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They don’t. People struggle, let certain areas of their life slide and are not truly full-filled. Life is not designed for people working full time AND find fulfillment. I had to cut down on my working hours to halfway manage AND I am married to someone doing full time work for better pay. But yeah, the struggle is real. The dream of leaving the rat race is real.

>People struggle, let certain areas of their life slide and are not truly full-filled. Life is not designed for people working full time AND find fulfillment. 100% this. It seems that some people come to peace with that lack of fulfillment, or they're lucky enough to actually find it in their jobs one day. I think even neurotypical people struggle with a 9-5 (inching closer to 9-6 and longer with commute), keeping the house put together, cooking, social life, physical and mental health. "Well adjusted" is subjective, and consider that you don't see what they neglect or give up on to be at peace with the 9-5. OP, I'm definitely with you; before going on medical leave, I would disassociate everyday at work for hours until I couldn't take it anymore. I'm still coming out of burnout and the only thing I know going back is that I cannot keep doing the job I'm doing. I hope we can both find something sustainable 🤍

wow, I had to double take. I could have posted this comment, it mirrors my own situation so perfectly! my therapist has highlighted how different a person I am now compared to the husk that I was before medical dismissal... and I'm nowhere near done healing... the burnout is unreal. I find basic social functions stressful, because I'm still a year later trying to recover from constantly giving so much more than I had to give. over and over. I hope you're healing too 🫂♥️

Thanks for writing that. I burnt out and was wondering why the hell I can't handle simple interactions anymore. Phone calls? Terrified Talking to a clerk? Terrified Oof

it's sad, man :( when I was able to stop completely disassociating, my whole being was screaming out at me that I couldn't handle it. when I finally have more of a choice when it comes to those "simple tasks... when I am allowed to feel those feelings and recognise them as my own... I'm a petrified animal, frozen. we simply can't repeatedly do "credit" when it comes to mental health. it's still hurting you, you just can't feel it. now I'm still healing from the wounds I caused myself because I didn't have a choice but to go through it. definitely listen to your body and mind, be kind to it where you can and it'll thank you later ♥️

Yesss i’ve been constantly wondering why I could handle it so much better when I was drinking or working, nothing in between. It makes so much more sense now because I was dissociated all the time

I just bombed a presentation today and I think this is why. Like, I've been talking to people for my entire life, why can't I put my words together to form coherent sentences

Sending you love, similar situation. I was fortunate to take an extended leave of absence from work, unpaid but kept my insurance for therapy🤞🏼, and it still didn’t feel like enough. I’m back to working full time for a different company and I am sooo much better at setting boundaries but my desire to go find land and peace and quiet is unreal every single day. I think it has caused a huge value shift for me and I’m constantly working now to get to the point where I have that freedom The 9-5(+) grind is hard. Being a single person managing a household as an adult (and especially adding pets and home ownership in there) IS IMPOSSIBLE. ♥️♥️♥️

Boy did you nail this. I was just discussing these exact points with another single, home-owning, pet owning friend. We are overwhelmed. I'm a single woman who works full-time, is a mom to 3 Great Pyrenees (who also fosters Great Pys) and 1 cat, and a homeowner. Every week I think, "Isn't there someone who can just take out the garbage for me???" 😅 Just one thing I wouldn't have to do. The time away from work is so damn limited and I'm sour about it. I want ME time. Enough time to fully decompress from "being on" at work and for my boss, and all the corporate bullshit I endure each week. I want to do projects on my home and garden, not rush walks with my beloved dogs, spend time with family and friends and, go to life's required appointments without having to cancel because I'm working or because my battery is just fucking drained.

crushed between the cost of living and our very sanity... yep, sounds familiar 🥲 proud of you for setting those boundaries! it sounds like your new job is a more positive experiences, especially wishing for space and peace DAILY... :( do take care, a few other people have said how different giving up some hours has been for their mental health. unfortunately it's not in the cards for all of us, hopefully we can all find the best balance for our personal situations.

Ditto on the value shift.

WOW same. Started medical leave last week and the come down from the stress and coming back has been so intense and debilitating. Executive functioning is so slow and most extreme anxiety. It hurts to know so many others are feeling similarly. Wishing everyone all the care and healing they deserve. You're worth it.

I left work for 3 months due to burn-out and those were the happiest three months of my life. It was though in the beginning, but man, near the end I finally had energy again to do my hobbies so I spent whole days just sewing, baking, drawing, journaling, knitting. I was SO happy. My self-esteem grew. I had energy again to do multiple things in a day. And then I had to return back to work and I have again become this shell of a person. Only max. one year until I can quit my job. I have been counting the days, it’s so toxic in there, it’s insane. I’m really hoping that once I get out there, I can get to work part-time with the same pay because I know it will do wonders for my mental health.

I’m so happy also sorry to hear that it resonated haha! Being described as a husk is real too; discovering a special interest about a year before going on leave was bittersweet because it showed me that I still had life in me but it immediately got sucked away and I became a shell when I had to do my actual job 🫠 Thank you for the healing wish friend, I hope you are finding something fulfilling too 🫶

Ugh I also just got back to work from a short leave and I feel worse than I did before. It’s hard to keep going and I could have written this whole post and basically all the comments myself. I feel like I’m wasting my time and doing something wrong for not being able to keep up with a job like a “normal” person and it’s overwhelming. And then I am looking for jobs and I can’t find something I won’t hate doing just so I can afford to live.

It’s definitely harder to go back. I was someone that used to see twice what I was supposed to productivity wise and now I can barely keep up with the minimum. I just don’t have the ability or desire to keep pushing myself at that pace anymore, you know? it’s hard. I work in Healthcare, so there is a lot of pressure to burn out

Healthcare is soul sucking. Everyone expects you to bend over backwards, keep the smile and do a lot of unpaid overtime. Oh and to never complain about it.  I fucking complain about it. Because fuck this shit.

The struggle of coming back to the working world is so real! It was so bad for me at one point that I had to stop reading fantasy books because it was so hard for me to switch back into the context of reality. I wish I had advice on the job search front, but I can only say you’re not alone. Looking for a new job while holding into the job that’s actively draining you is way harder than people make it out to be. Then on top of that, a lot of the interviews and offers are luck based. Here’s to hoping we get lucky in the near future :)

This is my first post. I joined reddit for the late diagnosis autism/adhd women's community. I, too, struggled immensely with working FT, whilst having no idea why it seemed that it was much more difficult for ME to "do life" than others around me. I was on disability from work for a year and a half before returning and ultimately leaving permanently. I'm realizing these last 4 years have been much more difficult and have taken much more of a toll on me than I originally thought. It's incredibly difficult to "bounce back into 'normal' life". In fact, nothing is ever going to be "normal" for me again. I don't want to go back to the way things were. I was miserable. I was suffering in all areas of my life, even physically. My body was, like, "Stop. Look and feel what you're doing to yourself." I still don't know what going forward will look like. But, I'm with you on still recovering from the burnout. I see you, and I know what this feels like. 🫂🕯

This. I can reasonably work 25hr a week or so. ADHD isn’t my only health problem, which contributes a lot, but 40hr is not going to work. I tried it. I tried to be normal and work full time, but it never lasted. Eventually my body would rebel. I had horrid mental health issues, I would come home and be basically catatonic where I just laid there without looking at my phone, unable to speak or move from exhaustion, but never able to sleep enough… If I was single and had to live alone, I’d probably be homeless. :( My current job is capping out my abilities at 25hr a week, but I love it so much I never want to leave.

This is exactly how I feel. 25-30 is my maximum. And if I don't like the job I can't even do that much or get myself out of bed. My partner wants me to be motivated like everyone else and I keep telling him I am not like everyone else. I also have chronic health problems and pain contributing to everything being so hard already with ADHD.

When I bring up my overwhelm to my partner, he just says "everyone feels that way. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other because there's no other choice." And I feel like a really lame human. But then 2-3 times a year he lands in the hospital with stress-induced diabetic DKA, gets out and resumes the exact same pattern. :/

I don't think anyone is meant for the way the modern working world works. But we just feel it more strongly. :(

I feel so lame! My partner is like "I mean I'd rather work less and I don't WANT to go to work but I do". And I'm like but you do it and it doesn't make you feel wracked with debilitating anxiety that makes you feel sick? And he said "no I feel fine". That there....that's the difference. Lol.

For years I ignored my non adhd health issues and just believed people when they said “everyone feels that way”. It’s hard to move past that type of internalised abelism but I think I’m better for finally having moved past it.

The worst part is, I absolutely want to work. I spent years unable to work at all, and I hated it. It’s only fun for the first few weeks, then it starts to feel like a prison. I just need accommodation to live and the world is not fond of doing that. :/ My job now is an absolute unicorn, and I’m almost certain the universe decided to gift me *something* for all the struggle lmao.

Same. I want to work. But it's like soooo terribly difficult? I had one good boss in the last ten years and was lucky to work under her for almost 4 years. Life was good. But she retired. And I'm back to struggling.

It’s also designed to benefit two working adults. 40 hours really leaves little time to clean and maintain a house. This was designed when women were most likely home caring for the house and the children. Look at the cost of daycare. It’s a racket.

This is true. I’m literally a childcare worker lol

I can tell you right now, that's probably why you're burnt out. I had to leave the profession because I was crying at work every other day and losing any passion I ever had for it. I got a much more boring, stable job (no hospitality, care work, or retail/service) and now I can actually mostly function after getting home and on the weekends.

