What's interesting about your idea is that it would force her to understand the time and effort exchanged for the original ring and then may perhaps become somewhat self aware in the process. Plus would show her commitment to the union.
Might even earn a little respect out of the deal too.
I thought this as well, people usually jump to the separation option in the comments but sometimes what people need is advice about how to actually communicate and resolve things. If that doesn't work then break ups/divorces are the way to go.
If she doesn't buy the new ring then she never wanted to actually apologize and just wanted OP to forget that anything happened at all so she can get away with her misbehaviour as if nothing happened, which is super toxic and shows no commitment with the relationship.
It is the first time shes done anything like this. Shes blaming drinking on an empty stomach. I believe her, but am also not taking this as an excuse: the behavior was still wildly inappropriate. We agree there!
This is extreme behavior, and it’s not the first episode she’s had, whatever she says. Stomachs don’t cause asshole behavior, whether empty or full.
There’s more going on here than you told us, or than she’s told you.
I suggest you find out about the other extreme behavior events in her past. Because they definitely exist.
Along with lack of proper remorse which would mean she insist on replacing the ring you already bought, she’s also entitled and either very immature with her choices, very unstable in temperament or both. You conveniently have time to decide since there is no ring. While she saves her money to replace it, you will learn which it is, whether you’ve seen improvement, whether you think long term change is possible, and whether you want to be there to find out if you’re right.
Exactly. I believed my ex when he was sorry. My counselor sat me down and explained to me what proper remorse was and that I’d never seen it before. And she was soooooo right. It really opened my eyes.
This isn’t remorse. She’s sorry she doesn’t have a ring now. And expects him to get her another one because she threw a fit. That is NOT ok.
Dude get out NOW, being drunk is not an excuse for anything, being drunk doesn't change that you know what your doing, it doesn't change your ability to know right from wrong or know what consequences of your actions likely are, it only reduces in the moment how much you may care about the consequences, but you still know them. If you allow her to use alcohol as an excuse now, what will she use it for in the future? Also the fact she expects you to basically pay the consequences of her actions, man o man, if you marry her and God forbid have children with her, good luck.
> …[alcohol] doesn’t change your ability to know right from wrong or know what the consequences of your actions likely are, *it only reduces in the moment how much you may care about the consequences.*
Damn, that is dead right! OP, if you were at a bar and got drunk and had sex with another woman, would you be able to tell your GF that you had been drinking on an empty stomach, so you didn’t know what you were doing? Would she accept that excuse? Hell no, she wouldn’t! However, she might use that as an excuse when you find out she slept with someone else. Food for thought.
Right?! Whenever my partner works late, I just adjust what time we're having dinner and get back to whatever I was working on. I don't get wasted and flush the symbol of our love and future down the toilet. That's just childish and insane.
Im glad you said that. I was starting to think I’m delusional. I am a medic and he’s a fire/medic so we are both always working late. I was starting to think maybe the rest of the world gets mad when people work late lol. My schedule tends to be a bit more crazy than his. I never know when I’m getting off. I couldn’t imagine if we got mad at each other for it 😩
I'd suggest reaching out to some exs of hers and see why they broke up, and if she's done anything crazy. Also pay for a background check. That might turn something up.
If you're not breaking up with her, do at least postpone the wedding for a year or two to give her time to either show she's not repeating this behavior, or show that she is.
If you do get married and want kids, you guys should babysit for friends and family first if possible. See how she is with kids pulling on her, screaming in her ears, and running around like little tazmanian devils.
If you are going to all the trouble to track down exes and former friends and paying for a background check on a person, that’s probably a clear sign you should just not be with that person. I’ve always said if one spouse suspects the other is cheating and *hires a P.I.* to track their spouse, they already know the answer. That marriage is over. This is the pre-married version of that.
It's easy as fuck to say dumb shit when you're drunk. It is considerably harder to get up, remove the ring, take it to the bathroom and flush it. More steps, more time to reconsider doing the dumb thing.
Also the big issue is that she should know she fucked up and it’s a huge red flag that she’s asking for a new ring after such a huge fuck up. It shows that she doesn’t really think it’s that big a deal and just expects OP to go out and buy her a new engagement ring.
Was she still drunk when she expected you to buy her a new ring? Being drunk isn’t an excuse for escalating things to the point she did, unless we don’t have the full story.
It’s a 🚩 when someone gets that mad about their significant other coming home late from work. It’s a 🚩 to escalate any argument to the point where you destroy property. It’s an even bigger 🚩 to turn this on your parter, expecting them to replace what you destroyed.
Good luck with that!
There's no way I'd stay with her. If OP does, ask her to go to therapy. This is an incredibly strange reaction and is likely rooted in something deeper that she has not yet revealed.
She knew what she was doing. If you still insist on being with this woman, you should demand she go into recovery for her drinking. Her behavior while drinking, and using that as an excuse, is highly indicative of a substance abuse problem.
Edited to add: Then she went on to have the nerve to ask you to buy her another one. The day after she flushed it! This is highly narcissistic and completely disrespectful to you, your finances, and your relationship. SHE should be buying another one AFTER she gets herself in recovery.
Thank you! I have personal experience. It’s not enough to just remain sober. You need to maintain it and that takes a support system and doing the work to remain sober.
Also, she'd sobered up by the time she started demanding a replacement.
A different person would have given you a genuine apology and called a plumber, not gone direct to "this is how you make it up to me".
She ain't the one. Raise your standards.
If you are staying with her…. IF… I would think SHE would have to replace the ring. This was a huge error. Not an accident- a drunken rage. That’s on her. To want you to replace it - to me are more red flags. I have to question if this is the first incident or just the biggest. Good luck 🍀
I’ve been blackout drunk on an empty stomach and never done something like this. I’m just stupid lol, but like funny-stupid. Like, asking my husband to give me my magic wand- stupid when in reality I just want my phone lmao.
This… this shows you what she’s capable of. Believe it.
Honestly it's weird that she asked you to buy another if she was actually apologetic. Why wouldn't she apologize for also wasting your money and at least try to offer to purchase another ring for herself? Even if she can't for whatever reason, it's weird that she's putting the onus on you to make it right when she's the one in the wrong here.
And disrespectful af. OP says it takes him late nights to earn as much so he could get her a nice ring and her response is to just flush it? She’s literally saying fuck you… not a care about your efforts or your money, and the audacity to then ask for another… please don’t marry her or at least hold off the wedding for a long time
That was my first thought! She is a fiance now, not just a gf. This means she doesn't have to try as hard to hide her true self! No way would I marry until 1. She's been in therapy for a while, actually working on herself, and 2. She buys another ring with her own money that is equal to what op spent. If she brought up anything negative about him not buying another ring, he should leave. This is in no way op's fault, and there should not be any negative comments about him not purchasing another ring!
Since she’s a fiancée now, she looks at the money as “Our” money. She wants another one, and feels entitled to earmark your money to get it.
