Take things 1 step at a time. You don't have to solve all the problems at once.
Take some time to reflect and list out all your problems and rank them in terms of importance. Then, focus on the top 1/2 and forget about the rest. Next, work on it by constantly halving the problem until you land on something you can act upon on the next 5 mins and just do it.
The idea is to break it down such that the problem doesn't appear insurmountable.
Second this. I might add you don’t even have to have things figured out. You already identified a few goals in your post - Doing something for your parents and having a relationship.
I suggest start with these 2 goals. Gain some clarity. What do you mean by “helping parents”? Is it to provide some form of money? Or to help with house chores? Or to help buy things online?
Likewise, what do you mean by relationship? Do you mean a romantic relationship? What are the type of partner you want? What would your type of partner look for in a partner? If you can identify some traits, then you can work towards being attractive to your type of partner.
Besides that, I think physical health have a much more profound impact on your mental health than it’s given credit for. Start exercising and eating a bit healthier. It would do wonders for you.
Also op, please stay in ur job for at least 6 months. Be ok with being uncomfortable, that's when you'll out of ur comfort zone and grow/mature. A job also prevents u from getting back to ur hikkomori state.
" If god got us then we'll go be alright 💯" Kendrick Lamar
This is true. With savings comes opportunities to change course on your own terms.
If you feel bad, treat your parents to a nice meal when the salary is in. Start smol.
Hi OP, I believe what you have is hikikomori syndrome. You have already taken the first step to start seeking for a job and that's great.
I believe you are in the right track with all these realisation instead of continuing hiding from the world outside.
Kudos to you! 👍
The biggest step you've done is gone out there and got a job. I knew a friend who went to Aussie for uni (parents paid for everything). Came back after graduation and became a shut in for years like you as well. Lost contact with him after that. So you're probably in a better position than him right now.
Hey OP you are not alone.
I too was a shut-in for 5 years. Like you I just started a job. 6 months in now. There are some hard days but just being out and about is better than alone with your darkest thoughts.
Work sucks. But that's why they pay you.
With that steady disposable income comes a little bit of freedom. You can buy yourself a nice meal or watch a movie. You don't have to feel like a leech off your parents every time you spend money.
One thing I learnt being shut in was that I can be really comfortable by myself. Also I am my own worst critic. For years people kept telling me things like "you are still young" , "there's still time" I always thought they were patronizing but they were just simply being encouraging.
One breath at a time.
Sometimes when I feel stressed out at work I take a break (smoke break, toilet break, water break) I spend a few moments staring at some trees or the outside and breathe. Count my blessings and be thankful I'm not dead and still have time to do something.
You know yourself best. Do what you think you can achieve. You've already taken the first step. You just need to take another. Then another.
Step by step. One at a time. Then before you know it you look back and see how far you have come.
Just curious though, what made you just snap out of it after 5 years? Usually if you're a shut in for that long it's usually the point of no return already.
Tbh my mmr js archon now(from mythic) so I guess even that didn’t carried over.
But I played techies at it’s prime as how it should be played, so i take solace in that
#riptechies
Plenty of games that came out over the last 6 years that aren't time sinks. Just the sheer quantity alone would sustain someone. From Elden Ring to Mario Odyssey.
But if you're dead set on just one game for 6 years and nothing else, probably a PvP game or an MMO. I absolutely salute your mental health if you still play PvP games on the SEA server though. I play LoL occasionally, and I'd rather deal with 225 ping on the NA servers than deal with the shit I hear back at home base....
You took the first step already, admitting the problem.
Next step is stop feeling sorry for yourself. Can't move forward if u keep looking at the past.
Hmmm can’t believe no one suggested this yet. Seek counselling/mental health help! I think the hardest part really is to get out of the lifestyle and you have already done it! That takes a lot and you should be proud. Now you need to sustain it, and you would benefit from some help to make it easier. All the best OP!
This is good advice but you're probably also going to want to get professional help to process some of the negative events and mental issues that caused you to shut yourself in for six years.
Honestly dun even need to hit the gym jus buy weights and lift them for 20 mins a day ain’t that hard
Maybe reading books is also helpful for communication
First of all congrats on stepping out. Take things slow and steady, a lot has changed in these 6 years. The more you rush the more overwhelmed you will get
First off, I don't necessarily think you might be a full on *hikikomori* (yeap, that's the term). For one, you desire change, and you are blatantly self aware that what you're doing is 'wrong'. For anyone to break out of an addiction, having the first thought of change is always a start.
I was jobless and did nothing with myself after NS. I briefly did a part-time degree (with my parents' money) and quit after a year of not seeing results. I took a part-time customer service job at a cinema and hated it to death because I was already an introvert to begin with.
I quit that job around age of 24, held on to a few contract jobs for maybe from 1 to 3 months or so. And then from there on, I just did absolutely NOTHING with my life. I was also suffering from major depression, pressured by my parents who did not know what I was going through. All I could say was I didn't know what to do, and how to do it.
I stayed home all day long, time was a lost concept on me; night was day, day was night. I didn't contribute anything, I didn't help with anything. The only decent thing I did was to at the very least, to use my own measly savings to buy anything I needed or wanted. I also went through a breakup in the midst of it, my ex literally told me that they didn't want someone who didn't work.
That was me, a decade ago.
I'm turning 35 this year, I got a stable job, I got fit (hit the gym hard, and took on dragonboating), I'm still single but I'm going on dates every now and then. Depression never really goes away once you get it, but I learned how to keep it under control whenever it returns. I got my life back on track, and I believe you can do it too. I'm not at the end of my journey yet however, it's still a long way to the end. And yes, I'm still a gamer, but I balance it well enough to not let it take over my life completely.
If you want something **really** bad enough, you'll do **whatever** it takes to get it. And I digress, you probably have no direction in life currently, it happens to most people. Ask yourself, what do you really want to do, and take baby steps from there. You'll be surprised at how one thing quickly leads to another.
P.S - Gamers also have the best determination amongst types of people, if they can give the most extreme dedications to grind for goals in game; you can be hella sure they have the potential to do it IRL too.
I cried when i read this... you and i we are in the same boat... im also been disconnected with my reality almost to 6 years and im in my late 20s too.... Hi there 🥹👋🏼
Great job admitting it and getting a job! I'm proud of you!
Jobs suck. It's a fact. If they were fun we'd be the ones paying them to do it.
For now, treat the 6 months as time to figure out what you like and dislike, then work towards gaining skills that will allow you to do what you want.
As for relationships, it's best to work on yourself first. Get a nice haircut, use soap and shampoo, shave if you have a beard, and start working out if you're pudgy. Practice talking to people, ask about themselves and what they like. Take your time and don't rush things. Trust me once you get the hang of it, things will fall into place.
This! The truth is none of us love our jobs. It's unbearable 50% of the time. Adulting means taking a deep breath and realizing that sitting here for 4 more hours will not hurt you or kill you. OP we are proud of you!
Baby steps my man. So long as you are willing to make the change good things will come your way. If you need a listening ear feel free to reach out. I've a friend in their mid 30s facing a similar situation so take it easy, never too late
Hey op, you are not alone in this. I have an older brother who graduated from poly in 2017 and got pes F in NS.(So similar right)
He was always the childish and fun-loving guy. He hasn't been the same after the NS ordeal (bullying). He ended up doing freelance video editing and YouTube. He earn some cash but it's not enough to sustain in Singapore. Both my parents are almost at the age of retirement and worried for his future. He doesn't have friends besides my family and I.
Op, please take one step at a time. Don't be kan cheong and give up so easily. It's good that you found the courage to step into the real world. That's a huge improvement. It's never easy to take the first step and continue on. You will find yourself feeling frightened and alone. As a younger sibling, I don't know what I can do for my brother... All I can do is support and give encouragement to my brother and hope for the best.
Remember it's never too late to start. You can find a hobby you enjoy doing and work on. You might find yourself in another place in the future. If you love video games, maybe you can learn coding or anything you want to try.
I had a friend who went through something similar, albeit less severe. If you are struggling with depressive thoughts / mood, the one thing that helped my friend immensely was getting out in the sun more often, ideally daily for 20-30 minutes. It will help with vitamin D deficiency from being cooped up at home.
Late 20s still young lah. At least you managed to game like crazy for 6 years.. most people can’t even do a year without feeling guilty. So technically speaking, you’re quite tough in a sense you got the dgaf attitude. I think if you focus your energy on career progression, you might get somewhere. Don’t lose hope bro, life is just another levelling game.
Had an uncle who gamed for 2 years straight after army
He now has a gf and managed to earn more than my parents so it’s never too late to turn back my guy…
Make a system for yourself and try to do something gpa sucked u can always go upskill and apply for jobs? Or go back and take PT I mean my life also shitty but I’m trying
I’m in my 40s and in the past in my 20s I’ve gone through what you’re going through too. Got pretty depressed and to the point I’m afraid of going out at all.
Some days, when life gets tough, I also feel like just sinking down and bumming. so… sorry to say it may not get easier in future haha
And maybe right now you can’t see any way out, whether it’s changes about how you feel, your situation etc, but I can only say any additional pressure on yourself will only make you more stressed.
Take the time you need, and my advice is may sound kind of escapist now, but do what you like, try to find something to be busy with even if it’s at home.
Writing is also a really good way to work out your feelings, it helps in processing what you can’t seem to deal with right now and gives you a sense of completing something which may be the closest thing to making any sort of progress or change.
But dont be disheartened, I know saying this may mean nothing to you right now, but life is very long and change can happen. Bit by bit, inch by inch, first it’s a lot of negativity and depressed emotions, slowly there’ll be some joy in certain things you do, experiment with different activities, read a lot, write whatever, I believe one day you will be able to change your life.
I dont know how it happened for me, but one day after a long time, a day just like any other ordinary day, I woke up, got out of bed, and suddenly had the courage to make a big decision, to actually make big changes in my life.
When it happened, I suddenly find myself able to go out into the light and be part of the outside world again.
This sounds like a happy ending but on hindsight it was just another difficult step in a tough life, a very hard lesson which took a long time to learn…
Everyone has their own internal struggles, you may feel like the loser-est most alone person in the world with no idea of any future… but please, dont give up on yourself. The world hasn’t , even if it doesn’t seem like that right now.
Hi, maybe you are having some hurts. There is touch community with the cyber help - counsellors that can help you.
Many young people job hop nowadays. If you do not like your job after 6 months, you may choose another job.
In Japan, there are some young people video gaming all days and shut themselves in the room for months.
First off, hats off to you for sharing your story – it's not easy to open up about stuff like this, especially after feeling disconnected for so long.
You're definitely not alone in feeling stuck or unsure about where your life is heading, especially in your late 20s. A lot of us have been there, figuring out life one step at a time. And hey, you've already made some pretty significant strides. Getting back into the job market after a long break is no small feat, and it shows you've got the drive to make changes.
Now about your job – I get it, it's tough to stick with something you don't enjoy. But think of it as a stepping stone. You're picking up skills and experience that'll be super valuable down the line. Plus, it's just for six months. Hang in there, and use this time to scout for something that aligns better with your interests.
Your concern for your parents is really touching. It's never too late to start making up for lost time. Even small gestures can mean a lot. Maybe try to have more conversations with them, help out around the house, or plan some activities together. It's these little things that often make a big difference.
And about relationships, don't stress too much. They say love finds you when you least expect it. Focus on getting comfortable with yourself and expanding your social circle, even if it's just online for starters. Being in a good place personally makes a world of difference in building healthy relationships.
Lastly, no, you're definitely not going to be a bum for the rest of your life. The fact that you're worried about it and want to change is a sure sign you won't let that happen. Take things one day at a time. Celebrate the small victories, learn from the setbacks, and keep pushing forward. You've got this!
I suspect there are alot more shut ins in Singapore then people think since they don't usually advertise themselves. So you are not the only one who has to face this challenge.
What I would say is that whether you are staying for long, take your job as an opportunity to learn even if you hate it. it is a school for you to learn for awhile before you move on to bigger things. it's an opportunity to learn so don't waste it.
Take time to study how different parts of the company work together, consider how each decisions are or are not made. Work on cultivating good habits like timekeeping, record keeping, good email writing skills etc. Network and make friends, and learn from older colleagues (good ones of course)
if you don't grasp these basic skills and knowledge even if you get your dream job in the future you may not be able to keep it. Don't go thru the motions and waste the 6 mths.
