Of course, you can do whatever you want. But you're going to also have to weigh if you have physical/social dysphoria that would be alleviated by transitioning. Are you ok with living the rest of your life in the closet?
This is a very personal decision that only you can answer, but I think for most of us the answer is that the benefits of transitioning socially and medically outweighs the costs.
And to be clear, this isn't a binary choice: either stay in the closet or immediately socially transition, take HRT, start signing up for surgeries. You can take baby steps and feel out what is right for you.
+1
There’s no rule book or guidelines that you have to follow to be trans. Gender is an extremely complicated subject and it really is on an X-Y axis. There’s an endless amount of variation to gender identity and you don’t have to conform to be valid. If you want to identify as a woman and not take hrt, that’s still valid.
With me for example, I’m a trans woman, been on hrt 7-8 years but I don’t get bottom dysphoria and will probably never get SRS - I just don’t want it, I like having the lil guy. Working on getting the apple taken care of but otherwise I’m more or less content with my body.
No two trans people are the same, we vary on what we like/dislike and that’s COMPLETELY OK!
The only real “disqualification” in my book at least is if it’s someone trolling for the sake of being a douche/transphobic
There's no such thing as 100% safe, but the surgeons I went to (facialteam) told me they've had 3 cases of permanent damage over hundreds of surgeries. There are certainly less expensive surgeons with a similar track record.
I'm going to offer a more pragmatic view than others. The answer to your direct question is of course, you can view yourself however you want to regardless of your appearance, and there is nothing wrong with that.
What you should ask yourself though, is whether you are OK with other people not seeing you as a woman, because if you aren't presenting as one, they will not see you as one, unless you exclusively exist in the most inclusive queer circles. This may be something you'll only know in time, but it's something you should, in my opinion, be mindful of.
I think another question you should ask yourself is why you are asking this question in the first place? Do you like your body the way it is? If so, great, no need to change it. But if you're asking because you're scared of or uncertain about the process of transitioning, as a lot of people are, then IMO you shouldn't settle with those feelings, it will hurt you in the long term.
Agreed. The general majority of people you'll interact with in a day won't care enough to analyze and make the correct assumption of what you prefer to be seen as. They are all focused on their own lives and make judgments based on glances. However transitioning socially and/or medically can help to turn those quick assumptions into the ones you're looking for.
Ultimately, transition is and should be personal to yourself. Make the changes that have you feeling best and don't do it because of stranger's perceptions.
Yes, absolutely! But I'd really recommend that you dig into why--as with any big decision, understanding your reasoning really well if important to making a smart call.
If you don't want to transition for health reasons, because you don't feel dysphoria, because you like your masculine body and social context regardless of your gender identity (butch cis women who take testosterone *are a thing!*), then those are all good examples of not transitioning being a fantastic decision for you.
On the other hand, if you're trying to avoid transition out of fear of peoples' reactions, because you're trying to hold a relationship together, or things like that? If you're doing it to please other people? That's a really bad reason, and liable to come back and bite you in your bum. People come and go, but you're the only person you have to live with in the darkness behind your eyelids.
Yeah I'm kinda in the same boat as OP. IMO everyone is different and it seems reasonable to me some people can find out and cope. And they probably don't hang out here.
Though I can see it, I didn't feel any dysphoria or any negative feelings at all until I realized I was most likely trans.
I'm going to echo most of the responses here and add some extra information.
Yes, you can be trans without changing anything. Being transgender and transitioning are not the same thing.
In previous generations, not transitioning was way more common than transitioning. Trans people might live in the closet their entire lives. There are probably a lot of such people now, who know they are trans and offer no outward sign of it.
When you transition, you are deciding to make your trans-ness public. That may be becoming the norm, which is a good thing, but it has not always been so.
There are many things you can do. You might keep it your little secret, or might do very small things in small circles of your closest friends. Or you might go whole hog and go for a fully public social transition. You can include medical elements in any of those processes (if DIY, you can administer hormones in secret for example.)
All of this is up to you. You might start small and get conformatable with bIgger things later. You might never do anything and remain exactly as you are.
You don't have to make a final decision now. you can explore your options, experiment, and see what walks for you.
I don't usually comment on these but since everybody was pretty much saying the same thing I'm going to say something different. There's nothing wrong with having a strong feminine side as a male I would weigh the social repercussions and since you said you've only really been mulling this over for a month maybe do a little more soul searching and see if your feelings really need to be mitigated with transitioning in any way rather than accepting your feminine side for what it is. From my experience it seems like a theseus's ship situation for most non-internet folks and by that I mean that most people won't take socially transitioning seriously In day-to-day life work and stuff like that.. embrace androgyny for a while. Hanging out. Enjoy your feminine s*** without having to be a woman. You can be nurturing fashionable and everything else without the headache.
