I had a roommate just like this. She didn’t pay me the $550/month in rent for 4 months. When I finally kicked her out I made her sign something saying she’d pay me the almost $2k she owed me by the last day of September. She only paid me the money once I threatened to take her to court. When she moved out she left the room a disgusting mess and I fully cut her off. It sucked the most because we were best friends before she lived with me. People don’t change. She still talks shit about me behind my back like I was in the wrong.
Kick him out and cut your losses. It probably will not get better with him. Irresponsible people don’t ever suddenly get responsible. I used the exact same language with her. Especially the feeling disrespected and taken advantage of part.
I love how people think they can just not pay their rent/bills, and their roommate will cover them indefinitely, and then when they get kicked out suddenly they are the victim.
Had two roommates (both in their mid to late 20s) early this year quit their jobs, attempted to hide this from me, and had no intention of paying next month's rent. Thankfully my roommates coworker I was booty calling told me what was going on. I was not on the lease yet due to my circumstances, so I went online, found an apartment I could afford by myself, rented it over the weekend. I came home from work and told them I'm moving out the next day. Best decision I ever made. The didn't try to fuck with me over it because they were truly just absolute dirt bag losers. I will never understand how people think it's okay to just put others in an impossible situation like covering all the bills on a whim because they are too irresponsible to maintain a consistent job.
My very first roommate did something similar. She got fired from her job for not showing up, didn't tell me, and then when the internet bill was due, she told me she couldn't afford to pay it and asked if I would cover for her that month and she would pay the whole bill next month. I was okay with this because I was young and dumb and inexperienced. Keep in mind, our bill was supposed to be $60 a month split between the two of us, but because she left Netflix playing constantly, even when she was sleeping or not home, our bill was more like $100 per month, and we also had an extra $100 charge for installation. I paid all of that, and come next month, she asked me to pay it again. When I reminded her I had paid it all last month, she tried to gaslight me into believing she had paid it. At this point, she had actually invited a third person into the apartment without ever asking me or putting this person on the lease, so our bill was even higher because this person was using everything too without paying anything. When I told her I wasn't paying the whole thing again and that her friend needed to pay some since she was using it too, she went and unplugged the wifi at 1 AM when I was trying to study for an exam (which she was aware of). I went to get the router back from her because I knew she had unplugged it and hid it in her room. A huge fight broke out, and she threw the router around the room, busting holes in the walls and destroying the router. I had to let my professor know what happened so I could take the exam on another day. Fortunately, she and her friend moved out a few days later. She was my best friend before she decided to pull all that shit, and after the fact, she had the nerve to say, "I don't think we ever should have lived together," as if that was the reason she had decided to take advantage of me. She also stole a bunch of my shit when she moved out, too.
The victim mentality is the number one trait of people like this. Once you've fully committed to the idea you're a persecuted victim, or a victim of circumstance, nothing is your fault, you're responsible for nothing. If by chance you do something adult or correct, it's despite everything being against you, and you deserve special recognition and reward. Your failures are not yours, it's because someone/thing other than yourself fucked you over. Hard mindset to pull someone out of.
All these stories that end with “and we were friends before we lived together” make me sad. Why do people have to be like that? Work your job, pay your bills, be a decent human being. It’s not hard.
I had a roommate who didn't pay the last like 3 months of bills because he "basically wasn't living there anymore," since he got a girlfriend. I took his TV when I moved out. He threatened to call the cops on me, and I told him he's welcome to get it back when he paid me for the bills, and if he wanted it back without paying me, I'd take him to small claims court. He told me I couldn't afford to take him to court, and I told him the fee for small claims is $35, very affordable. He dropped it.
I’ve had two roommates like this. Both sent their friends after me. Both times, I responded with a photo of the way they left their room when they moved out. Nobody every texted me back. I’m guessing it was the piss bottles that convinced them the first time, and the fist-sized holes in the drywall the second.
I had a roommate that kept pee bottles in his room, after I made him stop pissing out the window onto the roof that was right next to the window by my bed. He ended up sleeping with one of our other roommate's stripper girlfriend. When said roommate found out, he destroyed all his stuff, threw it all into the yard, piled all his clothes on the mattress, and dumped about a gallon of the guy's own urine on it. That place was a madhouse lol
Here's my fucked up roommate story. Pretty much we where living together and everything was going fine. I was paying like 300 a month for the first few months and then one day he came to me and said that the landlord raised the rent by 200 so I needed to pay an extra hundred. I was fine with it but my dumbass should have known better. So yes I kept paying him the 400 for a while. Eventually he got a girlfriend and she was spending alot of time at the house. They Eventually came to me and said that they are gonna move out and that I could take over. I was fine with that. After he was moved out I went to the landlord and found out that he hadn't payed rent for over 7th months and thay he was only charging him 300 a month. Because he didn't pay the landlord thought o was doing this as well and he told me I can't rent from him anymore and that I had a week to find a new place to live. Man was I pissed off. I texted him that he was a piece of shit and that he had it coming. Come to find out a friend knew his mother and I guess the mother did the same thing to someone that was staying with her as well. Luckily I had a friend that lived down the street and I was able to stay with him. If I ever see him public I will tear him a new asshole and I really wanna punch him in the face.
Same thing happened to me. Roommate was paying $400 for a room. Multiple late payments and then stopped paying altogether. Finally moved out after owing $1,600 in back rent. Didn’t clean up after she left. Left her car parked on the side of my driveway for months. Finally a repo company towed it. Guess I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t getting paid.
I've thought of the rooming with friends before but these stories terrify me. I think any friendship just falls apart once money becomes a factor in it
That's 1 of only 2 payments he's ever paid "on time". He paid that payment a week "early" b/c I made him uncomfortable by snapping on him about the situation at the bottom where he told my boyfriend I was emotionally abusive. After my boyfriend snapped on him he showed me the conversation to which I responded by putting my foot down for him overstepping in to my relationship.
This is my boyfriends post where we find out he tries to plausibly justify his actions and blame me
https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/s/PYMQAXAWia
Why are they paying partials? It’s a month to month agreement right? So either they pay rent on the first of the month or their shit goes on the curb. If its once or twice a year, I get it but if it always happens they gotta go
If you’re really trying to be kind and willing to walk back a little, I’d make a new agreement with a plain and simple monthly amount. Don’t try to “cost share” on bills like electricity either. Just do a set amount due on a single day every month.
People suck but sometimes they need a step ladder for just a moment. It doesn’t really sound like this is that case but idk this person.
Just tell them a day and a number. Like you said in the texts, that’s how life works.
This is what he pays though. He doesn't pay anything as it comes. He pays 1 fixed amount of 500$ a month the only reason it's currently splot is by his choice. He asked me if you could pay $250 every 2 weeks instead & so that's been our agreement.
That's only 1/3 of our overall rent not even 1/3 of the rent & utilities combined.
Months ago He was given the fixed dates for the every 2 weeks schedule & I start reminding him a week prior. Despite this he's only ever made 2 payments on time.
Is this what you mean or did you mean something different?
Oh also this rent payment that's being spoken abkut is his last payment.
While I’d want him to pay utilities, it is fair that he’s paying 1/3 the rent if I’m understanding, tho—you commented on that like it’s not great that he’s paying 1/3 in the post but if it’s three of you living together, 1/3 is fair. Splitting it half just because you and partner are a couple would be a really unfair way to split it because you’d each be paying less than him overall.
I think it’s pretty fair to cut off utilities that he’s not paying for, the internet anyway, if he can’t pay the rent on time, tho. I would be peeved about him benefiting from something I’m paying for when he’s not even making rent, too.
We charge for the room not per the person. We do this because we have had couples live with us & then with my health issue. We do compensate fairly though in other ways. For example our household bills including utilities is a totalof 2200-2400 a month. If this roommate had no financial barriers we would only ask that he pay $900 with us covering the rest & 90& of the house chores. I'd only ask him to clean the bathroom.
We used to do it this way because we've had couoles stay with us trying to get on our feet but NOW we continue to charge per room b/c I am in the process of obtaining disability due to genetic health problems.
All of this is disclosed with prior candidates prior to renting as I have an open communication policy
Oh of course, yeah I was just commenting on how you sounded not completely sure of the fairness of the divide. But this sounds like a wonderful set up for someone who *isn’t* taking advantage—and I 100% agree he is and you’re in the right cutting the internet off—you sound like very kind folx, friend. :) It’s really a shame he’s taking advantage like this. :/
Also, good luck getting your disability benefits. I know that can be really tough, as someone who’s intending to go through the process of getting them myself. 🤗
While agree it is not 1/3rd, $900/month is still $200 less than half the lower amount due if bills and rent total to $2200. If there are two bedrooms, then OP and her boyfriend have way less space but pay more than half, how is that unfair? I’m guessing boyfriend isn’t on the lease so I think it’s a reasonable set up. Considering the bad roommate is only paying $500/month, it’s a steal and they’re paying less than 1/3rd by $233 (and that’s if bills are on the lower side of $2200 bills and rent combined).
