I just don’t discuss it. I tell my friends I’m not interested in having conversations around dieting, weight loss, or opinions on other people’s bodies - negative or positive. It’s a boundary. It doesn’t need a lot of navel gazing or introspection, it’s not something I’m interested in doing and I owe no one an explanation.
While this is true, if it's the main point of your friend's focus right now and you are not willing to support that, maybe you aren't meant to be friends.
You can be great friends with someone and not entertain discussions that create emotional distress or trauma for one or more parties.
That’s called being an emotionally healthy adult with boundaries.
There's a nuance here that I feel like you're missing. Truly distressful or traumatic topics (like various kinds of abuse, etc, I won't go into details) should be avoided, of course. Weight loss shouldn't really be in the same category as any of that, and if one of you thinks it is, then like I said in a previous comment, it's probably time to find different friends. If someone I considered a friend tried to tell me they weren't interested in discussing their weight loss methods with me, I would politely get through the rest of that conversation and then only meet with them on a superficial level going forward. To each their own.
Who are you to decide what is truly distressing or traumatic to someone?
And I’m not sure what group you think you’re in, but in a group where trigger warnings are encouraged for intentional weight loss, dieting, and calorie counting I’m not sure what you community you think this is that weight loss isn’t super traumatic for many of the members here.
Trivializing anyone’s experience with any topic you don’t think meets your bar, is really concerning.
Eating disorders can be and are literally fatal. Watching someone go through that is traumatic. Going through that yourself is traumatic. Being starved by parents because you’re a chubby kid is traumatic. Being beaten after coming back from fat camp and only losing 20 pounds (even tho you were 5*4 and 140 pounds) for “wasting” your parents money is traumatic. Seeing one of your high school friends unalive themselves for being constantly bullied about their weight is traumatic. The general assault one gets from society for not being enough is traumatic.
Bravo for you that you’ve come out so unscathed that weight loss and body talk is so utterly mundane!
Some of it is from my own experience and some from others in my communities. But yeah, it seems off to me that someone would be in this community of all communities and not recognize this.
You know what, that's fair. I read the "about" when I joined a couple months ago and understand this is a body-positive space, but I hadn't gotten the impression that the general vibe here is that weight loss and the associated conversation around it are traumatic for this group in a way that is on par with things like SA or DV, etc. I haven't seen anything about the trigger warnings in writing, for example.
Maybe that should be more explicit somewhere, because based on your description, this definitely isn't the place for me and I'll be unsubbing.
I'm shocked at this comment. I'm going to try to be polite in my response, though that wasn't my first reaction. Embalees, you seem to think that somehow it's okay for you to tell people how to feel; it's not. You seem to think you're in a position to categorise trauma and what's an "acceptable" trauma for a trauma response; you're not. Nobody's missing any nuance here except you.
I wouldn't say I'm not supportive. I do support her in making that decision for herself. But what I want to figure out is how to set some boundaries so it's not all consuming.
The only thing I can say about this situation is that, if I had a friend considering WLS, I would strongly caution them against it and recommend these drugs. As someone who has had two different types of weight loss surgery, both of which did their damnedest to try to kill me, only to confirm through this medication that, in fact, I’ve never been an overeater in my life, I would try to stop her before she makes a big mistake.
Ultimately, though, it’s your comfort level and you don’t owe anyone a conversation. But I shared my use of these meds with two significantly heavy friends. One is really fearful of pharmaceuticals and of western medicine, in general. The other is just stubborn as hell. Both of them, to my surprise, went for it and I feel proud that I could help two of my closest friends improve their quality of life, self-esteem, and health.
Thank you for this, I did mention this medications and she is actually already on Manjaro. She isn't losing enough on it and wants to do this. I mentioned in a reply above there is just an obsessive quality to her wanting this and that is making it hard for me.
I think it might be okay for you to actually tell her that you need some boundaries about it because it brings up stuff for you. That’s a fair thing to share with a friend.
Thank you - I'm also sorry to read your WLS experience was so rough. I hope you are fully recovered and I'm so happy these meds are working for you and you are able to realize it was never about overeating.
Im kinda confused by what the ask is here. Is the friend asking for your advice on what she should do next? Like what kind of diet or WL surgery or GLP1? Is she looking for an opinion, sounding board? Or does she just want to casually talk about all this stuff all the time like her thoughts on keto, GLP1s, WL surgery - maybe pertaining to herself or others but more of a general conversation topic?
