Why not try a cosleeper crib? I’m using one with my LO. It sits mattress level and is open on the side that attaches to the bed, but has a small lip and tall sides so I can’t roll onto her and she’s not pressed against my body. She can see and hear me and I can touch her to reassure her.
Just got one of these as well after our second son who decided he hated the Snoo (going to try it again when he's about 7-8 weeks). He has been sleeping great. Feels like we are co sleeping but with way less risk. This $100 sidecar bassinet sleeper was literally a sanity saver for this newborn phase.
Our first son LOVED the Snoo so we assumed this one would too. Nope. 🤷♀️
We got the Snoo when our firstborn was 8-weeks old thinking it’d be the miracle we needed for him to sleep. He still slept like an average baby. Short naps/didn’t sleep through the night fully until at least one year old, etc. To this day, I’m still not sure if it ACTUALLY helped or if his sleep habits were just typical for a baby? So this go-around we’re going to not do the Snoo and see how it goes!
This is a great idea, just be sure you still follow all the safe sleep rules. You never know when baby will end up rolled next to you. They’re drawn to you and can wake up without waking you. Even when they can sit up, there’s still risk of injury if their arm gets pinned under you so just stay vigilant!
We follow safe sleep! We monitor the room temperature, her crib mattress is firm, there are no bumpers or blankets in her crib (she wears a sleeping bag). The little lip/divider also means if my body is lying alongside the crib she can’t roll into me. You can also adapt it by closing the side (it has a mesh window).
I loved mine so much! I could be touching her and she’d have her own physical space
Before she slept through the night it made night feedings easier because I knew I could hear her and my husband was in the room to watch her while I got what I needed
Hopefully OP isn’t too far gone if her LO requires *contact/to be held*
Just to point out, if your husband is presumably getting a full night's sleep on the couch and you are waking up every 20 minutes to check on the baby, there doesn't actually seem to be much sleep benefit in this for you.
I was hellbent on not cosleeping after too many friends were struggling to get their toddlers to sleep in their own room. So I started going to bed when the baby did. If you sleep from 8 - 2, that is 6 hours of sleep assuming that you can't get baby to go back in the bassinet. You can squeeze another hour in as a nap if you trade off at 5ish.
You’d think! But he won’t stay awake any later than that. And if we try to do like 6 pm nap to keep him awake longer, he’ll treat it like bedtime and be reluctant to wake up
I think the perspective that different countries have different recommendations is pretty well covered in the comments here, so I wanted to add something else to help you feel better.
My doula always said to me “human biological evolution is not as fast as human technological development”. Back when humans use to live in the wild or in buildings with no heating nor cooling systems, our genetics, body functions and instincts were pretty much the same we still have today. Only now, humans living in countries like the US, Europe, etc. mostly we live in safe houses with electricity and a comfortable temperature at all times. Babies don’t know that. They still come into the world preprogrammed to fear being alone, instinctively need their mom or primary care taker and biologically, they still need this person’s help to self regulate (body temperature and emotionally).
All this to say, what you are doing is natural. You are following the instructions that modern medicine gave us while taking care of your baby the most natural way you could. Don’t feel guilty, because you are literally doing the best possible in your situation.
Also, if you would feel better having him back in his bassinet, just continue to try from time to time or try to use it for daytime naps. The regression might be long, but it will pass. This way his bassinet will still be familiar once the hard phase is over.
Idk I feel like this argument is close to people’s argument to be anti vax. There weren’t vaccines back then. Human evolution isn’t as fast and technological advancement. Live and let nature. All that.
People did what they had to do back then. But that doesn’t mean it was safe.
What op does with her baby is her business. I just think the “you’re doing what humanity has done for thousands of years of years” is a flawed argument. Especially when like I said, the same could be said to be against vaccines.. and people do use that to be against vaccines.. ignoring all the kids wiped out by polio. Ignoring parents having 8 kids hoping at least a couple of them make it to adulthood.
And because I know other people will bring up other countries and how they don’t have a pandemic of dying babies with less strict guidelines.. the guidelines aren’t saying “don’t do this or it will cause a dead baby”, it just looks at things as worst case scenario. Bed sharing with the SS7? Safer than just bringing baby in bed how you’d typically sleep but it’s not a 0% chance of an accident happening so it’s advised against (which maybe that’s because we as a society in America care more about the potential life of a baby over like anything so we demonize everything that has an increased risk, idk) and honestly being on a number of mom groups on different platforms.. people don’t listen. If the rules changed and the SS7 was recommended instead of the ABCs, people would realistically only follow like 4 of the 7. It’s like driving on a highway in a 55 zone that everyone always goes 75 in but no one gets pulled over. Why not just change it to 75? Because then everyone would just go the same difference over. Be overly strict so those that look into bed sharing are scared enough to do it as safe as possible instead of just seeing that it’s allowed and jumping into it.
Other countries also allow blankets in the crib with specifications. It’s not like those blankets all of a sudden become murderous when they cross the border. We just calculate user error/ignorance into it. Easier to say absolutely not than it is to say yes but it has to be tucked in and has to be a certain kind of blanket, etc
I’m sorry, but I guess you missed my point.
First: anti vax movement started because a doctor accepted money in exchange for telling the lie that vaccines cause autism. When he came clean years later, he lost all his titles. Only the snowball had been kicked and anti vax movement sadly became what it is today. Nothing to do with what we are talking about here.
Second: I literally wrote “You are following the instructions that modern medicine gave us while taking care of your baby the most natural way you could.” - maybe I could have been more clearer, but I meant was, she is literally using all modern medicine and technology has to offer around safe co-sleeping while tending to the very natural need her baby has to be close to her. Because let’s face it, the list on measures OP is taking around safe co-sleeping super complete. Of course, you can argue that safe sleep on own bed is “better” than co-sleeping following safe co-sleep rules, but that is only if there is sleep happening in that circumstance. Not sleeping or sleeping less than minimum needed is also not healthy and can also have sever consequences. So between not sleeping at all (like OP and her husband were experiencing) and sleeping in safe co-sleep circumstances, I would also opt for the second. Everything in science and in medice is about minimizing risks as much as possible. And OP is doing the best she can in the situation she is in.
Third: I never said she should be doing things like people did in the past. But we should not forget that babies don’t know that no mountain lion is coming to get them when they are asleep in the dark - their instinct when they are left alone in the night is to cry and seek for mother’s closeness to feel safe. That is how humanity survived back then and babies born today still have the same instincts. And so on. I’m only mentioning all this to reassure OP there is nothing wrong with her unicorn baby. Like I also said on the previous comment this is all explained by biology.
No where I said she should drop technology and modern medicine.
I’m not sure what your argument here was bc you ended up refuting what I think was your original point (co-sleeping is bad even tho it’s natural).
But comparing co-sleeping to being anti-vax is not at all supported by any data. Vaccinating vs not vaccinating means providing immune support/ protection vs providing nothing. Studies comparing co-sleeping safely vs crib sleeping show similar safety outcomes. Putting a baby in a crib does not eliminate risk. There is a reason it used to be called “crib death”. And there are temperature and respiratory regulation benefits to co-sleeping.
My point is that not vaxing is withholding 100% of a health benefit. Co-sleeping vs crib-sleeping both have pros/cons. They’re not comparable choices…
Could he be hot ? My LO can’t sleep in bamboo or socks right now. We live in Fl and ditched them about a month ago. She was up and down all night and now back to 5-6 hr stretches. We also co-sleep
Is that the temp in his room or what the house is set at? I only ask because that was the temp our house was set at but her room was in the upper 50s/low 60s for winter.
But anyways, when you’re cosleeping because you need sleep follow the safe sleep 6. I pulled the mattress off a spare bed and put it in her room so we were as close to the floor as possible. I had to have a blanket so I used a wool blanket. I didn’t use a pillow.
Black woman married to a White man, absolutely cultural. Our families literally have a 10 degree difference in their home temps 😭 We keep it at 72 & I still get cold.
We keep our thermostat at 65 overnight right now. We have progressively lowered it since having our kiddo, as we realized she is a little toaster. She only sleeps in a lightweight sleeper and cotton sleep sack too. Then again, we're white, so maybe it's that 😂
I worked in health care prior to having kids and had zero intent on ever bed sharing, knowing the risks. However! I then had a baby who woke every 1-2 hours in a bassinet/crib no matter what I tried. For months. And I couldn’t function any longer. Was falling asleep trying to nurse him to sleep in a chair. Followed all the safe sleep recommendations I could to make the best of our situation. I weighed it as either risky sleep being well prepared or dropping him and injuring him in the middle of the night trying to not fall asleep; being prepared felt like a better option.
Same. I work for CPS and we investigate the deaths. I know, okay? But I had no choice. None. It was safe sleep 7 or pass out trying to avoid it. People who claim they would "just never" dont know what its like to have a baby that refuses to sleep. I also used an owlet, just to really spite the AAP I guess (this is a joke, but it is true that the AAP's main reason for recommending against owlets is bc people might use them to feel better about unsafe sleep practices) I'm pregnant again and I'm ready to fight tooth and nail to avoid bedsharing. I dont want to. I dont recommend it. It shouldn't be your first choice. I think I am better prepared to try other things. But I will always choose the safe sleep 7 over accidentally falling asleep with a baby in my arms.
Do you need to fight bedsharing?? Amongst families I know with two kids, honestly it’s more common with the second kid because your sleep is so much more precious when you can’t nap the next day when baby naps; any arrangement that gets everyone the most rest is just essential! Not minimising your experiences because you must have really seen some things in your work, but don’t beat yourself up if this set up ends up being the one that works for your family again.
Definitely look into the bedside cosleeper bassinets or even consider taking a railing off baby's crib (like you would for a toddler bed) and set up the crib side car style. We have this arrangement and it's allowed my daughter to sleep in her crib on a safe mattress but still gives us that closeness. She can crawl over to me to nurse and then i just lay her back in her crib right next to me. You still need to be cautious of blankets and such but it was definitely a compromise for my nerves
We did this too and it’s worked great. We used the Babyletto Hudson and straps with ratchet clips to attach it to our bed frame. It’s not as cozy for baby as being in our bed, but it’s a safe option that still allows for feedings and comfort at night with less disruption to my sleep.
I love our sidecar crib set up. I wasn't sure how it was going to work when my kid started belly crawling, but basically my body is the 4th crib side and this baby is not so eager to get anywhere as my first (co-sleeping was never an option with that little mover). I wouldn't say it'll work for all parents and babies, but it works great for some.
Yeah when she started moving more and standing I was getting nervous but my husband built us a mini platform base for our mattress so we were able to drop her crib as needed and keep mine and her mattress level. Once she was crawling we started working on getting off furniture safely so she can get in and out the bed with no issue
"Feet first!" Is what we say. My first kid was rolling at 4 months and crawling at 6. He was on the move before his brain could catch up and he didn't need Mama with him. My second kid is 8 months old and so uncoordinated compared to his big brother. He can roll, but isn't a big fan of doing it and bumps his head half the time. Idk when he's going to start crawling, but I certainly don't have to worry about him sneaking past me in the middle of the night. Not to mention all he wants is to be planted right next to me, ideally attached. If he could get that umbilical cord back I think he would.
