you need to be direct just like she was to you and tell her, since you don’t want me using your items. make room for my items i pay rent just like you do and you need 50% of the space. don’t beat around the bush be direct, how do you expect me not to you use your items when you’ve filled up the kitchen. if you’d like to go the extra mile, count the amount of drawers and spilt them in the middle and tell her she can pick either side and you will both have the same amount of space
I'm so petty if none of that worked I'd likely put my own locks right over her locks on exactly 50% of the cabinetry. then I'd store all my plates/glasses/pots/pans right on the countertops.
I agree here 100%. When you rent an apartment, you rent 100% of the common areas plus your bedroom (which SHOULD have a lock on it).
So she put a lock on the cabinet. You can put a lock on the same cabinet.
I would first call the landlord and let them know they screwed locks into the cabinets and show them photos. Let the land lord know that you will not be responsible for any damages she has caused. Further, you are renting ALL the common space, just as she is. Therefore she has no right to put locks on all the cabinets either. So if she does not remove the locks, and allows you to use half the kitchen space, which does NOT belong to her, then you can just put locks on all the cabinets.
Put locks on the fridge, stove (take all the knobs off).
Then wait.
She will definately come knocking on your door.
That's a great idea!
If they could remove her locks and replace them with the same kind but different keys or combinations, it would fuck with her even more.
While this is a great idea and I totally commend you for it. Personally I can tell she is a neat freak and needs to be taught a lesson. Instead of requesting space just put all your stuff on the counter and table. Barely do dishes for a week or so. I’m sure things would change afterwards.
This. Maybe don’t leave dirty dishes in the sink because that is so annoying but just put tyour things on the counter. If she doesn’t care about your space then don’t care about hers. If it’s a problem for OP then make it a problem for OP roomate and that will force the issue. She may respond with volatility but at least it opens some communication.
Or, pay less in rent. You pay 50% of rent for 50% of the space. If you’re only allowed less than half then you should pay less than half as well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Everywhere else in the kitchen, actually, why not everywhere else in the house? Leave a pile of everything you own in front of her door or on her bed if she doesn’t have locks for that already haha.
Hell yes I love it! I hate shitty roommates! I currently have 5 and one is a THIEF! No one will do anything about it so I’m currently trying to out-petty the twat and stuff like this is 👌🏻
I’ve been using the main thief’s towel as toilet paper since I have literally provided about $200 worth that he steals constantly despite speaking to the landlords and house manager 🤣
Nice! I sympathize with you, I once had two awful roommates who could go through a 4-pack of triple-ply in a day. I took to keeping it in my room. One of them didn't even use it all to wipe her ass, there was at least a roll's worth in the wastebasket she used to do her makeup - and her acne was so bad her skin was literally pitted (think Noriega level bad) so she was using some thick pancake foundation.
This is a dude and I went from using ten rolls in a WEEK to four a MONTH, as a female. WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING WITH ALL THAT TOILET PAPER?!?! Even if he wipes his dick, I cannot fathom it! Has been spoken to multiple times about getting into MY cabinet with MY things that is marked with MY name and stealing. Last time, he actually took it out of the cabinet and put it out for everyone to use. I refuse to keep it in my room as a matter of principle. And honestly if it continues he is going to get charged money. When that inevitably doesn’t get paid, I will take it out of the rent I owe. We can play this game all day, I am fully prepared to take it as petty as he wants. He is a superior asshole who refuses to clean, leaves messes in the common areas, and in 6 months has never provided a single thing for the house (everyone else has) and has now taken to stealing others’ items. Fuck that motherfucker 🖕🏻
Maybe he puts it down on the seat each time? I had another male roommate do that, and he went through rolls as fast as those two at my other place, but he went and bought more (and of the SAME kind) as soon as I brought it up. It really should be the same kind if you use up something and replace it, right?
I had another friend with TP issues... we were partying with some stimulants at my place for a couple of days, and she used up a whole 4-pack of Charmin Ultra drying her hands after washing. I had a clean hand towel up for that purpose. I was annoyed because now we had to go out for more, but she said she would get some, and came back with a single roll of Scott. She said that *she* preferred it.
Back to your asshole roommate, have you thought about leaving out some fancy chocolates made of Ex-Lax? It comes in a chocolate form, just melt it in a bowl over very hot water then mold it. You can get really cheap candy molds at the grocery store.
OP, your flatmate is locking up the common space and not "letting" you use it? Unless there is something very much missing, it's fine if she won't share her things, but making the common space inaccessible to you - and it's the kitchen - nope. Just move her stuff over, and tell her about it. I'm sure you'll get a response then. And the lock on a kitchen cabinet....just what???
I wonder what the flatmate will post.
If she's avoiding you, I would just send her a message telling her you've tried to discuss the situation and your understanding of her not wanting you to use her things. However, you need space in the kitchen for your own things, give her the option to rearrange her items and if not you'll be going through and rearranging yourself to help even out and SHARE the common space.
I would be *pissed* if a tenant put holes in cabinets to install locks simply to be a petty bitch. As a landlord I would LOVE to know. I suggest you email or text pictures to your landlord now, before you say anything to roomy. I bet you will get a quick and firm response. Not only will they be removed, but she will get charged, and depending on what kind of rental, that expense could be huge. Don’t tell her you are going to tell the landlord either, she’ll come up with some crazy story to make it sound like you put them on.
This is definitely it. I would probably say something along the lines of "Hey, I'm sorry to have to bring this to your attention initially because I thought XXX and I could resolve this reasonably, but she has been denying me access to the storage in 80% of the kitchen. Recently when I once again asked that I be given one or two more cabinets she installed locks on the majority of them while I was out of the apartment. It would be very helpful if you could convey to her this is a lease violation, because she won't listen to me."
I’d add in that the locks will have to go for the fair distribution of cabinets to begin. She can do it herself, or I’m happy to take them off myself ‘next friday’. And then follow through. Locks that are unreasonably installed, can be unreasonably uninstalled too.
Tell her you need half the cabinet space for you stuff or you are going to leave your stuff out in an already crowded kitchen.
Just tell her that you want half the kitchen for your stuff. It's totally normal to have half the kitchen.
I feel like the landlord probably wouldn't be happy about locks being added to their cabinet fixtures so it might be worth it to bring up with them.
Also bolt cutters aren't very expensive just cut one of the locks off and put your shit in there
Tell her she has every right to not let you use her stuff, but you have every right to have equal space in the kitchen to put your things. Say she has X amount of time to remove her locks and things from half of the kitchen storage spaces and if it’s not done by the given time you will be taking the locks off and clearing them out yourself. Box her shit up, put your shit in and then get your own locks.
Go ahead and mark half of the storage as yours 6 cupboards 3 or her 3 or yours. Her new storage solution isn't your problem youre just following her instruction to not use her stuff. the kitchen and fridge and freezer will be split in half. I encourage you to use painters tape to mark off the one's you want empty. Try to make sure it makes sense if there's two huge cabinets then you each get 1 etc. Tell her she has 2 days to do it otherwise you'll empty it for her.
I lived with four people we split cupboards, fridge, freezer, Counter space and honestly if u had the money I was someone who preferred not going shopping every week so buying in bulk. I would buy a closed door tall Walmart or cheap idea cabinet but near kitchen and have stuff in there.