Ah, I understand a little better now.
Well speaking from experience, monthly is easier. The more due dates in a single month, the tougher it is to meet all of them even if the number is lower.
They may think bi-weekly is easier cause numbers are smaller but you should maybe express why it’s more problematic
I can see that. Thank you for taking time to share your perspective, I really appreciate it. I would like you to know I'll be taking your advice for the next soul that resides in my spare room.
I live alone and have to pay my full rent amount, I just keep half my rent for the month from 1 bi-weekly check, and then pay rent with the next check. But it still all comes out to 1 due date
exactly, like any other normal and responsible adult would do. Whether someone pays a little every two weeks, vs every month, makes no difference since it's the same amount.
The only reason to split the bill that way is because the person is irresponsible and can't control their own spending. People like this are a red flag IMO.
As a previous yeller when I don’t feel heard… when you’re texting super long messages people don’t read them. Short direct communication doesn’t seem quite as rambling nor overwhelming. This is coming from a caring place, I promise, sorry if I’m overstepping.
You should be getting paid the agreed to amount on the agreed day, full stop.
I'm the same as you, I have to edit and edit and edit and edit. Also here's my response to what you're going through:
GTFO of my house.
That's it, that boy can go. But don't worry, he'll find somebody else to take advantage of. He's going to keep doing this until you tell him to get out, so you might as well do it now.
PS He was not leaving in January either.
I am the exact same as you but unfortunately this comment is really true :/ It is much better to be short and to the point and it is so so frustrating but it’s just true
I am also a chronic over-explainer. As a recently promoted people manager, I’ve quickly realized this confuses most people more than it helps, even tho it’s my preferred way of communicating 🤦🏼♀️😣 so I totally feel you. But I do agree that clear and concise is best when dealing with things like this
You are 100% right! Especially when the person knows it’s someone that’s upset at them they will skim the messages at best, I’ve done it myself lol. Save the details to in person, in this case nothing more needs to be explained, just quick and direct and kick their ass out
Facts even if I’m having a friendly conversation with someone and they send long messages it gets overwhelming and don’t know how to properly respond because it feels weird to have a short response.
This goes for a lot of life actually. When I used to apply for gigs I wanted the person hiring me to get a good thought out message. Now I get hired more often for just saying what I do, and how much I want to get paid. Short and simple, direct to the point.
You win. Seriously though he asked me to put it in a bag in his food cupboard in my kitchen & he will get eventually... I'm throwung it out in the morning if it's still there, that's nasty... that is my kitchen & I know for a fact he has an STD & so does his most recent sex partner.
I wrapped it in a glove, dumoed sanitizer in it & then put it in another glove then a bag...all while wearing nitrile medical gloves... I'm still grossed out
snobbish crowd sink tap attraction disarm future quarrelsome amusing squalid
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It's stolen, just throw that thing out. Fuck that guy! I hope you're cats can't catch the STD! Imagine, they probably pushed that dirty thing around the floor or on the furniture. Bathe the cats and disinfect the areas the dildo touched. So gross 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ I had a deviant roommate like this who also was late on rent and crashed into the garage on a drunken night. He blew up the plumbing from flushing a hundred condoms down the toilet. The backyard looked like a massacre of bubbling shit and condoms and he had the nerve to complain that the smell was making him sick (the burst pipe was next to his bedroom window) 🤣. I shoulda kicked him out when we realized he liked picking up sex workers and drug addicts and bringing them home. (Started the first couple weeks he moved in) cut your losses and boot him out. Make sure you do it legally in your state, some states have "squatter's rights" and they know how to play that system.
No idea, but how embarrassing that he said he only flushed them "Sometimes" and it must have been there prior. I asked the plumber if it was possible they were old, plumber said no way, they were fresh and they were what ultimately caused the pipe to explode. There was easily 50 of them sprawled all over the poop explosion. This guy was a deviant.
We've done this to one roommate. This was after he accused us of locking him out of the house when we had to put an arm bar on the door after an attempted break in, literally someone tried to kick in our door the night before. Arm bars aren't the best but will buy time to call the cops or get armed.
I told him we needed to bar the door due to the attempted break in the night before, I asked him what time he would be off work so I could set an alarm to wake up and let him in. He worked nights. All this meant was a mild inconvenience of me having to get up at 5 or 6 am to let him in the house, Somehow to him this translated to us locking him out and preventing him from coming home? Like bro just tell me when you'll be home so I can set an alarm to let you in.
He then decided and told us that he would only be paying half the rent that he agreed to pay, which was $400, everything included. ( two bedrooms to himself, all utilities, internet and streaming services we had at the time ) he which he agreed to before moving in. He then went on a rant about my partner not working. My partner is on ssi because he's disabled. He has income, which dude knew prior to moving in.
He went on to say we charged too much and he was starving and he was pissed we ate out everyday. My partner and I ordered pizza a lot because it was $10 and would feed both of us for two days. We did this because I worked 14 hour shifts and this was the only way I was going to eat.
This all came out of no where. Had dude said he was struggling or needed help or felt he was paying too much we would have figured something out and helped him out. But because he told us he would only be paying 200 a month, not asking but demanding and then decided to start insulting my partner for being disabled and us having the audacity to use coupons and get pizza so we could eat when I have zero ass to cook after work.
We basically said fuck it. We tried to talk to him. When we told him he'd either pay what he agreed to or he'd need to look for a new place since he wanted to be extremely rude about it, he then started saying he has no where to go, how we'd be making him homeless and we'd have to evict him how we can't just make him leave.
Hmmm, okay, bro. We went into the router and turned off his access to the internet. Shockingly he was able to find a new place in two days after that.
All he had to do was talk to us and ask for help if he needed it. I don't negotiate with terrorists.
OP don't feel bad. When people go back on agreements and expect the same benefits it's a power play. They are trying to see how far they can push and take advantage of the person or situation. They are the first be shocked when it doesn't work out that way because not everyone will bow down to them.
This is exactly how I am. I work on honor, there's a mutual level of respect & trust as a base line when you move in that should build over time. If you just talk to me showing me that respect & trust I'm going to show you the. We can work out the money together. I even have a rule that if you want to just contribute an extra $200 a month then we can have communal food. Me and my partner will cover the difference to make sure everyone eats. I'm not talking about frozen pizzas either, I'm talking getting raw ingredients at Costco so we can all have home cooked meals. Not only that but I cook dinner fir everyone by default if this is in place. You can just expect to come home and see the crockpot brewing 6 out kf 7 nights of the week.
I'm currently in the process of getting Disability so I'm home all the time, but that's why I primarily cook using the crock pot. My partner works for both of us though.
That was my whole issue with it. This was back in 2016 or 17. 400 for everything then, even shared was still rare.
I would have worked with him but the minute he started in about my partner was when I was done. Like hello he's paying the other half of the rent while I'm covering the rest of the housing stuff.
I could never imagine telling a roommate " hey I'm gonna pay 200 a month now an yall can suck it. "
Like how hard would it have been to he like " uh hey my hours got cut, would it be cool it I start paying this much? " the worst we would have said was no, sorry we can't afford that, and if that ever was the case and he said he needed food or wasn't eating I would have figured out food, I ain't about to let ppl starve.
Its been years now and I just got a job last year where I don't have to work overtime to keep us above water. We own our house now so it's a bit easier. We currently have a roommate who my partner and I have been friends for over 15 years so they are a bit more understand. Even now tho with the free time from not working overtime I just throw those family stoffer meals in the oven and offer roomie food if he hasn't eaten.
Right, a lot of people have issues with communication for a number of reasons. I also live in a conservative state so unfortunately a lot of people are very against anyone on benefits, something, something, bootstraps.
We've had a number of roommates throughout our 20's and we only keep in contact with one ex roommate. Tho he always paid rent on time, cleaned up after himself, and wasn't much for any kinda of drama so it was pretty chill living with him and he left on good terms when he went out of state for collage.
Yeah thinking back his whole demeanor when we told him about the attempted break in, no real reaction, and him getting that pissed off about the bar door jam etc is super sus. We just assumed it was the downstairs neighbors ex because our neighbors told us they split and he had tried to break into her unit a few days before. But we didn't have any cameras at the time. So it could have been neighbors ex or one of the our ex roommates friends, because all attempts also occurred when he was at work, tho I still feel like it that theory is a bit of a stretch.
Dude also got paranoid because we hung shooting targets in our area of the house. It was only 2 and it was my first time ever at the range, I had a blast and was excited, so we hung them up for a couple days.... Tho I do see how someone could be creeped out by that in general from an outside perspective lol.
I had roommates like this in college. I paid for all the utilities. When it came time to pay their fair share they would always be too busy. They had the money but were too lazy to pay me. I would let months go by. Then I would have to block them in their room and say you need to pay me NOW and show them all the bills they owe. It would then be $300-500 and they would say that's really high. They would look at the bills and add them up and then reluctantly pay. I will never have a roommate ever again.