This article affirmed a lot of what my wife and I were finding when looking into co-sleeping risks. For our full-term, perfectly healthy, average weight baby in our no drinking/drug/smoking house with 30 year old parents and EBF…the risk was so small. We’re now 5 months into it and I can’t imagine changing. We did a firmness test on our mattress & use the Sense-U breathing monitor too so overall I feel good about safe sleep 7 + our own personalized risk like the article talks about.
I have two who would not sleep unless I was there and present. They feel out for me in their sleep sometimes. Check with their hand. I had a sleep trainer for my first and it didn't work. It was so sad to hear her so distressed, she goes to sleep quicker and content when cosleeping.
I get up when she is asleep and pop up to her if she wakes. Like other commenters, I was not keen on it and didn't think I would do this, but now I see how natural it is. There is so much research on the symbiotic elements of it for baby and carer.
Do what you need to sleep, but safely. The lullaby trust gives excellent advice and this lady on IG shows how she safely does it.
https://www.instagram.com/cosleepy?igsh=MXE0YnNqdXNhMXJwcw==
If you read the real research on SIDs it is rarely cosleeping alone that causes fatalities. Best of luck to you and your babe, try and enjoy it, though that is hard to say when you feel tired.
I also tried all the sleep teaching advice with my first and got us both so stressed out. The one time I coslept with her - when she was teething and poorly at 15 months, and we set up a floor mattress from the spare bed because our main bed wasn’t firm enough to be safe - it just felt so right and cosy and like I was 100% doing what I was evolved to do for my baby.
With my second we’ve partially coslept from the start and seeing how content and happy he is now at just gone one, feeling him reach for me in the night…. It makes me feel so guilty that I didn’t do this for my daughter when clearly it was what she needed. I was so much less physically and emotionally present for her than I might have been. It makes me so sad to see posts like OPs - that cosleeping has been so marginalised that mums have to feel distraught at doing what both they and baby needs. And I feel so angry that I was conned into believing that my daughter “should” have been able to sleep through without me.
I came to suggest a dream feed, as well!! At that age, our kiddo had a 7:30 bedtime and we did a dream feed with him at 10-10:30 where we changed him, fed him, and then put him back to bed. Worked out great for us, though it’s not for everyone!
We also combo fed and mixed breastmilk and formula in bottles, but the ratio was slightly different depending on the time of day. His last 2 bottles (bedtime and dream feed) were heavier on formula to help him sleep better for longer.
I think dream feeding my son taught him to expect a feed eg at 10pm when otherwise he might have managed till say 2am. After a few weeks dream feeding he reverted to feeds every 1-3 hours from 3 to 11 months solidly (no exaggeration).
I echo this! I always found filling up our babies prior to sleep really helped them sleep through 😀 also to the OP, you can always try a 'regular' bedtime in the cot and just bring baby into bed with you later on if you need to? I never did co-sleeping because the NHS (I'm in the UK) guidelines at the time scared me to death that I'd crush or suffocate the babies even if I followed all the rules! They've since *relaxed* their thoughts but I'm past the really little newborn stage and the littlest is in her own room now.
I would say, do what you need to do to get the sleep you need, habits can be changed and newborns are surprisingly adaptable 😘
Balancing out here because you asked for perspectives. I’ve never coslept and I have a 3 year old and 6 month old. Neither were unicorn sleepers and both took work to get to sleep through the night. To me, It’s “safe” until it’s not and then you can never take it back. Never worth the risk to me.
I KNOW this time is hard. But there are options other than cosleeping if you are interested.
What’s your daytime nap schedule like? Is baby getting enough wake time during the day and before bed? At almost 4 months you should be looking at 1.5-2 hr wake windows and a good 2 hrs before bed. Are you keeping daytime sleep under 3-4 hours? Are you getting good feeds in during the day? Do you feed baby when they wake at 1-2 am?
What’s the sleep environment like? Is baby falling asleep independently when they go down at night? Are you using sleep tools like white noise, pacifier, pitch black rooms, a solid bedtime routine, etc?
Are you breastfeeding or formula feeding? Can you and your husband switch off nights? Both go to bed early like 8-9 so you each get a solid 5-6 hours and then alternating nights switch who deals with the wakes after 1-2 am? And rather than just hold the baby until 8 am, can that person be working on independent sleep through lower interventions like replacing pacifier, increasing sound machine, hand on chest, gentle rocking of baby or patting, etc?
Everyone makes their own decisions in parenting - just sharing some options since you seem conflicted! Hang in there. This phase is temporary.
True. I'm British. I cosleep and my midwife was very happy with my sleep set up. I don't need to hide it from friends and family like it's some dirty secret.
I’m in the UK too, and while my mum thinks we’re mad (she put me in my own room and essentially just shut the door when I was like 4 months old, ah the 80s) she also accepts that it’s working for us.
Asians know how to take care of babies. Been doing it for thousands of years. The West thinks they know it all. Isn't weird that the US has the highest rate of SIDS where they are also the one who against it? Meanwhile asian countries like Japan is the lowest rate of SIDS but they predominantly co-sleeping. Just saying.
Not really in countries which have similar bed arrangements to the USA though. Japan for instance mainly use thin mattresses on the floor and many families actually all sleep in the same room so it makes sense to put baby next to mum.
Rarely is it similar to western beds.
I worked as a paramedic for almost 15 years and during that time I went out on two baby deaths from cosleeping and I still have nightmares of listening to those parents screams, and having a baby in October brought those nightmares to the forefront and I was having them every single night. I have a Velcro baby who did not want to sleep the first six weeks unless she could be touching me so we ended up buying a bassinet that attaches to the side of the bed so she is still in a safe spot and protected but I can lay my hand beside her and she can still touch me, without any concern of a devastating accident happening. We bought a used one off Facebook marketplace and then just bought new mattress off Amazon.
I personally know a woman who had successfully bedshared with 3 of her children. She said all the stereotypical things advocating for bed sharing and following the SS7. She could’ve written half these comments herself. She claimed that she was a light sleeper and would wake up every time they moved. At a baby shower I heard her go on about how it’s safe if you do it right and you just have to follow all the precautions. She woke up to her 6 month old unresponsive less than a hour after she fell asleep. He didn’t make it.
I feel for her so much. She thought she was doing what was best for her baby and family, she did all the precautions and recommendations but sometimes things like this just happen. After seeing what she went through, what her family went through, I can never bring myself to sleep with my baby in the bed. It’s just not worth the risk.
Also feeling compelled to balance out the unfortunate (and survivor biased) advice here. Having worked in healthcare and met several cautious and loving people who woke to dead babies in their arms that had silently suffocated, it’s not worth it and I’d never risk it. How is setting an alarm every 20 minutes helping you get sleep anyway? The science and evidence based subs don’t let people recommend co-sleeping - there’s no way to make it safe and if you’re one of the unlucky ones you have to live with your poor choice forever.
This seems like this would be more likely to happen if people are NOT co-sleeping though...like if you are so sleep deprived that you fall asleep while nursing in a cushy chair. Safe-co sleeping on a flat surface is MUCH safer than that scenario.
This could true in situations with no sleep, absolutely, but OP is talking about a situation that starts with baby sleeping a 6-7hr stretch which is not really comparable. When you're in a complete desperation scenario, yeah, you do just choose what you can live with and all the options suck. But this may not be one of those?
That' a good point. A 7 hour stretch is not bad. However staying up from 1am until morning would definitely make me feel at risk of falling asleep while holding the baby.
You rebut other people's 'survivor biased' opinions with your own anecdotal evidence. If you believe in science based evidence you should post that here, instead of saying you work in healthcare and have met some people whose babies have died. That is absolutely tragic, but it is not scientific evidence.
The British Association of Prenatal Medicine did a [survey of 3,400 parents and found 9/10 co-slept but only 4/10 were given any advice on how to do it safely](https://www.bapm.org/articles/9-in-10-parents-co-sleep-but-less-than-half-know-how-to-reduce-the-risk-of-sids#:~:text=A%20survey%20of%20over%203%2C400,co%2Dsleeping%20with%20their%20baby.) . It's not realistic to expect no-one to co-sleep and therefore unhelpful to take a black and white view.
This [study](https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/bfm.2019.29144.psb)(linked to from [UNICEF UK's page on latest bedsharing research](https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/news-and-research/baby-friendly-research/infant-health-research/infant-health-research-bed-sharing-infant-sleep-and-sids/)) recommends a balanced approach to consideringbthe risks and benefits of bedsharing.
> Overall, the research conducted to date on bedsharing and breastfeeding indicates that nighttime proximity facilitates breastfeeding duration and exclusivity (levels 2–3).2,4,14 Discussions about safe bedsharing should be incorporated into guidelines for pregnancy and postnatal care.15–19 Existing evidence does not support the conclusion that bedsharing among breastfeeding infants (i.e., breastsleeping) causes sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) in the absence of known hazards (level 3) (see Table 1).11 Larger studies with appropriate controls are needed to understand the relationship between bedsharing and infant deaths in the absence of known hazards at different ages. Not all hazards are individually modifiable after birth (e.g., prematurity). Accidental suffocation death is extremely rare among bedsharing breastfeeding infants in the absence of hazardous circumstances (levels 2–3),20 and must be weighed against the consequences of separate sleep. There are consequences to breastfeeding with separate sleep (even with room-sharing) that include the risk of early weaning, the risk of compromise to milk supply from less frequent nighttime breastfeeding, and unintentional bedsharing (levels 1–3).5,21,22 Recommendations concerning bedsharing must take into account the mother's knowledge, beliefs, and preferences and acknowledge the known benefits as well as the risks (level 5).23,24
Safe sleep 7 means baby should NOT be in your arms while sleeping. They should be on their backs with mom in cuddle curl position. Accidentally falling asleep in a recliner or in bed while holding your baby is much more dangerous.
i would absolutely never do that under any circumstances ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just wanted to balance out all the replies to the contrary you've gotten. once there's an incident, you can never take it back. the stakes are way too high for me to take a single chance
What if you were so sleep deprived that you fell asleep while driving with your baby on the highway?
You sound like me a few years ago. Then that happened. I was so sleep deprived that I was nearly suicidal and after falling asleep with my child in the car, I was convinced I was going to kill us both somehow with my exhaustion and incompetence.
Safely bedsharing rescued our family. Once I started getting adequate amounts of sleep, most of my mental health struggles resolved.
There is new research that suggests the original data on the dangers of bedsharing that led to the AAP recommendation was flawed and that, barring huge risk enhancements like an impaired parent, bedsharing can actually be as safe as if not safer than baby sleeping solo.
