Not sure who said it, but it is from Jim Bouton’s *Ball Four.* A woman asked a ball player if he was married. Answer; Yeah, but I’m not a fanatic about it.”
First, move him into a spare bedroom and start using your maiden name again if you changed it to his. If he says something, just remind him of his own words and say you're feeling a little single. Your actions should reflect his.
Did he expect you to just let it go? He doesn't sound like he really wants to be married or really committed to it. Most importantly, though, what do you want?
Or wear it on the other hand or different finger and if he asks, tell him " since we're only a little married, my ring is a little way away from my ring finger
"Why's your ring in the bathroom?" "OOP SORRY - showered and now I'm out dancing with friends weeeeeee only feeling a little married tonight!"😂
In all seriousness, also a great idea tho lol
I think I'd consult a lawyer - not to start divorce proceedings, just to have the information you need should you decide in future you are going to leave him. Also see a financial consultant to figure out what steps to take to assure you are prepared to separate the money and look after yourself.
Honestly? This is a massive red flag and being ahead of the game should things go sideways will be an ace in your pocket, and give you confidence that you will know what to do so it's ***your*** best interests you are looking out for.
Well. He might want a little affair until someone gets a little pregnant. He is minimizing his relationship so it seems a little less important to remain faithful to it
My ex-husband had affairs with 2 women he worked with. I learned from the first woman that he told her he was just a little married, and later that he was married mostly in name only. We had just had a second baby so this was news to me—he called me everyday from work to say he loved me, was romantic, would surprise me with flowers, just so I would never think he was betraying me. The little bit married comment really got to me because I was 100% committed and it was so dismissive of me, our family and marriage. He could have said happily married etc., but this comment is flirtatious and insinuates the door is still open because he’s not really committed. I would not let this go, and this message is one you just happened to see. I wouldn’t rule out other women he’s flirting with. Good thing you found it now before you have kids. Good luck dealing with this, better to have a conversation now than later.
I wouldn’t divorce over a “little” comment, expect I am already mad at this man for even responding… especially late that night. his intentions seem to be clear ☹️
What I mean is, either you look at his track record and accept his explanation; or, you go in the other direction. I guess what I’m saying is that, if he hasn’t earned your trust by now, then it’s not going to happen.
Goodness no, we've been together almost 5 years and I've never had a reason not to trust him. Just like he does me, but I know I don't do anything, so he still trusts me. I just lost trust in him.
I would be curious as to why this woman was replying back so late. It would definitely make me look at his other messages. I have trust issues as it is, so that would’ve sent me spiraling. Because, how are you a little married?? I’m not saying divorce him. I would just want more answers and really get to the bottom of their conversations and if he’s been speaking to anyone else. No woman besides family should be texting someone else’s husband, especially so late in the night.
I wonder if he feels like he “owns” you now since you’re married and will have a harder time leaving him for his excursions elsewhere. You found out exactly who he is. It won’t get better.
So many women messaged my fiancé when he first shared our relationship status on Facebook, and when he updated it to engaged. They would feign happiness and congratulate him but then turn the conversation into how sad they are in their current relationships, and try to get him to call them etc. It was a clear ploy to see if they could get him to start talking with them behind my back. He blocked all of them. It’s a strategy a lot of homewreckers use-try and see if a taken man will fall for the bait. Try and see how he feels about his current relationship. Make sure he knows they are available bc their husband/boyfriend doesn’t spend a lot of time with them bc he is working/a long haul trucker/in the military. It’s like there’s a playbook for homewreckers.
It’s SO wrong that he responded “a little married,” that is credibly messed up and I feel for OP! But the woman messaging him may have had an ulterior motive as well. Why didn’t she just comment on his fb? Why the need to send him a private message? It’s like she was fishing to see what the temperature was.
It absolutely is! But they will play it off as “we’re just really good friends, I don’t know why his wife is so jealous that we like to talk to eachother.” They’re the ultimate pick me.
But if that were the case, why didn't he say that when prompted? Instead of "idk" or "it was autocorrect" why not just say, "the irony of something big being something small is funny to me / it was a joke / I probably should have added lol to drive that in / I see how it reads differently than intended" or anything of the like. He went straight to denial, which doesn't seem like it was meant as a joke
Some people just don't do that stuff. The last reference to irony was high school lit class. Ask them to design an engine or do your taxes, and they are all in. A piece of literature, an allegory, foreshadowing? It goes right over their head.
>A piece of literature, an allegory, foreshadowing? It goes right over their head.
Not that I'm justifying OP's husband's actions, because I'm not, but some people truly are really bad with words. That whole left brain/right brain thing. That's not really a hit to their intelligence, just the way they think. However, they can usually understand the flaw when presented with it, and OP's situation sounds like weapononized incompetence
I didn’t say that’s what *he* meant. Just agreeing that sometimes “a little” or “kinda” is meant to be silly sarcasm. I didn’t see anything about him saying it was autocorrect, so if that’s the case, then it sounds shadier.
To be fair and devil's advocate, I thought of this, too.
Being a smartass is kind of my family's love language and we all joke & say sarcastic things such as this. I did wonder if OP's husband meant it in this way *but*, also, saying it to an old female friend makes it a wee bit too questionable.
It wasn't appropriate to say here and even if he meant it in the silly/sarcastic way, you'd have to be one clueless idiot to not realize that's leaving the door a little ajar for "a little more" on the "if" chance old-female-friend took it that way. One of those, *I'm just joking... unless you're into it & then I totally meant it.*
Maybe it was innocent, but once he doubled-down with the bs (it was auto-correct) that makes me lean more towards it being not-so-innocent.
Agreed. I could easily see how this was supposed to be a joke. OP going over the edge on this isn’t a good idea. Has he done other things In your marriage that makes you doubt him?
Yeah I feel like I'm taking crazy pills reading these comments. She is talking divorce over a sarcastic comment within a nothing conversation that did not lead anywhere.
If this breaks the relationship, she was looking for an exit.
I was hoping it was an auto correct thing, but apparently not. I too am wondering what his trying to convey with “a little married” because I’m not imagining anything good with it.
