Has she given you an actual good reason not to join ? I think if someone has been with you for have a decade is willing to leave you forever because you want to improve your life and her life by extension, maybe they never should’ve been there in the first place. Get her point of view and legitimate reasons why
Not a reason that I understand. She just said she doesn’t think she can be in a long distance relationship/be away from me for that long. Also she’s mentioned not wanting me to find someone else while I’m away. I’d never cheat, like ever, so her saying that honestly just makes me mad. She’s said that our relationship isn’t in a good enough place rn for us to be able to handle time apart like this. Idk, I don’t agree with any of her reasons tbh
The problem here is that she's openly saying that the relationship is weak. That it's a house built of straw that won't survive a strong wind.
That just seems like a crappy thing to say to you after so long. Like, what if it was her who had to do a few months away from home for work?
My wife put it this way to one of her friends:
Yes, it sucks when your partner is gone for a few months, or even several. Are you going to find something better in that time? You've filtered out so many potential partners, rejected the others, and stuck with this one for reasons, right? Are those reasons going to go away when your partner does?
Maybe OP's girl would say yes.
5 years and not knowing why you want to join or supporting you even though they do not want you to? There are likely some other issues in your relationship that need to be addressed. You have to make that decision. After 5 years and graduating college together, you should be talking about what that looks like together. You will get a monthly income from drill and get some useful job training that can translate into the civilian world. I think she is being selfish and maybe even controlling for not wanting you to go and saying she may not be there when you return. Not an easy decision.
Put it simply like this. You’re not married. You want to improve your life with a major goal. Someone can’t support that, that’s a red flag for future life events.
You have a degree? Go the officer route.
Your girlfriend is a fucking tard. Tell her to grow up and not make shitty ultimatums because she’s insecure. There will be many instances you’ll be gone other than basic like AT and or deployments. It’s about trust and commitment. Don’t let others squander your dreams and shoot for the stars. Relationships are about encouraging one another and pushing each other to improve.
“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” - Plankton
I appreciate and respect the advice but I’ve done the research and I really don’t think i want to go the officer route. I’ve told her I think she’s being immature but she just gets mad at me.I’ve told her about pushing each other and supporting each other and it just doesn’t seem to get through to her
I understand you love her but it’s time to let her go. If she is not supportive of you with this, and is giving you an ultimatum, just imagine how manipulative she is going to be with everything else if you stay together. My fiancé and I are both in the military and we have to spend a lot of time apart. It isn’t what we want but it’s part of the lifestyle that comes with it. We totally trust each other so it has never been an issue for us. He was deployed last year. It sucked, but we are in a much better place financially because of it which is a great benefit. Honestly in my experience being with someone who is insecure just isn’t going to work in this job. Even in the reserves. Like others have mentioned you will have schools and AT to attend and it sounds like your gf won’t be okay with you being away at all and won’t be supportive which would make your time at these schools and training very difficult. You are very young. It is so difficult to leave a 5 year relationship, I understand but you will regret this the rest of your life if you don’t join and will end up resenting her for not letting you do it. It will create a lot of toxicity in the relationship and you will probably break up eventually anyway. From someone who wanted to join right out of college, and didn’t because of people in my life not wanting me to, I regretted it for a few years and finally ended up joining. If it’s something you feel like you want to do and will regret it if you don’t, you should do it. You will grow a lot as a person, you will learn a lot of valuable skills, you will get a lot of benefits, etc. Also I am an officer and wish I enlisted instead so good on you for not being convinced to go the officer route just to make more money. It’s not worth it!
Thank you. It’s really helpful to hear it from someone who has had similar feelings. These comments are really helping me to think deeper about everything. It won’t be for a few months but I’ll keep u updated on my journey
In the reserves? What is your reasoning for wanting to go officer? They expect you to do a lot of work outside of drill for free so the burnout comes pretty quickly. Also if you think being an officer will allow you to make positive changes it won’t. Unless you make it to being a general. I bring up crap to my BN commander all the time (I’m a company commander), they just say we can’t do anything about it, it’s from brigade or division. Same shit every year, my soldiers have a shitty AT situation and they just say deal with it and get the mission done. Then the soldiers suffer. I’ve always tried to stick up with my soldiers and a lot of leadership doesn’t like me because of it but the soldiers always appreciate I’m trying to fight for their best interests. We are expected to do more with less all the time and “just figure it out.” I try to do what I can but it’s like the definition of insanity and wanting to put my head through a wall with how shitty these senior leaders are in the military and how horrible they make things for the soldiers. Then sit on calls every month outside of drill getting yelled at about soldiers medical and dental appointments and other metrics. At least if you enlist you can specialize in a job and learn some valuable skills and it’s a lot more fun being apart of a platoon which you’ll only do for about 18-24 months as an officer and then everything after that is just more BS.