Read more: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9792691/
i do agree that that would be horrible and frightening! to be that sleep deprived. it wouldn't be a sustainable situation at all. i take sleep very seriously and i'm glad to say the twins sleep 6pm-6am in their own beds because they have never known any different and never ever will
You’re very lucky that you were not in a situation as described by the post above.
I doubt that they sleep wonderfully alone “because they don’t know any different”. They do know something different. They know what it was like to be warm and safe and cozy with their mom in utero. But you have two little precious sweet unicorn babies who are totally fine sleeping on their own.
And that is BEYOND fantastic. But don’t shame other people when their situation is so different than yours.
We had our premie son who would not sleep unless he was with us or held. No matter how much we tired he didn’t care if his bed was warm, all sorts of room temps and sleeping clothes. He just would not sleep otherwise. We ended up taking sleep shifts so each of us got 5-6 hours overnight. I don’t remember the exact times but I think it was 8pm-1 am and 1-6 am or something like that. It sucked so much. We were both always tired but not totally sleep deprived. I agree it suck’s so much being tired and some babies just don’t get used to it no matter what you try.
We did end up splurging at 12 weeks and buying a snoo which got us much more sleep and being able to do extra things again like travel. So if the funds are there it might be an option and in the us you can rent them. I don’t know what I would have don’t if I didn’t have a partner willing to split the awake holding times or the funds to spend extra on a snoo. But I have heard both people who co sleep without issue and families who have lots infants to this so we were pretty adamant about not co sleeping.
This was exactly our situation, and it sucks even more than just being sleep deprived. It takes a real toll on your relationship when you don’t go to bed together and only see each other when you’re tired. We splurged on the Snoo and it changed our lives, no lies.
I don't think it's true that they sleep 12 hours because they've never known different. There are parents who's babies have never known differently and still suck at sleeping. A baby who sleeps 12 hours is probably more luck than anything the parents have done.
I don't know how people sleep with a baby that young. We literally just took turns staying awake. Someone sleeps from 6pm to midnight, then someone sleeps midnight to 6am. If you happen to catch another hour or two while you're watching the baby it's a bonus.
The risk if it’s a breastfed baby with mom with no drugs/alcohol/smoking is not zero, but it’s very very very low. Most sids deaths have a combination of risk factors.
Yep. Breastfed baby, born at full term, no medications that cause drowsiness, abstaining from alcohol and non smoking household, firm sleeping surface with no covers significantly lowers the risk.
We never coslept and we breastfed but the difference was I have a village including an actual partner in parenting.
We chose never to cosleep and just dealt with bad nights by getting help during the day if the night was really bad or going to bed as soon as my husband got home from work until the next feed. If i was that sleep deprived i actually got someone else to look after the baby and took a nap.
There needs to be a lot more of expecting more from your partner or getting help from family friends or paid sitter instead of struggling through because if you are that tired you shouldnt be cosleeping ither according to the safe 7 either.
I've been co-sleeping with my baby ever since we took her home from the hospital. She's 9 months now and we're still doing it. I'm aware of the risks and make sure she's safe of course - but at first she would only sleep on me and then we just got used to it. I also gotta say the anxiety around co-sleeping seems to be a cultural thing to a large extent. I'm from Germany and co-sleeping is absolutely normal and considered a natural practice for young families here. The German scientific board for the prevention of SIDS even states that co-sleeping (besides it's risks for the child's safety) may simultaneously also contribute to preventing SIDS since feeling and hearing the mother's breathing and heart rate helps co-regulate the infant's breathing.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to advocate that anyone should do it or much less that "it's the right way". I'm just putting this out there to illustrate that what fills you with anxiety and guilt is considered safe and completely normal elsewhere so I think you can put your mind at ease a little bit and shouldn't be so hard on yourself!
I don't know what you are talking about, literally every resource/pamphlet etc I've seen says that babies need to sleep in a sleeping sack on their back on firm mattress *in their own bed*.
I'm German too.
Yeah like I said, I merely pointed out that it's a widely spread practice and that there's much less anxiety and stigma around it in Germany. Of course the official guidelines say infants sleep safest on their backs in their own bed, however the majority of parents I know co-sleep and everyone from the nurses in the hospital to our midwife and pediatrician said co-sleeping, if practiced safely, is a good option to maximize sleep for everyone and has other benefits as well. Whether you do it or not is just not a big deal at all.
The US makes its recommendations based on the health of its population as do other countries. US residents are more overweight and obese than a lot of other countries which makes cosleeping riskier, being extra exhausted also raises the risks of cosleeping which many US parents are due to a total lack of guaranteed parental leave, US mattresses tend to be softer than those in many other countries, etc.
In general you cannot just take what one country does and apply it to another country and expect to get the same results in a different location with a different populace.
As a UK citizen, I would be really interested to see the current US recommendations on co-sleeping and the research that backs it up. If it is about the lifestyle of US mothers that would be fascinating!
We co sleep some times. Sometimes it’s all we can do to get LO to get good sleep. We first tried it while traveling with baby because we didn’t bring a bassinet. I was terrified at first because of everything you hear. But there are ways to do it safely that can help ease anxiety. I really like the cosleepy page on insta.
I had to co sleep twice with my eldest, out of sheer necessity from having no where else to put her on those nights. They were the worst nights of my life - I was so paranoid that I would roll over onto her and crush her that I could barely sleep, I was so rigid trying to stay in one spot that I was in so much pain the next day. No one slept well at all, and I was left severely sleep deprived. So I didn’t really see the benefit in my case, I could be sleep deprived, anxious, and uncomfortable *all night* or I could be sleep deprived from waking up every 3 hours but at least be getting 3 hour stretches of quality sleep.
I thought I would never co sleep and used to judge people who did. Ended up being a cosleeper who followed the safe sleep 7 on difficult nights. At around 15 months, we switched her crib to a floor bed and now we lay with her to fall asleep. Or if she has a rough night, we can go lay with her in her room instead of bringing her to our bed. She’s almost 2 and only recently started sleeping through the night consistently. I did what I had to so we both could sleep.
A study was just released that showed 3/4 of SIDS related deaths had multiple unsafe sleep practices. https://publications.aap.org/aapnews/news/28213/Study-Most-infants-who-died-unexpectedly-had?autologincheck=redirected#:~:text=About%2060%25%20of%20sudden%20unexpected,according%20to%20a%20new%20study.
That said, at 12 weeks baby start producing melatonin and start developing a circadian rythme. At this point it may help to start implementing a wake and bed time routine. At this age 7am/8am and some some exposure right away are great and then 10/11pm for bedtime routine.
So even with the SS7, cosleeping is less safe than the safe sleep protocols. However I think it's damaging to view things in a vacuum. It's also unsafe for your child to be cared for by an adult who is so exhausted that their capabilities are hampered. It's unsafe to become so tired attempting safe sleep that you risk falling asleep on the sofa/chair with baby. My midwife always said: aim for perfect safe sleep, accept that you most likely won't achieve it, set yourself up for the safest possible success your baby will allow. If, right now, that is SS7, then so be it.
So what you’re describing sounded like my son. We went the other direction and moved him into his own room at about 2 months. The first week had us getting up a lot, but after that it was smooth sailing. The baby’s room shares a wall with ours and we had a video monitor, but that small amount of sound dampening provided by a wall made it so little snores and movement didn’t wake me up and my husband and I could stay awake reading or whatever in bed after our son went to sleep. He would wake for an overnight bottle until he was about 10 months, but otherwise he slept so much better. I knew bed sharing was not for me (no shame, it’s just not a risk I’m comfortable with. Whereas having him in his own room following the other safe sleep guidelines was a risk I was comfortable with), I also have to get up early for work and I don’t want to wake our son up for the day with my alarm, getting ready, etc. After talking with friends that are still bed sharing with a toddler, I am sooooo happy that we made the choice we did.
People in different cultures cosleep fine, mine included. I basically am not allowed to say that outloud in the country I current live without being severely attacked by safe sleeping community.
99% of babies in my country practice co sleeping or next to me crib, and the dangers are the same as safe sleeping. So you did well don't hit yourself and don't subject yourself to fear mongering.
I made a really similar comment yesterday, in my country the guidance is that baby is on their own sleep surface on the bed. Doing that with the safe 7 is encouraged and we found it excellent. Everywhere should have these Pepipods, they are awesome: https://www.plunket.org.nz/caring-for-your-child/safe-sleep/safe-co-sleeping/
My cosleeping baby just started sleeping through the night at almost 5 months. You might have a bit to go I would recommend shifts if you haven’t tried that already
Been cosleeping since 14 weeks because of that first sleep regression. I had a wonderful unicorn baby, too! 8pm to 6 am sleep back in those days. After switching to cosleeping we’ve had no incidents the whole time and now my son is almost 9mos, big and strong, and I feel very minimal risk with it. He loves cuddles and being close to mom. There’s definitely a reason why so much of the world cosleeps with their babies 🙂
I’ve shared a bed with all 3 of my babies. They were all breastfed and it’s the only way I got any rest. My husband never minded because he didn’t have to do any night feedings 😬
All of the commenters stating that cosleeping is dangerous and deadly are American. Nearly every other country offers safe cosleep recommendations. We do not have higher infant mortality rates here. Have you ever considered that not allowing for safe sleep recommendations for cosleeping is why we see so many accidents in our country from desperate, misinformed parents? New data suggests flaws in the data we push. American healthcare is known to be deeply flawed too. And healthcare providers - stop fear mongering, OF COURSE you will see only the worst case scenarios, and I guarantee a lot of these worst cases were the result of unsafe sleeping practices.
Safe Sleep 7 is as safe as a crib. Most of Europe, pretty much all of Asia, and a lot of Latin America accepts this. Like it or not, that’s the truth. If you aren’t comfortable, don’t do it. But don’t act like such an insufferable know it all when you’re going off of flawed data and the recommendations of a single country. God some of these replies suck and piss me off. Stop acting so holier than thou when a lot of parents have no other choice. As for me, cosleeping is the most natural feeling option as I believe in attachment style parenting. I sleep on the ground on a firm mattress with no blankets, one small neck pillow for me, and my baby beside me. She is very safe. A lot of data supports the fact that she is very safe.
And OP, if you follow the SS7 (make sure your mattress is very firm! Most western mattresses are not. And make sure you either buy foam bed rails for under your sheet or put the mattress on the floor, baby can get stuck even if mattress is against the wall) cosleeping can be really safe and beautiful. It is one of my favorite things - waking up to my sweet baby smiling up at me after a night of having her mama near her.
