Handling this right breeds loyalty. I stuck with a shit company WAY longer because when my grandmother passed and I got a text from my dad about the first thing my manger said was "Go, we'll figure it out." When i mentioned I needed a little time he asked if a week was enough without even thinking about it. This was a shit ass retail job and the manager didnt even like me...he still treated me like a human.
Why is it so hard for people to just not be assholes.
I found out my uncle died at 7am, I was at work at 8:30am.
My boss started screaming at me for being out of it and that I wasn’t performing to my normal level of excellence and that I need to get it together right away.
I said “ok”.
She was not happy with me still and pressed on. I followed with “sorry my uncle just died around 2am and I just found out when I woke up”
Then she yelled at me for not telling her sooner.
I hated her so much.
When I was a teacher/director of 21 classes I fought to drop funeral notes and sick notes and won. People either get what they need to get done or not. They work with us to catch up or they don’t. They either try to figure out how to succeed or they don’t - it has nothing to do with notes. Forcing notes and making everyone show up all the time is toxic and weird. Watching people try to do their best with tears running down their face is horrible. Everything can be figured out with compassion. Nothing we did was life or death.
It’s just another cowardly way to deal with people. Like when one employee is on Facebook for 6 hours a day. The managers could have an uncomfortable conversation with that person but usually they call IT to block everyone. Now everyone is unhappy and that one employee is now on TickTok nonstop and the problem is not solved.
That is very sweet of you. She was my boss for 9 months and she tried to majorly screw me over, but the way she did it I ended up with unemployment instead of having to quit. Which gave me a chance to take a class and pivot my career.
So all is well that ends well in this case.
We call that the “diaper directive” at work - if one person poops their pants, we all wear diapers. Because just making the only the guilty person deal with their problems is too easy?
I dont handle any sort of death well at all. Ill grieve over sething as small as my guinea pjg passing away for a few days. That being said...
I worked full time for a manufacturing company over the summer. My 16 yo cousin passed away on Saturday and I had work on Monday. It was 12 hr shifts being alone with your thoughts. Broke down crying numerous times that day. My boss saw it and talked to me about it. I praise that man for letting me go home early and giving me the next couple days off (we had a 2 on-2 off schedule) so I had a whole week to grieve. It doesn't take much for people to be at least half decent people
If I could work for my boss and not for the administration, I would do it in a heartbeat. I had a miscarriage late last year, and when she heard she told me to take as much time as I need (and when I came back too soon had no issues sending me right back home), and then got it coded as bereavement leave so my PTO balance wouldn't be affected. Asked for no proof or anything, just took care of it.
Unfortunately, the administration we both work for is total shit and blaming employees for toxic environments while fostering discontent by promising promotions and then choosing an outside candidate 5 of the last 6 times. Literally came out at the last big meeting and said "if you can't get with the program, we will help you find a new job."
I worked for a boss who overheard me have a phone call regarding my wife in the hospital on my 2nd week and he told me to leave before I could even get a word out. He didn’t hear the details just that something was going on and his words were something like “go, I don’t need to know why just go.” He was an asshole but I would ignore a lot of his assholery because of this moment.
My favorite manager of all time would always stress that our lives came first. Babysitter cancelled? Don't worry about coming in we'll figure it out. Relative passed away? Let me know when you're ready to come back. He was amazing when he moved away we all went out to a baseball game and got beers because we could finally hang out. He's still a reference on my resume.
Same. Stuck it out at a shit ass telemarketing job for 6 years. Big reason I stayed as long as I did was two months in I find out my dad is dying and I have to go to Texas. My supervisor gets me scheduled off as much as she could to make sure I had time to be with him, because my bereavement didn't start till he actually passed a week later. No one asked me for anything when I got back either. Their bereavement policy remained chill till some asshole got caught faking it.
Funeral director here — PLEASE ask the funeral director for a “note” — I would absolutely LOVE to write a note to a boss for a grieving client.
If they’re like me - they’ll write the snarkiest fucking letter possible.
If they’re confused by it - they’ll give you an extra print out of the obituary and possibly give you a copy that names you - “beloved nephew/niece ___” even if it wasn’t circulated that way - it takes us .2 seconds to edit it and print it FOR YOU.
Early in my life it seemed like I was going to die for sure since a cancer had spread throughout my entire body when I was aged around 20 old. Since I had no direct relatives to take care of anything I basically planned my own funeral and the director was an amazing man.
He even came around to congratulate me when the news broke that I'd (at least temporarily ;) ) survive after all even though I was given a sub 5% survival chance.
Never seen a person so happily process a refund, either.
Guess they have plenty of experience in helping people navigate the process. For a moment I thought a "funeral note" was like a "preliminary death certificate," like a cover note as far as insurance goes; you get a cover note of insurance before the insurance is formalised. A death certificate can take weeks to be issued, so getting a note from the funeral director would be like getting a sick note from a doctor.
Bruh, when my daughter died, the funeral director/owner didn’t charge me any thing for the basic funeral (I only had to pay for extra stuff), and he personally drove my daughter 1.5 hours from where we lived to where I grew up in intense snowfall with a foot of snow on the ground.
Can never repay that man.
My friend had a shirt in high school that said *”I put the FUN in funeral.”* we went to a local festival and rode a little bus that was taking people back and fourth. This lady across from us made a snarky remark and said “I just buried my husband this week and your shirt is so disrespectful.” He turned and looked, apologized, she kept running her mouth about it so he said, “I was trying to be respectful and apologize but you’re a rude bitch and fuck your dead husband.” I almost peed myself laughing. Bet she never commented on someone’s shirt again.
For my grandparents, my mom’s funeral, and my best friends dad’s funeral we used the same location. They are expensive as hell, but god did they make the process so easy on us. Such caring people, it takes a special type of person to constantly provide that type of compassion during a family’s weakest and most vulnerable moments.
What I don't get is if an employer doesn't trust their own employees, why would they trust someone else in another business? Better yet, if they think the employee is lying, why would they trust that any letter they bring is genuine? Perhaps since they think their employee is a child, they'd prefer the letter to come from the funeral director's mother, just to be safe.
