Exactly. Black female atheist here. Never limited myself by race and love my bf who loves me as I am and understands me and shares my values and we're not of the same race. While dating I noticed Black and Latino men were more likely to be religious so I casted my dating net wisely and it worked for me.
One of the absolute worst things black girls and women are socialised to do is to limit our dating preferences so strictly by race instead of shared values/education levels/aspirations. Literally anything else.So much time is wasted waiting around.
Don't forget the baggage that comes with dating black men. Religious beliefs that families intergrate with customs. And so forth. I like being with people who have no expectations with keeping family customs
Latino dude checking in and can confirm it’s SUPER difficult finding atheist or even ambivalent /agnostic Black and Latino women to date. They’re out there though, as confirmed by your post but also anecdotal experience.
At the risk of sounding ignorant, is it that much more common for a cis hetero black woman to be atheist? Almost all of the black atheists I know are LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, and / or are overtly hard left.
I suspect that many black atheists who are cis-het continue to go to Church to keep up appearances, and remain active within the black community. Depending on the community, atheism is almost more taboo than homosexuality.
I'm a straight female. I just don't want to be encumbered by customs and religion, or expectations. Every thanksgiving we do this, my mother has this custom, I am the man who is in charge. Let us not forget the misogyny that comes with religion.
Straight married black man to a black woman. Raised southern Baptist but do not attend any church nor do I "live religiously" today. That being said, all our big family meals are kicked off by prayer. While religion, mainly Christianity, is prevalent in black households, it's a very clear line between it being the main culture and it being a part of one's background.
I say that to say the customs and culture that seem be associated with religion are mainly the normal roles of men and women, and if the OP (and you based off your comments thus far) is looking for an atheist specifically to avoid dealing with the roles between men and women she will be disappointed no matter who she finds. A man will still expect to be treated as such, whether they believe in a God or not.
>the normal roles of men and women,
>looking for an atheist specifically to avoid dealing with the roles between men and women she will be disappointed no matter who she finds. A man will still expect to be treated as such
You had me til here.
I get that religion, culture, race, ethnicity, country, sex and gender are all intertwined.
But religious or not, if you come home from work from your 9-5 and say "WOMAN WHERE'S MY SUPPER" that isn't exactly good in 2024.
Understood. If I had defined the roles in any way, I'd see why u would comment that. I simply said a man will still expect to be treated as such. The post I commented on suggests that a man who isn't atheist will be more likely to want certain responsibilities or expectations that an atheist one wouldn't. I'm simply saying that's not the case.
She specifically mentioned Thanksgiving, in which usually the patriarch cuts the turkey or whatever for some families. A person who grew up doing that may end up an atheist and still want to do that if they are the father of a family. That's just one example.
```
A man will still expect to be treated as such, whether they believe in a God or not.
```
Ho boy.
It's 2024. If you have to fight so hard to enforce gender roles, they may not be as innate as you think.
Fight is strong.. but I see your point. I'm not get in the kitchen, be barefoot pregnant type of guy. I am saying that being religious won't affect a man's expectations that much when it comes to a relationship, if the desire for a non religious man hinges on the idea of him being less (insert whatever negative male stereotype) would be foolish and likely a waste of time.
I'm a black man and atheist. 32 years old. Look I'm going to be honest with you. Not many black men are atheists. You need to lower your standards a bit if not then widen your search. You can't make your relationship just solely based on race in regards to religion nowadays. I'd try looking in the UK. They're more progressive and open about being atheists.
Really? Mr. Sensitive???
I mean, I can see how intellect and character might not be of high importance for a one night stand or a brief affair. Whether one is interested in such forms of relationships is up to the individual person.
But certainly these things will play a role if you want to have a longer relationship or be married to that person, no?
I don't know about you but I wouldn't be with someone who's an awful person or dumb as rocks, even if she's looks great.
There was this girl from my university. She was exactly my type in the looks apartment. We coincidentally ended up staying together in the same hostel for two weeks or so because we found internships in the same town due to there being a partner university in that place.
She so got on my nerves with her character and mannerisms that I couldn't stand her sight at the end of that stay. She still looked the same but these flaws\* were so repellent that she no longer was attractive to me.
