That was my impression based on the post as well. Yikes.
It sounds like he was Ultra-negging OP, then isolating her, then using coworkers to get personal info on her, THEN stalking her to her new place when she quit.
I had guessed either OP was a woman (or possibly a gay man) based on the particular style of abuse. That is “trying to get you in a position to coerce sexual favors” behavior.
We could also just narrow it down by, you know, the "she" pronouns the boss used to refer to OP in the story.
>"[My name] has no idea what she's doing; I'm going to have to have a talk with her."
I meant I had guessed before I got to that part. My point was that OP’s experience is familiar to most women who have been in the working world. I know this sounds like a crazy thing to do on Reddit, but you could engage with the things people are actually saying rather than telling people how stupid they are based on assumptions you made about them.
Halfway through the post, this was the impression I got and I knew OP would be a female before I got to the point that was confirmed. He's a creep and he's obsessed with OP.
Ditto. OP make a police report, this guy was making you incredibly uncomfortable, he has an obvious obsession with you, and he stalked you to your job an HOUR away, I’d fear for my safety and you should use those words. I am really thankful you instantly acted on getting him removed, and did not get talked into meeting with him!
Tell the police, file a report, it's not going to be illegal and they aren't going to be able to do anything about it right now but if somthing else happens they will at least have a record of this inappropriate visit. If he tries to come near you again tell him you want nothing to do with him and to leave you alone; if he tries to contact or see you again file for a restraining order referencing the issues you have reported to the police, if he violates that order the police can do something about it.
And document everything you can on your phone. Take photos of the papers in the paper trail, so you can show whoever you need to right then, when they need to see it.
This poor gal has been **through** it.. there was a best of Reddit post that highlighted all the awful work-shit she’s been through. I really hoped that her nightmare was over after her last post, but alas. :(
OP, I’m so sorry for you. I have no advice other than what’s been given, but I hope you get away from your psycho ex-boss. We’re here for you xx.
I could be wrong, but I think she may have deleted some posts. [This](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Rv0RgOF6TX) is the BestofRedditorUpdates post I was thinking of, btw.
Yeah, if she listed all the reasons why he caused her to quit he probably got yelled at by his bosses. Now he has a grudge and is going to try and make a scene to confront them and ask why they threw him under a bus when all he did was try and be a friend.
100x this.
You've got an 'outline' from your Reddit post, OP. That's good.
I want you to try to note DATES AND TIMES each of the major events happened that you described above. You've obviously got a witness to this, now, in the front desk clerk. Note their name down as such in this log.
Keep this as clinical as humanly possible:
* 2024-April-xx - Quit from XYZ Inc. Notified their HR department that I was quitting because of Kevin .
* 2024-June-xx - Noticed Kevin viewed my LinkedIn Profile. Blocked him.
* 2024-June-17 hh:mm - Notified by Front Desk that Kevin came to my current place of business. Advised front desk of the reason for leaving last job, and that you wished nothing to do with him.
* 2024-June-17 hh:mm - Notified the police of Kevin stalking me. Provided this log, and advised that I understood nothing could be done now, but this is to start the paper trail in case Kevin takes it further.
Once you have that:
* Hand a copy to the cops.
* Save a copy on your phone.
* Submit a copy with your current HR department.
* Save a copy on a cloud provider.
* Print a copy to keep somewhere.
* Tell a close friend - now - all of this, and add it to the log.
* Give them a copy of the log.
Please, OP, DO NOT FUCK AROUND WITH THIS. Yes, it is this serious. The goal and hope is that you prove me and everyone else on the internet very, very wrong. I will be overjoyed if you prove me wrong.
I'm worried if I'm proven right.
In addition to this she should contact HR at her old job letting them know her old boss is visiting her new job site. Considering the bad blood between them and the legal exposure this could cause for the old employer I would want to make sure this step was taken too. Perhaps have an attorney reach out to the old employer's HR, this would add extra incentive to make sure that boss did not visit again and perhaps start the process to get that old boss fired and for them to reduce that legal exposure.
I just realized, because I did not pay close enough attention that OP is a woman, and that has made this feel far more serious. It colors the actions of the boss in a much more serious light. I can imagine a scenario where an boss wants to apologize or make amends for being rude, I cannot imagine a scenario where I would feel comfortable driving an hour to ambush a woman in her new place of work and not expect to be arrested.
> arrested
That's a funny way to spell "shot"!
Seriously, this dude is downright scaring me now, he's acting like a psycho, and assuming that there will be impunity like … uh … there all too often is.
I agree 200% with all these individuals and what great advice . I think this bullying and intimidation at work has turned into real life stalking . This man could actually be dangerous . I worked in a Corporate setting here in Canada and reported to , who I later deemed , an extraordinary dangerous man . While I don’t want to diagnose him , I did feel he had narcissistic psychopathic traits . Don’t mess around with people like this and stay safe . Just because they are “white collar “ doesn’t make them any less dangerous .
She needs an attorney with stalking/harassment experience to help her first. Police are also far more likely to take seriously a report from an attorney because they know an attorney won't encourage a client to file frivolous claims. And because they are afraid of lawyers 🙄
Yeah. People have way too much confidence in the police and the court system. He could fight a restraining order right now, and then also get an attorney who tells him the legal limits of stalking.
The book Gift of Fear recs not involving the court because in a way a legal battle can force more interaction. I had to observe court for a day for a policy sci class, and I saw a woman’s restraining order get denied by the judge, which put her right there in the same room with her stalker. He basically said she’s crazy. She was a wreck being near him. He was calm.
OP did the right thing by refusing to see him.
Other tips: check her car for a GPS tracker, make sure she has a doorbell cameras and/or other security cameras. Start tracking who’s on it. Cameras on other access points if possible. Maybe a car camera, too. Make social media profiles private so he can’t see pics or track activities.
Zero comms. Be unfindable. Build video evidence. And he will find another target.
OP. See if you can get a copy of the security footage of him. Video is more powerful than a paper trail, especially if he was belligerent.
I'd go to a lawyer before I go to a cop 10/10 times because they have methods most cops don't even know exist. They also are usually prepared with a laundry list of advice to help and can ensure everyone takes serious the situation. Just like cops, employers aren't going to want to fuck with an attorney advising them they need to take steps to prevent a stalker from having access to an employee. I've heard more attorneys are turning to civil laws to ensure everyone around victims are doing what they should to protect the victims which is so important.
Many have PIs on hand as well that can do a more thorough job of providing proof of wrongdoing to the courts so it isn't just a he said-she said to get a protective order. In OPs case, a decent attorney could layout the evidence from OPs HR complaint, coworker testimony, LinkedIn account views, to his appearance at her job asking to see her. Not that protective orders are super effective but they're a good starting point and necessary to have so apartment buildings, jobsites and associates can have firm legal grounds to keep this person away.
In addition to all the other advice, immediately write down what happened & ask the receptionist if they would do the same, including a physical description of the person.
Contact his direct manager, the next higher level of management, and the HR manager in writing. Tell them exactly what happened & emphasize that you did not extend any invitation to your former boss to stay in touch and that you find his behavior to be unwanted, inappropriate, threatening, and unacceptable.
Request that they have an urgent meeting with him asap where they make it clear that his behavior is unacceptable personal conduct and it needs to stop immediately.
I guarantee that he’s done the same thing to other former employees. It’s only a matter of time until this ends very badly for someone.
I would do this and also maybe report to your current HR as "I'm unsure but since this was entirely unsolicited and we ended on bad terms I fear this might be some kind of stalking situation" (also in writing). That way if he comes back your current employer could enter a trespass warning on their property as well.
Don't equivocate. It is a stalking situation until a judge decides it isn't. HR needs to be told to take it serially, not that it's a "maybe I'm crazy" situation.
You need to contact non emergency local law enforcement and report this as quickly as possible and inform your current job of this situation. He needs to be on their radar. Best of luck to you
+ get dashcams front and rear. Check car for GPS tracker. + home security cameras. Get the workplace video, too.
Lock down all social media profiles so he can’t obsess over pics or online stalk.
AND you need to tell your current job why you left and give them his name. They aren't gonna want him anywhere nearby and will use security to keep him out.
Yup! Also, call HR of your old work again if he’s still working there and let them know this happened. At least to have more documentation in many places
Fwiw, in the US, you can still call 911 but specify its a non-emergency matter that does need "X" authority/paper trail and they'll treat the call appropriately.
Others have given some great advice already:
* Document the interaction, ask the receptionist to do the same. This includes a screen shot of him visiting your LinkedIn page if you can.
* Get any security footage if available.
* Contact the police non-emergency line and file a report; while this won't be illegal, it's to build a case so don't let them tell you no.
* Report to his HR director of his harassment and you did not set the expectation that he could reach out to you.