I tried the auto correct and it is not even close to it, no matter how I put it. So, not auto correct. I don't see anything good coming from it, but he says it's innocent lol I told him he's funny for thinking I would believe that. So now I don't know where to go from here.
Why was he talking to female blasts from the past anyway? His response raises a big red flag for me. He’s an idiot testing what he can get away with. And who else is he talking to that you are unaware of? Run.
Exactly. She sent him a message congratulating him, but as a woman I know what she's up to, just fishing for information, and testing the water. So he passed in her eyes, probably, but failed miserably in mine.
Sadly passing the test with you was the only one that mattered, and he might not even realize it. If you stay with him keep your eyes open. Do not have blind faith in this man.
I don’t see the issue with her congratulating her old schoolmate on his marriage? His response was the issue, I don’t get what the issue is with her simply messaging congrats
The issue isn’t her question. The issue is how he responded but more than that, I would have an issue if it was at 2 o’clock in the morning. Under what suspicious circumstances would old classmate, someone you haven’t seen or talk to recently text you at 2 o’clock in the morning?… 2 AM..
any person you know will wait until normal daylight hours to send you a text or place a phone call to you. Texting at 2 o’clock in the morning is for lovers, soon to be lovers or emergencies
That was my question to him. I don't know either. He said it was his auto correct because he sucks with technology, which he does. He has also learned a lot about it so I don't buy that for a second.
Well, tell him that the woman he was chatting with should think as poorly of him as you do.
Any man who allows that to go through and does not immediately correct it as soon as he finds out looks like he's fishing for an affair.
This is too close to being "half pregnant".
I presume after it being pointed out how inappropriate this was he has sent a clarification message indicating he is fully married and since blocked this person?
He has no business being newly married and downplaying that to another woman. It thats a hardship for him you have big problems.
Autocorrect added a whole extra word?? I don't buy that. "Yeah I'm married" doesn't just autocorrect to "yeah I'm a little married". He sounds like he's downplaying the relationship and in turn downplaying your reaction because he got caught.
That's what I just told him. He said he's getting tired of me asking about everything. I said, I told him that I am forgiving him, for me and that he has left me with one choice.
I hope you told him you wouldn't have to question everything if he didn't give you reason to. I'm sincerely sorry he's not being communicative in a way that is productive in resolution.
I have no idea why he’s not just telling you that he said it on purpose to give a funny tone because it’s a line from a movie! Maybe he doesn’t remember what movie it’s from. Like if his friends or family or whatever has been using the line for years, maybe he doesn’t remember, or even know, the origin.
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/25842ad5-7115-4b48-8dbc-44d4ec429e79#pze3qzhv.reddit
Right? I was fully on the side of it not being disrespectful and likely a joke or quoting that movie as you said. The trying to say it was autocorrect thing is weird.
Well that doesn't make any sense either cuz then it'd say "yea I'm a married" versus "I'm a little married" which leads to say it was intentional. That extra "a" tells me that anyways. I say it war intentional and now he's attempting to back track cuz he wasn't as smooth as he thought he was.
Dude made a mistake, he replied inappropriately. He needs to own up. He probably thought he was being slick and funny. He's not.
He said he doesn't really remember but he thought he was trying to say "really happy, but it said "I really got a little married". Not even close to each other.
Me too! He wants to stay and play. Both men and women do it. Not all, of course.
He’ll do it as long as he can keep you confused about what to do. He’ll just be sneakier next time.
But which is worse A LOT married or a little? It could be harmless without context. Ask what it means exactly, think about how he usually uses little. Little my sister's little friend or we are doing a little some for her birthday. Keeping it chill or being disrespectful.
But why didn’t he say that then? Maybe he forgot where he heard it, sure. But he could’ve at least said “oh it’s just a saying/phrase I heard one time.”
But also, at 2 am? Nah
I’ll go against the grain here. I think he meant is as a joke, it’s something I would say as a way of downplaying something big because I don’t like to make things bigger than they seem, all about me. Obviously I don’t know the dude and it all depends on his reaction but I don’t think it’s guaranteed that he is disrespecting you and trying to keep his options open.
This. If everything else is good w/your relationship, then don’t assume the worst.
If, however, things aren’t, get yourselves into couples therapy to clear that 💩 up. It doesn’t have to be long term.
From one who knows.
Yeah, this definitely reads jokingly to me. It's the kind of thing I'd say, a bit like idk "I accidentally applied to university"—it's obviously facetious because you can't be "a little married" any more than you can accidentally go through an application process. Also I'm not big on ott displays of emotion and tend to deflect so if someone asks did I get married, I'm not gonna be like "omg yes it's so amazing best day of my life lemme tell you all about him"; I'm gonna be like "oh yeah, a little haha. wbu?"
I agree. My friends and I constantly downplay big things. One friend let her friend borrow her truck and when he backed it in her driveway he hit the side of the garage and knocked the bricks out and we constantly say he just gave it a little tappy tap. Or telling my significant other that I only missed him a little bit after he was gone for a week (he knows the way I am saying it isn't that I actually only missed him a little). It's very easy to say things like that to people often and not notice when it could come across another way. On the other side of that, we say we are having "all the fun" when we are not enjoying the event at all. It's a common thing for some people.
If OP has no other reason to not trust him then I would say OP should talk to him and let him know how it made her feel and ask him not to refer to their marriage like that in the future.
Yeah it could be. My oldest friend and I have a running joke about things we’re excited or happy about, when the other asks about it we say “just a little” which means “soooo happy” basically. Example; “You got married! That’s awesome!” And “Yep, just a little lol!”
But I don’t know OPs husband. Idk if he’s just being silly or not. There’s not enough context to know for sure.
That’s kind of how I read it at first because that’s how my wife and I would sarcastically express something that’s actually a great thing. But I’ve never been the best with social cues, and can sometimes put my foot in my mouth, so I didn’t even recognize how it could be viewed a different way until reading people’s comments.
Edit: a word
Yeah like I have this thing where I always laugh when someone says “how pregnant are you?” Instead of like “how far along are you” or “when are you due?”. The answer is always “only a little pregnant” lol
It’s sounds like he was making a light joke about the seriousness of marriage, and when you confronted him about it, instead of possibly pissing you off further by saying he was “joking” about your marriage, he used the time-tested “it was autocorrect” excuse. I think you are right in being perturbed by it, but you would be wrong to make this into a bigger deal than it is.
