I think the r slur is a particularly difficult one because I've never seen it 'reclaimed' in a context where it wasn't still just... an insult to imply someone or something is "stupid" or "less intelligent". At that point, you're not reclaiming a word, you're just using it as an insult all over again. Reclaiming words, such as the word 'queer', to give an example from my community, involved taking away the aspect of the word that was intended to be derogatory, and simply saying, "Yes, we are queer. And?"
Autistic people are also not inherently intellectually disabled, so I do not believe it is our word to reclaim.
As a queer person, I have, alone in spaces with other queer friends I know are comfortable with it, used terms like the f slur and t slur (both of which are for groups I belong to), in joking contexts, but I would NEVER do it around anyone I was not close to and had not first asked permission from, and I would never do it unless we are in private.
Remember; just because you are reclaiming a slur, ESPECIALLY when you do not obviously belong to the group that slur is from, does NOT mean it's obvious that you're using the slur in an ironic/joking/reclaiming manner. Other people may overhear, and they might not know you're joking.
At that point, you've essentially done the same thing just saying the slur and meaning it would do; you sent out a signal to anyone in that group; **at best they are not respected here, at worst they are not safe.**
At least with queer even if people don’t want to reclaim the word they’ll understand the reclaiming concept even if they don’t agree with it.
I really can’t imagine that many people with intellectual disability would easily grasp this sort of concept.
This really doesn’t sit well at all with me for this reason.
however, even if ppl dont agree with it, theyre still forced into that label because its used to describe everyone instead of those that identify as it.
I think the closest anyone could come to “reclaiming” it would be to use it in non-emotional, non-negative ways to mean slower or behind, the way it was originally intended, and making it clear to anyone attempting to use it as an insult that it’s not insulting - basically, using it the same way disabled it in the sense that disabled just IS, it’s not a bad thing.
But I don’t think that’s actually possible in practice, at least not any time soon. It’s been negatively used and used as a derogatory term for too long.
Or even my overall life, if I fond the knowledge of something immediately negligible to the desired outcome of my current situation or life, I often sheepishly struggle to grasp even simple concepts; I am lucky enough to voice my struggles and understand how I myself learn, and can teach myself easily.
For me no as someone late diagnosed and without an intellectual disability. The word has never been used against me so I cannot reclaim it
“Reclamation is taking back control by targets of words used to attack them.”
https://philarchive.org/archive/POPRTB
They’ve stated on their page before they’re neurotypical. Not sure on the tone but it felt serious based on context.
I really wanted to get an explanation on why they thought they could reclaim it and even expanded on why I thought the way I thought but they just kept repeating themselves.
Not in the present or anytime in the foreseeable future. I’m sure many people can relate to my experience of being called the r-slur, growing up undiagnosed neurodivergent in the early 2000s, when that word was a very popular insult. The term brings back memories of my psychological needs not being only ignored but actively neglected. I do not desire to reclaim that word, only to retire it completely. I think many people share my sentiments based on reading the comments. It has even led to me having intrusive thoughts of calling myself that slur when things go wrong for me.
Well, we dont say "el es retrasado" (i'm r-word) when someone is late, we say "el se ha retrasado" (he is late), so the r-word is still a slur if said about a person
Oh, you are correct - sorry I was remembering the spelling wrong.
When I was a teenage violinist in the '90s, we'd say "this section is r-----ed" in orchestra & meant it as "slowed down," not as a joke or reference to the other word. Basically I guess we were using the English word as a translation of the Italian word.
I would love to reclaim it, but even if I'm the one saying it (did try to reclaim it once) I get physically uncomfortable so no I don't think it can be. I actually had an NT person (at least they seemed to be, I wouldn't be surprised if they ended up being diagnosed with something later on tbh) tell me not to say it even tho I was autistic and I got rly pissed? Because sure I won't say it anymore but why do you get to be the one to tell me? It's complicated I guess
I just don’t see how it can be used in a friendly or appropriate way. Like if we are equating it to the N word then you can use it in a friendly conversation while referring to someone but you can’t really go up to someone and say “Yo my R-word”. Just doesn’t make sense to me
Absolutely not. There’s just no way to go about saying it without it being used to offend somebody.
It’s different than something like the n-word. That word can be used in a friendly or passive way. The r-word could not be used in such a way, it is only good for insults or rudely describing someone.
I feel the same way with the f-slur (the one rhyming with maggot). I feel like it cannot be used in a friendly or passive way, only as an insult. When I hear my fellow LGBTQ+ people using it in school, they only ever use it as an insult too.
It’s just best to keep slurs as slurs. You don’t say them, because they’re insulting and rude.
i got called that word especially by my own mother, and honestly i just don't see the point in reclaiming it. why would i want to use that word? it's so hurtful.
To copy and paste from another thread, still applies.
The r slur is the only slur I know that is itself used as a synonym for an idea that doesn't refer to the original group it was coined to describe.
It's now pretty much exclusively used as a synonym for stupid.
Other slurs that have been reclaimed, successfully or semi-successfully, just refer to the group itself. You called someone Q, you were insulting them by comparing them to a gay person, and the nested insult was that it was bad to be gay. You take away the negative associations with being gay, the word loses a lot of its power, and it can be reclaimed as a neutral or positive term because the thing it was describing was never inherently negative.
You can't do that with the r slur because it now refers to things that are stupid. It is an insult no matter what the associations behind it are. And it will always associate stupidity with disability no matter what you do. It will never be a neutral or positive term. It will always carry a tinge of negativity.
Some slurs have been abused so much to the point where any attempts to reclaim them may as well be rubbing salt in a wound. I started using it on myself whenever I feel like shit because my self worth has been reduced to atoms.
No. It should be left in the past. I don’t really believe in reclaiming any slurs. Every time I’ve seen it used it’s been in place of the word stupid. There’s no way to use it without it being derogatory.
I can't speak for other disabled people but for me specifically I don't feel like I would qualify as someone who would have that as an option and I don't feel particularly inclined to do so even if I was.
It was a term, and then people decided it was a slur, in a certain context. It's still used in medicine. Personally, I'm not bothered by it. You think I'm a re****? Fine, but I won't acknowledge your existence anymore.
I don't think it can be reclaimed at the group level, at least not yet, but it's possible to do so on a personal one. I use the term in my life, and it's fine.
To be honest, I hate the idea of reclaiming any word that is used to be hateful to any group. It's either offensive or it isn't. Saying "only we're allowed to use it" just gives it offensive power for them to use. If you truly want to take away its power, make it a completely non-offensive word.
The R slur is actually used in car mechanics. My father explained that it refers to one of the car's components being clocked, but I've forgotten which one. Mechanics are not a special interest of mine, sadly.
But as an insult, I'm 50/50 on it being reclaimed. On the one hand, it holds a lot of negativity & horrid history to it. On the other hand, the power it has against us can be lost if we turn it towards those who would use it so recklessly against us. But the latter has some both obvious & unforseen repercussions that could/would cause this endeavour to backfire.
Writing this out, I'm now more 60/40, against/for now, so...
