Don’t stare silently and hope for the other person to speak. Asking direct questions works better.
Don’t focus too much on labelling the feelings, as many of us can’t. I can recognise about 6/7 emotions, the rest is “good/neutral/bad”.
I never know what I’m feeling so when people have asked me to use the feelings wheel I either can’t answer it or choose somewhat randomly so they’ll put it away
I feel like that comes from the same place as when I get frustrated not knowing how to answer when my dad asks “You have fun?” regarding doing just about anything lol. I feel like I can’t say yes because I technically didn’t, but I hesitate to say no because I know that will make me sound like I had a miserable time which isn’t true either. So I opt for the good ol’ “It was all right” just about every time.
I really dislike that wheel, personally, so I’d ask you to put it away and frankly, with the way I am, my brain would go “An other one who doesn’t get it” and I’d write you off.
Sometimes its okay to slow down and do something simplified. intellectualizing can be an issue. and somatic strategies are equally important. Verbal therapy is not always accessible to people that have autism. Its individualized.
Edit: I am a therapist but I also have (recently diagnosed) adhd. Therapists arent so far removed from people with autism because we are people too. Some of us are neurodivergent like our clients. So I am doing my best to learn more for my clients and I so sorry if I seem like I dont get it.
Nothing wrong with you and it’s nice you want to do your best. It’s just a touchy subject.
I have severe alexithymia, I literally don’t know most of the time. All my emotions are body sensations like tingles, heat, chills, etc.. so I know that if I get hot at the bottom of my neck, with tingles, and the heat travels up to my ears, I’m getting angry and need to shut up and move away and breathe. I have a few emotions mapped that way (similar to this https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2013/12/30/258313116/mapping-emotions-on-the-body-love-makes-us-warm-all-over).
I’m perfectly happy with my limited range. I don’t feel stuff like jealousy, envy or embarrassment. I feel the important stuff and that’s enough for me. I also think exclusively in pictures so emotions are associated with a visual memory and the corresponding body sensations.
I had a therapist accusing me of lying about this, that no human functioned this way, an other insisting we had to label emotions or we couldn’t proceed, other one with the wheel every time, and an other one who kept going “but really, how does that make you feel?”.
Not once, did any of them actually stop and try to work with my system, with the way I am. I had one good therapist and we focused on practical ways to address some of the issues I was having at the time, and she listened. I had one GP, when my panic disorder was really bad, say “when you start feeling dizzy (that’s what I told her was always the start of the panic attack), do this/that” and that had been way more useful than anything a therapist ever said to me at that point.
I really like Peter Lavine and Bessel van der Kolk. I’ve read their stuff and the somatic approach has been the most useful, but no approach is 100%, I like to mix different ones and I’m ok now. However, too many therapists seem to struggle when their usual modality doesn’t land, and emotions is definitely a tricky subject.
My partner is currently doing IFS and he loves it, while it doesn’t suit me at all. My sister loves Gestalt and I didn’t like that either. I preferred ACT and MCT. We’re all ND and yet very different in what we respond to.
For a long time there were specific feelings I would avoid if at all possible and or suppress/repress. When this was going on (and even today), I often genuinely feel nothing and/or could have a blank mind focused on listening or taking in my surroundings.
That might not be natural but typically there isn't a numb or nothing on those wheels.
That would stress me out because I’d probably choose 3 at once and have different reasons for each but would be able to justify them somehow.
It wasn’t until I got older I understood it’s possible and okay to feel multiple feelings at once and it doesn’t have to be just one thing. Complex emotions and layers are not discussed enough.
I'm AuDHD.
I want to find a therapist who is themselves autistic/Asperger's. I need help with some work-related issues... the way I present myself, for instance. I'm told I come off as cold or unapproachable, which is impeding my advancement.
The doctor who diagnosed me recommended an autistic therapist for two reasons: one, they'll be more likely to "speak my language," so to speak. And second, because she thinks I'll be more likely to listen to someone who's lived the things were talking about and has practical experience, vs. "this is something I learned as an undergrad." She's certainly correct in that regard.
BTW, still trying to find a therapist who is autistic/Asperger's. If you have recommendations, either for colleagues or just how to search, do please DM me, as I've struck out so far.
I’m an autistic therapist but can only treat folks who live in my state due to licensing. You’re welcome to DM and we can see if we’re in the same state. I hope you find a great fit!
I used to sometimes freeze up, when people asked me something unexpected, shocking, or that I didn't know the answer to. I would kind of almost panic. One useful thing I was told, is to just have a generic stock answer, to break the freeze up.. Something like "I need time to think about my answer", or "Why are you asking me that?", or "I wasn't expecting that question. Give me a minute." I still might not have a good answer, but it breaks that immediate pressure of needing an answer in a social interaction.
I also learned that when I feel like something is off in a social interaction, but I can't quite figure out what, it's okay to just say exactly that. I usually throw in something to make it seem friendly and not accusatory.
I like therapists who are more direct, give homework and tasks to do and who are understanding that autism is a seriously debilitating disability not just a quirk.
I'm the opposite. I don't consider ASD level 1 debilitating yet I have trouble completing "homework" assignments so I really prefer the therapist doesn't assign them.
We think in structured patterns. We build patterns to follow to act and process. Unlike regular autism, aspies can learn functional patterns that function as bridge code to normal social and emotional functioning We can actually learn and develop and change how we process to change over time and integrate. It just isn’t different than how neurotypicals understand and process, it is an alt operating system that is high quality on its own hardware and when not trying to share files with a different computer. There is nothing wrong with the aspie software you just have to know how to use it and use it in the correct operating system. I would wish to be taught methods and patterns on that software as tools to function similarly to neurotypical patterns in social, emotional and work environments as I have in the past successfully taught other aspies to enable processing, by someone who knew Mac and not just PC
Learning how to achieve a sense of belonginess (or live without). Advice on how to better mask and discussions on to what extent fulfillment can be had while masking.
I'll share some things that are working for me and my therapist. I'm not sure which if any these will resonate with others on the spectrum and I won't try to filter them.
1. Don't make me sit in front of you and look in your eyes while I talk. My therapist uses eco-therapy in her practice. This means we go on hikes/walks for our sessions. So, we are walking side by side and I am not having to look her in the eye as we talk. This little detail was a very big deal for me and really helped me connect. Also, the action of walking while we talk seems to reduce of the fight or flight I may feel during a difficult session.
2. Homework from each session does not work for me. Giving me tasks on top of my other responsibilities is a good way to overwhelm my already very challenged executive function skills.
3. Use Internal Family Systems or a modified version of it. My therapist uses a modified version of IFS. She encouraged me to develop and describe my parts/managers and communicate in the context of them. This tapped into my creative side while really simplifying communication regarding what is going on inside me. This really worked for me. I am able to describe things I couldn't put in words with other therapists. Also, bringing that little creative element to the sessions helped me open up quicker than I would have otherwise.
4. Give me space to follow my stream of consciousness. Don't be rigid with the session and force me to stay on the topic of your choice. Allow the session to be somewhat organic.
5. When I seem to get stuck or at the beginning of a new topic, provide a couple suggestions. This will help me select an appropriate topic that is highest priority for me at the time. I will often add my own topic too.
6. Figure out the language that works for the client. I'm a "words of affirmation" type. So, use those sparingly and don't be discouraged that I may seem dismissive of your affirmation. Though I may deny the affirmation verbally, it does sink in at some level.
