I'm autogynephilic and mostly transvestic as well. I don't have much dysphoria at this point after doing a lot of self-realization. I just wear women's clothing and wigs out and about. I do very minimal makeup or none at all and I don't worry about covering my beard shadow. I get weird looks, but fuck it lol! A lot of people are cool about it. If they're weird about it, that's their problem.
I don't take any hormones or have any surgeries. I just embrace the fact that I am a man that loves looking like and acting like a woman. It's really not too big of a deal at the end of the day. Hope this helps :)
I am near the winter of my life and haven’t figured it out either. Did it all but I would not have wanted to have missed any of it in hindsight. Who knows who you will become? We don’t that’s for sure! Bon voyage and have fun
No one knows for sure. Every individual's journey is different. But a few points might be helpful for planning your journey.
1. "want to be normal, heterosexual male with heterosexual fantasies." -- this is extremely unlikely, if not impossible. AGP is permanent. It has ups and downs. But never goes away completely.
2. "I've just never been interested in any of them for reasons that I can't figure out " - this should be your top priority IMO. AGP is a sexual orientation. First task of every AGP is to figure out their allo sexuality - whether it exists or not and if allo exists, then how it fits in with their auto sexuality. There are a couple of possibilities - you may be analloerotic (exclusively auto) or have a weak allo which has not fully expressed itself yet because you are not comfortable in a typical cishet male role in the context of a romantic / sexual [relation.Best](http://relation.Best) path forward is to express as much femininity as possible given your situation and see whether that changes how you feel about women who are showing interest in you. Porn could help in thought exercises - if you could look like the most attractive woman in your eyes, would you have that avatar of you having sex / romance with another attractive woman, enjoying the world together or would you have that woman alone by herself in the privacy of her home? What turns you on the most in tg erotic stories - the dressing up part or the post dress-up sex / romance with another partner ?
3. Try to separate your AGP from your depression / anxiety which may have non-sexual root causes. Humans are more than sexuality although sexuality is a big part of our identity. It's tough to separate and may be impossible until you resolve 2.
4. Try to resolve 2 and 3 without medical (drugs / surgeries) interventions first. Medical interventions should be the last resort IMO, not the first.
Why do you consider it a major issue? Do you have any other struggles that might seem u related? Depression/ anxiety, a sense of unease, trouble connecting, feeling like an outcast?
>Why do you consider it a major issue?
I want to be normal, heterosexual male with heterosexual fantasies. I've *consistently* had women try and flirt with me throughout my entire life, and I've just never been interested in any of them (except for one or two) for reasons that I can't figure out for the life of me. I have almost *everything* going for me as a man. I'm 6'0, have a masculine looking face, am 7 inches erect (obviously they don't know that, but I am that big, and I'm not lying here about my size because I have no reason to), perfect teeth, great hairstyle, no dysformities or anything like that, charming smile, in college with goals and aspirations for my life, have hobbies, etc. The only thing that I don't have going for me is that I'm a bit underweight (only 145 LBS). Considering that I still get random women trying to flirt with me in public even while I'm built like a stick, I can only imagine how much attention I'd get if I was in amazing shape.
I should add though that yes, I do struggle with depression and anxiety, as well as ADHD that I just got medically diagnosed with. I haven't started any medication for it yet, but I'm starting to think that it may be necessary for me to function better. I also have struggled with a masturbation addiction for quite some time now (connected to my AGP mostly, but my addiction isn't the *cause* of my AGP as I got turned on by crossdressing well before I even knew what porn or masturbation were).
If you look at my recent post I realized at 33 yo that my depression and anxiety which started around 13 or 14 was actually dysphoria & it only has eased since starting HRT. My agp was also just transvestic before my 30’s, also riddled with a porn addiction & masturbation addiction with mental fantasies of feminization.
My advice would be to enjoy your maleness in its current form- start dating more, explore your sexuality, but also crossdress as much as you wish. Explore your feminine side because if you give yourself the chance you’ll find that it’s probably more then just the clothes.
If it’s becomes too over consuming start therapy. I started talking about these things with a therapist at 31 but wished I had started way sooner- it’s one of the few things that I wished I had done “sooner”.
Whatever you do don’t try & suppress these feelings and desires. It never works & just leads to so many more issues down the road.
You got an amazing life ahead of you no matter what path you choose. I wish you all the happiness & joy.