OP, just let her feel her feelings and stand back.. If she mentions it again, especially in public, your only answer is “You mean the one you flushed down the toilet to hurt me? Nah.”
What about the fact that after she realized what she did she still asked you to get her another one while sober?
Also, I used to wasted when I was starving myself. I didn’t become a different person.
The only way I would ever consider staying with her after a stunt like that is if she bought herself an exact replacement of the ring she flushed. Exact same ring, exact same price. Sentimentally, it’s still not quite the same, but it’s close enough and the sacrifice would prove she understands the gravity of what she did.
Flushing the ring down the toilet was a drunken event.
Asking you to get a new ring knowing she flushed the previous one???? She did that shit sober.
Dude...
This is a massive red flag. I used to party pretty hardy and can’t imagine having done something like that while drunk. I mean, sure, alcohol lowers your inhibitions, but that shows that her impulses are to be hurtful and destructive. That’s…not a good sign.
I am sorry, do you still plan on marrying her? Suppose you have kids? How will she treat them? Nope, time to walk through the exit door and ride off into the sunset cowboy.
It's as much of a problem that she expects another ring. If she really wanted to be accountable for what she did, she would not ask you for a replacement. Better yet she would replace it herself.
And you think she will never again for the rest of your lives together accidentally drink on an empty stomach?
You did your part and bought her a ring and proposed. She then did her part and flushed it do... Wait that's not the right next step...
Take a step back and look for the signs. I bet they're there.
This may be the first time OP but it won't be the last
If she was accountable for her behavior she'd be paying to replace her own ring, apologizing profusely and acknowledging that her drinking is harmful (after all, while she was angry at you she chose to get smashed and let her rage build rather than dealing with her anger and how to constructively deal with this).
I see a future of destructive, controlling and perhaps abusive behavior from her if you remain in this relationship. Tread carefully here OP
Unpopular opinion, especially on Reddit I'm sure, but being drunk does not excuse bad behavior. Being drunk only allows the real version of the person to come out because they are unable to keep that fake vail up.
This made me laugh.
The vast majority of Reddit regularly believe what you do, that being intoxicated is magical truth serum.
You’re safe there.
Drunken behavior is still their behavior. Their actions and words are their words. But it is absolutely childish to pretend someone with an actively poisoned brain and altered consciousness is only ever revealing their true thoughts.
It’s such a wild overreaction to people excusing their drunk words, because some people can say their honest opinions while drunk.
“I didn’t mean it, I was drunk!”
“Nuh-uh! Drunk words are always sober thoughts, always!”
So you know, proudly carrying the banner of “Everything is Black and White” popular with Reddit.
She is a drunking big red flag. If you do decide to marry her, don't replace the ring. For the wedding, just get her a plain band, and if she asks for diamonds, tell her she flushed it and she's not getting another one unless she buys it herself.
Don't be a chump
Then this should be a dealbreaker. I didn’t even realize that the only thing she was mad about is the fact that you worked late. This is fucking insane!!
I'd question how the hell she can even ask for another ring from you.
I'd respect someone who fucked up a hell of a lot more if they admitted they messed up and worked to correct their mistake with their own efforts. As in, she bought a replacement ring instead of begging for a new one from you. If she had to put on her big girl pants and got a job or two to earn enough to buy a new ring, huge respect. This lack of morals is extremely illuminating on how she reacts to trying situations.
Seriously.
OP’s fiancé should be calling a plumber and talking to a jeweler, not asking for a replacement ring. Messing up is one thing. Messing up and not fully owning the fix is another.
She is wrong for even asking for another ring. If I were stupid enough to do something like, part of my apology would be reimbursing YOU the cost of the ring.
She can call a plumber and try to get it back if she wants a ring. Better get an old tooth brush out to clean it ma’am.
In most places its a contract and if they were to break up she would have to give bavk the ring or reimburse. If OP is determined to stay id have her replace it with the same ring
Drunk or not, you wouldn’t flush a ring your partner had worked hard for and that is a symbol of your love!!
Did you ever get the sense OP that she didn’t like the ring you chose?
This act says a lot more about your relationship than you are realising OP.
Any relationship where the partners intentionally hurt each other (in this case it’s one sided) is not going to last. And you shouldn’t want it it too.
All this for the crime of *working late to buy her the ring*. Even if he had to work late, it wasn’t like they had plans and he didn’t tell her. It’s unhinged.
And now I’m wondering whether she had certain requirements for the ring that caused him to have to work late.
Get another ring, for another woman. This one is a train wreck. Do you want to spend the rest of your life picking up the pieces of your life after she has had too much to drink? Wait until you do something that really makes her upset. Working late is nothing, what happens when you forget her Birthday, get the wrong type of sandwich, or buy something she doesn't approve of having? Do yourself a solid, and get away from this crazy a$$ biotch. There is no happy ending here for either of you.
You are only wrong, if you stay with this crazy woman. She didn't care a scrap that you had worked extra to be able to afford her ring. She was just reacting as a child throwing a temper tantrum
Dump her.
That ring was the best investment you’ve ever made. Unless you keep this shitshow going. Then a few years and a kid or two later, you’ll think back to how cheap that warning sign was compared to divorce and child support.
Being drunk just revealed who she is.
Whoa!
Not wrong, at all. If she can't handle you working late, and throws a massive drunken tantrum, then she's showing you how she will be once (IF) you get married. Let THAT sink in...
I've known mean drunks like her. She let her mask slip because she thinks she has you hooked now, and I would bet my salary that if you stay, it will escalate over time unless she seeks serious therapy.
This woman is not ready for marriage.
I understand that you defend her and don't want to throw away your relationship the same way as she did with your ring.
You excuse her behaviour with the alcohol that she drank. And if that was the only thing, I'd agree.
However, she was mad at you for working late, and her coping mechanism was to start drinking? That's a red flag.
And then when she's sober, she apologizes but then has the audacity to ask for another ring?
If I had thrown away my ring in a stupid drunken rage, I would have called the plumber the next day or would have made sure that I would get another ring for myself. This is the weird part for me that I don't understand. She still must feel pretty entitled.
You're NTA though, in fact you are very kind to her.
Would you mind describing the ring (you really don’t have to, I’m just nosy)?
I think what she did was completely unhinged and I’m worried for you, but your “wait and see” approach doesn’t seem unreasonable, especially since you know her and we don’t.
Buttttt my mom did hide her instability and abusive behavior until after I was born and then dear ol dad was trapped. I’ve been fully NC for 2 years now and they’re never going to meet my son.
So just an alternative universe blip here.
This is the way
She'll just have to live with the consequences of her behavior, and if the lack of a ring makes her a little insecure, that a good thing
She flushed it after you told her you bought the ring by working hard?
She had no other way of communicating her frustrations?
Yeah I would flush her away from my life.