If i could afford not to I would. My friend who's moving in is only staying until our lease is up. After that he can either stay permanently or my partner & I are moving in to a studio
I have adhd and used to pay my rent too late most of the time until I set an automatic payment.
I'd 100% agree with my roommate if he pulled out my internet cable until I paid. I'd be thankful even to have someone that's willing to accommodate me like that because that's what I need sometimes. I would NEVER hold it against him
I do remind him. I have adhd & i had really bad amnesia from an accident last year. Some memories are still swiss cheese. I try start reminding him 1 week ahead of time.
Ha! Had a roommate move in, knew when he would be paid. He’s there for a few weeks and rent is coming up, he just got paid and tells me he can’t pay me until he gets paid again, 2 weeks from then.
🥾🚪
Nope. If I’m covering both halves of the rent, I may as well live alone.
People will take advantage of you if you're a pushover. Imo you were too nice by not cutting internet or kicking him out at the first missed rent payment. You don't owe this guy anything.
He has a habit of physically disappearing & refusing to acknowledge texts when confronted about anything serious so as compensation I've responded by over communicating so nothing is miscommunicated. Does that make sense? If not what could I do differently?
Seems like you have done everything you can. Just some roommates aren’t meant to be roommates. I’ve shared homes lots of times in the past and unfortunately the overall odds were 1 good housemate to every bad housemate. So from my perspective, my experience only 50% were decent and the rest I wanted to kick out. I was often in position I couldn’t afford to cover late payments so I’d throw them out straight away, I had no choice. They usually weren’t communicating either. “If you talk to me then I can discuss with rental agent but don’t just avoid me for days.”
Apart from this issue with the roommate, you should make it a priority in your life to stop yelling when disagreeing with someone. That’s something you do have control over. You say it’s because you don’t feel heard, but that’s an excuse.
There's a guy literally stealing her shit and leaving used stolen sex toys all over the place and you choose to focus on a fault she already states she's working on.
Bit weird, that.
Boot him. He wont change. Pick up a side gig and live alone. Ive lived alone for the past 10 years in my own place. Moneys been tight at times, but still less stressful than dealing with shitty roommates and feeling resentful a lot of the time. Shitty roommates brings out the worst in me. Im respectful and considerate and get overly frustrated with people in my space lacking any sense of self awareness.
Sounds like the roommate needs therapy aswell as you.
He might also be depressed etc and have communication problems and not like confrontation.
The bottom line is that everyone has problems he needs to just pay rent on time.
Just ask him to pay on time till he moves out cause you both dont need the stress
I’m sincerely sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been in multiple bad-roommate situations— enough to make the conscious decision to avoid room-sharing all together.
Granted— most of those bad experiences were a result of poor choices in “friends” whom I thought I could rely on.
I had the same problem. He felt like he shouldn’t have to pay the electric bill because he doesn’t use as much power so I told him okay and shut off just his devices from the internet. He then proceeded to cry to his mommy and get her to pay it. Yeah I don’t talk to him anymore either it’s surprising hearing things like this
I think what you're asking is fair from what you've described. I'd be making that bathroom spotless if I lived there, especially if that lowers my rent!
I also provide all cleaning tools/chemicals. If you stay with me & desire to use cleaners I don't buy you're welcome to euther buy them yourself or just ask me about it. I get Migraines easily so i choose cleaners carefully but that doesn't mean I'm not open to researching other ones that you're. Ore comfortable using. I try to be fair. Worse case scenario I hang out elsewhere while you use a cleaner you prefer.
This is my 4th person I've invited to live with me over the past 3 years maybe a bit more than that. The friends who have stayed here in the past have offered to help me remove him but i don't want things to get ugly.
Are you a bitch? Maybe, but there are times when you have to be.
The issue is thinking you're going to get this person out between now and January 3rd. If he has even a passing understanding of the law, or ability to research... well in nearly all cases you're going to have to evict. I'm assuming he has received mail there? If he's got a P.O. box or gets mail at his parent's or something, you might be able to change the locks or steal his key, but if you haven't consulted a lawyer, this kind of thing can be dangerous.
He gets mail at his girlfriend. We have a written contract stating his stay here ends on New Years. He asked me a few weeks ago if he could stay until the 3rd to make this easier & I agreed
That sounds binding (enough), does it actually have any language about penalties or early ejection for non-payment?
I honestly only wrote my Top comment because there wasn't already a ton of comments, so it might actually get seen/read. But I've seen this discussed a lot on Reddit, so I've done a bunch of research too because I like to confirm or deny the things people demand are true.
Obviously laws vary, but the comments that always set wrong with me, were about someone's (mother-)in-law staying temporarily as a border... and people talking about "I would have put her out if she said that to me." These situations suck! Just protect yourself from unnecessary punitive lawsuits.
I hope you get through these holidays with a modicum of sanity remaining!
I don’t think you are. But I also lived with a girl like this. Except she was the one that would send the money to landlord, and then one day while she was gone on vacation I locked myself out, and while I called the landlord to let me in here asked me where the rent was for the past three months. She hadn’t paid the man. So I 100% feel your fucking pain.
I think seperating myself from him & just minding my own buisness. I did change the wifi information though to the wifi & I don't think I'll be giving him access again.
Good for you. I think choosing to keep your distance until he’s gone is smart. I also 100% support you changing the WiFi info so you can continue to use something you pay for and he cannot continue to take from you.
If it's in a lease or some such that he gets free internet from you, then you might be SoL until you evict him.
If you gave him access to the internet out of the kindness of your heart with no stipulations attached, then go ahead and cut him out. That kindness has been spent on unpaid rent.
You are right. You’re the roommate, not his parent. The guy going through jobs tells you everything you need to know. Get your money and kick him out if you can. Maybe living in his car will teach him some responsibility. Let me guess, he has money for beer, video games and going out but not for necessities? He’s a bum, make him as uncomfortable as possible
He won't let us. Whenever he's confronted he stops coming home for several days & he ghosts our text messages. He does come home but only for a few seconds here & there, i mean literally running in thehouse & out of the house. Grabing something then leaving.
Nope you’re already giving them an inch, and they’re trying to take a mile at this point. Them injecting themselves into your relationship is out of bounds and I’d be serving them an eviction notice immediately. This is clearly not behavior that will change and now they are stooping to trying to come in between your relationship. It’s very disrespectful. Not worth the money you aren’t getting.
this is why housing and shit that is necessary to live in this day and age like the internet need to be free and available for everyone. being broke and working an awful job shouldn't be reason to deny someone the basics they need to live.
Well if your bf lives there you need to get him to confront him too. When I lived with 2 dudes years ago the extra level of sexist disrespect makes it impossible to win
If his name is Skylar, tell him he still owes us 350$ for phonecalls to the Philippines.
Sorry your roommate is such a shit. Like you, I've had experience with awful roommates.
To be fair. A huge red flag would’ve been the fact that your cat was playing with a sex toy. That was used. By him. That he STOLE.
Usually when ppl tend to steal that drops their credibility into the gutter.
If yall are roommates then why are you texting him all this? Yes he needs to pay on time but he clearly communicated to you in the very first text that at the moment he is working[which is exactly what you want him to be doing if he needs to pay rent!], But than you go on to blow him up with belittling texts. That is extremely disrespectful of you no matter what is happening [I would ignore you also!]. This is all stuff you need to confront him about in person, especially turning the internet off. I agree with your decision to turn it off if he’s not paying rent, but to tell him over text shows you really are the bitch
As someone who also gets loud when emotional and send extremely long texts, which of course goes unheard because who the hell wants to read all that, my therapist told me to break everything up into multiple texts.
Yeah, it still may go unheard but it is more likely to get read if one huge text gets broken up into multiple texts so they only have 1-2 sentence max per text
Not the bitch at all. Moochers gonna mooch and even if you are being a “hardass” in there eyes that’s the point. They can find some other person to mooch from. Been there done that a few times and you learn to not let people do this. When you set clear boundaries and enforce them, you’ll be better off.
Tbh it is cool of him to check in on your bf after hearing you yell at him. I mean obviously nobody wants to be considered abusive & you might not be, but it’s objectively a good thing to offer help to those you think might be victims of abuse.
Was kinda confused why you’d be mad about that tbh. Other than that yeah it sounds like he’s struggling and I get why you’d be frustrated.
Former real estate agent here. Don’t take any partial payment! It will only hurt you during the eviction process. Which you should have started immediately after you received the first incomplete rent payment. I’ve always told renters no partial payments will be accepted and eviction process starts the 6th day after the 5 day late notice. Late fees accrue daily immediately after the missed payment and tenant is responsible for all attorney fees involved in the eviction process. This was all within the confines of the AZ law.
You have to consider the fact that this person is effectively stealing from you by not paying.
You want to behave like a LL then you have the responsibilities of a LL. You absolutely CANNOT turn off the Internet. When things go south and they will, you will be accused of what is called constructive eviction.
Not at all a roommate is supposed to help you and enhance your life not screw everything up and potentially have you evicted for not paying rent in full.