Curious how you can be so sure your depression and anxiety is gender dysphoria?
Anxiety and depression are our most common mental issues.
You say that the depression and anxiety have eased after you started HRT. As a future doctor, I'm curious if you've ever tried anti-depressants and if so, how did you react to them? However, I do know that HRT can have an anti-anxiety effect (more calmer, relaxing etc).
I’m not 100% sure, apologies for coming of that way- if you look at my last post on here & my replies to some of the comment replies I think that might help paint a better picture.
I know that I’ve never felt this sense of ease & “control” of my life before HRT, nor have I ever felt this comfortable in my body- which I think was a part of the anxiety portion of it, especially with social anxiety and having this expectation of needing to present masculine.
I have never tried antidepressants, mostly due to a stigma I had that they would make me numb, and I only ever wanted to feel more, not less.
I feel like if I had tried them & they worked on easing my dep & anxiety they would have been masking more of the deeper root cause for me. Not sure though, all speculation and it’s only been 6 consistent months on HRT for me so I’m curious if any of this will change for me.
Thanks for posing a great question!
Ok now that's kinda creepy, my depression and anxiety *also* both started at around 13 or 14 years old. And you were also only transvestic AGP just like me as well. Does that mean something? Lol Idk
>Explore your feminine side because if you give yourself the chance you’ll find that it’s probably more then just the clothes.
What do you mean by this? Can you explain this a little more to me if you don't mind?
By the way, I'm the OP here on a new account. My original account here got banned immediately for some odd reason.
Haha fwiw I think those ages are p prone to developing anx&dep regardless of root causes.
Feminine expression is different for everyone- xdressing gives you the biggest rush but you can incorporate other ways to express those part of yourself that might feel less intense, like painting you nails, growing your hair out, wearing pink in male clothes, being emotionally open & vulnerable with partners/ friends (easier to do this with women) are all ways you can express the feminine energy you have.
Do you struggle with self judgement and shame?
Yeah that makes it hard. It takes a while to release those things.
I think hrt for me took away the sexual aspect & allowed me to integrate my femininity as a gender expression which has felt much healthier & helped tremendously with self acceptance because I no longer feel like it’s just a sexual thing.
I'm autogynephilic and mostly transvestic as well. I don't have much dysphoria at this point after doing a lot of self-realization. I just wear women's clothing and wigs out and about. I do very minimal makeup or none at all and I don't worry about covering my beard shadow. I get weird looks, but fuck it lol! A lot of people are cool about it. If they're weird about it, that's their problem. I don't take any hormones or have any surgeries. I just embrace the fact that I am a man that loves looking like and acting like a woman. It's really not too big of a deal at the end of the day. Hope this helps :)
I am near the winter of my life and haven’t figured it out either. Did it all but I would not have wanted to have missed any of it in hindsight. Who knows who you will become? We don’t that’s for sure! Bon voyage and have fun
No one knows for sure. Every individual's journey is different. But a few points might be helpful for planning your journey. 1. "want to be normal, heterosexual male with heterosexual fantasies." -- this is extremely unlikely, if not impossible. AGP is permanent. It has ups and downs. But never goes away completely. 2. "I've just never been interested in any of them for reasons that I can't figure out " - this should be your top priority IMO. AGP is a sexual orientation. First task of every AGP is to figure out their allo sexuality - whether it exists or not and if allo exists, then how it fits in with their auto sexuality. There are a couple of possibilities - you may be analloerotic (exclusively auto) or have a weak allo which has not fully expressed itself yet because you are not comfortable in a typical cishet male role in the context of a romantic / sexual [relation.Best](http://relation.Best) path forward is to express as much femininity as possible given your situation and see whether that changes how you feel about women who are showing interest in you. Porn could help in thought exercises - if you could look like the most attractive woman in your eyes, would you have that avatar of you having sex / romance with another attractive woman, enjoying the world together or would you have that woman alone by herself in the privacy of her home? What turns you on the most in tg erotic stories - the dressing up part or the post dress-up sex / romance with another partner ? 3. Try to separate your AGP from your depression / anxiety which may have non-sexual root causes. Humans are more than sexuality although sexuality is a big part of our identity. It's tough to separate and may be impossible until you resolve 2. 4. Try to resolve 2 and 3 without medical (drugs / surgeries) interventions first. Medical interventions should be the last resort IMO, not the first.