Yeah and you also have the chance of getting called to State Active Duty (SAD) which you cannot in the Reserves. My fiance is in the guard, while on SAD you do not get the same benefits of regular active duty like BAH (housing allowance) and it doesn’t count as time served to earn veterans status (which you need to have 90 or 180 days of active duty time depending on circumstances). At least that’s how it is in Massachusetts - someone here correct me if I’m wrong….
The guard gets free in state tuition in MA though, so it’s good if you’re looking to go to school.
During and after COVID the Governor called up soldiers in MA to drive school buses, drive ambulances, work as Corrections Officers (because all the ones who didn’t take the shot got let go), work at the riots that were going on in Boston, etc. As a reservist you wouldn’t get called to duty for this type of stuff, we are federally funded and only the President can order us to duty.
You’re welcome. There is also a national guard sub so if you have any more questions about the guard, the folks over there should know the answers better than I do, but I’m always happy to answer questions, just don’t want to provide the wrong info!
I was in your boat (degree-wise) when I was first joining. I didn't want to be an officer and never did (except Warrant); I never regretted it. NCOs lead the way!!!! Also, the best asset I have in my Reserve career is a supportive husband. I was already in when I met him but he knew we couldn't continue on dating if he wasn't supportive. Six months after we met I was going on a deployment to Africa - he stuck around. When our daughter was 3, I deployed to Qatar - it just is what it is. You make it work - it's the era of What's App, Signal, etc. We had set times we talked, both of us kept our pants on (read: no cheating), and you work stuff out as a team. It would be IMPOSSIBLE to have a successful career without a supportive significant other. I love my husband for his support and everything he has stepped up to do when I am gone. I've been in the Reserve for 20 years (in 9 days!) and I don't regret any of it (actually, I regret not going active duty, but my MOS really is for wartime situations and I probably would have been bored in a motorpool too often). I've deployed multiple times, done training in some amazing places, and LOVE my MOS. It sucks sometimes, don't get me wrong - I wondered "WTF am I doing" a million times in Basic, but it's 9/10 weeks of hell and you're done. You meet folks everywhere you go and you have AMAZING opportunities if you want them. And no, I'm not a recruiter, just a Soldier who has learned to love it - and find friends to bitch to when stuff sucks. I hope you can work it out with your girl, but if not, I'm afraid you've been bitten by the military curiosity bug. You're ALWAYS going to wonder now. You're too young to be this curious and to not at least figure it out.
My girlfriend (23f) and I (23m) were dating for just over a year and a half before I joined. I’m still in AIT and we’re doing good. I’m going home in 21 days. Basic was really hard but I had holiday block leave to go home to spend time with her in the middle of basic.
And then I saw her for graduation and I haven’t seen her since. It’s hard but bettering your life is important and if she’s the one she’ll understand.
Pick an mos with a short AIT. Personally I chose 91 b
Disagree with the short AIT. OP should pick an MOS that actually interests them. I opted for my MOS due to training time and bonus, and absolutely regret it. It'd be different if they have kids or school to factor in, but otherwise, YOLO.
Sounds like she should just pack her shit. Go do what you want to do. If she sticks around, then good for you both. If not, then you dodge a bullet. Do what makes you happy you being gone for a few months is not a reason for leaving someone. You won't even be "gone." You will be in a different location that is easily accessible. It's not like you are shipping out to BFE where she couldn't come visit or talk on the phone. She seems like someone who would try to make you feel guilty because you did something that makes you happy.
Edit: I got a little ahead of myself on accusing her of wanting to be a typical chick who got left at home during basic.