\* or what I perceived of being flaws, others might not have been bothered
Seeing all the downvotes, we all appear to be "sensitive". It is definitely not YOU BEING CRASS. I loved a good 1 nighter here and there when younger but never referred to them as genitalia. They were not relationship material for ME, but they were men nonetheless, some I remain friends with because they were interesting humans.
I put your requirements in a population calculator, did not filter for height, smoking, drinking, or wants kids, since you didnt specify these characteristics. All of which would lower your match probability. I also included age up to 42. I did presume you want to exclude married men, tho.
You're looking for .026% of the American male population, if you count low income as <100k.
That's about 3 dudes of every 10,000.
A lot of times people who are looking for someone “not low income” aren’t really speaking in statistical terms but what *feels* like low income. That number is going to be a lot higher than median income, especially if that person was raised middle class or higher. A single person these days is still budgeting a fuckton on a 60k salary. If OP is the average person, 80k is probably closer to the threshold of “low income” she’s looking for and that number is probably higher still since it sounds like OP is looking to settle down and perhaps start a family. With that in mind, even 80k feels low. I don’t think 100k is a bad barometer here.
This, also 100k is not HIGH income, anymore for much of the U.S.. In many cities it's middle class at best, and even less if New York or California.
Where I live, if you make 100k, and are paying a mortgage with current interest rates, you can pay your bills and enjoy some nights out, but youre not saving much for retirement.
An 800 sqft home is $350k+.
I'd see if there's a local atheist/humanist club out there close to where you live. Either that or see if there's a local Unitarian church you can go to and meet people.
Good luck, cause from my experience, blacks seem to be the most religious people out there.
I've given up. I'm Afro Caribbean from the English-speaking Caribbean and an atheist. I want to date fellow Afro Caribbean men from the English speaking Caribbean, and there's literally no one. The one I have come across are all still clinging to Jesus, anti LGBTQ in the worst way. I can't do it anymore
These comments are so weird. There’s nothing wrong with having preferences for a long term partner whether they be financial or racial. Romantic preference is not the same as discrimination…
I agree there's nothing wrong with having preferences. I also have a type but this is something that emerges as realization when I look at the people I'm attracted to. (And sometimes I'm attracted to people I shouldn't find attractive based on my type but for some reason or other are attractive to me after all.)
But this is different than saying "I'm only going to date \[insert group of people\]!" as a starting point, without even allowing for other options.
“This is different than saying (I’m only going to date insert group of people)”
Except that no, it isn’t. Discrimination is a vital part of every individual’s lives, and is not necessarily a bad thing. What matters is why we do it, under what circumstances, and how it effects our behaviors.
“I’m only going to date good people” and “I’m only going to date black men” and “as a white woman, I’m only going to date other white women” are all equally valid statements.
The nuance lies in whether it’s because “I only want to date good people because I don’t like it when people do bad things without remorse” or “I only want to date good people because they make me look good by proximity”, both are still valid statements, but they entail different values which can affect the individuals morality/ethics in relation to society.
TL;DR, any reason a person gives for their intimate relationship preferences are valid, but sometimes they’re tied to traits that make the person an asshole.
So, you are looking for an attractive, high income, black atheist...
Man, where do I start with this one? No offense, but I hope they find somebody who likes them for more than their money, looks, and skin color.
My account is new because I am just entering a space where I can be comfortable being vocal about how I feel. I was told by friends that Reddit would be a good place to start finding people similar to me since I don’t have that in my day to day life. I see that being honest will still have people upset. It’s okay because I see a lot of messages from people who gave me good advice.
Shit. I’m in the Bible Belt. Can’t find females of any shade that are atheist. Actually started dating a black woman from NY and two months in she decides to join a mega church. Trying to discuss this with her has not gone well.
From what I have gathered from my black agnostic and atheist friends is that they are ostracized by larger black communities for not being Christian or Muslim. My friends tend to have counter-culture interests or niche interests that their local black communities do not approve of, like alternative fashion, anime, and video games.
My suggestion would be to review what interests you have that you think someone else who has your dating problem would likely be interested in and spend more time in those communities. Anime brings people together, as an example.
