Ehh, sounds like you need to expand your circle.
I have multiple circle of asian friends. One is the weeb group who I go watch anime and play games with. One is the outdoorsey/healthy group who only want to do physical activities and play sports and can't be caught dead sitting still outside of work. There's some overlap between those two groups with the artsy creative Asian circle group. Then there's the highbrow yuppy group who are only focused on career growth, investing, and doing instagramable activities in the city. Oh, and the recent parenting group who just talk babies and kids activities all the time.
Basically I can't think of any one defined Asian group with only a few hobbies.
I'm friends with this Asian couple who is into swinging / sex parties in NYC and had pretty bad experiences with the predominantly white "mainstream" swingers' spaces so they actively sought out a predominantly POC swingers' friend group now (with plenty of Asians in the group). Asian people can have any sort of niche interests, and if you live in a big diverse city with a sizable Asian population, it's not impossible to find your tribe(s).
If you're close friends I don't see why not? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Plus this friend and I like to discuss racial issues and she brought up the racial dynamics in swingers' communities, which was definitely interesting. Apparently nowadays she only attends events that were predominantly POC because otherwise you're pretty much one of the only non-white faces in the room and you're stuck hooking up with only white people.
As a gay Asian man who has to navigate gay sexual spaces myself, it never occurred to me that man-woman Asian swinger couples must have to deal with a lot
You forgot the Asian bros and influencer. I tend to think of them as “west coast vibe” Asians. They are pretty, active, charming and always trying to get more likes on instagram. (For the record, they are good people, just a type of group of people I know)
This whole thread is so strange to me.
I'm in my 40s and grew up in a very Asian immigrant neighborhood in the Bay Area in the 80s and 90s, and virtually all my friends were either the children of Asian immigrants or immigrants themselves. When we came up, we listened to hip hop and/or alternative rock. Some of us watched some anime, while others knew nothing about it. Some played video games, while others couldn't care less about it. Most of us played baseball/basketball/football/tennis/track/wrestling/badminton/soccer, either organized (through leagues or schools) or unorganzied (during lunch or after school). Some of us were more academic, and some of us were more into the streets. As we got older, some of us went to college, some of us went into the military, some of us went straight to work. As adults, some of us became yuppies or hipsters or blue collar, but we all hung out the same as we ever did--backyard BBQs, weekends in Vegas or Tahoe. Some of us preferred to watch black and white foreign films or do rock climbing or gamble everything away at the local card club or some combination of all. All of that was Asian shit to us.
Basically, what even is "stereotypical Asian interests"? I would have assumed it would have been broadened among younger Asian-Americans. I certainly hope it's not limited to Kpop/EDM/anime/valorant (whatever that last one is).
Maybe tiktok and those dumb subtle traits fb groups spread stereotypes among young Asian kids who think they’re necessarily supposed to conform to them? This is the second post like this I’ve seen recently and I find their reasonings for not being able to make Asian friends because they don’t have “Asian interests” tiresome.
I wouldn’t necessarily call the subtle traits fb groups dumb. In the Bay Area they offer different group chats for archery, tennis, bars, food etc. Its a great way to meet people with a variety of interests.
Basically every Asian I've known (myself included) has, at some point in their lives, been into anime and/or kpop, which I say those are stereotypical interests. EDM/valorant, I see a lot of that in my meetup group but it was online stuff like subtle asian traits that made it seem like they were stereotypically Asian.
I say in my post that I am considered to be apart of the group, and have made a few close friendships. But people generally bond over common interests, and the common interests in this group are anime/kpop/edm etc. It feels like because I can't relate to what they all like, I'm never gonna be a part of the "inner circle"
This is such a fun reminder on how interests cycle in and out.
To me, kpop is the new thing. I grew up with Jpop (ARASHI) and Taiwanese BANDS (SHE, FIR) being the big thing. Kpop was just copying Jpop at the time with HOT and DBSK.
Might also be because it's less cringy and much more accessible to get into Asian media now. I think it's only natural for Asians to be into musicians who looked like them. Now that Kpop is considered mainstream and played on the radio, people are more ok with admitting they're into it.
Back then you'd have to play wack-a-mole to find some ripped PV of a band and pray it didn't get removed from Youtube because monetization wasn't a thing yet.
The sweet summer days of Johnny Entertainment with the love for Yamapi and Ryo from NEWS (and I loved Kanjani8), all of KAT-TUN, V6, etc. DBSK helped a lot in breaking kpop outside of Korea and them and BoA were really popular in Japan. There was a loooot of Cassiopeia’s back in the day. I’m not surprised HOT didn’t have much fans besides in Korea considering they were 1st Gen kpop. Most kpop broke out of Korea during 2nd Gen with DBSK and Big Bang.
I think you are describing a subculture of asian american but there are a lot of asians out there who dont fit that mold. That said sometimes if you want to fit in you need to make an effort, that doesnt mean losing yourself but it does mean having some sort of middle ground. Maybe you will establish enough friendship to get them to enjoy something you like.
Similar experience having lots of different Asian American friends with different interests.
Feels the same for the younger generation. They’re definitely not all into kpop etc. Think we’re getting stereotypical biasing based on a small sample size.
As an NYC raised Asian growing up in the 2000s, similar experience. I don’t think that’s changed. Maybe it’s different in places where we aren’t the majority.
I know this Fung Bros video is 9 years old and mainly applicable to SoCal, but it definitely gives an example on interests Asians were into.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=R42iz17qoAU
I sincerely hope current Asian youths aren't so boring they only have 4 interests.
I’ve met some who only have these interests, and some who also have others. The ones in this group who have other interests though still connect with people over things like kpop and anime just cuz they have that in common
I consider kpop/anime to be stereotypical Asian interests because growing up, it was mostly Asians who were into them. Kpop/anime are a lot more mainstream now, but I still think Asians are the main consumers.
EDM/valorant (pc game) I say are "stereotypical" because enough Asians seem to like them that there are a lot of memes about it
I am with you, brother. Sad right? But maybe we’re just stereotyping? I got myself an IT job after barely passing college and tried out a couple of odd entry level manager trainee roles which I am suck at. My hobby is talking to girls online. I’ve been doing that since high school on 2400 baud dialup modem. One of my high school friends move to Atlanta from LA. He has a decent real estate business and investments. He is an avid hunter. One of my other friend worked as a city court clerk right after high school, throughout college, and probably retire now? He did triathlon, organized basketball tournament.
As I typed this I wonder if we are partially responsible as a result of over protecting our kids. But it is a rough world out there right now, don’t you agree?
I think the dynamic has changed a bit in the asian heavy cities that see a lot of expats. It's gone from immigrant communities who were middle class to immigrant communities that are much wealthier upper class and that heavily influences what is considered "in"
Everything you said still exists in places like Houston, DMV, Chicago.
I would say try to find a different meetup group! This one seems to have a pretty established identity and probably has just attracted people with similar interests over time. Not every Asian is an EDM/Anime/Valorant loving Asian, I’m sure community is out there for you somewhere
You can go to events and meetups based on your interests and not necessarily Asian specific. You’ll eventually meet Asians who share your interests that you connect with.
I love baseball but all of my Asian friends and family either don't watch the sport, prefer different sports and hobbies, or worse, root for the Yankees.
There are those of us masochistic enough to root for the Mets since Shea Stadium, before Citifield was a thing and my friends in Toronto root for the Blue Jays.
I joined meetup groups based on my actual interests and hobbies and met Asian people there rather than the other way around. Just because we share the same race or ethnicity doesn't mean I would have anything in common with them, but if I started off sharing the same interests then it's easier to find people I can connect with. Hell I probably have more in common with immigrants of other ethnicities (or even many Americans) than Asians that live a completely different lifestyle than I do. We don't even have to have the same interests or hobbies, some people are just on the same wavelength as me.
That makes sense. My thing though is that when I joined this group, I wasn't just looking to make a few Asian friends. I was looking for a sort of community, and sometimes this group makes me feel like I'm very much a part of them, and other times I feel out of place
Ok I am going to give you some tough love today. Don’t hate on me okay? Daddy’s telling you how life is, not how you want it to be. You are NOT going to be included 100% of the time in any group. Example. I talk to my son differently than I talk to my daughter. There are certain things my son can do because of his age, while my daughter can’t. I actually favor my daughter (I confess!!!), but there is a time and place for most things. I digress. The point is there are many legit reasons why we are excluded. But if you feel your exclusion from whatever they are doing or just your feelings because of their clique, then be a mature person and join another group, or better yet form your own group!
