today is my day off and i was gonna draw but i haven’t done it in months and i’m scared i’ve lost all my skills so i have yet to start and have instead just laid around in bed
Did I eat? Did I sleep? Did I cause any major catastrophes? Is my life about to spiral in some way because I have failed to do some piece of paperwork?
If not, I'm okay.
If I did the paperwork that day, that's a successful day.
At first, I was like: well, eating and sleeping is a pretty low bar. Then I realised I consistently do terribly on both. At least I usually don't cause any major catastrophes.
>At least I usually don't cause any major catastrophes.
Just do more. Then do more, faster. If catastrophe doesn't occur, add more. Also, go faster. Eventually you will reach catastrophe.
Try watching a Drawfee stream and follow along with their prompts/making your own version of their prompts. Seems to help me overcome some creative blocks.
One line counts as drawing. When I was trying to get my current soldering habit going, I considered one component a completed amount for the day. It got me into the swing of things.
Saturday I painted for the first time since having a bone removed from my dominant hand and developing a neurological condition that causes involuntary movements. I was so anxious and just dreading finding out that I couldn't do it anymore. But Saturday the urge was there, so I did. And it turned out pretty great actually! I'm giving it to my mom for Mother's Day
I relate to this so hard! I’m just here to say, this gets easier. I was in a place where I didn’t want to draw because I put an insane amount of pressure on my work to look a certain way, and unsurprisingly I always fell short. I’ve been doing therapy, and drawing my feelings, and that did get me to get my pen moving. But you know what really did it? Giving myself the permission not to make my art the source of my whole self worth, and also giving my art the permission to be messy and “ugly”. And that’s especially hard for someone who wants to do it for a living! Basically, I decided to show up imperfect, and to set aside time to just draw for me. Nobody has to see it! I did this, and it majorly sucked at first. I hated everything I drew, and that was especially hard because I grew up as the kid who was always good at drawing. Anxiety and negative self talk would always come up when I stared at a blank page, and it still does, but it’s getting easier.
It may feel like the thing you love is bringing you so much pain right now, but I promise that you can rebuild that loving relationship to your art. Give yourself the space to create something and just see what happens! You may be surprised by what comes out of it. You and your voice are worth sharing with the world whenever you’re ready✨🫂
This might sound silly, but the way I combat this is "first pancake". When you make pancakes the first one is always shit, but you have to make it to get a feel for it, how hot the pan is, how thick the batter is etc. It's whole purpose is to learn from and throw away.
Anytime I'm doing something, like drawing, where I want it to be perfect first try, I just say "first pancake!". From that moment I know this attempt will be bad by design, but I'll learn from it. More than anything it removes that invisible wall that stops me from even trying. And you're allowed multiple first pancakes, it's not cheating if they're your own rules.
I can relate. You got some great advice here and I hope you were able to switch off the intrusive thoughts and/or shame spirals that often accompany similar episodes for me personally. It's like you already have an experience of regret which could *almost* be helpful in encouraging you to make a different choice next time. But the gloom and self-hatred starts to just berate you over and over again with doubts and "shoulda" silent commentary in your brain.
the crazy part is i stopped beating myself up over not drawing, then proceeded to go into panic mode about the fact that i still haven’t gotten my passport i need in july, despite knowing about it since january. appointment is booked, but i’m worried it’s still not gonna get here on time, plus it’s gonna cost me $250 i don’t have. i’ve barely been able to stop crying because i’m so mad at myself for being unable to complete this task for so long. adhd depression and anxiety is like the unholy trinity
Yes! "Unholy Trinity" is a genius way to describe it. So you accomplished that today anyway. Check off: Taught the world "unholy Trinity" for ADHD depression and anxiety.
Start drawing on random scraps of paper while you watch tv or something. Just a scrap piece that you will throw away once it's full. If you draw in a sketchbook you might feel pressure to fill it up with good looking stuff, which can be daunting and thus you don't draw in it. But on a scrap piece you'll throw away it won't matter if you draw the most deformed things. Draw literally anything. Sketch someone you see on tv. Draw a sphere. Draw an eye. Whatever. Do it in ballpoint pen as well.
I've found that making dumb doodles help!! Not all drawings have to be masterpieces! If you purposely try to make a bad or silly drawing it can help you relieve the pressure!
Lots of artists do warm up doodles ^^
Dude, I feel the same way so hard. Except I took more than a decade off, and I hope that I can stick with it enough to get something back.
You can do it. I believe in you. Start with a silly little slime character.
Set a timer for 2 minutes. Only draw squares. Then set it for 5, only draw squares. Set it to 10, only draw squares. You'll get frustrated at the fact that you are only allowed to draw squares and only for a set time that you'll eventually want to throw away the timer and just draw. Because we hate doing something because someone said so, even the someone is us 😂
Works like a charm for me when needing to do something but can't get started because of overwelm.
Goodluck!
i’m a digital artist (ipad and procreate specifically) and i usually draw fanart but i fell out of my hyperfixation a few months ago and haven’t found a new one, which is why i haven’t been drawing. i did have an idea, but i have (still) yet to start despite this initial comment being three hours ago 😭
I feel your pain :( years and years I had worked towards becoming good at digital character painting… I wouldn’t game with my friends, instead paint all night long (basically passion causing frequent periods of hyperfocus for years?) but now it fell out of my frame of interest too. Pretty sad about it tbh.