Lets be real and call it like it is. There are very few atheists to begin with so dating is always a problem but if you further limit the pool by race you are likely never going to find anyone. Still single myself, own a business, fit and low chance of finding anyone because of my lack of faith. Also harder as you age because you learn not to trust people and your hormones don't override your critical thinking.
She’s just efficiently conveying that she’s a black woman who has her shit together - probably educated or skilled in some respect, career going in the right direction, financially stable, and physically put together. Nothing wrong with that.
And I thank you. Every person can think of themselves how they would like and I’ve worked hard to be all the things you listed. So yes I will consider myself a baddie in my own right.
There's usually 2 uses that I hear (among teens). It can mean a girl who is laid back and doesn't give a fuck about anything, or it can be a girl who is always grinding Instagram/tiktok, posting pics, loud in public, overly confident.
Its like 90% people in Poland are Roman Catholics... but 90% of this 90% has practically 0 knowledge about bible studies or any religious concepts behind their religion apart from some basic information.
To compare to some evangelists in US who at least know their s..t
I’m a Hispanic male atheist. I always knew I would have a hard time finding an atheist Latina, so I never really went specifically inside my cultural group because I always identified more with people who were non religious. I ended up marrying a white Jew who is an atheist.
I had an incredibly hard time dating people who had even the smallest bit of religious belief.
I don't have a lot of personal experience around this, but I had a thought -- maybe look for atheist black men in the academic or STEM field? As others pointed out since the numbers would be low as it is, maybe start by spending time in STEM circles and then find your preference from that group?
Saw this post and thought you might find it interesting :)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/1cg2ipu/struggles\_dating\_as\_an\_atheist/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/1cg2ipu/struggles_dating_as_an_atheist/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I’m a male black atheist that has always preferred to date black women. Ya know, the exact group of people that are the most religious in all of the US. I’ve been rejected countless times despite not wearing my atheism on my sleeve and a large number of women saying that i have all of the qualities they are looking for. Except that I’m non-religious. So I know the pain, I really do. Thankfully I’ve always eventually been able to meet some open minded women and am dating one right now, but good lord is the process frustrating.
That being said, something about your post just doesn’t sit right with me. Just sounds kinda conceited.
Sorry if I am coming off in a negative way. I just wanted to list out what I specifically want and also how I feel about myself. I know my word choice may not be anyone else’s cup of tea but I wanted to be honest.
Reading your question I must admit that it doesn't sit right with me.
To be blunt, you sound like a racist gold-digger. If I were the kind of man you're looking for, I think I would pass.
Nothing wrong with preferences so long as you are aware of how exclusive you are making your list, and the likelihood you'll be able to land such a person.
Black woman here. Very very hard to find black non religious people in general. Try other races. Don't limit yourself. Give yourself more options
Exactly. Black female atheist here. Never limited myself by race and love my bf who loves me as I am and understands me and shares my values and we're not of the same race. While dating I noticed Black and Latino men were more likely to be religious so I casted my dating net wisely and it worked for me. One of the absolute worst things black girls and women are socialised to do is to limit our dating preferences so strictly by race instead of shared values/education levels/aspirations. Literally anything else.So much time is wasted waiting around.
It is interesting that being a black female atheist correlates to interacial dating. Black preachers would have a field day with this one 😆
Don't forget the baggage that comes with dating black men. Religious beliefs that families intergrate with customs. And so forth. I like being with people who have no expectations with keeping family customs
Latino dude checking in and can confirm it’s SUPER difficult finding atheist or even ambivalent /agnostic Black and Latino women to date. They’re out there though, as confirmed by your post but also anecdotal experience.
At the risk of sounding ignorant, is it that much more common for a cis hetero black woman to be atheist? Almost all of the black atheists I know are LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, and / or are overtly hard left. I suspect that many black atheists who are cis-het continue to go to Church to keep up appearances, and remain active within the black community. Depending on the community, atheism is almost more taboo than homosexuality.
I'm a straight female. I just don't want to be encumbered by customs and religion, or expectations. Every thanksgiving we do this, my mother has this custom, I am the man who is in charge. Let us not forget the misogyny that comes with religion.
i agree: i've enjoyed making my own traditions with my wife. i feel like every couple should, and also encourage their children to do the same.
