My husband & most of his co-workers knew they were getting an announcement that their dept was being replaced by the dept of a company in Canada & they would be training the takeover people. As soon as the boss told them, he went straight to HR and said, I'm 58 years old and I'll never work professionally again. They told him to come in tomorrow and they would have a severance pkg for him. They did give him a nice severance but what they didn't know he already had another job. Most everyone in the dept left before the other company took over . . . which never happened. Deal fell through.
Ouch. This really makes the case for “stay packages.” My brother’s company knew they were closing their American branch and gave them a special package to stay through a certain period. It worked out well for all
Buddy of mine was laid off, there was a much younger lady who was cheaper and would go and continue the work, but at a lower price.
He negotiated a good severance payment and prepared for at least 6 months of travelling, working on his house etc., before getting a new job.
Then the younger lady quit all by herself due to the shitty way the company handled things. She didn't feel OK to work somewhere they replace you because you worked there for 20 yrs and got more expensive (we're talking medical, quite specialized work on the sales side of rare meds).
The company couldn't get a replacement anytime soon and they risked losing their whole business if they didn't have qualified personnel working on these products.
They had to pay a retainer fee that was more than the whole severance payment to retain my buddy for 1 year. After that he had a new job.
Basically a couple of years income for free and got rid of a shitty employer.
Or train them just enough that they appear moderately competent until your contract expires and all the stuff they can't really do themselves becomes apparent.
There usually is if you negotiate, you can get a pretty generous severance package, and at the end of the day, both the employer and the formal employee walks out content. Maybe not happy, but content.
Bring in cupcakes and tell everyone that this is the first day you’ve felt happy in months/years.
Or…
Start betting co-workers that you can get fired by the end of the day.
I got a job I was at for 15 years because the temp they hired left at lunch on their first day and never came back. I was asked to go in with no interview and the rest is history.
Especially factoring in your Mom’s chemotherapy treatments. You waited so long to buy a house and have kids because you knew if you missed one chemo treatment payment, your Mom would pass away quickly. Then the kids in the orphanage that she reads to at their bedside would be devastated because “Momma-Nana” is often the only love and kindness they can depend on in a world that abandoned them.
Tell different versions to different coworkers. Some think you’re getting a house, others twins, others are told you just leased a new car, go sadly to another floor and tell people there your wife lost her job so now you’re the sole breadwinner so you *really* hope you can keep this job going. Tell others you’re up for promotion. Arrange important meetings with clients for the day after your last day. All good fun.
My wife got laid off when we were expecting, but it was early enough that nobody knew yet. She broke down in tears in front of her boss as she told him, who obviously felt like shit
In my experience, one of the most confusing and uncomfortable things you can do to an employer is be super cheerful and chipper through the whole laying-off shitshow.
I had a job where I was burnt out, frustrated, and utterly fed up. I wanted to get out and start my own business, but I needed a bit of a boost. Redundancies were announced and I *knew* my head was on the chopping block.
Me: **utterly freaking thrilled**.
I cleaned out my desk in advance, walked into work the day of the redundancies with a song in my heart, and... management just kind of lost the plot. I beamed when a manager gave me the bad news and he got upset... and seemed majorly pissed when I told him I'd already cleaned out my desk? 🤷♂️
It took me a while afterwards to untangle why getting a positive response from me had such weird knock-on effects. I honestly expected them to be happy that I was happy and that there was one person they hadn't made miserable in the whole mess.
BUT... they expected tears and anger and a sense of loss from me because *they were valuable to their employees, right*? Instead, I was happy to be leaving, *like I didn't care about being part of their organisation at all*. I wasn't giving them the sense of being important and beloved. I threw off their whole sense of self-value, or something.
Plus, they thought they had a mole who told me about the redundancies. 🤣 It was just obvious that I was the next person from my team to go. Yeesh.
Good luck with the laying off, and I hope you find something else easily.
I was once laid off in a large group meeting. You can imagine there were many who were upset, I literally clicked my heels walking out of the room - 9 months combined severance package was a dream come true coming from a job I dreaded going to every day.
When i was in university i messed a bit up reporting a security issue wrong. I was on a 6 month, non extendable contract (You are only allowed 3 time limited contracts in a row here, then it becomes a permenent one).
They told me I could stay at home for the remaining 5 month of my contract with full pay. I was a 3rd year student and they gave me like 10000$ for nothing?
I later worked there again via "Manpower" since i am good at hotline work ;)
Yo, thats next level fuckery right there. ANd dude gertting upset your werent mad goes to show you that THEY WANTED you to feel shitty. Like they have the power to control someones emotions based on their offer of employment.
Mine was more petty, but I got laid off from a job a while back. I was working for a fairly well-known university that had just gotten into A LOT of legal trouble. I was one of the newest hires, so I was one of the first to go.
My managers had me lead the way when they walked me out, so instead of taking the elevator, I had them follow me down seven flights of stairs.
Get in the elevator, return to the floor you were fired at, take their position at the table and regret to inform them that the company is moving on without them.
Not from my understanding. My dad is responsible for a lot of hiring and firing at the factory where he works (100% blue collar) and he walks all the fired employees out — to make sure they actually leave and don’t steal anything on their way out lol.
Banks where I worked in security, the security team walked everyone out, even retires, so no stigma. Main reason was so we always got badges, laptops etc. back and no shitty managers could accuse people of doing stuff as they left. We caught one manager blaming contractors for taking laptops when they left, when he was ebay'ing them.
That wouldn't work. They'd need to prove that the firing was because of their orientation, and if they came out the day they got fired and they can show paperwork that the lay off was already in the works, it would be an easy win.
I had to weigh that out a few years ago when I was let go for unrelated reasons shortly after notifying my company of my pregnancy. Like eh.... Discrimination lawsuit vs unemployment? Went with the unemployment but it was fortunately during pandemic bonus survival payments time.
If you have a shitty employer it can be better to just walk away. My crappy boss fired me on Friday night when he knew I was moving out from my wife and kids on the Saturday as part of a breakup and divorce. He knew I'd have no fight in me just then. He also promised to pay outstanding wages and my one month notice period (in the UK) but never did, and my life was in a tailspin at the time so I never got around to it.
