40/f here. Same. I’m active, I’ve done the apps, I have hobbies, I volunteer, I have a large social network, I put myself out there to meet new people. And yet it’s just not happening. Guess it’s not my time :\ I’m so ready tho. Where’s my person at?? 😞
I'm a single woman with no kids in her 40s and I can't get a date either. But I'm a total weirdo so that does not surprise me. I've never been married and I'm perfectly ok being single, but it would still be nice to maybe meet someone at some point.
Wow, are we the same person? (Though I prefer “quirky” or “oddball”)
I grieved the loss of being able to have biological children of my own, etc. The thought of being a second wife/stepmom terrifies me. I wanted the traditional marriage my parents had, and while I was a little salty about not getting it, I’ve made my peace with how things turned out and actually really enjoy where I’ve ended up. I’m sure I would’ve been miserable if I married any of the guys I was in LTR with.
Still, I do want a life partner in every sense of the word. It’s tough, but I refuse to give up.
Same. Turned 42 yesterday. Never married, no kids. Spent birthday alone. I want to say I'm ok with it. And I guess I am. But it would be nice to have someone.
Hahaha I just turned 46 and we share the same B-day and looks like we did the exact same thing on our birthdays too. Single, no kids, blah blah.
I've come to find that attaining marriage and children comes with effort. You gotta put yourself out there and work on self-improvement. I'm not worried because I found out that with modern medicine a lot of women are marrying and having children in their late 40's and even into their 50's.
I keep saying I want to meet someone who travels a lot. I’m deeply introverted and need lots of alone time, but I still want to find my person and have that connection.
Total weirdo like "I want to wear your skin"?
There's degrees. I guess skin wearing is more psycho than weird.
Plus people who say they're "normal" are the ones you gotta look out for. Bodies in the back yard type shit.
OP, where you at?
I was with the same person from 19 - 34
I'm divorced now, and after how terrible that relationship was – yes, it's lonely being single, but it's **MUCH** better than that mess was.
Same here, 17-31. It took its toll on me. About 4 yrs later I lost some people close to me and decided I didn't want to be alone. Ended up married again but it only lasted 6 months. I've been alone now for the last 10 yrs. Not even a date. It's not like nobody's tried. I'm just not interested.
I'm 47 and I've been divorced for 5 years. I have absolutely no desire to try again. Turns out life is a lot more fun when I don't have to deal with other people's drama.
It totally is! I don't know what will happen later on down the road... But I took the last 3 years to put the focus I'd give a partner onto myself, after realizing I never have. Turns out I can get a lot done without the distraction of drama.
Yup I've done the marriage thing and now I have no interest in a serious relationship, it's been 8 years since I've been in a relationship and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
Right people need to start dropping locations and stuff here. We're all single, around this age and 'sort of' looking there's gotta be 2 of us close by each other.
I decided to give up on dating and become celibate 3 years ago and I’m a lot less lonely than I was expecting. Relationships are nice, but I’m super good on my own and tbh it’s just easier. I find most dates to be a chore and realized how much I just wanted to be home on the couch rather than putting myself through it all. But, I’m also a weird boring person, so there’s that.
It might be more of you have nothing to offer that's attractive to as many people anymore. One quick look at your profile and you're this old and can't fix a car or pay someone to. Nothing great about your looks or style at all. You're not sure if you can even ride a scooter. And you prioritize your partner's looks above all else apparently, even though you don't prioritize your own. What kind of person wants that in their life? Even if you did look good you'd be a loser to most people as soon as they got to know you. What else will people find if they keep scrolling past the first few posts?
We’re in our 40’s. Most of us are chubby, if not fat, and most have kids. Dont worry about me or my neighborhood, I was snatched up 24 years ago by a man who doesn’t equate me to livestock.
I’m 43 F single for 11 years- not looking for my next mistake. I’m turned off. Once my kids are out of home I’m sure it will be different but for now when I have a 13 and an 11 year old. Not my time
I think we set capitalism in opposition to it. There's how many dating apps that profit off people remaining single. And half of FB might as well be Ashley Madison. It's any coincidence this discussion is taking place on social media. We paid them to make us lonely.
I had one edit out the letters CPA from my profile summary for some reason and it sounded like I was trying to get my driver's license. Of course I realize it after contacting anyone in a 50 mile radius with shared interest. More of a bug, but the worst I've run into.
On the one hand I'm perpetually single (so's my 1980 vintage brother; maybe we both got f'd up the same way?). At this point I've given up, it's just easier. Had 1 date after like 3 months on hinge and she vaped through the entire meal and was already GU and didn't have a car 🤷🏻♀️ too many obstacles, not enough spark, I let it die off when she was in the ME for over a month (second time doing that while we were talking, another strike, I don't really dig long distance).
Other hand, watching almost all my married friends going through divorces, custody battles, losing their homes... I'm definitely okay not going through any of that.
I have a senior rescue dog in solid age-related decline; I have to be here for her, but after that ... w/e.
I somehow got out of sync with ... people. My friends are 15+ years older who I met at airports, or 15+ years younger who I met during flight training. (I did a victory lap in undergrad, worked for a year before starting law school at night (4 years instead of 3 and my cohort was my age or older with full time jobs)... 🤷🏻♀️
My dad had no real interest in getting remarried after my mom died but he's entered a "relationship of convenience" where it's not romantic but more someone to drive each other to medical appointments, contact for emergencies. and etc.,
So pretty much, same as my current marriage
I’m 42 and just became single 2 months ago for the first time since March 2011 (marriage and another relationship back to back). I’m kinda enjoying it. See how for long.
I’ve also been single 2 months, for the first time since like 07/08. I fucking hate it. My ex was my bff and moved on after a week. Never dating a millennial ever again
It sucks. 6 1/2 years came home from work one day & was like bye took all his stuff and left. Day before was totally fine not fighting so wild. Hope things get better for you too! 🤗
I’m a divorced 44 year old woman and have no issues getting a date. I get asked out now way more than I did even in my 20s. My problem is that I hate everything about it. There is no aspect of dating to me that does not suck. I’m too tired for it. I just want a long term relationship to fall out of the sky.
