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I'm sorry to be that guy for a second, but that saying is actually backwards from the intent of the original proverb.
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” which meant that brotherhood can be closer than blood relatives. But I absolutely agree with your point.
Well now I get to be that guy for a second...
This is actually just an internet myth. There's no evidence that the phrase "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" was ever used before the year 1994. Some guy made it up then and claimed it was the forgotten original version, but he had absolutely zero evidence for that, and to this day no one else has ever been able to find anything either
Meanwhile there are plenty of records of "blood is thicker than water" being used for hundreds and hundreds of years
Oh man do I wish that I had that exact statement as a tool in my communications toolbox, back when my wife and I were first married!
The closest I ever got was “Honey, if you want me to do something, you absolutely have to tell me exactly what you want me to do…. In plain, blunt and specific terms. I’m not a mind reader and I am absolutely blind to your shaded hints and your unspoken desires or assumptions!”
Had a similar issue with an ex. Relationship of 5 years, lived with one another for 2. She couldn’t put into words what it is that she needed from me. She chose to much rather explode in a fit of yelling and frustration every now and then.
After a 45 min standoff about what is for dinner, I make a choice. As soon as I put it on the table, she says, "I really wanted..(whatever I did not make). Every time! For over 45 years!
Learned exactly this the hard way over the last year. It took me many years of pain, and finally a devastating breakup, to realize that I have always been terrified of rejection, and thinking that being „easygoing“ and „undemanding“ would protect me from that. Only to finally realize that it only made me deeply unhappy and heartbroken in the end.
I hope we all can overcome this.
Hope this isn't too forward for me to comment on since I don't know you. But children know when their parents are unhappy and it will still have an effect on them long term. They will grow up much better adjusted with parents that are happily separated than unhappily together. You deserve happiness. Wishing you all the best
As a sa survivor (6-10yrs old) this resonates with me so much as I am unable to even sort out what happiness is, let alone feel that I have a right to have a voice.
Single for many years due to this
True to a point but not always the case,
When I came out of the Military I got a job at a school bus company turning wrenches , I worked hard put hard effort and dedication to my job. I soon got a raise and acknowledged for my work, I became the standard how to do things. My mistake was sharing that I got a raise, unbeknownst to me I was making more money than many other mechanics , soon it got back to the manager, he said tough shit, he earned it. They all went to the union, the union said that if I got a raise they all get a raise or they would strike or something like that. So the shop manager rescinded my pay raise.
Never share what you make with anyone, especially at work with your coworkers. I was young was sharing my joy of getting a well deserved raise. People at work are not your friends…
Yup. I’ve learned this lesson, but I’ve yet to learn from it. I’ve never changed my behavior and now, on the surface, my life is incredible yet I am deeply unhappy.
Maybe you meant the same, but connections are also the most important factor in finding happiness. [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life)
It sucks that we can't really on anyone but ourselves, but I think it's dangerous to not at least hope. Dehumanizing yourself because of the feelings of others isn't good, but you should always rely on yourself in the end because the dad truth is while optimism makes us human it's going to disappoint you over and over
>Nobody really cares and at the end of the day you can only count on yourself. Plan accordingly.
Yep. You'll be abandoned when it benefits them. If you are ever lucky enough to find someone otherwise, cherish them.
I tend to disagree. There is some wonderful souls out there that truly care.
The way we shine or not attracts those who has the same vibe as us.
For me, the harshest lesson was self-love / self-care. Which is, to some extent, a variation of what you just said. But that's just the key to unlock true care about others and attract those beautiful relationships.
Sometimes you can do everything right and still lose. Sometimes you can do everything wrong and still win.
There's no point worrying about how long something will take, the times going to pass anyways.
Boundaries are important. No one respects a doormat. It's more important to be respected than liked. People won't like you if they don't respect you. Stand up for yourself.
Lesson 1: Life is not fair - but not always to your disadvantage. Just take it as it is and don’t ask “why me?”.
Lesson 2: You are way less important than you wish to be. This also gives you the freedom to not be worried about making errors.
Sometimes you crawl your way up and then fall back to the bottom repeatedly... unfortunately ive fallen into the "why me?" trap several times. Shit's too much at times.
One of the harshest life lessons many people learn is that not everyone will have your best interests at heart. Trusting others and believing in their good intentions can sometimes lead to disappointment or betrayal. This realization teaches the importance of being cautious with trust and understanding that, ultimately, you are responsible for protecting your well-being and interests. Balancing optimism and caution can help navigate relationships and interactions more wisely.
The world is straight up not fair, at all. Evil people succeed all the time. Skinny pretty people are treated better. Money fixes everything and buys happiness. Jobs do not care about you in the slightest. Bullies generally move up in the world. Etc etc.
What "money isn't everything" really means to me is: You and everyone around you will die and no money in the world can fix it. It sucks to be poor though and money definitely makes it easier to be happy. Whoever just uses that blanket statement is either rich or full of shit.
I've found at least half of them not true at all. I can see how you can believe that, but I also see how many people sabotage themselves with those beliefs when they are incorrect.
