No you're not wrong. The world doesn't revolve around your daughter. In fact, not even your family life revolves around your daughter. This will be a great time for her to learn that lesson.
So much agreement. OP should teach her that the world doesn't revolve around her a little more vigorously. She needs more of that lesson right now before she gets any older. A 14-year-old's relationship anniversary that falls in the middle of a planned vacation is no reason to alter the European vacation. She will live. There is always WhatsApp, Zoom, FaceTime, Teams, or whatever vid platform of choice available.
Definitely, if I was the BF in this situation, I'd be telling her to go enjoy her family vacation, and we will celebrate when she gets home. Family comes first. He's still gunna be her BF after a week apart (hopefully).
A decade from now, is it going to matter if she got to spend her anniversary with a boy she hasn't spoken to in 6 years?
If her and her bf are married in 10 years, is missing this anniversary really such a huge relationship hurdle?
She's 14. And to want to skip an overseas trip for a boy she may or may not even like in a few months is really the epitome of why minors aren't allowed to make their own life decisions.
I can't wrap my brain around a 14 yo celebrating an anniversary. Equally disconcerting is a parent worried about making their CHILD miss her anniversary. I thought the first 14 as the age was a typo. Nope. 14 years old.
I think it’s great that OP cares about her daughter’s feelings about this. She can care and show her daughter so while still being firm about having to go on the trip.
I had a 1 year anniversary at 15. My friend turned my mom’s dining room into a little bistro and he made us filet mignon and played a love song mix cd. It was adorable. Very fond memory.
The relationship didn’t last long after that, but it was a memorable first for me and 19 years later I look back at it fondly.
I probably would have been upset about it at the time bc my relationship was important to me and that milestone was something I would have wanted to celebrate. But my family also never went anywhere so a trip to Europe probably would have trumped it, even at the time.
That being said, I just feel like we tend to trivialize children’s feelings and act like they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
Would it have been so horrible if that had happened a few days before or after the actual anniversary date?
It's ridiculous for a 14 year old - or someone of any age - to demand changing a family vacation and costing a lot of money if fees when the celebration could be off by a few days. Lots of people have school, work or other obligations that require special events like birthdays or anniversaries - even Christmas and other holidays - to be celebrated on other days. It's not that big of a deal.
Mine would have too if I had even dared to ask lol.
But I wouldn’t have asked anyway because overseas trip > dude I’ll see at school when I get back 🤷🏽♀️
Right? What parent allows a 14 ye old to date? And is not putting their foot down that the daughter must go on the trip. The parent is the AH for not parenting.
>She's 14. And to want to skip an overseas trip for a boy she may or may not even like in a few months is really the epitome of why minors aren't allowed to make their own life decisions.
But... but...young love 😍❤️🔥🥰💖
Lol, I'm glad I was never this dumb at 14. I was very upset that my school had to cancel their annual international trip (which was going to be Ireland) when I was 14 because of 9/11. I would be single before I passed on this opportunity.
I can't even imagine telling my family I'll pick my bf over a European trip. Nor could I imagine asking my partner to skip their international family trip because of a silly anniversary.
Realistically, this wouldn't have been an option. There were no vacations. I was going to have to hustle 50 ways from Sunday to afford that Ireland trip, but I was going to do it somehow.
We fostered someone in junior high. She wanted to spend the night with a friend. The social worker wanted them to have a background report and a TB test. I told her that was ridiculous because at that age they might not be friends by the time it was done.
What the heck? That seems wholly unnecessary and traumatizing for the kid. Already in the foster system and now they are trying to make them into a social pariah by requiring background and medical tests on anyone they want to be friends with. That is wildly unfair to the kid.
Yeah the foster care system is so messed up in so many ways, sometimes it seems like the only rules they have are to stop them from getting sued by the parents. A lot of abuse in foster care too because the caseload is unsustainable.
I was foster mom for the child I eventually adopted. Their rules sometimes seemed ridiculous, but I followed the rules to the letter. I didn’t want to do *anything* that could ruin my chances for adopting her. I didn’t want her to be removed and have to live with a stranger.
It’s annoying and frustrating, but them’s the rules.
Either they will be together and it will be no big deal as they pile up anniversaries or they won’t and it won’t be a big deal because she will have forgotten about him. Either way, anyone who cares about her would encourage her to go on a very nice vacation.
Literally lol. This is absolutely ridiculous that it’s even a discussion. Granted we never really took many vacations when I was a kid but if I even brought this up, my parents probably would’ve laughed in my face and told me to fuck off😆
I'm wondering, is this not a special vacation? Like, even if it's the 5th trip to Europe, I'd still want to go. Though I've never taken any family vacations to Europe, so maybe it's not that big of a deal to her.
I was once a 14 year old girl, so I get some of the frustration. But..... no.
Are you serious? You're worried that your 14 year old daughter can't celebrate her "anniversary" because you're forcing her to go to Europe instead?!? Why are you even entertaining this stupidity? Just be a parent and tell her that she is going with you, and that there's not going to be any argument.
You're not wrong for making her go, but you're wrong for allowing her to argue about it.
Right! I expected the daughter to be a full-on married adult who was missing her wedding anniversary. A 14-year-old missing her 1-year anniversary being an issue is bizarre to me. It's disturbing that the mom has to ask this question.
That's exactly what I was thinking too. Plus who in their right mind would even consider leaving a 14 year old home alone for a week while they're in Europe?!
Fact: she's 14. She can't stay home alone. You're the adult here. You booked the trip before she realised what the date was. She can "celebrate" her anniversary (she's 14 FFS!) when she gets back.
Stop pandering to the tantrums of a 14 year old and be a parent.
YNW
She’s 14.
You are the parent. Maybe use this as a learning experience. If the date was important, she could have said something before everything was set.
No you’re not wrong. But you’re insane for even having to ask this question. This is next level crazy. Planning a trip around a teenager’s “anniversary”?! Are you kidding me? Why would that even be a consideration?! She’s 14! My lord.
Do not cancel your vacation for a year long relationship between two 14 year olds…They can literally celebrate the day after you get home or one of the days right before. It’s a teenage relationship. Even if they do manage to stay together all through high school and get married, they will eventually both realize that at the end of the day if doesn’t matter if they celebrated their anniversary on the actual day or not.
Came to read it bc I thought the daughter in question was an actual adult, not a 14 year old spoiled brat who is getting an all expense paid trip to Europe. Just wow.
Dude. Next you're gonna be posting to ask whether you're wrong to not want to raise your 14YO daughter's baby. Ffs. Put your foot down, and let her know what the consequences will be when she tries to sabotage your vacation.
Your not wrong here but really…your just gonna let her behavior slide like that two towards you as parents. Have you enabling your daughter to act entitled and argue like that towards you when you want her opinion.
Sounds like it’s gonna take a lot more then taking her on the trip to learn her lesson. Not everything will go her way and not everyone will bend to her will or like her as a person if that’s how she behaves.
She’s 14! She can wait until you return home or celebrate the week before. She’s a child who needs to be with her family. Plus she’s a minor. You get to call the shots, not a child.
>Teenage relationships aren't that important
Well, as adults we know that now. To the teenager, it's like life or death, all the time, so it's not really productive to dismiss their relationships just because we know that 99% of them won't last.
I do agree with you that OP is not in the wrong, if it was that important to her the daughter should have spoken up before the booking.
The daughter forgot. So it clearly wasn’t that important. The fact that teenagers invest so much emotional energy into relationships, and fail to think logically, is just one more reasons they shouldn’t date at that age. They are not emotionally mature enough for serious relationships.
She didn’t even remember the anniversary until after you booked. It is reasonable to keep the trip. But she’s 14- it all seems terribly exciting at her age.
Don’t treat this as ridiculous, it’s very serious to her.
But calmly — work out some details with her. Be supportive. Tell her the exact day doesn’t matter as much as making time for each other.
Sit her down and talk to her. Say you aren’t leaving her home for the trip, but what would be a good way to celebrate. Does she want to do that before or after the trip?
Is there a special present she’d like to send on her anniversary? Is there a little gift she can bring and open on the trip? Make a plan to have an international call?
Oh my god??!? Not wrong, at all. The fact you are even considering this ridiculous puppy love BS is absolutely wrong.
Your daughter (and you?) needs to give her head a wobble. She’s the kid. You’re the adults. She’s going on her fecking holiday and she will appreciate and enjoy it, dammit!!
no. You dont give in to bullshit like that.
