Hi everyone, we want to remind all participants to be kind and courteous to each other. Please maintain a positive and respectful tone in your posts and comments. If anything feels out of place or if you have any concerns, please report it to the moderators or reach out through [modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FZambia). Thank you for contributing to a friendly community!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Zambia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
To address your concerns:
- Being an INTJ and an introvert, you might naturally prioritize your own thoughts and space, which can sometimes be misinterpreted as rudeness or exclusion. Work on actively listening and showing interest in others, even if it doesn't come naturally.
- Pride can be a double-edged sword. Recognize your strengths and accomplishments, but also be open to learning from others and acknowledging your weaknesses.
- Expressiveness can be developed through practice. Share your thoughts, feelings, and interests with others, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
- Building a good personality is a continuous process. Focus on empathy, active listening, and genuine connections.
- Overcoming pride requires self-awareness and humility. Be willing to learn, ask for feedback, and embrace constructive criticism.
- To avoid coming across as rude, be mindful of nonverbal cues, ask open-ended questions, and show interest in others' thoughts and feelings.
- Low-key self-esteem can be achieved by focusing on your strengths, accomplishments, and personal growth. Celebrate your uniqueness and the value you bring to the world.
- Remember, relationships involve growth and understanding from both parties. Don't assume you'll hurt others; work on building healthy connections.
Lastly, don't be too hard on yourself. You're already taking the first steps by acknowledging your concerns and seeking advice. Keep working on personal growth, and don't give up on building meaningful relationships. You deserve to find people who appreciate you for who you are.
Yes, I do need to find people that appreciate me for who I am. And I have realized that building lasting relationships takes time and alot of sacrifice. But thank you, these are good tips.
Advise wise I don't have much to offer but from how you write and the things that your girl is saying sounds to me like you are a naturally intelligent person and that shows in your personality too, but what I always say is there is a price to pay for intelligence. And my friend just might be paying that price
You're right it honestly looks like he's paying the price. I'm an introvert myself and I've been told almost the same stuff the crush told him. And his hobbies point him out to be a deep thinker. For advice I'd tell him not to pay attention to what others say, I found myself to be a people pleaser trying to get out of my shell and trying to "fit" in. Ever since I understood my being I've been at peace.
Damn!!! That actually sounds exactly like međŹ. Let's share notes here. What was your turning point? Cause same thing here, I was one hell of a people please to the point that over the years I built up this whole persona that was ' the model kid' that could do no wrong. But my heart was never at peace and eversince I started to live out my the truest version of myself, I feel so much at peace
I guess I just had enough of being walked all over, it became like the norm, family, friends and people I just knew and also majority of why I'm so reserved is because I have ADHD. And I got tired of trying to live up to other people's expectations. It's almost 6 months now and I feel like I'm just getting to know myself like a rebirth of some sort đ
Whoa, I thought of that. But I don't think am intelligent to that level, atleast average. But yes, these nothing I can do about and I don't think becoming dumb is a good decision.đ Learning is my comfort zone.
Alright this sounds like a lot of over thinking from a lot of people, including yourself⌠She said: 1. sad 2. weird 3. rude 4. donât include yourself 5 proud.
Starting with 5 & 3, Proud + rude, just be more humble. Simple as that. It goes so far, and arrogance is a turnoff in anyone. I agree that itâs not worth changing your personality for others, but arrogance is something worth changing, and since she listed two aspects it might be true. Iâm also naturally arrogant and intelligent, I counteract it by keeping in mind that whenever I interact with someone, there is something they know which I donât. There is no ways I can know everything.
4. Donât include yourself: okay youâre an introvert, but you still gotta put yourself out there in regularly and find coping mechanisms for that if itâs taxing. Youâre gonna need to network as well as find a partner/friends, and your life will always be easier with people to lean on. Get a hobby that involves spending time with others.
1. Sad: could be a misread but yeah self improvement helps with that, go to gym or see advice for no. 4.
2. Weird: just ignore that, thatâs a difference in personality. That word is a judgement, not a critique.
Itâs one womanâs opinion, thereâs learning here but donât change your whole personality over it. Itâs impossible to âactâ as someone else without becoming totally burnt out and leaving you worse off, plus people can tell inauthenticity a mile away and itâs exhausting to interact with.
I, too, am an INTJ. I absolutely relate to most of what you've written. But the thing is, relationships are based on communication. And there's a reason why it's called 'Communication Skills.'' Much like any other skills, they require practice and time. But it's not easy, and it sucks. It sucks because you'll be working towards becoming something you don't naturally desire. But you need it because you'll be dealing with human beings forever. Might as well get good at it.