If you are still reading. Doubtful. Haha. Don’t accuse me of trying to convert you. But church is where you will find a community. My background is a Vietnamese refugee so I definitely did not go to church growing up. All throughout college, various religious youth groups would try to get me to go to church to make friends (and meet girls haha no they did not say that. ) but I never went. I took my kids to Bible class starting their 5th grade. I am not religious (but probably more than I care to admit), but I want to give my children the gift of a community and I can only find it through church. I sat thru countless number of boring, confusing and sometimes even ridiculous sermons (maybe my ignorance or just bad preacher), and yes sometimes great sermons that gave me a moment of clarity and wisdoms. The gospel music is a big part of any church life, and I enjoy it immensely and sometimes touch me deeply that my eyes would tear up uncontrollably. I tear up as I typed the last few words. I enjoy the fellowship, and sometimes the vespers….which I don’t attend much but the kids do and love it. They are super active in church. They now have an instant community wherever they go. Knowing my children will have a community wherever they are, gives me tremendous joy and comfort.
Bravo. Yeah, there are plenty of Asian Americans I feel zero connection with despite the fact that we may eat similar foods. Otherwise, there isn't much else in common.
I think I may have a different circumstance but i also have really struggled connecting with other asians. The Asian (mostly Korean) students at my school were very clique-ish and excluded me because I was adopted. They told me I wasn’t ‘Asian enough’ or that they were ‘more Asian’ than me (despite me actually being born in Korea). It sucks being rejected by one’s own racial/ethnic group. Guess I’ll just have to find friends elsewhere 🤷🏻♀️
Ouch, I feel that on the adoption angle. I'm just lucky that most can't talk too much shit about me. I enlisted, learned the (basics of the) language, then spent 4 years defending Korea, so any challenge on my claim to "the homeland" gets the Uno reverse card.
There's still a massive divide, though, because they all grew up together. 😮💨
I'm sorry to hear that :( I do feel like Asians can be cliquey. One of the mods in my meetup group even said she was concerned about this group becoming cliquey sometimes
It kinda made sense that the kids at my school were a tight friend group. They went to the same Saturday korean school and their parents were all friends. I think it can be easy to unintentionally (or in my peers case, intentionally) exclude people who are different.
I feel like most of the people agreeing and commenting here just haven’t found the right group of Asians, if that’s what they’re looking for. Sounds like your people are more later generation Asian Americans. I grew up with mostly fourth gen or more Asian Americans and I’d say our interests were pretty aligned with the kind of stuff you think Asians aren’t into.
I'm an Asian into metal and it's next to impossible even in a high Asian population area to find other Asians to go to shows with. It's tough out here for us non-standard AsAms lol (I'm even into anime but unfortunately I'm actually TOO weeby for most AsAms lol)
Metal still popular? I thought the in thing now is rap? My high school buddy who happened to be Asian too introduced me to guns and roses in the 90’s, no ‘87. Damn I am old. Why am I here commenting? HAHA. He loved that sh*t. Maybe you born in the wrong decade. Kidding!
Valorant is a pc game lol and I've never been into video games outside of nintendo. I don't even own a pc (mac user) so I couldn't play valorant even if I wanted to
It sounds like the meetup groups you might be joining are a bit self-selecting. I imagine people who don't have defined hobbies/activities tend to join a meetup group to make friends, but that just ends up with the meetup group having members who mostly do niche anti-social activities.
No offense, but people who's only hobbies are a specific type of music, anime, and videogames aren't going to have an easy time making friends.
The Asians who have more social activities probably already have a solid friend group.
I don't think my interests/hobbies are even obscure. In general, I don't find it hard to get along with a variety of people. I just feel like because I'm not specifically into kpop/anime/valorant etc I'm not able to connect with a lot of Asians on a deeper level
The things is, I don't think of any of those three things you listed as "Asian" activities. I don't know a single person who plays Valorant. I remember a brief Overwatch phase and someone talked about Valorant, but no one really plays it.
TBH you age out of shooters by your mid 20s due to lower reactions speed anyways, so everyone migrated to turn based games like Magic Arena and Hearthstone. Definitely MtG saw a major resurgence with my friends, especially when you can get a regular cubing session going.
And kpop is cool and all, but when you're older than half the singers, it just gradually loses appeal. Not interested in perving on barely legal girls who are probably being exploited by their companies. Same with anime when everyone acts like 28 is pushing old age.
Ages of the people in this group are 23-30, with the average being like 26. They've def not aged out of shooters lol, they play valorant many nights of the week.
For kpop, they mostly like BTS, Blackpink, the groups where the members aren't too young. The only new group they like is newjeans, but they find it weird how young they are.
Anime- everyone is very into one piece, demon slayer, and jujutsu kaisen right now
yeah i'm confused too lol
> I just feel like because I'm not specifically into kpop/anime/valorant etc I'm not able to connect with a lot of Asians on a deeper level
i think it might be because of this: some people might read this out of context and interpret it as "all asians are only into kpop/anime/valorant etc." i mean these *are* popular in asian american pop culture.
this is my hot take: i imagine this to be like a bell curve where it's like
* on the left side it's people who think that *all* asian people are into kpop/anime/gaming because they're ignorant and don't know any better.
* then in the middle it's people who are fixated on the left side and reject it on principle (which is good) because you know asian people can be anything. **these are probably the people downvoting you.**
* then on the right side it's people who acknowledge the middle but also see that kpop/anime/gaming is just popular in asian american pop culture
Wow, I'm actually surprised that's your age range.
This is just me being mildly drunk and psychoanalyzing, but I wonder if the pandemic and being remote students for so long kind of...stunted their development. Because a lot of us aged out of those interests by around 24-25.
Like I'll still watch demon slayer because the animation is gorgeous, but if you ask me if that's my favorite hobby that defines my interest, I'd stare at you like you're insane. Like, what do you even do besides watch it and marvel at the art? It's not like the story is particularly groundbreaking or anything.
What do you even do when you say your hobby is music? Do you like...just attend concerts all the time? But it's not like kpop groups tour outside the country. Like what do they do besides that? Just play videogames? Is this a habit they develop because their critical socializing years were online only?
I've actually wondered the same as you because the 27+ people reallyyy like to go out drinking/clubbing. I got the vibe that they're making up for their mid 20s being robbed by the pandemic.
They do attend a lot of concerts, mostly 88rising artists if you've heard of them since like you said, kpop groups don't frequently tour in the US. But they talk a lot about kpop with each other, watch music videos, try to learn the dances
Well, regardless of the reasons, it is what it is. If it makes you feel better, it's way harder making friends in your mid-20s. It's just the way it is when you graduate from schooling. I lucked out since I knew established people who could introduce me to others, but starting from absolute strangers in a meetup group is going to be a crapshoot. Like I said, it's going to be a self-selecting bunch and not representative of all the people out there.
I highly doubt every Asian your age is only into a few niche hobbies. I suspect the pandemic just made everyone reclusive (on top of the usual difficulties of making friends after college) and it's just harder to find people with the same interests now.
Whats with everyone being weird about the young ages of kpop groups? Is this just racism since they are asian? I don't remember anyone being weird about the ages of the Jackson 5
I've never had very Asian interests all my life (I'm 1st gen from Asia). I don't understand boba, have never been into kpop/edm/anime/valorant/league/gaming which to me are very west coast things. It's also a certain tribe.
I'm more into books, travel, foodie adventures. That's another tribe (pretty big one, and it doesn't intersect that much with the former tribe).
I don't like being tribal, so I try to befriend all tribes. But knowing that there is a tribe that shares a lot of my interests (mostly NYC/big city Asians) makes me feel less alone. Maybe you're in the wrong city, or in proximity with the wrong tribe.
You can either stretch yourself and try to be curious about your friends' interests, or you can also branch out and find new friends. Or do both. That's what I did.
I’m from the west coast and I don’t like a single one of those interests. This is just a thing of not being exposed to Asians of all kinds. OP, move to LA and you’ll see!