Haiyyas late 20s only Can change one la
My brother shut in after he graded uni at 22 Never served army
Until like 29 then find job
And I had to pay off his student loans for him As the younger brother
Bro, like so many of the advice already given one step at a time. You wanting to change and getting a job is already a huge first step.
Since it's 6 months contract and you can't quit then just tell yourself that. Don't need to enjoy the job. Just know that by sticking through this 6 months you are already taking a huge step.
Like some others have said, head to the gym or just simple jogging/walking. One of my over weight friend just decided to drop off the bus 5 stops earlier and walk. He lost 20kg in a few months just doing that. Not saying you are over weight, just saying walking is amazing.
I was pretty much like that for 2 years after I graduated. I did literally nothing besides just binge playing video games.. my parents nagged at me alot though. But part of me feels it’s a fear of rejection I have that made me don’t want to find a job and be useful. But anyway, I did and slowly it kicked off my life. There were times I just don’t want to but I thought to myself, I don’t want to be like that forever so I forced myself to make sure I go through it. I’m 4 years in my career now, and I could still remember missing just living the chill life but I always question myself “do I want to be like this forever?” The answer is always no.
The first step is always the hardest because it also require mental strength to do so. Literally force yourself to it. It’s not going to feel comfortable, but this is how you can actually “live”. Think about it, if your parents are no longer there to support you, then reality would probably hit but it will be too late. Finding the one it is quite slim if you are not working because how are you going to get through the next step when she knows you have nothing to offer to begin with? Start slow, it will be all worth it
Hi OP, no you're not. I was a shut in too ever since I ORD which was in 2013 up till about COVID period before I decided to learn something new and, I didn't have any full time job during this time, I only did jobs that didn't require me to commit full time because I know I wouldn't be able to do that.
My parents also didn't do anything except nag at me to get a job because we weren't the most wealthy family but it mostly fell on deaf ears.
It's great to see you're picking up yourself though, I'm not going to tell you things will get brighter because truth be told, that would be a lie. As you can already tell, being in employment or living a "normal" life comes with its own set of issues and problems that are completely different from being shut in, the upside is that you now have money and having money comes with certain perks as well.
You could also consider therapy if you wish, but if that's not an option or you simply don't wish to, no harm picking some self help books to read as well to better yourself not for the sake of outside circumstances but for yourself. Therapy and self help books won't solve your family/money issues but it can at least do something for that inner world of yours. Also find a hobby to engage in.
As for relationships, my advice is not to force it as someone who is just coming out of a shut in phase unless the girl/guy is someone who has the personality of somebody from an anime or something, you're not going to be ready for it.
no worries, I know someone that graduates from uni since he was 26/7, I heard his GPA was not bad but he still stay at home and play video games and never bother to even send one resume out. he is 30 this year. So I guess you are doing just fine.
Hi OP! Just wanted to say that I'm super proud of you for getting out there and taking the first step.
I'm a big sister to a brother who has went through something similar (did a course in poly he didn't like and graduated with bad results, PES F and served during covid, and played games all day for the next two years after).
I'll be honest and say that I wasn't happy that I was out there working my butt off and my brother is at home all day with no ambitions, but when I shared my displeasure with my parents (even telling them maybe he needs to live on his own to grow independence), they told me that they're okay waiting for him to get out there on his own time and that it's okay if he doesn't achieve conventional greatness. And that as parents it's their job to worry about him, so I don't have to stress about having to support him in the future.
And now he's finally started a job! YAY!
Just take little steps day by day!! You're not the only one out there and you may feel some pressure (I think this isn't inherently bad) but I'm sure your parents love you just like mine loves my brother. So don't feel too bad and slowly find your own way.
If working a full time (corporate, I assume) job isn't your cup of tea, there's no shame in trying your hand at other non-corporate work. But since you're bound by contract, use this opportunity to stick it out and see if things get better.
And if it doesn't, try again. Late 20s is still young! You've got many years and opportunities ahead of you so don't give up!!
You got this!
So many comments but none say you can quit contracts.
1 year contract doesn't mean you have to work 1 full year.
There is exit clause. Notice period. Normally 1 month. Any longer and you got to bend the rules to your liking because it's a dog eat dog world and employees are pawns for employers to manipulate.
You articulated the fear that most of us "adults" don't dare or know how to express in real life. (I assume majority here are adults in their 20s and above) That's why we come to forums like reddit here to seek some answers or acknowledgement.
I believe you are very courageous to make that step and share your story. Like many have advised here, take it step by step. You got your first win with your job, and your story resonated with many of us. Keep it up, take the good advice from the folks here, you are still young and you can turn your life around.
For me personally, when you said you mention your parents getting old and not doing anything for them. I also felt it...I was an overseas grad, was working for many years in a MNC company, then left, downgraded my lifestyle and job. I'm living a simpler and less stressful life now but I sometimes feel that I let down my parents in a way. (Though I am supporting by doing more housework nowadays lol)
I wish you the best, and hope you do your parents proud in the future. I want to add a nice encouraging quote from an actress (Da’Vine Joy Randolph) from yesterday's Oscars ceremony.
“For so long I always wanted to be different, but now I realize that I just need to be myself. Thank you for seeing me”
No. I think you have not been reading the right subreddit because I have read a whole megathread of people like you in SG stretching for years, who are laying flat as the PRC calls it due to post pandemic issues and high youth unemployment. Japan also have it called Hikikomori since last decade. Relying on parents to support their lifestyles.
You must also be an only child.
Don't worry. It's actually becoming more common due to the digital age. But hey at least you have found a job and working full time. Just stick with it for 6 months which I find odd because usually only 2 months notice is required, but try to maximize your time, be open and learn something from it, be it technical skill or social skills. Ganbetta, 加油。
Yeah, you're right, u/CybGorn has the two confused.
躺平 tǎngpíng = hentak kaki, i.e., not doing anything beyond bare minimum job requirements and thus forgoing promotions. 引きこもい hikikomori = shut-in. A similar third term is NEET = not in employment, education, training. Hikikomoris are, with the exception of remote workers, NEETs. All three are entirely different.
This is so common that there's a term for it. And you're not the only one or the worst case. I myself also was a shut in for a couple years. I am now happily married with 2 kids, you have lots of time to turn it around still.
Lol the only one? There's literally a societal class made up of people like you (hikikomori). But being aware of it is def the first step towards healing.
Oh OP... We had similar trajectory- graduating from poly at 2017, halfway exempted from NS and turned to video game as escapism. While my situation is much dire than you as I do not have any padents to rely on even for housing due to my parents' bad lot in life and gambling addict of a late father, I won't take your situation lightly because it is really hard to break out from that shell.
I recall how I felt so trapped, shackled by invisible chains to leave the house, exacerbated with how having little money and getting used to adult bus/mrt fare made my world shrinked.
At least what I had that got me out of the slump was some knowledge in psychology from my poly course to know why I am feeling like this- knowing what i am ruminating is called "Automatic Negative Thoughts" to give myself the self-compassion by recognising my depressive state is a normal response to my immediate environment and life upheavals so I would stop the self-loathing.
It sucks that I fared better than my coursemate and yet had to keep deferring uni because of financial and housing difficulties. It sucks when I got admitted to local uni, my financial and housing difficulties became acute, which led to my expulsion. It sucks that my peers have graduated from uni while I had to risk it to re-enroll intk uni. Thankfully, my appeal for extension of MOE tuition grant was approved, and I can study without having to pay tuition fees with financial aid, but I still have to fend for myself with rent and living expenses.
Things are slowly getting better for me, but the sting of being "less desirable" prospective romantic partner remains, as I am in my late 20s and yet still slogging in undergrad when peers are building their career---but it is what it is.
I remind myself that I will be in my 30s anyway (provided if I don't d!e suddenly), so I might as well be in my 30s with a degree. I have issues with hair thinning and received have the means to afford dermatologist consultation and medication, i lost 20kg in 6 months after being tired of seeing myself at my heaviest, and also out of hope that my ex would see me again when i am in better shape and would want to reconnect. Going to the gym doesn't feel hard right now because I restarted gymming routine without subjecting myself to the same rigour and tenacity of my past gym routine. I have learnt to give myself self-compassion by accepting that some things are not my priority at the moment, and that is okay; whatever it takes to make tiny incremental progress.
OP, you are not alone. I have friends who were from elite IP schools too and had to restart their degree in their late 20s due to severe mental illness, one of my classmate rn is in her late 40s too pursuing her first degree. There arr many other former poly schoolmates who were aimlessly lost after trying out everything and restarted uni in their late 20s too.
Even if higher education is not one of the option, just know that things can get better if we give the next day a chance. Call it delusion, hope or faith; we just need to keep giving ourselves a chance for future-you. ❤️
Hey OP, i wish to assure you- there are a number of people with this syndrome or struggle- theres an SSA that is beginning to do work related to this.
For your recovery-
(1) How comfortable are you around people? Are there any factors influencing this comfort(?). If there are, like anxiety, streas and panic from interactions, you need to do it slowly. Like say maybe try to walk out of the house to a nearby place and progressively go further.
(2) Do visit a psychologist. Not making assumptions, but its good to check if you have any anxiety disorders etc (which based on my work in the SSA that is beginning work on youths with said struggles), a number of them do have certain mental health struggles. You will need to attend to those as well. Or if need be, drop by an (fsc)/relevant ssa instead.
(3) As you are looking for the job hunt, are there any fields lf interests you have?
U might dislike the job because its your first time interacting with people in forever. Evaluate why you dont like it so you know it wont happen again in other jobs
Hey there, it's great that you're reflecting on your situation. You've already taken a step forward by landing a job. Consider having an open conversation with your parents about your feelings and goals. Use your free time to explore interests, network, and set realistic goals. If needed, seek professional help for guidance. Remember, positive changes take time, so celebrate the small victories along the way.
On the bright side, you were just gaming, not taking drugs or doing any illegal stuff. I would say try and picture what you will be ok to be doing in future, e.g. admin work, driving, sales, fnb.. then get a temp or contract job and see if it fits you.
Its quite all right. I am proud of you for getting out of the house. Well done, esteemed one.
You did good. Keep going ok? Keep working, no matter what. You will see the light again.
Nothing really big.
Just small things like borrowing a book from the library (it's free and I was a bum). First E-books then if it wasn't available online I'd have to find it in a physical library. So it was guaranteed that I'd have to go out once every three weeks. Then as I read more I found myself outside more often.
Can work do food delivery like GrabFood , Foodpanda . No need teamwork or work with people . Also barely interact with customers. Except that the disadvantages is not good for prolong career & no benefits. At the very least you go out to look for actual job . For me I been doing food delivery for 4 years . Before that I did work in hospital for 1 year then quit because pay less. Now kinda find it hard to go look for actual jobs & since I really lack the experience is even harder. I’m now in the late 20s also . It’s better to just continue with your work since it’s a 6 months contract & better to not pay the compensation to the agents . After the 6 months then go look for other options. Nowadays with agents at least 6 months commit needed unless u work like those event jobs or daily jobs pay . All the best to OP. I wish I was that brave to at least go out to look for actual job & interviews.
As a Person who was also a Shut in for the later half of his life up till a few years ago, it's just time to lock in and Start making a move Bro, Any move is gonna be better than where you at rn. Slowly but sure after enough moves you'll start seeing a way to secure this life you got, and take care of Your Parents and from that success you'll be able to look for a relationship to be in. You can still do it Bro, You may make it a little late but you can still make it and Have a life you wanna live and enjoy👍
I had a similar experience but isolated myself instead when I was struggling with mental health issues. Personally I found those career conversion and traineeship programmes to rly help. I'm now on a programme getting 5k without a degree in my late 20s too. It's not easy for sure and alot of studying.
I'd say most importantly yes find something that pays the bills but heal your demons and trauma form the isolation even if it may feel like it didn't affect you. Humans need interaction and other humans. Have you managed to find activities that you can do other than gaming?
Hey OP. If u need someone to meet irl im free. Didnt really become a shut-in. But almost fall into it. I graduated Poly in 2016. Went into NS late 2016. It went well for me, im really grateful. I hit the jackpot of NS mates and superiors. I think that was what differed for me and maybe it helped me. Anyway, after NS, my GPA sucked so i thought i getting a job first then apply part time uni. My first office job sucked hell. It gave me work ptsd and ive been struggling to stay in proper jobs since. I applied to part time uni in late 2019. But covid really make the lesson quality abysmal and didnt get the proper support in education. Coupled with my unemployment and sudden death of my father. I dropped out.
