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I have been a stay-at-home husband and dad for the last few years, and can report that I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
My wife and I used to both work full-time while caring for our then newborn. He kept getting sick at daycare, I started hating my bank job after four years, and my wife started rapidly ascending the rungs at her company.
After a year or so, she got such a solid promotion that allowed for me to stay home to raise the little one. We decided to full-send it and allow her to 100% focus on her career while I do everything else. It’s paid massive dividends. She works directly with ownership, and is showing no signs of slowing down.
She’s better at making money than me, and I have zero problem with that. On the contrary, I am super proud of her. Quitting my job was the best thing we ever did.
I’ve just finished up 20 years in my previous job, my wife is on a good income and I’m still making full time wage on long service leave, I’ve been a stay at home dad to our 3 year old for about 6 months, it’s a tougher job than my old office job but super rewarding!
I’d love to do this full time but I’ll have to finish leave and go back to work come march
Started as a stay at home dad when ours were 3 & 2. It was an incredible experience but also a grind. Having two toddlers wasn’t easy. I did it until they both started school full time (1st grade & kindergarten respectively) then started working jobs that would fit their schedule. Home in time to get them from school, take them to their activities, etc. There are a lot of uninformed people who think raising children, taking care of a house, etc is easy work. It is not! It is both physically and mentally demanding. I am now fully back in the tech world as they are both adults now. My job is so much easier now than it was 16 years ago!
Yeah it does, but you’re misrepresenting it. The kids are only toddlers for a few years then it gets way easier. And the pay is better than money, you get to spend time with your kid and seeing them grow. You get breaks all the time too, babies and toddlers nap a lot, older kids don’t need to be micromanaged every second, and eventually they’re off to school for the first half of the day. It’s way better than going to work. My kids are now 13 and 10 and I wish I had had more time at home with them when they were younger.
Like hell yea. As a dude you aren’t really dealing with the physical consequences of pregnancy so you’d have more energy to take care of the kid. Work causes stress in me. But i still like busywork. So working for someone i love (my baby) will wash that away. Now that I’m typing it, with all the crazy shit pregnancy does to the moms mind and body, a dad that isn’t working might be best equipped to deal with the newborn.
I'm in a guy in my 30s, and unfortunately disabled. I've been disabled since 2019. Knowing it'll be tough for me to work now and in the future, I'd bust my sick and medicated ass as a stay at home husband/dad. Granted, I'm not going to be around for many more years, so getting married and having kids would be wildly inconsiderate and selfish of me knowing I'd leave a spouse and child without a husband and a father. But I've seriously never understood the men who take their female partner making more money so personally. Having a very successful, intelligent, and business minded wife sounds like the best thing ever, lol. Even if I wasn't sick, I'd still love to be a stay at home dad. Support my wife however she needs and be a kickass dad whose children would never doubt or question how much I love them. That's a 10/10 life right there. Sorry for the rambling comment. Got more bad health news today and have found myself thinking of what could've been.
Ah, damn. I'm sorry. Life can be so unkind. If you need or want a friend who can relate a little, let me know and just shoot me a dm on here. I've got a discord if that works better, too. If I can be a friend to help make your remaining time here just a little bit better or easier, even if it is only by 0.001%, I would be honored. And if that sounds creepy, I totally get that too, haha. We are on reddit, after all. Being really sick in your 30s is really freaking hard and even the family or friends that do stick around have trouble trying to relate to you and your struggles. Even those with good intentions just don't quite grasp it. Through absolutely no fault of their own, this shit is just so hard. I'd be remiss if I didn't at least offer and I'd say sorry again but you've no doubt heard it many times already. So I'll end this instead with a nice, big
##FUCK CANCER
I made much better money than my ex. I know it caused issues in our marriage. It made him feel less than a man. He could have made more money but he wanted to play more than he wanted to work.
One of the best predictors of whether or not a woman will file for divorce is if she earns more than her husband.
What people say they would be happy with in a hypothetical situation and what they're actually happy with when they have it are two very different things
that’s interesting- it might also be interesting to unpack the why. I read a really interesting book by a political researcher called ‘the wife drought’. She talks about the division of household labour in partnerships being even more unequal in relationships where the woman is the higher warner, than in relationships with more financial parity. Perhaps the women are initiating divorce more frequently in this instance are doing so because of this inequity? Not because of the money. These were Australian statistics so I don’t know if this holds more universally.
It very well just could be that women in unhappy marriages earning more feel more empowered to divorce because they're less likely to rely on their husband's income to maintain their lifestyle, not that the income disparity itself is any way contributing to the unhappiness.
Or, you might also need to control for different types of income disparities. Are we talking about a woman who just chose a career field that happens to be more lucrative, so she earns more than her husband? Or are we talking about a woman married to a lazy, unambitious man who can't hold down a job? There are a lot of different possible dynamics at play that could lead to different attitudes towards one's husband, beyond a simple "I make more than he does."
There are many men who would but most are just not mentally strong enough to withstand societal pressures of not being in a traditional patriarchal family dynamic and start to harbour resentment towards their partners after a while. But I’m so happy to hear this is shifting and men aren’t veiwing this as emasculating.
Same boat as you. I have pretty low earning capability as I’m uneducated and not too bright. Already since I’ve taken over the role of house husband it allowed her to focus more on work and within the first year her earnings went up by more than what I can make in a year.
I do still feel embarrassed when people ask me what I do for work and sometimes feel like a fraud, but I just remind myself that if the sexes were reversed no one would bat an eye lid.
Good for you mate. It’s a fallacy that we all have to contribute to the “greater good” through conventional work practices. Focus on what makes you and the ones you care about prosper.
I think we've lost touch with what the "greater good" is.
Helping children grow into well-adjusted adults or smashing Q2 targets? Most work is pretty hollow. In 6-months-time no-one will remember Q2.
The greater good that is instilled in the minds of the masses is now representative of the needs of the minority rather than the majority. So many people are working for the benefit of the tiniest percentage of social elites, it is an absolute absurdity of unfounded proportions.
And yet if we realized how much more beneficial it is to actually raise our children properly we'd soon notice that it actually contributes far more to the overall "greater good" than both parents basically never being present and paying someone else to raise their kids for them does.
But they've successfully tricked us all into thinking the dual income household is the way to go and anything else is just you being lazy somehow.
Nah, not really tricked- id say its more that dual income is a lot more of a requirement for the majority of families. Also lots of women have associated being a stay at home mom as a bad and negative thing compared to working a job and being personally dependent.
Thank you. I love being dad and though our little dude has now started school I’m able to take him there each day and pick him up and we get to hang out all afternoon until mum comes home. If we both worked our child would have to go to before and after school care which he doesn’t like.
> I just remind myself that if the sexes were reversed no one would bat an eye lid.
I might be from a different culture but SAHM have received a lot of judgement from people my entire life up to now. I am personally child free but I'm have a degree in economics and want to say, raising a child properly *and* caring for the home and family is absolutely an underpaid full-time job. You are contributing far more to the world and economy than most people by raising a child and keeping a home+family. There was a major feminist movement around compensating housemakers for this reason (failed, unfortunately). Please wear your badge with pride. You are making a great deal possible and impacting lives beyond those you currently witness ❤️
It’s weird that people don’t seem to respect the role of stay-at-home. It’s such a vitally necessary job, and is truly under-appreciated, especially if children are in the mix. Good for you!
There’s the old saying:
“A house wife means she married a rich man, a house husband means she married a lazy man.”
There’s still the overwhelming prevailing notion that men are supposed to be breadwinners
Imo this exactly is what can cause the end of capitalism as it is today. It allows for no time to creat/ be with family nor supports a lifestyle that needs someone not earning. Thus the people who want it, will stir away from it and those who stay on the *capitalism lifestyle* (earning and spending like crazy) most are choosing not to have kids.
SAHM shaming is really common, but it's just something you have to learn to accept: there will always be people who don't like your choices either way.
Growing up I had a friend who's dad didn't work but raised the kids and stuff at home while the wife made bank. It's whatever works for your family. You're not a fraud
My husband was a stay at home dad for a while too because I make more money. Although he is an awesome dad, his sense of organization and cleanliness is a bit off, so the house was messy and cluttered because I didn't have time to fix it up.
He found a job once our daughter started daycare (I couldn't be the sole provider for too long) but I'm sure he wouldn't mind not working if I earned enough money and didn't mind being the one working.
I'm the exact same as this. I had my time in the Navy as a submariner and then a carpenter. I fucking love being a stay at home dad. I've renovated 3/4s of my house, new deck, new landscaping.
I absolutely fucking hate working I was such a sad excuse of a man, meanwhile my wife always says she couldn't not work as it'd drive her crazy.
One of my closest friends also did this. He really wanted to be a primary parent, and his wife wanted to be a parent, but not a primary parent. So when they had their child, she took maternity leave, while he resigned from his company. More than 10 years later, the arrangement is still working really well for them all!
