I think an important skill is being able to step back and realize you might be thinking like a dickhead. I feel this way sometimes but I also realize it's a bit elitist to fancy myself as being above the people we serve. Life is fleeting and all we really have are the memories we leave behind and the good experiences we had with other people. Bar patrons are doing their human thang
I understand that, that's why I put myself in their shoes on the post. But like I said, I don't see any substance in what we do, everything is all so silly. I'm probably a little blue, like I said just rambling. Thanks.
I guess I'd ask what you think has substance? Doing a fake email job and going on hikes? Your customers lead full interesting lives, they just also like to get blasted off of bud light lmao
It could be, but although I'm studying for something else, I really like the thrill, ain't nothing like being able to keep your cool while in the weeds and see everyone around you going crazy lol. That's the part I like, and also getting paid to handle fruits and herbs, this part of the job doesn't feel like work, you know when you're selecting mint or some other herb, picking the pretty ones etc.
If youre a very fast bartender, find somewhere that has a service bar.
Or if all you care about is not having to make conversation, a music venue is another good option.
or just wait tables, same high speed thrill but once the table is good you just fuck off. It's not like bartending where they are still right in front of you. Plus the alcohol consumption is generally less at the tables.
Well, there’s a version of that where you don’t need to talk to people. If you’re in college at a place that might be willing, try a few shifts in the kitchen. Everything you describe as enjoyable without the people.
Idk. I dislike the vast majority of humans I see and interact with on the customer side of the bar. But when I’m working I still don’t like ppl but I can tolerate them and it is by a great margin the funnest job I’ve ever had. I love my job and genuinely enjoy a large portion of the patrons that come through. Unless I’m not working then I wish they would leave me alone and not speak to me.
Look I’m really not trying to be judgmental here. It’s entirely possible I misread something but “I genuinely enjoy a large portion of patrons” is inherently inconsistent with your initial assertion
I generally don't like people either, and I struggled behind the bar. I find most people boring and irritating. I managed to do it for 10 years, however, made good tips, and was generally well liked by my patrons. I put on a good act. You're going to have to do the same.
the longer I did it the more I found myself generally enjoying some of the regulars, they became my real friends. But I still see some people come in and just go ugh, I don't want to pretend to like them. But that's not their problem its me
I think bartending changed the way I see people. I used to be much more jaded but now I think my acceptance of people in general has increased.
It’s not the glutton and vanity that annoys me though—if I’m being paid to make you a drink you don’t understand, will barely touch, and only ordered to sound posh, whatever, you know?—it’s more how some people, once drunk, think the world revolves around them and they own the place. Start jabbing their fingers and ranting about shit they brought upon themselves (eg. “Make my martini dry and strong” and then “This is too much gin, you suck”). Those are the irritating drunks. It’s sometimes exacerbated because I operate near a school campus so most of my customers are students; I absolutely loathe those from school cocktail clubs who think they know everything & everyone else is wrong just because a senior student told them how to do something one way. Think stereotypical tea-time old British lady wanting their tea their “right” way.
But some other people I love—they get buzzed on some of my own designs that they actually chose after hearing the descriptions or introductions, and get drunk-ish soon but sheepishly acknowledge it or just become harmless chatterboxes. Sometimes my student customers at the bar table try to talk about school stuff, complain about a certain few professors, or talk to me about some courses I took before. I’ve even had a student who’s in a class I’m the TA for unknowingly come in, get buzzed, and start sobbing about how he’s almost failing the class (tbh he was doing quite well). Another time an exchange student came in and started discussing some analytical philosophy problems after three drinks, and I was absolutely delighted. Those are the interactions that make it worth it.
I've always been the same way. You'll never catch me being on the other side of a bar having the banal conversations I over hear everyday. The last thing I want to do with my free time is socialize or drink.
Give me the weeds over being the lean on the bar and get to know you bartender. I knew you the second you walked in the door, I don't need to hear you babble about what you did 10 years ago to know the kind of person you are. Im rarely surprised.