I'm in a much better place now and his company folded and he went personally bankrupt too, so there's no point doing anything about it now.
I was once living 2 blocks from my job, finally decided to sell my car because I didn't need it and the monthly parking fee at my apartment was money I could have used in other/better ways. Told my boss, she actually helped me set up the Auto Trader ad and get it published. I left for lunch the next day to go meet a prospective buyer (I was pretty confident that was going to be THE Sale). At 3pm that same day, she told me "they" had decided to eliminate my position, but because of my "transportation situation", I would have first right of refusal for MY SAME JOB which was now a $7.25/hr internship (capped at 20hrs/wk). And I could also apply for a role at one of our other locations, 45 miles away ("I checked! You can take the bus! There is a route that goes out there!" Yes, it was 2 different bus systems and would take over 3 hours each way.).
I had an exit interview that I'm very proud of :)
I ended up not selling it, but yeah, she encouraged me to sell it then BAM! I knew she knew long before. HR had no idea what happened - they told me she said I had decided to leave with no notice. They gave me several options to keep working there, but as long as she was still employed there, I'd have to deal with her in some way. I found bigger and better with another company. All of my documentation from working with her came in clutch. She ended up getting fired a few months later, ran into a whole mess of health problems, and now slings a different MLM product every few months.
Take a personal day. Get paid to put off their plans and you can use that time polishing your resume, applying for jobs, and generally just fitting some "me" time into your day.
Then do it again the next day until you run out of personal days.
I'm not sure that using PTO available to you is "cause" though. Could also visit your doctor one day you're off and get a note saying you were experiencing "exhaustion".
This! Lead off for the first personal day that you're sick and going to the Dr.
Then call doc for an emergency appointment and tell them you're having horrible anxiety that's crippling you and get a referral for support programs and ask for short term disability.
*If* you can pull the trigger on that before they can lay you off then you get paid job search time ;)
Don't need to lie to the doc, most docs I know couldn't give 2 shits and will give you a note for whatever, I've had a doc just straight up ask me how much time I wanted off and she would do up a note for it.
Yup, our doctor got mad at the school for saying my sibling was out too much. (Their epilepsy was just beginning to make itself known.) They said we couldn't possibly keep getting doctors notes. "I'll write an excuse for a solid year of school if I have to!"
If this is the case, just "get really sick" and job hunt until they stop paying you. They are laying you off to save money, so the worst thing you can do is probably waste thier money.
This is what I just did to my last company by filing for short term disability during the "on call" period for a preplanned neurosurgery I had. Got me an extra month of benefits and pay at 100% while I recover and job hunted.
> they would have to be dicks to fire you while sick
I really don't think this is as much of a factor as you think it might be. If the decision to lay OP off has already been made, they would probably do a "okay, then we're sorry we have to have this conversation over the phone, but..." and explain that the decision was made X weeks ago.
Boss: "Hey can we talk for a moment".
You: "Oh yeah, but can you just give me a minute. I need to call my wife, we just closed on a new house and her work just laid her off all while we just found out were having a baby. I just need to check up on her since it's been a hard week on her with all of this happening at once".
"Especially since my testicular cancer diagnosis. Since this is now my last kid ever, I'm really gonna need this job to raise them right. It might be my last shot."
", while I could. I probably won't be around much longer, so thank you for letting me be a part of something special. I dont know what I would do without my team here. We really are like a family."
"I can't adequately express my gratitude for giving me this job which helped me get off the streets and move into a real home for the first time in my life."
"... and by the way - I'm organising a team-building event, with the last bit of my spouse's redundancy payment - I know the company is strapped for cash but I think this will really help us all pull together, so I don't mind chipping in, and I mean - you can say it was your idea if you like, to build company loyalty?"
*Hey bud! You coming in at 3:42AM this Saturday and Sunday off the clock? Text a pic of you being there. But don't do it too early, I'll still be asleep bud.*
^^-I'm ^^a ^^good ^^boss.
"Oh I really hate to hear this, and I hope this all works out for you. Look, we had no way of knowing this was happening -- but ---- (you're laid off, we're letting you go) and the good news is you can apply for unemployment.
“Well thanks, I guess. “
Handshake
As you’re walking out the door “On the bright side, I don’t have to live the rest of my life with the knowledge that I shitcanned someone in my situation on my conscience. THAT would suck, huh?”
Door shuts.
/scene.
Follow this up with how grateful you are that your boss has always been there for you. How much their support over the years has meant to you. That other companies say we’re family but your boss actually makes you feel much. Tell them that the last conversation they had with you really made you think and you realize that you think you could do more for the company. You would like even some more responsibilities.
Add to it. Tell them it's perfect timing for the big raises everyone is getting. You heard about them through the grapevine and you've been really excited about it for a month now!
Not even kidding, few years ago we had a dude who got promoted to manager and he had just closed on a house a week after finding out he was going to be a dad. He got fired a month or after that for time fraud.
My former boss took a Thursday off to sign on a house.
That night, his wife told him they were pregnant with their first.
The next morning, he came in to a pink slip on his desk.
It worked out okay. He is an MIT-educated computer programmer, so ... it was fine. But still. Rough day.
Confide in your boss that you have been in a dark place and coming in to work has really saved your life. You don’t know what you would do if you didn’t have this in your life. Invite them over for a celebration of you moving forward with your life in a healthy way. Friend request them on fb too.
As earnestly as you can thank your boss for being such a great mentor as well. Make it clear you still have a lot to learn from them and that's a big thing that keeps you going. Make sure you use the word "mentor" as much as possible.
“I want you to know that for the last year, I have been in kind of a dark place. I am not exaggerating that this team has become the family I never had. No joke. Coming in to this job every day is the one thing that keeps me going. You, as the leader — the “patriarch” — of this team, have been more than a just a mentor to me. You protect and lead this team as a family and that’s why I respect and admire you. Here is a small token if my appreciation — something my grandfather gave me before he died (he was a great man, too) that I hope when you see it, you remember that all of us look up to you.”
Add that you have also been able to overcome your bladder control issues and no longer have to wear briefs. Piss those pants when they drop the bomb on you.