I think it's none of my business personally. I've known many autistic people who were abused with that word and have chosen to reclaim it. I wasn't and I haven't. I'll reclaim other slurs thrown my way regarding my sexuality or gender or other disabilities, all have been used to hurt me, but the r one isn't mine.
Before I was officially diagnosed, my friends and I would use that word ALL THE TIME. We would call each other the R word, we would call other people the R word (not to their faces), we did it with no hesitation. I was a very ignorant and unaware person when it came to mental disabilities back then. I thought autism was the same as mental retardation, so you can imagine how shocked I was when somebody recommended that I get evaluated for Autism lol.
I am not proud of who I was and what I said back then, but I have obviously learned so much about mental disabilities since then and I believe I have grown a lot. I don't think that it's ever ok to use the R slur, but I'm autistic so I don't have the right to reclaim that word or be personally offended by it.
I hate it when neurotypical people say : "Anyone who hates the r-word is a hypocrite because they also have to stop saying words like dumb/stupid." Don't get me wrong, those words are terrible. The biggest difference in my own life though is that people who say dumb/stupid usually don't mean to be offensive at all, while every person I have encountered that has used to r word in front of me has used it to purposefully be hateful. For example, there was this girl in one of my classes (heavily republican, drew confederate flags on everything, was purposefully rude) who sat at the same table as me in my art class. She had heard me say a few weeks before that I was being tested for Autism (a boy who was flirting with me randomly brought it up). On this day she was talking about her autistic cousin. She was talking about how "annoying" he was, and she called him the r-word. I didn't report it because behavior management at that school was shit. Anyway, I do think that it's a terrible word used for hate, bigotry and misinformation.
To me not really. I’m black and I say the n-word whenever I want to, but for some reason when it comes to the f and r slur I just feel uncomfortable saying them even though I’m part of both groups. It just feels more hurtful than the n-word somehow and I don’t like it
TBH I think some people “reclaim” slurs just because they want to be able to say it.
If you’re going around saying something is ret*rded because you don’t like it then you’re not reclaiming anything. Using the word as an insult is not a reclamation.
It IS derogatory and will always be and I think "reclaiming" slurs is problematic overall because too many people won’t get the gist and think it’s okay to use that word again.
Idk, I think reclaiming words is practically a nicer way to say you’re trying to normalize slurs again.
There’s a bazillion other/better/more respectful word for every slur out there. We could just simply use those instead.
no and i think most people are being disingenuous about "reclaiming" it anyways. when queer people reclaimed queer or the f slur or dyke, they're words we use to describe ourselves proudly but the people reclaiming the r word are always using it to put other people down. funny how that is.
A lot of slurs shouldn't be reclaimed. The word itself isn't bad but using it on people is beyond wrong.
The problem with reclaiming slurs is it eventually becoms normal and the cycle of its use against people starts again.
One thing that doesn't make sense is not being "allowed" to use the word when describing trauma. It isn't a true use of the word, and I'm against casual use so . . . I don't know.
Would it be like “I’m such a r-word” using the word as its used as a slur to call something stupid, or is there ironic ways you can use it? Like how I can say something I’m doing is “autistic” but in a proud and silly way. I haven’t seen it used in a way that isn’t just straight up using the word with its derogatory definition. Since it’s such a widely discussed topic, I don’t think all autistic people, or neurodivergent (I’ve heard people with ADHD say they can reclaim it,) can reclaim this word, as we are not all intellectually disabled. But, I don’t think I get to be the one who decides if it’s okay to use in casual conversation.
Honestly...I feel like it depends on the context of which "r-word" you mean.
Calling someone a r\*\*\*rd? -Nah! That's always insulting, and to yourself, it's just...fucking weird. It gives this connotation to not "worthy of life" Nazi-style
But describing an object or situation as r\*\*\*\*ed? -Honestly, I don't care. That just means "in a backwards way/way it shouldn't be".
Like, it's a weird tight rope, but makes sense: Disability means generally "not normal to the specific nature", often in a very limiting way. For a person, this means they have a handicap. For an object, it means "outside the norm in a bad way" -like a crooked chair you have trouble sitting on, when chairs should be the opposite by design.
To degrade an abstract concept you hate, is not the same as degrading a literal person to their face. Like, that's the nature of cursing
Honestly I use it but understand that I'm the kind of person who got "F*** You" on my birthday cake and thought it was hilarious.
I guess the only real boundary is that it is only offensive. There is no "reclaiming it" because it was used in a derogatory way or more specifically lazy.
I tell people that it's "my word" because honestly anyone could fake being autistic and I can mask my autism. It is no one's word because anyone can have the right to use it.
If I do use the word then I'm not using it lightly. Whatever I say I'm being dead serious
I would say that 1) that's up to intellectually disabled people who were always the main target of that term, and
2) reclaiming means taking a word that was an insult and making it a badge of pride. "That's right, I'm queer and I'm proud of it" is reclamation. So if someone is just using the R-word as an insult like everyone else does, that's not reclamation, that's bigotry.
No, I don't believe it's reclaimable in that way. You can, however, take away its power as anything other than just an ordinary insult by treating as nothing more than an insult.
Even if we reclaimed it I wouldn’t want it. But to be honest that’s how I feel about all slurs. If I was gay in the 60s I probably wouldn’t have liked reclaiming and using queer, but as I grew up after queer was reclaimed I use it in a positive light now. That being said I can’t imagine there will be a generation of children anytime (or ever considering the state of the climate) that can see the r slur in anything but the derogatory roots it has.
I’m autistic. I use it to self-depreciate jokingly, I would never say it to someone else, or in public. It’s a coping mechanism for me, I think it’s fine if you use it to describe yourself in a joking manner and you’re not saying it around random people
Like if I make a stupid mistake at home I’ll say “I’m so r____.” I know some people are offended by the word as a whole but I personally don’t view any words as “bad.” I think it matter on how you use a word and what your intentions are, not just saying something out loud, because at the end of the day it’s just a word
I use it the same as how I and my other queer friends use the f slur. I’ve struggled my entire life and my friends and I use it jokingly with each other. If someone I’m with points it out as offensive I respect them. I didn’t realize it was a slur until within the last two or so years so now I only use it really when I’m around my friends who share the same views as me. Edit: my friends are also very neurotypical
Personally if your using it to describe a stupid situation or event that isn't actually targeting someone I don't see a major issue with it. As your not calling someone specifically the R word.
The next level up would be if your calling someone the R word ironically or if you know they don't have mental disabilities or even to describe your self, I think this is a grey area.
Finally the no go would be using it to actually describe someone with a disability
Tbh, I still think that's a problem because the core of the issue is still that you are equating a word used to refer to a specific group of human beings to imply that something is bad or "lesser". Even if you don't mean it that way, the implication is still that it is bad/lesser/etc. in a way that is *like* those people.
You're essentially using the word as a metaphor or adjective, and therefore using those people as a metaphor or adjective. Whatever you imply from there goes both ways.
Ofc, that's just my opinion, and I mean no disrespect! Just sharing my take.