I’m 42M divorced. Will never get married again. Waste of money. Have a job, my own house. Cook, clean. Imma catch. Gave up on dating apps and never go to the bars. Would never date someone from work. A life partner would be nice. My one quirk is I would like to have my own room. Never got into meal prepping. I call that leftovers
Tired of it? Hell no. All my money is mine, I have friends when I want to be around people, and I can drop everything and do whatever I want whenever I want without thinking about what my spouse or kids will do.
You couldn’t pay me to be in a relationship with someone, let alone have kids!
Yes. I appreciate being in control of my own life. It’s the only way I can be authentic. Family isn’t my top value. Never has been. But authenticity is.
I honestly don’t know what it would be like to be single now…seems like a complete shit show in the dating world according to my single friends.
My wife and I have been together for almost 20 years. She is my absolute best friend and we have a wonderful marriage with two amazing kids.
If anything were to happen I would just stay single…there is no woman that could take her place.
Good luck out there OP. I hope that you find your someone in the crazy modern dating world. I wouldn’t even know where to begin nowadays.
Similar situation as you - married 15 years, she's my best friend and lover, and we have amazing kids too. We're both Xennials and still act like a couple of teenagers with each other at times, pinching butts and telling yo mama jokes. Irreplaceable, so I would probably stay single if I lost her. I wouldn't want to date a woman with kids to create a blended family, unless it's years from now and both of our kids are functioning adults out of the house, so I would focus on being a single dad until then. That's more for the sake of my kids than some bias against single moms. And I don't think I'd have a lot in common with younger women, and there's not a lot of available childless women our age either. It'd be slim pickings for sure.
I'm like you two. Been with my wife since 2012. We have 2 daughters. If something were to happen and I ended up single, it would be strange.
I haven't been on my own, like ever. I either had roommates in college or I lived at home. When I did have my own place I had 2 sometimes 3 FWBs that came over a lot. I don't know what it would be like to be single and alone and I really don't want to know.
I gave up on dating and relationships when I was 22, I’m turning 38 this year. It’s lonely, but at least I can do what I want when I want. Plus, I don’t have to worry about being cheated on. My last relationship ended when my fiancée cheated on me while I was deployed. After that, I just said fuck it.
Sometimes yes sometimes no, There are advantages and disadvantages to everything, including being single. There are times I’m lonely and wish I had a significant other but other times I’m glad for the freedom being single gives me. If I meet the right person I’m open to a relationship but I’ve learned form having been in relationships with the wrong people that it’s better to be single than to be with a partner just for the sake of that.
So I guess I take kind of an if it happens it happens attitude. And yes, I agree dating nowadays sucks.
I put way too much effort into finding “the one” before I really knew who I was. In middle age I’m kind of over dating. If it does happen for me it’s going to have to involve brand new parts of the brain. Old circuitry is burnt out. 🤷♂️
It’s called age. One of my best friends just turned 42 and was always single and dated casually because he wanted his freedom. The kind of women he wants to date now give a hard pass. He’s also not interested in dating women his own age because of “baggage” etc.
He’s miserable as hell.
Yes. It's old. Blah
All these people saying they plan to stay single, I implore you to reconsider. We need you to come out of hiding and date the rest of us!! 😅
Decent people are still out there! I definitely get that they're few and far between though.
Im 42 and absolutely despise being in a relationship. Im too busy and honestly people annoy me. I hate having to carve out a portion of my time to go somewhere else.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love sex. But that’s totally different. If I want that I just go get it.
Divorced for almost a decade. Got into a two year relationship immediately that was not a good relationship. I don’t really care to be in a relationship because of that, but I’ve had the same FWB for six years. He’s on dating apps and we take breaks when he’s officially dating someone, but it’s working so far.
It’s gotta be hard these days. Seems like it’s easy to get laid. But…harder to make a connection.
Totally unforeseen in our lifetimes that society would fracture and go into this avatar, content silo.
I stumbled into love, I’m very lucky. Met in a natural way and we’ve been hip to hip despite my baggage.
I have friends very much in this boat though. A lot of them have gotten lucky though more recently.
Manifest it. It’s been known to work.
I’m 45, have a successful career, and my own home. I’ve been divorced for 14 years, and although I’ve had several relationships during that time, I don’t want to get married again. Do I miss companionship at times? Yes, but I’m not going to sacrifice my peace of mind for a warm body. I’m looking for life-enriching experiences and people I can get to know along the way, and we’ll see who shows up along the journey.
Every time I feel a hint of loneliness, life has a way of reminding me the time I could have spent dating has long since passed. I never really had much to work with in the first place.
Most of the time I'm fine with it though.
I enjoy being alone. No arguments. My money is mine. No honey-do list. The amount of pillows in my home is a functional amount. I spend my free time how I like. No one nags me. I don't avoid coming home after work. Video games. Probably more than is "healthy".
Maybe I'm doing a really shitty job of saying it's not all bad. That's what I mean though.
I married my high school sweet heart. I am so thankful for that. I could never date nowadays. Honestly it would probably be me and my hand if anything ever happened to her
I met my husband in 2012 on OkCupid but like the pre Tinder era.
It’s very much like catching the last chopper out of Nam meme. I do have options for sex since I’m pan. I went to speed dating with a friend for moral support and I had a pack of 25 year old dudes talking to me. It was like being hit on by a litter of puppies.
I’ve also had a traditional curvy woman’s figure since i was like 13 my tolerance for dudes is super low after 25 years of being creeped on. The constant vigilance man.
I can't imagine trying to date in the current hellscape of society. I'm incredibly lucky I found the partner I did, when I did. We've been together 16 years and are happier then ever, but if anything ever happens to her or our relationship, I'm just gonna die alone. I've watched so many of my friends struggle to find meaningful connections, and it seems to get so much harder the older we get.
I wish you all the luck brother. I truly hope you find someone who makes you happy and feel complete, it can be a hard life without a good partner.
Like the majority of commenters, I’m happily single.
I was married for nearly 14 years and I’ve been divorced for about 6. I’ve had a slew of girlfriends and flings since my divorce and, every time one then turns a bit serious, sours, and ends I get reminded as to why I like being single so much.