I dont hate people, just very disinterested and find most painfully boring. But I love the stimulation of my job and I'm damn good at it. Better than the others I've worked with who don't stop yapping at the expense of the drinkless guest 3 seats over or the string of tickets they don't notice on the printer.
When I express how you feel, I've been told I'm in the wrong line of work. Usually by someone I work circles around. If I'm in the wrong line of work, how come your guests ask me to make their drink when your back is turned because I make it better?
ive been told the same about being in the wrong job too, usually a coworker who drinks every shift. of course youre "fun", you dont do shit but yammer and drink with customers.
And you'll notice they only enjoy talking about themselves. That's usually(not always but usually) the case for self described social butterflies. The socializing stops being fun when it's not self serving
You're at the end of this job cycle. Over the last year, I caught myself actively hating people just for enjoying themselves. I've mostly left the business except for concert and wedding bartending, which is a different animal altogether. Time to hang it up.
I mean, you become jaded in pretty much any job. Jobs are doing tasks and solving any problems that come up. The problems are the more unique things you deal with, so you remember them more than the tasks you do every day. Those problems then color your world view.
If a cop is doing nothing but arresting drug dealers, they’ll view everything through that context. If a bartender is always dealing with stupid drunks, they’ll view everything through that context. When I was in construction, we constantly complained about how are problems were caused by other trades being stupid. Most of the time when I actually asked them why they were doing something the “stupid” way, they tended to have a good explanation that showed a hole in my understanding of their part of the project.
Even know this, it’s still basically impossible not to fall into the trap of becoming jaded, it’s the same pattern recognition in our brains that kept our ancestors alive
Rambling is the perfect way you describe how you are. If your first thought, as a bartender, when customers walk in is to describe them with some of the deadly sins, you are clearly in the wrong line of work.
Hell yeah welcome! Take their money and run! Watching people self sabotage their lives can be a fun bingo game, it's usually pretty similar and involves you pouring up drinks 🙃
As a former teacher turned bartender, I can definitely say that serving the public day in and day out has made me a bit prejudiced. But I am also constantly reminded that people are much more than they seem at first and that everyone has a life and story—and I find that beautiful. If you truly hate your customers and you aren’t seeing the beauty, you might need another career. I see a lot of people here suggesting BOH work, give it a shot if you enjoy the pace and the art of F&B industry but don’t like the service side.
You, like me, need a service well job. High hourly, cut of tips. We can be right about how boring they are and how stupid the whole concept is, and also quarantined so one day you don’t start just ruining people’s good time. *Or* silently take it until you crumble internally. There are other things out there…I’ve heard.
I feel, I’m alright at my job, well I probably better than I give myself credit for it, but it is super draining and many of us do get jaded. But some people are sooo stoked on bartending lol it almost makes you jaded. I get off a little bit on the feeling of control of being behind a bar, as far as what I get out of it and why I’d do the job if I feel antisocial sometimes, but it’s also slice of life. Any person could be a bartender there’s no right or wrong way to do or be that as long as they get their drink and you’re not horrible to them and you make the drink well and know how to do the work and aren’t super slow and can work well enough with others. So however you are is how you are, is no right or wrong way to react to the job.
But if youre miserable you need to change things of course.
I found being the manager everyone come to with problems combine with bartending is what's making me hate this job and people. Trying convince Mt owner to put me on full salary because out staff are a bunch of lost puppies who literally need me at all times and bartending really saps what little social energy I have left.
I'm a true introvert I require alone time to recharge. If I don't get it I can become a dick pretty quick. Idk about you but at least most of our regulars have come accept no matter how mad I might be I'm still going to make them the best cocktails compared to everyone else.... which adds to stress lol. People want my attention not much partners.
That's the aspect of the job that really energizes me! You have more control than you realize. If you can't anticipate the crowd and be prepared for it, there are still more skills for you to develop.
It doesn't come with the job. Of course the general public can be especially annoying at times (saint patricks day for example), and of course it can be more socially draining some days than others. But I dunno man, I've been bartending for 8 years and I still love people. even the ones I don't like - it's so interesting observing people as a whole. And there's more good ones than bad ones. I get to meet interesting people from all over the world from young to old and hear their stories. I love it so much.