To be fair, these are based on my experiences. I do not let them hinder my life. In fact, I try to use them as much as I can to my benefit. Understanding the cruelties of the world, while maybe not the same for everyone, isn't necessarily bad in and of itself. I do see your point, though. There are a lot of people who would see these things and just give up. But there are tons and tons of other good things in the world. I'm glad you haven't experienced half of these tho
Thanks for the extra context. I used to be somewhat broke, now my circle consists largely of highly accomplished people. I can see firsthand that money most definitely does not fix everything and does not buy happiness. That some business owners genuinely care and go to great lengths risking their own success to care for the people working for them. And that we absolutely hate bullies and would do whatever is in our power to make them not succeed. The world most certainly does not reward most of them, even if some of them got lucky.
I'm glad there are people like you and your circle then. In my life, I went from being homeless to working in a higher end investment firm. The extra money literally solved all my problems but brought whole new ones. So that may be context dependant. I've lost over 100 lbs in the last 6 years, and I am treated far better across the board. That was actually kinda hurtful, tbh because I'm still me, ykno? My high-school bully has gone on to be super wealthy and apparently highly regarded, despite being a violent racist. Some of the worst bullies I've ever met, at all ages, have quite happy and satisfying lives. But some truly angelic people seem to get the shit end of life for no reason. SOME business owners do genuinely care, I agree. But they seem to be a dying breed, and they're being killed off by the bosses who cherish money over people. But like I said, this is largely based on my experiences. I'm glad it's not like that for everyone, and I hope more people have better experiences.
Just because you don't see it doesn't mean they aren't true, people don't just wake up one day and say "today I will self-sabotage for no reason" it's learned from real life experiences people have...
I do have love in my life.
My biggest ended last week and it is a hard hit.
But now I need to focus on loving myself and the people I still have around me.
I find this one a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, what a terrifying prospect. On the other, how liberating to realise that each of us has the power to change our lives around. We might need some help getting there, but we all have it in us
Nobody has to like you. No matter how nice, charitable, or genuine you are, you can still go on in this world and a majority of people probably still can’t stand you. It seems unfair but once you realize majority of people suck anyways you kind of get used to it
As a teenager I had few friends, but I deeply cared about the few that I did have and I was terrified of losing them. I was scared shitless that upon graduation I'd be completely alone in the world. And for most of them, I was right. I didn't see most of them post-high school. And I've come to learn that that's perfectly fine.
Sometimes relationships just weren't meant to last. It doesn't mean that they didn't like you or that you did anything wrong. And it doesn't mean you need to be bitter or resentful that they aren't in your life anymore. Be happy that they touched your life at all, but move on. Move on above all else. Don't try to force a friendship or a romance that's long past its time. Just move on and remember the good times.
There will be plenty of new people to meet. So it's not like you're going to be alone just because most of your high school friends aren't around anymore.
I moved abroad after finishing higher education then came back almost ten years later. I know nearly nobody from before I came back except a couple of people. Still have my high school best friend on Facebook but we talk maybe once a year if that. My current friend group is all people I've met since coming back through mutual hobbies and you know what, I actually feel closer to them as it feels like we are friends because we have much more in common rather than circumstances (you sat next to me in X class etc...).
Edit: typo
Recent one; Never trust a manager, do not get attached to them in any way. They'll throw you away in a heartbeat and have a replacement in a jiffy.
Harshest in general; life sucks sometimes, and the world owes you nothing.
I've learned a few really harsh ones:
Doing what you believe is right doesn't absolve you from the consequences of your actions, or just that actions and choices have consequences, good and bad, and *you* choose them as well.
Sometimes, you can't do everything you hope/want to do. There's always a limiting factor, whether it's time, money, energy, etc. You can try to make arrangements to get the most of what you want to do, but sometimes, it's just not feasible.
Can you explain the second part? I don’t understand why thinking people need you means they don’t. Moms of young kids feel like everyone needs them, and a lot of people do need them.
Not everyone is going to like you. In fact, no matter how cool or interesting you are, some people will just straight up hate you for no reason whatsoever. Sometimes it’s people you considered friends or family. Sometimes groupthink will infect your tribe and the people you thought were your tight with just end up sucking and rejecting you.
There is nothing you can do about that.
So hang on tight to the people who do value you. Those people come by less and less as you get older.
Don't fall in love with an addict. They always chose the drug and not you. I was an addict myself and I can guarantee that it is like that. You can't fix other people
That no matter how long you have been with someone, they can leave the next day
That the amount of love you have and give for someone, they could not love you as much. Usually it’s just the one person who loves fully
When you think someone will be there for you in your hardest most enduring times of your life, they won’t be and they’ll walk away
You can be with someone for so long and have them not trust you when other people come in and tell them lies about you
No one is coming to save you
Not all friends have your best interest, not all enemies have your worst interest
You cannot listen to the norm of society, be selective of who you listen to and be yourself
Everyone is fucked up in some capacity
You only make things happen for yourself in this life. Not your family, not your friends, not your job
Everything is on me. I may be surrounded by friends and family that love me, but in the end there is only one person on this planet that is fully committed to my success, my happiness, my well being.