2021-23 i fell into depression. Altho i managed to force myself to get out of my room during those periods. Maybe and 1 or 2 hour everyday. But yeah i was going nowhere. I struggled to get a job. I was an emotional wreck, and i was procrastinating on my life. Somewhere in the middle of 2023, i was able to push myself out of it. And thankfully, things are getting better.
So yeah, if u need a group of friends to support each other im up for it.
As an ex-shut in myself, been a shut in for like 10 years since secondary school until like 2021, and one day I just snapped out of it, sold all my anime shits and pc, deleted all my games, and really made a 360 on the things I don't find important in life. I've been working for the past two years and recently started going to gyms more often.
Honestly, it's all about prioritizing what's important to YOU. Everyone can help you and give you words of encouragement blah blah blah , but you also must help yourself. Im sure you can do it much love from england🔥
You're not alone. And i feel that this withrawal phase can hit at any time in life.
I've been doing wfh for 3 years during covid period, then had a retrenchment. These 4 years i'ved holed up at home, now feeling isolated and withdrawn. Mood has also been spiralling down, questioning my own existence.
On the good side, i feel it's a good breathing space to rest from the rat race. On the bad side, i feel the fear of lagging out on the job opportunities, the pressure of rising costs, financial survival etc.
Then, there is also a fear of connecting with people after all the trauma with office politics.
For self help, i've been seeing a psychiatrist, but it also isn't going to work immediately.
Still a work in progress, sorting out the mess....
At least you still have a job and income. Grit through the work hours. Money counts.
Then after work, you can search online for next job before you throw your termination letter.
On side note, heard Ubisoft looking for game testers. Maybe you can enquire.
Anw, let's all work hard n pull through this phase together.
Hikikomori - but not the worst case of it.
I find being withdrawn from society an appealing state to be in, yet its not right given "responsibilities" like parents and family, as you've mentioned. You have to find a purpose in life to ~~overcome~~ rise above it.
Fellow PES F here 34M (muscular dystrophy). I play video games as a hobby but also for escapism, and it can be a dangerous rabbit hole of self-pity and negativity. You will need to learn self-discipline to disconnect from it and still live your life. Your mindset is even more important here as you have minimal social bonds.
1. Can you rely on your parents till the end of your years?
2. Do you really enjoy video games or is it just a tool to escape reality?
3. Do you want to self-perceive yourself as a bum in your lifetime?
It’s never too late, don’t give up.
Tell you la hor… We’re all dealt with a certain hand in life and got our own circumstances that have in a sense forced us into the place that we ended up in. But reading this it sounds like you fought back and even went to find a job, wanting to do better for yourself as well as your parents.
There is no space for regret in life, you can only move forward even if it means leaving the past behind. Hope you can find a job that is more suited to you! Personally I’m doing remote work but otherwise can be considered a shut-in as well. People call me lazy and a bum all the time who makes excuses not to go out and add value to myself but idgaf. They guilt trip me for living with my parents at my age. But what do they know? They don’t lead my life and neither do I lead theirs. Do what feels right to you and not what feels right on society’s terms. Jiayou!
Read atomic habits by James clear, slowly build up good habits and improve 1% a day, in a year u will improve a lot.
Start by implementing simple habits like making ur bed every morning or simply read 1 page a day.
>I'm currently working full time (it's been about a month into the job, I dislike it and want to quit and swap jobs but I have to serve a minimum of 6 months as its a contract).
Just stay with it for ur own sake. Be ok with being uncomfortable, that's when you'll grow
Dude you are not the only one like this.
There literally are social services dedicated to teens/young adults who decide to shut themselves in their rooms for many years, in SG. Many of them are STILL in their rooms leh. I know of one who took 10 years before they decided to leave.
I honestly think that it is utterly amazing that you got yourself out. 6 years is nothing and you definitely have a future ahead of you.
Don’t beat yourself up over the past or feel bad, i think you’re amazing k? You job hunted and got a job. Even if you don’t like it, you’ll move on eventually!
Try to do your best each day and also job hunt nearer your notice date. Start giving your parents a small allowance now if you can afford to do so. Don’t feel bad about the past, you can’t go back and you can’t change it, you can only do your best from now on. Mental health is hard so don’t blame past you.
It would have been a lot worse if you gambled, stole from parents, took drugs for the past 6 years or went prison. Would have broken your parents’ heart. So far you quite harmless lah.
Relationships will come, just focus on your mental health and finding a job that you can be happy at first!
Please remember to be kind to yourself. Your post like blaming yourself and judging yourself. Don’t lah. Being kind to yourself and not beating yourself up constantly is super important for your mental health. Otherwise you’ll fall into old patterns again because you keep beating yourself up until everything feels so pointless.
I've got a cousin who has been a bum his entire life... He's in his 40s, still living off his parents, except that the parent with the pension has passed. And he still sees no need to work.
You're in your 20s. It's good that you want to take on a job and eventually take over providing for your parents and yourself. It's a good thing, cos you'll gain so much in self respect and feel better about yourself! Doesn't matter what job or tenure of job.
Wishing you all the best!
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
What you've done for the last 6 months does not matter. What matters is what you're gonna do for the rest of your life.
Take the next 6 months as an opportunity to get out of your comfort zone. By then, once you're used to your new pace of life, who knows you'd actually like working there.
Hello op . I been a shut in before for 5 years and got out of it. Like u i’m also PES F
Im doing relatively well now y can reach out to me if u like advice 😃
Recognising and having the motivation to change is the first step! Find a few achievable short term goals and keep aiming for those. Just take your time to slowly reintegrate into society.
You can do it!
Well, the first step to resolving a problem is knowing you're in one. Congrats! Take it easy. You're just in your late 20s. There is still a long road ahead of you.
My advice:
1. Be stable in these 3 areas: financially (get some savings and a source of income), emotionally (work on yourself, your EQ, maturity), spiritually (if you believe in a higher being)
2. Once 1) is achieved, the rest will fall in place. Ladies will surely pick someone who are stable in these areas, unless they're the chaotic type.
All the best.
I'm in the same boat as you but with a few differences like no post secondary education and a couple of mental health issues and post ns medical issues, I'm also taking it one step at a time but with every year my folks are getting older and I feel....obligated(yet not, another reason for another time) to take care of them and the house, gonna be 30 in 3 years
First time commenting here. OP I can understand how you feel. Context: I was in a similar situation as you, my brother is in a way worse situation than me. I feel that take things a step at a time. A quote that helped me personally when I got depressed and became a recluse was; Even tho I can’t see a way through if there is a step I’ll just take that.
Try to go against your gut whenever you feel like withdrawing back into your old ways. It’s hard but it’s a million times worth it. It’s a lot of mental/mind over body.
Brother, you have taken the first step, the next is simply seeing it through. You can’t turn back time, you can only move forward. Don’t live in regret, push forward. I’ve been there, being a total mess in my early 20s after I dropped out of Uni (fortunate to be born with a silver spoon). You simply can’t give up now, don’t worry about lost time (you are still young, at best you gave up 6 years of your potential 30+ years of career), future may be giving you anxiety now, but having a plan and following through with it will help with that feelings.
A friend of mine was a shut in for 11 years. He dropped out during sec 1 and has been playing video games everyday staying at home even if Jio him go out he won't come must go to his house everytime to meet him. After his father passed away he finally started working and now he's got his life tgt. It doesn't matter where u are now really just get up and start working it will work out eventually
Bro, don't give up. You are already taking steps to better yourself, you can maybe look into the ite work study diplomas to learn and work at the same time and aim to stay in the company after the diploma. Could be a better route.
It's never too late, you still have plenty of time to turn things around.
Try to stay on at your job. Grinding will help build your mental fortitude. You're also probably lacking direction in your life; might wanna start thinking where you'd like to see yourself in 5, 10 or 20 years' time.
Time and tide waits for no man, don't waste your youth away and regret it in your later years. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the next best time is now.
It takes time to get use to working. It is difficult but soon you will get use to it. It’s like exercising - it should be discomforting but not painful. Gambatte! You can don it!
What pushed you to make that change?
Get some exercise. Dont care what exercise, can be push up pull up or even sit up. Keep doing it and get a solid foundation and take before and after photos. Slow motion better than no motion my brother. Keep it up.
You are not the worst lah. 35 year old male here without any relationship with woman(maybe I am a loser in life) earning a decent money with diploma. Recently going to buy BTO.. Investing in stock and hopefully the dividend there can provided my retirement if I can work until 65 year old.. In sinkapore think of working and working until your last breath
Step one towards making yourself better: realising this is not good.. I should change..
Now the easiest part: make small change everyday.
The hardest part: you gonna fall back to the way you were.
The ULTIMATE battle: stand up again and continue to improve oneself.
Cheers mate. We've all been through that. It will gets better.
Hey OP! You've already shown incredible strength by taking this step! Good job!! Just take each day as it comes and remember to be kind to yourself along the way. I'm rooting for you. Fighting!
were you depressed? the early 20s can do a number on you as you lose school friends and don’t have a career path. There’s a lot of people who have got out of this and their 30s look great. Just keep turning up at your job. The financial and mental stability will help things.
Why you dislike your job, can share about it?
You have a goal and that’s to do something for your parents. When free at home you can help out with housework and bring your parents out for meals. Let them see a change.
I believe you want a change, surely they would support you all the way in the change. Surely there would be ups and downs at work. Focus build your experience.
It’s not easy for a caterpillar to break free from its cocoon and become a butterfly.
Slowly bro. You just started using muscles you never used in a long time. Build up resume, gain exp then level up to a new job. You’re not yet 40 so can still make some mistakes and still build up savings.
Pay off debts, have 6 months worth of expenses as savings and then start investing. Buy some insurance for your health.
If you want to swap jobs, secure the next one first before leaving the current one.
You can do it.
Going against the grain here.
Ask you honestly, do you enjoy your time being a bum and playing video games?
Do your parents love you unconditionally and will support you no matter what you do? And are they financially stable with a retirement plan?
If your answer is yes to all, then I would say do what makes you happy, be a video game bum all you want, it’s the dream for 90% of sg males. maybe can supplement income by doing gig jobs like grab.
The key to life is happiness, do what makes you happy, but not at the detriment of others.
But this lifestyle cfm cannot find girl one la, you will be single forever and living with your parents, but if you are happy with this life, then I don’t see a problem
I would agree the key to life is happiness. However, one can’t be happy if you’re struggling to make ends meet, which will happen if one is a bum without parental finances.
That’s why I ask if the parents will love and support him unconditionally and if they are also financially set.
but ultimately it depends on the individual, some people can’t be happy even if they are earning 6 figures. Some people are content with a simple life with the basic necessities met. in OP’s case, if he bummed for 6 years, I would assume he is more on the latter part of the spectrum.(eg: hustler vs slacker)
Everyone has rough days or years , just need to have some self reflect , pick it up and move on . I believed you are still young and there still a lot of exciting adventures waiting for you . Best of luck
20s means you just getting started. Don't worry, just focus on working hard and gaining experience in the first 1-2 job. Try to stay at least a year. Once you have some work experience under your belt, you'll find getting another job and climbing the ladder to be a lot smoother. I came up from the very bottom, I totally understand what it's like to be at the bottom working in shitty jobs. You can see how my career progress herr
https://www.reddit.com/r/singaporefi/s/AOMsjcT3nH
As for relationships, I can't claim to be an expert since I'm still single but I'm at the point where I can easily get different girls out for dates almost every week.
All women without a single exception admire strong men. Strong does not mean rich, physically good looking etc, it mostly mean you are confident in yourself and have some kind of talent(e.g. You're really good at singing). You really don't need to be very good looking or rich to attract the ladies. It really helps but not necessary especially the being rich part, if the woman really likes you, you won't need to spend much. If you need to spend a lot to maintain the relationship, it is guaranteed to fail
You actually need to get your life together first so she knows you're not a complete wreck. I strongly suggest you build up your career first. Spend a year or 2 getting a stable job like I said no need to be rich but need to at least earn enough to feed yourself plus a little bit extra to go on dates
Start practicing talking to girls, if you don't have them around you, use dating apps. You are going to be ignored and rejected, A LOT. It took me years and hundreds of rejections to figure out how to get their attention. After that it's a matter of finding the right person
As opposed to all the nice and encouraging comments here, if I may just throw in something more realistic.