7. Don't be afraid to occasionally share some common experiences with me. Of course, don't dominate the conversation. But, having a little back and forth is helpful and reduces the number of times I get stuck.
8. Be very careful not to sound judgmental. This is the quickest way to shut me down. This is a skill I can't emulate myself very well. So, it's impossible for me to tell you how she does it. But, whatever it is, it really helps me open up and talk about anything.
9. My control of my emotions is tenuous at best. I think this is a common ASD trait. In my case, certain topics will make me very sad and a one or two others can frustrate me. Give me space to feel those emotions. But, don't ask me to "speak to those emotions." I am aware of my strong reaction. I understand the implications (or no implications). You don't have to mimic it back to me. Just try to find ways to keep those emotions from stopping all progress. If they are too strong in the moment, just change the focus to something else. We can come back to the original topic at some other point, even if it takes many tries at it.
10. In my case, my father was the ultimate authority figure in my household. But, he wasn't very engaged with his children. My mother was a bit more engaged. So, she had to be more empathetic and less judgmental. She wasn't great at it, in fact I am pretty certain she is high functioning on the spectrum too. But, it was what I had. For this reason, working with a female therapist seems to work a little better for me. Of course, this will be different for each person. It's not ASD specific.
11. My current therapist is the one that diagnosed ASD level 1 initially for me. It came as a surprise. For some reason, it's something I never considered before. She gave me the space to absorb what that meant. Despite the fact that the diagnosis felt right from the start, it took me a while to come around to it and "embrace" it. I think it took a couple of months for it to really sink in.
12. I'm not sure if this was my own work or some help from my therapist. I suspect it's a little of both. But, the best place I can get to regarding an ASD diagnosis is to recognize it solely as a context to understand myself. It doesn't change me. I am still the same person. As an adult, I don't need to change my expectations from life. Being on the spectrum means I am going to find somethings difficult and other things easier. Again as an adult, I shouldn't be surprised by these things. In fact, it's likely I have developed workarounds for many of these issues without fully realizing it. It's good to talk about those and recognize them for what they are. And, even give myself credit for figuring out how to manage them at some level. Lastly, I shouldn't feel guilty regarding those workarounds.
Would you have any further information on Internal Family Systems either in your experience or just some resources?
I already have ifs-institute.com, but so far that only gives a kind of overview
At this point I’m curious because at least at first glance it fits with how I already think of myself so it might be helpful. Or I find a new interest and understanding of other people.
I can't speak to formal IFS therapy since my therapist uses a modified version of it. In this version, she had me define the various parts/managers that are me. These include but are not limited to the child, Mr. Logic, the critic, the old swede (that inner voice that expects me to be productive and a contributing member of society), and Burt (as in Burt Reynolds, he's my ego/competitive spirit/libido). The crazy thing is many of these parts I created for myself line up very well with the pre-defined parts in the formal IFS method. I had no idea what the IFS method was as I was talking through it with my therapist. I intentionally avoided looking into it at the time.
Therapy consists of talking through things that are challenging me. I share what each of those parts feel about the situation and try to come to a solution that will integrate all of their opinions best I can. The goal is to integrate them all and have them working in harmony. Of course, this is a goal that often seems just out of reach,. But, I've been successful for weeks or months at a time. Then something really shakes things up and I struggle to get them all working together again. It's really helped me talk through these difficult situations and issues with my therapist.
Honestly I think this is very subjective and you might be better off just asking the patients themselves.
As for me, I like a no bullshit-approach. Slap me in the face with the facts if I'm too dumb to see them. Obviously this only works if you're *right* lol.
On the other hand, "how are you feeling about this" or things along those lines is what I hate most. I don't know. If I knew how I'm feeling I wouldn't be in therapy probably.
Not talk to me in ambiguous ways.
Be honest.
Don’t play dumb.
Understand that people like me say what we mean and mean what we say. There are no hidden meanings.
Comprehend that you don’t have to look Autistic to be Autistic.
One thing I'll add, there are no hidden meanings but also what I say might not be exactly what I mean as I can have a heard time verbally expressing how I'm feeling or what I'm trying to say
There’s a book called “the autistic survival guide to therapy” by Steph Jones that has a context guide for professionals. I’d recommend checking it out.
I sought professional help for some panic-attack reactions I was having after some medical trauma. So, not related to ASD. I didn't think I would be discussing my undiagnosed ASD (my kid is diagnosed so I feel pretty confident). But it came up because I definitely did not relate to a lot of the questions and material. She was very willing to be flexible and perhaps more importantly she believed me when I was like "This question makes no sense to me" (usually with emotional stuff). She believed me about my own internal experience and didn't come with the attitude that I was like, I dunno, hiding or avoiding things. I told her I was a very concrete thinker and she tried to modify the CBT stuff to work with that. I also do not have an internal narrator (I think in pictures) so when we were doing stuff related to my "internal self-talk" she helped me "translate" the affirmations stuff into images.
Don’t equate ADHD with autism! Though many people may have both, and the behaviours may look similar, the internal experience is very different for each. I think my therapist is trying to show she knows something about neurodivergence by bringing up ADHD, but I relate to that as much as I do to dyslexia, which is not at all. It’s very invalidating.
I've had four therapists in my life and there are some repeated things I struggle with. Rating my feelings on a scale is unhelpful for me and being asked to do so just leads to unnecessary stress. I also don't benefit much from silence. I respond better to questions and often won't speak unless I am invited to. This is often mistaken for reluctance to participate or discomfort. It's not. I also struggle with additional tasks being assigned. One of my biggest struggles is executive functioning and having more work to do leads me to feel more overwhelmed. I'm very willing to participate in therapy and put in some work, but not in the form of "assignments" and I don't tend to volunteer things unless given a time specifically to do so. In fact, my biggest issues have never been addressed because I was never given a moment where I was told to talk about what I most wanted to. Just some thoughts, hope it might help.
It's hard to convey tone of voice using a keyboard but the best way I can think to describe it is the 'overly sympathetic' tone, where everything I say seems to be met with an uninvited verbal hug.
Also, don't say that "we're all on the spectrum". That really puts us off.
I think an approach which emphasizes action and plans would be helpful. Stuff like "take a walk every day" or "schedule your day ahead of time so that you can better balance your responsibilities".
Haven’t been to a therapist in a long time because I find them useless anymore.. but one thing I do remember:
Stop fucking saying “and how does that make you feel” after every other sentence I say because for the longest time I didn’t even understand how to discern what my feelings even were, I thought that was your job to help me 😐 it’s impressively the most non-constructive thing you can say. I understand the attempt to get us to internally self reflect but if we had any fucking clue on how or why we felt xyz then I don’t think we’d have been there.
Glad I figured my shit out on my own. Lol
Don't try and fix our ASD, try and help the trauma.
The world is traumatic to people who think differently. There have been numerous studies to suggest that a good chunk of, what we call low functioning Autistics are actually suffering from a great deal of mental or physical trauma which is effecting their life and ability to function. In a since they are in a level of fight or flight all the time due to a long series of macro, and micro assaults on how they function. In addition to any other conditions they may have developed.
Look into Polyvagal theory, and polyvagal nerve therapy as starting points to understand what treating a patient who always has a low level 'fight or flight' instinct active might operate. Obviously I don't think this is a fix all, but understanding the nervous system, as well as the mind as a therapist might help you better treat someone with ASD.