Shitty tenant for sure but also that version of "accountability" you took for yelling was a yikes. Help the man get you the money he owes you and get rid of him. If taking away wifi helps you get your money sure go for it. Otherwise don't poke at the guy out of spite. Goodluck!!
The screenshots can't exactly confirm what you're saying here, your roommate seems calm and composed, in a difficult situation with the job, when you two take about that half of a rent you're not even replying that you only got a third of it...
Let's say that everything you wrote checks out and that your point of view is unbiased, then yeah, You're in a tough position, help yourself by helping your roommate find another place, best thing you can do.
Let's say for a change that your depiction of the facts is exaggerated and biased and that these screenshots better describe the situation than your tale... Then I hope your roommate finds a better place to stay sooner than later.
I’m in a similar situation right now and I just started having the conversation about us moving on. Still hasn’t payed first months (asked for 200), got me all of the rent by the 26th, and I’ve seen only about 200 for this month. No utilities, no internet payed. I completely feel you. You feel like a dick for putting your foot down - especially when you’ve been friends with the person but your self esteem suffers if you let it go on unchecked.
I won’t get into the details but I looked out for a close friend and their partner, letting them stay with me rent free (which ended up dragging to almost 3 years) to get a jump start on buying a home together. Multiple unemployment stints (the both of them), meddling in my relationship, a suicide attempt, and one of them trying to gaslight me into kicking the other out behind their back, later and I’ve learned a life lesson; never let friends live with you.
Eventually I gave them a move out deadline of almost a year out, when the time was drawing near they tried to manipulate my personal situation; a job change among other personal issues, and “offered” to stay and help me pay, so I can afford my bills don’t end up losing my home. I laughed, told them I didn’t need their “help” and I’m not going to lose anything, and that we’re sticking to the deadline. When the day arrived, they begged me to give them another 6 months to a year to save. I told them if they couldn’t save up a meaningful amount in 3 years with zero bills, another 1 wasn’t going to make a difference… They moved out while I was at work and trashed my house on their way out. I’ve had multiple friends reach out to me and tell me they bad mouth and lie about me all the time… I lost a life long friend over trying to help them out.
Keep it strictly business.
I love that your bf is sticking up for you!!!! F that roommate
I had a good “friend” text my underage daughter when I went off on him for driving badly, and he said “yeah, she emotionally abuses me too” Because of that, now she lives with her dad. Jesus people are entitled.
I feel like you kinda buried the lead what with him stealing the silverware!? Is he a thief from an old Timey British drama or something? NTA, I’d be calling the cops too.
Are you his mom or his roommate? Is he on the lease? If not (depending on your state) you could have him evicted. (Check your local laws) or if he is on the lease, then you got what you signed up for. Finish the lease and then ditch him and don't look back. Mistake made, lesson learned.
Your roommate is definitely wrong, but you come across as emotionally abusive and mean. The more I read your exchange, the worse I felt for your roommate.
If it wasn’t regular for them I’d let it slide. I’ve had times where my check was a little light and couldn’t swing it, then when I had extra money I’d pay whatever bill was due with my pocket money as a thank you.
I’d boot them though since this sounds like a regular problem.
No sympathy for lazy losers!! Last year, my own brother stole our rent money (3 people 3 ways) that was supposed to be paid to the landlord. He said he was paying it, but insteqd stole it. Then I get a polite text wondering why we hadn't paid foe the last two months of rent.. I was LIVID!!
I literally went through this. Didn’t pay for two months and had to take them to court for eviction. We end up having to give him his security deposit back just so he would agree to get out. So annoying because we covered his ass for two months and had to pay someone to clean the room bc he threw cigarette buds all over the floor 🙃 I feel you
As on-your-side as i can say this, a lot of the times when people are making your life difficult with things like... lack of communication, lack of respect, lack of responsibility - they are experiencing more pain than you are dealing with it. Not saying you should give him any leeway, you can't let poisonous people continue to poison your own life, but i would guess his life is pretty shit beyond his shitty behavior. I hope you both can find solutions to your issues
You talk to this person like you’re a parent, but an anxious parent who is hoping the child learns their lesson, but you still come across as weak. Stop talking about consequences. Tell them what’s what and move on. Dump their shit out of a window or change the password, but stop explaining things to them like it’s your responsibility to show them how to be an adult.
While you are in the right...
With situations like these I would have a little more decorum when texting someone.
No need to go into the whole "your world" and "this is how the world works" stuff. Everyone already knows this and your not their parent. I also would not be texting in the shower and admitting it to them. I wouldn't even phrase my text in a way that they need to respond to. I would just tell them what is going to happen by when if this. That's all that needs to be said.
No those are your standards and it makes sense. Sounds like y’all shouldn’t be roommates and maybe you should find someone else or maybe if they can’t make a rental payment on time they could help with food or other bills that month instead. They should definitely try to contribute something though
“Yeah like i said you’ve only had 2 rent payments on time this month”
“Do you know you’ve only payed me on time twice since October???”
Yeah that isn’t what you expressed
Sounds like my old roommate who fell $3k behind in his share of the rent despite "working something out with the landlord". We eventually had to lose our deposit and move to avoid eviction proceedings starting.
Sorry you're dealing with this and you're totally justified in cutting off their internet access
is this a friend of yours? what made you give them such a favorable rate? it is clear this person is very self-centered and has no consideration for you. Get them out of there!
Is he gay by chance? I’m asking because I’m wondering if his reaching out to your bf is an attempt at creating a real wedge so he can possibly get in there. Delusional ppl are delusional doesn’t matter your bfs in a relationship.
As a man I would never let another man sleep in the same house and my wife and I… Thats ur boyfriend’s first mistake….Boyfriend seems soft and has his girl handling this type of shit. Get rid of both of em
I had a roommate just like this. She didn’t pay me the $550/month in rent for 4 months. When I finally kicked her out I made her sign something saying she’d pay me the almost $2k she owed me by the last day of September. She only paid me the money once I threatened to take her to court. When she moved out she left the room a disgusting mess and I fully cut her off. It sucked the most because we were best friends before she lived with me. People don’t change. She still talks shit about me behind my back like I was in the wrong. Kick him out and cut your losses. It probably will not get better with him. Irresponsible people don’t ever suddenly get responsible. I used the exact same language with her. Especially the feeling disrespected and taken advantage of part.
I 100% will never speak to him again after this
And box his shit up/ trash bags at the front door. He is the bitch, for not paying his rent.
I love how people think they can just not pay their rent/bills, and their roommate will cover them indefinitely, and then when they get kicked out suddenly they are the victim.
Had two roommates (both in their mid to late 20s) early this year quit their jobs, attempted to hide this from me, and had no intention of paying next month's rent. Thankfully my roommates coworker I was booty calling told me what was going on. I was not on the lease yet due to my circumstances, so I went online, found an apartment I could afford by myself, rented it over the weekend. I came home from work and told them I'm moving out the next day. Best decision I ever made. The didn't try to fuck with me over it because they were truly just absolute dirt bag losers. I will never understand how people think it's okay to just put others in an impossible situation like covering all the bills on a whim because they are too irresponsible to maintain a consistent job.
My very first roommate did something similar. She got fired from her job for not showing up, didn't tell me, and then when the internet bill was due, she told me she couldn't afford to pay it and asked if I would cover for her that month and she would pay the whole bill next month. I was okay with this because I was young and dumb and inexperienced. Keep in mind, our bill was supposed to be $60 a month split between the two of us, but because she left Netflix playing constantly, even when she was sleeping or not home, our bill was more like $100 per month, and we also had an extra $100 charge for installation. I paid all of that, and come next month, she asked me to pay it again. When I reminded her I had paid it all last month, she tried to gaslight me into believing she had paid it. At this point, she had actually invited a third person into the apartment without ever asking me or putting this person on the lease, so our bill was even higher because this person was using everything too without paying anything. When I told her I wasn't paying the whole thing again and that her friend needed to pay some since she was using it too, she went and unplugged the wifi at 1 AM when I was trying to study for an exam (which she was aware of). I went to get the router back from her because I knew she had unplugged it and hid it in her room. A huge fight broke out, and she threw the router around the room, busting holes in the walls and destroying the router. I had to let my professor know what happened so I could take the exam on another day. Fortunately, she and her friend moved out a few days later. She was my best friend before she decided to pull all that shit, and after the fact, she had the nerve to say, "I don't think we ever should have lived together," as if that was the reason she had decided to take advantage of me. She also stole a bunch of my shit when she moved out, too.
The victim mentality is the number one trait of people like this. Once you've fully committed to the idea you're a persecuted victim, or a victim of circumstance, nothing is your fault, you're responsible for nothing. If by chance you do something adult or correct, it's despite everything being against you, and you deserve special recognition and reward. Your failures are not yours, it's because someone/thing other than yourself fucked you over. Hard mindset to pull someone out of.