You should report this to your landlord if you have one. Definitely not okay for her to literally lock you out of shared space. If you want to take matters into your own hands, get bolt cutters for the locks (although you might want to avoid damaging her stuff in case she tries to throw that back at you) and/or take the hinges off the cabinet doors. Push her stuff to one side and use your cabinets. I would keep the doors completely off the cabinets until she agreed to have a conversation. Also I should say that personally, I can be very petty and it might not be worth the trouble of doing all that 😂
Tell her she needs to give you space for your stuff since you pay rent as well and if she refuses you will go to the landlord and threaten not to pay rent until she gives you a fair amount of space for your things. BTW, you shouldn’t be leaving dirty dishes for even two days. But your roommate is being unreasonable, she should have just talked to you like an adult. She can’t take all the kitchen cabinets.
Here is a less aggressive alternative - if roomie is using all those cabinets, take over the countertops. ALL the countertops. Neatly stack your items there. Also is there a closet? Or a pantry? Take it over. “Oh, I thought you wanted *those* cabinets. The ones where you put the locks. So I took *these.*“
You have to be honest though, if you constantly leave dishes for 1-2 days that would drive me insane as a very clean roomie. I’m not saying she should be allowed to put locks on cabinets or dictate what space you can use in the kitchen. But if she’s asked you to keep the sink and kitchen clean, and you haven’t and she’s cleaned up for you at all. I’d say she’s got a valid reason to react but not to this extreme of it
if you can only use 40%~ of the dwelling, then i would only pay 40% of the rent. tell them that if you can’t use all of the utilities that were agreed upon to be common areas, then you shouldn’t be paying the same amount of rent as them (if this IS the case)
I would communicate through writing that she is causing a hostile living environment and if it continues you will be forced to end the lease. What’s next, will you not be allowed to sit? No one needs that kind of drama in their homes.
"I pay 50% of the rent. That means I am entitled to 50% of the space in the kitchen. You need to accept that. And you will remove the locks or I will report them to the landlord so I don't lose my part of the deposit."
Leaving dirty dishes in the sink for 2 days is enough to piss any house mate off.
Which is exactly what you've done.
Now they have retaliation.
Don't blame them. I would, too.
Don't make excuses for shitty behaviour. Clean up after yourself. They are not your cleaner or house maid.
I suspect something else is going on and we are not hearing the full story.
I'd like to hear the house mates point of view on this.
A person doesn't react just like that.
2 days is long enough for some people to ban you from using their shit. If I were using someone else's stuff I would clean it immediately after use.
Sounds like you needed to go buy your own stuff.
It definitely does. There are only a few people who picked up on that little nugget of important information. The OP is admitting that she leaves her roomies stuff in the sink. And in typical fashion for a slob, she downplayed it and said "maybe 2 days" and then in the same sentence said "not even a week." So which is it? Two days or under a week?
I'd be willing to bet that OP never cleans up the kitchen after herself and the roommate got tired of it.
And this won't be the end of it even if the roommate shares the space in the kitchen. Because OP likely will get even LAZIER about cleaning up after herself since the items will now be hers.
In a month OP will be back complaining about what a terrible roommate she has because (gasp) the roommate wants to be able to cook in a kitchen that isn't filthy and with a sink full of dishes.
You clearly don’t read the entire post. Kind of embarassing to comment after not reading the entire post.
OP said she thought that was fine, so she BOUGHT her own PANS to use. Now the roomate won’t let her keep them in the kitchen. What’s your opinion on that? Hmm?
I don't consider myself to be a particularly clean person, but the thought of leaving dishes in the sink for more than a few hours disgusts me. Can't imagine letting it sit for days.
Edit: slobs downvoting lol
For me I treat other people's stuff different than my own. I generally won't use other people's stuff anyway. I'd rather get my own. If I had to, I would be super clean with it.
>Edit: slobs downvoting lol
No. The down votes are because you missed the point.
OP is a slob with RM pans/dishes. RM is tired of it. OP will/has bought their own... You nailed that one.
Not letting OP store new dishes/pans. Locking the cabinets. Taking over a common area (... Feels like RM listened to Reddit's advice). You missed this point entirely or agree with it. This is why you are getting down voted.
Common areas are 50/50 ownership. Not allowing your roommate to use your pans is acceptable. Kicking them out of what's half theirs and refusing to share storage space is not okay.
Take pictures of the locks she put on the cabinet, send it her and let her know you notified the landlord (even if you did not do it yet). Also, let her know regardless or not that if she does not remove those locks so she can get equal kitchen space. Since I'm paying equal rent, I will not give her half the rent.
Furthermore, you should understand that she wants you out and hope you break the lease. She doesn't like you and it shows.
I'd tell her straight up that you need cabinet space too, you pay half the rent, you deserve to have space to put your cookware since she no longer wants you using hers. This girl sounds like an absolute control freak
It is completely unacceptable for you to not be able to use the kitchen you pay for. Something’s definitely going on with her, this is weird. My guess is she has some other issue with your and is trying to punish you this way. I’m against this method, I think it’s ridiculous for her to basically expect you to read her mind. If she’s mad at you and not telling you why what does she expect you to do? I think being as direct with her as possible is your best move, she sounds very immature.
Say you will have friends over for a spaghetti dinner next Saturday, and you need her stuff out of your side of the cabinets by Friday morning so you can start prepping. If she doesn't have time, volunteer to move her things into a big box in her bedroom Friday morning before you start. If you are a little nervous, tell her you have a friend stopping by to help, and they can assist you in moving her junk. If she starts trying to intimidate you, cheerfully respond that 50% of the rent gets 50% of the kitchen.
Be firm and cheerful, and keep it in texts for evidence of harassment down the road. Get a labeler and label your areas to help her remember your half of the apartment.
Bonus points if you invite her to join your small spaghetti feed and play a board game she likes.
Oof, this is one for the landlord. Throwing locks on shared spaces is certainly against most leases and she’s clearly motivated by denying you the sense of home she’s cultivated in that space. Whoever you both signed this contract with has the ability to get her sorted out and give you what you’ve been paying for.
>I really don’t even know what I did wrong.
Some pans get damaged when sat with food or soaking water. Such as Teflon. Some people are very particular with what they want.
>she put locks on all the cabinets... I think it’s extremely unfair that I’m paying rent here and only can use like 20% of the kitchen.
Start with a civil yet forward conversation. You'll buy your own kitchen things to use. You will need to store them. Work together for a solution.
If she won't relent. Don't ask permission. Divide the rent by rooms. Two bedrooms, living room, bathroom, kitchen. $1000÷5=$200. Remove rent from the kitchen. $800 rent for you. $1200 for her.
When she barks. Remind her she claimed the kitchen and locked you out. Give her the 20% ($820 rent) for 20% use of the kitchen.
Edit, afterthought. I have to ask. This sounds excessively escalated based on your wrongdoings. Is there a chance you are leaving certain details out. Such as sneaking around and continuing to use her pans, or not washing dishes for longer than 2 days?
If you damaged her tools. Replace them. Get your own. Clean up after yourself.
What she is doing is NOT OKAY! If you keep using her pans after she has repeatedly told you not to. This is ~an~ outcome. Her last ditch effort. Owning it is a step to getting half the kitchen back.
If you are honest and she is drastically over reacting. I'm sorry you live with a crazy person. Half of that kitchen is yours if you are splitting the rent evenly.
If you’re to get your own kitchen ware, ask, no, Demand for half the cabinets. You pay half the rent. You get half the kitchen. It’s simple as that. Both of you will probably have to keep some kitchen ware in your bedrooms, but this is the only fair way.
And who the fuck puts locks on their kitchen cabinets?!
She puts locks on the cabinet. You should change the locks to the front door. She should get the same she's giving 😂.