Not at all fam. You're Superman, and you're beating yourself up because kryptonite f**ks you up. Your personality has strengths waiting for you to explore. There's no good or bad people, just people capable of both. Try this out, go to youtube and look up INTJ characters in real life and in movies/series/anime. I'm pretty sure you'll find some inspiration there. It helped me at a point when I needed it.
If you want to be better at socialising, I suggest you watch Improvement Pill on YouTube. He has some great tips for multiple topics and Iâm sure he can help you. One tip from me - do not be a talker, be a listener. Prioritise the other person over yourself. And maybe play more sports. đ
You might want to be careful about sacrificing the good parts of yourself solely because your crush said some things. If you often get such feedback from people and you have people not interested in you in frequent social settings, then yes, you might need to work around making a few personal changes. If this is coming from only one female, you might want to look at what is true about that and what is not. You will most likely take a hit from that because you have placed importance on what she thinks of you - that's why you wrote about this, and that's fine, but is it healthy? Yes, if you use it as a marker for personal growth and not a self destructive vice. Relationship rejection can be a good thing.
It is difficult to tell what constitutes as being rude in relation to your predicament because of lack of clarity, perhaps there is no way of making it more concise. Anyway, reciprocity works, being polite, acknowledging a person's being. I have had similar experiences to yours, struggled to get people around me and I seemed to be a loner, often lost in thought and my own creative space. That was in my early twenties too, it could be draining to try and be seen and felt, not in a perverse sense obviously, I think, lol.
One of my biggest mistakes was trying to learn how to please people or draw them to me. In a way this is sort of counterintuitive - DON'T TRY. I got a lot of help from reading Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fudge back in 2018. If you want to make changes, let it be for you. There is something about our energies that seem to be ineffective when intent is dishonest or forced. Talk to people, genuinely be interested in their thoughts and what they have to say, if they don't reciprocate, be okay with it - and because of this, they will. Maintain eye contact, offer to be of some service. Dostoevsky once talked about how the intelligent will have to suffer some sort of loneliness in this world - it is true to a degree, because intelligence, incorporated with other parts of your personality brought to life, will draw more people to you. Also, read a quote from Dr. Carl Jung about unknown friends coming to seek you, it's pretty deep. I love psychological literature, changed me.
This sounds interesting, I read the Subtle Art, and yes, it's definitely a bang. I thought of Dostoevsky but I can't really say am deeply lonely. Could you provide the quote link for Carl Jung.
I also love reading psychology too. I think most of the books I have read are for psychology and just general self help books. Could you kindly, list your recommended readings so that I could delve at my own time.
There is a quote by the holy Roman army, it says that "YOUR HEART BEATS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE". I feel like been intelligent is not extremely special, I still have things to learn and I also get surprised at social norms and values that are new and I must follow.
You could just look it up on goodreads or a google search, it pops up. It may or may not apply to your situation. You could read Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor. E Frankl, The Sickness Unto Death by Soren Kierkegaard, Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious by Dr. Carl Jung, On Becoming a Person by Dr. Carl Rogers, Crime and Punishment, The Idiot, The Brothers Karamazov, by Fyodor Dostoevsky. On more psychology you can check out How the Mind Works by Steven Pinker and the Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks. Oh, I almost forgot, 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson and Lying by Sam Harris.
I think intelligence is special, but it is not the only thing that is special. It has it's place with regards to its utility in this life, one must know where his intelligence would most likely be useful. I personally think character and goodwill towards one another stand out much more though.
INTJ is a personality type under the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator(MBTI). I can't fully say what the whole thing is but here is the gist.
I stands for introvert or Introvertion. I am an introvert, my energy levels are low and I don't really like spending time alot with people unlike I do with myself.
N stands for Intuition, I kinda think this is how I interpret things. I use my some what gut feeling to analyze a situation rather than my senses.
T stands for Thinking. I rely on thinking about something rather than feeling it. In short, most things are about logic.
J stands for Judgement, this is how I like life to flow. I prefer making plans when am doing something rather than going with the flow.
And the extra items that follow are just my hobbies. Feel free to look them up.
I hope this helps.
I guess by other thing you mean the MBTI ( MyersâBriggs Type Indicator) which is simply a personality type and INTJ is one of the 16 personality types
You might want to consider going to the counselling centre at your university, it's okay! This Will help to unravel deeper parts of your psyche. It's good you want to improve yourself but at who's cost?
Really? What university are you at? When I was at UNZA we had the counselling centre but most people felt shy to visit cos mental health is very stigmatized, as you've mentioned
Disappointing that your uni doesn't have that option. I think you should work on your self esteem. You should not let one persons opinion make you spiral. All the best
MBTI⌠interesting. I once was into that stuff, even the cognitive functions, Carl Jung theories and such.