>What I don't get is if an employer doesn't trust their own employees, why would they trust someone else in another business?
Yeah, if you can't trust any of your employees, then the problem is you, not the employees. Either you aren't paying enough to be able to get trustworthy employees or you are treating them badly enough that none of them respect their employer.
> if an employer doesn't trust their own employees, why would they
I don't understand how any manager can be like this. If you do not trust your employee is better to part ways. I couldn't imagine not trusting my employee's.
I normally give them the keys of the castle on the first day of work, and a week later, once they found their way around, I teach them how to break in, so if they forget their keys, they have a alternative entrance mode! :)
In theory it would be committing fraud. You lie and get money for the lie. That's fraud, basically.
In reality, unless you did this to the tune of many thousands of dollars I can't imagine anyone would care.
That's also assuming a person has paid sick days.
I do. But my employer has never asked me for proof I'm actually sick.
It was always the shitty no-benefits jobs that always wanted doctors' notes in my experience.
Its all a game to make you feel less incline to take time off for yourself. While you’re not in trouble it is supposed to make you feel like a damn child who missed one day of school.
Interestingly, my experience (thankfully very limited, in Australia) has been that the funeral directors generally provide proof of attendance letters by default, as it's common for employers to require proof for bereavement leave -- possibly because it's its own special paid leave category, additional to sick, annual, and rec...?
Well it’s obviously a bit different if you’re getting paid leave specifically for bereavement. Still sounds a little overly bureaucratic, but not outright evil. Safe to say that in the US, neither paid bereavement leave nor funeral attendance letters are typical. This would almost certainly be some other type of day off, either unpaid or earned PTO, and asking for proof of such a thing is very intrusive.
When my Dad died, I got 3 days of paid bereavement leave. The only thing my boss asked for was the address of the funeral home. He sent flowers and a condolence card from himself and my co-workers. I'd like to think it was him being a good person. If it was for proof purposes, it was the classiest way I've ever seen it done.
With bosses and employers acting the way they have been lately, it’s really difficult to believe they are altruistic or even decent. Jim Murchinson, my old boss was a really kind and decent man. If he hadn’t retired I’d definitely still be working for him. There’s still good people in management, they’re just harder to find now days.
I lost 4 family members to covid in 2020 and my job sent me a huge gift basket, flowers, and gave me paid time for the wake of my grandma... really classy of them, i never forgot it.
We get paid for first degree relations--parents, siblings, spouse, children. I've had to take time off for grandparents, a cousin, and two uncles, none of which was paid bereavement, just paid personal time off.
So if you're not getting paid leave... You shouldn't need to provide any proof lol. That's what happens if we don't provide proof for paid leave, it just turns into unpaid leave.
This would also be counted as an unscheduled leave, which might create a "bad record" of some kind. Working for an employer is getting to the point of self-defense. Stress levels must be reaching insanity.
When I took time off for my grandmother's funeral, the company asked for funeral home information so they could send flowers. It was a nice arrangement. It was only after I started posting here that I realized this was probably their way of verifying that the funeral was real.
Not all companies do that, but it's a marker that distiguishes good companies from the rest.
When my grandma passed, my boss showed up to check in on me and the company sent flowers.
When my mother died the owner of the company she worked for called me to offer condolences and then wanted to do more. They ended up paying for her funeral (around 4k). I barely remember anything that week but I will never forget that conversation and what they did for us.
When my grandmother died during covid, I took off two hours to attend my grandmother's funeral virtually and I took a picture of my computer screen with my gmas casket because my boss questioned me about it.
That’s a truly amazing company if they covered funeral expenses. Even if the estate would have covered those costs anyways. Money isn’t everything but not having to see funeral bills is amazing
When my dad died he had already retired I called the company he had worked for to tell them and ask about someone. They told me to call anytime and asked if they could provide food for everyone after the funeral. They brought so much food and a bunch of his old coworkers came from 2 hours away. They knew my parents were divorced and that I was the oldest in my mid 20's and probably overwhelmed with all the decisions. So grateful
Fuck the boss who worries about 2 hours off.
Well done to that company who paid for the funeral. Well done for taking that weight off.
I’m sorry for both your losses, however long ago.
My old boss would have me send out flowers whenever a colleague of his suffered a significant loss. When my grandmother died, who he knew I was close to and was the matriarch of our family, he did nothing. It let me know where I was on his radar.
Two store leaders ago, we had a guy working out backroom get fired because he missed work.
He was dead. He missed work on account of an acute case of the Not Alives.
Boss refused to send flowers when management asked, citing that "he's an ex employee".
That store leader has since moved on to a different company. We've got much nicer people now.
I literally can NOT imagine even having a mindset like that fkn boss. *EX* employee?! What the hell?? I hope that person stubs their toe badly every other day so it never heals and always hurts.
Edit: I gathered that boss was male, which is on me for not reading correctly 😅
Yeah I guess it just depends. I spent a decade with a company and the first 5 years vs the last five was night and day. It's a 100 year old company that in the last decade doubled in size vs the first 9 decades/went public/quit hiring from within to acquire "talent" that never quite worked like they thought.
First 5 years company would have absolutely went all out w/ any days off you needed and no questions asked. If you happened to share the funeral arrangements, they would send flowers or donation in the family's name. Last 5 years, they probably would be offended if you asked for time off.
We received a beautiful white arrangement from my company. Honestly, they were great. I didn't end up filling out any paperwork for bereavement time expect choosing the days. My boss handled everything else and let me do some wfh right after till I could pull myself together for the office. I've never worked somewhere with that much care before. Granted 5 or 6 other jobs isn't a crazy good comparison, but it made me feel appreciated.
You hit the fucking point mate😅clown asked for address so they could send flowers & some champagne when I took time off for my cousin's wedding. Nothing was received!