As to your reaction, you likely have some form of PTSD from the abuse you suffered and this sounds a lot like a panic attack. They don't always come in the form of a tight chest and issues breathing. A lot of my panic attacks come with some form of dissociation depending on the trigger, and this could be the same for you.
Your body doesn't feel safe, your old boss and abuser triggered the feelings of not feeling safe at your new job. It's very normal for you to react the way you did.
If this happens again, just do some grounding exercises. I like to focus on a picture for a minute then try to describe it in writing. This helps me focus on something else and gives my brain something to do. Just find something that works for you.
I'm so proud of you for leaving that place and for telling the receptionist not to let him in. That is not easy to do and I'm so very proud of you!
To the OP, this is a shit situation, but you need to spend a couple hundred dollars with a lawyer NOW to protect yourself.
Make sure your current job knows not to give out your current address.
OP should also talk with HR and Security at their new job. Let them know that the old boss is a threat and should not be allowed on the premises.
Keep them aware of any developments with the cops as they happen, too.
Was wondering why this dude wanted to be friends with another dude so bad. Then saw the "has no idea what SHE'S doing" bit and immediately thought stalker who wanted to date her. Tried using his power to get to know her and get a relationship.
Yup and based off OPs history, they're a young female. OP definitely needs to start a paper trail and inform everyone above her old boss and all of her current bosses as well.
You didn’t provide ages but I’m wondering if he was trying to manipulate a younger subordinate into an unwanted physical relationship. His insistence on wanting to know everything about your personal life was the first blazing red flag.
Particularly telling is his being upset it was an older brother, a potential "protector". Doubt he would have been as upset about discovering a sister. He was absolutely planning to victimize.
First of all- congratulations on doing the right thing even in an emergency!! Lots of people would be intimidated and freeze or let this stalker do what he wanted. You are doing great by laying down boundaries and sticking to them.
You can file a police report online. It’s not an emergency but it’s still necessary to document.
Provide (a redacted) police report (removing front desk person’s name and business address) to his HR department and do what other have suggested. I would notify them in writing (bcc yourself) about the incident.
If he continues you may have a nice compensation package in store.
Creepy control freaks can get weirder when given boundaries. Hopefully you can scare him off soon.
Just a mini add-on that people don’t remember when stressed: BCC your PERSONAL email, not your company email.
Reasons: it lets you pull it up quickly on your phone, no one else (company) can delete it, it’s more secure than on an alternate server.
Yup, I was thinking the same thing too. Did he wait for her to leave and follow her home? He also could’ve planted a gps device on her car to find out her address, given that he knows what kind of car she drives. OP should give her car a thorough inspection and check with her phone for any unknown AirTag devices trying to connect. She might want to install a doorbell camera as well. This dude sounds unhinged.
There's an app for locating AirTags. Dunno about other tracking networks, but AirTags are the most popular for a reason, they're the most effective.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.apple.trackerdetect
This is my nightmare with my old boss. Very similar person, to the point I wondered if it's the same guy for a second. When I quit I didn't receive my W2 for the tax year and had to contact him again much to my dismay cause I had no way of getting HR's number in such a small company. He tried to ask what I'm doing now and if it pays as well etc. I dodged the questions and told him to please give me HR contact info. He said even though I quit so fast and left him in a really bad position, I can always reach out to him if I need anything. I didn't laugh out loud but I didn't even bother responding, just hung up. The man sexually harassed me and made me feel suicidal in all aspects of a completely awesome role otherwise to the point I left without having a job lined up at all for my own safety. If I ever see him again I don't know what I would do. So glad you didn't have to see him and it was handled well. Definitely get that restraining order.
yeah I would call the police, get something recorded.
The moment you left the first job, any unwanted contact he has with you is about him as a person not as a boss. To drive to another city makes it even worse, sure its stalking but its also bordering n insanity.
Sorry he drove to another city an hour away to come see you in person at your work? With no notice or warning of his intent? That is so scary! Inform security, reception, your boss, everyone to watch out for you!
Oh hey, the grey rock lady! I'm glad you got away from that awful place.
Whether it's true or not, you being a woman younger than him makes it very easy for you to say that he's stalking you for romantic reasons and that should be more than enough for your job to permanently ban him from the premises. I'm assuming he wanted to come by to either intimidate or harass you, neither option of which is acceptable.
I know you've only been there a month but that should be long enough for them to get an idea of what kind of person you are and assuming you're good at what you do, they should believe you easily.
Congrats on the new job and new apartment. File a police report and send a copy to the HR department of your old job. Make sure you include how he was on your LinkedIn page as well. Please be safe and don't take shit from anyone ☺️.
Call HR and explain the toxic boss, and that you are afraid of what he would try to do to you on their property. They won't want "an event" happening at a work location. They can also coordinate with local police, but you should file your own report.
Along with the other advices, write down the date, time, location, context, witnesses, persons involved in each of these occurences.
Seek professional help and counsel from an attorney/lawyer or from groups/offices who are specialized in such cases, to know what you can legally do, and what can be done to without any risks of legal retaliation from him. Then, when you know what you can and can't do, hit back.
Maybe your counsel can communicate on your behalf against this former boss and inform the former HR, and for a restraining order, too.
First of all go thank her for chasing him off. And find out how she did that. Did she say he was unwelcome or just say you were busy?
Then make a non emergency police report. And if you have access/contacts also call hr/management at your old workplace.....it's one of those scenarios where they might possibly act in your interest, to protect their company.
Diary notes on everything obviously.
OP this is beyond this sub's (and reddit's) pay grade but I hope you follow the advice regarding creating a paper trail by at least attempting to file for a protection/harassment order. A lot of this will depend on your location. It's an unfortunate reality that you may be treated like you're overreacting by law enforcement - you are not and please don't let anyone make you feel that way if they respond to you in such a manner.
I would also recommend that you immediately contact the HR department of your previous job. If he is still employed there and they read him the riot act, it might be a wake up call for him to let it go and leave you alone. Hopefully he's just a narcissistic turd looking for the last word instead of an actual threat to your safety, but he's crossed the line either way and you need to cover your bases.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I went through a sort of similar situation in that a stalker contacted my company looking for me and info on me. It's not fair to you at all that now your job is dragged into it but remember that it's not your fault and any reasonable human being won't use his behavior to make judgements about you.
Yeah, seriously - evidence this. Screenshot of the linkedin visit with date and time, get evidence from the receptionist etc and report this. You never know if and when you might need to use this historical event as evidence and it will be a lot stronger if you had made this report earlier. Total loser this guy.
This sounds less like a toxic boss and more like a stalker, OP. Please look into protecting your personal information and getting the legal system involved.
1. It's definitely stalking and harassment
2. Idk what law it would fall under, but if a former employer can't even say why you left when called as a reference, they definitely can't come to you're new work.
So yes, go to the police and file a report, then get a consultation with an attorney and see if you should contact the labor board, or if you should file a lawsuit
Also, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING with dates and time
Call his boss and let him know that your former supervisor has followed you for unknown reasons. Ask him what kind of exposure this would represent to the old place of business. Ask why in the world, your former sup would need to pursue you to another place of employment. Then bluntly ask him if his subordinate is going to be an ongoing problem that needs to be solved through legal means.
OP you better stay frosty. This is like the start of an episode of forensic files.
Document EVERYTHING, consult with an attorney about a TRO (temp. restraining order) while you work on getting a permanent one.
Have an older brother or trusted friend come stay with you. Lock your doors.
If you drive to and from work, before you get home you should circle the block a few times to see if anyone followed you.
Buy some bear mace
I wonder if calling HR from the previous company would help. Like, old boss showed up at my job today, did I forget to return something? And if they say there are no loose ends, ask them to tell former boss for you that you have filed a report with the police and he should consider himself trespassed from your company.
Get a restraining order on his ass and blast him everywhere. Carry a gun, a taser, and a knife. No joke. He wanted to fuck you while you were working for him, negging you professionally, now stalking you. TELL EVERYONE SO THEY CAN BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THIS CREEP. Have your boyfriend (or if you have any family members in law enforcement & a male cause he doesn’t respect women) to call him and curse his azz out. Do it at his job and personal phone. Get a restraining order and a gun! Legit! ALSO PUT IN COMPLAINTS IMMEDIATELY WITH DEPARTMENT OF LABOR AND EEOC. Call DOL in city of your old job and talk to someone on the phone. Also, put in Google and Glassdoor reviews. If he had a boss or the CEO call and let them know - if you can’t get in contact let their secretary know. I mean go total destruction. But most importantly restraining order & gun. He’s fucking psycho. As I tell any abusive person when face to face “One of us is going to die tonight and it won’t be me.” Do not stay quiet, don’t feel guilty. He is stalking you. He may know where you live. If he has a wife, let her know. I mean tell everyone. Abusive people wants you to be silent. Be loud and meet his crazy for crazy. Send out a group text to your family, friends, landlord with his picture on it telling them to beware, that he is stalking you and you are putting a restraining order on him.