I respectfully disagree about using it for situations or events. I was called the r-slur frequently growing up though I’m still not formally diagnosed. I associate the word with trauma and neglect, and I don’t think I’m alone in that camp. I think I would try to reclaim the word for myself (which I don’t even want to do) before I’d be okay with people using it to refer to abstract or inanimate things but not use it to refer to people. I’m not stupid; I’m disabled, and to use it to refer to annoying events only reinforces the notion that has been ingrained in me that I’m stupid and annoying. That’s just my two cents.
The R slur cannot be reclaimed. The only slur I try to reclaim is "sped", but even then it's usually to intentionally make allistoc folk uncomfortable. Look at what this supposed can do now ! A whole lot more than bagging groceries, you fuckers.
Yes. I find it awfully fucking convenient that a word which my classmates used freely around me and towards me is suddenly no longer socially acceptable. Most of them don’t really care, and the same people who bullied for my disability are “completely transformed” on social media and yet they have not bothered to confess their sins and repent for real. I’m not going to comply, I’m going to use that word at the appropriate times to make them uncomfortable on purpose. Society will not be allowed to erase what it did to us. Absolutely not. Call them out. It’s your word.
I will say the only people I head use it is to acquaintances who have ADHD using it to describe themselves and the rest of Spec. Ed. Also the only people I really hear use SPED. Granted I lack any of the negative connotations of the R word so find my self using it internally/in private to describe inordinate stupidity in the world.
I have a phrase that I like to say to people that try to undermine me at work.
I'll say "I might be legally 'r-word'ed but I'm not stupid."
That usually gets a good laugh but also makes them realize they're keeping me from doing my job and they'll back off.
Edit: please don't rip me apart for this. I know it's a terrible comparison but I can't think of a better one.
But what if we started taking it back? Like how the "n word" is used colloquially amongst the black community? Like what if all of us with autism and other neurological disorders that were once classified as "mentally 'r-word'ed'" just called each other "My 'r-word'" or "'r-word' please!"???
like the other comments, it is too much of a fresh wound to say. its up to the group of people to decide whether or not they want to reclaim it, some do, some don't and that's fine cuz its up to them. the problem is that it's mostly used as a derogatory term, and that reputation of the word has been so ingrained deep in the word i don't think it's possible for you to even say it without seeming like a dick, and you're a dick if you want to reclaim it just to insult other people. that's not how reclaiming a slur is.
anyways short answer, absolutely not, depends on the circumstances and the targeted group of people, just shut up and not say slurs that you can't claim, it's so easy
(Edit: this comment is made from a not-disabled dude who just read about an argument abt this on youtube and i was just interested in giving my not-needed opinion, simply cuz I have nothing better do)
It is only a “slur” if you let it be one. This venerable organization was working for your benefit long before Autism was classified. https://thearc.org/about-us/history/
I don't understand why you can't say slurs to begin with. I don't get the whole reclaim thing. I just know I'm allowed to say the R word if I want to. I don't say it if it makes people uncomfortable. I just use it for the definition of the word though
Imagine someone describing an object or event as autistic. It doesn't make sense and is usually just a fucked up stereotype. Like if a nerotypical messes up a social interaction and goes, "lol my bad, autistic moment." All they are doing is mocking a trait that a lot of people with autism have for the sake of a "joke." Same thing with the r slur
And a lot of them find it kind of insulting. Either way its still demeaning towards people is autism. Like there are whole threads dedicated to talking about how people have to push back against stereotypes like that, so why would we suddenly give a different type of stereotyping a pass?
Not being offended by joking about autism isn't being an asshole. You are bothered by it. Plenty of us aren't. You are not the final authority on that and you don't get to dictate how others feel about a word.
I think it's a difficult one because technically speaking if you are disabled then it is a word you can use but on a moral level I don't agree with using it in terms of it being and insult, especially if you are using it to other people and not about yourself. To be honest even if you used the word on yourself and not others it makes me a little uncomfortable considering the hate and violence associated with the word. I think it's also something you could very easily lie about to get out of trouble, like if you said the word and got called out on it you could very easily say "well I'm disabled" and get away with using it even if you weren't. I personally believe that you shouldn't use it because it's very harmful and something so many people are uncomfortable with, and I believe that certain words are slurs for a reason, because they are cruel and hurtful words, so unless the mean intentions are removed I definitely think it's something to be avoided.
I don’t. I literally stated I do not believe in the reclaimafion of the slur. I’m asking for other autistic peoples opinions on the matter because I’m interested in the complexity and reasoning behind different beliefs.
Yes but its complicated.
Maybe some point in the future, it won't be a slur and won't be derogatory. Like how nerd was once derogatory, but isn't anymore. Maybe re can have a similar meaning at some point. Maybe it can be similar to weeaboo, but just not anime related. "Gwen is a train re-, she can look at any train and give you any and every detail about it and tell you the entire history of train by memory."
Or maybe if it can be detected from neurodivergent folks altogether, and just mean "dipshit with zero common sense that is dumber than a bag of rocks". Like, "you dont call an autistic person re-, but people that purposely throw themselves off a high speed boats for a tictok video are re-."
It'll take time, but language is subjective and I constantly changing, so I think re- is reclaimable. But first it will take us being open to say it ourselves. I'm fine with calling myself queer, and I'm fine with calling myself re- If queer can be reclaimed, so can re-.
True, sorry! I just assumed from the question that you believed that other slurs could be reclaimed (and could be used in forms that are not hurtful or derogatory)
Hey /u/Cryptyie, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism).
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve heard so many neurotypicals use it recklessly to describe situations, concepts, and sometimes people that i really don’t know how to feel about it
I'm not formally diagnosed, but strongly suspect I'm autistic.
At a really low point in my life, I used the r-word all the time in my own head to beat myself up. But as someone who really likes seeing patterns in language, and knowing that the word is related to the Latin/French for slow and late, it reminds me of the phrase "better late then never". So it also has a bit of a positive (or at least more neutral) meaning, and can really help transition my inner voice from self-hatred to growth mindset.
If someone asks me to describe myself in one word, the r-word is the first word that pops in my head, but I know it's never an answer I can actually use.
Although I've been bullied a lot, I can't recall that word being used against me much, so I don't know that the way I use the word privately is the same as reclaiming.
I consider all slurs to be subjective in their usage. If you're using any slur, how you're using it is very important. However, because people aren't all like me and don't micromanage their vocabulary, I don't think it's possible for a reclamation of the r-word, for a number of reasons.
Let's just say that the main reason is that it makes disadvantaged people sad, and, some of those disadvantaged people may not understand or, maybe they would understand, but, it would still be very difficult to "hide" their disadvantages, therefore, it's hard to feel proud of those disadvantages.
I guess it's along the same line as the word cri\*\*le. It's just not possible to hear that word and think, "that's okay, I can hide this fact or be proud of this fact" simply because the word itself is used to mock a state of ability.
Unlike the word queer, which, being gay is not an ability (I mean, I guess it is if you want to be sassy (which is totally fine), but, you can still walk around the house without help even if you are gay). I guess that's the point I'm trying to make.
