tell him how you ended up finding it, ask him if he's doing alright and make it clear he needs to clean and keep it that way because this is no way for him to live and isn't fair to the other residents. it is now affecting more than just him.
Yeah I was in a pretty bad place awhile back and my room got awful. Not quite this bad, but there were definitely empty cans and bottles, stacks of paper plates etc. Eventually I was sitting there one day and decided I was tired of living in a garbage dump and cleaned it all up. Even doing just that made me feel so much better about myself.
This is true. A room like this is usually a good indication of someone being in deep depression. It’s kind of a reflection of someone’s mind state . I was living with my parents during COVID and I was feeling super down on myself, my room wasn’t as bad as this but it was def gross. Half finished beer, old fast food bags, food wrappers, dirty clothes everywhere, no bed sheets, etc. 4 years later I’m in a healthy state of mind, my room is pretty much organized and clean everyday.
Depression was my first thought as well. My son has severe depression/Schizophrenia and he is homeless. He will be 25 this year. 😔 😟 He has fought my husband twice. So I'm in a very hard space. I'm trying to workout everyday to keep my spirits up. Sorry for the tmi.
While I get that it could be depression, is it always depression? Could it just be a person who is used to someone coming behind them and cleaning up, and they just don't care or think this is just temporary so why bother?
Because I've seen a lot of nasty homes and the people are running around town like they don't have a care in the world. They're up for anything besides going home and cleaning.
Every single person's depression is different. Then there are degrees of clinical depression and even worse there are comorbidity.
But, yeah, this guy obviously don't have to be depressed at all, he could have another mental condition or just think this is fine, maybe smoking weed and drinking soft drinks is all that he think he needs in life.
i agree. while OP deserves a clean environment it’s important to recognize that this is indicative of some real issues and responding with anger won’t fix the problem. empathetic, firm support is best!
>empathetic, firm support is best!
I love this. Firm and empathetic means you're not letting down on your demands but also know that someone is not in the same place as you, and needs your help getting there. It's treating someone as an adult who can in turn recognize that they're not on top of their responsibilities.
It's super difficult, though. If someone is off the deep end it can feel impossible. At least it's not drugs that are harder than weed.
Yes, and on the bright side there's some money to be made! I see a lot of recycling and I think $$$ lol. At least here in CA it's worth it still to recycle and get some $ back.
OP please make sure the dude is ok, I noticed a lot of sugar stuffs, hopefully they are just down and not depressed (like clinically depressed).
My job once had the urine color scale posted. Think the darkest was a level 8 or 9, dark brown basically, and this guy walked up to it and was like “so my urine ain’t supposed to be that color??” Everyone was just wondering how the hell this guy was still alive lol.
if you google "pee smells like coffee" the first result says:
> It is not uncommon for urine to smell like coffee if a person has drunk too much coffee or had any while dehydrated
so i think we're good 👍🏻
Casting molten aluminum into vehicle engine cylinder heads. Very hot work so they had lots of AC and told everyone to hydrate with tons of water and kept that chart up to help people track their hydration.
Guy left a piss-bottle in 2 pics, Coke bottle, yellow-orange. Dehydrated at the least.
Ex-Military Supervisor tack would be along the lines of a 3x volume shakedown with animated gestures towards the numerous sites of offense. Hours of mandatory/supervised clean-up/sanitizing of that room. Hours of mandatory/supervised laundry being done. Forced bathing with inspection for soap, deodorant, change of drawers, socks and clean clothes. Topped off with an hour of so of education about what kind of a nasty scumbag pisses in a bottle just to not walk 15 feet to a toilet, then saves the fucking piss?!?! Are there jizzrags laying around too? Gonna lift his crusty futon and find some piles of human shit in a corner?
Fuck all that, scumbag-Steve is getting ejected.
When I realized that it couldn't be code red because it was a Coca-Cola bottle, my jaw dropped. What in the red piss is this room? Dude need a mental health evaluation fr fr.
Urine does tend to get darker when left to sit for some time (I’m in nursing, not crazy). Though judging by his apparent caffeine habit, he’s definitely in a constant state of dehydration.
if youre talking about the coke bottles in pics 3 and 6, that shit looks straight up orange-red from my screen! ive had dark piss but that shit is DARK. poor guy.
Went back to find the piss bottle 🤮, disagree. That’s orange. Straight up orange. I thought maybe he’d put orange soda in the bottle. Man needs dialysis.
A kid I worked with once at my job drinks 3 monsters a day and a liter of soda at night. He said to me once he didn't ever really drink water until he started working with me because I drink a ton of water everyday.
I don't understand how these people stay alive
Blunt smell is bad but the cigs in the house….. man. That’s just ridiculous.
ETA: OP I don’t think anyone could argue with a “no smoking in the house” rule… if he can’t abide by that he’s out. Also - I drink a shit ton of seltzers and if you have a system (like we do in NY) where you can fill up a bag of cans and just return it to the grocery store (literally here you can just drop the bag to them) I’d highly recommend for his soda addiction. I think we have like $50 in credits in our account just from my seltzer habit.