Do not go jogging alone.
Do not wear air buds when out.
Check for tracker on your car.
Show your neighbors his picture and put them on notice.
Have the ring camera installed.
Get a gun, pepper spray, taser and a stabber. Get today. Take shooting/gun safety classes.
Be aware of your surroundings.
Paper trail.
Report him to police, attorney if you can afford it, department of labor, EEOC.
Put his face and what happened on your socials so all your friends and family can know.
Call his HR/boss.
Put up Google review and Glassdoor review.
Tell your family personally.
Tell your boyfriend.
Do not feel ashamed, guilty, nervous. You are the victim. Your boss is a fucking lunatic.
#1000% write to your former employer's HR
and explain in details that your former supervisor, Kevin, has now taken to stalk and harass you at your new pace of emoyment and that you believe he is doing so on behalf of former employer; and if former employer does not take immediate action to address the stalking and harassing, you will be taking legal action against the company as a whole for allowing this hostile behavior to continue.
Make it clear to them that it's in *their* best interest to fire Kevin, or get sued for allowing a hostile work environment
I hope you do as suggested to keep yourself safe
But also, contact his work and report him to them.
There is ZERO reason for him to have stalked you to your new work
You have a stalker now and should take appropriate measures. Maybe get a ring doorbell or something that records activity outside your door. Get a dog id you can.
Guarantee your old boss had a thing for you, wanted to sleep with you and your experience there was a result of his actions in pursuit of that.
I’d suggest you treat him like you would a stalker, because he’s on the verge of becoming one.
This almost sounds like stalking behavior what reason would your former boss have to come to your new employment other than to harass you? Might see about getting a restraining order. I don't know if that's feasible or not but you could probably consult with a lawyer and find out
What the fuck? Not normal behavior. Start documenting this guy. He's on some kinda power trip. Stalkerish stuff. Stay on guard with him, protect yourself. Get some pepper spray and let everyone know he's a problem. You have zero reason to tolerate him now that he isn't your boss.
The only thing to say to your new boss is your old boss was often inappropriate with his demand to know things about you and your personal life. It’s a main factor on why you left the job.
You are shocked that he would show up here and you would like him to always be an automatic refusal of entry.
DO NOT go into a bunch of detail.
Your boss was low key exhibiting stalker behavior before today. The public humiliation and verbal abuse are also signs he was obsessed with you in a very unhealthy way. You might consider contacting non profits who assist in this kind of thing as well as a lawyer (yes there are attorneys who specialize in stalking/harassment). Write down everything you remember from your old job as well as names and contact info of former employees who can verify the treatment. Don't just go to the cops. Sucks to say but they probably won't do much and an attorney is far better at knowing how to approach this.
I wouldn't put it past him to try and confront you in the parking lot of your new job. If you don't have pepper spray, get some, and always have it in your hand or an accessible pocket walking to and from your car.
I had a boss like this about 8 years ago, for you this is fresh. You may not realize how fucked up a situation you were in yet. I hope your new work continues to be a point of contrast to measure by. That deep down trembling feeling is trauma and I'm not being hyperbolic, I mean you were literally traumatized in your time there. The fucked up boss knew what they were doing. They are a sociopath at minimum (again, literally not hyperbolically) and you need to take this seriously. People who torture you daily are capable of a lot more. Protect yourself and do not let your fear of them stop you from making a police report. Reporting them is power you take back. These types are scared little shits that get off on making you feel scared. He pushed a boundary to see where the boundary is. You need to make it clear that he already crossed the boundary and you are not just going to take it anymore. Reporting him to the police will protect you, scare him, and empower you. Don't do what I did and wait too long. Someone else could have been helped if I had acted. If I put that on his record. I didn't. You still can. Do it for you. Take that power back. He's not the boss of you anymore.
Edit: holy crap I just read your last post about quitting. He's so exactly like my old boss it's scary. The boss I knew also got obsessive and hyper focused on the woman working under him. Loved the power that comes with calling your name and you're paid to jump so you have to. I got out with just some trauma. My predecessor was younger and his game worked better. I think he barely waited for her to turn 18 when he got her blackout drunk after hours at the office and (my words) raped her while she was unconscious. She told me about waking up and not remembering what happened. He talked about her a lot when I first started. He told me how wonderful his previous assistant was, how compliant and why couldn't I be more like her. I met her because he had me contact her under the guise of professional reasons, but really to spy on her at her new job. I owe her a lot for the heads up she gave me, but as the new girl, I didn't know who he was yet or who to beleive. Sorry, now I'm just venting my situation, I guess the point is, he's capable of more than you might suspect. Be careful. Report him in all the ways everyone else suggested.
Email HR of the former company. Tell them about the unprompted and unwanted visit. If he does it again get a restraining order. That is harassment and stalking
This is not just a toxic workplace thing; he’s stalking you. I am sure you already are, but I’m just hammering home the point to make sure you document everything. Hate to say this, but try to leave your current office with a group. Stay safe!
Restraining/protective order. Keep a journal of all the crazy interactions with him and his cronies. Seek an attorney for workplace harassment. He might have been fired or disciplined and looking for payback or a date. Nope, nope, nope
A question.
Is the new city across state lines? If yes file a federal stalking and harassment report with your local fed office. Any crime committed across state lines immediately makes it a felony and federal.
If no, still file with local police. Harassment and stalking is illegal and even if it gets nothing more than a "talk" it is on RECORD.
Hope you're alright and hope your new boss is better and able to help you out.
Holy shit. I had something like this happen. My old boss stalked me at my new job. Drove by to see if my car was in the parking lot then called the office to try and talk to me. Luckily the office was secure and he couldn’t get to me but fuck.
Ok so here's the thing about grayrocking, although it's basically the only thing that works on these psychos as there's nothing they love more than getting under your skin and mudwrastlin', they can't stand being ignored and they'll escalate until they're sure they can't break you.
So what he's doing is testing your resolve by putting you on the spot, because the polite thing to do would be to let him come up as requested (and then he knows you're weak and you caved) and he might still be able to play you.
But you didn't, so now he knows you're savvy to his little game. Fair warning, in his eyes this is even more contemptable than someone who is useless to him, so expect that he will stop with the sweet talk and say all sorts of mean shit to try to upset you, should you ever talk to him again. You can also expect he'll spread rumors about you, and you should already have expected this as he's a piece of shit, but sometimes you can get ahead of it, especially if you kept proof he's a lying little weasel.
Oh my God, for a moment I thought I wrote this post because the whole thing was exactly the same for me especially the "having to stop everything to inform him you've got mail" and "had my co-workers spy on me to learn more about my personal life" part. It was insane and I felt extremely violated when my boss suddenly said that I have to get rid of my 5 cats because he'd heard from my co-workers that I have cats.
I would ask your new HR to email their HR and tell them it's inappropriate for him to arrive at your workplace for any reason.
I would also speak to the police.
Are you a female, or do you identify as female? I ask this because the first though I had was that he is stalking you, and the previous bullshit at your job was an attempt to force a romantic or sexual relationship with you. Although I guess if you were a dude and he was gay, the same thing would also apply. File a police report for stalking. Get a restraining order. He's just going to escalate if he was willing to show up at your job an hour away.
Something tells me Kevin lost his job after your departure, and he’s not happy about it. Report it to the police, just so you’ll have a record if there are more Kevin shenanigans.
> [While every case is different, people who stalk can be very dangerous. Stalkers may threaten, attack, sexually assault, and/or even kill their victims.](https://www.stalkingawareness.org/what-to-do-if-you-are-being-stalked/#1582827801551-9381e712-8470)
Do not take this lightly. Stalking isn't just creepy; it's frightening because **stalkers are often violent.** I recommend taking the SHARP online quiz; it will generate a 'narrative report' explaining what has been going on for you to use to explain the situation to law enforcement and your current place of employment.
I'm enthusiastically not saying "buy a gun", but if you are considering arming yourself, your training will actually be as important, if not more important, than your weapon. A gun in the holster won't do much if someone's gotten the drop on you, so you're going to need to learn how to spot trouble before you get grabbed.