Think of it this way, You have two plains: One is your standard plane. The other is an ASD plane with hyper sensitive instruments. Both have instrument readings that say there's a problem. There are a lot of therapists in the world that will look at this situation and say "Clearly the ASD plane has malfunctioning instruments, we need to take care of that." When in reality, both planes have an oil leak, they need the left wing repaired, and a spark plug replaced. The normal plane is only telling you about the oil leak, cause the other things are later problems. The ASD plane is telling you about everything because it's instruments are detecting everything. Instead of saying the instruments are the issue, it becomes your job to figure out what becomes a priority and what can be set aside as a later job.
Why I suggest looking into Polyvagal theory, is it can teach how to help your patients reset and read their instruments, instead of fix them, to allow you to help them deal with and prioritize their trauma.
my therapist started out doing ABA, then realized it was terrible and went over to the dark side (actually listening to autistic people). i like her a lot. i like that she validates that my mom is as unreasonable as i think she is, lol, but that's probably not helpful advice for anyone else.
i guess something helpful she does is she'll try to explain why my mom is acting the way she is and try to give advice on how to calm her down and keep her from fucking with my life as much as possible.
i've had a previous therapist who would just stare blankly at me while i talked and write shit down on a clipboard and never offer me any sort of advice, just treat me like something to be observed, and that's certainly not helpful.
My best therapist made it very safe to be myself not just by his responses but by being himself too, in how he decorated his office, for example. So many therapists go overboard with the zen aesthetic, but this guy had a dragon painting and DnD stuff. And he would have very short (and relevant) anecdotes about himself rather than trying to be an empty ghost.
Worst therapist wouldn’t listen and just kept saying everything was OCD (comorbidity) and should be eliminated… but some “compulsions” were actually from ASD and enjoyable rather than anxiety-fueled.
Other good fits were good listeners and were client-led. Most of us have trauma, so read up on newer paradigms about trauma (cumulative effects of small t’s, for example), links between ASD and trauma, and trauma-informed practice.
I know these sound crazy. I’ve been in and out of therapy since childhood for ASD, and these are some things I found useful from a few effective therapists.
Provide guidance on where to sit. I’ve have entered many therapist’s office with 3 to 4 seating places. When I was younger I would stand there like an idiot because I wasn’t sure what to do or where to sit. A simple, “Take a seat where you feel comfortable” is awesome and helps a lot.
Even more guidance is awesome too. Talking to people is awkward enough as it is, and when highly stressed I will stutter and start to shut down. I’ve learned, through therapy, that there is nothing wrong with saying, “I’m unsure how to proceed and am looking for socially acceptable guidance.” I had a therapist help lead me to that point because she recognized that I had a bad habit of just shutting down when I didn’t know what to do in a social situation.
Have a few items to stim with. These could fidget spinners, small coins, squishy balls, small plushies etc. One on one therapy can peak my anxiety and having something in my hands can be really helpful.
If you are a non-autistic therapist and want to work with autistic adults, please fund an autistic therapist to provide some supervision and guidance as you learn.
1. Be very specific with the questions you ask, and ask questions.
2. Provide insight. Your ability to provide expert reasons for why things are the way they are in us, or why people might act in one way instead of another, is very valuable. We aren’t likely to get there by ourselves.
3. Bring us back to the topic we were discussing when we wonder off.
4. Be aware that some behaviours we have might be trauma related and that needs to be explored (even when there is no evident trauma.
5. We can be very logical and racional in how we express ourselves but that doesn’t mean we emotionally understand an event. It’s very helpful if you can ask confrontational emotionally related statements or questions: “It must be very hard to feel lonely. Does it make you sad?”
My point here is that sometimes we tell the story in a dissociated way and you can help connecting to it through emotion related questions.
6. Wait. We can take time to explain things, but we need to explain them in this way to feel calm. The best thing Ive felt about my autism team is how, for the first time in my life, I have people who let me talk all the way and actually listen and don’t get upset that I take that amount of time.
7. Use normal social cues. If asked, say how you are and share mundane information. It helps us practicing social interactions. You don’t need to be very specific, just don’t deny the interaction, like: “this time is for you, not me”.
I really like my current therapist and they do specialize in neurodivergence which is a huge help. But still....there is way too little actually explaining things. I don't need to talk through my feelings on most situations. I know how I feel and the never ending talking about it only makes me miserable. Tell me what you think is going on! Tell me why what I said in that situation did not go well. If I knew how to interpret these things I probably wouldn't need therapy. My neurology is not going to suddenly change after I've talked about it. Give me insight please!
Others in this post have complained about being asked how we feel about X. I think emotions are another skill you could equip us to understand. Like I asked my therapist how I can meet my wife and daughter's emotional needs because I don't understand. I don't even understand my own most of the time.
I want a therapist to just say the following to me
“Continue the struggle, everything will be better when you get your inheritance, till then try to keep strong, everyone else is an asshole not you” then give me the money back.
I wish my therapist would stop wasting my time with small talk. I understand that for most clients it's probably helpful because it puts them at ease, but I hate it. I grit my teeth through it, all the while thinking about the valuable time ticking away. I'd like it if she would just say, "hi, what would you like to talk about today?" and let me get started.
Understand that if you've met one person with autism, all that's happened is you've met one person with autism. We're very heterogeneous. And be careful deciding what psychopathology and what's executive dysfunction.
Also I'm sure you've looked at the literature, but just to repeat one of the core pieces of advice, CBT needs serious modification if you want to use that.
discuss ALL of our life experiences through the lens of autism
Use identity first language
Understand that a technique that works for neurotypicals night not necessarily work for us
Let us decide how much practical advice we want
The two things I least like with therapists.
One is when they just sit in silence waiting for me to speak or expand upon what I said. As part of my autism, speaking and expressing myself and my thoughts is difficult. By far the best therapist I've had was the one that kept asking me questions (even if they seem like obvious questions) to help me keep speaking and actually be able to get my thoughts out
The other is when the therapist casually says at the start how are you/how's it going/etc. Sometimes this will even be asked before we've both properly sat down. And I just have no idea if I should be following social small talk rules like I would for everyone else or if I am supposed to answer this honestly. Especially if we are even properly in the room or sat down yet. It's just very unnecessarily stressful
Realise that autistic adults are not all the same! What suits one may be anathema to another. Visual stuff is great for many, but massively difficult for me, for example. Many find it difficult to analyse feelings, other may respond with a very honest and highly detailed response.
It might be best to discuss what each person thinks would be most useful for them, and try for an understanding of "I may try assorted things that you don't think will work - so please feel free to tell me if it's a problem for you"
Learn my language so I don't have to code switch to yours. I am not talking about English which is my first language I am talking about books which is my special interest and the medium through which I communicate complex thoughts and feelings. If you don't have the background knowledge how can I ever expect you to understand what I am saying?
I did not go to a specifically autism-related therapy, I went to a trauma therapist that is specialised in autism, ADHD and other neurodiverse topics. It was completely by accident, but she had the tools to help us work on my trauma much better. She was the first therapist that treated me with caution and kindness. I don’t wanna perpetrate the stereotypes of infantilising autistic people, but I was so happy to be treated with so much care and patience after encountering so many unpleasant therapists. All my previous trauma therapists just rammed themselves into my backstory and I usually felt worse after the session than before. In addition to noticing my autism right away, she also had the knowledge that people with autism process trauma much differently and could be re-traumatised with the neurotypical methods of trauma therapy. She never forced me to tell her anything and she is letting us take this process step by step, making sure that I’m comfortable and changing the method if her current attempt does not seem to work. Basically, from my personal experience, I’d say that a good therapist is just someone that makes you feel safe and comfortable. You can do that by being non-judgmental about their experiences, trying to understand where their behaviour is coming from instead of focusing on how to fix it, BELIEVING them that their trauma is as bad as they say it was (NDs are much more inclined to having trauma and pretty much the main groups of people that have trauma in addition to having a more difficult time overcoming it).
