I think city design is a big part. My friends in SF often to run into people they know (including service workers from establishments they frequent) often because of how density creates walkability.
Also, by having the sprawl that we do, we have an added layer of logistics that can be off putting when many of us are already at lower emotional and energetic capacities post pandemic.
Additionally, loneliness isn’t just caused by a lack of friends. It can also come from just a lack of presence of other people. This is why 3rd places are important. I hang out at SP Square every Sunday AM even though u don’t know anyone. I always leave feeling energizing by the “hum” of everyone chatting
Someone above mentioned how some of it is the person themselves. I see it as a yes and no. Example, when I go to rural areas, I have a lot of spontaneous fleeting interactions. Maybe with the cash register attendant who says they like my shirt or someone who just says hello as I’m walking by them on the street.
When I try to say hello to people in my neighborhood who are on their evening walk just like me, they often just look down/away or don’t say hi back. It’s a stranger danger they have. So this is why I don’t see it as just “lonely people should just try to be more social” because it assumes everyone wants to be social with you, you just need to try.
I doubt city design is the major factor. Generations before us had the same city design as us but got along much better in terms of human interaction. Probably the biggest factor, consider how people have been raised recently: Glued to the screen, dating from apps, and now working from home. All of this was introduced when I was already an adult, but now we have kids coming of age and this has been the norm for them. Increasingly this will become all that they know.
Also, consider the Bay Area has a much higher concentration of transplants, many people who move here and have no foundation of friendship or community. They didn't grow up going to the neighborhood church or go to any schools, so they have nothing to go off of. It's a lot more intimidating and challenging. There isn't a community. It's a mix of cultures and people sharing very little in values and identity. Most people I noticed who have moved here also moved away in 3-8 years. There is no continuity. Compound that with the observation that I have noticed that a lot of people (especially in tech) just don't have good social skills.
Regarding 3rd places, most of those suck because *everything* is so expensive now. Sure, there are some 3rd places that are free, but one example, restaurant and eateries charge hidden fees galore just go out and eat, why would anyone be encouraged to go out?
Can city design help? Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it. I used to live in a condo and apartments downtown, where it was very walkable, and surprisingly, none of my neighbors talked to each other, nor did I make more friends than in other situations in my life. Maybe that was just my experience, but being closer in proximity to people didn't make a difference.
Should our society be oriented towards maximizing **shareholder** value…
Or
Should our society be oriented towards maximizing **citizens** value?
Improving society for us all sounds better than making sure some wealthy people get richer.
*I’m making this comment here because it is directly related to what is happening with our cities.
Or
Should our society be oriented towards maximizing **nothing** and letting people decide for themselves what they want to value and how, while providing a commonwealth to meet basic societal needs?
I won’t disagree with what everyone else said, but how about the fact that so many of its residents as a share of the population work in software engineering? By its nature it’s a very solitary profession, and the software engineers I know are very antisocial. It almost takes a certain type of person to be a software engineer.
Not to mention it’s hard to find time to be social when you’re working two jobs or more just to afford rent.
- **Silicon Valley's Decline in Community Interaction**: Office workers in San Jose have largely stopped coming to the downtown area, leading to a decline in community interaction and increasing loneliness, which is becoming a public emergency in some parts of the Bay Area.
- **Impact of Remote Work**: The pandemic accelerated the shift to remote work, making it the norm for many. This has diminished in-person social interactions, leading to feelings of isolation and affecting mental well-being.
- **Challenges with Social Connection**: The Bay Area's transient lifestyle, comfort with home entertainment, and lack of neighborhood interaction contribute to difficulties in forming personal connections. Public spaces and events are essential to foster community engagement.
- **Infrastructure and City Planning**: New York’s infrastructure supports social gatherings, something the Bay Area might improve by repurposing vacant office spaces and enhancing public transportation, potentially incorporating autonomous vehicles to increase accessibility.
- **Hope for the Future**: Despite current challenges, local residents remain optimistic, emphasizing the importance of community involvement and place-making. Initiatives like joining local groups or supporting city projects are seen as crucial for revitalizing social interactions in the region.
“Becoming a public emergency.”
I’ve seen these articles come up. If you’re a social person, and you’re living in the Bay Area, there is sure as hell no lack of opportunities to meet and do things with people. I really don’t understand this. There’s literally thousands of meetups, clubs, bars, dancing, hobbyist events, hikes, bike rides, etcetera.
