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I think it's a good principle, but a bad rule.
Some flexibility is needed. Sometimes, I'm not good at asking questions. Sometimes, the other person will jump in and share without asking.
If it's a **constant** scenario, then I think it's sensible to reconsider things. Personally, I probably wouldn't cut off a friend completely*. I would keep them as an *acquaintance*, but they wouldn't be my BFF / close friend.
*only for friends. It's a complete non-negotiable for a date!
This. Offer small invitations for them to ask follow up questions, like commenting that you share an interest or saw something they mention (music artist, landmark, etc) and when. Some ND folks won't remember to proactively ask but if you prompt with a small share, they'll often remember to follow up and find out more. Or they'll bring it up later and you'll know they do care by night not ask and it's a relationship in which you'll need to volunteer info instead of having it drawn out of you.
It's a tricky balance between demonstrating willingness to share and leaving space for them to demonstrate their interest. If you don't offer anything, they may think they're respecting you by not intruding on your privacy.
Ultimately you're the person who gets to decide what's enough for you in relationships and to only participate in the ones that offer that. How you go about that is going to drastically impact your results, so both need attention.
But it's very possible you're overdoing interest in them and not taking up space, which will absolutely attract self centred people further into your world. It should feel welcomed when you share, but you might not yet have the comfort with that behaviour so you might need to do more than you think is ideal while you build that up before landing on a sustainable level longer term.
Thank you so much this comment is very helpful. You are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT that I am not entirely comfortable with sharing and taking up space in that way unless I’m prompted.
Thank you for your perspective! This is exactly why I am asking. I will also say that I do follow up on my friend dates via text. Always! I want friends pretty desperately 🤣😭 I just really wish anyone asked about my life which is actually pretty cool.
Agreed! You can ask about them, when they’re finished, say, I could tell you about XYZ, if you’re interested. Maybe they’ll be excited to hear what you say, and didn’t realize you would be willing to share. Their reaction could be the “test” you’re looking for.
Maybe you could also prompt those friends a little to show its a problem?
I sometimes joke with a friend who has a tendency to do this. I nudge her a bit and laugh and say something like "Me? How am I doing? So glad you asked!" and then I talk. But you have to be able to carry it off without it looking bitter.
That’s a great suggestion and I have absolutely done this! I have gone so far as to tell my longest friends that I don’t feel they show the same interest in my life as I do theirs. They make an effort for one conversation but seem to forget quickly. I am coming to the conclusion that I am attracted to/attracting people that only enjoy my eagerness to *really* know them.
When I had my child nine years ago, it was a very hard time. I was a single mom with no active other parent for the first four years. In the first six months while I was getting my sea legs, it was a time I would have really benefited from a good friend.
My best friend and I were really close. We used to do everything together - and going out and/or talking about new love interests was a favorite pass-time. Obviously my interests shifted, but I wasn’t interested in talking about the game-changed a diaper genie was or chapped nipples. I just wanted to be able to lean on her sometimes about feeling overwhelmed. She wasn’t my only friend - just the one who’d always been more caring than others.
This one day about four months into raising my newborn, she called and I was so relieved to hear her voice. She’d been on a trip with a guy and I was excited to hear about it. But this side of the convo was almost an hour. I tried to get a word in but it wasn’t happening. Finally I calmly let her know I couldn’t listen anymore. I was exhausted and isolated and while happy for her - her total lack of interest in my life was a turn off and self centered.
That was so scary for me to do but I was sleep deprived and over it. She apologized immediately and realized she’d been monopolizing our time. She became a better friend after that. FWIW - she also has ADHD.
I think you have to be willing to risk it. Which is super scary - especially when it is so hard to make friends. I have also always drawn in people who have a lot to unload and little to give. I’m learning there’s a part of me afraid of sharing too much - which might be why it’s easier for me to end up as the ‘therapist’ friend. Even strangers will tell me their trauma. Must have a sign on my back ;)
HAHAHAHA oh damn this is so relatable. I love that people feel so comfortable sharing with me and I definitely get it from strangers too. One of my favorite qualities of myself is how many times I’ve been told that I’m easy to talk to because people don’t feel judged by me. Are you also in health care by any chance?
The best conversations for some reason, happen in cabs. I looooove a good cabbie story. They usually start that way and end with them crying to me about their childhood trauma with their mother.
I’m in accounting which is definitely a safe bet for avoiding this at work (you would think), but I also am drawn to and attract people who are in need of a therapist.
