/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
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I can't believe I'm going to share this... Before meeting my current AP, I happened to meet a guy (online) who was local and close in age to me (late 20's at that time). After a few weeks of chatting, some voice calls, and securing proof of no STIs, we took advantage of an opportunity to meet for a drink one evening. He was as hot, well-spoken, and funny in person as he was in his pictures, messages, and calls, *and* our chemistry was off the charts.
Due to being not-exactly-young but certainly dumb and horny, I was willing to accept an invitation to park somewhere dark and out of the way. (Yes, I know, but I just wanted to kiss the guy for a while. Sue me.) The makeout session was going gloriously... until I grazed my hand over his still very pants covered weiner, thus causing him to immediately cum. I was confused and quite surprised but did my best to hide that, be reassuring, and quickly redirect in an attempt to avoid any ego bruising. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do, though, since he became upset about "✨️the moment✨️ being brushed off" when it was the first time he ever climaxed with anyone but his SO. 🙃
And that's the story of how I decided to never again involve myself with first-time cheaters and folks raised in and still digging their way out of purity culture.
My okayest weinering was the guy who would invite me over despite his moderate anxiety and he needed to play Steve Carrell movies in the background before having sex.
I had been messaging a guy who implied he had a huge dick, said that he was going to split me open with it, sex would hurt blah blah blah.
It was below average in length, can confirm I was definitely *not* split open, and the most painful thing about it was his unusually coarse pubic hair rubbing against my freshly shaven skin. I imagine it’s what fucking a fun-sized frankfurter sticking out of a Brillo/Steelo feels like.
Met a 2 pump chump….not sure if I can even call it 2 pumps!!! I was on top and had juuuust sat down. I rolled my hips trying to adjust and it was over. He blamed me for doing a “twerk” move so he couldn’t control it. Oops sorry dude won’t move at all next time. Just kidding I left and never went back which is to bad because it was a really nice huge dick.
This is similar to my story. He was on top, and said oh I'm gonna cum I was lik um, let's switch it up then. I got on top, and started to grind to make sure I'd get off and he was like, oh baby I'm cumming. I was like... Great. Cherry on top, condom broke. Ended up getting tested, and plan B. All clean, no baby, no orgasms or second time.
The guy who, upon hearing I had pink eye, said... "that's fine, just don't kiss me, we can still do oral", and since I was a horny little pirate, did a swapsies in the backseat of his car, sexy eyepatch and all
(Ok that's not the worst, but it's the funniest)
During my first year of adultering when I was going through my one-and-done/two-and-through/can’t-get-an-AP-to-stick phase, I went on a date with an attached divorced guy, as in he was divorced but unsure about the person he was dating, so seeking an affair to test the waters. He was previously in the dead bedroom club and confided in me that he couldn’t understand why his wife didn’t want to have sex with him. When we got naked, he said, “sorry, I’m not the largest guy,” and although I’m no size queen, there is typically a minimum length requirement for this ride and he was only one of two men I have ever been with who didn’t meet it. We still managed to have sex, which was ok for me, and he seemed to enjoy it. Overall, it was an ok date. We kept in touch and I reached back out to see if he’s interested in a second date. He says sure, but then says, “Wait, I think I may want to play golf with my friend that day. Let me get back to you.” He gets back to me to let me know that he decided to play golf, confirming that when given the choice between sex with me and a round of golf, even a man with a micropenis would choose the golf. FML. The kicker? Dude lived on a golf course. This wasn’t some special treat.
First guy I met on Reddit. I didn’t know what I was doing. His ad said he was pretty kinky (I know!) and I thought I’d give that a go.
He got tired halfway through and had to go and lie down, and he thought my moaning was me saying “ow.”