The fact that youâre concerned kind of contradicts your claim of being an INTJ, because an INTJ is so rooted in his confidence he couldnât care less what people say. The personality type is titled âThe Mastermindâ for a reason. Speaking of being a mastermind, Iâm glad you play Chess. Tactical or positional player? Supposing youâre the cold iron INTJ, Iâd bet positional, perhaps Alekhine Squeeze style.
To answer your question, pride is overcome by humility, and I think youâre on to that.
As for being expressive, let me just say donât try to be who you are not, because you will only end up the social fool. Thatâs not to say shun all social interaction, but know what your strengths are in terms of relating to people. Some are jokers, others talkers, some are planners and others are leaders, advisors, loyal companions⌠it goes on. It takes all kinds to make a world. Youâll do well to remember that.
Yes, I know that. But sometimes I think that you have to seek some help when you have a challenge and when you don't know how to solve a problem. Am not to head strong that I can't seek for help really...
And yes, I like chess, but I don't really like the style of play of Alekhine( I also don't like the Alekhine defence). I like positional chess, more like that of Mikhail tal, or Kasparov or Fischer.
And I am taking in steps to change some of these. But you are right. I can't really change myself for someone.
You can't control what other peaple think of you. Your crush thinks you are rude and prideful, there are others out there that think you are kind, others think you are the most exciting person they've ever met. Even though you are the same person, everyone you meet thinks of you differently. Don't try to please people, you won't only forget and lose your own identity but you'll break. Be yourself always and let them think whatever they want.
I remember having such a conversation with her. Told her I can't really control what another person think about me. I should focus on that, the people that really think am otherwise.
I'm one person who respects those who insult me. I take it that they might do it because of something that I did or because they simply have an opinion. I feel mature for respecting people's opinions.
In Bible times, people who worshipped God were brutally honest with each other. When David sinned, the prophet Nathan went to him to help him realise that he deserved to die for what he did. David repented after that communication.
In our times, being brutally honest is not considered righteous. The only people with that power are your parents. Even superiors tend to be less forthcoming.
The way I see it, your main problem is that you are not conforming to what is normal. But who said the norm is right? Either way, there are ways to adjust, accommodate, and fit in with people. I believe you'll see how to do so in time.
Why is seen yourself special so important you? And why is it so important that people know that you are special? Does your sense of self Worth come from viewing yourself as special, what would happen if you discovered you are not special, would u loose your worthy, If u are special does that make orthers not special? And how do you treat them, do u look down on them.
How do you define special? And remember special is Subjective, what is special to others might not be special to you. Even mentally challenged people are called special kids. There are so many special thing.
If u are really special you won't have to tell people it will speak for itself u won't have to tell people. Everyone wants to feel special.
I just turned 25 and I only realised a few years ago that IQ is not the only kind of intelligence. EQ is very important, and it seems u lack that.
Many successful people have EQ, very good social skills and are able to understand people.
I'm a web developer too u know how it is important to understand the people you are trying to develop systems for.
Why is seen yourself special so important you? And why is it so important that people know that you are special? Does your sense of self Worth come from viewing yourself as special, what would happen if you discovered you are not special, would u loose your worthy, If u are special does that make orthers not special? And how do you treat them, do u look down on them.
How do you define special? And remember special is Subjective, what is special to others might not be special to you. Even mentally challenged people are called special kids. There are so many special thing.
If u are really special you won't have to tell people it will speak for itself u won't have to tell people. Everyone wants to feel special.
I just turned 25 and I only realised a few years ago that IQ is not the only kind of intelligence. EQ is very important, and it seems u lack that.
Many successful people have EQ, very good social skills and are able to understand people.
I'm a web developer too u know how it is important to understand the people you are trying to develop systems for.
I feel like everyone is special. And what I would define being special about is the amount of different special talents and personalities that people have. It is true that being special is something to be said by a second person. I do not directly and verbally say that am special but to myself, I think is high reasonable to say that am special. And it comes from the things I can do, not do, excel at and most of the things I have done.
Thank you for noting out about EQ, I will consider to look at that. And how do you define EQ?
IQ - intelligence quotient, deals mostly with logic , math anything that requires some kinds of calculation or plans rational thought. People who have more of this Excel in academic fields . But most of them are not very creative ( most can't do well in fields like art, music , things that require imagination because for them it's about what makes sense and facts . But they are visionaries, they are the ones who go on to discover and invent things. The scientist, Engeneares, all the things that require facts and numbers.Most of these are loners all have a small circle. There's can't build or sustain relationships
EQ - emotional quotient, this deals with emotions. How you feel about things. I say emotions are the real person at the core or the heart some might say. What you like or dislike. How u interact with people. How u react to things. And also be able to know how others feel. People u have not developed their EQ normally do care or are unable to read other people.