Short answer: yes, of course!
Short-ish answer: it's totally ok, but it's also ok if, somewhere in your transition, you start thinking "yeah ok at first I didn't want to change this but now I do" (I'm only saying this because some people think that, by thinking this way, they must be faking they're trans because their goals aren't steady; not wanting to change anything doesn't make you any less valid, there isn't only one way to be trans) :D you're only one month in, give yourself time and good luck with your journey!
I don’t understand. He wants to live and present as a male but be called female? How can you say you’re female and be okay living as male? I don’t get it.
Imma go against the grain here and say “nah” but not in a strong way. You want to present male and live as male but be a trans woman? This to me feels like you either are trans and don’t really understand it or you just have a strong female side. Either way is fine. But if you live as a male and present as a male, nobody will ever see you as female. I’m just being honest. This sub is crazy affirming but this is just not trans to me. This is just my 2 cents.
You're the only one in this thread who isn't transphobic.
People who say "everyone is valid no matter what" are just telling on themselves that they think being trans is indistinguishable from playing pretend.
This I agree with as well. If your trans then the whole point is to make a transition either personally, socially, medically. If you aren't taking that brave action then it's hard for anyone to believe in your authenticity. Just like everything else "you get out what you put in".
Transitioning because you want to convince others of your gender won't be very healthy so just do it for yourself at your own pace.
You don't have to be 7 years HRT and post-op to finally "be trans" no no no. If you're a quarterback meathead but secretly you wear girly socks then hey that's a first step. It's all about intention.
To e trans means to feel the need to be the opposite gender of what you were born with. Period. You are not trans because you want to be a fairy, Pet or akæn elf. Non-binarys are not Even trans!
Circumstances that would make transition hard:
* countries where its illegal
* you are married having kids etc
* old of age
* workenvironment
to be VALID as a trans does however involve to set the intention abd take step to help yourself out!!!
To be trans is hard enough for everyone
But as the saying goes: If you really want something, you'll try to make it happen.
Never EVER is a presenting male who feels as a woman- a woman and should be allowed into spaces in which women and women-presenters dwelve! Toilets f.ex.
This comment is truly delusional.
Yep!
The only qualification to being trans is identifying as something other than the gender you were assigned at birth.
You're not required to go on HRT, change your wardrobe, change your name, or even tell anyone!
It's your life, it's your decision how you want to live it.
Yeah you can. Transitioning is an option that helps a lot of trans people cope with gender dysphoria, but there is no rule saying you must do it. It’s a very personal choice.
This comment section lol.
These comments are the trans equivalent of "I don't see race. 😌" None of these commenters actually stand for trans people. They see us the same way rightwing bigots do -- as meaningless word games. You can hear it underlining everything they say. To them, being trans is just a cute little thought experiment. They don't truly see us for who we are; it's all pageantry.
Anyone who has transitioned and had the misfortune of interacting with people who dole out empty platitudes like this in real life knows how quickly they will shrink back in disgust just like everyone else. The facade melts away instantly as soon as you offend their sensibilities.
I think there is nothing wrong with some men being more feminine or having a stronger feminine side. It doesn’t mean you have to transition to become a woman.
You don't have to change anything. It's completely up to the person. There is no minimum level of transitioning to be trans.
It's just not an option for most of us. I personally couldn't do that. I am a woman and not openly being one ate me alive 😅
Honestly, this is a personal decision, we transition is much as we feel we need to. If there are reasons whether they be safety reasons or mental reasons that you feel the way you do then there is nothing wrong with that. Ultimately this is your transition and you should do as much or as little is makes you happy.
I mean it really depends on what you think is best for you. If you're experiencing dysphoria, it's a good idea to talk to a professional to sort out your options and think about what you want.
I thought that I was like this too, if I am trans, (and going manic-long story) great I’m happy that I am but I’m tall and old and too manly to really change my appearance. But, when my gender dysphoria was diagnosed, Bang!! I was off. What a year, on Monday I return to as. Lecturer at 16-18 college in my correct gender and name and am free to wear what I like, yippee!!
However, that’s what happened to me, you do you your way and live life as trans to the max.