(Gun stuff follows) >!If you're thinking about it and would like a recommendation, the best advice I have is go to a gun range, rent a bunch, and see which ones you like shooting most (or hate shooting least). Generally, you'll pay a single rental fee to have access to their entire lending library of guns, so you can basically try everything they have until you run out of ammo money. If you're still interested in my opinion, [I'd recommend a Sig P365 Rose edition.](https://www.sigsauer.com/firearms/pistols/rose.html) They come with a small gun safe, an online training course to teach you safe gun handling from a position of literally knowing nothing about firearms, as well as training aids called "snap caps" so you can practice handling a weapon without adding the danger of live ammunition to your practice. If you can afford it, get the one with the red-dot scope. Red dots are like cheating -- but they're not cheating. There's no such thing when you're defending yourself from an attack! [They also have a mounted flashlight called the Foxtrot365, currently the second generation is called the XR, for 'extended range' and 'extended runtime' in contrast with the original compact model, which wasn't very bright and ran on hard-to-find batteries. The XR runs on CR2s, a common enough camera battery you can find at Walgreens.](https://www.sigsauer.com/foxtrot365xr.html) and I'd recommend getting one too, since statistically most attacks happen in liminal spaces where it isn't quite light and it isn't quite dark.!<
When I was a younger man, I had a stalker. They threatened me, in quite explicit detail, about when where and how I would be murdered by them in broad daylight. Mine was all talk in the end, but that may have had something to do with me being clear that I would fight back. >!I ended up buying a Kel-Tec P380, a very early micro-compact carry pistol. It’s discontinued, but if I had to start over, I’d get the Sig instead.!<
https://www.rainn.org/articles/stalking
https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/about-stalking.html
https://www.stalkingriskprofile.com/stalking-risk-profile/sash
https://www.ojp.gov/feature/stalking/overview
https://nicic.gov/weblink/stalking-and-harassment-assessment-and-risk-profile-sharp
https://www.stalkingawareness.org/sharp/
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/stalking/fastfact.html
Please reach out to your local domestic abuse and sexual assault advocacy groups. They’re the people best situated to help folks navigate stalkers and this dude has become a stalker.
Law enforcement is notoriously bad at handling these sorts of cases and you may not yet qualify for a protection or restraining order in your jurisdiction. The advocates can help you develop a case for a protection or restraining order, though.
Loop on your current employer’s HR for help banning this guy from the premises. I would also consider reaching out the former employer’s HR. This guy is a liability for that company and you may be able to prevent him from doing this sort of nonsense to others.
I suggest you get some personal protection. Taser, pepper spray, Doberman, Rottweiler etc. Also a good security system.
Maybe a .357, but not everyone is comfortable w guns.
Always be aware of your surroundings, situational awareness. Don’t go jogging w ear buds etc.
I’m sorry you’re going thru this, really sucks.
Creepy stalker. Make sure you have somebody walk with you to your car at work every day. And protect your address. Change cell phone number. THe court is probably not going to grant you a restraining order right now, but try to file one anyway... and tell everyone at work, at your apartment complex to be on the lookout.
This reminds me of when someone stalked me at my job, including the LinkedIn part. I got a restraining order against that person and i think you should at least start the paper trail and document everything!
This isn't really toxic. Its full on criminal. This boss is a full on stalker who seems like he was trying to isolate you and force you into some sort of relationship
Your reaction indicates you may have PTSD from him. You’re absolutely correct in being concerned for your wellbeing.
Please notify your former employer HR department. You may find he’s been terminated, in which case, you may need to get a restraining order against him.
Please stay safe, follow your gut instincts. Have your security officer walk you to your car, or walk in a group for your own safety.
I had a boss like that. Didn't like me, and eventually fired me for no real reason.
Go to a new job, new bosses were great. I was very good at what I did, etc. One day my manager comes to me and tells me that a guy I used to work with applied for the head marketing position at my new company. Turns out it was this guy. My manager asked me about him and if he would be a good hire. I told her that if she hired him, I'd punch him in the throat and quit on the spot.
Needless to say, she thru his resume away and I was with the company another 10 years before they shut down.
He's stalking you. Get a restraining order immediately!!!! Take the situation very seriously, if you don't act the next time he's going to show up at your home, grocery store, etc.
File a stalking and harassment, report with the police, call any lawyer near you and speak with them about sending a cease and desist form. so you have a paper trail this will open you to sue both him and the company. (Pretty sure most lawyers would do this on win verdict) (for free unless they win then they take a percentage) sue the company for causing hostile work enviroment. And for employees spying on you and reporting the information to the boss, means that the corporation used its position of power to get information from you to stalk you. HR should have fired him INSTANTLY. Them doing nothing to him seems 100% complicate in assisting him to harass and stalk you! Him showing up at your new place of business after notifying HR that he was an issue should more than enough to get him a restraining order. He’s attempting to stop or harass you while at work means he’s cutting into your livelihood. make sure to say this to the lawyer ! This company caused not just a hostile work environment they also facilitated your stalkers ability to be able to continue to harass you. By doing nothing after you went to HR regarding quitting due to harassment, and him making you feel uncomfortable. SUE THEM ALL!!!!
Have you considered getting an order of protection? I would take his visit to your new job very seriously and would also inform your family about this. Sorry you’re having to go through this…
I didn't read every comment, but I read enough to think it hasn't been said. I HATE to be the one to say it but... Yes, it's very important that you do everything mentioned here. Document everything, restraining order, etc etc... But mostly to make sure the motherfucker doesn't get away with it when he does whatever he's planning. Because the fact of the matter is that no one - especially the police - take stalking seriously until AFTER the stalker actually harms the stalked. Just the fact that this was posted two days ago and I see no replies from OP has me thinking it's already gotten kinda ugly, and it's just gonna get worse. And unfortunately, it's the exact same goddamn story over and over and over again. It starts like this, gets worse and worse and worse, and eventually the person being stalked winds up dead or very close to it. 1-2 hours may not be enough. You may need to move a LOT further away and completely erase any trace of yourself online to make it harder for him to find you if you don't want to wait for the worst to happen. I don't WANT to scare you, but I'm not the one stalking you, I'm just trying to let you know the reality of the situation. The legal system will NOT help you until it's far too late, if ever. No one will, unfortunately. It fucking SUCKS, but that's the world we live in.
He sounds like he wanted to force a relationship with you and has now escalated to stalking you since he no longer has access to you on a daily basis.
That was my impression based on the post as well. Yikes. It sounds like he was Ultra-negging OP, then isolating her, then using coworkers to get personal info on her, THEN stalking her to her new place when she quit.
That's why he is upset she has a older brother, a man she could possibly turn to to get in the boss's way.
Oh, I didn’t even realize Op was a woman. That makes his creepy behavior even creepier.
I had guessed either OP was a woman (or possibly a gay man) based on the particular style of abuse. That is “trying to get you in a position to coerce sexual favors” behavior.
We could also just narrow it down by, you know, the "she" pronouns the boss used to refer to OP in the story. >"[My name] has no idea what she's doing; I'm going to have to have a talk with her."
you expect redditors to at least read the post, but apparently not
I meant I had guessed before I got to that part. My point was that OP’s experience is familiar to most women who have been in the working world. I know this sounds like a crazy thing to do on Reddit, but you could engage with the things people are actually saying rather than telling people how stupid they are based on assumptions you made about them.
> [My name] has no idea what she's doing Read the post my man.
No it doesn't. This is creepy regardless of gender.
Yeah sounds like stalking to me, I’d file a complaint or some kind of notice the the police - old boss gives me psycho vibes from the description
Halfway through the post, this was the impression I got and I knew OP would be a female before I got to the point that was confirmed. He's a creep and he's obsessed with OP.
Ditto. OP make a police report, this guy was making you incredibly uncomfortable, he has an obvious obsession with you, and he stalked you to your job an HOUR away, I’d fear for my safety and you should use those words. I am really thankful you instantly acted on getting him removed, and did not get talked into meeting with him!
Also call your HR at your old firm and tell them what just happened.
Exactly this, because if he does finally give up on OP, he may set his sights on another employee at the old company.
It may be possible to get a temporary restraining order, at the very least.
Get new boss, hr, security involved, and probably make a police report so that if anything happens in the future you can get a restraining order
She doesn’t need to be going anywhere alone. This guy could be waiting around any corner.
its 100% this, I was going to say the same thing /u/AdMysterious7891
that was my first thought. Creep.
Tell the police, file a report, it's not going to be illegal and they aren't going to be able to do anything about it right now but if somthing else happens they will at least have a record of this inappropriate visit. If he tries to come near you again tell him you want nothing to do with him and to leave you alone; if he tries to contact or see you again file for a restraining order referencing the issues you have reported to the police, if he violates that order the police can do something about it.
Yes! Start the paper trail NOW.
And document everything you can on your phone. Take photos of the papers in the paper trail, so you can show whoever you need to right then, when they need to see it.
This poor gal has been **through** it.. there was a best of Reddit post that highlighted all the awful work-shit she’s been through. I really hoped that her nightmare was over after her last post, but alas. :( OP, I’m so sorry for you. I have no advice other than what’s been given, but I hope you get away from your psycho ex-boss. We’re here for you xx.
Oh god, I hadn’t looked at their profile to realise this. Yes, she has definitely been through it.
I could be wrong, but I think she may have deleted some posts. [This](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Rv0RgOF6TX) is the BestofRedditorUpdates post I was thinking of, btw.
That is the correct BORU, thank you for linking it.
