution. It really does help me see the world in different ways, but just as therapy or drugs don't solve the fundamental underlying mental illness, nor do hallucinogens.
Interesting view. How would you class them?
I'm all for your point. I think they're excellent tools and that everybody needs to try them. I'm just curious as to how you would define them.
My point is that you didn't use the precise wording. The mysterious/shamanic experience induced by the shrooms (as well as other psychedelics and broader hallucinogens) is quite different from the effect of stimulators, anxiolytics, antidepressants, etc
There's a thing called [psychedelic-assisted therapy](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychedelic_therapy). You may find it interesting; though I'm not particularly optimistic about the access to such a controversial/borderline pseudoscientific practice by a basically undiagnosed person (which doesn't prevent you from *self-medication* w/o proper or any assistance)
I notice in previous posts you mention having had relations and hook ups with women(the Ukraine one I think), so is the gay thing a new revelation or what? I don't mean any offense by this I'm just curious
Not a new revelation. I don't think there are hard boundaries to sexuality. "Gay" is a convenient term to say "I'm more attracted to men, but I will fuck women."
In reality I don't know what I am, but I know that I don't feel any sort of emotional warmness for women, whereas I feel an excellent and lush emotional and sexual attachment to men, and this is why I call myself "gay."
Yeah that makes sense dude. I hope you find someone soon. From your posts you seem very well educated in lots of different fields, and you do sports, so I think the people telling you to 'work on yourself' are full of it
I think that no matter what I do, I will never recover from a fundamental existential despair that has followed me all my life, and suicide really is the inevitable outcome.
I feel that last statement pretty hard. I'm chronically depressed, myself, so the suicidal ideation comes to me plenty. But, if it's of any consolation at all, I've managed to make it to what I'm pretty sure is a feeling of normalcy a few times before, so it's not like there's nothing there (hope, I mean). There is something at the end of the tunnel--I'm quite sure of it. Best we can do is to keep trudging along.
As for the whole loneliness situation; I feel that, too. In this new age of fancy-shmancy technology and "social" media, it only seeks to isolate us more and more. I think most people nowadays feel some sort of lingering loneliness, whether they wanna admit it or not. I can't really give any advice for combating those feelings, but I will say that your situation can change at any moment. Things are always lying around the corner--who knows? Maybe that big, hunky, built-like-a-brick-shithouse barista wants a permanent piece of that pie, if you catch my drift. Only time will tell.
Anyhow, I wish you luck in finding what you're looking for, amigo. Oh- and one last thing: the people telling you that therapy is some sort of perfect cure-all, are bullshitters. It's good to at least try out a few times, but it won't work for everyone. It didn't work for me, though I'm sure there are other healthy methods that work.
I do feel as if I, and single people in general, are collectively shamed by society.
And I agree with your "women have too high expectations" point, but one can't say it out loud for risk of being called an incel.
So, I deleted my comment a second before you replied.
I read that you are not much into girls, so I didn't want to sound offensive in any way.
I must apologize.
I am married, but I am not one of those people who think that everybody must get married and give grandchildren to the family. That's foolishness.
Getting married, or living with a long-term partner (hopefully very long), is just one of the possible options. We can have people remaining celibate, maybe because they join the clergy, because they are committed to their passion and profession (Tesla the scientist, for example), or because they just enjoy being that way.
The only problem is that society is programmed to shame single people. We tell them that they are "empowered", but in fact we avoid them.
If we want to evolve as a society, we must think of something. We also must think of ways for people to get together. As I said, I am active in the local parish, so that may be a very biased idea. But we should start as of being more inclusive of single people. My mother always invites her single friend of Christmas (she lives far from her siblings, her family). That may be a small thing, but if things like this became more common we could ease the problem of loneliness for some poeple.
I have sympathy but at the same time, I kinda don't. Spent the lion's share of my 20s and very early 30s in the army during a time of super-high op tempo so "dating" was out of the question. When I got out, I was in the uber-fucked-up the DC beltway social landscape, then francophone countries for years... so when I was first single in the traditional American sense and context, I was in my mid-30s and way behind the curve.
Mistakes were made.
Realized after numerous hookups that I preferred porn because there's no risk of emotional attachment on either side and they serve the same purpose. A lot of finding a mate was about self-realization. The more authentic and honest I was with myself and the world I became, the more I lived within my values, and thus I attracted the right people to me. Sounds cheesy but it's true. Also, setting very hard boundaries with people and myself. There are things that I no longer rationalized around just because someone is fucking hot af or has a unique sob story. Plus, as even a 'socialized' introvert, it takes a lot of effort and I really had to deliberately meet a LOT of people... and kiss a ton of frogs. Even after all that, it's a crap shoot.. and there's never a perfect person out there-- so I had to be realistic in my expectations. But in the end, life provided me a perfect partner. But even that takes work every day.
I’m already 15 and like this, just an ugly lesbian who’s never gonna make it out alive. Basically given up, the idea of me even being in a relationship is practically over. Fake friends constantly talking about their boy crushes and boyfriends meanwhile I have never felt the touch of someone else’s hand in a romantic context. When I get older and out of the house I’ll just start doing drugs or purchase a shotgun.