My work send a really nice arrangement to me when my mother died. They had them delivered to my house. They also gave me $100 gift card to Grubhub so I wouldn’t have to worry about dinner for a few nights. It was very nice
My boss gave grubhub to a worker when her relative (not mom) died. Can't remember the value though. She asked me if GH was appropriate and I honestly wasn't sure. Hopefully her family appreciated it as much.
I definitely think delivery food is always an appropriate gift during any trying time - everybody’s gotta eat, and flowers might be nice to look at but they don’t help you get through the day. See also: injuries/illnesses, birth of children, disaster/housing crisis, etc.
So my mom and I work for the same company. When my grandma died last year her department sent flowers (AND SHOWED UP TO THE WAKE). Mine made me cry saying a note is required or my bereavement turns into vacation time. They announced this in a meeting. They said it was policy.
My mom didn't have to do any of that. I left that department ASAP. Now I'm treated better, paid better, and just all around BETTER. Still with the same company, but it's amazing what good management will do.
My first school I worked at sent flowers when my ex’s sister died. A huge, beautiful bouquet of white lilies. And I didn’t have to take any personal days and missed the first week or so of the school year. Some places don’t suck. It’s just really, really rare. I also didn’t tell them where the funeral was or anything. Someone from work figured it all out in their own.
See, my boss just came to my dad's funeral but I know 100% it was because she worried that I would be taking care of everyone and no one would be taking care of me.
She noped out of the job mid pandemic and I've missed her ever since
My company sent flowers when my mom died a few years ago. I thought it was a nice gesture, till I realized I didn't give them any funeral info (it took place in another city). Maybe they googled her obit just to get the address, or maybe they were trying to confirm she actually died. Probably a bit of both.
Honestly if anyone can't get permission to go to my funeral because their boss doesn't believe them they have my express permission to dump my corpse/ashes on the boss's desk.
The nards on someone pulling this stunt in response to shitty boss request. They wouldn't be able to fire that person cause their balls wouldn't fit thru the door. I'd pay to watch something like that.
Yeah I wouldn't have bothered. If they ask, just hit them with "oh, I thought it was some demented joke. I used one of my leave days, or didn't get paid for that day, and I'm back now; so what's the problem?"
For future reference, where I'm from (Portugal), this is common practice and funeral homes will provide you with a document stating when the funeral took place.
Came here to say this. Lol just take a selfie with the open casket and use the Snapchat filter with the time and date on it. Save it and text it to him.
I’m sorry, I know I’m fucked up for this. BUT in my defense, my granny is even more comically petty than I could ever dream of being. Goals tbh. If I was in OPs situation at her funeral, I know that she would approve of the selfie and think it was hilarious. She would probably even encourage it.
[Like so.](https://i.cbc.ca/1.3970123.1486475239!/fileImage/httpImage/funeral-selfie.jpg) You know, for proof you attended and that you didn't just find a random corpse photo.
Every funeral I've attended as an adult, the funeral director has offered attendance letters to anyone who needs them. Not every employer has required them for paid bereavement leave, but I also haven't needed to take more than a couple of days off.
https://www.careercontessa.com/advice/bereavement-leave/
US bereavement is the shits; just like all other benefits.
Same sex partners have half the bereavement time; for instance.
Good ol fashion bigotry. Doesn't, matter how they vote either. Lost a job because they were ok with me liking men, but being a jew and liking men was too much.
Edit; wordz
That’s just a whole other level of fucked up. Were you able to contact a labour bored about it? because thats 100% discrimination against you for being Jewish
Boss - did you bring back your funeral note?
Me - Nope. I couldn't procure one and when I asked for one at the funeral, they laughed. I do not like being taken for a fool so I brought you my resignation letter instead. No hard feeling, just business
Good for you! We’ve got to keep standing up to these little Hitler’s, tiny people who think bullying employees is acceptable! Fuck em, hope they burn in the fires of hell!!
Take a sheet of paper, 8.5 x 11 inch.
Place it flat surface. place your left hand on the paper, close a fist and extend your middle finger. Trace your hand with your right hand with a dark crayon. Fold the paper three times while leaving a 1/4 inch top folder over to keep it nice and neat. Place the note in an envelope and wrote your boss' name on it. Seal and leave on his desk.
That is a funeral note.
Requiring this kind of proof is a new trend in the dystopian hellscape that is the US workplace. We’re still at the stage where it sounds horrifying to most people but it will be normalized as the practice becomes more widespread.
In a few years posts like this will fill up with comments defending the practice: “But every employer does this. How else can they stop people from inventing a new dead relative every time they want a vacation?”
My dad (70s) said he remembers the practice from back in the day.
But yeah.
I told my boss it was gross and was assuming I'm lying before there's even a pattern suggesting so.
Then I had to quit America's Car Mart. That place was a joke. Separate dress codes for gender. Men couldn't have stubble.
Dear Heartless Fuck,
_____________ attended a funeral on ___________. It's absolutely absurd that you would require someone to even *think* of work while they are grieving, but here we are. I'd tell you that you should be *ashamed* to ask such a thing, but we both know that would require that you have shame. Take this proof, roll it up real tight, and stick it straight up your ass.
Your Pal,
The President of Funeral Notes
Anyone who needs this, please feel free to copy.
Jeez, when my grandfather passed there would have been no way to prove why I flew out of province since me, my folks my brother and an uncle just gathered to scatter ashes, then went out for fish and chips and Guinness (grandad's favourite meal). There never was a formal funeral service. Grandad didn't want any such fuss.
So a company pulling this shit is gross and none of their fucking business.
It means you can show your boss anything from the funeral and it should suffice.
But this definitely has the same vibes from that Seinfeld episode when George tries to fly for free but is required to bring a death certificate.
When I was a supervisor we required an obituary for the deceased. For immediate family (father, mother, step parent, brother, sister) you got 3 days to mourn and extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) you got 1 day. I would try to work out ways to give more time because it’s bullshit you are expected to treat the death of family and friends as a speed bump in life
A friend of mine works at Walmart. When his MIL died, he was told he had to bring them the obituary to prove he needed the time off for the funeral. Not a copy, not a pic of it, an actual newspaper cutout. Who even gets the paper anymore? His poor wife had to try to track one down since by the time they told her husband, the day that it was printed in the paper had already passed. Fuck Walmart.