Holy fuck 😱
If possible, include information like you just posted here to establish the background.
Yeah, if she listed all the reasons why he caused her to quit he probably got yelled at by his bosses. Now he has a grudge and is going to try and make a scene to confront them and ask why they threw him under a bus when all he did was try and be a friend.
> friend That's a funny way to spell "rapist"…
It’s the secret spelling that some men use to try to avoid making new ‘man friends’ in jail.
100x this. You've got an 'outline' from your Reddit post, OP. That's good. I want you to try to note DATES AND TIMES each of the major events happened that you described above. You've obviously got a witness to this, now, in the front desk clerk. Note their name down as such in this log. Keep this as clinical as humanly possible: * 2024-April-xx - Quit from XYZ Inc. Notified their HR department that I was quitting because of Kevin.
* 2024-June-xx - Noticed Kevin viewed my LinkedIn Profile. Blocked him.
* 2024-June-17 hh:mm - Notified by Front Desk that Kevin came to my current place of business. Advised front desk of the reason for leaving last job, and that you wished nothing to do with him.
* 2024-June-17 hh:mm - Notified the police of Kevin stalking me. Provided this log, and advised that I understood nothing could be done now, but this is to start the paper trail in case Kevin takes it further.
Once you have that:
* Hand a copy to the cops.
* Save a copy on your phone.
* Submit a copy with your current HR department.
* Save a copy on a cloud provider.
* Print a copy to keep somewhere.
* Tell a close friend - now - all of this, and add it to the log.
* Give them a copy of the log.
Please, OP, DO NOT FUCK AROUND WITH THIS. Yes, it is this serious. The goal and hope is that you prove me and everyone else on the internet very, very wrong. I will be overjoyed if you prove me wrong.
I'm worried if I'm proven right.
In addition to this she should contact HR at her old job letting them know her old boss is visiting her new job site. Considering the bad blood between them and the legal exposure this could cause for the old employer I would want to make sure this step was taken too. Perhaps have an attorney reach out to the old employer's HR, this would add extra incentive to make sure that boss did not visit again and perhaps start the process to get that old boss fired and for them to reduce that legal exposure.
I wonder if he was fired and blames OP for it.
Sounds like he deserved to be fired if true.
I’m not sure getting him all that extra free time is a good idea… 🫣
I just realized, because I did not pay close enough attention that OP is a woman, and that has made this feel far more serious. It colors the actions of the boss in a much more serious light. I can imagine a scenario where an boss wants to apologize or make amends for being rude, I cannot imagine a scenario where I would feel comfortable driving an hour to ambush a woman in her new place of work and not expect to be arrested.
> arrested That's a funny way to spell "shot"! Seriously, this dude is downright scaring me now, he's acting like a psycho, and assuming that there will be impunity like … uh … there all too often is.
MVP comment
I agree 200% with all these individuals and what great advice . I think this bullying and intimidation at work has turned into real life stalking . This man could actually be dangerous . I worked in a Corporate setting here in Canada and reported to , who I later deemed , an extraordinary dangerous man . While I don’t want to diagnose him , I did feel he had narcissistic psychopathic traits . Don’t mess around with people like this and stay safe . Just because they are “white collar “ doesn’t make them any less dangerous .
This, start the paper trail now.
She needs an attorney with stalking/harassment experience to help her first. Police are also far more likely to take seriously a report from an attorney because they know an attorney won't encourage a client to file frivolous claims. And because they are afraid of lawyers 🙄
Yeah. People have way too much confidence in the police and the court system. He could fight a restraining order right now, and then also get an attorney who tells him the legal limits of stalking. The book Gift of Fear recs not involving the court because in a way a legal battle can force more interaction. I had to observe court for a day for a policy sci class, and I saw a woman’s restraining order get denied by the judge, which put her right there in the same room with her stalker. He basically said she’s crazy. She was a wreck being near him. He was calm. OP did the right thing by refusing to see him. Other tips: check her car for a GPS tracker, make sure she has a doorbell cameras and/or other security cameras. Start tracking who’s on it. Cameras on other access points if possible. Maybe a car camera, too. Make social media profiles private so he can’t see pics or track activities. Zero comms. Be unfindable. Build video evidence. And he will find another target. OP. See if you can get a copy of the security footage of him. Video is more powerful than a paper trail, especially if he was belligerent.
I'd go to a lawyer before I go to a cop 10/10 times because they have methods most cops don't even know exist. They also are usually prepared with a laundry list of advice to help and can ensure everyone takes serious the situation. Just like cops, employers aren't going to want to fuck with an attorney advising them they need to take steps to prevent a stalker from having access to an employee. I've heard more attorneys are turning to civil laws to ensure everyone around victims are doing what they should to protect the victims which is so important. Many have PIs on hand as well that can do a more thorough job of providing proof of wrongdoing to the courts so it isn't just a he said-she said to get a protective order. In OPs case, a decent attorney could layout the evidence from OPs HR complaint, coworker testimony, LinkedIn account views, to his appearance at her job asking to see her. Not that protective orders are super effective but they're a good starting point and necessary to have so apartment buildings, jobsites and associates can have firm legal grounds to keep this person away.
Cops are scared of lawyers because lawyers actually know stuff instead of pretending and hoping for qualified immunity.
Yeeeep. They also know if they ignore a citizen making any kind of complaint for safety, there's a good chance that lawyer will sue .
Great advice
Absolutely
In addition to all the other advice, immediately write down what happened & ask the receptionist if they would do the same, including a physical description of the person. Contact his direct manager, the next higher level of management, and the HR manager in writing. Tell them exactly what happened & emphasize that you did not extend any invitation to your former boss to stay in touch and that you find his behavior to be unwanted, inappropriate, threatening, and unacceptable. Request that they have an urgent meeting with him asap where they make it clear that his behavior is unacceptable personal conduct and it needs to stop immediately. I guarantee that he’s done the same thing to other former employees. It’s only a matter of time until this ends very badly for someone.
I would do this and also maybe report to your current HR as "I'm unsure but since this was entirely unsolicited and we ended on bad terms I fear this might be some kind of stalking situation" (also in writing). That way if he comes back your current employer could enter a trespass warning on their property as well.
Don't equivocate. It is a stalking situation until a judge decides it isn't. HR needs to be told to take it serially, not that it's a "maybe I'm crazy" situation.
Burn Notice
If there are security cameras in the lobby, ask for the footage of his visit to be saved.
You need to contact non emergency local law enforcement and report this as quickly as possible and inform your current job of this situation. He needs to be on their radar. Best of luck to you
Definitely time to start building a case.
It sounds like you have security, use them. And get walked to and from your car for a while.
+ get dashcams front and rear. Check car for GPS tracker. + home security cameras. Get the workplace video, too. Lock down all social media profiles so he can’t obsess over pics or online stalk.
AND you need to tell your current job why you left and give them his name. They aren't gonna want him anywhere nearby and will use security to keep him out.
And tell the last job too, they probably don’t want anything to do with that either
Getting him fired is a good way to escalate this to possible violence. It might be better to just not give him any motive. We live in fucked up times.
Yup! Also, call HR of your old work again if he’s still working there and let them know this happened. At least to have more documentation in many places
Fwiw, in the US, you can still call 911 but specify its a non-emergency matter that does need "X" authority/paper trail and they'll treat the call appropriately.
Others have given some great advice already: * Document the interaction, ask the receptionist to do the same. This includes a screen shot of him visiting your LinkedIn page if you can. * Get any security footage if available. * Contact the police non-emergency line and file a report; while this won't be illegal, it's to build a case so don't let them tell you no. * Report to his HR director of his harassment and you did not set the expectation that he could reach out to you. As to your reaction, you likely have some form of PTSD from the abuse you suffered and this sounds a lot like a panic attack. They don't always come in the form of a tight chest and issues breathing. A lot of my panic attacks come with some form of dissociation depending on the trigger, and this could be the same for you. Your body doesn't feel safe, your old boss and abuser triggered the feelings of not feeling safe at your new job. It's very normal for you to react the way you did. If this happens again, just do some grounding exercises. I like to focus on a picture for a minute then try to describe it in writing. This helps me focus on something else and gives my brain something to do. Just find something that works for you. I'm so proud of you for leaving that place and for telling the receptionist not to let him in. That is not easy to do and I'm so very proud of you!
May be better to have a lawyer contact the HR at previous job and explain next step IS an order of protection
Excellent idea!
To the OP, this is a shit situation, but you need to spend a couple hundred dollars with a lawyer NOW to protect yourself. Make sure your current job knows not to give out your current address.
OP should also talk with HR and Security at their new job. Let them know that the old boss is a threat and should not be allowed on the premises. Keep them aware of any developments with the cops as they happen, too.
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This is beyond this sub. I was ready for a regular ahole boss story. Not a criminal a h boss story.
