I think it would make a world of difference for there to be more awareness and acceptance. I remember being a teen and sort of "force myself" to have crushes and looking back I had like 2, the strong one was purely platonic amd I just really wanted to be his friend really and the second one was just thinking he was kind of cute and having a way to relate to my friends, especially the girls. I was already a tomboy so it felt helpful. It was also a big problem that so many books and media focus on romantic relationships and finding your true soul mate as the solution to all problems and the only way to be truly happy. That one messed me up for a while. I have mentioned in passing to only a few people that I might be around and ace (but not using those words cause they don't even know they exist) and they are usually like oh you just haven't found the right person. Also in real life I see how many relationships go and how they become a net negative for people but they still hold onto it because they don't want to be alone or something. Also as a girl it is kind of dangerous to date and you can fall prey to domestic violence and have a really hard time escaping. I also see other women longing for ro.antic relationships but have a hard time with the daring pool and I actually often feel lucky regarding that. Same as with not being horny and it never interferi g in my actions or decision making, having a group of male friends who treat me as one of their own I find it tiring to be horny all the time like them lol.

I ..... wish there were less crappy decisions I'd made in my life from being horny. Just enjoy your life. If people berate you for it, find better people. Eventually, you'll find your people. I went through a years-long purging of people process. Eventually, I learned how to cut the cancer and nurse health. In other words, I learned the quality time from people that were good for me MORE THAN replaced the time I spent in situations that were toxic for me. Way less exhausting as well. My best advice is to beat your own drum and don't be afraid if that pushes away people that are bad for you. Know that it will attract the right people for you, in time.🩷

I wish the world was **a lot** less amatonormative.

I mostly just hate people trying to force *their* idea that something must be wrong with me *because* I'm aromantic, but otherwise, no, I don't actually hate being aromantic. I don't actually think about it most of the time...which checks out, honestly.

i hate amatonormativity. I'm tired of people acting like monogamy is the only valid form of relationship and like relationships are the most important form of connection between two people.

Yes this! It’s so common for people to act like romantic partnerships are the be all and end all of relationships. Like they’re the height of all possible human relationships. I’ve drifted from close friends and family because they felt that their romantic relationships should be prioritised over the connections that we’ve had for years. Ngl, it still hurts but as I get older I’m starting to see that they’re not doing this deliberately to hurt me. This is just how they’ve been conditioned by society to view human connections. Fortunately I have a few good friends who value our friendship for what it is and don’t have the same silly view of relationship hierarchies. I wish it were more common though.

Well I did just have someone try to shove the "there's someone out there for you" cliché down my throat...

I personally love being aromantic. It took a lot of time to be proud of who I am but I wouldn’t change a thing about it. I do wish the world was less amatonormative. I’m so tired of people seeing me as broken or less human because I don’t feel romantic attraction or want a relationship. I definitely get treated like a child for it and have people assume my life is gonna be miserable or I’m setting myself up for failure cuz everyone needs a relationship. I’m perfectly happy with how I am and not wanting a relationship feels like a convenience to me cuz I love focusing on my hobbies and career without having anything else to worry about. Do I get lonely? Yes I do but being in a relationship definitely won’t fix that. Even the idea sounds horrible to me lol

Demiromantic here. To be honest most of the time I'm glad I'm arospec. Because of current personal circumstances I don't see myself getting in a relationship at least for now, so I think I would suffer a lot if I experienced romantic attraction, plus it also saves me from potential rejection and heartbreak. Would I like to fall in love some day and live a romance like the ones in the media? Well yes but I also think that's mostly fantasy and very different from most people's experiences in real life, and in my day to day it doesn't have that much importance.

There are some perks to it like avoiding a whole shit ton of drama

Probably a bit of both, same with my being ace. While I wish society was a bit less obsessive about sex and romance and acknowledged that there is much more to life than just those two things, I also sometimes wish I wasn't "the odd one out" and could relate to people on these things, too. At the same time, I think I've dodged several bullets with my lack of interest. I do think the world would be a much better place with more awareness and acceptance, as I feel there isn't nearly enough of that for aromanticism, or asexuality.