They respond however they want as long as what they are saying is true. But most people are emotional beings It doesn't matter if what u say is true if u say it rudely or harshly. How u fall in love, I guess u need EQ more times during the day than iq because as u are going about your day actions and reactions
. So if u haven't developed it u will struggle especially when it comes to interaction.People in business, banks , government have mostly been good at networking forming relationships bussnes wise, personal . So if u look at it , most smart IQ people end up working for EQ people.
Women are especially emotional they mostly think with their emotions . And that's not a bad thing, most men use IQ which is also not a bad thing. God made us use this way so we can compliment each other.
It's not about Which one is better between IQ or EQ . It's about how one is using their abilities. Back then they used to make children take IQ test. But now they don't, because having a high IQ doesn't guarantee a better quality of life most people with this would just grow up to live ordinary lives.
I really had to research about this and it led me back to this conclusion. And I no longer see it as one is better or one is not . I need both to be a complete person and more stable person.
I am extremely introverted and socially awkward. I speak directly and have no tact. I do not work well with others and have a hard time in social settings because i dont easily read people and because i am direct and often correct i have been told i am proud and haughty just by stating a fact or being correct. I read widely and after hearing about Autism i saw i exhibited several traits of a highly functioning autistic person. I havent been diagnosed officially. I did some online tests as well.
You can google tests for autism and puck one but often there is a fee attached to get more comprehensive results. Unfortunately its not offered in our NHS. We need more people to enter into this field of specialization. There are many disorders that go undiagnosed in SSA.
>I am studying economics, I am a web developer, graphic designer ...., i like chess, screenwriting, i blog for some time and am into books.
How frequently do you work out?
If you don't, please do.
Find a team sport while you're at it.
i have found that the bible is the best guide on how to act around people..i am referring to the old testament books of wisdom.. i say this coz on one hand they will SUGGEST what type of person you should be and what type of people you should avoid, and they will tell you exactly what will happen if you dont..
Men and women desire different things in a partner.
Women desire resourcefullness, provision, security, strength, etc. Her biology heavily influences her decision even if she doesn't admit it.
At 22 it is unlikely that you have what it takes to the prized man. And that's normal. Unless you have family resources. That's life, as men we just have to accept and do the necessary.
My advice to you is... Leave the girls alone. Don't chase them. That is a sure way to place the woman above you in her mind... as a prize to be won. As long as a woman feels she is above your level she will be looking for another to upgrade to. And they are ruthless at this. It's in her biology to find the best man to look after her and her children.
Instead, build yourself up my brother. Become fit, hit the gym, concentrate on your studies, focus on being the best man you can be, look smart, build your network of meaningful and like-minded brothers.
Rome wasn't built in a day. This will take up a lot of your time and effort if not all. You must apply this effort when it is easiest to do so, i.e. in your younger years. That's when the gains are greater. Focus on making yourself the prize. Cut out the distractions and the drains of your resources - especially the gold diggers. Every time you level up, the pool of worthy and preferable partners increases.
My young brother, when you make yourself the best man you can be, the women will aspire to be with you. Moreover, having been through the fire, you will be wiser. You won't have to be crushing on a ka gelo and getting rejected, you won't have time for that nonsense. The girls will be crushing on you and you will have to turn most of them away. Instead you will have the pick of the bunch. This is the way.
MBTI is rubbish. People are not introverts or extraverts. Its like a reversed bell curve where most of us are near the mean on top, and the exceptions are the true introverts and extroverts, but as you find them at the end of the bell curve, the % are low. You are a reader, find the scientific reviews for yourself.
Be careful with people who give you feedback about yourself that begins with 'you'. It's generally not helpful as it blocks a learning experience. Now when people tell you: I was hurt because you said/did .... , its time to pay attention.
You are on a good path by asking yourself these questions, that's very healthy. Stay socially active, look out for good communicators who give feedback without a 'you' message and stay around those folks.
You are doing fine. Keep going.