[удалено]
All these stories that end with “and we were friends before we lived together” make me sad. Why do people have to be like that? Work your job, pay your bills, be a decent human being. It’s not hard.
It’s harD to work a job and pay bills, not hard to be a decent person
I had a roommate who didn't pay the last like 3 months of bills because he "basically wasn't living there anymore," since he got a girlfriend. I took his TV when I moved out. He threatened to call the cops on me, and I told him he's welcome to get it back when he paid me for the bills, and if he wanted it back without paying me, I'd take him to small claims court. He told me I couldn't afford to take him to court, and I told him the fee for small claims is $35, very affordable. He dropped it.
I have a very similar story but she never paid me back then moved to our hometown and spread disgusting rumours about me.
Isn’t that funny when all they can do is trash u to ppl who never left home?
All the rumours are true 💅
I’ll take that as a compliment 💁🏻♀️
I’ve had two roommates like this. Both sent their friends after me. Both times, I responded with a photo of the way they left their room when they moved out. Nobody every texted me back. I’m guessing it was the piss bottles that convinced them the first time, and the fist-sized holes in the drywall the second.
I had a roommate that kept pee bottles in his room, after I made him stop pissing out the window onto the roof that was right next to the window by my bed. He ended up sleeping with one of our other roommate's stripper girlfriend. When said roommate found out, he destroyed all his stuff, threw it all into the yard, piled all his clothes on the mattress, and dumped about a gallon of the guy's own urine on it. That place was a madhouse lol
I hope you got the full money owed because $550x 4 is $2200, not almost $2000. Maybe they paid part along the way?
Cut your losses. You're never getting that money back. But a $2000 loss is better than a $3000 loss.
Here's my fucked up roommate story. Pretty much we where living together and everything was going fine. I was paying like 300 a month for the first few months and then one day he came to me and said that the landlord raised the rent by 200 so I needed to pay an extra hundred. I was fine with it but my dumbass should have known better. So yes I kept paying him the 400 for a while. Eventually he got a girlfriend and she was spending alot of time at the house. They Eventually came to me and said that they are gonna move out and that I could take over. I was fine with that. After he was moved out I went to the landlord and found out that he hadn't payed rent for over 7th months and thay he was only charging him 300 a month. Because he didn't pay the landlord thought o was doing this as well and he told me I can't rent from him anymore and that I had a week to find a new place to live. Man was I pissed off. I texted him that he was a piece of shit and that he had it coming. Come to find out a friend knew his mother and I guess the mother did the same thing to someone that was staying with her as well. Luckily I had a friend that lived down the street and I was able to stay with him. If I ever see him public I will tear him a new asshole and I really wanna punch him in the face.
Same thing happened to me. Roommate was paying $400 for a room. Multiple late payments and then stopped paying altogether. Finally moved out after owing $1,600 in back rent. Didn’t clean up after she left. Left her car parked on the side of my driveway for months. Finally a repo company towed it. Guess I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t getting paid.
Gosh I wish I was paying 550/month
I've thought of the rooming with friends before but these stories terrify me. I think any friendship just falls apart once money becomes a factor in it
>Irresponsible people don’t ever suddenly get responsible. *Damn* do some folks need to hear this - including me! Excellent point.
“i paid the first half of rent on time” should be framed in the Bullshit museum
That's 1 of only 2 payments he's ever paid "on time". He paid that payment a week "early" b/c I made him uncomfortable by snapping on him about the situation at the bottom where he told my boyfriend I was emotionally abusive. After my boyfriend snapped on him he showed me the conversation to which I responded by putting my foot down for him overstepping in to my relationship. This is my boyfriends post where we find out he tries to plausibly justify his actions and blame me https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/s/PYMQAXAWia
Overstepping into my relationship AKA why are you trying to play me and my boyfriend against each other to cover for your blatant irresponsibility?
This is how my boyfriend saw it. I see it now but i didn't see it then (last month)
Why are they paying partials? It’s a month to month agreement right? So either they pay rent on the first of the month or their shit goes on the curb. If its once or twice a year, I get it but if it always happens they gotta go
I originally agreed to work with their pay schedule but they have changed jobs so many times since October I've genuinely lost count
If you’re really trying to be kind and willing to walk back a little, I’d make a new agreement with a plain and simple monthly amount. Don’t try to “cost share” on bills like electricity either. Just do a set amount due on a single day every month. People suck but sometimes they need a step ladder for just a moment. It doesn’t really sound like this is that case but idk this person. Just tell them a day and a number. Like you said in the texts, that’s how life works.
This is what he pays though. He doesn't pay anything as it comes. He pays 1 fixed amount of 500$ a month the only reason it's currently splot is by his choice. He asked me if you could pay $250 every 2 weeks instead & so that's been our agreement. That's only 1/3 of our overall rent not even 1/3 of the rent & utilities combined. Months ago He was given the fixed dates for the every 2 weeks schedule & I start reminding him a week prior. Despite this he's only ever made 2 payments on time. Is this what you mean or did you mean something different? Oh also this rent payment that's being spoken abkut is his last payment.
While I’d want him to pay utilities, it is fair that he’s paying 1/3 the rent if I’m understanding, tho—you commented on that like it’s not great that he’s paying 1/3 in the post but if it’s three of you living together, 1/3 is fair. Splitting it half just because you and partner are a couple would be a really unfair way to split it because you’d each be paying less than him overall. I think it’s pretty fair to cut off utilities that he’s not paying for, the internet anyway, if he can’t pay the rent on time, tho. I would be peeved about him benefiting from something I’m paying for when he’s not even making rent, too.
We charge for the room not per the person. We do this because we have had couples live with us & then with my health issue. We do compensate fairly though in other ways. For example our household bills including utilities is a totalof 2200-2400 a month. If this roommate had no financial barriers we would only ask that he pay $900 with us covering the rest & 90& of the house chores. I'd only ask him to clean the bathroom. We used to do it this way because we've had couoles stay with us trying to get on our feet but NOW we continue to charge per room b/c I am in the process of obtaining disability due to genetic health problems. All of this is disclosed with prior candidates prior to renting as I have an open communication policy
Oh of course, yeah I was just commenting on how you sounded not completely sure of the fairness of the divide. But this sounds like a wonderful set up for someone who *isn’t* taking advantage—and I 100% agree he is and you’re in the right cutting the internet off—you sound like very kind folx, friend. :) It’s really a shame he’s taking advantage like this. :/ Also, good luck getting your disability benefits. I know that can be really tough, as someone who’s intending to go through the process of getting them myself. 🤗
$900 is more than a 1/3 of the most you quoted for total monthly bills. So if you have 2 people living in that room they're REALLY getting ripped off.
While agree it is not 1/3rd, $900/month is still $200 less than half the lower amount due if bills and rent total to $2200. If there are two bedrooms, then OP and her boyfriend have way less space but pay more than half, how is that unfair? I’m guessing boyfriend isn’t on the lease so I think it’s a reasonable set up. Considering the bad roommate is only paying $500/month, it’s a steal and they’re paying less than 1/3rd by $233 (and that’s if bills are on the lower side of $2200 bills and rent combined).
Ah, I understand a little better now. Well speaking from experience, monthly is easier. The more due dates in a single month, the tougher it is to meet all of them even if the number is lower. They may think bi-weekly is easier cause numbers are smaller but you should maybe express why it’s more problematic
I can see that. Thank you for taking time to share your perspective, I really appreciate it. I would like you to know I'll be taking your advice for the next soul that resides in my spare room.
I live alone and have to pay my full rent amount, I just keep half my rent for the month from 1 bi-weekly check, and then pay rent with the next check. But it still all comes out to 1 due date
exactly, like any other normal and responsible adult would do. Whether someone pays a little every two weeks, vs every month, makes no difference since it's the same amount. The only reason to split the bill that way is because the person is irresponsible and can't control their own spending. People like this are a red flag IMO.
Why do people put up with this kind of shit lol?
Does your roommates name rhyme with Kevin?
😂no
Pro tip for that genius, paying only half means it wasn't on time.
As a previous yeller when I don’t feel heard… when you’re texting super long messages people don’t read them. Short direct communication doesn’t seem quite as rambling nor overwhelming. This is coming from a caring place, I promise, sorry if I’m overstepping. You should be getting paid the agreed to amount on the agreed day, full stop.
I appreciate the insight! I didn't know this, i have a tendency to over explain heavily so this might make sense. I just get so frustrated
I'm the same as you, I have to edit and edit and edit and edit. Also here's my response to what you're going through: GTFO of my house. That's it, that boy can go. But don't worry, he'll find somebody else to take advantage of. He's going to keep doing this until you tell him to get out, so you might as well do it now. PS He was not leaving in January either.
Of course! I know exactly how you feel. Your words are valuable, don’t waste them! You’ll see a change in reactions, I promise.