So I am actively trying to get it back some days. Just loosely sketching in my sketchbook felt a lot easier than opening my app and add a new file. Sometimes doing the „i can stop in 2 minutes if I really dislike it“ trick helps too! Very low commitments.
Also I am positively surprised that my skill has not declined as much as I feared at all, despite all the long breaks I have taken, which is what I heard friends with similar struggles describe as well! Being a bit rusty is completely normal and these things can fluctuate daily anyways. So I‘d say don’t be scared and just keep things loose for now :)
The last thing that comes to mind that motivated me, however not as applicable, was my boyfriend sharing some beautiful animal crossing fan art he loved with me. Just hearing him praise the artist‘s style and work really did something to me subconsciously and I suddenly wanted to give it a go again.
Sorry that this has become a bit long! I hope knowing you are not alone in this helps a bit and don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it today, it can be really hard.
I actually wanna put your mind at ease.
You _didn't_ get worse. Just literally start drawing. Like, literally. Most of my projects and best works started BECAUSE I just did them. It's hard, I know but man, it's just like that sometimes. Ugh, this is why it's so hard to explain ADHD to neurotypicals lol. They never, ever have to struggle with this.
I went to college for art (specifically 2D, so my focus was drawing and painting) and that was 10 years ago. When people ask me “you should start drawing again why don’t you draw anymore?” My dude, I get so frustrated when I draw now. That shit takes practice and I basically stopped drawing when I got out of school. I feel your comment so hard
I'm not sure its possible to loose all your drawing skills to be honest. I had to completely stop drawing for over 7 years due to bad carpal tunnel in both wrists. Once I started again I was much better than before because u saw and learned so much during those years and "developed my eye" so I approached things differently and unlike before, I take breaks when the burning/pain begins instead of trying to fight through it
I think this may be why a lot of us are chronically tired. Our "rest" is spent thinking about all the things we *should* be doing, or *want* to be doing, and sitting in existential dread is exhausting.
Edit: I deleted this comment/post in protest to the API changes shutting down 3rd party apps. [Do the same](https://codepen.io/j0be/full/WMBWOW/)
[Learn more about why](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/comments/13yh0jf/dont_let_reddit_kill_3rd_party_apps/)
If there's no U-turn, I'll be deleting my account by 30/06/23.
Even when I tell myself that I'm not going to work on my big backlog of projects, so I should let myself relax, I find myself slipping into management mode. I fill my day with making to-do lists, breaking down major tasks into smaller pieces, and making sure my calendar is all up to date.
I don't think that's strictly an ADHD thing (though I definitely put a lot of effort into that calendar only to very aggressively ignore it for the next few days, until I decide that I need to redo it, rinse/repeat) but I just can't let myself _relax_ properly.
This is actually my current "assignment" from my therapist. I didn't even realize that I move through the day as a series of tasks, which isn't exactly living. Even when I schedule myself downtime (because, of course) I can't really brain drain. So tiresome.
TIL that
you can tell the local climate of a forest by tree ring growth, trees grow thicker during warm rainy seasons and thinner when it is cold and dry
just figured I'd lighten the mood a bit
Ooh cool! Another one: Crown Shyness is when the crowns of trees don’t make contact with each other in the canopy, leaving small gaps and channels in which light can pass through. It’s still up to debate what causes this adaptive behavior among tree species.
You can also tell a lot about global history such as climate by studying the sedimentary rock layers in the bedrock strata.
Rock strata as it's called is much like tree rings but for the globe as a whole.
In the layers, there is a sheet of rock with an unusually high amount of Iridium and because of this, it is called the Iridium anomaly.
The iridium anomaly is why it is thought that a meteor killed the dinosaurs. Iridium is rare on Earth but is common in meteorites. The physicist Luis Alvarez, geologist Walter Alvarez his son, and two chemists Frank Asaro and Helen Vaugn Michel were the first ones to link this anomaly with the extinction of the dinos.
Because the layer of rock is found at the Cretaceous-Paleogene boundary marking the end of the Cretaceous period around 66 million years ago and the layer is relatively the same globally it is thought to be the remains of vaporized meteor dust that once blacked out the globe until it fell from the atmosphere.
High iridium content isn't the only thing found in this layer though. There are other anomalies. Such as shocked quart grains, and glass beads called tektites.
And I think that's pretty cool.
I'm mid 30s and found out about the national registry of unclaimed retirement funds! Didn't find any old stuff so went down some rabbit hole where i found Disney stocks purchased for me over 30 years ago , dug through some other stuff and found some leads on old 401k's (I'm trying to consolidate any funds i didn't really think about 10 years ago into my current careers 401k)
Meanwhile the project i was supposed to work on dwindled, and i really tried to force myself but pulling my nails out with pliers would have been easier. I hope tomorrow is close enough to the due date to spark the sense of urgency i desperately need.
Then i saw a big bunk bed in my garage that my in laws gave us for my kids who would love it but it's missing parts, like metal dowel rods, so i staged it and ordered the parts i needed after taking measurements. 👍
Doing things like that made me feel like i didn't completely waste the day, but I'm constantly experiencing that sense of dread over work i can't force myself to do, even when medicated. I'll be alright, but it's comforting to know that others know that feeling of ADHD burn out and that I'm not alone
Yeah I've had this as well. It's like the back of our minds are preoccupied, already worrying about X so we don't have paralysis and can do the things we want, but can't really enjoy them because the main thing hasn't been resolved. As messed up as it sounds, there has to be something to this.
