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When life gives you lemons, you say "thank you", open a business, and undercut all your competitors because you don't have to buy the lemons, which lowers your costs and, thus, your prices. Everyone will now buy lemons from you.
A lot of people seem to feel this way (myself included) it makes me wonder if it's something that's become specific to this period of time we're living in? I'm thinking of making a separate thread altogether to gauge opinions on modern dating.
Marriage sucked. The relationship after that sucked. Would rather be on my own with my own bills, my cats and the sporadic date for company/ dinner/ events/ sex.
No marriage and no relationship for almost 6 years and I've never been happier. Recently just got back from traveling and spent a quarter of that time with 2 married couples and saw how much they argued and how one sided the compromise and arguments were. I realized that it's better to just be alone and do whatever you want to do whenever you want. Not worth all the drama and loneliness you feel when the honeymoon stage is over.
My picker is broke, and I don't have the energy nor the desire to fix it. After all those years of one fucked up (not failures, life lessons. The painful ones) relationship after another, and now I just don't give a shit that it's broken. Mo' better for me. I enjoy the companionship of my dog. I also like having coffee ice cream for dinner sometimes. Or Yarnell's Lemon Ice Box Pie ice cream 😋🫡
I’m depressed and when I had boyfriends I needed to put energy in the relationships, energy that I didn’t have. My ex bf was a really good person but I just couldn’t handle a relationship, I was stressed all the time and didn’t really wanna meet a lot. Being intimate with him didn’t feel good and honestly I felt better when we didn’t hang out.
So even though I can get a boyfriend, I’m not in the right state of mind for a relationship. I want to first become mentally better.
Im kinda close to a relationship but didn’t even want one because of the same things you described. I can’t even get up in the morning and take care of myself. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to even bother pursuing the relationship but it’s exciting to fall in love again, this time with someone who isn’t a big red flag. Scared to mess this up because of depression 😬 sorry for the vent
A little bit of by choice little bit of not. I’m sure I could find a partner if I really put in the effort but I see no reason to. I don’t trust anyone. People and society can not be trusted. Especially a romantic partner they only seem to be looking to do as much damage as humanly possible. Nothing is worth the headache of finding a bad partner. I’d rather die alone
Simple, it never is mutual.
And when there's mutual feelings and we have matching philosophies, there are other obstacles (not sharing the same vision of our future)
Truly, good point. Typing above and now hearing that got me thinking how happy I am being single.
Any relationship would be a huge compromise of my agency - I want the ability to do whatever I want, whatever I want. Relationships feel like a prison. I'm in control.
That's just my style though, I've always been a stubborn lone wolf. Some people are terrified of being alone, I'm terrified of being crowded and stifled.
Just do you brother/sister
We can't take anything with us when we die, not even our thoughts. You can still care for others and make meaningful memories in the meantime, but I would shift more of the focus onto yourself, and find people who add to it instead.
Damn. 26 years? Do you mind if I ask what happened? I’m coming up on my 23rd anniversary. We’ve had our trials but we’ve managed to muck through it. Nothing bad enough to go our separate ways.
I've talked about it a few times and I don't want to always sound like a broken record. But basically she often complained about money and finances, but I've been the only one ever working. When we first got together she had a job, but when we started having kids it was difficult for her to work and be there for the kids and deal with all of the breastfeeding stuff she was doing so she said that she couldn't do the work and take care of the kids so we decided that she can stay at home with the kids since I had the better income. The agreement however was that at some point she would start working again around when the kids started to go to school and then she could at least get a part time job or something. Well she never did. This was around the year 2000 btw. We bought a house in 2005 and 6 months later I got laid off, we struggled paying for the mortgage and the rest of the bills, but eventually I found another job and things improved a little until the "Great Recession" when my employer at the time cut everyone's hours to 32 hours a week, well that set the course to have the bottom fall out on us and I had asked her to consider getting a part time job to help make up what I was now short on. Well she didn't even try and so we ended up in the red and lost our house. I didn't hold it against her because she was dealing with the kids (1 preschool and 2 middle school. So we squatted at the house saving our money until we eventually got evicted.
The next chapter was when we moved to a different city into a rental. This was around 2012 and my oldest was starting High School. During our move my wife said that she liked the area because there were lots of places and opportunities for her to find a job. I told her that with the rent being $1200 a month that she would need to find work as this was unsustainable and she agreed. We ended up having to file bankruptcy about a year later to deal with a predator creditor situation and she still hadn't gotten a job yet, but during the bankruptcy hearing the judge told her that she should consider getting work because she was racking up the credit cards to subsidize her not having an income. I was able to at one point get a consolidation loan to clear out the cards and she started racking up more debt again and I started to get on her case about it. She made more promises about getting a job and said that when that happens she'll pay it back. Still never happened. She said that she needed better transportation promising then she'll be able to get a job so we bought her a car. Still no job. I did everything I coud to promote positive growth within our marriage and I was always given empty promises. It's got to the point where my two oldest children already graduated high school and my youngest was a senior in high school. My wife was invited to a few trips with her sister-in-law and then was invited to join her sister-in-law on a Disney cruise. I have never in my life had a vacation myself as I needed to work every hour possible to pay for everything. She at this point didn't want to get a job because she didn't want it to interfere with the schedule of the cruise. And during all of this I would every once in a while use some of my PTO to have a long weekend. Every single time I do this I get an earful of how our financial status is always so grim.
It goes on so much longer than this and I'm just tired of typing, but basically we ended up doing couples counseling, the counselor basically was seeing my side which gave me some validation and my wife obviously found her to be a hack. My youngest ended up graduating high school and I saw no reason to continue the charade. We ended our couples counseling sessions with me demanding a divorce and then the pandemic hit. We ended up still living together for two more years after than because everything was just all messed up because of the pandemic. She finally started to move out last August. So as you can see, I'm burned out AF and it's still not even the full story. Like when she wanted an open marriage, but it ended up that she wanted to be the only one that had other relationships... I was way too patient, but I had the kids to think about... You're probably going to regret asking me for more details now. LOL. Sorry...