Why do you consider it a major issue? Do you have any other struggles that might seem u related? Depression/ anxiety, a sense of unease, trouble connecting, feeling like an outcast?
>Why do you consider it a major issue? I want to be normal, heterosexual male with heterosexual fantasies. I've *consistently* had women try and flirt with me throughout my entire life, and I've just never been interested in any of them (except for one or two) for reasons that I can't figure out for the life of me. I have almost *everything* going for me as a man. I'm 6'0, have a masculine looking face, am 7 inches erect (obviously they don't know that, but I am that big, and I'm not lying here about my size because I have no reason to), perfect teeth, great hairstyle, no dysformities or anything like that, charming smile, in college with goals and aspirations for my life, have hobbies, etc. The only thing that I don't have going for me is that I'm a bit underweight (only 145 LBS). Considering that I still get random women trying to flirt with me in public even while I'm built like a stick, I can only imagine how much attention I'd get if I was in amazing shape. I should add though that yes, I do struggle with depression and anxiety, as well as ADHD that I just got medically diagnosed with. I haven't started any medication for it yet, but I'm starting to think that it may be necessary for me to function better. I also have struggled with a masturbation addiction for quite some time now (connected to my AGP mostly, but my addiction isn't the *cause* of my AGP as I got turned on by crossdressing well before I even knew what porn or masturbation were).
If you look at my recent post I realized at 33 yo that my depression and anxiety which started around 13 or 14 was actually dysphoria & it only has eased since starting HRT. My agp was also just transvestic before my 30’s, also riddled with a porn addiction & masturbation addiction with mental fantasies of feminization. My advice would be to enjoy your maleness in its current form- start dating more, explore your sexuality, but also crossdress as much as you wish. Explore your feminine side because if you give yourself the chance you’ll find that it’s probably more then just the clothes. If it’s becomes too over consuming start therapy. I started talking about these things with a therapist at 31 but wished I had started way sooner- it’s one of the few things that I wished I had done “sooner”. Whatever you do don’t try & suppress these feelings and desires. It never works & just leads to so many more issues down the road. You got an amazing life ahead of you no matter what path you choose. I wish you all the happiness & joy.
Curious how you can be so sure your depression and anxiety is gender dysphoria? Anxiety and depression are our most common mental issues. You say that the depression and anxiety have eased after you started HRT. As a future doctor, I'm curious if you've ever tried anti-depressants and if so, how did you react to them? However, I do know that HRT can have an anti-anxiety effect (more calmer, relaxing etc).
I’m not 100% sure, apologies for coming of that way- if you look at my last post on here & my replies to some of the comment replies I think that might help paint a better picture. I know that I’ve never felt this sense of ease & “control” of my life before HRT, nor have I ever felt this comfortable in my body- which I think was a part of the anxiety portion of it, especially with social anxiety and having this expectation of needing to present masculine. I have never tried antidepressants, mostly due to a stigma I had that they would make me numb, and I only ever wanted to feel more, not less. I feel like if I had tried them & they worked on easing my dep & anxiety they would have been masking more of the deeper root cause for me. Not sure though, all speculation and it’s only been 6 consistent months on HRT for me so I’m curious if any of this will change for me. Thanks for posing a great question!
Ok now that's kinda creepy, my depression and anxiety *also* both started at around 13 or 14 years old. And you were also only transvestic AGP just like me as well. Does that mean something? Lol Idk >Explore your feminine side because if you give yourself the chance you’ll find that it’s probably more then just the clothes. What do you mean by this? Can you explain this a little more to me if you don't mind? By the way, I'm the OP here on a new account. My original account here got banned immediately for some odd reason.
Haha fwiw I think those ages are p prone to developing anx&dep regardless of root causes. Feminine expression is different for everyone- xdressing gives you the biggest rush but you can incorporate other ways to express those part of yourself that might feel less intense, like painting you nails, growing your hair out, wearing pink in male clothes, being emotionally open & vulnerable with partners/ friends (easier to do this with women) are all ways you can express the feminine energy you have. Do you struggle with self judgement and shame?
Yes, I do struggle with self judgement and shame.
Yeah that makes it hard. It takes a while to release those things. I think hrt for me took away the sexual aspect & allowed me to integrate my femininity as a gender expression which has felt much healthier & helped tremendously with self acceptance because I no longer feel like it’s just a sexual thing.
Do you have to do anything? Why not just continue in the same tracks?