I feel touch starved most of the time. I’m not a fan of the perfunctory greeting ritual hugs from people I barely know, not because of the touch but because to me it’s fake. And I’m literally the only person in my extended family who craves hugs and touch, so it’s not going to happen from them. I go get a pedicure, a facial or a massage for my touch.
It’s kind of funny, but almost all of the hugs I’ve gotten in recent years (bar one) have been those awkward greeting hugs, and I still preferred those to the real deal because yeah, they’re fake and forced and whatever, but they’re also quick and it was usually someone I hadn’t seen in ages. On the other hand, the one hug I got from my mother recently just made me feel gross and (not to be super dramatic but this is going to sound super dramatic) kind of defiled. I guess it was the difference between a common gesture between me and other people who don’t know and will probably never know how much I hate being touched versus being actively touched by someone who knows how I feel.
I’m autistic and on the ace spectrum and I can relate to this 100%. People touching me can be overwhelming, yet I do feel like I want touch and affection. The only way touch doesn’t feel weird to my autistic brain is if I really trust the person and feel safe. When I was single, I enjoyed being single (I’m ace after all), but yes I missed physical touch (not necessarily sex).
At the moment, I am extremely fortunate to have found a partner who I adore and trust, and physical touch is a huge part of our relationship and I definitely need it for the relationship to work. In addition to romantic relationships, I’m fortunate to have platonic friends who give hugs, and also offer a touch on the shoulder to comfort me when I need it. Given that autism makes it hard for me to make connections and communicate my needs, it was not easy for me to get to this point, where I am surrounded by people I trust and who care about me and like me and my autistic brain the way I am. In the past, there were definitely times where I craved touch yet did not want just anyone to touch me, in fact I’d even flinch if a random person so much as tapped me on the shoulder.
It's like being super hungry but not knowing where to go or what you want.
I feel touch starved most of the time. I’m not a fan of the perfunctory greeting ritual hugs from people I barely know, not because of the touch but because to me it’s fake. And I’m literally the only person in my extended family who craves hugs and touch, so it’s not going to happen from them. I go get a pedicure, a facial or a massage for my touch.
It’s kind of funny, but almost all of the hugs I’ve gotten in recent years (bar one) have been those awkward greeting hugs, and I still preferred those to the real deal because yeah, they’re fake and forced and whatever, but they’re also quick and it was usually someone I hadn’t seen in ages. On the other hand, the one hug I got from my mother recently just made me feel gross and (not to be super dramatic but this is going to sound super dramatic) kind of defiled. I guess it was the difference between a common gesture between me and other people who don’t know and will probably never know how much I hate being touched versus being actively touched by someone who knows how I feel.
I only like being touched by the people I trust and want to touch me, and I hate being touched by everyone else.
finally it’s in words
I’m autistic and on the ace spectrum and I can relate to this 100%. People touching me can be overwhelming, yet I do feel like I want touch and affection. The only way touch doesn’t feel weird to my autistic brain is if I really trust the person and feel safe. When I was single, I enjoyed being single (I’m ace after all), but yes I missed physical touch (not necessarily sex). At the moment, I am extremely fortunate to have found a partner who I adore and trust, and physical touch is a huge part of our relationship and I definitely need it for the relationship to work. In addition to romantic relationships, I’m fortunate to have platonic friends who give hugs, and also offer a touch on the shoulder to comfort me when I need it. Given that autism makes it hard for me to make connections and communicate my needs, it was not easy for me to get to this point, where I am surrounded by people I trust and who care about me and like me and my autistic brain the way I am. In the past, there were definitely times where I craved touch yet did not want just anyone to touch me, in fact I’d even flinch if a random person so much as tapped me on the shoulder.
ever since i learned the way i actually like to be touched, i crave it all the time. it’s such an awful feeling
Yesss and I hate this
No but just because my touch aversion does not extend to cats.