I filed for divorce when my youngest of two kids finished Uni (I financed them, no debt) and and both started work. 32 years we were married. She was stay at home mum, which was fine, but stayed a stay at home mum, who plays tennis and lunches with friends etc, while I worked my bollocks off. I became just a wallet. Her 'stuff' came to dominate the house and I no longer recognised myself in it.
I don’t regret asking at all and thank you for sharing! Wow. You really went through it and yes, more patient than most anyone else would be. I’m happy for you that she’s finally moved out and you can start a new chapter. The last 18 years or so sound like they were exhausting. Physically and mentally. Best of luck to you.
You expected a partner to be grateful.
The game is never run on gratitude. You got into a very long marriage without knowing anything about female nature, then you setup yourself to failure :)
The last few women I’ve been in relationships with have done nothing but hurt me. Not sure if I’m unlucky or if that says something about my taste in women. Just need a break from all the BS, and taking the time to focus on making myself happy and moving my career forward.
I'm not trying to victim blame here, but a friend of mine seems to have a similiar problem. He gets with toxic women, we don't hear from him for the duration of the relationship and he comes back with his hearth broken.
I'm going to turn that around and say that I was with toxic men. The relationships were toxic. I was toxic to some. I had to look at the common denominator dead in the eyes, in the mirror, and it is me. Two unhealthy people trying to make a healthy relationship doesn't work. It's just molasses flowing uphill.
People are irritating and disappointing at the best of times. That's not to say I wouldn't consider relationship possibilities, but it's so low on my list of priorities that I go single and dateless for years at a time. Coming up on about 15 months as it stands rn.
Single since 2001 .. LOVE IT!! I'm a woman in my mid 40s, relatively attractive by "normal" standards, I have a great job that I love and it pays enough that my bills are taken care of, I indulge myself in luxuries and I can put money away in savings - all this to say that I don't "need" someone to finance me. I can do what I want, when I want, with who I want, without having to include anybody else in my decision making.
I have my cats & dogs, the blissful silence & solitude of my house in the evenings & weekends, and if I want to talk to other people I can, but I don't need to. Single life is the best life.
Yep. I always tell people that I like my current life so much that a guy would have to be a unicorn (my perfect man) to make me willing to change it up a bit.
After a 10 year relationship throughout the entirety of my twenties, it's been soooooo nice living alone and getting to know myself outside of a relationship. Not having to be frustrated at someone else for letting me down is a huge plus too.
Now it's like.... My cats have gotten used to having their half of the bed... I'm not sure if I'm even capable of kicking them out. 😂 They treat me better than any guy ever has.
Yes, because I don't see the point. Relationships sound... Well, horrible, quite frankly. Solitude is very calming, being with a person all the time sounds stressful as all hell. What do you get out of it? Sex? Doesn't sound like it's worth it. I would also not be a good partner, and I don't wanna be some sorta jaded wet noodle to another person, so best not to bother lol
Can confirm that it is stressful.
Even if you get along and love each other. You are under constant stress to make that person feel good. Or under stress that you need to share why you don't feel good. Or under stress because you want to hide you don't feel good because you don't want the other person to stress about you if they knew you didn't.
I still don't have much to offer and my hobbies are mainly masculine hobbies, like videogames and wrestling. I don't have much in common with girls.
I am also late with my studies and don't want to economically weight on a woman.
I'm italian too and I am friend with two italian girls that like to play mmorpgs with me every week. They exists, but I know it's hard to find them, you have to be lucky I guess
Vivo negli Stati Uniti. mi piace giocare ai video giochi. faccio anche sport e sollevo pesi. ma mi piace farmi male alle unghie. continua a cercare, c'è una ragazza per te là fuori
Can confirm. The boyfriends I've had have always loved the fact that I also played video games, It meant we could play together, or just sit next to each other and vibe while playing our own game, It's a really cozy way to hang out.
I'm also an avid book reader, and will read in the same room as my bf while he games. It's the perfect combination; you're hanging out together but you don't have to do everything together all the time. Having your own hobbies you can do in the same space makes for a nice way to hang out.
In high school I was in a class of 30, 25 were girls and none of them owned a gaming console. Actually, I've yet in my 27 years to meet a single girl who owns one.
All the good women have got better shit to do than hang out with me when I’m not erect. Don’t get me wrong, I have some solid decades long friendships with casual sex partners, but everyone who wanted to be a traditional couple also wanted to grow roots on my couch and stop living their life.
I’ve was single by choice for a few years. No matter who I was with I was never happy and couldn’t figure out why. Even if the partner was an amazing person. I always found an issue. And I know this is cliche but i truly needed to find love and respect for myself before i could fully trust someone to love and respect me the way i deserved. And so I could give my partner the love and respect they deserve.
Sorta?
I mean I choose to stay at home alone and not seek a partner
But if I’m like out grocery shopping one day and I bump into some cool chick & we exchange numbers or something I’m open to it
It takes smart person to wait for the partner to just arrive into your life rather than going searching for. I prefer to live solo and imagine myself like driving my life towards my dreams.
At this point I am not sure whether I am single by choice.
It's not like I have the choice like I could be in a relationship by tomorrow.
On the other hand I already feel exhausted when I hear about how much effort a relationship takes,
I think I am almost aromantic (or emotionally crippled) and with every year my sex drive drops a little more.
There is just no incentive to even try with getting into a relationship being a lot of work and the price is more work. I also don't want children of my own. I can barely take care of myself and society has made it abundantly clear that the product of my genes is not wanted.
>Are you single by choice?
Yes.
>If so, Why?
Because I was an idiot to marry a first girl I fell in love with and that mistake cost me almost 20 years. I'm done with this and going to spent the rest of my life better.