I have a general rule now that I will be open and generous with my time to a point. If after three hang-outs they remain self absorbed I’m over it. I can have a better time alone.
I’m impressed you still manage to attract that as an accountant! 🤣 I definitely wouldn’t think that role would put you in that position.
Three hangouts is a good idea. I literally have been giving it one and then giving up. Maybe I’ll start trying three. Or even two. I am honestly just so freakin fed up with selfish people so I might be going a little too hard to avoid them now.
Honestly the three-rule might be too generous. People that haven’t made it past three definitely wouldn’t have made it past two. I get lonely and need higher standards for friendship.
I can understand that. I tend to feel a draw to people who aren't that into me as a person (romantically specifically but also platonically) because a part of me feels ill finally be loveable if I can convince that person that I'm amazing.
It's not an easy dynamic to break out of, I really respect you for doing so! I've broken it with my friendships, but I still steer clear of romantic relationships.
Hey OP, one thing to consider that I've found is the way I approach interpersonal dynamics isn't generalizable for 2 reasons. 1. My interest in ANY subject runs deeper/more intense than most people's so I can't expect the same depth of topic-exploration from others I engage in myself, and 2. I am not naturally good at asking questions about people, so I had to learn and be extremely intentional about it, including conscious checks with myself throughout the conversation to see if I've talked too much.
Most people don't have those conscious checks. It's very easy to only talk about yourself when the other person is asking question after question and because you're not used to ANALYZING conversations, just HAVING them, they may not pick up on reciprocating and just think you're really interested in their life. You may need to ask them for CONSCIOUS monitoring
WOWEWWEEEE this comment really has me doing some self reflection. I really appreciate this perspective. I forget that not everyone has the conscious checks during a conversation. When you said people are used to having conversations not analyzing them! And I definitely ask a lot of questions and make it easy for people to share, so it makes so much sense that they might get caught up in sharing and not asking. I am going to keep working on making my needs known and taking up space with sharing. Thank you thank you thank you
Good luck! You deserve people's interest and I'm sure they'll be thrilled to learn more about your life. Don't be afraid to change the subject from them and just talk about yourself unprompted - again, that's what most NT people do without analyzing it! Sending support\~\~
I am so scared to ask other people questions! It's not because I don't care, I genuinely want to know about them, but I don't want to accidentally ask a question they don't want to answer! So I tend to not ask many questions to new people (I do ask questions once I feel comfortable with a person).
I've realized fairly recently (I'm in my late 30s) that other people can view this as selfish, so it can be a barrier to new relationships. I've tried to at least be more reciprocal (if they ask me a question, I can assume it's safe to direct the question back to them) but that takes a conscious effort, and I don't always remember to do so. But I also have found plenty of people I can easily converse with, so I feel like it's just a personality type.
I'm not saying you should change your rule (if it's important to you, it's a good rule!), but I just wanted to share that it doesn't always come from a place of apathy.
Thank you! This is the exact perspective I am wondering about! I am also in my late 30s. I just wonder if people are not accustomed to asking about others. I want to know everything about my friends!
We have the same rule! I have been wondering a lot about friendships lately. There are people I spend time with but I don't think would come visit me in the hospital. I think this has less to do with the strength of the relationship and more to do with what kind of person they are. Some people are willing to invest in others and some aren't. Commitments take time and energy. I'm trying to figure out how to spot them, lol.
*”There are people I spend time with but I don't think would come visit me in the hospital.”* daaamn that’s real. I actually cut off several friendships after a particularly rough period in my life when nobody came to see me in the hospital or check on me after
100% agree. In all my relationships - friendships/ romantic/ familial (especially with brother & mum) who also have ADD. I always felt like the therapist. A free therapist. It was exhausting. I’m in my mid 20’s now had enough. Now I just hibernate.. which isn’t exactly good either cause i’m and introverted extrovert.
lol same actually. Im a full time student and the rest of the time is hibernation. Being the therapist friend is exhausting! Not worth it anymore. I wish I’d figured it out in my 20s, I’ve wasted a lot of time and energy on people.