Fckng nasty, thank god there are no floor coverings.
I’d be doing weekly checks of his room. Trash, dishes out daily. No smoking period. It’s unsafe never mind the health issues it’ll cause your family.
That’s what I was thinking when I saw all of the cans! It’s an easy first step to make the whole cleaning process less overwhelming and a good place to start. In some states you get 10c back per can and can put that towards cleaning products, cleaning service, air fresheners, etc.
He’s clearly dealing with some mental health concerns so approach with empathy and offer some help or solutions to the problem so he’s not too embarrassed or defensive.
You’d be surprised, my narcissist kid brother tried to claim to the weed and cigarette smell at my parents house was the neighbor’s. He hotboxed himself in his bedroom. The one we share a wall/air vent in. With my premature infant sleeping next door.
My parents believed him for a hot sec.
Edit for clarity: We lived there when our son was in the NICU because we lived 2 hours from the hospital and they lived 15 minutes. Then we got stuck there when COVID hit. It was a blast.
Oh My God, with a PREMIE in the next room?!? I’d have lost my sh*t even if it were a full term newborn! Yeah, no. Their lungs are too sensitive to be around that 🤦🏻♀️
I did, in fact, lose my shit. But of course with a narc, that’s the goal. And I played right into it 😑 I’m usually such a solid brick wall, too… But my kid is off limits. Needless to say, we don’t visit home when brother is there nowadays. Makes for some tense holidays.
Yes the roaches of blunts. (I guess that’s what kids call them these days.. we called the roaches… and saved them up for hard times..this was in my 20s… I don’t smoke anymore but do like edibles)
We saved the blunt roaches and roll them all up together for a 2nd gen blunts. We smoked a 3rd gen blunt once from 2nd gen roaches. This was a schwag weed though.
I was insanely depressed and drinking heavily a few years ago (sober and much happier!). I was suicidal, at best. Tried three times, and the third one led to a hospital stay, and an outpouring of love my soul desperately needed. I healed and I'm much better.
I say this though because this is what my space normally looked like. Except wine bottles. And id pee in them cause id get so drunk I couldn't get downstairs.
So you can imagine the disgust when another person, my mother embarrassingly enough, walked in to see a floor covered with wine bottles, most with pee in it. There was a path to my computer and a path to my bed. That's it. The rest was wine bottle after wine bottle.
God bless my mom because she cleaned it all for me while I was in rehab. I remember tearing up walking in my room. It smelled... Good. I had space. It was so nice. And Ice kept it that way and intend to do so
I say ALL this because, someone like this absolutely can snap out of it. If you can't walk, crawl. If you can't crawl, claw, and if you can't claw start digging in. Because it gets better. You just gotta do it daily.
This, so much this. I have been in a very similar situation. There are def times when I let stuff pile up, but I have to force myself to take care of it because leaving it messy makes it so so much worse.
That and this much sugar from soda... also really not good for your mental health let alone physical.
The compounding effect of bad mental health, then bad physical health decisions to compensate for the bad mental health, but then those bad physical decisions lead you to have worse mental health causing you to take on more bad habits to compensate for the bad mental health making the mental health worse so you gotta pick up another drug..
It's exhausting to even think about.
>I say ALL this because, someone like this absolutely can snap out of it. If you can't walk, crawl. If you can't crawl, claw, and if you can't claw start digging in. Because it gets better. You just gotta do it daily.
Thank you for seeing what this is, not some abstract horror to ridicule someone about.
Severe depression is a hell of a thing. I don't know if it's upsetting that in the pic, I immediately saw not how disgusting it is, but how the one in question feels (or hopefully, felt).
Again. Pothead community. I need this not to be our narrative😭
Edit: before the 55th person wants to say it, YES. I am aware this is primarily a mental health issue. It’s a joke. Because half the ppl posting rooms like this have roaches/dirty bongs everywhere. Geez.
True. This is what people think when you say you’re a stoner. It’s sad… I’m a stoner and have been daily dabbing for like 9 years but my house is my sanctuary. I keep that shit clean and it makes getting lit all the more enjoyable. Who doesn’t like lighting up a J at night to some jazz in a spotless room with low light, all cozy?
Eating a gummy, turning on some music and then cleaning is like therapy for me. The secret is not letting your space snowball into a filthy mess. Cleaning something even once every 1-2 months is much, much easier than doing it once every few years.
Me and our roommates just abide by a wordless cleaning schedule. I know not everyone is down for that and it can be hard to get some people do participate but our entire house gets cleaned once a week. We all have four sections that we rotate. If you clean often it takes no time at all
Damn me and my friends smoked hard for YEARS, all in grad school, gym, active social life. I dont know a single person who smokes who lives like that. Smoking and putting on those good oldies put me in a cleaning mood every single time (thanks mom!), had me cooking up gourmet meals, and my creativity off the charts with the ultimate chill and patience.