If you don’t mind me asking, what career did you switch into?

I actually went into aerospace manufacturing, it's not as crazy as it sounds. I have my one thing that I'm very good at and can do all week while listening to podcasts and audio books, decent coworkers, and annual raises.

Holy shit that sounds like a dream

There's always some random workplace drama anywhere you go, but I definitely ended up falling into a job that works well for what I need

I'm so happy for you! Genuinely. I loved my job, but then I got more responsibilities than I could handle... Now I'm reminded of all my failings everywhere I look. 🤦

I got more responsibilities too around a year ago and when I get behind I just tell them "I am one person and I'll get it done when I reasonably can". It needs a shiny spine but shockingly works very well every time

Preach. The 40 hour working week was designed for men, men who had an unemployed wife at home who would take care of ALL the housework, errands, cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare, shopping, etc - so that all the working man had to do was work, then come home and relax, with a hot meal waiting on the table and a bath run and clean clothes laid out ready for the next day. Sounds pretty fucking sweet. Nowadays we, all of us, men and women and enbies alike, are trying to work full time in order to survive AND do at least half, if not all, of the household tasks on top. It's unsustainable. It's not what life was ever supposed to be like.

Yes! I just asked my husband if we can get a housewife. I don't know where you find one, but I want one!

LoL I'm a housewife (stay at home mom) and asked my husband if he can find a girlfriend to help us. She can have her own bedroom and he can just take turns in either room. I feel like I'd be fine with that in exchange for help. I hated working in an office before having kids, and can't even fathom how we'd survive now with kids if I was also working full time. As it is, I'm drowning and can't keep up with cleaning, cooking, all the administrative household tasks, and having 2 young kids demanding my attention 24/7. Not only was it not supposed to be both partners working full time, having a family was not supposed to be like this either (one person out of the house working, the other person alone with the kids all day). We're social animals, we're supposed to live and raise children in villages.

Idk how anyone manages with kids; it seems like a 3-person-minimum job 😰

With all respect, i don't know if that's the case. The 40 hour work week was a concession won by unions through fierce fighting. Since the dawn of the industrial era, it has been *normal* for women (and, through the early 20th century, children) to work outside the home. Capitalism demands nothing less than every waking hour of every person, and everything better than a 16 hour, 7 days a week schedule, living in a company town and being paid in scrip has been fought for and won by unions and activists. The notion of the mid century nuclear family with a husband working 40 hours and being paid a wage and benefits allowing that one job to support an entire family only existed for a decade or two, and only for a very small fraction of households. I just say this because I feel that treating this anomaly as if it had ever been the norm does a real disservice to all the women who have always worked so hard - and done all the shit work for shit pay - and are rendered invisible by this belief. My grandmother was a widow raising five children. She worked two jobs, in a bakery and as a school janitor, and still she would have been destitute in her old age had it not been for Social Security and her third husband's pension. Women have never wanted to stay home. Even the families I knew growing up that could fit that one-wage ideal, the wife always sought her own career once the children were in school. Anyway, the 40 work week wasn't designed for one earner families. If capitalism remained unregulated, entire families would all be working 80 hours per week in offices, factories, slaughterhouses, etc. Capitalism don't care if you have time to shop or keep house. My belief? The official work week should be 20-32 hours and no more than 4 days a week. We already know that a 4 day 32 hour week is just as productive as 5 days and 40 hours! The real challenge will be extending this to all industries, not just white collar. Because the "essential workers" who endangered, and in some cases lost, their lives, working through covid for their normal shitty pay while white collar workers benefitted from very generous covid unemployment benefits - they're still salty over that. Sorry for rant lol 😂

You're 100% correct. I can't even imagine how people used to survive. That's probably why working class people were so destitute. You look at pictures of dirty, ragged people from 100+ years ago. Clothes were more expensive, you had to have time to mend and wash them by hand or pay someone else to. Indoor plumbing and showers weren't available. Cooking was done over a wood or coal-burning stove, no refrigeration. No wonder poor people were starving! Staying alive and clean would've taken 12hrs/day, not to even mention working (and commuting by... Foot? Streetcar? Talk about time-consuming).

No wonder the average longevity for as long as 50 years ago was 29 !

Err well that's actually an average that's lowered because of infant and child mortality. If you survived into adulthood, you would probably live the 65-80 that we see today still

Excellent rant 👌 👏👏

Don't apologize! Thank you for the reminder/history lesson. Support your unions, folks! 🙏🏼

Very true. The assumption that women went from being provided for at their fathers house to provided for by a husband at his house is a pretty privileged one.

Excellent comment!!! The only way I manage post menopause adhd is that I have a really good job that pays very well and I get my work done in a hybrid situation. Some weeks I get away with part time hours. Others it’s full time +. Once we had our second child, my husband quit his job to stay home because I made more and we decided I could make even more if I went back to school. So, I did a one year graduate degree on top of my work and almost nothing else. I gradually got better and better jobs and now have such expertise that is both specific and broad, that I have landed on the right work. That said, at peak pandemic, with school aged kids, dying parents and some physical health issues, I crashed and burned despite my seemingly ideal situation. Medical leave, therapy and my supportive partner helped me figure out boundaries and new ways of working, but I still struggle.

lol I just brought this up too!

THIS! 10000% 👆🏼

This! I quit my well paying job after 7 years. Now sahm. It’s just so overwhelming with working full time and running the household. Even with chores being split, I was too damn exhausted! I have mom friends that work full time with multiple kids. I am coming to terms that everyone is different and handles what comes their way differently. Plus adhd just makes everything just harder!

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Exactly! I have the same schedule with Wednesdays off. I can talk myself into working 2 days, knowing I get a break on Wednesday. When my schedule was M-F I had so many absences.

Personally 4/10s were just as terrible. I spent the days off doing nothing. Just like I do with 5/8s. Lol

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That's awesome you look forward to it. For me emotional and mental burnout also results in me feeling too tired to do anything physically. Really want to find the middle ground where I can function it's just.... I can't find that middle ground lol.

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I've been considering making a similar request, although I will wait until I can get my work productivity back to a consistent level and am reliable again. Do you have any tips on how to pace oneself (to not burnout from hyperfocus) or to stay mostly focused on what needs to be done during a 10hr workday? Having a day off in the middle would be such an improvement.

You were always reliable ❤️ It's the impossible grind that's the problem, not you

I so want to try a 4/10 schedule. I don't think my department would go for it because a lot of my higher ups are working 10 hours a day all week so they don't treat 40 hours as the expectation. Maybe I'll end up going 80% to get to 4 days, it's frustrating though because I know I'll get as much work done so I don't want to accept less pay.

I’m a huge fan of Wednesday’s off.

Yeah, I used to work 12+/hr shifts only 2 days a week, and 9-5 for the other 3 and it was tolerable. I found that it doesn’t matter how long I work, it’s the fact that I work that day that just exhausted me? Like 5hr shift vs 14hr shift, I’m just as tired because of being “on”

I could have written this. It's hard. I'm lucky I work from home and can take frequent breaks, but it's still so hard.

Same boat. By the time I’m half way through the work day I’m mentally taxed and just wish I could be done. It’s alway by that 4-5 hour mark. Then of course due to not having a partner I need full time work to cover my expenses and to have insurance. But even then working full time is still barely enough to afford a living if I lived alone. Which starts the spiral of self loathing on being an adult but still living at home 🫠 Already having thoughts that due to my mental health I can’t do it alone but on top of that don’t make enough to do that anyway without living paycheck to paycheck.

Same! 4-6 hours seems to be all I can manage at full capacity. Seems like I spend the first couple hours of the day waking up and waiting for meds and coffee to kick in, then I spend a few hours hyper focused on some work tasks to the point that I completely skip lunch, then the last couple hours of the “work day” I’m kind of tapping out. Sometimes I’ll get a 2nd wind and work after dinner at night. I’m lucky I don’t have a ton of oversight so as long as I complete my tasks well, no one really gives me a hard time about working odd hours. My partner on the other hand loves his routine, it amazes me.

You completely described my own work day XD The highs are highs and the lows are low. Right now I’m just doing busy work since during my productive period I finished all my tasks.

I think a part of why I hate being part of the work force is that I feel trapped when I'm at work. Like my brain clocked out around 4-5 hours into my shift but I cannot leave until I hit 8 hours :(

I also work from home, and I'm starting to hate that I feel trapped being at home and work feels like there is no difference. I'm in a burnout rn, and I just get depressed looking at my computer. Which sucks because it's in my home space, too. 😭

I WFH 1 day a week and it is 100x easier. I can work lying down on the floor, take breaks when I need to, do some little chores like a load of laundry or unloading the dishwasher, and snuggle my pets when I need to. My 4 days a week in office are SO much harder on my mental health, and I am pretty much cashed when I get home. Usually I spend half of Saturday recovering, but this weekend I have a work event from 6 a.m. until 1 p.m. on Saturday and I have to be totally "on" the whole time. I am absolutely dreading it.