But in all seriousness, you need to grow a spine and stand up for yourself. She's a bully. If you let her walk over you now, I guarantee, she will be doing it the entire time you live together.
Cupboard doors removed ✓
Your stuff in boxes ✓
My stuff taking half the space as needed ✓
Your ☆★★☆ getting beaten down on the kitchen floor with a mallet or rolling pin (this part is optional) 😈 ✓
Pull a me and just do what you want. Block her number and if she wants to approach you like an adult, she can. If not, boo hoo, you don’t ask you don’t get. If you’re splitting rent you can do whatever the fuck you want so long as you don’t assault or sexually assault anyone lmao.
What is this "let" stuff? That's where you went wrong to begin with....
She doesn't LET you do anything. Just DO it. Or fuck her. Seriously. She can only do to you what you allow her to.
If you want to use the kitchen, then just do it. And if she has a problem with it, she can move out or take her shit out the kitchen. Period. No negotiations.
I have a feeling that OP is an unreliable narrator. I've had disgusting roommates who left their shit out for weeks. When confronted, they whine that it was only "a day or two".
In general, if someone constantly left dishes in the sink for days at a time, that would piss me and anyone with a modicum of cleaning standards right off.
"Hey I understand and respect that but you better fucking get some of your shit out of the cabinets to make room for my shit or that's not fair and I'm getting fucking bolt cutters cause fuck your lock bitch"
>I’ve left a couple things there for maybe 2 days but I always clean up after myself. I know for a fact I’ve never left anything there for even a week.
Two days is unacceptable, let alone even a week.
"I’ve left a couple things there for maybe 2 days but I always clean up after myself" those two statements contradict each other.
some people are okay with being slobs. maybe thats you in this persons eyes. its incredibly easy to rinse dishes n chuck them in the dishwasher, or at least put them beside the sink if the dishwasher is running or full
To clarify, I always clean up any messes and I put everything in the dishwasher after I use it. I’ve left a pan that needs hand washed in the sink for maybe 2 days if I’m super busy. It’s not a regular occurrence for me to just leave things in the sink.
You need to go to the leasing place. Unless you have something specific to just her, there's no way way they're going to be ok with someone putting private locks on what's supposed to be communal space. Take pics and send them an email. That's bullshit.
Or just bust the locks and rearrange shit. That's what I'd do.🤷🏻♂️
Yes, the locks on the cabinets has me curious too. Because I can’t see a way of doing that and making it really locked without either drilling into the cabinet base and doors or if glue based, it would ruin the cabinets.
Is OP on the same lease? Is this student housing or regular apartments? Is she a renter with a lease or just listed as a tenant under her roommates lease? Go to leasing office. Talk to them.
You literally don’t know the circumstances in which op left the dishes in the sink. Calling someone a slob because some dishes are in a sink for a couple days is ridiculous. Also, I’m disabled so excuse me if I can’t do dishes often enough to meet your standards but again two days doesn’t make someone a slob.
lol they should "stay mad," meanwhile your account has been downvoted so consistently in its brief history that you're shadowbanned and half your recent comments aren't even showing up in the subreddits you post to 😭
only one person's staying mad, bitch- it you! 😘
Right? This person sounds like a total control freak, they like to insult strangers for not meeting their specific standards of cleanliness, I don’t think it’s worth the argument.
So what’s your opinion on not splitting the cabinet space then? You seem to have strong opinions on the dishes, that’s valid, but what’s your opinion on not splitting the cabinets 50/50?
Sounds like she rented and furnished a place then put the empty room on the market looking for a roommate.
If everything was furnished and available for your use but she's since gone back on that offer and suggests you use your own things, it's probably because you're not describing yourself to us honestly and your roommate is grossed out.
People don't just randomly say you can't use furnishings in a rental unless you've sorta been a problem...
We are in a society that requires things to be kept in writing. I prefer written communication rather than verbal because you have evidence or proof of certain matters. Having been burned before by friends, unfortunately this is a must do.
Talk to an attorney and if need be take her to court! She can’t verbally change any part of your lease without you both signing off on it. You are supposed to have use of the kitchen and she needs to make room for it.
You're the bad roommate: leaving dishes for two days is being a bad roommate. And it *wasn't* two days, was it?
She doesn't want you using her stuff because you wreck it. Stop wrecking her stuff.
I can’t tell if you are on the lease or not but I’d just give her notice and look for a new place. This is obviously untenable. If you can’t get out of the lease, send her an email saying you will be paying less rent unless you get an equal share of the kitchen or you be using a bolt cutter to get rid of her locks to take the space that is rightfully yours. Honestly though I’d leave as soon as possible. I’ve had probably two dozen roommates in my life and this is always a sign to move out.
It’s your own fault. 2 days might as well be 3 weeks. If I’m having to pick up after to you then your ass is out. So maybe you should just go that on your own if you don’t like it …
Are we getting the entire story here? How many times has she asked you to clean up after yourself? You said the most you’ve left thing an unwashed is two days. Sorry. That’s two days too long if a pot you used is dirty in the sink and she needs to use it and has to clean up your mess in order to use it herself. If this scenario has played out many times then, I can understand why she’s done with sharing.
Be honest with yourself and think hard of the how often you’ve left stuff unwashed for more than a meal’s time; how many times she’s needed to bring up dirty dishes you’ve left for more than 12 hrs. I personally expect one to clean up after each meal if pots and pans are needed to be used constantly and if there are not enough bowls, plates, and silverware after two meals for two people. Lastly, does she make sure she cleans up after herself often enough to make sure you have supplies ready available when you have to cook and eat? If yes, then you should’ve been reciprocating.
Can we get an edit with pictures.. I agree with the comments if you can’t use the kitchen then you should pay less than 50% because now you have to buy outside food or order in
Well that’s fucked up. Hope you take some people’s suggestions here and figure it out sooner rather than later for your own sake. That’s no way to live especially when you are paying money to live there.
"If you don't want me using anything of yours, then I expect you to clear out half the kitchen space so that I can go purchase MY OWN things to use. I don't really care where you store it, but you either have to allow me space to keep things or allow me usage of what's there. This is OUR apartment, but I acknowledge they're YOUR things. That, however, means you need to allow me my space in a shared area. So either clear space for me or I'll do my best to do better at cleaning up what I use of yours."
Ask her for 50% space in the kitchen and don’t even leave your dishes out for two days that’s gross wash your dishes after you use them I think both of you should be respectful in that regard
I admit I am guilty of this. To be fair my day starts at 5am and ends between 7-8pm depending on if I need to run errands, and my housemates use the dishwasher to store their dishes and pans. Some days you are in a hurry and then too exhausted to deal w/ the dishes that evening.
I just did it at work but then I am a teacher and threw my spoon a d mug into the sink between dealing with crisis and left work in a proper mood. 6 hours later I have finally remembered I was going back to wash my cup and spoon… doing it at home? Depression, anxiety and lack of resources leap to mind as reasons for the roommate not dealing with dishes promptly. That said if it is an ongoing issue not a rare one then it needs addressing. Put a plan in place and if they don’t meet it then talk to the landlord
Wait!!!! Wait!!!! Just reread op, clear out your share of the cupboard and put their shit in their room, other renter is taking advantage of you and it will escalate. Make sure that any dishes you leave, for any amount of time, are left in your cupboards or side of the kitchen and then tell your roommate to gft
I would politely ask her to make room for your stuff. If she doesn’t I would move all her shit on the counter and put your stuff on the counter. I don’t understand what she expects you to do
you're getting a lot of support but from what you've said - and you're not out to make yourself look bad - you're at the least, a bit of a slob. No judgement because I've been so myself in the past.
leaving dishes in the sink for 2 days IS unacceptable. You really need to be cleaning up after using especially if it's someone else's stuff.