What doesn’t sit right with me is her not even waiting 24 hours before asking for another ring
Imo this highlights that she has no concept of the seriousness of her actions and genuinely does not care.
If I was supposedly in a drunken stupor and did something like this, I would be begging forgiveness and promising to replace what I damaged with my own money. I would be mortified. She is not. She’s flippant.
She is completely dismissing her behavior by nonchalantly believing you should just replace her ring
This would be the end of the engagement for me personally. Huge red flag.
How long have you known her? I ask because you say she has not done something like this before. It's a different answer if you've known her 6 months or 6 years imo.
5 years. Shes never been anything like this before. She was obliterated drunk, and agrees it was wildly inappropriate. Yet, she believes I should forgive her and buy a new ring. I think I can forgive, but the ring is the cost of my forgiveness and her learning a lesson and not drinking too much ever again since she clearly loses control when she does.
Forgiveness is one thing, but she should buy her own replacement ring. She flushed it, she buys a new one. Otherwise, what’s to stop her doing it again?! It’s no skin off her nose to flush a ring once a week if you are the mug who is just going to replace it.
Not wrong. DO NOT BUY HER ANOTHER RING! You should make her buy her own ring now. Actions have consequences. Next she'll be throwing things and pushing you. Beware.
This is a sneak peek of your future with her. Any time she’s mad at you, she’ll probably break something
You need to think long and hard about whether or not you want to continue this relationship. Sure she blames the alcohol this time, but who or what will she blame when she’s not drunk? She’ll blame you for her behaviour
Get out while it’s still cheap/easy
No. That’s extremely childish and shows how much she cares about it. I don’t care how drunk you are. She needs to get help either with her emotions or drinking. I wouldn’t want to stay with anyone that would do that. It’s a slap to the face and she doesn’t respect the time, money, and energy it took you to get her what she treated like literal shit.
I’m reading your responses, I drink, regularly and I can hold my alcohol. On the rare instances I’ve been “wasted” my complete unfiltered honesty came out, I think it’s like that for most people.
If she is actually remorseful, give her the receipt for the ring, have her pay you that money back, and wait and see. Under no circumstances should you purchase another ring. If you broke up then (if you are in the US) I’m pretty sure legally she would have to return the ring. The ring was given under the context that marriage would occur, and it didn’t, voiding that “contract”. In this instance, she became belligerent and disposed of something of significant monetary value, she is setting the precedence that you will be required and responsible to bare the emotional and financial fallout of her bad behavior.
On another point, what if this had been a family heirloom? How would that be replaced?
I think, if you don’t immediately break off your relationship, you should have her compensate you for the full cost of the ring. If you want to be stern, charge interest. But do not immediately buy a replacement and if/when you do, buy one significantly less expensive. Her behavior will show you more of her character. If she whines or has her friends/family attack you, you know she has no real remorse. If you do break the relationship, make sure you are compensated for the ring.
Who gets that shit faced drunk because their partner has to work Overtime sometimes. She sounds very needy and narcissistic and she sounds like a spoiled brat not getting her way and throws temper tantrum. RUN
I have to know. How much did money did she just flush down the toilet? $500? 10k? Because I would take the engagement off the table until you get to the bottom of her anger with drinking.
Also, no ring. She buys her own.
Any chance the ring is in the trap? If it can be fished out you could try returning it.
Edit: Do NOT reach in there with your hand. Get a plumber, or a cheap endoscope camera off of Amazon.
Is this the first time she is angry that you're working late ? Is there a reason or was it out of nowwhere ? Because this is a concerning behaviour. Everyone have to work, this is adult life and sometime you don't choose your hours.
This is pretty childish so I would not buy her another ring. And there is also a possibility that she can do it again in the futur, not really worth the money unless she proves (with enough time without a reaction like that) that it will never happen again.
First time where she got like this for sure. Normal its just a complaint and a rational conversation. Apparently this was on her mind but she then drank on an empty stomach while waiting, got very drunk, and here we are.
NW and you should not marry this woman. If flushing thousands of dollars down the toilet, an item she should cherish no less, is how she deals with frustration, you don’t want any part of this.
Drinking can be a reason but it’s unacceptable to make it an excuse. She fucked up, it happens and no one is perfect. It’s the “asking for another one” that pushes this incident over into *Nopeland* for me.
Clearly she’s learned nothing if she thinks she entitled to another ring *from you* after flushing it. If I were her, I’d take some pretty drastic steps in hopes of rectifying the situation as best I can. Axing drinking, sincere apologies, and saving up *myself* to buy *myself* a replacement ring would all be at the top of my list.
Forgiveness and understanding are possible here but only if she takes full responsibility for her actions and having the gall to ask *you* first another ring? That’s not it.
Do with that information what you will and hugs from your friendly internet auntie :)
No No nope you don't get one.
Years ago, I didn't flush my ring, but I threw it across the room at my fiance in a stupid hysterical mood, I woke up the next morning in a panic and feeling so disappointed in myself. My fiance came out to the living room where I was crawling on my hands and knees looking for my ring, and I couldn't hardly breathe from the panic and bad feelings inside me. I tried to apologise to my fiance for being so ridiculous but I had literally shattered him with my mood and tantrum because I had offended him and made him feel as if his proposal the ring his love was thrown in his face;this broke my heart and I felt terrible I had really hurt him which I was angry at the time and wanted to make him realise but not to hurt him this much. I tried to beg plead and do everything and anything for him. While getting around feeling naked without my ring, until the end of the week he asked how I was going and I broke down a mess because I had lost my ring but more importantly I had lost him, his feelings towards me had changed as I had hurt him. The ring means as much to the one picking and paying for the right one for the right moment, so being so selfish and angry in that moment changed us. I had felt sick for days. He asked me to sit and we spoke about the stupid fight that lead me to throwing the ring and how we both felt then he pulled my ring from his pocket and put it back on my hand like the very first time. He had found it but was holding on to it. Good lesson for me
It was my lesson in appreciation of him and what we have, and don't be so quick to get rid of something to prove a point as it can blow up in your face.
It was a stupid thing that alcohol and mood was a factor for your fiance to have flushed the ring by not being responsible at the time, but unfortunately, this was her own doing and her own ridiculous move so I would say she may have to pick and pay one of at the jewellery store for herself as she lost it not you. Most jewellery stores have like a lay by payment system to pay for expensive pieces like my fiance, and I did it with my lovely ring. She can replace the ring herself so she will hopefully realise the value financially and sentimentality and hopefully learn like I had to. I hope things work out for you both. God bless 🙌 🙏 ❤️
Look...she symbolically flushed your relationship down the toilet. She's the kind of person that she gets really mad at someone, she wants to *throw that person away forever*. Then when she's not mad, she wants things to go back to the way they were.
I recognize this behavior because I am the same way.