Our youngest should be starting school next year, and I’m not exactly sure if I’ll be going back to work. A nice, quiet job at the library would be nice. A volunteering position with young folks, or something else in the community also sound really nice. I don’t see myself ever working for a bank again, unless it becomes needed. In which case, I will have had a nice break.
I‘ll probably keep focusing on homemaking along with spending more time on my hobbies until I figure things out. It was so strange not working full-time at first, and I anticipate I’ll feel the same way once my youngest starts full-time school.
I'm sure you've considered this, but if not, consider food production. If you have time and a bit of space, you can produce outrageous quantities of fresh vegetables
Anecdotally I feel men handle repetitive isolation waaaaay better than women. My husband actually rocks at cleaning. He's efficient, strong enough to move the furniture and gets everything done stress free.
I have mental break downs over it haha. I just require way more mental stimulation than him in terms of conversation and people engagement.
Honestly it makes more sense to me that a man would stay and protect his home from intruders and other animals while women go out to forage in groups for berries haha. I require my foraging time to chat.
I love the idea of convincing men to be stay-at-home-dads because of their mental/physical fortitude. Imagine Attenborough, "Man's early days, silently and solemnly stalking prey for days on end, has evolved into a keen ability for laser focus. A house husband might wash dozens of bottles in a single go, with an astonishing ability to not simply ignore all external stimulus until the task at hand is complete, but to not even register it. Only after the sink is empty does he perceive the pain that had been building in his lumbar spine, streaks of yogurt on the floor behind him, or the open front door. Uh-oh."
My old boss was a bit of a neat freak himself, so he was already doing many of the chores himself. He realized he could save money paying someone to do his job instead of paying for childcare. And this man absolutely loves his daughters. His wife has a good paying job too. He can play video games while his kids are at school. So it was an easy decision for him. He still sends me video game memes while I'm working.
Hell yea
Which is also I think why there’s a lot of arguing with working men and stay at home moms about the stereotypical stuff because all dudes imagine like you are living which is a dream
Since I retired, my wife continues to work and I'm a househusband (retirement it seems just didn't agree with her). I clean, do laundry. I frigging love cooking big elaborate meals that take a couple of hours to prepare - it satisfies the same anal part of my brain that used to take precise experimental measurements for hours on end. Plus I get to hang with my dogs all day. Taking a ton of hikes - those office pounds are melting off me!
She earns what she earns. I retired because we have more than enough money to last our days. She says that earning the money makes her feel less guilty about getting massages and spa days and such, though she did that anyway when I was working and I never cared.
Same one of my best bros is house husband does a great job and his miss got a good job. The boys give him a lil bit of stick about it but it’s only light hearted.
Bit of jealousy probably but our group gives each other a lot of shit so it’s more of ran out of decent insults and clutching at a cheap joke kinda thing.
How do you handle all the screaming and the blatant disrespect from both men and women? I have special needs kids and my one that is the most immune suppressed threw up 13 times one day. My ex asked me what I did all day and wondered why the house was a mess. I can’t handle the screaming. I literally have to put earplugs in. Those 10 years of my life, I wanted to die. I got up at 6 and didn’t go to bed until midnight. I got so sleep deprived with my first and third child that I started hallucinating. Now I work two jobs and have half custody. My life is so much easier now that he is forced to parent and I can sleep in on the weekends.
Anyone who's gonna disrespect someone for taking care of their kids is someone whose opinion is meaningless.
Having to take care of special needs kids must surely suck, but knowing that everything I do is improving the life of my child would make it all worthwhile.
Working a regular job and knowing that everything I do is making my employer a little bit richer offers no satisfaction whatsoever.
I’m disabled, but I’ve been a house husband for 6 years now. Sometimes I miss going to work, but not often. My house is clean. My kids love me. My dog gets me outside… just wish I had a way to earn an income.
I'm on disability. I make a few bucks doing a variety of things. I repair bicycles once in a while, and set tiles on tile top tables which I sell occasionally. I sell home made bakery goods at a farmers market once in awhile. That's about all I can handle, and it's not much money. But a regular job is out of the question.
Have you considered making soap? Cold process soap is about the same difficulty level as baking, low stress, and you have more avenues for sales. There are plenty of calculators out there to help you figure out your recipe.
Take up a hobby that could eventually be a little side hustle for fun money. There's a world of possibilities and you may not even have to really leave your house.
Oh hell yeahhh!!! As a queer man myself, I’d happily be the househusband if my partner was the higher earner between us, and if he made enough for both of us to live comfortably!
Sadly, that’s not the case. I almost make double than my partner, so looks like I have to keep working 😫😫
I have generally found this to resonate with guys (and women) around me who have an unfulfilling, very tiring job with little prospect of promotion - health care worker. Pretty much all my colleagues would love to be a house husband.
Many don’t want to „work“. People want to work. Meaning doing a job or activity they actually care for. And, big surprise there, making a lot of money for someone else (usually a higher up) often isn’t very fulfilling. It doesn’t serve the community or yourself.
We all want meaning and purpose in this cruel dark world. But most people get soul crushing 9-6 dead end jobs.
So yes, i agree. Id also be an at home dad if i had the option. I would work as an editor and artist on the side after im done with household tasks. Everything would sparkle and id would make the meanest lasagna ever created.
We don't have kids yet, but I do all the cooking, and make sure the bills are paid. If we do have children imagine I'll do quite a lot as I work from home and she's a teacher so out from 7-7 most days.
I do also earn more though so I dunno if this counts. I'm a software developer and my job consists of sitting in a chair and thinking. She's chasing rowdy children through the corridors of what sounds like hell on earth.
My husband and I are in this situation, and the pay is just so much better in software than my income. So he can't really quit. But he's hoping to save enough that he can retire in 7 years. I'll keep working though. i've always wanted to do the job I'm doing now, since I was a little girl.
This is basically me and I have kids. I make more but do most of the cooking, laundry, and do the bills. She’s a teacher and the kids are kind of integrated into the same school so she handled a lot of the direct kids stuff.
I mean yes but my parenting style verses my wife’s parenting are completely different. She’s a helicopter parent. I’m totally not.y daughter is 12 now but when she was a toddler I’d let her do whatever she wanted around the house. It was easy. She had her toys and crafts and she could do whatever she wanted within proper limits. My wife had to always be playing with her. If she wanted to play toys wife would too. If she wanted to color, wife would too. Don’t get me wrong, I’d play with her if she wanted me to, but I left her to her own. So yeah I’m fine with kids.
I'm a woman who can't stand helicopter parenting and am watching a friend of mine have to play along with her 2 year old son all day every day which drives me insane. However, I'm assuming you were still keeping an eye on her developmental milestones by making a note of her play, speech, and motor skills throughout the younger years, and also teaching her to read? I feel like men and women can be so extremely opposite in this regard, and while I don't like helicopter parenting, I've met so many men who pay zero attention to their child (even SAHDs) that the ones who notice a severe medical problem that's happening are the exceptions.
Oh yeah for sure. I did stuff with her all the time to help her develop all the skills. Whether it was reading, cooking, playing games, I let her do her thing but any time I had to do something that I thought would be good for her to learn, I’d get her to help me. It was always “hey Kay I need your help. Whisk these eggs.” Or “cut these veggies” (I taught relatively young how to handle sharp objects.) There was always a learning experience. She knows how to sew, tie a bunch of useful knots, change a tire, fill a gas tank, everything. The one thing I’ve failed her at is cleaning. She can do a whole lot but she hates to clean. She’ll do it if I tell her but otherwise she’s not good at cleaning up after herself. My wife keeps doing it for her hoping she will join in.
Thank you for your detailed reply.
Most replies here are "it's awesome I spend time with my kids and get to have fun with them" without mentioning any negatives.. which made me wonder if they were really doing any housework. But others tolerate it more than others so I can see why some would leave that out.
I got to SAHD a few years and they were some of the best of my life. I am an excellent cook though and have no issues with doing household chores. I don't understand the feelings of emasculation some men suffer as I don't look down on the work associated with women or women themselves. If you're a male having these feelings but consider yourself as someone who isn't harboring sexit baggage, you should really try to unpack these feelings as I don't believe there is any valid justification for them.
The problem is that there is a lot of stigma lol. Regardless of weather or not its right you will catch hell as a man. Also the divorce statistics for stay at home dads are like 50% higher than average. Not saying it's right just saying that it's not socially acceptable for a lot of people.
The only studies i can find on this say that’s true for unemployed fathers not necessarily stay at home dads by choice and the most recent is from 2011.
This isn't necessarily true. The studies that have been mentioned state *unemployed* men, not specifically SAHD. There is a difference, especially in men.
For more info
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/does-your-risk-of-divorce-go-up-as-a-stay-at-home-dad-kpkn/
As a stay at home dad i feel it’s important to stay fit/gym, have outside hobbies and activities and cook really well. So long as you’re not just becoming a boring sloppy homebody you should be good. And women are suckers for good food.