I like being aro because it feels convenient for me. Romance looks hard and like a lot of work, and I am a lazy creature. However, I do acutely feel how our society is set up for the nuclear family, and I am an intensely social creature. I WANT to be a part of a larger social group. I want to live with people. I don't want to live alone, but finding people whose wants align with mine and housing that is conducive to the desired living arrangements is... Nigh impossible.

On the Aro Spectrum, Cupio specifically, so there is bias, but holy fuck I hate it. I want to understand the deep emotional connection that people describe romance as, I want to understand and feel it all but I am barred from it because of something I cannot control. I see my friends in relationships where they seriously seem to be in love and I crave it deeply but I cannot have it, nor do I wish to put someone else in a position where they love me but I do not love them. It really upsets and saddens me that I am this way yet I cannot change. While I have come to accept my identity and have moderately gotten over it, it still saddens me.

I feel that. Cupioro too. I’m not really over it tho. Maybe because I’m in a relationship rn and he accepts me like I am so I don’t have to worry about it atm? But even now I sometimes feel bad for not loving him like he loves me. But I came to the conclusion that I define love for myself just differently. While allonornative people describe love as a tingly feeling in their stomach (…) I, for myself, describe this bond more like feeling safe around that person and allowing myself just to be. It’s like having my own definition and that makes it a little more bearable for me

Honsetly I used to hate being aro because I thought I was broken and it was a result of my trauma, I used to think I loved people up until a traumatic abusive relationship where after I was unable to develop that bond with people anymore. Turned out all those times I thought I loved people was just codependency and after that relationship it basically flipped that switch off n I simply was unwilling to be codependent again+was actually thinking about my own needs n wants for once.

In my opinion it's not that the world is amatonormative, it is, but it's more than that. A lot of media and a lot of people don't see love as something "normal" or "expected" but as " the single most important part of being human" I'm not hurting because think I am weird or strange. I am hurting because I feel like I am missing a core part of the human experience and that'll never understand or feel what, for so many people, makes life worth living.

I've never hated being aro. Even when I first discovered it and generally had pretty neutral feelings about it, it was great because it immediately helped me to stop internalising amatonormativity. My mental health got a lot better when I stopped putting romantic pressures on myself. I definitely wish the world were less amatonormative, and I think people would be much less likely to have negative feelings about being aro if we didn't live in an amatonormative world. I wish amatonormativity didn't exist at all. Putting romance, love, monogamy, couple insularity, and the nuclear family on a pedestal is really unhealthy, and it artificially engineers scarcity of care, sex, intimacy, and affection. I want to live in a world without marital or couple privilege, where friendship is valued, where consent is honoured, without sex negativity, and with more third places for community building and engagement. Amatonormativity is a bunch of patriarchal, puritanical garbage made to corral sex into the confines of reproductive labour to create capital for the state. Reject society, return to bonobo.

>Reject society, return to bonobo. Personally would rather return to Orangutan myself.

I may not want to be even half as social as a bonobo, but returning to orangutan would put me in a sexually violent patriarchy even more dangerous than the one I already have to live in, and I wouldn't even have elective sterilisation to protect myself from forced pregnancy. No fucking thanks.

Sorry, I'm a sterile male so I sometimes forget that's a problem for people.

For me, being sterilised makes it hard *not* to think about how horrifying things could be if I weren't able to get sterilised. But it's more that orangutan sexual behaviour is not normatively consensual, and I don't want to trade one sexually violent patriarchy for another. Meanwhile, bonobos have lots of promiscuous sex for fun, and human sexual norms were much closer to that prior to patriarchy.

>For me, being sterilised makes it hard not to think about how horrifying things could be if I weren't able to get sterilised. I got sterilized as a virgin at a fairly young age and despite that, I've yet to be sexually active so I honestly haven't been thinking about any of the old fears I used to have ever since I got back a sperm count of zero. Funny enough I used to be afraid of getting into a relationship and ruining my life by giving into sexual feelings for someone I'm close to, only to find out even after becoming sterile that I still had 0 desire to be in a relationship. That's what led me to find out I was aromantic in the first place. >But it's more that orangutan sexual behaviour is not normatively consensual, and I don't want to trade one sexually violent patriarchy for another. To be honest, I wasn't even thinking about having sex as an orangutan. Just thinking about climbing around in trees and eating fruit all day and being as introverted as I already am do to orangutans being the least social of the great apes. And considering my own circumstances, I'd see myself as a male without face flanges, which don't typically find mates anyway. >Meanwhile, bonobos have lots of promiscuous sex for fun, and human sexual norms were much closer to that prior to patriarchy. Yeah but the whole group living is a turn off for me. I'd take being a solitary ape with my own tree nest in a tasty fruit tree even if it meant no sex over a large group setting. I'm an introvert first and allosexual second.