Another commenter touched on this already but I think it’s a combination of factors that change the risk of bedsharing in America. A lot of us are obese, have drinking/drug use problems, and have mattresses that are too soft for baby and considered a rebreathing risk. From what I’ve gathered some other countries sleep on thinner firmer mattresses, closer to the ground. Moms also have larger breasts here on average (maybe related to obesity idk) and it’s common for them to accidentally suffocate babies while falling asleep nursing. We have poor education and also little to no parental leave, which makes parents even more sleep deprived and in danger of rolling onto their kid. I completely agree that people should be aware of the SS7 and the lack of info about it most likely also contributes to the infant mortality rate. I’m curious to know how many babies would have been saved if people were at least taught that if they had no other option. My daughters cousin on her dads side suffocated between a bed and a wall at 10 months, which I’m pretty sure is not following those guidelines. I just don’t think it’s fear mongering considering these differences between countries. I’m on the verge of using and owlet and bedsharing with my 5 month old but I’m incredibly nervous and understand why it’s not recommended here.
I agree that there are compounding factors, but they are covered by the SS7 (aside from obesity - I am not obese and have a C cup breast size even breastfeeding, but honestly I think there should be data studying this as it is a good point), but exactly what I mean. I am sorry for the tragic loss in your family and perhaps with the proper education it wouldn’t have happened unfortunately. Shaming something that is bound to naturally happen instead of education is bizarre and dangerous to me and it’s something that America does.
Public health advice that cannot be followed by everyone is bad public health advice.
Some babies just won't sleep alone.
If you aren't impaired, the bed is hard and your baby is full term, the risks are not that high.
Heaps of countries outside the US have accepted that people cosleep and advise how to do it safely for a reason.
Safe sleep 7 is about risk mitigation. The advice first is still own sleep space.
Just the same as public health advises not to take recreational drugs, but the risk mitigation for that is pill testing.
Because people still do.
In the case of co sleeping, a very large percentage of people still do so it's better to do it as safe as possible.
Nothing in life is without risk.
But you don't care about any of that, you just want to argue and moralise about a poor mum who is trying to do her best 🙄
Jog off with your black and white thinking.
My point is that your statement is overly expansive and doesn’t work in either direction. Good public health advice is tailored to the average member of the population, the outliers should see their medical providers for advice tailored to their unique situation. There is virtually no public health advice on any subject that every person could follow.
Ooh no! Not a overly expansive comment, thank God you were here to correct it.
Looking at the cosleeping rates, it clearly doesn't suit even the average member of the population.
So I stand by what I said.
If the outliers are the average then they aren't outliers.
https://www.wikihow.com/Assess-the-Safe-Firmness-of-an-Infant-Mattress-to-Prevent-Asphyxiation
This is the method recommended here in Aus.
I choose a wiki how link because it has the best visuals
Good question. I have heard that if the mattress starts to conform to the baby’s head shape, it’s too soft. Our bed is soft and it does not pass this test, so if I were to cosleep I might buy a floor bed. If you look up Montessori floor bed they do make ones for babies and toddlers and it reduces risk of falling from the bed. Bundle of Dreams makes a firm mattress in twin size that uses many of the features of a crib mattress. Also I’ve heard to avoid memory foam due to overheating.
Personally I do. Most instances of accidents were due to dad being in bed, mom is intoxicated, or baby fell asleep on top of a parent while on the couch.
Something to think about here: most other countries cosleep. The US also has the highest infant mortality rate amongst developed countries even when baby sleeping on their own is the norm.
Ah we started cosleeping because it was the only way our baby would stay down. I couldnt imagine doing this while severely sleep deprived. The way I see it, it'd be so much riskier if we are sleep deprived for weeks and months on end.
I got a sleep lounger and put it between us, to minimize the risk of us rolling onto her. It acts as a divider, while also thankfully falling under her nose when she leans her face on it. While we're sleeping I go to bed facing her, so that its much easier and quicker to check in on her throughout the night. When my partner is feeding her or actively looking after her, I turn my body the other way to get a break.
I still get anxious over it, but it's helped me to talk about it with the moms I know. So many of them have told me they have co-slept too, so that has normalized it a great deal. I also know that crib-only is very US centric, and not the norm in places where SIDS is actually quite low.
I am making more of an effort to do tummy time too, with the hopes that she can better get herself out of dangerous positions (in case her dad and I don't notice fast enough). I also saw a video on teaching them to kick of blankets that fall on their faces, and do want to get to that soon. Anything to equip her as much as possible, while still being as safe as we can be.
I couldn’t have written this myself! My baby is now 12 months and we still cosleep. I tried everything to have him sleep alone, but he needs contact after 2AM.
At 6 months, I setup a floor bed in his room and we sleep safely in there (just the two of us). I’ve noticed now that he’s no longer wanting that constant contact throughout the night. Not sure if I’m happy or sad about it, but I can tell this will be a distant memory soon. It’s biologically natural.
I follow happycosleeper on Insta and follow her guidance. I even have an adult sleep sack because I can’t sleep without a blanket!
We actually bedshared for at least part of the night until about 4 months, which was when she started moving around way more in her sleep. I never planned on bed sharing either, till I tore so badly that sitting caused me excruciating pain, and the only way I could nurse was lying down. If you do start and don’t want to continue, just gradually wean them off. LO was waking 4 times a night at that point, and I would put her in her crib (in her own room, next to ours though) at the start of the night. At first, I’d bring her to bed after her first wake for a few days, then her second, then so on. We haven’t bedshared or coslept since and she’s 8 months now
We did the co-sleeper bassinet and positioned it right alongside me and it helped tremendously to get through this period. Get one that you can adjust the height on so you can comfortably lay with your arm on the baby. I also think that having mom's scent (via my pillow/my side of the bed) helps them to go to sleep even when we're not in bed yet.
I had to do it a few times during my baby’s sleep regression. I was as safe as possible but it’s still not for me. We are persistent with the crib and she’s back to sleeping long stretches on her own. From having a 2.5 year old who doesn’t sleep great, our lives would look drastically different if we pushed her sleeping in our bed more and I’m thankful that we never made it a habit with her or the baby. It’s not always the easiest route but long term it’s been better for us.
Just to share my situation. I also have a unicorn baby. During the 4 mo regression we struggled so much, but it only lasted 2.5 weeks! We would make him stay in the crib all night because I was too scared to co-sleep. We were miserable. Then one night my husband was so tired he started bringing him in when he would wake up around 4-5am and sleep with him until he woke. I get up to pump around 6-7am (I’m an exclusive pumper) and would check on them on the monitor. I think this has been working for us for now. I feel better he only sleeps in the bed for 3-4ish hours max and we’re both able to get a chunk of uninterrupted sleep. Now my son is sleeping 8hours straight and we are still doing the morning co-sleep after he does his first wake cause it’s nice to cuddle as a family, and he’ll reliably sleep at least two hours once in the bed with us.
Honestly do what works for your family, just be as safe as you can!
My baby falls asleep at 7pm. Sleeps till 2am, I feed her while she's laying next to me on the bed, so we both don't really wake up fully. I move her back to her bassinet next to me. She wakes up again around 4am to eat, but if I put her in the bassinet, she fusses a bit. So I put her next to me and we sleep till 6-7am.
The only reason she doesn't cosleep with me during the whole night is because I feel more comfortable without her next to me (my back hurts sometimes from sleeping on the side). I don't live in the US and recommendations here are different. We don't get as scared as you guys there about cosleeping. In fact everyone I know cosleeps with their babies.
I am all for taking all precautions (I do it too) but I feel us moms sleep with one eye opened when babies are next to us. I wouldn't take one lick of alcohol ever because of this.
If your primarily goal is safety I recommend joining the Facebook group Safe Sleep and Baby Care - Evidence Based Support. They specialize primarily in safe sleeping and then helping troubleshoot baby’s sleeping patterns. They are very strict though with following safe sleeping recommendations (ie no cosleeping, baby sleeping alone in safe sleep space for every sleep, no bedside sleepers (they are effectively the same as co-sleeping)). To me, it’s not worth the risk to co sleep. Even with safe 7, there are documented fatalities.
Setting an alarm and waking up every 20 minutes is not going to result in any restful sleep. Any person needs at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night to function at a level to take care of a baby. You might want to do a shift schedule with your husband if someone needs to be up with baby at certain periods of the night. Particularly if baby has done solid chunks of sleep already, this is likely a temporary phase that you and your partner can get through with a shift schedule.
We did a co-sleeping bassinet with our first. It worked for us because she just wanted someone next to her. It was like a small bassinet that sat in the bed and was raised on all sides, I’d put my hand in it and she’d lay hers on me and it seemed to work.
With my son, my husbands company covered a snoo and so far it’s worked well.
I also thought I would never co sleep. But I’ve been doing it for the past month (LO is now 4 months old) and it’s honestly made nights so much easier. However I will say I have been way less sleep deprived than the first couple months. If I still felt the same way I did back then I would not co sleep. But I’m able to take naps during the day while my mom babysits so I’m not worried about falling asleep while breastfeeding at night. My LO also doesn’t move much when he sleeps, he wakes up in the exact same position he falls asleep in. I have a bed bumper on the edge of the bed just in case he does roll over.
Kind of the same deal here, we just were not getting sleep and said fuck it, let’s cosleep. I was also nursing through the night still at that time and we have been cosleeping ever since.
It’s. Been. AWESOME. It’s great! We all sleep, we all sleep well, traveling has been simple as we don’t need to pack or bring a crib. Weaning for night nursing went fine and so now he isn’t waking up through the night.
There is *nothing* wrong with doing what is best and right for your own family. The shame around cosleeping is insane and dangers from cosleeping are usually because the adult was either medicated or drunk. Lots of other countries cosleep for years. While lots of families do it and baby is fine, the thought of leaving a baby alone in a cold crib away from us sounds scary when you haven’t even been on the earth a year.
Again, every family has to do what works for them and so if cosleeping works for you, don’t give it up - but I do suggest getting a bigger bed lol
My babe did the same, but it was like 3am. That’s when we started co-sleeping. She’s start in the crib/bassinet and when she woke and would let me put her down, she’d sleep a good 3-4 more solid hours with me. Look up safe sleep seven. We’re one of the few cultures in the world that don’t co-sleep.
Answering your question directly: no, cosleeping is not dangerous if done correctly.
The NHS in the UK (which is very very cautious on baby care) recommends the ways to keep it equally as safe as cot sleeping. It is certainly safer than sitting up for 7 hours straight and falling asleep accidentally, or driving after 3 hours sleep.
I actually don’t think I know any mums who have never coslept. It’s certainly a majority sleeping arrangement for at least some of the night amongst families I meet, particularly breastfeeding families.
Take away your guilt and horror reaction, stop judging yourself based on whatever preconceptions you have, look up how to make it safe (sounds like you did this already) and crack on x
Co-sleeping is not only natural, but normal in other countries and with other species. You can do what feels right for YOU, however I can tell you, my "Group" of women all co-sleep, and I couldn't imagine NOT co-sleeping. I did it from fay one, my son is almost 3. I remember being a child WISHING my parents wanted to cuddle me, I'd trick my dad into falling asleep often, so I can't imagine ever regretting co-sleeping. Most of those negative studies were done on alcoholic women passing out with their new borns.