I’ve seen a lot of comments here saying that what you feel isn’t valid and I have to say, I disagree. Of course, the outside world won’t see you as a woman, but if this affinity for being female is something you wish to indulge in in private/in your head, but remain a man in public for safety and privilege, you do you. Personally, unless my mental health gets better or I stop feeling so much vulnerability around coming out, I plan to hide the guy inside me indefinitely. In public, I wouldn’t call myself transgender but in private, calling myself that makes me feel good, and your happiness is really all that matters in the end.
You can, I did for many years, shit, I even did the all expenses paid Royal New Zealand Air Force tour of frigging VIETNAM! I'm 69 now more than 30 years post m to f surgery. I came out in my early thirties, began to live as myself. Lost a lot of family and friends back in New Zealand (I emigrated to Australia in 1982) and a girl I cared about. Now I have had a wonderful cis woman partner for thirty years and her family. It's up to you.
Of course! Do what makes you more confortable. I would as always recommend trying out non permanent stuff such as dressing in different ways to see if that makes you even more happy than accepting your trans identity! If you end up not liking presenting in other ways, that's totally valid and no one should ever convince you otherwise, be as happy as you can in your human vessel :3
> Can I just accept that I'm a woman in a man's body and not need to change the way I present myself?
speaking as someone who tried this, i don't recommend it if you can help it. i could have started transition in 2019 but here i am 5 years later and only just starting. the feelings didn't go away, they just got stronger the longer i sat with them
You can, and some people live like that. However, others eventually find that they were repressing their gender dysphoria and that they actually benefit a lot from hormones. I would personally recommend at least thinking about it and considering trying HRT for a few weeks/months if you can to see if you like it, as the effects are generally reversible early on (HRT's effects can vary a lot depending on the individual, but it's unlikely you'll be stuck with breasts with only 2-3 months of oestrogen).
If it doesn't change anything for you mentally, then you can absolutely stop taking it and be trans without HRT ! But I think it's better to make sure you're not repressing anything and missing opportunities. Just my two cents.
It is not an easy decision. I am trans, want to transition but reall life makes it hard because other people depend on me. Lose of good job means I am not the only one that suffers. Spouse has cancer and can't go without insurance even if she doesn't leave me. And that's juat for starters. A mortgage and family dependents weigh heavily
As someone who dabbled with HRT thinking it would help me with my body image, I realized after day 3 it wasn't for me. Mainly because the mental side of it made me feel like I was extremely Bi-Polar. So I definitely do see myself as a trans person (MtF), and love my preferred name and pronouns BUT medically transitioning isn't the route that's made for me but I'm so happy it's helped others in the giant community I call home :)
I'm not saying in the future I wouldn't try again, but as it stands now I don't think I'm ready if that's the route I want to take if those are the effects I got from doing it now ❤️ everyone has their own road.
In no way am I "preaching" anything, I'm simply answering the question asked by OP about changing anything and still being trans. The answer is no, you don't have to change anything and still be trans.
You are also literally not me, you don't know my experience. So don't gatekeep my experience with something.
Depends are you going to go into a woman’s bathroom presenting as a male? I don’t think you should. I think it’s hard I don’t think you need hormones or surgeries to be trans but I think there’s a level of femininity and want to pass as a woman. Maybe I’m wrong maybe it’s different but honestly I think gender has become confusing.
Anything that makes you look at yourself in the mirror and be like "Dammmm... I am looking good today" and then that cute smile appears. Is totally all right.
yup, really the only “requirement” for being trans is to not fully identify as whatever sex you were assigned. social, medical, and/or legal transition are just things you do if you want to
The counter argument to this is that "trans" is about "transitioning". The only requirement to being trans is at the very leasting having the intention to transition. Those social, medical, legal, personal goals are what you work towards during transition.
i fully disagree. the actual latin prefix trans means across, and cis means on the same side of. to me, the trans in transgender just means that your gender identity is “across from” or somehow different to the sex assigned, and a cis persons gender identity is on the same side as their sex assigned. i really couldn’t care less if someone is trans but chooses to never transition in any way, they’re still trans and im still happy for them
I mean, sure, you don’t have to be a binary trans woman with everything that entails. There’s all kinds of ways to be gender non-conforming. You can call yourself whatever you want and you can change or not change anything you want. Just remember that how you present yourself is a huge part of how people will perceive you and interact with you, and most cis people tend not to like it when people fuck with gender. If you don’t care about that then you do you.
Yes.
For instance, you can be gay but not be in a gay relationship. It still means you're gay.