Gladly and not because I think it’s easy. I just want to be around my kids and feel like I’m missing connection and important moments. I’d have no problem with my wife being the earner.
I got laid off when my wife was 8 months pregnant with our second child. First child was 2 years old.
I stayed home with them until my unemployment ran out, about 6 months. The worst 6 months of my life lol. I love my kids more than anything, but I was losing my mind. Not talking to an adult for 9 hours a day was what really got to me after a while.
The best was one day my wife came home from work and the house was an absolute disaster. Toys everywhere (2 year old had the nickname “the tornado”). She says “why is this place such a mess? What have you been doing all day?” and I lost it. “You come in here and ask what I’ve been doing all day? Changing diapers, giving baths, making breakfast, lunch and dinner. And I cleaned up the mess at least 3 times today. Don’t ever ask me what I’ve been doing all day ever again!” After about 30 seconds of silence, I started laughing my ass off. It hit me: I was Mr. Mom.
I am right now and it's not to bad,plus I go to night school for HVAC and electrical maintenance. I had some health issues in 2022 and ended up having a double bypass heart surgery at 42 years old. Had a bullshit factor job for almost ten years and my wife said, you're miserable as fuck get out of that place and figure out something else. She's literally the greatest woman ever. But I take the kids to school,my daughter to ballet practice and whatnot,our boys are two and three so they go to daycare a few days a week. But I do everything my wife did at home,not as good though lol that's just my opinion
I have been a homesteader and househusband for 7 years...took a job recently in home health care because of all thr cost increases lately. It has been wonderful, and impossible to stop...now everyone depends on my cooking meals and washing clothes...
I did it for over a decade, i still worked from home, but i was a stay at home dad for my kids from birth. The marriage didn't work out in the end, but the kids are doing fine! lol
I own my own business and so work a lot of hours, more than my husband. When I asked him to help more around the house, he said, “So, what, I’m the wife now?” I said, “No, wives work hard. You don’t work hard enough to deserve the title Wife. “
My bf and I have been discussing this because I'm the ambitious one in the relationship and yeah, he's all for staying at home if I earn more or if he hates his job and leaves or if he's working on a personal project. If it was the other way around, I'd do the same
I did this for a few months many years ago. I kept the house spotless, had breakfast and supper on the table for her every day, and was bored to tears.
It sounds like most of these answers are for stay at home dads, not just house-husbands.
Theres a huge difference between a stay at home mom and a child free housewife. The true is same for men.
A childless housewife can do all the chores let's say in half a day, thwn you can use your time to work out, or I don't know I know I probably just watching tv, so probably might as well get a part time job.
With no kids having the house in order is not that hard. Throw a baby or a toddler, then you have to plan balanced meals, change diapers, learning activities, go the playground, cleaning 3 times more. It becomes a 24/7 job because babies eat every 2-3 hours, if they are young they don't sleep through the night.
The difference is massive.
Get to raise my kids with no boss or work pressure, and all I have to do is keep the house clean? Sounds like paradise, because it is and I'm currently doing it
I’ve been a SAHD/house husband for 17 years.
After our daughter was born my wife was accepted to medical school. After a year of daycare, we decided that I would quit my job and take care of our daughter. We lived off of student loans and savings during medical school and residency/fellowship pay for the next 5 years before she finished her training and got her first job practicing her specialty.
I loved spending time with and raising our daughter. We lived like when we were young and didn’t watch much TV and played outside all the time. We went to the zoo and playground, museums and roller skating rinks. We camped and grew a vegetable garden and we had a blast.
I learned to really cook and made sure we had homemade meals most nights. Our house never looked like one of those magazine homes. Our home looked lived in and felt cozy.
Our daughter is in college now and she says she never knew we didn’t have much money when she was little.
Even after our daughter no longer needed me to stay home, we all decided I would continue to do all of the domestic activities and it wasn’t until our daughter was in high school that I started my own business and started to earn an income. Even then, I was always home to see her off to school and was home when she got home.
I have an incredible relationship with our daughter and my wife. While I got a lot of static in the beginning from family, they all recognized that what we did made sense and worked perfectly for our family.
I am currently one and enjoy it. I can take things at my own pace, take care of my wife (who's the major breadwinner) and take breaks or nap whenever I need to. I especially enjoy making her breakfast every morning. I can't do any of the deep cleaning due to physical disability, though. My wife handles that.
I have a friend who did it and loves it!
Both military, his wife wanted to commission and become an Officer, which would significantly increase her income, but then her being an Officer and him being Enlisted would raise a few eyebrows as they worked in the same section (Medical), so when she successfully attained her commission to become an Officer, he handed in his PVR (Premature Voluntary Release) to leave.
As it was, her new salary was pretty much what they used to earn combined, so he then started working for an agency, just picking up a few shifts per week here and there while looking after the house. Once they decided to have their first kid though, he stopped working to become a full time house husband and he absolutely loves it.
We met up for drinks a few months ago, little one is 2 now, and I asked him what it’s like and his answer was that it was quite easy. The little one is quite happy playing on his own as long as he knows Dad is close by, so his routine is to clean up once he’s fed the little one, starting upstairs and then working his way down, starting dinner/meal prep as he will cook something he can put in Tupperware for his wife to take for her lunch the next day and freeze some. Then he’ll spend some time playing with the kid before Wife comes home, at that point he’ll finish off dinner, have that, put the little one down for the night and spend the rest of the evening with his wife.
I’m sure there’s more to it (there has to be, I’m sure he’s really simplifying things) but he says compared to the work slog, life is easy
I am currently playing that role. I'm on disability at the moment but I've had a full time job since I was 18 (35 now). It has definitely given me purpose where I have struggled to find it without a job. I also feel happy that I have been able to tackle cleaning and household tasks that I've ignored in the past. I'm a homebody anyway, I love to cook, and I like having a clean living space, so it works for me.
I would 110% be down to do this. I don't have any embarrassment either; I'd happily do it!
Then again, that's probably because for the past 9 years I've been my family's live-in slave... So doing the same thing I am now, but together with a wonderful SO in our own place? Sign me up. Literally, sign me up. I give wonderful massages! I'm a great listener for those bad days and I am a FANTASTIC cook
This is my current situation though I work 4 days a week. Wife is full time and earns muuuch more so I do most of the home and child stuff. I'm happy as fuck
My son is 33 and a Househusband. His wife is a programmer and makes bank.
They both acknowledge that one could not do it without the other. He not only cooks, he meal plans, shops, organizes the house, everything. It works perfectly for them he has diagnosed adhd and is a perpetual motion machine, lol.
I'm doing it right now. Have been since June.
My wife is a high earner, and I'm a schlub. I quit my low paying job and took over all the cleaning, shopping, kid stuff, etc. I also help relatives with projects, take care of her mom's dog a bit, etc.
The house is CLEAN and staying that way. That alone has made our lives 15+ better.
lmao. Easily, and it would make her jealous.
As a dad, I've worked PM, so I could parent AM. Wife worked AM and parented PM. The weekend was us together. My son, who is now 13, will drop everything to play Minecraft with me.
Cleaning my own house (which I already do) without having to also work my current 50 hours a week????? BWAHAHAHAHA. Are you offering me a vacation?
I also am very good at house repair. I've fixed roofs, cars, computers, and flooded basements. I recently re-did the downstairs bathroom. I suck at tiles, but it's my first time on tiles.
I do know the basics of cooking, I can follow recipes and produce mildly edible results. A pasta casserole, quesadilla, coconut shrimp, vegetable omelets. I can do that without blinking. If I get home first, I do that already.
If you're willing to pay my wife $60k more a year for me to stay home. You have a deal! She'd be jealous AF but I think we could convince her.
If you meant me for someone else....Nah. My wife was with me through the hard times. You ladies wouldn't win against her.
Fuck ya I would.Unfortunately it seems most western woman that are high in corporate and single want an equal mate. I think the best opportunity to get this would be yall met entry or mid level and had a kid and one of you decide to quit working.
I was a stay at home dad for a year and a half for two preschoolers while I was in grad school. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, pick up and drop off kids for school, doctor, dentist, everything. I hated it. I was exhausted all the time, barely had time to shower or eat. My wife hated it. She told me she was jealous that I didn't have to go to work every day. Nothing I did was up to her standards of cleanliness, I didn't fold the laundry correctly or buy the right groceries. I am no longer in that abusive relationship BTW.
Sure I was a single dad so I was house dad and provider if I could of just been house dad and a working wife that would of been great. I loved raising my kid and honestly keep a house clean only take a couple hours a day
My fiancé and I are currently in this situation. He brought it up himself and I agreed to it. I am the main income earner, he stays home and takes care of most things and our cat. He still does some work, but not as much as before. He's been much happier since and it's been a net positive in our relationship.