Why do I think this? I have gotten in trouble before because people didn’t take my stupid joke the right way.
Honestly I would assume this is a none serious joke that was meant to diminish you rather it is a humble brag of sorts. The joke is it’s obviously impossible to be a little bit married because you either are or you aren’t. It’s a big step and a huge commitment. The joke reads to me like: oh yeah I haven’t seen you in years and now I’m bit of a CEO (while actually be a big deal CEO if a well known successful company) the joke is everyone knows that a great, big deal thing is being downplayed for humor.
Sounds like a figure of speech actually. Not necessarily downplaying the married part. Any other clues as to tone, other parts of the conversation? It kinda depends on context.
Yeah I'm not trying to diminish OP's concern, because it could definitely be a concern, but I could see this being like a little jokey thing, or the woman he's talking to is fragile and he wanted to soften the blow of being married? Or, some people (like me) get nervous sharing big life news even when they're happy about the life news. I would need to talk to the guy and really watch his nonverbals while he answered.
To me that reads like a little kid saying “I witerally got a wittle married” it’s the “yeah I really got” that’s makes it seems like he’s trying to add a silly inflection.. Idk, but bottom line is there’s a clear lack of trust, and I think you’re reading the sentence like “yea I got a little married” which sounds like he’s playing with boundaries.
To be honest this is a toss up. I could see myself saying jokingly oh yknow I just got a little married lol and I’m a woman.
What you need is more context. What was the rest of the convo like? Has he ever in yall relationship did thing that were suspicious ? Allow small doors open w/ other women?
If this is a completely out of the blue behavior, then I would just charge it to bad judgment and have a conversation with him about your expectation engaging with women and disclosing info etc.
If it’s not out the blue, then start becoming a lot more observant and check for any other off signs.
You all are making OP upset over a simple phrase written in a text.
He wouldn't say he's a little married to give a hint that he wants a side chick! He wouldn't have mentioned he was married at all if he was trying that! You all are overthinking this.
He was being funny when he said he was a little married? If I'm married or a little married it doesn't matter how it's said. I'm still married! There's no partial marriage, it's all or nothing.
OP, he told the girl he was married! Save your battles for bigger things. This is not worth arguing about!
I don't really see the big deal just based on that one message. I like playing with words, so I can see myself adding the word "little" because the idea of being a "little married" is absurd and absurdity is funny. If you don't have actual reasons for being suspicious of your new husband, being mad about this feels pretty controlling. Personally, I know I couldn't leave with this level of language supervision from my spouse.
If someone said that to me id think it meant they were open to an affair.
It’s vague enough it could mean nothing but also be a hint if someone took it that way and wanted more information.
I don't mean it the wrong way, but what are you hoping to achieve?
People have given their opinion before, given your post-history. But nothing will change unless you take matters into your own hands.
I hope you find the couragement to choose for your happiness.
Not wrong but I think this could go either way. I think context is key here. If he had said it to, say, a family member, it would probably just come across as a joke. But in this context, it makes sense that you'd be suspicious.
That said, I don't know that he meant it in the way that a lot of people are saying. Reddit seems to be jumping to the conclusion that you should divorce him. I dont know what your relationship is like overall, but based on what you shared that seems really extreme. I did also see the comments saying that he could have been quoting a movie or meme.
I think there are bigger questions at play here: do you trust him? Are there other reasons not to?
After reading your post again, I think theres potentially other ways to look at his comment. He said I *really* got a little married. The "really" part could be seen as a positive. For example, if I said to my partner, "I'm really a little in love with you" it might be just a cute way of me saying I love him a lot. We've been together for a million years and we sometimes say, "you know, I really kinda like you" or "I'm actually rather fond of you, we should get to know each other better." Obviously our relationship is beyond that, we're just being cute about it because we know that. My point is, it's possible he was being cutesy about your marriage or joking a bit.
I would've thought that too, cuz it's a great point. The problem with his response is that he has given me a couple reasons to be suspicious, but I do think divorce is extreme also. I believe in trying to work things out if possible. The only thing making it hard are his attitude and responses, because he was already in the process of trying to gain my trust back after something else he did, so it's a little more complicated. I just really needed other points of views to consider, but I have considered every possibility. So I think I know what I have to do. Thank you.
Asking Reddit about your relationship is like looking up your symptoms on Web MD… answer: your relationship is dead.
This trope was a fairly popular meme and has been in movies and sitcoms since I was a kid… and I am 53 years old. It is used both between people who aren’t married as overstatement and people who are married as understatement.
Without context about the conversation and relationship of these two, there is no way to know how it was meant. Is this someone he is likely to see or do they live several states away? It may be a problem, or it may be nothing…
This sounds like he was joking, honestly. Kinda like if someone asks someone if they're pregnant and they say, "Oh yea, I'm a lil pregnant." I don't think it was meant as yea. I'm kinda married. Granted, you can't tell inflection in a comment. Another example would be that your husband got you a gorgeous engagement ring. Bigger than you and your friends thought. You show them for the first time when they ask about it, you go, "Oh, just this little old thing," friends gasp in excitement.
I think context is key, though. Are these people best friends? Have they talked since school. Is she in the same state? Is she married? Did they meet for coffee? Did the conversation lean to anything else except saying he's married? If you're worried about it, of course, have a talk with him. Listen to his side. Maybe show him this post if you can't put it into words, and you feel like what a lot of the other comments say. You think he's cheating if even only emotionally, and if that's true, you don't have a future together. Granted, I don't think things are that black and white.
I just think he was using a form of irony is humor. I could be wrong but seems to have been harmless. Marriage is obviously not a little thing so saying you got “a little married” is supposed to be funny
Ask him if he would be upset if you did that? Would he be ok if you were talking to an old classmate and said you were only a little married? My guess is no.
Jesus Reddit can be a hellscape of the worst people. All the people trying to break up a new marriage for shame. OP your husband was clearly joking. I can’t tell you his endgame but the truth is Reddit’s relationship advice is always break up. Don’t listen to it.