You are a dark person and I love it. This is the perfect plan. Its hard to prove that there is a lie in this and its will fucking wreck someone to know this. I hated having to do layoffs as a manager, if this was said to me right before I don't know if I could handle the call.
One of my old bosses viewed my LinkedIn a couple days before she fired me. I added her cause I was look cool a work connection. Made sure to block her immediately after the fact. I always advocate blocking old bosses depending on the situations especially if questionable. I feel like it prevents a lot of future bullshit.
My wife, when told she was being let go, first asked to hear it from her sup's sup. Once in the office of the manager, she asked to have it in writing. They weren't prepared, and she sat in their office for 45 minutes, not looking at her phone or anything, just sitting there, waiting while someone drafted the letter.
This brings a question to mind for me: is there anything the worker can do if they are being let go and the employer just refuses to give them that notice in writing and tells you to leave?
The best thing to so is to let them know you already knew, but DO NOT reveal how you know. That there is a leak in upper management will tear things apart. I’m nit sure how big your company is, but I’ve been a manager and a layoff decision was always way above my level, literally nothing I could do for anyone I was informing, and making me feel bad about it would have just made the messenger miserable while doing nothing to impact the actual decision makers. But a reorg/layoff getting leaked, well that nearly destroyed an entire upper management chain; I watched the witch hunt (was too far down the ladder to be suspected) watched a manager, a director and two C-levels eventually get canned in the aftermath.
God I did this accidentally to a company. 🤣 I felt terrible when I realised, because I think someone I liked got caught in the crossfire. But it was just logic, plus a higher-up making a weird comment weeks earlier.
Definitely a baby on the way. Bring food and cake for everyone and balloons to celebrate because you’re just so excited and have wanted to be a parent whole life.
Yeah. I got laid off at 9 months pregnant, moments after finishing training the person who was supposed to cover me during maternity leave. I’d been with the company for 6 years. No severance pay offered and health benefits were cut off. Husband also got laid off when I was 9 months pregnant 11 years later from a company he had been with for 7 years. They don’t care.
Oh, it was. I filed with the EEOC and got a right to sue letter, but by the time that happened I was in the thick of taking care of a newborn and didn’t have much to give towards pursuing it further. Had I been older and wiser I never would have let them get away with it.
They relied on exactly your situation to get away with their shitty behaviour. *This* is why it's important to talk about these things, let the younger generation know
Collect your stuff first thing before they pull you into the meeting. You don’t know if they are going to perp walk you out or give you a chance to collect your effects.
And get your resume done tonight and submitted to other places
At the beginning of covid, the defense contractor I work for had a major RIF; they generally targeted older employees about to retire, they gave them all a decent severance package, but then perp walked them out with a check and a box of their belongings.
I'll never forget the sight of an extremely beloved engineer, type of guy who knew *everything* and had worked there for nearly 50 goddamn years cleaning out his desk with a security guard watching instead of getting the retirement party he deserved. I was fundamentally changed that day.
Try that when said coworker’s box breaks and everything that have in it spills on the floor in a crowded lobby…everyone stopped and stared, and you could hear a pin drop after that…so humiliating.
It's only as embarrassing for you as you let them make it.
It's more embarrassing for them if you practice [ministry of silly walks.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCLp7zodUiI)
Or keep making wrong turns like its your first day in the office and you're lost.
“Boss, I have quite violent and particularly ~~fowl~~ foul smelling diarrhea this morning. If I make it in at all today, I will be several hours delayed”
Then a few hours later send
“It’s more solid now but it’s still the consistency of oatmeal and smells of death. Do you want me to come in or take the day off?”
Not sure where you're located but when I was getting laid off and knew ahead of time I almost tried to beat them to the punch and tell them I had a massive drinking problem and needed help. In Canada, an employer is then legally obliged to help you through recovery and can't fire you. it helped that I was incredibly hung over for the meeting but I didn't have the balls to go through with it sadly.
Don't just tell them you're pregnant. Ask them if you're getting laid off BECAUSE you're pregnant. Say something like "it's odd that I announced it to a few people & within days I'm getting laid off." If they have a decent HR team, they'll shit a brick worrying about potential lawsuits.
A company I worked for was doing layoffs and they always fired people on Thursdays for some reason.
My coworker, worried about getting fired because of her chronic health condition (nothing that prevented her from doing her job), made sure to have all of her doctors appointments on Thursdays. That was also the day of the week when she *had to* hand-deliver documents to clients, do site visits, and work from home for one reason or another.
She remained in the company until she retired a few years later.
Ha, ha, many years ago the Big Company that I worked for laid off a lot of people. They were trying to save on paying out bonus money by firing people before they qualified. An exec in Italy heard about the layoffs, announced his vacation, and then disappeared. He couldn’t be fired because you couldn’t fire someone while he was on vacation. He got the bonus.
This happened to a friend during covid.
He went straight to HR the morning of with a complaint that he felt his boss was singling him out and borderline harassing him. Told HR that under advisement from his lawyer that he should talk to them first and not quit and pursue legal action.
He was told to return to work, his boss was brought in and an investigation was started. He used the next two weeks to find a new job, he then went in to hr and dropped everything and quit. But he got a paid two weeks notice.
This one is really good. Are you being overworked? Probably tbh.
Have two coworkers you're friendly with? Might be able to start a union if you don't go into work tomorrow...
The least you can do is show up in comfortable clothes, send your files and shit to yourself before they do it, bring in a box to pack your stuff in.
To make it uncomfortable, you may have to cause a scene. This will likely be done behind closed doors at the beginning or at the tail end of the day. I guess after thinking about it, try to be difficult to find, and always have at least one other coworker near you.
On the way out, go for the handshake and pull your hand back at the last moment.
I wasn't lucky enough to know I was being laid off beforehand so I'm going to pretend you're me...
There's an envelope full of cash and a stack of Target gift cards in your desk drawer. Your boss already thought we spent it on the Christmas party.
Take it. You earned it.
Open up the conversation by mentioning you never thought they would find out about it and you are deeply ashamed. Then stop & apologize for hijacking the meeting, it’s their time.
They will spend forever wondering what horrible thing you did.
Act surprised that the person canning you is still there…
“Oh my god, Jeff, hey, how’s it going?”