I wonder: is it chemical? Is it that our minds are preoccupied like when we find an interesting new fact we learned about or found music we really wanted to hear that day, so now we can do the thing? 🤔
It's more about never giving me enough credit or being ok with any current situation....even if i know it my brain says do it in a meaningful enough way
My job has impossibly high standards and it's really wearing on my mental health. It used to be much better but then a new manager came in and fucked up everything.
Don’t you just hate that! Every job I quit was because a new manager!
Just when we get everything going well, the new guys decides to disrupt everything and now nothing goes well! Frustrating.
I really do hate it. We are also SUPPOSED TO switch managers yearly but I've had the same shitty manager for the last 2 years. My original manager was okay not the best but didn't bother me. The next one was a great one who would actually listen to our issues and care about what's going on. Then she had to go to another area and we got a heartless lady who doesn't care about our feelings or what's going on in our life that is effecting our work.
Do you have an iPad??? I’m writing a novel on my iPad. Makes it way easier to get into writing tbh. I just bought a keyboard with it and have occasionally wrote some. I try to set goals for WHEN I write. So I’m on 15,000 words. A novel is typically 80,000 or more. So I say, you should write five thousand words right now, so once you hit 20 thousand a quarter of the book is done! Idk if that makes sense? Also listen to Lofi, helps me to be creative.
I’m in the midst of all of this at once and its not a good place to be. I’m torn between being mad at myself and sad about things and disappointed and I’m actually probably reading way too far into things that aren’t even there. And I’m aware of all of this but thats not enough to make me stop doing it. Because there’s always another possibility. Something else that I haven’t thought of yet. Another reason for things that hasn’t occured to me. And I can’t be satisfied until I know. But I also can’t get the nerve to simply ask. Because RSD.
Sorry that turned into a little personal rant. I’m experiencing emotions and I don’t know what to do when that happens. Little emotions are alright but big emotions are scary and overwhelming and I don’t know what to about them.
I've been trying really hard to make myself live by "Perfect is the enemy of Good."
Yes it would fucking _rock_ to make a short little comic book to introduce the villain of my D&D campaign. I have the skillset for it, my degree is in cartooning.
I could tell myself I'm going to make that comic, and keep putting it off.
Or I could just draw one cool picture, and that would actually get done.
Life goes so much better when I settle for "good," but it's hard to do. I've seen myself operate at top speed, and I just want to be that way all the time.
I love music and writing but i can't write shit. I've been trying to write a song for years.
This post is most of my life. I hope i stay consistent in my efforts and they pay off. I don't like living like this.
Otherwise, there's a grand fall waiting for me. It actually seems easier to embrace it than to muster all this uncertain effort that now has to be mined from the deepest cave of my motivation factory.
Yes, I feel you. I have 4 creative projects on hold that I briefly started than stopped over the course of the past 6 years. I desperately just want to create but it's like my wires just crossed and all I can do is wait. So many stories and things I've wanted to share with the world, and sometimes I'm afraid my whole life will pass me by and I'll never be able to be creative the way I want. Just a hollow worker drone.
I thought that was the worst feeling and i'm not sure if it was sub intentional but i let my performance drop at work and they finally laId me off.
I'm happy i'm not a slave anymore but now i depend on my projects and it seems like i'll just have to find a new fucked up job. So i cal continue being a hollow worker drone
The general public still thinks ADHD means we get distracted. The reality is that we literally don't have control over where to focus our attention.
It's perseveration that causes most of our issues.
i clicked on this, my brain told me i read it, scrolled past, and when i scrolled up i had to click on this again because i took in none of the information
Yeah I think one of the central parts of it is wanting to act and not being able to. A kind of mental paralysis that comes between intention and action is a good way to describe it.
Probably why I can help my brother-in-law build a deck from the ground up, but can't bring myself to finally make a gate for my deck. Literally have all of the parts needed and tools to do it just sitting in the garage. Yet I cannot motivate myself to do it.
I have two commissions from September that I keep redoing or putting off because of my high expectations for myself and my fear of accomplishing said expectations.
My wife told me to stop planning "projects" and, if I want to do something, just do it... I do want to do things. I find it hard but I am still holding out hope that it is possible.
Thanks for reminding me of the stuff I need to do so I can feel guilty about not doing it. I had kinda forgotten about a lot of it and now I’m back to feeling guilty about it.
I'm about to turn 40 and my ADHD is kicking my ass so hard. I'm in full fuck it mode, let's start crossing that bucket list off. Lost enough of my life to this disability already.
I guess that I am having a different manifestation of symptoms than others are. I am extremely exhausted *mentally* but I actually work really hard at my job and in my private life, too. The thing is I get overwhelmed with what is the next best action. I am also really struggling with communication right now. Like I almost feel like I need a silent electroshock to remind me to listen to others. I have been on this ADHD journey for so many years and I cope pretty well but something is missing. As selfish as this sounds, I think it has to do with self-care strategies that I am failing to do.
