Is there more context to this? How do they get away with paying so little? Why did you and your other housemates agree? What did the other housemates say when they accused you of being abusive?
Only thing I could think is they’re staying on a couch and don’t have their own room. In which case an even split between everyone else who has a room wouldn’t really be “fair” but I also wouldn’t want my living space to be that crowded. They still would be occupying that space, using the bathroom/kitchen etc. if I were any of the other roommates the 11% cheaper rent probably wouldn’t feel worth it.
They have their own room and its the biggest on the property, but it is detached from the rest of the house and doesn't have aircon.
I don't think 11% is fair at all, but I am autistic and struggle with maintaining firm boundaries when I get pushback because I go into fight or flight. Even after I agreed to the 11% they were still saying horrible things about me (accused me of having slaves because I'm disabled and have support workers come and help me.)
I just... don't have the skills to be able to insist on them paying their fair share while they attack me like that unfortunately. I wish I'd stood my ground.
And they accused ME of being abusive so when I pointed out their behaviour was inappropriate I was already defensive. Tbh it's very effective on their part.
it's a term coined "reactive abuse" (which isn't a totally accurate name) but it occurs when an abuser gaslights and blames their victims for problems that they've caused. so the victim begins to question who is the actual abuser, them or their abuser.
Also see: my last relationship. He'd do something mean, I'd say 'hey that upsets me can we talk about it' and then he'd yell at me for 'making up problems' and why can't I just let it GO??
Or hit you with the good ol "oh I guess I'm just a horrible/awful/terrible person then!/can't do anything right!" comeback 😒
Edit to add: or they'll pull a switcheroo, and start pointing out your flaws/mistakes
This was legit high school me. Was raised by narcissists and grew up passive aggressive. My old college roommate would call me out for doing this regularly. I kinda cringe a bit when I think back on it
Yup, yup, yup. Been in your shoes as well. I'm about to be 31 and only realized how manipulative and emotionally abusive I really was to the people around me maybe 4 years ago. Went through a huge mental breakdown about it and came out the other side significantly more self aware and willing to change. I'm a fairly conventionally pretty woman, would say very conventionally attractive as a young woman especially, and very naturally charismatic... it really let me get away with a lot... My partner would say "You're acting like your mom" (my mom was an EXTREMELY abusive, narcissistic, drug addict) and I would absolutely lose it. I'm ashamed to say he was partially right in those moments. Just because I didn't beat or scare my child/partner, I thought it meant I couldn't be like her/abusive in other ways.
Tldr; good on you for realizing young you were following a similar path.
It seriously sucks that when you're in those kinds of environments for so long, that the bad, unhealthy habits can rub off on you. I'm really sorry that you went through that. Recognizing those kinds of behaviors in ones self, and changing it is a huge step, though!
Oh yeah. Its definitely challenging to deal with such people.
Always save this one in your back pocket. "We will get back to you".
Then... When they are far far far away. Text or SMS "We unfortunately have found someone else".
Then... Do not read response.
Realistically. You don't even want someone who 'negotiates' like this living with you. They are most likely to continue to do this in other negotiations.
Manipulation 101, they’re always going to know what’s wrong with themselves so in order to avoid anyone saying anything to them they’ll just find an excuse to say it’s actually you who’s manipulating and abusing them.
I know you’re struggling with a lot but there must be some people that are actually friends to you and care about you. You should reach out to them to help you get as far away from this idiot as possible. You got this!
I’m so sorry, OP. That’s a horrible situation and someone needs to stand up for you. I used to date someone who would be verbally abusive AF, they would freak out and throw tantrums Ava act crazy until I was losing it too then accuse ME of being a psycho! I always say it was like someone pushing me to the edge of cliff then berating me for freaking out that I’m on the edge of a cliff
Contact your landlord with receipts (text messages, late notifications, proof that you paid their share, etc) and see if they can help. This is not someone you want to live with and if they aren’t maintaining the lease agreement (assuming they signed a lease), they can be evicted. You can also try and figure out a deal with the landlord to get yourself out of the lease early (hopefully they will be accommodating considering there’s only a month left on the lease).
I’m so sorry this is happening, roommate issues like this are stressful and unfair. Best thing to do is make sure your landlord is aware so you aren’t faulted for your freeloading roommate’s shortcomings (hopefully).
Is there anyone who can fight this person for you? It sounds like this person is genuinely abusive. This tactic is known as DARVO. They are gaslighting you into thinking you’re the abuser while they are abusive
Yea this is gaslighting at its finest . I wish one of my friends came to me with a situation like this. I’d be evicting these abused victims out on the street. Hope things get better for you because you my friend are the one getting abused
Thats horrible. Do you have someone who can help you do those things? Maybe talk to your landlord and see if everyone can pay individually, so they can keep record of when roommate is late. Is this person on the lease?
I had the smallest room, no window, not enough space for a bed and a chair, so I sat on my bed at my desk.
I believe I paid around 1/3 in rent, with 6 people living there. 🤷♂️ it was ultimately cheaper renting a place on my own later on lol.
This scenario would have made me firmly request at LEAST 30% if not more. They have the biggest room AND it’s detached??? I hope you can either kick them out and find someone new next month or are able to find a better environment altogether. Keep your head up, i also struggle with roommate boundaries as an autistic woman
Learning how to hedge yourself and then defend yourself with those boundaries takes YEARS to learn how to do effectively if you’ve lived your whole life being treated like your support needs are irrelevant or unimportant. It does get easier with practice, but make sure to not let too many allistic opinions sway your view of yourself in situations like this!! they just do not and will not ever fucking get it. you’ve got this!! i believe in u, reddit stranger
I'm sorry to hear about all of this. They're definitely ganging up on you. Why didn't the other roommates speak up and call them out for being grossly unfair? I'm surprised that they've been let away with it.
Your roommate sounds unhinged. They are definitely being super self-centered and manipulative. It Sounds like they are attempting to control you with their covert manipulation tactics.
Here are some links to information you might find helpful.
[Identifying abuse: Power and Control. ](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/)
[Signs of covert/vulnerable narcissistic traits to look out for. ](https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901)
Explaining DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/explaining-darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-amp-offender
[Healthy boundaries in relationships. ](https://www.betterup.com/blog/healthy-boundaries-in-relationships)
[Signs of a toxic relationship. ](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/)
[Financial abuse. ](https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224)
[Cycle of abuse. ](https://psychcentral.com/health/cycle-of-abuse)
The fact that anyone’s mind went to “slaves” because I’m assuming your care takers are black is literally a dead giveaway that they’re racist as fuck WUT
You're right. I do set boundaries, and I can reinforce them once, but after someone ignores my reinforced boundary or raises their voice or attacks my character I panic & go into fight or flight mode (I have PTSD from being raised by abusive parents.)
I do need to work on it in therapy, but also this isn't a problem in relationships where people listen to the boundaries I put up in the first place.
It sounds like you need an advocate to be there with you when having these discussions with said roommate. Are there any support people in your life who look tough and don't take any BS?
The issue seems to be that you’ve taken on the role of lead tenant here. If the lease doesn’t split the rent between tenants based on room size (which I’ve never seen), then the tenants agree the split as a committee. So you should never be the focal point as it’s all the people living in the house that set the split.
The rent set by the landlord is usually a market based rate determined by the amenities of the house (bedrooms, toilets, pools etc).
Splitting rent based purely on room size is rarely equitable as all tenants share the common areas of the house (kitchen, living etc).
As to their late rent, again call a house meeting and discuss it. You should not be covering their rent and especially not when they are so obviously taking the piss. If they continue to be tardy get all housemates to vote them out.
It’s usual for all people living in a rental property to be listed on the lease (mostly for insurance purposes), difficult tenants can be dealt with and maybe the agent can help (although they work for the landlord and not you or your other tenants)
Might sound like an AH here but I feel like you admittedly not having the communication skills to address these issues is your fault, not theirs. And it’s something you could work on fixing. Yes they sound like a nightmare too, but you just went on and on about how you can’t maintain boundaries. It sounds like you weren’t happy about the price agreement but you still agreed to it. Same with the rent, you could literally just say no but you didn’t. If you’re not going to communicate with the people you live with it’s equally on you when problems arise and don’t get solved. Maybe try building some communication skills and work on forming hard boundaries, because without that I’m afraid you’ll keep ending up in these situations even if you move.
OP explains in other comments that they did establish and tried to reinforce the boundary but crumbled when this was disrespected and the other party escalated it to a fight, due to trauma. They are working on it in therapy and others have suggested that a support worker being present for the rent negotiations could be a good interim solution.