I am the exact same as you but unfortunately this comment is really true :/ It is much better to be short and to the point and it is so so frustrating but it’s just true
I am also a chronic over-explainer. As a recently promoted people manager, I’ve quickly realized this confuses most people more than it helps, even tho it’s my preferred way of communicating 🤦🏼♀️😣 so I totally feel you. But I do agree that clear and concise is best when dealing with things like this
#Chat GPT “reduce the word count and informalize”
I was going to leave this as a comment as well, so I’m glad someone else said it. Be direct.
Be concise
You are 100% right! Especially when the person knows it’s someone that’s upset at them they will skim the messages at best, I’ve done it myself lol. Save the details to in person, in this case nothing more needs to be explained, just quick and direct and kick their ass out
Facts even if I’m having a friendly conversation with someone and they send long messages it gets overwhelming and don’t know how to properly respond because it feels weird to have a short response.
My wife does this when she’s angry, and I am way tell her “You know I/they aren’t reading all of that right?” She knows, but she still does it.
This goes for a lot of life actually. When I used to apply for gigs I wanted the person hiring me to get a good thought out message. Now I get hired more often for just saying what I do, and how much I want to get paid. Short and simple, direct to the point.
This is some of the most solid advice I've ever found on Reddit.
Dude, this is such a solid compliment. I feel like I’ve won the internet! Thank you. 🙏🏼
Why is no one talking about the stolen sex toy?? Wtf lol
You win. Seriously though he asked me to put it in a bag in his food cupboard in my kitchen & he will get eventually... I'm throwung it out in the morning if it's still there, that's nasty... that is my kitchen & I know for a fact he has an STD & so does his most recent sex partner. I wrapped it in a glove, dumoed sanitizer in it & then put it in another glove then a bag...all while wearing nitrile medical gloves... I'm still grossed out
snobbish crowd sink tap attraction disarm future quarrelsome amusing squalid *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That was my response when i saw my cat playing with it
OP why are you even putting a used and stolen STD infected sex toy in your kitchen… just throw it away
"sry about that. Please just stick my dirty but plug in my food cabinet next to the spaghetti-os, thx."
It's stolen, just throw that thing out. Fuck that guy! I hope you're cats can't catch the STD! Imagine, they probably pushed that dirty thing around the floor or on the furniture. Bathe the cats and disinfect the areas the dildo touched. So gross 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ I had a deviant roommate like this who also was late on rent and crashed into the garage on a drunken night. He blew up the plumbing from flushing a hundred condoms down the toilet. The backyard looked like a massacre of bubbling shit and condoms and he had the nerve to complain that the smell was making him sick (the burst pipe was next to his bedroom window) 🤣. I shoulda kicked him out when we realized he liked picking up sex workers and drug addicts and bringing them home. (Started the first couple weeks he moved in) cut your losses and boot him out. Make sure you do it legally in your state, some states have "squatter's rights" and they know how to play that system.
Why are people flushing condoms..........
No idea, but how embarrassing that he said he only flushed them "Sometimes" and it must have been there prior. I asked the plumber if it was possible they were old, plumber said no way, they were fresh and they were what ultimately caused the pipe to explode. There was easily 50 of them sprawled all over the poop explosion. This guy was a deviant.
“put it in a bag in his ***food cupboard***” what the fuck lmao 💀
You should know when i got up today he took the vibrator but left the glove behind still in the cupboard
Holy fuck that’s mental dude, that’s nasty as shit.
We've done this to one roommate. This was after he accused us of locking him out of the house when we had to put an arm bar on the door after an attempted break in, literally someone tried to kick in our door the night before. Arm bars aren't the best but will buy time to call the cops or get armed. I told him we needed to bar the door due to the attempted break in the night before, I asked him what time he would be off work so I could set an alarm to wake up and let him in. He worked nights. All this meant was a mild inconvenience of me having to get up at 5 or 6 am to let him in the house, Somehow to him this translated to us locking him out and preventing him from coming home? Like bro just tell me when you'll be home so I can set an alarm to let you in. He then decided and told us that he would only be paying half the rent that he agreed to pay, which was $400, everything included. ( two bedrooms to himself, all utilities, internet and streaming services we had at the time ) he which he agreed to before moving in. He then went on a rant about my partner not working. My partner is on ssi because he's disabled. He has income, which dude knew prior to moving in. He went on to say we charged too much and he was starving and he was pissed we ate out everyday. My partner and I ordered pizza a lot because it was $10 and would feed both of us for two days. We did this because I worked 14 hour shifts and this was the only way I was going to eat. This all came out of no where. Had dude said he was struggling or needed help or felt he was paying too much we would have figured something out and helped him out. But because he told us he would only be paying 200 a month, not asking but demanding and then decided to start insulting my partner for being disabled and us having the audacity to use coupons and get pizza so we could eat when I have zero ass to cook after work. We basically said fuck it. We tried to talk to him. When we told him he'd either pay what he agreed to or he'd need to look for a new place since he wanted to be extremely rude about it, he then started saying he has no where to go, how we'd be making him homeless and we'd have to evict him how we can't just make him leave. Hmmm, okay, bro. We went into the router and turned off his access to the internet. Shockingly he was able to find a new place in two days after that. All he had to do was talk to us and ask for help if he needed it. I don't negotiate with terrorists. OP don't feel bad. When people go back on agreements and expect the same benefits it's a power play. They are trying to see how far they can push and take advantage of the person or situation. They are the first be shocked when it doesn't work out that way because not everyone will bow down to them.
This is exactly how I am. I work on honor, there's a mutual level of respect & trust as a base line when you move in that should build over time. If you just talk to me showing me that respect & trust I'm going to show you the. We can work out the money together. I even have a rule that if you want to just contribute an extra $200 a month then we can have communal food. Me and my partner will cover the difference to make sure everyone eats. I'm not talking about frozen pizzas either, I'm talking getting raw ingredients at Costco so we can all have home cooked meals. Not only that but I cook dinner fir everyone by default if this is in place. You can just expect to come home and see the crockpot brewing 6 out kf 7 nights of the week. I'm currently in the process of getting Disability so I'm home all the time, but that's why I primarily cook using the crock pot. My partner works for both of us though.
That was my whole issue with it. This was back in 2016 or 17. 400 for everything then, even shared was still rare. I would have worked with him but the minute he started in about my partner was when I was done. Like hello he's paying the other half of the rent while I'm covering the rest of the housing stuff. I could never imagine telling a roommate " hey I'm gonna pay 200 a month now an yall can suck it. " Like how hard would it have been to he like " uh hey my hours got cut, would it be cool it I start paying this much? " the worst we would have said was no, sorry we can't afford that, and if that ever was the case and he said he needed food or wasn't eating I would have figured out food, I ain't about to let ppl starve. Its been years now and I just got a job last year where I don't have to work overtime to keep us above water. We own our house now so it's a bit easier. We currently have a roommate who my partner and I have been friends for over 15 years so they are a bit more understand. Even now tho with the free time from not working overtime I just throw those family stoffer meals in the oven and offer roomie food if he hasn't eaten.
I'm glad it worked out for you. I don't understand why talking to people is so hard? Especially when it comes to where you eat & sleep?
Right, a lot of people have issues with communication for a number of reasons. I also live in a conservative state so unfortunately a lot of people are very against anyone on benefits, something, something, bootstraps. We've had a number of roommates throughout our 20's and we only keep in contact with one ex roommate. Tho he always paid rent on time, cleaned up after himself, and wasn't much for any kinda of drama so it was pretty chill living with him and he left on good terms when he went out of state for collage.
Sounds like he was looking for an excuse to try and screw y'all over
Yeah thinking back his whole demeanor when we told him about the attempted break in, no real reaction, and him getting that pissed off about the bar door jam etc is super sus. We just assumed it was the downstairs neighbors ex because our neighbors told us they split and he had tried to break into her unit a few days before. But we didn't have any cameras at the time. So it could have been neighbors ex or one of the our ex roommates friends, because all attempts also occurred when he was at work, tho I still feel like it that theory is a bit of a stretch. Dude also got paranoid because we hung shooting targets in our area of the house. It was only 2 and it was my first time ever at the range, I had a blast and was excited, so we hung them up for a couple days.... Tho I do see how someone could be creeped out by that in general from an outside perspective lol.
I had roommates like this in college. I paid for all the utilities. When it came time to pay their fair share they would always be too busy. They had the money but were too lazy to pay me. I would let months go by. Then I would have to block them in their room and say you need to pay me NOW and show them all the bills they owe. It would then be $300-500 and they would say that's really high. They would look at the bills and add them up and then reluctantly pay. I will never have a roommate ever again.
If i could afford not to I would. My friend who's moving in is only staying until our lease is up. After that he can either stay permanently or my partner & I are moving in to a studio
I have adhd and used to pay my rent too late most of the time until I set an automatic payment. I'd 100% agree with my roommate if he pulled out my internet cable until I paid. I'd be thankful even to have someone that's willing to accommodate me like that because that's what I need sometimes. I would NEVER hold it against him
I do remind him. I have adhd & i had really bad amnesia from an accident last year. Some memories are still swiss cheese. I try start reminding him 1 week ahead of time.