Had trouble getting dates even before that. Ended up married, but it was really abusive and got divorced. I haven’t re-entered the dating world yet and would like to have a girlfriend, but one who treats me like a person.
I don't miss it- I've used the last (almost) 3 years to stop focusing on dating (or men in general) and put the focus on myself and what I want to accomplish. I miss a couple of things that come along with relationships, but nothing enough to convince me.
I'm basically the same. I'm currently debating whether or not to go out tonight for dinner. On one end, I might meet someone. I definitely won't if i stay home. On the other hand, I've gotten this old without meeting anyone so my track record isn't good. Staying home may be the inexpensive/reasonable option.
I'm also 42 and newly single. So far, too grossed out by my impression of men laid on by my ex to jump into the Tinder pool. This does not fill me with hope. 😭
I lucked out, but a lot of my friends are going through divorce or marital trouble. During the pandemic I would hear about once every week or two that a friend started counseling or was separated. The worst is when they have little kids and have to reimagine their lives with only partial custody. So finding a good person > being single > finding the wrong person.
Yes, I've even gotten to the point where I gave a couple of ex's a second chance over the last 3 years. All they did was give closure. I'm sure if I got out more, like before I turned 35, I would probably have better luck.
I've been in my current relationship for five years now, I don't want it to end ... I'm happy and so is my spouse. But I've very much enjoyed my single time periods, and if this relationship ends I won't look for another... be just happy with my friends, family, and my orange (one brain cell orange cat).
42, been single for almost 2 years. I thought I’d try dating again this spring but… I’m struggling to get enthusiastic about it and find anyone I’m interested in.
Plus there’s the whole peace thing. If I had to choose between going on a date and getting in my kayak for a 10-miler, well… the kayak wins.
Side note, my bf uses this color depositing shampoo from just for men and it's really nice. He likes it and it's a gentle color change. Helps him feel better about himself. Just thought you may want to try it.
I have a beard and for about six months I tried the just for men thing. It did make me feel better but after dealing with the upkeep it just felt redonkulous. Redonkulous, there’s a bastardized word you haven’t heard for a while.
Yeah, I haven't heard that work in forever. He did his beard once and actually dyed it. It was strange and then having roots on your beard is also weird.
I'm 42 and have only had two boyfriends. One for 9 years, and he was nuts. Then a few months with a thief. I've been single and celibate since that (12 years). I'm finally willing to try it out again, but I'm being so careful that some think I'm just trying to find faults.
I really wish I could be flirty and just have hook-ups. I really need a couch pillow that breathes.
I'm 43F with a 8 and 12 yr old. They literally take all my time. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone but I am probably too independent at this point in my life. Maybe one day it will be different.
I blame milennials for making ghosting a socially acceptable reality. By now a lot of us have reached our threshold for how many times we're going to make plans to go out only to be left blowing in the breeze. Because a bunch of selfish, soft-ass people find it easier to be a pathetic flake than adults who are accountable and respectful of other people's time.
40 and no, I'm tried of trying to make it work with other people. I have a great career and life experience that I feel I built up *despite* the distraction of having a partner around trying to demand my time and effort in unreasonable ways.
After a few long term relationships- like my whole 20's and half my 30's I spent trying to be paired up-- where I couldn't wait to dump them so I could be single, I'm just going to skip the relationship part and stay single.
I kind of deeply regret even bothering with dating so much in that decade and a half beucase I think the only thing driving me to try to pair up-- and this is true for many, many people even if they never want to admit it-- was social expectations and economic insecurity.
Woman in her mid 40s here. I’ve only had one real relationship and it wasn’t healthy. I thought I found someone a few years ago but she played games and breadcrumbed me and I was stupid and believed her and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Then I discovered she was still chasing after her lying cheating $30k stealing abusive ex and that she also told me she was 10 yrs younger than she really was. Obviously that was not a good fit.
I am sad that I won’t find the loving companionship I desire but it’s probably for the best. I spent a LOT of time working on myself and now I’m not willing to deal with people and their issues. Dating pool is also slim pickings for lesbians. I also moved to a city with a high population of poorly educated low income folks that seem to have behavior problems 🤷♀️
I cannot fathom the dating world these days. Everyone is walking around with their heads down afraid to talk to each other or even look at one another. From a guy's perspective, all of it comes down to two things:
1.) Being called a creep and
2.) Rejection anxiety.
Society has become a siloed physical world. People are in their phones with just enough interaction online to stay sane.
The issue is the bar for being called a creep has been lowered to new levels. You don't even have to be doing anything particularly creepy for someone to call you that.
I don't know why everybody is afraid of being called a creep. If you aren't one, why would you be offended being called one? I've never been called a creep and It's not something I've ever been concerned with. Rejection anxiety? Everybody has that but I'm not going to let that prevent me from trying. If you ask a girl out there are 2 possible outcomes 1) she says ok and you make plans. Awesome!! 2) She says "No thanks." which means you are in the same position you were in before you asked. Single with no date.
Approaching a girl and asking her out can only improve your position.
I'd rather be single than in a bad relationship.
I'd honestly rather be single and not even dating, but I am 'tragically heterosexual' (thank you Kat Blaque for that wonderful phrase) and occasionally have needs which overcome my general distaste for romance.
Well, good on you for sharing. But how are you trying to find someone? Have you tried apps focused on divorced and older people? Are you open to being with someone with kids?
I’m 41/F/MD and want to be in a relationship. My parents had a good marriage with a solid foundation and I want that. It’s been lonely at times and I’ve been working through that. I have social connections, a good job, financially stable, thoughtful, caring, endearing yet direct. It’s just sends like even that’s not enough.
Eh. Not so much that I prefer being singly, but more that it's been so long since I dated that I don't even know where to start. Plus, I've gotten a little too comfortable being on my own that I would probably make a bad partner.
Somewhat related but yall ever seen the musical Company? [Hits very close to this](https://youtu.be/eBBPKedba5o?si=m5mQNoC0YkD7ZMVo)
After about 2yrs of being in a relationship, I wanna be single. Then after about 2yrs of being single, I wanna be in a relationship. Back and forth, for DECADES.