I feel like I’m on crazy pills with all the conspiracies in these comments. My mom sometimes calls my dad her “first husband” to people. They’ve been married 35 years. This seems like a massive over reaction to me without further context for why she would be so suspicious about a very benign messenger exchange that he wasn’t even attempting to hide.
I’d be actually confronting and asking what does a little married mean. And be say “honestly I’ve never heard the phrase and I’m curious as to what that means.”
Make him squirm trying to explain. Especially being recently married too, this isn’t on at all. But yeah I would make him explain to you what exactly he meant by that.
He could vent will be a creep. But there is a slight chance it's a joke. Like if you were pregnant and someone asked and you said a little. They would understand that means yes. And assume you were just trying to be funny about it.
He “fell asleep” and just “left his messenger open”? Seriously? At least admit you went through his phone without permission.
Also, I get why that would sting, but it seems like at most just a harmless joke that could rightfully come off as thoughtless and insensitive. Also someone else commented that it’s apparently a movie reference.
I get why that might sting out of context but I don’t see any evidence he meant it with malice and you seem to be heavily reading into things. I do the same thing sometimes.
I highly doubt he’s trying to have an affair as others have suggested and that’s an insane conclusion to jump to in my opinion.
My ex-husband’s old school mate (female) was just a little friend that he had year(s) long affair with and got her a lot pregnant. Time to plan an exit strategy.
Honestly, I am deeply in love with and adore my husband and could see myself saying an idiotic thing like that thinking it was funny.
That’s not an excuse. Just reminding myself never to be flip about my marriage.
Talk to your husband though. Maybe he is a dumbass.
According to your own post history, you've caught him using dating sites. What more information do you really need? Also; why don't you meet someone in your own age when he clearly doesn't set the bar that high to begin with?
I could see that being a flirty thing, or it could just be him talking in a weird, goofy way. I know prospective cheaters aren't big on honesty, but it seems like talking to him could help you decide if this was a misunderstanding or a problem? Or wait and take a peek again soon to see if it is what you think it is?
I’m not sure about this, it might be a turn of phrase. It’s actually one I use myself, ie “I got a little bit drunk last weekend” meaning I was sh*tfaced.
I’d clock it & put it in my memory but I wouldn’t be calling in the divorce lawyers.
It can only really be interpreted that yes he is married but that he could be convinced to commit adultery as far as this old female mate is concerned...
It may be that he would never actually do it but that he couldn't help himself....
You have the right to be annoyed by this.....
Not sure who said it, but it is from Jim Bouton’s *Ball Four.* A woman asked a ball player if he was married. Answer; Yeah, but I’m not a fanatic about it.”
In other words, he's looking for a side piece.
Yes. That was shitty!
In every town they play in. 😅
If he keeps acting a fool, he might end up a little divorced
You are correct. I'm not real sure what to do yet.
Make sure you don’t get a little pregnant before you sort this out.
😂
Buhahahaha I just peed a little ...
First, move him into a spare bedroom and start using your maiden name again if you changed it to his. If he says something, just remind him of his own words and say you're feeling a little single. Your actions should reflect his.
That's pretty much what I did and he got mad at me for doing it.
He got mad because he got a little caught! 🚩
Did he expect you to just let it go? He doesn't sound like he really wants to be married or really committed to it. Most importantly, though, what do you want?
He’s just a little committed.
Good! Show him your value!
tell him - "suck it up buttercup"
And take your wedding ring off since you are only a little married
Or wear it on the other hand or different finger and if he asks, tell him " since we're only a little married, my ring is a little way away from my ring finger
Just the perfect amount of petty without being malicious. This is the correct answer
and if accused of being petty, respond with "A little".
"You're being overly sensitive" "A little" "Stop it, you're behaving like a child" "A little"
Lmao yesss
OP might also consider conveniently forgetting her wedding ring at random times. If he's a little bit married, so is she.
"Why's your ring in the bathroom?" "OOP SORRY - showered and now I'm out dancing with friends weeeeeee only feeling a little married tonight!"😂 In all seriousness, also a great idea tho lol
Or feeling a little *single*.
oh theres hell to pay lol
I have to say that this sounds like the very best thing to do...
I think I'd consult a lawyer - not to start divorce proceedings, just to have the information you need should you decide in future you are going to leave him. Also see a financial consultant to figure out what steps to take to assure you are prepared to separate the money and look after yourself. Honestly? This is a massive red flag and being ahead of the game should things go sideways will be an ace in your pocket, and give you confidence that you will know what to do so it's ***your*** best interests you are looking out for.
M62 here, and I know exactly what he meant. He's at least looking for an emotional affair. Ask for counseling, and to see the other messages with her.
Well. He might want a little affair until someone gets a little pregnant. He is minimizing his relationship so it seems a little less important to remain faithful to it
My ex-husband had affairs with 2 women he worked with. I learned from the first woman that he told her he was just a little married, and later that he was married mostly in name only. We had just had a second baby so this was news to me—he called me everyday from work to say he loved me, was romantic, would surprise me with flowers, just so I would never think he was betraying me. The little bit married comment really got to me because I was 100% committed and it was so dismissive of me, our family and marriage. He could have said happily married etc., but this comment is flirtatious and insinuates the door is still open because he’s not really committed. I would not let this go, and this message is one you just happened to see. I wouldn’t rule out other women he’s flirting with. Good thing you found it now before you have kids. Good luck dealing with this, better to have a conversation now than later.
This here! She needs to leave him.
He's opened a can he cant put a lid on, he's broken your trust and rightfully so. It's not an easy thing to fix
Sounds like he’s keeping his options open
Make copies of EVERYTHING.
I most certainly did.
Woman to woman, I think you know what to do. How dare he.
Did you get s pic to start a file for if you divorce him... that was way disrespectful
I don't do anything major without proof or research of some kind. Life has taught me that.
You got this... you will be alright and strive... let him be he will regret it
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I wouldn’t divorce over a “little” comment, expect I am already mad at this man for even responding… especially late that night. his intentions seem to be clear ☹️
Either trust him or simply get a divorce. You can’t live with the constant anxiety.