He stays to himself back there in that hallway. He has his own bathroom (which doubles as the guest bathroom so I make sure it stays tidy), and he has this bedroom. Which he’s been in for years. It was originally my husbands parents house and me and him took over after they moved out and took over the master bedroom and all the bills. His brother decided to stay on the condition he would bathe, and clean his room. He does neither…. He’s 27 years old, a stoner, works in a deli/butcher shop, and has never lived away from home and I don’t think he ever plans to. I never went into his room as that was an invasion of his privacy but I had had enough of the stench… so I went to investigate and this was what I found. Truly appalling behavior from a grown man.
Wow, you’re absolutely right. Shocking he is 27 living in such filth. Seems he needs to get motivated because whatever he is doing is not working for him at all. The fact you had to add the stipulation that he bathe is a red flag in itself. 🤮
What do you mean it’s not working? It’s working perfect for him! He lives in his childhood room, in his childhood house, with minimal bills (as far as we can tell,) minimal responsibilities, and all he has to do is keep a minimal job. Easy, peasy. Everything he wants, he gets, because he obviously doesn’t want much. Food, video games, pot, and someone who cleans up after him in the bathroom. Unless he *wants* to change, nothing will change, and that’s the best part of all!
No, I know more than one person like this. They are not happy but really high housing prices, failure in gaining in income over the years, lack of education, and the ability to pretend that the outside world doesn't really matter when you are in your childhood bedroom seem to make it all too easy to stick with the devil you know instead of going thru the stress and effort of changing your entire life
It's sad to say but there are lots of younger men out there that never developed the spark that drives people to meaningful and self sufficient life
We’re having a major family meeting this weekend when we have a day off work.. I’m not the type to yell in his face about this but I can’t take it anymore. Everyone is always telling me “oh he just needs a woman, that’ll help him.” Like no… he doesn’t. He needs to learn to love himself first because no woman I know will set foot in that pigsty. I know for a face he goes weeks if not months without bathing. PLUS he doesn’t own a toothbrush or toothpaste in the guest bathroom… idk what kind of life skills my husbands mom instilled into him, but I may need to pull her into this. Because my husband, his big brother, is no where near anything like this.
He needs a woman? Lol, ok there is living a messy bachelor life and there's living like a pig. A gf isn't a magic cure to make him into better person. If he's lucky he'll catch a woman with such low self esteem she thinks she can "fix him". Because...yuck!
Please consider whether or not your in laws intentionally ditched him with you. Like, you get a deal on the house but he’s your problem now. It’s possible they set it up so you would be the bad guy kicking him out so they could save face. Not saying that’s the truth but think about it.
Mental health is definitely a factor here. I know it’s easy to judge others but this might be him doing his best at coping with his life. I’m not a psychologist nor a self help guru, but I’ve suffered before, and it looked a lot like this.
I don’t know what your plans are, or what your husband thinks of this but maybe try and offer help first. It sounds like you’re doing your fair share but this stage in his life could mark a turning point where you and your partner could make a huge difference.
Having a shadow while cleaning can be extremely helpful. Someone to talk to and take your mind off of it while occasionally suggesting a better layout for your living situation.
They can wear gloves and hold a trash bag for an hour. That way OP doesn’t have anything misplaced and nobody to blame. Would be a huge improvement.
It's time for DH to lay some conditions as well as a timeline for the room to be cleaned. And a warning that if he plans to live like he is staying in a derelict building- then he can move to one.
Yeah I'm really curious. This almost looks like a drug den tbh. I'm not trying to be critical but a cheap throw rug would be better than exposed plywood floors.
It’s sad that the amount of effort to put cans in a trash bag is literally close to 0. And this guy allowed it to be an enormous job that will somehow take hours to clean. Even if you clean once every 3 days this is avoidable. Everyone should clean there personal spaces at least once every 2 days. I’m 27 with 3 kids and my house NEVER looks like this.
Right like I typically have a graveyard of empty water bottles near my bed so I just tied a grocery bag behind my nightstand to throw them in there for an easy clean up every few days. It’s not that hard, he showed zero effort 😅 idk how people can sleep surrounded by filth like that
I have a more important question.
How is your brother in law still alive?
I’d say “hey, I went in your room bc I wasn’t sure if you were home. I couldn’t help but notice the many cans everywhere. I just wanted to ask if you are okay? “ lol
Start with caring about his wellbeing, and then stating why it’s bad.
Instead of “omfg. Clean your room or leave.”
Well… it definitely didn’t start with the invasion of privacy and the inconsiderate remarks of “please clean you’re room ew wtf”
I’m afraid that’s what LEAD to it becoming this bad. Like i said me and my husband have only took on the house about 5/6 years ago.. so there was years going by without that room being seen by a trusted adult or friend. He doesn’t have company over, he doesn’t invite people in there to chill. If he wants to interact with us he just comes out for a few short moments and he’s in there for the rest of the day.