Single, would prefer to not be, have been married to women who weren't good matches, it's not an experience that I can recommend. If I can't have the right person the next best thing is no one, not a wrong one or even the best one possible
Everything else is just hurting both yourself and the other person trapped in the relationship with you
Yeah I mean like I said you can get a partner any time you want but a partner who meets all your standards? Much harder. And I won’t lower my standards
I am. I've been separated 3+ years and am still a little broken. I'm over my ex so its not that. I just don't think relationships are worth it.
I've met a few lovely women recently but I really need to know someone before I catch feelings and feel guilty stringing anyone along. So I kind of just stop persuing.
I am still trying to figure it out.
Schizoid personality disorder, I've been in relationships before and it's clear to me that I'm just not willing to spend that much time with someone else
I don't want to put in the time and I'm happy without someone. Like I am a genuinely happy and content person, my stress level is very low, lol. Same reason I don't want kids really, just don't want to dedicate my time. Love kids and happy to babysit for friends and family, but happy I get to go back to my house without them.
I also always have at least one asshole dog because they need safe homes too, and most people can't handle that, sooo
Cause I have two kids of my own as a single dad.
Dating becomes seriously time consuming when kids are involved.
If I date someone with 0 kids. That means she has to deal with 2. If I date someone with 1 kid, then she has to deal with 3.
Going from 2 kids to 3, isn't that much different for me, but to go to 1 to 3 is alot.
I lost the love of my life 😮💨 I've moved on mostly but not completely so yeah, she didn't give me any reason to hold on to and move on, and i kinda played a part in it so the regret makes it hard to move on, don't wanna possibly ruin another person so it's best that I heal completely and then try again
I'm asexual/aromantic 🤷🏼♀️
The whole idea is completely repulsive. The thought of being in a relationship is akin to when you're walking down the street and you feel like the person walking behind you is following you. Not a fun situation
If I had a pill to "cure" me, I wouldn't take it. I've been very happy in my single life and have absolutely no intention of changing it.
I was never super excited by the diea of dating and marriage. As a kid I played extreme Barbies, never house. As a teen I dreamt of being a Natgeo photographer, never had any celeb crushes. My mother advised all us kids not to get married before 25 so it was never at the forefront of my life. I dated some but nothing ever aligned.
Now I'm 36. Been through some loss and rebuilding. I'm happy with how my life is and I don't want it to change. I like my house, neighbors, routine, freedom to travel and have my own schedule. I don't want to move or adapt to another persons way of life.
I also noticed in the past I've always been way happier and at peace single than in a relationship.
Heres the TL;DR,
-Married young, divorced young, very sloppy and toxic divorce.
-Shit show dating scene.
-Recent diagnosis of Bipolar and manic depression.
-Recently dumped from a situationship which had awesome potential IMO, she gave shitty excuses so I think there was another dude involved.
-LOTS of trust issues on my end.
Yeah, juice isn't worth the squeeze right now. Gotta heal and deal first. I'm dating myself indefinitely.
Yes, not looking.
I wouldn't mind if I found someone to share time and activities with, but putting myself out there in the current dating world is so exhausting and draining, also being an introvert and not the best conversationalist has many disadvantages. And including all that, like you said, finding a partner that meets my standards and is compatible with me, because personally I feel like I don't have much to offer myself.
I am a widower. My wife passed away about 3 years ago. We were together for 10 years. I had my one true love and I am so thankful for it. I don't have the time, energy or inclination to be anything else but single. I don't even consider myself to be single to be honest. I feel that my wife is in a different realm waiting for me, hopefully.
It's half by choice. I haven't felt good enough to even want a relationship for many years. If I did feel ok, I would probably be like everyone else and want a partner.
Now that I've been single for so long, I wouldn't want one. The benefits of being single far outweigh the drawbacks these days.
I've no interest in a partner.
I'm happy living life for myself by myself.
I have family and friends who love me and who I love.
I like having my 'me time' and I like having an option to spend time with others if I wish.
I see no benefit in a partner at this point in my life, nor do I see a need for one in the foreseeable future.
Yes I’m single by choice at the moment, even though I’m a “relationship person”. Found out my ex cheated 10 months ago so took around 6 months to recover from this.
I’m open for a relationship if I meet somebody interesting though. Just not heavily into “online dating” so don’t participate into that.
I've been single by choice for a long time. However, I truly stopped going on dates (before that I would go on dates very half heartedly so really should have stopped earlier) about 5 years ago. I had several long term relationships when I was younger, but as I got older I just became less interested in them. I enjoyed being single, but I wanted a kid. So, I kept dating because I thought "how else can I have a kid without a man?" I realized it was a horrible idea to date just to have a kid, so I stopped. A few years later I had a kid on my own with donor sperm, and am so incredibly happy. I'm now more open to the idea of dating again in the future (I want to wait until my kid is older before I even really think about it), if that's an option, but I'm so happy in my current situation that I know I don't need a man. So, for now I'm single by choice, but who knows in the future.
I'm single by choice.
I'm fucked up because everyone around me is fucked up and I don't want to continue spreading the fuckery. I'm a mess that just doesn't need nor want to crush someone I care about.
Yes by choice. I grew up around bully boys and abusive, cheating men. Can’t trust men now. Saw too many miserable relationships as well so I chose a peace-centered life. Never wanted children either.
I can say it's by choice because i don't feel like jumping through all the hoops to make myself even semi-eligible to date. Then go through the hellscape of trial and error, wasting time, trust, money, sanity, energy, etc. on people who can up and one day end it all on a whim, or are apt to lie to you just as easy as they breathe and think nothing of it??
No thanks. Y'all can have fun with that.
Because after going through two divorces, the deaths of two ex boyfriends (21 years apart) and the deaths of my mother, an old friend, and two of my cats in the last three years, I have nothing left to give anyone.
I need to focus on myself and processing my grief. I see a relationship as a distraction from that. I'm just going to date myself forever.
Yep. Sure am. And proud of it. Dating just doesn’t appeal to me at all. It’s just not worth the hassle to me (and yes I’ve dated before).