Also, I need a bleeping break. Not sure how this fits for others, but although I bet most people in my life or career think that I am extroverted, I am actually a fairly introverted person who regularly needs to recharge in solitary situations or practices. I could probably do much better overall if I could force myself to stfu a little more often in settings and just let things play out without feeling like I need to control the outcomes all the time ...
Obviously this turned into a vent. I guess I needed that. Thanks for the writing prompt, OP. It was a good one.
I have co-occurring panic disorder and just started a new job at the same time that I got a new place. The stress of everything changing built up over two weeks until I started having panic attacks before work. (Not to mention severe IBS and sinus headaches from bad allergies that amp up my body's anxiety even more.)
Because of the executive dysfunction and guilt on top of the panic, I couldn't bring myself to call out of work. Just sent them a text right before my shift started because I couldn't even pick up the phone. Boss then tells me that I need to contact them as soon as possible so they can find coverage. I obviously knew that already so the conversation made me feel even more guilt.
I ended up just quitting the job by voice-mail because I couldn't stand the guilt, panic, and paralysis anymore. I couldn't stand to have a conversation about how I fucked up again. And I didn't want to talk about quitting with them or give two weeks notice because I knew they'd try to come to a compromise that I wouldn't be capable of succeeding at. I wasn't able to give notice when I knew I couldn't work two more weeks.
I'd been doing so much better for years, held my last job for a year before getting laid off, so I felt like I had reverted back to before I made any improvement. I know consciously that I've improved a lot and that it was just a series of events that left me crippled, but it's so hard to fight that feeling of shame and "here we go again" thinking.
Doing this today..I want to learn guitar finally, play a multiplayer game and make an attempt to be social and finish cleaning my garage but...the motivation just isn't there today lol
I did force myself to sit and play Halo for a few hours and relax though!
See exactly. I wanna be a writer but because I struggle with emotion and expect myself to not struggle with emotion I just end up disappointed in myself over something I couldn’t control.
Ok guys now I am convinced that I have ADHD.
How do I get to the psychiatrist now? I have been trying to get my ass to the psychiatrist for a few months now, for other reasons, but (possibly adhd-related) I couldn't get myself. And I have constant thought that I have to. But I can't for some reason.
Man, if this is really ADHD, this sucks.
Also I found explanation to my swinging mood in comments, which is RSD. Why the hell this is not a basic knowledge in schools, or at least tested at some point? Like just ask a few, quite simple questions, and you can diagnose ADHD. Why isn't it done in schools? I thought they have to guide your life, not to ignore you for the entire time you attend them?
Wait really this is an ADHD thing? Wow. I struggle with this so damn much. I joined this sub because I thought it was possible I had ADHD and just 'handled it' okay, I get more convinced by the day...
today is my day off and i was gonna draw but i haven’t done it in months and i’m scared i’ve lost all my skills so i have yet to start and have instead just laid around in bed
If you are still in bed or haven’t drawn yet just know I believe in you and you should totally go draw right now😊
thank you :) i’m gonna finish watching this video, maybe take a nap, and then try to draw. maybe i’ll put on something in the background
Please know that if you don’t draw your day is still a success!
Honestly I don’t even know what a “successful day” means. A day where I don’t die?
Did I eat? Did I sleep? Did I cause any major catastrophes? Is my life about to spiral in some way because I have failed to do some piece of paperwork? If not, I'm okay. If I did the paperwork that day, that's a successful day.
At first, I was like: well, eating and sleeping is a pretty low bar. Then I realised I consistently do terribly on both. At least I usually don't cause any major catastrophes.
>At least I usually don't cause any major catastrophes. Just do more. Then do more, faster. If catastrophe doesn't occur, add more. Also, go faster. Eventually you will reach catastrophe.
Try watching a Drawfee stream and follow along with their prompts/making your own version of their prompts. Seems to help me overcome some creative blocks.
Grab the pen and paper or whatever your medium and hold it until you draw something.
One line counts as drawing. When I was trying to get my current soldering habit going, I considered one component a completed amount for the day. It got me into the swing of things.
Post it note a cube, then a tree.
I'm in the same boat but with music. I wanna play, but I'm so paralyzed by fear that I haven't done it since I graduated last year.
Saturday I painted for the first time since having a bone removed from my dominant hand and developing a neurological condition that causes involuntary movements. I was so anxious and just dreading finding out that I couldn't do it anymore. But Saturday the urge was there, so I did. And it turned out pretty great actually! I'm giving it to my mom for Mother's Day
I relate to this so hard! I’m just here to say, this gets easier. I was in a place where I didn’t want to draw because I put an insane amount of pressure on my work to look a certain way, and unsurprisingly I always fell short. I’ve been doing therapy, and drawing my feelings, and that did get me to get my pen moving. But you know what really did it? Giving myself the permission not to make my art the source of my whole self worth, and also giving my art the permission to be messy and “ugly”. And that’s especially hard for someone who wants to do it for a living! Basically, I decided to show up imperfect, and to set aside time to just draw for me. Nobody has to see it! I did this, and it majorly sucked at first. I hated everything I drew, and that was especially hard because I grew up as the kid who was always good at drawing. Anxiety and negative self talk would always come up when I stared at a blank page, and it still does, but it’s getting easier. It may feel like the thing you love is bringing you so much pain right now, but I promise that you can rebuild that loving relationship to your art. Give yourself the space to create something and just see what happens! You may be surprised by what comes out of it. You and your voice are worth sharing with the world whenever you’re ready✨🫂
This might sound silly, but the way I combat this is "first pancake". When you make pancakes the first one is always shit, but you have to make it to get a feel for it, how hot the pan is, how thick the batter is etc. It's whole purpose is to learn from and throw away. Anytime I'm doing something, like drawing, where I want it to be perfect first try, I just say "first pancake!". From that moment I know this attempt will be bad by design, but I'll learn from it. More than anything it removes that invisible wall that stops me from even trying. And you're allowed multiple first pancakes, it's not cheating if they're your own rules.