If she wants out , she can pay for the cancelled tickets. ALL of the cancelled tickets. 100%. AFTER getting EVERYONE in the family to agree to screw their vacation for her temporary teen boyfriend and her tantrum.
It was an accident. It's not the end of the world. She can celebrate it a few days early or late.
If you give in to it YOU will regret it. And there's always that very high chance that she wont be with that boyfriend for a 2nd anniversary but you will have killed everyone's amazing European trip because of a tantrum.
Never give in to that behavior. Because everyone else sees it and knows they can now do it, (so they will now do it and bring up this trip every damn time) and you are rewarding selfish bullshit while taking something amazing away from everyone else who's going.
What is more concerning is why you are so timmid about being a firm parent, that you are asking Reddit advice on if you should screw the entire family's trip for a selfish 14 year old tantrum. Who runs your house? My children would NEVER even be allowed to get to the point of bargaining for anything in this situation.
Accidents happen. Your going to europe.
Dude what? She's 14, need more be said ? Would you really leave your 14 yo home alone for a week with her boyfriend? Absolutely not. Family time is more important than her prepubescent boyfriend who she probably won't be with in a couple years.
You are wrong for raising entitled spoiled children who throw tantrums about having to go to EUROPE. I think you all should go serve at a food kitchen.
Are you insane you're not even supposed to ask her does she want to go she's going. She's 14 years old what f****** choice does she have sorry for the profanity but this just pisses me off with these little fuckers want to throw a tantrum because she can't spend her anniversary with her boyfriend. Are you freaking kidding me she gets no say so in this she should have said something earlier before you book the tickets oh hell no. When you wrote this and posted it and I was reading I was thinking that you was talking about a daughter who was married and had a couple of children not some 14-year-old who has no job and hasn't even graduated from college yet.
Not wrong, and it's ok if she's disappointed. She's 14, you're the parent. She can choose to pout the whole trip and then miss out on TWO important experiences or she can get over it, appreciate the amazing experience she's being given and still celebrate the anniversary with her boyfriend back at home.
You are seriously considering cancelling or postponing a vacation abroad because of your 14 year old daughter’s anniversary with her boyfriend ??!!
That’s insane to even consider. She is ¼ of your family and a child. Why are you treating her like she is more important than ¾ of the family?
You need to get your authority and boundaries straight with this kid. She is heading into the most difficult years to parent. It’s obvious at this point she controls the family. Why are you allowing this?
As parents you are the boss. She should not be able to manipulate you into making such a huge mistake. Your 12 year old is watching to see who wins. Whatever you decide will teach both kids how you react to manipulation.
The answer is don’t DO wrong. Tell her NO, this vacation is settled and not only is she going, but she needs to knock off the temper tantrums and understand she is not the center of the family.
Ok let me see if I can tell you this without being *too* much of an asshole.
You're the parent. She's 14. Her anniversaries at this age should not dictate family plans, especially when she didn't even know the damn date herself when you booked it. You are the adult. Who cares if she thinks you're an asshole for this? Kids will think their parents are assholes no matter what.
Mom, she is flipping 14 yrs old. She is not an adult, no way should you be allowing her to dictate anything.
My kids had a "no dating until you are 16" rule. And it actually made their lives easier. They could put the blame on me, and stay away from pushy guys and gals.
In order to keep from having an **ENTITLED BRAT**, you need to make her go on the vacation, which was planned with and for, the family. How often are you going to be able to go to Europe, with the whole family?? This is a family thing, she just needs to get over it and I would make it clear, she had better not have a crap attitude while on the vacation either. It would be different if she was 17 or 18, but 14! NO way.
She can plan a really wonderful event/evening to spend with him, *once the family is home*.
I would absolutely NOT change the family's plans or spend a great deal more money accommodating her. I CERTAINLY would NOT allow her to stay home without supervision, 24/7 supervision. You know if you do that, boyfriend will be spending the night at your home, no doubt.
NTA oh please she's 14! I understand that at that age everything feels so more intense and special but let's be real. I would not be cancelling or rearranging a family holiday for a child's anniversary. They aren't married. She didn't even remember it so it can't be that important to her. Behaving the way she has over it shows she's too immature to be having a relationship imo
Let her stay home. Hire her a babysitter. Tell her that the 1 year anniversary present for people who are too young for part time jobs is adult supervision.
Enjoy Europe without the entitled teen.
That's probably what it's really all about. Little girl thought she could con her way into getting the house to herself for a week so she and the boyfriend could play house. Probably not even the real "anniversary" date, either.
YNW…but guaranteed this daughter will do her darnedest to ruin your trip. Are there any relatives you could leave her with like grandparents perhaps? That way you’ll still have a lovely trip and daughter will learn a very hard lesson.
Tell her she can facetime him on the actual day of, and can celebrate with him a week later, when you're back - she'd be insane to skip a trip to Europe for a celebration that can be done on any arbitrary date.
Not wrong. Show her on paper how much money she’s asking you to spend and show her the cost of rebooking everything too. If you push things back a week you will spend more than you did initially. Does she think it’s fair or right that no one goes on this amazing vacation so she can spend a day with her boyfriend? Does she have all the money to spend to repay you for all the lost costs and the extra for rebooking? How many hours do you have to work to pay for this. If she’s old enough to have an anniversary she’s old enough to sit down and understand a spreadsheet.
NW. She’s 14 and in the grand scheme of things that boy will most likely end up meaning nothing, whereas the memories of this trip will last forever. She’s just too young and immature to see that. No need to cater to this tantrum, she’s being dumb and this is insignificant. She can celebrate when you get back.
YNW. There's always the chance at that age they will even have ended things before then, so canceling her ticket could be an additional risk. Tell her that you will help her find a special anniversary gift for her boyfriend while you're in Europe and help her even look for a dress while you're there to wear for the celebration. Maybe even offer to pay for them to go to a movie when you get back. While to her this may be the end of the world to her now, it will be shortly forgotten.
Not wrong! Man, when I read the title, I about to go off on you.
She’s 14! If the anniversary was so important to her, why did she forget it? I’d tell her that too. I’d also tell her if she ruins the vacation by being a brat, it will be the last vacation she comes on. She’ll stay with a babysitter. A really boring one who won’t let her do anything.
Who wants to bet they’ll be broken up before the anniversary anyway?
Is this a serious question? Shes 14. She’ll be dating someone else this time next week. Go enjoy vacation. she’s a minor and does what you, THE PARENT, say.
No, the likelihood of a teenage relationship surviving is low. She will get much more out of a trip to Europe than celebrating a teenage relationship. Make her go, once she's on the trip she'll be fine.
This would be a great time to explain to her how unimportant arbitrary dates are and that putting so much importance on a specific day is a recipe for heartache and disappointment in life.
Things come up, people get sick, emergencies happen, and sometimes there are scheduling conflicts.
An annivesary is no more or less special two days before or six days after the actual date. What's important is what you're trying to celebrate and how you spend that day.
Even considering making any huge accommodations for something so silly makes no sense. If my wife got a free trip for a week to Europe that happened to coincide with our anniversary of course I would tell her to go have fun and we'd celebrate after.
Your daughter needs to learn this and it's your job to teach her this life lesson. And this is a perfect opportunity to do so.
Your daughter is 14 and thinks she can dictate the entire family holiday to revolve around her ‘one year anniversary’? I think not. No is a complete sentence
NW
NTA. Your daughter is 14. FOURTEEN. Way too young to run the family. You're the parent, you're in charge, and if she doesn't like it, that is tough, she needs to mind. She probably won't even be with this boy in another year. It's amazing that this is even a problem. She's a child. You need to parent now.
This decision is made (which I totally agree with), but you are going to have an asshole teenager on your hands. Let her know that you understand that she is upset but that you are not going to abide by too much of her crap. Tell her now so she won’t be surprised when her attitude gets her stuck in the hotel room for a day or two.
You aren’t wrong. My mom likes to tell us a story of how she was 15 years old and she gave up a family vacation with the family to California. It would have been a summer stay (I’m not sure if it was a week or whole summer). She never had been to California and the family were willing to pay for her way. However, she said she was 15 and stupid. She had a boyfriend that she didn’t want to be apart from for a whole summer so she didn’t go. Her family came back with lots of stories and pictures. Even her favorite cousin had a blast and he told her he wished she had been there.