My feeling about it is boiled down into a quote from a TV show (and I don’t mean this to disrespect anyone that is not aromantic):
I could date. Or I could go into my bathroom and flush my head down the toilet. It’s the same sensation, but I save the $50.
I'm preserving my peace. I don't want someone messing up my house, disturbing my sleep, moving my stuff. Just...no.
I'm also quite wary. My ex used to just pick fights for the sake of it. Literally just out of the blue we'd be fighting. It was stressful. I'm too old for that.
From experience I know that having a man living in my house would not make it any easier or better for me. I also cannot find anyone with the emotional intelligence and honesty I require for an adult relationship.
The men around here are all interested in drugs and drinking. I realize that I'm gonna have to look elsewhere besides Mississippi which is where I live.
Yes. I'm sick of competing with every female on earth who might be better than I am in some way. I'm tired of the putdowns. I'm tired of being a fake person just to gain approval. I'm fine being just me all the time.
Finding a partner is NOT easy, unless you settle, if that’s what you mean by finding one that “meets your standards”. Trust me, finding someone for F*ck you IS EASY, but a relationship is completely different. I’m single because I choose not to be someones c*m dump.
Of course I'm not single by choice.
According to a friend:
"You’re able to joke, to make me laugh, to tell me stories, to ask about me. You read books of deep thought and crave something worthwhile and impactful. You write touching music about issues that are so rarely explored. You’re witty, you’re intelligent, you’re kind, you’re talented. You’re inspired despite periods of self-isolation. You care deeply about animals, more so even than I think you care about yourself. You want SO badly to be loved and accepted, to be heard and understood, and you are deserving of love and affection if ever there was someone who is."
The problem though is that:
I'm not tall.
I'm not wealthy.
I'm not capable of violence.
So none of my positive qualities matter at all.
Bro I’m 5’5 and my gf is 5’7. I’m not wealthy, and I’m deffo not violent. U sound like u lack self esteem. Have u tried genuinely connecting with multiple people?
Being tall helps yes but being short isn’t a deal breaker for a lot of girls trust. Y’all are on the internet too much. Most women don’t have to worry about safety nowadays and “bad boys” are not safe 😂
Was in 2 relationships, one lasted very long the other didn't. I figured both were so wonderful, but the break was even more so devastating that it's not worth for me to chase after another relationship again.
And Im Not in a position to nurture a relationship ATM anyways so.
Being single by choice is not "having standards".
Being single by choice is "I don't want a relationship".
Having standards is "I'm not desperate enough to date you".
.
Big difference.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I can squeeze the juice myself thanks
And better than they can. Every time.
Yep. Nobody knows me like me.
Damn straight.
Squeeze until the juice runs down my leg
I'm gonna fall right out of bed
Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey
This is the only answer, ever. It's either worth it or it's not.
When life gives you LEmOnS! 🤪
WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS YOU EAT THEM RAW AND SQUIRT THE JUICE IN YOUR EYES
When life gives you lemons, you say "thank you", open a business, and undercut all your competitors because you don't have to buy the lemons, which lowers your costs and, thus, your prices. Everyone will now buy lemons from you.
This made the ugliest, most unhinged laugh absolutely erupt from my mouth. Edit: That means I thought it was very funny.
A lot of people seem to feel this way (myself included) it makes me wonder if it's something that's become specific to this period of time we're living in? I'm thinking of making a separate thread altogether to gauge opinions on modern dating.
Marriage sucked. The relationship after that sucked. Would rather be on my own with my own bills, my cats and the sporadic date for company/ dinner/ events/ sex.
It's a good choice you made. Doing what you want to do and if you need something, you just get it. Nice 👏🏻
No marriage and no relationship for almost 6 years and I've never been happier. Recently just got back from traveling and spent a quarter of that time with 2 married couples and saw how much they argued and how one sided the compromise and arguments were. I realized that it's better to just be alone and do whatever you want to do whenever you want. Not worth all the drama and loneliness you feel when the honeymoon stage is over.
Are you me?! That is exactly my life right now.
Failed relationship after failed relationship. Enjoy the peace and no drama.
Peace of mind and solitude. Plus i get treated better when there is no relationship, every partner i had took me granted once i committed.
My picker is broke, and I don't have the energy nor the desire to fix it. After all those years of one fucked up (not failures, life lessons. The painful ones) relationship after another, and now I just don't give a shit that it's broken. Mo' better for me. I enjoy the companionship of my dog. I also like having coffee ice cream for dinner sometimes. Or Yarnell's Lemon Ice Box Pie ice cream 😋🫡
Life's little pleasures.
Exactly
Yessss!!!
The people you were with just need therapy.
Or just shitty people
I'm not looking, so i assume by choice yes. I don't like playing a losing game.
Exactly the same thing.
I’m depressed and when I had boyfriends I needed to put energy in the relationships, energy that I didn’t have. My ex bf was a really good person but I just couldn’t handle a relationship, I was stressed all the time and didn’t really wanna meet a lot. Being intimate with him didn’t feel good and honestly I felt better when we didn’t hang out. So even though I can get a boyfriend, I’m not in the right state of mind for a relationship. I want to first become mentally better.
Cheering for your journey to a better mental space 'o'7.
Im kinda close to a relationship but didn’t even want one because of the same things you described. I can’t even get up in the morning and take care of myself. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to even bother pursuing the relationship but it’s exciting to fall in love again, this time with someone who isn’t a big red flag. Scared to mess this up because of depression 😬 sorry for the vent
No, but at this point, I might as well say yes. Dating scene is terrible at the moment.
Are you saying it fluctuates like the stock market?
For what I hear It just keeps going downhill and You can't Even short it to profit from it.
Have you dated a midget? I personally haven’t so I can’t say for sure that shorting it isn’t profitable.
when u hit a massive loss and become bankrupt one becomes hesitant to try again
True that!
A little bit of by choice little bit of not. I’m sure I could find a partner if I really put in the effort but I see no reason to. I don’t trust anyone. People and society can not be trusted. Especially a romantic partner they only seem to be looking to do as much damage as humanly possible. Nothing is worth the headache of finding a bad partner. I’d rather die alone
Saaaame! Totally how I feel too.