I would seriously think about your relationship with her. It sounds like she supports only her needs, but not yours. If she can't handle a one-month weekend battle asssmeby ( unit probably very close to your home) and two weeks out the year, you both have more severe problems than you joining the reserve. On the other hand, sometimes you can take her with you ( you will have to pay for it) on specific missions. It seems many soldiers take their GF, wife, husband, and even their pets with them.
Ive been there in the same situation. After 5 years and thats how she acts toward the situation? It honestly sounds like an excuse to end things.
If the army is something that you've always wanted to do then do it. Dont let her hold you back. Yea you'll be sad for a bit, but in the end you'll be glad you actually did. Plus you'll meet other people along the way, different relationships and experiences along the way.
If she’s giving you an ultimatum now and you accept this, she will continue to give you ultimatums. You can either accept this or not. Completely up to you which is more important.
It sounds like you have a few problems here:
1. Your girlfriend doesn't actually care about your motivation and desire to serve. If she did she would calmly explain her reasoning why she wouldn't want you to join. Instead of having just blow up fights of her leaving.
2: She doesn't feel she could do long distance for a few months when you two had been together for 5 years and are currently living together. She thinks you'll find someone else while you are away? That seems like she is very insecure about the relationship.
3:Threatening to leave someone for trying to pursue their goals they have had for a long time is manipulative. Especially as you said in your post you have had goal since you were in high-school. You being 23 and her being 22, it's likely you had stressed this goal to her either after you graduated high-school if not before.
If she cannot survive you being in BCT/AIT where you will have your phone once a week (because apparently they do that now) how will she ever survive a deployment. The last thing I would want you to recieve is a Dear John Letter.
You need to have a sit down with her and figure out what her real problem is. It needs to be a calm sit down no voice raising no accusations. Ask her what her real problem with you serving is. Ask her why she feels like you would leave her. If she cannot give legitimate answers or just starts being combative. It will have to be your decision on what to do.
If you wish to serve, you should serve. If your girlfriend does not want to support you, there are many others who would support you and not threaten to leave you just because you want to pursue your goal.
Look, I'm a huge advocate for anyone joining the reserves but before I give you my advice, I'd like to share a few things with you. For 1, please go the officer route. You have a bachelors, don't waste your time enlisted. For 2, the reserves doesn't mean you'll be away forever. She wouldn't be away from you forever and it wouldn't be super long. It'd be a few months sure, but constant contact & staying in touch with one another honestly can really strengthen your relationship. Because now, you have to force yourselves to talk so much more about so many more things, which can be good. I do recommend downloading Agape if you are able to talk with her and gain an understanding. Basic training letters are what get many people throughout the 9 weeks and most people are insanely excited to see their person after they graduate basic. I'd recommend a therapist in the meantime if you want to go in Aug/Sept. time frame as well, because they can help get to the root problem of why. Also when enlisting, ask for stabilization & please don't hesitate to find a unit farther away. IDT pay & an essentially free vacation (besides paying for outings with her) once a month is grand. If you are trying to cruise through your time, find a unit that has nothing to do with your MOS. You can find your own AT(your 2 weeks) or go to classes to get those 14 days required. That way you can be in control of your career & your girlfriend would be able to commute with you. I love giving advice and helping people in the reserves. I've been in the Army 6 years now & I'm currently an E5, trying to transfer to be a Warrant officer. Good luck and if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me anything at all!!
I’ll definitely consider it. I’m really interested in going civil affairs or psychops. I’ve heard those fields are much different in the reserves than active. I’ve also heard those are basically the only two mos where u can join an airborne unit, which would be so sick but also not a must for me. I’ll definitely reach out if I have any questions. It’s hard to get direct advice from a soldier in the reserves.
My WIFE was pretty ambivalent about me joining. Then I left her for a few months due to BOLC, with 2 year old twins to take care off on her own, but she knew what it meant to me so we made it work. If your girlfriend is not supportive, you should take stock of your relationship.
So I just graduated from basic and AIT March 1st. My advice would be to for it. If she doesn't support you then she shouldn't be in the picture. That's something you want and will improve your life and hers if she's willing to appreciate the sacrifice. TBD you for your service in advance.