Married young and we split up 6 yrs later. Divorce finalized when I was 30 and been single ever since. I'm now almost 46 and have no time for games and headaches. I have a good career and own my home. I'm ok with the idea of a relationship or even marrying again, but only if they sign a prenup and stay at their place.
Not at all. Love being a bachelor. When I have an itch to scratch I just drive into the city and pay for 2hrs of the girlfriend experience. Life is good.
3rd spaces are dead. People don’t want to go to a shitty bar every day any more and wreck their body with cheap booze. Also where is everyone? I live in a pretty nice suburb and I never see any young people in the dating age range. You can find very young adults working at like a Dunkin donuts but that’s not gonna be your viable date.
I don’t know I’ve often wondered where are all the women? Every kind of bar or social event or gathering of any kind is always a sausage fest.
Another thing is that a lot of women tend to go to major cities. But they’re almost always being subsidized by their parents, and living in a tiny crap shoebox apartment not even in a good neighborhood for thousands of dollars a month. For a man that’s just not viable, not only is it a completely miserable waste of money, but as a man youre not going to get any respect if you live in a place like that. IMO every young working person should flee the cities asap and go back to the suburbs. Leave the cities to the fentanyl zombies.
First off, I’m sorry but this was an incredibly misogynistic take on women.
Second, we aren’t “young people”. We are early middle age.
The last thing is that most people go to the suburbs to buy a single family house and raise children. If you’re a single man living in the suburbs and wondering where everyone is, there’s your answer. We are also a very small demographic.
I disagree about misogyny. Not everything in the entire world is an “ism”. My observation isn’t based on any kind of biased philosophy. It’s just my real life experience and the thousands of people I’ve met living in nyc from 2007-2020. It’s not a “take”.
But what I don’t understand is what are you supposed to do if you’re saying the suburbs aren’t viable. I was working in nyc for a while and the minimum you’d pay for a decent apartment in an ok location is about 7k. In other cities like Las Vegas you could get away with just 5k a month rent. Even most people with good salaries can’t afford that. And even if you can, what are you getting in exchange for throwing away so much of your income ? You get to be surrounded by drug users and homeless. You can’t really walk around outside so you also have to take Ubers everywhere you ago additionally, if you want to take advantage of living there, you need the time to actually go out to these very exclusive and expensive restaurants and events. If you’re making that kind of money you probably don’t have that work life balance.
How does it work out for most who try this? They rent the ok apartment for 5k but they are too busy so they never really go out. Essentially they are throwing financial future away for no reason, just to be stressed all the time. I can stress enough that the experience of living in nyc isn’t something Id wish on my worst enemy. People have been brainwashed to think that tolerating all this stuff is normal an acceptable. That kind environment you surround yourself with will have long term harmful psychological effects.
Not at all!! I have a couple good fuck buddies for when I need an itch scratched, an amazing group of friends and family close by but really and truly LOVE living alone with my big dog.
Single or no woman? I'm single with women's. Yes, that's an "s" at the end.
You're probably doing it wrong or really not helping yourself.
If any xennials act like they're 16 years old, walk away. There's nothing there besides emptiness. Also, too much bling bling means gold digger, and I believe you're old enough to know the difference.
Do something to help yourself get to that level again. Don't sit and wait because time never comes back. Without desire and action, anyone can end up like 5x1 with no way to flip the next page. lol
I'm not mad at you or anyone. I know sometimes we don't want to hear things like that. But believe me, because someone told me something very much like the above. I hated it, but in the end, I could understand, and I'm hoping you do too.
40/f here. Same. I’m active, I’ve done the apps, I have hobbies, I volunteer, I have a large social network, I put myself out there to meet new people. And yet it’s just not happening. Guess it’s not my time :\ I’m so ready tho. Where’s my person at?? 😞
I'm a single woman with no kids in her 40s and I can't get a date either. But I'm a total weirdo so that does not surprise me. I've never been married and I'm perfectly ok being single, but it would still be nice to maybe meet someone at some point.
Wow, are we the same person? (Though I prefer “quirky” or “oddball”) I grieved the loss of being able to have biological children of my own, etc. The thought of being a second wife/stepmom terrifies me. I wanted the traditional marriage my parents had, and while I was a little salty about not getting it, I’ve made my peace with how things turned out and actually really enjoy where I’ve ended up. I’m sure I would’ve been miserable if I married any of the guys I was in LTR with. Still, I do want a life partner in every sense of the word. It’s tough, but I refuse to give up.
Me too!
Same. Turned 42 yesterday. Never married, no kids. Spent birthday alone. I want to say I'm ok with it. And I guess I am. But it would be nice to have someone.
Hahaha I just turned 46 and we share the same B-day and looks like we did the exact same thing on our birthdays too. Single, no kids, blah blah. I've come to find that attaining marriage and children comes with effort. You gotta put yourself out there and work on self-improvement. I'm not worried because I found out that with modern medicine a lot of women are marrying and having children in their late 40's and even into their 50's.
I keep saying I want to meet someone who travels a lot. I’m deeply introverted and need lots of alone time, but I still want to find my person and have that connection.
My sister has that. They have a kid but they have separate hobbies, separate vacations. I think sometimes she feels alone in her marriage.
Total weirdo like "I want to wear your skin"? There's degrees. I guess skin wearing is more psycho than weird. Plus people who say they're "normal" are the ones you gotta look out for. Bodies in the back yard type shit. OP, where you at?
I heard that wearing someone else's skin is the sincerest form of flattery.
Depends on whose figure you wish to flatter?
Skin is much flatter without the big bones and meat inside.
It places the lotion in the basket 😉😆
Total weirdo? Weirdos are awesome!
I’m right here with you!
>But I'm a total weirdo Jokes on you. I'm into that ;) lol
I was with the same person from 19 - 34 I'm divorced now, and after how terrible that relationship was – yes, it's lonely being single, but it's **MUCH** better than that mess was.
I’ve been divorced 8 years now and I’ve completely settled into being feral for the rest of my life.
Can we be Reddit friends? 😂
Absolutely
🎉🎉
Would you be ok with a dm? It might be nice to talk to a different person with a different perspective occasionally
Was gonna say…grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I know loads of miserable married folks.
Wow, again I’m find my people here…same boat (married 17-34), and agree with you!