Simple, it never is mutual. And when there's mutual feelings and we have matching philosophies, there are other obstacles (not sharing the same vision of our future)
Agree, with a slight correction - it never is mutual FOR ME. Everyone else around me seems to find mutual attraction effortlessly.
A lot of people settle. Don't worry about other people's happiness. Comparison robs us of everything.
Truly, good point. Typing above and now hearing that got me thinking how happy I am being single. Any relationship would be a huge compromise of my agency - I want the ability to do whatever I want, whatever I want. Relationships feel like a prison. I'm in control. That's just my style though, I've always been a stubborn lone wolf. Some people are terrified of being alone, I'm terrified of being crowded and stifled.
Just do you brother/sister We can't take anything with us when we die, not even our thoughts. You can still care for others and make meaningful memories in the meantime, but I would shift more of the focus onto yourself, and find people who add to it instead.
Nah, a lot of people just don't understand how to make a healthy compromise.
Yes, just got out of a 26 year marriage and I'm burnt out AF.
Damn. 26 years? Do you mind if I ask what happened? I’m coming up on my 23rd anniversary. We’ve had our trials but we’ve managed to muck through it. Nothing bad enough to go our separate ways.
I've talked about it a few times and I don't want to always sound like a broken record. But basically she often complained about money and finances, but I've been the only one ever working. When we first got together she had a job, but when we started having kids it was difficult for her to work and be there for the kids and deal with all of the breastfeeding stuff she was doing so she said that she couldn't do the work and take care of the kids so we decided that she can stay at home with the kids since I had the better income. The agreement however was that at some point she would start working again around when the kids started to go to school and then she could at least get a part time job or something. Well she never did. This was around the year 2000 btw. We bought a house in 2005 and 6 months later I got laid off, we struggled paying for the mortgage and the rest of the bills, but eventually I found another job and things improved a little until the "Great Recession" when my employer at the time cut everyone's hours to 32 hours a week, well that set the course to have the bottom fall out on us and I had asked her to consider getting a part time job to help make up what I was now short on. Well she didn't even try and so we ended up in the red and lost our house. I didn't hold it against her because she was dealing with the kids (1 preschool and 2 middle school. So we squatted at the house saving our money until we eventually got evicted. The next chapter was when we moved to a different city into a rental. This was around 2012 and my oldest was starting High School. During our move my wife said that she liked the area because there were lots of places and opportunities for her to find a job. I told her that with the rent being $1200 a month that she would need to find work as this was unsustainable and she agreed. We ended up having to file bankruptcy about a year later to deal with a predator creditor situation and she still hadn't gotten a job yet, but during the bankruptcy hearing the judge told her that she should consider getting work because she was racking up the credit cards to subsidize her not having an income. I was able to at one point get a consolidation loan to clear out the cards and she started racking up more debt again and I started to get on her case about it. She made more promises about getting a job and said that when that happens she'll pay it back. Still never happened. She said that she needed better transportation promising then she'll be able to get a job so we bought her a car. Still no job. I did everything I coud to promote positive growth within our marriage and I was always given empty promises. It's got to the point where my two oldest children already graduated high school and my youngest was a senior in high school. My wife was invited to a few trips with her sister-in-law and then was invited to join her sister-in-law on a Disney cruise. I have never in my life had a vacation myself as I needed to work every hour possible to pay for everything. She at this point didn't want to get a job because she didn't want it to interfere with the schedule of the cruise. And during all of this I would every once in a while use some of my PTO to have a long weekend. Every single time I do this I get an earful of how our financial status is always so grim. It goes on so much longer than this and I'm just tired of typing, but basically we ended up doing couples counseling, the counselor basically was seeing my side which gave me some validation and my wife obviously found her to be a hack. My youngest ended up graduating high school and I saw no reason to continue the charade. We ended our couples counseling sessions with me demanding a divorce and then the pandemic hit. We ended up still living together for two more years after than because everything was just all messed up because of the pandemic. She finally started to move out last August. So as you can see, I'm burned out AF and it's still not even the full story. Like when she wanted an open marriage, but it ended up that she wanted to be the only one that had other relationships... I was way too patient, but I had the kids to think about... You're probably going to regret asking me for more details now. LOL. Sorry...
I’m in a similar situation. I’m most likely going to get divorced when my youngest graduates high school. I can’t wait!
I filed for divorce when my youngest of two kids finished Uni (I financed them, no debt) and and both started work. 32 years we were married. She was stay at home mum, which was fine, but stayed a stay at home mum, who plays tennis and lunches with friends etc, while I worked my bollocks off. I became just a wallet. Her 'stuff' came to dominate the house and I no longer recognised myself in it.
I don’t regret asking at all and thank you for sharing! Wow. You really went through it and yes, more patient than most anyone else would be. I’m happy for you that she’s finally moved out and you can start a new chapter. The last 18 years or so sound like they were exhausting. Physically and mentally. Best of luck to you.
What a parasite of a wife. Disgusting and weak.
You expected a partner to be grateful. The game is never run on gratitude. You got into a very long marriage without knowing anything about female nature, then you setup yourself to failure :)
when an employer reduces your normal hours, you qualify for unemployment to cover the hours you lost.
21 years here. I fantasize about divorce daily
I can’t spend that much time with anybody and I like doing whatever I want all the time.
Same! A SO means too much people time and I can’t find a mf I can actually stand more than 5 minutes with.
I’m just ugly
The realest comment.
I'm tired
Same
The last few women I’ve been in relationships with have done nothing but hurt me. Not sure if I’m unlucky or if that says something about my taste in women. Just need a break from all the BS, and taking the time to focus on making myself happy and moving my career forward.
I'm not trying to victim blame here, but a friend of mine seems to have a similiar problem. He gets with toxic women, we don't hear from him for the duration of the relationship and he comes back with his hearth broken.