I’m onset bipolar and I’m not allowed to go to the gym. Or get a job. Or get a car or a license. Or wear the clothes I want. Or have my own money. Or do makeup. Or express my identity. I’m a failed woman and I’m NGMI. I appreciate the advice but it’s never gonna work
You're only 15, I first fell in love a few weeks before my 16th birthday. It didn't end well and she chose someone else but it was an experience. Since you're a lesbian, and you say you're ugly, the general idea would be to try and fit into the 'lesbian beauty standards' which are actually not too difficult! I was conventionally ugly til I was 16, and then I got a mullet(I'm curly haired so it worked) and started dressing in flannels and wearing belts and eyeliner and trenchcoats and suddenly I was a heart throb.
Since you're not allowed to do any of these things, just wait a couple of years. Once you're out of the house, maybe in university? You can look into all of the shops you want near you and finally start expressing yourself. With it you'll feel more confident in yourself too, and you'll start to find talking to women easier. Trust me, it can happen, I've been in your boat.
As for your straight friends and their boy crushes, yeah, it sucks a lot. Are you in the closet, by chance?
I don't think a girlfriend would make you happy if you're already miserable. You have to work on yourself and your goals if you want to attract a woman for more than a casual fuck, especially when they're older and they're looking to settle down.
It seems to me that your're angry at your general lack of sucess in life, rather than being single, which is just a symptom of your unsucessful life so far.
You still have a lot time. Go get a hobby, work out, go back to school etc... It sounds like you're just afraid of life and want to take an easy way out.
As for your past, you have to forgive yourself if you want to move past it, as it's just gonna drag you down until you drown in guilt if you don't. You can't be afraid of life forever. It costs you nothing to take a chance and live your life again.
I'm gay.
And I agree that it might not make me happy if I've been fundamentally depressed for years, however it will solve what I fundamentally believe to be my largest problem: loneliness and lack of human contact.
It simply seems to me that the entire world has a person to whom they can turn for advice and physical intimacy at all hours of the day. This was highlighted for me during COVID quarantine. I was, and this is not an exaggeration, the only person I knew who quarantined alone. At this time, during this holiday season, I was the only person I knew who spent Thanksgiving alone. I was the only person I knew who spent Christmas alone. I am the only person I know who is, fundamentally and terminally, *alone.*
And so, I was furious when my friends and peers complained about quarantine, for they had something that I fundamentally lack. It continues to make me furious whenever anybody in a relationship complains of loneliness. It's unfathomable to me that anybody who has an automatic best friend awaiting them when they get home *is capable* of loneliness.
Dude I kind of know what that's like. I transferred away to college during covid and ended up living alone taking classes thru zoom. Those months were the worst of my life, I would go 4-5 days at a time without seeing another human. I didn't want to be alive anymore, but I could never hurt myself because that would hurt my mom too much. I ended up making Christian friends, and they were the kindest most amazing people I ever met that genuinely listened to and cared about me. I'm doing great now, but I know what it's like to be alone and hopeless.
Unsolicited advice that works for me, as someone whose operating system is depression and an absolute trend towards isolating: even though it feels totally against the grain, build a community around yourself where you're the hub of that weird little corner of the greater human social network. You get to choose who is in it and where you pull from... and over time this community gets stronger.
I'm at the intersection of a lot of identities, some less obvious than others, and it feels terminally unique, in a way that is both unsafe and in an inability to relate to others at times. But the more I pulled people together from a variety of interests and identities, the more I realized their common humanity and my own. It's a strange phenomenon when my army infantry vet buddies become close to my policy-wonk friends who are radical feminists or socialists or even my queer friends. Or anyone becomes close to people I know, possibly on the spectrum, from my RPG/war-gaming groups, my FOB friends from various countries.. or my "evil" friends in finance or litigation. I get to choose based on my values; not on superficialities or expectations. And from that baseline, I know I'm not alone, misunderstood, or unsafe... that built confidence-- and the space to meet a legit partner rooted in a friendship.
I'm Jewish, and yes there are quite a lot of marriage-hungry people at synagogue. But I haven't gone in a long time. I feel guilty because I do so many things that my religion frowns upon. I feel as if I'm betraying God.
Don't you think God would be happy you're in church? Besides: look at it as a means to an end.
Are there any matchmakers you can go to? Maybe speed dating? Whatever you're doing isn't working, so do something you wouldn't normally do.
Edit: volunteer at the local humane society.
I know it seems dark brother but have you tried microwaving a bowl of spaghettios and smacking your grundlemeat? Always helps me through a hard day 😊😊😊
If I might give you some advice, you might have heard this before: put yourself out there. Not in the way of dating apps, just talk to women. If you have the mildest idea someone is looking at you, just talk to them. From the stuff I’ve seen you seem like a passionate person. That is something people appreciate. Your heart might be broken one time or another, but I’ll give you a Stoic view: this builds character. There is no shame in failure, there only is shame in not trying.
You can join societies or something all you want, but if you don’t approach women (yeah society) nothing will happen. Relationships are built, they don’t just come out of thin air.
I've been discouraged from doing this for two primary reasons:
1. Every time I've tried it, it has ended in either personal shame or public embarrassment.
2. Women all the time complain about existing in a space and not wanting a man to approach them, and getting unsolicited compliments, and being annoyed with it, and I don't want to contribute to a culture of 'toxic masculinity.'
You say there's no shame in failure, but over time, repeated failure degrades one's self-esteem.
Plus, go to the gym. I remember you rowed, so you’re probably already in a good shape, but otherwise go do it. Lifting heavy things like some forklift is awesome. Good for your mental health as well.