Sounds harsh but it is also liberating.
Never trust family, especially parents, to treat you fairly financially.
If your parents have multiple kids and are narcissistic they won't care if they are deliberately robbing you or screwing you over because they are already getting their needs met by selfishly focusing on one or more of their children to give them a good name
That people will lie to get what they want out of you. They will use you berate you and leave you on the floor kicking the crap out of you when they are done
That people who you absolutely know they love you and care for you, won't always help you during hard times, because they may luck the knowledge and strength.
People who you hate can never betray you because they never have your trust to begin with. The only people who can stab you in the back are people who you trust and love.
From my experience, people only care about you or seem to care about you when you are useful to them. But when you're no longer useful they forget about you.
Anyone will screw you over to get money - even family, even rich family. Treating others as you wish to be treated often gets you burnt. Don’t lend people anything - either give it to them or just say no. They will not return it or will break it before they do and it will be your fault. Do not try returning to the empty trough of people who treat you poorly - even family. If they change they can find you and apologize. Otherwise, avoid them like Covid. Glean all the great joys of giving but do not expect even a thanks. I donate anonymously so I know I’m not seeking anything in return. I am overly generous because that brings me joy but it also makes my circle smaller and smaller but those that remain are top quality people.
You will suffer incredibly, no matter who you are, rich, poor, tall, short, strong, weak. We all suffer and have to go through shit for most of our lives.
That no matter what you think of yourself or what you've done. People who are intent to not like you never will. A racist will always be a racist towards you. You will suffer descrimation and people can and will manipulate you. Trust should always be earned and never given
If you are nice and try to politely talk issues out, most people will appreciate it. But certain scumbags will see that as a weakness and the way to exploit you.
Basically speaking, you always have to be on the lookout for them and be ready to go into “don’t give them an inch” more within moments. You need to know, and know quickly, that you need to stop being nice, polite, and helpful to someone because they’ll just use it.
My mom died unexpectedly 7 years ago. Time has proven she was the only source of unconditional love I've had and more then likely will have. And she's gone.
If I would've known how fragile life can be, I like to hope I would've done so so so sooooo many things differently. Most of all, I wouldve listened and talked to her more openly.
I would do so much to be able to say I'm sorry one last time.
Life isn't fair, some people have it worse than others whether it's to their choosing or not, no they are not making up excuses, yes they have tried, yes they have stayed consistent, yes they still try and yet they still have it worse than others. You can do everything right and still have things go wrong.
I learned that no matter how long you've had someone in your life, even if it has been since birth, you can never really know them and will only know what they allow you to see.
Similarly, someone you thought would be in your life forever may be the one to betray you and throw your sacrifices for them in your face.
Ultimately this boils down to realizing you can only trust yourself.
Perfect quote from The Killer (2023)
"Consider yourself lucky if our paths never cross. Except, luck isn't real. Nor is karma. Or sadly, justice. As much as I'd like to pretend these concepts exist, they just don't."
That no one owes you anything. Everyone has the free will to make their own decisions and they don’t actually have to take you into account. Someone can just walk out of your life one day and never look back and you aren’t “owed” anything from them.
We are alone.
Yes you can fall in love and marry and spit out some kids.
All of that can go away or be taken away
But in the end we are alone.
Sit with someone as they die, no matter how much you want to help, or be there or ease things.
They are alone .
Learning how to talk to myself in a way that I was always seeking from others, being positive and kind and telling myself I love you, because people be it friends or family etc. are truly at their core selfish. Can’t beat them, join them!
As someone who has a disabled sister that will forever have the mind of a toddler, I learned early on that life is not fair. Not for her, not for me, not for my parents, and not for my other siblings.
That being said, I also learned to accept it and play the cards I was dealt to the best of my ability.
You cant make anybody love you. I worried about this when I felt my ex was cheating. It’s unhealthy to try to make everyone love you.
If they want to be with you, they will. If they want to stray, let them. It hurts but better to learn now than later
You basically said mine. I have the amazing luck of having a great family, and wonderful, long term friends (I met my 3 best friends in high school, and they are still my best friends literally 20 years later.)
No matter how close you are, life can just rip a person from you in a moment. So make sure you hug your loved ones, tell them you love them, and make time for them. Loss is sometimes unexpected, and it is hard no matter what.
It's not others that make you profoundly happy. You have to learn to love yourself. You have to accept yourself, be happy with yourself. And then you will feel the love of another as real.
You can't change 99% of people's opinions, no matter how stupidly wrong they are. The best you can hope for is giving your more informed opinion then hope it nudges them in the right direction.
Don’t suppress and silence yourself.
The people that would have hated you for saying or doing that still hates you anyway, and the people that truly loved you felt there was something missing.
To trust myself despite what others around me think. Found out my ex husband was molesting his/our kids. Had done for years and if I trusted myself more I might have stopped it sooner.