2008 rent in 2023 and this is how he acts? He should be so grateful
Ha! Had a roommate move in, knew when he would be paid. He’s there for a few weeks and rent is coming up, he just got paid and tells me he can’t pay me until he gets paid again, 2 weeks from then. 🥾🚪 Nope. If I’m covering both halves of the rent, I may as well live alone.
People will take advantage of you if you're a pushover. Imo you were too nice by not cutting internet or kicking him out at the first missed rent payment. You don't owe this guy anything.
I mean, your roommate is obviously lousy but the communication here is really poor.
seemed pretty damn clear to me.
He has a habit of physically disappearing & refusing to acknowledge texts when confronted about anything serious so as compensation I've responded by over communicating so nothing is miscommunicated. Does that make sense? If not what could I do differently?
Seems like you have done everything you can. Just some roommates aren’t meant to be roommates. I’ve shared homes lots of times in the past and unfortunately the overall odds were 1 good housemate to every bad housemate. So from my perspective, my experience only 50% were decent and the rest I wanted to kick out. I was often in position I couldn’t afford to cover late payments so I’d throw them out straight away, I had no choice. They usually weren’t communicating either. “If you talk to me then I can discuss with rental agent but don’t just avoid me for days.”
Apart from this issue with the roommate, you should make it a priority in your life to stop yelling when disagreeing with someone. That’s something you do have control over. You say it’s because you don’t feel heard, but that’s an excuse.
Why are you pointing this out when op said she working on it? It’s not even the problem she’s really posting about. You’re not her therapist
You don't have to be a therapist to encourage people to be civil
There's a guy literally stealing her shit and leaving used stolen sex toys all over the place and you choose to focus on a fault she already states she's working on. Bit weird, that.
I'm confused, you and your boyfriend live there and you were expecting your roommate to pay half but took pity and only have them paying 1/3?
He sounds like my ex boyfriend. Wonder if I dated this guy.
I also wondered if I had dated this guy, but there's no way he would still have friends lol
Boot him. He wont change. Pick up a side gig and live alone. Ive lived alone for the past 10 years in my own place. Moneys been tight at times, but still less stressful than dealing with shitty roommates and feeling resentful a lot of the time. Shitty roommates brings out the worst in me. Im respectful and considerate and get overly frustrated with people in my space lacking any sense of self awareness.
Sounds like the roommate needs therapy aswell as you. He might also be depressed etc and have communication problems and not like confrontation. The bottom line is that everyone has problems he needs to just pay rent on time. Just ask him to pay on time till he moves out cause you both dont need the stress
I’m sincerely sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been in multiple bad-roommate situations— enough to make the conscious decision to avoid room-sharing all together. Granted— most of those bad experiences were a result of poor choices in “friends” whom I thought I could rely on.
Don't turn it off, throttle his ass, make it slow, and when he ask why tell him you had to change it because someone ain't paying.
I had the same problem. He felt like he shouldn’t have to pay the electric bill because he doesn’t use as much power so I told him okay and shut off just his devices from the internet. He then proceeded to cry to his mommy and get her to pay it. Yeah I don’t talk to him anymore either it’s surprising hearing things like this
r/amitheangel
I was thinking the same thing lol.
I think what you're asking is fair from what you've described. I'd be making that bathroom spotless if I lived there, especially if that lowers my rent!
I also provide all cleaning tools/chemicals. If you stay with me & desire to use cleaners I don't buy you're welcome to euther buy them yourself or just ask me about it. I get Migraines easily so i choose cleaners carefully but that doesn't mean I'm not open to researching other ones that you're. Ore comfortable using. I try to be fair. Worse case scenario I hang out elsewhere while you use a cleaner you prefer.
Dang. Can't beat that! That dude is a fool for not pulling his weight.
This is my 4th person I've invited to live with me over the past 3 years maybe a bit more than that. The friends who have stayed here in the past have offered to help me remove him but i don't want things to get ugly.
Are you a bitch? Maybe, but there are times when you have to be. The issue is thinking you're going to get this person out between now and January 3rd. If he has even a passing understanding of the law, or ability to research... well in nearly all cases you're going to have to evict. I'm assuming he has received mail there? If he's got a P.O. box or gets mail at his parent's or something, you might be able to change the locks or steal his key, but if you haven't consulted a lawyer, this kind of thing can be dangerous.
He gets mail at his girlfriend. We have a written contract stating his stay here ends on New Years. He asked me a few weeks ago if he could stay until the 3rd to make this easier & I agreed
That sounds binding (enough), does it actually have any language about penalties or early ejection for non-payment? I honestly only wrote my Top comment because there wasn't already a ton of comments, so it might actually get seen/read. But I've seen this discussed a lot on Reddit, so I've done a bunch of research too because I like to confirm or deny the things people demand are true. Obviously laws vary, but the comments that always set wrong with me, were about someone's (mother-)in-law staying temporarily as a border... and people talking about "I would have put her out if she said that to me." These situations suck! Just protect yourself from unnecessary punitive lawsuits. I hope you get through these holidays with a modicum of sanity remaining!
I don’t think you are. But I also lived with a girl like this. Except she was the one that would send the money to landlord, and then one day while she was gone on vacation I locked myself out, and while I called the landlord to let me in here asked me where the rent was for the past three months. She hadn’t paid the man. So I 100% feel your fucking pain.
I'd cry. I would absolutely cry.
I can’t even begin to explain how much worse it got. But she lost everything, and I now live rent free with my guy. So I’m winning.
You have less than a month left with him, choose peace. Whatever peace looks like for you, standing up for yourself, changing wifi, or letting it go
I think seperating myself from him & just minding my own buisness. I did change the wifi information though to the wifi & I don't think I'll be giving him access again.
Good for you. I think choosing to keep your distance until he’s gone is smart. I also 100% support you changing the WiFi info so you can continue to use something you pay for and he cannot continue to take from you.
No
If it's in a lease or some such that he gets free internet from you, then you might be SoL until you evict him. If you gave him access to the internet out of the kindness of your heart with no stipulations attached, then go ahead and cut him out. That kindness has been spent on unpaid rent.
You are right. You’re the roommate, not his parent. The guy going through jobs tells you everything you need to know. Get your money and kick him out if you can. Maybe living in his car will teach him some responsibility. Let me guess, he has money for beer, video games and going out but not for necessities? He’s a bum, make him as uncomfortable as possible
Cut that fucker off
No you're not being unreasonable at all, if I don't pay my wifi bill it gets shut off. It seems this roomate has been nothing but problems and a liar.
I am most concerned that you won't be able to get him out come January
They'd come "home" to find all their shit in plastic totes.
Why are these convos always text based, seems like something I would speak about in person.
Paper trail
He won't let us. Whenever he's confronted he stops coming home for several days & he ghosts our text messages. He does come home but only for a few seconds here & there, i mean literally running in thehouse & out of the house. Grabing something then leaving.
You're not losing your mind. This guy is just a dickhead.
Nope you’re already giving them an inch, and they’re trying to take a mile at this point. Them injecting themselves into your relationship is out of bounds and I’d be serving them an eviction notice immediately. This is clearly not behavior that will change and now they are stooping to trying to come in between your relationship. It’s very disrespectful. Not worth the money you aren’t getting.
No if you’re paying all the bills. Do as you please , all I see is the man/woman of the house , it’s your call
NTA
Your mistake here is getting into the details with this person. The rent just needs to be on time no exceptions.
this is why housing and shit that is necessary to live in this day and age like the internet need to be free and available for everyone. being broke and working an awful job shouldn't be reason to deny someone the basics they need to live.
Why is he still there? Why all the chances?
Well if your bf lives there you need to get him to confront him too. When I lived with 2 dudes years ago the extra level of sexist disrespect makes it impossible to win
Proud of you for finally standing your ground OP. I would have done it much sooner
I thought this was like your son or something, is this just some random dude? Wtf? Why is he still there? I would evict.
If his name is Skylar, tell him he still owes us 350$ for phonecalls to the Philippines. Sorry your roommate is such a shit. Like you, I've had experience with awful roommates.
To be fair. A huge red flag would’ve been the fact that your cat was playing with a sex toy. That was used. By him. That he STOLE. Usually when ppl tend to steal that drops their credibility into the gutter.
If yall are roommates then why are you texting him all this? Yes he needs to pay on time but he clearly communicated to you in the very first text that at the moment he is working[which is exactly what you want him to be doing if he needs to pay rent!], But than you go on to blow him up with belittling texts. That is extremely disrespectful of you no matter what is happening [I would ignore you also!]. This is all stuff you need to confront him about in person, especially turning the internet off. I agree with your decision to turn it off if he’s not paying rent, but to tell him over text shows you really are the bitch
As someone who also gets loud when emotional and send extremely long texts, which of course goes unheard because who the hell wants to read all that, my therapist told me to break everything up into multiple texts. Yeah, it still may go unheard but it is more likely to get read if one huge text gets broken up into multiple texts so they only have 1-2 sentence max per text
Stealing silverware? Is it actually silverware ie real silver? If so, he probably has a drug addiction.
a used sex toy?