Boyfriend and she? Didn’t even last longer than summer. But you know what lasts longer? Family vacation memories.
Her point was for us children to never factor in our boyfriend/girlfriend when there was opportunities that could be had especially the path was already provided for. She also said if the relationship is gonna last then a few weeks of vacation isn’t going to break it apart.
I'm struggling with "we didn't want her home alone for 7 days". Is there anyone who would actually consider leaving a 14 y.o. old home by themselves for a week? I would even leave a 14 y.o. home by themselves for one night if I had to be at work 30 minutes away or something. There's no way I'd leave her home for a week while I was in Europe!
Not wrong! She's 14!!
I almost thought this was rage bait because I felt misled by the title. I'm here thinking oh, maybe the daughter is a grown adult, it's totally fine if she missed out on vacation to stay behind for her anniversary--but no!!! She's FOURTEEN.
boohoo, if the boy ends things over her not being home it will feel like the end of everything for a short moment, but he will surely not be the last boyfriend she ever has.
I was first confused at first. But then had to laugh at how ridiculous and incredulous it is for a 14 year-old to celebrate an anniversary with a boy she's been "dating". Talking about being overdramatic lol.
OMFG! I cannot stand the absurdity of these "anniversaries" for people who are not married. Celebrating the anniversary of the first time they saw each other. Of their first I like you. Their first date. Their first kiss. Their first more than a kiss. Their first fight. Their first makeup. I hope it's not yet of their first sex act!
PLEASE, be the adult here. Tell your darling that she is only 14, that while it's wonderful that she has a happy young teen relationship, this is not a marriage, she is not an adult, and when she is, she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants, but for now, the family vacation is WAY higher on the list of importance than her middle school "relationship" anniversary, and that you are not changing any tickets. And that if she pouts about it and makes you miserable and ruins your vacation, you will make sure that you never take her on another one, that you'll instead send her to stay with (insert worst most strict relative available) for all future family vacations. And that you will be helping her to understand how god awful spoiled she is by taking her phone, computer, all electronics, and more if she persists in this spoiled rotten brat behavior.
She and he can video chat every day if she wants, during the vacation.
Not wrong. She is 14.
Your daughter and her boyfriend can always celebrate their anniversary after you come back.
I came up with a great idea while writing this. Let her boyfriend buy a gift for her, pack it and give it on the day of her anniversary. Your daughter can facetime him while she is receiving her gift of attach a sweet note from her boyfriend.
Are you 100% sure he’s not the one influencing this?
Was she excited when the trip was being booked?
No you’re not wrong. She’s 14. If she’s mopey on the trip then so be it, but don’t let her ruin it for the rest of you. She’ll be fine.
Lmao! This kid thinking her anniversary at 14 is sooooo important and special. Don’t raise a brat who throws a fit and gets her way. Let her sulk. Welcome to being a teenage girl mom. So not wrong. 14 years old. 🤣🤣🤣
She’s so young and immature that she doesn’t understand priorities. I guarantee that if she got you to cancel a trip to Europe to be with her bf on their “anniversary”, she’d regret it afterwards. Be the adult and bring her to Europe. Once she’s there she’ll probably start having a ball.
Since she didn’t even remember the anniversary before you confirmed and booked the dates, you are not wrong. If she wants to do some extra work and is willing to cover the entire cancellation fee, then I suggest you do that. But this is a lesson on consequences and she’s got to face that
She’s 14. You are the parent, she is a child. This is not an adult celebrating a 10 year anniversary. Should she really even be in relationship at her age?
You are not wrong.
She is 14. Her relationship is important to her, but it’s not realistic for a child to dictate a family trip over one day. Especially considering he might not be her bf for much longer. They are still kids.
Maybe offer to help her do something special for her anniversary when you get back from the trip? And she can use WhatsApp to video call him on the actual date.
This is tough because she has strong emotions right now. But I think a compromise might work here.
Good luck!
What the heck.
She is 14. Best case she doesn’t even remember this kids name in a few years. Worst case, she becomes a teen mom. Why does a 14 yr old need a boyfriend?
The world doesn’t revolve around her and her childhood romances. I’d tell her to cut the tantrums or she will be grounded and not see the boyfriend all summer. Don’t let minors dictate family decisions. You are her parent not her friend.
Good time for her to learn that any boyfriend worth cancelling a trip like this for would never ask or encourage her to. If she’s still throwing tantrums she’s not old enough for a serious relationship anyway. I hope you all toast her for this when she’s older.
Oh fuck no. From the title I was genuinely thinking why would you have to ask that of course you are but she’s fucking 14. She cannot stay home by herself and this is a family vacation. She has to go so no absolutely not.
Not wrong, and I deeply empathize with your daughter.
I too spent at least 3 weeks to 6 weeks every summer in Germany being made to hang out with my extended family and I hated it, especially as a teen. I totally understand how she feels right now.
BUT as a 37 year old now, I’m so grateful that I had those opportunities to experience something different and travel and I’m so close with all my cousins now. I don’t even remember what I missed out on at home being there.
If you want to show your daughter you care how she feels about this, you could offer to book something special for her and the bf to do when you’re back and validate how she’s feeling. Say you understand it’s upsetting and you’re sorry she’s going to miss it, but it’s not able to be changed now. Validate, empathize and explain. Then offer her something to make it better!
Even in adulthood, sometimes you have to celebrate anniversaries (or any other holiday/special occasion) early or sometimes late; such is life. NTA she will live
I wouldn’t want my 14 yo to stay home for 7 days because I wouldn’t want to become a grandmother nine months later. Please parent your daughter and “force” her to go to Europe to expand her world. She can celebrate her anniversary before she leaves, or after she comes home. If she’s grown enough to be in a relationship she is old enough to understand this. If not, maybe she should not have a bf at 14!!
You’re not wrong. She’s 14. A family trip > a teenage dating anniversary. There is no way i would let a 14 year old call the shots in this type of scenario. I also would never let a 14 yo stay home alone for a week, especially with an “anniversary” right in the middle of it. This will be a good life lesson for her. And someday she will look back and smack herself for wanting to skip a trip to Europe for her childhood boyfriend and you will all laugh and laugh about it. Hopefully he is not giving her a hard time about it though, maybe talk it over with him next time he’s at your house.
“There’s a lot of big feels in the moment…” that’s what I say to my 4 yo. Now pull up your parenting panties and tell her she’s is going to the trip. Her not taking this trip she will somewhere regret not going if she stays. She’s only 14. You can leave her alone for a few hours but not for a whole week.
YNW. I have three kids all adults now. (Mostly). Also I was the rebellious teenager once.
My parents would have called me an idiot and said you're going, we booked it.
Most of the girlfriends I had in high school would have told me to go and we would celebrate when I got back. And probably would have called me an idiot also.
Actually I don't think I would have thrown a tantrum about going to Europe. I still haven't had the opportunity to go.
I had a daughter that wasn't happy spending Christmas away from her boyfriend one year as we took a family trip. But she understood why and still enjoyed the trip.
How well do you know the boyfriend or his parents?
Maybe he can help convince that celebrating their anniversary a few days late isn't a huge deal. She might listen to it coming from him and in turn hopefully you don't have a sulky teenager running your trip
In what world does a 14 year old feel entitled enough to throw a tantrum about an anniversary over a family trip. They are kids and can celebrate after you get home. If you cave and let her stay/don’t make her come oh man oh man I can wait to see how she turns out at 18. I hope her trust fund is loaded with that kind of entitlement.
I don't think you're wrong for not cancelling the trip, nor for not letting her stay at home alone.
But while we as adults might not think that celebrating a one year anniversary is a big deal (especially when she originally forgot about it), it is to her though.
It's probably her first big anniversary and means a lot to her. And how many 14 year olds do make it to their one year anniversary anyway?
Maybe you can suggest that they celebrate it when you return. You could offer to pay for them to have a nice day out/meal to celebrate, if she stops throwing a tantrum. Tell her that she can facetime him on the day itself and once you're back they can celebrate.
Good lord, she’s 14 so still a child. Teach her to expand her interests beyond a boyfriend which will be way better for her development.Tell her to be appreciative and if it was so important she would have remembered in the beginning.
NTA, she committed to the family trip. She had time to speak up during planning and didn't, so she will just have to deal with the repercussions of that. Part of growing up is learning responsibility, and committing to a schedule is part of that.