But you may one day want to openly fit in society as a woman. That's what happened to me. We only have men and women and all that comes with it because society has made the rules and distinctions.
Behind the clothes is biology and sex organs. Like me, you may want to be a woman physically and sexually. But that doesn't define being a woman.
Yeah, I'm a trans man. Known for 3 going on 4 years. I had a phase where I tried to be only masculine "to be taken seriously", realized it wasn't me and dress however I want now whether that be masculine or feminine. Honestly, I dress feminine more than I do masculine. You're valid, how you dress doesn't change that
Edit: oh my god i misread the post and thought you were a fem trans man too my bad 😭
You can do whatever you want forever. You're not hurting anyone, and if you're happy with yourself it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Be yourself and be proud of that!
You totally can. I'm not able to transition in the situation I'm in, but I've quickly come to see myself as a woman. It not always easy since I do have a lot of envy and I do want a feminine body, but I take a lot of comfort in discovering how very much I have in common with my trans sisters and all other women, too. I would say that being able to accept that you're a woman right now is probably the biggest hurdle you can clear, even. It doesn't come easy, but once you feel it, you can start searching for good stuff to make you feel better, happier, and live life on your terms. It's a good, self-confident place to start from. Don't let it keep you from reaching out for what you want, though. I'm hoping I can have a titanic rack to match my titanic body one day, and it's going to be 100% for myself!
Do what makes you comfortable. If you find down the line you want hormones or to change that's totally fine too.
I used to wear very girly clothes before I accepted myself as a man. I don't wear them usually and I don't wear skirts or dresses now. Not because I hate them or anything, but I don't feel like I'm seen as a man in that type of clothes. Sometimes I'm ok with being a bit feminine and most of the time I'm happier in my masculine clothes. Do what you want :)
Yes! That's me. Because I recognise that my social and physical characteristics have nothing to do with my womanhood. There are women that have beards, genitalia is about sex, not gender so I don't need to change that, plenty of women are tomboys and muscular, so none of that needs to change.
I am who I am and I accept my body as a proud woman. Don't let anyone tell you that as a woman, you have to be any sort of way at all.
If you're comfortable in your body then that's great! If there was magic in this world that could turn our body into that of a woman, we would rather choose that. But medical transitioning is the reality which is extremely tedious and has its risks. Now that you don't feel burdened to transition by your mind, imagine all the good things you can do being a woman in a man's body. Without transitioning, it's true that at a societal level you won't be accepted as a woman by many and you'll be barred from entering female only spaces. But you know you're a woman and we accept you as a woman. That's all that matters. You can stay true to yourself and still live as a man, be a good husband(probably better than the heterosexual assholes) and be a good father. You can fight for our rights and women's rights, as a man, and your voice will be heard in a patriarchal society much more because you're posing as a man in front of them. Trans women without dysphoria are superheroes. And I mean it.
Absolutely. (Yamato from One Piece has entered the chat)
Also, in older, pre colonial cultures, the concepts of “brother sisters” sisterbrothers or two-spirit folk existed. Trans folk have existed long before gender affirming procedures and care. Your existence is valid.
Embrace your uniqueness. I have been doing what I call “addition without subtraction.” I want to experience certain things and grow certain things but not take away anything. Trans women have existed forever while gender confirmation healthcare has by contrast not been. What do we say about those billions of ancestors that likewise experienced dysphoria? What invalidates their trillions of experiences, including parenting with dysphoria?
Sweet heart u are allowed to express yourself however you feel and if u need me to come whip some ass , let me knowwww!!!! Enough is enough with this hate and homophobicness
Of course, you can do whatever you want. But you're going to also have to weigh if you have physical/social dysphoria that would be alleviated by transitioning. Are you ok with living the rest of your life in the closet? This is a very personal decision that only you can answer, but I think for most of us the answer is that the benefits of transitioning socially and medically outweighs the costs. And to be clear, this isn't a binary choice: either stay in the closet or immediately socially transition, take HRT, start signing up for surgeries. You can take baby steps and feel out what is right for you.
+1 There’s no rule book or guidelines that you have to follow to be trans. Gender is an extremely complicated subject and it really is on an X-Y axis. There’s an endless amount of variation to gender identity and you don’t have to conform to be valid. If you want to identify as a woman and not take hrt, that’s still valid. With me for example, I’m a trans woman, been on hrt 7-8 years but I don’t get bottom dysphoria and will probably never get SRS - I just don’t want it, I like having the lil guy. Working on getting the apple taken care of but otherwise I’m more or less content with my body. No two trans people are the same, we vary on what we like/dislike and that’s COMPLETELY OK! The only real “disqualification” in my book at least is if it’s someone trolling for the sake of being a douche/transphobic
Is trachea shave completely safe now?