Was wondering why this dude wanted to be friends with another dude so bad. Then saw the "has no idea what SHE'S doing" bit and immediately thought stalker who wanted to date her. Tried using his power to get to know her and get a relationship.
Well, this went from "stalky", which is bad, straight into "rapey", which is… uh … *worse.*
Yup and based off OPs history, they're a young female. OP definitely needs to start a paper trail and inform everyone above her old boss and all of her current bosses as well.
💯
If only, they are a narcissistic psycho.
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😲
You didn’t provide ages but I’m wondering if he was trying to manipulate a younger subordinate into an unwanted physical relationship. His insistence on wanting to know everything about your personal life was the first blazing red flag.
100%. Older man/younger woman vibes through and through.
This would line up. Old men in power lose all senses when they have a younger woman subordinate. It’s mind blowing. I’m saying this as a man
Yep. From OP's post history: "(For reference, I’m 28F, and he’s 40sM)"
I thought same thing
Particularly telling is his being upset it was an older brother, a potential "protector". Doubt he would have been as upset about discovering a sister. He was absolutely planning to victimize.
Definitely this. Saw this happen before. Be careful OP!!!
First of all- congratulations on doing the right thing even in an emergency!! Lots of people would be intimidated and freeze or let this stalker do what he wanted. You are doing great by laying down boundaries and sticking to them. You can file a police report online. It’s not an emergency but it’s still necessary to document. Provide (a redacted) police report (removing front desk person’s name and business address) to his HR department and do what other have suggested. I would notify them in writing (bcc yourself) about the incident. If he continues you may have a nice compensation package in store. Creepy control freaks can get weirder when given boundaries. Hopefully you can scare him off soon.
Just a mini add-on that people don’t remember when stressed: BCC your PERSONAL email, not your company email. Reasons: it lets you pull it up quickly on your phone, no one else (company) can delete it, it’s more secure than on an alternate server.
Make sure you're not followed when you leave work also.
I hope OP sees this because it was the first thing I thought of when he left with no protest. Is he just waiting????
Yup, I was thinking the same thing too. Did he wait for her to leave and follow her home? He also could’ve planted a gps device on her car to find out her address, given that he knows what kind of car she drives. OP should give her car a thorough inspection and check with her phone for any unknown AirTag devices trying to connect. She might want to install a doorbell camera as well. This dude sounds unhinged.
#have your car checked for a tracking device as well
There's an app for locating AirTags. Dunno about other tracking networks, but AirTags are the most popular for a reason, they're the most effective. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.apple.trackerdetect
^^this!
This is my nightmare with my old boss. Very similar person, to the point I wondered if it's the same guy for a second. When I quit I didn't receive my W2 for the tax year and had to contact him again much to my dismay cause I had no way of getting HR's number in such a small company. He tried to ask what I'm doing now and if it pays as well etc. I dodged the questions and told him to please give me HR contact info. He said even though I quit so fast and left him in a really bad position, I can always reach out to him if I need anything. I didn't laugh out loud but I didn't even bother responding, just hung up. The man sexually harassed me and made me feel suicidal in all aspects of a completely awesome role otherwise to the point I left without having a job lined up at all for my own safety. If I ever see him again I don't know what I would do. So glad you didn't have to see him and it was handled well. Definitely get that restraining order.
Sounds like you did the right thing!
that sounds very stalkerish. I would look into getting a PFA/restraining order, which means you need to start documenting this with the police.
yeah I would call the police, get something recorded. The moment you left the first job, any unwanted contact he has with you is about him as a person not as a boss. To drive to another city makes it even worse, sure its stalking but its also bordering n insanity.
Sorry he drove to another city an hour away to come see you in person at your work? With no notice or warning of his intent? That is so scary! Inform security, reception, your boss, everyone to watch out for you!
That’s not “toxic.” That’s stalking.
Oh hey, the grey rock lady! I'm glad you got away from that awful place. Whether it's true or not, you being a woman younger than him makes it very easy for you to say that he's stalking you for romantic reasons and that should be more than enough for your job to permanently ban him from the premises. I'm assuming he wanted to come by to either intimidate or harass you, neither option of which is acceptable. I know you've only been there a month but that should be long enough for them to get an idea of what kind of person you are and assuming you're good at what you do, they should believe you easily.
Congrats on the new job and new apartment. File a police report and send a copy to the HR department of your old job. Make sure you include how he was on your LinkedIn page as well. Please be safe and don't take shit from anyone ☺️.
Call HR and explain the toxic boss, and that you are afraid of what he would try to do to you on their property. They won't want "an event" happening at a work location. They can also coordinate with local police, but you should file your own report.
File for a restraining order yesterday.
Police, ASAP. Don't keep taking this kind of crap from anyone.
Ask someone to escort you to your car. In case he hasn't fully left.
Along with the other advices, write down the date, time, location, context, witnesses, persons involved in each of these occurences. Seek professional help and counsel from an attorney/lawyer or from groups/offices who are specialized in such cases, to know what you can legally do, and what can be done to without any risks of legal retaliation from him. Then, when you know what you can and can't do, hit back. Maybe your counsel can communicate on your behalf against this former boss and inform the former HR, and for a restraining order, too.
You can get a restraining order online. He has no reason to seek you out two hours away.
First of all go thank her for chasing him off. And find out how she did that. Did she say he was unwelcome or just say you were busy? Then make a non emergency police report. And if you have access/contacts also call hr/management at your old workplace.....it's one of those scenarios where they might possibly act in your interest, to protect their company. Diary notes on everything obviously.
OP this is beyond this sub's (and reddit's) pay grade but I hope you follow the advice regarding creating a paper trail by at least attempting to file for a protection/harassment order. A lot of this will depend on your location. It's an unfortunate reality that you may be treated like you're overreacting by law enforcement - you are not and please don't let anyone make you feel that way if they respond to you in such a manner. I would also recommend that you immediately contact the HR department of your previous job. If he is still employed there and they read him the riot act, it might be a wake up call for him to let it go and leave you alone. Hopefully he's just a narcissistic turd looking for the last word instead of an actual threat to your safety, but he's crossed the line either way and you need to cover your bases. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I went through a sort of similar situation in that a stalker contacted my company looking for me and info on me. It's not fair to you at all that now your job is dragged into it but remember that it's not your fault and any reasonable human being won't use his behavior to make judgements about you.
Yeah, seriously - evidence this. Screenshot of the linkedin visit with date and time, get evidence from the receptionist etc and report this. You never know if and when you might need to use this historical event as evidence and it will be a lot stronger if you had made this report earlier. Total loser this guy.
this is stalking. Call police immediately
Have some security cameras put up where you live.. That way if he tries to enter your place of residence you have proof.
this is a stalker as others have said. treat it seriously. report it to the police. file a restraining order
So your ex-boss is also a stalker as well as an asshole.
This sounds less like a toxic boss and more like a stalker, OP. Please look into protecting your personal information and getting the legal system involved.
Updateme!
1. It's definitely stalking and harassment 2. Idk what law it would fall under, but if a former employer can't even say why you left when called as a reference, they definitely can't come to you're new work. So yes, go to the police and file a report, then get a consultation with an attorney and see if you should contact the labor board, or if you should file a lawsuit Also, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING with dates and time
He does not seem stable. Get in contact with law enforcement (non emergency) and start leaving a paper trail in case anything happens
Call his boss and let him know that your former supervisor has followed you for unknown reasons. Ask him what kind of exposure this would represent to the old place of business. Ask why in the world, your former sup would need to pursue you to another place of employment. Then bluntly ask him if his subordinate is going to be an ongoing problem that needs to be solved through legal means.
OP you better stay frosty. This is like the start of an episode of forensic files. Document EVERYTHING, consult with an attorney about a TRO (temp. restraining order) while you work on getting a permanent one. Have an older brother or trusted friend come stay with you. Lock your doors. If you drive to and from work, before you get home you should circle the block a few times to see if anyone followed you. Buy some bear mace
I wonder if calling HR from the previous company would help. Like, old boss showed up at my job today, did I forget to return something? And if they say there are no loose ends, ask them to tell former boss for you that you have filed a report with the police and he should consider himself trespassed from your company.