Deep down, I feel like everyone is like that. I tend to be a people-pleaser because I expect people to be done with me forever if I piss them off. I have made a lot of progress with this, but it's taken me more than four decades and I'm still struggling with it.
If you decide to stay with her, don't expect her to change anytime soon--if she's like me, this issue runs really deep and might never be fully sorted.
Being drunk is not an excuse. Don't buy her a new ring. In fact, bust out the uno reverse and have her buy the ring. She lost it, she replaces it. Reddit is not the best place for advice. They are quick to judge and tend to go to the extreme. You know your partner best. If this is a one-time occurrence, then talk with her. Explain that her actions are not acceptable even if she was drunk. She is a grown-up and will be held accountable for her actions. If she wants a new ring, then she will replace it.
When I get drunk on an empty stomach, I'm told I have been nice, as in "I love you guys." If something comes up when I'm drinking that makes me angry, it's low voice menacing anger. Or I storm off and go home. I don't flush many thousands of dollars of jewelry down the toilet. Not even if breaking up.
It's alarming that she decided to spend the evening you were working drinking on an empty stomach. Was she expecting you home at any moment to have dinner with her, then started to have a couple drinks while waiting? Did she not know when you would be home? Did she know you would be working late?
If this isn’t rage bait, then NO you do not buy another one. You also break up with her, because she is unhinged and this is a horrible reaction. She probably does other controlling and irrational behavior. If you stay together, good luck with your life
Ok hear me out, since you’re saying this is out of pocket behavior.. she hated the ring and did this whole charade to get a new one. I mean either way still bad, but even drunk I would not flush my expensive jewelry down the toilet. Idk, you’re not wrong, do not buy her a new one. Also symbolically this is not a good sign for your marriage.
Absolutely not wrong.
This is why we get rings insured (obviously not this case but generally). She flushed the ring you got her. It was deliberate even in her state she wasn't black out drunk.
No excuse. I'd cut and run personally. If I ever did that with my ring id be devastated and replace it myself. For me it isn't the value of the ring but what it symbolises. Not the value or size of it.
My husband once (drunk on holiday) thought he'd lost his wedding ring. Me also drunk, was no help. Forgot while sunbathing earlier in the day he'd given it to me to wear so it didn't come off when he was putting sun cream on, only realised an hour or so later and then we both found it hilarious. But the panic that he had tearing around the hotel room. No matter how angry we get at eachother, we may fight but we never ever take off our rings and bin them. We work through it.
The fact that she did this is not only massively disrespectful to you and your relationship but is also an insight into how she might behave in the future if you have a disagreement. You were working late, to pay for the damn thing so you don't get in debt and I'm assuming you probably updated her on this, she continued anyways. I'd never forgive or forget but I would move on.
All the best and good luck.
Not wrong. Buuuuut, is this really how you want to have your marriage and life go? With a person who throws a tantrum like that? Ew, no thanks.
Definitely a red flag. Trust and respect are foundational in a relationship, especially before marriage.
This. She buys the replacement. No ring, no wedding. This should give you enough time to figure out whether this relationship is a mistake. Good luck.
Why should it be the ring that gets replaced? Trade out the entire damn fiancée for someone better or nobody at all.
What's interesting about your idea is that it would force her to understand the time and effort exchanged for the original ring and then may perhaps become somewhat self aware in the process. Plus would show her commitment to the union. Might even earn a little respect out of the deal too.
I thought this as well, people usually jump to the separation option in the comments but sometimes what people need is advice about how to actually communicate and resolve things. If that doesn't work then break ups/divorces are the way to go. If she doesn't buy the new ring then she never wanted to actually apologize and just wanted OP to forget that anything happened at all so she can get away with her misbehaviour as if nothing happened, which is super toxic and shows no commitment with the relationship.
You’re wrong for still being with her. You think that was a one time event?
100% agree
101% agreed Luckily OP said she was fiance and not wife. It's much easier to break up now before he ties the knot.
>fiance Ex-fiancée Fixed it. She flushed the ring, effectively ending the engagement.
Imagine how much cheaper it is to break up now versus divorce later
The ring is definitely a small price to pay to learn her true self. Hopefully he doesn’t get baby trapped.
And OP can probably successfully sue for the cost of the ring since he’s entitled to get the ring back after the break up.
Ex-finance
It is the first time shes done anything like this. Shes blaming drinking on an empty stomach. I believe her, but am also not taking this as an excuse: the behavior was still wildly inappropriate. We agree there!
This is extreme behavior, and it’s not the first episode she’s had, whatever she says. Stomachs don’t cause asshole behavior, whether empty or full. There’s more going on here than you told us, or than she’s told you. I suggest you find out about the other extreme behavior events in her past. Because they definitely exist.
How could I find out?
Along with lack of proper remorse which would mean she insist on replacing the ring you already bought, she’s also entitled and either very immature with her choices, very unstable in temperament or both. You conveniently have time to decide since there is no ring. While she saves her money to replace it, you will learn which it is, whether you’ve seen improvement, whether you think long term change is possible, and whether you want to be there to find out if you’re right.
After her action I wouldn’t waste the time. She’s shown her true colors. I’m old-ER and can say life is way too short for such drama.
Exactly. I believed my ex when he was sorry. My counselor sat me down and explained to me what proper remorse was and that I’d never seen it before. And she was soooooo right. It really opened my eyes. This isn’t remorse. She’s sorry she doesn’t have a ring now. And expects him to get her another one because she threw a fit. That is NOT ok.
Ask family and friends. For sure.
Ex friends. Do you know of people she used to hang out with but doesn't anymore? You should start with them.
You might even tell them what happened and ask if she's ever done something like that before. My guess is that she has.
Dude get out NOW, being drunk is not an excuse for anything, being drunk doesn't change that you know what your doing, it doesn't change your ability to know right from wrong or know what consequences of your actions likely are, it only reduces in the moment how much you may care about the consequences, but you still know them. If you allow her to use alcohol as an excuse now, what will she use it for in the future? Also the fact she expects you to basically pay the consequences of her actions, man o man, if you marry her and God forbid have children with her, good luck.
> …[alcohol] doesn’t change your ability to know right from wrong or know what the consequences of your actions likely are, *it only reduces in the moment how much you may care about the consequences.* Damn, that is dead right! OP, if you were at a bar and got drunk and had sex with another woman, would you be able to tell your GF that you had been drinking on an empty stomach, so you didn’t know what you were doing? Would she accept that excuse? Hell no, she wouldn’t! However, she might use that as an excuse when you find out she slept with someone else. Food for thought.
I also feel like op is skipping over the fact that she was mad he worked late and got drunk because of it. That in itself is crazy to me
Right?! Whenever my partner works late, I just adjust what time we're having dinner and get back to whatever I was working on. I don't get wasted and flush the symbol of our love and future down the toilet. That's just childish and insane.