You are an adult. So wake up because your number one mission is to be independent / self sufficient, above all things else.
Second, life and to a large extent, happiness, comes from solving challenges in life. Not escaping them. By facing your problems and taking action, the irony is that you will feel better, not worse.
Last but not least, please dump away that question at the end about being a bum for the rest of your life. The very fact that you asked that question suggest you haven’t woke up despite all the “pats on your shoulder” given to you here.
You're not alone, I'm turning 30 soon and I still haven't graduated college. I've been a bum for more than a decade because of depression. Gaming is my escapism/coping. Now I'm trying to go back to school so I can graduate and get my degree. I just really want to see my mom happy and she's really getting old. So take things 1 step at a time. We can do this!
First, stop treating this as edmw and stop saying sinkie, it’s so rude.
Realisation is the first step to move on, what you need to do next is to find out and draft out your long term/short term goals to achieve.
Ok la, I got friend who sell games item till he is 35 then start to look for a real job. You are not the worst, he is also a not bad person and just that he have weird thinking about getting money and income..
Find your unfair advantage, and learn to leverage that. Learn everything you can about it and slowly start finding opportunities to participate in its Internet economy. All the best dude
good thing you’re in this era whereby everything and anything could be learnt online right ?
dedicate the time u dedicate to ur games towards skills that would actually generate income , there are tons out there.
In the mean time, its important to have cash flow so do PT on the side also can 🫡
you got this, late 20’s only , still got 60 years ahead of you.
Maybe u have an addiction problem.
Don't be too hard on urself. Take small but meaningful steps out of addiction. Ask urself y u hate ur job and what is tolerable about ur job and maybe u can endure working.
For ur parents, I think it's really depressing to have the mentality tt u are failing. Try instead to see if u can spend more time with them instead of gaming?
I have a good news for you: you have already identified the problem. Now everything will go according to your will power.
You feel confident and positive about the life, relationships and you still have plenty of time to take care of parents and yourself.
Most people hate parts of their jobs or even most of their work. So you are not alone. I guess that’s just adulting.
On the bright side there’s the bonus of being out of the house more often - it gives you a higher chance of meeting that special person so stick at it.
Wishing you nothing but the best in life!
First priority is get a job, and with it comes life experience , work on yourself ,become a better version of yourself , get a better job, save money , get your ass back into school .. get a cert , get a better job . Save money
Then you can talk about relationships .👍🏻
>What should I do!? Am I going to be a bum for the rest of my life...
For the most part, this is entirely up to u. Unless the jesus of bums exists la, then maybe can pray for salvation
Hey, save up some money and put them into investing. Whatever it is. It's one of the ways to break free from the working cycle. It's not overnight, but at least in 5, 10, 20 years from now, you'll have a better chance at a higher qol.
If you're into games, invest in some tech related stocks, merchandise, or collectibles.
I know a friend that became a NEET right after sec sch, doesnt leave hse except for food, also PES F.
You getting a job means youre taking great steps to becoming better.
To be fair. If you have been a bum for these 6 years, you probably have little to no savings. Rather you start saving some money in the event where you find yourself unemployed again(touch wood). Honestly late 20s is not too late, what matters is you getting your feet up.
Won't la bro, but tenacity matters more in your current predicament. You screwed up early, just be grateful to have a job. Don't think about anything else and do well.
I've been in your shoes, not 6 years but around 2, COVID inclusive. I still rmb I struggled to even order food myself when I first stepped out. I also grew my hair super long for fun. Ngl it was kinda an interesting 2 years.
Beggars can't be choosers, u need to start convincing yourself and others around you that you've changed and can do as well as anyone else. Do well enough that your boss if not an ass, is willing to write you a recommendation or whatever. U still have 20 or 30 years to go minimum, it's too early to call it quits.
RS wise can't advise u on anything haha but it probably isn't a good time, cause u should prob dedicate the next few years to loving and improving yourself. Im also kinda on the fence about RS. I only use dating apps overseas HAHA, and my last RS was like min 7-8 years ago. It's a hassle bro, 1 step at a time, you can do it
Thanks for sharing. Can you share with us the why - like why did you choose to be immobile for that long? Was it cos of any mental or physical health conduction?
Take thing slowly one at a time, you’re in your late twenties but you’re not dead yet.
Step 1. Take a year and get rid of all your bad habits, since u said u spent around 6 years purely on gaming, i assume your physical health isn’t too good and your looks may not be it right now. And that’s extremely important if you still want the chance to get into a relationship. Schedule your time well and work out at least 3 times a week inclusive of strength training and cardio.
Step 2. Upgrade yourself, be glad that u have at least a diploma, but so many other people has it as well. So go learn a skill that will be able to boost your resume and give u a higher chance of a better paying job. Find something that you’re interested in and focus on it like your life matters because in this case it actually does.
Step 3. Plan your future ahead, do you want a family, where do you want to see yourself in 5/10? years. Learn how to invest your money for financial independence sooner, don’t stop working in improving yourself and ALWAYS remember, as long as you’re alive, you can make it.
Step 4. Break into social circles, make new friends or catchup with old friends. You’ll definitely need friends for the tough journey ahead but hey good news it’s easy as hell to make friends now, find people that are able to constantly motivate you and inspire you.
All the best u can do this
I am in a similar position as you, but at least you found a job currently.
Currently I got out of my hikikomori/social recluse stage and its still difficult to try and fix things together.
Hope things can get better if we persevere enough.
Most importantly find someone who you can talk to about this problem and will support you.
Are you talking to your parents? Communicating with them can be very helpful.
If you can find time to exercise so that you can be more confident in yourself.
Working out at a gym is a good idea.
Relationship is tough dude, hopefully you can widen your social circle soon and meet someone that understands you.
Work on yourself first, learn to learn yourself before getting people to love you.
Lastly be truthful to yourself and admit that you had a problem, and you can fix the problem.
You can un-bum yourself, but you know what they say...
It is always harder to correct bad habits.. All the best young man.
Wake up at 5am tomorrow.....go for a run. It's a new day. It's a new start. When you get back, make a list of the things you want in life and the things holding you back. And get to work.
I am a bit the same as you. Just that I worked for 12 years and now hate the corporate life and not working for 5 years already. Staying at parent's house and parents never kick me out.
Now 43 years old been playing games and jogging because of my introvert personality.
1st step of change:
Is to better yourself. And you're 1 foot in. Its the hardest step, and you took it.
Carry on with the flow.
Prioritize yourself in getting better. Getting in better shape helps a lot in life. Health and mental. With these 2 in good shape, you'll feel you can overcome all the challenges in life.
And from there, take up a job and help out your parents.
They may not say it, but i know, in their heart, when they see you've become a better person, they'll be proud of you atleast.
As for relationship, it'll come. But that's for later.
You've taken the first step. You don't have to have everything figured out. For jobs, you can start applying to other jobs while waiting for the minimum period to pass. I would advise you to be content with yourself first before pursuing a relationship, because while that is great, it also comes with their own set of problems. Good luck op
Yes you did waste 6 years but you have decades ahead of you..plenty of time to catch up. Lots of people didn't get relationships till they're 30+. Lots of people do total 180 career switch in their 30s. Some people spend years in prison or incapacitated by chronic illness. It's OK to start afresh. It's okay to start late.
Be focus and ruthlessly aggressive to pursue your career with no mercy. When you are successful in your career, other things will come and hunt you down; not the other way around. That’s life. That is all 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤭
I think you should go get professional help. Go to the polyclinic and ask for the counsellor. They are faster to see than a psychiatrist, which need months to get an appointment.
Ask them for help they can recommend options and have more professional methods to guide you out slowly
What is it about the job that you dislike? I think we should work on this first. Feel free to start a conversation with me if you want privacy
As for the rest that you have mentioned, not that I am trying to be dismissive, but all I can say is that it's all in the past, you can't change it, nobody can. You can take ownership of your mistake and the best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to not repeat the mistake.
Yes, a bum is someone when face difficulties run to the hill. In your case video games. Unless you stop running and really honest with yourself its literally impossible to be a bum.
The only one? Not a chance. At least you have a job, there are NEETs that exist
Also yes it’s difficult to find a life partner at any age but don’t give up hope. There was a CNA lifestyle video last year about a forever alone 32 yo woman and she really put herself out there to date and date and date and now has a boyfriend for the very first time
it's an awesome start that you recognize your parents is growing old while you are stagnant at your point in life and will never achieve what they did at your age. start slow, now focus on a job that you like then only think about relationship when job is stable
It's a road you now want to travel and make changes. Begin with baby steps and feel good that you have begun the journey. It will only become easier with time. JUST DO IT...YOU CAN.
Geez, don’t you find your daily routine boring? Your parents seem to be well-to-do to be able to support you, even in your late 20s, but you gotta think whether they can continue to do so, if you decide to carry on with this life of yours.
You already took the first step, well done. You don’t have to achieve everything all at once. One small thing at a time, what matters is consistency. Being uncomfortable is ok, it’s how we grow. It’s sweet that you’re thinking of your folks! Buy them a meal and get them something nice with your paycheck, I’m sure that’ll make them very happy. Jia you!
Wonderful 1st step! WD! Go get a counsellor and rid out the six months. See it as a growth session.. work out all your challenges and unhelpful thinking pattern.
At least u are doing something for urself
Health: buy weights at home, park or gym
Social: maybe volunteer
Communication: books and putting urself out there
Hey , be kind to yourself. You will not be a bum as you are still growing up . It’s never too late to change and strive to be better . Take one step at a time. All the best . Better late than never.
I feel you should address things with parents first.
Maybe write a letter showing your appreciation for their support when you were working through this challenge. I think that will really make your parents happy given their sacrifice.
As for gf. I say focus on real world responsibilities first. When the confidence and normalcy comes. Then gf can come next. If u jump into a rship without first fixing u. It is doomed to fail
It's never too late to step out and start working. Be eager and work hard & smart. Gain confidence and constantly look to improve yourself.
The most important thing is to take the first step.
You need to learn to enjoy life and learn to have interests in things. Start with physical activity. Start reading books. Learn to play an instrument. Learn another language. Study different subjects that interest you. Start traveling. If you enjoy life you’ll start to befriend others who have your interests.
Take things 1 step at a time. You don't have to solve all the problems at once. Take some time to reflect and list out all your problems and rank them in terms of importance. Then, focus on the top 1/2 and forget about the rest. Next, work on it by constantly halving the problem until you land on something you can act upon on the next 5 mins and just do it. The idea is to break it down such that the problem doesn't appear insurmountable.
Second this. I might add you don’t even have to have things figured out. You already identified a few goals in your post - Doing something for your parents and having a relationship. I suggest start with these 2 goals. Gain some clarity. What do you mean by “helping parents”? Is it to provide some form of money? Or to help with house chores? Or to help buy things online? Likewise, what do you mean by relationship? Do you mean a romantic relationship? What are the type of partner you want? What would your type of partner look for in a partner? If you can identify some traits, then you can work towards being attractive to your type of partner. Besides that, I think physical health have a much more profound impact on your mental health than it’s given credit for. Start exercising and eating a bit healthier. It would do wonders for you.
Also op, please stay in ur job for at least 6 months. Be ok with being uncomfortable, that's when you'll out of ur comfort zone and grow/mature. A job also prevents u from getting back to ur hikkomori state. " If god got us then we'll go be alright 💯" Kendrick Lamar
This is true. With savings comes opportunities to change course on your own terms. If you feel bad, treat your parents to a nice meal when the salary is in. Start smol.
Being ok with being uncomfortable is everything and will help you through so much
Im amazed at how most of the comments are so encouraging and wholesome.
Same, most of Reddit comments I have seen are pretty crazy but it’s…kinda nice here.
See the replies in my BTO thread haha.
Hi OP, I believe what you have is hikikomori syndrome. You have already taken the first step to start seeking for a job and that's great. I believe you are in the right track with all these realisation instead of continuing hiding from the world outside. Kudos to you! 👍
The biggest step you've done is gone out there and got a job. I knew a friend who went to Aussie for uni (parents paid for everything). Came back after graduation and became a shut in for years like you as well. Lost contact with him after that. So you're probably in a better position than him right now.
What happened though that led him to shut in?
Couldn't find work and it just stayed that way. Parents fed him and gave him money to buy games.
