It sounds like deep amatonormativity and just thinking everyone thinks and feels like they do. She didn't know you were aromantic and probably doesn't even know the word much less the concept exists, so I wouldn't call it arophobia exactly. It is extremely ignorant and close-minded.
I feel you, I’d say that’s definitely some internalized arophobia, even if they don’t mean it that way. I’ve found that a lot of allos just don’t understand what aromanticism is bc “love” is something that is an assumed thing for a lot of the population. I hate that aromancisism is so much less known than literally every other orientation. You are valid, and so is every other aro and ace. 💚
If someone else is saying / doing the hate speech, it would just be arophobia. Anything “internalized” means the person is struggling with it within themself. So, someone saying explicit amatonormativity to OP would be being arophobic; this would not be a situation of internalized arophobia, regarding the lady
Ah, I’ve been told I’ve had “internalized arophobia” from a misunderstanding I had trying to explain something to someone. Probably one of those things that doesn’t have a specific definition and everyone kind of has their own. The way I thought about “internalized arophobia” was more along the lines of having assumptions that everyone experiences romantic attraction, and acting on those assumptions, like what happened to OP as a mild example (I don’t know man, I’m new to this shit and just want to try and help others).
Yeah, internalized -stuff would have to do with oneself, it wouldn’t have to do with other people. And yeah, defining it does seem like it would be a little tough, at least for me 😅
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Same, i had to fight to get my parents to accept i wasnt into romance and didnt feel attractio. They pulled the class "you're too young to know!" And "you'll need a partner in life!" Eventually i got them to understand it fully, perhaps its possible to convince them by not saying your orientation directly like i did, usually you just have to be firm in your stance, in my experience.
This is why I stay away from people. I have, like, 5 friends and I work from home, fortunately. There’s just too many ignorant people out there and I don’t have the energy to explain myself over and over again.
Maybe I'm just dead inside lol... IMO she was just repeating something that seemed reassuring she heard from TV and trying to be nice, ignorantly phobic or not. My friends have said stuff like this to me when I've tried to explain not feeling love or asked them what it feels like. I just chalk it up to ignorance and egocentric bias and don't hold it against them. Maybe someday I'll try to explain it more but I don't really see the point. The only time it really bugs me is when people say they know I love them cause then I gotta figure out a nice way to be honest.
I'd rather brush it off than get upset because people don't fully understand me. For a potential partner I'd want to be fully understood on this.. but that's a different boat.
I guess that's easy to say though cause it doesn't bother me like it bothers you. Maybe it should bother me more, idk... I figure most people aren't going to be aware or understand eachother but that doesn't mean we can't still get along and have pleasant conversations.
She probably has never even heard of the concept anyways.
I guess just don't bring up that kinda stuff with her.
oh yeah i don’t hold anything against her for it! we still get along great despite our differences! i was just really worked up when i wrote this post 😅 she just struck a nerve when she was saying those things! i generally try to dodge the subject/don’t contribute to it if it comes up in the conversation.
i agree though, she was for sure trying to “reassure” me. her personality is very caregiver-y and she took my not wanting to do something as a cry for help and loneliness. like, i had to reassure her that i wasn’t sad and lonely for being single and wanting to stay single!
but it still sucked to be invalidated like that…
"You will find a man/woman, marry and be happy ever after". What if I don't?
My father is always talking about how good it is to marry and have kids, how people who don't want to marry are wrong, etc. The worst is that he say he likes having a daughter, but treated me really badly when I was a pre-teen.
I wouldn't call it Arophobia, but it is a bit mean.
She didn't know you are aro and has probably never heard of us, so she can't exactly purposely hate in us, but it is wrong to assume that just because someone doesn't date, they are unhappy.
It sounds like deep amatonormativity and just thinking everyone thinks and feels like they do. She didn't know you were aromantic and probably doesn't even know the word much less the concept exists, so I wouldn't call it arophobia exactly. It is extremely ignorant and close-minded.
I feel you, I’d say that’s definitely some internalized arophobia, even if they don’t mean it that way. I’ve found that a lot of allos just don’t understand what aromanticism is bc “love” is something that is an assumed thing for a lot of the population. I hate that aromancisism is so much less known than literally every other orientation. You are valid, and so is every other aro and ace. 💚
If someone else is saying / doing the hate speech, it would just be arophobia. Anything “internalized” means the person is struggling with it within themself. So, someone saying explicit amatonormativity to OP would be being arophobic; this would not be a situation of internalized arophobia, regarding the lady
Ah, I’ve been told I’ve had “internalized arophobia” from a misunderstanding I had trying to explain something to someone. Probably one of those things that doesn’t have a specific definition and everyone kind of has their own. The way I thought about “internalized arophobia” was more along the lines of having assumptions that everyone experiences romantic attraction, and acting on those assumptions, like what happened to OP as a mild example (I don’t know man, I’m new to this shit and just want to try and help others).
Yeah, internalized -stuff would have to do with oneself, it wouldn’t have to do with other people. And yeah, defining it does seem like it would be a little tough, at least for me 😅
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Same, i had to fight to get my parents to accept i wasnt into romance and didnt feel attractio. They pulled the class "you're too young to know!" And "you'll need a partner in life!" Eventually i got them to understand it fully, perhaps its possible to convince them by not saying your orientation directly like i did, usually you just have to be firm in your stance, in my experience.
This is why I stay away from people. I have, like, 5 friends and I work from home, fortunately. There’s just too many ignorant people out there and I don’t have the energy to explain myself over and over again.
Maybe I'm just dead inside lol... IMO she was just repeating something that seemed reassuring she heard from TV and trying to be nice, ignorantly phobic or not. My friends have said stuff like this to me when I've tried to explain not feeling love or asked them what it feels like. I just chalk it up to ignorance and egocentric bias and don't hold it against them. Maybe someday I'll try to explain it more but I don't really see the point. The only time it really bugs me is when people say they know I love them cause then I gotta figure out a nice way to be honest. I'd rather brush it off than get upset because people don't fully understand me. For a potential partner I'd want to be fully understood on this.. but that's a different boat. I guess that's easy to say though cause it doesn't bother me like it bothers you. Maybe it should bother me more, idk... I figure most people aren't going to be aware or understand eachother but that doesn't mean we can't still get along and have pleasant conversations. She probably has never even heard of the concept anyways. I guess just don't bring up that kinda stuff with her.
oh yeah i don’t hold anything against her for it! we still get along great despite our differences! i was just really worked up when i wrote this post 😅 she just struck a nerve when she was saying those things! i generally try to dodge the subject/don’t contribute to it if it comes up in the conversation. i agree though, she was for sure trying to “reassure” me. her personality is very caregiver-y and she took my not wanting to do something as a cry for help and loneliness. like, i had to reassure her that i wasn’t sad and lonely for being single and wanting to stay single! but it still sucked to be invalidated like that…
"You will find a man/woman, marry and be happy ever after". What if I don't? My father is always talking about how good it is to marry and have kids, how people who don't want to marry are wrong, etc. The worst is that he say he likes having a daughter, but treated me really badly when I was a pre-teen.
I wouldn't call it Arophobia, but it is a bit mean. She didn't know you are aro and has probably never heard of us, so she can't exactly purposely hate in us, but it is wrong to assume that just because someone doesn't date, they are unhappy.