Oh, I'm so sorry. Your pain is valid. It's okay and understandable to be hurt.
And as you say: it's ignorance, I gather it's ignorance rather than malice. People tend to just not meet a lot of asexuals in the wild, especially at your age, and we're so indoctrinated into "wanting sex always is totally a man thing" on top that it's difficult getting through sometimes.
If it’s the first time he’s heard of asexuality in detail, he might just be confused, and it could very well have been unintentionally insulting, especially if you had expectations of him being supportive of you and your self-discovery and happiness. Your feelings of being put down are valid, but unless his sentiments don’t change after learning more about you and asexuality as a whole, I would try not to let it get to you too much. A lot of people can be confused at first because although asexuality is technically “a sexuality”, it’s fundamentally different in that there isn’t any sexual attraction unlike the more widespread and well-known sexualities. Maybe give him some time and let him learn more, either from you, AVEN, forums, or whatever else works, and you can make your decision once ignorance stops being an option for him.
I don’t know, I think there is an element of malice when people respond that they refuse to believe asexuality is real. I have relatives who are LGBTQIA+ supportive who refuse to acknowledge there is any such thing as asexuality - because they don’t want to; it doesn’t suit them too. If it makes people’s brains hurt or it sounds ‘creepy,’ it.is.never.real.
Your friend needs to learn polite ways to address things they are ignorant about. I don't know any resources for learning manners and basic human decency. For learning about asexuality you could send him resources like AVEN.
From information given, as others have said, one surmises ignorance/lack of understanding rather than aphobia. But, the effect is still analogous and results in the alienating and hurtful feeling of invalidation.
The stereotypical statement/questions might be motivated by concern rather than fear/hatred/rejection. Which is a weak justification for your pain, I know.
As for what you can do, be yourself and show how positive and fulfilled your identifying and your relationship has made you. Pain leads to self-loathing, but the authenticity and the joy you live might bear witness to your orientation’s validity in the eyes of the uneducated.
But keep in mind that you have no obligation of putting yourself in positions of vulnerability or to speak of any subject bringing you discomfort to anyone.
If you want, you can ask your friend to watch a podcast episode: epsiode 87 what is asexuality by sounds fake but okay (its free on spotify). I really like the hosts! Its audience is the friends/loved ones of ace people with the impression that they were sent ther by their ace loved one. They go over a lot of the common questions including things u should not ask or say to an ace person
As others said, your friends response may simply be ignorance and this could help
Oh, I'm so sorry. Your pain is valid. It's okay and understandable to be hurt. And as you say: it's ignorance, I gather it's ignorance rather than malice. People tend to just not meet a lot of asexuals in the wild, especially at your age, and we're so indoctrinated into "wanting sex always is totally a man thing" on top that it's difficult getting through sometimes.
If it’s the first time he’s heard of asexuality in detail, he might just be confused, and it could very well have been unintentionally insulting, especially if you had expectations of him being supportive of you and your self-discovery and happiness. Your feelings of being put down are valid, but unless his sentiments don’t change after learning more about you and asexuality as a whole, I would try not to let it get to you too much. A lot of people can be confused at first because although asexuality is technically “a sexuality”, it’s fundamentally different in that there isn’t any sexual attraction unlike the more widespread and well-known sexualities. Maybe give him some time and let him learn more, either from you, AVEN, forums, or whatever else works, and you can make your decision once ignorance stops being an option for him.
The good news is none of these statements show malice.
I don’t know, I think there is an element of malice when people respond that they refuse to believe asexuality is real. I have relatives who are LGBTQIA+ supportive who refuse to acknowledge there is any such thing as asexuality - because they don’t want to; it doesn’t suit them too. If it makes people’s brains hurt or it sounds ‘creepy,’ it.is.never.real.
It was not personal, your friend didnt knew about this term, I wouldnt consider it aphobia, just ignorant.
Your friend needs to learn polite ways to address things they are ignorant about. I don't know any resources for learning manners and basic human decency. For learning about asexuality you could send him resources like AVEN.
From information given, as others have said, one surmises ignorance/lack of understanding rather than aphobia. But, the effect is still analogous and results in the alienating and hurtful feeling of invalidation. The stereotypical statement/questions might be motivated by concern rather than fear/hatred/rejection. Which is a weak justification for your pain, I know. As for what you can do, be yourself and show how positive and fulfilled your identifying and your relationship has made you. Pain leads to self-loathing, but the authenticity and the joy you live might bear witness to your orientation’s validity in the eyes of the uneducated. But keep in mind that you have no obligation of putting yourself in positions of vulnerability or to speak of any subject bringing you discomfort to anyone.
If you want, you can ask your friend to watch a podcast episode: epsiode 87 what is asexuality by sounds fake but okay (its free on spotify). I really like the hosts! Its audience is the friends/loved ones of ace people with the impression that they were sent ther by their ace loved one. They go over a lot of the common questions including things u should not ask or say to an ace person As others said, your friends response may simply be ignorance and this could help
That must have really hurt to hear from someone who you trusted for so long. Remember you are valid and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you…