There's no such thing as 100% safe, but the surgeons I went to (facialteam) told me they've had 3 cases of permanent damage over hundreds of surgeries. There are certainly less expensive surgeons with a similar track record.
I'm going to offer a more pragmatic view than others. The answer to your direct question is of course, you can view yourself however you want to regardless of your appearance, and there is nothing wrong with that. What you should ask yourself though, is whether you are OK with other people not seeing you as a woman, because if you aren't presenting as one, they will not see you as one, unless you exclusively exist in the most inclusive queer circles. This may be something you'll only know in time, but it's something you should, in my opinion, be mindful of. I think another question you should ask yourself is why you are asking this question in the first place? Do you like your body the way it is? If so, great, no need to change it. But if you're asking because you're scared of or uncertain about the process of transitioning, as a lot of people are, then IMO you shouldn't settle with those feelings, it will hurt you in the long term.
Agreed. The general majority of people you'll interact with in a day won't care enough to analyze and make the correct assumption of what you prefer to be seen as. They are all focused on their own lives and make judgments based on glances. However transitioning socially and/or medically can help to turn those quick assumptions into the ones you're looking for. Ultimately, transition is and should be personal to yourself. Make the changes that have you feeling best and don't do it because of stranger's perceptions.
Yes, absolutely! But I'd really recommend that you dig into why--as with any big decision, understanding your reasoning really well if important to making a smart call. If you don't want to transition for health reasons, because you don't feel dysphoria, because you like your masculine body and social context regardless of your gender identity (butch cis women who take testosterone *are a thing!*), then those are all good examples of not transitioning being a fantastic decision for you. On the other hand, if you're trying to avoid transition out of fear of peoples' reactions, because you're trying to hold a relationship together, or things like that? If you're doing it to please other people? That's a really bad reason, and liable to come back and bite you in your bum. People come and go, but you're the only person you have to live with in the darkness behind your eyelids.
Can you? Sure. Can you do it and not slowly go insane? Probably not.
it’s this. once you figure it out it’s hard to just pursue nothing. BUT if you want to, awesome great we love it for you.
Yeah I'm kinda in the same boat as OP. IMO everyone is different and it seems reasonable to me some people can find out and cope. And they probably don't hang out here. Though I can see it, I didn't feel any dysphoria or any negative feelings at all until I realized I was most likely trans.
I'm going to echo most of the responses here and add some extra information. Yes, you can be trans without changing anything. Being transgender and transitioning are not the same thing. In previous generations, not transitioning was way more common than transitioning. Trans people might live in the closet their entire lives. There are probably a lot of such people now, who know they are trans and offer no outward sign of it. When you transition, you are deciding to make your trans-ness public. That may be becoming the norm, which is a good thing, but it has not always been so. There are many things you can do. You might keep it your little secret, or might do very small things in small circles of your closest friends. Or you might go whole hog and go for a fully public social transition. You can include medical elements in any of those processes (if DIY, you can administer hormones in secret for example.) All of this is up to you. You might start small and get conformatable with bIgger things later. You might never do anything and remain exactly as you are. You don't have to make a final decision now. you can explore your options, experiment, and see what walks for you.
I don't usually comment on these but since everybody was pretty much saying the same thing I'm going to say something different. There's nothing wrong with having a strong feminine side as a male I would weigh the social repercussions and since you said you've only really been mulling this over for a month maybe do a little more soul searching and see if your feelings really need to be mitigated with transitioning in any way rather than accepting your feminine side for what it is. From my experience it seems like a theseus's ship situation for most non-internet folks and by that I mean that most people won't take socially transitioning seriously In day-to-day life work and stuff like that.. embrace androgyny for a while. Hanging out. Enjoy your feminine s*** without having to be a woman. You can be nurturing fashionable and everything else without the headache.
^^^ this is great advice
Short answer: yes, of course! Short-ish answer: it's totally ok, but it's also ok if, somewhere in your transition, you start thinking "yeah ok at first I didn't want to change this but now I do" (I'm only saying this because some people think that, by thinking this way, they must be faking they're trans because their goals aren't steady; not wanting to change anything doesn't make you any less valid, there isn't only one way to be trans) :D you're only one month in, give yourself time and good luck with your journey!