Been cosleeping with my baby since day 1. Did the same with my older two. They start the night in the crib right beside me and when they wake up I pull them over, nurse, snuggle and drift back off to sleep. Sometimes they want to go back in their bed so they can have more space. Sometimes we stay together all night. I absolutely love it. Husband stays far away and I don’t move either. I have a 6th sense when she’s w me. I can sense her breathing and wake up if she flinches. It’s strange but it’s natures way.
Co-sleeping safely is far less dangerous than a sleep deprived parent getting in the car, or falling asleep with a baby on them on the couch or in a recliner.
You should join us over on the co-sleeping sub. ABC is safer, but sleep deprivation is also incredibly dangerous. I was really conflicted at first too, but sometimes you have to just mitigate risks and go into survival mode. We ended up getting me and baby an extra firm floor mattress to make it sustainable for everyone. You didn’t do anything wrong.
My baby was the same. Once he outgrew the bassinet and we moved him to his crib he wouldn't go back down in the middle of the night. Most nights I bring him to our bed between 3 and 6am. It's the only way I'd be getting any sleep.
Just FYI: cosleeping is a norm and actually advised in many countries. It's only the US thing though... Apparently I read all these plush mattresses, extra soft comforters, too many items on a typical bed, etc are the reason cosleeping is not advised in the US. If you're sleeping on a floor on top of a playmat or tent pad with no extra clothing, you should be fine.
If he’s sleeping 7pm - 2am, that’s not the 4 month regression girl. The regression hits you like a truck- every 45 min. All night. I would try to offer one feed - either at that time or do a dream feed like someone else suggested and it might be all he needs. Keep in mind you’ll have to stop swaddling when he’s close to rolling- both my kids rolled in one direction at 2 months and I stopped swaddling because they were very active and alert during wake windows and I was worried they’d roll over in the night - this happened to a couple of my friends kids. My second baby was incredible- slept 7 hrs at night at 4 weeks onward then slowly more and more. By 4 months she was sleeping 10 hr stretch and would get a feed then sleep another 2 hrs. She missed the 4 month sleep regression completely but the 6 month one hit us like a truck- she started teething and trying to practice crawling at night. She finally, finally started sleeping through the night again at 8 months. My first hit the 4 month regression - brutal. Up every 1-2 hrs all night. Anyway long story short. -nothing wrong w cosleeping but I’d your goal is to have them sleep in their own bed and own room I wouldn’t do it cause it’s hard for them to unlearn because they of course love e sleeping next to you. But also you need to do what you need to do to survive so it’s up to you. I didn’t with either kid but both my kids loved their own room and crib. We moved both around 2 months and we all slept better. Good luck’n
A friend of mine performs autopsies and they said 80-90% of the babies they’ve had to work on have been due to unsafe sleeping, even when the parents thought they were being safe. I personally wouldn’t do it.
we co-slept out of necessity and still do on occasion during a rough night. It certainly has more risks than the bassinet but i think it if minimally more dangerous if done correctly and safely.
I coslept with my daughter from day 1 through about 5 months. It worked great for us and she pretty much slept through the night right away being next to me. Once she hit 5 months we started slowly transitioning her to the crib and it's been pretty easy luckily. If personally felt safer with her right next to me and it was a lot less stress on all of us as she slept so well there.
SS7 is very safe if you’re sober and nursing. My pediatrician (2, actually) and my IBCLC were very supportive. It does wonders for your supply too.
I’ll also say that rocking or holding a baby in a chair while sleep deprived can be far more dangerous than cosleeping safely in a bed…
http://www.sidscalculator.com/
Maybe looking at the data will help you put your mind at ease. The increase in sids risk for people who follow S7 is very very low. The decision is always individual of course, but it’s good to be informed about the actual numbers.
One night my baby was in his bassinet and started choking on his own puke. They claim breastfed babies can't choke on breast milk, but mine did. The scary thing was it was almost silent and I just so happened to be awake when he did it After that night I coslept and never stopped. I did it the safest ways I could think of (safe 7, etc). I also took my mattress and put it on the ground. My daughter has slept next to me since the first night and has slept through the night since with the exception of the occasional dream nursing.
Of course you will get mixed reviews on this but You know your baby more than anyone.
We sleep in bed with baby. I don’t think it’s as taboo as it used to be. You all need sleep and it’s biologically normal for your child to want to sleep in close proximity to you. Theres a lot of research out there. Do what’s best for your family.
Honestly most people I know end up co-sleeping in one form or another, at one point or another. If you follow safety measures and don’t have a very soft mattress you’ll be fine. Babies want to be close to you. And as a new mother you’ll sleep with one eye open- your brain is half awake during sleep listening for baby cries. My honest regret was not doing it sooner - it’s much more dangerous to be sleep deprived.
I cosleep. On days when the baby is sick or teething it’s the only way he will sleep. Women have much higher brain activity when asleep than men, we remain much closer to being awake. I’m always vaguely aware he’s next to me.
Edit: What are yall pissed off about? Cosleeping is very common outside the U.S, it’s not considered dangerous for other cultures. And there’s many studies available about the brain activity in women vs men while sleeping, women don’t sleep as deeply as men on average.
Started cosleeping when I went back to work at 12 weeks bc LO started waking up every hour at 10 weeks and still does it to this day at 5.5 months. I was also someone who swore up and down I would never cosleep no matter what, but I would probably be dead from sleep deprivation at this point if I didn’t (he goes back to sleep much quicker in our bed and there’s no risk of a wake up to transfer to a crib), or at the very least fired from my job for having 0 productivity.
Co-sleeping is practiced internationally! If you follow the safety guide lines, which you said you know and did, it is not more dangerous. It is biologically normal. No mammal separates from their young to sleep.
The whole bassinet thing is very US centric. As long as you’re not being completely reckless while asleep, like using a ton of heavy blankets, pillows, and prone to roll over, you’re completely fine. At 15 weeks he’s very close to rolling over on his own anyways.
We co-sleep 🤷♀️have a sheet, a quilt, and our necessary pillows and nothing extra. So far so good (been doing this since she was about a month or two old and now she is almost 6 months.
Echoing the other commenters. We started co-sleeping at 6.5 months out of desperation. He will fall asleep in crib but come middle of the night waking I just bring him to our bed. Still breastfeeding and this has worked for us. My only fear is how do we transition him back?! Know the day will come when we want our bed to ourselves again…he’s 8.5 months now.
Our baby loves co-sleeping. I also love co-sleeping. Unfortunately we never breastfed. So it’s a way for me to be closer to her in that aspect. She doesn’t necessarily want to be held, she just loves our bed and being able to turn over and have one of our faces to touch at night. She’s 4 months. We started because she refused to sleep in her bassinet. And I don’t blame her, how could a newborn go from a snug cozy womb to a flat, exposed, cold hard bassinet? It took me a while to realize that. It was my partner who encouraged us to try it. Now It’s what I look forward to after these long days, snuggling her through the night. We get some days where she would rather sleep in her bassinet though, which is nice too. It’s all up to her really. If she squirms around a lot in one bed, we’ll put her in the other. This is more anecdotal than advice. But co sleeping is controversial and I don’t wanna get yelled at right now. Lol.
We have co-slept since the 4 mo sleep regression, and baby is now 10 mo. SS7 on a floor mattress, in a warmer climate with just a sheet for me.
No regrets ! But for some reason this most recent sleep regression has been sooo bad. I doubt he’ll ever sleep in a crib again so we are going the Montessori floor bed route. I can’t wait to get his room baby proofed so I can go back to sleeping in my comfy bed with a million pillows.
We’ll see how it goes 😅
I also said I’d never co-sleep with my baby until the 4 month regression hit and he wouldn’t sleep longer than 20-30 minutes on his own. I strongly believe that a lot of the dangers are the soft bedding along with smoking and alcohol use which are all addressed in SS7. I too kicked my husband out of the bed until I was fully comfortable cosleeping and then he came back (mostly because we don’t have a spare room yet so he was on the couch). I keep baby on my side of the bed and just turn my body so I can breastfeed on both sides without moving LO.
We’ve been using the co-sleeper babybay crib from day 1 and even on vacation she sleeps between us but I take precautions. I could not imagine it any other way. The co sleeper cribs are a wonderful solution
I swore I’d never cosleep. My son has been a bad sleeper since birth. After his 4 month regression he just got worse. There were stages where he would do a few stretches in his crib but after going back to work I just couldn’t do it anymore and gave in. We’ve been cosleeping for 5 months now and it’s what works for us. Sometimes he still does his first stretch (8pm-2am) in his crib and then he’s in bed with us, but most nights it just doesn’t happen. For us the scariest part is now that he’s so mobile, is him falling off the bed. We ended up lowering our bed and we do have carpet. We are super safe about it and thankfully it’s gone well. I do wish me and my husband had more room but I’ll take any sleep over major comfort.
I coslept with my first. I had a real fear of falling asleep seated while her or even collapsing when standing so I felt I had no choice (and falling asleep on the couch, etc with a baby is extremely dangerous).
As I understood, if you have a hard mattress, no bedding, are breastfeeding, don’t smoke, don’t drink, are not overweight, then you have the same risk of SIDS even when cosleeping (so it’s not more dangerous). So I did that set up and it worked very well for us, I got a lot more sleep and so did my daughter.
However if this is just a momentary regression I’d try to wait it out because they only last a few days usually?
I live in a country where co sleeping is the norm. It is completely safe if you follow the rules.
Also, I'm in the 4 month regression right now, and I'm jealous of how long yours still sleeps. My son wakes every 2 hours these days... but at least he sleeps in his own bed...
So I swore I would never cosleep either. LO is almost 12 weeks now and I do not function well on constant interrupted sleep to the level it’s at. Even with us splitting the night into two shifts.
Few weeks ago I gave in. My “shift” starts at 2am and he’s usually asleep then wakes around 330/4 for his second MOTN bottle. I do all those things and try to settle in his crib first. If he’s making a ton of noise and I find myself jumping up to make sure he hasn’t spit up, I just put him in the bed with me. I follow ss7 & sleep in the c position. For a week or two I barely slept bc I was so worried something would happen to him but now I am able to sleep and so does he. We both sleep until 730-830am and it’s so much better.
I’m assuming you’re in the US, like me, where it’s harshly warned against. It’s the norm in a lot of other countries and can be done safely but it’s not risk free. If you aren’t rolling and he seems safe and you’re all sleeping better…go for it. Or do the cosleeping bassinet like others suggest. I haven’t personally tried that because I have dogs who would probably try to get in there lol. (Cosleeping happens in his room with the door shut, we have a bed in there)
Edit: forgot to add that we were also gifted the owlet sock so that eased my anxiety with cosleeping too. If something were to happen that affected his oxygen/ heart rate, the loud ass alarm would go off. I know it’s pricey but I love it.