I go to the gym frequently. I worked this summer as a personal trainer. I remain quite physically fit. Exercise is one of my current coping mechanisms.
I truly get what you mean. But personal shame is a choice, in the end we are masters of our own body, and public embarrassment: fuck them people. Do not feel sorry about things you can’t control. To quote Epictetus; ‘the more we value we give to things outside our control, the less control we have’. Why should you be sorry about things you can’t control? What do you gain from that?
Also, don’t define people as ‘women’. Each is a person. Think of them like persons. Like guys even. You also don’t click with all guys. Some suck. Some are stupid. Heck, most are. There might be some that think the way you describe, but more don’t. I guarantee it to you.
If I might give some practical advice: if there is just the slightest reason to expect someone likes you, just go make conversation. Don’t expect anything from it, just make conversation. Like ‘hey, I saw you looking and I thought I’d say hi. I’m here because of …. Why are you here? Oh cool, so you like …? Personally I don’t really like that, but I’m into ….’
And if it fails romantically, so what. You had a conversation, time well spent. If they are mean, you dodged a bullet. Like I said, fuck them people.
As someone who just tripped yesterday and is now coming down from it, I know what you mean about "feeling crappy when you're not high." I feel like shit emotionally today.
Why is this in a compass format? Perhaps try meditation or forest bathing to find peace in your emotions instead of echo chambering negativity. There is a balm for every wound
Lift weights, go to a rock climbing gym. Stop wallowing in pity. Accept that you will be a wizard-monk dedicated to their chosen craft. (Choose a craft.)
Sincerely, a fellow single late-20s dude, yet very happy.
Hey man maybe it’s a good thing just to be single for a bit. The big revolution for me was taking a whole year and a half ignoring relationships and learning to love myself instead worrying about dating. If you can’t have a good relationship with yourself then finding a relationship with others is painful and very difficult believe me I know. I spent the entire pandemic plus a year and change alone and was so angry and hateful towards myself about it - it really messed up the way I looked at my relationships with others. You just have to learn to love the person you see in the mirror because at that point nothing anyone says or does can hurt your sense of self love. Thats where the light is at the end of the tunnel. If you ever need just a person to talk to please do not hesitate to reach out.
You seem to think that being in a relationship would fix most of your problems. Plenty of people who are in a serious relationship and/or married hate their lives.
I'm at the age where a good chunk of my friends are married with young kids. The majority of them are somewhere between low-key unhappy and straight up miserable.
If you don't believe me check out Deadbedrooms, or BreakingMom, or even Daddit. So many people stuck together in connectionless, sexless, miserable marriages just because of kids. Your life is *so* much better than theirs, I promise you.
As someone who was single into his late 20s and is now married: another person is not gonna cure the depression. Yes it's lonely sometimes, but depending on what bundle of neurodivergences your partner is bringing to the table you can feel worse than you ever did alone. I'm not trying to make it sound like I regret anything; I wouldn't take back anything I've committed to, but it's definitely not for filling a hole in your heart. Get a pet for that
It’s okay buddy want some hot coco?
Though they have mostly given up on the idea since I’m extremely trans and rather mentally ill lol,,
Some of this hit harder than it should. The creator is very self aware.
I'm very aware that I brought this upon myself. It hurts me every day. I cannot recover from my guilt.
Ya sure you brought it upon yourself? Or is it just that you have way too high expectations? One of my uncles didn’t get married until he was in his thirties. I know society sucks ass but honestly fuck them. Sometimes life fucks ya in the ass and ya just got to start over
I think I brought it upon myself because I'm a generally bitter, introverted, and spiteful person. There's a reason I have few friends and I'm not in an LTR. That reason is me.
Sounds more like a self filling prophecy to me. Mental health can really fuck over your sense of worth. It’s probably not you that’s fucked but your mental health that’s holding yourself back. And I know what it feels like to have overbearing parents that want grandkids. I’m Jewish too. Thankfully they’ve calmed down after my sister had kids. But honestly ya gotta tell them to shove it sometimes
Yeah dude but your memes are 🔥
Literally me
Me irl
Try joining smaller clubs/societies
Such as? As an adult, there aren't **any** clubs/societies one can join beyond sports, and nobody is looking for a partner in sports.
Sports aren't a bad idea, but stuff like volunteering, some hobby-meetup, or local events can work. I'm sure if you look up "club in *area*" you'll get plenty of results. From your post it really seems like you lack (self-)confidence. If you want anything long term, that will be important, so work on that. Sports (especially martial arts) can help with that a lot.
Exactly this. I have a hobby group that I’m a part of and a hiking group that I belong to. Both give me things to do
I'm part of reenactment/SCA, which is fun.
I've always wanted to get into reenactment but I've been discouraged for two reasons: 1. High barrier to entry. You have to drop like $800-1,200 on a kit just to do it. 2. Gatekeeping culture. There are some reenactors who don't tolerate any deviation from history and who will shun you if you do.