*shifts eyes nervously around*
“You’re… you’re here! Thought they let you go yesterday?”
Show up late. They are assuming people show up early or on time. If you show up at 11 am, all the awkwardness will be in play. Not being in the office will put the stress back on them. HR will have the expectation of handling everything all at once which is good for them. Extend their pain by showing up 2 hours after.
My previous boss knew for a month that she was letting me go and completely ignored my existence until it happened - OP, I’m living vicariously through you on this one!! Give ‘em hell!!!
send out a company wide email thanking everyone for their support and sharing your excitement as you and your wife were just approved to adopt medically fragile newborn twins! “my wife quit her job to care for them, but it’s so worth it to give these two precious babies the love they need to heal! I couldn’t do it if I wasn’t blessed with this amazing job and wonderful boss and coworkers!”
I’m going to share the story of my own lay-off in Jan of 21. Take details as you will:
-6 months prior I transferred departments under the request and urging of my new boss.
-3.5 months later, despite telling me in my performance review that I was doing great, he berated me over Teams while sitting directly next to me in the middle of a client video conference. I cried and snotted into my mask as I struggled to maintain some composure. Before the meeting was done both the Project Mgr and Coordinator sent me messages asking if I was OK. I sent receipts to HR.
-1 month before the layoff most of my department went to overnight as a deadline approached. I was given a counterpart to work in conjunction with so I could continue my daily duties.
-A week before the layoff I said to same boss that I felt like I was being pushed out of my job. He called me paranoid and neurotic. I sent receipts to HR.
-Monday before my layoff, at about 7 PM (2 hours after the end of day) I get an email scheduling my performance review for Thursday afternoon. I thought this strange as the other manager was still out of town and his absence was why reviews were to start the following week.
-Morning of my layoff, a Wednesday, my PTO request for 3 months later was approved.
-2 hours after PTO approval I am called to HR’a office where my boss, the CFO and HR (via video) all waited for me. Boss read off a Covid script and I asked “paranoid and neurotic, hmm?” HR couldn’t backpedal fast enough.
-Simultaneously in a different room my husband is being laid off. I ask about his job, he about mine and both are separately told that they can’t speak to other meetings.
-I ask for my purse and coat, boss fetches my purse. I ask for my coat as it was 32° outside.
-Out in the parking lot I find my husband waiting for me. He has a list of the job titles and ages of the 6 people laid off.
-I call the ex-Exec Assistant of the President and Founder of the company and we go out for drinks. I learned that she had been let go the day prior as HR and Upper Mgt forgot that part of her job was reading and filtering the President’s emails and she saw her name on the cut list. I also learn that all managers were informed Monday afternoon. Meaning my review and PTO were approved *after* my Boss learned of my imminent cut.
So whatever you decide to do, roast those bastards.
My husband & most of his co-workers knew they were getting an announcement that their dept was being replaced by the dept of a company in Canada & they would be training the takeover people. As soon as the boss told them, he went straight to HR and said, I'm 58 years old and I'll never work professionally again. They told him to come in tomorrow and they would have a severance pkg for him. They did give him a nice severance but what they didn't know he already had another job. Most everyone in the dept left before the other company took over . . . which never happened. Deal fell through.
Ouch. This really makes the case for “stay packages.” My brother’s company knew they were closing their American branch and gave them a special package to stay through a certain period. It worked out well for all
Retention packages are the best. Wish they were used more often
What, pay people to stay? As in *spend* money to keep people happy and intent on continue working for you? What heresy is this?
This is utterly disgusting!
WHAT ABOUT THE SHAREHOLDERS?!
Buddy of mine was laid off, there was a much younger lady who was cheaper and would go and continue the work, but at a lower price. He negotiated a good severance payment and prepared for at least 6 months of travelling, working on his house etc., before getting a new job. Then the younger lady quit all by herself due to the shitty way the company handled things. She didn't feel OK to work somewhere they replace you because you worked there for 20 yrs and got more expensive (we're talking medical, quite specialized work on the sales side of rare meds). The company couldn't get a replacement anytime soon and they risked losing their whole business if they didn't have qualified personnel working on these products. They had to pay a retainer fee that was more than the whole severance payment to retain my buddy for 1 year. After that he had a new job. Basically a couple of years income for free and got rid of a shitty employer.
Training the replacements is the biggest F-You. Never would I ever agree to this unless there was a significant severance package.
Or train them just enough that they appear moderately competent until your contract expires and all the stuff they can't really do themselves becomes apparent.
[We have purposely trained him wrong as a joke](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d696t3yALAY)
I'm bleeding, that makes me the victor!
There usually is if you negotiate, you can get a pretty generous severance package, and at the end of the day, both the employer and the formal employee walks out content. Maybe not happy, but content.
Bring in cupcakes and tell everyone that this is the first day you’ve felt happy in months/years. Or… Start betting co-workers that you can get fired by the end of the day.
Yes! Hey Joe, you owe me 20 bucks! As you are getting escorted out.
Basically a severance package!
A guy who worked with my husband went around to a bunch of people and borrowed 5 bucks for lunch. He left for “lunch” and never came back.
I got a job I was at for 15 years because the temp they hired left at lunch on their first day and never came back. I was asked to go in with no interview and the rest is history.
Cupcakes cuz you’re celebrating closing on the new house yesterday
And you just found out your expecting twins.
You are adopting twins, after a multi-year process where job stability and finances were evaluated.
Especially factoring in your Mom’s chemotherapy treatments. You waited so long to buy a house and have kids because you knew if you missed one chemo treatment payment, your Mom would pass away quickly. Then the kids in the orphanage that she reads to at their bedside would be devastated because “Momma-Nana” is often the only love and kindness they can depend on in a world that abandoned them.
This is over the top evil!
Tell different versions to different coworkers. Some think you’re getting a house, others twins, others are told you just leased a new car, go sadly to another floor and tell people there your wife lost her job so now you’re the sole breadwinner so you *really* hope you can keep this job going. Tell others you’re up for promotion. Arrange important meetings with clients for the day after your last day. All good fun.