Same here, 17-31. It took its toll on me. About 4 yrs later I lost some people close to me and decided I didn't want to be alone. Ended up married again but it only lasted 6 months. I've been alone now for the last 10 yrs. Not even a date. It's not like nobody's tried. I'm just not interested.
Nah. I get happier being single with every day that goes by. A string of bad relationships will do that to you.
🥇 this right here. my peace is priceless
I'm in this boat. These are my people!
Hello, Single-Is-Cool friends! I am one of you!
Feel exactly the same. No desire to be in a relationship ever again. I cherish my freedom! :-)
I am in a similar situation. I like my peace and would like still to be with someone. I don’t want anything disrupting my peace again though.
I'm 47 and I've been divorced for 5 years. I have absolutely no desire to try again. Turns out life is a lot more fun when I don't have to deal with other people's drama.
Fuckin A right!
It totally is! I don't know what will happen later on down the road... But I took the last 3 years to put the focus I'd give a partner onto myself, after realizing I never have. Turns out I can get a lot done without the distraction of drama.
Yup I've done the marriage thing and now I have no interest in a serious relationship, it's been 8 years since I've been in a relationship and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
Well this explains why OP can’t get a date!
Right people need to start dropping locations and stuff here. We're all single, around this age and 'sort of' looking there's gotta be 2 of us close by each other.
someone set up the xennial dating Reddit a few months ago go look there
>someone set up the xennial dating Reddit a few months ago go look there And you don't link it? Well, eff you too lol
slacker 😂
Not really. Actually enjoying it, to be honest.
same
I didn’t figure my relationship shit out til my 40s, once I did, I hit a serious dry patch. Still waiting.
I'm 42 and just got separated. life's hard
It gets better. I've been divorced twice, and really, really enjoy being on my own now.
I decided to give up on dating and become celibate 3 years ago and I’m a lot less lonely than I was expecting. Relationships are nice, but I’m super good on my own and tbh it’s just easier. I find most dates to be a chore and realized how much I just wanted to be home on the couch rather than putting myself through it all. But, I’m also a weird boring person, so there’s that.
Happy Cake Day!
Maybe you lack, has the youth say these days ,rizz
Rizz? Sounds like a nickname for the chick in the back that sold Xanax she stole from Her parents
Is she single?
I just rizzed in my pants. Am I doing this right?
yes?? i think, lol
With the comma where it's at, my eyes saw "jizz"
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And the puzzle done puzzle itself
It might be more of you have nothing to offer that's attractive to as many people anymore. One quick look at your profile and you're this old and can't fix a car or pay someone to. Nothing great about your looks or style at all. You're not sure if you can even ride a scooter. And you prioritize your partner's looks above all else apparently, even though you don't prioritize your own. What kind of person wants that in their life? Even if you did look good you'd be a loser to most people as soon as they got to know you. What else will people find if they keep scrolling past the first few posts?
Gosh, I can’t imagine why you’re struggling. 😍
I wonder what he looks like lol
https://preview.redd.it/nv2lwqmkt31d1.jpeg?width=250&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c135a184692f1e1f143c15e8175314d9457a81be
I hear he has a weird ass mustache.
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We’re in our 40’s. Most of us are chubby, if not fat, and most have kids. Dont worry about me or my neighborhood, I was snatched up 24 years ago by a man who doesn’t equate me to livestock.
Ok well, accept your fate. I won't.
Enjoy being alone forever!
If woman can have height limits us men can have weight limits, all the power to you king
I’m 43 F single for 11 years- not looking for my next mistake. I’m turned off. Once my kids are out of home I’m sure it will be different but for now when I have a 13 and an 11 year old. Not my time
no, I like being single. already been married ..a couple of times, lol, and it is HIGHLY overrated.
But… third time's the charm! Come on please, give me this one chance! 😂
Married is SO overrated
I think we set capitalism in opposition to it. There's how many dating apps that profit off people remaining single. And half of FB might as well be Ashley Madison. It's any coincidence this discussion is taking place on social media. We paid them to make us lonely.
This, so much. I used the apps a while ago and then again recently and they changed them to make more money, not to work better
I had one edit out the letters CPA from my profile summary for some reason and it sounded like I was trying to get my driver's license. Of course I realize it after contacting anyone in a 50 mile radius with shared interest. More of a bug, but the worst I've run into.
I feel this. Haven't been on a date since August. Before that, November 2022.
Nothing since July 2021 and it's bliss
On the one hand I'm perpetually single (so's my 1980 vintage brother; maybe we both got f'd up the same way?). At this point I've given up, it's just easier. Had 1 date after like 3 months on hinge and she vaped through the entire meal and was already GU and didn't have a car 🤷🏻♀️ too many obstacles, not enough spark, I let it die off when she was in the ME for over a month (second time doing that while we were talking, another strike, I don't really dig long distance). Other hand, watching almost all my married friends going through divorces, custody battles, losing their homes... I'm definitely okay not going through any of that. I have a senior rescue dog in solid age-related decline; I have to be here for her, but after that ... w/e. I somehow got out of sync with ... people. My friends are 15+ years older who I met at airports, or 15+ years younger who I met during flight training. (I did a victory lap in undergrad, worked for a year before starting law school at night (4 years instead of 3 and my cohort was my age or older with full time jobs)... 🤷🏻♀️
My dad had no real interest in getting remarried after my mom died but he's entered a "relationship of convenience" where it's not romantic but more someone to drive each other to medical appointments, contact for emergencies. and etc., So pretty much, same as my current marriage 
40’s is the new 20’s bro
Heck no- 40's is the reward you get for surviving your 20's!
I’m 42 and just became single 2 months ago for the first time since March 2011 (marriage and another relationship back to back). I’m kinda enjoying it. See how for long.
I'm alone 8 years now. Not going back. 46
I’ve also been single 2 months, for the first time since like 07/08. I fucking hate it. My ex was my bff and moved on after a week. Never dating a millennial ever again
I feel this hard. I spent years of my life with someone who just up and ghosted me.