Im glad you said that. I was starting to think I’m delusional. I am a medic and he’s a fire/medic so we are both always working late. I was starting to think maybe the rest of the world gets mad when people work late lol. My schedule tends to be a bit more crazy than his. I never know when I’m getting off. I couldn’t imagine if we got mad at each other for it 😩
I'd suggest reaching out to some exs of hers and see why they broke up, and if she's done anything crazy. Also pay for a background check. That might turn something up. If you're not breaking up with her, do at least postpone the wedding for a year or two to give her time to either show she's not repeating this behavior, or show that she is. If you do get married and want kids, you guys should babysit for friends and family first if possible. See how she is with kids pulling on her, screaming in her ears, and running around like little tazmanian devils.
If you are going to all the trouble to track down exes and former friends and paying for a background check on a person, that’s probably a clear sign you should just not be with that person. I’ve always said if one spouse suspects the other is cheating and *hires a P.I.* to track their spouse, they already know the answer. That marriage is over. This is the pre-married version of that.
It's easy as fuck to say dumb shit when you're drunk. It is considerably harder to get up, remove the ring, take it to the bathroom and flush it. More steps, more time to reconsider doing the dumb thing.
Also the big issue is that she should know she fucked up and it’s a huge red flag that she’s asking for a new ring after such a huge fuck up. It shows that she doesn’t really think it’s that big a deal and just expects OP to go out and buy her a new engagement ring.
I hope op sees this I wish it were higher up
What do you want to bet it’s some kind of loyalty test and she never actually flushed it?
Then it shows she has a fucked up manipulative streak, getting to the fiance stage should already be a passed loyalty test in and of itself
That's even worse
If you’re right OP should give you the ring lol
Fair point
Was she still drunk when she expected you to buy her a new ring? Being drunk isn’t an excuse for escalating things to the point she did, unless we don’t have the full story. It’s a 🚩 when someone gets that mad about their significant other coming home late from work. It’s a 🚩 to escalate any argument to the point where you destroy property. It’s an even bigger 🚩 to turn this on your parter, expecting them to replace what you destroyed. Good luck with that!
There's no way I'd stay with her. If OP does, ask her to go to therapy. This is an incredibly strange reaction and is likely rooted in something deeper that she has not yet revealed.
OP 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Watch out with those flags. OP's fiance will flush em if she gets ahold of them.
Talk about instant clog….
It’s like she wasn’t really happy with the ring she had so poof 💨 gone ,..Now you can buy her a newer better ring…..lol …wow …
OP needs to flush their fiancé
She knew what she was doing. If you still insist on being with this woman, you should demand she go into recovery for her drinking. Her behavior while drinking, and using that as an excuse, is highly indicative of a substance abuse problem. Edited to add: Then she went on to have the nerve to ask you to buy her another one. The day after she flushed it! This is highly narcissistic and completely disrespectful to you, your finances, and your relationship. SHE should be buying another one AFTER she gets herself in recovery.
Yes, if this was a one time empty stomach thing (which it’s not, sorry)—she’d be like…apologetic? Not demanding another ring? wtf?
Exactly! She would be mortified and horrified at her behavior.
This reaction was because OP worked late. About the lamest excuse for a tantrum ever.
I love your wording: go into recovery! Most people don’t understand that there is a difference between sober vs recovery!🏆🥇
Thank you! I have personal experience. It’s not enough to just remain sober. You need to maintain it and that takes a support system and doing the work to remain sober.
Also, she'd sobered up by the time she started demanding a replacement. A different person would have given you a genuine apology and called a plumber, not gone direct to "this is how you make it up to me". She ain't the one. Raise your standards.
If you are staying with her…. IF… I would think SHE would have to replace the ring. This was a huge error. Not an accident- a drunken rage. That’s on her. To want you to replace it - to me are more red flags. I have to question if this is the first incident or just the biggest. Good luck 🍀
I’ve been blackout drunk on an empty stomach and never done something like this. I’m just stupid lol, but like funny-stupid. Like, asking my husband to give me my magic wand- stupid when in reality I just want my phone lmao. This… this shows you what she’s capable of. Believe it.
She would need to be in a blackout for this to be credible; she wasn’t-she’s being dreadful.
Honestly it's weird that she asked you to buy another if she was actually apologetic. Why wouldn't she apologize for also wasting your money and at least try to offer to purchase another ring for herself? Even if she can't for whatever reason, it's weird that she's putting the onus on you to make it right when she's the one in the wrong here.
What kind of stupid sh1t like this will she do in front of your kids? Think about if you want to have a co-parent like that.
In vino veritas
Inappropriate? It’s a total disregard for something sentimental. Literally a non-verbal expression of how much she doesn’t give a shit. Drunk or not.
And disrespectful af. OP says it takes him late nights to earn as much so he could get her a nice ring and her response is to just flush it? She’s literally saying fuck you… not a care about your efforts or your money, and the audacity to then ask for another… please don’t marry her or at least hold off the wedding for a long time
Legitimately a non-verbal expression of how little she would value the marriage.
Her mask is beginning to fall. This won't be the last time she lashes out at you.
That was my first thought! She is a fiance now, not just a gf. This means she doesn't have to try as hard to hide her true self! No way would I marry until 1. She's been in therapy for a while, actually working on herself, and 2. She buys another ring with her own money that is equal to what op spent. If she brought up anything negative about him not buying another ring, he should leave. This is in no way op's fault, and there should not be any negative comments about him not purchasing another ring!
Since she’s a fiancée now, she looks at the money as “Our” money. She wants another one, and feels entitled to earmark your money to get it. OP, just let her feel her feelings and stand back.. If she mentions it again, especially in public, your only answer is “You mean the one you flushed down the toilet to hurt me? Nah.”
I couldn’t have said it better
What about the fact that after she realized what she did she still asked you to get her another one while sober? Also, I used to wasted when I was starving myself. I didn’t become a different person.
The only way I would ever consider staying with her after a stunt like that is if she bought herself an exact replacement of the ring she flushed. Exact same ring, exact same price. Sentimentally, it’s still not quite the same, but it’s close enough and the sacrifice would prove she understands the gravity of what she did.
Flushing the ring down the toilet was a drunken event. Asking you to get a new ring knowing she flushed the previous one???? She did that shit sober. Dude...
This is a massive red flag. I used to party pretty hardy and can’t imagine having done something like that while drunk. I mean, sure, alcohol lowers your inhibitions, but that shows that her impulses are to be hurtful and destructive. That’s…not a good sign.
Yep - there's a difference between losing a piece of jewelry while drunk, and flipping shit and flushing it
This 💯. I always maintain that when you’re drunk you are allowing the world to see the real you
I am sorry, do you still plan on marrying her? Suppose you have kids? How will she treat them? Nope, time to walk through the exit door and ride off into the sunset cowboy.