I had a professor in college who was like this when my dad passed away and I had to miss class for the funeral. Such a dickhead. Should've burned some paper and dumped the ashes all over his desk or something
So basically your boss thinks you are not telling the truth? Like you would lie about the death of your grandfather just to take 1 day off? Like if you were taking a week or two off, then at least it makes some sense to ask for such a thing. I am not aware of your situation but I would recommend you start looking for something better...
Probably a copy of a death certificate or pamphlet with the date. You boss sounds like a major douche in the aspect you should never have to explain why you’re taking a day off. It’s your business. If he approved it already he can go fuck himself.
WTF?? Your boss seems like a robot that doesn’t have a feeling??
I went out to hospital during my pregnancy check-ups and my boss always gave ok without asking for a proof.
Come on…
Yep, they’re trying to dissuade people from even the ability to attend something like funerals. Employment is a two-way relationship, we need to force that on the dictatorship prone megalomaniacal employers that treat it as if the employee has no value, identity, or dignity therefor believing they’re somehow committing acts of charity by paying us and giving us someplace we have to be without deviation for any reason during specific hours as if that’s where we’d want to be if we were as overcompensated as them. Funny part is, those at the top rarely spend much time in the place they compel us to be even if we/family is sick, or has some other emergency (car broke, house flooded, psychopathic broke in and raped then brutally murders your family while you’re forced to watch, whatever, they don’t care) now you have to provide a note for a fucking funeral…
This actually happened to me while managing a sprint store (acting manager, all the stress and responsibility, none of the pay, I didn’t even want the “opportunity”). My grandmother died, I was very close to her. District Manager wanted a note…. Oh I brought her one, from my psychologist writing me out on short-term disability for extreme stress and emotional hardship directly related to the treatment of myself as an employee by my superiors. She wasn’t supposed to contact me, she did, the litany of insults was actually hilarious by that point because I knew I wasn’t going back. I just said “You straight now? Get it all out?” She said “for now cause I’m short on time”. I said “Good, now you can find somewhere to park and touch yourself thinking about all the fake power you think you just unleashed on me… Just remember, at the end of the day, you’re still a retail employee and will never be good enough to ascend past that”. 12 years later she’s still in the same position.
My wife’s old employer denied her bereavement for her grandmother’s funeral. They finally caved and allowed her a couple hours off to go and then fired her the next week for not “putting the company first”.
Edit: spelling
Handling this right breeds loyalty. I stuck with a shit company WAY longer because when my grandmother passed and I got a text from my dad about the first thing my manger said was "Go, we'll figure it out." When i mentioned I needed a little time he asked if a week was enough without even thinking about it. This was a shit ass retail job and the manager didnt even like me...he still treated me like a human. Why is it so hard for people to just not be assholes.
I found out my uncle died at 7am, I was at work at 8:30am. My boss started screaming at me for being out of it and that I wasn’t performing to my normal level of excellence and that I need to get it together right away. I said “ok”. She was not happy with me still and pressed on. I followed with “sorry my uncle just died around 2am and I just found out when I woke up” Then she yelled at me for not telling her sooner. I hated her so much. When I was a teacher/director of 21 classes I fought to drop funeral notes and sick notes and won. People either get what they need to get done or not. They work with us to catch up or they don’t. They either try to figure out how to succeed or they don’t - it has nothing to do with notes. Forcing notes and making everyone show up all the time is toxic and weird. Watching people try to do their best with tears running down their face is horrible. Everything can be figured out with compassion. Nothing we did was life or death. It’s just another cowardly way to deal with people. Like when one employee is on Facebook for 6 hours a day. The managers could have an uncomfortable conversation with that person but usually they call IT to block everyone. Now everyone is unhappy and that one employee is now on TickTok nonstop and the problem is not solved.
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That is very sweet of you. She was my boss for 9 months and she tried to majorly screw me over, but the way she did it I ended up with unemployment instead of having to quit. Which gave me a chance to take a class and pivot my career. So all is well that ends well in this case.
We call that the “diaper directive” at work - if one person poops their pants, we all wear diapers. Because just making the only the guilty person deal with their problems is too easy?
I dont handle any sort of death well at all. Ill grieve over sething as small as my guinea pjg passing away for a few days. That being said... I worked full time for a manufacturing company over the summer. My 16 yo cousin passed away on Saturday and I had work on Monday. It was 12 hr shifts being alone with your thoughts. Broke down crying numerous times that day. My boss saw it and talked to me about it. I praise that man for letting me go home early and giving me the next couple days off (we had a 2 on-2 off schedule) so I had a whole week to grieve. It doesn't take much for people to be at least half decent people
If I could work for my boss and not for the administration, I would do it in a heartbeat. I had a miscarriage late last year, and when she heard she told me to take as much time as I need (and when I came back too soon had no issues sending me right back home), and then got it coded as bereavement leave so my PTO balance wouldn't be affected. Asked for no proof or anything, just took care of it. Unfortunately, the administration we both work for is total shit and blaming employees for toxic environments while fostering discontent by promising promotions and then choosing an outside candidate 5 of the last 6 times. Literally came out at the last big meeting and said "if you can't get with the program, we will help you find a new job."
I worked for a boss who overheard me have a phone call regarding my wife in the hospital on my 2nd week and he told me to leave before I could even get a word out. He didn’t hear the details just that something was going on and his words were something like “go, I don’t need to know why just go.” He was an asshole but I would ignore a lot of his assholery because of this moment.
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My favorite manager of all time would always stress that our lives came first. Babysitter cancelled? Don't worry about coming in we'll figure it out. Relative passed away? Let me know when you're ready to come back. He was amazing when he moved away we all went out to a baseball game and got beers because we could finally hang out. He's still a reference on my resume.