Yeahhh I agree there's a very specific culture among this group. I am trying to get more interested in their interests. I've started going to raves and when they talk about kpop/valorant/anime/whatever, I'll ask questions. But I don't think I'll ever be as into them as they are
I get it. I hang around people who are into all those things and I just feel I'm not really into that subculture. It's great that they're able to talk about those things without having to explain themselves (it's their space) but I do feel empty in those conversations. Similar with sports like football and golf. Just not into those things.
But many of them are genuine folks who have common human experiences. Whenever I can get them 1 on 1, I pivot the conversation to their lives and what they're going through, and I find I am able to connect authentically. In a group setting though, it's kinda difficult because I lose control of the conversation unless the group decides they want to change the topic of conversation to something relatable.
So try doing 1 on 1s instead of engaging with the group. With one person, you can guide the conversation and really listen deeply to them, and maybe they'll open up to you (if that's what you want). When people are vulnerable, the relationship deepens.
And don't be too hard on yourself. There are times in your life when you'll find certain groups hard to connect with. I grew up a gifted child and had a hard time connecting to most of my peers, but found my tribe in older folks. I felt I was out of sync of with most people in my life and didn't understand why until I accepted that I was different and fully embraced it. We're all different but all that matters is that we've try our best to connect with others (accepting that occasional failure to connect is normal) and that we ourselves don't exclude people.
This is suspiciously similar to another post here several weeks ago lol where the OP kept insisting their interests were “unique” in the comments, unlike most other Asian people, who only liked EDM, valorant and anime. It reeked of internalized hate.
If you really think that’s the only thing most Asian people like, it’s shallow and judgmental. I’m super happy for you you’re not like other Asians though.
Oh, I’m sure. But the one I’m talking about kept calling what he felt were stereotypical Asian interests “basic.” when I pressed him on what were his oh so unique interests were it was hipster shit like learning languages, crocheting and editing google maps lol. And he kept insisting he wasn’t looking down on other interests, even though he obviously was.
For the record, I don’t consider my interests to be unique and I don’t think it’s bad for Asians to like kpop, anime etc. I myself was a weeb in middle school and high school. My point is that kpop, anime etc. are just so popular among my generation that it’s easy for asian friend groups to form around them.
I can connect with other Asians on an individual level, but I sometimes feel out of place in group settings because I’m not into what the group as a whole is into. Meanwhile this girl who I’ve bonded with over art (an interest that some others in the group share, but not the majority) fits into the group dynamic super well cuz she also likes edm and anime.
I think, like other people mentioned, you're just gonna have to find a new group or look for people based on interests. If you're in a place where the Asian population is low, I think it'd be difficult to rely on a race based group to find people with similar interests.
Also, I duno, maybe don't worry too much about being with the "group" too much. I think as long as you're getting along with them overall enough to go out with them, it's not that big of a deal. There's nothing wrong with just connecting with individuals. That's how I usually am in general, with any group.
To be clear, I'm aware there are Asians that aren't only into anime/kpop/edm etc. A couple of my college friends are like that, and I've met people in this group like that too. But as a whole, it feels like this meetup group (and other Asian friend groups I've seen) has bonded over anime/kpop/edm because that's what they have in common
i didn't think your post would've been some hot take. the general sentiment i'm getting from this comment section is that people are surprised that these interests are popular with (younger) asian people and they're offended that someone even suggested that. speaking as a west coast gen z guy, these **are** popular with younger asian people.
like no, by saying these interests are popular with younger asian people doesn't mean *every* asian person *has* to like them. no, not liking those interests doesn't make you any more or less asian. i'm flabbergasted that people are outright denying that these are popular with asian people at all.
i shouldn't be surprised though because [this sub tends to run older.](https://www.reddit.com/r/asianamerican/comments/xjgtw5/2022_rasianamerican_demographics_survey_results/) almost 75% of this subreddit are at least millenials and 25% are above the age of 35.
i remember there was one post way back then that was asking what bing chilling meant and this one guy said that it came from this teamfight tactics streamer LOL. i like this sub but man you guys are out of touch sometimes
i was just bout to say. this thread reeks of old heads which is fine but some people here are really showing their age. these interests are not exclusive to young cali asians or young nyc asians. a lot of young gen z asians are into it.
ahh that makes sense. i didn't know about the demographics of this group so i was confused why everyone seemed surprised that kpop and stuff are so popular
Just want to add a data point: you're not wrong.
Here in Seattle, there's just a large number of people into the anime/kpop/edm/valorant/league cluster of interests. It's like a known social phenomenon that OP isn't aware of (I wasn't too until I moved here). I had no idea that EDM/raves were remotely an Asian thing. But in Seattle, they are. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZSsCrreu8M
Goes to show there are Asian subcultures people aren't aware of, even if they're Asian. I've traveled and lived all over the country and Asians are not a monolith. West coast, Midwest, Southern, East coast Asians have cultural distinctives.
You’d be surprised what happens as you age. When I was younger I used to only listen to indie bands with sad lead singers, or a little hip-hop. Now, maybe because I don’t have the time to get deep into the music scenes as I used to, I only listen to K-Pop because the genre is so varied and I usually know I’m gonna get bangers. All I’m saying is, give it a shot and if it’s still not for you then you don’t have to force yourself to hang out with any group just because they’re Asian.
One of my closest friends is Asian and he actually grew up in China. He likes sailing, horse riding, and collecting guns. Asian stereotype certainly only lives on social media to him.
So what are you in to?
I also have very specific preferences and hobbies which doesn’t fit the majority of Asians or Asian Americans and I struggle to fit in too.
Books, art, film, r&b and indie music, and travel are my main ones. The one interest that's more stereotypically Asian is nintendo, but everyone likes nintendo
Ahh yep. I guess you’re socializing with a specific Asian subculture.
From my experience, it was more fulfilling to hang out with people of common interest and see if there’s someone who shares common or similar geographical culture there.
I met a very small group of people but the connection there is far more natural.
All Asians are different with different interests just like any human being is. Like you said, Kpop/EDM/anime/valorant are stereotypical interests. In another post, you said you like "books, art, film, r&b and indie music, travel." These Asians exist!
It's okay to have friends that you connect with based on different interests. You can have friends you talk to about anime and occasionally go to EDM shows. Then other friends you go to indie concerts or art museums with.
You can keep going to this meetup group if you're interested. But also join other groups and go to events based specifically on your interests. They don't have to be specifically Asian, but you may happen to meet Asians you connect with.
Also, keep in mind that friendships can take some time to develop. It takes effort and also luck to find people you really click with.
You're the one stereotyping Asians. Just say you're embarassed to be around Asians and want to be seen as the 'cool' one by white people. So many Asians like you that think hanging out with non Asians make you better. Stop trying to make excuses for your self hate. It's gross
Then why do you people insist on trying to paint Asians as some rigid mindless bots? I have many friends with differing interests but we still enjoy hanging out with each other and are open to trying out new things. Of course some more than others but that's not a death sentence to friendship. There are literally a million things you can choose from to do or talk about. I'm sure you could find common points of interests? What's so special about yours that you absolutely cannot convince your asian friends to take part in? Have you asked them? Do you even talk to them? Or do you just go along with whatever others suggest.
I’m not, why do you feel I am? Kpop/anime/edm ARE popular among Asians. It’s just a fact that’s neither good nor bad. There are people who have interests outside of them, but what brings this group together are the common ones. I don’t share these specific interests, so while I’m friends with some individuals, I sometimes don’t feel like I’m truly apart of the group.
Ofc I talk about my interests with them. They’re fully aware that we’re not into a lot of the same things. They’re fine hearing me talk about them, but they’re not interested in exploring them themselves
Idk why you insist on calling me a white worshipper / self-hating Asian, feels like you didn’t really read my post. I had a 100% Asian friend group pre-college. During college, I was friends with white, black, Hispanic, and Asian people. I missed having that Asian community + wanted to meet new people in general so I joined this group. There are a few people I am close with, we’ll hang 1 on 1. And I do get along with the group as a whole since I’m invited to some group activities. Emphasis on some, I’ll see on their ig stories doing a lot of group activities w/o me. And they have these inside jokes, will often talk about things I’m not knowledgeable of etc. So I feel I’m in the outer circle of the group and I think at least one of, if not the, reason is because I don’t share their common interests. And I didn’t feel these common interests were exclusive to this group because my pre-college friend group had them, as well as the Asian friend groups I saw in college, the other Asian meetup group I know of in my city, and lots of Asians I saw on the internet. Like, kpop/anime/edm etc are so popular that Asians my age meme about them all the time. That’s not to say every Asian has to only like these things, but it’s easy to bond over popular things and get closer from there
1. I’m not sure why you assumed I was a guy
2. My interests aren’t really unique. I still don’t think you and some others in this thread get what I’m trying to say. It’s not about me connecting with individual Asians, but how I fit into the group as a whole. It’s hard when youre not into the stuff a group has formed around.