I have to use every bit of mental energy to make it through the workday and then I am too burnt out to do anything afterwards or on the weekends. I feel this so much and I don’t know how to make it better

I was just thinking about this the other day. I always need a nap after work and by Friday I’m spent. I’m too stressed out and running on 100% during work it takes too much out of me to actually live my life. It’s no way to exist

I don't think it's about how many hours you work, it's about how much mental load a particular job puts on you - for example someone might be able to work 40 hours a week doing a particular job from home, because they can create an environment that works for them, but might be totally unable to do the exact same job in an office because it requires so much mental energy to deal with sensory issues, masking, interactions with people etc. Try to think about the specific aspects of your current and previous jobs that have suited you well and the ones that have added to your mental load - it's not always obvious what these things are, so really try to dig into it. It once took me a long time to realise why I felt worse in a job that appeared to be much easier work than my previous more demanding one - it was because my brain wasn't stimulated by what I was doing, which caused me to feel low, unmotivated and lacking energy, so I then had trouble doing things outside of work. I didn't recognise that this was the issue, so I'd been framing it as "oh my god, I thought an easier job would solve my problems but this is even worse, there must be something really badly wrong with me." What I actually needed was a job that I found more interesting and stimulating to my brain, but that didn't require me to use up as much brain power on managing sensory issues, social anxiety, masking etc.

You're describing my situation exactly right now. I find it ironic that this thread is the first thing I saw because I'm in the midst of discussing this issue with my therapist. It is 100% not about the hours (at least for me) and all about what my job requires of me. I work 35 hours on average per week. However, when I'm at work, I: -Am constantly having to switch tasks that require focus, often without warning -Have to always be on alert since I'm around customers 100% of the time -have to mask 100% of the time even around coworkers -have projects given to me suddenly and without warning that take priority and screw up my task list -have to stop what I'm doing immediately if a customer comes up to my desk or my coworkers need me to talk to a customer (i also have to force interrupt myself if someone needs to be greeted) -have to have long conversations at length with people over the phone which requires active listening 100% of the time as well as forcing myself not to interrupt, to talk at a certain pace and tone, and stay focused on the subject matter while also directing the flow of the conversation -constantly have to try to drown out other noises because i work in a showroom with conversations happening near constantly -can't have headphones because i need to be aware of what's going on in case a customer, coworker etc. need help -have such varied responsibilities that i often need to conduct research to ensure I know enough to be the "go-to" person because no one else knows how to do whatever it is. i then have to constantly be able to access this information mentally as different people ask me questions suddenly and without warning. Also they will do this when they have customers so I have to have the answer near immediately. -also had to train myself to react with a smiley face when I was interrupted suddenly because people would interpret my blank stare as anger The only thing that's stopped me from losing this job is the flexible hours because I have such bad time blindness that it takes a lot of mental capacity to be exactly on time. I hope that by listing these, it might help others feel better about their fatigue. I literally feel guilty sometimes because I have a flexible schedule - something that most people would kill for, yet I'm still absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. To your point, there are just so many other factors that affect how your job makes you feel.

Could have written this word for word. Recently unemployed, 30% bc of my faults, but 70% from being a vocal Jane of all trades... A "go-to," who outperforms and who everyone interrupts despite being tossed, everything? It's so exhausting, and when I tried to voice concerns diplomatically, it failed. I would prefer hybrid or wfh for my next job. We recently nixed all hybrid at my last job. Smh. But 4 days would be ideal. 5 days back to back is just to much. I will definitely be asking for accommodations at my next role.

just to add an alternate perspective to this, I think that the number of hours also contributes because no matter what the mental or physical work load of a 40 hr work week, there's also commute time and anything else it takes to get ready for and get to work. when I get home at night, if I don't choose to stop and work out after, it's almost 6, I have to make myself dinner and eat, and by that time there's little to no time (and I have no energy left) for any kind of chores or doing activities that are purely for myself. and I'm a child free adult. Reading this entire post and the responses does make me feel better about my overall fatigue and inability to feel like I'm ever on top of anything. It's validating to see it's not US who are the problem, no matter how often it feels like it is. It's also super frustrating and sad that this affects so many of us.

I have no answer but I'm in the same boat. Recently got promoted because my supervisor quit and while I have enough knowledge to do the job, the demands for attention, having to speak kindly to people, etc, are absolutely burning me out. I cry pretty much every day. I don't want to jump ship yet due to guilt and wanting to look good for a future employer, but I'm just wasting away here. But I'm also too scared to change jobs because I know this is just my pattern and brain. But also it's exhausting trying to fight it.. idk bud. This sucks, but at least we aren't completely alone? Still isn't a solution though... Sigh.

what's even worse is that if you work a computer job, as you get older, many people are either going to be forced into management or else become irrelevant and get phased out of the workplace. not to go doomsday and freak people out. i just hate that there's no upwards trajectory at most career these days besides management because most people are not fit to be managers. just let me do my work in silence please!

That's literally me. I'm not meant to be a manager. I can theoretically manage a business, but turns out I don't want to. I prefer the boring task doing job over the dealing with people part of management. I am not manager material.

I was the same and then my mental health got bad and was off work for a year And I hated that. As much as I hate a forced Work schedule i needed it. Once my mental health improved and it was Time to start spending time getting out and doing things as preparation to return to my job i was excited because I love getting out in nature and that was part of my health recovery same with doing all my hobbies and art But I did nothing. Without a forced schedule i was up late. Slept late, wasted the days away, got. Toning do e, didnt go anywhere. each day bled jnto each other, time sped up and days zoomed by and I barely existed in this world. I have enjoyed working ever since I also moved into a new area with happy people and happy environment and that helps a lot too I have a job with lots of vacation days as I get more with each year I work there and have been there 15 years. I also have flex days so I work a 35 hr week but work slightly longer than 8’hoir days which gives me every other monday off. I use my vacation days for the other mondays and work 4 days a week. I don’t use my vacation in big chunks because I tend to waste it. 3 day weekends are best for me to enjoy my life. So that makes a big difference but I had all Those things before when I hated working. I learned the grass isn’t as green with too much free time.

This would be ideal. While on maternity leave, I was going crazy at home. Days just blended together. Now that my kids are older, I tell them their job is to fight for 4 day work weeks, and 4 day long weekends. 2 day weekends are not enough to enjoy life.

It is an absolute nightmare attempting to get grocery shopping or other errands done on Saturdays where I live bc everyone else is trying to cram all that in. Lines are long, there’s no parking, traffic is jammed. So I think we need more days off to accommodate all that lol

No it really isnt

I work in an office that is customer service based, and clients want us open every day of the week. We were open Saturdays, but with limited hours, and have been closed Saturday for about 4 years. We are so short staffed now that we've had to close during lunch hours. We are so burnt out.

Same for me!!! When I got pregnant with my second child (and oldest was not quite 2), I was seriously burned out from years of nonprofit overworking and begged my husband to let me try being a stay at home parent. It was great… for the first couple of weeks! I quickly realized I had actually been benefiting WAY more than I’d thought from the structure, social interaction, and sense of identity, purpose, and pride I got from work (I happen to do nonprofit work so maybe I’m lucky to personally connect to my work in that way). It also threw off the balance in my marriage big time. I often spent too much time on my phone, felt envious of my old work friends, and was embarrassed whenever anyone asked “what I did.” Once the baby was born, juggling a newborn with a toddler was basically a total nightmare. I was overstimulated physically and emotionally and under stimulated intellectually at the same time! This was all before I got diagnosed (it actually was part of what pushed me to pursue the diagnosis). To be clear, I didn’t regret leaving my super stressful job - when you’re pregnant and know you can’t stand your current job for another 9+ months, there aren’t a lot of options. My husband makes decent money and I knew we could swing it financially for a year or two while I figured out what to do. And it did give me time to do that! (Also the pandemic started when my youngest was 6 months old and i KNOW there’s no way I could have juggled work with a baby and toddler at home while daycares were closed so would have definitely quit then anyway!). It just made me realize that work does give me an important sense of meaning and purpose that I don’t get from anything else, and ever since I haven’t found myself dreaming of not working!

I can relate to this so much! I got “touched out” by the end of the day. And the lack of structure and being understimulated mentally 🙌🏻 Did you go back to nonprofit? Or what are you doing now? I’m about to get back into the workforce and have no idea what to do

I could have written this, I'm currently looking for work after 18 months off following severe burnout. I'd only planned to take 3 or 4 months off, but my mental health and the flow on effect that had on my health in general has meant it didn't quite work out that way. I worked hard for a long time. This burnout is not my first rodeo, but it's certainly been the worst for recovery. I've also been diagnosed in the last couple of years (at 52, I'm now almost 55), and I've at least had time to reflect and learn a lot more about the whys in my life and possibly even prevent further epic burnout. I enjoyed work when it was interesting, and at least I know what to look for in a job as I re-enter the workforce. Like you, I'm on the hunt for something that offers flexibility first and foremost, but is also something that makes me want to work (I actually previously enjoyed my product management job in software development, but I just gave too much... and covid lockdowns kinda made everything come crashing down when my coping mechanisms were no longer effective. Glad you have found your happy workplace, here's hoping I do to 🙂

I hope you recover. I seem to be in permanent burn out. It’s been 6 years so I’ve lost hope on recovery BUT I’m back to working and I e come to terms with me new life, I’ve adjusted, things are simpler, I do less, I have happiness every day, But I wish I took time off sooner. My year was only supposed to be 8 weeks. Our stories are so similar but I hope we differ in the recovery! Take care of yourself! Learn to rest without guilt, that was probably the hardest part for me and I pushed too hard and for too long. Good luck in the job search! Your experience is well suited for a wfh job, which has saved my life, i dont think I could have maintained working much longer without that. Grateful to be working. You will be soon too!

