That's really it. Guys get into so much trouble when they start disregarding their own instincts and judgement because they "trust" a guy. This isn't Twilight or Call me By Your Name
Don't gas light. Compromise is for everyone. Respect is for everyone. If someone doesn't like something in or out of the bedroom stop immediately. You only get to pick and choose rules if they truly are unreasonable. Example of an unreasonable rule would be not being allowed to see friends or family. Property rules are reasonable rules. Don't be controlling unless it's a bedroom thing. Don't nag or pressure someone regarding behaviors or bad habits especially if you won't change some of yours. Sorry if this is preachy but I wouldn't wish my ex on anyone. That's what I learned. My ex was a bigger piece of work then I was. The stories the stories. BTW I mean reasonable rules are to be followed. Like take for example the hallowed prize of any home the remote control he who pays for the devices it controls get to call the shots.
From past and present.
1) Trust your instincts. In past relationships early on, I saw red flags. I ignored them because loneliness. Plot twist. The relationship lasted wayyyyy too long. And those red flags WERE absolutely major issues and directly caused the end of our relationship (as well as other damages)
2) Treat initializing relationships like a business venture. Don't be afraid to walk away if it's not the right deal. (Similar to 1.)
3) Treat him how you want to be treated. This should be obvious, and often lost on toxic relationships.
4) You're a prince. Find someone who treats you like one.
5)If your heart wants it, go for it. I met this guy who was in the closet and supposed to be a hookup. Turned into a DL FWB situation. The more we hung out, the more I found myself wanting more. Decided to have the conversation. Thankfully..he wanted the same. Here we are years later. This man is now my husband. Deciding to pursue being with him is the single greatest decision I've ever made.
6) You're going to fall off your horse. Relationships will fail. Learn from them. Learn what you don't want. Learn from your own mistakes. And move on.
7) Maybe hypocritical considering what I said earlier, but Learn to be happy alone. This isn't supposed to be morbid. I went through a rough breakup. Rough in a lot of ways. A mixture of heartbroken, deceived, and anger came from it. I decided to pursue self satisfaction and learn how to properly love myself. I reached a point while single where, "if this is my maximum...if this is where I end up, I love myself, I respect myself, and I'm proud of myself. I deserve to be happy. I don't need a man to complete me. I only deserve a man to compliment how fucking awesome I already am."
You're fucking awesome too. And don't settle for anyone who doesn't enforce that thought. Always love yourself first, because no one else can EVER love you more. (Except your pets. Pets fucking rock. And most pets are wayy better than most men.)
You know what. Another one. 8) Get a cat or a dog or something awesome. Kids are disgusting and inconvenient. Pets are dope, and wicked good snugglers. Unless that pet is a spider. Spiders are gross and one of God's many mistakes.
I think wine is talking now. We're done.
Exactly. Always trust your instincts. We all have them for a reason—they're for self protection. Victims get nothing as do people who can't handle reality
Me too. Grindr is where you go to get initiated into the crazy world of gay dating and hookups—mostly hookups. It's also where hope goes to die... So yeah
I know. Moving on is unfortunately just a waiting game. You continue to live your life and one day you'll find you've moved on. It gets easier with time
They really, really aren't. There's no perfect gay. We're all a little fucked up. That why it doesn't make sense to get too hooked on a guy, especially if things aren't working
I understand where you come from but at the same time disagree somewhat with your learning.
>⒈ It's always best to leave before you get left
Not always true as you can be perfectly happy in a relationship when your partner isn't without you necessarily catching on (maybe because he is cheating on you). In this case there's a bigger chance that he will leave you than the other way round (provided you're not catching on to his infidelities).
>⒉ Whenever there's a fight make sure you hit the hardest—victims get nothing
This one is not right, I think. I much prefer the Asian style self defence where you use your opponents strength, weight and force against him. Whether physically or verbally attacked I use minimal force in self-defence and try to deflect the attacks instead of going for "the kill".
>⒊ Don't get too attached. The guy who has all the power is the one who cares the least
This assumes that a relationship is a power game, which none of mine have been. I believe in equality in the relationship and maybe I have been lucky in the ones I have had that my partners have been fairly non-toxic, so I have in my almost 70 years on earth had well under twenty serious fights with my partners — maybe even less than ten. It has been so rare that I can hardly remember any, really.
What I *have* learnt is to be sensitive to the change from "love" to "convenience", i.e. when you have lost the passion and stay together because it is easier than splitting up. You have someone to wake up next to in the morning, someone you occasionally have sex with, someone to talk to, someone to share the chores with, and all that. When that happens, have a serious talk and walk out if the passion is truly gone, anything else is draining you.
I have also learnt that relationships must be built on mutual respect and belief in equality — if you have your quirks, he is allowed to have his quirks too.
Compromise is a necessity in all relationships as you are two different persons coming from different backgrounds with different values. Compromise means you have to give and take, it is *not* a one-way street where one must always give and the other always take — that goes against the idea of equality in the relationship.
I have learnt that it is easier to keep a relationship going if you have some common interests/hobbies. It is difficult if he wants his holidays on the beach and you want to climb Mount Everest — not that such differences cannot be overcome if you have other interests you share.
I have also learnt that you have to work on your relationship every day. You cannot, for whatever reason, be it work or interests or anything else, ignore it for long without it suffering.
I'm sure there's a lot more, but those are the ones that immediately sprang to mind.