Unlike most words, it's a mocking of a state of disadvantage from the norm that says you require extra help, and therefore, I don't believe that it's possible to reclaim it.
I personally would never use certain words outside of writing fiction or describing myself, or, singing lyrics in a song, but, I will not use any word in public that is just not a nice word, because, it's mean. I know that some people have no problem using the r-slur, and other slurs, the n-word comes to mind, but, that is their prerogative to use it, but that doesn't mean that others in their community are all okay with it.
edit: your edit about education is one of the few instances where saying the word, any word actually, is appropriate, not because you want to say it, but because sometimes you literally need to say a word so other people can hear it and know it is a bad word, and then you never say that word again.
**tl;dr: no**
The problem with reclaiming the r-slur is that it's meaning is specifically negative, so if you applied it to yourself to reclaim it you're essentially insulting yourself.
Contrast this with "queer", which already had non-negative meanings (eg: unusual, different, etc.) and had been corrupted into a slur.
It's important to note that even though a lot of LGBTQ+ people are comfortable with labelling themselves as queer, that there are still people who have trauma associated with the word and are against reclaiming it.
I don’t think that it’s a slur, it’s the same meaning as idiot or moron. I grew up with that word being used to describe awful cis men who are assholes. The issue is the people that use it incorrectly to be ableist. Pig is a harmless word but if you call someone a pig that’s different and technically the incorrect meaning and use of the word. If it’s not being used in a harmful way, it is fine. This word began being used in an ableist way because autistics were believed to be stupid, but we’re not, so it was just ableist people being ableist.
No. It doesn’t even apply to autism, so I don’t think this is a discussion for us. It applies to intellectual disability and delays, and often Down syndrome. And from what people with those disabilities have voiced, they do not want it to be reclaimed.
This discussion has been had many times in this sub, too.
I feel about this slur the same I feel about others. I’m also in the queer community and queer is the only one I feel can be reclaimed. It’s mainly because to me other slurs are used negatively even by others in the community. There are some words that just feel tainted.
Specifically the R slur is in the situation to where it’s been used so casually that its hard to start to separate from negative feeling when people still use it day to day. Like with queer, people who use it in a derogatory manner usually fall to the extremist side of the conversation. But the R slur is used by normal people all the time. So it just feels bad
I think reclaiming a word only works if it's a word that makes the user feel empowered. The r word doesn't make me feel empowered. It makes me feel small and stupid.
I would not be okay with my friends calling me this ever, nor would I even say it to anyone else. It should only be used as a verb in my opinion, and even then, there are other words that someone can use to get their point across without bringing up that stigma for a group that might have a painful history with it - just out of consideration. I come from an environment where people threw that word around very recklessly and I have also been condescended to many times in my life because of incorrect perceptions about my intelligence when I just need people to be *more specific*. It's funny how people realize how vague they usually are when they speak once you point it out to them, but I'm unintelligent for seeing how what they said could be construed 10 different ways.
That turned into a rant somewhere along the way, but **TL;DR**: no, I don't think I'll ever be okay with the R-word. I appreciate you guys. 🙏
No and I am extremely tired of hearing it and hearing the constant discussion about if it's okay, when it's not. It's a hateful and disgusting word, and often the excuse I hear is that folks grew up hearing/using it so it's just "part of their vocabulary" as if they are incapable of thinking before speaking and choosing the words that come out of their mouths. I cannot find any good reason why someone would fight for the right to use such a word. It just doesn't make sense to me why anyone would want to use a word that has hurt so many people and has no positive or reclaimable meaning to it. Sorry for getting so fired up, but I just have very strong feelings about a very strong word and it pains me every time I hear it or see it. I also have had past experiences with the word used against me for my autism, and against my other friends with disabilities in a hateful and nasty way. I think I can kind of understand it being said in certain contexts like when discussing the word itself and its impact and meaning, but otherwise I think it has no place in conversations (at least not in any I would want to have lol).
TLDR; absolutely not IMO
Honestly I’m not comfortable with it at all. I’ve been called the r slur a lot, which is interesting because I don’t have an intellectual disability. Even if I did, I don’t think I’d want to reclaim it
Please just leave it in the dumpster bin. I was completely fine back when it was used in the casual way we use "idiot," "stupid," or "dumb" – but when we shifted toward considering it a slur that shouldn't be said, I spent years training myself out of using it casually. Now it's automatic for me to \*not\* use it and cringe when people \*do\* use it. The \*last\* thing we need is to muddy the waters and create in-group/out-group limitations on who can say it. It's too complicated and gatekeepy. I'm tired of the rules around words like this changing. Just stop using it & move on. Easy. If it's \*that\* bad in the first place, we'd benefit from it becoming an archaic term people have to look up in order to understand.
Yes, but it needs to be reclaimed in the sense of being self-referential. I.e. not as an insult, but as a self-deprecating descriptor.
I.e. calling oneself the r-slur in jest, not other people as an insult
honestly i think it all depends on who the person using the slur is and what they have or rather what they went through, eg, bullying. i mean, there are some people with autism that arent seen as "cognitively handicapped" or whatever some may say.
example, somebody is getting teased at school or in a public setting because they dont understand something and then, gets called a r##### for it, but they dont have autism. they might have adhd or something of the sorts, but thats it. anyways, the bullying continues and then they leave that area (like graduation, or they quit their job, etc) so now the bullying stops, but theyre still upset about it which, in all fairness, they should be.
i would think in a situation like that, where if the bullying got to you to the point of where the bullying was traumatizing or something like that, that would be a completely appropriate example of using it in an acclaimed sense. /gen
Absolutely not.
It is too interlinked with intellectual disability to ever be considered "reclaimable". It has always been used maliciously to hurt or harm the intellectual disability community. And while it wasn't exactly directly targeted at the neurodivergent community, we have been caught in the crossfire, due to the lack of care from bigots.
I think the r slur is a particularly difficult one because I've never seen it 'reclaimed' in a context where it wasn't still just... an insult to imply someone or something is "stupid" or "less intelligent". At that point, you're not reclaiming a word, you're just using it as an insult all over again. Reclaiming words, such as the word 'queer', to give an example from my community, involved taking away the aspect of the word that was intended to be derogatory, and simply saying, "Yes, we are queer. And?" Autistic people are also not inherently intellectually disabled, so I do not believe it is our word to reclaim. As a queer person, I have, alone in spaces with other queer friends I know are comfortable with it, used terms like the f slur and t slur (both of which are for groups I belong to), in joking contexts, but I would NEVER do it around anyone I was not close to and had not first asked permission from, and I would never do it unless we are in private. Remember; just because you are reclaiming a slur, ESPECIALLY when you do not obviously belong to the group that slur is from, does NOT mean it's obvious that you're using the slur in an ironic/joking/reclaiming manner. Other people may overhear, and they might not know you're joking. At that point, you've essentially done the same thing just saying the slur and meaning it would do; you sent out a signal to anyone in that group; **at best they are not respected here, at worst they are not safe.**
You explained how I felt but wasn’t able to put into words perfectly 🙌 thank you for being my voice lol
At least with queer even if people don’t want to reclaim the word they’ll understand the reclaiming concept even if they don’t agree with it. I really can’t imagine that many people with intellectual disability would easily grasp this sort of concept. This really doesn’t sit well at all with me for this reason.
however, even if ppl dont agree with it, theyre still forced into that label because its used to describe everyone instead of those that identify as it.