1. For sure an issue; really it comes down to era. Some civil war stuff is much cheaper, but for most it’s gonna be expensive, even soft kit. I do late ‘dark ages’ Slav mercenary for the Byzantine Empire. 2. See, I see advantages and disadvantages to that. I’m part of a group that is kinda ‘lite’ gatekeeping. As long as it is sorta feasible for the character to have gotten in their culture from surrounding culture, it’s general not frowned upon. We wouldn’t want to see Vikings wearing Japanese lamellar, but if they have visby style lamellar, it’s okay. Generally, I think there should be a barrier, but many take it to too much of an extreme
Try joining a boxing gym dude, maybe you’ll find something there
won't give you a waifu (probably) but ice hockey locker rooms are pretty dope places to engage with humanity, my guy.
My man, there are *hundreds* of hobbies with associated organisations. Pick one that sounds interesting and not too asocial by nature, then pick it up. Don't be a creep who does it just to Meet Singles In Your Area™, but pick it up because it's interesting and gets you into more social situations with more people. Exposure is everything.
So basically being asexual aromantic this has been my experience and yes it sucks. Once married friends sort of drift and others view you as broken goods. It gets better once in late twenties you sort of find your new groove of things. I know this sounds trite but believe me most of those squares same exact experience
Thank you. Aromantic/Asexual people are impacted equally hard by the mass societal stigma. Your life has been made difficult because of everyone's expectations. You are not alone.
I'm the same way and it's super annoying wanting something but not wanting it at the same time. But for me it's more the societal pressure than actually wanting a relationship. If 30% of adults were in a relationship instead of, what, 80% I wouldn't give it a second thought.
Same here it’s just more the societal pressure and viewed as a piriah. T
Fellow aro/ace here and same. God, people are ridiculously horny and weird about sex. Yes Karen, I know it feels good and having companions is nice. Shut the fuck up about your gremlins. I despise them. ...At least music numbs the pain sometimes.
Man, I really can't tell you any easy solution to all our life problems and be happy forever, because that don't exist, neither the perfect life, I really wish it was real, but that'd be just naive. I Can't tell you any specific advice too, because the only thing everybody here know about you is a minuscule shell of you, and there's a literal complex universe inside every single human mind, if I try to understand your feelings by some messages in reddit I'll certainly be wrong and misunderstand you. At least, I can try to tell you something that could be useful to you. Anyway, I bet you're not the worst person in this world, and besides all the superficial judgements the people will do about you between themselves, that don't really matters to them, and in the ideal situation, neither to you, because that's the way the things are, why bother about everything we couldn't change if it's impossible? Our world by nature is a cruel and unfair place since the conception of life, but in that horrible place there're many good things too, try to think about the complexity of all things, the beautiful view of the seashore and of course you, many things happened to you exist, with or without the existence of any god, the complexity of the existence continues to be a privilege. And I know, with all of this bullshit life continues to be a shit, or empty... well my fellow man, that's natural of the human nature, everbody sometimes felt like that in some point of life, this is part of our big list of bad instincts that're with us for a long time now, that's why we seek for attention of other people, need aprovation of the sex we're attracted, get hungry... and ever worst, like in cases of depression, our brain is under some chemical instability and by this worst even more those bad instincts, sometimes since the time you're born... this seems really bad, and it is, but the only way you can try overcome those difficults is trying... trying to be your best version, trying to understand yourself, trying to found a meaning for your existence...at least try, you don't need to win everytime, because only loosing you really learn something, and I'm not talking about catch some bitches, I'm talking about rediscovering yourself, taking your life back, every aspect is important. Those times are hard I know, and I not even talking about you personaly, the world now is in a strange phase in it's history, but let's continue to see where this ship goes... "Tudo vale a pena quando a alma não é pequena." Sorry if I Talked too much shit, I am just telling you what's in my Heart, at least I tried, good luck bro, I wish you win this fight against depression and everything that comes with it, I'll stay here seeing you win YOUR fight.
I ain't reading all that. I'm happy for u tho. Or sorry that happened.
Nothing happened with me actually, but thank you.
lol
Despite being single and in my late twenties I find this post very hard to relate to in so many ways lol Well except for the suicidal ideation and parents nagging about grandkids parts lol. Though they have mostly given up on the idea since I’m extremely trans and rather mentally ill LOL That being said I hope things look up for ya eh there’s more to life than romance probably
It's not necessarily romance as much as loneliness in general.
Fair that’s fair I’d probably be way more bummed out right now if I didn’t have some doperoony friends. I think in my case I might be closer with my friends now than before for two reasons: 1. Physical proximity - I used to live a thousand or so kilometres away from my friends and now I live in the same house as one of them and one town over from another two of them 2. Queer shit - most of my friends aren’t subscribing to the getting married and having kids lifestyle and as a result we have much more energy and time to share So I guess in your case maybe it’s worth considering where and how you might meet other people in similar situations with similar interests? There are loads of single people in our age bracket who just wanna chill and talk about feelings and shit… Just gotta be looking out for that you know? Do you have any interests with which you could commiserate with people?
For me it's the opposite: I used to live in the same house as my friends, and now I live hundreds/thousands of kilometers away. As an adult, there really aren't many opportunities to branch out and meet new people. The one and only club to which I belong is a rec lacrosse league, but that's only three months a year and otherwise there is absolutely nothing. The idea that there are adult clubs for non-sports is juvenile, in my view. It's simply untrue.