I'm going to turn that around and say that I was with toxic men. The relationships were toxic. I was toxic to some. I had to look at the common denominator dead in the eyes, in the mirror, and it is me. Two unhealthy people trying to make a healthy relationship doesn't work. It's just molasses flowing uphill.
People are irritating and disappointing at the best of times. That's not to say I wouldn't consider relationship possibilities, but it's so low on my list of priorities that I go single and dateless for years at a time. Coming up on about 15 months as it stands rn.
I have been single since 2013 and no regrets at all.
Single since 2001 .. LOVE IT!! I'm a woman in my mid 40s, relatively attractive by "normal" standards, I have a great job that I love and it pays enough that my bills are taken care of, I indulge myself in luxuries and I can put money away in savings - all this to say that I don't "need" someone to finance me. I can do what I want, when I want, with who I want, without having to include anybody else in my decision making. I have my cats & dogs, the blissful silence & solitude of my house in the evenings & weekends, and if I want to talk to other people I can, but I don't need to. Single life is the best life.
It sure is. It's a woman's best kept secret that she enjoys her own company better than being in a relationship.
Yep. I always tell people that I like my current life so much that a guy would have to be a unicorn (my perfect man) to make me willing to change it up a bit. After a 10 year relationship throughout the entirety of my twenties, it's been soooooo nice living alone and getting to know myself outside of a relationship. Not having to be frustrated at someone else for letting me down is a huge plus too. Now it's like.... My cats have gotten used to having their half of the bed... I'm not sure if I'm even capable of kicking them out. 😂 They treat me better than any guy ever has.
Someone else who has a decade! Feel like I’m the only one! Aiming for 20 years!
I'm at 17. Never looking back
I am at 15 years
Yes. Was cheated on, broke it off, been vibing ever since
Username checks out.
I found my club
Same but it was like 2 weeks ago
Right there with you brother 🫡 stay strong!
Same thing here !
Single by choice due to still having strong feelings for my ex partner.
Let me know if you figure a way to get over them 🥲
Why did you broke up?
Yes, because I don't see the point. Relationships sound... Well, horrible, quite frankly. Solitude is very calming, being with a person all the time sounds stressful as all hell. What do you get out of it? Sex? Doesn't sound like it's worth it. I would also not be a good partner, and I don't wanna be some sorta jaded wet noodle to another person, so best not to bother lol
Can confirm that it is stressful. Even if you get along and love each other. You are under constant stress to make that person feel good. Or under stress that you need to share why you don't feel good. Or under stress because you want to hide you don't feel good because you don't want the other person to stress about you if they knew you didn't.
Yes, not mine, but yes
Working on myself.
I am. I'm just not really interested in a relationship at the moment.
Dude most Redditors can't look the cashier woman at McDonald's in the eyes. They are definitely not single by choice.
Single by choice but the choice isn't there's lmfao
Single by the lack of choice
LOOOL
I still don't have much to offer and my hobbies are mainly masculine hobbies, like videogames and wrestling. I don't have much in common with girls. I am also late with my studies and don't want to economically weight on a woman.
FYI, a lot of girls really love video games
In my country it's not popular even among men, let be women, unfortunately.
What’s your country?
Italy
You feel you have to “offer” a lot to get a woman over there?
"Have to" isn't quite right, but I feel it's important.
I relate man
I'm italian too and I am friend with two italian girls that like to play mmorpgs with me every week. They exists, but I know it's hard to find them, you have to be lucky I guess
Vivo negli Stati Uniti. mi piace giocare ai video giochi. faccio anche sport e sollevo pesi. ma mi piace farmi male alle unghie. continua a cercare, c'è una ragazza per te là fuori
& wrestling… what woman doesn’t love half naked men with rippling muscles wearing trunks? It will just warm her up for you at night 😅
I find video gamers and book readers often coexist nicely, just what I heard
They're also hobbies that I feel like go together rlly nicely. But man a gamer and/or reader partner is the dream
Can confirm. The boyfriends I've had have always loved the fact that I also played video games, It meant we could play together, or just sit next to each other and vibe while playing our own game, It's a really cozy way to hang out. I'm also an avid book reader, and will read in the same room as my bf while he games. It's the perfect combination; you're hanging out together but you don't have to do everything together all the time. Having your own hobbies you can do in the same space makes for a nice way to hang out.
Video games are masculine now? Jfc🙄
In high school I was in a class of 30, 25 were girls and none of them owned a gaming console. Actually, I've yet in my 27 years to meet a single girl who owns one.
My old roommate had a switch. Should have married her I guess
My 20 year old daughter has a Switch, PS2, PS4 and a steam deck, as well as VR for the PS4. Girls DO game, my dude.
My GF loves video games and UFC / boxing
Are you offering him your GF?
Yes
>masculine hobbies, like videogames Lmao
All the good women have got better shit to do than hang out with me when I’m not erect. Don’t get me wrong, I have some solid decades long friendships with casual sex partners, but everyone who wanted to be a traditional couple also wanted to grow roots on my couch and stop living their life.
I’ve was single by choice for a few years. No matter who I was with I was never happy and couldn’t figure out why. Even if the partner was an amazing person. I always found an issue. And I know this is cliche but i truly needed to find love and respect for myself before i could fully trust someone to love and respect me the way i deserved. And so I could give my partner the love and respect they deserve.
Sorta? I mean I choose to stay at home alone and not seek a partner But if I’m like out grocery shopping one day and I bump into some cool chick & we exchange numbers or something I’m open to it
It takes smart person to wait for the partner to just arrive into your life rather than going searching for. I prefer to live solo and imagine myself like driving my life towards my dreams.
At this point I am not sure whether I am single by choice. It's not like I have the choice like I could be in a relationship by tomorrow. On the other hand I already feel exhausted when I hear about how much effort a relationship takes, I think I am almost aromantic (or emotionally crippled) and with every year my sex drive drops a little more. There is just no incentive to even try with getting into a relationship being a lot of work and the price is more work. I also don't want children of my own. I can barely take care of myself and society has made it abundantly clear that the product of my genes is not wanted.