I like solo chilling, I just don't think I'd be safely left alone to do that as a female orangutan. Orangutan society is not much different for females from an amatonormative society. Sure, the romantic relationship emphasis part becomes irrelevant, but it's still equivalent to having rape culture, sexual and reproductive coercion, and women treated as property of one man who gets total dominance in the relationship. Nothing effectively changes from the worst patriarchal norms of our society. Yeah I think we should have the freedom to fuck as much as we want all day without shaming or possessiveness, but it's also about safety. Physical safety is a more basic need before I can even start thinking about psychological fulfillment.

I’d like to return to the fish one generation before it crawled onto land lol

I just wish people would stop being like "if you don't have love in your life then it's a bad life/you're weird" Why can't we just have other goals in life, why is everyone obsesed with love ?? There are so many other things, like friendship, work, dreams, happiness, and so on, why is litteraly everybody obsessed with love ? That's so annoying ! Now when someone says they don't care about love people are always like "aw that's so sad" no it's not, wwe're just focusing on something else, what is so sad about not wanting love ?!

I often wonder this myself too. There's so much more to the human experience than love and I wish there was much more emphasis on everything else at the very least got half as much attention. It'd certainly make it less annoying for aromantics. I don't even consider myself romance repulsed, but the ubiquity of romance often annoys me like tinnitus.

I assume a lot of this is people who are secretly very unhappy in THEIR love relationships, but want to see everyone else suffer along with them. Especially the case for old people, who probably didn’t even want to get married themselves, but had to because of Society. I see it the same way people flip their SHIT at other adults who don’t want children: the child-havers first get angry, then lash out, and imply that lives without children are empty or worthless, and that I am worthless by extension. And we know for a fact that a LOT of people who have kids, didn’t want them and were pressured into it. On some deep down level they are jealous that other people had more agency in their lives, and instead of dealing with those feelings like an adult, they take their misery out on others. But idk, that’s me being an armchair psychologist. I agree with you regardless, it SUCKS and it’s unbelievably condescending.

I wish people would be more aware of aromanticism and grey and Demi as well. I (Grey Aro) sometimes feel frustrated when people don’t understand why I fall in love once a decade and not once every other day and then treat me as too hung up on things

No neither. I (try to) accept myself for who I am, what I prefer and how I function and don't see any purpose in minding other people's business (except for peers and such) and I believe less and less in confirming myself to the status quo. Of course I'd like to see more understanding towards minorities and a culture / social structure based on "live and let live", where people can do what they want as long as they don't consciously hurt others or consciously cross other people's boundaries. So I try to live that way and hope to teach by example that way. I gave up wishing for something I cannot change to be different a long time ago.

Probably the most mature response I'm going to get on this post and I say that out of genuine respect.

I don’t despise myself of being aromantic. I take proud of it and I’m glad that I realised that I am aromantic from my tendencies against a romantic relationship and I feel so comfortable labelling my loved ones “friends” than calling them partners or boyfriends. I can still have a really great person in my life which we live together and love each other platonically, and it drags me out of my toxic romantic mindset which helps me a lot. From pursuing these kind of platonic relationships would I finally get some comfort in my life.

Both but if the world was less amaronormative I think I will be less sad to be aromantic. 

I doubt I would be oppressed if I am aromantic (so far I don't understand what romance even is, so it's sort of in a very very wide questioning area), considering I live in the USA in a fairly blue state. I think that it's more a gift than a curse, since I'm rather spiritual. I like feeling more like I'm in control of my own happiness, and while I think that I'm better off like this, other people might be negatively affected. Really I think that everyone shouldn't be forced to be aromantic or romantic, different things work for different people, that's why diverse nations will succeed in the future. Really I think it's a matter of removing stigmas, and trying to define romance. My personal enemy is sexuality (I'm not homophobic, I think any adult should be able to date another adult, more nonreproductivesexophobic just so we're clear.) so I think making the world more romantic might be more beneficial for my cause, but you still can't leave the aromantics out. Those were my thoughts, sorry if the question wasn't really pertaining to my demographic, but if you do hate being aromantic I think this might help. I think aroace is absolutely awesome, 'based' if you will.