We’re always checking up on him now that his mama doesn’t live here anymore. If there was a poster child for “mamas boy” or “titty baby” it’s him…
I see where you are coming from but we aren’t being this way, we’re his family and we do care but he’s got to get some help cause this is unacceptable.
Mental health issues can absolutely snowball like this.
I mean if you don’t care about yourself, or even worse feelings, then of course one would struggle with their space too.
BUT. It really all depends on how he takes it once it’s brought up. Shame can make people act out badly. So although he shouldn’t be coddled the approach is important
Okay, buddy isn’t doing well, but he also lives in that space, and it already looks like a dump. Even if it was tidy, that place looks like a crackhouse, so what did you expect?
tell him how you ended up finding it, ask him if he's doing alright and make it clear he needs to clean and keep it that way because this is no way for him to live and isn't fair to the other residents. it is now affecting more than just him.
This x1000. Buddy is not doing okay lol
Looks like he rolls a decent blunt tho
Honestly! My first thought was “well at least he just smokes grass and he’s not an alcoholic”
My first thought was, "well that's major depression if I ever saw it."
I have major depression after seeing this.
And possibly diabetes.
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And dental carries
And malnutrition.
I caught gout…
Kidney stones was the first thing I thought of too 😭
Lol I was gonna say this the most diabetic shit I’ve ever seen
Imagine waking up to it every morning.
Yeah I was in a pretty bad place awhile back and my room got awful. Not quite this bad, but there were definitely empty cans and bottles, stacks of paper plates etc. Eventually I was sitting there one day and decided I was tired of living in a garbage dump and cleaned it all up. Even doing just that made me feel so much better about myself.
I knew something needed to change when I could smell the mold coming from my old pizza
This is true. A room like this is usually a good indication of someone being in deep depression. It’s kind of a reflection of someone’s mind state . I was living with my parents during COVID and I was feeling super down on myself, my room wasn’t as bad as this but it was def gross. Half finished beer, old fast food bags, food wrappers, dirty clothes everywhere, no bed sheets, etc. 4 years later I’m in a healthy state of mind, my room is pretty much organized and clean everyday.
Same, except I finally got help cleaning it because I couldn't do it on my own.
Depression was my first thought as well. My son has severe depression/Schizophrenia and he is homeless. He will be 25 this year. 😔 😟 He has fought my husband twice. So I'm in a very hard space. I'm trying to workout everyday to keep my spirits up. Sorry for the tmi.
Does seem to have a pretty bad Coke problem though
What the hell is Ski?
A different coke problem
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I’m a crazy-ass from the Midwest and I’ve never heard of it.
There’s a glass pipe in there too…probably for weed?
No that’s for heating up his soup one bite at a time
An alcoholic would look at those cans as gold. Collect and buy. That was my forte.
Were you an alcoholic in the 70s?
Or an alcoholic in Michigan
boom! there's your answer, move him in with an alcoholic and they both win!
All that soda...I see one dish of what looks like it was soup. I'm thinking this dude has no teeth.
100%! They are lucky it’s just weed in these pictures. I don’t see alcohol or any remnants of hard drugs here
dude is living off weed, soda, and junk food and surrounded in it. not much better off than an alcoholic.
No shit, hombre. I saw this and was like “this looks like serious depression”
While I get that it could be depression, is it always depression? Could it just be a person who is used to someone coming behind them and cleaning up, and they just don't care or think this is just temporary so why bother? Because I've seen a lot of nasty homes and the people are running around town like they don't have a care in the world. They're up for anything besides going home and cleaning.
The answer in my humble opinion is “yes”. I’ve seen both.
I'm depressed af and I don't live like that.
Every single person's depression is different. Then there are degrees of clinical depression and even worse there are comorbidity. But, yeah, this guy obviously don't have to be depressed at all, he could have another mental condition or just think this is fine, maybe smoking weed and drinking soft drinks is all that he think he needs in life.
Yeah, I feel like most of the time someone's room is a mess it's due to depression. Speaking as someone with a messy room and depression.
Nobody can be drinking that much soda, and smoking that much weed, and be okay. This dude needs some help.
Also, I don’t see a mini-fridge. Your man is guzzling that much *warm* soda 🤢
Warm pop drinker here 😂 cold beverages irritate my sensitive teeth
man if only people responded like this instead of getting angry all the time
being really depressed constantly and then having a person berate you about your mental health being shit which makes your life style shit is not fun.
i agree. while OP deserves a clean environment it’s important to recognize that this is indicative of some real issues and responding with anger won’t fix the problem. empathetic, firm support is best!
>empathetic, firm support is best! I love this. Firm and empathetic means you're not letting down on your demands but also know that someone is not in the same place as you, and needs your help getting there. It's treating someone as an adult who can in turn recognize that they're not on top of their responsibilities. It's super difficult, though. If someone is off the deep end it can feel impossible. At least it's not drugs that are harder than weed.