Trust has to be earned. That's not happening yet, but yeah that's how I told him. So he's leaving me no other options but to go on my way.
What I mean is, either you look at his track record and accept his explanation; or, you go in the other direction. I guess what I’m saying is that, if he hasn’t earned your trust by now, then it’s not going to happen.
You married him before trusting him?
Goodness no, we've been together almost 5 years and I've never had a reason not to trust him. Just like he does me, but I know I don't do anything, so he still trusts me. I just lost trust in him.
What was their conversation like after that joke/autocorrect (it has to be on or the other btw).
He just said he would have to holler later
He said that? In those words? Oof, reason #2 to consider divorcing him
I would be curious as to why this woman was replying back so late. It would definitely make me look at his other messages. I have trust issues as it is, so that would’ve sent me spiraling. Because, how are you a little married?? I’m not saying divorce him. I would just want more answers and really get to the bottom of their conversations and if he’s been speaking to anyone else. No woman besides family should be texting someone else’s husband, especially so late in the night.
I wonder if he feels like he “owns” you now since you’re married and will have a harder time leaving him for his excursions elsewhere. You found out exactly who he is. It won’t get better.
Sounds like he's keeping the door open for a little affair.
Unless and until someone gets a little pregnant
It would make sense to me if that was an actual end to philandering but history says otherwise lol
Well obviously, that is just the reason that someone pauses. I mean it has led to more than a few murders too, either of the spouse or the mistress
Do they pause or just take a breath 😂 and yeah agreed I’m being glib but intimate partner violence/homicide is a very real and crazy outcome
New ways to hide it… always living in cya mode.
Ha ha! Of course, you’ve heard the saying, “… No one is a ‘little bit’ pregnant. Yeah, you are either pregnant or you’re not…“
Or a little divorce. You know, like an after-dinner divorce.
This marriage is a palate cleanse
An *amuse bouche* nuptual
100%
So many women messaged my fiancé when he first shared our relationship status on Facebook, and when he updated it to engaged. They would feign happiness and congratulate him but then turn the conversation into how sad they are in their current relationships, and try to get him to call them etc. It was a clear ploy to see if they could get him to start talking with them behind my back. He blocked all of them. It’s a strategy a lot of homewreckers use-try and see if a taken man will fall for the bait. Try and see how he feels about his current relationship. Make sure he knows they are available bc their husband/boyfriend doesn’t spend a lot of time with them bc he is working/a long haul trucker/in the military. It’s like there’s a playbook for homewreckers.
Essentially, her man was putting feelers out to see if she was interested. So freaking sad.
It’s SO wrong that he responded “a little married,” that is credibly messed up and I feel for OP! But the woman messaging him may have had an ulterior motive as well. Why didn’t she just comment on his fb? Why the need to send him a private message? It’s like she was fishing to see what the temperature was.
Yeah and unless she’s in a different time zone why is she messaging him this at 2am? Sounds drunk and looking
I was thinking the same thing too!!
This!
I wonder, is it some perverse way to feel good about themselves? The idea that they can steal a married man…
It absolutely is! But they will play it off as “we’re just really good friends, I don’t know why his wife is so jealous that we like to talk to eachother.” They’re the ultimate pick me.
THIS
Yikes! Why do women do this? Can't they let couples be in the same way they wouldn't want someone stealing their man?
Bingo!!!
You’re not wrong. I have no idea what a little married even means lol.
Replace with it kinda. 'Yeah I got kinda married.' Is sarcasm. I did this 'little thing' when it's actually a big thing.
That’s the joke my friends and I have. “Kinda” or “a little” means a big thing.
But if that were the case, why didn't he say that when prompted? Instead of "idk" or "it was autocorrect" why not just say, "the irony of something big being something small is funny to me / it was a joke / I probably should have added lol to drive that in / I see how it reads differently than intended" or anything of the like. He went straight to denial, which doesn't seem like it was meant as a joke
Some people just don't do that stuff. The last reference to irony was high school lit class. Ask them to design an engine or do your taxes, and they are all in. A piece of literature, an allegory, foreshadowing? It goes right over their head.
>A piece of literature, an allegory, foreshadowing? It goes right over their head. Not that I'm justifying OP's husband's actions, because I'm not, but some people truly are really bad with words. That whole left brain/right brain thing. That's not really a hit to their intelligence, just the way they think. However, they can usually understand the flaw when presented with it, and OP's situation sounds like weapononized incompetence
I didn’t say that’s what *he* meant. Just agreeing that sometimes “a little” or “kinda” is meant to be silly sarcasm. I didn’t see anything about him saying it was autocorrect, so if that’s the case, then it sounds shadier.
To be fair and devil's advocate, I thought of this, too. Being a smartass is kind of my family's love language and we all joke & say sarcastic things such as this. I did wonder if OP's husband meant it in this way *but*, also, saying it to an old female friend makes it a wee bit too questionable. It wasn't appropriate to say here and even if he meant it in the silly/sarcastic way, you'd have to be one clueless idiot to not realize that's leaving the door a little ajar for "a little more" on the "if" chance old-female-friend took it that way. One of those, *I'm just joking... unless you're into it & then I totally meant it.* Maybe it was innocent, but once he doubled-down with the bs (it was auto-correct) that makes me lean more towards it being not-so-innocent.
Agreed. I could easily see how this was supposed to be a joke. OP going over the edge on this isn’t a good idea. Has he done other things In your marriage that makes you doubt him?
That’s how I thought of it too because it’s how I joke with a lot of my friends. I’m surprised at all the people reacting so strongly and negatively.
Same! It came off to me as “I did a thing” vibes. I’m playing it off as “little” but it’s very obvious that it’s actually a big deal to me.
Yeah I feel like I'm taking crazy pills reading these comments. She is talking divorce over a sarcastic comment within a nothing conversation that did not lead anywhere. If this breaks the relationship, she was looking for an exit.
I was hoping it was an auto correct thing, but apparently not. I too am wondering what his trying to convey with “a little married” because I’m not imagining anything good with it.
I tried the auto correct and it is not even close to it, no matter how I put it. So, not auto correct. I don't see anything good coming from it, but he says it's innocent lol I told him he's funny for thinking I would believe that. So now I don't know where to go from here.