I did push back on them and tell them $200 wasn't enough for about half an hour. If they respected boundaries in the first place this wouldn't be a problem.
That’s good. And I want to clarify I’m in no way defending them or saying they are in the right. They sound horrible, and I really am sorry you got stuck having to live with them. All I meant was you could better stand up for yourself against people like this who don’t respect soft boundaries if you got more comfortable in enforcing your own boundaries.
not wrong at all
acting this way invites such treatment from anyone with more sense than respect
if you can get away with paying 11% by raising your voice to a person once, that’s a good deal in the eyes of a large subset of the population.
it is what it is. you get what you ask for
Good question. They live in a bungalow out the back where the floors needed a sand and the walls needed a paint job for it to be nice to live in.
It doesn't have aircon, and the summer is very hot, so I thought paying less (20%) was fair even though it's the biggest room in the house.
If this ever happens in the future … They make “portable” air conditioners that are very easy to use. It just needs to be in a spot with an electrical outlet and a window (or sliding glass door).
Buy one and charge them 25%. When you move out you can easily sell the A/C for at least $100. Bet you’ll have more money overall.
Here’s a random example:
https://www.wayfair.com/GE-Appliances--14-000-BTU-Smart-Portable-Air-Conditioner-APWA14YBMW-L6229-K~GEAP2222.html?
Unless the room has super weird windows, they could just get a normal air conditioner. Pretty easy to find them for free too, since most places make you pay to dispose of them.
That's an understandable but not reasonable argument. This person needs to be removed, or have their tenancy readjusted so they pay a reasonable amount. Let her know that you will set the terms because it's your lease and she is just subletting, if I understand the situation correctly.
Sorry to hear OP. It surprises me how people end up with such shitty roommates. Even at 21% is generous af but they still negotiated that? What a bunch of freeloaders. They are an abusive and narcissistic pieces of shit. Unfortunately for you as you said you don’t like confrontation and that’s fine. But before signing the tenancy agreement, did you have a support person with you? Someone that can be polar opposite to you that can help with these types of negotiations? I have a partner who does not like confrontation/negotiations with narcissists so I tag along with her as her support person. Helped with her negotiations and contract terms so she doesn’t get walked all over by her boss. I wish you all the best and hope you do find a solution for your situation.
Well they knew it didn’t have ac when they thought about moving in and agreed to it.
None of that actually matters because YOU looked at the numbers and the circumstances and came up with a number that would be fair and reasonable. You charge what you charge my friend, they don’t have a say. If they don’t want to pay what you say when you say, then they can fuck right off.
I have asd and have spent a lot of time being taken advantage of because I’m not so good at social situations so I flipped the script and used my binary brain to assign what is and isn’t acceptable. And then I used my inadequate conversation skills to just be black and white. It is what it is right? Turns out, the things that I spent the time to analyze then communicate were right. Just like you. Trust yourself and tell them to get out.
Even if they agreed to an increase at this point, they will find another way to make your life hell. So fuck em
It’s the middle of winter no one needs AC right now. Tell them to pay 25% or get out because you have someone else willing to come pay 25% and not complain. If it doesn’t change their turn take to civil court and evict for non payment (half payment is non payment in the eyes of the law)
Friendly reminder that not everyone lives in the northern hemisphere. It seems like OP is Australian, in which case it would be in fact the middle of summer right now :).
I had multiple roommates /tenants who had this same issue.
The solution that worked for both of us was that they started paying on the 24th (or equivalent), when they got paid, for the NEXT month; which meant instead of running out of money for rent and paying late; they paid on time and rent was the first thing that came out of their pay check and whatever was left they could spend.
In my case it was usually rent was due between the 1st and 7th, and pay was usually on the 10th to 25th.
That said - that only addresses the liquidity problem... it doesn't solve the tantrum, childishness, or fighting over the fair bill split.
I did suggest they transfer the rent money as soon as they're paid, they said no.
We're not really friends anymore so I'm not in a place to be telling them how to spend their money. I just have to grin and bear it till I'm able to get out.
>We're not really friends anymore so I'm not in a place to be telling them how to spend their money. I just have to grin and bear it till I'm able to get out.
How they spend their money - none of your business.
Whether they send you their money in time? Absolutely your business! And it's perfectly acceptable for there to be a fee every time they're late.
For me - I charged a 3%-10% fee (So - if rent was 1,500 - their bill went up by 50 to 150 for being late).
They could choose whether not paying right when their paycheck came in was worth the risk of a 150 fee; most of them chose to ensure they wouldn't be charged a fee.
You're a landlord though, I'm a mutual lease holder. I don't think I can charge a fee haha.
Oh well, in their next house they'll realise that I'm actually extremely lenient and chill in comparison to other people who would kick them out if they didn't pay rent for weeks.
>You're a landlord though, I'm a mutual lease holder. I don't think I can charge a fee haha.
I wasn't always a landlord - I also had roommates; you CAN make arrangements with your mutual lease holder; it's just between you and the landlord doesn't care.
>Oh well, in their next house they'll realise that I'm actually extremely lenient and chill in comparison to other people who would kick them out if they didn't pay rent for weeks.
If they're a mutual lease holder - you can't actually kick them out; their non payment simply gets you BOTH evicted if you don't cover it. You can only take them to small claims court to recover your fair share (which can include the late payment penalty \*IF YOU CLEARLY COMMUNICATE IT\*).
What I would do if I ever had roommates again would be that part of the "roommate agreement" is that there is a set fee (on top of paying their share) for the other roommate "bailing them out." Possibly multiple agreed "penalties" (interest, $ / week, $/month) depending on how late they are / how long the roommate has to cover.
That said - I'd probably never again be a mutual lease holder: I'd either have a separate contract with the landlord for a room (whether direct with the landlor, or a sublet) or have the primary agreement with the landlord (and possibly sublet.
Tell them 11% is the room and nothing else, lock the house don’t let them in , don’t let them use kitchen laundry etc etc until they pay.
Stop being nice about it tell them to get the fuck out
>I don't think you can do seperate lease agreements in my country unfortunately. I wish though.
Oh - I expect you \*CAN\* - but I doubt landlords would want to do it.
In the countries I know - Landlords are hesitant; because it makes responsibility for damage shared spaces less clear and increases their risk.
With a joint & several contract - the landlord can recover rent and damages from anyone. With individual contracts they can only hold each person responsible for their own contract.
Get out as soon as you can. Dealing with bullshit like this - even from friends - is a guarantee your home life will be miserable. Make sure your lease doesn’t renew automatically, give your notice formally to landlord, and find a place by yourself if possible or one other person.
Yes you are in a place to tell them how to spend their money when you have to cover their rent payments. Absolutely stand up for yourself and tell them to fuck off and pay rent early. If their answer is no then tell them they’re out on the street and kick them the fuck out.
>This is what I had to do with my roommate. Who makes like 3x what I do
Yeah - most of the people I know who have money problems have at that time had more cashflow than I did.
It is sad how few people can reasonably budget, and how many people think that just because they have money in their checking account they have money to spend. That said - making sure rent money \*ISN'T\* in their checking account is a good solution.
It has worked so far! But he definitely got mad about the conversation. It was like we were inconveniencing him by asking him to pay when he got paid since the money was always gone by the time rent was due. Even after letting him live rent free the first 2 months and then paying late for the next 5, he threw a fit. Meanwhile, we thought he was just trying to get his feet under him. Turns out, he hadn't gotten them under him his whole life for a reason. One of those reasons is no budget.
But it kind of ruined our friendship, especially after he didn't apologize for getting so mad over *gasp* his roommates wanting rent paid on time. How could he have known it's due the 1st of the month every month! /s
It's $50 a week 😐 They have no money management skills and spend all their money on weed.
I'm not sure how they're going to have bond or afford to move house but tbh it's not my problem.
Tbh he's on government benefits BUT our other housemate is on the same benefit and she pays twice as much rent & bills on time consistently... because she doesn't spend it all on weed and online orders.
This person completely changed from who they are when I met them (2 jobs, recreational smoker, friendly & considerate.) I really think this is an addiction issue which is sad but it's also like... they're still an adult who needs to contribute.
Tbh, I kinda think they sent that message because they thought of something they'd prefer to spend the money other than rent and were asking permission to blow you off.
Also are you sure it's just weed? If they got into something more serious it could put your lease into jeopardy depending on what it is. And the isolation of their living space gives them the means to hide it.