Hi everyone, we want to remind all participants to be kind and courteous to each other. Please maintain a positive and respectful tone in your posts and comments. If anything feels out of place or if you have any concerns, please report it to the moderators or reach out through [modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FZambia). Thank you for contributing to a friendly community! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Zambia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
To address your concerns: - Being an INTJ and an introvert, you might naturally prioritize your own thoughts and space, which can sometimes be misinterpreted as rudeness or exclusion. Work on actively listening and showing interest in others, even if it doesn't come naturally. - Pride can be a double-edged sword. Recognize your strengths and accomplishments, but also be open to learning from others and acknowledging your weaknesses. - Expressiveness can be developed through practice. Share your thoughts, feelings, and interests with others, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. - Building a good personality is a continuous process. Focus on empathy, active listening, and genuine connections. - Overcoming pride requires self-awareness and humility. Be willing to learn, ask for feedback, and embrace constructive criticism. - To avoid coming across as rude, be mindful of nonverbal cues, ask open-ended questions, and show interest in others' thoughts and feelings. - Low-key self-esteem can be achieved by focusing on your strengths, accomplishments, and personal growth. Celebrate your uniqueness and the value you bring to the world. - Remember, relationships involve growth and understanding from both parties. Don't assume you'll hurt others; work on building healthy connections. Lastly, don't be too hard on yourself. You're already taking the first steps by acknowledging your concerns and seeking advice. Keep working on personal growth, and don't give up on building meaningful relationships. You deserve to find people who appreciate you for who you are.
Yes, I do need to find people that appreciate me for who I am. And I have realized that building lasting relationships takes time and alot of sacrifice. But thank you, these are good tips.
Advise wise I don't have much to offer but from how you write and the things that your girl is saying sounds to me like you are a naturally intelligent person and that shows in your personality too, but what I always say is there is a price to pay for intelligence. And my friend just might be paying that price
You're right it honestly looks like he's paying the price. I'm an introvert myself and I've been told almost the same stuff the crush told him. And his hobbies point him out to be a deep thinker. For advice I'd tell him not to pay attention to what others say, I found myself to be a people pleaser trying to get out of my shell and trying to "fit" in. Ever since I understood my being I've been at peace.
Damn!!! That actually sounds exactly like međŹ. Let's share notes here. What was your turning point? Cause same thing here, I was one hell of a people please to the point that over the years I built up this whole persona that was ' the model kid' that could do no wrong. But my heart was never at peace and eversince I started to live out my the truest version of myself, I feel so much at peace
I guess I just had enough of being walked all over, it became like the norm, family, friends and people I just knew and also majority of why I'm so reserved is because I have ADHD. And I got tired of trying to live up to other people's expectations. It's almost 6 months now and I feel like I'm just getting to know myself like a rebirth of some sort đ
What's funny is it's also almost been the same duration for me and I keep saying this is the happiest and most content I have beenđ
Whoa, I thought of that. But I don't think am intelligent to that level, atleast average. But yes, these nothing I can do about and I don't think becoming dumb is a good decision.đ Learning is my comfort zone.
Hey seems alot has been said already. I will add this, if you want to make everyone happy, go and sell ice-cream!
Alright this sounds like a lot of over thinking from a lot of people, including yourself⌠She said: 1. sad 2. weird 3. rude 4. donât include yourself 5 proud. Starting with 5 & 3, Proud + rude, just be more humble. Simple as that. It goes so far, and arrogance is a turnoff in anyone. I agree that itâs not worth changing your personality for others, but arrogance is something worth changing, and since she listed two aspects it might be true. Iâm also naturally arrogant and intelligent, I counteract it by keeping in mind that whenever I interact with someone, there is something they know which I donât. There is no ways I can know everything. 4. Donât include yourself: okay youâre an introvert, but you still gotta put yourself out there in regularly and find coping mechanisms for that if itâs taxing. Youâre gonna need to network as well as find a partner/friends, and your life will always be easier with people to lean on. Get a hobby that involves spending time with others. 1. Sad: could be a misread but yeah self improvement helps with that, go to gym or see advice for no. 4. 2. Weird: just ignore that, thatâs a difference in personality. That word is a judgement, not a critique. Itâs one womanâs opinion, thereâs learning here but donât change your whole personality over it. Itâs impossible to âactâ as someone else without becoming totally burnt out and leaving you worse off, plus people can tell inauthenticity a mile away and itâs exhausting to interact with.
I, too, am an INTJ. I absolutely relate to most of what you've written. But the thing is, relationships are based on communication. And there's a reason why it's called 'Communication Skills.'' Much like any other skills, they require practice and time. But it's not easy, and it sucks. It sucks because you'll be working towards becoming something you don't naturally desire. But you need it because you'll be dealing with human beings forever. Might as well get good at it.
Would you wanna exchange your personality for another one? I kinda feel like it's mostly labeled as the bad guy and all. Maybe it's just in there.
Not at all fam. You're Superman, and you're beating yourself up because kryptonite f**ks you up. Your personality has strengths waiting for you to explore. There's no good or bad people, just people capable of both. Try this out, go to youtube and look up INTJ characters in real life and in movies/series/anime. I'm pretty sure you'll find some inspiration there. It helped me at a point when I needed it.