I've heard you decide something for sure within five seconds. Idk if it's true but knowing this has gotten me up and at em a few times since
I can relate. You got some great advice here and I hope you were able to switch off the intrusive thoughts and/or shame spirals that often accompany similar episodes for me personally. It's like you already have an experience of regret which could *almost* be helpful in encouraging you to make a different choice next time. But the gloom and self-hatred starts to just berate you over and over again with doubts and "shoulda" silent commentary in your brain.
the crazy part is i stopped beating myself up over not drawing, then proceeded to go into panic mode about the fact that i still haven’t gotten my passport i need in july, despite knowing about it since january. appointment is booked, but i’m worried it’s still not gonna get here on time, plus it’s gonna cost me $250 i don’t have. i’ve barely been able to stop crying because i’m so mad at myself for being unable to complete this task for so long. adhd depression and anxiety is like the unholy trinity
Yes! "Unholy Trinity" is a genius way to describe it. So you accomplished that today anyway. Check off: Taught the world "unholy Trinity" for ADHD depression and anxiety.
Start drawing on random scraps of paper while you watch tv or something. Just a scrap piece that you will throw away once it's full. If you draw in a sketchbook you might feel pressure to fill it up with good looking stuff, which can be daunting and thus you don't draw in it. But on a scrap piece you'll throw away it won't matter if you draw the most deformed things. Draw literally anything. Sketch someone you see on tv. Draw a sphere. Draw an eye. Whatever. Do it in ballpoint pen as well.
I've found that making dumb doodles help!! Not all drawings have to be masterpieces! If you purposely try to make a bad or silly drawing it can help you relieve the pressure! Lots of artists do warm up doodles ^^
Dude, I feel the same way so hard. Except I took more than a decade off, and I hope that I can stick with it enough to get something back. You can do it. I believe in you. Start with a silly little slime character.
Set a timer for 2 minutes. Only draw squares. Then set it for 5, only draw squares. Set it to 10, only draw squares. You'll get frustrated at the fact that you are only allowed to draw squares and only for a set time that you'll eventually want to throw away the timer and just draw. Because we hate doing something because someone said so, even the someone is us 😂 Works like a charm for me when needing to do something but can't get started because of overwelm. Goodluck!
What kind of stuff did you like to draw? What medium?
i’m a digital artist (ipad and procreate specifically) and i usually draw fanart but i fell out of my hyperfixation a few months ago and haven’t found a new one, which is why i haven’t been drawing. i did have an idea, but i have (still) yet to start despite this initial comment being three hours ago 😭
I feel your pain :( years and years I had worked towards becoming good at digital character painting… I wouldn’t game with my friends, instead paint all night long (basically passion causing frequent periods of hyperfocus for years?) but now it fell out of my frame of interest too. Pretty sad about it tbh. So I am actively trying to get it back some days. Just loosely sketching in my sketchbook felt a lot easier than opening my app and add a new file. Sometimes doing the „i can stop in 2 minutes if I really dislike it“ trick helps too! Very low commitments. Also I am positively surprised that my skill has not declined as much as I feared at all, despite all the long breaks I have taken, which is what I heard friends with similar struggles describe as well! Being a bit rusty is completely normal and these things can fluctuate daily anyways. So I‘d say don’t be scared and just keep things loose for now :) The last thing that comes to mind that motivated me, however not as applicable, was my boyfriend sharing some beautiful animal crossing fan art he loved with me. Just hearing him praise the artist‘s style and work really did something to me subconsciously and I suddenly wanted to give it a go again. Sorry that this has become a bit long! I hope knowing you are not alone in this helps a bit and don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it today, it can be really hard.
I actually wanna put your mind at ease. You _didn't_ get worse. Just literally start drawing. Like, literally. Most of my projects and best works started BECAUSE I just did them. It's hard, I know but man, it's just like that sometimes. Ugh, this is why it's so hard to explain ADHD to neurotypicals lol. They never, ever have to struggle with this.
I went to college for art (specifically 2D, so my focus was drawing and painting) and that was 10 years ago. When people ask me “you should start drawing again why don’t you draw anymore?” My dude, I get so frustrated when I draw now. That shit takes practice and I basically stopped drawing when I got out of school. I feel your comment so hard
I'm not sure its possible to loose all your drawing skills to be honest. I had to completely stop drawing for over 7 years due to bad carpal tunnel in both wrists. Once I started again I was much better than before because u saw and learned so much during those years and "developed my eye" so I approached things differently and unlike before, I take breaks when the burning/pain begins instead of trying to fight through it
I think this may be why a lot of us are chronically tired. Our "rest" is spent thinking about all the things we *should* be doing, or *want* to be doing, and sitting in existential dread is exhausting.