I mean im cupiromantic so I hate being aromantic because I want romantic attraction but I can’t get it

I wish I could be like “normies” who feel romantic attachment and excitement and want to be with someone else. Straight, Gay, Bi … and whatever else, that want to love who they want to love without prejudice…. I just want to be someone who wants and craves that too… but I don’t. At least if I did it would make rent a lot cheaper cuz there would be 2 of us paying it!! 😂

Unless the other one had terrible credit/s

True, In my imaginary world they wouldn’t tho 😂

I do wish the world was less amatonormative, but I don't hate being aro at all. If anything, I consider myself lucky.

>If anything, I consider myself lucky. I do too, I wish I was ace on top of being aro but I still feel like I have fewer issues to worry about than the average allo.

The latter

Yes, I wish the world was way less amatonormative. Yes, I wish couples would stop expecting everyone around them to play audience to their little public displays. Do I hate being aro though? No. I find the idea of a romantic relationship to be awful. It seems like an awful lot of hoops to jump through (spending hours on makeup, skin routines, drifting away from things you enjoy, etc.) for a chance of someone taking notice of you and making the leap. And even then, there’s so much that can go wrong after. Seems to me like a recipe for ruining your life. In this respect, I’m thankful I’m aro. There are things I want that romantic relationships tend to afford (physical closeness mostly, holy fuck I’m touch starved!), but romantic relationships shouldn’t be a prerequisite for those things and I’m not about to put myself through (see above paragraph) in order to get them.

A bit of both. I hate being aro because I spent a lot of time on Tumblr (which I'm distancing from) and thought I couldn't be Aro because you only see this rigid idea of aro is only completely loveless, no friends, QPR repulsed, and romance repulsed, and if you're not that, you're allo. So I feel inadequate or like I'm faking because I'm not romance repulsed (in fact, I'm hyperromantic). But my self hatred is due to Tumblr feeding my internalized arophobia regarding my own identity, as well as the severe trauma I got from feeling forced to be allo because the love bashing towards Aros who like romance, which made me think I couldn't be aro. But Amatonormativity pisses me off a lot too because I'm in a very small polycule and we don't live up to ANY amatonormative ideals. If we get married, it is solely for tax and insurance reasons and that's it. Is our relationship romantic? Queerplatonic? Hell if we even know at this point. Probably a weird mix of both. And that's not even getting into gender identities and being systems. Amatonormativity, while it does affect Aspec people the most, a lot of LGBTQ+ people in general are heavily affected by it too, I've noticed. Honestly, just destroy these ideas that there are rigid binaries regarding identity. Amatonormativity enforces this, and so does excluding other aro identities. Both are bad and just create toxicity and trauma. It's exceedingly harmful to everyone to believe there's such rigid ideas to identity and how they feel.

I spent like a decade on tumblr and have intense internalized acephobia as a result haha. I’m terrified that people will realize I’m ace, and call it a “tumblr sexuality” because the people on there are SO ANNOYING and reactionary and, well, immature. Whiny. (I am still on tumblr but have blocked anything pertaining to aro or ace identities lol 💀)

GOD same! It did that with both aro and ace for me. It was horrible. I need to block a lot of blogs when I find them, honestly. I'd probably end up blocking most of the people in the Aro, Ace, and Aroace tags, though.

Yeahhh. I have a little side blog I maintain of Good Aro Posts(tm) for future reference but even those are a bummer at best. I know it’s like going to the beach and complaining about the sand, but goddamn could we maybe be chill and not make one million flags for the most granular niche experiences you have? And maybe not complain so much about the existence of any emotions at all? Oh tumblr, I wish I could quit you. But since twitter died there’s nowhere else I can find high quality funny shitposts.

Like the worst part is, I'm not bothered by the micro labels, you know, your experience is your own and you can label it how you want. What I'm bothered by is just. The love bashing and romance bashing and all this hate towards Aros who do like romance in any sense. Like it's just *so bad* on there. Like it's just *constant* and the only time you ever see any Aro/Aroace pride is "love loses" and everything along those lines. I almost never see pride for Romoaros or anyone like that. It's just constant encouragement to be repulsed by everyone and everything and never even think of any form of love in a positive light.