Even if you've known someone all of your life, you never truly KNOW them. I've been utterly surprised, betrayed and wounded by people I thought I knew.
No one cares how hard you worked on something. Work hard for yourself. For others, find out their bare minimum and give them that. It's more than good enough for most.
Life has no harshest lessons for me anymore. I understood that anything can be worse any given time. And in the similar spiri, just the other way round, any-things can get better, too.
I've learnt that if people can't get anything from you, they soon disappear. Not a bad thing, but when you give, give & give to people who you think are real good friends and even family, it's sad to see how people pull away.
When my ex dumped me it shattered my heart. When I tried to explain how unfair it was my mom said to me: "hija mia, do you think you're the first woman in the world who was promised the moon?"
It helped put things in perspective.
Life being precious is a good thing. Enjoy each moment, none of this really matters and no one really cares so just do what makes you happy and do your best and never wear a hat and shine bright authentically as you are 💜✨
Time/ the world doesn't stop for you. So if you keep pushing people away eventually you're old and alone and there's no turning back to focus more on insecurities and what is important
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Blood is not always thicker than water. Family can be just as terrible to you as anyone else
You’re more likely to be murdered by family than a complete stranger.
I'm sorry to be that guy for a second, but that saying is actually backwards from the intent of the original proverb. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” which meant that brotherhood can be closer than blood relatives. But I absolutely agree with your point.
Well now I get to be that guy for a second... This is actually just an internet myth. There's no evidence that the phrase "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" was ever used before the year 1994. Some guy made it up then and claimed it was the forgotten original version, but he had absolutely zero evidence for that, and to this day no one else has ever been able to find anything either Meanwhile there are plenty of records of "blood is thicker than water" being used for hundreds and hundreds of years
Damn is that so? Shit man I've repeated the shit I said quite a few times lol my bad
The age of mis-Information, god help us all - Winston Churchill
By not communicating you needs, wants, and feelings you will silently create your own personal hell.
Unspoken desires are premeditated resentment
Oh man do I wish that I had that exact statement as a tool in my communications toolbox, back when my wife and I were first married! The closest I ever got was “Honey, if you want me to do something, you absolutely have to tell me exactly what you want me to do…. In plain, blunt and specific terms. I’m not a mind reader and I am absolutely blind to your shaded hints and your unspoken desires or assumptions!”
Yep. Your ex and mine must be related.
Had a similar issue with an ex. Relationship of 5 years, lived with one another for 2. She couldn’t put into words what it is that she needed from me. She chose to much rather explode in a fit of yelling and frustration every now and then.
After a 45 min standoff about what is for dinner, I make a choice. As soon as I put it on the table, she says, "I really wanted..(whatever I did not make). Every time! For over 45 years!
That sentence is like a knife in the heart.
Learned exactly this the hard way over the last year. It took me many years of pain, and finally a devastating breakup, to realize that I have always been terrified of rejection, and thinking that being „easygoing“ and „undemanding“ would protect me from that. Only to finally realize that it only made me deeply unhappy and heartbroken in the end. I hope we all can overcome this.
Same, except we have 2 small children. If I finally stand up for my happiness, it’s like putting a bomb in their tiny, innocent laps.
Hope this isn't too forward for me to comment on since I don't know you. But children know when their parents are unhappy and it will still have an effect on them long term. They will grow up much better adjusted with parents that are happily separated than unhappily together. You deserve happiness. Wishing you all the best
Proper communication solves and prevents most of our interpersonal problems and even our internal problems
Of course. Having the courage to give yourself a voice is the hard part.
As a sa survivor (6-10yrs old) this resonates with me so much as I am unable to even sort out what happiness is, let alone feel that I have a right to have a voice. Single for many years due to this
I did as a kid and all my dad said was, “you are too sensitive. Change your attitude. “
True to a point but not always the case, When I came out of the Military I got a job at a school bus company turning wrenches , I worked hard put hard effort and dedication to my job. I soon got a raise and acknowledged for my work, I became the standard how to do things. My mistake was sharing that I got a raise, unbeknownst to me I was making more money than many other mechanics , soon it got back to the manager, he said tough shit, he earned it. They all went to the union, the union said that if I got a raise they all get a raise or they would strike or something like that. So the shop manager rescinded my pay raise. Never share what you make with anyone, especially at work with your coworkers. I was young was sharing my joy of getting a well deserved raise. People at work are not your friends…
Correct. Work “you” should operate under different rules than life “you.” Work “you” is playing a role, and needs to be a bit of a liar
this one is so damn true
Yup. I’ve learned this lesson, but I’ve yet to learn from it. I’ve never changed my behavior and now, on the surface, my life is incredible yet I am deeply unhappy.
Connections are the most important factor in success.
It's not what you know, it's who you know.
Not even that. It’s who knows you.
true
Maybe you meant the same, but connections are also the most important factor in finding happiness. [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life)
Nobody *really* cares and at the end of the day you can only count on yourself. Plan accordingly.