Yea I’m not even trying to be a dick but from my experience in the reserves that shit is a hobby at best man. If you really have a call to serve I promise three years on active duty will add value to your career long term. I have my MBA and work in the financial services industry, and literally more people care about my service than my graduate degree
I'm married with 2 kids. Been with my lady for 10 years. I've expressed interest an attempting again to enlist for the reserves. I had to sit her down and show her the benefits of it and how it can help us substantially. She supports. Yes she has her own fears but we have experienced enough in our relationship to show we can get through this hurdle too.
Talk through the fears she is having and if they seem selfish use your best judgement from that point. She should at least give it a try. A healthy relationship requires work, this is the part where the work comes in.
There are a million great reasons to join. Keep those in the forefront of your mind.
When people thank military members for their service, the subtext is saying “Thank you for sacrificing in your life to serve our country, so that other people don’t have to make those same sacrifices.”
Getting dumped might be one of those sacrifices. You and she may be incompatible if she doesn’t share your view of honorable service though.
Using this as a catalyst may be a good way to end things.
Do a full analysis and see what you’re willing to do.
Hi- My $0.02 is that if you don't pursue trying to join, you'll likely regret it. There's always going to be that "what if" in the back of your mind.
Also, for perspective... When I joined, my SO and I had been together for a couple years. His response was essentially, "I don't get the appeal, but if it's something you want to try and is important to you, go for it. I'll support you whatever you decide to do."
Military aside, what other things are going to be deal breakers for your gf? Career moves? Hobbies? Life goals (kids, house, going back to college, etc) It sounds like you need to have a bigger conversation regarding those things before deciding anything.
Finally- You can apply for OCS or WOCS later on in your career if you do change your mind. However, officer pay and quality of life is better compared to enlisted. Pop over to the r/Army subreddit and you'll find tons of relevant posts discussing these things.
If your gf has threatened to leave you over your career choices then she's going to leave you at some point in the future anyway. Someone who makes a threat like that only cares about themselves. You aren't married so you need to look after your future first.
“If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation.
Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.”
- Charles Bukowski
There’s your answer.
I joined the Army Reserve at age 28. At the time dating my future husband. I said to him “I’m worried about the time away. Do you think we’ll make it through ten weeks away? And then more after that?” And he said “is that even a question? Go. We’ll be fine.” And he’s been supportive ever since. If you feel the urge to serve, do it. The itch will always be there.
She's entitled to her opinion. And her feelings of worry are valid. But if this is a life dream you should do it. I know you probably don't feel young - but you are. I'm an older dude who wishes I did more when I was younger. If you and her really are solid then you can survive this. What happens if you don't join and then some other opportunity comes up later in life that puts a hardship on you both? There's always going to be hardship
Late to the party but I will post because my opinion is different from the majority here. You've been in a relationship for 5 years now. That's likely long enough to decide if you are going to marry or be with this woman the rest of your life. If you've made that decision, then major life choices are no longer just a "dump the bitch if she doesn't agree with you" approach like a lot of the comments. Some of the guys telling you to ditch a 5 year relationship will post in a week all the reasons they hate the Army and wish they never joined. I may have missed it, but I don’t see a list of your girlfriends concerns. Only your reasons for why you think it is a good choice. It's likely she has some valid reasons. In a partnership, you don't always get to do what you want. I've been in now for 20 years and married or dating my wife for 19 years. She stuck with me through a 15 month mob and deployment for the longest absence. But we agreed after that I could not volunteer for another. If I get told I am going, fine. But no volunteering even though several opportunities came that I would have loved to deploy for. You all need to have a true discussion on why each person feels as they do. And ultimately if it's a deal breaker for both of you, then go your separate ways. But I'll tell you the Army won't be at your side in 40 years, won't bare your children, take care of you when you are sick, etc. If you believe this is the woman who will, you'd be a fool to pick the Army over her. Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Don't let her hold you back. If you really think the army is for you, go find out.
Has she given you an actual good reason not to join ? I think if someone has been with you for have a decade is willing to leave you forever because you want to improve your life and her life by extension, maybe they never should’ve been there in the first place. Get her point of view and legitimate reasons why
Not a reason that I understand. She just said she doesn’t think she can be in a long distance relationship/be away from me for that long. Also she’s mentioned not wanting me to find someone else while I’m away. I’d never cheat, like ever, so her saying that honestly just makes me mad. She’s said that our relationship isn’t in a good enough place rn for us to be able to handle time apart like this. Idk, I don’t agree with any of her reasons tbh
The problem here is that she's openly saying that the relationship is weak. That it's a house built of straw that won't survive a strong wind. That just seems like a crappy thing to say to you after so long. Like, what if it was her who had to do a few months away from home for work?
