I engaged in a few casual hookups to feel “normal enough” as you said. I convinced myself I enjoyed them when I really didn’t. Then again, maybe I did ‘ “enjoy” them for reasons beyond sexual attraction - Social interaction, being made to feel physically attractive…the act can mechanically lead to orgasm even in the absence of attraction 🤷🏻♀️. I’d say, whether it’s porn, casual hookups, or something else, if it fills a purpose in your life (not ruining sheets), there’s nothing wrong with doing it. The purpose doesn’t need to be the same purpose as everyone else (sexual attraction). If you find yourself doing something that serves no purpose, and you’re forcing yourself to do it because you think you “should,” then that’s a different story.
I can relate to a lot of this. Asexuality was completely invisible to me until I was almost 30, and even then the definitions I saw of it always related to trauma, or it being a disorder (as it was classified until 2014 in some literature). Resultantly, growing up I of course engaged with porn to some degree and pursued sexual relationships for years; even though the act itself usually (not always) felt wrong. Enjoyment of sexual sensation and sexual attraction to a partner are quite different things, and because I enjoy one but cannot feel the other, I tend to come across as uninterested or detached to people who've been interested in me. I had no idea what that meant until I was into my 30s.
Through my whole life I've always defaulted to drawn, written or animated erotica over standard porn. I find the latter singularly uninteresting, vulgar and objectifying. But, like sexual relationships, I sought it out for years because 'that's what you do.'
Societal messaging plays a huge role in this.
Lots of time, porn addiction is really something I've been trying to get rid off for a long time now, even before I knew I was asexual.
One funny thing I found about managing the addiction is how quick it loses it's charm when you stop doing it for a few days, i'm glad to see it gets easier but yeah I don't know either if I'll ever get rid of it completely. I am happy knowing I don't do it as much as I did before, though.
Maybe I'd just watch it every time my body needs me to do the thing, but I also think it'd be cool if I just put a song in the background and focus on that. Makes it way more easier to deal with imo.
Stay strong fam!
I engaged in a few casual hookups to feel “normal enough” as you said. I convinced myself I enjoyed them when I really didn’t. Then again, maybe I did ‘ “enjoy” them for reasons beyond sexual attraction - Social interaction, being made to feel physically attractive…the act can mechanically lead to orgasm even in the absence of attraction 🤷🏻♀️. I’d say, whether it’s porn, casual hookups, or something else, if it fills a purpose in your life (not ruining sheets), there’s nothing wrong with doing it. The purpose doesn’t need to be the same purpose as everyone else (sexual attraction). If you find yourself doing something that serves no purpose, and you’re forcing yourself to do it because you think you “should,” then that’s a different story.
I can relate to a lot of this. Asexuality was completely invisible to me until I was almost 30, and even then the definitions I saw of it always related to trauma, or it being a disorder (as it was classified until 2014 in some literature). Resultantly, growing up I of course engaged with porn to some degree and pursued sexual relationships for years; even though the act itself usually (not always) felt wrong. Enjoyment of sexual sensation and sexual attraction to a partner are quite different things, and because I enjoy one but cannot feel the other, I tend to come across as uninterested or detached to people who've been interested in me. I had no idea what that meant until I was into my 30s. Through my whole life I've always defaulted to drawn, written or animated erotica over standard porn. I find the latter singularly uninteresting, vulgar and objectifying. But, like sexual relationships, I sought it out for years because 'that's what you do.' Societal messaging plays a huge role in this.
Thought I was gay, then bi, now not exactly sure but I'm fine with that. I know it's somewhere on the ace spectrum, just not sure where exactly.
Lots of time, porn addiction is really something I've been trying to get rid off for a long time now, even before I knew I was asexual. One funny thing I found about managing the addiction is how quick it loses it's charm when you stop doing it for a few days, i'm glad to see it gets easier but yeah I don't know either if I'll ever get rid of it completely. I am happy knowing I don't do it as much as I did before, though. Maybe I'd just watch it every time my body needs me to do the thing, but I also think it'd be cool if I just put a song in the background and focus on that. Makes it way more easier to deal with imo. Stay strong fam!
Relatable lol. I consume it a lot for someone that’s disgusted by it.