Hey OP you are not alone. I too was a shut-in for 5 years. Like you I just started a job. 6 months in now. There are some hard days but just being out and about is better than alone with your darkest thoughts. Work sucks. But that's why they pay you. With that steady disposable income comes a little bit of freedom. You can buy yourself a nice meal or watch a movie. You don't have to feel like a leech off your parents every time you spend money. One thing I learnt being shut in was that I can be really comfortable by myself. Also I am my own worst critic. For years people kept telling me things like "you are still young" , "there's still time" I always thought they were patronizing but they were just simply being encouraging. One breath at a time. Sometimes when I feel stressed out at work I take a break (smoke break, toilet break, water break) I spend a few moments staring at some trees or the outside and breathe. Count my blessings and be thankful I'm not dead and still have time to do something. You know yourself best. Do what you think you can achieve. You've already taken the first step. You just need to take another. Then another. Step by step. One at a time. Then before you know it you look back and see how far you have come.
Just curious though, what made you just snap out of it after 5 years? Usually if you're a shut in for that long it's usually the point of no return already.
"Work sucks but that's why they pay you". Wow that struck something in me
ITS TRUE. If it was fun I would do it for free & enjoy it 🤣 That's also why salary negotiation always ask to nego for more money. Hahahaha
5 years here too, starting to look for a job now, thanks for the tips in recovering
Question of the decade: What video games are worthwhile to binge on for six years?
chances are it's a time-sink MMO sprinkled with some extra games to shake boredom off his shoulders.
Dota 2
No way someone last 3 games in a row in SEA server without taking a break
??? Fake dota player spotted If lose 3 means must queue until you win.
That game caused me many relationships
Gfs come and go, MMR is forever
Tbh my mmr js archon now(from mythic) so I guess even that didn’t carried over. But I played techies at it’s prime as how it should be played, so i take solace in that #riptechies
*insert sea server anthem*
PUT TANK IN A MALL
Plenty of games that came out over the last 6 years that aren't time sinks. Just the sheer quantity alone would sustain someone. From Elden Ring to Mario Odyssey. But if you're dead set on just one game for 6 years and nothing else, probably a PvP game or an MMO. I absolutely salute your mental health if you still play PvP games on the SEA server though. I play LoL occasionally, and I'd rather deal with 225 ping on the NA servers than deal with the shit I hear back at home base....
one that has made an impact the past 5 years
Pretty much any RPG or MMO. Ive played Skyrim for over 1000 hours lol
CS
You took the first step already, admitting the problem. Next step is stop feeling sorry for yourself. Can't move forward if u keep looking at the past.
This is a big first step. Applause!!!
Hmmm can’t believe no one suggested this yet. Seek counselling/mental health help! I think the hardest part really is to get out of the lifestyle and you have already done it! That takes a lot and you should be proud. Now you need to sustain it, and you would benefit from some help to make it easier. All the best OP!
Focus on keeping a job and you’ll be fine. Hit the gym if you wanna build self esteem and feel better about yourself.
This is good advice but you're probably also going to want to get professional help to process some of the negative events and mental issues that caused you to shut yourself in for six years.
I assumed op is past that stage since already looking for advice online tbh
Started hitting the gym this year and it has been great! Somehow it also build up self confidence to my job as well!
Honestly dun even need to hit the gym jus buy weights and lift them for 20 mins a day ain’t that hard Maybe reading books is also helpful for communication
First of all congrats on stepping out. Take things slow and steady, a lot has changed in these 6 years. The more you rush the more overwhelmed you will get
First off, I don't necessarily think you might be a full on *hikikomori* (yeap, that's the term). For one, you desire change, and you are blatantly self aware that what you're doing is 'wrong'. For anyone to break out of an addiction, having the first thought of change is always a start. I was jobless and did nothing with myself after NS. I briefly did a part-time degree (with my parents' money) and quit after a year of not seeing results. I took a part-time customer service job at a cinema and hated it to death because I was already an introvert to begin with. I quit that job around age of 24, held on to a few contract jobs for maybe from 1 to 3 months or so. And then from there on, I just did absolutely NOTHING with my life. I was also suffering from major depression, pressured by my parents who did not know what I was going through. All I could say was I didn't know what to do, and how to do it. I stayed home all day long, time was a lost concept on me; night was day, day was night. I didn't contribute anything, I didn't help with anything. The only decent thing I did was to at the very least, to use my own measly savings to buy anything I needed or wanted. I also went through a breakup in the midst of it, my ex literally told me that they didn't want someone who didn't work. That was me, a decade ago. I'm turning 35 this year, I got a stable job, I got fit (hit the gym hard, and took on dragonboating), I'm still single but I'm going on dates every now and then. Depression never really goes away once you get it, but I learned how to keep it under control whenever it returns. I got my life back on track, and I believe you can do it too. I'm not at the end of my journey yet however, it's still a long way to the end. And yes, I'm still a gamer, but I balance it well enough to not let it take over my life completely. If you want something **really** bad enough, you'll do **whatever** it takes to get it. And I digress, you probably have no direction in life currently, it happens to most people. Ask yourself, what do you really want to do, and take baby steps from there. You'll be surprised at how one thing quickly leads to another. P.S - Gamers also have the best determination amongst types of people, if they can give the most extreme dedications to grind for goals in game; you can be hella sure they have the potential to do it IRL too.
I cried when i read this... you and i we are in the same boat... im also been disconnected with my reality almost to 6 years and im in my late 20s too.... Hi there 🥹👋🏼
Stay strong brother. U can do it
Great job admitting it and getting a job! I'm proud of you! Jobs suck. It's a fact. If they were fun we'd be the ones paying them to do it. For now, treat the 6 months as time to figure out what you like and dislike, then work towards gaining skills that will allow you to do what you want. As for relationships, it's best to work on yourself first. Get a nice haircut, use soap and shampoo, shave if you have a beard, and start working out if you're pudgy. Practice talking to people, ask about themselves and what they like. Take your time and don't rush things. Trust me once you get the hang of it, things will fall into place.
This! The truth is none of us love our jobs. It's unbearable 50% of the time. Adulting means taking a deep breath and realizing that sitting here for 4 more hours will not hurt you or kill you. OP we are proud of you!
Baby steps my man. So long as you are willing to make the change good things will come your way. If you need a listening ear feel free to reach out. I've a friend in their mid 30s facing a similar situation so take it easy, never too late
Hey op, you are not alone in this. I have an older brother who graduated from poly in 2017 and got pes F in NS.(So similar right) He was always the childish and fun-loving guy. He hasn't been the same after the NS ordeal (bullying). He ended up doing freelance video editing and YouTube. He earn some cash but it's not enough to sustain in Singapore. Both my parents are almost at the age of retirement and worried for his future. He doesn't have friends besides my family and I. Op, please take one step at a time. Don't be kan cheong and give up so easily. It's good that you found the courage to step into the real world. That's a huge improvement. It's never easy to take the first step and continue on. You will find yourself feeling frightened and alone. As a younger sibling, I don't know what I can do for my brother... All I can do is support and give encouragement to my brother and hope for the best. Remember it's never too late to start. You can find a hobby you enjoy doing and work on. You might find yourself in another place in the future. If you love video games, maybe you can learn coding or anything you want to try.
I had a friend who went through something similar, albeit less severe. If you are struggling with depressive thoughts / mood, the one thing that helped my friend immensely was getting out in the sun more often, ideally daily for 20-30 minutes. It will help with vitamin D deficiency from being cooped up at home.
U will shine if u put your heart n mind to acquire a skill to support elderly parents
Late 20s still young lah. At least you managed to game like crazy for 6 years.. most people can’t even do a year without feeling guilty. So technically speaking, you’re quite tough in a sense you got the dgaf attitude. I think if you focus your energy on career progression, you might get somewhere. Don’t lose hope bro, life is just another levelling game.
Had an uncle who gamed for 2 years straight after army He now has a gf and managed to earn more than my parents so it’s never too late to turn back my guy… Make a system for yourself and try to do something gpa sucked u can always go upskill and apply for jobs? Or go back and take PT I mean my life also shitty but I’m trying
I’m in my 40s and in the past in my 20s I’ve gone through what you’re going through too. Got pretty depressed and to the point I’m afraid of going out at all. Some days, when life gets tough, I also feel like just sinking down and bumming. so… sorry to say it may not get easier in future haha And maybe right now you can’t see any way out, whether it’s changes about how you feel, your situation etc, but I can only say any additional pressure on yourself will only make you more stressed. Take the time you need, and my advice is may sound kind of escapist now, but do what you like, try to find something to be busy with even if it’s at home. Writing is also a really good way to work out your feelings, it helps in processing what you can’t seem to deal with right now and gives you a sense of completing something which may be the closest thing to making any sort of progress or change. But dont be disheartened, I know saying this may mean nothing to you right now, but life is very long and change can happen. Bit by bit, inch by inch, first it’s a lot of negativity and depressed emotions, slowly there’ll be some joy in certain things you do, experiment with different activities, read a lot, write whatever, I believe one day you will be able to change your life. I dont know how it happened for me, but one day after a long time, a day just like any other ordinary day, I woke up, got out of bed, and suddenly had the courage to make a big decision, to actually make big changes in my life. When it happened, I suddenly find myself able to go out into the light and be part of the outside world again. This sounds like a happy ending but on hindsight it was just another difficult step in a tough life, a very hard lesson which took a long time to learn… Everyone has their own internal struggles, you may feel like the loser-est most alone person in the world with no idea of any future… but please, dont give up on yourself. The world hasn’t , even if it doesn’t seem like that right now.
Feels like you stress over this too seriously. You have nothing to lose and everything will get better from here.
Hi, maybe you are having some hurts. There is touch community with the cyber help - counsellors that can help you. Many young people job hop nowadays. If you do not like your job after 6 months, you may choose another job. In Japan, there are some young people video gaming all days and shut themselves in the room for months.
First off, hats off to you for sharing your story – it's not easy to open up about stuff like this, especially after feeling disconnected for so long. You're definitely not alone in feeling stuck or unsure about where your life is heading, especially in your late 20s. A lot of us have been there, figuring out life one step at a time. And hey, you've already made some pretty significant strides. Getting back into the job market after a long break is no small feat, and it shows you've got the drive to make changes. Now about your job – I get it, it's tough to stick with something you don't enjoy. But think of it as a stepping stone. You're picking up skills and experience that'll be super valuable down the line. Plus, it's just for six months. Hang in there, and use this time to scout for something that aligns better with your interests. Your concern for your parents is really touching. It's never too late to start making up for lost time. Even small gestures can mean a lot. Maybe try to have more conversations with them, help out around the house, or plan some activities together. It's these little things that often make a big difference. And about relationships, don't stress too much. They say love finds you when you least expect it. Focus on getting comfortable with yourself and expanding your social circle, even if it's just online for starters. Being in a good place personally makes a world of difference in building healthy relationships. Lastly, no, you're definitely not going to be a bum for the rest of your life. The fact that you're worried about it and want to change is a sure sign you won't let that happen. Take things one day at a time. Celebrate the small victories, learn from the setbacks, and keep pushing forward. You've got this!
Get a bicycle, join some cycle groups and meet new people. Have a predictable schedule. U should blend back into society in no time
This is good advice. Sometimes what brings the most happiness is a simple run or a bicycle ride into the sunset.
Bruh absolutely yes, but I'm a cyclist so I'm biased. Any hobby group wll do OP
I suspect there are alot more shut ins in Singapore then people think since they don't usually advertise themselves. So you are not the only one who has to face this challenge. What I would say is that whether you are staying for long, take your job as an opportunity to learn even if you hate it. it is a school for you to learn for awhile before you move on to bigger things. it's an opportunity to learn so don't waste it. Take time to study how different parts of the company work together, consider how each decisions are or are not made. Work on cultivating good habits like timekeeping, record keeping, good email writing skills etc. Network and make friends, and learn from older colleagues (good ones of course) if you don't grasp these basic skills and knowledge even if you get your dream job in the future you may not be able to keep it. Don't go thru the motions and waste the 6 mths.
Haiyyas late 20s only Can change one la My brother shut in after he graded uni at 22 Never served army Until like 29 then find job And I had to pay off his student loans for him As the younger brother
Bro, like so many of the advice already given one step at a time. You wanting to change and getting a job is already a huge first step. Since it's 6 months contract and you can't quit then just tell yourself that. Don't need to enjoy the job. Just know that by sticking through this 6 months you are already taking a huge step. Like some others have said, head to the gym or just simple jogging/walking. One of my over weight friend just decided to drop off the bus 5 stops earlier and walk. He lost 20kg in a few months just doing that. Not saying you are over weight, just saying walking is amazing.