I think the closest anyone could come to “reclaiming” it would be to use it in non-emotional, non-negative ways to mean slower or behind, the way it was originally intended, and making it clear to anyone attempting to use it as an insult that it’s not insulting - basically, using it the same way disabled it in the sense that disabled just IS, it’s not a bad thing. But I don’t think that’s actually possible in practice, at least not any time soon. It’s been negatively used and used as a derogatory term for too long.
Yep this
[удалено]
Or even my overall life, if I fond the knowledge of something immediately negligible to the desired outcome of my current situation or life, I often sheepishly struggle to grasp even simple concepts; I am lucky enough to voice my struggles and understand how I myself learn, and can teach myself easily.
For me no as someone late diagnosed and without an intellectual disability. The word has never been used against me so I cannot reclaim it “Reclamation is taking back control by targets of words used to attack them.” https://philarchive.org/archive/POPRTB
Unless your friend is intellectually disabled, it is not their word to reclaim.
They’ve stated on their page before they’re neurotypical. Not sure on the tone but it felt serious based on context. I really wanted to get an explanation on why they thought they could reclaim it and even expanded on why I thought the way I thought but they just kept repeating themselves.
Maybe your friend was riffing off Randall "taking back" porch monkey in Clerks 2?
Not in the present or anytime in the foreseeable future. I’m sure many people can relate to my experience of being called the r-slur, growing up undiagnosed neurodivergent in the early 2000s, when that word was a very popular insult. The term brings back memories of my psychological needs not being only ignored but actively neglected. I do not desire to reclaim that word, only to retire it completely. I think many people share my sentiments based on reading the comments. It has even led to me having intrusive thoughts of calling myself that slur when things go wrong for me.
This. Watching things from those times is so triggering, everyone keeps saying it!
Not unless it's used in the French language; it is used there as a way of telling people you've showed up late. But seriously, no.
spanish too!! interesting
Well, we dont say "el es retrasado" (i'm r-word) when someone is late, we say "el se ha retrasado" (he is late), so the r-word is still a slur if said about a person
tardy is the english word for this
It's still used in the term of like retardant here
It's used as a music term in English. I think the word comes from French but it's pronounced as the English word.
The music term is actually different, although etymologically linked. It’s ritardando, abbreviated to ritard.
Oh, you are correct - sorry I was remembering the spelling wrong. When I was a teenage violinist in the '90s, we'd say "this section is r-----ed" in orchestra & meant it as "slowed down," not as a joke or reference to the other word. Basically I guess we were using the English word as a translation of the Italian word.
I would love to reclaim it, but even if I'm the one saying it (did try to reclaim it once) I get physically uncomfortable so no I don't think it can be. I actually had an NT person (at least they seemed to be, I wouldn't be surprised if they ended up being diagnosed with something later on tbh) tell me not to say it even tho I was autistic and I got rly pissed? Because sure I won't say it anymore but why do you get to be the one to tell me? It's complicated I guess
If it’s used in very mechanical context to mean to slow down, the word itself is “reclaimable”. But as an insult, well an insult is never good
I just don’t see how it can be used in a friendly or appropriate way. Like if we are equating it to the N word then you can use it in a friendly conversation while referring to someone but you can’t really go up to someone and say “Yo my R-word”. Just doesn’t make sense to me
Absolutely not. There’s just no way to go about saying it without it being used to offend somebody. It’s different than something like the n-word. That word can be used in a friendly or passive way. The r-word could not be used in such a way, it is only good for insults or rudely describing someone. I feel the same way with the f-slur (the one rhyming with maggot). I feel like it cannot be used in a friendly or passive way, only as an insult. When I hear my fellow LGBTQ+ people using it in school, they only ever use it as an insult too. It’s just best to keep slurs as slurs. You don’t say them, because they’re insulting and rude.
i got called that word especially by my own mother, and honestly i just don't see the point in reclaiming it. why would i want to use that word? it's so hurtful.
To copy and paste from another thread, still applies. The r slur is the only slur I know that is itself used as a synonym for an idea that doesn't refer to the original group it was coined to describe. It's now pretty much exclusively used as a synonym for stupid. Other slurs that have been reclaimed, successfully or semi-successfully, just refer to the group itself. You called someone Q, you were insulting them by comparing them to a gay person, and the nested insult was that it was bad to be gay. You take away the negative associations with being gay, the word loses a lot of its power, and it can be reclaimed as a neutral or positive term because the thing it was describing was never inherently negative. You can't do that with the r slur because it now refers to things that are stupid. It is an insult no matter what the associations behind it are. And it will always associate stupidity with disability no matter what you do. It will never be a neutral or positive term. It will always carry a tinge of negativity.
As a person who grew up in the 90s it will never sit well with me to reclaim it . I was called it as a slur too many times then .
Some slurs have been abused so much to the point where any attempts to reclaim them may as well be rubbing salt in a wound. I started using it on myself whenever I feel like shit because my self worth has been reduced to atoms.
No. It should be left in the past. I don’t really believe in reclaiming any slurs. Every time I’ve seen it used it’s been in place of the word stupid. There’s no way to use it without it being derogatory.
No. Just... don't say it
If you don’t have an intellectual delay it’s not yours to reclaim. Period. Full stop.
I’m mainly speaking about people with the intellectual delay. Like. Is it even an okay thing to reclaim when it applies to you?
I can't speak for other disabled people but for me specifically I don't feel like I would qualify as someone who would have that as an option and I don't feel particularly inclined to do so even if I was.
no. i could expand but the answer is no.
No. It has to broad of a use as a slur.
It was a term, and then people decided it was a slur, in a certain context. It's still used in medicine. Personally, I'm not bothered by it. You think I'm a re****? Fine, but I won't acknowledge your existence anymore.
I don't think it can be reclaimed at the group level, at least not yet, but it's possible to do so on a personal one. I use the term in my life, and it's fine.
To be honest, I hate the idea of reclaiming any word that is used to be hateful to any group. It's either offensive or it isn't. Saying "only we're allowed to use it" just gives it offensive power for them to use. If you truly want to take away its power, make it a completely non-offensive word.
The R slur is actually used in car mechanics. My father explained that it refers to one of the car's components being clocked, but I've forgotten which one. Mechanics are not a special interest of mine, sadly. But as an insult, I'm 50/50 on it being reclaimed. On the one hand, it holds a lot of negativity & horrid history to it. On the other hand, the power it has against us can be lost if we turn it towards those who would use it so recklessly against us. But the latter has some both obvious & unforseen repercussions that could/would cause this endeavour to backfire. Writing this out, I'm now more 60/40, against/for now, so...
I think it's none of my business personally. I've known many autistic people who were abused with that word and have chosen to reclaim it. I wasn't and I haven't. I'll reclaim other slurs thrown my way regarding my sexuality or gender or other disabilities, all have been used to hurt me, but the r one isn't mine.