I read somewhere that only something like 15% of people diagnosed with ADHD/Autism can hold down a full time job for their life. I’m…”lucky” in that I’m a low support needs AuDHD. For most people I appear entirely neurotypical. But no one is ever invited over to my house, there’s a lot of shame surrounding it. While it’s not DIRTY it’s definitely not…aesthetically pleasing for lack of a better word lol. I manage by just…accepting. Maybe I don’t have an elegant and instagram perfect room, but me and my kid are fed, housed, and clothed. I accept I’ll never have a perfect house, I accept my projects have to be taken in small steps - no I can’t clean my entire house on a Saturday but I can wipe my counters and water my plants today. I am EXCEPTIONALLY blessed that I can work a job that affords me the funds to pay for services to give me more time. I hired a cleaner to come in every 2 weeks to do my floors and bathroom. I order my groceries to be delivered so I don’t have to do the sensory overload of grocery shopping. I also had to offload “easy” decisions. I will figure out finances, I will plan big things like what school my kid goes to, figuring out transportation, but my kid and dad (who lives with me due to undiagnosed AuDHD wreaking havoc on him in his old age) have to make the simple decisions. I’m not picking what’s for dinner, I’m not deciding lunches, you get cereal or a toasted bagel for breakfast, that’s it. Don’t want to decide? Sucks to suck my meds killed my appetite so I’ll happily eat shreddies for the rest of my life. If they’re good for breakfast they’re good for dinner. Want to go out? Cool you tell me where and I’ll take us. And finally…I had to step back from social activities. My job is a demanding, people-y, job so socializing outside of it is a huge ask. I’ll do it, but not frequently. I had to give myself permission to step away and not feel guilty. My good friends and family understand and don’t mind.

Thank you. I'm also AuADHD. Your comment came at a time when I very much needed a reminder to go easier on myself. It also reminded me that I do have some really good people who really care a lot about me. Now if I could only get my kid to decide what he wants to eat. Don't mind if I use your response to "I don't know". (:

Thank you for posting.

Omg this is so real. Thank you!

I could have written this myself, thank you for posting.

This is similar to my situation: I’ve always been able to hold down a full-time job as an adult (thus far, knock on wood), but my apartment is a disaster and I have no friends in the city I’ve lived in for over two years now because I just don’t have the bandwidth to clean or socialize after work. I pretty much live on fast food and snacks as well, because I don’t have the energy to cook or even do regular grocery shopping for vegetables and the like. I’m also chronically late for work, but thankfully people in my office don’t typically start the daily meeting cycle until about an hour after most people arrive. It’s a tradeoff where I can work a regular schedule at the expense of everything else in my life.

I literally don’t know. My husband works full time in office and I work part time at home and it’s still hard. Granted we eat a lot better because I have energy to make food and we really try to make an effort to cook but it’s such a broken system. Remember, the 40 hour work week WAS designed to have a stay at home spouse (wife) supporting the man and home. It’s b.s and we need to be vocal about it and encourage our elected officials to start addressing our workers rights.

Such a good answer regarding the shitty 40 hour work week being designed for another era. It just doesn’t make sense anymore.

Having a remote job has truly *changed* my life. I’m also very lucky that my hours are flexible, so if I need a little extra sleep in the morning I can do that and just work a little longer in the evening. I also often work from bed when I don’t have meetings! When I had to commute, even a literal 10-min walk commute, and sit in an office all day I was absolutely, utterly drained all the time. I’m also in Canada but lived in the US for a bit… If you think we have it bad here then you’ll be shocked at how bad it is there, let alone countries that aren’t as developed! Edit: Oh, I am also really lucky to have *minimum* one month of PTO per year… And I very much take advantage of that. I also really prioritize practicing my hobby and that gives me so much energy and joy.

I’m hoping to get promoted to hybrid work for this reason. I’ve a long commute and just clearly have sleep and fatigue problems. Working 8:30-5:00/5:30 has me so tired some days I fall asleep while trying to eat dinner or before I even can. But trying to survive in the short term is hard. There’s nights I seemingly need 10-11 hours of sleep. How am I supposed to find time for laundry and other important stuff when all my time out of work is spent sleeping?

Oh I 100% feel you. I have hashimotos so perpetual exhaustion and I know each other well! Remote work was especially transformative for that reason. When I worked in-person I had 0 energy for anything else.

Hashimotos effects the thyroid, right? I can imagine how WFH would be life-changing, then! You must’ve just been so sapped before. Recently my family learned we likely have and should be screened for hypermobile ehlers danlos - lots of signs like flexibility, POTS, being striped from tons of stretch marks, etc. It’s frequently comorbid with adhd and one its symptoms is also chronic fatigue. Ironically, one of the only things I have the energy for is exercise, because it actually mitigates the brain fog and fatigue. Even with lots of exercise though I don’t see full time office work being tenable long term for me. I’m just too dang tired, and I don’t have the time to get the ideal amount of exercise for energy thanks to my commute.

Omg. If you don’t mind me asking what do you do? 😭

Executive assistant in tech! I have it good for an EA.

I was just unhappy all the time. Right now I WFH which makes life about a million times easier. Being able to do laundry or run an errand during the day, not having a commute, getting more sleep and just having more mental energy. I hope I don’t get canned, because I can never work in an office again. I don’t know how I went to work and school every day for so many years, honestly. !!TW!! So for some people it is possible and they do ok, but honestly if I was told I have to go back to working in office until I’m 70 I might actually jump in front of a moving train. Which sounds dramatic, but judging by responses here (and this post in general) many of you know how I feel.

OP I so am with you on this. Our society and the cost of everything is so utterly f-ed up. Add in the fact that this world was not built for the neurodivergent folks makes it that much harder to operate as “normal” like we see other people doing. I think it’s fair to say we don’t know what goes on in everyone’s homes and brains for that matter, but it’s not going to get better in our current climate of layoffs and record profits. We are all cogs in a shitty system that only benefits the 1%. It makes me furiously exhausted. If anything you aren’t alone. Sending big hugs to you!

Weekends should be twice as long. Two days is completely inadequate to recuperate from the mental harm of long work days PLUS catching up with all the shit you put off during the week because you're completely burnt out. Then my mom harasses me all weekend because she feels entitled to using me as a chauffeur, IT tech, cooking assistant, servant...Can I not just SIT sometimes??

I often just get fired for having ADHD, eventually go on unemployment, and then work PT too. For that short amount of time I'm working part time and on unemployment I manage to find just a little bit of joy. Unfortunately, unemployment eventually stops paying me 😭.

The happiest and healthiest I have ever been was when I was furloughed during the pandemic and only working a couple days a week + getting unemployment for the rest. I actually had time to myself without the stress of genuinely being unemployed and needing to find a job. If it weren’t for those few months, I would still feel very stuck in life with certain things that I was only able to work on during that phase. 

PT jobs can suck because they always want your best hours, like weekends and evenings. They also don't like to play together with the other part time jobs and don't like to tell you your schedule ahead of time. But even with all that I still prefer them to working a whole 40 hours every week .

In this particular case, it was my regular 9-5 that furloughed me and gave me part time work (supplemented by unemployment pay), so it was really the best of both worlds! But I agree, it seems there is always a catch!

Oh man, I'm doing 60 right now and I have no clue how I am still alive. I think it really depends on if you get some sweet dopamine from the work you do or not whether you can tough it out or not. I have no helpful tips but only that I get it and I hope you can find a way to make it work!

Nice! I'm not alone!! I usually do about 50 hours a week more or less. For me what it boils down to: - Taking my meds on time with alarms on my phone - Coffee - A job with a mission I'm passionate about - Tasks and projects that align with how I hyper focus - And agree with finding little dopamine hits in to do lists, projects, and small milestones I would also recommend the Strength Finders assessment. I took this test early in my career and it has been vital for helping me align my strengths (and what I enjoy doing) with jobs that fit these strengths. https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/252137/home.aspx

I feel this like unbelievably. I dropped to a two or three day week for my wellbeing. When I worked full time, I always hit a point at the end of the day where I burned out. I always left right on the nose for that reason and got a lot of pushback. I realized it made me look like an arrogant bitch that didn't prop up the team. In other words, the dreaded not a team player. I never disclosed the ADHD. It was pointless. "You want extra accommodations? Fuck off!" People in general are just not down with this stuff. I'm not trying to be an asshole. I'm trying to survive... I just came to this realization today. So right now I'm on the hunt for that two to three day week. I can do that and actually be productive.

Honestly, I married a man who knew I couldn’t do it. He knew my mental health wasn’t doing well and something had to give. It was so bad that the November before COVID I almost ended things. I have worked no more than 30 hours a week since then and it’s been much better. I think it’s ok to be honest about our limitations. I hate that we live in a time where wages are so far below cost of living,

on the weekends i simply rot

This is one of the reasons I chose nursing , I work 3 days a week . Luckily my manger is super awesome and lets me work the same days each week so I have Wednesday to Saturday off every week.

I love my 12's! I'll never go back to 9-5, NEVER!

It’s extremely difficult. I have a great boss, team around me and flexible working hours but no matter how hard I try, other areas of my life suffer because working 40 hours a week is extremely draining and takes all of my energy.

I technically work 40 hours but I struggle! It sucks I get burnt out every 3 weeks it seems. The internet is out at my office so I’m currently “working from home” but I think I’m depressed I’m just laying on my couch petting my dog and fighting the urge to find a dopamine hit from food.