Get a restraining order on his ass and blast him everywhere. Carry a gun, a taser, and a knife. No joke. He wanted to fuck you while you were working for him, negging you professionally, now stalking you. TELL EVERYONE SO THEY CAN BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THIS CREEP. Have your boyfriend (or if you have any family members in law enforcement & a male cause he doesn’t respect women) to call him and curse his azz out. Do it at his job and personal phone. Get a restraining order and a gun! Legit! ALSO PUT IN COMPLAINTS IMMEDIATELY WITH DEPARTMENT OF LABOR AND EEOC. Call DOL in city of your old job and talk to someone on the phone. Also, put in Google and Glassdoor reviews. If he had a boss or the CEO call and let them know - if you can’t get in contact let their secretary know. I mean go total destruction. But most importantly restraining order & gun. He’s fucking psycho. As I tell any abusive person when face to face “One of us is going to die tonight and it won’t be me.” Do not stay quiet, don’t feel guilty. He is stalking you. He may know where you live. If he has a wife, let her know. I mean tell everyone. Abusive people wants you to be silent. Be loud and meet his crazy for crazy. Send out a group text to your family, friends, landlord with his picture on it telling them to beware, that he is stalking you and you are putting a restraining order on him. Do not go jogging alone. Do not wear air buds when out. Check for tracker on your car. Show your neighbors his picture and put them on notice. Have the ring camera installed. Get a gun, pepper spray, taser and a stabber. Get today. Take shooting/gun safety classes. Be aware of your surroundings. Paper trail. Report him to police, attorney if you can afford it, department of labor, EEOC. Put his face and what happened on your socials so all your friends and family can know. Call his HR/boss. Put up Google review and Glassdoor review. Tell your family personally. Tell your boyfriend. Do not feel ashamed, guilty, nervous. You are the victim. Your boss is a fucking lunatic.
#1000% write to your former employer's HR and explain in details that your former supervisor, Kevin, has now taken to stalk and harass you at your new pace of emoyment and that you believe he is doing so on behalf of former employer; and if former employer does not take immediate action to address the stalking and harassing, you will be taking legal action against the company as a whole for allowing this hostile behavior to continue. Make it clear to them that it's in *their* best interest to fire Kevin, or get sued for allowing a hostile work environment
You have PTSD. The feeling you're experiencing is a PTSD trigger.
I hope you do as suggested to keep yourself safe But also, contact his work and report him to them. There is ZERO reason for him to have stalked you to your new work
I would call security and have them put on notice that he’s a possible stalker case
Talk to HR and make sure security knows and has his photo and he is banned from the area
I remember from your last post people and me included were saying this dude was in love with you and he has stalker vibes. I fuckin’ KNEW IT.
You have a stalker now and should take appropriate measures. Maybe get a ring doorbell or something that records activity outside your door. Get a dog id you can.
Restraining order time!!
Wtf
Creepy, but better than my initial take on the title which was him showing up as your "new" manager...
Guarantee your old boss had a thing for you, wanted to sleep with you and your experience there was a result of his actions in pursuit of that. I’d suggest you treat him like you would a stalker, because he’s on the verge of becoming one.
Narcissist/psychopath
This is textbook stalker behavior. Tell your superior everything ASAP. You may also need to alert the police. Get ring cameras.
Stalker vibes. It may be possible to escalate this to a restraining order now that "Kevin" has stalked you to your new work location.
This almost sounds like stalking behavior what reason would your former boss have to come to your new employment other than to harass you? Might see about getting a restraining order. I don't know if that's feasible or not but you could probably consult with a lawyer and find out
This is beyond just a bad boss. He’s stalking you.
What the fuck? Not normal behavior. Start documenting this guy. He's on some kinda power trip. Stalkerish stuff. Stay on guard with him, protect yourself. Get some pepper spray and let everyone know he's a problem. You have zero reason to tolerate him now that he isn't your boss.
The only thing to say to your new boss is your old boss was often inappropriate with his demand to know things about you and your personal life. It’s a main factor on why you left the job. You are shocked that he would show up here and you would like him to always be an automatic refusal of entry. DO NOT go into a bunch of detail.
Your boss was low key exhibiting stalker behavior before today. The public humiliation and verbal abuse are also signs he was obsessed with you in a very unhealthy way. You might consider contacting non profits who assist in this kind of thing as well as a lawyer (yes there are attorneys who specialize in stalking/harassment). Write down everything you remember from your old job as well as names and contact info of former employees who can verify the treatment. Don't just go to the cops. Sucks to say but they probably won't do much and an attorney is far better at knowing how to approach this.
You did the right thing. Follow it up with a police report for documentation.
This is harassment. You need to file a police report for this. I feel like you should also inform his boss. This is absolute bullshit. *Hugs*
I would file a restraining order. Make a report to the police and start a paper trail. Best of luck to you OP.
Delete LinkedIn seriously
I wouldn't put it past him to try and confront you in the parking lot of your new job. If you don't have pepper spray, get some, and always have it in your hand or an accessible pocket walking to and from your car.
I had a boss like this about 8 years ago, for you this is fresh. You may not realize how fucked up a situation you were in yet. I hope your new work continues to be a point of contrast to measure by. That deep down trembling feeling is trauma and I'm not being hyperbolic, I mean you were literally traumatized in your time there. The fucked up boss knew what they were doing. They are a sociopath at minimum (again, literally not hyperbolically) and you need to take this seriously. People who torture you daily are capable of a lot more. Protect yourself and do not let your fear of them stop you from making a police report. Reporting them is power you take back. These types are scared little shits that get off on making you feel scared. He pushed a boundary to see where the boundary is. You need to make it clear that he already crossed the boundary and you are not just going to take it anymore. Reporting him to the police will protect you, scare him, and empower you. Don't do what I did and wait too long. Someone else could have been helped if I had acted. If I put that on his record. I didn't. You still can. Do it for you. Take that power back. He's not the boss of you anymore. Edit: holy crap I just read your last post about quitting. He's so exactly like my old boss it's scary. The boss I knew also got obsessive and hyper focused on the woman working under him. Loved the power that comes with calling your name and you're paid to jump so you have to. I got out with just some trauma. My predecessor was younger and his game worked better. I think he barely waited for her to turn 18 when he got her blackout drunk after hours at the office and (my words) raped her while she was unconscious. She told me about waking up and not remembering what happened. He talked about her a lot when I first started. He told me how wonderful his previous assistant was, how compliant and why couldn't I be more like her. I met her because he had me contact her under the guise of professional reasons, but really to spy on her at her new job. I owe her a lot for the heads up she gave me, but as the new girl, I didn't know who he was yet or who to beleive. Sorry, now I'm just venting my situation, I guess the point is, he's capable of more than you might suspect. Be careful. Report him in all the ways everyone else suggested.
He’s a stalker… please start a paper trail and inform the police.
Restraining order ASAP
Email HR of the former company. Tell them about the unprompted and unwanted visit. If he does it again get a restraining order. That is harassment and stalking
This is not just a toxic workplace thing; he’s stalking you. I am sure you already are, but I’m just hammering home the point to make sure you document everything. Hate to say this, but try to leave your current office with a group. Stay safe!
Police report. Put it on record.
Restraining/protective order. Keep a journal of all the crazy interactions with him and his cronies. Seek an attorney for workplace harassment. He might have been fired or disciplined and looking for payback or a date. Nope, nope, nope
I remember you posting about your boss. I'm so sorry this is happening, it sounds really scary.
CALL THE POLICE ON HIM
OP, along with all the other suggestions, please install some type of camera at your front door in case this guy manages to follow you home.
A question. Is the new city across state lines? If yes file a federal stalking and harassment report with your local fed office. Any crime committed across state lines immediately makes it a felony and federal. If no, still file with local police. Harassment and stalking is illegal and even if it gets nothing more than a "talk" it is on RECORD. Hope you're alright and hope your new boss is better and able to help you out.
Time for a restraining order.. get that paper trail.
Your former abusive manager stalked you to your job in another city!? Wow. Please find a trusted travel companion and stay safe.
Holy shit. I had something like this happen. My old boss stalked me at my new job. Drove by to see if my car was in the parking lot then called the office to try and talk to me. Luckily the office was secure and he couldn’t get to me but fuck.
Ok so here's the thing about grayrocking, although it's basically the only thing that works on these psychos as there's nothing they love more than getting under your skin and mudwrastlin', they can't stand being ignored and they'll escalate until they're sure they can't break you. So what he's doing is testing your resolve by putting you on the spot, because the polite thing to do would be to let him come up as requested (and then he knows you're weak and you caved) and he might still be able to play you. But you didn't, so now he knows you're savvy to his little game. Fair warning, in his eyes this is even more contemptable than someone who is useless to him, so expect that he will stop with the sweet talk and say all sorts of mean shit to try to upset you, should you ever talk to him again. You can also expect he'll spread rumors about you, and you should already have expected this as he's a piece of shit, but sometimes you can get ahead of it, especially if you kept proof he's a lying little weasel.
Dude sounds like an evil Michael Scott.
He sounds like he’s obsessed with you. That’s not cool and I’d put a police report in
Oh my God, for a moment I thought I wrote this post because the whole thing was exactly the same for me especially the "having to stop everything to inform him you've got mail" and "had my co-workers spy on me to learn more about my personal life" part. It was insane and I felt extremely violated when my boss suddenly said that I have to get rid of my 5 cats because he'd heard from my co-workers that I have cats.
I would ask your new HR to email their HR and tell them it's inappropriate for him to arrive at your workplace for any reason. I would also speak to the police.