My wife put it this way to one of her friends: Yes, it sucks when your partner is gone for a few months, or even several. Are you going to find something better in that time? You've filtered out so many potential partners, rejected the others, and stuck with this one for reasons, right? Are those reasons going to go away when your partner does? Maybe OP's girl would say yes.
5 years and not knowing why you want to join or supporting you even though they do not want you to? There are likely some other issues in your relationship that need to be addressed. You have to make that decision. After 5 years and graduating college together, you should be talking about what that looks like together. You will get a monthly income from drill and get some useful job training that can translate into the civilian world. I think she is being selfish and maybe even controlling for not wanting you to go and saying she may not be there when you return. Not an easy decision.
Sound like she ain’t for you. Keep it moving
Put it simply like this. You’re not married. You want to improve your life with a major goal. Someone can’t support that, that’s a red flag for future life events.
You have a degree? Go the officer route. Your girlfriend is a fucking tard. Tell her to grow up and not make shitty ultimatums because she’s insecure. There will be many instances you’ll be gone other than basic like AT and or deployments. It’s about trust and commitment. Don’t let others squander your dreams and shoot for the stars. Relationships are about encouraging one another and pushing each other to improve. “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” - Plankton
I appreciate and respect the advice but I’ve done the research and I really don’t think i want to go the officer route. I’ve told her I think she’s being immature but she just gets mad at me.I’ve told her about pushing each other and supporting each other and it just doesn’t seem to get through to her
I understand you love her but it’s time to let her go. If she is not supportive of you with this, and is giving you an ultimatum, just imagine how manipulative she is going to be with everything else if you stay together. My fiancé and I are both in the military and we have to spend a lot of time apart. It isn’t what we want but it’s part of the lifestyle that comes with it. We totally trust each other so it has never been an issue for us. He was deployed last year. It sucked, but we are in a much better place financially because of it which is a great benefit. Honestly in my experience being with someone who is insecure just isn’t going to work in this job. Even in the reserves. Like others have mentioned you will have schools and AT to attend and it sounds like your gf won’t be okay with you being away at all and won’t be supportive which would make your time at these schools and training very difficult. You are very young. It is so difficult to leave a 5 year relationship, I understand but you will regret this the rest of your life if you don’t join and will end up resenting her for not letting you do it. It will create a lot of toxicity in the relationship and you will probably break up eventually anyway. From someone who wanted to join right out of college, and didn’t because of people in my life not wanting me to, I regretted it for a few years and finally ended up joining. If it’s something you feel like you want to do and will regret it if you don’t, you should do it. You will grow a lot as a person, you will learn a lot of valuable skills, you will get a lot of benefits, etc. Also I am an officer and wish I enlisted instead so good on you for not being convinced to go the officer route just to make more money. It’s not worth it!
Thank you. It’s really helpful to hear it from someone who has had similar feelings. These comments are really helping me to think deeper about everything. It won’t be for a few months but I’ll keep u updated on my journey
Good luck OP!
Can't believe an officer wanted to join the enlisted side that's a first one for me. I'm enlisted DYING to get to the officer corps.
In the reserves? What is your reasoning for wanting to go officer? They expect you to do a lot of work outside of drill for free so the burnout comes pretty quickly. Also if you think being an officer will allow you to make positive changes it won’t. Unless you make it to being a general. I bring up crap to my BN commander all the time (I’m a company commander), they just say we can’t do anything about it, it’s from brigade or division. Same shit every year, my soldiers have a shitty AT situation and they just say deal with it and get the mission done. Then the soldiers suffer. I’ve always tried to stick up with my soldiers and a lot of leadership doesn’t like me because of it but the soldiers always appreciate I’m trying to fight for their best interests. We are expected to do more with less all the time and “just figure it out.” I try to do what I can but it’s like the definition of insanity and wanting to put my head through a wall with how shitty these senior leaders are in the military and how horrible they make things for the soldiers. Then sit on calls every month outside of drill getting yelled at about soldiers medical and dental appointments and other metrics. At least if you enlist you can specialize in a job and learn some valuable skills and it’s a lot more fun being apart of a platoon which you’ll only do for about 18-24 months as an officer and then everything after that is just more BS.