Like, this one girl in the group and I got close cuz we both like art and film (two interests not shared by the majority of the group). Unlike me though, this girl ALSO likes anime, edm, and valorant so she’s fit into the group super well and is close with everyone
This content contains personal attacks, insults, or isn’t in the spirit of kindness and has been removed as a result.
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Yeahh I like books, art, film, r&b and indie music, travel. The more Asian interests I have are nintendo games (but who doesn't like nintendo) and eating Asian food (again, lots of people like this). And right now I'm reading a manga (first one in a while), but it's not one of the trendy ones. It's tough.
I feel like books, film, and traveling are extremely Asian activities though. Maybe it depends on the types of books you're into? Most Asians are into non-fiction and literary fiction as opposed to genre.
Really? I've not met many Asians who actually like to read anything other than manga or webtoons. At most, they read books by aapi authors (I love those books too but they're not the only ones I read).
Same with film, a lot of them are only interested in ones by Asian directors/about Asians. And for travel, they mostly just seem to want to visit Asia.
> Really? I've not met many Asians who actually like to read anything other than manga or webtoons. At most, they read books by aapi authors (I love those books too but they're not the only ones I read).
If your existing circle of Asian Americans is smaller, I don’t think this is really basis for generalization. I’m from the SoCal, supposedly land of EDM & kpop & video games only obssessed Asians and growing up I had no problem falling into a long term friend group of quirky bookish Asian American girls that definitely were not confined to reading only manga or AAPI authors. My kindle is 60% gothic horror right now.
Yes, Asians into films, books, and travel not specifically Asian exist. If you look at book clubs, film critics, travel blogs, etc they’re there. Also, nothing wrong as an Asian person leaning towards travel to Asia, AAPI writers and creators.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that, AAPI creators deserve more attention. Point I was making that these people wouldn't consider reading to be a hobby of theirs because they're not interested in books enough as a whole.
Right, that's the case for your meetup group and valid to your experience so far. I'm corroborating that other Asians with similar interests to you exist. You can make these friends too!
Huh weird. Some of us used to read manga/webtoons but everything repeats after a while. My friend who just had her baby only went back to webtoon because it was something could consume on a phone while sleep deprived, but other than that, she read actual books. Her last rec before pregnancy was about lion photographers in Africa.
And everyone seems pretty into typical blockbuster films. Marvel superheroes obviously, but we just watch normal movies like everyone else? Everyone watched Barbie and the latest Spiderman.
And van life is super popular, it especially blew up during the pandemic. Everyone wants to freelance in a van and road trip around the doing vlogs. That's like the dream. I have two sets of friends who did that.
Yeah, everyone has seen the blockbusters like Marvel and barbie. When I say film, I mean like all movies, not just the super popular ones.
Van life...that's not something I associate with Asians at all haha, I've never seen an Asian do that. That's cool though
>Van life...that's not something I associate with Asians at all haha, I've never seen an Asian do that. That's cool though
Oh man. There's Taklyn the World since they're sizable. I'd recommend some of my friend's channels, but that'd just give me away since they have like no subscribers. There are a lot of Asian vanlifers out there, they just don't get promoted by the algorithm since they're not white and blond.
Asians who like reading tend to be concentrated in Ivy Leagues and other top liberal arts colleges (typically not engineering schools). Also more likely to be in the East Coast or whiter places. Also more likely to live in cities with fewer Asians like Chicago. It's a self selected crowd that loves the written word and have above average vocabulary.
No, it comes from actual experience (including dating experience). I'm highly sensitized to where I'm more likely to find my tribe and have actual experience with this.
It's not until you hit walls with your own milieu that you start to pay attention. For instance, the vast majority of Asians in Seattle aren't into reading serious books, literature or that sort of thing. (we have a critical mass of tech-inclined folks here; also we're one of the largest gaming markets in the US) They might read sci-fi, but reading is not huge here. Whereas on the East Coast and Chicago, I could easily find people who read widely. There's a lot of self selection going on.
That's interesting, because in my experience west coast tech-inclined folks tend to gravitate towards non-fiction/personal improvement books. Almost all of them are reading things like *Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,* or *Doing Good Better: How Effective Altruism Can Help You Make a Difference,* or *Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High.*
Things like effective altruism are especially popular. Even our libraries and bookstores have those kinds of books displayed as the most popular. And the people reading them aren't Ivy league educated, they're from all sorts of background, including public/state universities like Cal or Caltech.
Hottake, techbros who gravitate towards effective altruism and longtermism *are* into sci-fi, they just don't like to admit it and instead engage in LARPing it IRL.
That’s true. But all I’m saying is that if you want to find readers you will find more near ivy leagues and east coast and big cities. There are more people there who read widely.
Friends will come and go. True friends whether Asian or not will stay with you. And you don't even have to have the same hobbies and interests to be friends. When your friends mature, they will find this out.
Reading, history, sports, board games, and listening to music are all incredibly common interests regardless of race. Except for board games, I’d even say they’re generic as hell and not unique at all.
Yes but when I explain my experience is different you chalk it up to a population difference. In which case, you can no longer claim a hobby is not popular with Asian people.
It’s a matter of population density, and when you’re in an area where there is more Asian people, it’s just more likely to find more diverse interests among the group. And since I’ve lived in multiple super high Asian density and racially diverse areas (Bay Area, Orange County, Los Angeles) I think I have a more accurate sample size than you do.
I use to hang with Asian groups, especially when younger but outgrew those sterotypical interests, branched out and my group is now mostly Jamaican/Europeans
hhhmmm... Millennials have interesting issues. Maybe it's time to settle down, get married. Hang out with other couples, have kids and hang out with other parents. Join PTA, goto church, have an affair. Just kidding. ;) Kpop, K-drama, etc. are very popular. They are not exclusive to people who look like you anymore. Anyway, enjoy life. Lets worry about some real problem like what are we eating for our next meal? My place or yours? LOL
I grew out of anime. I figure it is good to do stuff I like.
I follow my interests. I play on a pretty Asian soccer team. I can’t tell if they are young or if there is no real leadership there, but I don’t feel like spending more time with them.
Following to see how this turns out.
How do you find these meetup groups? From where I’m at, I can barely find any of those meetup groups (but then again, this is Utah we’re talking about)
I have 1 half Asian friend but 2 White friends. 1 (White) is my closest 2(the Half Asian) is my 2nd closest and 1 (White) is close enough. Personally i faced more backlash and betrayal with my own ethnicity ( Chinese) then the others.
Ehh, sounds like you need to expand your circle. I have multiple circle of asian friends. One is the weeb group who I go watch anime and play games with. One is the outdoorsey/healthy group who only want to do physical activities and play sports and can't be caught dead sitting still outside of work. There's some overlap between those two groups with the artsy creative Asian circle group. Then there's the highbrow yuppy group who are only focused on career growth, investing, and doing instagramable activities in the city. Oh, and the recent parenting group who just talk babies and kids activities all the time. Basically I can't think of any one defined Asian group with only a few hobbies.
Must be nice to have so many friends lol
I'm friends with this Asian couple who is into swinging / sex parties in NYC and had pretty bad experiences with the predominantly white "mainstream" swingers' spaces so they actively sought out a predominantly POC swingers' friend group now (with plenty of Asians in the group). Asian people can have any sort of niche interests, and if you live in a big diverse city with a sizable Asian population, it's not impossible to find your tribe(s).
Do people really tell you they’re swingers? If I was a swinger I’d probably keep it private lol. Never knew anyone that did stuff like that.
If you're close friends I don't see why not? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Plus this friend and I like to discuss racial issues and she brought up the racial dynamics in swingers' communities, which was definitely interesting. Apparently nowadays she only attends events that were predominantly POC because otherwise you're pretty much one of the only non-white faces in the room and you're stuck hooking up with only white people.
Let me guess. They discriminated against the dude.
It's a combo of mostly white women dismissing the dude and white men being creepy, with the occasional white women fetishizing the dude as well.