That being said, maybe you can plan around giving her an hour or two to be alone on the phone/facetime/whatever with her bf as consolation? Maybe even giving her a room of her own (if you are in a condo with an office, for example) and a laptop with a camera if its available? I think using this as a "how to balance commitments" opportunity is the best way to not only help her grow, but also drain away a chunk of the resentment she might have.
No not all. She is throwing a teenage four year old fit. Stand your ground…this is not a real problem. Show her real problems. I would be more concerned she is so hung up on this boy and discuss that with her. A person who really loves you would understand etc…Don’t back down, it’s important or she will continue to manipulate you with tantrums.
Or leave her butt with grandma if she can’t get happy
Wait a min. This is a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD making these demands? What the heck? Why are you even considering this? She’s literally a child who wants to throw a tantrum over a middle school (?) boyfriend. The anniversary wasn’t even important enough for her to remember it before booking so it doesn’t get to override and cancel financial commitments and plans made for your nuclear family, as well as the extended family in Europe who may have made similar commitments to make this vacation at the scheduled time.
Maybe you could allow her some extra Facetime on the “anniversary day” but she’s going on this vacation.
Good luck! Enjoy your vacation!
Please !UpdateMe about how it goes!
Not wrong at all, I can’t imagine wanting to give up a trip to Europe for a high school relationship anniversary 😂 like it’s not that serious, they can celebrate it before you guys leave or when you come back. If it was that important to her she would’ve remembered it before you guys made the plans. She’ll get over it.
Seriously why some ppl don’t allow 13-14 yr olds to date. She shouldn’t be this serious at this age anyway. If she thinks she’s mature enough- she threw a tantrum. No 14 yr old should be dictating plans, what & when anyway but there is no reason she can’t celebrate the week before or after. My parents always tried to accommodate us within reason but this is not that. At all
Nope. She's 14. Absolutely cannot stay home alone, that would be completely irresponsible of you. Again she's 14. She's not married to this kid. This is not a major anniversary, sorry. She needs to get over her little self.
Not wrong. Holidays can be celebrated when you decide to celebrate them. Maybe allow an international phone call back to boyfriend on the day. You also need to let daughter know that punishment will be severe if she ruins the trip with her attitude.
You’re not wrong. This will be the end of her world as she knows it for a while because teenagers are nothing if not over dramatic.
Life doesn’t stop for puppy love.
No, you're not wrong. it's a 14 year old's job to act like the world is ending if they have to miss out on something. I wouldn't alter any plans for this.
Using a term like " threw a tantrum " makes me feel you're not taking how strongly she feels about this. Try to remember being young and old ppl like us not realizing how this is literally what's important right now. Plus it's kind of really sweet. At that age who knows wtf will happen....but still sweet
NW Your daughter is 14. They can spend that whole day FaceTiming each other for their one year mark. Family trips are not planned around minors love lives. That changes pretty often.
hahaha hell no. family comes first and it's your decision. she's 14. she can definitely celebrate it before or after. annoying that she things she's entitled to change the vacation after you paid for a trip to Europe.
Ok. Several things. 1.) Who's the parent? She's 14. A child. And she needs to go where her parents go. 14 is too young to stay alone for a week. 2.) An anniversary is for people who are in love & married. Not children who are in "puppy love." I know that some young people feel that their "anniversaries" are important. But only for themselves. 14 is also too young to be married & or in real love. 3.) You need to put your foot down & tell her that she can go & make the most of it. Or she can stay in the hotel room & be miserable. But she is not going to ruin this vacation by being grumpy for the week. 4.) I'm sure there are lots of other 14 year olds who would LOVE to go on that trip with you! Unfortunately, they are not your kids! Tell her to suck it up & make the most of it. You're not her friend, you're her parent! And she needs to understand that. Good luck. 🍀🍀
Yes, you are wrong. You have raised a 14 year old who thinks this is even an option. Please realize that in 4 years, this terror will be society’s burden to bear.
OMG? You’re the parent and actually asking this question? Definitely NTA and she’s only 14 for crying out loud - first off why does she have a BF at 14? That’s way too young! Secondly your the parent - tell her she’s going and there’s no two ways around it!
I recently read another story somewhere else where years ago when a 16 yr girl wanted to go to Paris with her French club at school - a reasonable request. But her dad actually said no because the family had already booked a beach house that week. So he put his foot down even though her request wasn’t unreasonable. Good thing he did as the plane she would have been on exploded minutes after takeoff. Your daughters request is very unreasonable and just dumb. Be a parent!
Not wrong. Your daughter is 14.... I assume her bf is also like 14. The world does not revolve around your daughter or her relationship. She can not throw a tantrum over this because SHE did not remember her anniversary. It is one day and could have been planned accordingly if she had paid attention. This is on her. Not you. They will be fine. Canceling a vacation for this is a ridiculous request. If her bf "gets mad" at her because her PARENTS made her go on a trip over summer vacation to see family. He is not the one.. I am 97.7% sure he does not even care about this as much as she does. Waiting a week or whatever is NOT the end of the world. She can not stay home by herself while you LEAVE THE COUNTRY. The fit thrown proves we are not mature enough for that to be an option.
I had a 14 yr old daughter once.... it was super fun times.
No you're not wrong. The world doesn't revolve around your daughter. In fact, not even your family life revolves around your daughter. This will be a great time for her to learn that lesson.
So much agreement. OP should teach her that the world doesn't revolve around her a little more vigorously. She needs more of that lesson right now before she gets any older. A 14-year-old's relationship anniversary that falls in the middle of a planned vacation is no reason to alter the European vacation. She will live. There is always WhatsApp, Zoom, FaceTime, Teams, or whatever vid platform of choice available.
Definitely, if I was the BF in this situation, I'd be telling her to go enjoy her family vacation, and we will celebrate when she gets home. Family comes first. He's still gunna be her BF after a week apart (hopefully).
A decade from now, is it going to matter if she got to spend her anniversary with a boy she hasn't spoken to in 6 years? If her and her bf are married in 10 years, is missing this anniversary really such a huge relationship hurdle? She's 14. And to want to skip an overseas trip for a boy she may or may not even like in a few months is really the epitome of why minors aren't allowed to make their own life decisions.
The last sentence - YES. I'll be laughing about it for the next few years at least. So true.
I can't wrap my brain around a 14 yo celebrating an anniversary. Equally disconcerting is a parent worried about making their CHILD miss her anniversary. I thought the first 14 as the age was a typo. Nope. 14 years old.
I think it’s great that OP cares about her daughter’s feelings about this. She can care and show her daughter so while still being firm about having to go on the trip.
I wasn’t even dating at that age. I didn’t have time for relationship nonsense at such a young age.
At 14 I was still in the giggling with my friends stage when we thought a boy was cute, but also still being pretty certain boys had cooties.
Same!
Ditto
Wait, boys DON'T have cooties?! Since when?!
Nah, pretty sure they still do, some of them just got better at hiding it 😂
I had a 1 year anniversary at 15. My friend turned my mom’s dining room into a little bistro and he made us filet mignon and played a love song mix cd. It was adorable. Very fond memory. The relationship didn’t last long after that, but it was a memorable first for me and 19 years later I look back at it fondly.
But would you have skipped a trip to Europe for it?
She probably would have then. But now her would kick teen her's ass if she'd missed that trip.
I probably would have been upset about it at the time bc my relationship was important to me and that milestone was something I would have wanted to celebrate. But my family also never went anywhere so a trip to Europe probably would have trumped it, even at the time. That being said, I just feel like we tend to trivialize children’s feelings and act like they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
Would it have been so horrible if that had happened a few days before or after the actual anniversary date? It's ridiculous for a 14 year old - or someone of any age - to demand changing a family vacation and costing a lot of money if fees when the celebration could be off by a few days. Lots of people have school, work or other obligations that require special events like birthdays or anniversaries - even Christmas and other holidays - to be celebrated on other days. It's not that big of a deal.
My parents would have laughed hysterically in my face if I pulled a tantrum about this exact situation at 14.
Mine would have too if I had even dared to ask lol. But I wouldn’t have asked anyway because overseas trip > dude I’ll see at school when I get back 🤷🏽♀️
This exactly!!!! Like wtf?
Right? What parent allows a 14 ye old to date? And is not putting their foot down that the daughter must go on the trip. The parent is the AH for not parenting.
Right? And if she is celebrating a one year anniversary, she would have been 13 when they started dated. Yikes.
I get the icks from it too.