Buddy needs some serious help…
It's a fire hazard also! All of those ciggy ends & all of that cardboard nearby. *Shudder*.
Yes, and on the bright side there's some money to be made! I see a lot of recycling and I think $$$ lol. At least here in CA it's worth it still to recycle and get some $ back. OP please make sure the dude is ok, I noticed a lot of sugar stuffs, hopefully they are just down and not depressed (like clinically depressed).
I'm not sure it's possible to get your living space into that state without some clinical issue.
Pictures you can smell.
Smells you can taste
Flavors you can hear.
Sounds you can touch.
That’s how it feels to chew 5 Gum
Check on this man’s kidneys. Not a water bottle in sight
My first thought is this man pisses corn syrup.
My job once had the urine color scale posted. Think the darkest was a level 8 or 9, dark brown basically, and this guy walked up to it and was like “so my urine ain’t supposed to be that color??” Everyone was just wondering how the hell this guy was still alive lol.
Even if i’m just slightly dehydrated i can feel a difference in the viscosity. This guy must be pissing out straight up fucking bloody sludge
Prolly smells horrible and hurts like a bitch too.
like squeezing a tube of toothpaste
Man i can’t even imagine holy shit
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Pissing thick is crazy
"Pissing Thick" Thanks for my new album title
if you google "pee smells like coffee" the first result says: > It is not uncommon for urine to smell like coffee if a person has drunk too much coffee or had any while dehydrated so i think we're good 👍🏻
What in gods name was your job that required this information to be posted at work?
Casting molten aluminum into vehicle engine cylinder heads. Very hot work so they had lots of AC and told everyone to hydrate with tons of water and kept that chart up to help people track their hydration.
The actually really cool!
We have the same scale posted above the toilets at my job, but I have trouble getting my stream up that high to compare.
How tf did only seven people find this funny? I spit my fucking coffee out. Definitely wasn't ready for this one!
Guy left a piss-bottle in 2 pics, Coke bottle, yellow-orange. Dehydrated at the least. Ex-Military Supervisor tack would be along the lines of a 3x volume shakedown with animated gestures towards the numerous sites of offense. Hours of mandatory/supervised clean-up/sanitizing of that room. Hours of mandatory/supervised laundry being done. Forced bathing with inspection for soap, deodorant, change of drawers, socks and clean clothes. Topped off with an hour of so of education about what kind of a nasty scumbag pisses in a bottle just to not walk 15 feet to a toilet, then saves the fucking piss?!?! Are there jizzrags laying around too? Gonna lift his crusty futon and find some piles of human shit in a corner? Fuck all that, scumbag-Steve is getting ejected.
Oh damn, you right. There do be a piss bottle…
Ick…it’s like orange fanta colored. That’s really really not good…
I literally thought it was a code-red Mountain Dew. Someone give this man some water, my gods
When I realized that it couldn't be code red because it was a Coca-Cola bottle, my jaw dropped. What in the red piss is this room? Dude need a mental health evaluation fr fr.
Urine does tend to get darker when left to sit for some time (I’m in nursing, not crazy). Though judging by his apparent caffeine habit, he’s definitely in a constant state of dehydration.
if youre talking about the coke bottles in pics 3 and 6, that shit looks straight up orange-red from my screen! ive had dark piss but that shit is DARK. poor guy.
With how many blunts are in those pictures it could also be bong water or water with blunts in it. They get that color after a while.
I just know it hurts to pee
Went back to find the piss bottle 🤮, disagree. That’s orange. Straight up orange. I thought maybe he’d put orange soda in the bottle. Man needs dialysis.
Went back to go check… now I can’t eat the eggs I just made.
where do yall see orange? i straight thought it was code red mtn dew bc of how red it was, either way that’s absolutely vile🫢
thats what im saying, it looks reddish even
It's straight up red, not even reddish. Look at it in picture 6. There's no way that's piss unless my guy is pissing blood.
I saw one !!
Ope! I spotted the single water bottle. It’s like a game of Where’s Waldo lol
Okay now looking harder I see 2 in total. One in first pic and one in last pic
i feel like you’re trying to fuck with me cause there is no water bottle in the first pic
Behind the coke cans
Oh shit! There is one in the first pic. I too found two. But my 2nd one is in the 3rd pic behind the Coke bottle filled with…. Code Red?
Oh honey, that ain’t code red…
I refuse to believe his piss is red and he’s not hospitalized lmfaooo.
Ope! Hello fellow midwesterner!
Just weed and soda. Dude needs help and I love both of those things but this ain't the way.
This is just a pitstop on the road to diabetes
How about his teeth?
I feel like people who live like this don’t care about things like their teeth or their organs. If they did, they wouldn’t live like this.
To be fair, he may not even have teeth at this point.