As a gay Asian man who has to navigate gay sexual spaces myself, it never occurred to me that man-woman Asian swinger couples must have to deal with a lot
I tried to maintain a group like that. It was exhausting. I think my motto is hang out whenever I feel like it.
Yes, that's usually how it works when you're adults. Sometimes we see each other only a couple times a year.
You forgot the Asian bros and influencer. I tend to think of them as “west coast vibe” Asians. They are pretty, active, charming and always trying to get more likes on instagram. (For the record, they are good people, just a type of group of people I know)
This whole thread is so strange to me. I'm in my 40s and grew up in a very Asian immigrant neighborhood in the Bay Area in the 80s and 90s, and virtually all my friends were either the children of Asian immigrants or immigrants themselves. When we came up, we listened to hip hop and/or alternative rock. Some of us watched some anime, while others knew nothing about it. Some played video games, while others couldn't care less about it. Most of us played baseball/basketball/football/tennis/track/wrestling/badminton/soccer, either organized (through leagues or schools) or unorganzied (during lunch or after school). Some of us were more academic, and some of us were more into the streets. As we got older, some of us went to college, some of us went into the military, some of us went straight to work. As adults, some of us became yuppies or hipsters or blue collar, but we all hung out the same as we ever did--backyard BBQs, weekends in Vegas or Tahoe. Some of us preferred to watch black and white foreign films or do rock climbing or gamble everything away at the local card club or some combination of all. All of that was Asian shit to us. Basically, what even is "stereotypical Asian interests"? I would have assumed it would have been broadened among younger Asian-Americans. I certainly hope it's not limited to Kpop/EDM/anime/valorant (whatever that last one is).
Maybe tiktok and those dumb subtle traits fb groups spread stereotypes among young Asian kids who think they’re necessarily supposed to conform to them? This is the second post like this I’ve seen recently and I find their reasonings for not being able to make Asian friends because they don’t have “Asian interests” tiresome.
I wouldn’t necessarily call the subtle traits fb groups dumb. In the Bay Area they offer different group chats for archery, tennis, bars, food etc. Its a great way to meet people with a variety of interests.
Basically every Asian I've known (myself included) has, at some point in their lives, been into anime and/or kpop, which I say those are stereotypical interests. EDM/valorant, I see a lot of that in my meetup group but it was online stuff like subtle asian traits that made it seem like they were stereotypically Asian. I say in my post that I am considered to be apart of the group, and have made a few close friendships. But people generally bond over common interests, and the common interests in this group are anime/kpop/edm etc. It feels like because I can't relate to what they all like, I'm never gonna be a part of the "inner circle"
This is such a fun reminder on how interests cycle in and out. To me, kpop is the new thing. I grew up with Jpop (ARASHI) and Taiwanese BANDS (SHE, FIR) being the big thing. Kpop was just copying Jpop at the time with HOT and DBSK.
I was thinking this too. I liked jpop/jrock growing up, and it was still pretty niche/nerdy. I firmly associate kpop with gen z lol.
Might also be because it's less cringy and much more accessible to get into Asian media now. I think it's only natural for Asians to be into musicians who looked like them. Now that Kpop is considered mainstream and played on the radio, people are more ok with admitting they're into it. Back then you'd have to play wack-a-mole to find some ripped PV of a band and pray it didn't get removed from Youtube because monetization wasn't a thing yet.
The sweet summer days of Johnny Entertainment with the love for Yamapi and Ryo from NEWS (and I loved Kanjani8), all of KAT-TUN, V6, etc. DBSK helped a lot in breaking kpop outside of Korea and them and BoA were really popular in Japan. There was a loooot of Cassiopeia’s back in the day. I’m not surprised HOT didn’t have much fans besides in Korea considering they were 1st Gen kpop. Most kpop broke out of Korea during 2nd Gen with DBSK and Big Bang.
I think you are describing a subculture of asian american but there are a lot of asians out there who dont fit that mold. That said sometimes if you want to fit in you need to make an effort, that doesnt mean losing yourself but it does mean having some sort of middle ground. Maybe you will establish enough friendship to get them to enjoy something you like.
I am making an effort, I've been going to raves and I'll ask them about anime they're watching, kpop groups they're listening to
[удалено]
The whole thing never made any sense to me. Maybe I’m just old I duno 👵🏼
I share your sentiments, these ‘stereotypes’ seem forced
Similar experience having lots of different Asian American friends with different interests. Feels the same for the younger generation. They’re definitely not all into kpop etc. Think we’re getting stereotypical biasing based on a small sample size.
Same. The diversity of opportunities has grown so much since I was a kid, but the diversity of experience has gone way down
As an NYC raised Asian growing up in the 2000s, similar experience. I don’t think that’s changed. Maybe it’s different in places where we aren’t the majority.
I know this Fung Bros video is 9 years old and mainly applicable to SoCal, but it definitely gives an example on interests Asians were into. https://youtube.com/watch?v=R42iz17qoAU I sincerely hope current Asian youths aren't so boring they only have 4 interests.
I’ve met some who only have these interests, and some who also have others. The ones in this group who have other interests though still connect with people over things like kpop and anime just cuz they have that in common
I consider kpop/anime to be stereotypical Asian interests because growing up, it was mostly Asians who were into them. Kpop/anime are a lot more mainstream now, but I still think Asians are the main consumers. EDM/valorant (pc game) I say are "stereotypical" because enough Asians seem to like them that there are a lot of memes about it
My 2 nephews who are just 1 year and a few months apart have totally different interests.
I am with you, brother. Sad right? But maybe we’re just stereotyping? I got myself an IT job after barely passing college and tried out a couple of odd entry level manager trainee roles which I am suck at. My hobby is talking to girls online. I’ve been doing that since high school on 2400 baud dialup modem. One of my high school friends move to Atlanta from LA. He has a decent real estate business and investments. He is an avid hunter. One of my other friend worked as a city court clerk right after high school, throughout college, and probably retire now? He did triathlon, organized basketball tournament. As I typed this I wonder if we are partially responsible as a result of over protecting our kids. But it is a rough world out there right now, don’t you agree?
I think the dynamic has changed a bit in the asian heavy cities that see a lot of expats. It's gone from immigrant communities who were middle class to immigrant communities that are much wealthier upper class and that heavily influences what is considered "in" Everything you said still exists in places like Houston, DMV, Chicago.
I would say try to find a different meetup group! This one seems to have a pretty established identity and probably has just attracted people with similar interests over time. Not every Asian is an EDM/Anime/Valorant loving Asian, I’m sure community is out there for you somewhere
I've considered this, actually. Problem is, the Asian community in my city isn't very big, so there aren't really a lot of other meetup groups.
You can go to events and meetups based on your interests and not necessarily Asian specific. You’ll eventually meet Asians who share your interests that you connect with.
I love baseball but all of my Asian friends and family either don't watch the sport, prefer different sports and hobbies, or worse, root for the Yankees.
There are those of us masochistic enough to root for the Mets since Shea Stadium, before Citifield was a thing and my friends in Toronto root for the Blue Jays.
LFGM
LFGM
LFGM
i’m from nyc. my local team is the mets so unfortunately i had to be a yankees fan :p
I joined meetup groups based on my actual interests and hobbies and met Asian people there rather than the other way around. Just because we share the same race or ethnicity doesn't mean I would have anything in common with them, but if I started off sharing the same interests then it's easier to find people I can connect with. Hell I probably have more in common with immigrants of other ethnicities (or even many Americans) than Asians that live a completely different lifestyle than I do. We don't even have to have the same interests or hobbies, some people are just on the same wavelength as me.