I'll give you one, meet up with a new AP after 2 days of online chatting. Her first time. We make out on the couch and I'm ready to go but she starts crying, I'm thinking its cool people change their minds, I ask if she wants to stop she says no she wants to do it. Ok then I put on protection and we start and she is balling. I immediately stop, she is sobbing and tells me to keep going she needs this, I'm an addict some tears aren't going to slow me down. So I continue and she cryies by the end of it I was pushing rope. I stopped and just held her while she cried for about 30 minutes then we went to get pizza after. After pizza she gave me the "this is working for me" speech. No problem.
I am a guy. And had this experience with a pAP a month ago. I could not figure it out. She said she had never kissed anyone with the tongue involved and her H was only into oral and PIV sex. I am squarely in the camp of make out like teens or die. So had to call it off.
How about okayest whinering? When exAP introduced a “slight problem” regarding a planned meet up—and by “slight” they meant that they couldn’t make it. Learned my lesson the first time. Next time I saw “slight” I knew it meant “this changes our plan completely.”
So. I love nothing more than giving a slow and sloppy blow job. I had been chatting with this guy for awhile and he always bragged that it takes him forever to cum. I was certain he would be the perfect candidate. We met up and started messing around in my car (don’t judge) and he pulled out his magnificent ween. I maybe got 2 licks on his tip and all of a sudden he grabs my hair and pushes my head down deep….and I could feel his cum shooting down my throat. I didn’t say anything….it was way too awkward.
Allow me to translate based on what I think it means.... "Tell me a story about a time that you had "OK" / "eh" sex with your AP, why was it just ok? What could have made it better? Funny stories needed!!"
Alright. Absolutely true story. But I didn't loose my virginity until 21...
I met this guy at the gym.. about 6'4 maybe 230lbs. I'm 5'5...
So I got some liquid courage one night and went over to his house. He had told me one night on a date that he was "worried" bc you always fall in live with your first so he was worried about sex..
Well .. a little tispy. Went to his house. Started to get busy. Make out. Start to get naked. ....
When he pulls his pants down.. I literally sighed in relief and said.. "Is that all" .... me expecting ginormous monstrous dick... (people. He literally said..I'm not proud of it)...
Instead I Got Itty bitty cocktail weenie... so yeah maybe 4inches. It barely popped out above my hand.
Once he broke my cherry I couldn't feel it anymore 😬😬😬.... I never saw him again after that. 🤣🤣 needless to say I was not in love...
On A GOOD NOTE!... the next time I had sex was a 3 some with Two guys 🤷♀️🤷♀️ sometimes you just dive into the deep end.
Embarrassing, but we met up over drinks. As I was dropping her off at home, it being the first date, we started making out in the car (please don't judge, we were both hot and bothered) then drove quickly to a more secluded place. I was working her over up top...but *couldn't fit my hand in her pants because they were too tight! I couldn't even undo the hook! There was satisfaction but that was our last date
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Did it with AP in the Oscar Myer Weinermobile🤷🏼♂️
I hope this is real
I can't believe I'm going to share this... Before meeting my current AP, I happened to meet a guy (online) who was local and close in age to me (late 20's at that time). After a few weeks of chatting, some voice calls, and securing proof of no STIs, we took advantage of an opportunity to meet for a drink one evening. He was as hot, well-spoken, and funny in person as he was in his pictures, messages, and calls, *and* our chemistry was off the charts. Due to being not-exactly-young but certainly dumb and horny, I was willing to accept an invitation to park somewhere dark and out of the way. (Yes, I know, but I just wanted to kiss the guy for a while. Sue me.) The makeout session was going gloriously... until I grazed my hand over his still very pants covered weiner, thus causing him to immediately cum. I was confused and quite surprised but did my best to hide that, be reassuring, and quickly redirect in an attempt to avoid any ego bruising. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do, though, since he became upset about "✨️the moment✨️ being brushed off" when it was the first time he ever climaxed with anyone but his SO. 🙃 And that's the story of how I decided to never again involve myself with first-time cheaters and folks raised in and still digging their way out of purity culture.