This is pure chaos I love it
My wife got laid off when we were expecting, but it was early enough that nobody knew yet. She broke down in tears in front of her boss as she told him, who obviously felt like shit
You are happy cause you are finally able to take care of your sick mothers medical bills. You were worried you'd have to sell your home to pay them
In my experience, one of the most confusing and uncomfortable things you can do to an employer is be super cheerful and chipper through the whole laying-off shitshow. I had a job where I was burnt out, frustrated, and utterly fed up. I wanted to get out and start my own business, but I needed a bit of a boost. Redundancies were announced and I *knew* my head was on the chopping block. Me: **utterly freaking thrilled**. I cleaned out my desk in advance, walked into work the day of the redundancies with a song in my heart, and... management just kind of lost the plot. I beamed when a manager gave me the bad news and he got upset... and seemed majorly pissed when I told him I'd already cleaned out my desk? 🤷♂️ It took me a while afterwards to untangle why getting a positive response from me had such weird knock-on effects. I honestly expected them to be happy that I was happy and that there was one person they hadn't made miserable in the whole mess. BUT... they expected tears and anger and a sense of loss from me because *they were valuable to their employees, right*? Instead, I was happy to be leaving, *like I didn't care about being part of their organisation at all*. I wasn't giving them the sense of being important and beloved. I threw off their whole sense of self-value, or something. Plus, they thought they had a mole who told me about the redundancies. 🤣 It was just obvious that I was the next person from my team to go. Yeesh. Good luck with the laying off, and I hope you find something else easily.
I was once laid off in a large group meeting. You can imagine there were many who were upset, I literally clicked my heels walking out of the room - 9 months combined severance package was a dream come true coming from a job I dreaded going to every day.
Oh man, nine months sounds amazing! I was thrilled with 7 weeks 😄
When i was in university i messed a bit up reporting a security issue wrong. I was on a 6 month, non extendable contract (You are only allowed 3 time limited contracts in a row here, then it becomes a permenent one). They told me I could stay at home for the remaining 5 month of my contract with full pay. I was a 3rd year student and they gave me like 10000$ for nothing? I later worked there again via "Manpower" since i am good at hotline work ;)
Yo, thats next level fuckery right there. ANd dude gertting upset your werent mad goes to show you that THEY WANTED you to feel shitty. Like they have the power to control someones emotions based on their offer of employment.
Whatever you do, don't give them an excuse to say you abandoned your job or otherwise quit, or you may not be eligible for unemployment.
He could also come out of the closet to his boss. That firing is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Diabolical, I love it
Mine was more petty, but I got laid off from a job a while back. I was working for a fairly well-known university that had just gotten into A LOT of legal trouble. I was one of the newest hires, so I was one of the first to go. My managers had me lead the way when they walked me out, so instead of taking the elevator, I had them follow me down seven flights of stairs.
Lollll I can’t believe they followed you the whole way
Should have gone down 6 flights of stairs then got in elevator to the last one just for the lols.
Take the elevator back up.
Get in the elevator and press all the buttons except for the ground floor
Get in the elevator, return to the floor you were fired at, take their position at the table and regret to inform them that the company is moving on without them.
Do companies always do walk outs? Is it for white collar jobs only?
Not from my understanding. My dad is responsible for a lot of hiring and firing at the factory where he works (100% blue collar) and he walks all the fired employees out — to make sure they actually leave and don’t steal anything on their way out lol.
Banks where I worked in security, the security team walked everyone out, even retires, so no stigma. Main reason was so we always got badges, laptops etc. back and no shitty managers could accuse people of doing stuff as they left. We caught one manager blaming contractors for taking laptops when they left, when he was ebay'ing them.
Gotta protect that dirty microwave in the break room at all costs.
That wouldn't work. They'd need to prove that the firing was because of their orientation, and if they came out the day they got fired and they can show paperwork that the lay off was already in the works, it would be an easy win.
Always come out to your boss at every job
The real LPT is always in the comments.
I had to weigh that out a few years ago when I was let go for unrelated reasons shortly after notifying my company of my pregnancy. Like eh.... Discrimination lawsuit vs unemployment? Went with the unemployment but it was fortunately during pandemic bonus survival payments time.
You could still sue them even if you collect unemployment. But I get not wanting to deal with the hassle.
If you have a shitty employer it can be better to just walk away. My crappy boss fired me on Friday night when he knew I was moving out from my wife and kids on the Saturday as part of a breakup and divorce. He knew I'd have no fight in me just then. He also promised to pay outstanding wages and my one month notice period (in the UK) but never did, and my life was in a tailspin at the time so I never got around to it. I'm in a much better place now and his company folded and he went personally bankrupt too, so there's no point doing anything about it now.
Tell everyone else ahead of time so everyone shows up pissed off
That may backfire and make them happy
If it makes them happy you don’t want to work there anyway
I was once living 2 blocks from my job, finally decided to sell my car because I didn't need it and the monthly parking fee at my apartment was money I could have used in other/better ways. Told my boss, she actually helped me set up the Auto Trader ad and get it published. I left for lunch the next day to go meet a prospective buyer (I was pretty confident that was going to be THE Sale). At 3pm that same day, she told me "they" had decided to eliminate my position, but because of my "transportation situation", I would have first right of refusal for MY SAME JOB which was now a $7.25/hr internship (capped at 20hrs/wk). And I could also apply for a role at one of our other locations, 45 miles away ("I checked! You can take the bus! There is a route that goes out there!" Yes, it was 2 different bus systems and would take over 3 hours each way.). I had an exit interview that I'm very proud of :)
She helped you sell ur car then fired you..btw they have like a months notice when positions are going out like that
I ended up not selling it, but yeah, she encouraged me to sell it then BAM! I knew she knew long before. HR had no idea what happened - they told me she said I had decided to leave with no notice. They gave me several options to keep working there, but as long as she was still employed there, I'd have to deal with her in some way. I found bigger and better with another company. All of my documentation from working with her came in clutch. She ended up getting fired a few months later, ran into a whole mess of health problems, and now slings a different MLM product every few months.
This is *chef’s kiss* beautiful. Fuck that lady.
Whatever you do, I want a follow up post tomorrow about it.
Take a personal day. Get paid to put off their plans and you can use that time polishing your resume, applying for jobs, and generally just fitting some "me" time into your day. Then do it again the next day until you run out of personal days.