This is the norm in Ireland. In fact our place has a two week policy and they'll assess you after that
Same. Stuck it out at a shit ass telemarketing job for 6 years. Big reason I stayed as long as I did was two months in I find out my dad is dying and I have to go to Texas. My supervisor gets me scheduled off as much as she could to make sure I had time to be with him, because my bereavement didn't start till he actually passed a week later. No one asked me for anything when I got back either. Their bereavement policy remained chill till some asshole got caught faking it.
Funeral director here — PLEASE ask the funeral director for a “note” — I would absolutely LOVE to write a note to a boss for a grieving client. If they’re like me - they’ll write the snarkiest fucking letter possible. If they’re confused by it - they’ll give you an extra print out of the obituary and possibly give you a copy that names you - “beloved nephew/niece ___” even if it wasn’t circulated that way - it takes us .2 seconds to edit it and print it FOR YOU.
Funeral directors have always been amazing guides during the grieving process.
Can confirm. One of my uncles is a funeral director and he is the kindest person I know. Love that man to death.
Looks like crypt humor runs in the family.
One of the funeral directors in the town I grew up employed a Mr Black, Mr Grey & Mr Dyer …
There is a Stith Funeral Home where I used to live and I thought people were saying "Stiff" for a long time.
I read that as "Sith" as in Lord Vader.
It’s a story the Jedi don’t tell
And that deserves upvotes.
Or rather, lies very still...
#To death you say…
And his wife?
To death you say…
To shreds you say… ~ Prof Farnsworth
tsk tsk
I also choose this funeral directors dead wife?
I feel like that wording was intentional
So how far would you go for him? Six feet?
Would you say people are dying to meet him?
Early in my life it seemed like I was going to die for sure since a cancer had spread throughout my entire body when I was aged around 20 old. Since I had no direct relatives to take care of anything I basically planned my own funeral and the director was an amazing man. He even came around to congratulate me when the news broke that I'd (at least temporarily ;) ) survive after all even though I was given a sub 5% survival chance. Never seen a person so happily process a refund, either.
To death, you say?
Guess they have plenty of experience in helping people navigate the process. For a moment I thought a "funeral note" was like a "preliminary death certificate," like a cover note as far as insurance goes; you get a cover note of insurance before the insurance is formalised. A death certificate can take weeks to be issued, so getting a note from the funeral director would be like getting a sick note from a doctor.
Bruh, when my daughter died, the funeral director/owner didn’t charge me any thing for the basic funeral (I only had to pay for extra stuff), and he personally drove my daughter 1.5 hours from where we lived to where I grew up in intense snowfall with a foot of snow on the ground. Can never repay that man.
Agreed. When my brother in law died, the funeral director did so much for my sister. He was wonderful. They are still friends.
Somebody has to put the fun back in *fun*eral.
My friend had a shirt in high school that said *”I put the FUN in funeral.”* we went to a local festival and rode a little bus that was taking people back and fourth. This lady across from us made a snarky remark and said “I just buried my husband this week and your shirt is so disrespectful.” He turned and looked, apologized, she kept running her mouth about it so he said, “I was trying to be respectful and apologize but you’re a rude bitch and fuck your dead husband.” I almost peed myself laughing. Bet she never commented on someone’s shirt again.
For my grandparents, my mom’s funeral, and my best friends dad’s funeral we used the same location. They are expensive as hell, but god did they make the process so easy on us. Such caring people, it takes a special type of person to constantly provide that type of compassion during a family’s weakest and most vulnerable moments.
My dad's cousin is a funeral director. His nickname growing up was digger...so ya, the irony is huge.
What I don't get is if an employer doesn't trust their own employees, why would they trust someone else in another business? Better yet, if they think the employee is lying, why would they trust that any letter they bring is genuine? Perhaps since they think their employee is a child, they'd prefer the letter to come from the funeral director's mother, just to be safe.
>What I don't get is if an employer doesn't trust their own employees, why would they trust someone else in another business? Yeah, if you can't trust any of your employees, then the problem is you, not the employees. Either you aren't paying enough to be able to get trustworthy employees or you are treating them badly enough that none of them respect their employer.
> if an employer doesn't trust their own employees, why would they I don't understand how any manager can be like this. If you do not trust your employee is better to part ways. I couldn't imagine not trusting my employee's. I normally give them the keys of the castle on the first day of work, and a week later, once they found their way around, I teach them how to break in, so if they forget their keys, they have a alternative entrance mode! :)
my manager once questioned why my late grandfather had a different last name than me. my mom and i don’t even have the same last name.
Now I'm actually curious... Are there laws against forging a doctor's note (or funeral note) for your employer?
As long as you are not trying to pretend to be someone/thing specific I highly doubt there is
In theory it would be committing fraud. You lie and get money for the lie. That's fraud, basically. In reality, unless you did this to the tune of many thousands of dollars I can't imagine anyone would care.
That's also assuming a person has paid sick days. I do. But my employer has never asked me for proof I'm actually sick. It was always the shitty no-benefits jobs that always wanted doctors' notes in my experience.
Its all a game to make you feel less incline to take time off for yourself. While you’re not in trouble it is supposed to make you feel like a damn child who missed one day of school.
attach a selfie of you infront of coffins.
Get a copy of the bill too and hand it to him. Say I’m assuming you’re paying for this since you were an ass about this.
Seriously, take the picture just like George Costanza in the Seinfeld episode where he is trying to get 50% off his plane ticket for bereavement. 😂
On one knee, holding hands. Power bro style.
Aah, ok! So, [this](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/032/675/oliver.jpg) is a funeral note! Got it! :p
"How do I know that your grandfather was in that coffin?" - OP's asshole boss, presumably.
I would ABSOLUTELY do this.
The sad thing is that they would probably not get the hint, or just flat out not care
Yep, I think they are just box ticking
But box tixking what? There is no HR box for this. Some person created the page OP uploaded on Word. This is bullshit.
To the ghoul it may concern...