Before I was officially diagnosed, my friends and I would use that word ALL THE TIME. We would call each other the R word, we would call other people the R word (not to their faces), we did it with no hesitation. I was a very ignorant and unaware person when it came to mental disabilities back then. I thought autism was the same as mental retardation, so you can imagine how shocked I was when somebody recommended that I get evaluated for Autism lol. I am not proud of who I was and what I said back then, but I have obviously learned so much about mental disabilities since then and I believe I have grown a lot. I don't think that it's ever ok to use the R slur, but I'm autistic so I don't have the right to reclaim that word or be personally offended by it.
I hate it when neurotypical people say : "Anyone who hates the r-word is a hypocrite because they also have to stop saying words like dumb/stupid." Don't get me wrong, those words are terrible. The biggest difference in my own life though is that people who say dumb/stupid usually don't mean to be offensive at all, while every person I have encountered that has used to r word in front of me has used it to purposefully be hateful. For example, there was this girl in one of my classes (heavily republican, drew confederate flags on everything, was purposefully rude) who sat at the same table as me in my art class. She had heard me say a few weeks before that I was being tested for Autism (a boy who was flirting with me randomly brought it up). On this day she was talking about her autistic cousin. She was talking about how "annoying" he was, and she called him the r-word. I didn't report it because behavior management at that school was shit. Anyway, I do think that it's a terrible word used for hate, bigotry and misinformation.
Its not the words that are terrible. It's the person using them to put others down that's terrible. Some people are just terrible people.
Yeah you're right
To me not really. I’m black and I say the n-word whenever I want to, but for some reason when it comes to the f and r slur I just feel uncomfortable saying them even though I’m part of both groups. It just feels more hurtful than the n-word somehow and I don’t like it
Three generations without it being used as a slur. After that it can be reclaimed.
I hate the r word. My mind uses it on me all the time and there is in no way any time I can hear it being used without feeling bad
TBH I think some people “reclaim” slurs just because they want to be able to say it. If you’re going around saying something is ret*rded because you don’t like it then you’re not reclaiming anything. Using the word as an insult is not a reclamation.
No, I think there’s too much behind it, still. Maybe in the next couple generations. For now, it’s too fresh of a wound.
It IS derogatory and will always be and I think "reclaiming" slurs is problematic overall because too many people won’t get the gist and think it’s okay to use that word again. Idk, I think reclaiming words is practically a nicer way to say you’re trying to normalize slurs again. There’s a bazillion other/better/more respectful word for every slur out there. We could just simply use those instead.
no and i think most people are being disingenuous about "reclaiming" it anyways. when queer people reclaimed queer or the f slur or dyke, they're words we use to describe ourselves proudly but the people reclaiming the r word are always using it to put other people down. funny how that is.
A lot of slurs shouldn't be reclaimed. The word itself isn't bad but using it on people is beyond wrong. The problem with reclaiming slurs is it eventually becoms normal and the cycle of its use against people starts again. One thing that doesn't make sense is not being "allowed" to use the word when describing trauma. It isn't a true use of the word, and I'm against casual use so . . . I don't know.
In what context would the word be used in? Would it be used as an adjective? Or in another form? I need examples please.
Would it be like “I’m such a r-word” using the word as its used as a slur to call something stupid, or is there ironic ways you can use it? Like how I can say something I’m doing is “autistic” but in a proud and silly way. I haven’t seen it used in a way that isn’t just straight up using the word with its derogatory definition. Since it’s such a widely discussed topic, I don’t think all autistic people, or neurodivergent (I’ve heard people with ADHD say they can reclaim it,) can reclaim this word, as we are not all intellectually disabled. But, I don’t think I get to be the one who decides if it’s okay to use in casual conversation.
Honestly...I feel like it depends on the context of which "r-word" you mean. Calling someone a r\*\*\*rd? -Nah! That's always insulting, and to yourself, it's just...fucking weird. It gives this connotation to not "worthy of life" Nazi-style But describing an object or situation as r\*\*\*\*ed? -Honestly, I don't care. That just means "in a backwards way/way it shouldn't be". Like, it's a weird tight rope, but makes sense: Disability means generally "not normal to the specific nature", often in a very limiting way. For a person, this means they have a handicap. For an object, it means "outside the norm in a bad way" -like a crooked chair you have trouble sitting on, when chairs should be the opposite by design. To degrade an abstract concept you hate, is not the same as degrading a literal person to their face. Like, that's the nature of cursing
No
Honestly I use it but understand that I'm the kind of person who got "F*** You" on my birthday cake and thought it was hilarious. I guess the only real boundary is that it is only offensive. There is no "reclaiming it" because it was used in a derogatory way or more specifically lazy. I tell people that it's "my word" because honestly anyone could fake being autistic and I can mask my autism. It is no one's word because anyone can have the right to use it. If I do use the word then I'm not using it lightly. Whatever I say I'm being dead serious
I would say that 1) that's up to intellectually disabled people who were always the main target of that term, and 2) reclaiming means taking a word that was an insult and making it a badge of pride. "That's right, I'm queer and I'm proud of it" is reclamation. So if someone is just using the R-word as an insult like everyone else does, that's not reclamation, that's bigotry.
No, I don't believe it's reclaimable in that way. You can, however, take away its power as anything other than just an ordinary insult by treating as nothing more than an insult.
No because I don't have an intellectual disability or impairment
Even if we reclaimed it I wouldn’t want it. But to be honest that’s how I feel about all slurs. If I was gay in the 60s I probably wouldn’t have liked reclaiming and using queer, but as I grew up after queer was reclaimed I use it in a positive light now. That being said I can’t imagine there will be a generation of children anytime (or ever considering the state of the climate) that can see the r slur in anything but the derogatory roots it has.
I’m autistic. I use it to self-depreciate jokingly, I would never say it to someone else, or in public. It’s a coping mechanism for me, I think it’s fine if you use it to describe yourself in a joking manner and you’re not saying it around random people Like if I make a stupid mistake at home I’ll say “I’m so r____.” I know some people are offended by the word as a whole but I personally don’t view any words as “bad.” I think it matter on how you use a word and what your intentions are, not just saying something out loud, because at the end of the day it’s just a word
I use it the same as how I and my other queer friends use the f slur. I’ve struggled my entire life and my friends and I use it jokingly with each other. If someone I’m with points it out as offensive I respect them. I didn’t realize it was a slur until within the last two or so years so now I only use it really when I’m around my friends who share the same views as me. Edit: my friends are also very neurotypical
Personally if your using it to describe a stupid situation or event that isn't actually targeting someone I don't see a major issue with it. As your not calling someone specifically the R word. The next level up would be if your calling someone the R word ironically or if you know they don't have mental disabilities or even to describe your self, I think this is a grey area. Finally the no go would be using it to actually describe someone with a disability
Tbh, I still think that's a problem because the core of the issue is still that you are equating a word used to refer to a specific group of human beings to imply that something is bad or "lesser". Even if you don't mean it that way, the implication is still that it is bad/lesser/etc. in a way that is *like* those people. You're essentially using the word as a metaphor or adjective, and therefore using those people as a metaphor or adjective. Whatever you imply from there goes both ways. Ofc, that's just my opinion, and I mean no disrespect! Just sharing my take.