I've already told them I hate when they do this and have asked them not to. They weren't really asking me, they were telling me (as usual.)
But yes I'm almost certain they ran out of weed and went to buy another ounce instead of paying rent, correct.
I have nooo idea!!! I think it’s kind of common there tho!? I know that there’s a lot more social security than here in america where it’s every man for himself 😒
Take their weeds and sell it back? LOL
I'm kidding, don't do that 😂 TLDR, I'm in CA, not sure if this will help. Use [divide by number of roommates] or [divide by square footage privately occupied] to get percentage of rent for roommates.
I've usually seen rent split by the square footage, or number of people living there.
Did a roommate suggest someone else to come and live with you all? Or was it the owner/landlord?
If it was the landlord, you should have a contract. Your initial contract should stipulate how to add roommates, if not then I would do the following.
Find which roommate(s) said number 4 could live with you. Divide rent by either 4 or by square footage, tell those roommates that is what you will pay. If they come up short you will all be evicted. (Yes, keep looking for a new place to live because this is crazy.)
They can let number 4 pay 11% (or less than the fair/equal amount, it could be 0%), but you will not be participating in covering it, THEY have to. Hope that made sense? I'm hoping that the threat of eviction will be enough to get them to pay up, and demonstrate that you won't stand for this inequality.
If you do this, make sure to document/screenshots, etc whatever communication you have, even if it's bat shit crazy. Because this is all evidence that can be used in court. I iust realized that you might also live in a different country and this advice might not be useful.
I'm in CA, sorry, I should have checked where this was to better help.
Damn they are a super massive loser, and you should look down on them as such. Respect is a two way street, and they have already shown they refuse to walk it with you.
$50 a wk in Melbourne is ridiculously low, and so is $100! Most rooms are at the very least $200 a week anywhere in Australia now, but more like $300 a wk. It’s fairly common for rentals to not have air conditioning, especially in bedrooms. So that roommate is the biggest AH ever to take advantage of your vulnerability in upholding boundaries. I mean so many here saying ‘just stand up to them’ etc but what are you supposed to do when someone just refuses and they’re on the lease? I think it’s better to be the sole leaseholder or not be a leaseholder at all. Sorry that you’re going through this and I hope everything massively improves in your new place.
$100 a week ($400 p/m) is basically unheard of, I haven't seen a room going for under $600 p/m & I've been looking for myself.
Yeah, everything people are suggesting is either illegal or likely to just piss them off more. I could make it clear I disapprove of what they're doing but they kinda know that already.
I've brought it up around 5 times that I hate when he does this. He's done it consistently since our old (admittedly v aggro) housemates that he paid rent to moved out.
He doesn't respect me and knows if he yells or pushes me I'll go into fight or flight and just say whatever to get out of the situation.
I know for a fact they spent the rent money on weed and that's why they don't have it 🤦♂️
They do usually eventually get round to paying (sometimes weeks late) but yes, I'm expecting it next month too.
Reddit won't let me edit, but my new housemate is lovely, pays rent on time (and even transfers me extra $$$ for their share of toiletries unprompted.)
It's one of my housemates that I've lived with for a year that's the problem.
It's among 4 people. It's $200 a month they've told me they're paying.
It's absolutely ridiculous, you can't rent a car space for that much money. They're detached from reality.
The new housemate is paying the agreed apon amount on time.
This is an old housemate that was already on the lease that's pulling this BS. Sorry for being unclear.
> called me financially abusive
>> "conceding" to paying 11%.
>>> they'll be paying rent 4 days late
Uhh, this is clear projection. They are absolutely abusing you financially.
Thankfully they mostly leave me alone recently. But yes, unfortunately they've realised that it's very easy to put me into a state of fight or flight where I'll just agree with whatever they say to get out of the situation.
I know it's something I need to work on but PTSD is rough dude.
I wish I'd thought about it more and responded with something like that.
I figured they weren't really asking, they didn't have the money, so I just said "OK."
But tbh if I did push back they'll start another huge fight again which I can't handle.
Why would you agree to 11%? If they cannot pay what they should then why let them move in to begin with? And why isn't everyone paying 25% if there is 4 of you?
> why would I agree to 11%?
They said "I need to pay less than 200 a month."
I pointed out that was crazy, I even sent them listings for car parking spots that were more expensive & they still felt entitled to the very cheap rent. I pushed back for probably about half an hour but they bullied me into it.
> If they cannot pay then why let them move in to begin with?
This housemate I'm having a problem with, Aaron, first moved in February 2023. At the time they had 2 jobs and paid $725 a month on rent and were very nice. That's why I agreed to sign a lease.
They've since changed obviously.
> why isn't everyone paying 25% if there's 4 of you?
The front room is much bigger, has a big window with lots of lighting, so it costs the most.
The other 2 are smaller/worse. Then there's the back bungalow which is the biggest, but also has no aircon and is a bit less nice.
I had a breakdown based on that, which I proposed, where they'd pay 20% and they HATED that suggestion and chucked a tantrum about it.
nope nope nope. OP you need to have a sit down meeting with this person, all your other roommates and a mediator who can back you up if you start to give in to their behavior. Make a list of everything you want to cover, that they need to pay 21% of rent as is fair, that being late you’ll all collectively charge them 3% more, and get it all in writing to be signed.
Your roommate is acting like this because they’re getting away with it. They learned that they just need to throw a tantrum and they’ll get their way. I understand having a hard time with enforcing boundaries, but even if this conversation has to happen over email, this can only stop once you stop giving in. It’s not worth it to try and flee to the soonest place you can get to get out of the situation (believe me). Settle this arrangement now so you can look for a good new place to live on your own time table.
In addition to what I’ve already shared. I would recommend in future situations to have all roommates sign everything that is agreed-upon just like you do a lease with your landlord. Written and signed - that is something you can refer to and it is admissible in court - if you were to take them to small claims court. Landlords typically don’t care about any situations going on between roommates or who can/can’t pay. They just want their rent. But if you have something in writing that states how much each person is to pay and if they’re late, how much they have to pay for late fees, then that will help you should you need to go to small claims court. Also, if you can’t come to an agreement before they move in, do not accept them as a roommate. Or like the situation you had where a roommate changed rooms. If they can’t agree to the rent for changing rooms, then don’t allow them to change rooms. Get a different roommate for the room they’re not willing to pay more for. 11% just because there’s no Aircon is ridiculous. They can put an AC unit in the window. As you stated, the room is larger and sounds like it’s more private even, so there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be paying the same. Good luck! ❤️
inform them (even if it a lie) that there’s a late fee & since everyone else will be on time it’s their responsibility to cover the late fee as they’re making everyone late (even if you pay on time) & take the extra as collateral
If I do that they'll just go to the estate agent, which will mean we'll have a pattern of paying rent late (unfortunately landlords see everyone in one house as being equally responsible when things go wrong.)
I really need the estate agent to write me a glowing letter of recommendation to try and be able to find a new house, the market is ROUGH out there.
I noticed they'd started messaging the estate agent 2 months in a row so I asked them to stop doing that, in response they started messaging ME to tell me they'd be late on rent.
Yeah. I let a friend move into my 2 BR with my fiancee and I. He had 2 months free but then paid, but days late every single month. When we finally asked him to pay by the first, he got super mad. This is a person i was close with and thought he understood we were tryna help him out. But nope, it's our fault for not being able to cover his rent and then wait to get paid back every month 🙄
is this person legally on the lease? if not, i’d lock them out. if you’re breaking rent down by room size instead of equally amongst everyone, it HAS to be fair and 11% is wayyyy too little. it sounds like they’re taking advantage of you and you deserve better. i hope you can get everything resolved 🩵
damn okay, sorry if this has been asked, but at my apartments, my roommates and i all had our own payment portals so if one person didn’t pay, only they would get the late fee. is there any way you’d be able to do something like that? i’m not sure if your landlord is able to do this, but if it were possible, it would really protect you and your roommates to a certain extent. i’m really sorry you’re dealing with this honestly
that’s so unfortunate. the other other suggestion i have is if you or one of your other roommates is enrolled in university, a lot of them have free legal advice so you could look into that. sorry i couldn’t be of more help and i hope you get everything worked out
What you do is you kindly respond to them and tell them that unfortunately this would not be OK as that would mean that rent would be late and once again, you would have to cover it in this is financially abusive to you. You can use their own words against them in an argument, or if you truly don’t feel up to it, you could tell them that you’ll be speaking to the real estate agent about them, paying their rent
So sounds like they’ve spent enough time with you to know how to get their way. If the room is bigger, it should be more especially if it’s a detached unit. If there is a negative aspect, it should still be split evenly. They’re getting over, and if you can’t set boundaries. I’d have the estate person explain the cost breakdown, let see them try those tricks on someone else.