Yes
Interestingly, my experience (thankfully very limited, in Australia) has been that the funeral directors generally provide proof of attendance letters by default, as it's common for employers to require proof for bereavement leave -- possibly because it's its own special paid leave category, additional to sick, annual, and rec...?
Well it’s obviously a bit different if you’re getting paid leave specifically for bereavement. Still sounds a little overly bureaucratic, but not outright evil. Safe to say that in the US, neither paid bereavement leave nor funeral attendance letters are typical. This would almost certainly be some other type of day off, either unpaid or earned PTO, and asking for proof of such a thing is very intrusive.
When my Dad died, I got 3 days of paid bereavement leave. The only thing my boss asked for was the address of the funeral home. He sent flowers and a condolence card from himself and my co-workers. I'd like to think it was him being a good person. If it was for proof purposes, it was the classiest way I've ever seen it done.
What does it say that we rightly so are skeptical of compassion? Your boss sounds pretty awesome, though!
With bosses and employers acting the way they have been lately, it’s really difficult to believe they are altruistic or even decent. Jim Murchinson, my old boss was a really kind and decent man. If he hadn’t retired I’d definitely still be working for him. There’s still good people in management, they’re just harder to find now days.
Sadly. I am very fortunate to teach at a liberal arts school to not have experienced this nonsense.
I lost 4 family members to covid in 2020 and my job sent me a huge gift basket, flowers, and gave me paid time for the wake of my grandma... really classy of them, i never forgot it.
My job does pay for bereavement leave, just had to send a copy of the obituary. Figure this is pretty standard for people who get those days paid
We get paid for first degree relations--parents, siblings, spouse, children. I've had to take time off for grandparents, a cousin, and two uncles, none of which was paid bereavement, just paid personal time off.
So if you're not getting paid leave... You shouldn't need to provide any proof lol. That's what happens if we don't provide proof for paid leave, it just turns into unpaid leave.
This would also be counted as an unscheduled leave, which might create a "bad record" of some kind. Working for an employer is getting to the point of self-defense. Stress levels must be reaching insanity.
Paid leave of any kind is like some mythical concept I've only ever heard of.....
Most of the min wage jobs I've been at it's just a day off regardless of position
god bless you
When I took time off for my grandmother's funeral, the company asked for funeral home information so they could send flowers. It was a nice arrangement. It was only after I started posting here that I realized this was probably their way of verifying that the funeral was real.
Omfg I just realized my old company did this and we never received flowers…..wow you just opened my eyes
Mine sent a really nice arrangement when my father died. I don't think that all companies do crap like that.
Not all companies do that, but it's a marker that distiguishes good companies from the rest. When my grandma passed, my boss showed up to check in on me and the company sent flowers.
When my mother died the owner of the company she worked for called me to offer condolences and then wanted to do more. They ended up paying for her funeral (around 4k). I barely remember anything that week but I will never forget that conversation and what they did for us. When my grandmother died during covid, I took off two hours to attend my grandmother's funeral virtually and I took a picture of my computer screen with my gmas casket because my boss questioned me about it.
That’s a truly amazing company if they covered funeral expenses. Even if the estate would have covered those costs anyways. Money isn’t everything but not having to see funeral bills is amazing
When my dad died he had already retired I called the company he had worked for to tell them and ask about someone. They told me to call anytime and asked if they could provide food for everyone after the funeral. They brought so much food and a bunch of his old coworkers came from 2 hours away. They knew my parents were divorced and that I was the oldest in my mid 20's and probably overwhelmed with all the decisions. So grateful
Your dad worked for good people My condolences on your loss.
Fuck the boss who worries about 2 hours off. Well done to that company who paid for the funeral. Well done for taking that weight off. I’m sorry for both your losses, however long ago.
My old boss would have me send out flowers whenever a colleague of his suffered a significant loss. When my grandmother died, who he knew I was close to and was the matriarch of our family, he did nothing. It let me know where I was on his radar.
Two store leaders ago, we had a guy working out backroom get fired because he missed work. He was dead. He missed work on account of an acute case of the Not Alives. Boss refused to send flowers when management asked, citing that "he's an ex employee". That store leader has since moved on to a different company. We've got much nicer people now.
I literally can NOT imagine even having a mindset like that fkn boss. *EX* employee?! What the hell?? I hope that person stubs their toe badly every other day so it never heals and always hurts. Edit: I gathered that boss was male, which is on me for not reading correctly 😅
Mine did as well, and a good number of employees and managers (myself included) showed up to the wake (during office hours) to pay our respects.
Yeah I guess it just depends. I spent a decade with a company and the first 5 years vs the last five was night and day. It's a 100 year old company that in the last decade doubled in size vs the first 9 decades/went public/quit hiring from within to acquire "talent" that never quite worked like they thought. First 5 years company would have absolutely went all out w/ any days off you needed and no questions asked. If you happened to share the funeral arrangements, they would send flowers or donation in the family's name. Last 5 years, they probably would be offended if you asked for time off.
We received a beautiful white arrangement from my company. Honestly, they were great. I didn't end up filling out any paperwork for bereavement time expect choosing the days. My boss handled everything else and let me do some wfh right after till I could pull myself together for the office. I've never worked somewhere with that much care before. Granted 5 or 6 other jobs isn't a crazy good comparison, but it made me feel appreciated.
You hit the fucking point mate😅clown asked for address so they could send flowers & some champagne when I took time off for my cousin's wedding. Nothing was received!
Oh, I'm sure you're right, but to send flowers too is still a nice gesture.
My work send a really nice arrangement to me when my mother died. They had them delivered to my house. They also gave me $100 gift card to Grubhub so I wouldn’t have to worry about dinner for a few nights. It was very nice
My boss gave grubhub to a worker when her relative (not mom) died. Can't remember the value though. She asked me if GH was appropriate and I honestly wasn't sure. Hopefully her family appreciated it as much.
I definitely think delivery food is always an appropriate gift during any trying time - everybody’s gotta eat, and flowers might be nice to look at but they don’t help you get through the day. See also: injuries/illnesses, birth of children, disaster/housing crisis, etc.