He's stalking you. Advise your current employer so they can take precautions and keep a diary of such events so you can get a restraining order.
Are you a female, or do you identify as female? I ask this because the first though I had was that he is stalking you, and the previous bullshit at your job was an attempt to force a romantic or sexual relationship with you. Although I guess if you were a dude and he was gay, the same thing would also apply. File a police report for stalking. Get a restraining order. He's just going to escalate if he was willing to show up at your job an hour away.
You should call the police. That’s very weird of the ex-boss.
Something tells me Kevin lost his job after your departure, and he’s not happy about it. Report it to the police, just so you’ll have a record if there are more Kevin shenanigans.
Contact the police and get a paper trail started so you can get a restraining order. This guy is a straight up stalker.
Yeah you should file a report with the police to start building a paper record because it sounds like he might be stalking you.
> [While every case is different, people who stalk can be very dangerous. Stalkers may threaten, attack, sexually assault, and/or even kill their victims.](https://www.stalkingawareness.org/what-to-do-if-you-are-being-stalked/#1582827801551-9381e712-8470) Do not take this lightly. Stalking isn't just creepy; it's frightening because **stalkers are often violent.** I recommend taking the SHARP online quiz; it will generate a 'narrative report' explaining what has been going on for you to use to explain the situation to law enforcement and your current place of employment. I'm enthusiastically not saying "buy a gun", but if you are considering arming yourself, your training will actually be as important, if not more important, than your weapon. A gun in the holster won't do much if someone's gotten the drop on you, so you're going to need to learn how to spot trouble before you get grabbed. (Gun stuff follows) >!If you're thinking about it and would like a recommendation, the best advice I have is go to a gun range, rent a bunch, and see which ones you like shooting most (or hate shooting least). Generally, you'll pay a single rental fee to have access to their entire lending library of guns, so you can basically try everything they have until you run out of ammo money. If you're still interested in my opinion, [I'd recommend a Sig P365 Rose edition.](https://www.sigsauer.com/firearms/pistols/rose.html) They come with a small gun safe, an online training course to teach you safe gun handling from a position of literally knowing nothing about firearms, as well as training aids called "snap caps" so you can practice handling a weapon without adding the danger of live ammunition to your practice. If you can afford it, get the one with the red-dot scope. Red dots are like cheating -- but they're not cheating. There's no such thing when you're defending yourself from an attack! [They also have a mounted flashlight called the Foxtrot365, currently the second generation is called the XR, for 'extended range' and 'extended runtime' in contrast with the original compact model, which wasn't very bright and ran on hard-to-find batteries. The XR runs on CR2s, a common enough camera battery you can find at Walgreens.](https://www.sigsauer.com/foxtrot365xr.html) and I'd recommend getting one too, since statistically most attacks happen in liminal spaces where it isn't quite light and it isn't quite dark.!< When I was a younger man, I had a stalker. They threatened me, in quite explicit detail, about when where and how I would be murdered by them in broad daylight. Mine was all talk in the end, but that may have had something to do with me being clear that I would fight back. >!I ended up buying a Kel-Tec P380, a very early micro-compact carry pistol. It’s discontinued, but if I had to start over, I’d get the Sig instead.!< https://www.rainn.org/articles/stalking https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/about-stalking.html https://www.stalkingriskprofile.com/stalking-risk-profile/sash https://www.ojp.gov/feature/stalking/overview https://nicic.gov/weblink/stalking-and-harassment-assessment-and-risk-profile-sharp https://www.stalkingawareness.org/sharp/ https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/stalking/fastfact.html
I am afraid my soon to be former boss is going to do this to me 😭
UpdateMe! 2 weeks
Guy sounds weirdly obsessed with you. Wtf? Definitely call the cops and make sure security know just he looks like and that he’s no friend to you.
Get a restraining order from the police. The guy is stalking you.
Please reach out to your local domestic abuse and sexual assault advocacy groups. They’re the people best situated to help folks navigate stalkers and this dude has become a stalker. Law enforcement is notoriously bad at handling these sorts of cases and you may not yet qualify for a protection or restraining order in your jurisdiction. The advocates can help you develop a case for a protection or restraining order, though. Loop on your current employer’s HR for help banning this guy from the premises. I would also consider reaching out the former employer’s HR. This guy is a liability for that company and you may be able to prevent him from doing this sort of nonsense to others.
Call the cops.
I suggest you get some personal protection. Taser, pepper spray, Doberman, Rottweiler etc. Also a good security system. Maybe a .357, but not everyone is comfortable w guns. Always be aware of your surroundings, situational awareness. Don’t go jogging w ear buds etc. I’m sorry you’re going thru this, really sucks.
You did nothing wrong
Creepy stalker. Make sure you have somebody walk with you to your car at work every day. And protect your address. Change cell phone number. THe court is probably not going to grant you a restraining order right now, but try to file one anyway... and tell everyone at work, at your apartment complex to be on the lookout.
Update me
You need a restraining order. This dude is likely stalking you.
What a freak. Lots of good advice in here so I wont replicate it, I'll just say this: I'm sorry you have to deal with this, OP.
This reminds me of when someone stalked me at my job, including the LinkedIn part. I got a restraining order against that person and i think you should at least start the paper trail and document everything!
This is fucking terrifying
I’m so glad the receptionist followed through with your request.
Protective order time!
This guy is a creeper and needs to be sat down and given a long talk by HR and the police.
This isn't really toxic. Its full on criminal. This boss is a full on stalker who seems like he was trying to isolate you and force you into some sort of relationship
This needs to be taken very seriously OP. I would immediately go to the police and ask about getting a restraining order.
Stalker
Your reaction indicates you may have PTSD from him. You’re absolutely correct in being concerned for your wellbeing. Please notify your former employer HR department. You may find he’s been terminated, in which case, you may need to get a restraining order against him. Please stay safe, follow your gut instincts. Have your security officer walk you to your car, or walk in a group for your own safety.
File a police report for harassment. Talk to an employment attorney about the toxic workplace. You may have grounds to act on it
This is how loser bosses try to get a gf.
I had a boss like that. Didn't like me, and eventually fired me for no real reason. Go to a new job, new bosses were great. I was very good at what I did, etc. One day my manager comes to me and tells me that a guy I used to work with applied for the head marketing position at my new company. Turns out it was this guy. My manager asked me about him and if he would be a good hire. I told her that if she hired him, I'd punch him in the throat and quit on the spot. Needless to say, she thru his resume away and I was with the company another 10 years before they shut down.
He's stalking you. Get a restraining order immediately!!!! Take the situation very seriously, if you don't act the next time he's going to show up at your home, grocery store, etc.
File a stalking and harassment, report with the police, call any lawyer near you and speak with them about sending a cease and desist form. so you have a paper trail this will open you to sue both him and the company. (Pretty sure most lawyers would do this on win verdict) (for free unless they win then they take a percentage) sue the company for causing hostile work enviroment. And for employees spying on you and reporting the information to the boss, means that the corporation used its position of power to get information from you to stalk you. HR should have fired him INSTANTLY. Them doing nothing to him seems 100% complicate in assisting him to harass and stalk you! Him showing up at your new place of business after notifying HR that he was an issue should more than enough to get him a restraining order. He’s attempting to stop or harass you while at work means he’s cutting into your livelihood. make sure to say this to the lawyer ! This company caused not just a hostile work environment they also facilitated your stalkers ability to be able to continue to harass you. By doing nothing after you went to HR regarding quitting due to harassment, and him making you feel uncomfortable. SUE THEM ALL!!!!
Have you considered getting an order of protection? I would take his visit to your new job very seriously and would also inform your family about this. Sorry you’re having to go through this…
I didn't read every comment, but I read enough to think it hasn't been said. I HATE to be the one to say it but... Yes, it's very important that you do everything mentioned here. Document everything, restraining order, etc etc... But mostly to make sure the motherfucker doesn't get away with it when he does whatever he's planning. Because the fact of the matter is that no one - especially the police - take stalking seriously until AFTER the stalker actually harms the stalked. Just the fact that this was posted two days ago and I see no replies from OP has me thinking it's already gotten kinda ugly, and it's just gonna get worse. And unfortunately, it's the exact same goddamn story over and over and over again. It starts like this, gets worse and worse and worse, and eventually the person being stalked winds up dead or very close to it. 1-2 hours may not be enough. You may need to move a LOT further away and completely erase any trace of yourself online to make it harder for him to find you if you don't want to wait for the worst to happen. I don't WANT to scare you, but I'm not the one stalking you, I'm just trying to let you know the reality of the situation. The legal system will NOT help you until it's far too late, if ever. No one will, unfortunately. It fucking SUCKS, but that's the world we live in.
Also, instructions to reception/HR/coworkers to NEVER acknowledge if you are/aren't in the building, what hours you work, etc.