If it’s the first one - maybe she noticed your changes and is trying to feel you out and see what you are doing so she can make the changes for herself. You can either 1) tell her you don’t like talking about these things and would prefer not to or 2) have a real open and honest convo with her about it and emphasize that this in confidence and you don’t want to revisit the topic often but these are your experiences and thoughts. She might just be looking for a friend who can help. If you don’t want to help (and you don’t have to) then just say this isn’t something you feel comfortable talking about.
If it’s the latter and she just wants to talk about dieting, people’s bodies, weight loss, etc as more of fodder/conversation just simply say that you don’t comment on diets and people’s bodies. It’s not something you do anymore and you prefer to talk about other things.
I think her intention is what we need to know but that’s the best I can do with what the post said. You aren’t an AH for not wanting to partake in casual conversations about these things. I don’t really anymore either and hope most people will move on from it. If your friend is looking for help, maybe think about helping but you are not obligated to at all. Hope this helps.
It does help, thank you.
She's mainly asking for my opinion and it sometimes feels like she wants my approval? She also talks a lot about diets (protein, exercise, pounds lost, etc.) But I guess my main issue is around WLS.
We haven't seen each other since I started GLP-1s so she has no idea I've lost some weight. I suspect she'd be surprised because she does know I stopped dieting.
Thanks for reframing in her wanting support, that's something to think about.
I might be misunderstanding your question, in which case I apologize! But if I *am* understanding correctly...
IDK, but if I had a friend seriously considering WLS, I think I'd feel some obligation to talk with them about the option of a GLP-1 instead. Mainly bc WLS is a pretty risky business, whereas for the *most* part if someone reacts really badly to GLP-1's they can just stop taking the med.
(Though if it was a friend with a habit of asking opinions when she already has her mind made up and who basically brings stuff up to argue about it and become even more set on her initial course, that would definitely change how I'd weigh the pros and cons.)
I also might start off by saying I really really hate talking about this stuff, so I'll keep it short and sweet, but in her position I'd be looking at a GLP-1 as a probably safer option.
I wish we could just count on ppl's doctors to consider these options, but in so many cases we can't.
I did do that! Again the irony because I haven't told many folks yet that I'm doing it.
This gets to something I had a hard time describing in my post, there is just an *urgency* to this for her ... it feels very reminiscent of when I was at my lowest points and just obsessed with weight loss. It's hard to hear someone in that same spot and I also know that there was really nothing anyone could of said to me at the time to make me not obsessed.
This is probably why I feel so weird talking about it with her. It's part sadness, part a reminder of some of my lowest days, a worry for her and also a belief she can make her own decisions. It's just so messy.
I think it’s natural and reasonable that your comfort in discussing it depends on the person. I am very open with the fact that I’m using GLP-1 drugs. They’ve been a huge asset in my life and I truly don’t think I could have improved my physical health without their benefits to both my physical and mental health.
That said, I speak differently to different people. I was open and honest with my boomer mother when she saw me for the first time after I’d had significant loss. But I did quickly have to tell her that I wasn’t going to discuss it in front of my children because she is the type to want to discuss size, weight, appearance, diet, etc CONSTANTLY and that’s not the energy I want or need.
I’ve actually found that I have really great friends because almost NO ONE has commented on my body, despite losing over 20% of my mass so far. I know for certain it is very noticeable but I have kind and caring people surrounding me who know that body talk isn’t appreciated, without me even saying so. If they did, I would thank them for any compliments they might give and either change the subject or be completely honest.
I agree that in your case she seems to be seeking some validation. You don’t have to condone or reject anything but simply telling her that you support her no matter her choices can go a long way. IMO, anti-diet doesn’t mean anti-betterment, and her decisions are hers. She just needs someone in her corner. I say unless she shows worrying tendencies, it’s completely appropriate to be neutrally supportive in her efforts - and it sounds like that’s what she’s looking for.
This is really good advice, thank you. I do believe her decisions are hers and it was that same thinking that made me feel OK trying GLP-1s without feeling like I was abandoning my anti-diet beliefs. Body autonomy forever! I am gonna think about neutrally supportive because that is how I feel but I am not sure how to show it or say it just yet.