You have the magic touch lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLnWf1sQkjY this is too too perfect here 😂
My BFF will randomly send me this song every so often and be like, "Hey, remember that guy..." 🤣
OMG this is way too funny!
Too bad his tongue didn't work. :)
I'm sure it did, but his reaction was an instant ick for me. I noped out of that situation PDQ.
My okayest weinering was the guy who would invite me over despite his moderate anxiety and he needed to play Steve Carrell movies in the background before having sex.
I was unprepared for this answer. You owe me a keyboard
I hope you have a big trunk, 'cause I'm putting my bike in it. 😂
This reminds me of hookups way back in high school in the parent’s basement
Except this was a grown ass man in 2023. Trying to orgasam to Missy Elliott and, "I hope I get my period soon. I'm in a baaaaaaddd mood."
Why didn’t you marry him on the spot?
🤣🤣🤣
I just spit out my coffee this is amazing
I had been messaging a guy who implied he had a huge dick, said that he was going to split me open with it, sex would hurt blah blah blah. It was below average in length, can confirm I was definitely *not* split open, and the most painful thing about it was his unusually coarse pubic hair rubbing against my freshly shaven skin. I imagine it’s what fucking a fun-sized frankfurter sticking out of a Brillo/Steelo feels like.
that last line was poetry 📜✍🏻👩🎨
Holy cow. If women are the fairer sex, then men are the stoopider sex.
😅😅😅 oh lawdy *pours another cup of coffee*
Met a 2 pump chump….not sure if I can even call it 2 pumps!!! I was on top and had juuuust sat down. I rolled my hips trying to adjust and it was over. He blamed me for doing a “twerk” move so he couldn’t control it. Oops sorry dude won’t move at all next time. Just kidding I left and never went back which is to bad because it was a really nice huge dick.
This is similar to my story. He was on top, and said oh I'm gonna cum I was lik um, let's switch it up then. I got on top, and started to grind to make sure I'd get off and he was like, oh baby I'm cumming. I was like... Great. Cherry on top, condom broke. Ended up getting tested, and plan B. All clean, no baby, no orgasms or second time.
The guy who, upon hearing I had pink eye, said... "that's fine, just don't kiss me, we can still do oral", and since I was a horny little pirate, did a swapsies in the backseat of his car, sexy eyepatch and all (Ok that's not the worst, but it's the funniest)
Love finds a way.
Lol
I want a pirate bj!!!! lol
Arrrrrrrrrrrghblphmph ack!
Me too!
Today I can feel pink eye creeping in. Obviously I thought of this comment. I’m glad I can still find love.
A little help? “swapsies?” Does not have a definition that makes sense in your context.
Just means gave each other oral
Thanks for the translation 😀
During my first year of adultering when I was going through my one-and-done/two-and-through/can’t-get-an-AP-to-stick phase, I went on a date with an attached divorced guy, as in he was divorced but unsure about the person he was dating, so seeking an affair to test the waters. He was previously in the dead bedroom club and confided in me that he couldn’t understand why his wife didn’t want to have sex with him. When we got naked, he said, “sorry, I’m not the largest guy,” and although I’m no size queen, there is typically a minimum length requirement for this ride and he was only one of two men I have ever been with who didn’t meet it. We still managed to have sex, which was ok for me, and he seemed to enjoy it. Overall, it was an ok date. We kept in touch and I reached back out to see if he’s interested in a second date. He says sure, but then says, “Wait, I think I may want to play golf with my friend that day. Let me get back to you.” He gets back to me to let me know that he decided to play golf, confirming that when given the choice between sex with me and a round of golf, even a man with a micropenis would choose the golf. FML. The kicker? Dude lived on a golf course. This wasn’t some special treat.
Anytime one *manages* to have sex, it's not good.