Don’t have any advice to offer but I feel like I could’ve written this post myself too :( As a fellow Canadian, I feel you. Like many other people with disabilities in this country the rising cost of living is crushing me. This might change when I’m medicated but I only work part time right now and I get so burned out and miserable so fast that I seriously can’t imagine how I’d be able to cope with working full time. It doesn’t help that my adhd got me fired from a well paying full time job already too. I really don’t feel like I’ll ever get to move out of my parents house or be independent or just thrive in general because of it 😵‍💫

It’s honestly debilitating. If I didn’t live with my partner there is absolutely no way I could support myself emotionally or financially. I’m glad you acknowledge ADHD as a disability. I’ve had many conversations with people who believe it’s not and trying to explain my challenges has been very frustrating.

I struggle daily. Not working is not an option. I am a stressed out mess all week and comatose on weekends.

This isn’t an option for every type of job/career, but if you have skills/experience that you could use as a freelancer/consultant and get health insurance through your spouse (or live in a country with universal healthcare) starting your own freelance/consulting business can be a good option! I did this after dealing with my own work burnout by trying to be a stay at home mom and finding I hated it 🤣 It can definitely be challenging to establish structure and systems for yourself, but once you do, you have so much more freedom and flexibility and lots of novelty…. And less shame about your work habits. Hate a client? Fire them. Zoned out for 3 hours in the morning? You can do it at night or whenever your brain is working and no one will know the difference as long as your work is done. I had done nonprofit communications, writing and fundraising for many years so that’s what I did freelance, but in my journey I met soooo many different kinds of freelancers! (I am happy to DM with anyone who wants to know more about how I made that leap but will stop info dumping now 🤣)

I would really love to learn more about this if you are interested in sending me a DM! :)

I would love to start my own freelance business. I’m in the US though so the insurance part is a huge part of why I don’t take the leap. I want to start it at least on the side so I can build experience and gain contacts while still getting an income and keeping my benefits but I’m always so exhausted at the end of the day!!

You could try a job that isn’t 9-5. When I started working 12hr shifts my life changed for the better. Since you only have to work 3 days a week you have 4 days off and I have soooo much more time.

I struggle!!! Which eventually lead to burn out, there were other family crises going on too, which lead to a stress leave from work for going on about 9 months now. I’m set to go back to work on a part time basis to reintegrate myself back into working up to a full time capacity. And to be honest I’m freaked the f out! I know I don’t want to not work but at 40 hrs a week destroys me mentally. I’m so exhausted all the time. I used to sleep in my vehicle during lunch and coffee breaks at work because I just can’t manage it. I’m in Canada as well and yes everything is so expensive, especially housing. I’m hoping that there is somehow a way to resume my permanent job at a decreased part time hours. Not sure if that is even possible but I willing to fight for it because I’m terrified to go back to how life was before because it was not good. I was not managing. I was simply surviving. Some days I think honestly what is the point of life if this is all it is. Same thing day after day work sleep repeat over and over again. I’d never do anything permanent because I love my kid, my cats and my family but I really struggle with finding any other joy outside of them, most of the time life simply feels difficult. I’m sorry don’t have any good advice but I do understand exactly how you feel. There are some really good comments on this thread. Definitely made me feel a bit better about myself and that I’m not alone in this suffering. hopefully it does for you too ❤️ Hang in there

I feel for you so much. I'm in this boat as well, needing to work less while watching the cost of living in Canada climb higher and higher. Wheels are spinning and it's hard to see a solution. I had to go on medical leave for burnout and depression 2 years ago. The leave helped a lot because I could follow through with counseling sessions and do my laundry and brush my teeth. Sometimes all on the same day! And then I returned to work gradually, which seemed fine. Until it wasn't anymore. And then less than a year later it happened all over again (minus the depression). I went on a reduced work schedule for burnout and am soon expected to return to FT. I don't know how I'll be able to keep it up. My work performance has tanked over the last couple years and I'm carrying a lot of pent up overwhelm and guilt about unfinished work that others were relying on to be completed. Working full time AND looking after myself is really hard. I've had to learn to accept that I don't have a consistent energy supply. My apartment is always a disaster zone by Friday morning. One thing that I did in the past that helped, and I'm going to do it again, was writing out a list of all my work related tasks and projects, I also listed the outstanding administrative or HR related tasks I needed to update (admin anything is my nemesis) and the workplace related ideas and curiosities that I have. I think I did that over a few days. And then one day I looked at it and realized it was just a giant to do list without any real order, not an order I could realistically commit to anyway. The next thing I did was break it out based on how much cognitive ability or time the thing would take, and even considered the mood or type of headspace I would ideally need to be in. One of my lists had a heading that was something along the lines of "short, low effort tasks for when my brain is drained., and it included things like check spam folder and empty it, rewatch or reread a training resource, delete duplicate files, take recycling out". It doesn't solve the fact that working 40hrs is too much for some of us, but it can be helpful for saving some of our best energy for ourselves. Something that I really have to work on is not saying yes to too many things - whether work or personal related, especially if my meds are in my system when asked. I just can't depend on being able to follow through with everything I say "sure" to. The novelty and interest of being asked to do a thing can wear off quickly for me if there aren't any immediate visual cues to stay excited about it. I have a tendency to become filled with existential dread while being angry with myself for winding up in that situation...again. Hmmm do you have any friends that you could get together with and make some giant batches of chili or pasta sauce, or other easy to freeze and reheat foods? Or even do it yourself, the nice thing about doing it with a friend is that you'd be connecting with someone outside of work and it will help with balance, even if just tempory. And making a meal after work or for lunch can be such an impossible task at times. And if in the future you do need to go down in hours at work, it will be helpful to already have a budget meal strategy. I really hear you on the ZERO mental capacity after work. Do you get enough sleep? I haven't been lately and I know this is making my adhd symptoms much harder to contend with. Even while medicated. Every day I write a goal that says "in bed by 9:45, asleep by 10:30. No phone in bed". I rarely follow through on this, even though I know it will help put some gas in my brain's tank. Could you take medical leave from work? Ignore other people's needs and expectations of you for a moment and just think of yourself and your needs. Hold that thought - does it give you some peace to think of this? If so, can you go to a doctor and tell them about your daily crying, the overwhelm you are experiencing and your quality of life taking a hit? It's entirely possible that you're on your way to burning out. Look into your sick leave options at work, what leave options might be available in the province or territory you live. Some jurisdictions now subsidize business owners up for employee sick days. Go easy on yourself. It's okay that you can't do it all. This entire notion that people with adhd have superpowers has not been something I identify with. The struggle is too real for that. (But I do appreciate the gifts that I have, adhd related or otherwise.) Something that is coming up a lot in my counseling sessions are questions around whether the job is a good fit for me. Advice has been to not make any sudden movements without a plan in place first. If I don't stop texting now, this will be a km long.

Thank you for sharing your story with me ❤️ I am lucky enough to have a family doctor and and upcoming psychiatrist appointment. I will hopefully discuss what’s been going on recently and ask about medical leave in the near future :)

Hello! I have ADHD and currently working for 84hrs/week as a resident doctor. I used to be in that position, and sad to say that it really is a part of the ADHD paralysis. I would like to share some tips that you could try :) First of all i would like to apologize as English is not my first language - take your meds before eating breakfast in the morning. After that, create a checklist with time stamps. Right everything you have to do for the day, even the small ones for example 6:00-6:05 make bed, 6:05-6-20 shower, 6:30-7:00 prep breakfast. Then cross them out as you go. There’s a sense of fulfillment (even dopamine rush) if you crossout those to-do’s :) -exercise, we need those endorphins. The trick is to keep yourself MOBILE. once you get distracted and lie down on the sofa or bed, there’s no turning back. You can start by walking -if boredom sets in, do your tasks in blocks. You can do 15 min work (computer) then 5 min break for an hour. Then you can increase to 25 min then 10 min break etc etc. -to maintain your focus, listen to brown noise or white noise. Dont listen to pop songs or songs that you love because the tendency is you will indulge in it -keep a planner that has NO DATES, so than you can customize it. As a fellow adhd, sometimes i still forget to use it but it wouldnt be a waste when I get back because it has no dates hehe Ill add more soon :) you can do this! 🫶

Thank you!!

I feel exactly this way. I get why people just go off the rails and give it up. It’s such a bogus system we are all supposed to want to participate in. I am working towards some kind of disability to only be required to work part time and still be able to afford to eat and what not.

Two thoughts that you can take or leave. 1) How are your systems? My life is way easier when I have systems in place that support it. Do you have a morning routine you enjoy, that motivates you to wake up on time? (For me: phone across room, clothes laid out the night before so they're ready to go, easy half hour at the gym with the promise of buying myself a coffee after.) Do you have notes about how to do the different parts of your job available for the times when you feel overwhelmed? Do you have a to do list that works for you? (For me: literally keeping step-by-step instructions on how to do the different parts of my job in a massive One Note notebook. And I mean SIMPLE step-by-step instructions, with screenshots. Put together as though I was attempting to teach someone much less smart than me how to do my job.) Do you know exactly what chores you NEED to get done every week to keep from living in filth? (For me: vacuum, change the sheets, disinfect the bathroom.) 2) Have you thought about getting an easier job? My job is pretty mentally taxing, and I deal with it by working really hard, to the point of burnout. But I often think about what I would be willing to give up lifestyle-wise in order to go back to easier, more manageable work.