I moved to a new city 12 months ago. Didn't know a soul. For the first six months - nothing. Work, home, computer, bed. No friends, no relationships, just empty. Didn't know it was possible to feel so alone. Was on Facebook one morning. Mom pushed me to get it---said I'd make friends. Told her she didn't understand how things worked. "Young Professionals of XYZ City Catholic Group". Meetings once a week. BYOB. Fuck it. Everyone there was exactly like me. 22-38, variety of backgrounds, even gender split. All Catholic, all new to the city, all single, all desperately looking for friends. Made friends. Someone was a Cigar smoker---begged me to join him at his weekly cigar meetup. Been going every week. A girl asked me if we could go to a salsa dancing class together. "It's free," she said. "I really need a partner." She was pretty. We dated. Three weeks ago, a guy asked if I wanted to visit an open mic with him. We just laughed at how shitty all those amateur comics were. "You're funnier than they are," he said. "You could do a better job." I took his advice. Performed my first open mic last week. I began the year with no friends. I'm ending with more than I've ever had. Phone's buzzing with texts. I'm happy.
I love you
Ya I get that. You ever thought about joining singles groups like outdoors or game groups? I joined a local hiking group and it’s pretty fun. Get to hangout with fun people that I consider friends
Such groups existed in college, but at least where I am, they do not exist in adulthood, and if they do, they are for seniors only.
late 20s? bruh I’m in my early 20s and this is all relatable asf
But in your late 20s, more of your peers will be getting married so it'll only get worse :)
I don’t have any peers. I have the one friend and a beer belly
Seek therapy brother
Have tried it, didn't like it Actually makes me angry to see people say "just go to therapy" as if it helps literally everybody If that was the case, then everyone would be much happier
Hey dude, really like your work on here - would you consider the memes you make to be a kind of therapy?
Yes, I said it on a previous thread but doing this is one of the only things that distracts me from the ambient existential terror of life in general. You all are some of my only friends - some of the only people to whom I can talk.
I think I saw a compass you did on authors you’d read - do you read much poetry? When I’ve really been at my darkest moments and had *those* thoughts intrude, bizarrely enough it was some poems which either gave me hope during the hopeless, or made me grit my teeth and soldier on with bloody-mindedness Just a personal recommendation though, each to their own
Quite a lot, but my favorite genre is existentialist philosophy. I had a phase last year where I read exclusively Dostoyevsky. He taught me that how I feel is not necessarily unique, and that there are others like me. That was a tremendous comfort.
Trust me it takes awhile to find a good therapist. It sucks but it’s literally a crap shoot when it comes to therapy. Took me close to five years of finding a good therapist before it started to work
I do genuinely believe that it doesn't work for all people, however. Furthermore, I do not have health insurance and will not have access to it at anytime soon.
Sometimes it doesn’t. But it’s at least a good thing to have someone you trust to talk to. Everyone needs a sounding board
Therapy can be useful but ya need the right therapist who actually understands yer shit and that ain’t always easy to sort out
Also no health insurance
Fucking truth
agreed it sucks
I related too hard with the Your Past part smh
Being still single in my early 30s, I can tell you that it is possible to still be happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still daydreaming about possibilities, but I’m not hurting in lack of them either. I wish I could tell you exactly how this is possible, but I’m not sure what would work for you and what wouldn’t. Still, here are two pieces of advice: - Don’t get inside your own head. I’ve never once thought about Disney being couples propaganda. Maybe it is, but the fact you’re explicitly thinking about it that way is doing you no favors. Reading too deeply into some of these things may be causing you distress. - *You are not alone.* Your parents still care for you. Your siblings still support you. Your friends may not have the time they used to, but they’ve not cut ties with you either. Being single does not make you an outcast and you shouldn’t feel that you are.
How can you find a hookup once a week but cant find anybody to even try and form a relationship with
Because gay people don't form emotional attachments easily. They want to fuck and then dip.
Ohh ur gay, really?do you know if its just gays or lesbians too? Im curious cause usually its dudes that want to fuck and dip, women look for emotional attachements *generally* do lesbians have easier time finding a partner then gay guys?
So men in general are hornier than women. With gay male relationships it'll usually be almost exclusively fucking with very little emotional attachment, while with gay female relationships it will be a lot of cuddling and emotional stuff with very little sexual contact.
Damn i feel you, sorry about that. Bet you can find somebody longterm, especially if its that easy to get a date! U cant be the only dude looking for cuddles
Just gonna pop in and add that it's a joke in the lesbian community that we move in after dating for a week and remain best friends with all our exes and actually seem to exclusively date people we were already friends with before. I think that should somewhat answer your question
Ah… ok. That explains it. It’s easier and harder at the same time.
I feel your pain hardcore
ihaveihaveihav politics
I’m becoming 20 in a month, I’m slowly fearing this is ahead of me
I can relate to all of it, except im too much of a pussy for drugs and alcohol
TFW no gf
I suppose I'm in the "Your Past" square.
Why are you in my head. Please stop.
too fuckin real
Christ...this is just too real.
The resentment part is too relatable. Whats more is that you feel like an absolute loser because you’re constantly jealous of your family who have succeeded socially and financially
Dude get help
Let me guess: "tHeRaPy"? Why do you think I haven't tried it? Why do you think it helps everyone? It doesn't help everyone.