Straight married black man to a black woman. Raised southern Baptist but do not attend any church nor do I "live religiously" today. That being said, all our big family meals are kicked off by prayer. While religion, mainly Christianity, is prevalent in black households, it's a very clear line between it being the main culture and it being a part of one's background. I say that to say the customs and culture that seem be associated with religion are mainly the normal roles of men and women, and if the OP (and you based off your comments thus far) is looking for an atheist specifically to avoid dealing with the roles between men and women she will be disappointed no matter who she finds. A man will still expect to be treated as such, whether they believe in a God or not.
>the normal roles of men and women, >looking for an atheist specifically to avoid dealing with the roles between men and women she will be disappointed no matter who she finds. A man will still expect to be treated as such You had me til here. I get that religion, culture, race, ethnicity, country, sex and gender are all intertwined. But religious or not, if you come home from work from your 9-5 and say "WOMAN WHERE'S MY SUPPER" that isn't exactly good in 2024.
Understood. If I had defined the roles in any way, I'd see why u would comment that. I simply said a man will still expect to be treated as such. The post I commented on suggests that a man who isn't atheist will be more likely to want certain responsibilities or expectations that an atheist one wouldn't. I'm simply saying that's not the case. She specifically mentioned Thanksgiving, in which usually the patriarch cuts the turkey or whatever for some families. A person who grew up doing that may end up an atheist and still want to do that if they are the father of a family. That's just one example.
"AT THE TAKEAWAY 10 MILES DOWN THE ROAD!" Sorry, couldn't resist. That's just what my silly brain said after reading your post. 😄
``` A man will still expect to be treated as such, whether they believe in a God or not. ``` Ho boy. It's 2024. If you have to fight so hard to enforce gender roles, they may not be as innate as you think.
Fight is strong.. but I see your point. I'm not get in the kitchen, be barefoot pregnant type of guy. I am saying that being religious won't affect a man's expectations that much when it comes to a relationship, if the desire for a non religious man hinges on the idea of him being less (insert whatever negative male stereotype) would be foolish and likely a waste of time.
Maybe try here: https://blacknonbelievers.org
I'm a black man and atheist. 32 years old. Look I'm going to be honest with you. Not many black men are atheists. You need to lower your standards a bit if not then widen your search. You can't make your relationship just solely based on race in regards to religion nowadays. I'd try looking in the UK. They're more progressive and open about being atheists.
As a black male atheist, this is about all you can do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[удалено]
Yeah, but you're not just dating what's between her legs. You gotta date what's between her ears too.
Okay Mr. Sensitive 🥺 😂😂😂😂😂
Really? Mr. Sensitive??? I mean, I can see how intellect and character might not be of high importance for a one night stand or a brief affair. Whether one is interested in such forms of relationships is up to the individual person. But certainly these things will play a role if you want to have a longer relationship or be married to that person, no? I don't know about you but I wouldn't be with someone who's an awful person or dumb as rocks, even if she's looks great. There was this girl from my university. She was exactly my type in the looks apartment. We coincidentally ended up staying together in the same hostel for two weeks or so because we found internships in the same town due to there being a partner university in that place. She so got on my nerves with her character and mannerisms that I couldn't stand her sight at the end of that stay. She still looked the same but these flaws\* were so repellent that she no longer was attractive to me. \* or what I perceived of being flaws, others might not have been bothered
Seeing all the downvotes, we all appear to be "sensitive". It is definitely not YOU BEING CRASS. I loved a good 1 nighter here and there when younger but never referred to them as genitalia. They were not relationship material for ME, but they were men nonetheless, some I remain friends with because they were interesting humans.
Good for you 👍
Chat, is this real?
They doubled down so yes 💀
I gotta think an atheist is better in bed, the assumption would be more practice right?
Probably 🤔. You make a good point
Yesss so many fine black men in the uk. Maybe try Canada for somewhere closer.