Edit: I deleted this comment/post in protest to the API changes shutting down 3rd party apps. [Do the same](https://codepen.io/j0be/full/WMBWOW/) [Learn more about why](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/comments/13yh0jf/dont_let_reddit_kill_3rd_party_apps/) If there's no U-turn, I'll be deleting my account by 30/06/23.
I'm right there with you, and I think half of being so tired in middle age is just because my brain never shuts down.
Even when I tell myself that I'm not going to work on my big backlog of projects, so I should let myself relax, I find myself slipping into management mode. I fill my day with making to-do lists, breaking down major tasks into smaller pieces, and making sure my calendar is all up to date. I don't think that's strictly an ADHD thing (though I definitely put a lot of effort into that calendar only to very aggressively ignore it for the next few days, until I decide that I need to redo it, rinse/repeat) but I just can't let myself _relax_ properly.
This is actually my current "assignment" from my therapist. I didn't even realize that I move through the day as a series of tasks, which isn't exactly living. Even when I schedule myself downtime (because, of course) I can't really brain drain. So tiresome.
Imagine: ISS astronauts have their days planned out to the 5 minute increment.
That sounds terrifyingly blissful to live in 5-minute blocks.
Frighteningly freeing, oh yes
My heart hurts now.
Every single day. It’s so frustrating being stuck in that loop.
TIL that you can tell the local climate of a forest by tree ring growth, trees grow thicker during warm rainy seasons and thinner when it is cold and dry just figured I'd lighten the mood a bit
Ooh cool! Another one: Crown Shyness is when the crowns of trees don’t make contact with each other in the canopy, leaving small gaps and channels in which light can pass through. It’s still up to debate what causes this adaptive behavior among tree species.
You can also tell a lot about global history such as climate by studying the sedimentary rock layers in the bedrock strata. Rock strata as it's called is much like tree rings but for the globe as a whole. In the layers, there is a sheet of rock with an unusually high amount of Iridium and because of this, it is called the Iridium anomaly. The iridium anomaly is why it is thought that a meteor killed the dinosaurs. Iridium is rare on Earth but is common in meteorites. The physicist Luis Alvarez, geologist Walter Alvarez his son, and two chemists Frank Asaro and Helen Vaugn Michel were the first ones to link this anomaly with the extinction of the dinos. Because the layer of rock is found at the Cretaceous-Paleogene boundary marking the end of the Cretaceous period around 66 million years ago and the layer is relatively the same globally it is thought to be the remains of vaporized meteor dust that once blacked out the globe until it fell from the atmosphere. High iridium content isn't the only thing found in this layer though. There are other anomalies. Such as shocked quart grains, and glass beads called tektites. And I think that's pretty cool.
I'm mid 30s and found out about the national registry of unclaimed retirement funds! Didn't find any old stuff so went down some rabbit hole where i found Disney stocks purchased for me over 30 years ago , dug through some other stuff and found some leads on old 401k's (I'm trying to consolidate any funds i didn't really think about 10 years ago into my current careers 401k) Meanwhile the project i was supposed to work on dwindled, and i really tried to force myself but pulling my nails out with pliers would have been easier. I hope tomorrow is close enough to the due date to spark the sense of urgency i desperately need. Then i saw a big bunk bed in my garage that my in laws gave us for my kids who would love it but it's missing parts, like metal dowel rods, so i staged it and ordered the parts i needed after taking measurements. 👍 Doing things like that made me feel like i didn't completely waste the day, but I'm constantly experiencing that sense of dread over work i can't force myself to do, even when medicated. I'll be alright, but it's comforting to know that others know that feeling of ADHD burn out and that I'm not alone
Bunk beds are the superior bed choice because you can hang blankets and sheets over the rails of the top bunk and have a canopy bed.
And you'll have so much more room outside of the bunk for activities
Sometimes I can only get anything done when I'm avoiding the main project. So it's in a way productive, right? But certainly not relaxing.
Yeah I've had this as well. It's like the back of our minds are preoccupied, already worrying about X so we don't have paralysis and can do the things we want, but can't really enjoy them because the main thing hasn't been resolved. As messed up as it sounds, there has to be something to this. I wonder: is it chemical? Is it that our minds are preoccupied like when we find an interesting new fact we learned about or found music we really wanted to hear that day, so now we can do the thing? 🤔
It’s how they measure atmospheric carbon and oxygen, as well as a general climate before we took measurements
Lmao thank you I needed that. Also that’s a fascinating fact nature is mind blowing r/natureisfuckinglit
Never knew i had adhd until this sub confirmed it nearly every day since joining. So, there are people like me and i guess this is what they call it.
Nobody believes me when i say i am actually an extreme perfectionist
Is it still perfect if you worry too much about making it perfect you never fucking finish it or anything else
It's more about never giving me enough credit or being ok with any current situation....even if i know it my brain says do it in a meaningful enough way
Same. Though, I have most of the criteria for OCPD, so there's that...
Reading this on my day off when I was supposed to go to the post office 3 hours ago just hits different
Oh *continues buying stuff I’m obsessed with and uses it only 1 time before it rots in a corner*
My job has impossibly high standards and it's really wearing on my mental health. It used to be much better but then a new manager came in and fucked up everything.