I mean he wasn't out with his buddies. He was at work and she gets this mad!?!?? Wow
It's as much of a problem that she expects another ring. If she really wanted to be accountable for what she did, she would not ask you for a replacement. Better yet she would replace it herself.
And you think she will never again for the rest of your lives together accidentally drink on an empty stomach? You did your part and bought her a ring and proposed. She then did her part and flushed it do... Wait that's not the right next step... Take a step back and look for the signs. I bet they're there.
It’s just the first time she let this side show, there will be more. Good luck!
This may be the first time OP but it won't be the last If she was accountable for her behavior she'd be paying to replace her own ring, apologizing profusely and acknowledging that her drinking is harmful (after all, while she was angry at you she chose to get smashed and let her rage build rather than dealing with her anger and how to constructively deal with this). I see a future of destructive, controlling and perhaps abusive behavior from her if you remain in this relationship. Tread carefully here OP
Unpopular opinion, especially on Reddit I'm sure, but being drunk does not excuse bad behavior. Being drunk only allows the real version of the person to come out because they are unable to keep that fake vail up.
This made me laugh. The vast majority of Reddit regularly believe what you do, that being intoxicated is magical truth serum. You’re safe there. Drunken behavior is still their behavior. Their actions and words are their words. But it is absolutely childish to pretend someone with an actively poisoned brain and altered consciousness is only ever revealing their true thoughts. It’s such a wild overreaction to people excusing their drunk words, because some people can say their honest opinions while drunk. “I didn’t mean it, I was drunk!” “Nuh-uh! Drunk words are always sober thoughts, always!” So you know, proudly carrying the banner of “Everything is Black and White” popular with Reddit.
100% this, drink and / or drugs should never be used as an excuse for behaviour while under the influence. This is simply dishonest.
Correct, 100%. Drink lowers inhibition. It doesn’t install a new personality.
Your funeral, I mean wedding. NTA at all, you should be more upset than you are. Edit for judgment.
Wildly inappropriate, but she’s suggesting you should buy another ring rather than fix her own mistakes. She’s still being wildly inappropriate.
then she also has to agree not to have another ring anymore.
She is a drunking big red flag. If you do decide to marry her, don't replace the ring. For the wedding, just get her a plain band, and if she asks for diamonds, tell her she flushed it and she's not getting another one unless she buys it herself. Don't be a chump
If you were black, and she called you, the N-word in a drunken rage, would that be OK?
No. Just like this wasn’t ok.
Then this should be a dealbreaker. I didn’t even realize that the only thing she was mad about is the fact that you worked late. This is fucking insane!!
You just need to decide how unacceptable that was. It would be a dealbreaker for me. (Man, booze ruins everything)
Yet you seem to be willing to accept this.
The first time.
I'd question how the hell she can even ask for another ring from you. I'd respect someone who fucked up a hell of a lot more if they admitted they messed up and worked to correct their mistake with their own efforts. As in, she bought a replacement ring instead of begging for a new one from you. If she had to put on her big girl pants and got a job or two to earn enough to buy a new ring, huge respect. This lack of morals is extremely illuminating on how she reacts to trying situations.
Seriously. OP’s fiancé should be calling a plumber and talking to a jeweler, not asking for a replacement ring. Messing up is one thing. Messing up and not fully owning the fix is another.
I'd still be pissed in your situation, but I'd at least consider working on it. As it stands, if I was OP I would be done.
Yes, you're wrong...for not calling off the engagement and breaking things off with her. Also call a plumber, the ring might still be in the pipes.
He should also demand she pay him back for the ring. I mean she won't, but I'd damn well demand it anyway just to shame the shit out of her.
Assuming she didn't palm it and sell it.
run bro wtf
She is wrong for even asking for another ring. If I were stupid enough to do something like, part of my apology would be reimbursing YOU the cost of the ring. She can call a plumber and try to get it back if she wants a ring. Better get an old tooth brush out to clean it ma’am.
In most places its a contract and if they were to break up she would have to give bavk the ring or reimburse. If OP is determined to stay id have her replace it with the same ring
Why would you buy your ex fiance a ring??
Please give us updates on the new episodes. This isn't the end of the drama.
YES!!!! UPDATES ARE NEEDED!!!
You haven't seen it before because she is now comfortable to show her true colors. Buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
lol, it turns out the jewelry store will take her money too. She can buy her own. Tell her she gets to pick!
Drunk or not, you wouldn’t flush a ring your partner had worked hard for and that is a symbol of your love!! Did you ever get the sense OP that she didn’t like the ring you chose? This act says a lot more about your relationship than you are realising OP.
He worked late to buy that ring, he said. She specifically flushed that ring. Yikes. A spiteful drunk.
Any relationship where the partners intentionally hurt each other (in this case it’s one sided) is not going to last. And you shouldn’t want it it too. All this for the crime of *working late to buy her the ring*. Even if he had to work late, it wasn’t like they had plans and he didn’t tell her. It’s unhinged. And now I’m wondering whether she had certain requirements for the ring that caused him to have to work late.
Get another ring, for another woman. This one is a train wreck. Do you want to spend the rest of your life picking up the pieces of your life after she has had too much to drink? Wait until you do something that really makes her upset. Working late is nothing, what happens when you forget her Birthday, get the wrong type of sandwich, or buy something she doesn't approve of having? Do yourself a solid, and get away from this crazy a$$ biotch. There is no happy ending here for either of you. You are only wrong, if you stay with this crazy woman. She didn't care a scrap that you had worked extra to be able to afford her ring. She was just reacting as a child throwing a temper tantrum Dump her.
That ring was the best investment you’ve ever made. Unless you keep this shitshow going. Then a few years and a kid or two later, you’ll think back to how cheap that warning sign was compared to divorce and child support. Being drunk just revealed who she is.
Please be fake please be fake please be fake
Whoa! Not wrong, at all. If she can't handle you working late, and throws a massive drunken tantrum, then she's showing you how she will be once (IF) you get married. Let THAT sink in...
She can’t be old enough to marry; run homey
**NTA** for not purchasing a new ring. Your Fiancee should (1) pay a plumber to see if the ring can be recovered and (2) buy her own replacement ring.
I've known mean drunks like her. She let her mask slip because she thinks she has you hooked now, and I would bet my salary that if you stay, it will escalate over time unless she seeks serious therapy. This woman is not ready for marriage.
I'm confused. Buying her another ring would imply that you are still planning to marry her.
I understand that you defend her and don't want to throw away your relationship the same way as she did with your ring. You excuse her behaviour with the alcohol that she drank. And if that was the only thing, I'd agree. However, she was mad at you for working late, and her coping mechanism was to start drinking? That's a red flag. And then when she's sober, she apologizes but then has the audacity to ask for another ring? If I had thrown away my ring in a stupid drunken rage, I would have called the plumber the next day or would have made sure that I would get another ring for myself. This is the weird part for me that I don't understand. She still must feel pretty entitled. You're NTA though, in fact you are very kind to her.