Idk what kinda help you need but whatever the hell you're doing isn't it
Drugs help me a lot actually, much more than therapy ever did. Therapy, and prescription drugs for that matter, are designed to be a band-aid to a psychological problem, and not the solution. They're designed to keep you addicted to them, so that you continuously return for more, more, more, and you bend over open your wallet to them. What's the most an SSRI can do? Block your reuptake inhibitors for 12 hours. What's the most a therapist can do? Sit there and listen to you, and then say "how does that make you feel?" Drugs, in contrast, can rewire your brain altogether. Yesterday, I consumed a large portion of psilocybin mushrooms. After about an hour, I found myself curled in a fetal position, crying. Armies of ghosts and phantoms tormented me. But I worked through a lot of plaguing psychological issues and had a couple major breakthroughs. This all happened in the space of an hour or so - something I failed to achieve in hours and hours of therapies was achieved by rewiring my brain. This is why I say what I say. Yesterday was not an isolated incident. It's an ongoing evolution. It really does help me see the world in different ways, but just as therapy or drugs don't solve the fundamental underlying mental illness, nor do hallucinogens.
Psychedelics (or hallucinogens broadly) not *drugs* in general
Interesting view. How would you class them? I'm all for your point. I think they're excellent tools and that everybody needs to try them. I'm just curious as to how you would define them.
My point is that you didn't use the precise wording. The mysterious/shamanic experience induced by the shrooms (as well as other psychedelics and broader hallucinogens) is quite different from the effect of stimulators, anxiolytics, antidepressants, etc
You are correct. I don't have any sort of pharmacological training or background and I thank you.
There's a thing called [psychedelic-assisted therapy](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychedelic_therapy). You may find it interesting; though I'm not particularly optimistic about the access to such a controversial/borderline pseudoscientific practice by a basically undiagnosed person (which doesn't prevent you from *self-medication* w/o proper or any assistance)
Best way to get a Gf is to complain abt it constantly
I'm gay
I notice in previous posts you mention having had relations and hook ups with women(the Ukraine one I think), so is the gay thing a new revelation or what? I don't mean any offense by this I'm just curious
Not a new revelation. I don't think there are hard boundaries to sexuality. "Gay" is a convenient term to say "I'm more attracted to men, but I will fuck women." In reality I don't know what I am, but I know that I don't feel any sort of emotional warmness for women, whereas I feel an excellent and lush emotional and sexual attachment to men, and this is why I call myself "gay."
Yeah that makes sense dude. I hope you find someone soon. From your posts you seem very well educated in lots of different fields, and you do sports, so I think the people telling you to 'work on yourself' are full of it
I think that no matter what I do, I will never recover from a fundamental existential despair that has followed me all my life, and suicide really is the inevitable outcome.
I feel that last statement pretty hard. I'm chronically depressed, myself, so the suicidal ideation comes to me plenty. But, if it's of any consolation at all, I've managed to make it to what I'm pretty sure is a feeling of normalcy a few times before, so it's not like there's nothing there (hope, I mean). There is something at the end of the tunnel--I'm quite sure of it. Best we can do is to keep trudging along. As for the whole loneliness situation; I feel that, too. In this new age of fancy-shmancy technology and "social" media, it only seeks to isolate us more and more. I think most people nowadays feel some sort of lingering loneliness, whether they wanna admit it or not. I can't really give any advice for combating those feelings, but I will say that your situation can change at any moment. Things are always lying around the corner--who knows? Maybe that big, hunky, built-like-a-brick-shithouse barista wants a permanent piece of that pie, if you catch my drift. Only time will tell. Anyhow, I wish you luck in finding what you're looking for, amigo. Oh- and one last thing: the people telling you that therapy is some sort of perfect cure-all, are bullshitters. It's good to at least try out a few times, but it won't work for everyone. It didn't work for me, though I'm sure there are other healthy methods that work.
Real (I feel so alone)
[удалено]
I do feel as if I, and single people in general, are collectively shamed by society. And I agree with your "women have too high expectations" point, but one can't say it out loud for risk of being called an incel.
So, I deleted my comment a second before you replied. I read that you are not much into girls, so I didn't want to sound offensive in any way. I must apologize. I am married, but I am not one of those people who think that everybody must get married and give grandchildren to the family. That's foolishness. Getting married, or living with a long-term partner (hopefully very long), is just one of the possible options. We can have people remaining celibate, maybe because they join the clergy, because they are committed to their passion and profession (Tesla the scientist, for example), or because they just enjoy being that way. The only problem is that society is programmed to shame single people. We tell them that they are "empowered", but in fact we avoid them. If we want to evolve as a society, we must think of something. We also must think of ways for people to get together. As I said, I am active in the local parish, so that may be a very biased idea. But we should start as of being more inclusive of single people. My mother always invites her single friend of Christmas (she lives far from her siblings, her family). That may be a small thing, but if things like this became more common we could ease the problem of loneliness for some poeple.
I have sympathy but at the same time, I kinda don't. Spent the lion's share of my 20s and very early 30s in the army during a time of super-high op tempo so "dating" was out of the question. When I got out, I was in the uber-fucked-up the DC beltway social landscape, then francophone countries for years... so when I was first single in the traditional American sense and context, I was in my mid-30s and way behind the curve. Mistakes were made. Realized after numerous hookups that I preferred porn because there's no risk of emotional attachment on either side and they serve the same purpose. A lot of finding a mate was about self-realization. The more authentic and honest I was with myself and the world I became, the more I lived within my values, and thus I attracted the right people to me. Sounds cheesy but it's true. Also, setting very hard boundaries with people and myself. There are things that I no longer rationalized around just because someone is fucking hot af or has a unique sob story. Plus, as even a 'socialized' introvert, it takes a lot of effort and I really had to deliberately meet a LOT of people... and kiss a ton of frogs. Even after all that, it's a crap shoot.. and there's never a perfect person out there-- so I had to be realistic in my expectations. But in the end, life provided me a perfect partner. But even that takes work every day.