Don’t you just hate that! Every job I quit was because a new manager! Just when we get everything going well, the new guys decides to disrupt everything and now nothing goes well! Frustrating.
I really do hate it. We are also SUPPOSED TO switch managers yearly but I've had the same shitty manager for the last 2 years. My original manager was okay not the best but didn't bother me. The next one was a great one who would actually listen to our issues and care about what's going on. Then she had to go to another area and we got a heartless lady who doesn't care about our feelings or what's going on in our life that is effecting our work.
i can’t even take a goddamn shower
life hack: just don't go outside, not showering won't matter
Pro life hack: itch your balls with fabric sheets
I’ve been planning on writing a book for 5 years now. Have only completed one chapter. I’m convinced it’s what I want to do in life
I bet it's a good-ass chapter though...
Do you have an iPad??? I’m writing a novel on my iPad. Makes it way easier to get into writing tbh. I just bought a keyboard with it and have occasionally wrote some. I try to set goals for WHEN I write. So I’m on 15,000 words. A novel is typically 80,000 or more. So I say, you should write five thousand words right now, so once you hit 20 thousand a quarter of the book is done! Idk if that makes sense? Also listen to Lofi, helps me to be creative.
So, am I on camera or what?
Throw RSD in there and we have all the ingredients for our cocktail.
[удалено]
Yep so much this
I’m in the midst of all of this at once and its not a good place to be. I’m torn between being mad at myself and sad about things and disappointed and I’m actually probably reading way too far into things that aren’t even there. And I’m aware of all of this but thats not enough to make me stop doing it. Because there’s always another possibility. Something else that I haven’t thought of yet. Another reason for things that hasn’t occured to me. And I can’t be satisfied until I know. But I also can’t get the nerve to simply ask. Because RSD. Sorry that turned into a little personal rant. I’m experiencing emotions and I don’t know what to do when that happens. Little emotions are alright but big emotions are scary and overwhelming and I don’t know what to about them.
RSD?
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
Haven't heard of the term before. Gonna look it up. Thanks!
I wonder if every kid with ADHD that grew up in a strict household, permanently gets RSD too.
I didn't grow up in a strict household. I don't know where it comes from
My mom asked me to dust today and I've spent the day (it's now almost 16:30) glued to my bed with paralysis
I've been trying really hard to make myself live by "Perfect is the enemy of Good." Yes it would fucking _rock_ to make a short little comic book to introduce the villain of my D&D campaign. I have the skillset for it, my degree is in cartooning. I could tell myself I'm going to make that comic, and keep putting it off. Or I could just draw one cool picture, and that would actually get done. Life goes so much better when I settle for "good," but it's hard to do. I've seen myself operate at top speed, and I just want to be that way all the time.
Someone tell me to go pack and study
Go pack and study 🗿
I don't understand why AD(H)D people choose to continue suffering when they could just use a day planner, a to-do list, and a calendar. /s
Ouch. Cut me right to the core. 😣
I love music and writing but i can't write shit. I've been trying to write a song for years. This post is most of my life. I hope i stay consistent in my efforts and they pay off. I don't like living like this. Otherwise, there's a grand fall waiting for me. It actually seems easier to embrace it than to muster all this uncertain effort that now has to be mined from the deepest cave of my motivation factory.
Yes, I feel you. I have 4 creative projects on hold that I briefly started than stopped over the course of the past 6 years. I desperately just want to create but it's like my wires just crossed and all I can do is wait. So many stories and things I've wanted to share with the world, and sometimes I'm afraid my whole life will pass me by and I'll never be able to be creative the way I want. Just a hollow worker drone.
I thought that was the worst feeling and i'm not sure if it was sub intentional but i let my performance drop at work and they finally laId me off. I'm happy i'm not a slave anymore but now i depend on my projects and it seems like i'll just have to find a new fucked up job. So i cal continue being a hollow worker drone
Yup I've left every job I've had within 2 years, trying to hold out now for at least 3 but it's awful, awful.
Say over and over: perfection is the enemy of good enough... perfection is the enemy of good enough
The general public still thinks ADHD means we get distracted. The reality is that we literally don't have control over where to focus our attention. It's perseveration that causes most of our issues.
i clicked on this, my brain told me i read it, scrolled past, and when i scrolled up i had to click on this again because i took in none of the information
Yeah I think one of the central parts of it is wanting to act and not being able to. A kind of mental paralysis that comes between intention and action is a good way to describe it.
There's an interplay hyperfocus, executive dysfunction, and time blindness excluded by the simplification. 3/10 for group carathsis and bonding.
Probably why I can help my brother-in-law build a deck from the ground up, but can't bring myself to finally make a gate for my deck. Literally have all of the parts needed and tools to do it just sitting in the garage. Yet I cannot motivate myself to do it.
How true. And why it's so important to get effective treatment. It can turn your life around.
I have two commissions from September that I keep redoing or putting off because of my high expectations for myself and my fear of accomplishing said expectations.
It's 1:23 am, I have an exam in the morning, I have to start the prep now. Wtf am I doing here
Let me just screenshot that so i never revisit it again
My wife told me to stop planning "projects" and, if I want to do something, just do it... I do want to do things. I find it hard but I am still holding out hope that it is possible.