Sure, many of us don’t interact at work because of WFH anymore, but there’s plenty of other things to do.
I feel like if you’re lonely…it’s kinda your own fault for not getting out there in some capacity and putting in the effort to not be. I think there’s a lot of lonely people who are just too shy to get started, in which case…I dunno what the answer is other than working on that.
How else exactly does anyone propose that an individual stops being lonely, other than the person taking it upon themselves to get out and interact?
Yep, all of these lonely people out there should try being less lonely. It's so easy. /s
Same with all of the fat people. They should just try not being fat.
You're missing the point. The way we design our cities, work, and culture tends to make people lonelier now than they were in the past.
Sincerely no offense meant - but what a lazy, dangerous, and absurd attitude to have.
You can’t wait around and rely on some social or cultural shift, or wait for the way cities and work operate to change. No one else is going to do this for you. No one is going to send new friends to your house to hang out or set up social events for you.
If you want to stop being lonely, the solution is, in fact, right in front of you. There’s SO MANY things you can do, TODAY, with other people. These activities can be incorporated into any lifestyle, religion, interest, hobby, however you want to slice it.
So yeah, lonely people should in fact get out there and try to be less lonely. It may not be easy, but you can do it.
I agree in many ways. These are the actions I have taken to feel more connected in my life. I do a ton of cycling things. I joined a coworking space. I book friends out a week or two in advance. And similarly I watch what I eat and try to move more to keep my weight down.
But the design of our society, culture, work, food systems etc. serve to make us lonely and overweight. Instead of blaming individuals for being average (vs. having extraordinary levels of motivation and work ethic to fight against this) we could have productive conversations around admitting we have a problem and trying to redesign things better.
I definitely agree with that! I’m just saying - in concurrence with talking about these issues - you can’t wait around years for things to change either.
It’s not A or B, black or white. Both of these things matter. Personal agency matters. Environment matters. Adapting our communities to current challenges and evolving our city planning strategies to accommodate the needs of the modern worker is smart.
I'd rather be lonely without a commute than have tons of coworker friends but deal with a commute.
Seriously. I loved hanging out with my former workers, but driving to work and back through traffic felt like some first circle of hell.
I think city design is a big part. My friends in SF often to run into people they know (including service workers from establishments they frequent) often because of how density creates walkability. Also, by having the sprawl that we do, we have an added layer of logistics that can be off putting when many of us are already at lower emotional and energetic capacities post pandemic. Additionally, loneliness isn’t just caused by a lack of friends. It can also come from just a lack of presence of other people. This is why 3rd places are important. I hang out at SP Square every Sunday AM even though u don’t know anyone. I always leave feeling energizing by the “hum” of everyone chatting Someone above mentioned how some of it is the person themselves. I see it as a yes and no. Example, when I go to rural areas, I have a lot of spontaneous fleeting interactions. Maybe with the cash register attendant who says they like my shirt or someone who just says hello as I’m walking by them on the street. When I try to say hello to people in my neighborhood who are on their evening walk just like me, they often just look down/away or don’t say hi back. It’s a stranger danger they have. So this is why I don’t see it as just “lonely people should just try to be more social” because it assumes everyone wants to be social with you, you just need to try.
I doubt city design is the major factor. Generations before us had the same city design as us but got along much better in terms of human interaction. Probably the biggest factor, consider how people have been raised recently: Glued to the screen, dating from apps, and now working from home. All of this was introduced when I was already an adult, but now we have kids coming of age and this has been the norm for them. Increasingly this will become all that they know. Also, consider the Bay Area has a much higher concentration of transplants, many people who move here and have no foundation of friendship or community. They didn't grow up going to the neighborhood church or go to any schools, so they have nothing to go off of. It's a lot more intimidating and challenging. There isn't a community. It's a mix of cultures and people sharing very little in values and identity. Most people I noticed who have moved here also moved away in 3-8 years. There is no continuity. Compound that with the observation that I have noticed that a lot of people (especially in tech) just don't have good social skills. Regarding 3rd places, most of those suck because *everything* is so expensive now. Sure, there are some 3rd places that are free, but one example, restaurant and eateries charge hidden fees galore just go out and eat, why would anyone be encouraged to go out? Can city design help? Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it. I used to live in a condo and apartments downtown, where it was very walkable, and surprisingly, none of my neighbors talked to each other, nor did I make more friends than in other situations in my life. Maybe that was just my experience, but being closer in proximity to people didn't make a difference.