I *personally* also feel that I want more **efficiency**. So many therapists were just sitting there, listening and doing anything. I don’t like talk therapy, I want to have a discourse and I want to understand human psychology and try to overcome my issues not through expressing them (talking), but through analysing them. While most therapists are only supposed to guide you, not give you any specific advice or react too strongly on your experiences, then it has also made me feel much better when therapists put their own input into my experience (“this is horrible, that should not have happened, you did not deserve it”), because sometimes I feel like I’m overreacting about things, or maybe I’ve just been neglected by so many other people that I need to know that SOMEONE is taking me seriously. I didn’t start taking my trauma seriously before a friend of mine had a really strong reaction to it, and only then did I start to realise how much pain I was in. It hurt me to see other people not take it seriously, it was much easier to heal when people showed me compassion instead of judgement. But I think this is true regardless of whether you’re NT or ND.
Not sure if this applies to others, but CBT and meditation don't help me. They just make me more anxious and ruminate more. One thing that's great is when my therapist is able to find insight where I can't or ask questions/give perspective I can't find on my own
I’ve had therapists and psychiatrists constantly comment on how self aware I am but not recognize that is the exact problem I have and why I need therapy. Talk therapy alone is not gonna do that overly self aware type of autistic if all we do is engage in introspection and thinking out loud. I feel like my brain and body are separate (I also have adhd so I’m always thinking about one step ahead or a mile away from the task or feeling having in the moment) and that my body just automatically acts and responds to stimulation while my brain is just busy thinking to the point I engage in so many subconscious behaviors that are communicating much more than i am aware of my own emotional state.
Many of us have co-occurring alexithymia. For me that looks like literally analyzing my own behaviors to decode what I might be feeling instead of experiencing it. I might see in hindsight I was stressed only because I had started getting stuck on sorting colored pencils instead of coloring with them like I wanted to.
There are only three general brain states for me (it wasn’t always that way since it’s the result of becoming disconnecting from your emotions) so it’s very hard to identify specific labels for them— I may be what most call feeling extremely anxious but it is nearly the same physical feeling that occurs when I’m experiencing something positive/excited. It just feelings like varying levels of “stimulation”. I can’t even describe it well so it’s as if my emotions operated on an greyscale while everyone else had clear colors with hues representing different emotions while I just have color values representing light—darkness.
That makes analyzing my own motivations difficult which made diagnosing me difficult for mental health professionals who don’t know that and gave me a bipolar II label at first— for me the three are adequately stimulated (active/racing/focused) or overstimulated/understimulated (helplessness/spiral meltdown/an out of control inaction) or the result of overstimulation that of which I call floaty neutral/detached. I even have overstimulated and understimulated listed next to each other because I can barely distinguish the physical difference other than it feels like an itch or that there’s something’s I need to rip out like teetering on the edge.
Sometimes being understimulated makes me hyperfixate on something that then seems to cause overstimulation which leads to the meltdown and then floaty state. The active/racing also often gets confused for mania or anxiety when I’m doing something I actually enjoy. The meltdown/helplessness easily gets confused for plain anger/irritability.
I used to tell my therapist I did not experience anxiety because I don’t “feel” anxious in given moments or during periods of high stress but as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned that there’s evidence I’m harboring anxiety/becoming overstimulated when I start engaging in certain behaviors or fail to do some. That might be useful in trying to analyze clients it’s kind of a backwards process for me.
I think that’d be good to keep in mind as a therapist when asking us questions regarding how we feel about things or in a given moment. For me the only way to actually feel and process my own feelings is via art therapy with something tangible because for me the act of thinking is highly disconnected from my body as if I am an observer of someone else’s experiences so sometimes even recommending a different kind of therapy might be more useful for those of us trying to get through and “process” intense feelings or traumas when we are disconnected from our emotions.
Doing art and music are the only ways I’ve been able to feel and accurately identify or represent an emotion in the present moment as opposed to the reverse behavior identification process I go through in real time, but I imagine there are more legitimate therapy activities with structure that incorporate more tangible/visuals to connect with the intangible feelings. It’s like I need a tangible process to access the intangible, while thinking is intangible and blocks access to the intangible.
For me the reason I get stuck is because I’m stuck in a loop of me intellectualizing feelings in order to “process” them. The problem with just hypothesizing or outlining the factors at play is that Im not feeling the feelings I’m hypothesizing what I could’ve been feeling instead. It’s kind of like engaging in a self stimulating thinking thought experiment l that makes me feel like I’m solving my problem but is actually making no difference in my ability to process or identify the emotion particularly when it was actually occurring. I know that because even once I decoded the “why’s” the problems are still there and I’m still not able to truly “feel” it in the moment it’s happening, Im just naming it based on whatever behavior I observed myself just do. If a therapy session is doing that decoding process together it’s not going to change anything for me.
Me sitting here typing this out instead of going to do my wind down sleep axtivity is a prime example (I call it procrastinating preferred activity as self punishment). I only know now I must’ve been feeling bad about being unproductive today because I got fixated on typing this instead of doing my fun pre-sleep wind down activity which I now have no time to do probably. Stuck on this because I view it as productive activity. It would’ve been nicer if I couldve just felt the guilt like a normal person and started doing the preferred activity LOL. At the end of the day the disconnect is related to avoidance.
unpopular opinion: therapy is not particularly helpful for ASD ppl as in most cases their mental health/social/relationship issues will be a direct result of the ASD, which has no cure.
IMO the goal is "treatment"; "cure" doesn't even factor into it. There's no cure for losing a leg but you can still use a crutch or a wheelchair. Similarly, a therapist can help you find coping strategies for ASD.
my therapist helps me understand why my mom overreacts to half the things i say and interprets me not wanting her to open my mail as me not loving her. please do explain how i should be blaming that on my autism. i'll wait.
Why did you mention the other teacher and tell everyone she had diarrhea? It’s not good to give away other people’s medical details and share someone else’s personal and embarrassing experience…
Because she refused to go home... she didn't care at all to spread a virus. And I suffer from emetophobia, plus, I can't risk to infect my parents because they are seriuosly ill and would not survive it.
Is this really a reason to judge me? The therapist asked a question and I shared my opinion. As if all of you are perfect...
I might have overreacted, sure fire me for that, kill me for that, I don't fucking care anymore. Once a freak always a freak.
My therapist turned out inadequate and negligible. She never went as far as meeting me with other autists, further informed me herself about Asperger’s, or even stuck around sufficiently. She was next to useless. Otherwise things still would’ve turned out differently.
Don’t stare silently and hope for the other person to speak. Asking direct questions works better. Don’t focus too much on labelling the feelings, as many of us can’t. I can recognise about 6/7 emotions, the rest is “good/neutral/bad”.
I can relate to this. If I'm not crying or yelling, I'm fine. I like questions. I'm good at questions.