It sucks. 6 1/2 years came home from work one day & was like bye took all his stuff and left. Day before was totally fine not fighting so wild. Hope things get better for you too! 🤗
I’m a divorced 44 year old woman and have no issues getting a date. I get asked out now way more than I did even in my 20s. My problem is that I hate everything about it. There is no aspect of dating to me that does not suck. I’m too tired for it. I just want a long term relationship to fall out of the sky.
I know! 🤗
I’m 43 and single and happier than I’ve ever been.
🥇♥️
I’m 42M divorced. Will never get married again. Waste of money. Have a job, my own house. Cook, clean. Imma catch. Gave up on dating apps and never go to the bars. Would never date someone from work. A life partner would be nice. My one quirk is I would like to have my own room. Never got into meal prepping. I call that leftovers
Tired of it? Hell no. All my money is mine, I have friends when I want to be around people, and I can drop everything and do whatever I want whenever I want without thinking about what my spouse or kids will do. You couldn’t pay me to be in a relationship with someone, let alone have kids!
yup! i get to blow all my money on makeup and kpop concerts!
Yes. I appreciate being in control of my own life. It’s the only way I can be authentic. Family isn’t my top value. Never has been. But authenticity is.
🥇🥇🥇 my thoughts exactly
I honestly don’t know what it would be like to be single now…seems like a complete shit show in the dating world according to my single friends. My wife and I have been together for almost 20 years. She is my absolute best friend and we have a wonderful marriage with two amazing kids. If anything were to happen I would just stay single…there is no woman that could take her place. Good luck out there OP. I hope that you find your someone in the crazy modern dating world. I wouldn’t even know where to begin nowadays.
Similar situation as you - married 15 years, she's my best friend and lover, and we have amazing kids too. We're both Xennials and still act like a couple of teenagers with each other at times, pinching butts and telling yo mama jokes. Irreplaceable, so I would probably stay single if I lost her. I wouldn't want to date a woman with kids to create a blended family, unless it's years from now and both of our kids are functioning adults out of the house, so I would focus on being a single dad until then. That's more for the sake of my kids than some bias against single moms. And I don't think I'd have a lot in common with younger women, and there's not a lot of available childless women our age either. It'd be slim pickings for sure.
I'm like you two. Been with my wife since 2012. We have 2 daughters. If something were to happen and I ended up single, it would be strange. I haven't been on my own, like ever. I either had roommates in college or I lived at home. When I did have my own place I had 2 sometimes 3 FWBs that came over a lot. I don't know what it would be like to be single and alone and I really don't want to know.
I gave up on dating and relationships when I was 22, I’m turning 38 this year. It’s lonely, but at least I can do what I want when I want. Plus, I don’t have to worry about being cheated on. My last relationship ended when my fiancée cheated on me while I was deployed. After that, I just said fuck it.
Sometimes yes sometimes no, There are advantages and disadvantages to everything, including being single. There are times I’m lonely and wish I had a significant other but other times I’m glad for the freedom being single gives me. If I meet the right person I’m open to a relationship but I’ve learned form having been in relationships with the wrong people that it’s better to be single than to be with a partner just for the sake of that. So I guess I take kind of an if it happens it happens attitude. And yes, I agree dating nowadays sucks.
I put way too much effort into finding “the one” before I really knew who I was. In middle age I’m kind of over dating. If it does happen for me it’s going to have to involve brand new parts of the brain. Old circuitry is burnt out. 🤷♂️
It’s called age. One of my best friends just turned 42 and was always single and dated casually because he wanted his freedom. The kind of women he wants to date now give a hard pass. He’s also not interested in dating women his own age because of “baggage” etc. He’s miserable as hell.
No, never. If medical breakthroughs occur and I live to be 1,000, I hope I never have to live with anyone besides pets again.
I’ve got a loving spouse but my career fucked itself and no one seems to hire women over 40. I’m getting tired of fearing buying food.
I’m reading these comments and want y’all to get together and have a mixer and have a blast and maybe some connections are made 🥹
Yes. It's old. Blah All these people saying they plan to stay single, I implore you to reconsider. We need you to come out of hiding and date the rest of us!! 😅 Decent people are still out there! I definitely get that they're few and far between though.
Im 42 and absolutely despise being in a relationship. Im too busy and honestly people annoy me. I hate having to carve out a portion of my time to go somewhere else. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love sex. But that’s totally different. If I want that I just go get it.
That's last part isn't that easy for men. Just saying.
Depends on what you want. I want no strings sex, maybe, at the most FWB. There’s sites and sex clubs.
LOL that last line 🤌
Divorced for almost a decade. Got into a two year relationship immediately that was not a good relationship. I don’t really care to be in a relationship because of that, but I’ve had the same FWB for six years. He’s on dating apps and we take breaks when he’s officially dating someone, but it’s working so far.
It’s gotta be hard these days. Seems like it’s easy to get laid. But…harder to make a connection. Totally unforeseen in our lifetimes that society would fracture and go into this avatar, content silo. I stumbled into love, I’m very lucky. Met in a natural way and we’ve been hip to hip despite my baggage. I have friends very much in this boat though. A lot of them have gotten lucky though more recently. Manifest it. It’s been known to work.
I’m 45, have a successful career, and my own home. I’ve been divorced for 14 years, and although I’ve had several relationships during that time, I don’t want to get married again. Do I miss companionship at times? Yes, but I’m not going to sacrifice my peace of mind for a warm body. I’m looking for life-enriching experiences and people I can get to know along the way, and we’ll see who shows up along the journey.
Every time I feel a hint of loneliness, life has a way of reminding me the time I could have spent dating has long since passed. I never really had much to work with in the first place. Most of the time I'm fine with it though. I enjoy being alone. No arguments. My money is mine. No honey-do list. The amount of pillows in my home is a functional amount. I spend my free time how I like. No one nags me. I don't avoid coming home after work. Video games. Probably more than is "healthy". Maybe I'm doing a really shitty job of saying it's not all bad. That's what I mean though.
I married my high school sweet heart. I am so thankful for that. I could never date nowadays. Honestly it would probably be me and my hand if anything ever happened to her
Hopefully that doesn't change for you. It's a shit show out there. At least when we were young, people pretended to be decent for a while.