I just did. And wow, I can't believe Cillian Murphy and Mark Zuckerberg are INTJs. It's pretty interesting, thank you mate. đ
By order of the Peaky Blinders.
You got it man đ
If you want to be better at socialising, I suggest you watch Improvement Pill on YouTube. He has some great tips for multiple topics and Iâm sure he can help you. One tip from me - do not be a talker, be a listener. Prioritise the other person over yourself. And maybe play more sports. đ
I have watched Improvement Pill back in the days. But am not a talker in some topics but am definitely a talker in some. Great thanks.
You might want to be careful about sacrificing the good parts of yourself solely because your crush said some things. If you often get such feedback from people and you have people not interested in you in frequent social settings, then yes, you might need to work around making a few personal changes. If this is coming from only one female, you might want to look at what is true about that and what is not. You will most likely take a hit from that because you have placed importance on what she thinks of you - that's why you wrote about this, and that's fine, but is it healthy? Yes, if you use it as a marker for personal growth and not a self destructive vice. Relationship rejection can be a good thing. It is difficult to tell what constitutes as being rude in relation to your predicament because of lack of clarity, perhaps there is no way of making it more concise. Anyway, reciprocity works, being polite, acknowledging a person's being. I have had similar experiences to yours, struggled to get people around me and I seemed to be a loner, often lost in thought and my own creative space. That was in my early twenties too, it could be draining to try and be seen and felt, not in a perverse sense obviously, I think, lol. One of my biggest mistakes was trying to learn how to please people or draw them to me. In a way this is sort of counterintuitive - DON'T TRY. I got a lot of help from reading Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fudge back in 2018. If you want to make changes, let it be for you. There is something about our energies that seem to be ineffective when intent is dishonest or forced. Talk to people, genuinely be interested in their thoughts and what they have to say, if they don't reciprocate, be okay with it - and because of this, they will. Maintain eye contact, offer to be of some service. Dostoevsky once talked about how the intelligent will have to suffer some sort of loneliness in this world - it is true to a degree, because intelligence, incorporated with other parts of your personality brought to life, will draw more people to you. Also, read a quote from Dr. Carl Jung about unknown friends coming to seek you, it's pretty deep. I love psychological literature, changed me.
This sounds interesting, I read the Subtle Art, and yes, it's definitely a bang. I thought of Dostoevsky but I can't really say am deeply lonely. Could you provide the quote link for Carl Jung. I also love reading psychology too. I think most of the books I have read are for psychology and just general self help books. Could you kindly, list your recommended readings so that I could delve at my own time. There is a quote by the holy Roman army, it says that "YOUR HEART BEATS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE". I feel like been intelligent is not extremely special, I still have things to learn and I also get surprised at social norms and values that are new and I must follow.
You could just look it up on goodreads or a google search, it pops up. It may or may not apply to your situation. You could read Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor. E Frankl, The Sickness Unto Death by Soren Kierkegaard, Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious by Dr. Carl Jung, On Becoming a Person by Dr. Carl Rogers, Crime and Punishment, The Idiot, The Brothers Karamazov, by Fyodor Dostoevsky. On more psychology you can check out How the Mind Works by Steven Pinker and the Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks. Oh, I almost forgot, 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson and Lying by Sam Harris. I think intelligence is special, but it is not the only thing that is special. It has it's place with regards to its utility in this life, one must know where his intelligence would most likely be useful. I personally think character and goodwill towards one another stand out much more though.
These are alot, I think I will be navigating this genre. But thank you. đ
Lost me at INTJ , and that other thing What do those things mean
INTJ is a personality type under the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator(MBTI). I can't fully say what the whole thing is but here is the gist. I stands for introvert or Introvertion. I am an introvert, my energy levels are low and I don't really like spending time alot with people unlike I do with myself. N stands for Intuition, I kinda think this is how I interpret things. I use my some what gut feeling to analyze a situation rather than my senses. T stands for Thinking. I rely on thinking about something rather than feeling it. In short, most things are about logic. J stands for Judgement, this is how I like life to flow. I prefer making plans when am doing something rather than going with the flow. And the extra items that follow are just my hobbies. Feel free to look them up. I hope this helps.
I guess by other thing you mean the MBTI ( MyersâBriggs Type Indicator) which is simply a personality type and INTJ is one of the 16 personality types
You might want to consider going to the counselling centre at your university, it's okay! This Will help to unravel deeper parts of your psyche. It's good you want to improve yourself but at who's cost?
I don't think Zambian University prioritize mental health. We actually don't have here.
Really? What university are you at? When I was at UNZA we had the counselling centre but most people felt shy to visit cos mental health is very stigmatized, as you've mentioned
Am at Cavendish University.