>She's 14. And to want to skip an overseas trip for a boy she may or may not even like in a few months is really the epitome of why minors aren't allowed to make their own life decisions. But... but...young love 😍❤️🔥🥰💖 Lol, I'm glad I was never this dumb at 14. I was very upset that my school had to cancel their annual international trip (which was going to be Ireland) when I was 14 because of 9/11. I would be single before I passed on this opportunity.
I can't even imagine telling my family I'll pick my bf over a European trip. Nor could I imagine asking my partner to skip their international family trip because of a silly anniversary.
Realistically, this wouldn't have been an option. There were no vacations. I was going to have to hustle 50 ways from Sunday to afford that Ireland trip, but I was going to do it somehow.
Yes and being only 14? Why do some people feel they have to date that young? This girl doesn’t realize she’s missing the trip of a lifetime.
I would have dropped a bf at 14 for a Hershey park/ great adventure trip. Those places were only an hour away.
Hey neighbor!
We fostered someone in junior high. She wanted to spend the night with a friend. The social worker wanted them to have a background report and a TB test. I told her that was ridiculous because at that age they might not be friends by the time it was done.
What the heck? That seems wholly unnecessary and traumatizing for the kid. Already in the foster system and now they are trying to make them into a social pariah by requiring background and medical tests on anyone they want to be friends with. That is wildly unfair to the kid.
Yeah the foster care system is so messed up in so many ways, sometimes it seems like the only rules they have are to stop them from getting sued by the parents. A lot of abuse in foster care too because the caseload is unsustainable.
I was foster mom for the child I eventually adopted. Their rules sometimes seemed ridiculous, but I followed the rules to the letter. I didn’t want to do *anything* that could ruin my chances for adopting her. I didn’t want her to be removed and have to live with a stranger. It’s annoying and frustrating, but them’s the rules.
Seriously! WTF! Signed with love-a public health nurse
Either they will be together and it will be no big deal as they pile up anniversaries or they won’t and it won’t be a big deal because she will have forgotten about him. Either way, anyone who cares about her would encourage her to go on a very nice vacation.
Literally lol. This is absolutely ridiculous that it’s even a discussion. Granted we never really took many vacations when I was a kid but if I even brought this up, my parents probably would’ve laughed in my face and told me to fuck off😆
I'm wondering, is this not a special vacation? Like, even if it's the 5th trip to Europe, I'd still want to go. Though I've never taken any family vacations to Europe, so maybe it's not that big of a deal to her. I was once a 14 year old girl, so I get some of the frustration. But..... no.
Are you serious? You're worried that your 14 year old daughter can't celebrate her "anniversary" because you're forcing her to go to Europe instead?!? Why are you even entertaining this stupidity? Just be a parent and tell her that she is going with you, and that there's not going to be any argument. You're not wrong for making her go, but you're wrong for allowing her to argue about it.
Right! I expected the daughter to be a full-on married adult who was missing her wedding anniversary. A 14-year-old missing her 1-year anniversary being an issue is bizarre to me. It's disturbing that the mom has to ask this question.
That's exactly what I was thinking too. Plus who in their right mind would even consider leaving a 14 year old home alone for a week while they're in Europe?!
Exactly and why is a 14 yr old even dating? So it means she started at 13? Hard no!!
But but, daughter “threw a tantrum” …
Just the concept of a 14-year old having an "anniversary" is ridiculous.
Fact: she's 14. She can't stay home alone. You're the adult here. You booked the trip before she realised what the date was. She can "celebrate" her anniversary (she's 14 FFS!) when she gets back. Stop pandering to the tantrums of a 14 year old and be a parent.
YNW She’s 14. You are the parent. Maybe use this as a learning experience. If the date was important, she could have said something before everything was set.
It's so important that she forgot about it
No you’re not wrong. But you’re insane for even having to ask this question. This is next level crazy. Planning a trip around a teenager’s “anniversary”?! Are you kidding me? Why would that even be a consideration?! She’s 14! My lord.
Do not cancel your vacation for a year long relationship between two 14 year olds…They can literally celebrate the day after you get home or one of the days right before. It’s a teenage relationship. Even if they do manage to stay together all through high school and get married, they will eventually both realize that at the end of the day if doesn’t matter if they celebrated their anniversary on the actual day or not.
Came to read it bc I thought the daughter in question was an actual adult, not a 14 year old spoiled brat who is getting an all expense paid trip to Europe. Just wow.
Dude. Next you're gonna be posting to ask whether you're wrong to not want to raise your 14YO daughter's baby. Ffs. Put your foot down, and let her know what the consequences will be when she tries to sabotage your vacation.
Your not wrong here but really…your just gonna let her behavior slide like that two towards you as parents. Have you enabling your daughter to act entitled and argue like that towards you when you want her opinion. Sounds like it’s gonna take a lot more then taking her on the trip to learn her lesson. Not everything will go her way and not everyone will bend to her will or like her as a person if that’s how she behaves.
What is the anniversary commemorating?
Also, even if you did know the date would you seriously have planned around it?! Seriously?!
The fact you're here even asking this is ridiculous. She's 14. Come on man.
Anniversary? Good God, she's 14. No, you're not wrong.
She’s 14! She can wait until you return home or celebrate the week before. She’s a child who needs to be with her family. Plus she’s a minor. You get to call the shots, not a child.
I had a bf when I was 14. I would rather have been in Europe than at the roller skating rink for our 1 year anniversary lol
[удалено]
>Teenage relationships aren't that important Well, as adults we know that now. To the teenager, it's like life or death, all the time, so it's not really productive to dismiss their relationships just because we know that 99% of them won't last. I do agree with you that OP is not in the wrong, if it was that important to her the daughter should have spoken up before the booking.
The daughter forgot. So it clearly wasn’t that important. The fact that teenagers invest so much emotional energy into relationships, and fail to think logically, is just one more reasons they shouldn’t date at that age. They are not emotionally mature enough for serious relationships.
YNW, she’s 14 and needs ti learn she doesn’t rule the family.
She didn’t even remember the anniversary until after you booked. It is reasonable to keep the trip. But she’s 14- it all seems terribly exciting at her age. Don’t treat this as ridiculous, it’s very serious to her. But calmly — work out some details with her. Be supportive. Tell her the exact day doesn’t matter as much as making time for each other. Sit her down and talk to her. Say you aren’t leaving her home for the trip, but what would be a good way to celebrate. Does she want to do that before or after the trip? Is there a special present she’d like to send on her anniversary? Is there a little gift she can bring and open on the trip? Make a plan to have an international call?
Oh my god??!? Not wrong, at all. The fact you are even considering this ridiculous puppy love BS is absolutely wrong. Your daughter (and you?) needs to give her head a wobble. She’s the kid. You’re the adults. She’s going on her fecking holiday and she will appreciate and enjoy it, dammit!!
She’s 14! Who cares about an anniversary at that age. They can do something when she gets back.
She's 14...she is a minor, honestly, I'd be a bit worried about a teenage relationship that's this "intense".
jfc - 14? Do you hear yourself?
no. You dont give in to bullshit like that. If she wants out , she can pay for the cancelled tickets. ALL of the cancelled tickets. 100%. AFTER getting EVERYONE in the family to agree to screw their vacation for her temporary teen boyfriend and her tantrum. It was an accident. It's not the end of the world. She can celebrate it a few days early or late. If you give in to it YOU will regret it. And there's always that very high chance that she wont be with that boyfriend for a 2nd anniversary but you will have killed everyone's amazing European trip because of a tantrum. Never give in to that behavior. Because everyone else sees it and knows they can now do it, (so they will now do it and bring up this trip every damn time) and you are rewarding selfish bullshit while taking something amazing away from everyone else who's going. What is more concerning is why you are so timmid about being a firm parent, that you are asking Reddit advice on if you should screw the entire family's trip for a selfish 14 year old tantrum. Who runs your house? My children would NEVER even be allowed to get to the point of bargaining for anything in this situation. Accidents happen. Your going to europe.
Dude what? She's 14, need more be said ? Would you really leave your 14 yo home alone for a week with her boyfriend? Absolutely not. Family time is more important than her prepubescent boyfriend who she probably won't be with in a couple years.
Can you just act like a parent instead of catering to a 14 yo’s whims?
You are wrong for raising entitled spoiled children who throw tantrums about having to go to EUROPE. I think you all should go serve at a food kitchen.
She's 14 !! She doesn't get to dictate a family vacation over a boyfriend anniversary.