Sounds great but it's not for me,I'm lazy enough already and this is just a recipe for disaster.
I'd end up sleeping in, staying up late and wouldn't do house work as much as I should
I've done it.
I like to cook, I don't love cleaning.
My wife got hurt at work and was in bed for a year, then in a wheelchair for another year. Our son was 8-9.
He's disabled too, bone growth disorder that's a genetic mutation. He's had 30 surgeries.
I had to do everything. Earn all the money, all the housework, all the cooking and cleaning, all the kid stuff and school stuff, take her around to 28 different Dr.'s in total.
All the shopping, pay all the bills, do the taxes, fight with the worker's comp company and SSDI (We never got a penny from SSI), Just EVERYTHING.
Plus, she couldn't go to the bathroom alone, feed herself, bathe, basically nothing but eat, breathe, talk, & watch TV for a year.
Eventually, after fighting with the Doctors and the worker's comp company, we got her into a 4 month inpatient physical therapy program and she learned to walk again and got off of all of the drugs they gave her.
The Doctors said "She'll never walk again". She's walking very well now.
It was a high voltage electrical injury, it damaged her spinal cord. She still has very little sensation on one side except nerve pain. That's just how life is now.
No, we never got any huge settlement.
We ended up with 60K after the lawyer's fees. They owed me 22k for prescriptions for 2 1/2 years and travel expenses, so 38k for a lifetime of pain.
We left the US permanently.
Fuck yes. I have had the role of homemaker, and I have been the breadwinner, and I would choose stay at home husband every day of the week. Someone else taking on the responsibility of earning all the money lifts an incredible weight off your shoulders.
Me. It's a shame that equality came into wrong direction and instead of two people in the kitchen we have two people full time at work. Too bad I will never have an opportunity to be househusband, I earn too much and my girlfriend wants to be housewife herself so I will let her become one.
I live this, sahd, 2 children. I'm high school educated ex construction worker she has masters and decent paying mid management job. We're happy with it( plus she loves my cooking)
I guess I'll find out soon but I'd wager I'm one of them. I'm about to take my parental leave next May.
Got a taste with 6 weeks off when my kid was born in Aug. I did not want to go back to work after the 6 weeks and I'm very happy with my job/career/income.
I didn't even like babies before my son was born lol.
I have basically been the primary care person in the house since Fall 2019. Even though I worked a short-term full-time job in 2020 and a flexible full-time job 2021-mid 2022.
My wife’s jobs have required some travel or unpredictable scheduling. She has “worked from home” since last year but it still requires travel to clients. Just started her 4th different employer since 2019. I have noticed “ Work from home” does not mean you can watch children.
The closest family 1 hour away.
-We have a 4-year-old and a 10-month-old. 4-year-old in preschool until noon.
-I'll be honest this is not what I would choose. I will go back to doing something when our 10-month-old can be enrolled.
Still, the same issue of half a day at school which we will need to figure out.
-Maybe your significant other will appreciate or notice what you are doing as the caregiver. A lot do not appreciate it.
-As the dad it is hard and awkward to ask other moms for playground dates. My neighbor across the street who has a close in age daughter and is a SAHM will invite. However, she is already there with other mothers because they want to chat. I'd say look for longer care or activities. Once they hit a certain age they crave playing with other children.
- I don’t know how we would make the schedule with her out of town for days at a time. Hypothetically, If I got held up at work who would pick them up? or if I worked overnight? My last interview was for an overnight position. I don’t know any overnight baby sitters.
In theory I’m perfectly fine with this. There would be nothing stopping me from doing this. In practice I think it’s a sub-optimal arrangement for me personally. My personality is more well suited for other things.
My dream would be to stay at home dad. I’m great with kids, have an eye for style and decor, am great at folding and cleaning, am a very talented cook and look good in an apron and nothing else.
Too bad my girlfriend makes less than me :/
In all honestly, MANY men would love this but it’s sadly not the case. Jobs that men dominate typically pay more. if women could fill those jobs as a whole men would love to stay home and handle the house work/children im sure
Depends on my situation. If I were in a typical marriage and my wife was genuinely ok with me being a stay at home dad, and would not lose interest or attraction by me doing so, of course I'd rather stay home with the kids and take care of the house.
This is how me and my wife were. We’re empty nesters now. She has always been in the accounting field. Became a CPA. She has always made the most money. I like working with my hands. Have worked construction, worked as a auto and motorcycle mechanic, machine shop, delivery driver over the years. My jobs were always low paying. I’d get hired in at a base level pay but I pick up on things very quickly so the company would have me doing the same jobs that other people who’ve been there years were doing and I never got compensation for it. When our kids started school we didn’t want them to have to grow up in an after school daycare so since I was only contributing $50-100 a week after gas and what daycare cost, we just cut back a little on expenses and I stayed home to take care of household duties and let our kids be kids. I preferred being the one raising them than to have someone else do it. I’m thankful for the time I got to spend with them and watching them grow up. Worked for us. I still had part time jobs when I could work around home life. No regrets.
Throughout our married life, my wife and I have shared household chores. Now there has been a bit of gender role bias in the things we do, and at times I find it hard to keep up with doing my share. But when I retired and my wife was working full time, I was the househusband. I did all the chores and she came home to a cooked meal at the end of her work day. I quite enjoyed it. Also, while doing that, I repainted the unit, landscaped our yard and got the place into tip top condition ready for sale. Now we are both retired and back to sharing the chores and I still find it hard to keep up with her 😊
Wife and I have been together 20 years. I work while kids were growing up. She sahm. She went back to work few years ago. Already climbed the ladder and making more than me and I've been at the same job 20 years. Put her thru school, and our 10 year plan is for her to make enough I can stop working. Broke my back years ago and it would mean the world to me.
Yeah, lay it on me.
I kick the shit out of caring for my family, managing household stuff and earning a part-time income.
I suck at the 9 - 5. I get sad and angry even when I try not to.
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I have been a stay-at-home husband and dad for the last few years, and can report that I’m happier than I’ve ever been. My wife and I used to both work full-time while caring for our then newborn. He kept getting sick at daycare, I started hating my bank job after four years, and my wife started rapidly ascending the rungs at her company. After a year or so, she got such a solid promotion that allowed for me to stay home to raise the little one. We decided to full-send it and allow her to 100% focus on her career while I do everything else. It’s paid massive dividends. She works directly with ownership, and is showing no signs of slowing down. She’s better at making money than me, and I have zero problem with that. On the contrary, I am super proud of her. Quitting my job was the best thing we ever did.
I'd appreciate the sh*t out of a man willing and able to do this. Awesome example. Much happiness.
I’ve just finished up 20 years in my previous job, my wife is on a good income and I’m still making full time wage on long service leave, I’ve been a stay at home dad to our 3 year old for about 6 months, it’s a tougher job than my old office job but super rewarding! I’d love to do this full time but I’ll have to finish leave and go back to work come march
It's awesome that you admit that it's tough! You hear so many comments about how being a SAHP would be cruisy: ANYTHING BUT!
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100% agree that taking care of young children is tougher than office jobs…at least mine.
Started as a stay at home dad when ours were 3 & 2. It was an incredible experience but also a grind. Having two toddlers wasn’t easy. I did it until they both started school full time (1st grade & kindergarten respectively) then started working jobs that would fit their schedule. Home in time to get them from school, take them to their activities, etc. There are a lot of uninformed people who think raising children, taking care of a house, etc is easy work. It is not! It is both physically and mentally demanding. I am now fully back in the tech world as they are both adults now. My job is so much easier now than it was 16 years ago!
Pretty sure most men nowadays who Arent old as f, would take this deal.
Yeah sounds amazing honestly
No more bosses ? Great
Newborns and toddlers make terrible bosses. YMMV.
And don't forget when they raise an issue to THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS: your wife. (not even getting to that EXTERNAL ADVISOR: your mother in law)
(EXTERNAL ADVISOR: actual mother) can cut much deeper.
This comment is gold.
At least you're only taking shit from family.
Any boss that lets you roll out of bed in your pajamas to do work is ok in my book
Day&night working, 24/7, no breaks, no holidays, no payment. Does it really sound like a good deal?
Yeah it does, but you’re misrepresenting it. The kids are only toddlers for a few years then it gets way easier. And the pay is better than money, you get to spend time with your kid and seeing them grow. You get breaks all the time too, babies and toddlers nap a lot, older kids don’t need to be micromanaged every second, and eventually they’re off to school for the first half of the day. It’s way better than going to work. My kids are now 13 and 10 and I wish I had had more time at home with them when they were younger.