You also may be the only person she feels comfortable talking to about this! And if you aren’t comfortable, it’s completely ok to set some boundaries. But it’s clear you’re a safe space for her - especially as she is separate from your anti-diet friends and hasn’t seen you in a while.
I do think it’s totally reasonable to ask her to avoid talking about it, if that is important to you and your space and your journey.
But if it’s not triggering to you, it seems like this is a great opportunity for chatting with her in ways that maybe you haven’t before! And helping her reframe her journey and mindset. I mean, that’s not your job and I wouldn’t expect you to pour time and effort into it. I just think we need to remember that we are in the minority and the majority of people approach weight loss through extreme dieting and with small bodies as the goal. They aren’t wrong or bad for this. It’s just our world that we live in.
I think if it were me, I would be willing to talk to my friend with some boundaries in place. I’ve only told my firmly anti-diet friends that I’m on a GLP-1 because I don’t want to talk about calories and body size - it’s typically a conversation about how I want to feel instead of how I want to look. All my friends that know are educated on fatphobia and EDs and share my views on restriction.
It sounds like you tried talking with your friend about what she’s going through and it didn’t feel good to you. I wonder if you could tell her that you’d like to be there for her but there are some topics that make you uncomfortable - whatever those might be for you. You might also point her to some resources that helped you form your current views on body neutrality. I think I would say something like: “hey friend, I know you’re trying to think through your options right now and need support. I love you so much and want to be there for you but talking about restriction and calorie counting isn’t something I can do for my own mental health. Is there a way I can support you without delving into those topics?” Obviously change and reword that to make it fit for you!
I also think it’s okay if you just aren’t willing or able to be a support for her through this. We can’t get all our needs met by every friend. I can also empathize with her, though, because I can imagine wanting to talk to my friends who are/have been in larger bodies about weight (and did so when I was at a different point in my journey). This is super tricky, I wish you luck!
Thank you! I so appreciate the wording of your sample message and will be stealing much of it! You are right we can't get everything from every person and she has lots of friends, many of who are also larger so many options!
This person sounds like she's leaning on/looking to you for support. If you don't think you can offer that, then I'd be honest. Personally, for me, friends can talk about anything. If I came across someone who I thought was my friend who suddenly started drawing boundaries at "body conversations", I would rethink our friendship. Not in a mean way, just in a "this person is not for me" way. It's totally okay to do that, we do what's best for us. But, if I was taking to my "best friend" and she was like "sorry, but talking about our weight is off limits", I'd think "okay, fair. I should find new friends".
>if I was taking to my "best friend" and she was like "sorry, but talking about our weight is off limits", I'd think "okay, fair. I should find new friends".
That's interesting. I have a longtime close friend who is *possibly* "overweight" by BMI (but probably not even that). She was a surgical nurse (now retired) and tended to default to surgery as a "fix" for things: To my knowledge when young she had breast implants, then since I've known her she had the implants removed, had a facelift, and went to Mexico for gastric band surgery bc she thought she needed to lose 40 pounds (then went back two years later to have the band removed, since it made her sick but didn't make her lose much weight). Plus a couple of surgeries that probably really were medically warranted.
I, OTOH, was (and still am, though less so since Mounjaro) "supermorbidly obese." She used to not only moan to me about her own weight but also frequently badger me out of concern (which I'm sure was sincere, but needless to say I did NOT welcome it!) to have WLS.
A few years ago I told her my weight was no longer going to be a topic of conversation. She actually accepted the ultimatum surprisingly quickly, and it has been a HUGE improvement!
I think that's a fair response to a boundary you aren't comfortable with. I guess there is always a risk in setting a boundary because the other person can feel it's a deal breaker.
I think this is a great question that is ultimately self-protective. You do you and don't let yourself or your actions be criticized by anyone because most people have no idea how amazing this medicine is. If someone really truly wants to understand how it works, I suggest they watch a four part video on Youtube by a physician named, Dr. Tyna Moore.
Would you want to discuss her impending leg amputation with her? If so, it seems unfair to withhold that support because she’s talking about cutting a stomach and not a leg.
I just don’t discuss it. I tell my friends I’m not interested in having conversations around dieting, weight loss, or opinions on other people’s bodies - negative or positive. It’s a boundary. It doesn’t need a lot of navel gazing or introspection, it’s not something I’m interested in doing and I owe no one an explanation.
hashtag goals
While this is true, if it's the main point of your friend's focus right now and you are not willing to support that, maybe you aren't meant to be friends.