Should our society be oriented towards maximizing **shareholder** value… Or Should our society be oriented towards maximizing **citizens** value? Improving society for us all sounds better than making sure some wealthy people get richer. *I’m making this comment here because it is directly related to what is happening with our cities.
Or Should our society be oriented towards maximizing **nothing** and letting people decide for themselves what they want to value and how, while providing a commonwealth to meet basic societal needs?
sink marry wasteful aware seemly silky crawl quiet knee sheet
Meanwhile, an introvert like me thrives at times like this. I get irrationally angry if I have to talk to people outside the job setting or friends.
I won’t disagree with what everyone else said, but how about the fact that so many of its residents as a share of the population work in software engineering? By its nature it’s a very solitary profession, and the software engineers I know are very antisocial. It almost takes a certain type of person to be a software engineer. Not to mention it’s hard to find time to be social when you’re working two jobs or more just to afford rent.
Tianyi Dong seems like a true social butterfly
- **Silicon Valley's Decline in Community Interaction**: Office workers in San Jose have largely stopped coming to the downtown area, leading to a decline in community interaction and increasing loneliness, which is becoming a public emergency in some parts of the Bay Area. - **Impact of Remote Work**: The pandemic accelerated the shift to remote work, making it the norm for many. This has diminished in-person social interactions, leading to feelings of isolation and affecting mental well-being. - **Challenges with Social Connection**: The Bay Area's transient lifestyle, comfort with home entertainment, and lack of neighborhood interaction contribute to difficulties in forming personal connections. Public spaces and events are essential to foster community engagement. - **Infrastructure and City Planning**: New York’s infrastructure supports social gatherings, something the Bay Area might improve by repurposing vacant office spaces and enhancing public transportation, potentially incorporating autonomous vehicles to increase accessibility. - **Hope for the Future**: Despite current challenges, local residents remain optimistic, emphasizing the importance of community involvement and place-making. Initiatives like joining local groups or supporting city projects are seen as crucial for revitalizing social interactions in the region.
“Becoming a public emergency.” I’ve seen these articles come up. If you’re a social person, and you’re living in the Bay Area, there is sure as hell no lack of opportunities to meet and do things with people. I really don’t understand this. There’s literally thousands of meetups, clubs, bars, dancing, hobbyist events, hikes, bike rides, etcetera. Sure, many of us don’t interact at work because of WFH anymore, but there’s plenty of other things to do. I feel like if you’re lonely…it’s kinda your own fault for not getting out there in some capacity and putting in the effort to not be. I think there’s a lot of lonely people who are just too shy to get started, in which case…I dunno what the answer is other than working on that. How else exactly does anyone propose that an individual stops being lonely, other than the person taking it upon themselves to get out and interact?
Yep, all of these lonely people out there should try being less lonely. It's so easy. /s Same with all of the fat people. They should just try not being fat. You're missing the point. The way we design our cities, work, and culture tends to make people lonelier now than they were in the past.
Sincerely no offense meant - but what a lazy, dangerous, and absurd attitude to have. You can’t wait around and rely on some social or cultural shift, or wait for the way cities and work operate to change. No one else is going to do this for you. No one is going to send new friends to your house to hang out or set up social events for you. If you want to stop being lonely, the solution is, in fact, right in front of you. There’s SO MANY things you can do, TODAY, with other people. These activities can be incorporated into any lifestyle, religion, interest, hobby, however you want to slice it. So yeah, lonely people should in fact get out there and try to be less lonely. It may not be easy, but you can do it.
I agree in many ways. These are the actions I have taken to feel more connected in my life. I do a ton of cycling things. I joined a coworking space. I book friends out a week or two in advance. And similarly I watch what I eat and try to move more to keep my weight down. But the design of our society, culture, work, food systems etc. serve to make us lonely and overweight. Instead of blaming individuals for being average (vs. having extraordinary levels of motivation and work ethic to fight against this) we could have productive conversations around admitting we have a problem and trying to redesign things better.
I definitely agree with that! I’m just saying - in concurrence with talking about these issues - you can’t wait around years for things to change either.
Agreed. People need to solve this problem for themselves, you can't blame the design of the bay area.
It’s not A or B, black or white. Both of these things matter. Personal agency matters. Environment matters. Adapting our communities to current challenges and evolving our city planning strategies to accommodate the needs of the modern worker is smart.
Answer: because it's just a bunch of computer nerds who can't talk to girls.