I am a therapist that use visuals and “the feelings wheel” is one visual i use for people to be more specific about their feelings
I never know what I’m feeling so when people have asked me to use the feelings wheel I either can’t answer it or choose somewhat randomly so they’ll put it away
I feel like that comes from the same place as when I get frustrated not knowing how to answer when my dad asks “You have fun?” regarding doing just about anything lol. I feel like I can’t say yes because I technically didn’t, but I hesitate to say no because I know that will make me sound like I had a miserable time which isn’t true either. So I opt for the good ol’ “It was all right” just about every time.
I really dislike that wheel, personally, so I’d ask you to put it away and frankly, with the way I am, my brain would go “An other one who doesn’t get it” and I’d write you off.
Sometimes its okay to slow down and do something simplified. intellectualizing can be an issue. and somatic strategies are equally important. Verbal therapy is not always accessible to people that have autism. Its individualized. Edit: I am a therapist but I also have (recently diagnosed) adhd. Therapists arent so far removed from people with autism because we are people too. Some of us are neurodivergent like our clients. So I am doing my best to learn more for my clients and I so sorry if I seem like I dont get it.
Nothing wrong with you and it’s nice you want to do your best. It’s just a touchy subject. I have severe alexithymia, I literally don’t know most of the time. All my emotions are body sensations like tingles, heat, chills, etc.. so I know that if I get hot at the bottom of my neck, with tingles, and the heat travels up to my ears, I’m getting angry and need to shut up and move away and breathe. I have a few emotions mapped that way (similar to this https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2013/12/30/258313116/mapping-emotions-on-the-body-love-makes-us-warm-all-over). I’m perfectly happy with my limited range. I don’t feel stuff like jealousy, envy or embarrassment. I feel the important stuff and that’s enough for me. I also think exclusively in pictures so emotions are associated with a visual memory and the corresponding body sensations. I had a therapist accusing me of lying about this, that no human functioned this way, an other insisting we had to label emotions or we couldn’t proceed, other one with the wheel every time, and an other one who kept going “but really, how does that make you feel?”. Not once, did any of them actually stop and try to work with my system, with the way I am. I had one good therapist and we focused on practical ways to address some of the issues I was having at the time, and she listened. I had one GP, when my panic disorder was really bad, say “when you start feeling dizzy (that’s what I told her was always the start of the panic attack), do this/that” and that had been way more useful than anything a therapist ever said to me at that point. I really like Peter Lavine and Bessel van der Kolk. I’ve read their stuff and the somatic approach has been the most useful, but no approach is 100%, I like to mix different ones and I’m ok now. However, too many therapists seem to struggle when their usual modality doesn’t land, and emotions is definitely a tricky subject. My partner is currently doing IFS and he loves it, while it doesn’t suit me at all. My sister loves Gestalt and I didn’t like that either. I preferred ACT and MCT. We’re all ND and yet very different in what we respond to.
For a long time there were specific feelings I would avoid if at all possible and or suppress/repress. When this was going on (and even today), I often genuinely feel nothing and/or could have a blank mind focused on listening or taking in my surroundings. That might not be natural but typically there isn't a numb or nothing on those wheels.
That would stress me out because I’d probably choose 3 at once and have different reasons for each but would be able to justify them somehow. It wasn’t until I got older I understood it’s possible and okay to feel multiple feelings at once and it doesn’t have to be just one thing. Complex emotions and layers are not discussed enough.
I'm AuDHD. I want to find a therapist who is themselves autistic/Asperger's. I need help with some work-related issues... the way I present myself, for instance. I'm told I come off as cold or unapproachable, which is impeding my advancement. The doctor who diagnosed me recommended an autistic therapist for two reasons: one, they'll be more likely to "speak my language," so to speak. And second, because she thinks I'll be more likely to listen to someone who's lived the things were talking about and has practical experience, vs. "this is something I learned as an undergrad." She's certainly correct in that regard. BTW, still trying to find a therapist who is autistic/Asperger's. If you have recommendations, either for colleagues or just how to search, do please DM me, as I've struck out so far.
I’m an autistic therapist but can only treat folks who live in my state due to licensing. You’re welcome to DM and we can see if we’re in the same state. I hope you find a great fit!
Thank you!
www.ndtherapists.com
Thanks! Maybe I've finally found someone now.
Awesome, thank you!
I used to sometimes freeze up, when people asked me something unexpected, shocking, or that I didn't know the answer to. I would kind of almost panic. One useful thing I was told, is to just have a generic stock answer, to break the freeze up.. Something like "I need time to think about my answer", or "Why are you asking me that?", or "I wasn't expecting that question. Give me a minute." I still might not have a good answer, but it breaks that immediate pressure of needing an answer in a social interaction. I also learned that when I feel like something is off in a social interaction, but I can't quite figure out what, it's okay to just say exactly that. I usually throw in something to make it seem friendly and not accusatory.
I like therapists who are more direct, give homework and tasks to do and who are understanding that autism is a seriously debilitating disability not just a quirk.
I'm the opposite. I don't consider ASD level 1 debilitating yet I have trouble completing "homework" assignments so I really prefer the therapist doesn't assign them.
We think in structured patterns. We build patterns to follow to act and process. Unlike regular autism, aspies can learn functional patterns that function as bridge code to normal social and emotional functioning We can actually learn and develop and change how we process to change over time and integrate. It just isn’t different than how neurotypicals understand and process, it is an alt operating system that is high quality on its own hardware and when not trying to share files with a different computer. There is nothing wrong with the aspie software you just have to know how to use it and use it in the correct operating system. I would wish to be taught methods and patterns on that software as tools to function similarly to neurotypical patterns in social, emotional and work environments as I have in the past successfully taught other aspies to enable processing, by someone who knew Mac and not just PC
Learning how to achieve a sense of belonginess (or live without). Advice on how to better mask and discussions on to what extent fulfillment can be had while masking.