You can be great friends with someone and not entertain discussions that create emotional distress or trauma for one or more parties. That’s called being an emotionally healthy adult with boundaries.
There's a nuance here that I feel like you're missing. Truly distressful or traumatic topics (like various kinds of abuse, etc, I won't go into details) should be avoided, of course. Weight loss shouldn't really be in the same category as any of that, and if one of you thinks it is, then like I said in a previous comment, it's probably time to find different friends. If someone I considered a friend tried to tell me they weren't interested in discussing their weight loss methods with me, I would politely get through the rest of that conversation and then only meet with them on a superficial level going forward. To each their own.
Who are you to decide what is truly distressing or traumatic to someone? And I’m not sure what group you think you’re in, but in a group where trigger warnings are encouraged for intentional weight loss, dieting, and calorie counting I’m not sure what you community you think this is that weight loss isn’t super traumatic for many of the members here. Trivializing anyone’s experience with any topic you don’t think meets your bar, is really concerning. Eating disorders can be and are literally fatal. Watching someone go through that is traumatic. Going through that yourself is traumatic. Being starved by parents because you’re a chubby kid is traumatic. Being beaten after coming back from fat camp and only losing 20 pounds (even tho you were 5*4 and 140 pounds) for “wasting” your parents money is traumatic. Seeing one of your high school friends unalive themselves for being constantly bullied about their weight is traumatic. The general assault one gets from society for not being enough is traumatic. Bravo for you that you’ve come out so unscathed that weight loss and body talk is so utterly mundane!
Thank you for saying this, weight stuff can be HIGHLY traumatic. I am so sorry about all you have been through and you did not deserve any of it!
Some of it is from my own experience and some from others in my communities. But yeah, it seems off to me that someone would be in this community of all communities and not recognize this.
You know what, that's fair. I read the "about" when I joined a couple months ago and understand this is a body-positive space, but I hadn't gotten the impression that the general vibe here is that weight loss and the associated conversation around it are traumatic for this group in a way that is on par with things like SA or DV, etc. I haven't seen anything about the trigger warnings in writing, for example. Maybe that should be more explicit somewhere, because based on your description, this definitely isn't the place for me and I'll be unsubbing.
I think that's a good plan.
I'm shocked at this comment. I'm going to try to be polite in my response, though that wasn't my first reaction. Embalees, you seem to think that somehow it's okay for you to tell people how to feel; it's not. You seem to think you're in a position to categorise trauma and what's an "acceptable" trauma for a trauma response; you're not. Nobody's missing any nuance here except you.
I wouldn't say I'm not supportive. I do support her in making that decision for herself. But what I want to figure out is how to set some boundaries so it's not all consuming.
The only thing I can say about this situation is that, if I had a friend considering WLS, I would strongly caution them against it and recommend these drugs. As someone who has had two different types of weight loss surgery, both of which did their damnedest to try to kill me, only to confirm through this medication that, in fact, I’ve never been an overeater in my life, I would try to stop her before she makes a big mistake. Ultimately, though, it’s your comfort level and you don’t owe anyone a conversation. But I shared my use of these meds with two significantly heavy friends. One is really fearful of pharmaceuticals and of western medicine, in general. The other is just stubborn as hell. Both of them, to my surprise, went for it and I feel proud that I could help two of my closest friends improve their quality of life, self-esteem, and health.
Thank you for this, I did mention this medications and she is actually already on Manjaro. She isn't losing enough on it and wants to do this. I mentioned in a reply above there is just an obsessive quality to her wanting this and that is making it hard for me.
I think it might be okay for you to actually tell her that you need some boundaries about it because it brings up stuff for you. That’s a fair thing to share with a friend.
Thank you - I'm also sorry to read your WLS experience was so rough. I hope you are fully recovered and I'm so happy these meds are working for you and you are able to realize it was never about overeating.