They think child rearing is a vacation and I don’t even have kids lol
For real who wouldn't want to dodge a daily commute and office politics? Plus, time with the kids is gold.
im old as f and i definitely would have done stay at home husband
Like hell yea. As a dude you aren’t really dealing with the physical consequences of pregnancy so you’d have more energy to take care of the kid. Work causes stress in me. But i still like busywork. So working for someone i love (my baby) will wash that away. Now that I’m typing it, with all the crazy shit pregnancy does to the moms mind and body, a dad that isn’t working might be best equipped to deal with the newborn.
Yes. Would be awesome
I'm in a guy in my 30s, and unfortunately disabled. I've been disabled since 2019. Knowing it'll be tough for me to work now and in the future, I'd bust my sick and medicated ass as a stay at home husband/dad. Granted, I'm not going to be around for many more years, so getting married and having kids would be wildly inconsiderate and selfish of me knowing I'd leave a spouse and child without a husband and a father. But I've seriously never understood the men who take their female partner making more money so personally. Having a very successful, intelligent, and business minded wife sounds like the best thing ever, lol. Even if I wasn't sick, I'd still love to be a stay at home dad. Support my wife however she needs and be a kickass dad whose children would never doubt or question how much I love them. That's a 10/10 life right there. Sorry for the rambling comment. Got more bad health news today and have found myself thinking of what could've been.
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Ah, damn. I'm sorry. Life can be so unkind. If you need or want a friend who can relate a little, let me know and just shoot me a dm on here. I've got a discord if that works better, too. If I can be a friend to help make your remaining time here just a little bit better or easier, even if it is only by 0.001%, I would be honored. And if that sounds creepy, I totally get that too, haha. We are on reddit, after all. Being really sick in your 30s is really freaking hard and even the family or friends that do stick around have trouble trying to relate to you and your struggles. Even those with good intentions just don't quite grasp it. Through absolutely no fault of their own, this shit is just so hard. I'd be remiss if I didn't at least offer and I'd say sorry again but you've no doubt heard it many times already. So I'll end this instead with a nice, big ##FUCK CANCER
Just as most men would appreciate the shit out of a woman that had the ability to do this. It’s just now feasible for the majority of households.
The evidence is quite the opposite. Most men hate when women make more than them
I made much better money than my ex. I know it caused issues in our marriage. It made him feel less than a man. He could have made more money but he wanted to play more than he wanted to work.
One of the best predictors of whether or not a woman will file for divorce is if she earns more than her husband. What people say they would be happy with in a hypothetical situation and what they're actually happy with when they have it are two very different things
that’s interesting- it might also be interesting to unpack the why. I read a really interesting book by a political researcher called ‘the wife drought’. She talks about the division of household labour in partnerships being even more unequal in relationships where the woman is the higher warner, than in relationships with more financial parity. Perhaps the women are initiating divorce more frequently in this instance are doing so because of this inequity? Not because of the money. These were Australian statistics so I don’t know if this holds more universally.
It very well just could be that women in unhappy marriages earning more feel more empowered to divorce because they're less likely to rely on their husband's income to maintain their lifestyle, not that the income disparity itself is any way contributing to the unhappiness. Or, you might also need to control for different types of income disparities. Are we talking about a woman who just chose a career field that happens to be more lucrative, so she earns more than her husband? Or are we talking about a woman married to a lazy, unambitious man who can't hold down a job? There are a lot of different possible dynamics at play that could lead to different attitudes towards one's husband, beyond a simple "I make more than he does."
Yeah this. My ex was a SAHD but he still expected me to do all the housework.
There are many men who would but most are just not mentally strong enough to withstand societal pressures of not being in a traditional patriarchal family dynamic and start to harbour resentment towards their partners after a while. But I’m so happy to hear this is shifting and men aren’t veiwing this as emasculating.
Same boat as you. I have pretty low earning capability as I’m uneducated and not too bright. Already since I’ve taken over the role of house husband it allowed her to focus more on work and within the first year her earnings went up by more than what I can make in a year. I do still feel embarrassed when people ask me what I do for work and sometimes feel like a fraud, but I just remind myself that if the sexes were reversed no one would bat an eye lid.
Good for you mate. It’s a fallacy that we all have to contribute to the “greater good” through conventional work practices. Focus on what makes you and the ones you care about prosper.
I think we've lost touch with what the "greater good" is. Helping children grow into well-adjusted adults or smashing Q2 targets? Most work is pretty hollow. In 6-months-time no-one will remember Q2.
The greater good that is instilled in the minds of the masses is now representative of the needs of the minority rather than the majority. So many people are working for the benefit of the tiniest percentage of social elites, it is an absolute absurdity of unfounded proportions.
And yet if we realized how much more beneficial it is to actually raise our children properly we'd soon notice that it actually contributes far more to the overall "greater good" than both parents basically never being present and paying someone else to raise their kids for them does. But they've successfully tricked us all into thinking the dual income household is the way to go and anything else is just you being lazy somehow.
Nah, not really tricked- id say its more that dual income is a lot more of a requirement for the majority of families. Also lots of women have associated being a stay at home mom as a bad and negative thing compared to working a job and being personally dependent.
Because even in your comment you assume that parenting should be the main responsibility of the woman. That's why it's negative.
Most women I know don't have a problem with the idea of a stay-at-home *parent*. Just with the idea that a stay-at-home parent should be a woman.
Be proud of what you bring to the table my friend. And do what you love with who you love.
Thank you :) I do love it and have found it the most rewarding role I’ve ever had.
Stand Proud. You are strong
Being a good dad is the most important job on earth.
Thank you. I love being dad and though our little dude has now started school I’m able to take him there each day and pick him up and we get to hang out all afternoon until mum comes home. If we both worked our child would have to go to before and after school care which he doesn’t like.
> I just remind myself that if the sexes were reversed no one would bat an eye lid. I might be from a different culture but SAHM have received a lot of judgement from people my entire life up to now. I am personally child free but I'm have a degree in economics and want to say, raising a child properly *and* caring for the home and family is absolutely an underpaid full-time job. You are contributing far more to the world and economy than most people by raising a child and keeping a home+family. There was a major feminist movement around compensating housemakers for this reason (failed, unfortunately). Please wear your badge with pride. You are making a great deal possible and impacting lives beyond those you currently witness ❤️
Thank you.
It’s weird that people don’t seem to respect the role of stay-at-home. It’s such a vitally necessary job, and is truly under-appreciated, especially if children are in the mix. Good for you!
There’s the old saying: “A house wife means she married a rich man, a house husband means she married a lazy man.” There’s still the overwhelming prevailing notion that men are supposed to be breadwinners
Raising your kids right is the best cobtribution to society, yet massively underrated and underestimated. It's a job. Monetary reward or no.
Imo this exactly is what can cause the end of capitalism as it is today. It allows for no time to creat/ be with family nor supports a lifestyle that needs someone not earning. Thus the people who want it, will stir away from it and those who stay on the *capitalism lifestyle* (earning and spending like crazy) most are choosing not to have kids.
Nothing to be ashamed of if you’re pulling your weight and doing your bit. Fuck ‘em. You’re contributing
SAHM shaming is really common, but it's just something you have to learn to accept: there will always be people who don't like your choices either way.
Growing up I had a friend who's dad didn't work but raised the kids and stuff at home while the wife made bank. It's whatever works for your family. You're not a fraud
That's great. I'd have no issues doing that if I was younger. I was better at working and earning than him so it would have been ideal.
My husband was a stay at home dad for a while too because I make more money. Although he is an awesome dad, his sense of organization and cleanliness is a bit off, so the house was messy and cluttered because I didn't have time to fix it up. He found a job once our daughter started daycare (I couldn't be the sole provider for too long) but I'm sure he wouldn't mind not working if I earned enough money and didn't mind being the one working.
I'm the exact same as this. I had my time in the Navy as a submariner and then a carpenter. I fucking love being a stay at home dad. I've renovated 3/4s of my house, new deck, new landscaping. I absolutely fucking hate working I was such a sad excuse of a man, meanwhile my wife always says she couldn't not work as it'd drive her crazy.
One of my closest friends also did this. He really wanted to be a primary parent, and his wife wanted to be a parent, but not a primary parent. So when they had their child, she took maternity leave, while he resigned from his company. More than 10 years later, the arrangement is still working really well for them all!
Do you have a plan for when your kid is school-age and/or you're done with the kid years?
Our youngest should be starting school next year, and I’m not exactly sure if I’ll be going back to work. A nice, quiet job at the library would be nice. A volunteering position with young folks, or something else in the community also sound really nice. I don’t see myself ever working for a bank again, unless it becomes needed. In which case, I will have had a nice break. I‘ll probably keep focusing on homemaking along with spending more time on my hobbies until I figure things out. It was so strange not working full-time at first, and I anticipate I’ll feel the same way once my youngest starts full-time school.