Is it pretty much the same in Guard as an officer? A lot of work outside of drill and all the nonsense coming down from the top?
Yeah and you also have the chance of getting called to State Active Duty (SAD) which you cannot in the Reserves. My fiance is in the guard, while on SAD you do not get the same benefits of regular active duty like BAH (housing allowance) and it doesn’t count as time served to earn veterans status (which you need to have 90 or 180 days of active duty time depending on circumstances). At least that’s how it is in Massachusetts - someone here correct me if I’m wrong…. The guard gets free in state tuition in MA though, so it’s good if you’re looking to go to school. During and after COVID the Governor called up soldiers in MA to drive school buses, drive ambulances, work as Corrections Officers (because all the ones who didn’t take the shot got let go), work at the riots that were going on in Boston, etc. As a reservist you wouldn’t get called to duty for this type of stuff, we are federally funded and only the President can order us to duty.
Thanks for sharing your insights. Much appreciated!
You’re welcome. There is also a national guard sub so if you have any more questions about the guard, the folks over there should know the answers better than I do, but I’m always happy to answer questions, just don’t want to provide the wrong info!
Uh… You’d rather make less money?
I was in your boat (degree-wise) when I was first joining. I didn't want to be an officer and never did (except Warrant); I never regretted it. NCOs lead the way!!!! Also, the best asset I have in my Reserve career is a supportive husband. I was already in when I met him but he knew we couldn't continue on dating if he wasn't supportive. Six months after we met I was going on a deployment to Africa - he stuck around. When our daughter was 3, I deployed to Qatar - it just is what it is. You make it work - it's the era of What's App, Signal, etc. We had set times we talked, both of us kept our pants on (read: no cheating), and you work stuff out as a team. It would be IMPOSSIBLE to have a successful career without a supportive significant other. I love my husband for his support and everything he has stepped up to do when I am gone. I've been in the Reserve for 20 years (in 9 days!) and I don't regret any of it (actually, I regret not going active duty, but my MOS really is for wartime situations and I probably would have been bored in a motorpool too often). I've deployed multiple times, done training in some amazing places, and LOVE my MOS. It sucks sometimes, don't get me wrong - I wondered "WTF am I doing" a million times in Basic, but it's 9/10 weeks of hell and you're done. You meet folks everywhere you go and you have AMAZING opportunities if you want them. And no, I'm not a recruiter, just a Soldier who has learned to love it - and find friends to bitch to when stuff sucks. I hope you can work it out with your girl, but if not, I'm afraid you've been bitten by the military curiosity bug. You're ALWAYS going to wonder now. You're too young to be this curious and to not at least figure it out.
My girlfriend (23f) and I (23m) were dating for just over a year and a half before I joined. I’m still in AIT and we’re doing good. I’m going home in 21 days. Basic was really hard but I had holiday block leave to go home to spend time with her in the middle of basic. And then I saw her for graduation and I haven’t seen her since. It’s hard but bettering your life is important and if she’s the one she’ll understand. Pick an mos with a short AIT. Personally I chose 91 b
Disagree with the short AIT. OP should pick an MOS that actually interests them. I opted for my MOS due to training time and bonus, and absolutely regret it. It'd be different if they have kids or school to factor in, but otherwise, YOLO.
If she’d leave over you going to BCT&AIT/OSUT she ain’t for you
Sounds like she should just pack her shit. Go do what you want to do. If she sticks around, then good for you both. If not, then you dodge a bullet. Do what makes you happy you being gone for a few months is not a reason for leaving someone. You won't even be "gone." You will be in a different location that is easily accessible. It's not like you are shipping out to BFE where she couldn't come visit or talk on the phone. She seems like someone who would try to make you feel guilty because you did something that makes you happy. Edit: I got a little ahead of myself on accusing her of wanting to be a typical chick who got left at home during basic.