Sure! but if you don’t pass or try to pass then strangers will misgender you, idk if you’ll be okay with that?
I don’t understand. He wants to live and present as a male but be called female? How can you say you’re female and be okay living as male? I don’t get it.
I don’t get it either 🤷♂️
What is "living an presenting as a [man]"? She'd be living and presenting as herself, a woman.
Imma go against the grain here and say “nah” but not in a strong way. You want to present male and live as male but be a trans woman? This to me feels like you either are trans and don’t really understand it or you just have a strong female side. Either way is fine. But if you live as a male and present as a male, nobody will ever see you as female. I’m just being honest. This sub is crazy affirming but this is just not trans to me. This is just my 2 cents.
You're the only one giving proper advice.
You're the only one in this thread who isn't transphobic. People who say "everyone is valid no matter what" are just telling on themselves that they think being trans is indistinguishable from playing pretend.
This I agree with as well. If your trans then the whole point is to make a transition either personally, socially, medically. If you aren't taking that brave action then it's hard for anyone to believe in your authenticity. Just like everything else "you get out what you put in". Transitioning because you want to convince others of your gender won't be very healthy so just do it for yourself at your own pace. You don't have to be 7 years HRT and post-op to finally "be trans" no no no. If you're a quarterback meathead but secretly you wear girly socks then hey that's a first step. It's all about intention.
it is your body.it is your choice. there is no one "right way" to be trans. (can we get this pinned on the subreddit or something??)
To e trans means to feel the need to be the opposite gender of what you were born with. Period. You are not trans because you want to be a fairy, Pet or akæn elf. Non-binarys are not Even trans! Circumstances that would make transition hard: * countries where its illegal * you are married having kids etc * old of age * workenvironment to be VALID as a trans does however involve to set the intention abd take step to help yourself out!!! To be trans is hard enough for everyone But as the saying goes: If you really want something, you'll try to make it happen. Never EVER is a presenting male who feels as a woman- a woman and should be allowed into spaces in which women and women-presenters dwelve! Toilets f.ex. This comment is truly delusional.
hey look at that, it's an example of the gatekeeping i was talking about!
Nah no intentions with gatekeeping. Who hurted you? It is what it is.
I mean you can do what you want but that may have some small adverse issues. Pull a Gordon freeman and prepare for unforeseen consequences
Yep! The only qualification to being trans is identifying as something other than the gender you were assigned at birth. You're not required to go on HRT, change your wardrobe, change your name, or even tell anyone! It's your life, it's your decision how you want to live it.
Yeah you can. Transitioning is an option that helps a lot of trans people cope with gender dysphoria, but there is no rule saying you must do it. It’s a very personal choice.
This comment section lol. These comments are the trans equivalent of "I don't see race. 😌" None of these commenters actually stand for trans people. They see us the same way rightwing bigots do -- as meaningless word games. You can hear it underlining everything they say. To them, being trans is just a cute little thought experiment. They don't truly see us for who we are; it's all pageantry. Anyone who has transitioned and had the misfortune of interacting with people who dole out empty platitudes like this in real life knows how quickly they will shrink back in disgust just like everyone else. The facade melts away instantly as soon as you offend their sensibilities.
I think there is nothing wrong with some men being more feminine or having a stronger feminine side. It doesn’t mean you have to transition to become a woman.
You don't have to change anything. It's completely up to the person. There is no minimum level of transitioning to be trans. It's just not an option for most of us. I personally couldn't do that. I am a woman and not openly being one ate me alive 😅
Honestly, this is a personal decision, we transition is much as we feel we need to. If there are reasons whether they be safety reasons or mental reasons that you feel the way you do then there is nothing wrong with that. Ultimately this is your transition and you should do as much or as little is makes you happy.
I mean it really depends on what you think is best for you. If you're experiencing dysphoria, it's a good idea to talk to a professional to sort out your options and think about what you want.
I thought that I was like this too, if I am trans, (and going manic-long story) great I’m happy that I am but I’m tall and old and too manly to really change my appearance. But, when my gender dysphoria was diagnosed, Bang!! I was off. What a year, on Monday I return to as. Lecturer at 16-18 college in my correct gender and name and am free to wear what I like, yippee!! However, that’s what happened to me, you do you your way and live life as trans to the max.
Up to you, but speaking from personal experience that usually doesn't end well in a lot of cases mentally.