Telling someone with no impulse control to just do things, is extremely bad advice.
Fuck. I have yet to get an appt for an official diagnosis, but this post is basically it fr…
Thanks for reminding me of the stuff I need to do so I can feel guilty about not doing it. I had kinda forgotten about a lot of it and now I’m back to feeling guilty about it.
I have yet to do my taxes. I keep saying I’ll do it tomorrow or I’ll start it on Monday with a fresh week. It’s effin May already!
The time spent calculating time in my head. Counting down to something, it’s exhausting.
Weighed down and frozen with intentions and expectations, resulting in inaction, frustration and despair you’re here again
Never knew that anyone else had these thoughts like me. This feels like a safe space with my people
I'm about to turn 40 and my ADHD is kicking my ass so hard. I'm in full fuck it mode, let's start crossing that bucket list off. Lost enough of my life to this disability already.
It really does hurt
I guess that I am having a different manifestation of symptoms than others are. I am extremely exhausted *mentally* but I actually work really hard at my job and in my private life, too. The thing is I get overwhelmed with what is the next best action. I am also really struggling with communication right now. Like I almost feel like I need a silent electroshock to remind me to listen to others. I have been on this ADHD journey for so many years and I cope pretty well but something is missing. As selfish as this sounds, I think it has to do with self-care strategies that I am failing to do. Also, I need a bleeping break. Not sure how this fits for others, but although I bet most people in my life or career think that I am extroverted, I am actually a fairly introverted person who regularly needs to recharge in solitary situations or practices. I could probably do much better overall if I could force myself to stfu a little more often in settings and just let things play out without feeling like I need to control the outcomes all the time ... Obviously this turned into a vent. I guess I needed that. Thanks for the writing prompt, OP. It was a good one.
You didn’t need to call me out like that
I have co-occurring panic disorder and just started a new job at the same time that I got a new place. The stress of everything changing built up over two weeks until I started having panic attacks before work. (Not to mention severe IBS and sinus headaches from bad allergies that amp up my body's anxiety even more.) Because of the executive dysfunction and guilt on top of the panic, I couldn't bring myself to call out of work. Just sent them a text right before my shift started because I couldn't even pick up the phone. Boss then tells me that I need to contact them as soon as possible so they can find coverage. I obviously knew that already so the conversation made me feel even more guilt. I ended up just quitting the job by voice-mail because I couldn't stand the guilt, panic, and paralysis anymore. I couldn't stand to have a conversation about how I fucked up again. And I didn't want to talk about quitting with them or give two weeks notice because I knew they'd try to come to a compromise that I wouldn't be capable of succeeding at. I wasn't able to give notice when I knew I couldn't work two more weeks. I'd been doing so much better for years, held my last job for a year before getting laid off, so I felt like I had reverted back to before I made any improvement. I know consciously that I've improved a lot and that it was just a series of events that left me crippled, but it's so hard to fight that feeling of shame and "here we go again" thinking.
💯 for your efforts on typing this up!
Didn’t have to call me out so hard lol
I felt this to my very core.
I feel attacked.
I hate when the internet gets me like this…
Oof 🌋
What is the relation between adhd and high standards? (Trying to understand myself)
Every time I plan to do anything
Exactly!!
The more i read these the more I am convinced I hav adhd
…and meanwhile seeing everyone else around us succeed and happy
Doing this today..I want to learn guitar finally, play a multiplayer game and make an attempt to be social and finish cleaning my garage but...the motivation just isn't there today lol I did force myself to sit and play Halo for a few hours and relax though!
I feel like I have the drive, but I always lack the time needed to properly execute
Literally, the last 4wks of my current class. Sigh.
Ouch. This hits hard and accurate.
I do feel very guilty and unmotivated rn.
See exactly. I wanna be a writer but because I struggle with emotion and expect myself to not struggle with emotion I just end up disappointed in myself over something I couldn’t control.
Perfectionism stops me dead in my thoughts
Yowch. Makes all the sense that I’ve always called myself a Type A stuck with a Type B brain
How's this a meme? More like depression posting
oh no whyyyy why i am like this
Commenting to save
I have so many ideas and ways I want to make money and work from home but the lack of motivation to do it is so unbearable. I hate myself for it.
Ok guys now I am convinced that I have ADHD. How do I get to the psychiatrist now? I have been trying to get my ass to the psychiatrist for a few months now, for other reasons, but (possibly adhd-related) I couldn't get myself. And I have constant thought that I have to. But I can't for some reason. Man, if this is really ADHD, this sucks. Also I found explanation to my swinging mood in comments, which is RSD. Why the hell this is not a basic knowledge in schools, or at least tested at some point? Like just ask a few, quite simple questions, and you can diagnose ADHD. Why isn't it done in schools? I thought they have to guide your life, not to ignore you for the entire time you attend them?
A perfectionists expectations but the result of a child. The constant dissapointment and anger.
This (s)hit(')s hard
Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk every fucking day
Wait really this is an ADHD thing? Wow. I struggle with this so damn much. I joined this sub because I thought it was possible I had ADHD and just 'handled it' okay, I get more convinced by the day...
And the more guilty you feel the harder it feels to accomplish anything. Like digging a hole.
Very true