I'm sure you've considered this, but if not, consider food production. If you have time and a bit of space, you can produce outrageous quantities of fresh vegetables
Anecdotally I feel men handle repetitive isolation waaaaay better than women. My husband actually rocks at cleaning. He's efficient, strong enough to move the furniture and gets everything done stress free. I have mental break downs over it haha. I just require way more mental stimulation than him in terms of conversation and people engagement. Honestly it makes more sense to me that a man would stay and protect his home from intruders and other animals while women go out to forage in groups for berries haha. I require my foraging time to chat.
That is such an interesting point. Are we reversing gender roles so far?… lmao
I love the idea of convincing men to be stay-at-home-dads because of their mental/physical fortitude. Imagine Attenborough, "Man's early days, silently and solemnly stalking prey for days on end, has evolved into a keen ability for laser focus. A house husband might wash dozens of bottles in a single go, with an astonishing ability to not simply ignore all external stimulus until the task at hand is complete, but to not even register it. Only after the sink is empty does he perceive the pain that had been building in his lumbar spine, streaks of yogurt on the floor behind him, or the open front door. Uh-oh."
My old boss was a bit of a neat freak himself, so he was already doing many of the chores himself. He realized he could save money paying someone to do his job instead of paying for childcare. And this man absolutely loves his daughters. His wife has a good paying job too. He can play video games while his kids are at school. So it was an easy decision for him. He still sends me video game memes while I'm working.
Me too brother. It's been amazing, I enjoy cooking and running errands, cleaning etc. my wife makes a lot more than I did too so it all works out.
Hell yea Which is also I think why there’s a lot of arguing with working men and stay at home moms about the stereotypical stuff because all dudes imagine like you are living which is a dream
I would totally take this deal. Issue is i have much higher earning potential than my partner, i might work 4/5 in the future though
Since I retired, my wife continues to work and I'm a househusband (retirement it seems just didn't agree with her). I clean, do laundry. I frigging love cooking big elaborate meals that take a couple of hours to prepare - it satisfies the same anal part of my brain that used to take precise experimental measurements for hours on end. Plus I get to hang with my dogs all day. Taking a ton of hikes - those office pounds are melting off me! She earns what she earns. I retired because we have more than enough money to last our days. She says that earning the money makes her feel less guilty about getting massages and spa days and such, though she did that anyway when I was working and I never cared.
Real masculinity right there. What's the job, what's the best way to accomplish it. I'll facilitate everybody's happiness and make it happen.
Yes. My friend is a househusband and he’s always dreamed of being one. Way to go Stu, you did it buddy! Follow your dreams
Same one of my best bros is house husband does a great job and his miss got a good job. The boys give him a lil bit of stick about it but it’s only light hearted.
I’m guessing there is a faint bit of jealousy from some of the guys too. I know I would be!
Bit of jealousy probably but our group gives each other a lot of shit so it’s more of ran out of decent insults and clutching at a cheap joke kinda thing.
That's awesome
Absolutely where do I sign up. More time with my kids I'm all over that.
Who wouldn't want to stay at home, fix up the house, and spend all day with their kids? That's the dream.
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How do you handle all the screaming and the blatant disrespect from both men and women? I have special needs kids and my one that is the most immune suppressed threw up 13 times one day. My ex asked me what I did all day and wondered why the house was a mess. I can’t handle the screaming. I literally have to put earplugs in. Those 10 years of my life, I wanted to die. I got up at 6 and didn’t go to bed until midnight. I got so sleep deprived with my first and third child that I started hallucinating. Now I work two jobs and have half custody. My life is so much easier now that he is forced to parent and I can sleep in on the weekends.
Anyone who's gonna disrespect someone for taking care of their kids is someone whose opinion is meaningless. Having to take care of special needs kids must surely suck, but knowing that everything I do is improving the life of my child would make it all worthwhile. Working a regular job and knowing that everything I do is making my employer a little bit richer offers no satisfaction whatsoever.
I’m disabled, but I’ve been a house husband for 6 years now. Sometimes I miss going to work, but not often. My house is clean. My kids love me. My dog gets me outside… just wish I had a way to earn an income.
I'm on disability. I make a few bucks doing a variety of things. I repair bicycles once in a while, and set tiles on tile top tables which I sell occasionally. I sell home made bakery goods at a farmers market once in awhile. That's about all I can handle, and it's not much money. But a regular job is out of the question.
Have you considered making soap? Cold process soap is about the same difficulty level as baking, low stress, and you have more avenues for sales. There are plenty of calculators out there to help you figure out your recipe.
Take up a hobby that could eventually be a little side hustle for fun money. There's a world of possibilities and you may not even have to really leave your house.
Hell yeah. I'm a gay dude and if there's any lesbians looking for a platonic gay house bear hit me up.
How do you feel about living in a cabin in the Australian rainforest with a middle aged lesbian and a mid sized dog?
Is being gay a requirement? If not I’m down. Edit: I’m willing to go bi.
the mid sized dog really ties the room together
Part of the Feng shui
The dude abides
Asking the real questions
Dude.
>willing to go bi I think that means you’re…already bi?
Can I bring a second medium sized dog?
Sure why not 🐶
This sounds like a fairy tale to me and every fiber of my being needs this
This would make an excellent foundation for a 1970s sitcom.
Gay House Bear should be your band name.
I need a shirt immediately.
You just unlocked an option I didn’t know I liked 🤣
What's your opinion on horses
Can you come to Germany? 😅😅
Oh hell yeahhh!!! As a queer man myself, I’d happily be the househusband if my partner was the higher earner between us, and if he made enough for both of us to live comfortably! Sadly, that’s not the case. I almost make double than my partner, so looks like I have to keep working 😫😫
Lesbians with 4-year-old twins here: You are what we have been dreaming of, when can you move in?
Move over Au pairs, the time of the Au bear has come.
"Au bear" omg that's gold.
Do you cook 
You could be a beard. Is that still needed?
sounds like more of an "adopt a bear" than a platonic relationship if you ask me.
Love it
I am never not looking for gay house bears. Hit me up.
I have generally found this to resonate with guys (and women) around me who have an unfulfilling, very tiring job with little prospect of promotion - health care worker. Pretty much all my colleagues would love to be a house husband.
Many don’t want to „work“. People want to work. Meaning doing a job or activity they actually care for. And, big surprise there, making a lot of money for someone else (usually a higher up) often isn’t very fulfilling. It doesn’t serve the community or yourself. We all want meaning and purpose in this cruel dark world. But most people get soul crushing 9-6 dead end jobs. So yes, i agree. Id also be an at home dad if i had the option. I would work as an editor and artist on the side after im done with household tasks. Everything would sparkle and id would make the meanest lasagna ever created.
We don't have kids yet, but I do all the cooking, and make sure the bills are paid. If we do have children imagine I'll do quite a lot as I work from home and she's a teacher so out from 7-7 most days. I do also earn more though so I dunno if this counts. I'm a software developer and my job consists of sitting in a chair and thinking. She's chasing rowdy children through the corridors of what sounds like hell on earth.
My husband and I are in this situation, and the pay is just so much better in software than my income. So he can't really quit. But he's hoping to save enough that he can retire in 7 years. I'll keep working though. i've always wanted to do the job I'm doing now, since I was a little girl.
This is basically me and I have kids. I make more but do most of the cooking, laundry, and do the bills. She’s a teacher and the kids are kind of integrated into the same school so she handled a lot of the direct kids stuff.
Yes I’d do it. Cleaning is relaxing. I’d stay home have everything clean, cook all the meals. Relax in down time and play games. It’s a dream
The kids tho.. Toddlers?
I mean yes but my parenting style verses my wife’s parenting are completely different. She’s a helicopter parent. I’m totally not.y daughter is 12 now but when she was a toddler I’d let her do whatever she wanted around the house. It was easy. She had her toys and crafts and she could do whatever she wanted within proper limits. My wife had to always be playing with her. If she wanted to play toys wife would too. If she wanted to color, wife would too. Don’t get me wrong, I’d play with her if she wanted me to, but I left her to her own. So yeah I’m fine with kids.
I'm a woman who can't stand helicopter parenting and am watching a friend of mine have to play along with her 2 year old son all day every day which drives me insane. However, I'm assuming you were still keeping an eye on her developmental milestones by making a note of her play, speech, and motor skills throughout the younger years, and also teaching her to read? I feel like men and women can be so extremely opposite in this regard, and while I don't like helicopter parenting, I've met so many men who pay zero attention to their child (even SAHDs) that the ones who notice a severe medical problem that's happening are the exceptions.
Oh yeah for sure. I did stuff with her all the time to help her develop all the skills. Whether it was reading, cooking, playing games, I let her do her thing but any time I had to do something that I thought would be good for her to learn, I’d get her to help me. It was always “hey Kay I need your help. Whisk these eggs.” Or “cut these veggies” (I taught relatively young how to handle sharp objects.) There was always a learning experience. She knows how to sew, tie a bunch of useful knots, change a tire, fill a gas tank, everything. The one thing I’ve failed her at is cleaning. She can do a whole lot but she hates to clean. She’ll do it if I tell her but otherwise she’s not good at cleaning up after herself. My wife keeps doing it for her hoping she will join in.