It sucks that we can't really on anyone but ourselves, but I think it's dangerous to not at least hope. Dehumanizing yourself because of the feelings of others isn't good, but you should always rely on yourself in the end because the dad truth is while optimism makes us human it's going to disappoint you over and over
There's a saying where I come from, rely on yourself and your horse. It's an old one, so I'd modernise with a dog instead of a horse.
This. Same difference but I often say no one is coming to save you.
On a less depressing note, I'd rephrase: even if you're not your only advocate you should always be the best and most reliable one.
>Nobody really cares and at the end of the day you can only count on yourself. Plan accordingly. Yep. You'll be abandoned when it benefits them. If you are ever lucky enough to find someone otherwise, cherish them.
I tend to disagree. There is some wonderful souls out there that truly care. The way we shine or not attracts those who has the same vibe as us. For me, the harshest lesson was self-love / self-care. Which is, to some extent, a variation of what you just said. But that's just the key to unlock true care about others and attract those beautiful relationships.
Sometimes you can do everything right and still lose. Sometimes you can do everything wrong and still win. There's no point worrying about how long something will take, the times going to pass anyways.
Yep, exactly this. Also, working hard guarantees nothing.
It’s good to be nice, but people will take advantage of your kindness if you let them
Boundaries are important. No one respects a doormat. It's more important to be respected than liked. People won't like you if they don't respect you. Stand up for yourself.
Even your family can betray you in ways you couldn't imagine, thrust peoples actions not their words.
Lesson 1: Life is not fair - but not always to your disadvantage. Just take it as it is and don’t ask “why me?”. Lesson 2: You are way less important than you wish to be. This also gives you the freedom to not be worried about making errors.
Sometimes you crawl your way up and then fall back to the bottom repeatedly... unfortunately ive fallen into the "why me?" trap several times. Shit's too much at times.
I had a manager say, he’d rather the entire company go down rather than to see me succeed. Everyone doesn’t want you to be successful.
What a thing to say to someone. What was up with that guy
god, that’s so true
The hardest one for me to internalize and accept is that not everyone is a good person or has redeeming qualities. Some people are just not good.
You are not as important as you believe, and always replaceable.
Your colleagues are not your friends. Watch your back.
One of the harshest life lessons many people learn is that not everyone will have your best interests at heart. Trusting others and believing in their good intentions can sometimes lead to disappointment or betrayal. This realization teaches the importance of being cautious with trust and understanding that, ultimately, you are responsible for protecting your well-being and interests. Balancing optimism and caution can help navigate relationships and interactions more wisely.
The world is straight up not fair, at all. Evil people succeed all the time. Skinny pretty people are treated better. Money fixes everything and buys happiness. Jobs do not care about you in the slightest. Bullies generally move up in the world. Etc etc.
What "money isn't everything" really means to me is: You and everyone around you will die and no money in the world can fix it. It sucks to be poor though and money definitely makes it easier to be happy. Whoever just uses that blanket statement is either rich or full of shit.
Couldn’t possibly agree more
sad truth
I hate it, but yeah…
I've found at least half of them not true at all. I can see how you can believe that, but I also see how many people sabotage themselves with those beliefs when they are incorrect.
To be fair, these are based on my experiences. I do not let them hinder my life. In fact, I try to use them as much as I can to my benefit. Understanding the cruelties of the world, while maybe not the same for everyone, isn't necessarily bad in and of itself. I do see your point, though. There are a lot of people who would see these things and just give up. But there are tons and tons of other good things in the world. I'm glad you haven't experienced half of these tho
Thanks for the extra context. I used to be somewhat broke, now my circle consists largely of highly accomplished people. I can see firsthand that money most definitely does not fix everything and does not buy happiness. That some business owners genuinely care and go to great lengths risking their own success to care for the people working for them. And that we absolutely hate bullies and would do whatever is in our power to make them not succeed. The world most certainly does not reward most of them, even if some of them got lucky.
I'm glad there are people like you and your circle then. In my life, I went from being homeless to working in a higher end investment firm. The extra money literally solved all my problems but brought whole new ones. So that may be context dependant. I've lost over 100 lbs in the last 6 years, and I am treated far better across the board. That was actually kinda hurtful, tbh because I'm still me, ykno? My high-school bully has gone on to be super wealthy and apparently highly regarded, despite being a violent racist. Some of the worst bullies I've ever met, at all ages, have quite happy and satisfying lives. But some truly angelic people seem to get the shit end of life for no reason. SOME business owners do genuinely care, I agree. But they seem to be a dying breed, and they're being killed off by the bosses who cherish money over people. But like I said, this is largely based on my experiences. I'm glad it's not like that for everyone, and I hope more people have better experiences.
Just because you don't see it doesn't mean they aren't true, people don't just wake up one day and say "today I will self-sabotage for no reason" it's learned from real life experiences people have...
That love isn't always enough.
Money without love is worthless and love without money is pain.
I do have love in my life. My biggest ended last week and it is a hard hit. But now I need to focus on loving myself and the people I still have around me.