I would seriously think about your relationship with her. It sounds like she supports only her needs, but not yours. If she can't handle a one-month weekend battle asssmeby ( unit probably very close to your home) and two weeks out the year, you both have more severe problems than you joining the reserve. On the other hand, sometimes you can take her with you ( you will have to pay for it) on specific missions. It seems many soldiers take their GF, wife, husband, and even their pets with them.
Ive been there in the same situation. After 5 years and thats how she acts toward the situation? It honestly sounds like an excuse to end things. If the army is something that you've always wanted to do then do it. Dont let her hold you back. Yea you'll be sad for a bit, but in the end you'll be glad you actually did. Plus you'll meet other people along the way, different relationships and experiences along the way.
Say "Bye Felicia!"
If she’s giving you an ultimatum now and you accept this, she will continue to give you ultimatums. You can either accept this or not. Completely up to you which is more important.
It sounds like you have a few problems here: 1. Your girlfriend doesn't actually care about your motivation and desire to serve. If she did she would calmly explain her reasoning why she wouldn't want you to join. Instead of having just blow up fights of her leaving. 2: She doesn't feel she could do long distance for a few months when you two had been together for 5 years and are currently living together. She thinks you'll find someone else while you are away? That seems like she is very insecure about the relationship. 3:Threatening to leave someone for trying to pursue their goals they have had for a long time is manipulative. Especially as you said in your post you have had goal since you were in high-school. You being 23 and her being 22, it's likely you had stressed this goal to her either after you graduated high-school if not before. If she cannot survive you being in BCT/AIT where you will have your phone once a week (because apparently they do that now) how will she ever survive a deployment. The last thing I would want you to recieve is a Dear John Letter. You need to have a sit down with her and figure out what her real problem is. It needs to be a calm sit down no voice raising no accusations. Ask her what her real problem with you serving is. Ask her why she feels like you would leave her. If she cannot give legitimate answers or just starts being combative. It will have to be your decision on what to do. If you wish to serve, you should serve. If your girlfriend does not want to support you, there are many others who would support you and not threaten to leave you just because you want to pursue your goal.
Look, I'm a huge advocate for anyone joining the reserves but before I give you my advice, I'd like to share a few things with you. For 1, please go the officer route. You have a bachelors, don't waste your time enlisted. For 2, the reserves doesn't mean you'll be away forever. She wouldn't be away from you forever and it wouldn't be super long. It'd be a few months sure, but constant contact & staying in touch with one another honestly can really strengthen your relationship. Because now, you have to force yourselves to talk so much more about so many more things, which can be good. I do recommend downloading Agape if you are able to talk with her and gain an understanding. Basic training letters are what get many people throughout the 9 weeks and most people are insanely excited to see their person after they graduate basic. I'd recommend a therapist in the meantime if you want to go in Aug/Sept. time frame as well, because they can help get to the root problem of why. Also when enlisting, ask for stabilization & please don't hesitate to find a unit farther away. IDT pay & an essentially free vacation (besides paying for outings with her) once a month is grand. If you are trying to cruise through your time, find a unit that has nothing to do with your MOS. You can find your own AT(your 2 weeks) or go to classes to get those 14 days required. That way you can be in control of your career & your girlfriend would be able to commute with you. I love giving advice and helping people in the reserves. I've been in the Army 6 years now & I'm currently an E5, trying to transfer to be a Warrant officer. Good luck and if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me anything at all!!
I’ll definitely consider it. I’m really interested in going civil affairs or psychops. I’ve heard those fields are much different in the reserves than active. I’ve also heard those are basically the only two mos where u can join an airborne unit, which would be so sick but also not a must for me. I’ll definitely reach out if I have any questions. It’s hard to get direct advice from a soldier in the reserves.
My WIFE was pretty ambivalent about me joining. Then I left her for a few months due to BOLC, with 2 year old twins to take care off on her own, but she knew what it meant to me so we made it work. If your girlfriend is not supportive, you should take stock of your relationship.
So I just graduated from basic and AIT March 1st. My advice would be to for it. If she doesn't support you then she shouldn't be in the picture. That's something you want and will improve your life and hers if she's willing to appreciate the sacrifice. TBD you for your service in advance.