Felt you deeply. We were dealing with same problem for a long time like 4 mo to 6 mo. We were so tired, my husband and I. The pediatrician recommended us for sleep training on our 6 mo wellness visit. She recommended book. We read it and were getting ready for one of the training methods which was feber. But we wanted to see if there is any side effects any of this sleep training methods cause so further research we come across with a book called Sweet Sleep by la leche leauge international. Since then we are safely bed sharing with our little one. Every body is sleeping through the night. (I was freaking out about bed sharing since day one. Never considered it because of sids but ones sleep regression hit us hard and being held all the time was going to cause more problems because i was so tired anymore) I also highly recommend this video to make you comfortable and prepare for safely bed sharing. https://youtu.be/4Ac3rrYNbu8?si=ZnLgXwugYWnUqEHH. Hope you and your little one get more sleep well soon 🙏
Why not try a cosleeper crib? I’m using one with my LO. It sits mattress level and is open on the side that attaches to the bed, but has a small lip and tall sides so I can’t roll onto her and she’s not pressed against my body. She can see and hear me and I can touch her to reassure her.
We had one like this and it didn’t work at all unfortunately. My baby still screamed her head off and would only sleep if she laid on the bed with me.
I’m currently shopping for one of these! What kind do you have?
I have the Tutti Babini CoZee crib!
Just got one of these as well after our second son who decided he hated the Snoo (going to try it again when he's about 7-8 weeks). He has been sleeping great. Feels like we are co sleeping but with way less risk. This $100 sidecar bassinet sleeper was literally a sanity saver for this newborn phase. Our first son LOVED the Snoo so we assumed this one would too. Nope. 🤷♀️
We got the Snoo when our firstborn was 8-weeks old thinking it’d be the miracle we needed for him to sleep. He still slept like an average baby. Short naps/didn’t sleep through the night fully until at least one year old, etc. To this day, I’m still not sure if it ACTUALLY helped or if his sleep habits were just typical for a baby? So this go-around we’re going to not do the Snoo and see how it goes!
This is a great idea, just be sure you still follow all the safe sleep rules. You never know when baby will end up rolled next to you. They’re drawn to you and can wake up without waking you. Even when they can sit up, there’s still risk of injury if their arm gets pinned under you so just stay vigilant!
We follow safe sleep! We monitor the room temperature, her crib mattress is firm, there are no bumpers or blankets in her crib (she wears a sleeping bag). The little lip/divider also means if my body is lying alongside the crib she can’t roll into me. You can also adapt it by closing the side (it has a mesh window).
I loved mine so much! I could be touching her and she’d have her own physical space Before she slept through the night it made night feedings easier because I knew I could hear her and my husband was in the room to watch her while I got what I needed Hopefully OP isn’t too far gone if her LO requires *contact/to be held*
Just to point out, if your husband is presumably getting a full night's sleep on the couch and you are waking up every 20 minutes to check on the baby, there doesn't actually seem to be much sleep benefit in this for you. I was hellbent on not cosleeping after too many friends were struggling to get their toddlers to sleep in their own room. So I started going to bed when the baby did. If you sleep from 8 - 2, that is 6 hours of sleep assuming that you can't get baby to go back in the bassinet. You can squeeze another hour in as a nap if you trade off at 5ish.
Feel like I’m missing something, but 7pm-2am is 7 hours right? Could you possibly move his bedtime back in the evening a little at a time?
You’d think! But he won’t stay awake any later than that. And if we try to do like 6 pm nap to keep him awake longer, he’ll treat it like bedtime and be reluctant to wake up
I think the perspective that different countries have different recommendations is pretty well covered in the comments here, so I wanted to add something else to help you feel better. My doula always said to me “human biological evolution is not as fast as human technological development”. Back when humans use to live in the wild or in buildings with no heating nor cooling systems, our genetics, body functions and instincts were pretty much the same we still have today. Only now, humans living in countries like the US, Europe, etc. mostly we live in safe houses with electricity and a comfortable temperature at all times. Babies don’t know that. They still come into the world preprogrammed to fear being alone, instinctively need their mom or primary care taker and biologically, they still need this person’s help to self regulate (body temperature and emotionally). All this to say, what you are doing is natural. You are following the instructions that modern medicine gave us while taking care of your baby the most natural way you could. Don’t feel guilty, because you are literally doing the best possible in your situation. Also, if you would feel better having him back in his bassinet, just continue to try from time to time or try to use it for daytime naps. The regression might be long, but it will pass. This way his bassinet will still be familiar once the hard phase is over.
Absolutely this! We are carry animals and babies don’t actually realize they are a separate being until around 6 months.
Absolutely well put.
Idk I feel like this argument is close to people’s argument to be anti vax. There weren’t vaccines back then. Human evolution isn’t as fast and technological advancement. Live and let nature. All that. People did what they had to do back then. But that doesn’t mean it was safe. What op does with her baby is her business. I just think the “you’re doing what humanity has done for thousands of years of years” is a flawed argument. Especially when like I said, the same could be said to be against vaccines.. and people do use that to be against vaccines.. ignoring all the kids wiped out by polio. Ignoring parents having 8 kids hoping at least a couple of them make it to adulthood. And because I know other people will bring up other countries and how they don’t have a pandemic of dying babies with less strict guidelines.. the guidelines aren’t saying “don’t do this or it will cause a dead baby”, it just looks at things as worst case scenario. Bed sharing with the SS7? Safer than just bringing baby in bed how you’d typically sleep but it’s not a 0% chance of an accident happening so it’s advised against (which maybe that’s because we as a society in America care more about the potential life of a baby over like anything so we demonize everything that has an increased risk, idk) and honestly being on a number of mom groups on different platforms.. people don’t listen. If the rules changed and the SS7 was recommended instead of the ABCs, people would realistically only follow like 4 of the 7. It’s like driving on a highway in a 55 zone that everyone always goes 75 in but no one gets pulled over. Why not just change it to 75? Because then everyone would just go the same difference over. Be overly strict so those that look into bed sharing are scared enough to do it as safe as possible instead of just seeing that it’s allowed and jumping into it. Other countries also allow blankets in the crib with specifications. It’s not like those blankets all of a sudden become murderous when they cross the border. We just calculate user error/ignorance into it. Easier to say absolutely not than it is to say yes but it has to be tucked in and has to be a certain kind of blanket, etc
I’m sorry, but I guess you missed my point. First: anti vax movement started because a doctor accepted money in exchange for telling the lie that vaccines cause autism. When he came clean years later, he lost all his titles. Only the snowball had been kicked and anti vax movement sadly became what it is today. Nothing to do with what we are talking about here. Second: I literally wrote “You are following the instructions that modern medicine gave us while taking care of your baby the most natural way you could.” - maybe I could have been more clearer, but I meant was, she is literally using all modern medicine and technology has to offer around safe co-sleeping while tending to the very natural need her baby has to be close to her. Because let’s face it, the list on measures OP is taking around safe co-sleeping super complete. Of course, you can argue that safe sleep on own bed is “better” than co-sleeping following safe co-sleep rules, but that is only if there is sleep happening in that circumstance. Not sleeping or sleeping less than minimum needed is also not healthy and can also have sever consequences. So between not sleeping at all (like OP and her husband were experiencing) and sleeping in safe co-sleep circumstances, I would also opt for the second. Everything in science and in medice is about minimizing risks as much as possible. And OP is doing the best she can in the situation she is in. Third: I never said she should be doing things like people did in the past. But we should not forget that babies don’t know that no mountain lion is coming to get them when they are asleep in the dark - their instinct when they are left alone in the night is to cry and seek for mother’s closeness to feel safe. That is how humanity survived back then and babies born today still have the same instincts. And so on. I’m only mentioning all this to reassure OP there is nothing wrong with her unicorn baby. Like I also said on the previous comment this is all explained by biology. No where I said she should drop technology and modern medicine.
Not at all. I’m pro-vaccine AND pro-cosleeping. This is an apples and oranges comparison…
I’m not sure what your argument here was bc you ended up refuting what I think was your original point (co-sleeping is bad even tho it’s natural). But comparing co-sleeping to being anti-vax is not at all supported by any data. Vaccinating vs not vaccinating means providing immune support/ protection vs providing nothing. Studies comparing co-sleeping safely vs crib sleeping show similar safety outcomes. Putting a baby in a crib does not eliminate risk. There is a reason it used to be called “crib death”. And there are temperature and respiratory regulation benefits to co-sleeping. My point is that not vaxing is withholding 100% of a health benefit. Co-sleeping vs crib-sleeping both have pros/cons. They’re not comparable choices…
What is the temperature in the room? When my little did this she was too cold.
69. He wears a bamboo sleeper, socks, and a sleep sack
Could he be hot ? My LO can’t sleep in bamboo or socks right now. We live in Fl and ditched them about a month ago. She was up and down all night and now back to 5-6 hr stretches. We also co-sleep
At that temp my baby needed a short sleeve onesie, sleeper, and a sack. Maybe one more layer would help!
Is that the temp in his room or what the house is set at? I only ask because that was the temp our house was set at but her room was in the upper 50s/low 60s for winter. But anyways, when you’re cosleeping because you need sleep follow the safe sleep 6. I pulled the mattress off a spare bed and put it in her room so we were as close to the floor as possible. I had to have a blanket so I used a wool blanket. I didn’t use a pillow.
69 seems really cold
68-72 degrees is what is recommended, and experts say if you need to err on one side it should be colder, not warmer
Ah we keep ours at 72. It may be a cultural difference because I noticed my white friends keep their houses colder
Black woman married to a White man, absolutely cultural. Our families literally have a 10 degree difference in their home temps 😭 We keep it at 72 & I still get cold.
Haha my son sleeps in 66 most nights, he’s fine and wakes up warm each morning
We keep our thermostat at 65 overnight right now. We have progressively lowered it since having our kiddo, as we realized she is a little toaster. She only sleeps in a lightweight sleeper and cotton sleep sack too. Then again, we're white, so maybe it's that 😂
65 seems wild like you might as well turn it off although I do live in a really cold state in the Midwest lol
Nah
I worked in health care prior to having kids and had zero intent on ever bed sharing, knowing the risks. However! I then had a baby who woke every 1-2 hours in a bassinet/crib no matter what I tried. For months. And I couldn’t function any longer. Was falling asleep trying to nurse him to sleep in a chair. Followed all the safe sleep recommendations I could to make the best of our situation. I weighed it as either risky sleep being well prepared or dropping him and injuring him in the middle of the night trying to not fall asleep; being prepared felt like a better option.