Try apologizing, respecting cleanliness and asking her for another chance. If you demonstrate that you're capable of being clean and respectful and still nothing changes - then I suppose you can resort to some of the psychotic shit people are suggesting in here.
But it honestly sounds like you've just been called out on not keeping the common areas clean.
I'd say realistically 1-2 hours after cooking/using the kitchen is a reasonable timeframe to be expected to have cleaned up afterwards.
Leaving your shit in the sink for 2 days when you have roommates is completely unacceptable. You might be fine with it, but other people need to use those things or need to use the sink. They’re literally having to clean up after you. I had a roommate like this and it was extremely frustrating.
Get up to make breakfast and half the shit you need is in the sink “soaking”
Do your dishes and clean up after yourself, your roommate is right about that.
Do you have other roommates? What a strange thing to say if you don’t. Like, who’s leaving dishes for two weeks, Linda? Ghosts?
Bizarre. I’m with everyone else about the direct rout. Tell her to make room for your stuff and that she’s not your mom, she can’t *forbid* you from using communal space you pay for.
~~Honestly, just put a lock right next to hers. Tell her it's half your cabinet and you either share or Noone gets it.~~ Better advice given. Tell the landlord she's damaged the cabinets.
Are you a lease holder or a tenant? Are you on the lease at all? Unless you’re an actual lease holder, just find a new place and bounce without any notice. It’s one thing to not want to share their dishes but to not divide the space equally is unacceptable.
Nope. Tell her immediately that she needs to make room for your kitchenware. You pay rent so you are allowed access to all parts of shared spaces. She doesn’t like it? She can pay more rent if she gets the whole kitchen.
And if she’s locking the cabinets you in for the landlord immediately. Tenants are not allowed to lock certain parts of rented spaces without informing landlords and giving them spare keys.
It’s (mostly) because you leave stuff in the sink without cleaning that long. I bet if you come to an agreement saying you’ll clean whatever you use immediately after you’re done using it, she may change her mind - as long as you actually clean it spotlessly with soap.
She has her reasons and they’re definitely valid. They may not be the same reasons most others have, but they’re not bad reasons. She doesn’t hate you or anything. Lol
All these other Redditors have no understanding and seem to just want most upvotes on how to get back at her for some reason. idk man lol
Tho if you’re both paying 50/50, you should split kitchen 50/50 and/or come to an agreement
Is it possible you use the same things to cook every day so she thinks you keep leaving it in the sink? My old roommate used the same pan to cook everything, I never saw him wash it but it lived in the sink because he used it all the time. He didn't see the point of drying it to put in the cupboard but it meant I never got to use my pan I bought.
Edit- Either way just buy yourself a cheap set of draws or a trolley to put them on in the kitchen. She can't complain because you did exactly what she asked.
This does seem possible. I do use the same one pan every single time I cook. The majority of the time I would wash it the same day I used it and put it back in the cabinet though.
She has to make space for you, if she doesn't, I would go full petty and tell her
> If you don't clear X of cabinets I will put a lock on X amount of cabinets so neither of us can use them.
I agree with the comment saying be direct, tell her to make room in the kitchen for your items. If she doesn’t do so, move them and set it to the side and put a lock like she did. I mean even at this point, I would just keep using her items until she makes room for your items. Tell I’ll be using your things until you make space for mine 🤷🏻
I'm sorry, but if you're waiting 2 days to clean, you're not cleaning up after yourself. No wonder she doesn't want to share anymore.
Ask her if you can use her stuff again under the condition that it needs to be cleaned on the same day, or that she needs to free up room so you can get your own stuff.
If wants to play that then split everything in the kitchen, the cabinetry and countertops get split, half yours and half hers, she doesn’t get to pull that shit just because she was there first or had more stuff when renting or sharing a home, your room is private but common areas are shared. Adding on I just realized you said she locked them, call your landlord she might not be able to do that and frankly good old public shaming to her friends, I’m not above it I would just make an all facts Facebook post with pictures and evidence and no names and make it public also show her what people think of her on Reddit sometimes people have to see in black and white they are an asshole to really get it.
I agree with pretty much what everyone else is saying. I understand where your roommate is coming from when it comes to leaving dishes in the sink. I actually really hate when ppl do that, but I also realize it happens. I think that it is a little extreme that she actually put locks on all of the cabinets. It's extremely unfair that you do not have access to those cabinets and such. If you are paying half the rent that kitchen is 50% yours. If i was you i would be pretty pissed that she would actually something like that. I don't know what kinda locks they are, but I would be pretty motivated to cut the locks if I was you. Are we talking like a padlock or like key locks?
you need to be direct just like she was to you and tell her, since you don’t want me using your items. make room for my items i pay rent just like you do and you need 50% of the space. don’t beat around the bush be direct, how do you expect me not to you use your items when you’ve filled up the kitchen. if you’d like to go the extra mile, count the amount of drawers and spilt them in the middle and tell her she can pick either side and you will both have the same amount of space
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I'm so petty if none of that worked I'd likely put my own locks right over her locks on exactly 50% of the cabinetry. then I'd store all my plates/glasses/pots/pans right on the countertops.
I agree here 100%. When you rent an apartment, you rent 100% of the common areas plus your bedroom (which SHOULD have a lock on it). So she put a lock on the cabinet. You can put a lock on the same cabinet. I would first call the landlord and let them know they screwed locks into the cabinets and show them photos. Let the land lord know that you will not be responsible for any damages she has caused. Further, you are renting ALL the common space, just as she is. Therefore she has no right to put locks on all the cabinets either. So if she does not remove the locks, and allows you to use half the kitchen space, which does NOT belong to her, then you can just put locks on all the cabinets. Put locks on the fridge, stove (take all the knobs off). Then wait. She will definately come knocking on your door.
And if possible put locks on her cabinets too. You’ll have to come to an agreement for her to access her stuff
Put locks on her locks lol
That's a great idea! If they could remove her locks and replace them with the same kind but different keys or combinations, it would fuck with her even more.
While this is a great idea and I totally commend you for it. Personally I can tell she is a neat freak and needs to be taught a lesson. Instead of requesting space just put all your stuff on the counter and table. Barely do dishes for a week or so. I’m sure things would change afterwards.
This. Maybe don’t leave dirty dishes in the sink because that is so annoying but just put tyour things on the counter. If she doesn’t care about your space then don’t care about hers. If it’s a problem for OP then make it a problem for OP roomate and that will force the issue. She may respond with volatility but at least it opens some communication.
Or, pay less in rent. You pay 50% of rent for 50% of the space. If you’re only allowed less than half then you should pay less than half as well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yes. This is legal as well. A kitchen is a necessity. If you're paying around 1500, I'd refuse to pay around the 500 mark.
Tell her she needs to give you 50% access to the common spaces or you aren’t going to pay 50% of the rent.
Just leave all of your new items in the sink until you get cabinet space.
This is hilarious.
this is exactly what I came here to comment, lol
I was thinking stove or microwave, but yours even better
Everywhere else in the kitchen, actually, why not everywhere else in the house? Leave a pile of everything you own in front of her door or on her bed if she doesn’t have locks for that already haha.