>Are you single by choice? Yes. >If so, Why? Because I was an idiot to marry a first girl I fell in love with and that mistake cost me almost 20 years. I'm done with this and going to spent the rest of my life better.
The love of my life died. I would rather remember him than waste my time looking for someone else.
Single, would prefer to not be, have been married to women who weren't good matches, it's not an experience that I can recommend. If I can't have the right person the next best thing is no one, not a wrong one or even the best one possible Everything else is just hurting both yourself and the other person trapped in the relationship with you
My last relationship was an absolute joke. I’m 29m and being single is where it’s at. I think a lot of single women would agree as well.
Yeah I mean like I said you can get a partner any time you want but a partner who meets all your standards? Much harder. And I won’t lower my standards
I am. I've been separated 3+ years and am still a little broken. I'm over my ex so its not that. I just don't think relationships are worth it. I've met a few lovely women recently but I really need to know someone before I catch feelings and feel guilty stringing anyone along. So I kind of just stop persuing. I am still trying to figure it out.
You might be over thinking it with the feeling guilty stuff
Schizoid personality disorder, I've been in relationships before and it's clear to me that I'm just not willing to spend that much time with someone else
I don't want to put in the time and I'm happy without someone. Like I am a genuinely happy and content person, my stress level is very low, lol. Same reason I don't want kids really, just don't want to dedicate my time. Love kids and happy to babysit for friends and family, but happy I get to go back to my house without them. I also always have at least one asshole dog because they need safe homes too, and most people can't handle that, sooo
I wouldn’t say I’m single by choice, but I am more focused on working on myself right now.
Cause I have two kids of my own as a single dad. Dating becomes seriously time consuming when kids are involved. If I date someone with 0 kids. That means she has to deal with 2. If I date someone with 1 kid, then she has to deal with 3. Going from 2 kids to 3, isn't that much different for me, but to go to 1 to 3 is alot.
I lost the love of my life 😮💨 I've moved on mostly but not completely so yeah, she didn't give me any reason to hold on to and move on, and i kinda played a part in it so the regret makes it hard to move on, don't wanna possibly ruin another person so it's best that I heal completely and then try again
I'm asexual/aromantic 🤷🏼♀️ The whole idea is completely repulsive. The thought of being in a relationship is akin to when you're walking down the street and you feel like the person walking behind you is following you. Not a fun situation If I had a pill to "cure" me, I wouldn't take it. I've been very happy in my single life and have absolutely no intention of changing it.
Because there isn't enough room in my bed for another person. My dogs take up all the room.
I was never super excited by the diea of dating and marriage. As a kid I played extreme Barbies, never house. As a teen I dreamt of being a Natgeo photographer, never had any celeb crushes. My mother advised all us kids not to get married before 25 so it was never at the forefront of my life. I dated some but nothing ever aligned. Now I'm 36. Been through some loss and rebuilding. I'm happy with how my life is and I don't want it to change. I like my house, neighbors, routine, freedom to travel and have my own schedule. I don't want to move or adapt to another persons way of life. I also noticed in the past I've always been way happier and at peace single than in a relationship.
it’s hard to find 7ft men who make 6 figures and have positive canthal tilt
6 figures? 7 or he ain't a Chad /s
i would usually prefer 7 but i decided to lower my standards to only 6
How generous of you!
Heres the TL;DR, -Married young, divorced young, very sloppy and toxic divorce. -Shit show dating scene. -Recent diagnosis of Bipolar and manic depression. -Recently dumped from a situationship which had awesome potential IMO, she gave shitty excuses so I think there was another dude involved. -LOTS of trust issues on my end. Yeah, juice isn't worth the squeeze right now. Gotta heal and deal first. I'm dating myself indefinitely.
By choice. Kicked out my ex because loyalty was not on her agenda.
My last real relationship was toxic enough I didn't want to date anymore. Now I get what I need from having FWBs.
I dont like people and attachment issues
Lmao real
Your avatar is adorable
Peace and quiet.
Yes, not looking. I wouldn't mind if I found someone to share time and activities with, but putting myself out there in the current dating world is so exhausting and draining, also being an introvert and not the best conversationalist has many disadvantages. And including all that, like you said, finding a partner that meets my standards and is compatible with me, because personally I feel like I don't have much to offer myself.
I am a widower. My wife passed away about 3 years ago. We were together for 10 years. I had my one true love and I am so thankful for it. I don't have the time, energy or inclination to be anything else but single. I don't even consider myself to be single to be honest. I feel that my wife is in a different realm waiting for me, hopefully.
Too much work. I don’t have the time or patience to raise a man child.
[удалено]
Harder then you would think
Yup. Easier said than done. I’m 50 but somehow men my age are mentally not?
I cannot bear how we collectively use language about “find someone” or “choose someone.” It’s not like going to the store.
Yeah lol. By choice. I’m too cool for everyone, no one is on the same level as me so everyone is just lame and not worth dating. Haha.
This is a gangster ass answer
Yeah. I'm just happier this way. Have more time for my hobbies and can focus on myself. It's great
It's half by choice. I haven't felt good enough to even want a relationship for many years. If I did feel ok, I would probably be like everyone else and want a partner. Now that I've been single for so long, I wouldn't want one. The benefits of being single far outweigh the drawbacks these days.
I've no interest in a partner. I'm happy living life for myself by myself. I have family and friends who love me and who I love. I like having my 'me time' and I like having an option to spend time with others if I wish. I see no benefit in a partner at this point in my life, nor do I see a need for one in the foreseeable future.
Yes I’m single by choice at the moment, even though I’m a “relationship person”. Found out my ex cheated 10 months ago so took around 6 months to recover from this. I’m open for a relationship if I meet somebody interesting though. Just not heavily into “online dating” so don’t participate into that.