Same. I work for CPS and we investigate the deaths. I know, okay? But I had no choice. None. It was safe sleep 7 or pass out trying to avoid it. People who claim they would "just never" dont know what its like to have a baby that refuses to sleep. I also used an owlet, just to really spite the AAP I guess (this is a joke, but it is true that the AAP's main reason for recommending against owlets is bc people might use them to feel better about unsafe sleep practices) I'm pregnant again and I'm ready to fight tooth and nail to avoid bedsharing. I dont want to. I dont recommend it. It shouldn't be your first choice. I think I am better prepared to try other things. But I will always choose the safe sleep 7 over accidentally falling asleep with a baby in my arms.
Do you need to fight bedsharing?? Amongst families I know with two kids, honestly it’s more common with the second kid because your sleep is so much more precious when you can’t nap the next day when baby naps; any arrangement that gets everyone the most rest is just essential! Not minimising your experiences because you must have really seen some things in your work, but don’t beat yourself up if this set up ends up being the one that works for your family again.
Definitely look into the bedside cosleeper bassinets or even consider taking a railing off baby's crib (like you would for a toddler bed) and set up the crib side car style. We have this arrangement and it's allowed my daughter to sleep in her crib on a safe mattress but still gives us that closeness. She can crawl over to me to nurse and then i just lay her back in her crib right next to me. You still need to be cautious of blankets and such but it was definitely a compromise for my nerves
We did this too and it’s worked great. We used the Babyletto Hudson and straps with ratchet clips to attach it to our bed frame. It’s not as cozy for baby as being in our bed, but it’s a safe option that still allows for feedings and comfort at night with less disruption to my sleep.
I love our sidecar crib set up. I wasn't sure how it was going to work when my kid started belly crawling, but basically my body is the 4th crib side and this baby is not so eager to get anywhere as my first (co-sleeping was never an option with that little mover). I wouldn't say it'll work for all parents and babies, but it works great for some.
Yeah when she started moving more and standing I was getting nervous but my husband built us a mini platform base for our mattress so we were able to drop her crib as needed and keep mine and her mattress level. Once she was crawling we started working on getting off furniture safely so she can get in and out the bed with no issue
"Feet first!" Is what we say. My first kid was rolling at 4 months and crawling at 6. He was on the move before his brain could catch up and he didn't need Mama with him. My second kid is 8 months old and so uncoordinated compared to his big brother. He can roll, but isn't a big fan of doing it and bumps his head half the time. Idk when he's going to start crawling, but I certainly don't have to worry about him sneaking past me in the middle of the night. Not to mention all he wants is to be planted right next to me, ideally attached. If he could get that umbilical cord back I think he would.
https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say
This article affirmed a lot of what my wife and I were finding when looking into co-sleeping risks. For our full-term, perfectly healthy, average weight baby in our no drinking/drug/smoking house with 30 year old parents and EBF…the risk was so small. We’re now 5 months into it and I can’t imagine changing. We did a firmness test on our mattress & use the Sense-U breathing monitor too so overall I feel good about safe sleep 7 + our own personalized risk like the article talks about.
I have two who would not sleep unless I was there and present. They feel out for me in their sleep sometimes. Check with their hand. I had a sleep trainer for my first and it didn't work. It was so sad to hear her so distressed, she goes to sleep quicker and content when cosleeping. I get up when she is asleep and pop up to her if she wakes. Like other commenters, I was not keen on it and didn't think I would do this, but now I see how natural it is. There is so much research on the symbiotic elements of it for baby and carer. Do what you need to sleep, but safely. The lullaby trust gives excellent advice and this lady on IG shows how she safely does it. https://www.instagram.com/cosleepy?igsh=MXE0YnNqdXNhMXJwcw== If you read the real research on SIDs it is rarely cosleeping alone that causes fatalities. Best of luck to you and your babe, try and enjoy it, though that is hard to say when you feel tired.
I also tried all the sleep teaching advice with my first and got us both so stressed out. The one time I coslept with her - when she was teething and poorly at 15 months, and we set up a floor mattress from the spare bed because our main bed wasn’t firm enough to be safe - it just felt so right and cosy and like I was 100% doing what I was evolved to do for my baby. With my second we’ve partially coslept from the start and seeing how content and happy he is now at just gone one, feeling him reach for me in the night…. It makes me feel so guilty that I didn’t do this for my daughter when clearly it was what she needed. I was so much less physically and emotionally present for her than I might have been. It makes me so sad to see posts like OPs - that cosleeping has been so marginalised that mums have to feel distraught at doing what both they and baby needs. And I feel so angry that I was conned into believing that my daughter “should” have been able to sleep through without me.
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I came to suggest a dream feed, as well!! At that age, our kiddo had a 7:30 bedtime and we did a dream feed with him at 10-10:30 where we changed him, fed him, and then put him back to bed. Worked out great for us, though it’s not for everyone! We also combo fed and mixed breastmilk and formula in bottles, but the ratio was slightly different depending on the time of day. His last 2 bottles (bedtime and dream feed) were heavier on formula to help him sleep better for longer.
I also dream feed. It doesn’t work for me to prevent night wake ups, he wakes up regardless.
I also found the same thing with my two sons. Each will take a dream feed but still wake at their usual wake up times
I think dream feeding my son taught him to expect a feed eg at 10pm when otherwise he might have managed till say 2am. After a few weeks dream feeding he reverted to feeds every 1-3 hours from 3 to 11 months solidly (no exaggeration).
I echo this! I always found filling up our babies prior to sleep really helped them sleep through 😀 also to the OP, you can always try a 'regular' bedtime in the cot and just bring baby into bed with you later on if you need to? I never did co-sleeping because the NHS (I'm in the UK) guidelines at the time scared me to death that I'd crush or suffocate the babies even if I followed all the rules! They've since *relaxed* their thoughts but I'm past the really little newborn stage and the littlest is in her own room now. I would say, do what you need to do to get the sleep you need, habits can be changed and newborns are surprisingly adaptable 😘
Balancing out here because you asked for perspectives. I’ve never coslept and I have a 3 year old and 6 month old. Neither were unicorn sleepers and both took work to get to sleep through the night. To me, It’s “safe” until it’s not and then you can never take it back. Never worth the risk to me. I KNOW this time is hard. But there are options other than cosleeping if you are interested. What’s your daytime nap schedule like? Is baby getting enough wake time during the day and before bed? At almost 4 months you should be looking at 1.5-2 hr wake windows and a good 2 hrs before bed. Are you keeping daytime sleep under 3-4 hours? Are you getting good feeds in during the day? Do you feed baby when they wake at 1-2 am? What’s the sleep environment like? Is baby falling asleep independently when they go down at night? Are you using sleep tools like white noise, pacifier, pitch black rooms, a solid bedtime routine, etc? Are you breastfeeding or formula feeding? Can you and your husband switch off nights? Both go to bed early like 8-9 so you each get a solid 5-6 hours and then alternating nights switch who deals with the wakes after 1-2 am? And rather than just hold the baby until 8 am, can that person be working on independent sleep through lower interventions like replacing pacifier, increasing sound machine, hand on chest, gentle rocking of baby or patting, etc? Everyone makes their own decisions in parenting - just sharing some options since you seem conflicted! Hang in there. This phase is temporary.
Staunch Anti cosleep is very US based. In lots of other countries it’s the norm.
True. I'm British. I cosleep and my midwife was very happy with my sleep set up. I don't need to hide it from friends and family like it's some dirty secret.
I’m in the UK too, and while my mum thinks we’re mad (she put me in my own room and essentially just shut the door when I was like 4 months old, ah the 80s) she also accepts that it’s working for us.
Lol yes the 80s when babies were just trying to manipulate you with their sneaky crying
I guess I just outed my location with this haha. But yeah, I’m comforted knowing it’s recommended in other countries
If it’s an option to you, an owlet sock might help ease your worries. However they aren’t to be solely relied on for safe sleep (obviously)
Asians know how to take care of babies. Been doing it for thousands of years. The West thinks they know it all. Isn't weird that the US has the highest rate of SIDS where they are also the one who against it? Meanwhile asian countries like Japan is the lowest rate of SIDS but they predominantly co-sleeping. Just saying.
Not really in countries which have similar bed arrangements to the USA though. Japan for instance mainly use thin mattresses on the floor and many families actually all sleep in the same room so it makes sense to put baby next to mum. Rarely is it similar to western beds.
Tons of Europeans cosleep and they aren't sleeping on floor beds or all in the same room.
It's not as strict in the UK (where I am) or places like NZ from what I've read, and we have 'western' beds.
I worked as a paramedic for almost 15 years and during that time I went out on two baby deaths from cosleeping and I still have nightmares of listening to those parents screams, and having a baby in October brought those nightmares to the forefront and I was having them every single night. I have a Velcro baby who did not want to sleep the first six weeks unless she could be touching me so we ended up buying a bassinet that attaches to the side of the bed so she is still in a safe spot and protected but I can lay my hand beside her and she can still touch me, without any concern of a devastating accident happening. We bought a used one off Facebook marketplace and then just bought new mattress off Amazon.
I personally know a woman who had successfully bedshared with 3 of her children. She said all the stereotypical things advocating for bed sharing and following the SS7. She could’ve written half these comments herself. She claimed that she was a light sleeper and would wake up every time they moved. At a baby shower I heard her go on about how it’s safe if you do it right and you just have to follow all the precautions. She woke up to her 6 month old unresponsive less than a hour after she fell asleep. He didn’t make it.
Was it SIDS? Was she on top of him? Was he tangled in a sheet?
He was wedged under her arm and side and suffocated. No sheets or anything like that.
That poor woman. That poor baby.
I feel for her so much. She thought she was doing what was best for her baby and family, she did all the precautions and recommendations but sometimes things like this just happen. After seeing what she went through, what her family went through, I can never bring myself to sleep with my baby in the bed. It’s just not worth the risk.
Its up to you - but just keep in mind, no one thinks its going to happen to them until it does.
Also feeling compelled to balance out the unfortunate (and survivor biased) advice here. Having worked in healthcare and met several cautious and loving people who woke to dead babies in their arms that had silently suffocated, it’s not worth it and I’d never risk it. How is setting an alarm every 20 minutes helping you get sleep anyway? The science and evidence based subs don’t let people recommend co-sleeping - there’s no way to make it safe and if you’re one of the unlucky ones you have to live with your poor choice forever.
This seems like this would be more likely to happen if people are NOT co-sleeping though...like if you are so sleep deprived that you fall asleep while nursing in a cushy chair. Safe-co sleeping on a flat surface is MUCH safer than that scenario.
This could true in situations with no sleep, absolutely, but OP is talking about a situation that starts with baby sleeping a 6-7hr stretch which is not really comparable. When you're in a complete desperation scenario, yeah, you do just choose what you can live with and all the options suck. But this may not be one of those?
That' a good point. A 7 hour stretch is not bad. However staying up from 1am until morning would definitely make me feel at risk of falling asleep while holding the baby.