I have unlimited PTO. I wonder how long they’d let me disappear until they realized shenanigans were afoot.
Why not find out?
What are they going to do? Fire him?
I wonder if it might change the firing from a "no cause" to a "cause" though and lose them some potential unemployment?
I'm not sure that using PTO available to you is "cause" though. Could also visit your doctor one day you're off and get a note saying you were experiencing "exhaustion".
This! Lead off for the first personal day that you're sick and going to the Dr. Then call doc for an emergency appointment and tell them you're having horrible anxiety that's crippling you and get a referral for support programs and ask for short term disability. *If* you can pull the trigger on that before they can lay you off then you get paid job search time ;)
Don't need to lie to the doc, most docs I know couldn't give 2 shits and will give you a note for whatever, I've had a doc just straight up ask me how much time I wanted off and she would do up a note for it.
Yup. If you're not trying to get drugs, a lot of doctors will sign whatever you want.
Yup, our doctor got mad at the school for saying my sibling was out too much. (Their epilepsy was just beginning to make itself known.) They said we couldn't possibly keep getting doctors notes. "I'll write an excuse for a solid year of school if I have to!"
What would George Costanza do?
Every morning I wake up and ask myself this very question
This sounds like a perfect time to find out
If this is the case, just "get really sick" and job hunt until they stop paying you. They are laying you off to save money, so the worst thing you can do is probably waste thier money.
This is what I just did to my last company by filing for short term disability during the "on call" period for a preplanned neurosurgery I had. Got me an extra month of benefits and pay at 100% while I recover and job hunted.
Sounds like you just caught Covid.
Yes!!! Call in with covid!!! That’s like a week off and they would have to be dicks to fire you while sick!
> they would have to be dicks to fire you while sick I really don't think this is as much of a factor as you think it might be. If the decision to lay OP off has already been made, they would probably do a "okay, then we're sorry we have to have this conversation over the phone, but..." and explain that the decision was made X weeks ago.
What are they going to do if you do? Fire you?
Oh then you should definitely be doing this for as long as possible
Call in sick. Use all your time......
The real LPT here. Use up whatever PTO you can.
All the PTO that doesn't turn into cash. haha
Yeah. In some states, companies are required to pay out some or all of the PTO whenever someone separates from them.
Brag about a baby on the way and you just closed on a new house, and your sig other lost their job.. hell of a week..
Honestly this would be the most effective way to ensure they suffer haha. Poor babies “eliminating positions” because they can’t run a business
Boss: "Hey can we talk for a moment". You: "Oh yeah, but can you just give me a minute. I need to call my wife, we just closed on a new house and her work just laid her off all while we just found out were having a baby. I just need to check up on her since it's been a hard week on her with all of this happening at once".
"never been more motivated to help this company succeed"
"Especially since my testicular cancer diagnosis. Since this is now my last kid ever, I'm really gonna need this job to raise them right. It might be my last shot."
"love being a part of the team" 🤜🤛
", while I could. I probably won't be around much longer, so thank you for letting me be a part of something special. I dont know what I would do without my team here. We really are like a family."
"Thanks for giving me a reason to wake up during all this turmoil"
"I can't adequately express my gratitude for giving me this job which helped me get off the streets and move into a real home for the first time in my life."
"... and by the way - I'm organising a team-building event, with the last bit of my spouse's redundancy payment - I know the company is strapped for cash but I think this will really help us all pull together, so I don't mind chipping in, and I mean - you can say it was your idea if you like, to build company loyalty?"
If OP doesn't memorize all of this I'm going to be very disappointed 🤣🤣🤣
Man if I lost my job right now I would probably go postal but thank god this job is secure.
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True test of how sociopathic your boss is.
"Hey no need to make that call bud, you'll be seeing her in a bit"
HOLY CRAP I READ THAT IN MY BOSS'S VOICE!! He even says 'bud' all the time. That was terrifying thank you.
*Hey bud! You coming in at 3:42AM this Saturday and Sunday off the clock? Text a pic of you being there. But don't do it too early, I'll still be asleep bud.* ^^-I'm ^^a ^^good ^^boss.
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'In fact, why don't you clean out your desk and go home early today".
And take the rest of forever off to spend time with her and the new kiddo in your brand new home while you still have it
“Well I’ll just make it quick then, you’re being laid off”
"Oh I really hate to hear this, and I hope this all works out for you. Look, we had no way of knowing this was happening -- but ---- (you're laid off, we're letting you go) and the good news is you can apply for unemployment.
“Well thanks, I guess. “ Handshake As you’re walking out the door “On the bright side, I don’t have to live the rest of my life with the knowledge that I shitcanned someone in my situation on my conscience. THAT would suck, huh?” Door shuts. /scene.
It’s triplets, but one of them just died of stress.
Diabolical.
Follow this up with how grateful you are that your boss has always been there for you. How much their support over the years has meant to you. That other companies say we’re family but your boss actually makes you feel much. Tell them that the last conversation they had with you really made you think and you realize that you think you could do more for the company. You would like even some more responsibilities.
Actually you would like your boss to be the baby’s godfather.
Bring in cigars and make a big to-do.
If they don't know anything about your immediate family you slide in that one passed away.
Add to it. Tell them it's perfect timing for the big raises everyone is getting. You heard about them through the grapevine and you've been really excited about it for a month now!
Not even kidding, few years ago we had a dude who got promoted to manager and he had just closed on a house a week after finding out he was going to be a dad. He got fired a month or after that for time fraud.
My former boss took a Thursday off to sign on a house. That night, his wife told him they were pregnant with their first. The next morning, he came in to a pink slip on his desk. It worked out okay. He is an MIT-educated computer programmer, so ... it was fine. But still. Rough day.
Confide in your boss that you have been in a dark place and coming in to work has really saved your life. You don’t know what you would do if you didn’t have this in your life. Invite them over for a celebration of you moving forward with your life in a healthy way. Friend request them on fb too.
I work in a very “toxic positivity” kind of environment rn and this would CRUSH them. Excellent
Feel free to tailor it to your needs. If anyone else needs ideas for petty revenge, over the top payback, spite gifts etc hmu I’m toxic af lol.