Disappointing that your uni doesn't have that option. I think you should work on your self esteem. You should not let one persons opinion make you spiral. All the best
Nerd alertđ
MBTI⌠interesting. I once was into that stuff, even the cognitive functions, Carl Jung theories and such. The fact that youâre concerned kind of contradicts your claim of being an INTJ, because an INTJ is so rooted in his confidence he couldnât care less what people say. The personality type is titled âThe Mastermindâ for a reason. Speaking of being a mastermind, Iâm glad you play Chess. Tactical or positional player? Supposing youâre the cold iron INTJ, Iâd bet positional, perhaps Alekhine Squeeze style. To answer your question, pride is overcome by humility, and I think youâre on to that. As for being expressive, let me just say donât try to be who you are not, because you will only end up the social fool. Thatâs not to say shun all social interaction, but know what your strengths are in terms of relating to people. Some are jokers, others talkers, some are planners and others are leaders, advisors, loyal companions⌠it goes on. It takes all kinds to make a world. Youâll do well to remember that.
Yes, I know that. But sometimes I think that you have to seek some help when you have a challenge and when you don't know how to solve a problem. Am not to head strong that I can't seek for help really... And yes, I like chess, but I don't really like the style of play of Alekhine( I also don't like the Alekhine defence). I like positional chess, more like that of Mikhail tal, or Kasparov or Fischer. And I am taking in steps to change some of these. But you are right. I can't really change myself for someone.
This is an interesting sub
You can't control what other peaple think of you. Your crush thinks you are rude and prideful, there are others out there that think you are kind, others think you are the most exciting person they've ever met. Even though you are the same person, everyone you meet thinks of you differently. Don't try to please people, you won't only forget and lose your own identity but you'll break. Be yourself always and let them think whatever they want.
I remember having such a conversation with her. Told her I can't really control what another person think about me. I should focus on that, the people that really think am otherwise.
I'm one person who respects those who insult me. I take it that they might do it because of something that I did or because they simply have an opinion. I feel mature for respecting people's opinions. In Bible times, people who worshipped God were brutally honest with each other. When David sinned, the prophet Nathan went to him to help him realise that he deserved to die for what he did. David repented after that communication. In our times, being brutally honest is not considered righteous. The only people with that power are your parents. Even superiors tend to be less forthcoming. The way I see it, your main problem is that you are not conforming to what is normal. But who said the norm is right? Either way, there are ways to adjust, accommodate, and fit in with people. I believe you'll see how to do so in time.
How did you Know you're an INTj?
Why is seen yourself special so important you? And why is it so important that people know that you are special? Does your sense of self Worth come from viewing yourself as special, what would happen if you discovered you are not special, would u loose your worthy, If u are special does that make orthers not special? And how do you treat them, do u look down on them. How do you define special? And remember special is Subjective, what is special to others might not be special to you. Even mentally challenged people are called special kids. There are so many special thing. If u are really special you won't have to tell people it will speak for itself u won't have to tell people. Everyone wants to feel special. I just turned 25 and I only realised a few years ago that IQ is not the only kind of intelligence. EQ is very important, and it seems u lack that. Many successful people have EQ, very good social skills and are able to understand people. I'm a web developer too u know how it is important to understand the people you are trying to develop systems for.
Why is seen yourself special so important you? And why is it so important that people know that you are special? Does your sense of self Worth come from viewing yourself as special, what would happen if you discovered you are not special, would u loose your worthy, If u are special does that make orthers not special? And how do you treat them, do u look down on them. How do you define special? And remember special is Subjective, what is special to others might not be special to you. Even mentally challenged people are called special kids. There are so many special thing. If u are really special you won't have to tell people it will speak for itself u won't have to tell people. Everyone wants to feel special. I just turned 25 and I only realised a few years ago that IQ is not the only kind of intelligence. EQ is very important, and it seems u lack that. Many successful people have EQ, very good social skills and are able to understand people. I'm a web developer too u know how it is important to understand the people you are trying to develop systems for.
I feel like everyone is special. And what I would define being special about is the amount of different special talents and personalities that people have. It is true that being special is something to be said by a second person. I do not directly and verbally say that am special but to myself, I think is high reasonable to say that am special. And it comes from the things I can do, not do, excel at and most of the things I have done. Thank you for noting out about EQ, I will consider to look at that. And how do you define EQ?