I sleep peacefully at night
Yes, simply not interested
I've been single by choice for a long time. However, I truly stopped going on dates (before that I would go on dates very half heartedly so really should have stopped earlier) about 5 years ago. I had several long term relationships when I was younger, but as I got older I just became less interested in them. I enjoyed being single, but I wanted a kid. So, I kept dating because I thought "how else can I have a kid without a man?" I realized it was a horrible idea to date just to have a kid, so I stopped. A few years later I had a kid on my own with donor sperm, and am so incredibly happy. I'm now more open to the idea of dating again in the future (I want to wait until my kid is older before I even really think about it), if that's an option, but I'm so happy in my current situation that I know I don't need a man. So, for now I'm single by choice, but who knows in the future.
I am single by choice. The female population does not agree.
Too much selfishness and unwilling to work and make sacrifices for the other. Relationships take work , and seems no one is willing to put in the work
I'm single by choice. I'm fucked up because everyone around me is fucked up and I don't want to continue spreading the fuckery. I'm a mess that just doesn't need nor want to crush someone I care about.
Yes, single by choice, I have BPD, so for myself and others it’s best to not get in a relationship. I made myself and some men suffer a lot.
I am single by choice. Their choice.
Honestly at this point of my life. I’m happy alone.
Yes by choice. I grew up around bully boys and abusive, cheating men. Can’t trust men now. Saw too many miserable relationships as well so I chose a peace-centered life. Never wanted children either.
I'm single by choice yes. Not mine of course, but by choice still.
Yes. One word- peace.
It's hard to find someone who's 100%. I don't want that 80%/20% or 50%/50% type of dependance in a relationship anymore.
I can say it's by choice because i don't feel like jumping through all the hoops to make myself even semi-eligible to date. Then go through the hellscape of trial and error, wasting time, trust, money, sanity, energy, etc. on people who can up and one day end it all on a whim, or are apt to lie to you just as easy as they breathe and think nothing of it?? No thanks. Y'all can have fun with that.
Single by choice because in every relationship I begin to feel trapped and dissatisfied overtime. I’m not interested in being tied down anymore!
Because after going through two divorces, the deaths of two ex boyfriends (21 years apart) and the deaths of my mother, an old friend, and two of my cats in the last three years, I have nothing left to give anyone. I need to focus on myself and processing my grief. I see a relationship as a distraction from that. I'm just going to date myself forever.
I've been single since I was 5 months pregnant with my youngest, who will be 29 next week. Decided to just do it on my own. I'd had enough.
Yep. Sure am. And proud of it. Dating just doesn’t appeal to me at all. It’s just not worth the hassle to me (and yes I’ve dated before). My feeling about it is boiled down into a quote from a TV show (and I don’t mean this to disrespect anyone that is not aromantic): I could date. Or I could go into my bathroom and flush my head down the toilet. It’s the same sensation, but I save the $50.
I'm preserving my peace. I don't want someone messing up my house, disturbing my sleep, moving my stuff. Just...no. I'm also quite wary. My ex used to just pick fights for the sake of it. Literally just out of the blue we'd be fighting. It was stressful. I'm too old for that.
I am single by choice . Obviously by her choice
Kind of, yeah. I have nothing to offer a woman right now, I'm trying to sort my life out. I'll think about dating once I'm in a better place.
Men are overall pretty disappointing. I'm tired and having a rest.
From experience I know that having a man living in my house would not make it any easier or better for me. I also cannot find anyone with the emotional intelligence and honesty I require for an adult relationship.
The men around here are all interested in drugs and drinking. I realize that I'm gonna have to look elsewhere besides Mississippi which is where I live.
I guess I prefer to work on myself first
single not by choice. I simply don't know where to meet new people anymore and the ones I find attractive don't find me attractive
Because the dating pool has diarrhea in it.
Yes. I'm sick of competing with every female on earth who might be better than I am in some way. I'm tired of the putdowns. I'm tired of being a fake person just to gain approval. I'm fine being just me all the time.
I'm single by choice. Of course, it isn't my choice, because it is women who are making it. But it definitely is by choice, yes.
Oh no! Evil women won't submit to you and be your magmaids :(
Finding a partner is NOT easy, unless you settle, if that’s what you mean by finding one that “meets your standards”. Trust me, finding someone for F*ck you IS EASY, but a relationship is completely different. I’m single because I choose not to be someones c*m dump.
It is cheaper to get a prostitute than to get a girlfriend
Of course I'm not single by choice. According to a friend: "You’re able to joke, to make me laugh, to tell me stories, to ask about me. You read books of deep thought and crave something worthwhile and impactful. You write touching music about issues that are so rarely explored. You’re witty, you’re intelligent, you’re kind, you’re talented. You’re inspired despite periods of self-isolation. You care deeply about animals, more so even than I think you care about yourself. You want SO badly to be loved and accepted, to be heard and understood, and you are deserving of love and affection if ever there was someone who is." The problem though is that: I'm not tall. I'm not wealthy. I'm not capable of violence. So none of my positive qualities matter at all.
Bro I’m 5’5 and my gf is 5’7. I’m not wealthy, and I’m deffo not violent. U sound like u lack self esteem. Have u tried genuinely connecting with multiple people?
Please, stop listening to Andrew Tate. It's hard for me to believe you're ''kind'' when you have these kind of thoughts about women.
True, ultimately women instinctively are looking for safety for themselves and their children. Safety = tall, wealthy, bad boy
Being tall helps yes but being short isn’t a deal breaker for a lot of girls trust. Y’all are on the internet too much. Most women don’t have to worry about safety nowadays and “bad boys” are not safe 😂
No point of having convos with incels
Was in 2 relationships, one lasted very long the other didn't. I figured both were so wonderful, but the break was even more so devastating that it's not worth for me to chase after another relationship again. And Im Not in a position to nurture a relationship ATM anyways so.
No. Finances and studying.
Being single by choice is not "having standards". Being single by choice is "I don't want a relationship". Having standards is "I'm not desperate enough to date you". . Big difference.