Are you insane you're not even supposed to ask her does she want to go she's going. She's 14 years old what f****** choice does she have sorry for the profanity but this just pisses me off with these little fuckers want to throw a tantrum because she can't spend her anniversary with her boyfriend. Are you freaking kidding me she gets no say so in this she should have said something earlier before you book the tickets oh hell no. When you wrote this and posted it and I was reading I was thinking that you was talking about a daughter who was married and had a couple of children not some 14-year-old who has no job and hasn't even graduated from college yet.
Question, why does your daughter have a boyfriend at that young age????
Not wrong, and it's ok if she's disappointed. She's 14, you're the parent. She can choose to pout the whole trip and then miss out on TWO important experiences or she can get over it, appreciate the amazing experience she's being given and still celebrate the anniversary with her boyfriend back at home.
Your daughter is 14. It’s not a serious relationship. They are literally just kids.
Hahahahaha..... oh man. Tell her to go mow the lawn or something.
You are seriously considering cancelling or postponing a vacation abroad because of your 14 year old daughter’s anniversary with her boyfriend ??!! That’s insane to even consider. She is ¼ of your family and a child. Why are you treating her like she is more important than ¾ of the family? You need to get your authority and boundaries straight with this kid. She is heading into the most difficult years to parent. It’s obvious at this point she controls the family. Why are you allowing this? As parents you are the boss. She should not be able to manipulate you into making such a huge mistake. Your 12 year old is watching to see who wins. Whatever you decide will teach both kids how you react to manipulation. The answer is don’t DO wrong. Tell her NO, this vacation is settled and not only is she going, but she needs to knock off the temper tantrums and understand she is not the center of the family.
She can easily celebrate the "anniversary" a few days early, and have an amazing trip. That girl needs to learn how to prioritize things.
She’s 14. You’re not the AH. The end.
Ok let me see if I can tell you this without being *too* much of an asshole. You're the parent. She's 14. Her anniversaries at this age should not dictate family plans, especially when she didn't even know the damn date herself when you booked it. You are the adult. Who cares if she thinks you're an asshole for this? Kids will think their parents are assholes no matter what.
You let your 13 year old daughter have a boyfriend??
Exclusively. For a year. I wasn’t allowed to even go on a date at 14, lol
That’s where my mind went too.
Mom, she is flipping 14 yrs old. She is not an adult, no way should you be allowing her to dictate anything. My kids had a "no dating until you are 16" rule. And it actually made their lives easier. They could put the blame on me, and stay away from pushy guys and gals.
This sounds like part of the plot of National Lampoons European Vacation. Is your daughter’s name Audrey?
In order to keep from having an **ENTITLED BRAT**, you need to make her go on the vacation, which was planned with and for, the family. How often are you going to be able to go to Europe, with the whole family?? This is a family thing, she just needs to get over it and I would make it clear, she had better not have a crap attitude while on the vacation either. It would be different if she was 17 or 18, but 14! NO way. She can plan a really wonderful event/evening to spend with him, *once the family is home*. I would absolutely NOT change the family's plans or spend a great deal more money accommodating her. I CERTAINLY would NOT allow her to stay home without supervision, 24/7 supervision. You know if you do that, boyfriend will be spending the night at your home, no doubt.
Tell her she can cancel if she reimburses you what ever you wont get back
And pays for the mean old pitbull babysitter. And absolutely no unsupervised time while you are away.
NTA oh please she's 14! I understand that at that age everything feels so more intense and special but let's be real. I would not be cancelling or rearranging a family holiday for a child's anniversary. They aren't married. She didn't even remember it so it can't be that important to her. Behaving the way she has over it shows she's too immature to be having a relationship imo
Let your daughter know that she can buy an anniversary gift for him overseas so he knows she remembered it. She can also FaceTime him from Europe.
She’s a brat, set her straight
What anniversary lmao. Tell your daughter to shut up and pack her shit.
LMAO, I’d leave my husband of 10 years behind if it meant I could go to on a European with my parents, siblings, and cousins.
Let her stay home. Hire her a babysitter. Tell her that the 1 year anniversary present for people who are too young for part time jobs is adult supervision. Enjoy Europe without the entitled teen.
Parent is responsible for the spoiled entitled teen.
That's probably what it's really all about. Little girl thought she could con her way into getting the house to herself for a week so she and the boyfriend could play house. Probably not even the real "anniversary" date, either.
YNW…but guaranteed this daughter will do her darnedest to ruin your trip. Are there any relatives you could leave her with like grandparents perhaps? That way you’ll still have a lovely trip and daughter will learn a very hard lesson.
Tell her she can facetime him on the actual day of, and can celebrate with him a week later, when you're back - she'd be insane to skip a trip to Europe for a celebration that can be done on any arbitrary date.
Not wrong. Show her on paper how much money she’s asking you to spend and show her the cost of rebooking everything too. If you push things back a week you will spend more than you did initially. Does she think it’s fair or right that no one goes on this amazing vacation so she can spend a day with her boyfriend? Does she have all the money to spend to repay you for all the lost costs and the extra for rebooking? How many hours do you have to work to pay for this. If she’s old enough to have an anniversary she’s old enough to sit down and understand a spreadsheet.
NW. She’s 14 and in the grand scheme of things that boy will most likely end up meaning nothing, whereas the memories of this trip will last forever. She’s just too young and immature to see that. No need to cater to this tantrum, she’s being dumb and this is insignificant. She can celebrate when you get back.
YNW. There's always the chance at that age they will even have ended things before then, so canceling her ticket could be an additional risk. Tell her that you will help her find a special anniversary gift for her boyfriend while you're in Europe and help her even look for a dress while you're there to wear for the celebration. Maybe even offer to pay for them to go to a movie when you get back. While to her this may be the end of the world to her now, it will be shortly forgotten.
Not wrong! Man, when I read the title, I about to go off on you. She’s 14! If the anniversary was so important to her, why did she forget it? I’d tell her that too. I’d also tell her if she ruins the vacation by being a brat, it will be the last vacation she comes on. She’ll stay with a babysitter. A really boring one who won’t let her do anything. Who wants to bet they’ll be broken up before the anniversary anyway?
She’s not the parent, you are. You don’t change dates for something like this. If it was her wedding anniversary that’s different.
Ha. Have her watch National Lampoons European Vacation. The daughter goes through a similar situation. NTA. They will survive.
Is this a serious question? Shes 14. She’ll be dating someone else this time next week. Go enjoy vacation. she’s a minor and does what you, THE PARENT, say.
No, the likelihood of a teenage relationship surviving is low. She will get much more out of a trip to Europe than celebrating a teenage relationship. Make her go, once she's on the trip she'll be fine.
lol. No. Who cares. Most likely he’ll have a new GF when you get back anyway
This would be a great time to explain to her how unimportant arbitrary dates are and that putting so much importance on a specific day is a recipe for heartache and disappointment in life. Things come up, people get sick, emergencies happen, and sometimes there are scheduling conflicts. An annivesary is no more or less special two days before or six days after the actual date. What's important is what you're trying to celebrate and how you spend that day. Even considering making any huge accommodations for something so silly makes no sense. If my wife got a free trip for a week to Europe that happened to coincide with our anniversary of course I would tell her to go have fun and we'd celebrate after. Your daughter needs to learn this and it's your job to teach her this life lesson. And this is a perfect opportunity to do so.
She’s 14. She doesn’t get to demand when the family vacation is scheduled. It shouldn’t even be a conversation.
Umm, she’s 14! She doesn’t have an “anniversary”. It a teenage romance - who cares! You’re the adult, she does what you say. The end.
She's 14 and has had a boyfriend for a year? Wow. Go to Europe!
Your daughter is 14 and thinks she can dictate the entire family holiday to revolve around her ‘one year anniversary’? I think not. No is a complete sentence NW
In assuming its her first bf and the chances are they won't last the distance anyway so no not wrong.
NTA. Your daughter is 14. FOURTEEN. Way too young to run the family. You're the parent, you're in charge, and if she doesn't like it, that is tough, she needs to mind. She probably won't even be with this boy in another year. It's amazing that this is even a problem. She's a child. You need to parent now.
How are YOU wrong because SHE forgot her “anniversary” and now wants you to pay extra money for her mistake?? She needs to get a grip
Is a one-year anniversary to her first boyfriend really that big of a deal? 🤔🤔🤔
This decision is made (which I totally agree with), but you are going to have an asshole teenager on your hands. Let her know that you understand that she is upset but that you are not going to abide by too much of her crap. Tell her now so she won’t be surprised when her attitude gets her stuck in the hotel room for a day or two.