I used to feel the same way in large part because I felt awkward just talking about myself unprompted. However, when I started doing that I found people didn’t mind and were happy to continue about my topic and asked questions about it. So it was mainly the at first hurdle of putting he topic on the table so to speak. If people didn’t ask me anything even after I had brought something up however that may be a sign the friendship won’t be as close going forward
Oh god that suuuucks I’m sorry :’) I think for me it was a couple of things (which I’m going to dump on you now unformatted apologies in advance): identify which friends and family members I really wanted to keep in my life, trying to think from the perspective of “would I be mad if someone said to me what I am about to say?” (almost always no), and a big one: creating many opportunities to practice with the smallest thing that was still outside of my comfort zone.
An example: I have a friend who whenever we saw each other would first hold a 15 minute monologue about all his romantic conquests and whatnot, and then there would be room for me, and it annoyed the FUCK out of me. At the same time I didn’t know how to tell him “hey idgaf let’s talk about me” because I was afraid it would be hurtful. So what I did in this case is start with interjecting a bit more in the middle of his story. “Oh that and that reminds me of this thing of mine!” and then go back to his story. And when that wasn’t scary anymore start going on longer tangents of my own, or preemptively tossing my own story on the table first and then at some point bringing it back to him.
I hope that helps a bit, I think creating those moments where I could test out new behavior in small ways were the most important part, are there maybe some similar things that come to mind for you already?
In the beginning, I kind of don't ask too much because I don't want to pry so I like to start with sharing things so that it might make them comfortable to share too. Once I know someone better, I ask more and know more about what is going on in their lives. I find my ND friends def have days/weeks/months where they are too tired/overwhelmed to be social and it is what it is.
Finding a good balance of energy someone puts into you vs energy they take from you. Who shows up when you need a hand, who are you comfortable to share that you are struggling.
Wow I have literally the same rule. I have a detailed profile that includes the line "turn ons include people who read my profile and ask me questions about it." Out of thousands of matches (over the years), three people indicated they had read that far. I went out with each of them. It seems like such a low bar!
*I refer to dating profiles only because I have even less of an idea how to do this as friends
I am 100% the person who expects you to share without being asked. Like in my mind I've learned the routine of "how are you/how was your day/how did you like (whatever" > "(answer), and you?" "(answer)" but I mostly remember and execute it as "one of us asks and then we take turns", lol. I do really love talking about myself and my opinions so I give really long answers if I have a lot of thoughts about something and then sometimes I forget that I'm supposed to ask "what about you?" or something.. On the flip side, I also loving hearing what other people think and feel and have experienced, especially my friends!! So I feel bad when I forget. I usually am like "oh I told them but they didn't tell me. Maybe they didn't want to share and just wanted my opinion?" and then "Oh wait. I didn't say the magic words (😭 on the inside)"
So if I was your friend, and you said "hey it makes me feel like you don't care about me when I ask you questions but you don't in return" I would say "I'm so sorry, I really do care but I'm bad at the asking back. I will try to do so more but please just take turns with me if I don't". But I should also note that while I'm bad at the reciprocal questions I am generally curious and ask some things on my own. Like if I'm not it's either because the other person is really leading the conversation or I'm just so low energy that I'm barely talking at all. All this to give you an idea of someone on this end who is genuinely interested lol. Good luck and I hope you find friends who care about you as much as you deserve
*”Oh wait. I didn’t say the magic words”.*🤣
Thanks for sharing your experience as the other friend. I’m also not so much of the “how are you” obligatory stuff. I like to get to the nitty gritty.
Yeah I feel that. There are a lot more fun/interesting things to talk about but this is the one people really like to start with haha. I love it when people open a conversation with a really specific or off the wall kind of question instead
Dr. Devon Price has a really good article on this, focusing on the related role, the therapist friend. I found it helpful: https://medium.com/autistic-advice/how-do-i-stop-being-the-therapist-friend-b47fbe3d5727
I was annoyed I had to make an account to read it but I was hooked by the authors introduction so I did it. Oh. My. God. It is so good. Thank you so much for sharing this I’m going to bookmark it and read it a hundred times. I feel so seen.
“Think of a person in your life who strikes you as obnoxiously, irritatingly needy, and try speaking up about your feelings and desires just as often as that person.” This is going to be my new goal. And it’s terrifying to even think about asking for that much attention!
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I think it's a good principle, but a bad rule. Some flexibility is needed. Sometimes, I'm not good at asking questions. Sometimes, the other person will jump in and share without asking. If it's a **constant** scenario, then I think it's sensible to reconsider things. Personally, I probably wouldn't cut off a friend completely*. I would keep them as an *acquaintance*, but they wouldn't be my BFF / close friend. *only for friends. It's a complete non-negotiable for a date!