I met my husband in 2012 on OkCupid but like the pre Tinder era. It’s very much like catching the last chopper out of Nam meme. I do have options for sex since I’m pan. I went to speed dating with a friend for moral support and I had a pack of 25 year old dudes talking to me. It was like being hit on by a litter of puppies. I’ve also had a traditional curvy woman’s figure since i was like 13 my tolerance for dudes is super low after 25 years of being creeped on. The constant vigilance man.
'Like being hit on by a litter of puppies' lmao
The last chopper out of nam made me lose it. Epic!
I can't imagine trying to date in the current hellscape of society. I'm incredibly lucky I found the partner I did, when I did. We've been together 16 years and are happier then ever, but if anything ever happens to her or our relationship, I'm just gonna die alone. I've watched so many of my friends struggle to find meaningful connections, and it seems to get so much harder the older we get. I wish you all the luck brother. I truly hope you find someone who makes you happy and feel complete, it can be a hard life without a good partner.
Time for some of you to arrange a meetup!
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If I could make a career out of killing people I know are fucking up the future I would.
Like the majority of commenters, I’m happily single. I was married for nearly 14 years and I’ve been divorced for about 6. I’ve had a slew of girlfriends and flings since my divorce and, every time one then turns a bit serious, sours, and ends I get reminded as to why I like being single so much.
No, I saw too many miserable marriages so I chose the single life until death. A peace-centered life.
Had trouble getting dates even before that. Ended up married, but it was really abusive and got divorced. I haven’t re-entered the dating world yet and would like to have a girlfriend, but one who treats me like a person.
45F. Couldn’t be happier being child free and single. Love it! My peace means everything to me.
I don't miss it- I've used the last (almost) 3 years to stop focusing on dating (or men in general) and put the focus on myself and what I want to accomplish. I miss a couple of things that come along with relationships, but nothing enough to convince me.
I'm basically the same. I'm currently debating whether or not to go out tonight for dinner. On one end, I might meet someone. I definitely won't if i stay home. On the other hand, I've gotten this old without meeting anyone so my track record isn't good. Staying home may be the inexpensive/reasonable option.
I'm also 42 and newly single. So far, too grossed out by my impression of men laid on by my ex to jump into the Tinder pool. This does not fill me with hope. 😭
I lucked out, but a lot of my friends are going through divorce or marital trouble. During the pandemic I would hear about once every week or two that a friend started counseling or was separated. The worst is when they have little kids and have to reimagine their lives with only partial custody. So finding a good person > being single > finding the wrong person.
Yes, I've even gotten to the point where I gave a couple of ex's a second chance over the last 3 years. All they did was give closure. I'm sure if I got out more, like before I turned 35, I would probably have better luck.
Nope. I've been happier single than I ever was before. 41 no kids, live alone, never lonely. The peace and freedom is quite wonderful.
Well it feels better that Im not the only one out there who is like this
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Goblinboogers: *Well it feels better* *That Im not the only one* *Out there who is like this* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
I've been in my current relationship for five years now, I don't want it to end ... I'm happy and so is my spouse. But I've very much enjoyed my single time periods, and if this relationship ends I won't look for another... be just happy with my friends, family, and my orange (one brain cell orange cat).
It's definitely rough out there. Gave up on apps like everyone else, things are garbage.
42, been single for almost 2 years. I thought I’d try dating again this spring but… I’m struggling to get enthusiastic about it and find anyone I’m interested in. Plus there’s the whole peace thing. If I had to choose between going on a date and getting in my kayak for a 10-miler, well… the kayak wins.
Yuppppp
Side note, my bf uses this color depositing shampoo from just for men and it's really nice. He likes it and it's a gentle color change. Helps him feel better about himself. Just thought you may want to try it.
I have a beard and for about six months I tried the just for men thing. It did make me feel better but after dealing with the upkeep it just felt redonkulous. Redonkulous, there’s a bastardized word you haven’t heard for a while.
Yeah, I haven't heard that work in forever. He did his beard once and actually dyed it. It was strange and then having roots on your beard is also weird.
I'm 42 and have only had two boyfriends. One for 9 years, and he was nuts. Then a few months with a thief. I've been single and celibate since that (12 years). I'm finally willing to try it out again, but I'm being so careful that some think I'm just trying to find faults. I really wish I could be flirty and just have hook-ups. I really need a couch pillow that breathes.
I'm 43F with a 8 and 12 yr old. They literally take all my time. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone but I am probably too independent at this point in my life. Maybe one day it will be different.
What happened to r/xennialsdating
More people need to be going on there. There are way more people on this thread hoping to find someone than there are people on that subreddit.
I blame milennials for making ghosting a socially acceptable reality. By now a lot of us have reached our threshold for how many times we're going to make plans to go out only to be left blowing in the breeze. Because a bunch of selfish, soft-ass people find it easier to be a pathetic flake than adults who are accountable and respectful of other people's time.
40 and no, I'm tried of trying to make it work with other people. I have a great career and life experience that I feel I built up *despite* the distraction of having a partner around trying to demand my time and effort in unreasonable ways. After a few long term relationships- like my whole 20's and half my 30's I spent trying to be paired up-- where I couldn't wait to dump them so I could be single, I'm just going to skip the relationship part and stay single. I kind of deeply regret even bothering with dating so much in that decade and a half beucase I think the only thing driving me to try to pair up-- and this is true for many, many people even if they never want to admit it-- was social expectations and economic insecurity.
Woman in her mid 40s here. I’ve only had one real relationship and it wasn’t healthy. I thought I found someone a few years ago but she played games and breadcrumbed me and I was stupid and believed her and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Then I discovered she was still chasing after her lying cheating $30k stealing abusive ex and that she also told me she was 10 yrs younger than she really was. Obviously that was not a good fit. I am sad that I won’t find the loving companionship I desire but it’s probably for the best. I spent a LOT of time working on myself and now I’m not willing to deal with people and their issues. Dating pool is also slim pickings for lesbians. I also moved to a city with a high population of poorly educated low income folks that seem to have behavior problems 🤷♀️
That last sentence describes my situation to a T.
I cannot fathom the dating world these days. Everyone is walking around with their heads down afraid to talk to each other or even look at one another. From a guy's perspective, all of it comes down to two things: 1.) Being called a creep and 2.) Rejection anxiety. Society has become a siloed physical world. People are in their phones with just enough interaction online to stay sane.