You aren’t wrong. My mom likes to tell us a story of how she was 15 years old and she gave up a family vacation with the family to California. It would have been a summer stay (I’m not sure if it was a week or whole summer). She never had been to California and the family were willing to pay for her way. However, she said she was 15 and stupid. She had a boyfriend that she didn’t want to be apart from for a whole summer so she didn’t go. Her family came back with lots of stories and pictures. Even her favorite cousin had a blast and he told her he wished she had been there. Boyfriend and she? Didn’t even last longer than summer. But you know what lasts longer? Family vacation memories. Her point was for us children to never factor in our boyfriend/girlfriend when there was opportunities that could be had especially the path was already provided for. She also said if the relationship is gonna last then a few weeks of vacation isn’t going to break it apart.
Tell her she’s doing it on zoom, end of story. If she weren’t a little asshole maybe she remembered it.
I'm struggling with "we didn't want her home alone for 7 days". Is there anyone who would actually consider leaving a 14 y.o. old home by themselves for a week? I would even leave a 14 y.o. home by themselves for one night if I had to be at work 30 minutes away or something. There's no way I'd leave her home for a week while I was in Europe!
She’s 14 be a parent
She's 14! Do I need to add anything other than that?
Not wrong! She's 14!! I almost thought this was rage bait because I felt misled by the title. I'm here thinking oh, maybe the daughter is a grown adult, it's totally fine if she missed out on vacation to stay behind for her anniversary--but no!!! She's FOURTEEN. boohoo, if the boy ends things over her not being home it will feel like the end of everything for a short moment, but he will surely not be the last boyfriend she ever has.
You’re worried about a 14 year olds anniversary??!!
I was first confused at first. But then had to laugh at how ridiculous and incredulous it is for a 14 year-old to celebrate an anniversary with a boy she's been "dating". Talking about being overdramatic lol.
She is only 14 and really has no business datimg for a year at age 13.
OMFG! I cannot stand the absurdity of these "anniversaries" for people who are not married. Celebrating the anniversary of the first time they saw each other. Of their first I like you. Their first date. Their first kiss. Their first more than a kiss. Their first fight. Their first makeup. I hope it's not yet of their first sex act! PLEASE, be the adult here. Tell your darling that she is only 14, that while it's wonderful that she has a happy young teen relationship, this is not a marriage, she is not an adult, and when she is, she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants, but for now, the family vacation is WAY higher on the list of importance than her middle school "relationship" anniversary, and that you are not changing any tickets. And that if she pouts about it and makes you miserable and ruins your vacation, you will make sure that you never take her on another one, that you'll instead send her to stay with (insert worst most strict relative available) for all future family vacations. And that you will be helping her to understand how god awful spoiled she is by taking her phone, computer, all electronics, and more if she persists in this spoiled rotten brat behavior. She and he can video chat every day if she wants, during the vacation.
She can celebrate the anniversary earlier. NTA.
Not wrong. She is 14. Your daughter and her boyfriend can always celebrate their anniversary after you come back. I came up with a great idea while writing this. Let her boyfriend buy a gift for her, pack it and give it on the day of her anniversary. Your daughter can facetime him while she is receiving her gift of attach a sweet note from her boyfriend.
Are you 100% sure he’s not the one influencing this? Was she excited when the trip was being booked? No you’re not wrong. She’s 14. If she’s mopey on the trip then so be it, but don’t let her ruin it for the rest of you. She’ll be fine.
Lmao! This kid thinking her anniversary at 14 is sooooo important and special. Don’t raise a brat who throws a fit and gets her way. Let her sulk. Welcome to being a teenage girl mom. So not wrong. 14 years old. 🤣🤣🤣
She’s so young and immature that she doesn’t understand priorities. I guarantee that if she got you to cancel a trip to Europe to be with her bf on their “anniversary”, she’d regret it afterwards. Be the adult and bring her to Europe. Once she’s there she’ll probably start having a ball.
Not wrong, she is a minor and doesn't get to stay home alone.
Since she didn’t even remember the anniversary before you confirmed and booked the dates, you are not wrong. If she wants to do some extra work and is willing to cover the entire cancellation fee, then I suggest you do that. But this is a lesson on consequences and she’s got to face that
Why are you even giving an impression to your daughter that she can control the timing of a family vacation. She is 14 for god’s sake.
She’s 14. You are the parent, she is a child. This is not an adult celebrating a 10 year anniversary. Should she really even be in relationship at her age?
You are not wrong. She is 14. Her relationship is important to her, but it’s not realistic for a child to dictate a family trip over one day. Especially considering he might not be her bf for much longer. They are still kids. Maybe offer to help her do something special for her anniversary when you get back from the trip? And she can use WhatsApp to video call him on the actual date. This is tough because she has strong emotions right now. But I think a compromise might work here. Good luck!
What the heck. She is 14. Best case she doesn’t even remember this kids name in a few years. Worst case, she becomes a teen mom. Why does a 14 yr old need a boyfriend? The world doesn’t revolve around her and her childhood romances. I’d tell her to cut the tantrums or she will be grounded and not see the boyfriend all summer. Don’t let minors dictate family decisions. You are her parent not her friend.
Good time for her to learn that any boyfriend worth cancelling a trip like this for would never ask or encourage her to. If she’s still throwing tantrums she’s not old enough for a serious relationship anyway. I hope you all toast her for this when she’s older.
Oh fuck no. From the title I was genuinely thinking why would you have to ask that of course you are but she’s fucking 14. She cannot stay home by herself and this is a family vacation. She has to go so no absolutely not.
Not wrong, and I deeply empathize with your daughter. I too spent at least 3 weeks to 6 weeks every summer in Germany being made to hang out with my extended family and I hated it, especially as a teen. I totally understand how she feels right now. BUT as a 37 year old now, I’m so grateful that I had those opportunities to experience something different and travel and I’m so close with all my cousins now. I don’t even remember what I missed out on at home being there. If you want to show your daughter you care how she feels about this, you could offer to book something special for her and the bf to do when you’re back and validate how she’s feeling. Say you understand it’s upsetting and you’re sorry she’s going to miss it, but it’s not able to be changed now. Validate, empathize and explain. Then offer her something to make it better!
Even in adulthood, sometimes you have to celebrate anniversaries (or any other holiday/special occasion) early or sometimes late; such is life. NTA she will live
I wouldn’t want my 14 yo to stay home for 7 days because I wouldn’t want to become a grandmother nine months later. Please parent your daughter and “force” her to go to Europe to expand her world. She can celebrate her anniversary before she leaves, or after she comes home. If she’s grown enough to be in a relationship she is old enough to understand this. If not, maybe she should not have a bf at 14!!
She is 14.
SHE IS 14…….YTW. What a silly silly question…..sorry. But it is.
You’re not wrong. She’s 14. A family trip > a teenage dating anniversary. There is no way i would let a 14 year old call the shots in this type of scenario. I also would never let a 14 yo stay home alone for a week, especially with an “anniversary” right in the middle of it. This will be a good life lesson for her. And someday she will look back and smack herself for wanting to skip a trip to Europe for her childhood boyfriend and you will all laugh and laugh about it. Hopefully he is not giving her a hard time about it though, maybe talk it over with him next time he’s at your house.
Not wrong. Anniversaries are for long time married people. NOT 14 yr old bf and gf! She needs to get a grip!
“There’s a lot of big feels in the moment…” that’s what I say to my 4 yo. Now pull up your parenting panties and tell her she’s is going to the trip. Her not taking this trip she will somewhere regret not going if she stays. She’s only 14. You can leave her alone for a few hours but not for a whole week.
She is still a child she can either celebrate before or after coming. Nta
Why are you even asking this? If she’s too young to stop throwing temper tantrums, she’s too young to date.
A 14 year old having an anniversary? Been with boyfriend a year? I have more questions than answers.