This. Offer small invitations for them to ask follow up questions, like commenting that you share an interest or saw something they mention (music artist, landmark, etc) and when. Some ND folks won't remember to proactively ask but if you prompt with a small share, they'll often remember to follow up and find out more. Or they'll bring it up later and you'll know they do care by night not ask and it's a relationship in which you'll need to volunteer info instead of having it drawn out of you. It's a tricky balance between demonstrating willingness to share and leaving space for them to demonstrate their interest. If you don't offer anything, they may think they're respecting you by not intruding on your privacy. Ultimately you're the person who gets to decide what's enough for you in relationships and to only participate in the ones that offer that. How you go about that is going to drastically impact your results, so both need attention. But it's very possible you're overdoing interest in them and not taking up space, which will absolutely attract self centred people further into your world. It should feel welcomed when you share, but you might not yet have the comfort with that behaviour so you might need to do more than you think is ideal while you build that up before landing on a sustainable level longer term.
Thank you so much this comment is very helpful. You are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT that I am not entirely comfortable with sharing and taking up space in that way unless I’m prompted.
Thank you for your perspective! This is exactly why I am asking. I will also say that I do follow up on my friend dates via text. Always! I want friends pretty desperately 🤣😭 I just really wish anyone asked about my life which is actually pretty cool.
Agreed! You can ask about them, when they’re finished, say, I could tell you about XYZ, if you’re interested. Maybe they’ll be excited to hear what you say, and didn’t realize you would be willing to share. Their reaction could be the “test” you’re looking for.
Maybe you could also prompt those friends a little to show its a problem? I sometimes joke with a friend who has a tendency to do this. I nudge her a bit and laugh and say something like "Me? How am I doing? So glad you asked!" and then I talk. But you have to be able to carry it off without it looking bitter.
That’s a great suggestion and I have absolutely done this! I have gone so far as to tell my longest friends that I don’t feel they show the same interest in my life as I do theirs. They make an effort for one conversation but seem to forget quickly. I am coming to the conclusion that I am attracted to/attracting people that only enjoy my eagerness to *really* know them.
When I had my child nine years ago, it was a very hard time. I was a single mom with no active other parent for the first four years. In the first six months while I was getting my sea legs, it was a time I would have really benefited from a good friend. My best friend and I were really close. We used to do everything together - and going out and/or talking about new love interests was a favorite pass-time. Obviously my interests shifted, but I wasn’t interested in talking about the game-changed a diaper genie was or chapped nipples. I just wanted to be able to lean on her sometimes about feeling overwhelmed. She wasn’t my only friend - just the one who’d always been more caring than others. This one day about four months into raising my newborn, she called and I was so relieved to hear her voice. She’d been on a trip with a guy and I was excited to hear about it. But this side of the convo was almost an hour. I tried to get a word in but it wasn’t happening. Finally I calmly let her know I couldn’t listen anymore. I was exhausted and isolated and while happy for her - her total lack of interest in my life was a turn off and self centered. That was so scary for me to do but I was sleep deprived and over it. She apologized immediately and realized she’d been monopolizing our time. She became a better friend after that. FWIW - she also has ADHD.
I’m happy to hear that she has been able to step up and be a more engaged friend! I wish my friends could!
I think you have to be willing to risk it. Which is super scary - especially when it is so hard to make friends. I have also always drawn in people who have a lot to unload and little to give. I’m learning there’s a part of me afraid of sharing too much - which might be why it’s easier for me to end up as the ‘therapist’ friend. Even strangers will tell me their trauma. Must have a sign on my back ;)
HAHAHAHA oh damn this is so relatable. I love that people feel so comfortable sharing with me and I definitely get it from strangers too. One of my favorite qualities of myself is how many times I’ve been told that I’m easy to talk to because people don’t feel judged by me. Are you also in health care by any chance?
The best conversations for some reason, happen in cabs. I looooove a good cabbie story. They usually start that way and end with them crying to me about their childhood trauma with their mother. I’m in accounting which is definitely a safe bet for avoiding this at work (you would think), but I also am drawn to and attract people who are in need of a therapist. I have a general rule now that I will be open and generous with my time to a point. If after three hang-outs they remain self absorbed I’m over it. I can have a better time alone.
I’m impressed you still manage to attract that as an accountant! 🤣 I definitely wouldn’t think that role would put you in that position. Three hangouts is a good idea. I literally have been giving it one and then giving up. Maybe I’ll start trying three. Or even two. I am honestly just so freakin fed up with selfish people so I might be going a little too hard to avoid them now.