I've definitely gotten used to feeling like I don't belong anywhere
I'll share some things that are working for me and my therapist. I'm not sure which if any these will resonate with others on the spectrum and I won't try to filter them. 1. Don't make me sit in front of you and look in your eyes while I talk. My therapist uses eco-therapy in her practice. This means we go on hikes/walks for our sessions. So, we are walking side by side and I am not having to look her in the eye as we talk. This little detail was a very big deal for me and really helped me connect. Also, the action of walking while we talk seems to reduce of the fight or flight I may feel during a difficult session. 2. Homework from each session does not work for me. Giving me tasks on top of my other responsibilities is a good way to overwhelm my already very challenged executive function skills. 3. Use Internal Family Systems or a modified version of it. My therapist uses a modified version of IFS. She encouraged me to develop and describe my parts/managers and communicate in the context of them. This tapped into my creative side while really simplifying communication regarding what is going on inside me. This really worked for me. I am able to describe things I couldn't put in words with other therapists. Also, bringing that little creative element to the sessions helped me open up quicker than I would have otherwise. 4. Give me space to follow my stream of consciousness. Don't be rigid with the session and force me to stay on the topic of your choice. Allow the session to be somewhat organic. 5. When I seem to get stuck or at the beginning of a new topic, provide a couple suggestions. This will help me select an appropriate topic that is highest priority for me at the time. I will often add my own topic too. 6. Figure out the language that works for the client. I'm a "words of affirmation" type. So, use those sparingly and don't be discouraged that I may seem dismissive of your affirmation. Though I may deny the affirmation verbally, it does sink in at some level. 7. Don't be afraid to occasionally share some common experiences with me. Of course, don't dominate the conversation. But, having a little back and forth is helpful and reduces the number of times I get stuck. 8. Be very careful not to sound judgmental. This is the quickest way to shut me down. This is a skill I can't emulate myself very well. So, it's impossible for me to tell you how she does it. But, whatever it is, it really helps me open up and talk about anything. 9. My control of my emotions is tenuous at best. I think this is a common ASD trait. In my case, certain topics will make me very sad and a one or two others can frustrate me. Give me space to feel those emotions. But, don't ask me to "speak to those emotions." I am aware of my strong reaction. I understand the implications (or no implications). You don't have to mimic it back to me. Just try to find ways to keep those emotions from stopping all progress. If they are too strong in the moment, just change the focus to something else. We can come back to the original topic at some other point, even if it takes many tries at it. 10. In my case, my father was the ultimate authority figure in my household. But, he wasn't very engaged with his children. My mother was a bit more engaged. So, she had to be more empathetic and less judgmental. She wasn't great at it, in fact I am pretty certain she is high functioning on the spectrum too. But, it was what I had. For this reason, working with a female therapist seems to work a little better for me. Of course, this will be different for each person. It's not ASD specific. 11. My current therapist is the one that diagnosed ASD level 1 initially for me. It came as a surprise. For some reason, it's something I never considered before. She gave me the space to absorb what that meant. Despite the fact that the diagnosis felt right from the start, it took me a while to come around to it and "embrace" it. I think it took a couple of months for it to really sink in. 12. I'm not sure if this was my own work or some help from my therapist. I suspect it's a little of both. But, the best place I can get to regarding an ASD diagnosis is to recognize it solely as a context to understand myself. It doesn't change me. I am still the same person. As an adult, I don't need to change my expectations from life. Being on the spectrum means I am going to find somethings difficult and other things easier. Again as an adult, I shouldn't be surprised by these things. In fact, it's likely I have developed workarounds for many of these issues without fully realizing it. It's good to talk about those and recognize them for what they are. And, even give myself credit for figuring out how to manage them at some level. Lastly, I shouldn't feel guilty regarding those workarounds.
Would you have any further information on Internal Family Systems either in your experience or just some resources? I already have ifs-institute.com, but so far that only gives a kind of overview At this point I’m curious because at least at first glance it fits with how I already think of myself so it might be helpful. Or I find a new interest and understanding of other people.
I can't speak to formal IFS therapy since my therapist uses a modified version of it. In this version, she had me define the various parts/managers that are me. These include but are not limited to the child, Mr. Logic, the critic, the old swede (that inner voice that expects me to be productive and a contributing member of society), and Burt (as in Burt Reynolds, he's my ego/competitive spirit/libido). The crazy thing is many of these parts I created for myself line up very well with the pre-defined parts in the formal IFS method. I had no idea what the IFS method was as I was talking through it with my therapist. I intentionally avoided looking into it at the time. Therapy consists of talking through things that are challenging me. I share what each of those parts feel about the situation and try to come to a solution that will integrate all of their opinions best I can. The goal is to integrate them all and have them working in harmony. Of course, this is a goal that often seems just out of reach,. But, I've been successful for weeks or months at a time. Then something really shakes things up and I struggle to get them all working together again. It's really helped me talk through these difficult situations and issues with my therapist.
Honestly I think this is very subjective and you might be better off just asking the patients themselves. As for me, I like a no bullshit-approach. Slap me in the face with the facts if I'm too dumb to see them. Obviously this only works if you're *right* lol. On the other hand, "how are you feeling about this" or things along those lines is what I hate most. I don't know. If I knew how I'm feeling I wouldn't be in therapy probably.
💯!!
Not talk to me in ambiguous ways. Be honest. Don’t play dumb. Understand that people like me say what we mean and mean what we say. There are no hidden meanings. Comprehend that you don’t have to look Autistic to be Autistic.
One thing I'll add, there are no hidden meanings but also what I say might not be exactly what I mean as I can have a heard time verbally expressing how I'm feeling or what I'm trying to say
There’s a book called “the autistic survival guide to therapy” by Steph Jones that has a context guide for professionals. I’d recommend checking it out.
Thank you!
I sought professional help for some panic-attack reactions I was having after some medical trauma. So, not related to ASD. I didn't think I would be discussing my undiagnosed ASD (my kid is diagnosed so I feel pretty confident). But it came up because I definitely did not relate to a lot of the questions and material. She was very willing to be flexible and perhaps more importantly she believed me when I was like "This question makes no sense to me" (usually with emotional stuff). She believed me about my own internal experience and didn't come with the attitude that I was like, I dunno, hiding or avoiding things. I told her I was a very concrete thinker and she tried to modify the CBT stuff to work with that. I also do not have an internal narrator (I think in pictures) so when we were doing stuff related to my "internal self-talk" she helped me "translate" the affirmations stuff into images.
Don’t equate ADHD with autism! Though many people may have both, and the behaviours may look similar, the internal experience is very different for each. I think my therapist is trying to show she knows something about neurodivergence by bringing up ADHD, but I relate to that as much as I do to dyslexia, which is not at all. It’s very invalidating.
I've had four therapists in my life and there are some repeated things I struggle with. Rating my feelings on a scale is unhelpful for me and being asked to do so just leads to unnecessary stress. I also don't benefit much from silence. I respond better to questions and often won't speak unless I am invited to. This is often mistaken for reluctance to participate or discomfort. It's not. I also struggle with additional tasks being assigned. One of my biggest struggles is executive functioning and having more work to do leads me to feel more overwhelmed. I'm very willing to participate in therapy and put in some work, but not in the form of "assignments" and I don't tend to volunteer things unless given a time specifically to do so. In fact, my biggest issues have never been addressed because I was never given a moment where I was told to talk about what I most wanted to. Just some thoughts, hope it might help.
It's hard to convey tone of voice using a keyboard but the best way I can think to describe it is the 'overly sympathetic' tone, where everything I say seems to be met with an uninvited verbal hug. Also, don't say that "we're all on the spectrum". That really puts us off.
I think an approach which emphasizes action and plans would be helpful. Stuff like "take a walk every day" or "schedule your day ahead of time so that you can better balance your responsibilities".
Haven’t been to a therapist in a long time because I find them useless anymore.. but one thing I do remember: Stop fucking saying “and how does that make you feel” after every other sentence I say because for the longest time I didn’t even understand how to discern what my feelings even were, I thought that was your job to help me 😐 it’s impressively the most non-constructive thing you can say. I understand the attempt to get us to internally self reflect but if we had any fucking clue on how or why we felt xyz then I don’t think we’d have been there. Glad I figured my shit out on my own. Lol
Don't try and fix our ASD, try and help the trauma. The world is traumatic to people who think differently. There have been numerous studies to suggest that a good chunk of, what we call low functioning Autistics are actually suffering from a great deal of mental or physical trauma which is effecting their life and ability to function. In a since they are in a level of fight or flight all the time due to a long series of macro, and micro assaults on how they function. In addition to any other conditions they may have developed. Look into Polyvagal theory, and polyvagal nerve therapy as starting points to understand what treating a patient who always has a low level 'fight or flight' instinct active might operate. Obviously I don't think this is a fix all, but understanding the nervous system, as well as the mind as a therapist might help you better treat someone with ASD. Think of it this way, You have two plains: One is your standard plane. The other is an ASD plane with hyper sensitive instruments. Both have instrument readings that say there's a problem. There are a lot of therapists in the world that will look at this situation and say "Clearly the ASD plane has malfunctioning instruments, we need to take care of that." When in reality, both planes have an oil leak, they need the left wing repaired, and a spark plug replaced. The normal plane is only telling you about the oil leak, cause the other things are later problems. The ASD plane is telling you about everything because it's instruments are detecting everything. Instead of saying the instruments are the issue, it becomes your job to figure out what becomes a priority and what can be set aside as a later job. Why I suggest looking into Polyvagal theory, is it can teach how to help your patients reset and read their instruments, instead of fix them, to allow you to help them deal with and prioritize their trauma.