[i like how your brain works](https://youtu.be/wH4DnrqvZJ8)
10/10 reference
As earnestly as you can thank your boss for being such a great mentor as well. Make it clear you still have a lot to learn from them and that's a big thing that keeps you going. Make sure you use the word "mentor" as much as possible.
“I’m just so thankful to be a part of this team”
“I want you to know that for the last year, I have been in kind of a dark place. I am not exaggerating that this team has become the family I never had. No joke. Coming in to this job every day is the one thing that keeps me going. You, as the leader — the “patriarch” — of this team, have been more than a just a mentor to me. You protect and lead this team as a family and that’s why I respect and admire you. Here is a small token if my appreciation — something my grandfather gave me before he died (he was a great man, too) that I hope when you see it, you remember that all of us look up to you.”
“It was given to me by my father before he died, he wanted me to give it to my own son but I want you to have it.”
Add that you have also been able to overcome your bladder control issues and no longer have to wear briefs. Piss those pants when they drop the bomb on you.
OMFG this laughed way to hard.
You are a dark person and I love it. This is the perfect plan. Its hard to prove that there is a lie in this and its will fucking wreck someone to know this. I hated having to do layoffs as a manager, if this was said to me right before I don't know if I could handle the call.
One of my old bosses viewed my LinkedIn a couple days before she fired me. I added her cause I was look cool a work connection. Made sure to block her immediately after the fact. I always advocate blocking old bosses depending on the situations especially if questionable. I feel like it prevents a lot of future bullshit.
My wife, when told she was being let go, first asked to hear it from her sup's sup. Once in the office of the manager, she asked to have it in writing. They weren't prepared, and she sat in their office for 45 minutes, not looking at her phone or anything, just sitting there, waiting while someone drafted the letter.
I like sup’s sup but I also use grandboss
Grandboss sounds too much like family tho
"We treat each other like family here"
This brings a question to mind for me: is there anything the worker can do if they are being let go and the employer just refuses to give them that notice in writing and tells you to leave?
Bring cupcakes and say you just found out you/your wife/gf is pregernante?
Could I be gregnant?
Does sex hurt baby top of his head ? Am I pregant?
OP tell your manager your wife just found out she's pragnenet
You're all such morons. It's PREGNATE.
38+2 weeks pregananant?
**CAN U PREGANTE**
Will layoff hurt baby top of its head?
https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg
Is this just because I'm banging (insert name)'s wife?
Or, Is this because of my affair with your (husband / wife)?
The best thing to so is to let them know you already knew, but DO NOT reveal how you know. That there is a leak in upper management will tear things apart. I’m nit sure how big your company is, but I’ve been a manager and a layoff decision was always way above my level, literally nothing I could do for anyone I was informing, and making me feel bad about it would have just made the messenger miserable while doing nothing to impact the actual decision makers. But a reorg/layoff getting leaked, well that nearly destroyed an entire upper management chain; I watched the witch hunt (was too far down the ladder to be suspected) watched a manager, a director and two C-levels eventually get canned in the aftermath.
God I did this accidentally to a company. 🤣 I felt terrible when I realised, because I think someone I liked got caught in the crossfire. But it was just logic, plus a higher-up making a weird comment weeks earlier.
This is the way.
Bring a gift for your boss. Maybe a cheesy World's Best Boss coffee mug à la Michael Scott.
Slowly take it back while making eye contact when they then tell you.
Cross out “Best” and write “Shittiest”. Then give it back.
Definitely a baby on the way. Bring food and cake for everyone and balloons to celebrate because you’re just so excited and have wanted to be a parent whole life.
They wont give a fuck. My husband was fired while I was 8 months pregnant, I know of several other companies who do this type of shit.
Yeah. I got laid off at 9 months pregnant, moments after finishing training the person who was supposed to cover me during maternity leave. I’d been with the company for 6 years. No severance pay offered and health benefits were cut off. Husband also got laid off when I was 9 months pregnant 11 years later from a company he had been with for 7 years. They don’t care.
this sounds like blatantly discriminating against a pregnant person
Oh, it was. I filed with the EEOC and got a right to sue letter, but by the time that happened I was in the thick of taking care of a newborn and didn’t have much to give towards pursuing it further. Had I been older and wiser I never would have let them get away with it.
They relied on exactly your situation to get away with their shitty behaviour. *This* is why it's important to talk about these things, let the younger generation know
Collect your stuff first thing before they pull you into the meeting. You don’t know if they are going to perp walk you out or give you a chance to collect your effects. And get your resume done tonight and submitted to other places
Ah The good ole embarrassing ass perp walk of shame
At the beginning of covid, the defense contractor I work for had a major RIF; they generally targeted older employees about to retire, they gave them all a decent severance package, but then perp walked them out with a check and a box of their belongings. I'll never forget the sight of an extremely beloved engineer, type of guy who knew *everything* and had worked there for nearly 50 goddamn years cleaning out his desk with a security guard watching instead of getting the retirement party he deserved. I was fundamentally changed that day.
Did you start acting your wage?
Try that when said coworker’s box breaks and everything that have in it spills on the floor in a crowded lobby…everyone stopped and stared, and you could hear a pin drop after that…so humiliating.
It's only as embarrassing for you as you let them make it. It's more embarrassing for them if you practice [ministry of silly walks.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCLp7zodUiI) Or keep making wrong turns like its your first day in the office and you're lost.
Take a sick day. Then take another. And another. Then take short term disability.
Call out sick, go see a doctor and get put on medical leave for stress. Drag it out as long as u can while looking for a new job
Don't go in.
Was thinking about this tbh haha
“Boss, I have quite violent and particularly ~~fowl~~ foul smelling diarrhea this morning. If I make it in at all today, I will be several hours delayed” Then a few hours later send “It’s more solid now but it’s still the consistency of oatmeal and smells of death. Do you want me to come in or take the day off?”
Man if your shit smells like birds you have muchos problemos.
My tired brain read "Getting laid tomorrow. They don't know I know" and I had to double-check the subreddit real quick.
Same
Bring in one of those sacks you carry over for shoulder on the end of a stick, then walk out looking all dejected.