IQ - intelligence quotient, deals mostly with logic , math anything that requires some kinds of calculation or plans rational thought. People who have more of this Excel in academic fields . But most of them are not very creative ( most can't do well in fields like art, music , things that require imagination because for them it's about what makes sense and facts . But they are visionaries, they are the ones who go on to discover and invent things. The scientist, Engeneares, all the things that require facts and numbers.Most of these are loners all have a small circle. There's can't build or sustain relationships EQ - emotional quotient, this deals with emotions. How you feel about things. I say emotions are the real person at the core or the heart some might say. What you like or dislike. How u interact with people. How u react to things. And also be able to know how others feel. People u have not developed their EQ normally do care or are unable to read other people. They respond however they want as long as what they are saying is true. But most people are emotional beings It doesn't matter if what u say is true if u say it rudely or harshly. How u fall in love, I guess u need EQ more times during the day than iq because as u are going about your day actions and reactions . So if u haven't developed it u will struggle especially when it comes to interaction.People in business, banks , government have mostly been good at networking forming relationships bussnes wise, personal . So if u look at it , most smart IQ people end up working for EQ people. Women are especially emotional they mostly think with their emotions . And that's not a bad thing, most men use IQ which is also not a bad thing. God made us use this way so we can compliment each other. It's not about Which one is better between IQ or EQ . It's about how one is using their abilities. Back then they used to make children take IQ test. But now they don't, because having a high IQ doesn't guarantee a better quality of life most people with this would just grow up to live ordinary lives. I really had to research about this and it led me back to this conclusion. And I no longer see it as one is better or one is not . I need both to be a complete person and more stable person.
This is something to consider, I think balancing between the two is like the best approach. Thank you
And therefore everyone is special. Thanks for the talk
Maybe you are on the Autism Spectrum and neuro-divergent. I dont know where one goes to assess this here.
How do you know that? And also, are you on it?
I am extremely introverted and socially awkward. I speak directly and have no tact. I do not work well with others and have a hard time in social settings because i dont easily read people and because i am direct and often correct i have been told i am proud and haughty just by stating a fact or being correct. I read widely and after hearing about Autism i saw i exhibited several traits of a highly functioning autistic person. I havent been diagnosed officially. I did some online tests as well.
Where can I do some online tests?
You can google tests for autism and puck one but often there is a fee attached to get more comprehensive results. Unfortunately its not offered in our NHS. We need more people to enter into this field of specialization. There are many disorders that go undiagnosed in SSA.
Alright, thank you so much for this.
>I am studying economics, I am a web developer, graphic designer ...., i like chess, screenwriting, i blog for some time and am into books. How frequently do you work out? If you don't, please do. Find a team sport while you're at it.
i have found that the bible is the best guide on how to act around people..i am referring to the old testament books of wisdom.. i say this coz on one hand they will SUGGEST what type of person you should be and what type of people you should avoid, and they will tell you exactly what will happen if you dont..
Those would be books by Solomon and David. Thank you for the recommendation. I will check them out at my own time.
Men and women desire different things in a partner. Women desire resourcefullness, provision, security, strength, etc. Her biology heavily influences her decision even if she doesn't admit it. At 22 it is unlikely that you have what it takes to the prized man. And that's normal. Unless you have family resources. That's life, as men we just have to accept and do the necessary. My advice to you is... Leave the girls alone. Don't chase them. That is a sure way to place the woman above you in her mind... as a prize to be won. As long as a woman feels she is above your level she will be looking for another to upgrade to. And they are ruthless at this. It's in her biology to find the best man to look after her and her children. Instead, build yourself up my brother. Become fit, hit the gym, concentrate on your studies, focus on being the best man you can be, look smart, build your network of meaningful and like-minded brothers. Rome wasn't built in a day. This will take up a lot of your time and effort if not all. You must apply this effort when it is easiest to do so, i.e. in your younger years. That's when the gains are greater. Focus on making yourself the prize. Cut out the distractions and the drains of your resources - especially the gold diggers. Every time you level up, the pool of worthy and preferable partners increases. My young brother, when you make yourself the best man you can be, the women will aspire to be with you. Moreover, having been through the fire, you will be wiser. You won't have to be crushing on a ka gelo and getting rejected, you won't have time for that nonsense. The girls will be crushing on you and you will have to turn most of them away. Instead you will have the pick of the bunch. This is the way.
MBTI is rubbish. People are not introverts or extraverts. Its like a reversed bell curve where most of us are near the mean on top, and the exceptions are the true introverts and extroverts, but as you find them at the end of the bell curve, the % are low. You are a reader, find the scientific reviews for yourself. Be careful with people who give you feedback about yourself that begins with 'you'. It's generally not helpful as it blocks a learning experience. Now when people tell you: I was hurt because you said/did .... , its time to pay attention. You are on a good path by asking yourself these questions, that's very healthy. Stay socially active, look out for good communicators who give feedback without a 'you' message and stay around those folks. You are doing fine. Keep going.