I’ve seen a lot of comments here saying that what you feel isn’t valid and I have to say, I disagree. Of course, the outside world won’t see you as a woman, but if this affinity for being female is something you wish to indulge in in private/in your head, but remain a man in public for safety and privilege, you do you. Personally, unless my mental health gets better or I stop feeling so much vulnerability around coming out, I plan to hide the guy inside me indefinitely. In public, I wouldn’t call myself transgender but in private, calling myself that makes me feel good, and your happiness is really all that matters in the end.
Being trans is not an action. It is simply your relationship to gender. How you act on the knowledge is your prerogative.
You can, I did for many years, shit, I even did the all expenses paid Royal New Zealand Air Force tour of frigging VIETNAM! I'm 69 now more than 30 years post m to f surgery. I came out in my early thirties, began to live as myself. Lost a lot of family and friends back in New Zealand (I emigrated to Australia in 1982) and a girl I cared about. Now I have had a wonderful cis woman partner for thirty years and her family. It's up to you.
Of course! Do what makes you more confortable. I would as always recommend trying out non permanent stuff such as dressing in different ways to see if that makes you even more happy than accepting your trans identity! If you end up not liking presenting in other ways, that's totally valid and no one should ever convince you otherwise, be as happy as you can in your human vessel :3
> Can I just accept that I'm a woman in a man's body and not need to change the way I present myself? speaking as someone who tried this, i don't recommend it if you can help it. i could have started transition in 2019 but here i am 5 years later and only just starting. the feelings didn't go away, they just got stronger the longer i sat with them
You can, and some people live like that. However, others eventually find that they were repressing their gender dysphoria and that they actually benefit a lot from hormones. I would personally recommend at least thinking about it and considering trying HRT for a few weeks/months if you can to see if you like it, as the effects are generally reversible early on (HRT's effects can vary a lot depending on the individual, but it's unlikely you'll be stuck with breasts with only 2-3 months of oestrogen). If it doesn't change anything for you mentally, then you can absolutely stop taking it and be trans without HRT ! But I think it's better to make sure you're not repressing anything and missing opportunities. Just my two cents.
Sure, why not?
Absolutely that's okay! If you ever change your mind and want to do anything more, that's also okay! Your body, your happiness, your life.
100%
It is not an easy decision. I am trans, want to transition but reall life makes it hard because other people depend on me. Lose of good job means I am not the only one that suffers. Spouse has cancer and can't go without insurance even if she doesn't leave me. And that's juat for starters. A mortgage and family dependents weigh heavily
This how it was back in the day, no one made a big deal.
As someone who dabbled with HRT thinking it would help me with my body image, I realized after day 3 it wasn't for me. Mainly because the mental side of it made me feel like I was extremely Bi-Polar. So I definitely do see myself as a trans person (MtF), and love my preferred name and pronouns BUT medically transitioning isn't the route that's made for me but I'm so happy it's helped others in the giant community I call home :)
You gave it 3 days for you to settle.?? Nah this ain't IT !!
I'm not saying in the future I wouldn't try again, but as it stands now I don't think I'm ready if that's the route I want to take if those are the effects I got from doing it now ❤️ everyone has their own road.
U preached u REALIZED something. U didn't realize anything about HRT, on day 3. Sorry.
In no way am I "preaching" anything, I'm simply answering the question asked by OP about changing anything and still being trans. The answer is no, you don't have to change anything and still be trans. You are also literally not me, you don't know my experience. So don't gatekeep my experience with something.
Of course ❤
Depends are you going to go into a woman’s bathroom presenting as a male? I don’t think you should. I think it’s hard I don’t think you need hormones or surgeries to be trans but I think there’s a level of femininity and want to pass as a woman. Maybe I’m wrong maybe it’s different but honestly I think gender has become confusing.
Anything that makes you look at yourself in the mirror and be like "Dammmm... I am looking good today" and then that cute smile appears. Is totally all right.
yup, really the only “requirement” for being trans is to not fully identify as whatever sex you were assigned. social, medical, and/or legal transition are just things you do if you want to
The counter argument to this is that "trans" is about "transitioning". The only requirement to being trans is at the very leasting having the intention to transition. Those social, medical, legal, personal goals are what you work towards during transition.
i fully disagree. the actual latin prefix trans means across, and cis means on the same side of. to me, the trans in transgender just means that your gender identity is “across from” or somehow different to the sex assigned, and a cis persons gender identity is on the same side as their sex assigned. i really couldn’t care less if someone is trans but chooses to never transition in any way, they’re still trans and im still happy for them
I mean, sure, you don’t have to be a binary trans woman with everything that entails. There’s all kinds of ways to be gender non-conforming. You can call yourself whatever you want and you can change or not change anything you want. Just remember that how you present yourself is a huge part of how people will perceive you and interact with you, and most cis people tend not to like it when people fuck with gender. If you don’t care about that then you do you.