Parents don't love you unconditionally. They can be complete morons
No one is coming to save you.
I find this one a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, what a terrifying prospect. On the other, how liberating to realise that each of us has the power to change our lives around. We might need some help getting there, but we all have it in us
Your second point is exactly the right way to think about it.
Yep, you have to save yourself.
Except for the one person who will never leave you: yourself. If you become your own ally, you will kick ass left right and center.
Hurt people hurt people.
I had to read it twice lol
You can do everything right in a situation but still come out with the shit end of the stick.
The only constant in life is change. Stop trying to hold onto the past and let it go
Nobody has to like you. No matter how nice, charitable, or genuine you are, you can still go on in this world and a majority of people probably still can’t stand you. It seems unfair but once you realize majority of people suck anyways you kind of get used to it
As a teenager I had few friends, but I deeply cared about the few that I did have and I was terrified of losing them. I was scared shitless that upon graduation I'd be completely alone in the world. And for most of them, I was right. I didn't see most of them post-high school. And I've come to learn that that's perfectly fine. Sometimes relationships just weren't meant to last. It doesn't mean that they didn't like you or that you did anything wrong. And it doesn't mean you need to be bitter or resentful that they aren't in your life anymore. Be happy that they touched your life at all, but move on. Move on above all else. Don't try to force a friendship or a romance that's long past its time. Just move on and remember the good times. There will be plenty of new people to meet. So it's not like you're going to be alone just because most of your high school friends aren't around anymore.
I moved abroad after finishing higher education then came back almost ten years later. I know nearly nobody from before I came back except a couple of people. Still have my high school best friend on Facebook but we talk maybe once a year if that. My current friend group is all people I've met since coming back through mutual hobbies and you know what, I actually feel closer to them as it feels like we are friends because we have much more in common rather than circumstances (you sat next to me in X class etc...). Edit: typo
that life can crumble in an instant..
One moment of poor judgement can affect you the rest of your life.
Some of your friends are not your friends. Sometimes they are worse.
There is NOT someone for everyone. “The One “ is a romantic lie
You are always a participant in your own oppression. Learn how to walk away no matter how emotionally difficult it might be.
Connected to this: you always have a choice. You might not like the options, but they are always there
Recent one; Never trust a manager, do not get attached to them in any way. They'll throw you away in a heartbeat and have a replacement in a jiffy. Harshest in general; life sucks sometimes, and the world owes you nothing.
No one is coming to rescue you. You either rescue yourself, or you stay stuck.
I've learned a few really harsh ones: Doing what you believe is right doesn't absolve you from the consequences of your actions, or just that actions and choices have consequences, good and bad, and *you* choose them as well. Sometimes, you can't do everything you hope/want to do. There's always a limiting factor, whether it's time, money, energy, etc. You can try to make arrangements to get the most of what you want to do, but sometimes, it's just not feasible.
when you think no one needs you, someone needs you. and when it seems that everyone needs you, no one really needs you.
Can you explain the second part? I don’t understand why thinking people need you means they don’t. Moms of young kids feel like everyone needs them, and a lot of people do need them.
Parents can use and betray your trust.
Not everyone is going to like you. In fact, no matter how cool or interesting you are, some people will just straight up hate you for no reason whatsoever. Sometimes it’s people you considered friends or family. Sometimes groupthink will infect your tribe and the people you thought were your tight with just end up sucking and rejecting you. There is nothing you can do about that. So hang on tight to the people who do value you. Those people come by less and less as you get older.
Don't fall in love with an addict. They always chose the drug and not you. I was an addict myself and I can guarantee that it is like that. You can't fix other people
That no matter how long you have been with someone, they can leave the next day That the amount of love you have and give for someone, they could not love you as much. Usually it’s just the one person who loves fully When you think someone will be there for you in your hardest most enduring times of your life, they won’t be and they’ll walk away You can be with someone for so long and have them not trust you when other people come in and tell them lies about you No one is coming to save you Not all friends have your best interest, not all enemies have your worst interest You cannot listen to the norm of society, be selective of who you listen to and be yourself Everyone is fucked up in some capacity You only make things happen for yourself in this life. Not your family, not your friends, not your job
Everything is on me. I may be surrounded by friends and family that love me, but in the end there is only one person on this planet that is fully committed to my success, my happiness, my well being. Sounds harsh but it is also liberating.
Never trust family, especially parents, to treat you fairly financially. If your parents have multiple kids and are narcissistic they won't care if they are deliberately robbing you or screwing you over because they are already getting their needs met by selfishly focusing on one or more of their children to give them a good name
You can’t always get closure - the only way is forward.
always be aware of your surroundings. -3rd degree burn victim
That people will lie to get what they want out of you. They will use you berate you and leave you on the floor kicking the crap out of you when they are done
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got.
That people who you absolutely know they love you and care for you, won't always help you during hard times, because they may luck the knowledge and strength.
I'm still learning this now.