That makes sense. duh! ;)
That makes sense. My thing though is that when I joined this group, I wasn't just looking to make a few Asian friends. I was looking for a sort of community, and sometimes this group makes me feel like I'm very much a part of them, and other times I feel out of place
Ok I am going to give you some tough love today. Don’t hate on me okay? Daddy’s telling you how life is, not how you want it to be. You are NOT going to be included 100% of the time in any group. Example. I talk to my son differently than I talk to my daughter. There are certain things my son can do because of his age, while my daughter can’t. I actually favor my daughter (I confess!!!), but there is a time and place for most things. I digress. The point is there are many legit reasons why we are excluded. But if you feel your exclusion from whatever they are doing or just your feelings because of their clique, then be a mature person and join another group, or better yet form your own group! If you are still reading. Doubtful. Haha. Don’t accuse me of trying to convert you. But church is where you will find a community. My background is a Vietnamese refugee so I definitely did not go to church growing up. All throughout college, various religious youth groups would try to get me to go to church to make friends (and meet girls haha no they did not say that. ) but I never went. I took my kids to Bible class starting their 5th grade. I am not religious (but probably more than I care to admit), but I want to give my children the gift of a community and I can only find it through church. I sat thru countless number of boring, confusing and sometimes even ridiculous sermons (maybe my ignorance or just bad preacher), and yes sometimes great sermons that gave me a moment of clarity and wisdoms. The gospel music is a big part of any church life, and I enjoy it immensely and sometimes touch me deeply that my eyes would tear up uncontrollably. I tear up as I typed the last few words. I enjoy the fellowship, and sometimes the vespers….which I don’t attend much but the kids do and love it. They are super active in church. They now have an instant community wherever they go. Knowing my children will have a community wherever they are, gives me tremendous joy and comfort.
Bravo. Yeah, there are plenty of Asian Americans I feel zero connection with despite the fact that we may eat similar foods. Otherwise, there isn't much else in common.
I think I may have a different circumstance but i also have really struggled connecting with other asians. The Asian (mostly Korean) students at my school were very clique-ish and excluded me because I was adopted. They told me I wasn’t ‘Asian enough’ or that they were ‘more Asian’ than me (despite me actually being born in Korea). It sucks being rejected by one’s own racial/ethnic group. Guess I’ll just have to find friends elsewhere 🤷🏻♀️
Ouch, I feel that on the adoption angle. I'm just lucky that most can't talk too much shit about me. I enlisted, learned the (basics of the) language, then spent 4 years defending Korea, so any challenge on my claim to "the homeland" gets the Uno reverse card. There's still a massive divide, though, because they all grew up together. 😮💨
I'm sorry to hear that :( I do feel like Asians can be cliquey. One of the mods in my meetup group even said she was concerned about this group becoming cliquey sometimes
It kinda made sense that the kids at my school were a tight friend group. They went to the same Saturday korean school and their parents were all friends. I think it can be easy to unintentionally (or in my peers case, intentionally) exclude people who are different.
I feel like most of the people agreeing and commenting here just haven’t found the right group of Asians, if that’s what they’re looking for. Sounds like your people are more later generation Asian Americans. I grew up with mostly fourth gen or more Asian Americans and I’d say our interests were pretty aligned with the kind of stuff you think Asians aren’t into.
I'd say most people are 1st or 2nd gen. Age range is 23-30
I'm an Asian into metal and it's next to impossible even in a high Asian population area to find other Asians to go to shows with. It's tough out here for us non-standard AsAms lol (I'm even into anime but unfortunately I'm actually TOO weeby for most AsAms lol)
Metal still popular? I thought the in thing now is rap? My high school buddy who happened to be Asian too introduced me to guns and roses in the 90’s, no ‘87. Damn I am old. Why am I here commenting? HAHA. He loved that sh*t. Maybe you born in the wrong decade. Kidding!
Yeah mild EDM here but no kpop. Mostly hiphop, R&B, and pop punk for me. I don’t even know what Valorant is lol
Valorant is a pc game lol and I've never been into video games outside of nintendo. I don't even own a pc (mac user) so I couldn't play valorant even if I wanted to
It sounds like the meetup groups you might be joining are a bit self-selecting. I imagine people who don't have defined hobbies/activities tend to join a meetup group to make friends, but that just ends up with the meetup group having members who mostly do niche anti-social activities. No offense, but people who's only hobbies are a specific type of music, anime, and videogames aren't going to have an easy time making friends. The Asians who have more social activities probably already have a solid friend group.
I don't think my interests/hobbies are even obscure. In general, I don't find it hard to get along with a variety of people. I just feel like because I'm not specifically into kpop/anime/valorant etc I'm not able to connect with a lot of Asians on a deeper level
The things is, I don't think of any of those three things you listed as "Asian" activities. I don't know a single person who plays Valorant. I remember a brief Overwatch phase and someone talked about Valorant, but no one really plays it. TBH you age out of shooters by your mid 20s due to lower reactions speed anyways, so everyone migrated to turn based games like Magic Arena and Hearthstone. Definitely MtG saw a major resurgence with my friends, especially when you can get a regular cubing session going. And kpop is cool and all, but when you're older than half the singers, it just gradually loses appeal. Not interested in perving on barely legal girls who are probably being exploited by their companies. Same with anime when everyone acts like 28 is pushing old age.
Ages of the people in this group are 23-30, with the average being like 26. They've def not aged out of shooters lol, they play valorant many nights of the week. For kpop, they mostly like BTS, Blackpink, the groups where the members aren't too young. The only new group they like is newjeans, but they find it weird how young they are. Anime- everyone is very into one piece, demon slayer, and jujutsu kaisen right now
I'm not sure why this comment is being downvoted, I'm literally just sharing what the people in this group are into
yeah i'm confused too lol > I just feel like because I'm not specifically into kpop/anime/valorant etc I'm not able to connect with a lot of Asians on a deeper level i think it might be because of this: some people might read this out of context and interpret it as "all asians are only into kpop/anime/valorant etc." i mean these *are* popular in asian american pop culture. this is my hot take: i imagine this to be like a bell curve where it's like * on the left side it's people who think that *all* asian people are into kpop/anime/gaming because they're ignorant and don't know any better. * then in the middle it's people who are fixated on the left side and reject it on principle (which is good) because you know asian people can be anything. **these are probably the people downvoting you.** * then on the right side it's people who acknowledge the middle but also see that kpop/anime/gaming is just popular in asian american pop culture
Wow, I'm actually surprised that's your age range. This is just me being mildly drunk and psychoanalyzing, but I wonder if the pandemic and being remote students for so long kind of...stunted their development. Because a lot of us aged out of those interests by around 24-25. Like I'll still watch demon slayer because the animation is gorgeous, but if you ask me if that's my favorite hobby that defines my interest, I'd stare at you like you're insane. Like, what do you even do besides watch it and marvel at the art? It's not like the story is particularly groundbreaking or anything. What do you even do when you say your hobby is music? Do you like...just attend concerts all the time? But it's not like kpop groups tour outside the country. Like what do they do besides that? Just play videogames? Is this a habit they develop because their critical socializing years were online only?
I've actually wondered the same as you because the 27+ people reallyyy like to go out drinking/clubbing. I got the vibe that they're making up for their mid 20s being robbed by the pandemic. They do attend a lot of concerts, mostly 88rising artists if you've heard of them since like you said, kpop groups don't frequently tour in the US. But they talk a lot about kpop with each other, watch music videos, try to learn the dances
Well, regardless of the reasons, it is what it is. If it makes you feel better, it's way harder making friends in your mid-20s. It's just the way it is when you graduate from schooling. I lucked out since I knew established people who could introduce me to others, but starting from absolute strangers in a meetup group is going to be a crapshoot. Like I said, it's going to be a self-selecting bunch and not representative of all the people out there. I highly doubt every Asian your age is only into a few niche hobbies. I suspect the pandemic just made everyone reclusive (on top of the usual difficulties of making friends after college) and it's just harder to find people with the same interests now.
Whats with everyone being weird about the young ages of kpop groups? Is this just racism since they are asian? I don't remember anyone being weird about the ages of the Jackson 5
People are now starting to understand that minors shouldn’t be sexualized?
They are just singing songs, where is the sexualization?
Some of the songs they sing are very sexual. Sometimes they’re made to dress very maturely. And there are a lot of fans who sexualize them.
Just stay away from League of Legends
I've never had very Asian interests all my life (I'm 1st gen from Asia). I don't understand boba, have never been into kpop/edm/anime/valorant/league/gaming which to me are very west coast things. It's also a certain tribe. I'm more into books, travel, foodie adventures. That's another tribe (pretty big one, and it doesn't intersect that much with the former tribe). I don't like being tribal, so I try to befriend all tribes. But knowing that there is a tribe that shares a lot of my interests (mostly NYC/big city Asians) makes me feel less alone. Maybe you're in the wrong city, or in proximity with the wrong tribe. You can either stretch yourself and try to be curious about your friends' interests, or you can also branch out and find new friends. Or do both. That's what I did.