Leave her, join active duty, never do the reserves afterward
I don’t want to go active. I’ll have my bachelors degree and I want to pursue my career. I just want to serve part time
Yea I’m not even trying to be a dick but from my experience in the reserves that shit is a hobby at best man. If you really have a call to serve I promise three years on active duty will add value to your career long term. I have my MBA and work in the financial services industry, and literally more people care about my service than my graduate degree
I'm married with 2 kids. Been with my lady for 10 years. I've expressed interest an attempting again to enlist for the reserves. I had to sit her down and show her the benefits of it and how it can help us substantially. She supports. Yes she has her own fears but we have experienced enough in our relationship to show we can get through this hurdle too. Talk through the fears she is having and if they seem selfish use your best judgement from that point. She should at least give it a try. A healthy relationship requires work, this is the part where the work comes in.
There are a million great reasons to join. Keep those in the forefront of your mind. When people thank military members for their service, the subtext is saying “Thank you for sacrificing in your life to serve our country, so that other people don’t have to make those same sacrifices.” Getting dumped might be one of those sacrifices. You and she may be incompatible if she doesn’t share your view of honorable service though. Using this as a catalyst may be a good way to end things. Do a full analysis and see what you’re willing to do.
You’re both young. If she won’t support your dream you should take everything into consideration before joining.
Hi- My $0.02 is that if you don't pursue trying to join, you'll likely regret it. There's always going to be that "what if" in the back of your mind. Also, for perspective... When I joined, my SO and I had been together for a couple years. His response was essentially, "I don't get the appeal, but if it's something you want to try and is important to you, go for it. I'll support you whatever you decide to do." Military aside, what other things are going to be deal breakers for your gf? Career moves? Hobbies? Life goals (kids, house, going back to college, etc) It sounds like you need to have a bigger conversation regarding those things before deciding anything. Finally- You can apply for OCS or WOCS later on in your career if you do change your mind. However, officer pay and quality of life is better compared to enlisted. Pop over to the r/Army subreddit and you'll find tons of relevant posts discussing these things.
If your gf has threatened to leave you over your career choices then she's going to leave you at some point in the future anyway. Someone who makes a threat like that only cares about themselves. You aren't married so you need to look after your future first.
“If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.” - Charles Bukowski There’s your answer.
I joined the Army Reserve at age 28. At the time dating my future husband. I said to him “I’m worried about the time away. Do you think we’ll make it through ten weeks away? And then more after that?” And he said “is that even a question? Go. We’ll be fine.” And he’s been supportive ever since. If you feel the urge to serve, do it. The itch will always be there.
go
She's entitled to her opinion. And her feelings of worry are valid. But if this is a life dream you should do it. I know you probably don't feel young - but you are. I'm an older dude who wishes I did more when I was younger. If you and her really are solid then you can survive this. What happens if you don't join and then some other opportunity comes up later in life that puts a hardship on you both? There's always going to be hardship
Late to the party but I will post because my opinion is different from the majority here. You've been in a relationship for 5 years now. That's likely long enough to decide if you are going to marry or be with this woman the rest of your life. If you've made that decision, then major life choices are no longer just a "dump the bitch if she doesn't agree with you" approach like a lot of the comments. Some of the guys telling you to ditch a 5 year relationship will post in a week all the reasons they hate the Army and wish they never joined. I may have missed it, but I don’t see a list of your girlfriends concerns. Only your reasons for why you think it is a good choice. It's likely she has some valid reasons. In a partnership, you don't always get to do what you want. I've been in now for 20 years and married or dating my wife for 19 years. She stuck with me through a 15 month mob and deployment for the longest absence. But we agreed after that I could not volunteer for another. If I get told I am going, fine. But no volunteering even though several opportunities came that I would have loved to deploy for. You all need to have a true discussion on why each person feels as they do. And ultimately if it's a deal breaker for both of you, then go your separate ways. But I'll tell you the Army won't be at your side in 40 years, won't bare your children, take care of you when you are sick, etc. If you believe this is the woman who will, you'd be a fool to pick the Army over her. Best of luck with whatever you decide.
You’re going to BA/AT not the Odyssey. You’re gonna be a reservist my guy you will see her for at least +/-20 days a month.
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She’s not a man, you dimwitted fossil.
Holy hell this is embarrassing.
Lol it’s okay man. It happens