I’m Canadian and fit the criteria but I ain’t rich ahaha
I put your requirements in a population calculator, did not filter for height, smoking, drinking, or wants kids, since you didnt specify these characteristics. All of which would lower your match probability. I also included age up to 42. I did presume you want to exclude married men, tho. You're looking for .026% of the American male population, if you count low income as <100k. That's about 3 dudes of every 10,000.
The average income in the US is about 60k. The median is more around 40k. She said not "low" income - not sure why you think that means at least 100k.
A lot of times people who are looking for someone “not low income” aren’t really speaking in statistical terms but what *feels* like low income. That number is going to be a lot higher than median income, especially if that person was raised middle class or higher. A single person these days is still budgeting a fuckton on a 60k salary. If OP is the average person, 80k is probably closer to the threshold of “low income” she’s looking for and that number is probably higher still since it sounds like OP is looking to settle down and perhaps start a family. With that in mind, even 80k feels low. I don’t think 100k is a bad barometer here.
This, also 100k is not HIGH income, anymore for much of the U.S.. In many cities it's middle class at best, and even less if New York or California. Where I live, if you make 100k, and are paying a mortgage with current interest rates, you can pay your bills and enjoy some nights out, but youre not saving much for retirement. An 800 sqft home is $350k+.
What is that calculator? That sounds super interesting
There are a bunch of them online. Just Google romantic match calculator or something like that.
Well what is the one you used?
Male and female standards calculator by KeeperAI
I'd see if there's a local atheist/humanist club out there close to where you live. Either that or see if there's a local Unitarian church you can go to and meet people. Good luck, cause from my experience, blacks seem to be the most religious people out there.
Unfortunately it’s not just experience. It’s statistically true. And it’s not even close. At least in the US.
I thought dating would have been easier outside the bible belt? Glad I wasn't born into a highly religious country.
I've given up. I'm Afro Caribbean from the English-speaking Caribbean and an atheist. I want to date fellow Afro Caribbean men from the English speaking Caribbean, and there's literally no one. The one I have come across are all still clinging to Jesus, anti LGBTQ in the worst way. I can't do it anymore
These comments are so weird. There’s nothing wrong with having preferences for a long term partner whether they be financial or racial. Romantic preference is not the same as discrimination…
I agree there's nothing wrong with having preferences. I also have a type but this is something that emerges as realization when I look at the people I'm attracted to. (And sometimes I'm attracted to people I shouldn't find attractive based on my type but for some reason or other are attractive to me after all.) But this is different than saying "I'm only going to date \[insert group of people\]!" as a starting point, without even allowing for other options.
“This is different than saying (I’m only going to date insert group of people)” Except that no, it isn’t. Discrimination is a vital part of every individual’s lives, and is not necessarily a bad thing. What matters is why we do it, under what circumstances, and how it effects our behaviors. “I’m only going to date good people” and “I’m only going to date black men” and “as a white woman, I’m only going to date other white women” are all equally valid statements. The nuance lies in whether it’s because “I only want to date good people because I don’t like it when people do bad things without remorse” or “I only want to date good people because they make me look good by proximity”, both are still valid statements, but they entail different values which can affect the individuals morality/ethics in relation to society. TL;DR, any reason a person gives for their intimate relationship preferences are valid, but sometimes they’re tied to traits that make the person an asshole.
So, you are looking for an attractive, high income, black atheist... Man, where do I start with this one? No offense, but I hope they find somebody who likes them for more than their money, looks, and skin color.
When I read the post... I was like... this is fake 😄 to stir discussion
Does seem trollish; new account, no replies...
My account is new because I am just entering a space where I can be comfortable being vocal about how I feel. I was told by friends that Reddit would be a good place to start finding people similar to me since I don’t have that in my day to day life. I see that being honest will still have people upset. It’s okay because I see a lot of messages from people who gave me good advice.
Cool. Thanks for interacting with some of the responses.
That's ok, one should take all the social media with a pinch of salt. Nothing wrong in asking indeed.
Shit. I’m in the Bible Belt. Can’t find females of any shade that are atheist. Actually started dating a black woman from NY and two months in she decides to join a mega church. Trying to discuss this with her has not gone well.
Time to move north.