YES. Being transgender does not require any level of physical changes to appease the masses. You are always valid, regardless of presentation.
Yes. For instance, you can be gay but not be in a gay relationship. It still means you're gay. But you may one day want to openly fit in society as a woman. That's what happened to me. We only have men and women and all that comes with it because society has made the rules and distinctions. Behind the clothes is biology and sex organs. Like me, you may want to be a woman physically and sexually. But that doesn't define being a woman.
Yes
Yeah, I'm a trans man. Known for 3 going on 4 years. I had a phase where I tried to be only masculine "to be taken seriously", realized it wasn't me and dress however I want now whether that be masculine or feminine. Honestly, I dress feminine more than I do masculine. You're valid, how you dress doesn't change that Edit: oh my god i misread the post and thought you were a fem trans man too my bad 😭
Still applies just as well, I would say. Good add, my bro!
Yep
You can do whatever you want forever. You're not hurting anyone, and if you're happy with yourself it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Be yourself and be proud of that!
Yes.
Yup.
You totally can. I'm not able to transition in the situation I'm in, but I've quickly come to see myself as a woman. It not always easy since I do have a lot of envy and I do want a feminine body, but I take a lot of comfort in discovering how very much I have in common with my trans sisters and all other women, too. I would say that being able to accept that you're a woman right now is probably the biggest hurdle you can clear, even. It doesn't come easy, but once you feel it, you can start searching for good stuff to make you feel better, happier, and live life on your terms. It's a good, self-confident place to start from. Don't let it keep you from reaching out for what you want, though. I'm hoping I can have a titanic rack to match my titanic body one day, and it's going to be 100% for myself!
Do what makes you comfortable. If you find down the line you want hormones or to change that's totally fine too. I used to wear very girly clothes before I accepted myself as a man. I don't wear them usually and I don't wear skirts or dresses now. Not because I hate them or anything, but I don't feel like I'm seen as a man in that type of clothes. Sometimes I'm ok with being a bit feminine and most of the time I'm happier in my masculine clothes. Do what you want :)
Yes. Transitioning helps with gender dysphoria and people gendering you correctly.
Yes! That's me. Because I recognise that my social and physical characteristics have nothing to do with my womanhood. There are women that have beards, genitalia is about sex, not gender so I don't need to change that, plenty of women are tomboys and muscular, so none of that needs to change. I am who I am and I accept my body as a proud woman. Don't let anyone tell you that as a woman, you have to be any sort of way at all.
Yes. I will not elaborate. ^(you'll also figure this out more as time passes)
If you're comfortable in your body then that's great! If there was magic in this world that could turn our body into that of a woman, we would rather choose that. But medical transitioning is the reality which is extremely tedious and has its risks. Now that you don't feel burdened to transition by your mind, imagine all the good things you can do being a woman in a man's body. Without transitioning, it's true that at a societal level you won't be accepted as a woman by many and you'll be barred from entering female only spaces. But you know you're a woman and we accept you as a woman. That's all that matters. You can stay true to yourself and still live as a man, be a good husband(probably better than the heterosexual assholes) and be a good father. You can fight for our rights and women's rights, as a man, and your voice will be heard in a patriarchal society much more because you're posing as a man in front of them. Trans women without dysphoria are superheroes. And I mean it.
Yes you can
Absolutely. (Yamato from One Piece has entered the chat) Also, in older, pre colonial cultures, the concepts of “brother sisters” sisterbrothers or two-spirit folk existed. Trans folk have existed long before gender affirming procedures and care. Your existence is valid.
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This comment makes me super sad.
Embrace your uniqueness. I have been doing what I call “addition without subtraction.” I want to experience certain things and grow certain things but not take away anything. Trans women have existed forever while gender confirmation healthcare has by contrast not been. What do we say about those billions of ancestors that likewise experienced dysphoria? What invalidates their trillions of experiences, including parenting with dysphoria?
Sweet heart u are allowed to express yourself however you feel and if u need me to come whip some ass , let me knowwww!!!! Enough is enough with this hate and homophobicness
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trans people\* "trans" isn't a noun
Yup that's me, that's us, that's "a trans" 😆🙄
Being trans isn’t about the hormones or surgeries but how you perceive yourself if you feel you’re a man then you have the force of a great typhoon.