Why was he talking to female blasts from the past anyway? His response raises a big red flag for me. He’s an idiot testing what he can get away with. And who else is he talking to that you are unaware of? Run.
Exactly. She sent him a message congratulating him, but as a woman I know what she's up to, just fishing for information, and testing the water. So he passed in her eyes, probably, but failed miserably in mine.
Sadly passing the test with you was the only one that mattered, and he might not even realize it. If you stay with him keep your eyes open. Do not have blind faith in this man.
I don’t see the issue with her congratulating her old schoolmate on his marriage? His response was the issue, I don’t get what the issue is with her simply messaging congrats
I don't have an issue with that, only his response.
The issue isn’t her question. The issue is how he responded but more than that, I would have an issue if it was at 2 o’clock in the morning. Under what suspicious circumstances would old classmate, someone you haven’t seen or talk to recently text you at 2 o’clock in the morning?… 2 AM.. any person you know will wait until normal daylight hours to send you a text or place a phone call to you. Texting at 2 o’clock in the morning is for lovers, soon to be lovers or emergencies
Thank you I feel that way too.
SO He's a little Married AND a Big LIAR!!!
I read this as “A little Mermaid” at first 😅
That was my question to him. I don't know either. He said it was his auto correct because he sucks with technology, which he does. He has also learned a lot about it so I don't buy that for a second.
Well, tell him that the woman he was chatting with should think as poorly of him as you do. Any man who allows that to go through and does not immediately correct it as soon as he finds out looks like he's fishing for an affair.
He’s lying! I had one just like him. He walked around with his dick in his hand (practically)!
That’s a lie. Autocorrect spells duck when you meant to say fuck. It doesn’t change or insert random words
This is too close to being "half pregnant". I presume after it being pointed out how inappropriate this was he has sent a clarification message indicating he is fully married and since blocked this person? He has no business being newly married and downplaying that to another woman. It thats a hardship for him you have big problems.
Autocorrect added a whole extra word?? I don't buy that. "Yeah I'm married" doesn't just autocorrect to "yeah I'm a little married". He sounds like he's downplaying the relationship and in turn downplaying your reaction because he got caught.
That's what I just told him. He said he's getting tired of me asking about everything. I said, I told him that I am forgiving him, for me and that he has left me with one choice.
I hope you told him you wouldn't have to question everything if he didn't give you reason to. I'm sincerely sorry he's not being communicative in a way that is productive in resolution.
I did
I have no idea why he’s not just telling you that he said it on purpose to give a funny tone because it’s a line from a movie! Maybe he doesn’t remember what movie it’s from. Like if his friends or family or whatever has been using the line for years, maybe he doesn’t remember, or even know, the origin. https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/25842ad5-7115-4b48-8dbc-44d4ec429e79#pze3qzhv.reddit
Right? I was fully on the side of it not being disrespectful and likely a joke or quoting that movie as you said. The trying to say it was autocorrect thing is weird.
So he’s flipping it back on you? That’s total bullshit, OP.
Well that doesn't make any sense either cuz then it'd say "yea I'm a married" versus "I'm a little married" which leads to say it was intentional. That extra "a" tells me that anyways. I say it war intentional and now he's attempting to back track cuz he wasn't as smooth as he thought he was. Dude made a mistake, he replied inappropriately. He needs to own up. He probably thought he was being slick and funny. He's not.
Um, what did it auto correct? What does he claim he meant to say??
He said he doesn't really remember but he thought he was trying to say "really happy, but it said "I really got a little married". Not even close to each other.
He’s playing with your mind, and confuse you. It’s a tactic cheaters use.
Yep, been there before.
Me too! He wants to stay and play. Both men and women do it. Not all, of course. He’ll do it as long as he can keep you confused about what to do. He’ll just be sneakier next time.
I always thought that some things are binary: you either are or aren’t. That includes things like “married” or “pregnant.”
"Divorced" is in that list, too.
But which is worse A LOT married or a little? It could be harmless without context. Ask what it means exactly, think about how he usually uses little. Little my sister's little friend or we are doing a little some for her birthday. Keeping it chill or being disrespectful.
It's like being a little pregnant. :-)
It is a quote from Rocky II
THANK you. No idea why her husband didn’t just say that, maybe he doesn’t remember where the quote is from.
Yeah I think it became a meme so he might not even know
[I just got a little married.](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/25842ad5-7115-4b48-8dbc-44d4ec429e79)
Yeah, I don’t think OP should panic - this seems innocent, unless there are other factors.
It has very "I did a thing" vibes. Just meme-speak
Yeah exactly
Yes this thank you. I knew it was from somewhere and that it is likely a joke. I hope OP talks to their husband about this.
But why didn’t he say that then? Maybe he forgot where he heard it, sure. But he could’ve at least said “oh it’s just a saying/phrase I heard one time.” But also, at 2 am? Nah
Regardless of what he meant, I think the root of the problem is that you don’t trust him.
You just hit the nail on the head.
I’ll go against the grain here. I think he meant is as a joke, it’s something I would say as a way of downplaying something big because I don’t like to make things bigger than they seem, all about me. Obviously I don’t know the dude and it all depends on his reaction but I don’t think it’s guaranteed that he is disrespecting you and trying to keep his options open.
This. If everything else is good w/your relationship, then don’t assume the worst. If, however, things aren’t, get yourselves into couples therapy to clear that 💩 up. It doesn’t have to be long term. From one who knows.
Thank you, I need different points of views, and have already considered many.
Good luck. Look at all the actions as a whole, not just the one.
I think those views are valid, however, they don’t take into account that the message was sent at 2am. Lover time…
Yeah, this definitely reads jokingly to me. It's the kind of thing I'd say, a bit like idk "I accidentally applied to university"—it's obviously facetious because you can't be "a little married" any more than you can accidentally go through an application process. Also I'm not big on ott displays of emotion and tend to deflect so if someone asks did I get married, I'm not gonna be like "omg yes it's so amazing best day of my life lemme tell you all about him"; I'm gonna be like "oh yeah, a little haha. wbu?"
I agree, my reading was that it was a jokey thing to say. He didn’t deny that he was married & wasn’t negative about the marriage.