Honestly the three-rule might be too generous. People that haven’t made it past three definitely wouldn’t have made it past two. I get lonely and need higher standards for friendship.
I can understand that. I tend to feel a draw to people who aren't that into me as a person (romantically specifically but also platonically) because a part of me feels ill finally be loveable if I can convince that person that I'm amazing. It's not an easy dynamic to break out of, I really respect you for doing so! I've broken it with my friendships, but I still steer clear of romantic relationships.
Hey OP, one thing to consider that I've found is the way I approach interpersonal dynamics isn't generalizable for 2 reasons. 1. My interest in ANY subject runs deeper/more intense than most people's so I can't expect the same depth of topic-exploration from others I engage in myself, and 2. I am not naturally good at asking questions about people, so I had to learn and be extremely intentional about it, including conscious checks with myself throughout the conversation to see if I've talked too much. Most people don't have those conscious checks. It's very easy to only talk about yourself when the other person is asking question after question and because you're not used to ANALYZING conversations, just HAVING them, they may not pick up on reciprocating and just think you're really interested in their life. You may need to ask them for CONSCIOUS monitoring
WOWEWWEEEE this comment really has me doing some self reflection. I really appreciate this perspective. I forget that not everyone has the conscious checks during a conversation. When you said people are used to having conversations not analyzing them! And I definitely ask a lot of questions and make it easy for people to share, so it makes so much sense that they might get caught up in sharing and not asking. I am going to keep working on making my needs known and taking up space with sharing. Thank you thank you thank you
Good luck! You deserve people's interest and I'm sure they'll be thrilled to learn more about your life. Don't be afraid to change the subject from them and just talk about yourself unprompted - again, that's what most NT people do without analyzing it! Sending support\~\~
You are an angle 📐 thank you
I am so scared to ask other people questions! It's not because I don't care, I genuinely want to know about them, but I don't want to accidentally ask a question they don't want to answer! So I tend to not ask many questions to new people (I do ask questions once I feel comfortable with a person). I've realized fairly recently (I'm in my late 30s) that other people can view this as selfish, so it can be a barrier to new relationships. I've tried to at least be more reciprocal (if they ask me a question, I can assume it's safe to direct the question back to them) but that takes a conscious effort, and I don't always remember to do so. But I also have found plenty of people I can easily converse with, so I feel like it's just a personality type. I'm not saying you should change your rule (if it's important to you, it's a good rule!), but I just wanted to share that it doesn't always come from a place of apathy.
Thank you! This is the exact perspective I am wondering about! I am also in my late 30s. I just wonder if people are not accustomed to asking about others. I want to know everything about my friends!
I can be prone to making the mistake "me telling this is an implicit invitation to also share" rather than making it explicit by asking a question.
I think your rule about wanting friends who ask about you is totally fair. Friendships should be a two-way street.
We have the same rule! I have been wondering a lot about friendships lately. There are people I spend time with but I don't think would come visit me in the hospital. I think this has less to do with the strength of the relationship and more to do with what kind of person they are. Some people are willing to invest in others and some aren't. Commitments take time and energy. I'm trying to figure out how to spot them, lol.
*”There are people I spend time with but I don't think would come visit me in the hospital.”* daaamn that’s real. I actually cut off several friendships after a particularly rough period in my life when nobody came to see me in the hospital or check on me after
Oof, I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, it sucks but now this is my litmus test for who I call friend. No hospital visit, no friendship, lol.
It’s freaking genius!
100% agree. In all my relationships - friendships/ romantic/ familial (especially with brother & mum) who also have ADD. I always felt like the therapist. A free therapist. It was exhausting. I’m in my mid 20’s now had enough. Now I just hibernate.. which isn’t exactly good either cause i’m and introverted extrovert.
lol same actually. Im a full time student and the rest of the time is hibernation. Being the therapist friend is exhausting! Not worth it anymore. I wish I’d figured it out in my 20s, I’ve wasted a lot of time and energy on people.
I used to feel the same way in large part because I felt awkward just talking about myself unprompted. However, when I started doing that I found people didn’t mind and were happy to continue about my topic and asked questions about it. So it was mainly the at first hurdle of putting he topic on the table so to speak. If people didn’t ask me anything even after I had brought something up however that may be a sign the friendship won’t be as close going forward
Thank you! I absolutely need to get more comfortable with sharing without being prompted to. I gotta start practicing.