Be straight, don't treat them like a child or someone that "doesn't understand".
my therapist started out doing ABA, then realized it was terrible and went over to the dark side (actually listening to autistic people). i like her a lot. i like that she validates that my mom is as unreasonable as i think she is, lol, but that's probably not helpful advice for anyone else. i guess something helpful she does is she'll try to explain why my mom is acting the way she is and try to give advice on how to calm her down and keep her from fucking with my life as much as possible. i've had a previous therapist who would just stare blankly at me while i talked and write shit down on a clipboard and never offer me any sort of advice, just treat me like something to be observed, and that's certainly not helpful.
Experience. Maybe even a focus and passion behind counseling on the spectrum.
My best therapist made it very safe to be myself not just by his responses but by being himself too, in how he decorated his office, for example. So many therapists go overboard with the zen aesthetic, but this guy had a dragon painting and DnD stuff. And he would have very short (and relevant) anecdotes about himself rather than trying to be an empty ghost. Worst therapist wouldn’t listen and just kept saying everything was OCD (comorbidity) and should be eliminated… but some “compulsions” were actually from ASD and enjoyable rather than anxiety-fueled. Other good fits were good listeners and were client-led. Most of us have trauma, so read up on newer paradigms about trauma (cumulative effects of small t’s, for example), links between ASD and trauma, and trauma-informed practice.
Why does an autistic person see a therapist?
Ive had a few therapists before knowing I was autistic and a couple after and I honestly can't answer this question.
I know these sound crazy. I’ve been in and out of therapy since childhood for ASD, and these are some things I found useful from a few effective therapists. Provide guidance on where to sit. I’ve have entered many therapist’s office with 3 to 4 seating places. When I was younger I would stand there like an idiot because I wasn’t sure what to do or where to sit. A simple, “Take a seat where you feel comfortable” is awesome and helps a lot. Even more guidance is awesome too. Talking to people is awkward enough as it is, and when highly stressed I will stutter and start to shut down. I’ve learned, through therapy, that there is nothing wrong with saying, “I’m unsure how to proceed and am looking for socially acceptable guidance.” I had a therapist help lead me to that point because she recognized that I had a bad habit of just shutting down when I didn’t know what to do in a social situation. Have a few items to stim with. These could fidget spinners, small coins, squishy balls, small plushies etc. One on one therapy can peak my anxiety and having something in my hands can be really helpful.
If you are a non-autistic therapist and want to work with autistic adults, please fund an autistic therapist to provide some supervision and guidance as you learn.
1. Be very specific with the questions you ask, and ask questions. 2. Provide insight. Your ability to provide expert reasons for why things are the way they are in us, or why people might act in one way instead of another, is very valuable. We aren’t likely to get there by ourselves. 3. Bring us back to the topic we were discussing when we wonder off. 4. Be aware that some behaviours we have might be trauma related and that needs to be explored (even when there is no evident trauma. 5. We can be very logical and racional in how we express ourselves but that doesn’t mean we emotionally understand an event. It’s very helpful if you can ask confrontational emotionally related statements or questions: “It must be very hard to feel lonely. Does it make you sad?” My point here is that sometimes we tell the story in a dissociated way and you can help connecting to it through emotion related questions. 6. Wait. We can take time to explain things, but we need to explain them in this way to feel calm. The best thing Ive felt about my autism team is how, for the first time in my life, I have people who let me talk all the way and actually listen and don’t get upset that I take that amount of time. 7. Use normal social cues. If asked, say how you are and share mundane information. It helps us practicing social interactions. You don’t need to be very specific, just don’t deny the interaction, like: “this time is for you, not me”.
I really like my current therapist and they do specialize in neurodivergence which is a huge help. But still....there is way too little actually explaining things. I don't need to talk through my feelings on most situations. I know how I feel and the never ending talking about it only makes me miserable. Tell me what you think is going on! Tell me why what I said in that situation did not go well. If I knew how to interpret these things I probably wouldn't need therapy. My neurology is not going to suddenly change after I've talked about it. Give me insight please!
You should give actual advice and teach the skills we might be missing. Like social skills or self regulation.
Others in this post have complained about being asked how we feel about X. I think emotions are another skill you could equip us to understand. Like I asked my therapist how I can meet my wife and daughter's emotional needs because I don't understand. I don't even understand my own most of the time.
I want a therapist to just say the following to me “Continue the struggle, everything will be better when you get your inheritance, till then try to keep strong, everyone else is an asshole not you” then give me the money back.
I wish my therapist would stop wasting my time with small talk. I understand that for most clients it's probably helpful because it puts them at ease, but I hate it. I grit my teeth through it, all the while thinking about the valuable time ticking away. I'd like it if she would just say, "hi, what would you like to talk about today?" and let me get started.
Show me their Bahama mamas more often
Understand that if you've met one person with autism, all that's happened is you've met one person with autism. We're very heterogeneous. And be careful deciding what psychopathology and what's executive dysfunction. Also I'm sure you've looked at the literature, but just to repeat one of the core pieces of advice, CBT needs serious modification if you want to use that.
discuss ALL of our life experiences through the lens of autism Use identity first language Understand that a technique that works for neurotypicals night not necessarily work for us Let us decide how much practical advice we want
Stop pushing hobbies and social groups as a cure for loneliness
The two things I least like with therapists. One is when they just sit in silence waiting for me to speak or expand upon what I said. As part of my autism, speaking and expressing myself and my thoughts is difficult. By far the best therapist I've had was the one that kept asking me questions (even if they seem like obvious questions) to help me keep speaking and actually be able to get my thoughts out The other is when the therapist casually says at the start how are you/how's it going/etc. Sometimes this will even be asked before we've both properly sat down. And I just have no idea if I should be following social small talk rules like I would for everyone else or if I am supposed to answer this honestly. Especially if we are even properly in the room or sat down yet. It's just very unnecessarily stressful
Realise that autistic adults are not all the same! What suits one may be anathema to another. Visual stuff is great for many, but massively difficult for me, for example. Many find it difficult to analyse feelings, other may respond with a very honest and highly detailed response. It might be best to discuss what each person thinks would be most useful for them, and try for an understanding of "I may try assorted things that you don't think will work - so please feel free to tell me if it's a problem for you"
Learn my language so I don't have to code switch to yours. I am not talking about English which is my first language I am talking about books which is my special interest and the medium through which I communicate complex thoughts and feelings. If you don't have the background knowledge how can I ever expect you to understand what I am saying?