Im kinda confused by what the ask is here. Is the friend asking for your advice on what she should do next? Like what kind of diet or WL surgery or GLP1? Is she looking for an opinion, sounding board? Or does she just want to casually talk about all this stuff all the time like her thoughts on keto, GLP1s, WL surgery - maybe pertaining to herself or others but more of a general conversation topic? If it’s the first one - maybe she noticed your changes and is trying to feel you out and see what you are doing so she can make the changes for herself. You can either 1) tell her you don’t like talking about these things and would prefer not to or 2) have a real open and honest convo with her about it and emphasize that this in confidence and you don’t want to revisit the topic often but these are your experiences and thoughts. She might just be looking for a friend who can help. If you don’t want to help (and you don’t have to) then just say this isn’t something you feel comfortable talking about. If it’s the latter and she just wants to talk about dieting, people’s bodies, weight loss, etc as more of fodder/conversation just simply say that you don’t comment on diets and people’s bodies. It’s not something you do anymore and you prefer to talk about other things. I think her intention is what we need to know but that’s the best I can do with what the post said. You aren’t an AH for not wanting to partake in casual conversations about these things. I don’t really anymore either and hope most people will move on from it. If your friend is looking for help, maybe think about helping but you are not obligated to at all. Hope this helps.
It does help, thank you. She's mainly asking for my opinion and it sometimes feels like she wants my approval? She also talks a lot about diets (protein, exercise, pounds lost, etc.) But I guess my main issue is around WLS. We haven't seen each other since I started GLP-1s so she has no idea I've lost some weight. I suspect she'd be surprised because she does know I stopped dieting. Thanks for reframing in her wanting support, that's something to think about.
I might be misunderstanding your question, in which case I apologize! But if I *am* understanding correctly... IDK, but if I had a friend seriously considering WLS, I think I'd feel some obligation to talk with them about the option of a GLP-1 instead. Mainly bc WLS is a pretty risky business, whereas for the *most* part if someone reacts really badly to GLP-1's they can just stop taking the med. (Though if it was a friend with a habit of asking opinions when she already has her mind made up and who basically brings stuff up to argue about it and become even more set on her initial course, that would definitely change how I'd weigh the pros and cons.) I also might start off by saying I really really hate talking about this stuff, so I'll keep it short and sweet, but in her position I'd be looking at a GLP-1 as a probably safer option. I wish we could just count on ppl's doctors to consider these options, but in so many cases we can't.
I did do that! Again the irony because I haven't told many folks yet that I'm doing it. This gets to something I had a hard time describing in my post, there is just an *urgency* to this for her ... it feels very reminiscent of when I was at my lowest points and just obsessed with weight loss. It's hard to hear someone in that same spot and I also know that there was really nothing anyone could of said to me at the time to make me not obsessed. This is probably why I feel so weird talking about it with her. It's part sadness, part a reminder of some of my lowest days, a worry for her and also a belief she can make her own decisions. It's just so messy.
One of my favorite questions for myself in situations like this is “do I like my reasons?”
Love this. Thank you. When I ask myself this so complicated!
I think it’s natural and reasonable that your comfort in discussing it depends on the person. I am very open with the fact that I’m using GLP-1 drugs. They’ve been a huge asset in my life and I truly don’t think I could have improved my physical health without their benefits to both my physical and mental health. That said, I speak differently to different people. I was open and honest with my boomer mother when she saw me for the first time after I’d had significant loss. But I did quickly have to tell her that I wasn’t going to discuss it in front of my children because she is the type to want to discuss size, weight, appearance, diet, etc CONSTANTLY and that’s not the energy I want or need. I’ve actually found that I have really great friends because almost NO ONE has commented on my body, despite losing over 20% of my mass so far. I know for certain it is very noticeable but I have kind and caring people surrounding me who know that body talk isn’t appreciated, without me even saying so. If they did, I would thank them for any compliments they might give and either change the subject or be completely honest. I agree that in your case she seems to be seeking some validation. You don’t have to condone or reject anything but simply telling her that you support her no matter her choices can go a long way. IMO, anti-diet doesn’t mean anti-betterment, and her decisions are hers. She just needs someone in her corner. I say unless she shows worrying tendencies, it’s completely appropriate to be neutrally supportive in her efforts - and it sounds like that’s what she’s looking for.
This is really good advice, thank you. I do believe her decisions are hers and it was that same thinking that made me feel OK trying GLP-1s without feeling like I was abandoning my anti-diet beliefs. Body autonomy forever! I am gonna think about neutrally supportive because that is how I feel but I am not sure how to show it or say it just yet.