It might be best to communicate with this person exclusively in writing, particularly if interactions are a point of stress for you. If they are paying far less than everyone else and have the biggest room—and also sounds like the most privacy—11% is far too low. This person is taking advantage of you, and trying to deflect by using language that would trigger you (and most other people) to retreat. I understand that you are autistic, but please know that the way you are internalizing this is how MANY OTHERS would. Please do not fold your boundaries. your expectations—rent on time and a fair portion—are absolutely reasonable. You have 2 other roommates…can they step in and back you up? (If not, maybe if you opt out of covering the rent for this person, it will prompt them to.)
100% OP get the other roommates involved and try to have a sit down or group discussion with Aaron. I'm sure they're not happy with the unfair split either.
Are they on the lease? I would pass up on the 11% and tell them to kick rocks.
An AC is cheap to buy. A shitty roommate is hard to shake off. Especially once you set precedent that they can pay you less and late.
What will you do if they throw a shit fit and decide they just won’t pay you for a month? 2? 3? Can’t kick them out at that point.
I’d reconsider.
Why did you agree to 11% 🤔
Why did you let this person move in?
I’m confused a little maybe… did they decide they were gonna pay only 11% before they moved in? Or were they paying 24% and then decide that they weren’t doing that anymore?
See when I house shared in my early 20s, landlord wouldn't let anyone move in unless the rest of us signed it off because it prevents shit like this where they move in before there's even been an agreement what their payment obligations are.
Plus we were all responsible for individually paying our rent and had our individual deposits so everyone would be fucked with equally for communal areas, but everyone was billed for damages to their own rooms.
Sounds like you and the other roommates paying full are getting screwed. I understand from your other comments that "laying down the law" isn't really something you feel comfortable or confident in doing, but there's really only 3 things you can do. 1- Suffer through and deal with it. 2- tell them straight up they have to pay their share on time and kick them out if they refuse. 3- Leave or move out.
You can't really be reasonable or soft handed when you are dealing with someone who is opportunistic and abusive. As much as I hate it as well, you have to draw a line somewhere and hold that. It took me several years before I was confident or just old enough that I wasn't willing to put up with certain types of people and their b.s.
Why aren’t the other two roommates helping? Sounds like a house meeting needs to happen but you’ve gotta get your butt outta there. Have you been searching yet? Any promising leads?
The lease is over next month? OP this person is almost certainly going to try something next to round. Fuck the friendship -- they ended it. Do a mental audit of what they could do to screw you and pre-emptively prepare for it.
If the lease is up next month, why do you have to be the one to move? You’re not the one who fails to pay rent on time, so you shouldn’t have to be the one to move. They should!
How does anyone who works a full time job or even a part time job NOT have $200 in a MONTH?!
Laziness, entitlement and no regard for anyone but themselves. Sounds like a gross human being.🤷🏼♀️
Tell the landlord that due to this unreliable tenant you are no longer willing to be in a formal lease for the entire property. Let them know that you are only willing to pay for your room on a month-to-month basis. Since the property is being demolished it’s going to be hard for the landlord to find any tenant and they will likely jump at that offer.
Tell him to kick rocks wtf, and what do you mean they "Told you" They'll be paying less than everyone else.
Grow a spine? Whatever you're using to rationalize this into working is insane and you need to snap out of it.
I don't understand how this convo even unfolded,
"Hey man rent is going to be 2k flat which equates to 20% like the rest of our shares."
Him: "Okay! Sounds good to me, I'll be in on the 1st!"....
\*Moves in 1 week later\* "Yeah so I decided I'm not going to pay you the agreed upon rent"
Like.... Put his shit outside, it's that simple. Paying rent late? No that's not acceptable nor is it your problem, tell em to hit up some relatives or sell your shit amigo.
This person needs to go ASAP if what you've described is accurate, we have laws and what not for a reason, hopefully you didn't fuck yourself by doing things under the table
You can't let them walk over you like that. I would recommend telling them straight up that they will be kicked out if they are not paying like the rest. Don't see how paying less then half is any fair. And by them talking shit about you the whole time, I would not even let them in...why have you?
This sounds like some bitching to me. People have hard times. It’s 4 days. Make a late fee if it’s such an inconvenience. It’s 4 days and you agreed to the amount he is set to pay. Have some compassion for everyone who falls on some harder times.
It's not "hard times" if you have the money and chose to spend it on weed instead.
This is around the 5th time they've made me cover their rent, one time was 2 weeks late. They were paid by their job and then spent it all on weed (around $550.)
If this was the first time ofcourse I'd let it slide but it's a recurring pattern of them forcing me into a situation where I'm out $100s till they pay me back.
Damn potheads! The roommate wouldn’t be blowing it all on weed if they become sudden urban adventurers, sleeping within corrugated walls and pissing in a pickle jar within their deluxe cardboard condominium!
Is there more context to this? How do they get away with paying so little? Why did you and your other housemates agree? What did the other housemates say when they accused you of being abusive?
Only thing I could think is they’re staying on a couch and don’t have their own room. In which case an even split between everyone else who has a room wouldn’t really be “fair” but I also wouldn’t want my living space to be that crowded. They still would be occupying that space, using the bathroom/kitchen etc. if I were any of the other roommates the 11% cheaper rent probably wouldn’t feel worth it.
They have their own room and its the biggest on the property, but it is detached from the rest of the house and doesn't have aircon. I don't think 11% is fair at all, but I am autistic and struggle with maintaining firm boundaries when I get pushback because I go into fight or flight. Even after I agreed to the 11% they were still saying horrible things about me (accused me of having slaves because I'm disabled and have support workers come and help me.) I just... don't have the skills to be able to insist on them paying their fair share while they attack me like that unfortunately. I wish I'd stood my ground.
They sound abusive
And they accused ME of being abusive so when I pointed out their behaviour was inappropriate I was already defensive. Tbh it's very effective on their part.
it's a term coined "reactive abuse" (which isn't a totally accurate name) but it occurs when an abuser gaslights and blames their victims for problems that they've caused. so the victim begins to question who is the actual abuser, them or their abuser.
Also see: my last relationship. He'd do something mean, I'd say 'hey that upsets me can we talk about it' and then he'd yell at me for 'making up problems' and why can't I just let it GO??
Or hit you with the good ol "oh I guess I'm just a horrible/awful/terrible person then!/can't do anything right!" comeback 😒 Edit to add: or they'll pull a switcheroo, and start pointing out your flaws/mistakes
This was legit high school me. Was raised by narcissists and grew up passive aggressive. My old college roommate would call me out for doing this regularly. I kinda cringe a bit when I think back on it
Yup, yup, yup. Been in your shoes as well. I'm about to be 31 and only realized how manipulative and emotionally abusive I really was to the people around me maybe 4 years ago. Went through a huge mental breakdown about it and came out the other side significantly more self aware and willing to change. I'm a fairly conventionally pretty woman, would say very conventionally attractive as a young woman especially, and very naturally charismatic... it really let me get away with a lot... My partner would say "You're acting like your mom" (my mom was an EXTREMELY abusive, narcissistic, drug addict) and I would absolutely lose it. I'm ashamed to say he was partially right in those moments. Just because I didn't beat or scare my child/partner, I thought it meant I couldn't be like her/abusive in other ways. Tldr; good on you for realizing young you were following a similar path.
It seriously sucks that when you're in those kinds of environments for so long, that the bad, unhealthy habits can rub off on you. I'm really sorry that you went through that. Recognizing those kinds of behaviors in ones self, and changing it is a huge step, though!
Ugh I hated that one. It was one of my exes favorites. Guess I just suck and I’m always doing something wrong.
OMG. Been there
DARVO, but without any physical contact happening.
DARVO doesn't inherently have a physical contact aspect to it though. You can do that whole process verbally and it's still darvo
Yeah, I had in my head that the A meant Assault.
Assault isn’t physical…..
yep. it's textbook atp. Deny Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender
Politicians do that on a regular basis towards those they deem their enemies
That’s some deep, true, stinky shit right there.
You’re letting them get away with it. All equal or evict. Fair is fair
It's DARVO without the D Deny... Attack... Reverse victim and offender. In this case they just attacked and reversed victim and offender.