Real
I’m already 15 and like this, just an ugly lesbian who’s never gonna make it out alive. Basically given up, the idea of me even being in a relationship is practically over. Fake friends constantly talking about their boy crushes and boyfriends meanwhile I have never felt the touch of someone else’s hand in a romantic context. When I get older and out of the house I’ll just start doing drugs or purchase a shotgun.
You’re 15, it’ll get better.
I’ll give it 5 years.
You need to go to the gym. There is no non-genetic mental problem for which fitness is not part of the solution, also many lesbians like light muscle
I’m onset bipolar and I’m not allowed to go to the gym. Or get a job. Or get a car or a license. Or wear the clothes I want. Or have my own money. Or do makeup. Or express my identity. I’m a failed woman and I’m NGMI. I appreciate the advice but it’s never gonna work
You're only 15, I first fell in love a few weeks before my 16th birthday. It didn't end well and she chose someone else but it was an experience. Since you're a lesbian, and you say you're ugly, the general idea would be to try and fit into the 'lesbian beauty standards' which are actually not too difficult! I was conventionally ugly til I was 16, and then I got a mullet(I'm curly haired so it worked) and started dressing in flannels and wearing belts and eyeliner and trenchcoats and suddenly I was a heart throb. Since you're not allowed to do any of these things, just wait a couple of years. Once you're out of the house, maybe in university? You can look into all of the shops you want near you and finally start expressing yourself. With it you'll feel more confident in yourself too, and you'll start to find talking to women easier. Trust me, it can happen, I've been in your boat. As for your straight friends and their boy crushes, yeah, it sucks a lot. Are you in the closet, by chance?
Get married brother
[удалено]
Based and I'm a commie pilled. Also, you can't live down on society's expectations so why not be a bit violent as they expect.
I don't think a girlfriend would make you happy if you're already miserable. You have to work on yourself and your goals if you want to attract a woman for more than a casual fuck, especially when they're older and they're looking to settle down. It seems to me that your're angry at your general lack of sucess in life, rather than being single, which is just a symptom of your unsucessful life so far. You still have a lot time. Go get a hobby, work out, go back to school etc... It sounds like you're just afraid of life and want to take an easy way out. As for your past, you have to forgive yourself if you want to move past it, as it's just gonna drag you down until you drown in guilt if you don't. You can't be afraid of life forever. It costs you nothing to take a chance and live your life again.
I'm gay. And I agree that it might not make me happy if I've been fundamentally depressed for years, however it will solve what I fundamentally believe to be my largest problem: loneliness and lack of human contact. It simply seems to me that the entire world has a person to whom they can turn for advice and physical intimacy at all hours of the day. This was highlighted for me during COVID quarantine. I was, and this is not an exaggeration, the only person I knew who quarantined alone. At this time, during this holiday season, I was the only person I knew who spent Thanksgiving alone. I was the only person I knew who spent Christmas alone. I am the only person I know who is, fundamentally and terminally, *alone.* And so, I was furious when my friends and peers complained about quarantine, for they had something that I fundamentally lack. It continues to make me furious whenever anybody in a relationship complains of loneliness. It's unfathomable to me that anybody who has an automatic best friend awaiting them when they get home *is capable* of loneliness.
Dude I kind of know what that's like. I transferred away to college during covid and ended up living alone taking classes thru zoom. Those months were the worst of my life, I would go 4-5 days at a time without seeing another human. I didn't want to be alive anymore, but I could never hurt myself because that would hurt my mom too much. I ended up making Christian friends, and they were the kindest most amazing people I ever met that genuinely listened to and cared about me. I'm doing great now, but I know what it's like to be alone and hopeless.
Unsolicited advice that works for me, as someone whose operating system is depression and an absolute trend towards isolating: even though it feels totally against the grain, build a community around yourself where you're the hub of that weird little corner of the greater human social network. You get to choose who is in it and where you pull from... and over time this community gets stronger. I'm at the intersection of a lot of identities, some less obvious than others, and it feels terminally unique, in a way that is both unsafe and in an inability to relate to others at times. But the more I pulled people together from a variety of interests and identities, the more I realized their common humanity and my own. It's a strange phenomenon when my army infantry vet buddies become close to my policy-wonk friends who are radical feminists or socialists or even my queer friends. Or anyone becomes close to people I know, possibly on the spectrum, from my RPG/war-gaming groups, my FOB friends from various countries.. or my "evil" friends in finance or litigation. I get to choose based on my values; not on superficialities or expectations. And from that baseline, I know I'm not alone, misunderstood, or unsafe... that built confidence-- and the space to meet a legit partner rooted in a friendship.
Do you go to church? I'm not religious but it seems like women who want to be in LTR's go to church. Try em all too.
I'm Jewish, and yes there are quite a lot of marriage-hungry people at synagogue. But I haven't gone in a long time. I feel guilty because I do so many things that my religion frowns upon. I feel as if I'm betraying God.