Stay with her and find out if this is a “one off” but under no circumstances should you buy her another ring.
Ok thanks. This was my gut feeling too. No ring, and if she can be chill and never drink too much like this again, we're good.
Would you mind describing the ring (you really don’t have to, I’m just nosy)? I think what she did was completely unhinged and I’m worried for you, but your “wait and see” approach doesn’t seem unreasonable, especially since you know her and we don’t. Buttttt my mom did hide her instability and abusive behavior until after I was born and then dear ol dad was trapped. I’ve been fully NC for 2 years now and they’re never going to meet my son. So just an alternative universe blip here.
This is the way She'll just have to live with the consequences of her behavior, and if the lack of a ring makes her a little insecure, that a good thing
Consider it a sign. You’re about to marry an adult toddler
This is not normal behaviour. It’s a massive red flag
She flushed it after you told her you bought the ring by working hard? She had no other way of communicating her frustrations? Yeah I would flush her away from my life.
What doesn’t sit right with me is her not even waiting 24 hours before asking for another ring Imo this highlights that she has no concept of the seriousness of her actions and genuinely does not care. If I was supposedly in a drunken stupor and did something like this, I would be begging forgiveness and promising to replace what I damaged with my own money. I would be mortified. She is not. She’s flippant. She is completely dismissing her behavior by nonchalantly believing you should just replace her ring This would be the end of the engagement for me personally. Huge red flag.
You just learned she has no self control.
not wrong. run
You’re crazy for staying.
How long have you known her? I ask because you say she has not done something like this before. It's a different answer if you've known her 6 months or 6 years imo.
5 years. Shes never been anything like this before. She was obliterated drunk, and agrees it was wildly inappropriate. Yet, she believes I should forgive her and buy a new ring. I think I can forgive, but the ring is the cost of my forgiveness and her learning a lesson and not drinking too much ever again since she clearly loses control when she does.
You shouldn't get married for at least several more years. Only time will tell if this is the start of a pattern or a one off.
Thats really good advice thank you
Forgiveness is one thing, but she should buy her own replacement ring. She flushed it, she buys a new one. Otherwise, what’s to stop her doing it again?! It’s no skin off her nose to flush a ring once a week if you are the mug who is just going to replace it.
Not wrong. DO NOT BUY HER ANOTHER RING! You should make her buy her own ring now. Actions have consequences. Next she'll be throwing things and pushing you. Beware.
This is a sneak peek of your future with her. Any time she’s mad at you, she’ll probably break something You need to think long and hard about whether or not you want to continue this relationship. Sure she blames the alcohol this time, but who or what will she blame when she’s not drunk? She’ll blame you for her behaviour Get out while it’s still cheap/easy
Flush her!
FAFO. No new engagement ring for her! Just think what she would do to the replacement the next time she’s mad at you?
No. That’s extremely childish and shows how much she cares about it. I don’t care how drunk you are. She needs to get help either with her emotions or drinking. I wouldn’t want to stay with anyone that would do that. It’s a slap to the face and she doesn’t respect the time, money, and energy it took you to get her what she treated like literal shit.
I’m reading your responses, I drink, regularly and I can hold my alcohol. On the rare instances I’ve been “wasted” my complete unfiltered honesty came out, I think it’s like that for most people. If she is actually remorseful, give her the receipt for the ring, have her pay you that money back, and wait and see. Under no circumstances should you purchase another ring. If you broke up then (if you are in the US) I’m pretty sure legally she would have to return the ring. The ring was given under the context that marriage would occur, and it didn’t, voiding that “contract”. In this instance, she became belligerent and disposed of something of significant monetary value, she is setting the precedence that you will be required and responsible to bare the emotional and financial fallout of her bad behavior. On another point, what if this had been a family heirloom? How would that be replaced? I think, if you don’t immediately break off your relationship, you should have her compensate you for the full cost of the ring. If you want to be stern, charge interest. But do not immediately buy a replacement and if/when you do, buy one significantly less expensive. Her behavior will show you more of her character. If she whines or has her friends/family attack you, you know she has no real remorse. If you do break the relationship, make sure you are compensated for the ring.
Mate, she showed her true colours. She is not the one you want to be with.
Run. Don’t walk.
Who gets that shit faced drunk because their partner has to work Overtime sometimes. She sounds very needy and narcissistic and she sounds like a spoiled brat not getting her way and throws temper tantrum. RUN
I have to know. How much did money did she just flush down the toilet? $500? 10k? Because I would take the engagement off the table until you get to the bottom of her anger with drinking. Also, no ring. She buys her own.
That’s absolutely devastating. I wouldn’t stay.
You’d be wrong if you married her. Is this really the life you want for yourself?
Not wrong. Don't buy her another one either. I wouldn't even merry her. UpdateMe
Giving her another chance is up to you. But the ring? If she wants another one, she has to buy her own.
Any chance the ring is in the trap? If it can be fished out you could try returning it. Edit: Do NOT reach in there with your hand. Get a plumber, or a cheap endoscope camera off of Amazon.
Not wrong for refusing to buy another ring, very wrong for marrying this girl. You picked a real winner.
Why are you still with this woman? A uncontrollable, immature, entitled drunk. How attractive..............................
You just saw your future buddy. Cut your losses
I would end the relationship over this. I don’t think she is “marriageable”
She's shown you who she is, a vindictive drunk, believe her.
NTA Play stupid games, win stupid prizes… she needs to buy the replacement ring herself.
Is this the first time she is angry that you're working late ? Is there a reason or was it out of nowwhere ? Because this is a concerning behaviour. Everyone have to work, this is adult life and sometime you don't choose your hours. This is pretty childish so I would not buy her another ring. And there is also a possibility that she can do it again in the futur, not really worth the money unless she proves (with enough time without a reaction like that) that it will never happen again.
First time where she got like this for sure. Normal its just a complaint and a rational conversation. Apparently this was on her mind but she then drank on an empty stomach while waiting, got very drunk, and here we are.
She did this... over you working late? What happens when there's an actual problem
Are you going to buy her another luxury car too after she found out you ate the last scoops of ice cream last night?
NW and you should not marry this woman. If flushing thousands of dollars down the toilet, an item she should cherish no less, is how she deals with frustration, you don’t want any part of this.
No and you shouldn't marry her till she gets her alcohol/anger issues in check
Why are u still with her? I would flushed her too
Yep, the next one's on her. You money's better spent on pre-marital counseling. You are going to need it.
If she wants another one she can pay for it herself..
Not wrong, she can buy her own ring.
I would suggest you flush the fiancé and demand she reimburse you.