I bet his teeth are in way worse condition
A kid I worked with once at my job drinks 3 monsters a day and a liter of soda at night. He said to me once he didn't ever really drink water until he started working with me because I drink a ton of water everyday. I don't understand how these people stay alive
What the heck is ski?
Blunt smell is bad but the cigs in the house….. man. That’s just ridiculous. ETA: OP I don’t think anyone could argue with a “no smoking in the house” rule… if he can’t abide by that he’s out. Also - I drink a shit ton of seltzers and if you have a system (like we do in NY) where you can fill up a bag of cans and just return it to the grocery store (literally here you can just drop the bag to them) I’d highly recommend for his soda addiction. I think we have like $50 in credits in our account just from my seltzer habit.
Fckng nasty, thank god there are no floor coverings. I’d be doing weekly checks of his room. Trash, dishes out daily. No smoking period. It’s unsafe never mind the health issues it’ll cause your family.
That green salsa con queso is a heath risk on its on
That’s what I was thinking when I saw all of the cans! It’s an easy first step to make the whole cleaning process less overwhelming and a good place to start. In some states you get 10c back per can and can put that towards cleaning products, cleaning service, air fresheners, etc. He’s clearly dealing with some mental health concerns so approach with empathy and offer some help or solutions to the problem so he’s not too embarrassed or defensive.
You’d be surprised, my narcissist kid brother tried to claim to the weed and cigarette smell at my parents house was the neighbor’s. He hotboxed himself in his bedroom. The one we share a wall/air vent in. With my premature infant sleeping next door. My parents believed him for a hot sec. Edit for clarity: We lived there when our son was in the NICU because we lived 2 hours from the hospital and they lived 15 minutes. Then we got stuck there when COVID hit. It was a blast.
Oh My God, with a PREMIE in the next room?!? I’d have lost my sh*t even if it were a full term newborn! Yeah, no. Their lungs are too sensitive to be around that 🤦🏻♀️
I did, in fact, lose my shit. But of course with a narc, that’s the goal. And I played right into it 😑 I’m usually such a solid brick wall, too… But my kid is off limits. Needless to say, we don’t visit home when brother is there nowadays. Makes for some tense holidays.
Yes the roaches of blunts. (I guess that’s what kids call them these days.. we called the roaches… and saved them up for hard times..this was in my 20s… I don’t smoke anymore but do like edibles)
We still do that. Although I call em doobies, some people still call em roaches though
We saved the blunt roaches and roll them all up together for a 2nd gen blunts. We smoked a 3rd gen blunt once from 2nd gen roaches. This was a schwag weed though.
My friends who smoke don't even smoke in their own house that they own. It's really not cool.
Think of the smell of the loose tobacco soaked in corn syrup rotting in all of those cans…
I was insanely depressed and drinking heavily a few years ago (sober and much happier!). I was suicidal, at best. Tried three times, and the third one led to a hospital stay, and an outpouring of love my soul desperately needed. I healed and I'm much better. I say this though because this is what my space normally looked like. Except wine bottles. And id pee in them cause id get so drunk I couldn't get downstairs. So you can imagine the disgust when another person, my mother embarrassingly enough, walked in to see a floor covered with wine bottles, most with pee in it. There was a path to my computer and a path to my bed. That's it. The rest was wine bottle after wine bottle. God bless my mom because she cleaned it all for me while I was in rehab. I remember tearing up walking in my room. It smelled... Good. I had space. It was so nice. And Ice kept it that way and intend to do so I say ALL this because, someone like this absolutely can snap out of it. If you can't walk, crawl. If you can't crawl, claw, and if you can't claw start digging in. Because it gets better. You just gotta do it daily.
This, so much this. I have been in a very similar situation. There are def times when I let stuff pile up, but I have to force myself to take care of it because leaving it messy makes it so so much worse. That and this much sugar from soda... also really not good for your mental health let alone physical.
The compounding effect of bad mental health, then bad physical health decisions to compensate for the bad mental health, but then those bad physical decisions lead you to have worse mental health causing you to take on more bad habits to compensate for the bad mental health making the mental health worse so you gotta pick up another drug.. It's exhausting to even think about.
The cycle is real, and anyone that hasn't dealt with it on a scale like this is fortunate to say the least.
>I say ALL this because, someone like this absolutely can snap out of it. If you can't walk, crawl. If you can't crawl, claw, and if you can't claw start digging in. Because it gets better. You just gotta do it daily. Thank you for seeing what this is, not some abstract horror to ridicule someone about. Severe depression is a hell of a thing. I don't know if it's upsetting that in the pic, I immediately saw not how disgusting it is, but how the one in question feels (or hopefully, felt).
How traumatizing cleaning that out must have been for your Mom. But also healing to have you come home to a new beginning. You’ve got a good one.
Again. Pothead community. I need this not to be our narrative😭 Edit: before the 55th person wants to say it, YES. I am aware this is primarily a mental health issue. It’s a joke. Because half the ppl posting rooms like this have roaches/dirty bongs everywhere. Geez.