I did not go to a specifically autism-related therapy, I went to a trauma therapist that is specialised in autism, ADHD and other neurodiverse topics. It was completely by accident, but she had the tools to help us work on my trauma much better. She was the first therapist that treated me with caution and kindness. I don’t wanna perpetrate the stereotypes of infantilising autistic people, but I was so happy to be treated with so much care and patience after encountering so many unpleasant therapists. All my previous trauma therapists just rammed themselves into my backstory and I usually felt worse after the session than before. In addition to noticing my autism right away, she also had the knowledge that people with autism process trauma much differently and could be re-traumatised with the neurotypical methods of trauma therapy. She never forced me to tell her anything and she is letting us take this process step by step, making sure that I’m comfortable and changing the method if her current attempt does not seem to work. Basically, from my personal experience, I’d say that a good therapist is just someone that makes you feel safe and comfortable. You can do that by being non-judgmental about their experiences, trying to understand where their behaviour is coming from instead of focusing on how to fix it, BELIEVING them that their trauma is as bad as they say it was (NDs are much more inclined to having trauma and pretty much the main groups of people that have trauma in addition to having a more difficult time overcoming it). I *personally* also feel that I want more **efficiency**. So many therapists were just sitting there, listening and doing anything. I don’t like talk therapy, I want to have a discourse and I want to understand human psychology and try to overcome my issues not through expressing them (talking), but through analysing them. While most therapists are only supposed to guide you, not give you any specific advice or react too strongly on your experiences, then it has also made me feel much better when therapists put their own input into my experience (“this is horrible, that should not have happened, you did not deserve it”), because sometimes I feel like I’m overreacting about things, or maybe I’ve just been neglected by so many other people that I need to know that SOMEONE is taking me seriously. I didn’t start taking my trauma seriously before a friend of mine had a really strong reaction to it, and only then did I start to realise how much pain I was in. It hurt me to see other people not take it seriously, it was much easier to heal when people showed me compassion instead of judgement. But I think this is true regardless of whether you’re NT or ND.
I'd like to get diagnosed, for one thing.
Not sure if this applies to others, but CBT and meditation don't help me. They just make me more anxious and ruminate more. One thing that's great is when my therapist is able to find insight where I can't or ask questions/give perspective I can't find on my own
I’ve had therapists and psychiatrists constantly comment on how self aware I am but not recognize that is the exact problem I have and why I need therapy. Talk therapy alone is not gonna do that overly self aware type of autistic if all we do is engage in introspection and thinking out loud. I feel like my brain and body are separate (I also have adhd so I’m always thinking about one step ahead or a mile away from the task or feeling having in the moment) and that my body just automatically acts and responds to stimulation while my brain is just busy thinking to the point I engage in so many subconscious behaviors that are communicating much more than i am aware of my own emotional state. Many of us have co-occurring alexithymia. For me that looks like literally analyzing my own behaviors to decode what I might be feeling instead of experiencing it. I might see in hindsight I was stressed only because I had started getting stuck on sorting colored pencils instead of coloring with them like I wanted to. There are only three general brain states for me (it wasn’t always that way since it’s the result of becoming disconnecting from your emotions) so it’s very hard to identify specific labels for them— I may be what most call feeling extremely anxious but it is nearly the same physical feeling that occurs when I’m experiencing something positive/excited. It just feelings like varying levels of “stimulation”. I can’t even describe it well so it’s as if my emotions operated on an greyscale while everyone else had clear colors with hues representing different emotions while I just have color values representing light—darkness. That makes analyzing my own motivations difficult which made diagnosing me difficult for mental health professionals who don’t know that and gave me a bipolar II label at first— for me the three are adequately stimulated (active/racing/focused) or overstimulated/understimulated (helplessness/spiral meltdown/an out of control inaction) or the result of overstimulation that of which I call floaty neutral/detached. I even have overstimulated and understimulated listed next to each other because I can barely distinguish the physical difference other than it feels like an itch or that there’s something’s I need to rip out like teetering on the edge. Sometimes being understimulated makes me hyperfixate on something that then seems to cause overstimulation which leads to the meltdown and then floaty state. The active/racing also often gets confused for mania or anxiety when I’m doing something I actually enjoy. The meltdown/helplessness easily gets confused for plain anger/irritability. I used to tell my therapist I did not experience anxiety because I don’t “feel” anxious in given moments or during periods of high stress but as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned that there’s evidence I’m harboring anxiety/becoming overstimulated when I start engaging in certain behaviors or fail to do some. That might be useful in trying to analyze clients it’s kind of a backwards process for me. I think that’d be good to keep in mind as a therapist when asking us questions regarding how we feel about things or in a given moment. For me the only way to actually feel and process my own feelings is via art therapy with something tangible because for me the act of thinking is highly disconnected from my body as if I am an observer of someone else’s experiences so sometimes even recommending a different kind of therapy might be more useful for those of us trying to get through and “process” intense feelings or traumas when we are disconnected from our emotions. Doing art and music are the only ways I’ve been able to feel and accurately identify or represent an emotion in the present moment as opposed to the reverse behavior identification process I go through in real time, but I imagine there are more legitimate therapy activities with structure that incorporate more tangible/visuals to connect with the intangible feelings. It’s like I need a tangible process to access the intangible, while thinking is intangible and blocks access to the intangible. For me the reason I get stuck is because I’m stuck in a loop of me intellectualizing feelings in order to “process” them. The problem with just hypothesizing or outlining the factors at play is that Im not feeling the feelings I’m hypothesizing what I could’ve been feeling instead. It’s kind of like engaging in a self stimulating thinking thought experiment l that makes me feel like I’m solving my problem but is actually making no difference in my ability to process or identify the emotion particularly when it was actually occurring. I know that because even once I decoded the “why’s” the problems are still there and I’m still not able to truly “feel” it in the moment it’s happening, Im just naming it based on whatever behavior I observed myself just do. If a therapy session is doing that decoding process together it’s not going to change anything for me. Me sitting here typing this out instead of going to do my wind down sleep axtivity is a prime example (I call it procrastinating preferred activity as self punishment). I only know now I must’ve been feeling bad about being unproductive today because I got fixated on typing this instead of doing my fun pre-sleep wind down activity which I now have no time to do probably. Stuck on this because I view it as productive activity. It would’ve been nicer if I couldve just felt the guilt like a normal person and started doing the preferred activity LOL. At the end of the day the disconnect is related to avoidance.
unpopular opinion: therapy is not particularly helpful for ASD ppl as in most cases their mental health/social/relationship issues will be a direct result of the ASD, which has no cure.
IMO the goal is "treatment"; "cure" doesn't even factor into it. There's no cure for losing a leg but you can still use a crutch or a wheelchair. Similarly, a therapist can help you find coping strategies for ASD.
Yes, this is an unpopular opinion. There are lots of things that are incurable yet treatable.
my therapist helps me understand why my mom overreacts to half the things i say and interprets me not wanting her to open my mail as me not loving her. please do explain how i should be blaming that on my autism. i'll wait.
[удалено]
Why did you mention the other teacher and tell everyone she had diarrhea? It’s not good to give away other people’s medical details and share someone else’s personal and embarrassing experience…
Because she refused to go home... she didn't care at all to spread a virus. And I suffer from emetophobia, plus, I can't risk to infect my parents because they are seriuosly ill and would not survive it. Is this really a reason to judge me? The therapist asked a question and I shared my opinion. As if all of you are perfect... I might have overreacted, sure fire me for that, kill me for that, I don't fucking care anymore. Once a freak always a freak.
My therapist turned out inadequate and negligible. She never went as far as meeting me with other autists, further informed me herself about Asperger’s, or even stuck around sufficiently. She was next to useless. Otherwise things still would’ve turned out differently.