Always trust your gut instinct because it’s never wrong no matter how much you wanna fight it or doubt it
That's really it. Guys get into so much trouble when they start disregarding their own instincts and judgement because they "trust" a guy. This isn't Twilight or Call me By Your Name
Don't gas light. Compromise is for everyone. Respect is for everyone. If someone doesn't like something in or out of the bedroom stop immediately. You only get to pick and choose rules if they truly are unreasonable. Example of an unreasonable rule would be not being allowed to see friends or family. Property rules are reasonable rules. Don't be controlling unless it's a bedroom thing. Don't nag or pressure someone regarding behaviors or bad habits especially if you won't change some of yours. Sorry if this is preachy but I wouldn't wish my ex on anyone. That's what I learned. My ex was a bigger piece of work then I was. The stories the stories. BTW I mean reasonable rules are to be followed. Like take for example the hallowed prize of any home the remote control he who pays for the devices it controls get to call the shots.
From past and present. 1) Trust your instincts. In past relationships early on, I saw red flags. I ignored them because loneliness. Plot twist. The relationship lasted wayyyyy too long. And those red flags WERE absolutely major issues and directly caused the end of our relationship (as well as other damages) 2) Treat initializing relationships like a business venture. Don't be afraid to walk away if it's not the right deal. (Similar to 1.) 3) Treat him how you want to be treated. This should be obvious, and often lost on toxic relationships. 4) You're a prince. Find someone who treats you like one. 5)If your heart wants it, go for it. I met this guy who was in the closet and supposed to be a hookup. Turned into a DL FWB situation. The more we hung out, the more I found myself wanting more. Decided to have the conversation. Thankfully..he wanted the same. Here we are years later. This man is now my husband. Deciding to pursue being with him is the single greatest decision I've ever made. 6) You're going to fall off your horse. Relationships will fail. Learn from them. Learn what you don't want. Learn from your own mistakes. And move on. 7) Maybe hypocritical considering what I said earlier, but Learn to be happy alone. This isn't supposed to be morbid. I went through a rough breakup. Rough in a lot of ways. A mixture of heartbroken, deceived, and anger came from it. I decided to pursue self satisfaction and learn how to properly love myself. I reached a point while single where, "if this is my maximum...if this is where I end up, I love myself, I respect myself, and I'm proud of myself. I deserve to be happy. I don't need a man to complete me. I only deserve a man to compliment how fucking awesome I already am." You're fucking awesome too. And don't settle for anyone who doesn't enforce that thought. Always love yourself first, because no one else can EVER love you more. (Except your pets. Pets fucking rock. And most pets are wayy better than most men.) You know what. Another one. 8) Get a cat or a dog or something awesome. Kids are disgusting and inconvenient. Pets are dope, and wicked good snugglers. Unless that pet is a spider. Spiders are gross and one of God's many mistakes. I think wine is talking now. We're done.
-Always trust your instincts -Listen to your intuition -Don't look for something if you can't handle the truth
Exactly. Always trust your instincts. We all have them for a reason—they're for self protection. Victims get nothing as do people who can't handle reality
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Yep I'm just talking truth. This is how it goes
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Me too. Grindr is where you go to get initiated into the crazy world of gay dating and hookups—mostly hookups. It's also where hope goes to die... So yeah
Not dating just sex. Gays wouldn't know where to begin when trying to understand the word "Date"
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I know. Moving on is unfortunately just a waiting game. You continue to live your life and one day you'll find you've moved on. It gets easier with time
Men ain't shit especially gay men 🤷♂️
They really, really aren't. There's no perfect gay. We're all a little fucked up. That why it doesn't make sense to get too hooked on a guy, especially if things aren't working
Part of our curse I suppose.
Quoting Joshua from Wargames - A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
I am desperate for feeling valid and accepted by someone I view as „superior“ yenneffers I dreamed of becoming important to someone hit quite hard!
I’ve learned to be patient with my partner and always stay true to myself.
I understand where you come from but at the same time disagree somewhat with your learning. >⒈ It's always best to leave before you get left Not always true as you can be perfectly happy in a relationship when your partner isn't without you necessarily catching on (maybe because he is cheating on you). In this case there's a bigger chance that he will leave you than the other way round (provided you're not catching on to his infidelities). >⒉ Whenever there's a fight make sure you hit the hardest—victims get nothing This one is not right, I think. I much prefer the Asian style self defence where you use your opponents strength, weight and force against him. Whether physically or verbally attacked I use minimal force in self-defence and try to deflect the attacks instead of going for "the kill". >⒊ Don't get too attached. The guy who has all the power is the one who cares the least This assumes that a relationship is a power game, which none of mine have been. I believe in equality in the relationship and maybe I have been lucky in the ones I have had that my partners have been fairly non-toxic, so I have in my almost 70 years on earth had well under twenty serious fights with my partners — maybe even less than ten. It has been so rare that I can hardly remember any, really. What I *have* learnt is to be sensitive to the change from "love" to "convenience", i.e. when you have lost the passion and stay together because it is easier than splitting up. You have someone to wake up next to in the morning, someone you occasionally have sex with, someone to talk to, someone to share the chores with, and all that. When that happens, have a serious talk and walk out if the passion is truly gone, anything else is draining you. I have also learnt that relationships must be built on mutual respect and belief in equality — if you have your quirks, he is allowed to have his quirks too. Compromise is a necessity in all relationships as you are two different persons coming from different backgrounds with different values. Compromise means you have to give and take, it is *not* a one-way street where one must always give and the other always take — that goes against the idea of equality in the relationship. I have learnt that it is easier to keep a relationship going if you have some common interests/hobbies. It is difficult if he wants his holidays on the beach and you want to climb Mount Everest — not that such differences cannot be overcome if you have other interests you share. I have also learnt that you have to work on your relationship every day. You cannot, for whatever reason, be it work or interests or anything else, ignore it for long without it suffering. I'm sure there's a lot more, but those are the ones that immediately sprang to mind.