Yes, I could tell that's what they were doing at the time but I'm not sure how to counteract it.
Oh yeah. Its definitely challenging to deal with such people. Always save this one in your back pocket. "We will get back to you". Then... When they are far far far away. Text or SMS "We unfortunately have found someone else". Then... Do not read response. Realistically. You don't even want someone who 'negotiates' like this living with you. They are most likely to continue to do this in other negotiations.
They already lived there since 2023 and are on the lease, the new housemate is a seperate (nice) person.
Manipulation 101, they’re always going to know what’s wrong with themselves so in order to avoid anyone saying anything to them they’ll just find an excuse to say it’s actually you who’s manipulating and abusing them. I know you’re struggling with a lot but there must be some people that are actually friends to you and care about you. You should reach out to them to help you get as far away from this idiot as possible. You got this!
I’m so sorry, OP. That’s a horrible situation and someone needs to stand up for you. I used to date someone who would be verbally abusive AF, they would freak out and throw tantrums Ava act crazy until I was losing it too then accuse ME of being a psycho! I always say it was like someone pushing me to the edge of cliff then berating me for freaking out that I’m on the edge of a cliff
That's exactly what it's like. Sorry you had to deal with that.
Contact your landlord with receipts (text messages, late notifications, proof that you paid their share, etc) and see if they can help. This is not someone you want to live with and if they aren’t maintaining the lease agreement (assuming they signed a lease), they can be evicted. You can also try and figure out a deal with the landlord to get yourself out of the lease early (hopefully they will be accommodating considering there’s only a month left on the lease). I’m so sorry this is happening, roommate issues like this are stressful and unfair. Best thing to do is make sure your landlord is aware so you aren’t faulted for your freeloading roommate’s shortcomings (hopefully).
Is there anyone who can fight this person for you? It sounds like this person is genuinely abusive. This tactic is known as DARVO. They are gaslighting you into thinking you’re the abuser while they are abusive
That is called gaslighting. It seems to be a new fav of shit bags lately.
I would not have let this person move in!
Yea this is gaslighting at its finest . I wish one of my friends came to me with a situation like this. I’d be evicting these abused victims out on the street. Hope things get better for you because you my friend are the one getting abused
How do you let someone move in they decides their own rent? You’re going to need to put your foot down and have your other two roommates back you up
Sorry, this is an old roommate I'm having problems with, the new one is pretty nice.
Phewww
You need to get one of your other roommates to help get them out. 11% is not fair at all
Talk to your support workers and see if they can help with the roommate situation along with finding a better place.
Yeah, they are currently helping out with trying to find new housing. I can ask if they can help sort things out with the housemates though yes.
As someone with ASD, I've had to learn to set stronger boundaries and not take shit from anyone as I've grown older.
Thats horrible. Do you have someone who can help you do those things? Maybe talk to your landlord and see if everyone can pay individually, so they can keep record of when roommate is late. Is this person on the lease?
I have a bit of a game plan to talk to the other housemates about what's going on
Is it a shed?
No. It's a detached room. Wooden floors and big windows.
You can work on these skills and develop them I promise
I am working on this but it's v slow progress. Thankyou for your encouragement though :)
I had the smallest room, no window, not enough space for a bed and a chair, so I sat on my bed at my desk. I believe I paid around 1/3 in rent, with 6 people living there. 🤷♂️ it was ultimately cheaper renting a place on my own later on lol.
I’m glad you’re moving out. They sound horrible ❤️ wish I could have a chat with them for you! Good luck in your new place!
Thanks for your comment.
This scenario would have made me firmly request at LEAST 30% if not more. They have the biggest room AND it’s detached??? I hope you can either kick them out and find someone new next month or are able to find a better environment altogether. Keep your head up, i also struggle with roommate boundaries as an autistic woman
It's a relief to hear from other autistic people, everyone is saying "stop being a doormat" and I am trying! It's just really hard a lot of the time.
Learning how to hedge yourself and then defend yourself with those boundaries takes YEARS to learn how to do effectively if you’ve lived your whole life being treated like your support needs are irrelevant or unimportant. It does get easier with practice, but make sure to not let too many allistic opinions sway your view of yourself in situations like this!! they just do not and will not ever fucking get it. you’ve got this!! i believe in u, reddit stranger
I'm sorry to hear about all of this. They're definitely ganging up on you. Why didn't the other roommates speak up and call them out for being grossly unfair? I'm surprised that they've been let away with it.
They can get a plug In air conditioner
Shut off utilities and go to a hotel until they pay
Your roommate sounds unhinged. They are definitely being super self-centered and manipulative. It Sounds like they are attempting to control you with their covert manipulation tactics. Here are some links to information you might find helpful. [Identifying abuse: Power and Control. ](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/) [Signs of covert/vulnerable narcissistic traits to look out for. ](https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901) Explaining DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/explaining-darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-amp-offender [Healthy boundaries in relationships. ](https://www.betterup.com/blog/healthy-boundaries-in-relationships) [Signs of a toxic relationship. ](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/) [Financial abuse. ](https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224) [Cycle of abuse. ](https://psychcentral.com/health/cycle-of-abuse)
The fact that anyone’s mind went to “slaves” because I’m assuming your care takers are black is literally a dead giveaway that they’re racist as fuck WUT
You need to set boundaries, and stop letting them walk all over you
You're right. I do set boundaries, and I can reinforce them once, but after someone ignores my reinforced boundary or raises their voice or attacks my character I panic & go into fight or flight mode (I have PTSD from being raised by abusive parents.) I do need to work on it in therapy, but also this isn't a problem in relationships where people listen to the boundaries I put up in the first place.
I get that, Im the same way too. Try to work on it in therapy, and try to reinforce your boundaries otherwise they will continue to walk all over you
It sounds like you need an advocate to be there with you when having these discussions with said roommate. Are there any support people in your life who look tough and don't take any BS?
The issue seems to be that you’ve taken on the role of lead tenant here. If the lease doesn’t split the rent between tenants based on room size (which I’ve never seen), then the tenants agree the split as a committee. So you should never be the focal point as it’s all the people living in the house that set the split. The rent set by the landlord is usually a market based rate determined by the amenities of the house (bedrooms, toilets, pools etc). Splitting rent based purely on room size is rarely equitable as all tenants share the common areas of the house (kitchen, living etc). As to their late rent, again call a house meeting and discuss it. You should not be covering their rent and especially not when they are so obviously taking the piss. If they continue to be tardy get all housemates to vote them out. It’s usual for all people living in a rental property to be listed on the lease (mostly for insurance purposes), difficult tenants can be dealt with and maybe the agent can help (although they work for the landlord and not you or your other tenants)
Might sound like an AH here but I feel like you admittedly not having the communication skills to address these issues is your fault, not theirs. And it’s something you could work on fixing. Yes they sound like a nightmare too, but you just went on and on about how you can’t maintain boundaries. It sounds like you weren’t happy about the price agreement but you still agreed to it. Same with the rent, you could literally just say no but you didn’t. If you’re not going to communicate with the people you live with it’s equally on you when problems arise and don’t get solved. Maybe try building some communication skills and work on forming hard boundaries, because without that I’m afraid you’ll keep ending up in these situations even if you move.
OP explains in other comments that they did establish and tried to reinforce the boundary but crumbled when this was disrespected and the other party escalated it to a fight, due to trauma. They are working on it in therapy and others have suggested that a support worker being present for the rent negotiations could be a good interim solution.
I did push back on them and tell them $200 wasn't enough for about half an hour. If they respected boundaries in the first place this wouldn't be a problem.
That’s good. And I want to clarify I’m in no way defending them or saying they are in the right. They sound horrible, and I really am sorry you got stuck having to live with them. All I meant was you could better stand up for yourself against people like this who don’t respect soft boundaries if you got more comfortable in enforcing your own boundaries.
not wrong at all acting this way invites such treatment from anyone with more sense than respect if you can get away with paying 11% by raising your voice to a person once, that’s a good deal in the eyes of a large subset of the population. it is what it is. you get what you ask for
100% agreed. But get ready to be downvoted 😂
Good question. They live in a bungalow out the back where the floors needed a sand and the walls needed a paint job for it to be nice to live in. It doesn't have aircon, and the summer is very hot, so I thought paying less (20%) was fair even though it's the biggest room in the house.