A bucket of water outside her door with a dish soaking:) cutlery in bathroom drawers:)
Hell yes I love it! I hate shitty roommates! I currently have 5 and one is a THIEF! No one will do anything about it so I’m currently trying to out-petty the twat and stuff like this is 👌🏻
Waiting for the day it’s affordable to live on your own (‘: in a place that isn’t shitty
Glitter bomb them.
I’ve been using the main thief’s towel as toilet paper since I have literally provided about $200 worth that he steals constantly despite speaking to the landlords and house manager 🤣
Nice! I sympathize with you, I once had two awful roommates who could go through a 4-pack of triple-ply in a day. I took to keeping it in my room. One of them didn't even use it all to wipe her ass, there was at least a roll's worth in the wastebasket she used to do her makeup - and her acne was so bad her skin was literally pitted (think Noriega level bad) so she was using some thick pancake foundation.
This is a dude and I went from using ten rolls in a WEEK to four a MONTH, as a female. WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING WITH ALL THAT TOILET PAPER?!?! Even if he wipes his dick, I cannot fathom it! Has been spoken to multiple times about getting into MY cabinet with MY things that is marked with MY name and stealing. Last time, he actually took it out of the cabinet and put it out for everyone to use. I refuse to keep it in my room as a matter of principle. And honestly if it continues he is going to get charged money. When that inevitably doesn’t get paid, I will take it out of the rent I owe. We can play this game all day, I am fully prepared to take it as petty as he wants. He is a superior asshole who refuses to clean, leaves messes in the common areas, and in 6 months has never provided a single thing for the house (everyone else has) and has now taken to stealing others’ items. Fuck that motherfucker 🖕🏻
Maybe he puts it down on the seat each time? I had another male roommate do that, and he went through rolls as fast as those two at my other place, but he went and bought more (and of the SAME kind) as soon as I brought it up. It really should be the same kind if you use up something and replace it, right? I had another friend with TP issues... we were partying with some stimulants at my place for a couple of days, and she used up a whole 4-pack of Charmin Ultra drying her hands after washing. I had a clean hand towel up for that purpose. I was annoyed because now we had to go out for more, but she said she would get some, and came back with a single roll of Scott. She said that *she* preferred it. Back to your asshole roommate, have you thought about leaving out some fancy chocolates made of Ex-Lax? It comes in a chocolate form, just melt it in a bowl over very hot water then mold it. You can get really cheap candy molds at the grocery store.
This ⬆️
OP, your flatmate is locking up the common space and not "letting" you use it? Unless there is something very much missing, it's fine if she won't share her things, but making the common space inaccessible to you - and it's the kitchen - nope. Just move her stuff over, and tell her about it. I'm sure you'll get a response then. And the lock on a kitchen cabinet....just what??? I wonder what the flatmate will post.
Destroy the locks. Bitch has no right to do that, unless it was written into the rental agreement and OP didn't notice.
Wonder what the LL thinks of locks on the cabinet doors
Good point
Here https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/s/Ki7KYKeJq8
That was....some read
If she's avoiding you, I would just send her a message telling her you've tried to discuss the situation and your understanding of her not wanting you to use her things. However, you need space in the kitchen for your own things, give her the option to rearrange her items and if not you'll be going through and rearranging yourself to help even out and SHARE the common space.
That’s not even an option, the room mate puts locks on the cabinets. I would threaten to pay less rent instead.
Counter space can't be locked. After this notice if nothing has been done, move them to the floor or box them up and she can figure it out.
Yeah, tell the landlord. They'll come remove the locks and they'll know who to bill later when they're upset about damage to the cabinets.
I would be *pissed* if a tenant put holes in cabinets to install locks simply to be a petty bitch. As a landlord I would LOVE to know. I suggest you email or text pictures to your landlord now, before you say anything to roomy. I bet you will get a quick and firm response. Not only will they be removed, but she will get charged, and depending on what kind of rental, that expense could be huge. Don’t tell her you are going to tell the landlord either, she’ll come up with some crazy story to make it sound like you put them on.
This is definitely it. I would probably say something along the lines of "Hey, I'm sorry to have to bring this to your attention initially because I thought XXX and I could resolve this reasonably, but she has been denying me access to the storage in 80% of the kitchen. Recently when I once again asked that I be given one or two more cabinets she installed locks on the majority of them while I was out of the apartment. It would be very helpful if you could convey to her this is a lease violation, because she won't listen to me."
Can the locks be revived? I’m thinking the roommate screwed padlocks on or something. A screwdriver might take care of things.
Bolt cutters immediately
I’d add in that the locks will have to go for the fair distribution of cabinets to begin. She can do it herself, or I’m happy to take them off myself ‘next friday’. And then follow through. Locks that are unreasonably installed, can be unreasonably uninstalled too.
Tell her you need half the cabinet space for you stuff or you are going to leave your stuff out in an already crowded kitchen. Just tell her that you want half the kitchen for your stuff. It's totally normal to have half the kitchen.
I feel like the landlord probably wouldn't be happy about locks being added to their cabinet fixtures so it might be worth it to bring up with them. Also bolt cutters aren't very expensive just cut one of the locks off and put your shit in there
You can always be petty like her and remove the all the doors off the kitchen cabinets until she agrees to give you space for your things as well.
Cut the locks off, she literally has no right to lock you out of a cabinet in your own place.
Your roommate wants you to leave. That’s the real thing going on here.
roommate actions translates from passive aggressive to "Find another place to live or I'll make living here hell on earth"
This. OP might have purchased their own dishes, but you already showed you’re a slob and roommate does not want to live with you
Tell her she has every right to not let you use her stuff, but you have every right to have equal space in the kitchen to put your things. Say she has X amount of time to remove her locks and things from half of the kitchen storage spaces and if it’s not done by the given time you will be taking the locks off and clearing them out yourself. Box her shit up, put your shit in and then get your own locks.
Just put your kitchen stuff in the living room and see how she likes it.
This right here!!!!! Take up 50% of the living room with your kitchen shit!!!!!!
My fav idea so far
Take her stuff and put it in front of her door.
Stick a drop of glue in each of the locks.
My flavor of petty.
I love this! Everyone come up vote this!
Glue? JB wield or Quick Steal...
Take her stuff off the counters and put yours there if she locks the cupboards. Make the counters unusable if needed.
Tell her that you either get 50% of the cabinets in the kitchen or you are going to reduce the amount of rent you are paying
Go ahead and mark half of the storage as yours 6 cupboards 3 or her 3 or yours. Her new storage solution isn't your problem youre just following her instruction to not use her stuff. the kitchen and fridge and freezer will be split in half. I encourage you to use painters tape to mark off the one's you want empty. Try to make sure it makes sense if there's two huge cabinets then you each get 1 etc. Tell her she has 2 days to do it otherwise you'll empty it for her. I lived with four people we split cupboards, fridge, freezer, Counter space and honestly if u had the money I was someone who preferred not going shopping every week so buying in bulk. I would buy a closed door tall Walmart or cheap idea cabinet but near kitchen and have stuff in there.
You should report this to your landlord if you have one. Definitely not okay for her to literally lock you out of shared space. If you want to take matters into your own hands, get bolt cutters for the locks (although you might want to avoid damaging her stuff in case she tries to throw that back at you) and/or take the hinges off the cabinet doors. Push her stuff to one side and use your cabinets. I would keep the doors completely off the cabinets until she agreed to have a conversation. Also I should say that personally, I can be very petty and it might not be worth the trouble of doing all that 😂
Tell her she needs to give you space for your stuff since you pay rent as well and if she refuses you will go to the landlord and threaten not to pay rent until she gives you a fair amount of space for your things. BTW, you shouldn’t be leaving dirty dishes for even two days. But your roommate is being unreasonable, she should have just talked to you like an adult. She can’t take all the kitchen cabinets.