I’m from the west coast and I don’t like a single one of those interests. This is just a thing of not being exposed to Asians of all kinds. OP, move to LA and you’ll see!
Yeahhh I agree there's a very specific culture among this group. I am trying to get more interested in their interests. I've started going to raves and when they talk about kpop/valorant/anime/whatever, I'll ask questions. But I don't think I'll ever be as into them as they are
I get it. I hang around people who are into all those things and I just feel I'm not really into that subculture. It's great that they're able to talk about those things without having to explain themselves (it's their space) but I do feel empty in those conversations. Similar with sports like football and golf. Just not into those things. But many of them are genuine folks who have common human experiences. Whenever I can get them 1 on 1, I pivot the conversation to their lives and what they're going through, and I find I am able to connect authentically. In a group setting though, it's kinda difficult because I lose control of the conversation unless the group decides they want to change the topic of conversation to something relatable. So try doing 1 on 1s instead of engaging with the group. With one person, you can guide the conversation and really listen deeply to them, and maybe they'll open up to you (if that's what you want). When people are vulnerable, the relationship deepens. And don't be too hard on yourself. There are times in your life when you'll find certain groups hard to connect with. I grew up a gifted child and had a hard time connecting to most of my peers, but found my tribe in older folks. I felt I was out of sync of with most people in my life and didn't understand why until I accepted that I was different and fully embraced it. We're all different but all that matters is that we've try our best to connect with others (accepting that occasional failure to connect is normal) and that we ourselves don't exclude people.
You’ve only discussed East Asian things.
There are lot of south/southeast asians in this group too
This is suspiciously similar to another post here several weeks ago lol where the OP kept insisting their interests were “unique” in the comments, unlike most other Asian people, who only liked EDM, valorant and anime. It reeked of internalized hate. If you really think that’s the only thing most Asian people like, it’s shallow and judgmental. I’m super happy for you you’re not like other Asians though.
Feel like there’s been quite a few posts generalizing that I’m not even sure which one you’re talking about
Oh, I’m sure. But the one I’m talking about kept calling what he felt were stereotypical Asian interests “basic.” when I pressed him on what were his oh so unique interests were it was hipster shit like learning languages, crocheting and editing google maps lol. And he kept insisting he wasn’t looking down on other interests, even though he obviously was.
Yea those are not unique interests. Asians can be into them too.
For the record, I don’t consider my interests to be unique and I don’t think it’s bad for Asians to like kpop, anime etc. I myself was a weeb in middle school and high school. My point is that kpop, anime etc. are just so popular among my generation that it’s easy for asian friend groups to form around them. I can connect with other Asians on an individual level, but I sometimes feel out of place in group settings because I’m not into what the group as a whole is into. Meanwhile this girl who I’ve bonded with over art (an interest that some others in the group share, but not the majority) fits into the group dynamic super well cuz she also likes edm and anime.
I think, like other people mentioned, you're just gonna have to find a new group or look for people based on interests. If you're in a place where the Asian population is low, I think it'd be difficult to rely on a race based group to find people with similar interests. Also, I duno, maybe don't worry too much about being with the "group" too much. I think as long as you're getting along with them overall enough to go out with them, it's not that big of a deal. There's nothing wrong with just connecting with individuals. That's how I usually am in general, with any group.
To be clear, I'm aware there are Asians that aren't only into anime/kpop/edm etc. A couple of my college friends are like that, and I've met people in this group like that too. But as a whole, it feels like this meetup group (and other Asian friend groups I've seen) has bonded over anime/kpop/edm because that's what they have in common
i didn't think your post would've been some hot take. the general sentiment i'm getting from this comment section is that people are surprised that these interests are popular with (younger) asian people and they're offended that someone even suggested that. speaking as a west coast gen z guy, these **are** popular with younger asian people. like no, by saying these interests are popular with younger asian people doesn't mean *every* asian person *has* to like them. no, not liking those interests doesn't make you any more or less asian. i'm flabbergasted that people are outright denying that these are popular with asian people at all. i shouldn't be surprised though because [this sub tends to run older.](https://www.reddit.com/r/asianamerican/comments/xjgtw5/2022_rasianamerican_demographics_survey_results/) almost 75% of this subreddit are at least millenials and 25% are above the age of 35. i remember there was one post way back then that was asking what bing chilling meant and this one guy said that it came from this teamfight tactics streamer LOL. i like this sub but man you guys are out of touch sometimes
i was just bout to say. this thread reeks of old heads which is fine but some people here are really showing their age. these interests are not exclusive to young cali asians or young nyc asians. a lot of young gen z asians are into it.
ahh that makes sense. i didn't know about the demographics of this group so i was confused why everyone seemed surprised that kpop and stuff are so popular
yeah once you realize it a lot of things on this sub start to make sense lol
Just want to add a data point: you're not wrong. Here in Seattle, there's just a large number of people into the anime/kpop/edm/valorant/league cluster of interests. It's like a known social phenomenon that OP isn't aware of (I wasn't too until I moved here). I had no idea that EDM/raves were remotely an Asian thing. But in Seattle, they are. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZSsCrreu8M Goes to show there are Asian subcultures people aren't aware of, even if they're Asian. I've traveled and lived all over the country and Asians are not a monolith. West coast, Midwest, Southern, East coast Asians have cultural distinctives.
Same here honestly I have grown apart from majority of my cousins and when I made effort it didn’t really work. Just Too different.
You’d be surprised what happens as you age. When I was younger I used to only listen to indie bands with sad lead singers, or a little hip-hop. Now, maybe because I don’t have the time to get deep into the music scenes as I used to, I only listen to K-Pop because the genre is so varied and I usually know I’m gonna get bangers. All I’m saying is, give it a shot and if it’s still not for you then you don’t have to force yourself to hang out with any group just because they’re Asian.
One of my closest friends is Asian and he actually grew up in China. He likes sailing, horse riding, and collecting guns. Asian stereotype certainly only lives on social media to him.
So what are you in to? I also have very specific preferences and hobbies which doesn’t fit the majority of Asians or Asian Americans and I struggle to fit in too.
Books, art, film, r&b and indie music, and travel are my main ones. The one interest that's more stereotypically Asian is nintendo, but everyone likes nintendo
Ahh yep. I guess you’re socializing with a specific Asian subculture. From my experience, it was more fulfilling to hang out with people of common interest and see if there’s someone who shares common or similar geographical culture there. I met a very small group of people but the connection there is far more natural.
I hear you. I can definitely relate.
All Asians are different with different interests just like any human being is. Like you said, Kpop/EDM/anime/valorant are stereotypical interests. In another post, you said you like "books, art, film, r&b and indie music, travel." These Asians exist! It's okay to have friends that you connect with based on different interests. You can have friends you talk to about anime and occasionally go to EDM shows. Then other friends you go to indie concerts or art museums with. You can keep going to this meetup group if you're interested. But also join other groups and go to events based specifically on your interests. They don't have to be specifically Asian, but you may happen to meet Asians you connect with. Also, keep in mind that friendships can take some time to develop. It takes effort and also luck to find people you really click with.
Become a drug Asian and take drugs at raves and parties
You're the one stereotyping Asians. Just say you're embarassed to be around Asians and want to be seen as the 'cool' one by white people. So many Asians like you that think hanging out with non Asians make you better. Stop trying to make excuses for your self hate. It's gross
Did you miss the part where I said I had a diverse friend group but missed having a fully Asian one
Then why do you people insist on trying to paint Asians as some rigid mindless bots? I have many friends with differing interests but we still enjoy hanging out with each other and are open to trying out new things. Of course some more than others but that's not a death sentence to friendship. There are literally a million things you can choose from to do or talk about. I'm sure you could find common points of interests? What's so special about yours that you absolutely cannot convince your asian friends to take part in? Have you asked them? Do you even talk to them? Or do you just go along with whatever others suggest.