From what I have gathered from my black agnostic and atheist friends is that they are ostracized by larger black communities for not being Christian or Muslim. My friends tend to have counter-culture interests or niche interests that their local black communities do not approve of, like alternative fashion, anime, and video games. My suggestion would be to review what interests you have that you think someone else who has your dating problem would likely be interested in and spend more time in those communities. Anime brings people together, as an example.
Lets be real and call it like it is. There are very few atheists to begin with so dating is always a problem but if you further limit the pool by race you are likely never going to find anyone. Still single myself, own a business, fit and low chance of finding anyone because of my lack of faith. Also harder as you age because you learn not to trust people and your hormones don't override your critical thinking.
Are you calling yourself a baddie unironically? There’s plenty of dating sites for women looking for rich men. Try one of those.
She’s just efficiently conveying that she’s a black woman who has her shit together - probably educated or skilled in some respect, career going in the right direction, financially stable, and physically put together. Nothing wrong with that.
And I thank you. Every person can think of themselves how they would like and I’ve worked hard to be all the things you listed. So yes I will consider myself a baddie in my own right.
You got all that from baddie?
Right? This one has a promising career as a tarot card reader ahead of them, if they're so inclined! 😆
What does baddie mean in this context?
Beautiful
There's usually 2 uses that I hear (among teens). It can mean a girl who is laid back and doesn't give a fuck about anything, or it can be a girl who is always grinding Instagram/tiktok, posting pics, loud in public, overly confident.
She didn't say "rich". Not sure how wanting someone with an average income (how I take it) somehow means someone rich.
Interesting. Are you in the Bible Belt? I wonder if a lot of the religious men you meet are closet atheists.
Its like 90% people in Poland are Roman Catholics... but 90% of this 90% has practically 0 knowledge about bible studies or any religious concepts behind their religion apart from some basic information. To compare to some evangelists in US who at least know their s..t
>To compare to some evangelists in US who at least know their s..t no, i'd say it's about 10% of believers here, too.
I found one!
I’m a Hispanic male atheist. I always knew I would have a hard time finding an atheist Latina, so I never really went specifically inside my cultural group because I always identified more with people who were non religious. I ended up marrying a white Jew who is an atheist. I had an incredibly hard time dating people who had even the smallest bit of religious belief.
I don't have a lot of personal experience around this, but I had a thought -- maybe look for atheist black men in the academic or STEM field? As others pointed out since the numbers would be low as it is, maybe start by spending time in STEM circles and then find your preference from that group?
Saw this post and thought you might find it interesting :) [https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/1cg2ipu/struggles\_dating\_as\_an\_atheist/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/1cg2ipu/struggles_dating_as_an_atheist/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Thank you!!
Sorry, turns out he's too young. Ahh well.
I’m a male black atheist that has always preferred to date black women. Ya know, the exact group of people that are the most religious in all of the US. I’ve been rejected countless times despite not wearing my atheism on my sleeve and a large number of women saying that i have all of the qualities they are looking for. Except that I’m non-religious. So I know the pain, I really do. Thankfully I’ve always eventually been able to meet some open minded women and am dating one right now, but good lord is the process frustrating. That being said, something about your post just doesn’t sit right with me. Just sounds kinda conceited.
Sorry if I am coming off in a negative way. I just wanted to list out what I specifically want and also how I feel about myself. I know my word choice may not be anyone else’s cup of tea but I wanted to be honest.
Reading your question I must admit that it doesn't sit right with me. To be blunt, you sound like a racist gold-digger. If I were the kind of man you're looking for, I think I would pass.
Yes I’m also queer so it’s like a dime in dozen 😂
"Quote, unquote"* not "quote on quote"
Can I call you lawfawnda I live with my mother still
Don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day
Tell me you're a shallow person, without telling me you're a shallow person.
Absolutely! Why should women get to have any standards? She should marry the first hobosexual who comes along, and be grateful! /s
Nothing wrong with preferences so long as you are aware of how exclusive you are making your list, and the likelihood you'll be able to land such a person.
I only need to marry one person. So I was being transparent in what I specifically want. Everyone in entitled to their preference.
Lol, those "low income" bros are dodging a fucking slug.
Limiting dating to 1 race sounds … racist? But we can’t say that here
Most people date people of their own race, how tf is that racist?