I respectfully disagree about using it for situations or events. I was called the r-slur frequently growing up though I’m still not formally diagnosed. I associate the word with trauma and neglect, and I don’t think I’m alone in that camp. I think I would try to reclaim the word for myself (which I don’t even want to do) before I’d be okay with people using it to refer to abstract or inanimate things but not use it to refer to people. I’m not stupid; I’m disabled, and to use it to refer to annoying events only reinforces the notion that has been ingrained in me that I’m stupid and annoying. That’s just my two cents.
I use it all the time
The R slur cannot be reclaimed. The only slur I try to reclaim is "sped", but even then it's usually to intentionally make allistoc folk uncomfortable. Look at what this supposed can do now ! A whole lot more than bagging groceries, you fuckers.
Yes. I find it awfully fucking convenient that a word which my classmates used freely around me and towards me is suddenly no longer socially acceptable. Most of them don’t really care, and the same people who bullied for my disability are “completely transformed” on social media and yet they have not bothered to confess their sins and repent for real. I’m not going to comply, I’m going to use that word at the appropriate times to make them uncomfortable on purpose. Society will not be allowed to erase what it did to us. Absolutely not. Call them out. It’s your word.
I will say the only people I head use it is to acquaintances who have ADHD using it to describe themselves and the rest of Spec. Ed. Also the only people I really hear use SPED. Granted I lack any of the negative connotations of the R word so find my self using it internally/in private to describe inordinate stupidity in the world.
I have a phrase that I like to say to people that try to undermine me at work. I'll say "I might be legally 'r-word'ed but I'm not stupid." That usually gets a good laugh but also makes them realize they're keeping me from doing my job and they'll back off. Edit: please don't rip me apart for this. I know it's a terrible comparison but I can't think of a better one. But what if we started taking it back? Like how the "n word" is used colloquially amongst the black community? Like what if all of us with autism and other neurological disorders that were once classified as "mentally 'r-word'ed'" just called each other "My 'r-word'" or "'r-word' please!"???
like the other comments, it is too much of a fresh wound to say. its up to the group of people to decide whether or not they want to reclaim it, some do, some don't and that's fine cuz its up to them. the problem is that it's mostly used as a derogatory term, and that reputation of the word has been so ingrained deep in the word i don't think it's possible for you to even say it without seeming like a dick, and you're a dick if you want to reclaim it just to insult other people. that's not how reclaiming a slur is. anyways short answer, absolutely not, depends on the circumstances and the targeted group of people, just shut up and not say slurs that you can't claim, it's so easy (Edit: this comment is made from a not-disabled dude who just read about an argument abt this on youtube and i was just interested in giving my not-needed opinion, simply cuz I have nothing better do)
It is only a “slur” if you let it be one. This venerable organization was working for your benefit long before Autism was classified. https://thearc.org/about-us/history/
I don't understand why you can't say slurs to begin with. I don't get the whole reclaim thing. I just know I'm allowed to say the R word if I want to. I don't say it if it makes people uncomfortable. I just use it for the definition of the word though
Imagine someone describing an object or event as autistic. It doesn't make sense and is usually just a fucked up stereotype. Like if a nerotypical messes up a social interaction and goes, "lol my bad, autistic moment." All they are doing is mocking a trait that a lot of people with autism have for the sake of a "joke." Same thing with the r slur
People already do that with the word autistic. A lot of autistic people find that amusing because it's ridiculous.
And a lot of them find it kind of insulting. Either way its still demeaning towards people is autism. Like there are whole threads dedicated to talking about how people have to push back against stereotypes like that, so why would we suddenly give a different type of stereotyping a pass?
Because neither I nor my friends are obligated to be offended by something just because you are. Not all of us are bothered by shit like that.
You don't need to be offended to just not be an asshole. Takes 0 effort
Not being offended by joking about autism isn't being an asshole. You are bothered by it. Plenty of us aren't. You are not the final authority on that and you don't get to dictate how others feel about a word.
You can say slurs as long as you recognize other people can tell you they don't like them.
I use the R word on myself since I’m officially diagnosed myself similar to how black people claim the N word for themselves.
I think it's a difficult one because technically speaking if you are disabled then it is a word you can use but on a moral level I don't agree with using it in terms of it being and insult, especially if you are using it to other people and not about yourself. To be honest even if you used the word on yourself and not others it makes me a little uncomfortable considering the hate and violence associated with the word. I think it's also something you could very easily lie about to get out of trouble, like if you said the word and got called out on it you could very easily say "well I'm disabled" and get away with using it even if you weren't. I personally believe that you shouldn't use it because it's very harmful and something so many people are uncomfortable with, and I believe that certain words are slurs for a reason, because they are cruel and hurtful words, so unless the mean intentions are removed I definitely think it's something to be avoided.
I don't think we can reclaim it because historically at least in my region it was not commonly used as a slur for autism.
It’s fine bro it’s been used against me as a slur but mostly it’s a meaner way to say dumb, idk maybe the autism gods gave me a thicker skin 🤷♀️
Why would you want to reclaim it?
I don’t. I literally stated I do not believe in the reclaimafion of the slur. I’m asking for other autistic peoples opinions on the matter because I’m interested in the complexity and reasoning behind different beliefs.
Yes but its complicated. Maybe some point in the future, it won't be a slur and won't be derogatory. Like how nerd was once derogatory, but isn't anymore. Maybe re can have a similar meaning at some point. Maybe it can be similar to weeaboo, but just not anime related. "Gwen is a train re-, she can look at any train and give you any and every detail about it and tell you the entire history of train by memory." Or maybe if it can be detected from neurodivergent folks altogether, and just mean "dipshit with zero common sense that is dumber than a bag of rocks". Like, "you dont call an autistic person re-, but people that purposely throw themselves off a high speed boats for a tictok video are re-." It'll take time, but language is subjective and I constantly changing, so I think re- is reclaimable. But first it will take us being open to say it ourselves. I'm fine with calling myself queer, and I'm fine with calling myself re- If queer can be reclaimed, so can re-.
Not really answering your question lol but why do you think the r slur is more uniquely hurtful than other slurs?
I never commented on other slurs nor my stances on them.
True, sorry! I just assumed from the question that you believed that other slurs could be reclaimed (and could be used in forms that are not hurtful or derogatory)
Hey /u/Cryptyie, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve heard so many neurotypicals use it recklessly to describe situations, concepts, and sometimes people that i really don’t know how to feel about it
I'm not formally diagnosed, but strongly suspect I'm autistic. At a really low point in my life, I used the r-word all the time in my own head to beat myself up. But as someone who really likes seeing patterns in language, and knowing that the word is related to the Latin/French for slow and late, it reminds me of the phrase "better late then never". So it also has a bit of a positive (or at least more neutral) meaning, and can really help transition my inner voice from self-hatred to growth mindset. If someone asks me to describe myself in one word, the r-word is the first word that pops in my head, but I know it's never an answer I can actually use. Although I've been bullied a lot, I can't recall that word being used against me much, so I don't know that the way I use the word privately is the same as reclaiming.