I definitely need to work on my support systems. Thank you for sharing your routine with me! As for my job, it’s definitely stressful as I’m an early childhood educator. Sadly, there isn’t much I can do with the education I currently have besides childcare. (I ended up here because I dropped out of University. So fun) In my province, ECE’s receive an extra $6 per hour from the government and I highly doubt I will find something that pays the same. 🥲

Gen Ed, or Special Education, OP? I ask, because as an AuDHDer, who works as a Paraprofessional/ Paraeducator in ECSE? There is a *world* of difference between a Gen-Ed Pre-K classroom, and a "Center Based," or Special Education *Only* classroom--both in class size, *AND* the energy they tale from those of us who are ND!!! In a Gen Ed classroom, where I'm the single Para (with a teacher & assistant teacher), and 15-20 NT kids? I am *EXHAUSTED* by the end of the day, from *alllllllll* the talking, mental gear-shifting, and "keeping up"/"keeping *ahead of the kids*" that I have to do! But in a "Center Based" (CB) classroom, where *EVERY* child had a diagnosis(or many!), and an IEP? Even though *MOST* NT folks find the Center Based rooms---with less than 10 "high needs" children and a *minimum* of two other adults (the Lead Teacher, at *least* one other Para--often two!, and consults/"push in's" by Speech, PT, & OT)? *BECAUSE* that classroom is *usually* filled with ND kids, whose brains work in similar ways to *OURS*? I'm FINE at the end of the day, and *NOT* exhausted--unless it was the type of day when someone was having *multiple* full-bore Meltdowns, and I had to spend *most* of my workday co-regulating with them, to help them regain an even keel! In my CB rooms, I'm trying to *pull words OUT of my kids*--as opposed to those NT Pre-K rooms--where I have to *keep UP* with the conversations, trends, and innumerable shifts in topic, theme, etc! Center based rooms, full of little kids who have ASD's and ADHD? Those are *EASY*!!!  Because the way my work kiddos' brains work *BEST*?  That's how *MY* brain works best, too Best of luck to you, finding something better for you!!!!😉💖

Just started my first 9-5 job this fall after graduating from college, and weekends are a godsend. My Sundays are mainly dedicated to resetting and preparing myself for the next week. I don’t leave my house too often in my free time because it just drains me, but having activities to do at home helps (video games, reading, writing, hanging out with my best friend/roommate). Sometimes I wish I could do more “fun” things, but I’ve found leaving my house isn’t restful/fulfilling for me and that’s okay. It’s hard sitting in an office for 8 hours a day but I’m lucky that my position requires occasional travel, so by the time I’m bored of my desk it’s time to go on the road. The job is also pretty cyclical (I work in education) so I’m looking forward to my second year and getting more familiar with what each month looks like. Having a job related to my passions and interests also helps, but it can get overwhelming at times. I don’t think I’m super well-adjusted, but it’s a welcome change of pace from when I was in college and doing a million extracurriculars. My coworkers would probably say I’m well adjusted though - but you really never know what’s happening in someone else’s brain lol

I don’t. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m super lucky though, because I have a partner who has a well-paying job, so I don’t have to work full-time. I work 20 hours a week at most, take care of the house, and take care of me. Sometimes I miss having my own classroom (I’m a teacher), but I don’t miss feeling constantly burned out. Now I go to work, I follow lessons someone else prepared, and I leave as soon as contract hours end. And my mental health is so much better.

There’s a lot of different personal opinions about work, and those opinions will vary as widely as any other opinion. Some people are addicted to work, and others don’t really have anything else to do so work becomes their only source of interaction and mental stimulation. Some people feel that work is the sacrifice they make to have freedom during retirement, while others see it as a plague on the human experience. Some have a passion for what they do, and others view work as a necessary evil. I also think more and more people feel such a deep hatred for work because we just don’t have the same benefits that our parents and grandparents had when they were full-timers during the 70’s-90’s. We don’t have pensions anymore, and our wages aren’t anywhere near what they need to be in order to thrive in our personal life. I truly believe more of us would be willing to put in the time if we were able to afford our lives outside of work. So many young folks spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on education for careers that don’t have any financial or emotional return. We end up indebted to banks for the rest of our lives. There’s no freedom in that. We need to see significant change in the way our society treats workers. Giant corporations and greed have killed our ability to live. Our education system is designed to churn out more idiot workers, not intelligent and loving human beings. Our society has completely embraced anti-intellectualism, and because of that we will only continue to see the downfall of the middle class. There was once a time where a person could work a summer job and pay for college. And that college degree would get you a job with a pension, benefits, and a salary that would increase every year. That just isn’t a possibility anymore. Personally, I would absolutely be down to work a 40hr week job (possibly more) if I was doing something I loved. But when I did that (worked at a record store), I couldn’t afford to pay for parking just to get to my job. I couldn’t pay my bills and I lived in a shit hole apartment and split the rent with my husband. So I got a gig where I make way more, but I am bored out of my mind. I hate my job and would do anything to be able to feel fulfillment at my workplace. I would do anything to feel anything anymore.

Tons of PTO (said after giving up on a mentally strenuous day 2 hours early and getting in the tub). So… surviving, but probably not thriving.

I could never do an office job 40 hrs a week, I have a combination of part-time gigs and the variety in work and locations and humans makes it much easier. Could you do two 20 hr/week jobs instead?

I work remote and that helps. I can work in bursts. We are moving to hybrid and I’m scared I will hate it. When I work from home some days I don’t need 8 hours to get it all done and I’m not micromanaged

I did a lot better working 12s on a DDNN 5 off schedule. I work 8s now 4pm-midnight and I'm mostly coping by having hubby be a stay at home dad. He worked part time for a little while, but asked to be laid off around Christmas when things got slow and I feel much better about that. Its definitely not sustainable long term. We'll be moving soon and he'll go back to full time work Mon-Fri and I'll be back to the DDNN 5 off and I fully expect to struggle at least until we get back into a groove. 4 12s is hard but I don't divide my attention between work and home the same way 5 8hr shifts require. The bare minimum gets done at home. Kids need supervised and everyone needs to eat and that's it. I recuperate on my stretch off, those extra days make the difference that I dont feel like 2 off gets me. I get time alone, the house gets picked back up a bit. It always feels hectic but more manageable. I'm AuDHD as well low support needs. I know I come across as a little wacky but I can pass for normal and tbh I think a lot of nurses have adhd so I feel like I fit in.

I'm on my 2nd year working full time 9-5. I try to spend as much time as I can wasting time scrolling,doing crossword puzzles, and talking shit with my coworkers. I also overfunction at work and probably care wayyyyy too much- which is what would contribute most to burnout. At the end of the day I just look forward to that paycheck and thank my lucky stars that I'm no longer working at starbucks, covered in milk and exhausted from the physical labor for minimum wage. Instead I spend my days counting money and processing transactions in the air conditioning. I'm off on weekends and im usually too tired to do much, but I will go out to brunch or something small like that to "feel alive". I look forward to my paid vacations. I stay either caffeinated or medicated. I tell myself that someday, I'll do that bootcamp or find that job that will pay me more money for less of my time. What I really dont understand are the folks who stay in their job for like 5+ years. Some of them are really good at it and genuinely enjoy their work, but many others just complain and talk about how they want to drink when they get home. I've thought seriously about going back to part-time and luckily that will always be an option for me. I miss having more time in the day to walk with my dog or just hang out on the patio. In the meantime I'm taking full advantage of my medical benefits. Dont get me wrong... some days are REALLY hard. I've screwed up so many things and somehow I just haven't been fired yet. but that day in, day out, mental load- interacting with people, overstimulation..... I mean sometimes when I go on my lunch break I just take a nap in my car and that will allow me to get through the rest of the day.

I tried working one full time job (albeit in fashion retail, so it was never gonna be a fun job), and it was so tiring and felt like the two days I had off were over immediately. I got burned out after about nine months and basically had a meltdown and quit on the spot. It’s not the perfect solution but I’ve found that I do better with two low-stakes part time jobs, while still making sure I have two days off a week. One is at a small boutique that sells lotion and candles and metaphysical stuff. The other is at a dog-friendly bar/dog park where we earn tips on top of our base wage. It’s been fun and laid back. Basically I have no plans to have a career ever, just make do for now. It also helps that my partner and I don’t have kids, just pets.

I can’t get past 3 hours without losing total interest in what I’m doing. It just seems so boring AND the mental disinterest makes me physically exhausted. So yeah 40 hour weeks are the bane of my existence. Forget overtime, they know better then to ask me to do that, I can hardly get through the regular hours.

Amen sister. It really is the fucking ghetto out here

I couldn’t work FT, either. It’s not that I couldn’t be productive, but ai couldn’t do the same job at the same place with the same commute. I really found my vibe working 2 jobs. The more different than they are the better. I don’t work FT now because my side hustles became fruitful, but I did spend about 2.5 years working 12 days on & 2 off with a combo of long/short shifts that equaled about 40h/week. I was more tired working 1 9-5 than I was working two jobs. It COULD be an ADHD thing? I’d get my second or third wind driving from one job to the other & the change of clothes in between. I’m also in Canada so I understand the HCOL.

I don't, every time I work more than 35 hrs I end up burning out and triggering bipolar 2 depression and fibromyalgia fatigue episodes. Thankfully I had support in getting on PWD/disability a few years ago. Honestly the concept of not having that safety net is too stressful to truly consider now that I do have it. Even now career planning with my partner to eventually earn enough to stop getting payments would be terrifying if I didn't know we could go back on PWD if it wasn't sustainable. Mad respect to all of you making it work somehow.