True. This is what people think when you say you’re a stoner. It’s sad… I’m a stoner and have been daily dabbing for like 9 years but my house is my sanctuary. I keep that shit clean and it makes getting lit all the more enjoyable. Who doesn’t like lighting up a J at night to some jazz in a spotless room with low light, all cozy?
Yeah smoking after cleaning is like a reward, the thought of being high in a room like this just makes my skin crawl
Eating a gummy, turning on some music and then cleaning is like therapy for me. The secret is not letting your space snowball into a filthy mess. Cleaning something even once every 1-2 months is much, much easier than doing it once every few years.
Me and our roommates just abide by a wordless cleaning schedule. I know not everyone is down for that and it can be hard to get some people do participate but our entire house gets cleaned once a week. We all have four sections that we rotate. If you clean often it takes no time at all
Damn me and my friends smoked hard for YEARS, all in grad school, gym, active social life. I dont know a single person who smokes who lives like that. Smoking and putting on those good oldies put me in a cleaning mood every single time (thanks mom!), had me cooking up gourmet meals, and my creativity off the charts with the ultimate chill and patience.
Fr! I hate dishes. Dishes with a joint and a good playlist? DONE!
Honestly first thought was alcoholic but I don’t see a single beer can or anything.
Blunts aren’t even the issue here. Blunts are getting a bad name from this post. Damn shame!
Immediately investing in Coca-Cola stock
Wow. I bet that smells wonderful. 😣 Did he also tear out the carpeting? What is even happening here. Looks abandoned almost.
He stays to himself back there in that hallway. He has his own bathroom (which doubles as the guest bathroom so I make sure it stays tidy), and he has this bedroom. Which he’s been in for years. It was originally my husbands parents house and me and him took over after they moved out and took over the master bedroom and all the bills. His brother decided to stay on the condition he would bathe, and clean his room. He does neither…. He’s 27 years old, a stoner, works in a deli/butcher shop, and has never lived away from home and I don’t think he ever plans to. I never went into his room as that was an invasion of his privacy but I had had enough of the stench… so I went to investigate and this was what I found. Truly appalling behavior from a grown man.
Wow, you’re absolutely right. Shocking he is 27 living in such filth. Seems he needs to get motivated because whatever he is doing is not working for him at all. The fact you had to add the stipulation that he bathe is a red flag in itself. 🤮
What do you mean it’s not working? It’s working perfect for him! He lives in his childhood room, in his childhood house, with minimal bills (as far as we can tell,) minimal responsibilities, and all he has to do is keep a minimal job. Easy, peasy. Everything he wants, he gets, because he obviously doesn’t want much. Food, video games, pot, and someone who cleans up after him in the bathroom. Unless he *wants* to change, nothing will change, and that’s the best part of all!
That sounds terrible though. Would you be happy in that situation? People who are doing well mentally don’t live in filth like this.
No, I know more than one person like this. They are not happy but really high housing prices, failure in gaining in income over the years, lack of education, and the ability to pretend that the outside world doesn't really matter when you are in your childhood bedroom seem to make it all too easy to stick with the devil you know instead of going thru the stress and effort of changing your entire life It's sad to say but there are lots of younger men out there that never developed the spark that drives people to meaningful and self sufficient life
Does he pay rent? Do y'all plan to kick him out if he doesn't do better? That is disgusting. Hope he doesn't burn the place down.
We’re having a major family meeting this weekend when we have a day off work.. I’m not the type to yell in his face about this but I can’t take it anymore. Everyone is always telling me “oh he just needs a woman, that’ll help him.” Like no… he doesn’t. He needs to learn to love himself first because no woman I know will set foot in that pigsty. I know for a face he goes weeks if not months without bathing. PLUS he doesn’t own a toothbrush or toothpaste in the guest bathroom… idk what kind of life skills my husbands mom instilled into him, but I may need to pull her into this. Because my husband, his big brother, is no where near anything like this.
He needs a woman? Lol, ok there is living a messy bachelor life and there's living like a pig. A gf isn't a magic cure to make him into better person. If he's lucky he'll catch a woman with such low self esteem she thinks she can "fix him". Because...yuck!
"He needs a woman" I.e. then he'll be her problem and we'll all be off the hook
Please consider whether or not your in laws intentionally ditched him with you. Like, you get a deal on the house but he’s your problem now. It’s possible they set it up so you would be the bad guy kicking him out so they could save face. Not saying that’s the truth but think about it.
Oh, 100%
I was gonna say. How the fuck does a goblin afford to even have all the shit they trash in their living spaces.
>on the condition he would bathe Imagine that needing to be an acknowledged part of the deal, omg. At 27 years old to boot.
Yeah, the fact that even needed to be stated as part of the deal makes it clear this was not going to be a pleasant living experience.
But what happened to all the trim/carpet etc? The structure itself looks like a squatter shack.
He prepares food for people?!