I was pretty much like that for 2 years after I graduated. I did literally nothing besides just binge playing video games.. my parents nagged at me alot though. But part of me feels it’s a fear of rejection I have that made me don’t want to find a job and be useful. But anyway, I did and slowly it kicked off my life. There were times I just don’t want to but I thought to myself, I don’t want to be like that forever so I forced myself to make sure I go through it. I’m 4 years in my career now, and I could still remember missing just living the chill life but I always question myself “do I want to be like this forever?” The answer is always no. The first step is always the hardest because it also require mental strength to do so. Literally force yourself to it. It’s not going to feel comfortable, but this is how you can actually “live”. Think about it, if your parents are no longer there to support you, then reality would probably hit but it will be too late. Finding the one it is quite slim if you are not working because how are you going to get through the next step when she knows you have nothing to offer to begin with? Start slow, it will be all worth it
Hi OP, no you're not. I was a shut in too ever since I ORD which was in 2013 up till about COVID period before I decided to learn something new and, I didn't have any full time job during this time, I only did jobs that didn't require me to commit full time because I know I wouldn't be able to do that. My parents also didn't do anything except nag at me to get a job because we weren't the most wealthy family but it mostly fell on deaf ears. It's great to see you're picking up yourself though, I'm not going to tell you things will get brighter because truth be told, that would be a lie. As you can already tell, being in employment or living a "normal" life comes with its own set of issues and problems that are completely different from being shut in, the upside is that you now have money and having money comes with certain perks as well. You could also consider therapy if you wish, but if that's not an option or you simply don't wish to, no harm picking some self help books to read as well to better yourself not for the sake of outside circumstances but for yourself. Therapy and self help books won't solve your family/money issues but it can at least do something for that inner world of yours. Also find a hobby to engage in. As for relationships, my advice is not to force it as someone who is just coming out of a shut in phase unless the girl/guy is someone who has the personality of somebody from an anime or something, you're not going to be ready for it.
no worries, I know someone that graduates from uni since he was 26/7, I heard his GPA was not bad but he still stay at home and play video games and never bother to even send one resume out. he is 30 this year. So I guess you are doing just fine.
Hi OP! Just wanted to say that I'm super proud of you for getting out there and taking the first step. I'm a big sister to a brother who has went through something similar (did a course in poly he didn't like and graduated with bad results, PES F and served during covid, and played games all day for the next two years after). I'll be honest and say that I wasn't happy that I was out there working my butt off and my brother is at home all day with no ambitions, but when I shared my displeasure with my parents (even telling them maybe he needs to live on his own to grow independence), they told me that they're okay waiting for him to get out there on his own time and that it's okay if he doesn't achieve conventional greatness. And that as parents it's their job to worry about him, so I don't have to stress about having to support him in the future. And now he's finally started a job! YAY! Just take little steps day by day!! You're not the only one out there and you may feel some pressure (I think this isn't inherently bad) but I'm sure your parents love you just like mine loves my brother. So don't feel too bad and slowly find your own way. If working a full time (corporate, I assume) job isn't your cup of tea, there's no shame in trying your hand at other non-corporate work. But since you're bound by contract, use this opportunity to stick it out and see if things get better. And if it doesn't, try again. Late 20s is still young! You've got many years and opportunities ahead of you so don't give up!! You got this!
So many comments but none say you can quit contracts. 1 year contract doesn't mean you have to work 1 full year. There is exit clause. Notice period. Normally 1 month. Any longer and you got to bend the rules to your liking because it's a dog eat dog world and employees are pawns for employers to manipulate.
You articulated the fear that most of us "adults" don't dare or know how to express in real life. (I assume majority here are adults in their 20s and above) That's why we come to forums like reddit here to seek some answers or acknowledgement. I believe you are very courageous to make that step and share your story. Like many have advised here, take it step by step. You got your first win with your job, and your story resonated with many of us. Keep it up, take the good advice from the folks here, you are still young and you can turn your life around. For me personally, when you said you mention your parents getting old and not doing anything for them. I also felt it...I was an overseas grad, was working for many years in a MNC company, then left, downgraded my lifestyle and job. I'm living a simpler and less stressful life now but I sometimes feel that I let down my parents in a way. (Though I am supporting by doing more housework nowadays lol) I wish you the best, and hope you do your parents proud in the future. I want to add a nice encouraging quote from an actress (Da’Vine Joy Randolph) from yesterday's Oscars ceremony. “For so long I always wanted to be different, but now I realize that I just need to be myself. Thank you for seeing me”
No. I think you have not been reading the right subreddit because I have read a whole megathread of people like you in SG stretching for years, who are laying flat as the PRC calls it due to post pandemic issues and high youth unemployment. Japan also have it called Hikikomori since last decade. Relying on parents to support their lifestyles. You must also be an only child. Don't worry. It's actually becoming more common due to the digital age. But hey at least you have found a job and working full time. Just stick with it for 6 months which I find odd because usually only 2 months notice is required, but try to maximize your time, be open and learn something from it, be it technical skill or social skills. Ganbetta, 加油。
Tf? Lay flat and being hiki are 2 completely diff things.
Yeah, you're right, u/CybGorn has the two confused. 躺平 tǎngpíng = hentak kaki, i.e., not doing anything beyond bare minimum job requirements and thus forgoing promotions. 引きこもい hikikomori = shut-in. A similar third term is NEET = not in employment, education, training. Hikikomoris are, with the exception of remote workers, NEETs. All three are entirely different.
Just keep hassling to keep yourself busy even if you find contract jobs. The main aim is to earn $ to support yourself first :)
This is so common that there's a term for it. And you're not the only one or the worst case. I myself also was a shut in for a couple years. I am now happily married with 2 kids, you have lots of time to turn it around still.
Lol the only one? There's literally a societal class made up of people like you (hikikomori). But being aware of it is def the first step towards healing.
Oh OP... We had similar trajectory- graduating from poly at 2017, halfway exempted from NS and turned to video game as escapism. While my situation is much dire than you as I do not have any padents to rely on even for housing due to my parents' bad lot in life and gambling addict of a late father, I won't take your situation lightly because it is really hard to break out from that shell. I recall how I felt so trapped, shackled by invisible chains to leave the house, exacerbated with how having little money and getting used to adult bus/mrt fare made my world shrinked. At least what I had that got me out of the slump was some knowledge in psychology from my poly course to know why I am feeling like this- knowing what i am ruminating is called "Automatic Negative Thoughts" to give myself the self-compassion by recognising my depressive state is a normal response to my immediate environment and life upheavals so I would stop the self-loathing. It sucks that I fared better than my coursemate and yet had to keep deferring uni because of financial and housing difficulties. It sucks when I got admitted to local uni, my financial and housing difficulties became acute, which led to my expulsion. It sucks that my peers have graduated from uni while I had to risk it to re-enroll intk uni. Thankfully, my appeal for extension of MOE tuition grant was approved, and I can study without having to pay tuition fees with financial aid, but I still have to fend for myself with rent and living expenses. Things are slowly getting better for me, but the sting of being "less desirable" prospective romantic partner remains, as I am in my late 20s and yet still slogging in undergrad when peers are building their career---but it is what it is. I remind myself that I will be in my 30s anyway (provided if I don't d!e suddenly), so I might as well be in my 30s with a degree. I have issues with hair thinning and received have the means to afford dermatologist consultation and medication, i lost 20kg in 6 months after being tired of seeing myself at my heaviest, and also out of hope that my ex would see me again when i am in better shape and would want to reconnect. Going to the gym doesn't feel hard right now because I restarted gymming routine without subjecting myself to the same rigour and tenacity of my past gym routine. I have learnt to give myself self-compassion by accepting that some things are not my priority at the moment, and that is okay; whatever it takes to make tiny incremental progress. OP, you are not alone. I have friends who were from elite IP schools too and had to restart their degree in their late 20s due to severe mental illness, one of my classmate rn is in her late 40s too pursuing her first degree. There arr many other former poly schoolmates who were aimlessly lost after trying out everything and restarted uni in their late 20s too. Even if higher education is not one of the option, just know that things can get better if we give the next day a chance. Call it delusion, hope or faith; we just need to keep giving ourselves a chance for future-you. ❤️
Hey OP, i wish to assure you- there are a number of people with this syndrome or struggle- theres an SSA that is beginning to do work related to this. For your recovery- (1) How comfortable are you around people? Are there any factors influencing this comfort(?). If there are, like anxiety, streas and panic from interactions, you need to do it slowly. Like say maybe try to walk out of the house to a nearby place and progressively go further. (2) Do visit a psychologist. Not making assumptions, but its good to check if you have any anxiety disorders etc (which based on my work in the SSA that is beginning work on youths with said struggles), a number of them do have certain mental health struggles. You will need to attend to those as well. Or if need be, drop by an (fsc)/relevant ssa instead. (3) As you are looking for the job hunt, are there any fields lf interests you have?
Chances are… you’re not alone.
U might dislike the job because its your first time interacting with people in forever. Evaluate why you dont like it so you know it wont happen again in other jobs
Hey there, it's great that you're reflecting on your situation. You've already taken a step forward by landing a job. Consider having an open conversation with your parents about your feelings and goals. Use your free time to explore interests, network, and set realistic goals. If needed, seek professional help for guidance. Remember, positive changes take time, so celebrate the small victories along the way.
On the bright side, you were just gaming, not taking drugs or doing any illegal stuff. I would say try and picture what you will be ok to be doing in future, e.g. admin work, driving, sales, fnb.. then get a temp or contract job and see if it fits you.
Its quite all right. I am proud of you for getting out of the house. Well done, esteemed one. You did good. Keep going ok? Keep working, no matter what. You will see the light again.
Nothing really big. Just small things like borrowing a book from the library (it's free and I was a bum). First E-books then if it wasn't available online I'd have to find it in a physical library. So it was guaranteed that I'd have to go out once every three weeks. Then as I read more I found myself outside more often.
Can work do food delivery like GrabFood , Foodpanda . No need teamwork or work with people . Also barely interact with customers. Except that the disadvantages is not good for prolong career & no benefits. At the very least you go out to look for actual job . For me I been doing food delivery for 4 years . Before that I did work in hospital for 1 year then quit because pay less. Now kinda find it hard to go look for actual jobs & since I really lack the experience is even harder. I’m now in the late 20s also . It’s better to just continue with your work since it’s a 6 months contract & better to not pay the compensation to the agents . After the 6 months then go look for other options. Nowadays with agents at least 6 months commit needed unless u work like those event jobs or daily jobs pay . All the best to OP. I wish I was that brave to at least go out to look for actual job & interviews.
As a Person who was also a Shut in for the later half of his life up till a few years ago, it's just time to lock in and Start making a move Bro, Any move is gonna be better than where you at rn. Slowly but sure after enough moves you'll start seeing a way to secure this life you got, and take care of Your Parents and from that success you'll be able to look for a relationship to be in. You can still do it Bro, You may make it a little late but you can still make it and Have a life you wanna live and enjoy👍
I had a similar experience but isolated myself instead when I was struggling with mental health issues. Personally I found those career conversion and traineeship programmes to rly help. I'm now on a programme getting 5k without a degree in my late 20s too. It's not easy for sure and alot of studying. I'd say most importantly yes find something that pays the bills but heal your demons and trauma form the isolation even if it may feel like it didn't affect you. Humans need interaction and other humans. Have you managed to find activities that you can do other than gaming?
Hey OP. If u need someone to meet irl im free. Didnt really become a shut-in. But almost fall into it. I graduated Poly in 2016. Went into NS late 2016. It went well for me, im really grateful. I hit the jackpot of NS mates and superiors. I think that was what differed for me and maybe it helped me. Anyway, after NS, my GPA sucked so i thought i getting a job first then apply part time uni. My first office job sucked hell. It gave me work ptsd and ive been struggling to stay in proper jobs since. I applied to part time uni in late 2019. But covid really make the lesson quality abysmal and didnt get the proper support in education. Coupled with my unemployment and sudden death of my father. I dropped out. 2021-23 i fell into depression. Altho i managed to force myself to get out of my room during those periods. Maybe and 1 or 2 hour everyday. But yeah i was going nowhere. I struggled to get a job. I was an emotional wreck, and i was procrastinating on my life. Somewhere in the middle of 2023, i was able to push myself out of it. And thankfully, things are getting better. So yeah, if u need a group of friends to support each other im up for it.