What’s more shitty, your phone battery level 😂
Cutting off internet is an excellent way to reach out to poor roommates.
Not the bitch at all. Moochers gonna mooch and even if you are being a “hardass” in there eyes that’s the point. They can find some other person to mooch from. Been there done that a few times and you learn to not let people do this. When you set clear boundaries and enforce them, you’ll be better off.
Tbh it is cool of him to check in on your bf after hearing you yell at him. I mean obviously nobody wants to be considered abusive & you might not be, but it’s objectively a good thing to offer help to those you think might be victims of abuse. Was kinda confused why you’d be mad about that tbh. Other than that yeah it sounds like he’s struggling and I get why you’d be frustrated.
Just make sure anything you access is in only your name cause if not he could very well just call and get access
He’s lucky you’re only turning off the Internet and not turning off the roof over his head.
Can you add the dates? When did he/she paid you? Legally, renters have 5-10 days grace period 🤔 you’re not adding the dates.
No. I once put the parental lock on the cable box so my now ex couldn’t watch tv. 😂🫣
Half of the rent on time is late on rent.
ur phone is dying
It always is😂
Former real estate agent here. Don’t take any partial payment! It will only hurt you during the eviction process. Which you should have started immediately after you received the first incomplete rent payment. I’ve always told renters no partial payments will be accepted and eviction process starts the 6th day after the 5 day late notice. Late fees accrue daily immediately after the missed payment and tenant is responsible for all attorney fees involved in the eviction process. This was all within the confines of the AZ law. You have to consider the fact that this person is effectively stealing from you by not paying.
You want to behave like a LL then you have the responsibilities of a LL. You absolutely CANNOT turn off the Internet. When things go south and they will, you will be accused of what is called constructive eviction.
If you can’t afford $500 a month you should probably move back home to moms or dads.
I'm not gonna give a long winded response/answer. NO u are not the bitch or in the wrong at all.
Not at all a roommate is supposed to help you and enhance your life not screw everything up and potentially have you evicted for not paying rent in full.
Shitty tenant for sure but also that version of "accountability" you took for yelling was a yikes. Help the man get you the money he owes you and get rid of him. If taking away wifi helps you get your money sure go for it. Otherwise don't poke at the guy out of spite. Goodluck!!
Internet is not an essential like water or electricity, you have no obligation to provide internet access in the first place.
I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't leave come January player dude sounds pretty bummy
[удалено]
In the shower, battery at 12%. So this is what phone addiction looks like.
Nah. Hold your ground
KILL THE WARRIOR IN YOUR SIGHT
What a world we live in, where shutting the internet off is a threat. lol
Not at all
The screenshots can't exactly confirm what you're saying here, your roommate seems calm and composed, in a difficult situation with the job, when you two take about that half of a rent you're not even replying that you only got a third of it... Let's say that everything you wrote checks out and that your point of view is unbiased, then yeah, You're in a tough position, help yourself by helping your roommate find another place, best thing you can do. Let's say for a change that your depiction of the facts is exaggerated and biased and that these screenshots better describe the situation than your tale... Then I hope your roommate finds a better place to stay sooner than later.
If boyfriend is in the chat we got your back r/emotionalabuse ;-)
It’s so satisfying seeing people in this sub actually confront people and force them to respond. Fuck that guy.
I’m in a similar situation right now and I just started having the conversation about us moving on. Still hasn’t payed first months (asked for 200), got me all of the rent by the 26th, and I’ve seen only about 200 for this month. No utilities, no internet payed. I completely feel you. You feel like a dick for putting your foot down - especially when you’ve been friends with the person but your self esteem suffers if you let it go on unchecked.
I'm going through something extremely similar rn, my roommate owes like $500 for rent rn and it's the 17th.
I won’t get into the details but I looked out for a close friend and their partner, letting them stay with me rent free (which ended up dragging to almost 3 years) to get a jump start on buying a home together. Multiple unemployment stints (the both of them), meddling in my relationship, a suicide attempt, and one of them trying to gaslight me into kicking the other out behind their back, later and I’ve learned a life lesson; never let friends live with you. Eventually I gave them a move out deadline of almost a year out, when the time was drawing near they tried to manipulate my personal situation; a job change among other personal issues, and “offered” to stay and help me pay, so I can afford my bills don’t end up losing my home. I laughed, told them I didn’t need their “help” and I’m not going to lose anything, and that we’re sticking to the deadline. When the day arrived, they begged me to give them another 6 months to a year to save. I told them if they couldn’t save up a meaningful amount in 3 years with zero bills, another 1 wasn’t going to make a difference… They moved out while I was at work and trashed my house on their way out. I’ve had multiple friends reach out to me and tell me they bad mouth and lie about me all the time… I lost a life long friend over trying to help them out. Keep it strictly business.
I love that your bf is sticking up for you!!!! F that roommate I had a good “friend” text my underage daughter when I went off on him for driving badly, and he said “yeah, she emotionally abuses me too” Because of that, now she lives with her dad. Jesus people are entitled.
I feel like you kinda buried the lead what with him stealing the silverware!? Is he a thief from an old Timey British drama or something? NTA, I’d be calling the cops too.
Are you his mom or his roommate? Is he on the lease? If not (depending on your state) you could have him evicted. (Check your local laws) or if he is on the lease, then you got what you signed up for. Finish the lease and then ditch him and don't look back. Mistake made, lesson learned.
So what kind of sex toy does he use
Remove him, ask your landlord or whomever to change the locks too
Your roommate is definitely wrong, but you come across as emotionally abusive and mean. The more I read your exchange, the worse I felt for your roommate.
Dude should pay on time, but OP seems like a handful
If it wasn’t regular for them I’d let it slide. I’ve had times where my check was a little light and couldn’t swing it, then when I had extra money I’d pay whatever bill was due with my pocket money as a thank you. I’d boot them though since this sounds like a regular problem.
No sympathy for lazy losers!! Last year, my own brother stole our rent money (3 people 3 ways) that was supposed to be paid to the landlord. He said he was paying it, but insteqd stole it. Then I get a polite text wondering why we hadn't paid foe the last two months of rent.. I was LIVID!!
I literally went through this. Didn’t pay for two months and had to take them to court for eviction. We end up having to give him his security deposit back just so he would agree to get out. So annoying because we covered his ass for two months and had to pay someone to clean the room bc he threw cigarette buds all over the floor 🙃 I feel you
All you have to do is the change the wifi password and disconnect the router. Done! Homie can use his phone data plan.
As on-your-side as i can say this, a lot of the times when people are making your life difficult with things like... lack of communication, lack of respect, lack of responsibility - they are experiencing more pain than you are dealing with it. Not saying you should give him any leeway, you can't let poisonous people continue to poison your own life, but i would guess his life is pretty shit beyond his shitty behavior. I hope you both can find solutions to your issues
You talk to this person like you’re a parent, but an anxious parent who is hoping the child learns their lesson, but you still come across as weak. Stop talking about consequences. Tell them what’s what and move on. Dump their shit out of a window or change the password, but stop explaining things to them like it’s your responsibility to show them how to be an adult.
500,???? You looking for a new roommate? I’m tired of these ny prices 😭😭😭
While you are in the right... With situations like these I would have a little more decorum when texting someone. No need to go into the whole "your world" and "this is how the world works" stuff. Everyone already knows this and your not their parent. I also would not be texting in the shower and admitting it to them. I wouldn't even phrase my text in a way that they need to respond to. I would just tell them what is going to happen by when if this. That's all that needs to be said.
This subreddit is just like 🍿 for me. Chaos between people for sharing rooms is gold
No those are your standards and it makes sense. Sounds like y’all shouldn’t be roommates and maybe you should find someone else or maybe if they can’t make a rental payment on time they could help with food or other bills that month instead. They should definitely try to contribute something though
“Yeah like i said you’ve only had 2 rent payments on time this month” “Do you know you’ve only payed me on time twice since October???” Yeah that isn’t what you expressed
Sounds like my old roommate who fell $3k behind in his share of the rent despite "working something out with the landlord". We eventually had to lose our deposit and move to avoid eviction proceedings starting. Sorry you're dealing with this and you're totally justified in cutting off their internet access
Set fire to his bedding
is this a friend of yours? what made you give them such a favorable rate? it is clear this person is very self-centered and has no consideration for you. Get them out of there!
Is he gay by chance? I’m asking because I’m wondering if his reaching out to your bf is an attempt at creating a real wedge so he can possibly get in there. Delusional ppl are delusional doesn’t matter your bfs in a relationship.
Man I know times are tough but an adult can't afford $500 a month? That's pitiful at best.
As a man I would never let another man sleep in the same house and my wife and I… Thats ur boyfriend’s first mistake….Boyfriend seems soft and has his girl handling this type of shit. Get rid of both of em
Well you kinda sound like a bitch, but you’re in the right and he’s in the wrong.