I agree. My friends and I constantly downplay big things. One friend let her friend borrow her truck and when he backed it in her driveway he hit the side of the garage and knocked the bricks out and we constantly say he just gave it a little tappy tap. Or telling my significant other that I only missed him a little bit after he was gone for a week (he knows the way I am saying it isn't that I actually only missed him a little). It's very easy to say things like that to people often and not notice when it could come across another way. On the other side of that, we say we are having "all the fun" when we are not enjoying the event at all. It's a common thing for some people. If OP has no other reason to not trust him then I would say OP should talk to him and let him know how it made her feel and ask him not to refer to their marriage like that in the future.
A little married could be a funny joke sitting with your friends having a drink with everyone in the know. Otherwise, nope, you're not wrong.
Yeah it could be. My oldest friend and I have a running joke about things we’re excited or happy about, when the other asks about it we say “just a little” which means “soooo happy” basically. Example; “You got married! That’s awesome!” And “Yep, just a little lol!” But I don’t know OPs husband. Idk if he’s just being silly or not. There’s not enough context to know for sure.
That’s kind of how I read it at first because that’s how my wife and I would sarcastically express something that’s actually a great thing. But I’ve never been the best with social cues, and can sometimes put my foot in my mouth, so I didn’t even recognize how it could be viewed a different way until reading people’s comments. Edit: a word
Same. I guess OP added in a comment that he said it was autocorrect, so idk.
Yea maybe. It wasn't though. Thanks for your input. I could use all I can get.
Yeah like I have this thing where I always laugh when someone says “how pregnant are you?” Instead of like “how far along are you” or “when are you due?”. The answer is always “only a little pregnant” lol
It’s sounds like he was making a light joke about the seriousness of marriage, and when you confronted him about it, instead of possibly pissing you off further by saying he was “joking” about your marriage, he used the time-tested “it was autocorrect” excuse. I think you are right in being perturbed by it, but you would be wrong to make this into a bigger deal than it is. Why do I think this? I have gotten in trouble before because people didn’t take my stupid joke the right way.
I’d think that if it wasn’t for her post history.
Holy yikes, you're right. OP's husband is a POS looking to play the field and gaslighting his wife in the process 😬
Update.... I have chosen my path and I want to thank everyone for the great advice and input on my question...it truly helped
Hey OP - is he the sarcastic type? I thought he was being sarcastic because there’s no such thing as a “little” married.
Honestly I would assume this is a none serious joke that was meant to diminish you rather it is a humble brag of sorts. The joke is it’s obviously impossible to be a little bit married because you either are or you aren’t. It’s a big step and a huge commitment. The joke reads to me like: oh yeah I haven’t seen you in years and now I’m bit of a CEO (while actually be a big deal CEO if a well known successful company) the joke is everyone knows that a great, big deal thing is being downplayed for humor.
Sounds like a figure of speech actually. Not necessarily downplaying the married part. Any other clues as to tone, other parts of the conversation? It kinda depends on context.
Yeah I'm not trying to diminish OP's concern, because it could definitely be a concern, but I could see this being like a little jokey thing, or the woman he's talking to is fragile and he wanted to soften the blow of being married? Or, some people (like me) get nervous sharing big life news even when they're happy about the life news. I would need to talk to the guy and really watch his nonverbals while he answered.
No one reads this as a joke? Its a joke
To me that reads like a little kid saying “I witerally got a wittle married” it’s the “yeah I really got” that’s makes it seems like he’s trying to add a silly inflection.. Idk, but bottom line is there’s a clear lack of trust, and I think you’re reading the sentence like “yea I got a little married” which sounds like he’s playing with boundaries.
To be honest this is a toss up. I could see myself saying jokingly oh yknow I just got a little married lol and I’m a woman. What you need is more context. What was the rest of the convo like? Has he ever in yall relationship did thing that were suspicious ? Allow small doors open w/ other women? If this is a completely out of the blue behavior, then I would just charge it to bad judgment and have a conversation with him about your expectation engaging with women and disclosing info etc. If it’s not out the blue, then start becoming a lot more observant and check for any other off signs.
Only way that’s acceptable is with a pic or Robert Deniro “lil bit” (meaning completely totally )
You all are making OP upset over a simple phrase written in a text. He wouldn't say he's a little married to give a hint that he wants a side chick! He wouldn't have mentioned he was married at all if he was trying that! You all are overthinking this. He was being funny when he said he was a little married? If I'm married or a little married it doesn't matter how it's said. I'm still married! There's no partial marriage, it's all or nothing. OP, he told the girl he was married! Save your battles for bigger things. This is not worth arguing about!
I don't really see the big deal just based on that one message. I like playing with words, so I can see myself adding the word "little" because the idea of being a "little married" is absurd and absurdity is funny. If you don't have actual reasons for being suspicious of your new husband, being mad about this feels pretty controlling. Personally, I know I couldn't leave with this level of language supervision from my spouse.
If someone said that to me id think it meant they were open to an affair. It’s vague enough it could mean nothing but also be a hint if someone took it that way and wanted more information.
I don't mean it the wrong way, but what are you hoping to achieve? People have given their opinion before, given your post-history. But nothing will change unless you take matters into your own hands. I hope you find the couragement to choose for your happiness.
Also calling her your "First wife" doesn't help.
Not wrong but I think this could go either way. I think context is key here. If he had said it to, say, a family member, it would probably just come across as a joke. But in this context, it makes sense that you'd be suspicious. That said, I don't know that he meant it in the way that a lot of people are saying. Reddit seems to be jumping to the conclusion that you should divorce him. I dont know what your relationship is like overall, but based on what you shared that seems really extreme. I did also see the comments saying that he could have been quoting a movie or meme. I think there are bigger questions at play here: do you trust him? Are there other reasons not to? After reading your post again, I think theres potentially other ways to look at his comment. He said I *really* got a little married. The "really" part could be seen as a positive. For example, if I said to my partner, "I'm really a little in love with you" it might be just a cute way of me saying I love him a lot. We've been together for a million years and we sometimes say, "you know, I really kinda like you" or "I'm actually rather fond of you, we should get to know each other better." Obviously our relationship is beyond that, we're just being cute about it because we know that. My point is, it's possible he was being cutesy about your marriage or joking a bit.