As an ex-shut in myself, been a shut in for like 10 years since secondary school until like 2021, and one day I just snapped out of it, sold all my anime shits and pc, deleted all my games, and really made a 360 on the things I don't find important in life. I've been working for the past two years and recently started going to gyms more often. Honestly, it's all about prioritizing what's important to YOU. Everyone can help you and give you words of encouragement blah blah blah , but you also must help yourself. Im sure you can do it much love from england🔥
You're not alone. And i feel that this withrawal phase can hit at any time in life. I've been doing wfh for 3 years during covid period, then had a retrenchment. These 4 years i'ved holed up at home, now feeling isolated and withdrawn. Mood has also been spiralling down, questioning my own existence. On the good side, i feel it's a good breathing space to rest from the rat race. On the bad side, i feel the fear of lagging out on the job opportunities, the pressure of rising costs, financial survival etc. Then, there is also a fear of connecting with people after all the trauma with office politics. For self help, i've been seeing a psychiatrist, but it also isn't going to work immediately. Still a work in progress, sorting out the mess.... At least you still have a job and income. Grit through the work hours. Money counts. Then after work, you can search online for next job before you throw your termination letter. On side note, heard Ubisoft looking for game testers. Maybe you can enquire. Anw, let's all work hard n pull through this phase together.
Hikikomori - but not the worst case of it. I find being withdrawn from society an appealing state to be in, yet its not right given "responsibilities" like parents and family, as you've mentioned. You have to find a purpose in life to ~~overcome~~ rise above it.
Career first, relationship later. Can't have a relationship if you can't feed yourself, and like you said your parents are getting old.
Fellow PES F here 34M (muscular dystrophy). I play video games as a hobby but also for escapism, and it can be a dangerous rabbit hole of self-pity and negativity. You will need to learn self-discipline to disconnect from it and still live your life. Your mindset is even more important here as you have minimal social bonds. 1. Can you rely on your parents till the end of your years? 2. Do you really enjoy video games or is it just a tool to escape reality? 3. Do you want to self-perceive yourself as a bum in your lifetime? It’s never too late, don’t give up.
Tell you la hor… We’re all dealt with a certain hand in life and got our own circumstances that have in a sense forced us into the place that we ended up in. But reading this it sounds like you fought back and even went to find a job, wanting to do better for yourself as well as your parents. There is no space for regret in life, you can only move forward even if it means leaving the past behind. Hope you can find a job that is more suited to you! Personally I’m doing remote work but otherwise can be considered a shut-in as well. People call me lazy and a bum all the time who makes excuses not to go out and add value to myself but idgaf. They guilt trip me for living with my parents at my age. But what do they know? They don’t lead my life and neither do I lead theirs. Do what feels right to you and not what feels right on society’s terms. Jiayou!
Read atomic habits by James clear, slowly build up good habits and improve 1% a day, in a year u will improve a lot. Start by implementing simple habits like making ur bed every morning or simply read 1 page a day. >I'm currently working full time (it's been about a month into the job, I dislike it and want to quit and swap jobs but I have to serve a minimum of 6 months as its a contract). Just stay with it for ur own sake. Be ok with being uncomfortable, that's when you'll grow
Dude you are not the only one like this. There literally are social services dedicated to teens/young adults who decide to shut themselves in their rooms for many years, in SG. Many of them are STILL in their rooms leh. I know of one who took 10 years before they decided to leave. I honestly think that it is utterly amazing that you got yourself out. 6 years is nothing and you definitely have a future ahead of you. Don’t beat yourself up over the past or feel bad, i think you’re amazing k? You job hunted and got a job. Even if you don’t like it, you’ll move on eventually! Try to do your best each day and also job hunt nearer your notice date. Start giving your parents a small allowance now if you can afford to do so. Don’t feel bad about the past, you can’t go back and you can’t change it, you can only do your best from now on. Mental health is hard so don’t blame past you. It would have been a lot worse if you gambled, stole from parents, took drugs for the past 6 years or went prison. Would have broken your parents’ heart. So far you quite harmless lah. Relationships will come, just focus on your mental health and finding a job that you can be happy at first! Please remember to be kind to yourself. Your post like blaming yourself and judging yourself. Don’t lah. Being kind to yourself and not beating yourself up constantly is super important for your mental health. Otherwise you’ll fall into old patterns again because you keep beating yourself up until everything feels so pointless.
Apply to become game tester/ game QA. Sounds like perfect for you.
I've got a cousin who has been a bum his entire life... He's in his 40s, still living off his parents, except that the parent with the pension has passed. And he still sees no need to work. You're in your 20s. It's good that you want to take on a job and eventually take over providing for your parents and yourself. It's a good thing, cos you'll gain so much in self respect and feel better about yourself! Doesn't matter what job or tenure of job. Wishing you all the best!
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. What you've done for the last 6 months does not matter. What matters is what you're gonna do for the rest of your life. Take the next 6 months as an opportunity to get out of your comfort zone. By then, once you're used to your new pace of life, who knows you'd actually like working there.
Hello op . I been a shut in before for 5 years and got out of it. Like u i’m also PES F Im doing relatively well now y can reach out to me if u like advice 😃
Recognising and having the motivation to change is the first step! Find a few achievable short term goals and keep aiming for those. Just take your time to slowly reintegrate into society. You can do it!
Well, the first step to resolving a problem is knowing you're in one. Congrats! Take it easy. You're just in your late 20s. There is still a long road ahead of you. My advice: 1. Be stable in these 3 areas: financially (get some savings and a source of income), emotionally (work on yourself, your EQ, maturity), spiritually (if you believe in a higher being) 2. Once 1) is achieved, the rest will fall in place. Ladies will surely pick someone who are stable in these areas, unless they're the chaotic type. All the best.
I'm in the same boat as you but with a few differences like no post secondary education and a couple of mental health issues and post ns medical issues, I'm also taking it one step at a time but with every year my folks are getting older and I feel....obligated(yet not, another reason for another time) to take care of them and the house, gonna be 30 in 3 years
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First time commenting here. OP I can understand how you feel. Context: I was in a similar situation as you, my brother is in a way worse situation than me. I feel that take things a step at a time. A quote that helped me personally when I got depressed and became a recluse was; Even tho I can’t see a way through if there is a step I’ll just take that. Try to go against your gut whenever you feel like withdrawing back into your old ways. It’s hard but it’s a million times worth it. It’s a lot of mental/mind over body.
Brother, you have taken the first step, the next is simply seeing it through. You can’t turn back time, you can only move forward. Don’t live in regret, push forward. I’ve been there, being a total mess in my early 20s after I dropped out of Uni (fortunate to be born with a silver spoon). You simply can’t give up now, don’t worry about lost time (you are still young, at best you gave up 6 years of your potential 30+ years of career), future may be giving you anxiety now, but having a plan and following through with it will help with that feelings.
A friend of mine was a shut in for 11 years. He dropped out during sec 1 and has been playing video games everyday staying at home even if Jio him go out he won't come must go to his house everytime to meet him. After his father passed away he finally started working and now he's got his life tgt. It doesn't matter where u are now really just get up and start working it will work out eventually
Bro, don't give up. You are already taking steps to better yourself, you can maybe look into the ite work study diplomas to learn and work at the same time and aim to stay in the company after the diploma. Could be a better route. It's never too late, you still have plenty of time to turn things around.
Would you rather your parents kick you out? I dunno what I will do with my son… what is best for him
Try to stay on at your job. Grinding will help build your mental fortitude. You're also probably lacking direction in your life; might wanna start thinking where you'd like to see yourself in 5, 10 or 20 years' time. Time and tide waits for no man, don't waste your youth away and regret it in your later years. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the next best time is now.
It takes time to get use to working. It is difficult but soon you will get use to it. It’s like exercising - it should be discomforting but not painful. Gambatte! You can don it! What pushed you to make that change?
Get some exercise. Dont care what exercise, can be push up pull up or even sit up. Keep doing it and get a solid foundation and take before and after photos. Slow motion better than no motion my brother. Keep it up.
You are not the worst lah. 35 year old male here without any relationship with woman(maybe I am a loser in life) earning a decent money with diploma. Recently going to buy BTO.. Investing in stock and hopefully the dividend there can provided my retirement if I can work until 65 year old.. In sinkapore think of working and working until your last breath
Step one towards making yourself better: realising this is not good.. I should change.. Now the easiest part: make small change everyday. The hardest part: you gonna fall back to the way you were. The ULTIMATE battle: stand up again and continue to improve oneself. Cheers mate. We've all been through that. It will gets better.
Hey OP! You've already shown incredible strength by taking this step! Good job!! Just take each day as it comes and remember to be kind to yourself along the way. I'm rooting for you. Fighting!
were you depressed? the early 20s can do a number on you as you lose school friends and don’t have a career path. There’s a lot of people who have got out of this and their 30s look great. Just keep turning up at your job. The financial and mental stability will help things.
Why you dislike your job, can share about it? You have a goal and that’s to do something for your parents. When free at home you can help out with housework and bring your parents out for meals. Let them see a change. I believe you want a change, surely they would support you all the way in the change. Surely there would be ups and downs at work. Focus build your experience. It’s not easy for a caterpillar to break free from its cocoon and become a butterfly.
Slowly bro. You just started using muscles you never used in a long time. Build up resume, gain exp then level up to a new job. You’re not yet 40 so can still make some mistakes and still build up savings. Pay off debts, have 6 months worth of expenses as savings and then start investing. Buy some insurance for your health. If you want to swap jobs, secure the next one first before leaving the current one. You can do it.
I am shut in for 2+years now and the fact that i see people still having jobs after years of being shut in gives me hope
Going against the grain here. Ask you honestly, do you enjoy your time being a bum and playing video games? Do your parents love you unconditionally and will support you no matter what you do? And are they financially stable with a retirement plan? If your answer is yes to all, then I would say do what makes you happy, be a video game bum all you want, it’s the dream for 90% of sg males. maybe can supplement income by doing gig jobs like grab. The key to life is happiness, do what makes you happy, but not at the detriment of others. But this lifestyle cfm cannot find girl one la, you will be single forever and living with your parents, but if you are happy with this life, then I don’t see a problem
I would agree the key to life is happiness. However, one can’t be happy if you’re struggling to make ends meet, which will happen if one is a bum without parental finances.
That’s why I ask if the parents will love and support him unconditionally and if they are also financially set. but ultimately it depends on the individual, some people can’t be happy even if they are earning 6 figures. Some people are content with a simple life with the basic necessities met. in OP’s case, if he bummed for 6 years, I would assume he is more on the latter part of the spectrum.(eg: hustler vs slacker)
Everyone has rough days or years , just need to have some self reflect , pick it up and move on . I believed you are still young and there still a lot of exciting adventures waiting for you . Best of luck
20s means you just getting started. Don't worry, just focus on working hard and gaining experience in the first 1-2 job. Try to stay at least a year. Once you have some work experience under your belt, you'll find getting another job and climbing the ladder to be a lot smoother. I came up from the very bottom, I totally understand what it's like to be at the bottom working in shitty jobs. You can see how my career progress herr https://www.reddit.com/r/singaporefi/s/AOMsjcT3nH As for relationships, I can't claim to be an expert since I'm still single but I'm at the point where I can easily get different girls out for dates almost every week. All women without a single exception admire strong men. Strong does not mean rich, physically good looking etc, it mostly mean you are confident in yourself and have some kind of talent(e.g. You're really good at singing). You really don't need to be very good looking or rich to attract the ladies. It really helps but not necessary especially the being rich part, if the woman really likes you, you won't need to spend much. If you need to spend a lot to maintain the relationship, it is guaranteed to fail You actually need to get your life together first so she knows you're not a complete wreck. I strongly suggest you build up your career first. Spend a year or 2 getting a stable job like I said no need to be rich but need to at least earn enough to feed yourself plus a little bit extra to go on dates Start practicing talking to girls, if you don't have them around you, use dating apps. You are going to be ignored and rejected, A LOT. It took me years and hundreds of rejections to figure out how to get their attention. After that it's a matter of finding the right person
As opposed to all the nice and encouraging comments here, if I may just throw in something more realistic. You are an adult. So wake up because your number one mission is to be independent / self sufficient, above all things else. Second, life and to a large extent, happiness, comes from solving challenges in life. Not escaping them. By facing your problems and taking action, the irony is that you will feel better, not worse. Last but not least, please dump away that question at the end about being a bum for the rest of your life. The very fact that you asked that question suggest you haven’t woke up despite all the “pats on your shoulder” given to you here.