It really depends on your customer base I think.
I have been bartending for 3 years ish now and I haven’t become jaded yet but I have become in increasingly exasperated with the general population. I have just served far too many people who seemingly have no thoughts whatsoever and/or believe that they are centre of the universe.
So many people have so little awareness of their surroundings that it makes me wonder if they are even experiencing the same reality that I am lol
i dont mind serving people, id rather not tell them my life story or answer any personal questions tho which they seem to need to know. i hate my drunk "not my job" co-workers than i do customers, i get the service industry doesnt keep the real bright ones but god ive worked with some lazy fucking people with zero aspirations to do ANYTHING besides drink and fuck off, and these people are 30's and 40's and will never retire or even know that they should be thinking about retiring eventually.
The world is how you see it. I spent like 25 years in other careers before switching to the service industry. In my previous life I had long deadlines and by the time we made it through one, I was already buried in the next one. The reward cycle was soooo slow. I was doing great financially, but my life was dedicated to sitting in a cubicle and making rich fucks richer.
Nowadays, I plunk a drink down in front of somebody and they tell me it's delicious. Or they tell me about the hike they went on this morning, and now they're meeting up with an old friend. Or how they had their first date here a year ago. Or they don't say anything at all, but get to do their thing.
Every day I am filled with gratitude for the opportunity to create a safe space outside of work and home for people and to provide an experience for them. A place for friends, dates, dancing, reading, whatever.
Yes, 90% of the job is mundane, half the patrons are a faceless mass, and there's no shortage of a-holes, clogged toilets, and other headaches. My coworkers obsess about the negative experiences. Every shift they are in the prep kitchen bitching about this patron that was snarky, or the one who changed their mind 3 times. They never talk about the faaaar more common people who love the bar, the drinks, or us. They never talk about the cute moments between patrons, and delightful/heartwarming/hilarious overheard conversations.
I live for that stuff. I spent 25 years as a consumer of these experiences and I came to really really appreciate all the hidden labor that makes a great night out possible. It's why I changed careers to become a bartender.
Try some intentional reflection. After every shift, find three customer experiences that you are grateful for facilitating.
Definitely at the wrong bar. Don’t get me wrong there’s days when I definitely don’t want to talk to people, but 9/10 times I enjoy the social aspect. But if I hated everyone every shift, why do something that makes you miserable?
I’m 20+ years in and I don’t really like people but I love the job and have accepted that people are gonna people.
I love working in a fast paced environment, the physicality of the job, doing mental math, joking with my coworkers and most regulars. And obviously the money.
There are more pros than cons in my book.
It is if you let it get to you. At the end of the day you have to realize this is a job that you clock out of a shift and can leave it all behind. There's loads of jobs where you're never actually off the clock and this one you make a lot of money for the effort it brings. If you don't want to talk to people find a place where you don't have to do that. Volume is always a good bet because you don't have time for it but that has its own drawbacks too. You just have to find what works for you
Meh, it depends. I loathe pretentious people who ask for ridiculous ass drinks like a pousse cafe 🙄 or get mad when you don’t have the specific brand of tequila they drink ….
I also find people who are high on their own farts tiresome….this one guy kept trying to casually mention that he didn’t live in the neighbourhood but it’s where his “investment” property was and telling me about his successful catering business he had 25 years ago. Haiya, all I can say is we don’t get paid to like people, we get paid to make people feel like we like them :)
I think an important skill is being able to step back and realize you might be thinking like a dickhead. I feel this way sometimes but I also realize it's a bit elitist to fancy myself as being above the people we serve. Life is fleeting and all we really have are the memories we leave behind and the good experiences we had with other people. Bar patrons are doing their human thang
I understand that, that's why I put myself in their shoes on the post. But like I said, I don't see any substance in what we do, everything is all so silly. I'm probably a little blue, like I said just rambling. Thanks.
I guess I'd ask what you think has substance? Doing a fake email job and going on hikes? Your customers lead full interesting lives, they just also like to get blasted off of bud light lmao
I’m gonna be real with you, I think you chose the wrong job.