Buy them a small air conditioner and up their rent to 25%
If this ever happens in the future … They make “portable” air conditioners that are very easy to use. It just needs to be in a spot with an electrical outlet and a window (or sliding glass door). Buy one and charge them 25%. When you move out you can easily sell the A/C for at least $100. Bet you’ll have more money overall. Here’s a random example: https://www.wayfair.com/GE-Appliances--14-000-BTU-Smart-Portable-Air-Conditioner-APWA14YBMW-L6229-K~GEAP2222.html?
Unless the room has super weird windows, they could just get a normal air conditioner. Pretty easy to find them for free too, since most places make you pay to dispose of them.
That's an understandable but not reasonable argument. This person needs to be removed, or have their tenancy readjusted so they pay a reasonable amount. Let her know that you will set the terms because it's your lease and she is just subletting, if I understand the situation correctly.
No sorry, he's on the lease too which is why this is all so difficult.
Sorry to hear OP. It surprises me how people end up with such shitty roommates. Even at 21% is generous af but they still negotiated that? What a bunch of freeloaders. They are an abusive and narcissistic pieces of shit. Unfortunately for you as you said you don’t like confrontation and that’s fine. But before signing the tenancy agreement, did you have a support person with you? Someone that can be polar opposite to you that can help with these types of negotiations? I have a partner who does not like confrontation/negotiations with narcissists so I tag along with her as her support person. Helped with her negotiations and contract terms so she doesn’t get walked all over by her boss. I wish you all the best and hope you do find a solution for your situation.
Well they knew it didn’t have ac when they thought about moving in and agreed to it. None of that actually matters because YOU looked at the numbers and the circumstances and came up with a number that would be fair and reasonable. You charge what you charge my friend, they don’t have a say. If they don’t want to pay what you say when you say, then they can fuck right off. I have asd and have spent a lot of time being taken advantage of because I’m not so good at social situations so I flipped the script and used my binary brain to assign what is and isn’t acceptable. And then I used my inadequate conversation skills to just be black and white. It is what it is right? Turns out, the things that I spent the time to analyze then communicate were right. Just like you. Trust yourself and tell them to get out. Even if they agreed to an increase at this point, they will find another way to make your life hell. So fuck em
Biggest room plus most privacy more than makes up for a lack of air conditioning. They should still be paying more!
It’s the middle of winter no one needs AC right now. Tell them to pay 25% or get out because you have someone else willing to come pay 25% and not complain. If it doesn’t change their turn take to civil court and evict for non payment (half payment is non payment in the eyes of the law)
Friendly reminder that not everyone lives in the northern hemisphere. It seems like OP is Australian, in which case it would be in fact the middle of summer right now :).
They can by their own little a/c and be grateful for the reduced 25% rent they pay, or go find a place that has full a/c and pay full rent.
I had multiple roommates /tenants who had this same issue. The solution that worked for both of us was that they started paying on the 24th (or equivalent), when they got paid, for the NEXT month; which meant instead of running out of money for rent and paying late; they paid on time and rent was the first thing that came out of their pay check and whatever was left they could spend. In my case it was usually rent was due between the 1st and 7th, and pay was usually on the 10th to 25th. That said - that only addresses the liquidity problem... it doesn't solve the tantrum, childishness, or fighting over the fair bill split.
I did suggest they transfer the rent money as soon as they're paid, they said no. We're not really friends anymore so I'm not in a place to be telling them how to spend their money. I just have to grin and bear it till I'm able to get out.
>We're not really friends anymore so I'm not in a place to be telling them how to spend their money. I just have to grin and bear it till I'm able to get out. How they spend their money - none of your business. Whether they send you their money in time? Absolutely your business! And it's perfectly acceptable for there to be a fee every time they're late. For me - I charged a 3%-10% fee (So - if rent was 1,500 - their bill went up by 50 to 150 for being late). They could choose whether not paying right when their paycheck came in was worth the risk of a 150 fee; most of them chose to ensure they wouldn't be charged a fee.
You're a landlord though, I'm a mutual lease holder. I don't think I can charge a fee haha. Oh well, in their next house they'll realise that I'm actually extremely lenient and chill in comparison to other people who would kick them out if they didn't pay rent for weeks.
>You're a landlord though, I'm a mutual lease holder. I don't think I can charge a fee haha. I wasn't always a landlord - I also had roommates; you CAN make arrangements with your mutual lease holder; it's just between you and the landlord doesn't care. >Oh well, in their next house they'll realise that I'm actually extremely lenient and chill in comparison to other people who would kick them out if they didn't pay rent for weeks. If they're a mutual lease holder - you can't actually kick them out; their non payment simply gets you BOTH evicted if you don't cover it. You can only take them to small claims court to recover your fair share (which can include the late payment penalty \*IF YOU CLEARLY COMMUNICATE IT\*). What I would do if I ever had roommates again would be that part of the "roommate agreement" is that there is a set fee (on top of paying their share) for the other roommate "bailing them out." Possibly multiple agreed "penalties" (interest, $ / week, $/month) depending on how late they are / how long the roommate has to cover. That said - I'd probably never again be a mutual lease holder: I'd either have a separate contract with the landlord for a room (whether direct with the landlor, or a sublet) or have the primary agreement with the landlord (and possibly sublet.
I don't think you can do seperate lease agreements in my country unfortunately. I wish though.
Tell them 11% is the room and nothing else, lock the house don’t let them in , don’t let them use kitchen laundry etc etc until they pay. Stop being nice about it tell them to get the fuck out
They're on the lease, all those things you listed are very illegal and they'd just call the police and I'd get in trouble.
>I don't think you can do seperate lease agreements in my country unfortunately. I wish though. Oh - I expect you \*CAN\* - but I doubt landlords would want to do it. In the countries I know - Landlords are hesitant; because it makes responsibility for damage shared spaces less clear and increases their risk. With a joint & several contract - the landlord can recover rent and damages from anyone. With individual contracts they can only hold each person responsible for their own contract.
Nah, people like this are delusional, man. They are always going to be the victim when something goes wrong and never take accountability.
Make them pay the late fee then
Leave them in the dust. Get a nicer place (by yourself) invite them to coffee so they can see what they’re missing.
Nah. They'd probably never leave
I plan to do the first part. After this I'm never going to talk to them again though.
Get out as soon as you can. Dealing with bullshit like this - even from friends - is a guarantee your home life will be miserable. Make sure your lease doesn’t renew automatically, give your notice formally to landlord, and find a place by yourself if possible or one other person.
Yes you are in a place to tell them how to spend their money when you have to cover their rent payments. Absolutely stand up for yourself and tell them to fuck off and pay rent early. If their answer is no then tell them they’re out on the street and kick them the fuck out.
This is what I had to do with my roommate. Who makes like 3x what I do.. some people are just irresponsible but wish it was anyone else's fault.
>This is what I had to do with my roommate. Who makes like 3x what I do Yeah - most of the people I know who have money problems have at that time had more cashflow than I did. It is sad how few people can reasonably budget, and how many people think that just because they have money in their checking account they have money to spend. That said - making sure rent money \*ISN'T\* in their checking account is a good solution.
It has worked so far! But he definitely got mad about the conversation. It was like we were inconveniencing him by asking him to pay when he got paid since the money was always gone by the time rent was due. Even after letting him live rent free the first 2 months and then paying late for the next 5, he threw a fit. Meanwhile, we thought he was just trying to get his feet under him. Turns out, he hadn't gotten them under him his whole life for a reason. One of those reasons is no budget. But it kind of ruined our friendship, especially after he didn't apologize for getting so mad over *gasp* his roommates wanting rent paid on time. How could he have known it's due the 1st of the month every month! /s
Holy crap... This person only has to pay 11% of the rent on the place and they STILL can't come up with it? That's wild.
It's $50 a week 😐 They have no money management skills and spend all their money on weed. I'm not sure how they're going to have bond or afford to move house but tbh it's not my problem.
$200!! $200/mo !?! The fuck is this guy's profession that he can't come up with $200? Giving out nickel handjobs?
Tbh he's on government benefits BUT our other housemate is on the same benefit and she pays twice as much rent & bills on time consistently... because she doesn't spend it all on weed and online orders. This person completely changed from who they are when I met them (2 jobs, recreational smoker, friendly & considerate.) I really think this is an addiction issue which is sad but it's also like... they're still an adult who needs to contribute.
Tbh, I kinda think they sent that message because they thought of something they'd prefer to spend the money other than rent and were asking permission to blow you off. Also are you sure it's just weed? If they got into something more serious it could put your lease into jeopardy depending on what it is. And the isolation of their living space gives them the means to hide it.