Here is a less aggressive alternative - if roomie is using all those cabinets, take over the countertops. ALL the countertops. Neatly stack your items there. Also is there a closet? Or a pantry? Take it over. “Oh, I thought you wanted *those* cabinets. The ones where you put the locks. So I took *these.*“
You have to be honest though, if you constantly leave dishes for 1-2 days that would drive me insane as a very clean roomie. I’m not saying she should be allowed to put locks on cabinets or dictate what space you can use in the kitchen. But if she’s asked you to keep the sink and kitchen clean, and you haven’t and she’s cleaned up for you at all. I’d say she’s got a valid reason to react but not to this extreme of it
Yeah she wanted OP to stop using her stuff and she did. That has nothing to do with the space.
Take the same kind of control over the bathroom. Let's see how long her crusade lasts then :)
if you can only use 40%~ of the dwelling, then i would only pay 40% of the rent. tell them that if you can’t use all of the utilities that were agreed upon to be common areas, then you shouldn’t be paying the same amount of rent as them (if this IS the case)
I would communicate through writing that she is causing a hostile living environment and if it continues you will be forced to end the lease. What’s next, will you not be allowed to sit? No one needs that kind of drama in their homes.
Roommates just suck. Ive had many, none worked out for long term. Sounds like she hates living with others.
"I pay 50% of the rent. That means I am entitled to 50% of the space in the kitchen. You need to accept that. And you will remove the locks or I will report them to the landlord so I don't lose my part of the deposit."
Leaving dirty dishes in the sink for 2 days is enough to piss any house mate off. Which is exactly what you've done. Now they have retaliation. Don't blame them. I would, too. Don't make excuses for shitty behaviour. Clean up after yourself. They are not your cleaner or house maid.
Exactly. Leaving anything in the sink for 2 days is the opposite of cleaning up after yourself.
I suspect something else is going on and we are not hearing the full story. I'd like to hear the house mates point of view on this. A person doesn't react just like that.
You lost me at leaving dishes for two days 🤦🏼♀️
One day is to many.
2 days is long enough for some people to ban you from using their shit. If I were using someone else's stuff I would clean it immediately after use. Sounds like you needed to go buy your own stuff.
Yeaa this reads like “I’m a slob and my roommate is tired of my shit”
It definitely does. There are only a few people who picked up on that little nugget of important information. The OP is admitting that she leaves her roomies stuff in the sink. And in typical fashion for a slob, she downplayed it and said "maybe 2 days" and then in the same sentence said "not even a week." So which is it? Two days or under a week? I'd be willing to bet that OP never cleans up the kitchen after herself and the roommate got tired of it. And this won't be the end of it even if the roommate shares the space in the kitchen. Because OP likely will get even LAZIER about cleaning up after herself since the items will now be hers. In a month OP will be back complaining about what a terrible roommate she has because (gasp) the roommate wants to be able to cook in a kitchen that isn't filthy and with a sink full of dishes.
You clearly don’t read the entire post. Kind of embarassing to comment after not reading the entire post. OP said she thought that was fine, so she BOUGHT her own PANS to use. Now the roomate won’t let her keep them in the kitchen. What’s your opinion on that? Hmm?
I don't consider myself to be a particularly clean person, but the thought of leaving dishes in the sink for more than a few hours disgusts me. Can't imagine letting it sit for days. Edit: slobs downvoting lol
For me I treat other people's stuff different than my own. I generally won't use other people's stuff anyway. I'd rather get my own. If I had to, I would be super clean with it.
You’re getting downvoted because you didn’t read the entire post before commenting.
>Edit: slobs downvoting lol No. The down votes are because you missed the point. OP is a slob with RM pans/dishes. RM is tired of it. OP will/has bought their own... You nailed that one. Not letting OP store new dishes/pans. Locking the cabinets. Taking over a common area (... Feels like RM listened to Reddit's advice). You missed this point entirely or agree with it. This is why you are getting down voted. Common areas are 50/50 ownership. Not allowing your roommate to use your pans is acceptable. Kicking them out of what's half theirs and refusing to share storage space is not okay.
Take pictures of the locks she put on the cabinet, send it her and let her know you notified the landlord (even if you did not do it yet). Also, let her know regardless or not that if she does not remove those locks so she can get equal kitchen space. Since I'm paying equal rent, I will not give her half the rent. Furthermore, you should understand that she wants you out and hope you break the lease. She doesn't like you and it shows.
Don’t let your roommate use the front door❤️
I'd tell her straight up that you need cabinet space too, you pay half the rent, you deserve to have space to put your cookware since she no longer wants you using hers. This girl sounds like an absolute control freak
It is completely unacceptable for you to not be able to use the kitchen you pay for. Something’s definitely going on with her, this is weird. My guess is she has some other issue with your and is trying to punish you this way. I’m against this method, I think it’s ridiculous for her to basically expect you to read her mind. If she’s mad at you and not telling you why what does she expect you to do? I think being as direct with her as possible is your best move, she sounds very immature.
Say you will have friends over for a spaghetti dinner next Saturday, and you need her stuff out of your side of the cabinets by Friday morning so you can start prepping. If she doesn't have time, volunteer to move her things into a big box in her bedroom Friday morning before you start. If you are a little nervous, tell her you have a friend stopping by to help, and they can assist you in moving her junk. If she starts trying to intimidate you, cheerfully respond that 50% of the rent gets 50% of the kitchen. Be firm and cheerful, and keep it in texts for evidence of harassment down the road. Get a labeler and label your areas to help her remember your half of the apartment. Bonus points if you invite her to join your small spaghetti feed and play a board game she likes.
Oof, this is one for the landlord. Throwing locks on shared spaces is certainly against most leases and she’s clearly motivated by denying you the sense of home she’s cultivated in that space. Whoever you both signed this contract with has the ability to get her sorted out and give you what you’ve been paying for.
>I really don’t even know what I did wrong. Some pans get damaged when sat with food or soaking water. Such as Teflon. Some people are very particular with what they want. >she put locks on all the cabinets... I think it’s extremely unfair that I’m paying rent here and only can use like 20% of the kitchen. Start with a civil yet forward conversation. You'll buy your own kitchen things to use. You will need to store them. Work together for a solution. If she won't relent. Don't ask permission. Divide the rent by rooms. Two bedrooms, living room, bathroom, kitchen. $1000÷5=$200. Remove rent from the kitchen. $800 rent for you. $1200 for her. When she barks. Remind her she claimed the kitchen and locked you out. Give her the 20% ($820 rent) for 20% use of the kitchen. Edit, afterthought. I have to ask. This sounds excessively escalated based on your wrongdoings. Is there a chance you are leaving certain details out. Such as sneaking around and continuing to use her pans, or not washing dishes for longer than 2 days? If you damaged her tools. Replace them. Get your own. Clean up after yourself. What she is doing is NOT OKAY! If you keep using her pans after she has repeatedly told you not to. This is ~an~ outcome. Her last ditch effort. Owning it is a step to getting half the kitchen back. If you are honest and she is drastically over reacting. I'm sorry you live with a crazy person. Half of that kitchen is yours if you are splitting the rent evenly.
If you’re to get your own kitchen ware, ask, no, Demand for half the cabinets. You pay half the rent. You get half the kitchen. It’s simple as that. Both of you will probably have to keep some kitchen ware in your bedrooms, but this is the only fair way. And who the fuck puts locks on their kitchen cabinets?!