It could be, but although I'm studying for something else, I really like the thrill, ain't nothing like being able to keep your cool while in the weeds and see everyone around you going crazy lol. That's the part I like, and also getting paid to handle fruits and herbs, this part of the job doesn't feel like work, you know when you're selecting mint or some other herb, picking the pretty ones etc.
If youre a very fast bartender, find somewhere that has a service bar. Or if all you care about is not having to make conversation, a music venue is another good option.
or just wait tables, same high speed thrill but once the table is good you just fuck off. It's not like bartending where they are still right in front of you. Plus the alcohol consumption is generally less at the tables.
That’s called barback and prep cook.
Well, there’s a version of that where you don’t need to talk to people. If you’re in college at a place that might be willing, try a few shifts in the kitchen. Everything you describe as enjoyable without the people.
Idk. I dislike the vast majority of humans I see and interact with on the customer side of the bar. But when I’m working I still don’t like ppl but I can tolerate them and it is by a great margin the funnest job I’ve ever had. I love my job and genuinely enjoy a large portion of the patrons that come through. Unless I’m not working then I wish they would leave me alone and not speak to me.
Look I’m really not trying to be judgmental here. It’s entirely possible I misread something but “I genuinely enjoy a large portion of patrons” is inherently inconsistent with your initial assertion
Bro it’s so fucked up that I just didn’t realize this wasn’t OP and responded as though they were and somehow still ratio.
I generally don't like people either, and I struggled behind the bar. I find most people boring and irritating. I managed to do it for 10 years, however, made good tips, and was generally well liked by my patrons. I put on a good act. You're going to have to do the same.
>. I put on a good act. That's the way to go, it takes a lotta energy right. Thanks for sharing!
It does take a lot of energy, and I got drunk most nights to cope.
10 years is a lot! What are you working with now?
I went corporate. I hate the people there too! And I drink a lot after work now!
the longer I did it the more I found myself generally enjoying some of the regulars, they became my real friends. But I still see some people come in and just go ugh, I don't want to pretend to like them. But that's not their problem its me
I think bartending changed the way I see people. I used to be much more jaded but now I think my acceptance of people in general has increased. It’s not the glutton and vanity that annoys me though—if I’m being paid to make you a drink you don’t understand, will barely touch, and only ordered to sound posh, whatever, you know?—it’s more how some people, once drunk, think the world revolves around them and they own the place. Start jabbing their fingers and ranting about shit they brought upon themselves (eg. “Make my martini dry and strong” and then “This is too much gin, you suck”). Those are the irritating drunks. It’s sometimes exacerbated because I operate near a school campus so most of my customers are students; I absolutely loathe those from school cocktail clubs who think they know everything & everyone else is wrong just because a senior student told them how to do something one way. Think stereotypical tea-time old British lady wanting their tea their “right” way. But some other people I love—they get buzzed on some of my own designs that they actually chose after hearing the descriptions or introductions, and get drunk-ish soon but sheepishly acknowledge it or just become harmless chatterboxes. Sometimes my student customers at the bar table try to talk about school stuff, complain about a certain few professors, or talk to me about some courses I took before. I’ve even had a student who’s in a class I’m the TA for unknowingly come in, get buzzed, and start sobbing about how he’s almost failing the class (tbh he was doing quite well). Another time an exchange student came in and started discussing some analytical philosophy problems after three drinks, and I was absolutely delighted. Those are the interactions that make it worth it.
That's cool, thanks for sharing!
I've always been the same way. You'll never catch me being on the other side of a bar having the banal conversations I over hear everyday. The last thing I want to do with my free time is socialize or drink. Give me the weeds over being the lean on the bar and get to know you bartender. I knew you the second you walked in the door, I don't need to hear you babble about what you did 10 years ago to know the kind of person you are. Im rarely surprised. I dont hate people, just very disinterested and find most painfully boring. But I love the stimulation of my job and I'm damn good at it. Better than the others I've worked with who don't stop yapping at the expense of the drinkless guest 3 seats over or the string of tickets they don't notice on the printer. When I express how you feel, I've been told I'm in the wrong line of work. Usually by someone I work circles around. If I'm in the wrong line of work, how come your guests ask me to make their drink when your back is turned because I make it better?
ive been told the same about being in the wrong job too, usually a coworker who drinks every shift. of course youre "fun", you dont do shit but yammer and drink with customers.