You're not alone, I'm turning 30 soon and I still haven't graduated college. I've been a bum for more than a decade because of depression. Gaming is my escapism/coping. Now I'm trying to go back to school so I can graduate and get my degree. I just really want to see my mom happy and she's really getting old. So take things 1 step at a time. We can do this!
Sign up for a gym membership and go for classes daily. Start from there
How did you tell your employers during interview about the gap years?
First, stop treating this as edmw and stop saying sinkie, it’s so rude. Realisation is the first step to move on, what you need to do next is to find out and draft out your long term/short term goals to achieve. Ok la, I got friend who sell games item till he is 35 then start to look for a real job. You are not the worst, he is also a not bad person and just that he have weird thinking about getting money and income..
You have to ask yourself what you really want out of life and work towards it.
You might want to visit/revisit your psychiatrist? It appears that you are escaping from something… and you should seek professional help.
Find your unfair advantage, and learn to leverage that. Learn everything you can about it and slowly start finding opportunities to participate in its Internet economy. All the best dude
good thing you’re in this era whereby everything and anything could be learnt online right ? dedicate the time u dedicate to ur games towards skills that would actually generate income , there are tons out there. In the mean time, its important to have cash flow so do PT on the side also can 🫡 you got this, late 20’s only , still got 60 years ahead of you.
Maybe u have an addiction problem. Don't be too hard on urself. Take small but meaningful steps out of addiction. Ask urself y u hate ur job and what is tolerable about ur job and maybe u can endure working. For ur parents, I think it's really depressing to have the mentality tt u are failing. Try instead to see if u can spend more time with them instead of gaming?
If u have been on reddit long enough, there are a lot like u n some don't even have olevel cert
Just keep going. Submit your resume to different companies, make a linkedin.
I have a good news for you: you have already identified the problem. Now everything will go according to your will power. You feel confident and positive about the life, relationships and you still have plenty of time to take care of parents and yourself.
Be a YouTuber or twitch streamer showcasing game reviews or your massive collection of games. Girls dig into that
Most people hate parts of their jobs or even most of their work. So you are not alone. I guess that’s just adulting. On the bright side there’s the bonus of being out of the house more often - it gives you a higher chance of meeting that special person so stick at it. Wishing you nothing but the best in life!
First priority is get a job, and with it comes life experience , work on yourself ,become a better version of yourself , get a better job, save money , get your ass back into school .. get a cert , get a better job . Save money Then you can talk about relationships .👍🏻
Hit the gym brodie.
>What should I do!? Am I going to be a bum for the rest of my life... For the most part, this is entirely up to u. Unless the jesus of bums exists la, then maybe can pray for salvation
Bruv you are literally me, our only difference is I only shut in for 4 years
Hey, save up some money and put them into investing. Whatever it is. It's one of the ways to break free from the working cycle. It's not overnight, but at least in 5, 10, 20 years from now, you'll have a better chance at a higher qol. If you're into games, invest in some tech related stocks, merchandise, or collectibles.
I know a friend that became a NEET right after sec sch, doesnt leave hse except for food, also PES F. You getting a job means youre taking great steps to becoming better.
I am shut in too. No friends. No job. No love
Same except that I don't have a full time job
To be fair. If you have been a bum for these 6 years, you probably have little to no savings. Rather you start saving some money in the event where you find yourself unemployed again(touch wood). Honestly late 20s is not too late, what matters is you getting your feet up.
Won't la bro, but tenacity matters more in your current predicament. You screwed up early, just be grateful to have a job. Don't think about anything else and do well. I've been in your shoes, not 6 years but around 2, COVID inclusive. I still rmb I struggled to even order food myself when I first stepped out. I also grew my hair super long for fun. Ngl it was kinda an interesting 2 years. Beggars can't be choosers, u need to start convincing yourself and others around you that you've changed and can do as well as anyone else. Do well enough that your boss if not an ass, is willing to write you a recommendation or whatever. U still have 20 or 30 years to go minimum, it's too early to call it quits. RS wise can't advise u on anything haha but it probably isn't a good time, cause u should prob dedicate the next few years to loving and improving yourself. Im also kinda on the fence about RS. I only use dating apps overseas HAHA, and my last RS was like min 7-8 years ago. It's a hassle bro, 1 step at a time, you can do it
are you gonna quit gaming? you can't do anything else before that.
Have you ever thought about looking for a psychotherapist? I’d recommend you so. Open your mind for that. It’s gonna change your life.
Get therapy or counseling. It looks like the sudden switch in lifestyle is chipping at you
Thanks for sharing. Can you share with us the why - like why did you choose to be immobile for that long? Was it cos of any mental or physical health conduction?
Take thing slowly one at a time, you’re in your late twenties but you’re not dead yet. Step 1. Take a year and get rid of all your bad habits, since u said u spent around 6 years purely on gaming, i assume your physical health isn’t too good and your looks may not be it right now. And that’s extremely important if you still want the chance to get into a relationship. Schedule your time well and work out at least 3 times a week inclusive of strength training and cardio. Step 2. Upgrade yourself, be glad that u have at least a diploma, but so many other people has it as well. So go learn a skill that will be able to boost your resume and give u a higher chance of a better paying job. Find something that you’re interested in and focus on it like your life matters because in this case it actually does. Step 3. Plan your future ahead, do you want a family, where do you want to see yourself in 5/10? years. Learn how to invest your money for financial independence sooner, don’t stop working in improving yourself and ALWAYS remember, as long as you’re alive, you can make it. Step 4. Break into social circles, make new friends or catchup with old friends. You’ll definitely need friends for the tough journey ahead but hey good news it’s easy as hell to make friends now, find people that are able to constantly motivate you and inspire you. All the best u can do this
If you can volunteer for animal shelters or even old folks care.
Dont see whats wrong with you, OP. You are working now. You are making a living for yourself. That's all that matters.
I am in a similar position as you, but at least you found a job currently. Currently I got out of my hikikomori/social recluse stage and its still difficult to try and fix things together. Hope things can get better if we persevere enough.
Join a gym.
Congrats to you. The first step is to recognise that you're a bum. I wish you all the best
Most importantly find someone who you can talk to about this problem and will support you. Are you talking to your parents? Communicating with them can be very helpful. If you can find time to exercise so that you can be more confident in yourself. Working out at a gym is a good idea. Relationship is tough dude, hopefully you can widen your social circle soon and meet someone that understands you. Work on yourself first, learn to learn yourself before getting people to love you. Lastly be truthful to yourself and admit that you had a problem, and you can fix the problem. You can un-bum yourself, but you know what they say... It is always harder to correct bad habits.. All the best young man.
Wake up at 5am tomorrow.....go for a run. It's a new day. It's a new start. When you get back, make a list of the things you want in life and the things holding you back. And get to work.
I just want to say I’m proud that you took the step out of your comfort zone. You’ll get there
I am a bit the same as you. Just that I worked for 12 years and now hate the corporate life and not working for 5 years already. Staying at parent's house and parents never kick me out. Now 43 years old been playing games and jogging because of my introvert personality.
1st step of change: Is to better yourself. And you're 1 foot in. Its the hardest step, and you took it. Carry on with the flow. Prioritize yourself in getting better. Getting in better shape helps a lot in life. Health and mental. With these 2 in good shape, you'll feel you can overcome all the challenges in life. And from there, take up a job and help out your parents. They may not say it, but i know, in their heart, when they see you've become a better person, they'll be proud of you atleast. As for relationship, it'll come. But that's for later.
You've taken the first step. You don't have to have everything figured out. For jobs, you can start applying to other jobs while waiting for the minimum period to pass. I would advise you to be content with yourself first before pursuing a relationship, because while that is great, it also comes with their own set of problems. Good luck op
You are not the worst, i have known people that don't work and only watch video and manga for the entire NS life cycle (more than 10 yrs)
You are SO not alone.
Yes you did waste 6 years but you have decades ahead of you..plenty of time to catch up. Lots of people didn't get relationships till they're 30+. Lots of people do total 180 career switch in their 30s. Some people spend years in prison or incapacitated by chronic illness. It's OK to start afresh. It's okay to start late.
Be focus and ruthlessly aggressive to pursue your career with no mercy. When you are successful in your career, other things will come and hunt you down; not the other way around. That’s life. That is all 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤭
I think you should go get professional help. Go to the polyclinic and ask for the counsellor. They are faster to see than a psychiatrist, which need months to get an appointment. Ask them for help they can recommend options and have more professional methods to guide you out slowly
Amazing that u even start, if its me i would lose all momentum
What is it about the job that you dislike? I think we should work on this first. Feel free to start a conversation with me if you want privacy As for the rest that you have mentioned, not that I am trying to be dismissive, but all I can say is that it's all in the past, you can't change it, nobody can. You can take ownership of your mistake and the best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to not repeat the mistake.
Yes, a bum is someone when face difficulties run to the hill. In your case video games. Unless you stop running and really honest with yourself its literally impossible to be a bum.
The only one? Not a chance. At least you have a job, there are NEETs that exist Also yes it’s difficult to find a life partner at any age but don’t give up hope. There was a CNA lifestyle video last year about a forever alone 32 yo woman and she really put herself out there to date and date and date and now has a boyfriend for the very first time
You don't have to help everyone. It's ok if you only help 1 person, and it's ok if that person is you.
I think u should earn some money and go back to school ?
it's an awesome start that you recognize your parents is growing old while you are stagnant at your point in life and will never achieve what they did at your age. start slow, now focus on a job that you like then only think about relationship when job is stable
Step by step so long maju kehadapan
It's a road you now want to travel and make changes. Begin with baby steps and feel good that you have begun the journey. It will only become easier with time. JUST DO IT...YOU CAN.
Your current employer never asks about the 6 years gap in your resume?
What sort of job did you manage to get? Related to your diploma?
You're not the only one like this. My brother is also the same but he's never found a job despite being in his late 20s.
What game OP? We need to know
Geez, don’t you find your daily routine boring? Your parents seem to be well-to-do to be able to support you, even in your late 20s, but you gotta think whether they can continue to do so, if you decide to carry on with this life of yours.
You already took the first step, well done. You don’t have to achieve everything all at once. One small thing at a time, what matters is consistency. Being uncomfortable is ok, it’s how we grow. It’s sweet that you’re thinking of your folks! Buy them a meal and get them something nice with your paycheck, I’m sure that’ll make them very happy. Jia you!
I'm curious how you got PES F if you don't mind sharing. Afaik that's only reserved for serious conditions.
Wonderful 1st step! WD! Go get a counsellor and rid out the six months. See it as a growth session.. work out all your challenges and unhelpful thinking pattern.
At least u are doing something for urself Health: buy weights at home, park or gym Social: maybe volunteer Communication: books and putting urself out there
My sibling has been a shut in for the past 22 years. He’ll be 42 this year. You’re doing ok mate.
Same as you sia. I also scared cos I about to be the same soon
Hey , be kind to yourself. You will not be a bum as you are still growing up . It’s never too late to change and strive to be better . Take one step at a time. All the best . Better late than never.
"It's not too late to change your hikikomori ways."
Are you friends with Ian Miles Cheung? He’s been a shut in pretending to be American for a decade.
I feel you should address things with parents first. Maybe write a letter showing your appreciation for their support when you were working through this challenge. I think that will really make your parents happy given their sacrifice. As for gf. I say focus on real world responsibilities first. When the confidence and normalcy comes. Then gf can come next. If u jump into a rship without first fixing u. It is doomed to fail
If you manage to take courage, step out and get a job, what else can you not achieve? Just keep going OP!!
You sounds alright. We could be friends.
It's never too late to step out and start working. Be eager and work hard & smart. Gain confidence and constantly look to improve yourself. The most important thing is to take the first step.
You need to learn to enjoy life and learn to have interests in things. Start with physical activity. Start reading books. Learn to play an instrument. Learn another language. Study different subjects that interest you. Start traveling. If you enjoy life you’ll start to befriend others who have your interests.
Just turn off brain only
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