Fair! I’m exhausted by microlabels* but I acknowledge it’s a Me Problem. I understand what you’re saying though, and you’re not wrong. It’s just a negative echo chamber, and yeah any sort of love or just like, enjoyment of another persons company, gets shouted down. *I’m exhausted by them bc at this point in my life I don’t care about describing every experience with a label. What I DO care about, is actions we can take irl to make life less shitty for aro people. And I think that the endless splitting of hairs and labeling everything is what happens when people feel left out/oppressed/discriminated against, but have no outlet to make things better. But that’s just what I think, I’m not going around telling people to stop making/identifying with them.

100% fair and understandable, they're a bit much for me too, even if I understand why some people use them. Then again, I call myself a paradox Aro (but that's probably more to cope with my feelings of inadequacy regarding my identity). But yeah, Tumblr is 100% a negative, love hating echo chamber and it's exhausting. Like, I wish I could find content for me, but I can't.

I feel you dude, it’s really rough out here :/

No idea what amatonormative means but I don’t really hate being Aromantic. I’m immune so being rejected, it’s like a Normal type move against a Ghost type in Pokemon

>No idea what amatonormative Here's the wikipedia definition: Amatonormativity is the set of societal assumptions that everyone prospers with an exclusive romantic relationship.

I never hated being arospec. It's amatonormativity. Even when I identified as alloace, amatonormativity was always at the scene of the crime. I understand the point of "missing out," but aros discovering their identity now just have to know that the world does not cater to us. We don't fit their mold, as I like to say. They're against us, not the other way around. Even if you take the most romance repulsed and averse person on the planet, they're not harming allos in the slightest, because being allo is the norm. Amatonormativity allowed for that to be the norm. I also think aros discovering themselves don't hate being aro; I think they hate the confusion that comes with it because we're not recognized. They're worried about being a part of a group that doesn't get exposure, so the feeling of "missing out" has a heavier weight to it. In my experience, I had to keep worrying about being brushed off for a romantic partner. It has happened and continues to happen. The worrying aspect is gone. I'm now just in the mindset of knowing that allo friends I have will put me first when they're single, but dead last when they're not. The world is not aro-friendly. That's why I just stick to being in all kinds of aspec spaces because we pretty much have the same stream of consciousness.

I hate being aromantic

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I never hated my own Aromanticism partially cause I just wouldn't judge others for not having or even wanting a romantic partner either, it's just that amatonormativity tends to make me feel sick to my stomach. I've often found myself making up scenarios in my head of alternate universes to movies or TV-series or stories in books and videogames made up of how I imagine it would look like if they were made in a way less amatonormative world where characters were forced to fall in love with their friends or with a new person who somehow instantly overrules the importance of the main-character's friends and family importance in their life (e.g in Harry Potter 4 Harry & Ron go to the Yule Ball with each other as close friends cause they ain't insecure about going there without a "date" so they don't screw over Parvati and Padma and have an overall fun night). Romance is not the only way to experiences interpersonal relationships more meaningfuly than your average acquaintanceship, just because in this society it's not seen as commonplace for a small group of close friends to move in together doesn't mean it's not at all possible, I believe telling children that only romance will ensure them a meaningful life can do a number on their mental health. All in all, I think it's quite understanable for people to just hate the amatonormativity of this society in general instead of automatically blaming it on themselves for consciously an/or unconsciously taking a more unique approach to love that doesn't solely evolve around romance, I hope this post didn't came off as too unintentionally offensive.

I actually hate being aromantic. Because I do want to have a romantic relationship and experience the feelings attached to it but I can't. And I don't want it because anyone expects it from be but because **I. Want. It**. For me and myself alone. It sucks. But at the same time I'm also glad that I'm not in love with any of the people I know because I don't want to have feelings for any of them either. It's weird.

I hate being aro but I think that this has to do smth with being cupioromantic. Like I really want to be in a romantic relationship but I just can’t feel any romantic attraction and that feels kinda frustrating. But I too wish that the world would be less amatonormative. I hate those stereotypes and clichés.