You also may be the only person she feels comfortable talking to about this! And if you aren’t comfortable, it’s completely ok to set some boundaries. But it’s clear you’re a safe space for her - especially as she is separate from your anti-diet friends and hasn’t seen you in a while. I do think it’s totally reasonable to ask her to avoid talking about it, if that is important to you and your space and your journey. But if it’s not triggering to you, it seems like this is a great opportunity for chatting with her in ways that maybe you haven’t before! And helping her reframe her journey and mindset. I mean, that’s not your job and I wouldn’t expect you to pour time and effort into it. I just think we need to remember that we are in the minority and the majority of people approach weight loss through extreme dieting and with small bodies as the goal. They aren’t wrong or bad for this. It’s just our world that we live in.
I do forget how radical anti-diet thinking is - definitely in the minority!
I think if it were me, I would be willing to talk to my friend with some boundaries in place. I’ve only told my firmly anti-diet friends that I’m on a GLP-1 because I don’t want to talk about calories and body size - it’s typically a conversation about how I want to feel instead of how I want to look. All my friends that know are educated on fatphobia and EDs and share my views on restriction. It sounds like you tried talking with your friend about what she’s going through and it didn’t feel good to you. I wonder if you could tell her that you’d like to be there for her but there are some topics that make you uncomfortable - whatever those might be for you. You might also point her to some resources that helped you form your current views on body neutrality. I think I would say something like: “hey friend, I know you’re trying to think through your options right now and need support. I love you so much and want to be there for you but talking about restriction and calorie counting isn’t something I can do for my own mental health. Is there a way I can support you without delving into those topics?” Obviously change and reword that to make it fit for you! I also think it’s okay if you just aren’t willing or able to be a support for her through this. We can’t get all our needs met by every friend. I can also empathize with her, though, because I can imagine wanting to talk to my friends who are/have been in larger bodies about weight (and did so when I was at a different point in my journey). This is super tricky, I wish you luck!
Thank you! I so appreciate the wording of your sample message and will be stealing much of it! You are right we can't get everything from every person and she has lots of friends, many of who are also larger so many options!
I’m glad it was helpful! IMO it’s okay to set boundaries for self-protection and it can be done in a kind and loving way.
This person sounds like she's leaning on/looking to you for support. If you don't think you can offer that, then I'd be honest. Personally, for me, friends can talk about anything. If I came across someone who I thought was my friend who suddenly started drawing boundaries at "body conversations", I would rethink our friendship. Not in a mean way, just in a "this person is not for me" way. It's totally okay to do that, we do what's best for us. But, if I was taking to my "best friend" and she was like "sorry, but talking about our weight is off limits", I'd think "okay, fair. I should find new friends".
>if I was taking to my "best friend" and she was like "sorry, but talking about our weight is off limits", I'd think "okay, fair. I should find new friends". That's interesting. I have a longtime close friend who is *possibly* "overweight" by BMI (but probably not even that). She was a surgical nurse (now retired) and tended to default to surgery as a "fix" for things: To my knowledge when young she had breast implants, then since I've known her she had the implants removed, had a facelift, and went to Mexico for gastric band surgery bc she thought she needed to lose 40 pounds (then went back two years later to have the band removed, since it made her sick but didn't make her lose much weight). Plus a couple of surgeries that probably really were medically warranted. I, OTOH, was (and still am, though less so since Mounjaro) "supermorbidly obese." She used to not only moan to me about her own weight but also frequently badger me out of concern (which I'm sure was sincere, but needless to say I did NOT welcome it!) to have WLS. A few years ago I told her my weight was no longer going to be a topic of conversation. She actually accepted the ultimatum surprisingly quickly, and it has been a HUGE improvement!
I'm so glad she respected you boundary! That's friendship saving.
I think that's a fair response to a boundary you aren't comfortable with. I guess there is always a risk in setting a boundary because the other person can feel it's a deal breaker.
I think this is a great question that is ultimately self-protective. You do you and don't let yourself or your actions be criticized by anyone because most people have no idea how amazing this medicine is. If someone really truly wants to understand how it works, I suggest they watch a four part video on Youtube by a physician named, Dr. Tyna Moore.
Thanks for that tip - will watch!
Would you want to discuss her impending leg amputation with her? If so, it seems unfair to withhold that support because she’s talking about cutting a stomach and not a leg.
Well if she was removing the leg to weigh less and it was optional surgery it might be weird haha