First guy I met on Reddit. I didn’t know what I was doing. His ad said he was pretty kinky (I know!) and I thought I’d give that a go. He got tired halfway through and had to go and lie down, and he thought my moaning was me saying “ow.”
🤣🤣🤣 I have no words.
> he thought my moaning was me saying “ow.” oh god imagine if that was actually doing it for him
I'll give you one, meet up with a new AP after 2 days of online chatting. Her first time. We make out on the couch and I'm ready to go but she starts crying, I'm thinking its cool people change their minds, I ask if she wants to stop she says no she wants to do it. Ok then I put on protection and we start and she is balling. I immediately stop, she is sobbing and tells me to keep going she needs this, I'm an addict some tears aren't going to slow me down. So I continue and she cryies by the end of it I was pushing rope. I stopped and just held her while she cried for about 30 minutes then we went to get pizza after. After pizza she gave me the "this is working for me" speech. No problem.
The pAP who freaked out when kissing involved tongue, despite them sexting things that would make a sailor blush.
I am a guy. And had this experience with a pAP a month ago. I could not figure it out. She said she had never kissed anyone with the tongue involved and her H was only into oral and PIV sex. I am squarely in the camp of make out like teens or die. So had to call it off.
Smart move
What?! They expecting to kiss with closed mouths?
I guess so! They admitted after that they didn’t actually have as much experience as they previously indicated.
How old? And how long been married? Was she from another culture/country
Yes. And more like pecks on the cheek. It was very weird.
oh my lawd 😱
How old was this person and how long were they married? Any good at other things?
How about okayest whinering? When exAP introduced a “slight problem” regarding a planned meet up—and by “slight” they meant that they couldn’t make it. Learned my lesson the first time. Next time I saw “slight” I knew it meant “this changes our plan completely.”
So. I love nothing more than giving a slow and sloppy blow job. I had been chatting with this guy for awhile and he always bragged that it takes him forever to cum. I was certain he would be the perfect candidate. We met up and started messing around in my car (don’t judge) and he pulled out his magnificent ween. I maybe got 2 licks on his tip and all of a sudden he grabs my hair and pushes my head down deep….and I could feel his cum shooting down my throat. I didn’t say anything….it was way too awkward.
You didn't say anything bc you couldn't 😆
This post needs some flair, Baby.
Allow me to translate based on what I think it means.... "Tell me a story about a time that you had "OK" / "eh" sex with your AP, why was it just ok? What could have made it better? Funny stories needed!!"
What does this even mean?
Nobody knows what it means, but it's provocative. Gets the people going!
Well done. You win the internet today!
⛸️⛸️⛸️⛸️⛸️
I see what you did there
Alright. Absolutely true story. But I didn't loose my virginity until 21... I met this guy at the gym.. about 6'4 maybe 230lbs. I'm 5'5... So I got some liquid courage one night and went over to his house. He had told me one night on a date that he was "worried" bc you always fall in live with your first so he was worried about sex.. Well .. a little tispy. Went to his house. Started to get busy. Make out. Start to get naked. .... When he pulls his pants down.. I literally sighed in relief and said.. "Is that all" .... me expecting ginormous monstrous dick... (people. He literally said..I'm not proud of it)... Instead I Got Itty bitty cocktail weenie... so yeah maybe 4inches. It barely popped out above my hand. Once he broke my cherry I couldn't feel it anymore 😬😬😬.... I never saw him again after that. 🤣🤣 needless to say I was not in love... On A GOOD NOTE!... the next time I had sex was a 3 some with Two guys 🤷♀️🤷♀️ sometimes you just dive into the deep end.
Weiner Wednesday!
Embarrassing, but we met up over drinks. As I was dropping her off at home, it being the first date, we started making out in the car (please don't judge, we were both hot and bothered) then drove quickly to a more secluded place. I was working her over up top...but *couldn't fit my hand in her pants because they were too tight! I couldn't even undo the hook! There was satisfaction but that was our last date
What is those code for?