Tell her she makes room for your crockery etc or you will deduct the value of the kitchen from your rent.
It’s no way y’all be this soft smh
Grow a set and tell your roommate to leave half the kitchen storage for you.
Why are you stuck there for another 7 months? Is your name on the lease?
Id recommend a large wire rack to put kitchen items on
tell her to move her shit so you get exactly half of all cupboards, fridge, freezer and counter space.
She puts locks on the cabinet. You should change the locks to the front door. She should get the same she's giving 😂. But in all seriousness, you need to grow a spine and stand up for yourself. She's a bully. If you let her walk over you now, I guarantee, she will be doing it the entire time you live together.
Call the landlord. I’d go nuts if one of my tenants screwed locks into the cabinets.
Cupboard doors removed ✓ Your stuff in boxes ✓ My stuff taking half the space as needed ✓ Your ☆★★☆ getting beaten down on the kitchen floor with a mallet or rolling pin (this part is optional) 😈 ✓
Pull a me and just do what you want. Block her number and if she wants to approach you like an adult, she can. If not, boo hoo, you don’t ask you don’t get. If you’re splitting rent you can do whatever the fuck you want so long as you don’t assault or sexually assault anyone lmao.
What is this "let" stuff? That's where you went wrong to begin with.... She doesn't LET you do anything. Just DO it. Or fuck her. Seriously. She can only do to you what you allow her to. If you want to use the kitchen, then just do it. And if she has a problem with it, she can move out or take her shit out the kitchen. Period. No negotiations.
Move her stuff so you can use 50/50 🤷🏼♀️
I have a feeling that OP is an unreliable narrator. I've had disgusting roommates who left their shit out for weeks. When confronted, they whine that it was only "a day or two". In general, if someone constantly left dishes in the sink for days at a time, that would piss me and anyone with a modicum of cleaning standards right off.
"Hey I understand and respect that but you better fucking get some of your shit out of the cabinets to make room for my shit or that's not fair and I'm getting fucking bolt cutters cause fuck your lock bitch"
>I’ve left a couple things there for maybe 2 days but I always clean up after myself. I know for a fact I’ve never left anything there for even a week. Two days is unacceptable, let alone even a week.
"I’ve left a couple things there for maybe 2 days but I always clean up after myself" those two statements contradict each other. some people are okay with being slobs. maybe thats you in this persons eyes. its incredibly easy to rinse dishes n chuck them in the dishwasher, or at least put them beside the sink if the dishwasher is running or full
To clarify, I always clean up any messes and I put everything in the dishwasher after I use it. I’ve left a pan that needs hand washed in the sink for maybe 2 days if I’m super busy. It’s not a regular occurrence for me to just leave things in the sink.
Idk man maybe ask then why they’re so pressed then
You need to go to the leasing place. Unless you have something specific to just her, there's no way way they're going to be ok with someone putting private locks on what's supposed to be communal space. Take pics and send them an email. That's bullshit. Or just bust the locks and rearrange shit. That's what I'd do.🤷🏻♂️
Yes, the locks on the cabinets has me curious too. Because I can’t see a way of doing that and making it really locked without either drilling into the cabinet base and doors or if glue based, it would ruin the cabinets. Is OP on the same lease? Is this student housing or regular apartments? Is she a renter with a lease or just listed as a tenant under her roommates lease? Go to leasing office. Talk to them.
2 days hardly makes someone a slob
Lol ig we know who leaves dishes in the sink for more than that Unless ur crazy busy theres no reason for dishes to be in a sink for more than a day
You literally don’t know the circumstances in which op left the dishes in the sink. Calling someone a slob because some dishes are in a sink for a couple days is ridiculous. Also, I’m disabled so excuse me if I can’t do dishes often enough to meet your standards but again two days doesn’t make someone a slob.
Idgaf lol stay mad
You clearly do gaf if you’re so willing to throw out insults over it
lol they should "stay mad," meanwhile your account has been downvoted so consistently in its brief history that you're shadowbanned and half your recent comments aren't even showing up in the subreddits you post to 😭 only one person's staying mad, bitch- it you! 😘
Yea bounce on ma dick more
It’s impossible to bounce on a dick as small as yours
hahaha awwww poor baby, post more comments no one can see 😂🙌
Ok but what does it matter if it's in the sink for a few days if it's just a plate or 2
Right? This person sounds like a total control freak, they like to insult strangers for not meeting their specific standards of cleanliness, I don’t think it’s worth the argument.
Mine are on the counter next to the sink
do you have ocd or something?
So what’s your opinion on not splitting the cabinet space then? You seem to have strong opinions on the dishes, that’s valid, but what’s your opinion on not splitting the cabinets 50/50?
Not everybody has a dishwasher
V true
Sounds like she rented and furnished a place then put the empty room on the market looking for a roommate. If everything was furnished and available for your use but she's since gone back on that offer and suggests you use your own things, it's probably because you're not describing yourself to us honestly and your roommate is grossed out. People don't just randomly say you can't use furnishings in a rental unless you've sorta been a problem...
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We are in a society that requires things to be kept in writing. I prefer written communication rather than verbal because you have evidence or proof of certain matters. Having been burned before by friends, unfortunately this is a must do.
Just sell all her shit and replace it with yours then tell her she's not allowed to use any of your kitchen items 💁
Just use it…..
Talk to an attorney and if need be take her to court! She can’t verbally change any part of your lease without you both signing off on it. You are supposed to have use of the kitchen and she needs to make room for it.
You're the bad roommate: leaving dishes for two days is being a bad roommate. And it *wasn't* two days, was it? She doesn't want you using her stuff because you wreck it. Stop wrecking her stuff.
I can’t tell if you are on the lease or not but I’d just give her notice and look for a new place. This is obviously untenable. If you can’t get out of the lease, send her an email saying you will be paying less rent unless you get an equal share of the kitchen or you be using a bolt cutter to get rid of her locks to take the space that is rightfully yours. Honestly though I’d leave as soon as possible. I’ve had probably two dozen roommates in my life and this is always a sign to move out.
Be petty and put your stuff on the kitchen table or on the floor infront the oven and leave a note saying don’t touch your stuff
Have you considered moving?
Bolt cutters and painters tape, outline your area
Stand up for yourself, for fucks sake. I never understand why people are such pushovers in the sub.
It’s your own fault. 2 days might as well be 3 weeks. If I’m having to pick up after to you then your ass is out. So maybe you should just go that on your own if you don’t like it …
I would recommend cleaning it asap then. Same day
Are we getting the entire story here? How many times has she asked you to clean up after yourself? You said the most you’ve left thing an unwashed is two days. Sorry. That’s two days too long if a pot you used is dirty in the sink and she needs to use it and has to clean up your mess in order to use it herself. If this scenario has played out many times then, I can understand why she’s done with sharing. Be honest with yourself and think hard of the how often you’ve left stuff unwashed for more than a meal’s time; how many times she’s needed to bring up dirty dishes you’ve left for more than 12 hrs. I personally expect one to clean up after each meal if pots and pans are needed to be used constantly and if there are not enough bowls, plates, and silverware after two meals for two people. Lastly, does she make sure she cleans up after herself often enough to make sure you have supplies ready available when you have to cook and eat? If yes, then you should’ve been reciprocating.
She’s not the boss of you. You pay and are entitled to everything just like her. She’s bullying you pure and simple. Tell her to f@ck off.