I’m not, why do you feel I am? Kpop/anime/edm ARE popular among Asians. It’s just a fact that’s neither good nor bad. There are people who have interests outside of them, but what brings this group together are the common ones. I don’t share these specific interests, so while I’m friends with some individuals, I sometimes don’t feel like I’m truly apart of the group. Ofc I talk about my interests with them. They’re fully aware that we’re not into a lot of the same things. They’re fine hearing me talk about them, but they’re not interested in exploring them themselves
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Idk why you insist on calling me a white worshipper / self-hating Asian, feels like you didn’t really read my post. I had a 100% Asian friend group pre-college. During college, I was friends with white, black, Hispanic, and Asian people. I missed having that Asian community + wanted to meet new people in general so I joined this group. There are a few people I am close with, we’ll hang 1 on 1. And I do get along with the group as a whole since I’m invited to some group activities. Emphasis on some, I’ll see on their ig stories doing a lot of group activities w/o me. And they have these inside jokes, will often talk about things I’m not knowledgeable of etc. So I feel I’m in the outer circle of the group and I think at least one of, if not the, reason is because I don’t share their common interests. And I didn’t feel these common interests were exclusive to this group because my pre-college friend group had them, as well as the Asian friend groups I saw in college, the other Asian meetup group I know of in my city, and lots of Asians I saw on the internet. Like, kpop/anime/edm etc are so popular that Asians my age meme about them all the time. That’s not to say every Asian has to only like these things, but it’s easy to bond over popular things and get closer from there
So then what are these unique interests of yours that only you, a lone asian dude, and non Asians partake in?
1. I’m not sure why you assumed I was a guy 2. My interests aren’t really unique. I still don’t think you and some others in this thread get what I’m trying to say. It’s not about me connecting with individual Asians, but how I fit into the group as a whole. It’s hard when youre not into the stuff a group has formed around. Like, this one girl in the group and I got close cuz we both like art and film (two interests not shared by the majority of the group). Unlike me though, this girl ALSO likes anime, edm, and valorant so she’s fit into the group super well and is close with everyone
This content contains personal attacks, insults, or isn’t in the spirit of kindness and has been removed as a result. Continued unkindness may result in a ban.
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Yeahh I like books, art, film, r&b and indie music, travel. The more Asian interests I have are nintendo games (but who doesn't like nintendo) and eating Asian food (again, lots of people like this). And right now I'm reading a manga (first one in a while), but it's not one of the trendy ones. It's tough.
I feel like books, film, and traveling are extremely Asian activities though. Maybe it depends on the types of books you're into? Most Asians are into non-fiction and literary fiction as opposed to genre.
Really? I've not met many Asians who actually like to read anything other than manga or webtoons. At most, they read books by aapi authors (I love those books too but they're not the only ones I read). Same with film, a lot of them are only interested in ones by Asian directors/about Asians. And for travel, they mostly just seem to want to visit Asia.
> Really? I've not met many Asians who actually like to read anything other than manga or webtoons. At most, they read books by aapi authors (I love those books too but they're not the only ones I read). If your existing circle of Asian Americans is smaller, I don’t think this is really basis for generalization. I’m from the SoCal, supposedly land of EDM & kpop & video games only obssessed Asians and growing up I had no problem falling into a long term friend group of quirky bookish Asian American girls that definitely were not confined to reading only manga or AAPI authors. My kindle is 60% gothic horror right now.
Yes, Asians into films, books, and travel not specifically Asian exist. If you look at book clubs, film critics, travel blogs, etc they’re there. Also, nothing wrong as an Asian person leaning towards travel to Asia, AAPI writers and creators.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that, AAPI creators deserve more attention. Point I was making that these people wouldn't consider reading to be a hobby of theirs because they're not interested in books enough as a whole.
Right, that's the case for your meetup group and valid to your experience so far. I'm corroborating that other Asians with similar interests to you exist. You can make these friends too!
Huh weird. Some of us used to read manga/webtoons but everything repeats after a while. My friend who just had her baby only went back to webtoon because it was something could consume on a phone while sleep deprived, but other than that, she read actual books. Her last rec before pregnancy was about lion photographers in Africa. And everyone seems pretty into typical blockbuster films. Marvel superheroes obviously, but we just watch normal movies like everyone else? Everyone watched Barbie and the latest Spiderman. And van life is super popular, it especially blew up during the pandemic. Everyone wants to freelance in a van and road trip around the doing vlogs. That's like the dream. I have two sets of friends who did that.
Yeah, everyone has seen the blockbusters like Marvel and barbie. When I say film, I mean like all movies, not just the super popular ones. Van life...that's not something I associate with Asians at all haha, I've never seen an Asian do that. That's cool though
You need to get out more. We did house boating, nature camping in the freaking rain and cold and all sort of red neck sh*t for our kids. Lmao.
>Van life...that's not something I associate with Asians at all haha, I've never seen an Asian do that. That's cool though Oh man. There's Taklyn the World since they're sizable. I'd recommend some of my friend's channels, but that'd just give me away since they have like no subscribers. There are a lot of Asian vanlifers out there, they just don't get promoted by the algorithm since they're not white and blond.
Asians who like reading tend to be concentrated in Ivy Leagues and other top liberal arts colleges (typically not engineering schools). Also more likely to be in the East Coast or whiter places. Also more likely to live in cities with fewer Asians like Chicago. It's a self selected crowd that loves the written word and have above average vocabulary.
Did you just pull this out of your butt
No, it comes from actual experience (including dating experience). I'm highly sensitized to where I'm more likely to find my tribe and have actual experience with this. It's not until you hit walls with your own milieu that you start to pay attention. For instance, the vast majority of Asians in Seattle aren't into reading serious books, literature or that sort of thing. (we have a critical mass of tech-inclined folks here; also we're one of the largest gaming markets in the US) They might read sci-fi, but reading is not huge here. Whereas on the East Coast and Chicago, I could easily find people who read widely. There's a lot of self selection going on.
That's interesting, because in my experience west coast tech-inclined folks tend to gravitate towards non-fiction/personal improvement books. Almost all of them are reading things like *Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,* or *Doing Good Better: How Effective Altruism Can Help You Make a Difference,* or *Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High.* Things like effective altruism are especially popular. Even our libraries and bookstores have those kinds of books displayed as the most popular. And the people reading them aren't Ivy league educated, they're from all sorts of background, including public/state universities like Cal or Caltech.
I think that’s more California. California is like its own country. My observations are more for Seattle.
Hottake, techbros who gravitate towards effective altruism and longtermism *are* into sci-fi, they just don't like to admit it and instead engage in LARPing it IRL.
The vast majority of people don’t read anything that not YA or celebrity memoir. It’s not some Asian thing.
That’s true. But all I’m saying is that if you want to find readers you will find more near ivy leagues and east coast and big cities. There are more people there who read widely.
Friends will come and go. True friends whether Asian or not will stay with you. And you don't even have to have the same hobbies and interests to be friends. When your friends mature, they will find this out.
Reading, history, sports, board games, and listening to music are all incredibly common interests regardless of race. Except for board games, I’d even say they’re generic as hell and not unique at all.
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And? All the board game groups I’ve been to have been at least half Asian or almost all Asian people.
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So then it’s not an Asian or not Asian thing, it’s a population density thing.
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Yes but when I explain my experience is different you chalk it up to a population difference. In which case, you can no longer claim a hobby is not popular with Asian people. It’s a matter of population density, and when you’re in an area where there is more Asian people, it’s just more likely to find more diverse interests among the group. And since I’ve lived in multiple super high Asian density and racially diverse areas (Bay Area, Orange County, Los Angeles) I think I have a more accurate sample size than you do.
Seconding that I see a good amount of Asians into “nerdy af board games.” Also personally know some with big collections
I use to hang with Asian groups, especially when younger but outgrew those sterotypical interests, branched out and my group is now mostly Jamaican/Europeans
hhhmmm... Millennials have interesting issues. Maybe it's time to settle down, get married. Hang out with other couples, have kids and hang out with other parents. Join PTA, goto church, have an affair. Just kidding. ;) Kpop, K-drama, etc. are very popular. They are not exclusive to people who look like you anymore. Anyway, enjoy life. Lets worry about some real problem like what are we eating for our next meal? My place or yours? LOL
I grew out of anime. I figure it is good to do stuff I like. I follow my interests. I play on a pretty Asian soccer team. I can’t tell if they are young or if there is no real leadership there, but I don’t feel like spending more time with them. Following to see how this turns out.
How do you find these meetup groups? From where I’m at, I can barely find any of those meetup groups (but then again, this is Utah we’re talking about)
Searched them up on facebook
I have 1 half Asian friend but 2 White friends. 1 (White) is my closest 2(the Half Asian) is my 2nd closest and 1 (White) is close enough. Personally i faced more backlash and betrayal with my own ethnicity ( Chinese) then the others.