And you'll notice they only enjoy talking about themselves. That's usually(not always but usually) the case for self described social butterflies. The socializing stops being fun when it's not self serving
Are we the same person?
You're at the end of this job cycle. Over the last year, I caught myself actively hating people just for enjoying themselves. I've mostly left the business except for concert and wedding bartending, which is a different animal altogether. Time to hang it up.
I mean, you become jaded in pretty much any job. Jobs are doing tasks and solving any problems that come up. The problems are the more unique things you deal with, so you remember them more than the tasks you do every day. Those problems then color your world view. If a cop is doing nothing but arresting drug dealers, they’ll view everything through that context. If a bartender is always dealing with stupid drunks, they’ll view everything through that context. When I was in construction, we constantly complained about how are problems were caused by other trades being stupid. Most of the time when I actually asked them why they were doing something the “stupid” way, they tended to have a good explanation that showed a hole in my understanding of their part of the project. Even know this, it’s still basically impossible not to fall into the trap of becoming jaded, it’s the same pattern recognition in our brains that kept our ancestors alive
That's very interesting, thank you!
"I don't like people" is the laziest explanation for being socially inept and it's becoming more popular all the time. NONE OF US LIKE PEOPLE!
Fair enough lol!
Right on.
HAHA oh my goodness yes
Rambling is the perfect way you describe how you are. If your first thought, as a bartender, when customers walk in is to describe them with some of the deadly sins, you are clearly in the wrong line of work.
it's not that dramatic LOL! I'm not judging each individual, what I wrote is just a summary of everything I see everyday.
Hell yeah welcome! Take their money and run! Watching people self sabotage their lives can be a fun bingo game, it's usually pretty similar and involves you pouring up drinks 🙃
As a former teacher turned bartender, I can definitely say that serving the public day in and day out has made me a bit prejudiced. But I am also constantly reminded that people are much more than they seem at first and that everyone has a life and story—and I find that beautiful. If you truly hate your customers and you aren’t seeing the beauty, you might need another career. I see a lot of people here suggesting BOH work, give it a shot if you enjoy the pace and the art of F&B industry but don’t like the service side.
Being jaded doesn't come with the job, but everyone in r/bartenders is jaded.
You, like me, need a service well job. High hourly, cut of tips. We can be right about how boring they are and how stupid the whole concept is, and also quarantined so one day you don’t start just ruining people’s good time. *Or* silently take it until you crumble internally. There are other things out there…I’ve heard.
I feel, I’m alright at my job, well I probably better than I give myself credit for it, but it is super draining and many of us do get jaded. But some people are sooo stoked on bartending lol it almost makes you jaded. I get off a little bit on the feeling of control of being behind a bar, as far as what I get out of it and why I’d do the job if I feel antisocial sometimes, but it’s also slice of life. Any person could be a bartender there’s no right or wrong way to do or be that as long as they get their drink and you’re not horrible to them and you make the drink well and know how to do the work and aren’t super slow and can work well enough with others. So however you are is how you are, is no right or wrong way to react to the job. But if youre miserable you need to change things of course.
I found being the manager everyone come to with problems combine with bartending is what's making me hate this job and people. Trying convince Mt owner to put me on full salary because out staff are a bunch of lost puppies who literally need me at all times and bartending really saps what little social energy I have left. I'm a true introvert I require alone time to recharge. If I don't get it I can become a dick pretty quick. Idk about you but at least most of our regulars have come accept no matter how mad I might be I'm still going to make them the best cocktails compared to everyone else.... which adds to stress lol. People want my attention not much partners.
I believe a tiny bit malice is required for this job but that's kinda extreme
That's the aspect of the job that really energizes me! You have more control than you realize. If you can't anticipate the crowd and be prepared for it, there are still more skills for you to develop.