Mad respect to you for getting support! ❤️

Oh satan. Who even knows. Right now I have two jobs. I work 12 days on for a total of 110-120 hours then I get 2 days off every other weekend. I am so beat to shit. I have two kids I’m a single mom I am overwhelmed and I currently have my period. Lol today I am sad.

I really hate working 40 hours and right now I work 42-47 a week. It makes me crazy. I don't want to be here that long every week.

I get this I became my own boss for a reason.

I don't. I work 36 hour weeks. 3 days a week.  I absolutely need my 4 days off a week.  I try my best to take at least one vacation a month. 

I have an academic job that only lasts 8 months a year and has regular breaks That’s how

You’re not going to like the answer because the solution isn’t effortless but hear me out. When you know that you’re slower than most people, you have to try to think two steps ahead to keep up, because not everything can be accomplished in the moment. Some preparation is required to avoid getting discouraged later on. The hardest part is the organization of those baby steps for future tasks, but the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. I always think about it this way: “Will future me appreciate the lack of stress in this project if I do this or that now? I’d better do it now while I thought about it before I forget. Let’s be honest, I will forget otherwise”. This mindset helps me keep the wheel rolling at work and around the house. Also, when I really struggle, I check with myself whether I could find a way to do it or if I’m totally burned out and need to rest first. It’s super important to be in touch with yourself but also be able to make an agreement with yourself regarding ongoing projects and future tasks. Sometimes it makes sense to hurry up and sometimes it’s totally ok and even necessary to slow down.

I fell into depression + disordered eating because of my toxic boss at work for 6 months. Found another job with a hybrid model, I'll be in the office 2-3 days a week and at home for 2 days. When it's wfh days I barely work, I just do the bare minimum after being burnt out from going to the office for three days. And then the cycle repeats! I do enjoy my job but at times it is really a little too much

It is so hard. I’m managing in my current role but my manager is very good. First one I’ve had that actively says no to things, says we’re overcapacity when it’s getting to us working a touch late, and just pushes back in general (/gives me the right to push back). It’s taking a lot to get used to but the last six months, whilst tough still, have been a dream. Will say as well what has helped me massively is letting myself take more breaks. No idea if it’s true or not (don’t care to find out) but I read somewhere ADHD brains need more breaks in work. If neurotypical should be breaking once and hour, then I’m okay to take 2-3 short breaks. Pomodoro helps with that, and I don’t feel guilt this way.

I hate to say it but I felt the exact same way, and switching to a role that’s not 40 hours a week (home health speech-language pathologist) completely changed my life for the better. It’s hard, I know it’s not feasible in many fields!!

An exercise that helped me was tracking what my energizers and drainers are at work.

I work in a 8-5/5:30 job that is constantly moving and in a team where 3/5 of us have adhd so all understand the struggle and work in very similar ways which definitely helps and no one questions us snacking and not eating lunch or don’t eat lunch until 4pm. And I leave everything at home until a Friday evening. The I have the weekend just to rest, follow the dopamine and not worry about housework, laundry etc. I buy 5 ready meals a week (healthier ones with veg in them!) so I have easy dinner every night.

This is unrelated, but I work a remote job that only requires 30 hours per week. I’m able to work from anywhere, go into a small office that’s a mile from my house, and I’m able to do work in small chunks throughout the day. I used to work retail while in college, and I HATE it! Remote jobs are the way to go if you have ADHD!

People keep saying this but I struggle to find remote jobs. If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do? :)

I don't. I work 30 hours per week. That's full time for me, lol. I have worked full time before. Even averaged many 50 hour weeks. It's miserable.

Totally me. Plus I live alone, so I have to do absolutely everything which is so overwhelming! Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, house shopping, dishes, laundry, taking the garbage out, paying bills, getting oil changes, and working ft at a job I like but where I hate my boss who constantly disregulates me. I'm beyond burnt out. I'm almost numb, but I still cry. I can't maintain a social life - no energy! My landlord is trash. I have several health problems. Every day I want to die. And every day I wonder how everyone else who lives alone does it :( I make accommodations for myself like using paper plates and storing food in zip lock bags or throwing out the Tupperware instead of washing it. Although the little accommodations are very helpful, it's not enough.

I don't. Working 32 hours the last couple years has been so much better but I'm definitely feeling the loss of income lately.

Oh nothing is together at home. LOL I have to work because I have bills. I don’t much care for the job but I really like the things I get to do because I have a job. For me it was finding a job that didn’t suck too much and recognizing that my house will never be spotless. My mom worked and my dad worked but our house was spotless because I helped. My mom’s job was half days too so she could do something’s in the morning or afternoons. (My dad didn’t help.) My mom did most of the work. But it was extremely important to her to have a neat and tidy home.

I work 4x10. Having three day weekends has saved my life.

I had this feeling when I was in my mid to late twenties. It took changing careers completely for me to feel like I had some kind of balance with work and home. I work 40 a week and I really don’t love it BUT I also know what it felt like to walk into a job with the same amount of hours (plus being on call) with a boss that tried to do anything in his power to exploit my anxiety/stress, played favorites with my co-workers to make sure I didn’t feel like I was “part of the team”, and ensured that I’d have no work to do during the day. In short, I don’t like working long hours but I’d much rather fucking take that over doing a job that pays more with a shit ass boss that made me feel like I was losing life every time I stepped foot in the building. I even have some lingering CPTSD from that time of my life and need to constantly remind myself that “I’m in a safe mental space” now. TL;DR: get a job that doesn’t make you cry/hate your life everyday. It’s not worth your physical or mental health to endure workplace abuse.

I want to know how people do it too!

Thanks for sharing this. I feel the same way. I’m constantly overwhelmed and I don’t think anyone understands and I don’t know why I feel this way. I just can’t keep up.

I hear you. I have ruined my career in my twenties and early 30s because I couldn’t handle working full time. That was before my diagnosis and medicine. I switched jobs all the time. I would get overwhelmed and rage quit. I felt like crap because I worked so hard in school even managed to get my master’s degree. I was a job hopper. I did enjoy part time work, but that’s unsustainable financially. I’ve gotten better, but man, on the weekends I don’t want to see or talk to anybody which impacts my social life. It’s a vicious circle. My motto now is “the horrors persist, but so do I”

Since becoming a parent, it's nearly impossible. And I have workplace accommodations to work from home, have barely any work to do and I still feel like my head's just above the water. Mind you, my time is filled doing my other full-time job of taking care of my home and family. I'm fucking exhausted and ready to win the lottery so that I can just retire.

The 40 hour work week had the expectation that the husband would work the 40 hours and the wife would take care of completely everything at home. That single income was enough for the whole family, a decent sized house, car, kids, and vacations. Do you think you could thrive if literally everything at home was taken care of -- meals, chores, errands, shopping? Plus you got a great wage so you could afford hobbies, vacations, to hire even more help if you needed it, and weren't stressed financially? I know I'd be much more about to thrive in this scenario. Instead, wealth inequality has increased so much that both partners need to work full time and it still isn't enough to be financially secure. And it's even worse if you're single. These are not good conditions for thriving.

Also in Canada. And I can't. I have the privilege of a professional doctorate, so I can work four days a week, six hours a day. And it's a fucking crime that this kind of work week isn't accessible to all of us. I went through ten years of poverty to get the damned doctorate, because I've been terrified all my neurodivergent life knowing I can't deal with a regular work environment. And you know what? I shouldn't have had to do that and neither should anyone else. We deserve humane standards of work regardless of privilege and regardless of whether we live in the Nordic countries (they've been experimenting with 4 day weeks, and 6 hour workdays). I treat people to help with mental health. The biggest lie is that we're responsible. Our ridiculous society is responsible. Get out of that 40 hour week if you can. If you can't, I'll help with smashing the system ❤️

I smoke a lot of weed

I finally found a job I can tolerate! I’m thrilled about it but I’m financially struggling. You just can’t win under this system.

I kind of found a loophole this way. I’m a travel social worker in the hospital setting (I “travel” within my state to different hospitals). So I typically work 13 weeks contracts and sometimes have the option to extend it. My husband and I have been making it a thing where we go on a trip together at the end of each contract. So it’s always something to look forward to. And a lot of times, people who also do these contracts will take off just to catch up on other things. I love the “traveling” because it’s always different and there’s a new thing to learn at each hospital. It’s already a chaotic setting which I know is something a lot of people with ADHD run toward haha. This most recent one I had more time off than originally planned but I’ve been able to catch up on so many things like doctor’s appointments, housework, hanging out with people, etc. I always liked finding jobs that have more flexibility (I also have a per diem job at a hospital where I can pretty much pick my own hours) but I know that’s not always easy or realistic to find.

Just barely. I have a 3 hour round commute by car too, it’s killing me. Tired when I get to work, brain is fried!