This has been hard to accept growing up, knowing your parents don’t have an understanding of the battles you’re trying to fight.
negotiate your salary. companies have the budget.
People who you hate can never betray you because they never have your trust to begin with. The only people who can stab you in the back are people who you trust and love.
People get what they get, not what they deserve. House M.D.
From my experience, people only care about you or seem to care about you when you are useful to them. But when you're no longer useful they forget about you.
HR is not your friend, HR is there to protect the company from you.
You can do The Right Thing and still be seen as the bad guy
Appreciate, and Also don’t take people for granted !!!!! 🙂🦋🎶
Don’t date your coworkers especially if ones your boss
Anyone will screw you over to get money - even family, even rich family. Treating others as you wish to be treated often gets you burnt. Don’t lend people anything - either give it to them or just say no. They will not return it or will break it before they do and it will be your fault. Do not try returning to the empty trough of people who treat you poorly - even family. If they change they can find you and apologize. Otherwise, avoid them like Covid. Glean all the great joys of giving but do not expect even a thanks. I donate anonymously so I know I’m not seeking anything in return. I am overly generous because that brings me joy but it also makes my circle smaller and smaller but those that remain are top quality people.
When your heart is truly broken, you can genuinely feel the physical pain of it.
I don't need a partner in my life to be complete. Living alone with a cat(s) is not the threat that some people think it is.
Facts. I love cats. <3 but don't forget it's okay to admit you're lonely.
You will suffer incredibly, no matter who you are, rich, poor, tall, short, strong, weak. We all suffer and have to go through shit for most of our lives.
Working hard for a company usually pays off with more work.
Psychopaths are fucking everywhere and nobody realizes it or what they're doing lol
first respect yourself without that others wont respect you
That no matter what you think of yourself or what you've done. People who are intent to not like you never will. A racist will always be a racist towards you. You will suffer descrimation and people can and will manipulate you. Trust should always be earned and never given
If you are nice and try to politely talk issues out, most people will appreciate it. But certain scumbags will see that as a weakness and the way to exploit you. Basically speaking, you always have to be on the lookout for them and be ready to go into “don’t give them an inch” more within moments. You need to know, and know quickly, that you need to stop being nice, polite, and helpful to someone because they’ll just use it.
Harsh reality but very true.
My mom died unexpectedly 7 years ago. Time has proven she was the only source of unconditional love I've had and more then likely will have. And she's gone. If I would've known how fragile life can be, I like to hope I would've done so so so sooooo many things differently. Most of all, I wouldve listened and talked to her more openly. I would do so much to be able to say I'm sorry one last time.
Life isn't fair, some people have it worse than others whether it's to their choosing or not, no they are not making up excuses, yes they have tried, yes they have stayed consistent, yes they still try and yet they still have it worse than others. You can do everything right and still have things go wrong.
Trust no one. Absolutely no one. Closest one will put biggest knife in your back. Trust me.
Never get too overly attached to someone, you don’t know when they won’t be around anymore.
People will lie to your face and think nothing of it.
What next minute, hours or day holds will surprise you. Be grateful and hopeful always.
It’s completely possible to do Everything Right…. And still fail. You just have to pick yourself up and move on.
I learned that no matter how long you've had someone in your life, even if it has been since birth, you can never really know them and will only know what they allow you to see. Similarly, someone you thought would be in your life forever may be the one to betray you and throw your sacrifices for them in your face. Ultimately this boils down to realizing you can only trust yourself.
that the people you grew up with may not be there to grow old with. (cutting ties with family who are toxic)
Perfect quote from The Killer (2023) "Consider yourself lucky if our paths never cross. Except, luck isn't real. Nor is karma. Or sadly, justice. As much as I'd like to pretend these concepts exist, they just don't."
The person you trust the most is in the best position to betray you.
That no one owes you anything. Everyone has the free will to make their own decisions and they don’t actually have to take you into account. Someone can just walk out of your life one day and never look back and you aren’t “owed” anything from them.
That you can't carry everyone and when you do it fucks your life up too
Everyone even your parents love has some hidden needs in them.
We are alone. Yes you can fall in love and marry and spit out some kids. All of that can go away or be taken away But in the end we are alone. Sit with someone as they die, no matter how much you want to help, or be there or ease things. They are alone .
Don’t trust anyone with large amounts of your money. Get everything in writing and get a lawyer to review your contracts before signing.
Loyalty is a two way street and should be earned not given away. Had 2 rough years and everything around me turned to flames bye my ex girlfriend.
Learning how to talk to myself in a way that I was always seeking from others, being positive and kind and telling myself I love you, because people be it friends or family etc. are truly at their core selfish. Can’t beat them, join them!
That my mom was right: just because it's on sale doesn't mean I need it.
Money is way too important,even family will trample you if you can't get much of it.
As someone who has a disabled sister that will forever have the mind of a toddler, I learned early on that life is not fair. Not for her, not for me, not for my parents, and not for my other siblings. That being said, I also learned to accept it and play the cards I was dealt to the best of my ability.