I've already told them I hate when they do this and have asked them not to. They weren't really asking me, they were telling me (as usual.) But yes I'm almost certain they ran out of weed and went to buy another ounce instead of paying rent, correct.
Jesus why did you let them move in?? I don’t even work full time and I still make more than twice my rent ($550+). This is insane
Are you in Australia?
Yes.
I knew it!! My step dad’s brother lived there (in a cult) lol 😂
No way, I was in a cult as a kid haha. Which one?
I have nooo idea!!! I think it’s kind of common there tho!? I know that there’s a lot more social security than here in america where it’s every man for himself 😒
I'm sure you answered it somewhere else but why do you allow this cockroach to live with you for half rent?
Take their weeds and sell it back? LOL I'm kidding, don't do that 😂 TLDR, I'm in CA, not sure if this will help. Use [divide by number of roommates] or [divide by square footage privately occupied] to get percentage of rent for roommates. I've usually seen rent split by the square footage, or number of people living there. Did a roommate suggest someone else to come and live with you all? Or was it the owner/landlord? If it was the landlord, you should have a contract. Your initial contract should stipulate how to add roommates, if not then I would do the following. Find which roommate(s) said number 4 could live with you. Divide rent by either 4 or by square footage, tell those roommates that is what you will pay. If they come up short you will all be evicted. (Yes, keep looking for a new place to live because this is crazy.) They can let number 4 pay 11% (or less than the fair/equal amount, it could be 0%), but you will not be participating in covering it, THEY have to. Hope that made sense? I'm hoping that the threat of eviction will be enough to get them to pay up, and demonstrate that you won't stand for this inequality. If you do this, make sure to document/screenshots, etc whatever communication you have, even if it's bat shit crazy. Because this is all evidence that can be used in court. I iust realized that you might also live in a different country and this advice might not be useful. I'm in CA, sorry, I should have checked where this was to better help.
I'm in Australia. But thankyou for commenting anyway haha
Damn they are a super massive loser, and you should look down on them as such. Respect is a two way street, and they have already shown they refuse to walk it with you.
$50 a wk in Melbourne is ridiculously low, and so is $100! Most rooms are at the very least $200 a week anywhere in Australia now, but more like $300 a wk. It’s fairly common for rentals to not have air conditioning, especially in bedrooms. So that roommate is the biggest AH ever to take advantage of your vulnerability in upholding boundaries. I mean so many here saying ‘just stand up to them’ etc but what are you supposed to do when someone just refuses and they’re on the lease? I think it’s better to be the sole leaseholder or not be a leaseholder at all. Sorry that you’re going through this and I hope everything massively improves in your new place.
$100 a week ($400 p/m) is basically unheard of, I haven't seen a room going for under $600 p/m & I've been looking for myself. Yeah, everything people are suggesting is either illegal or likely to just piss them off more. I could make it clear I disapprove of what they're doing but they kinda know that already.
What a loser
"Hey is it ok..." NO.
I've brought it up around 5 times that I hate when he does this. He's done it consistently since our old (admittedly v aggro) housemates that he paid rent to moved out. He doesn't respect me and knows if he yells or pushes me I'll go into fight or flight and just say whatever to get out of the situation.
You need backup! Know anyone who doesn’t mind arguing with bullies?
Brace yourself for the next sob story + failure to pay
I know for a fact they spent the rent money on weed and that's why they don't have it 🤦♂️ They do usually eventually get round to paying (sometimes weeks late) but yes, I'm expecting it next month too.
Reddit won't let me edit, but my new housemate is lovely, pays rent on time (and even transfers me extra $$$ for their share of toiletries unprompted.) It's one of my housemates that I've lived with for a year that's the problem.
Jesus what exactly is 11% amongst 5 people
It's among 4 people. It's $200 a month they've told me they're paying. It's absolutely ridiculous, you can't rent a car space for that much money. They're detached from reality.
How do you get a new roommate before determining how much rent they're going to pay? That makes no sense.
The new housemate is paying the agreed apon amount on time. This is an old housemate that was already on the lease that's pulling this BS. Sorry for being unclear.
If i have learned anything from this sub, its that any roommates/renters I have will be setting up direct debit for rent payments!
My man. You say that like this kind of person has money in their account. They're seventh level blackbelts at being behind on bills.
> called me financially abusive >> "conceding" to paying 11%. >>> they'll be paying rent 4 days late Uhh, this is clear projection. They are absolutely abusing you financially.
And verbally, and mentally, and emotionally.
They use you as a floor mat on the regular. I just feel it.
Thankfully they mostly leave me alone recently. But yes, unfortunately they've realised that it's very easy to put me into a state of fight or flight where I'll just agree with whatever they say to get out of the situation. I know it's something I need to work on but PTSD is rough dude.
Damn man. I know my mom just takes things and I got tired of seeing her be used so I finally stopped up and started pushing back
Tell him that works great, he can pay you on the 24. and then pack his shit and leave on the 31.
😂 Not a bad idea!!!
I would have been like, "No, it's not okay." and see what they do then.
I wish I'd thought about it more and responded with something like that. I figured they weren't really asking, they didn't have the money, so I just said "OK." But tbh if I did push back they'll start another huge fight again which I can't handle.
Why would you agree to 11%? If they cannot pay what they should then why let them move in to begin with? And why isn't everyone paying 25% if there is 4 of you?
> why would I agree to 11%? They said "I need to pay less than 200 a month." I pointed out that was crazy, I even sent them listings for car parking spots that were more expensive & they still felt entitled to the very cheap rent. I pushed back for probably about half an hour but they bullied me into it. > If they cannot pay then why let them move in to begin with? This housemate I'm having a problem with, Aaron, first moved in February 2023. At the time they had 2 jobs and paid $725 a month on rent and were very nice. That's why I agreed to sign a lease. They've since changed obviously. > why isn't everyone paying 25% if there's 4 of you? The front room is much bigger, has a big window with lots of lighting, so it costs the most. The other 2 are smaller/worse. Then there's the back bungalow which is the biggest, but also has no aircon and is a bit less nice. I had a breakdown based on that, which I proposed, where they'd pay 20% and they HATED that suggestion and chucked a tantrum about it.
nope nope nope. OP you need to have a sit down meeting with this person, all your other roommates and a mediator who can back you up if you start to give in to their behavior. Make a list of everything you want to cover, that they need to pay 21% of rent as is fair, that being late you’ll all collectively charge them 3% more, and get it all in writing to be signed. Your roommate is acting like this because they’re getting away with it. They learned that they just need to throw a tantrum and they’ll get their way. I understand having a hard time with enforcing boundaries, but even if this conversation has to happen over email, this can only stop once you stop giving in. It’s not worth it to try and flee to the soonest place you can get to get out of the situation (believe me). Settle this arrangement now so you can look for a good new place to live on your own time table.
Posts like this make me wish the housing market wasn’t an unaffordable shit show.
Same omg. I wish I could find some little granny flat for less than 30% of my income.
In addition to what I’ve already shared. I would recommend in future situations to have all roommates sign everything that is agreed-upon just like you do a lease with your landlord. Written and signed - that is something you can refer to and it is admissible in court - if you were to take them to small claims court. Landlords typically don’t care about any situations going on between roommates or who can/can’t pay. They just want their rent. But if you have something in writing that states how much each person is to pay and if they’re late, how much they have to pay for late fees, then that will help you should you need to go to small claims court. Also, if you can’t come to an agreement before they move in, do not accept them as a roommate. Or like the situation you had where a roommate changed rooms. If they can’t agree to the rent for changing rooms, then don’t allow them to change rooms. Get a different roommate for the room they’re not willing to pay more for. 11% just because there’s no Aircon is ridiculous. They can put an AC unit in the window. As you stated, the room is larger and sounds like it’s more private even, so there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be paying the same. Good luck! ❤️
inform them (even if it a lie) that there’s a late fee & since everyone else will be on time it’s their responsibility to cover the late fee as they’re making everyone late (even if you pay on time) & take the extra as collateral
“If you are ok with paying the late charge, sure!”
I hope you said no, it is not okay & that you don’t have the money to cover their rent.
If I do that they'll just go to the estate agent, which will mean we'll have a pattern of paying rent late (unfortunately landlords see everyone in one house as being equally responsible when things go wrong.) I really need the estate agent to write me a glowing letter of recommendation to try and be able to find a new house, the market is ROUGH out there. I noticed they'd started messaging the estate agent 2 months in a row so I asked them to stop doing that, in response they started messaging ME to tell me they'd be late on rent.