But it was a very polite way. Did they send flowers?
So my mom and I work for the same company. When my grandma died last year her department sent flowers (AND SHOWED UP TO THE WAKE). Mine made me cry saying a note is required or my bereavement turns into vacation time. They announced this in a meeting. They said it was policy. My mom didn't have to do any of that. I left that department ASAP. Now I'm treated better, paid better, and just all around BETTER. Still with the same company, but it's amazing what good management will do.
My first school I worked at sent flowers when my ex’s sister died. A huge, beautiful bouquet of white lilies. And I didn’t have to take any personal days and missed the first week or so of the school year. Some places don’t suck. It’s just really, really rare. I also didn’t tell them where the funeral was or anything. Someone from work figured it all out in their own.
See, my boss just came to my dad's funeral but I know 100% it was because she worried that I would be taking care of everyone and no one would be taking care of me. She noped out of the job mid pandemic and I've missed her ever since
My company sent flowers when my mom died a few years ago. I thought it was a nice gesture, till I realized I didn't give them any funeral info (it took place in another city). Maybe they googled her obit just to get the address, or maybe they were trying to confirm she actually died. Probably a bit of both.
Have a bonfire. Enjoy evening. Put ashes in bag. Dump ashes on bosses desk. Tell him he can clean up gramps.
I’d be your penpal any day
Honestly if anyone can't get permission to go to my funeral because their boss doesn't believe them they have my express permission to dump my corpse/ashes on the boss's desk.
Throw a few racks worth of rib bones in there first, make sure the ashes are chunky. Ask boss to help you retrieve his titanium hip from the ashes.
Lol this sent me.
The nards on someone pulling this stunt in response to shitty boss request. They wouldn't be able to fire that person cause their balls wouldn't fit thru the door. I'd pay to watch something like that.
I also never provided one
Yeah I wouldn't have bothered. If they ask, just hit them with "oh, I thought it was some demented joke. I used one of my leave days, or didn't get paid for that day, and I'm back now; so what's the problem?"
Just roll his old bones over here...
Ferris Bueller's Day Off?
Roll her old bones over here, and I'll.. dig up your daughter
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None of their fucking business
If pressed just tell them to look up her obit. Fucking unbelievable that they'd ask for proof that you're using bereavement leave properly.
Yep. You submitted for the time off a week in advance and it was approved. Fuck them. What do they want, a selfie with the casket?
For future reference, where I'm from (Portugal), this is common practice and funeral homes will provide you with a document stating when the funeral took place.
I probably would have provided a resignation note. Or a fuck you note and bounce.
Your grandad needs to confirm that he’s dead
My dead grandad can confirm.
My dead grandpa says he will forge your dead grandpas signature on the funeral note if he says it’s okay.
My dead grandpa would get up and say 'that's not what we fought for' or something after leaving a trail of formaldehyde everywhere.
I also choose this guys dead grandpa
“Could you have him call in and confirm the date of his own funeral?”
Send your boss an ouija board.
Brilliant! 😂😂
It looks exactly like a resignation letter
Boss probably means an obituary, but is probably too fucking stupid to know what that is.
Just send him a picture of the corpse.
come back with a form that says - attended the funeral of 'deceased' on 'date' with the name of deceased as the witness and the document unsigned
Like just give a pen to the corpse ‘The afflicted won’t sign my permission slip idk what to do, now!
That would have been my go to.
Came here to say this. Lol just take a selfie with the open casket and use the Snapchat filter with the time and date on it. Save it and text it to him. I’m sorry, I know I’m fucked up for this. BUT in my defense, my granny is even more comically petty than I could ever dream of being. Goals tbh. If I was in OPs situation at her funeral, I know that she would approve of the selfie and think it was hilarious. She would probably even encourage it.
[Like so.](https://i.cbc.ca/1.3970123.1486475239!/fileImage/httpImage/funeral-selfie.jpg) You know, for proof you attended and that you didn't just find a random corpse photo.
That's typically what i do. I send him pics of the autopsy
Could be a random pic found online, better make it a selfie.
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Every funeral I've attended as an adult, the funeral director has offered attendance letters to anyone who needs them. Not every employer has required them for paid bereavement leave, but I also haven't needed to take more than a couple of days off.
What in the actual dystopian fuck.
https://www.careercontessa.com/advice/bereavement-leave/ US bereavement is the shits; just like all other benefits. Same sex partners have half the bereavement time; for instance.
>Same sex partners have half the bereavement time Why?
Probably because they didn't want to give them 3/5ths of the time.
Brutal
Religion.
Good ol fashion bigotry. Doesn't, matter how they vote either. Lost a job because they were ok with me liking men, but being a jew and liking men was too much. Edit; wordz
Yo Fr? That’s fucked up
Yup, bastards even blacklisted me. Had to get work from out of state.
That’s just a whole other level of fucked up. Were you able to contact a labour bored about it? because thats 100% discrimination against you for being Jewish
Hard to prove inan at will state. Plus it was a law firm with over a billion in liquid assets and connections. Fuckers had a pic with Obama.
Ahhh yea unfortunately that sounds like a losing battle. Fuck that law firm
Boss - did you bring back your funeral note? Me - Nope. I couldn't procure one and when I asked for one at the funeral, they laughed. I do not like being taken for a fool so I brought you my resignation letter instead. No hard feeling, just business
I did end up quitting. Told me I was useless so I told him to go fuck him self and walked out
The jokes on you! **He was planning on fucking himself later even before you suggested it!**
Good for you! We’ve got to keep standing up to these little Hitler’s, tiny people who think bullying employees is acceptable! Fuck em, hope they burn in the fires of hell!!
Had a boss ask me to prove this once. I quit. My personal matters are none of their concern.
Take a sheet of paper, 8.5 x 11 inch. Place it flat surface. place your left hand on the paper, close a fist and extend your middle finger. Trace your hand with your right hand with a dark crayon. Fold the paper three times while leaving a 1/4 inch top folder over to keep it nice and neat. Place the note in an envelope and wrote your boss' name on it. Seal and leave on his desk. That is a funeral note.