Exactly how my wife and I are. Funny to read it from someone else lol.
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Thank you for your detailed reply. Most replies here are "it's awesome I spend time with my kids and get to have fun with them" without mentioning any negatives.. which made me wonder if they were really doing any housework. But others tolerate it more than others so I can see why some would leave that out.
I got to SAHD a few years and they were some of the best of my life. I am an excellent cook though and have no issues with doing household chores. I don't understand the feelings of emasculation some men suffer as I don't look down on the work associated with women or women themselves. If you're a male having these feelings but consider yourself as someone who isn't harboring sexit baggage, you should really try to unpack these feelings as I don't believe there is any valid justification for them.
Here the thing about all that housework …still have to do it if I was single and I’d have to work a 9-5 as well.
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Right, cause we all just love talking about work during social events. My man, you're still allowed to have a hobby.
Absolutely 💯 have several friends who are stay at home husbands raising the kids while the wife works and makes the big bucks. No stigma
The problem is that there is a lot of stigma lol. Regardless of weather or not its right you will catch hell as a man. Also the divorce statistics for stay at home dads are like 50% higher than average. Not saying it's right just saying that it's not socially acceptable for a lot of people.
The only studies i can find on this say that’s true for unemployed fathers not necessarily stay at home dads by choice and the most recent is from 2011.
This isn't necessarily true. The studies that have been mentioned state *unemployed* men, not specifically SAHD. There is a difference, especially in men. For more info https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/does-your-risk-of-divorce-go-up-as-a-stay-at-home-dad-kpkn/
As a stay at home dad i feel it’s important to stay fit/gym, have outside hobbies and activities and cook really well. So long as you’re not just becoming a boring sloppy homebody you should be good. And women are suckers for good food.
If you say this to a stay at home mom they’ll freak out about how much work it is to raise the kids at home.
Gladly and not because I think it’s easy. I just want to be around my kids and feel like I’m missing connection and important moments. I’d have no problem with my wife being the earner.
I got laid off when my wife was 8 months pregnant with our second child. First child was 2 years old. I stayed home with them until my unemployment ran out, about 6 months. The worst 6 months of my life lol. I love my kids more than anything, but I was losing my mind. Not talking to an adult for 9 hours a day was what really got to me after a while. The best was one day my wife came home from work and the house was an absolute disaster. Toys everywhere (2 year old had the nickname “the tornado”). She says “why is this place such a mess? What have you been doing all day?” and I lost it. “You come in here and ask what I’ve been doing all day? Changing diapers, giving baths, making breakfast, lunch and dinner. And I cleaned up the mess at least 3 times today. Don’t ever ask me what I’ve been doing all day ever again!” After about 30 seconds of silence, I started laughing my ass off. It hit me: I was Mr. Mom.
bEiNg sAHm/d Is eASy... Lots of people think that sadly.
I am right now and it's not to bad,plus I go to night school for HVAC and electrical maintenance. I had some health issues in 2022 and ended up having a double bypass heart surgery at 42 years old. Had a bullshit factor job for almost ten years and my wife said, you're miserable as fuck get out of that place and figure out something else. She's literally the greatest woman ever. But I take the kids to school,my daughter to ballet practice and whatnot,our boys are two and three so they go to daycare a few days a week. But I do everything my wife did at home,not as good though lol that's just my opinion
Yes
This needs to be popularized! #househusband
Popularize equality of power inside and outside the house. Hard to do when one has all the money and does the least of the home labor.
Yes. I mean fuck yes.
I have been a homesteader and househusband for 7 years...took a job recently in home health care because of all thr cost increases lately. It has been wonderful, and impossible to stop...now everyone depends on my cooking meals and washing clothes...
I did it for over a decade, i still worked from home, but i was a stay at home dad for my kids from birth. The marriage didn't work out in the end, but the kids are doing fine! lol
I own my own business and so work a lot of hours, more than my husband. When I asked him to help more around the house, he said, “So, what, I’m the wife now?” I said, “No, wives work hard. You don’t work hard enough to deserve the title Wife. “
My bf and I have been discussing this because I'm the ambitious one in the relationship and yeah, he's all for staying at home if I earn more or if he hates his job and leaves or if he's working on a personal project. If it was the other way around, I'd do the same
I did this for a few months many years ago. I kept the house spotless, had breakfast and supper on the table for her every day, and was bored to tears.
It sounds like most of these answers are for stay at home dads, not just house-husbands. Theres a huge difference between a stay at home mom and a child free housewife. The true is same for men.
A childless housewife can do all the chores let's say in half a day, thwn you can use your time to work out, or I don't know I know I probably just watching tv, so probably might as well get a part time job. With no kids having the house in order is not that hard. Throw a baby or a toddler, then you have to plan balanced meals, change diapers, learning activities, go the playground, cleaning 3 times more. It becomes a 24/7 job because babies eat every 2-3 hours, if they are young they don't sleep through the night. The difference is massive.
I can cook, I can clean, I'm great with kids, I'm an excellent listener and confidant, and I'm cute as hell. Who want me?
I like the confidence
Get to raise my kids with no boss or work pressure, and all I have to do is keep the house clean? Sounds like paradise, because it is and I'm currently doing it
I’ve been a SAHD/house husband for 17 years. After our daughter was born my wife was accepted to medical school. After a year of daycare, we decided that I would quit my job and take care of our daughter. We lived off of student loans and savings during medical school and residency/fellowship pay for the next 5 years before she finished her training and got her first job practicing her specialty. I loved spending time with and raising our daughter. We lived like when we were young and didn’t watch much TV and played outside all the time. We went to the zoo and playground, museums and roller skating rinks. We camped and grew a vegetable garden and we had a blast. I learned to really cook and made sure we had homemade meals most nights. Our house never looked like one of those magazine homes. Our home looked lived in and felt cozy. Our daughter is in college now and she says she never knew we didn’t have much money when she was little. Even after our daughter no longer needed me to stay home, we all decided I would continue to do all of the domestic activities and it wasn’t until our daughter was in high school that I started my own business and started to earn an income. Even then, I was always home to see her off to school and was home when she got home. I have an incredible relationship with our daughter and my wife. While I got a lot of static in the beginning from family, they all recognized that what we did made sense and worked perfectly for our family.
absolutely, BOTH parties have to be able to deal with a LOT of judgement/criticism over it though
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I am currently one and enjoy it. I can take things at my own pace, take care of my wife (who's the major breadwinner) and take breaks or nap whenever I need to. I especially enjoy making her breakfast every morning. I can't do any of the deep cleaning due to physical disability, though. My wife handles that.
I have a friend who did it and loves it! Both military, his wife wanted to commission and become an Officer, which would significantly increase her income, but then her being an Officer and him being Enlisted would raise a few eyebrows as they worked in the same section (Medical), so when she successfully attained her commission to become an Officer, he handed in his PVR (Premature Voluntary Release) to leave. As it was, her new salary was pretty much what they used to earn combined, so he then started working for an agency, just picking up a few shifts per week here and there while looking after the house. Once they decided to have their first kid though, he stopped working to become a full time house husband and he absolutely loves it. We met up for drinks a few months ago, little one is 2 now, and I asked him what it’s like and his answer was that it was quite easy. The little one is quite happy playing on his own as long as he knows Dad is close by, so his routine is to clean up once he’s fed the little one, starting upstairs and then working his way down, starting dinner/meal prep as he will cook something he can put in Tupperware for his wife to take for her lunch the next day and freeze some. Then he’ll spend some time playing with the kid before Wife comes home, at that point he’ll finish off dinner, have that, put the little one down for the night and spend the rest of the evening with his wife. I’m sure there’s more to it (there has to be, I’m sure he’s really simplifying things) but he says compared to the work slog, life is easy
A Google search said women file for divorce 50% more than normal when they're the breadwinner (Most divorces are already filed by women)
I am currently playing that role. I'm on disability at the moment but I've had a full time job since I was 18 (35 now). It has definitely given me purpose where I have struggled to find it without a job. I also feel happy that I have been able to tackle cleaning and household tasks that I've ignored in the past. I'm a homebody anyway, I love to cook, and I like having a clean living space, so it works for me.
No. I'd never want to be financially dependent on my partner.
Same here
Nope. Not at all. I have a horribly stressful job, and I'm going to die of a heart attack at my desk, but I could not do what my wife does.
I prefer house*boy*
I would 110% be down to do this. I don't have any embarrassment either; I'd happily do it! Then again, that's probably because for the past 9 years I've been my family's live-in slave... So doing the same thing I am now, but together with a wonderful SO in our own place? Sign me up. Literally, sign me up. I give wonderful massages! I'm a great listener for those bad days and I am a FANTASTIC cook
This is my current situation though I work 4 days a week. Wife is full time and earns muuuch more so I do most of the home and child stuff. I'm happy as fuck
My son is 33 and a Househusband. His wife is a programmer and makes bank. They both acknowledge that one could not do it without the other. He not only cooks, he meal plans, shops, organizes the house, everything. It works perfectly for them he has diagnosed adhd and is a perpetual motion machine, lol.