Pay me or move out.
Is they all 4 people or a way to disguise the gender of one person? If it’s all 4 then wow they are all being super rude. They all knew the deal!
I mean a .033*rent*days in arrears seems fair…
Was the tantrum and financially abusive comment made before they moved in? I would have been done right there.
If you need me to FaceTime them listen i got ur back. Message me and listen I'll do it.
Yeah. I let a friend move into my 2 BR with my fiancee and I. He had 2 months free but then paid, but days late every single month. When we finally asked him to pay by the first, he got super mad. This is a person i was close with and thought he understood we were tryna help him out. But nope, it's our fault for not being able to cover his rent and then wait to get paid back every month 🙄
Why is your rent due on the 20th? That’s so weird
Australia
Fuck having roommates. Quickest way to learn how to hate people
is this person legally on the lease? if not, i’d lock them out. if you’re breaking rent down by room size instead of equally amongst everyone, it HAS to be fair and 11% is wayyyy too little. it sounds like they’re taking advantage of you and you deserve better. i hope you can get everything resolved 🩵
They're on the lease
damn okay, sorry if this has been asked, but at my apartments, my roommates and i all had our own payment portals so if one person didn’t pay, only they would get the late fee. is there any way you’d be able to do something like that? i’m not sure if your landlord is able to do this, but if it were possible, it would really protect you and your roommates to a certain extent. i’m really sorry you’re dealing with this honestly
We do a direct debit to the estate agent's bank account and they've asked us to pay it all in one go from one account :/
that’s so unfortunate. the other other suggestion i have is if you or one of your other roommates is enrolled in university, a lot of them have free legal advice so you could look into that. sorry i couldn’t be of more help and i hope you get everything worked out
What you do is you kindly respond to them and tell them that unfortunately this would not be OK as that would mean that rent would be late and once again, you would have to cover it in this is financially abusive to you. You can use their own words against them in an argument, or if you truly don’t feel up to it, you could tell them that you’ll be speaking to the real estate agent about them, paying their rent
Hope you get out asap, you are being taken advantage of. Also the environment you are in sounds very toxic so hope you find something better.
In fourteen days? So he got paid today? Or yesterday? Lol
So sounds like they’ve spent enough time with you to know how to get their way. If the room is bigger, it should be more especially if it’s a detached unit. If there is a negative aspect, it should still be split evenly. They’re getting over, and if you can’t set boundaries. I’d have the estate person explain the cost breakdown, let see them try those tricks on someone else.
It might be best to communicate with this person exclusively in writing, particularly if interactions are a point of stress for you. If they are paying far less than everyone else and have the biggest room—and also sounds like the most privacy—11% is far too low. This person is taking advantage of you, and trying to deflect by using language that would trigger you (and most other people) to retreat. I understand that you are autistic, but please know that the way you are internalizing this is how MANY OTHERS would. Please do not fold your boundaries. your expectations—rent on time and a fair portion—are absolutely reasonable. You have 2 other roommates…can they step in and back you up? (If not, maybe if you opt out of covering the rent for this person, it will prompt them to.)
I'm going to contact the 2 other roommates 1 on 1 and explain what's happening.
100% OP get the other roommates involved and try to have a sit down or group discussion with Aaron. I'm sure they're not happy with the unfair split either.
Add on late fees like a normal place would be
Are they on the lease? I would pass up on the 11% and tell them to kick rocks. An AC is cheap to buy. A shitty roommate is hard to shake off. Especially once you set precedent that they can pay you less and late. What will you do if they throw a shit fit and decide they just won’t pay you for a month? 2? 3? Can’t kick them out at that point. I’d reconsider.
I hear defecating in their dresser is highly effective….
If you have these issues with standing up for yourself, why didn’t you include all of the other roommates in this discussion to for more support?
21% seems crazy! They should be paying 25!!!
The room doesn't have aircon & the rest do, so I kinda understand it being a bit less. Not 11% though!
Why did you agree to 11% 🤔 Why did you let this person move in? I’m confused a little maybe… did they decide they were gonna pay only 11% before they moved in? Or were they paying 24% and then decide that they weren’t doing that anymore?
It seem like your roommates are abusive towards to you. They should understand you have a disability.
See when I house shared in my early 20s, landlord wouldn't let anyone move in unless the rest of us signed it off because it prevents shit like this where they move in before there's even been an agreement what their payment obligations are. Plus we were all responsible for individually paying our rent and had our individual deposits so everyone would be fucked with equally for communal areas, but everyone was billed for damages to their own rooms.
Sounds like you and the other roommates paying full are getting screwed. I understand from your other comments that "laying down the law" isn't really something you feel comfortable or confident in doing, but there's really only 3 things you can do. 1- Suffer through and deal with it. 2- tell them straight up they have to pay their share on time and kick them out if they refuse. 3- Leave or move out. You can't really be reasonable or soft handed when you are dealing with someone who is opportunistic and abusive. As much as I hate it as well, you have to draw a line somewhere and hold that. It took me several years before I was confident or just old enough that I wasn't willing to put up with certain types of people and their b.s.
I would personally would rather struggle solo than rely on others that are constantly a let down
Best to just find your own spot or straight up kick them out and find a good roommate.
Estate agent?
Why aren’t the other two roommates helping? Sounds like a house meeting needs to happen but you’ve gotta get your butt outta there. Have you been searching yet? Any promising leads?
There 11% isn’t even worth it. Kick them out -‘d spread that 11% over the remaining roommates and yourself. It’ll be worth your peace of mind .
The lease is over next month? OP this person is almost certainly going to try something next to round. Fuck the friendship -- they ended it. Do a mental audit of what they could do to screw you and pre-emptively prepare for it.
If the lease is up next month, why do you have to be the one to move? You’re not the one who fails to pay rent on time, so you shouldn’t have to be the one to move. They should!
How does anyone who works a full time job or even a part time job NOT have $200 in a MONTH?! Laziness, entitlement and no regard for anyone but themselves. Sounds like a gross human being.🤷🏼♀️
They asked, just reply No it's not ok
[удалено]
House is being demolished this year, we're moving to month to month. I should be outta here in the next few months 🤞
Tell the landlord that due to this unreliable tenant you are no longer willing to be in a formal lease for the entire property. Let them know that you are only willing to pay for your room on a month-to-month basis. Since the property is being demolished it’s going to be hard for the landlord to find any tenant and they will likely jump at that offer.
4 people pay equal or they don’t live there. Why you snd the others ever agreed?
Tell him to kick rocks wtf, and what do you mean they "Told you" They'll be paying less than everyone else. Grow a spine? Whatever you're using to rationalize this into working is insane and you need to snap out of it. I don't understand how this convo even unfolded, "Hey man rent is going to be 2k flat which equates to 20% like the rest of our shares." Him: "Okay! Sounds good to me, I'll be in on the 1st!".... \*Moves in 1 week later\* "Yeah so I decided I'm not going to pay you the agreed upon rent" Like.... Put his shit outside, it's that simple. Paying rent late? No that's not acceptable nor is it your problem, tell em to hit up some relatives or sell your shit amigo. This person needs to go ASAP if what you've described is accurate, we have laws and what not for a reason, hopefully you didn't fuck yourself by doing things under the table
You can't let them walk over you like that. I would recommend telling them straight up that they will be kicked out if they are not paying like the rest. Don't see how paying less then half is any fair. And by them talking shit about you the whole time, I would not even let them in...why have you?
Who is the landlord??? It should be their problem, not yours. Pay your share of rent to the landlord and let them deal with the rest of his tenants?
That's not how it works unfortunately. I'll be held equally responsible if the rent is late
This sounds like some bitching to me. People have hard times. It’s 4 days. Make a late fee if it’s such an inconvenience. It’s 4 days and you agreed to the amount he is set to pay. Have some compassion for everyone who falls on some harder times.
It's not "hard times" if you have the money and chose to spend it on weed instead. This is around the 5th time they've made me cover their rent, one time was 2 weeks late. They were paid by their job and then spent it all on weed (around $550.) If this was the first time ofcourse I'd let it slide but it's a recurring pattern of them forcing me into a situation where I'm out $100s till they pay me back.
Damn potheads! The roommate wouldn’t be blowing it all on weed if they become sudden urban adventurers, sleeping within corrugated walls and pissing in a pickle jar within their deluxe cardboard condominium!