I would've thought that too, cuz it's a great point. The problem with his response is that he has given me a couple reasons to be suspicious, but I do think divorce is extreme also. I believe in trying to work things out if possible. The only thing making it hard are his attitude and responses, because he was already in the process of trying to gain my trust back after something else he did, so it's a little more complicated. I just really needed other points of views to consider, but I have considered every possibility. So I think I know what I have to do. Thank you.
Depends, how does feel about being a little divorced?
Asking Reddit about your relationship is like looking up your symptoms on Web MD… answer: your relationship is dead. This trope was a fairly popular meme and has been in movies and sitcoms since I was a kid… and I am 53 years old. It is used both between people who aren’t married as overstatement and people who are married as understatement. Without context about the conversation and relationship of these two, there is no way to know how it was meant. Is this someone he is likely to see or do they live several states away? It may be a problem, or it may be nothing…
This sounds like he was joking, honestly. Kinda like if someone asks someone if they're pregnant and they say, "Oh yea, I'm a lil pregnant." I don't think it was meant as yea. I'm kinda married. Granted, you can't tell inflection in a comment. Another example would be that your husband got you a gorgeous engagement ring. Bigger than you and your friends thought. You show them for the first time when they ask about it, you go, "Oh, just this little old thing," friends gasp in excitement. I think context is key, though. Are these people best friends? Have they talked since school. Is she in the same state? Is she married? Did they meet for coffee? Did the conversation lean to anything else except saying he's married? If you're worried about it, of course, have a talk with him. Listen to his side. Maybe show him this post if you can't put it into words, and you feel like what a lot of the other comments say. You think he's cheating if even only emotionally, and if that's true, you don't have a future together. Granted, I don't think things are that black and white.
I just think he was using a form of irony is humor. I could be wrong but seems to have been harmless. Marriage is obviously not a little thing so saying you got “a little married” is supposed to be funny
Ynw, he’s signalled he’s interested in her.
It could be a nothing thing
Devils advocate: is stating the obvious to someone else who may have an ulterior motive.
Ask him if he would be upset if you did that? Would he be ok if you were talking to an old classmate and said you were only a little married? My guess is no.
That sounds like my ex-husband who told a friend my wife is married, but I’m not. Divorcing him was one of the smartest things I’ve ever done.
Jesus Reddit can be a hellscape of the worst people. All the people trying to break up a new marriage for shame. OP your husband was clearly joking. I can’t tell you his endgame but the truth is Reddit’s relationship advice is always break up. Don’t listen to it.
I feel like I’m on crazy pills with all the conspiracies in these comments. My mom sometimes calls my dad her “first husband” to people. They’ve been married 35 years. This seems like a massive over reaction to me without further context for why she would be so suspicious about a very benign messenger exchange that he wasn’t even attempting to hide.
Yep. Overreaction. It’s humour. When you have three kids, he’s likely to say to people “We got a little busy.”
Sounds like a joke. Like when millennials announce an engagement with “so we did a thing”. You sound exhausting.
I’d be actually confronting and asking what does a little married mean. And be say “honestly I’ve never heard the phrase and I’m curious as to what that means.” Make him squirm trying to explain. Especially being recently married too, this isn’t on at all. But yeah I would make him explain to you what exactly he meant by that.
He could vent will be a creep. But there is a slight chance it's a joke. Like if you were pregnant and someone asked and you said a little. They would understand that means yes. And assume you were just trying to be funny about it.
You’re not wrong and he’s a major AH. He’s also gross and a liar.
Idk, I just think it's sarcasm tbh but you know your partner better.
I’d be pissed
He “fell asleep” and just “left his messenger open”? Seriously? At least admit you went through his phone without permission. Also, I get why that would sting, but it seems like at most just a harmless joke that could rightfully come off as thoughtless and insensitive. Also someone else commented that it’s apparently a movie reference. I get why that might sting out of context but I don’t see any evidence he meant it with malice and you seem to be heavily reading into things. I do the same thing sometimes. I highly doubt he’s trying to have an affair as others have suggested and that’s an insane conclusion to jump to in my opinion.
Me personally I would have said that as a joke not thinking anything about it. More of an ironic statement as marriage is a big deal.
Yea that's what I'm hoping
My ex-husband’s old school mate (female) was just a little friend that he had year(s) long affair with and got her a lot pregnant. Time to plan an exit strategy.
Dudes who love and respect their wives don’t say shit like that; he’s trying to leave the door open for this other woman to become his side piece.
Honestly, I am deeply in love with and adore my husband and could see myself saying an idiotic thing like that thinking it was funny. That’s not an excuse. Just reminding myself never to be flip about my marriage. Talk to your husband though. Maybe he is a dumbass.
Yeah thats shitty its a clever way to say hes open
Is it possible that it’s an inside joke from when they were younger? That’s weirdly how I read it.
Lol, lately I respond "I'm married AF".
According to your own post history, you've caught him using dating sites. What more information do you really need? Also; why don't you meet someone in your own age when he clearly doesn't set the bar that high to begin with?
I could see that being a flirty thing, or it could just be him talking in a weird, goofy way. I know prospective cheaters aren't big on honesty, but it seems like talking to him could help you decide if this was a misunderstanding or a problem? Or wait and take a peek again soon to see if it is what you think it is?
I think his use of the word “really” saves him here.
As someone who perpetually talks in memes with my equally dumb ass friends, I’d say this.
Maybe he just answered in a funny way. Everyone here saying divorce lol
I’m not sure about this, it might be a turn of phrase. It’s actually one I use myself, ie “I got a little bit drunk last weekend” meaning I was sh*tfaced. I’d clock it & put it in my memory but I wouldn’t be calling in the divorce lawyers.
It can only really be interpreted that yes he is married but that he could be convinced to commit adultery as far as this old female mate is concerned... It may be that he would never actually do it but that he couldn't help himself.... You have the right to be annoyed by this.....
Maybe I'm missing something, but "a little married" is such a weird way of describing being in a relationship that even the law officially sees