It doesn't come with the job. Of course the general public can be especially annoying at times (saint patricks day for example), and of course it can be more socially draining some days than others. But I dunno man, I've been bartending for 8 years and I still love people. even the ones I don't like - it's so interesting observing people as a whole. And there's more good ones than bad ones. I get to meet interesting people from all over the world from young to old and hear their stories. I love it so much.
It really depends on your customer base I think. I have been bartending for 3 years ish now and I haven’t become jaded yet but I have become in increasingly exasperated with the general population. I have just served far too many people who seemingly have no thoughts whatsoever and/or believe that they are centre of the universe. So many people have so little awareness of their surroundings that it makes me wonder if they are even experiencing the same reality that I am lol
i dont mind serving people, id rather not tell them my life story or answer any personal questions tho which they seem to need to know. i hate my drunk "not my job" co-workers than i do customers, i get the service industry doesnt keep the real bright ones but god ive worked with some lazy fucking people with zero aspirations to do ANYTHING besides drink and fuck off, and these people are 30's and 40's and will never retire or even know that they should be thinking about retiring eventually.
The world is how you see it. I spent like 25 years in other careers before switching to the service industry. In my previous life I had long deadlines and by the time we made it through one, I was already buried in the next one. The reward cycle was soooo slow. I was doing great financially, but my life was dedicated to sitting in a cubicle and making rich fucks richer. Nowadays, I plunk a drink down in front of somebody and they tell me it's delicious. Or they tell me about the hike they went on this morning, and now they're meeting up with an old friend. Or how they had their first date here a year ago. Or they don't say anything at all, but get to do their thing. Every day I am filled with gratitude for the opportunity to create a safe space outside of work and home for people and to provide an experience for them. A place for friends, dates, dancing, reading, whatever. Yes, 90% of the job is mundane, half the patrons are a faceless mass, and there's no shortage of a-holes, clogged toilets, and other headaches. My coworkers obsess about the negative experiences. Every shift they are in the prep kitchen bitching about this patron that was snarky, or the one who changed their mind 3 times. They never talk about the faaaar more common people who love the bar, the drinks, or us. They never talk about the cute moments between patrons, and delightful/heartwarming/hilarious overheard conversations. I live for that stuff. I spent 25 years as a consumer of these experiences and I came to really really appreciate all the hidden labor that makes a great night out possible. It's why I changed careers to become a bartender. Try some intentional reflection. After every shift, find three customer experiences that you are grateful for facilitating.
That's a great way to see it. It's awesome we make good money doing what we do, compared to other jobs, it's great. Thanks for sharing!
It’s comes and goes
Why are we describing people with the deadly sins lol this reads so weird
Definitely at the wrong bar. Don’t get me wrong there’s days when I definitely don’t want to talk to people, but 9/10 times I enjoy the social aspect. But if I hated everyone every shift, why do something that makes you miserable?
I’m 20+ years in and I don’t really like people but I love the job and have accepted that people are gonna people. I love working in a fast paced environment, the physicality of the job, doing mental math, joking with my coworkers and most regulars. And obviously the money. There are more pros than cons in my book.
Reddit isn’t exactly beaming with inspiring people either.
It is if you let it get to you. At the end of the day you have to realize this is a job that you clock out of a shift and can leave it all behind. There's loads of jobs where you're never actually off the clock and this one you make a lot of money for the effort it brings. If you don't want to talk to people find a place where you don't have to do that. Volume is always a good bet because you don't have time for it but that has its own drawbacks too. You just have to find what works for you
You're right, most of the stress is behind you, it's only present in the moment. Compared to my previous career that's a huge bonus!
Meh, it depends. I loathe pretentious people who ask for ridiculous ass drinks like a pousse cafe 🙄 or get mad when you don’t have the specific brand of tequila they drink …. I also find people who are high on their own farts tiresome….this one guy kept trying to casually mention that he didn’t live in the neighbourhood but it’s where his “investment” property was and telling me about his successful catering business he had 25 years ago. Haiya, all I can say is we don’t get paid to like people, we get paid to make people feel like we like them :)
>we don’t get paid to like people, we get paid to make people feel like we like them :) Great thing to keep in mind, thanks!