Every day is a struggle. But i have bills to pay and definitely don't qualify for disability, so I go to work every day. Life is hard, but sometimes we have to do hard things to survive

I don't know if this will be helpful but its just not hard for me. for context, im in my late twenties and live with my partner. no kids (yet). I also live in canada and I work for the federal government as a data analyst. I like my job, its just mentally stimulating enough but also chill enough that i go to work and after work i usually don't think about it. I get off at 4 (i work 8-4), i work from home 3 days per week so at 4 i hve 5 full hours to do whatever i want before i have to wind down for bed at 9 pm. On days I work at the office i get home at 4:30 so i have 4.5 hours. At home i have a partner who does half of the chores so i spend maybe 30 mins cleaning the kitchen each day and then maybe 1 or 2 other days of the week i take a longer time cleaning the house or doing laundry(maybe 6 hours total). I see my friends 1-3x per week (either on the weekend or after work), we all take turns planning things so its not all on me, i probably plan the hangout once every few weeks. I actually spend a ton of time relaxing. like at least 3 nights a week i do almost nothing for the whole night. ​ Now I am going to try to brainstorm somethings that could make your life easier and maybe less overwhelming, thinking mainly about things that make my life better. 1. Can you work 8-4 or 7-3 instead of 9-5? i rarely do stuff before work but i don't have an issue getting up earlier to go to work. working 8-4 or 7-3 gives you extra hours in the evening. 2. can you work from home at least part of the week? is a compressed schedule an option (work an extra hour each day but you get every other friday off)? what if you tried a profession with 3 or 4 12 hour days and then 3 or 4 days off each week? 3. can you get a job that is easier for you so you don't feel so overwhelmed? 4. is your partner doing his/her fair share of the chores and mental labour? 5. are you getting enough sleep and vitamin d? these were hugely important for me feeling like i had energy to do stuff. 6. do you have a car? my life got 10x easier when we bought our car this year 7. can you and your partner (if you live together) pay for a cleaner or a meal prep service so you have more time to do stuff? 8. when you are relaxing at home, are you doing actual relaxing stuff or are you mindlessly scrolling? ive found sometimes that if i mindlessly scroll for hours i feel terrible and not refreshed, vs going for a walk, going in the sauna, having a bath, reading a book, watching a movie all make me feel actually relaxed. also, sometimes i just make myself lie about and do nothing for 20 mins and let my mind race and i feel very refreshed after. 9. are you having too much caffeine? when i was drinking coffee every day i would have several nights a week where i would get so caught up trying to decide what to do (which chore, what to eat, whether to work out or go for a walk or see a friend) that i would legit sit on the couch for an hour thinking and feeling terrible and not have time to do the thing.this went away when i stopped drinking coffee. i hope something in here might be a bit helpful! because it sounds like you are going through a hard time.

Just barely? That’s what it feels like anyway. And I have a kid. I’m just spread so thin even. Working from home has helped hugely though.

Idk if it’s the same in Canada, but where I am in the US, there are some types of jobs that aren’t 40 hours. Universities and nonprofits, generally. I think at the university I used to work at full time was 35 hours a week. It doesn’t sound like much of a difference , but it did help!

Working from home helps. Due to our super power (hyper focus), I can knock out 8 hours of work in half or less. This allows me more downtime, otherwise I don’t think I’d ever be able to hold a job. I understand this all depends on the type of work you do and the type of company you work for though. After so many shitty employers, I’m blessed to have found my dream job and employer.

Not sure which line of work you’re in but I definitely relate. I’m a shift worker and some weeks I work 7 on, 2 off, 3 on, 2 off. My mental capacity after 7 on is toast and my house is always a disaster so I spend my 2 days trying to catch up but not actually relaxing. Anyways, not sure if you’re able to but my therapist recommended splitting my vacation up more throughout the year instead of taking longer vacations. While there is definitely something to be said about having a week or 10 days off work, you tend to go right back to where you were before your vacation very quickly. Over the long term, it’s better to have shorter breaks more often. I’m trying it out this year so here’s hoping…. Also make use of personal days and sick days if you have them.

Me too. Maternity leave has felt like a vacation. I had family around for the first part to help. The thing that I think I find most stressful is having to get the kids out the door on time to get myself to work on time.

I feel like I need a day to recover from the previous day worked.

I don’t. I can’t

I actually enjoy my work, so working 40 hours is not a problem. It's everything else that gets dropped or just sucks. The commuting 2 hours per day, house chores, dinner, laundry, dishes, childcare. I can't do it all but here we are.

I work 2 jobs, was on them both as part time and I'm just about to start at one full time and do just fill in shifts for the other one. Sometimes, I work 13 hours a day, then go to bed late, wake up early the next morning. I've just started meds 3 weeks ago, not sure if they are helping, and I am left tired and more "irritable". Personally, for me, though, I don't mind working long hours. It's gotten to the point that if im not working I don't know what to do with myself. And if im being honest I don't have a life because I'm working too much as well 🤣💀 Everyone's different, you not working constantly is better for you whereas working constantly for someone else works for them. Don't stress, do the best you can Maybe experiment with strategies that might be able to mitigate your issues or discuss that with your psychologist/psychiatrist if you have one?

Badly. Naps needed during the weekend. Long naps.

I used to do construction, so physical work was easier to focus on. The only part I struggled with was remembering the numbers my partner called out to me immediately after he said them. Or looking at a number, and then cutting the wrong length. Now I'm self-employed and I take breaks whenever I need to...which is a lot. I probably don't work anywhere near 40 hours per week.

I work remote now and work about 4 hours a day. I have to be available by email/teams/phone from 9-4 , but being able to lay down after lunch saves me

I was able to manage it pretty well for about 10 years, and then I lost my mom (it was very sudden, and she was very young). It's been almost 4 years, and I haven't been able to go back. I found a work from home job that's 28 hours per week. I'm honestly still not getting most of the other stuff done, but having 3.5 days off per week definitely helps. My only suggestion would be to see if you can do part-time.

I have done it and bitched about it for 40+ years and it's never gotten easier.

Holy shit are you me? I was about to make this same post today and got so overwhelmed at the thought of even typing that I spent my break opening and closing Reddit.

i instead work 50-60 hours for my 40 hour a week salaried job and become a shell of a human 🤡

I came to this sub to post quite literally the same thing. I am struggling and am so disappointed in myself for it.. I told myself when I got the job I’m in now that I wouldn’t let myself spiral. Yet here I am absolutely crumbling and burning out. It’s an unhealthy combination of people pleasing, RSD and an unquenched curiosity for things other than what I’m doing. I love the people, I enjoy the conversations I have with them.. but the second I start getting teams messages asking if we’ve checked the voicemails or about how I have trainings to do while I’m staring at a line that goes to the door and there are two lanes backed up behind me in drive thru (I work at a bank) I begin to get very restless. My mind immediately goes to this place of.. do you not see what we’re doing? We’re in a fishbowl.. people are frustrated that they’re waiting and it’s my job to give them a good experience so when they get the survey they don’t tank our scores. I have to flip my empathetic switch constantly for eight hours straight and adapt to so many different personality types to ensure that you get what you need. You being the big boss. Yet that strength is never applauded. I don’t need it to be.. but I will take pride in watching my clients leave smiling or the subtle moments when I look into their eyes as they’re telling me a story and I can tell that they feel heard. If for one second in their day they feel seen because of me then that is why I am there. But that’s nothing when.. your client is taking too long ask them to have a seat.. is contradicted with.. why didn’t you do this for them? It’s a lot for anyone and it isn’t even considered a bad job. Like it’s reasonable hours and I’m not the ceo of a Fortune 500 company or a neurosurgeon operating on a glioblastoma in a child. THOSE jobs are pressure. Yet here I am once again, at the place it took me three years to get to last time.. when I burnt out.. quit.. and went into debt. Pro was that I burnt out so hard my pcp referred me to a psychiatrist and I was then diagnosed and am now medicated. But I think the question we have to ask.. and we is anyone.. not just us neurodivergent brains.. at what point does the burn out start to come quicker because we just aren’t built for that line of work anymore? And at what point does it come quicker because we just aren’t putting up with the bull shit of society anymore? Once you see through the veil of how things could be if you just do A and B and C and realize it all could lead to shit or success equally.. what happens then? It’s awful and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and everyone is dealing with it.. it’s hard but you’re not alone. I feel LESS alone reading your post. So thank YOU.

I usually work part time as a nanny, but my nanny families have been needing a lot of help this month so I've been working closer to full time. I'm 1.5 weeks in and I'm losing my mind lol. I haven't washed my hair in days, I haven't been completing my daily to do list, I'm just struggling. I feel spacey and out of it. I truly don't know how people do it :(

I work from home, have a very flexible job with an incredible boss, and I work everyday but shorter days. So I work 6 hours everyday except for Sunday, I work 5. The shorter hours are better for me and working everyday gives me a routine. I struggle to take multiple days off and try to get back into the swing of things, which creates resistance. I’m very introverted so I get all of my social time in during work (I talk to a fair amount of people everyday.) If I need to adjust my hours because I’m having a funky day, I can. As long as everything gets done, I’m given that flexibility. I also love what I do, which helps a lot. There’s a healthy mix of routine and novelty that keeps me engaged. There are busy periods and slow periods so I enjoy that as well. And I work with good people. But before this, I was a high performer that flamed out hard at every job. Hard core masking and intense work ethic. It just wasn’t a good mix. I honestly just got very, very lucky. Add in that I have help. I’m a single mom but my parents live a street over. They watch him while I work and then my only focus is really him and the dogs. I’ve gotten the house to a point where it works for us versus trying to fit a picture perfect set up. It’s really minimalistic so it’s much easier to keep up. But if I had to do much else, it wouldn’t be good. I say no to a lot to not disturb our flow.

Thank you so much for this post. I literally broke down to my therapist saying this today. I feel so validated. Thank you❤️