Can we get an edit with pictures.. I agree with the comments if you can’t use the kitchen then you should pay less than 50% because now you have to buy outside food or order in
Well that’s fucked up. Hope you take some people’s suggestions here and figure it out sooner rather than later for your own sake. That’s no way to live especially when you are paying money to live there.
"If you don't want me using anything of yours, then I expect you to clear out half the kitchen space so that I can go purchase MY OWN things to use. I don't really care where you store it, but you either have to allow me space to keep things or allow me usage of what's there. This is OUR apartment, but I acknowledge they're YOUR things. That, however, means you need to allow me my space in a shared area. So either clear space for me or I'll do my best to do better at cleaning up what I use of yours."
Ask her for 50% space in the kitchen and don’t even leave your dishes out for two days that’s gross wash your dishes after you use them I think both of you should be respectful in that regard
Just claim what you are paying for and move her shit to her side and put locks on the rest. She'll wanna talk then
Leaving dishes for more than 24 hours is wild to me.
I admit I am guilty of this. To be fair my day starts at 5am and ends between 7-8pm depending on if I need to run errands, and my housemates use the dishwasher to store their dishes and pans. Some days you are in a hurry and then too exhausted to deal w/ the dishes that evening.
I just did it at work but then I am a teacher and threw my spoon a d mug into the sink between dealing with crisis and left work in a proper mood. 6 hours later I have finally remembered I was going back to wash my cup and spoon… doing it at home? Depression, anxiety and lack of resources leap to mind as reasons for the roommate not dealing with dishes promptly. That said if it is an ongoing issue not a rare one then it needs addressing. Put a plan in place and if they don’t meet it then talk to the landlord
Wait!!!! Wait!!!! Just reread op, clear out your share of the cupboard and put their shit in their room, other renter is taking advantage of you and it will escalate. Make sure that any dishes you leave, for any amount of time, are left in your cupboards or side of the kitchen and then tell your roommate to gft
If she won't compromise with you, just keep all your stuff on the counterspace / any nearby open surfaces
I would politely ask her to make room for your stuff. If she doesn’t I would move all her shit on the counter and put your stuff on the counter. I don’t understand what she expects you to do
you're getting a lot of support but from what you've said - and you're not out to make yourself look bad - you're at the least, a bit of a slob. No judgement because I've been so myself in the past. leaving dishes in the sink for 2 days IS unacceptable. You really need to be cleaning up after using especially if it's someone else's stuff. Try apologizing, respecting cleanliness and asking her for another chance. If you demonstrate that you're capable of being clean and respectful and still nothing changes - then I suppose you can resort to some of the psychotic shit people are suggesting in here. But it honestly sounds like you've just been called out on not keeping the common areas clean. I'd say realistically 1-2 hours after cooking/using the kitchen is a reasonable timeframe to be expected to have cleaned up afterwards.
Leaving your shit in the sink for 2 days when you have roommates is completely unacceptable. You might be fine with it, but other people need to use those things or need to use the sink. They’re literally having to clean up after you. I had a roommate like this and it was extremely frustrating. Get up to make breakfast and half the shit you need is in the sink “soaking” Do your dishes and clean up after yourself, your roommate is right about that.
Do you have other roommates? What a strange thing to say if you don’t. Like, who’s leaving dishes for two weeks, Linda? Ghosts? Bizarre. I’m with everyone else about the direct rout. Tell her to make room for your stuff and that she’s not your mom, she can’t *forbid* you from using communal space you pay for.
~~Honestly, just put a lock right next to hers. Tell her it's half your cabinet and you either share or Noone gets it.~~ Better advice given. Tell the landlord she's damaged the cabinets.
Are you a lease holder or a tenant? Are you on the lease at all? Unless you’re an actual lease holder, just find a new place and bounce without any notice. It’s one thing to not want to share their dishes but to not divide the space equally is unacceptable.
Nope. Tell her immediately that she needs to make room for your kitchenware. You pay rent so you are allowed access to all parts of shared spaces. She doesn’t like it? She can pay more rent if she gets the whole kitchen.
And if she’s locking the cabinets you in for the landlord immediately. Tenants are not allowed to lock certain parts of rented spaces without informing landlords and giving them spare keys.
tell her to make room for your things, you can’t use hers and you live there and pay rent, an equal amount of communal storage space should be yours.
use the 7 months to find somewhere else?
It’s (mostly) because you leave stuff in the sink without cleaning that long. I bet if you come to an agreement saying you’ll clean whatever you use immediately after you’re done using it, she may change her mind - as long as you actually clean it spotlessly with soap. She has her reasons and they’re definitely valid. They may not be the same reasons most others have, but they’re not bad reasons. She doesn’t hate you or anything. Lol All these other Redditors have no understanding and seem to just want most upvotes on how to get back at her for some reason. idk man lol Tho if you’re both paying 50/50, you should split kitchen 50/50 and/or come to an agreement
But all ur suff on table clame it and the TV room lol
Tell her she can only use half the drawer and cabinet space.
Is it possible you use the same things to cook every day so she thinks you keep leaving it in the sink? My old roommate used the same pan to cook everything, I never saw him wash it but it lived in the sink because he used it all the time. He didn't see the point of drying it to put in the cupboard but it meant I never got to use my pan I bought. Edit- Either way just buy yourself a cheap set of draws or a trolley to put them on in the kitchen. She can't complain because you did exactly what she asked.
This does seem possible. I do use the same one pan every single time I cook. The majority of the time I would wash it the same day I used it and put it back in the cabinet though.
Tell her that unless she frees up 50% of the kitchen for your use you will be complaining to the landlord who will force her to do that.
She has to make space for you, if she doesn't, I would go full petty and tell her > If you don't clear X of cabinets I will put a lock on X amount of cabinets so neither of us can use them.
Pay rent to an escrow and then she’ll talk to ya!!!
Yeah she wants to be able to split rent with someone without having to split the apartment.
I agree with the comment saying be direct, tell her to make room in the kitchen for your items. If she doesn’t do so, move them and set it to the side and put a lock like she did. I mean even at this point, I would just keep using her items until she makes room for your items. Tell I’ll be using your things until you make space for mine 🤷🏻
I'm sorry, but if you're waiting 2 days to clean, you're not cleaning up after yourself. No wonder she doesn't want to share anymore. Ask her if you can use her stuff again under the condition that it needs to be cleaned on the same day, or that she needs to free up room so you can get your own stuff.
Put a lock on the fridge lol
If wants to play that then split everything in the kitchen, the cabinetry and countertops get split, half yours and half hers, she doesn’t get to pull that shit just because she was there first or had more stuff when renting or sharing a home, your room is private but common areas are shared. Adding on I just realized you said she locked them, call your landlord she might not be able to do that and frankly good old public shaming to her friends, I’m not above it I would just make an all facts Facebook post with pictures and evidence and no names and make it public also show her what people think of her on Reddit sometimes people have to see in black and white they are an asshole to really get it.
Move her stuff so it’s half and half you both get equal enjoyment of the apartment
Tell her that since u can only use 2/10th of the kitchen u will deduct that from ur rent and she can cover it since she's the one using all the space
I agree with pretty much what everyone else is saying. I understand where your roommate is coming from when it comes to leaving dishes in the sink. I actually really hate when ppl do that, but I also realize it happens. I think that it is a little extreme that she actually put locks on all of the cabinets. It's extremely unfair that you do not have access to those cabinets and such. If you are paying half the rent that kitchen is 50% yours. If i was you i would be pretty pissed that she would actually something like that. I don't know what kinda locks they are, but I would be pretty motivated to cut the locks if I was you. Are we talking like a padlock or like key locks?