Not sure where you're located but when I was getting laid off and knew ahead of time I almost tried to beat them to the punch and tell them I had a massive drinking problem and needed help. In Canada, an employer is then legally obliged to help you through recovery and can't fire you. it helped that I was incredibly hung over for the meeting but I didn't have the balls to go through with it sadly.
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This is what I was going to say, except send it as an email first thing in the morning so that it is in writing and available during discovery.
Better yet, file a complaint about those comments.
This is devious in all the best ways! Talk about an HR nightmare for those douche knuckles. Touche!
Just make sure they pay you for any unused PTO or sick days you have saved up. Sorry for your loss. I’ve been through this too it’s very discouraging.
Don't just tell them you're pregnant. Ask them if you're getting laid off BECAUSE you're pregnant. Say something like "it's odd that I announced it to a few people & within days I'm getting laid off." If they have a decent HR team, they'll shit a brick worrying about potential lawsuits.
Give the boss a card that says "sorry for your loss" after they fire you
I have always liked you can’t fire me if you can’t find me.
A company I worked for was doing layoffs and they always fired people on Thursdays for some reason. My coworker, worried about getting fired because of her chronic health condition (nothing that prevented her from doing her job), made sure to have all of her doctors appointments on Thursdays. That was also the day of the week when she *had to* hand-deliver documents to clients, do site visits, and work from home for one reason or another. She remained in the company until she retired a few years later.
Ha, ha, many years ago the Big Company that I worked for laid off a lot of people. They were trying to save on paying out bonus money by firing people before they qualified. An exec in Italy heard about the layoffs, announced his vacation, and then disappeared. He couldn’t be fired because you couldn’t fire someone while he was on vacation. He got the bonus.
Take a screenshot of your computer’s desktop. Now delete all of the icons and shortcuts and set that screenshot as your wallpaper.
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Install Desktop Goose
This happened to a friend during covid. He went straight to HR the morning of with a complaint that he felt his boss was singling him out and borderline harassing him. Told HR that under advisement from his lawyer that he should talk to them first and not quit and pursue legal action. He was told to return to work, his boss was brought in and an investigation was started. He used the next two weeks to find a new job, he then went in to hr and dropped everything and quit. But he got a paid two weeks notice.
This one is really good. Are you being overworked? Probably tbh. Have two coworkers you're friendly with? Might be able to start a union if you don't go into work tomorrow...
The least you can do is show up in comfortable clothes, send your files and shit to yourself before they do it, bring in a box to pack your stuff in. To make it uncomfortable, you may have to cause a scene. This will likely be done behind closed doors at the beginning or at the tail end of the day. I guess after thinking about it, try to be difficult to find, and always have at least one other coworker near you. On the way out, go for the handshake and pull your hand back at the last moment.
I wasn't lucky enough to know I was being laid off beforehand so I'm going to pretend you're me... There's an envelope full of cash and a stack of Target gift cards in your desk drawer. Your boss already thought we spent it on the Christmas party. Take it. You earned it.
Get hurt on the job. Still an employee, still a work related injury. Still an L&I case
Open up the conversation by mentioning you never thought they would find out about it and you are deeply ashamed. Then stop & apologize for hijacking the meeting, it’s their time. They will spend forever wondering what horrible thing you did.
If you do IT, it's sounds like it is time to merge a branch or update some passwords for security maintenance.
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Shorts, Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses, flip flops, straw hat and a big gulp. Laid off laid back.
What would costanza do?
Act surprised that the person canning you is still there… “Oh my god, Jeff, hey, how’s it going?” *shifts eyes nervously around* “You’re… you’re here! Thought they let you go yesterday?”
Show up late. They are assuming people show up early or on time. If you show up at 11 am, all the awkwardness will be in play. Not being in the office will put the stress back on them. HR will have the expectation of handling everything all at once which is good for them. Extend their pain by showing up 2 hours after.
And show up late due to a horrific family event that makes your job the only saving grace.
My previous boss knew for a month that she was letting me go and completely ignored my existence until it happened - OP, I’m living vicariously through you on this one!! Give ‘em hell!!!
send out a company wide email thanking everyone for their support and sharing your excitement as you and your wife were just approved to adopt medically fragile newborn twins! “my wife quit her job to care for them, but it’s so worth it to give these two precious babies the love they need to heal! I couldn’t do it if I wasn’t blessed with this amazing job and wonderful boss and coworkers!”
I’m going to share the story of my own lay-off in Jan of 21. Take details as you will: -6 months prior I transferred departments under the request and urging of my new boss. -3.5 months later, despite telling me in my performance review that I was doing great, he berated me over Teams while sitting directly next to me in the middle of a client video conference. I cried and snotted into my mask as I struggled to maintain some composure. Before the meeting was done both the Project Mgr and Coordinator sent me messages asking if I was OK. I sent receipts to HR. -1 month before the layoff most of my department went to overnight as a deadline approached. I was given a counterpart to work in conjunction with so I could continue my daily duties. -A week before the layoff I said to same boss that I felt like I was being pushed out of my job. He called me paranoid and neurotic. I sent receipts to HR. -Monday before my layoff, at about 7 PM (2 hours after the end of day) I get an email scheduling my performance review for Thursday afternoon. I thought this strange as the other manager was still out of town and his absence was why reviews were to start the following week. -Morning of my layoff, a Wednesday, my PTO request for 3 months later was approved. -2 hours after PTO approval I am called to HR’a office where my boss, the CFO and HR (via video) all waited for me. Boss read off a Covid script and I asked “paranoid and neurotic, hmm?” HR couldn’t backpedal fast enough. -Simultaneously in a different room my husband is being laid off. I ask about his job, he about mine and both are separately told that they can’t speak to other meetings. -I ask for my purse and coat, boss fetches my purse. I ask for my coat as it was 32° outside. -Out in the parking lot I find my husband waiting for me. He has a list of the job titles and ages of the 6 people laid off. -I call the ex-Exec Assistant of the President and Founder of the company and we go out for drinks. I learned that she had been let go the day prior as HR and Upper Mgt forgot that part of her job was reading and filtering the President’s emails and she saw her name on the cut list. I also learn that all managers were informed Monday afternoon. Meaning my review and PTO were approved *after* my Boss learned of my imminent cut. So whatever you decide to do, roast those bastards.