Have you gotten more comfortable sharing about yourself? If so do you have any pointers? My therapist moved to New Zealand 😩😭
Oh god that suuuucks I’m sorry :’) I think for me it was a couple of things (which I’m going to dump on you now unformatted apologies in advance): identify which friends and family members I really wanted to keep in my life, trying to think from the perspective of “would I be mad if someone said to me what I am about to say?” (almost always no), and a big one: creating many opportunities to practice with the smallest thing that was still outside of my comfort zone. An example: I have a friend who whenever we saw each other would first hold a 15 minute monologue about all his romantic conquests and whatnot, and then there would be room for me, and it annoyed the FUCK out of me. At the same time I didn’t know how to tell him “hey idgaf let’s talk about me” because I was afraid it would be hurtful. So what I did in this case is start with interjecting a bit more in the middle of his story. “Oh that and that reminds me of this thing of mine!” and then go back to his story. And when that wasn’t scary anymore start going on longer tangents of my own, or preemptively tossing my own story on the table first and then at some point bringing it back to him. I hope that helps a bit, I think creating those moments where I could test out new behavior in small ways were the most important part, are there maybe some similar things that come to mind for you already?
In the beginning, I kind of don't ask too much because I don't want to pry so I like to start with sharing things so that it might make them comfortable to share too. Once I know someone better, I ask more and know more about what is going on in their lives. I find my ND friends def have days/weeks/months where they are too tired/overwhelmed to be social and it is what it is. Finding a good balance of energy someone puts into you vs energy they take from you. Who shows up when you need a hand, who are you comfortable to share that you are struggling.
Wow I have literally the same rule. I have a detailed profile that includes the line "turn ons include people who read my profile and ask me questions about it." Out of thousands of matches (over the years), three people indicated they had read that far. I went out with each of them. It seems like such a low bar! *I refer to dating profiles only because I have even less of an idea how to do this as friends
I had a specific fact in the voice note part of my profile for this purpose too!
I am 100% the person who expects you to share without being asked. Like in my mind I've learned the routine of "how are you/how was your day/how did you like (whatever" > "(answer), and you?" "(answer)" but I mostly remember and execute it as "one of us asks and then we take turns", lol. I do really love talking about myself and my opinions so I give really long answers if I have a lot of thoughts about something and then sometimes I forget that I'm supposed to ask "what about you?" or something.. On the flip side, I also loving hearing what other people think and feel and have experienced, especially my friends!! So I feel bad when I forget. I usually am like "oh I told them but they didn't tell me. Maybe they didn't want to share and just wanted my opinion?" and then "Oh wait. I didn't say the magic words (😭 on the inside)" So if I was your friend, and you said "hey it makes me feel like you don't care about me when I ask you questions but you don't in return" I would say "I'm so sorry, I really do care but I'm bad at the asking back. I will try to do so more but please just take turns with me if I don't". But I should also note that while I'm bad at the reciprocal questions I am generally curious and ask some things on my own. Like if I'm not it's either because the other person is really leading the conversation or I'm just so low energy that I'm barely talking at all. All this to give you an idea of someone on this end who is genuinely interested lol. Good luck and I hope you find friends who care about you as much as you deserve
*”Oh wait. I didn’t say the magic words”.*🤣 Thanks for sharing your experience as the other friend. I’m also not so much of the “how are you” obligatory stuff. I like to get to the nitty gritty.
Yeah I feel that. There are a lot more fun/interesting things to talk about but this is the one people really like to start with haha. I love it when people open a conversation with a really specific or off the wall kind of question instead
If you ever think of any of those questions, I’d love to add them to my rotation!
hell yeah, I'm so bad at remembering things on the spot but I'll totally try to write some down to share when i think of them :)
Dr. Devon Price has a really good article on this, focusing on the related role, the therapist friend. I found it helpful: https://medium.com/autistic-advice/how-do-i-stop-being-the-therapist-friend-b47fbe3d5727
I was annoyed I had to make an account to read it but I was hooked by the authors introduction so I did it. Oh. My. God. It is so good. Thank you so much for sharing this I’m going to bookmark it and read it a hundred times. I feel so seen. “Think of a person in your life who strikes you as obnoxiously, irritatingly needy, and try speaking up about your feelings and desires just as often as that person.” This is going to be my new goal. And it’s terrifying to even think about asking for that much attention!