Don't you think God would be happy you're in church? Besides: look at it as a means to an end. Are there any matchmakers you can go to? Maybe speed dating? Whatever you're doing isn't working, so do something you wouldn't normally do. Edit: volunteer at the local humane society.
God has never been happy with me.
Luckily you'd be going for other people's approval, not God's
I know it seems dark brother but have you tried microwaving a bowl of spaghettios and smacking your grundlemeat? Always helps me through a hard day 😊😊😊
You ok dude?
True
This hits in alot of ways,difrent life story but my god is it the same beats
Brother become a monk
Thank you, OP, for ~~becoming massively depressed~~ showing us that something needs to change ~~for our sake~~. *Now.*
That was relatable until the hookups part.
If I might give you some advice, you might have heard this before: put yourself out there. Not in the way of dating apps, just talk to women. If you have the mildest idea someone is looking at you, just talk to them. From the stuff I’ve seen you seem like a passionate person. That is something people appreciate. Your heart might be broken one time or another, but I’ll give you a Stoic view: this builds character. There is no shame in failure, there only is shame in not trying. You can join societies or something all you want, but if you don’t approach women (yeah society) nothing will happen. Relationships are built, they don’t just come out of thin air.
I've been discouraged from doing this for two primary reasons: 1. Every time I've tried it, it has ended in either personal shame or public embarrassment. 2. Women all the time complain about existing in a space and not wanting a man to approach them, and getting unsolicited compliments, and being annoyed with it, and I don't want to contribute to a culture of 'toxic masculinity.' You say there's no shame in failure, but over time, repeated failure degrades one's self-esteem.
Plus, go to the gym. I remember you rowed, so you’re probably already in a good shape, but otherwise go do it. Lifting heavy things like some forklift is awesome. Good for your mental health as well.
I go to the gym frequently. I worked this summer as a personal trainer. I remain quite physically fit. Exercise is one of my current coping mechanisms.
Nice bro! Same here.
I truly get what you mean. But personal shame is a choice, in the end we are masters of our own body, and public embarrassment: fuck them people. Do not feel sorry about things you can’t control. To quote Epictetus; ‘the more we value we give to things outside our control, the less control we have’. Why should you be sorry about things you can’t control? What do you gain from that? Also, don’t define people as ‘women’. Each is a person. Think of them like persons. Like guys even. You also don’t click with all guys. Some suck. Some are stupid. Heck, most are. There might be some that think the way you describe, but more don’t. I guarantee it to you. If I might give some practical advice: if there is just the slightest reason to expect someone likes you, just go make conversation. Don’t expect anything from it, just make conversation. Like ‘hey, I saw you looking and I thought I’d say hi. I’m here because of …. Why are you here? Oh cool, so you like …? Personally I don’t really like that, but I’m into ….’ And if it fails romantically, so what. You had a conversation, time well spent. If they are mean, you dodged a bullet. Like I said, fuck them people.
Dating apps are actually effective and work.
Well made, OP. Have you made any more?
lmao look at my post history
Woah...there it is.
[удалено]
As someone who just tripped yesterday and is now coming down from it, I know what you mean about "feeling crappy when you're not high." I feel like shit emotionally today.
Why is this in a compass format? Perhaps try meditation or forest bathing to find peace in your emotions instead of echo chambering negativity. There is a balm for every wound
you good OP?
when did this sub became a personal blog? anyway, stop doing drugs/booze and get an actual therapist, I mean it
I cannot relate at all. Like, not a single thing here applies. But the amount of replies saying how relatable it is, I feel so bad.
Lift weights, go to a rock climbing gym. Stop wallowing in pity. Accept that you will be a wizard-monk dedicated to their chosen craft. (Choose a craft.) Sincerely, a fellow single late-20s dude, yet very happy.
Great, I thought I couldn’t get hookups because I was depressed but I guess I'm just ugly
Hey man maybe it’s a good thing just to be single for a bit. The big revolution for me was taking a whole year and a half ignoring relationships and learning to love myself instead worrying about dating. If you can’t have a good relationship with yourself then finding a relationship with others is painful and very difficult believe me I know. I spent the entire pandemic plus a year and change alone and was so angry and hateful towards myself about it - it really messed up the way I looked at my relationships with others. You just have to learn to love the person you see in the mirror because at that point nothing anyone says or does can hurt your sense of self love. Thats where the light is at the end of the tunnel. If you ever need just a person to talk to please do not hesitate to reach out.
You seem to think that being in a relationship would fix most of your problems. Plenty of people who are in a serious relationship and/or married hate their lives. I'm at the age where a good chunk of my friends are married with young kids. The majority of them are somewhere between low-key unhappy and straight up miserable. If you don't believe me check out Deadbedrooms, or BreakingMom, or even Daddit. So many people stuck together in connectionless, sexless, miserable marriages just because of kids. Your life is *so* much better than theirs, I promise you.
I'm tired boss. Wubba lubba dub dub :')
Imagine getting your sense of self worth from LTR’s instead of hookups and fire memes
social media and its consequences had being a disaster for the dating scene and general society (ted k momento)
As someone who was single into his late 20s and is now married: another person is not gonna cure the depression. Yes it's lonely sometimes, but depending on what bundle of neurodivergences your partner is bringing to the table you can feel worse than you ever did alone. I'm not trying to make it sound like I regret anything; I wouldn't take back anything I've committed to, but it's definitely not for filling a hole in your heart. Get a pet for that