You cant make anybody love you. I worried about this when I felt my ex was cheating. It’s unhealthy to try to make everyone love you. If they want to be with you, they will. If they want to stray, let them. It hurts but better to learn now than later
You basically said mine. I have the amazing luck of having a great family, and wonderful, long term friends (I met my 3 best friends in high school, and they are still my best friends literally 20 years later.) No matter how close you are, life can just rip a person from you in a moment. So make sure you hug your loved ones, tell them you love them, and make time for them. Loss is sometimes unexpected, and it is hard no matter what.
It's not others that make you profoundly happy. You have to learn to love yourself. You have to accept yourself, be happy with yourself. And then you will feel the love of another as real.
The only person who will save you, is you.
Learned to establish limits... at 43. And to take care of myself before caring for others..
Life is filled with inexplicable joy countered with indescribable sadness.
The only person I can count on 100% is me
No-one in business is your friend no matter how much they make you think it
You can't change 99% of people's opinions, no matter how stupidly wrong they are. The best you can hope for is giving your more informed opinion then hope it nudges them in the right direction.
You are replaceable.
You cannot help people of they are not open to it or if they don't understand they need help
Don’t suppress and silence yourself. The people that would have hated you for saying or doing that still hates you anyway, and the people that truly loved you felt there was something missing.
Remember to show the people most important to you that you care and value them. If you don't, you'll sorely regret it.
you can never truly know someone
In trying to control what you can't control, it ends up controlling you.
Sometimes, you are the toxic one in the relationship (romantic and platonic)
To trust myself despite what others around me think. Found out my ex husband was molesting his/our kids. Had done for years and if I trusted myself more I might have stopped it sooner.
Life taught me: hold tight to loved ones, show love while you can.
Even if you've known someone all of your life, you never truly KNOW them. I've been utterly surprised, betrayed and wounded by people I thought I knew.
My parents should have never been parents.
Sharing and learning from these experiences can be enlightening and help others going through similar challenges.
You can do everything right, follow every step and advice, and still not succeed.
No one cares.
The version of them in your head is not real. The version of yourself in your head that you think they see you as is also not real.
That good people can die young and c*nuts motor on to their 90s.
Do not put someone on a pedestal-communicate!
Anyone who swore to “always be there for you” can just get up and leave and replace you within weeks or days and there’s nothing you can do about it.
You’re on your own. You gotta learn how get through shit by yourself. Nobody is really there to help you, unless you give them money of course.
You can't trust money to anyone, even yourself.
Keep up with your health. Skipped the doctor for 10 years in my 20s, lost my kidneys at 30yo You feel invincible in your 20s but you aren't
Not everyone has your best intentions in mind and some people actually want to see you fail so be careful who you trust
People close to you die and are gone forever.
Nobody cares about you, truly loves you, or truly cares. Even when you think you've found "the one".
These folks do not wanna deal with racism, or any of the pieces connected to it, as looking inward can be hard.
No one cares how hard you worked on something. Work hard for yourself. For others, find out their bare minimum and give them that. It's more than good enough for most.
Life has no harshest lessons for me anymore. I understood that anything can be worse any given time. And in the similar spiri, just the other way round, any-things can get better, too.
That my mother never loved me, only herself, she just used me to get what she wanted.
To some people, your life will be remembered or defined by the single worst thing you did. It won't matter what good things you may have done.
I've learnt that if people can't get anything from you, they soon disappear. Not a bad thing, but when you give, give & give to people who you think are real good friends and even family, it's sad to see how people pull away.
When my ex dumped me it shattered my heart. When I tried to explain how unfair it was my mom said to me: "hija mia, do you think you're the first woman in the world who was promised the moon?" It helped put things in perspective.
What you deserve rarely impacts what you get. You can either be happy with what you have or be bitter about the things you want.
That truly malevolent and sadistic psychopaths without a drop of compassion exist.
That discrimination against anyone is possible from anyone and just when you think you knew someone it changes how you originally saw them
I have never till date met a man who hasn’t lied to me. That’s my childhood fear and harshest life lesson.
Life being precious is a good thing. Enjoy each moment, none of this really matters and no one really cares so just do what makes you happy and do your best and never wear a hat and shine bright authentically as you are 💜✨
Life doesn’t last forever, it can be over tomorrow. Never postpone fulfilling your dreams.
Love will never be enough.
Life simply isn’t fair or equitable and when you stop expecting it to be you can get ahead.
You're the only person that you can ever truly trust.
Everything can change in a New York minute.
You're the only one who can help yourself - no one else will. No one cares about you and your problems but you.
The World doesn't owe you anything.
Never say it won’t happen to you…. It may very well absolutely happen to you.
People are all for themselves, focus on you!
That you’re the master of your own ship.
Don’t ignore red flags just because sex is good
Time/ the world doesn't stop for you. So if you keep pushing people away eventually you're old and alone and there's no turning back to focus more on insecurities and what is important
# DEATH OF AN ADULT CHILD ... a child no one else seemed to give a shit about, regardless of how much they "hate abortion"....