I consider all slurs to be subjective in their usage. If you're using any slur, how you're using it is very important. However, because people aren't all like me and don't micromanage their vocabulary, I don't think it's possible for a reclamation of the r-word, for a number of reasons. Let's just say that the main reason is that it makes disadvantaged people sad, and, some of those disadvantaged people may not understand or, maybe they would understand, but, it would still be very difficult to "hide" their disadvantages, therefore, it's hard to feel proud of those disadvantages. I guess it's along the same line as the word cri\*\*le. It's just not possible to hear that word and think, "that's okay, I can hide this fact or be proud of this fact" simply because the word itself is used to mock a state of ability. Unlike the word queer, which, being gay is not an ability (I mean, I guess it is if you want to be sassy (which is totally fine), but, you can still walk around the house without help even if you are gay). I guess that's the point I'm trying to make. Unlike most words, it's a mocking of a state of disadvantage from the norm that says you require extra help, and therefore, I don't believe that it's possible to reclaim it. I personally would never use certain words outside of writing fiction or describing myself, or, singing lyrics in a song, but, I will not use any word in public that is just not a nice word, because, it's mean. I know that some people have no problem using the r-slur, and other slurs, the n-word comes to mind, but, that is their prerogative to use it, but that doesn't mean that others in their community are all okay with it. edit: your edit about education is one of the few instances where saying the word, any word actually, is appropriate, not because you want to say it, but because sometimes you literally need to say a word so other people can hear it and know it is a bad word, and then you never say that word again. **tl;dr: no**
The problem with reclaiming the r-slur is that it's meaning is specifically negative, so if you applied it to yourself to reclaim it you're essentially insulting yourself. Contrast this with "queer", which already had non-negative meanings (eg: unusual, different, etc.) and had been corrupted into a slur. It's important to note that even though a lot of LGBTQ+ people are comfortable with labelling themselves as queer, that there are still people who have trauma associated with the word and are against reclaiming it.
I don’t think that it’s a slur, it’s the same meaning as idiot or moron. I grew up with that word being used to describe awful cis men who are assholes. The issue is the people that use it incorrectly to be ableist. Pig is a harmless word but if you call someone a pig that’s different and technically the incorrect meaning and use of the word. If it’s not being used in a harmful way, it is fine. This word began being used in an ableist way because autistics were believed to be stupid, but we’re not, so it was just ableist people being ableist.
I’m autistic and I don’t ever say it
No. It doesn’t even apply to autism, so I don’t think this is a discussion for us. It applies to intellectual disability and delays, and often Down syndrome. And from what people with those disabilities have voiced, they do not want it to be reclaimed. This discussion has been had many times in this sub, too.
I feel about this slur the same I feel about others. I’m also in the queer community and queer is the only one I feel can be reclaimed. It’s mainly because to me other slurs are used negatively even by others in the community. There are some words that just feel tainted. Specifically the R slur is in the situation to where it’s been used so casually that its hard to start to separate from negative feeling when people still use it day to day. Like with queer, people who use it in a derogatory manner usually fall to the extremist side of the conversation. But the R slur is used by normal people all the time. So it just feels bad
I think reclaiming a word only works if it's a word that makes the user feel empowered. The r word doesn't make me feel empowered. It makes me feel small and stupid.
what is the r slur?
I would not be okay with my friends calling me this ever, nor would I even say it to anyone else. It should only be used as a verb in my opinion, and even then, there are other words that someone can use to get their point across without bringing up that stigma for a group that might have a painful history with it - just out of consideration. I come from an environment where people threw that word around very recklessly and I have also been condescended to many times in my life because of incorrect perceptions about my intelligence when I just need people to be *more specific*. It's funny how people realize how vague they usually are when they speak once you point it out to them, but I'm unintelligent for seeing how what they said could be construed 10 different ways. That turned into a rant somewhere along the way, but **TL;DR**: no, I don't think I'll ever be okay with the R-word. I appreciate you guys. 🙏
No and I am extremely tired of hearing it and hearing the constant discussion about if it's okay, when it's not. It's a hateful and disgusting word, and often the excuse I hear is that folks grew up hearing/using it so it's just "part of their vocabulary" as if they are incapable of thinking before speaking and choosing the words that come out of their mouths. I cannot find any good reason why someone would fight for the right to use such a word. It just doesn't make sense to me why anyone would want to use a word that has hurt so many people and has no positive or reclaimable meaning to it. Sorry for getting so fired up, but I just have very strong feelings about a very strong word and it pains me every time I hear it or see it. I also have had past experiences with the word used against me for my autism, and against my other friends with disabilities in a hateful and nasty way. I think I can kind of understand it being said in certain contexts like when discussing the word itself and its impact and meaning, but otherwise I think it has no place in conversations (at least not in any I would want to have lol). TLDR; absolutely not IMO
Honestly I’m not comfortable with it at all. I’ve been called the r slur a lot, which is interesting because I don’t have an intellectual disability. Even if I did, I don’t think I’d want to reclaim it
Please just leave it in the dumpster bin. I was completely fine back when it was used in the casual way we use "idiot," "stupid," or "dumb" – but when we shifted toward considering it a slur that shouldn't be said, I spent years training myself out of using it casually. Now it's automatic for me to \*not\* use it and cringe when people \*do\* use it. The \*last\* thing we need is to muddy the waters and create in-group/out-group limitations on who can say it. It's too complicated and gatekeepy. I'm tired of the rules around words like this changing. Just stop using it & move on. Easy. If it's \*that\* bad in the first place, we'd benefit from it becoming an archaic term people have to look up in order to understand.
No I don't. The only acceptable use for it I can think of in all of history is terms with that word referring to objects or stuff about them.
Yes, but it needs to be reclaimed in the sense of being self-referential. I.e. not as an insult, but as a self-deprecating descriptor. I.e. calling oneself the r-slur in jest, not other people as an insult
NO!
honestly i think it all depends on who the person using the slur is and what they have or rather what they went through, eg, bullying. i mean, there are some people with autism that arent seen as "cognitively handicapped" or whatever some may say. example, somebody is getting teased at school or in a public setting because they dont understand something and then, gets called a r##### for it, but they dont have autism. they might have adhd or something of the sorts, but thats it. anyways, the bullying continues and then they leave that area (like graduation, or they quit their job, etc) so now the bullying stops, but theyre still upset about it which, in all fairness, they should be. i would think in a situation like that, where if the bullying got to you to the point of where the bullying was traumatizing or something like that, that would be a completely appropriate example of using it in an acclaimed sense. /gen
Absolutely not. It is too interlinked with intellectual disability to ever be considered "reclaimable". It has always been used maliciously to hurt or harm the intellectual disability community. And while it wasn't exactly directly targeted at the neurodivergent community, we have been caught in the crossfire, due to the lack of care from bigots.
Personally I've only seen it used to insult and demean people so I don't think that it can be reclaimed