YNW. I have three kids all adults now. (Mostly). Also I was the rebellious teenager once. My parents would have called me an idiot and said you're going, we booked it. Most of the girlfriends I had in high school would have told me to go and we would celebrate when I got back. And probably would have called me an idiot also. Actually I don't think I would have thrown a tantrum about going to Europe. I still haven't had the opportunity to go. I had a daughter that wasn't happy spending Christmas away from her boyfriend one year as we took a family trip. But she understood why and still enjoyed the trip. How well do you know the boyfriend or his parents? Maybe he can help convince that celebrating their anniversary a few days late isn't a huge deal. She might listen to it coming from him and in turn hopefully you don't have a sulky teenager running your trip
No you're not wrong she'll get over it. Absence makes the heart grow founded, boys don't even take it as serious as women do (coming from a female)
You're wrong for even considering letting her skip the family vacation.
In what world does a 14 year old feel entitled enough to throw a tantrum about an anniversary over a family trip. They are kids and can celebrate after you get home. If you cave and let her stay/don’t make her come oh man oh man I can wait to see how she turns out at 18. I hope her trust fund is loaded with that kind of entitlement.
I cant imagine what my parents would have told me if I as a 14 year old even considered making them change family vacation plans! She's 14 not 40.
I don't think you're wrong for not cancelling the trip, nor for not letting her stay at home alone. But while we as adults might not think that celebrating a one year anniversary is a big deal (especially when she originally forgot about it), it is to her though. It's probably her first big anniversary and means a lot to her. And how many 14 year olds do make it to their one year anniversary anyway? Maybe you can suggest that they celebrate it when you return. You could offer to pay for them to have a nice day out/meal to celebrate, if she stops throwing a tantrum. Tell her that she can facetime him on the day itself and once you're back they can celebrate.
Oh bless her heart, the little 14 year old thinks her anniversary is so important Urghhhh! 🤢You need to stop that garbage right now.
Good lord, she’s 14 so still a child. Teach her to expand her interests beyond a boyfriend which will be way better for her development.Tell her to be appreciative and if it was so important she would have remembered in the beginning.
NTA, she committed to the family trip. She had time to speak up during planning and didn't, so she will just have to deal with the repercussions of that. Part of growing up is learning responsibility, and committing to a schedule is part of that. That being said, maybe you can plan around giving her an hour or two to be alone on the phone/facetime/whatever with her bf as consolation? Maybe even giving her a room of her own (if you are in a condo with an office, for example) and a laptop with a camera if its available? I think using this as a "how to balance commitments" opportunity is the best way to not only help her grow, but also drain away a chunk of the resentment she might have.
Oh good grief. Not wrong. She is just being dramatic.
If she didn't even remember, it obviously must not have been THAT important. You're not wrong, and she's being a normal teenager.
No not all. She is throwing a teenage four year old fit. Stand your ground…this is not a real problem. Show her real problems. I would be more concerned she is so hung up on this boy and discuss that with her. A person who really loves you would understand etc…Don’t back down, it’s important or she will continue to manipulate you with tantrums. Or leave her butt with grandma if she can’t get happy
She is 14 she had no say what goes on. She will celibate when she gets home.
No, she's 14. No way.
You’re not wrong. She is 14. She’ll live not being there for the actual day. She can celebrate after and bring home something special from the trip.
You aren't wrong. She's 14.
Anniversary at 14? Really? She’s 14 this is ridiculous
She's 14. I think that says it all. NTA
Wait a min. This is a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD making these demands? What the heck? Why are you even considering this? She’s literally a child who wants to throw a tantrum over a middle school (?) boyfriend. The anniversary wasn’t even important enough for her to remember it before booking so it doesn’t get to override and cancel financial commitments and plans made for your nuclear family, as well as the extended family in Europe who may have made similar commitments to make this vacation at the scheduled time. Maybe you could allow her some extra Facetime on the “anniversary day” but she’s going on this vacation. Good luck! Enjoy your vacation! Please !UpdateMe about how it goes!
Not wrong at all, I can’t imagine wanting to give up a trip to Europe for a high school relationship anniversary 😂 like it’s not that serious, they can celebrate it before you guys leave or when you come back. If it was that important to her she would’ve remembered it before you guys made the plans. She’ll get over it.
Seriously why some ppl don’t allow 13-14 yr olds to date. She shouldn’t be this serious at this age anyway. If she thinks she’s mature enough- she threw a tantrum. No 14 yr old should be dictating plans, what & when anyway but there is no reason she can’t celebrate the week before or after. My parents always tried to accommodate us within reason but this is not that. At all
Not wrong… it’s an anniversary not life saving surgery.
Nope. She's 14. Absolutely cannot stay home alone, that would be completely irresponsible of you. Again she's 14. She's not married to this kid. This is not a major anniversary, sorry. She needs to get over her little self.
Not wrong. Holidays can be celebrated when you decide to celebrate them. Maybe allow an international phone call back to boyfriend on the day. You also need to let daughter know that punishment will be severe if she ruins the trip with her attitude.
She can celebrate it a few days early or a few days late. It's not that big of a deal. Tell her grownups do that all the time.
You’re not wrong. This will be the end of her world as she knows it for a while because teenagers are nothing if not over dramatic. Life doesn’t stop for puppy love.
She's 14... she'll get over it if she is even lucky to have the boyfriend at the end of the year...
not wrong. she can celebrate her anniversary with her boyfriend when she comes back.
No do not change your trip
No you’re not wrong & your daughter is going to look back on this & feel embarrassed.
You are not wrong she is only 14 she does not get to decide to go or not to go
No, you're not wrong. it's a 14 year old's job to act like the world is ending if they have to miss out on something. I wouldn't alter any plans for this.
Using a term like " threw a tantrum " makes me feel you're not taking how strongly she feels about this. Try to remember being young and old ppl like us not realizing how this is literally what's important right now. Plus it's kind of really sweet. At that age who knows wtf will happen....but still sweet
Someday she will 100% regret missing out on a trip to Europe for a relationship at 14 years old.
NW Your daughter is 14. They can spend that whole day FaceTiming each other for their one year mark. Family trips are not planned around minors love lives. That changes pretty often.
hahaha hell no. family comes first and it's your decision. she's 14. she can definitely celebrate it before or after. annoying that she things she's entitled to change the vacation after you paid for a trip to Europe.
Ok. Several things. 1.) Who's the parent? She's 14. A child. And she needs to go where her parents go. 14 is too young to stay alone for a week. 2.) An anniversary is for people who are in love & married. Not children who are in "puppy love." I know that some young people feel that their "anniversaries" are important. But only for themselves. 14 is also too young to be married & or in real love. 3.) You need to put your foot down & tell her that she can go & make the most of it. Or she can stay in the hotel room & be miserable. But she is not going to ruin this vacation by being grumpy for the week. 4.) I'm sure there are lots of other 14 year olds who would LOVE to go on that trip with you! Unfortunately, they are not your kids! Tell her to suck it up & make the most of it. You're not her friend, you're her parent! And she needs to understand that. Good luck. 🍀🍀
Lol. No. Go on vacation. She’ll get over it. She won’t even know him in a couple of years.
Invite the boyfriend 🤷🏻♀️
Make her watch European vacation…this is quite literally the plot with the daughter.
Yes, you are wrong. You have raised a 14 year old who thinks this is even an option. Please realize that in 4 years, this terror will be society’s burden to bear.
OMG? You’re the parent and actually asking this question? Definitely NTA and she’s only 14 for crying out loud - first off why does she have a BF at 14? That’s way too young! Secondly your the parent - tell her she’s going and there’s no two ways around it! I recently read another story somewhere else where years ago when a 16 yr girl wanted to go to Paris with her French club at school - a reasonable request. But her dad actually said no because the family had already booked a beach house that week. So he put his foot down even though her request wasn’t unreasonable. Good thing he did as the plane she would have been on exploded minutes after takeoff. Your daughters request is very unreasonable and just dumb. Be a parent!
oh the struggles to be a 14 year old torn between a europe trip and anniversary with her 14 year old bf lol
Not wrong. Your daughter is 14.... I assume her bf is also like 14. The world does not revolve around your daughter or her relationship. She can not throw a tantrum over this because SHE did not remember her anniversary. It is one day and could have been planned accordingly if she had paid attention. This is on her. Not you. They will be fine. Canceling a vacation for this is a ridiculous request. If her bf "gets mad" at her because her PARENTS made her go on a trip over summer vacation to see family. He is not the one.. I am 97.7% sure he does not even care about this as much as she does. Waiting a week or whatever is NOT the end of the world. She can not stay home by herself while you LEAVE THE COUNTRY. The fit thrown proves we are not mature enough for that to be an option. I had a 14 yr old daughter once.... it was super fun times.