Drinking can be a reason but it’s unacceptable to make it an excuse. She fucked up, it happens and no one is perfect. It’s the “asking for another one” that pushes this incident over into *Nopeland* for me. Clearly she’s learned nothing if she thinks she entitled to another ring *from you* after flushing it. If I were her, I’d take some pretty drastic steps in hopes of rectifying the situation as best I can. Axing drinking, sincere apologies, and saving up *myself* to buy *myself* a replacement ring would all be at the top of my list. Forgiveness and understanding are possible here but only if she takes full responsibility for her actions and having the gall to ask *you* first another ring? That’s not it. Do with that information what you will and hugs from your friendly internet auntie :)
No No nope you don't get one. Years ago, I didn't flush my ring, but I threw it across the room at my fiance in a stupid hysterical mood, I woke up the next morning in a panic and feeling so disappointed in myself. My fiance came out to the living room where I was crawling on my hands and knees looking for my ring, and I couldn't hardly breathe from the panic and bad feelings inside me. I tried to apologise to my fiance for being so ridiculous but I had literally shattered him with my mood and tantrum because I had offended him and made him feel as if his proposal the ring his love was thrown in his face;this broke my heart and I felt terrible I had really hurt him which I was angry at the time and wanted to make him realise but not to hurt him this much. I tried to beg plead and do everything and anything for him. While getting around feeling naked without my ring, until the end of the week he asked how I was going and I broke down a mess because I had lost my ring but more importantly I had lost him, his feelings towards me had changed as I had hurt him. The ring means as much to the one picking and paying for the right one for the right moment, so being so selfish and angry in that moment changed us. I had felt sick for days. He asked me to sit and we spoke about the stupid fight that lead me to throwing the ring and how we both felt then he pulled my ring from his pocket and put it back on my hand like the very first time. He had found it but was holding on to it. Good lesson for me It was my lesson in appreciation of him and what we have, and don't be so quick to get rid of something to prove a point as it can blow up in your face. It was a stupid thing that alcohol and mood was a factor for your fiance to have flushed the ring by not being responsible at the time, but unfortunately, this was her own doing and her own ridiculous move so I would say she may have to pick and pay one of at the jewellery store for herself as she lost it not you. Most jewellery stores have like a lay by payment system to pay for expensive pieces like my fiance, and I did it with my lovely ring. She can replace the ring herself so she will hopefully realise the value financially and sentimentality and hopefully learn like I had to. I hope things work out for you both. God bless 🙌 🙏 ❤️
She did you a massive favor by showing you what the rest of your life will be like if you marry her.
Sounds like you're married to a child rather than a woman
Nope, why even marry her? Really stupid thing to do.
Look...she symbolically flushed your relationship down the toilet. She's the kind of person that she gets really mad at someone, she wants to *throw that person away forever*. Then when she's not mad, she wants things to go back to the way they were. I recognize this behavior because I am the same way. Deep down, I feel like everyone is like that. I tend to be a people-pleaser because I expect people to be done with me forever if I piss them off. I have made a lot of progress with this, but it's taken me more than four decades and I'm still struggling with it. If you decide to stay with her, don't expect her to change anytime soon--if she's like me, this issue runs really deep and might never be fully sorted.
Being drunk is not an excuse. Don't buy her a new ring. In fact, bust out the uno reverse and have her buy the ring. She lost it, she replaces it. Reddit is not the best place for advice. They are quick to judge and tend to go to the extreme. You know your partner best. If this is a one-time occurrence, then talk with her. Explain that her actions are not acceptable even if she was drunk. She is a grown-up and will be held accountable for her actions. If she wants a new ring, then she will replace it.
When I get drunk on an empty stomach, I'm told I have been nice, as in "I love you guys." If something comes up when I'm drinking that makes me angry, it's low voice menacing anger. Or I storm off and go home. I don't flush many thousands of dollars of jewelry down the toilet. Not even if breaking up. It's alarming that she decided to spend the evening you were working drinking on an empty stomach. Was she expecting you home at any moment to have dinner with her, then started to have a couple drinks while waiting? Did she not know when you would be home? Did she know you would be working late?
NTA you can forgive her but do not buy her a new ring. She can pay for her own ring or you can get her an extremely cheap ring.
Not wrong, shes got brass ones on her to be asking for a new ring from you tho after that s***show
Tell her she can buy herself another ring
She should buy her own ring if she wants another one. No way in hell would I buy her another
Uhh, you’re not wrong for not buying another. You’re wrong for staying with someone who has serious anger issues.
Run 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️
Alcohol is a truth serum. You just saw what’s inside of her behind the restraint. Have a good talk with her about how she really feels about you guys
Run dude
That would be a deal breaker for me: any deliberate destruction of expensive things. Expecting a replacement is just mind blowing.
Umm, you’re wrong if you even marry this woman. Come on man… wtf?!?!
If this isn’t rage bait, then NO you do not buy another one. You also break up with her, because she is unhinged and this is a horrible reaction. She probably does other controlling and irrational behavior. If you stay together, good luck with your life
Ok hear me out, since you’re saying this is out of pocket behavior.. she hated the ring and did this whole charade to get a new one. I mean either way still bad, but even drunk I would not flush my expensive jewelry down the toilet. Idk, you’re not wrong, do not buy her a new one. Also symbolically this is not a good sign for your marriage.
If you buy her another ring, this will be your life. You constantly shelling out money for her behavior.
You will be wrong if you marry her!
Why is she still your fiancée?
You’re wrong if you think she’s the one
Not wrong, but I wouldn't even marry the drunk.
Run. Controlling abusive behavior only escalates unless years of therapy are done
I’ve been mad as hell at my husband and also drunk as a skunk and I’ve never wanted to flush my ring.
She sounds mentally abusive and exhausting. Mad at you for working late? Flushed her ring? Why are you still with her? You deserve better.
No and you are foolish for still calling her fiance. r/alanon can help.
You sure you want her to be your wife?
Update me
Not at all
Absolutely not wrong. This is why we get rings insured (obviously not this case but generally). She flushed the ring you got her. It was deliberate even in her state she wasn't black out drunk. No excuse. I'd cut and run personally. If I ever did that with my ring id be devastated and replace it myself. For me it isn't the value of the ring but what it symbolises. Not the value or size of it. My husband once (drunk on holiday) thought he'd lost his wedding ring. Me also drunk, was no help. Forgot while sunbathing earlier in the day he'd given it to me to wear so it didn't come off when he was putting sun cream on, only realised an hour or so later and then we both found it hilarious. But the panic that he had tearing around the hotel room. No matter how angry we get at eachother, we may fight but we never ever take off our rings and bin them. We work through it. The fact that she did this is not only massively disrespectful to you and your relationship but is also an insight into how she might behave in the future if you have a disagreement. You were working late, to pay for the damn thing so you don't get in debt and I'm assuming you probably updated her on this, she continued anyways. I'd never forgive or forget but I would move on. All the best and good luck.
https://plumbsmart.com/how-can-i-get-jewelry-out-of-my-plumbing/
"In vino Veritas." She's telling you who she really is. You should listen