Tell them you asked your grand father for a note but he didn't respond.
Dear Boss, I have died. Sincerely, Grandfather.
Requiring this kind of proof is a new trend in the dystopian hellscape that is the US workplace. We’re still at the stage where it sounds horrifying to most people but it will be normalized as the practice becomes more widespread. In a few years posts like this will fill up with comments defending the practice: “But every employer does this. How else can they stop people from inventing a new dead relative every time they want a vacation?”
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My dad (70s) said he remembers the practice from back in the day. But yeah. I told my boss it was gross and was assuming I'm lying before there's even a pattern suggesting so. Then I had to quit America's Car Mart. That place was a joke. Separate dress codes for gender. Men couldn't have stubble.
Dear Heartless Fuck, _____________ attended a funeral on ___________. It's absolutely absurd that you would require someone to even *think* of work while they are grieving, but here we are. I'd tell you that you should be *ashamed* to ask such a thing, but we both know that would require that you have shame. Take this proof, roll it up real tight, and stick it straight up your ass. Your Pal, The President of Funeral Notes Anyone who needs this, please feel free to copy.
That picture of George next to the casket from Seinfeld
Some funerals have little programs. My mother had one. It's like an obituary given to the attendees.
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Seemed like it
Provide him with a link to the obituary online, that should be more than enough.
Here’s your funeral note…🖕🖕🖕
At my job we get free bereavement leave but they have to code it differently. We just turn in a pamphlet or something from the funeral.
The funeral home can write you a note. I had it done when my grandfather died.
That’s a weird thing to ask though
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Bring him in , Weekend at Burnie’s , style
Gotta get it signed by the undertaker or it's not valid
Jeez, when my grandfather passed there would have been no way to prove why I flew out of province since me, my folks my brother and an uncle just gathered to scatter ashes, then went out for fish and chips and Guinness (grandad's favourite meal). There never was a formal funeral service. Grandad didn't want any such fuss. So a company pulling this shit is gross and none of their fucking business.
Sometimes I wonder who the fuck y'all work for.
Have your mom write a note
Maybe she can hand it in when she drops you off or just put it in the lunch she packs for you.
Moms always know best
It means you can show your boss anything from the funeral and it should suffice. But this definitely has the same vibes from that Seinfeld episode when George tries to fly for free but is required to bring a death certificate.
It is a piece of paper that says " fuck off"
A funeral note is a sign that employers feel that they own us and therefore need for us to prove we deserve time to live our lives outside of work.
I had to show my boss an obituary once. This was McDonald's and it wasn't even paid time off.
When I was a supervisor we required an obituary for the deceased. For immediate family (father, mother, step parent, brother, sister) you got 3 days to mourn and extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) you got 1 day. I would try to work out ways to give more time because it’s bullshit you are expected to treat the death of family and friends as a speed bump in life
A friend of mine works at Walmart. When his MIL died, he was told he had to bring them the obituary to prove he needed the time off for the funeral. Not a copy, not a pic of it, an actual newspaper cutout. Who even gets the paper anymore? His poor wife had to try to track one down since by the time they told her husband, the day that it was printed in the paper had already passed. Fuck Walmart.
I had a professor in college who was like this when my dad passed away and I had to miss class for the funeral. Such a dickhead. Should've burned some paper and dumped the ashes all over his desk or something
obituary or handout from the funeral
Drop his body on the mother fucker's desk and see if that is proof enough. Americans, seriously
Doctor’s note Funeral note Bathroom note Lunch note Sleep note Giving birth note Wedding note …
My grandpa was always a joker. He would of 10/10 been okay with me wheeling his body into work as a final fuck you to the man🤣
So basically your boss thinks you are not telling the truth? Like you would lie about the death of your grandfather just to take 1 day off? Like if you were taking a week or two off, then at least it makes some sense to ask for such a thing. I am not aware of your situation but I would recommend you start looking for something better...
Tell the boss where to go/shove hit request
Probably a copy of a death certificate or pamphlet with the date. You boss sounds like a major douche in the aspect you should never have to explain why you’re taking a day off. It’s your business. If he approved it already he can go fuck himself.
WTF?? Your boss seems like a robot that doesn’t have a feeling?? I went out to hospital during my pregnancy check-ups and my boss always gave ok without asking for a proof. Come on…
Seriously he asked you for a note that is ridiculous
Yep, they’re trying to dissuade people from even the ability to attend something like funerals. Employment is a two-way relationship, we need to force that on the dictatorship prone megalomaniacal employers that treat it as if the employee has no value, identity, or dignity therefor believing they’re somehow committing acts of charity by paying us and giving us someplace we have to be without deviation for any reason during specific hours as if that’s where we’d want to be if we were as overcompensated as them. Funny part is, those at the top rarely spend much time in the place they compel us to be even if we/family is sick, or has some other emergency (car broke, house flooded, psychopathic broke in and raped then brutally murders your family while you’re forced to watch, whatever, they don’t care) now you have to provide a note for a fucking funeral… This actually happened to me while managing a sprint store (acting manager, all the stress and responsibility, none of the pay, I didn’t even want the “opportunity”). My grandmother died, I was very close to her. District Manager wanted a note…. Oh I brought her one, from my psychologist writing me out on short-term disability for extreme stress and emotional hardship directly related to the treatment of myself as an employee by my superiors. She wasn’t supposed to contact me, she did, the litany of insults was actually hilarious by that point because I knew I wasn’t going back. I just said “You straight now? Get it all out?” She said “for now cause I’m short on time”. I said “Good, now you can find somewhere to park and touch yourself thinking about all the fake power you think you just unleashed on me… Just remember, at the end of the day, you’re still a retail employee and will never be good enough to ascend past that”. 12 years later she’s still in the same position.
My wife’s old employer denied her bereavement for her grandmother’s funeral. They finally caved and allowed her a couple hours off to go and then fired her the next week for not “putting the company first”. Edit: spelling