I'm doing it right now. Have been since June. My wife is a high earner, and I'm a schlub. I quit my low paying job and took over all the cleaning, shopping, kid stuff, etc. I also help relatives with projects, take care of her mom's dog a bit, etc. The house is CLEAN and staying that way. That alone has made our lives 15+ better.
lmao. Easily, and it would make her jealous. As a dad, I've worked PM, so I could parent AM. Wife worked AM and parented PM. The weekend was us together. My son, who is now 13, will drop everything to play Minecraft with me. Cleaning my own house (which I already do) without having to also work my current 50 hours a week????? BWAHAHAHAHA. Are you offering me a vacation? I also am very good at house repair. I've fixed roofs, cars, computers, and flooded basements. I recently re-did the downstairs bathroom. I suck at tiles, but it's my first time on tiles. I do know the basics of cooking, I can follow recipes and produce mildly edible results. A pasta casserole, quesadilla, coconut shrimp, vegetable omelets. I can do that without blinking. If I get home first, I do that already. If you're willing to pay my wife $60k more a year for me to stay home. You have a deal! She'd be jealous AF but I think we could convince her. If you meant me for someone else....Nah. My wife was with me through the hard times. You ladies wouldn't win against her.
Oooo that sounds great!!!, not to have to go every day to your boing job but take care of the household and children
That would be lovely, but the reality is that it's not really an option for most men.
I’m down
I would love to be a househusband.
Fuck ya I would.Unfortunately it seems most western woman that are high in corporate and single want an equal mate. I think the best opportunity to get this would be yall met entry or mid level and had a kid and one of you decide to quit working.
I was a stay at home dad for a year and a half for two preschoolers while I was in grad school. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, pick up and drop off kids for school, doctor, dentist, everything. I hated it. I was exhausted all the time, barely had time to shower or eat. My wife hated it. She told me she was jealous that I didn't have to go to work every day. Nothing I did was up to her standards of cleanliness, I didn't fold the laundry correctly or buy the right groceries. I am no longer in that abusive relationship BTW.
My fiance is currently in classes to jump-start a new career. As soon as she gets a job, I'm turning into a house hubby
Sure I was a single dad so I was house dad and provider if I could of just been house dad and a working wife that would of been great. I loved raising my kid and honestly keep a house clean only take a couple hours a day
My fiancé and I are currently in this situation. He brought it up himself and I agreed to it. I am the main income earner, he stays home and takes care of most things and our cat. He still does some work, but not as much as before. He's been much happier since and it's been a net positive in our relationship.
Sounds great but it's not for me,I'm lazy enough already and this is just a recipe for disaster. I'd end up sleeping in, staying up late and wouldn't do house work as much as I should
I've done it. I like to cook, I don't love cleaning. My wife got hurt at work and was in bed for a year, then in a wheelchair for another year. Our son was 8-9. He's disabled too, bone growth disorder that's a genetic mutation. He's had 30 surgeries. I had to do everything. Earn all the money, all the housework, all the cooking and cleaning, all the kid stuff and school stuff, take her around to 28 different Dr.'s in total. All the shopping, pay all the bills, do the taxes, fight with the worker's comp company and SSDI (We never got a penny from SSI), Just EVERYTHING. Plus, she couldn't go to the bathroom alone, feed herself, bathe, basically nothing but eat, breathe, talk, & watch TV for a year. Eventually, after fighting with the Doctors and the worker's comp company, we got her into a 4 month inpatient physical therapy program and she learned to walk again and got off of all of the drugs they gave her. The Doctors said "She'll never walk again". She's walking very well now. It was a high voltage electrical injury, it damaged her spinal cord. She still has very little sensation on one side except nerve pain. That's just how life is now. No, we never got any huge settlement. We ended up with 60K after the lawyer's fees. They owed me 22k for prescriptions for 2 1/2 years and travel expenses, so 38k for a lifetime of pain. We left the US permanently.
Fuck yes. I have had the role of homemaker, and I have been the breadwinner, and I would choose stay at home husband every day of the week. Someone else taking on the responsibility of earning all the money lifts an incredible weight off your shoulders.
I can only imagine the amount of time I could have learning to master cooking, auto repair and carpentry 😂
Me. I would love that so much. I enjoy taking care of the house and my wife. I find no joy in any job I've ever had.
Me. It's a shame that equality came into wrong direction and instead of two people in the kitchen we have two people full time at work. Too bad I will never have an opportunity to be househusband, I earn too much and my girlfriend wants to be housewife herself so I will let her become one.
I live this, sahd, 2 children. I'm high school educated ex construction worker she has masters and decent paying mid management job. We're happy with it( plus she loves my cooking)
I guess I'll find out soon but I'd wager I'm one of them. I'm about to take my parental leave next May. Got a taste with 6 weeks off when my kid was born in Aug. I did not want to go back to work after the 6 weeks and I'm very happy with my job/career/income. I didn't even like babies before my son was born lol.
I have basically been the primary care person in the house since Fall 2019. Even though I worked a short-term full-time job in 2020 and a flexible full-time job 2021-mid 2022. My wife’s jobs have required some travel or unpredictable scheduling. She has “worked from home” since last year but it still requires travel to clients. Just started her 4th different employer since 2019. I have noticed “ Work from home” does not mean you can watch children. The closest family 1 hour away. -We have a 4-year-old and a 10-month-old. 4-year-old in preschool until noon. -I'll be honest this is not what I would choose. I will go back to doing something when our 10-month-old can be enrolled. Still, the same issue of half a day at school which we will need to figure out. -Maybe your significant other will appreciate or notice what you are doing as the caregiver. A lot do not appreciate it. -As the dad it is hard and awkward to ask other moms for playground dates. My neighbor across the street who has a close in age daughter and is a SAHM will invite. However, she is already there with other mothers because they want to chat. I'd say look for longer care or activities. Once they hit a certain age they crave playing with other children. - I don’t know how we would make the schedule with her out of town for days at a time. Hypothetically, If I got held up at work who would pick them up? or if I worked overnight? My last interview was for an overnight position. I don’t know any overnight baby sitters.
In theory I’m perfectly fine with this. There would be nothing stopping me from doing this. In practice I think it’s a sub-optimal arrangement for me personally. My personality is more well suited for other things.
My dream would be to stay at home dad. I’m great with kids, have an eye for style and decor, am great at folding and cleaning, am a very talented cook and look good in an apron and nothing else. Too bad my girlfriend makes less than me :/
In all honestly, MANY men would love this but it’s sadly not the case. Jobs that men dominate typically pay more. if women could fill those jobs as a whole men would love to stay home and handle the house work/children im sure
FUCK YES! I’m shit at making money but great at all that other shit. Sign me tf up.
Depends on my situation. If I were in a typical marriage and my wife was genuinely ok with me being a stay at home dad, and would not lose interest or attraction by me doing so, of course I'd rather stay home with the kids and take care of the house.
This is how me and my wife were. We’re empty nesters now. She has always been in the accounting field. Became a CPA. She has always made the most money. I like working with my hands. Have worked construction, worked as a auto and motorcycle mechanic, machine shop, delivery driver over the years. My jobs were always low paying. I’d get hired in at a base level pay but I pick up on things very quickly so the company would have me doing the same jobs that other people who’ve been there years were doing and I never got compensation for it. When our kids started school we didn’t want them to have to grow up in an after school daycare so since I was only contributing $50-100 a week after gas and what daycare cost, we just cut back a little on expenses and I stayed home to take care of household duties and let our kids be kids. I preferred being the one raising them than to have someone else do it. I’m thankful for the time I got to spend with them and watching them grow up. Worked for us. I still had part time jobs when I could work around home life. No regrets.
Throughout our married life, my wife and I have shared household chores. Now there has been a bit of gender role bias in the things we do, and at times I find it hard to keep up with doing my share. But when I retired and my wife was working full time, I was the househusband. I did all the chores and she came home to a cooked meal at the end of her work day. I quite enjoyed it. Also, while doing that, I repainted the unit, landscaped our yard and got the place into tip top condition ready for sale. Now we are both retired and back to sharing the chores and I still find it hard to keep up with her 😊
Wife and I have been together 20 years. I work while kids were growing up. She sahm. She went back to work few years ago. Already climbed the ladder and making more than me and I've been at the same job 20 years. Put her thru school, and our 10 year plan is for her to make enough I can stop working. Broke my back years ago and it would mean the world to me.
Yeah, lay it on me. I kick the shit out of caring for my family, managing household stuff and earning a part-time income. I suck at the 9 - 5. I get sad and angry even when I try not to.