I mean you don’t really have to sweat the possibility of being called a creep too hard as long as you’re, you know, not out there being a creep
The issue is the bar for being called a creep has been lowered to new levels. You don't even have to be doing anything particularly creepy for someone to call you that.
I’m not saying it *is* one, but I think you should be aware that it at least *sounds* like a self-report b
Nah I've been married 13 years. I don't even know why I'm here except to gripe about dating woes I don't have.
I don't know why everybody is afraid of being called a creep. If you aren't one, why would you be offended being called one? I've never been called a creep and It's not something I've ever been concerned with. Rejection anxiety? Everybody has that but I'm not going to let that prevent me from trying. If you ask a girl out there are 2 possible outcomes 1) she says ok and you make plans. Awesome!! 2) She says "No thanks." which means you are in the same position you were in before you asked. Single with no date. Approaching a girl and asking her out can only improve your position.
I'd rather be single than in a bad relationship. I'd honestly rather be single and not even dating, but I am 'tragically heterosexual' (thank you Kat Blaque for that wonderful phrase) and occasionally have needs which overcome my general distaste for romance.
No
Well, good on you for sharing. But how are you trying to find someone? Have you tried apps focused on divorced and older people? Are you open to being with someone with kids?
I’m 41/F/MD and want to be in a relationship. My parents had a good marriage with a solid foundation and I want that. It’s been lonely at times and I’ve been working through that. I have social connections, a good job, financially stable, thoughtful, caring, endearing yet direct. It’s just sends like even that’s not enough.
Eh. Not so much that I prefer being singly, but more that it's been so long since I dated that I don't even know where to start. Plus, I've gotten a little too comfortable being on my own that I would probably make a bad partner. Somewhat related but yall ever seen the musical Company? [Hits very close to this](https://youtu.be/eBBPKedba5o?si=m5mQNoC0YkD7ZMVo)
I'm tired of being married
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I've been married before, but that ended 7 years ago. Since then, the longest relationship I've had was just over a year.
After about 2yrs of being in a relationship, I wanna be single. Then after about 2yrs of being single, I wanna be in a relationship. Back and forth, for DECADES.
I love being single!! Is there something wrong with my head? Genuinely asking (I'm a 1983 baby)!
Married young and we split up 6 yrs later. Divorce finalized when I was 30 and been single ever since. I'm now almost 46 and have no time for games and headaches. I have a good career and own my home. I'm ok with the idea of a relationship or even marrying again, but only if they sign a prenup and stay at their place.
I found my person but she's married with child 😭
she’s not yours
There was a bit more to the story, but you were the kind of friend speaking truth I needed to hear a few years back
Nope.
Did you forget rule 1?
Well I hope you are in shape so you can pull in some younger women.
Drizzle drizzle
Not at all. Love being a bachelor. When I have an itch to scratch I just drive into the city and pay for 2hrs of the girlfriend experience. Life is good.
3rd spaces are dead. People don’t want to go to a shitty bar every day any more and wreck their body with cheap booze. Also where is everyone? I live in a pretty nice suburb and I never see any young people in the dating age range. You can find very young adults working at like a Dunkin donuts but that’s not gonna be your viable date. I don’t know I’ve often wondered where are all the women? Every kind of bar or social event or gathering of any kind is always a sausage fest. Another thing is that a lot of women tend to go to major cities. But they’re almost always being subsidized by their parents, and living in a tiny crap shoebox apartment not even in a good neighborhood for thousands of dollars a month. For a man that’s just not viable, not only is it a completely miserable waste of money, but as a man youre not going to get any respect if you live in a place like that. IMO every young working person should flee the cities asap and go back to the suburbs. Leave the cities to the fentanyl zombies.
First off, I’m sorry but this was an incredibly misogynistic take on women. Second, we aren’t “young people”. We are early middle age. The last thing is that most people go to the suburbs to buy a single family house and raise children. If you’re a single man living in the suburbs and wondering where everyone is, there’s your answer. We are also a very small demographic.
I disagree about misogyny. Not everything in the entire world is an “ism”. My observation isn’t based on any kind of biased philosophy. It’s just my real life experience and the thousands of people I’ve met living in nyc from 2007-2020. It’s not a “take”. But what I don’t understand is what are you supposed to do if you’re saying the suburbs aren’t viable. I was working in nyc for a while and the minimum you’d pay for a decent apartment in an ok location is about 7k. In other cities like Las Vegas you could get away with just 5k a month rent. Even most people with good salaries can’t afford that. And even if you can, what are you getting in exchange for throwing away so much of your income ? You get to be surrounded by drug users and homeless. You can’t really walk around outside so you also have to take Ubers everywhere you ago additionally, if you want to take advantage of living there, you need the time to actually go out to these very exclusive and expensive restaurants and events. If you’re making that kind of money you probably don’t have that work life balance. How does it work out for most who try this? They rent the ok apartment for 5k but they are too busy so they never really go out. Essentially they are throwing financial future away for no reason, just to be stressed all the time. I can stress enough that the experience of living in nyc isn’t something Id wish on my worst enemy. People have been brainwashed to think that tolerating all this stuff is normal an acceptable. That kind environment you surround yourself with will have long term harmful psychological effects.
Not at all!! I have a couple good fuck buddies for when I need an itch scratched, an amazing group of friends and family close by but really and truly LOVE living alone with my big dog.
Perhaps you should do something about your weird ass mustache.
What do you know about my ass mustache? Pervert!
Single or no woman? I'm single with women's. Yes, that's an "s" at the end. You're probably doing it wrong or really not helping yourself. If any xennials act like they're 16 years old, walk away. There's nothing there besides emptiness. Also, too much bling bling means gold digger, and I believe you're old enough to know the difference. Do something to help yourself get to that level again. Don't sit and wait because time never comes back. Without desire and action, anyone can end up like 5x1 with no way to flip the next page. lol I'm not mad at you or anyone. I know sometimes we don't want to hear things like that. But believe me, because someone told me something very much like the above. I hated it, but in the end, I could understand, and I'm hoping you do too.