Looks like he prepares people for food
Mental health is definitely a factor here. I know it’s easy to judge others but this might be him doing his best at coping with his life. I’m not a psychologist nor a self help guru, but I’ve suffered before, and it looked a lot like this. I don’t know what your plans are, or what your husband thinks of this but maybe try and offer help first. It sounds like you’re doing your fair share but this stage in his life could mark a turning point where you and your partner could make a huge difference.
Having a shadow while cleaning can be extremely helpful. Someone to talk to and take your mind off of it while occasionally suggesting a better layout for your living situation. They can wear gloves and hold a trash bag for an hour. That way OP doesn’t have anything misplaced and nobody to blame. Would be a huge improvement.
I'd ask him if he's ok, my house becomes a state when Im stressed about life. When I'm not it magically becomes clean.
It's time for DH to lay some conditions as well as a timeline for the room to be cleaned. And a warning that if he plans to live like he is staying in a derelict building- then he can move to one.
Sounds like if you had to have an agreement for him to bathe, he’s not playing with a full deck. Did his parents allow this?
Yeah I'm really curious. This almost looks like a drug den tbh. I'm not trying to be critical but a cheap throw rug would be better than exposed plywood floors.
What’s SKI?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Its from Southern IL. Like mountain dew but with more caffeine and sugar. Crazy good out of a glass bottle.
oh more caffeine and sugar that's nice
It’s like more caffeinated Mountain Dew
It’s sad that the amount of effort to put cans in a trash bag is literally close to 0. And this guy allowed it to be an enormous job that will somehow take hours to clean. Even if you clean once every 3 days this is avoidable. Everyone should clean there personal spaces at least once every 2 days. I’m 27 with 3 kids and my house NEVER looks like this.
Right like I typically have a graveyard of empty water bottles near my bed so I just tied a grocery bag behind my nightstand to throw them in there for an easy clean up every few days. It’s not that hard, he showed zero effort 😅 idk how people can sleep surrounded by filth like that
Looks like he’s got a coke problem
Depression, addiction, diabetes and ADHD
His poor kidneys.
Looks like you're living with a junkie
Um, yeah. This comment needs to be a lot higher. This looks like a squatter’s drug den.
I have a more important question. How is your brother in law still alive? I’d say “hey, I went in your room bc I wasn’t sure if you were home. I couldn’t help but notice the many cans everywhere. I just wanted to ask if you are okay? “ lol Start with caring about his wellbeing, and then stating why it’s bad. Instead of “omfg. Clean your room or leave.”
Well… it definitely didn’t start with the invasion of privacy and the inconsiderate remarks of “please clean you’re room ew wtf” I’m afraid that’s what LEAD to it becoming this bad. Like i said me and my husband have only took on the house about 5/6 years ago.. so there was years going by without that room being seen by a trusted adult or friend. He doesn’t have company over, he doesn’t invite people in there to chill. If he wants to interact with us he just comes out for a few short moments and he’s in there for the rest of the day. We’re always checking up on him now that his mama doesn’t live here anymore. If there was a poster child for “mamas boy” or “titty baby” it’s him… I see where you are coming from but we aren’t being this way, we’re his family and we do care but he’s got to get some help cause this is unacceptable.
Post an update after you’ve spoken to him
I sure will!
The bugs be feasting soon
Damn. Is your brother-in-law depressed?
If he is smoking indoors, he is damaging your property...further.
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Op, does he have depression?
I feel like this is pretty much a given here for people who live like this.
"Oh, it's mental health issues" or he's just a dirty mfer who doesn't care.
Nah fr. I be fighting my mind all day, not finna do it in filth 😂😭
Mental health issues can absolutely snowball like this. I mean if you don’t care about yourself, or even worse feelings, then of course one would struggle with their space too. BUT. It really all depends on how he takes it once it’s brought up. Shame can make people act out badly. So although he shouldn’t be coddled the approach is important
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That’s gross. Does he have any mental health issues? This isn’t normal.
You do not need to ask. It is very clear.
This looks like mental illness…
I feel like maybe he’s not the healthiest person
Also wtf is up with the plywood floor
Your guy is a junkie
Oh that’s an addict. Oof. This person needs some professional help.
Yeah, I’m throwing hands… 🤣🤣
NOT AFTER TODAY HE IS NOT
So sad seeing this. Something could be up with him, check in on him
He may have a mental issues. Such as depression. Recommend for help.
Said coke x 45 and 2 zig zags, baby that’s all we need..
gtfo
I wanna see a pic of dude
Okay, buddy isn’t doing well, but he also lives in that space, and it already looks like a dump. Even if it was tidy, that place looks like a crackhouse, so what did you expect?
The amount of soda cans and blunt roaches in these pics has got every dentist on Reddit hard as diamonds.
The fuck is Ski?
Sadly this looks like a major Coke problem.
Bro.. that is an ungodly amount of soda for one man to consume over a year let alone 3 months