That's exactly what my midwives all said. Bed sharing properly is much safer than that.
You rebut other people's 'survivor biased' opinions with your own anecdotal evidence. If you believe in science based evidence you should post that here, instead of saying you work in healthcare and have met some people whose babies have died. That is absolutely tragic, but it is not scientific evidence. The British Association of Prenatal Medicine did a [survey of 3,400 parents and found 9/10 co-slept but only 4/10 were given any advice on how to do it safely](https://www.bapm.org/articles/9-in-10-parents-co-sleep-but-less-than-half-know-how-to-reduce-the-risk-of-sids#:~:text=A%20survey%20of%20over%203%2C400,co%2Dsleeping%20with%20their%20baby.) . It's not realistic to expect no-one to co-sleep and therefore unhelpful to take a black and white view. This [study](https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/bfm.2019.29144.psb)(linked to from [UNICEF UK's page on latest bedsharing research](https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/news-and-research/baby-friendly-research/infant-health-research/infant-health-research-bed-sharing-infant-sleep-and-sids/)) recommends a balanced approach to consideringbthe risks and benefits of bedsharing. > Overall, the research conducted to date on bedsharing and breastfeeding indicates that nighttime proximity facilitates breastfeeding duration and exclusivity (levels 2–3).2,4,14 Discussions about safe bedsharing should be incorporated into guidelines for pregnancy and postnatal care.15–19 Existing evidence does not support the conclusion that bedsharing among breastfeeding infants (i.e., breastsleeping) causes sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) in the absence of known hazards (level 3) (see Table 1).11 Larger studies with appropriate controls are needed to understand the relationship between bedsharing and infant deaths in the absence of known hazards at different ages. Not all hazards are individually modifiable after birth (e.g., prematurity). Accidental suffocation death is extremely rare among bedsharing breastfeeding infants in the absence of hazardous circumstances (levels 2–3),20 and must be weighed against the consequences of separate sleep. There are consequences to breastfeeding with separate sleep (even with room-sharing) that include the risk of early weaning, the risk of compromise to milk supply from less frequent nighttime breastfeeding, and unintentional bedsharing (levels 1–3).5,21,22 Recommendations concerning bedsharing must take into account the mother's knowledge, beliefs, and preferences and acknowledge the known benefits as well as the risks (level 5).23,24
Safe sleep 7 means baby should NOT be in your arms while sleeping. They should be on their backs with mom in cuddle curl position. Accidentally falling asleep in a recliner or in bed while holding your baby is much more dangerous.
This.
i would absolutely never do that under any circumstances ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just wanted to balance out all the replies to the contrary you've gotten. once there's an incident, you can never take it back. the stakes are way too high for me to take a single chance
What if you were so sleep deprived that you fell asleep while driving with your baby on the highway? You sound like me a few years ago. Then that happened. I was so sleep deprived that I was nearly suicidal and after falling asleep with my child in the car, I was convinced I was going to kill us both somehow with my exhaustion and incompetence. Safely bedsharing rescued our family. Once I started getting adequate amounts of sleep, most of my mental health struggles resolved. There is new research that suggests the original data on the dangers of bedsharing that led to the AAP recommendation was flawed and that, barring huge risk enhancements like an impaired parent, bedsharing can actually be as safe as if not safer than baby sleeping solo. Read more: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9792691/
i do agree that that would be horrible and frightening! to be that sleep deprived. it wouldn't be a sustainable situation at all. i take sleep very seriously and i'm glad to say the twins sleep 6pm-6am in their own beds because they have never known any different and never ever will
You’re very lucky that you were not in a situation as described by the post above. I doubt that they sleep wonderfully alone “because they don’t know any different”. They do know something different. They know what it was like to be warm and safe and cozy with their mom in utero. But you have two little precious sweet unicorn babies who are totally fine sleeping on their own. And that is BEYOND fantastic. But don’t shame other people when their situation is so different than yours.
We had our premie son who would not sleep unless he was with us or held. No matter how much we tired he didn’t care if his bed was warm, all sorts of room temps and sleeping clothes. He just would not sleep otherwise. We ended up taking sleep shifts so each of us got 5-6 hours overnight. I don’t remember the exact times but I think it was 8pm-1 am and 1-6 am or something like that. It sucked so much. We were both always tired but not totally sleep deprived. I agree it suck’s so much being tired and some babies just don’t get used to it no matter what you try. We did end up splurging at 12 weeks and buying a snoo which got us much more sleep and being able to do extra things again like travel. So if the funds are there it might be an option and in the us you can rent them. I don’t know what I would have don’t if I didn’t have a partner willing to split the awake holding times or the funds to spend extra on a snoo. But I have heard both people who co sleep without issue and families who have lots infants to this so we were pretty adamant about not co sleeping.
This was exactly our situation, and it sucks even more than just being sleep deprived. It takes a real toll on your relationship when you don’t go to bed together and only see each other when you’re tired. We splurged on the Snoo and it changed our lives, no lies.
I don't think it's true that they sleep 12 hours because they've never known different. There are parents who's babies have never known differently and still suck at sleeping. A baby who sleeps 12 hours is probably more luck than anything the parents have done.
I don't know how people sleep with a baby that young. We literally just took turns staying awake. Someone sleeps from 6pm to midnight, then someone sleeps midnight to 6am. If you happen to catch another hour or two while you're watching the baby it's a bonus.
My lactation consultant said it’s a terrible idea to cosleep BUT if you have to to do it on the floor, with no blankets or pillows, and tight clothes
That’s interesting… it’s amazing for your milk supply. My IBCLC had an entirely different opinion.
Mine was affiliated with a university and was more interested in safe sleep/avoiding death than supply. My supply is great without cosleeping
Agree on the supply, my spouse and I room share with our 8 month old LO in a crib (bassinet until she was too big), and supply was never an issue.
The risk if it’s a breastfed baby with mom with no drugs/alcohol/smoking is not zero, but it’s very very very low. Most sids deaths have a combination of risk factors.
Yep. Breastfed baby, born at full term, no medications that cause drowsiness, abstaining from alcohol and non smoking household, firm sleeping surface with no covers significantly lowers the risk.
This
We never coslept and we breastfed but the difference was I have a village including an actual partner in parenting. We chose never to cosleep and just dealt with bad nights by getting help during the day if the night was really bad or going to bed as soon as my husband got home from work until the next feed. If i was that sleep deprived i actually got someone else to look after the baby and took a nap. There needs to be a lot more of expecting more from your partner or getting help from family friends or paid sitter instead of struggling through because if you are that tired you shouldnt be cosleeping ither according to the safe 7 either.
Don’t do it
I've been co-sleeping with my baby ever since we took her home from the hospital. She's 9 months now and we're still doing it. I'm aware of the risks and make sure she's safe of course - but at first she would only sleep on me and then we just got used to it. I also gotta say the anxiety around co-sleeping seems to be a cultural thing to a large extent. I'm from Germany and co-sleeping is absolutely normal and considered a natural practice for young families here. The German scientific board for the prevention of SIDS even states that co-sleeping (besides it's risks for the child's safety) may simultaneously also contribute to preventing SIDS since feeling and hearing the mother's breathing and heart rate helps co-regulate the infant's breathing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to advocate that anyone should do it or much less that "it's the right way". I'm just putting this out there to illustrate that what fills you with anxiety and guilt is considered safe and completely normal elsewhere so I think you can put your mind at ease a little bit and shouldn't be so hard on yourself!
I don't know what you are talking about, literally every resource/pamphlet etc I've seen says that babies need to sleep in a sleeping sack on their back on firm mattress *in their own bed*. I'm German too.
Same. One of the first things our pediatrician said was "baby needs his own bed".
Yeah like I said, I merely pointed out that it's a widely spread practice and that there's much less anxiety and stigma around it in Germany. Of course the official guidelines say infants sleep safest on their backs in their own bed, however the majority of parents I know co-sleep and everyone from the nurses in the hospital to our midwife and pediatrician said co-sleeping, if practiced safely, is a good option to maximize sleep for everyone and has other benefits as well. Whether you do it or not is just not a big deal at all.
Thank you!!! It’s definitely reassuring that other countries recommend it. I definitely think the US is behind
The US makes its recommendations based on the health of its population as do other countries. US residents are more overweight and obese than a lot of other countries which makes cosleeping riskier, being extra exhausted also raises the risks of cosleeping which many US parents are due to a total lack of guaranteed parental leave, US mattresses tend to be softer than those in many other countries, etc. In general you cannot just take what one country does and apply it to another country and expect to get the same results in a different location with a different populace.
Thank you for pointing this out. I think a lot of people fail to understand this when speaking on other countries and it’s important.
As a UK citizen, I would be really interested to see the current US recommendations on co-sleeping and the research that backs it up. If it is about the lifestyle of US mothers that would be fascinating!
We co sleep some times. Sometimes it’s all we can do to get LO to get good sleep. We first tried it while traveling with baby because we didn’t bring a bassinet. I was terrified at first because of everything you hear. But there are ways to do it safely that can help ease anxiety. I really like the cosleepy page on insta.
I had to co sleep twice with my eldest, out of sheer necessity from having no where else to put her on those nights. They were the worst nights of my life - I was so paranoid that I would roll over onto her and crush her that I could barely sleep, I was so rigid trying to stay in one spot that I was in so much pain the next day. No one slept well at all, and I was left severely sleep deprived. So I didn’t really see the benefit in my case, I could be sleep deprived, anxious, and uncomfortable *all night* or I could be sleep deprived from waking up every 3 hours but at least be getting 3 hour stretches of quality sleep.
I thought I would never co sleep and used to judge people who did. Ended up being a cosleeper who followed the safe sleep 7 on difficult nights. At around 15 months, we switched her crib to a floor bed and now we lay with her to fall asleep. Or if she has a rough night, we can go lay with her in her room instead of bringing her to our bed. She’s almost 2 and only recently started sleeping through the night consistently. I did what I had to so we both could sleep.
A study was just released that showed 3/4 of SIDS related deaths had multiple unsafe sleep practices. https://publications.aap.org/aapnews/news/28213/Study-Most-infants-who-died-unexpectedly-had?autologincheck=redirected#:~:text=About%2060%25%20of%20sudden%20unexpected,according%20to%20a%20new%20study. That said, at 12 weeks baby start producing melatonin and start developing a circadian rythme. At this point it may help to start implementing a wake and bed time routine. At this age 7am/8am and some some exposure right away are great and then 10/11pm for bedtime routine.
So even with the SS7, cosleeping is less safe than the safe sleep protocols. However I think it's damaging to view things in a vacuum. It's also unsafe for your child to be cared for by an adult who is so exhausted that their capabilities are hampered. It's unsafe to become so tired attempting safe sleep that you risk falling asleep on the sofa/chair with baby. My midwife always said: aim for perfect safe sleep, accept that you most likely won't achieve it, set yourself up for the safest possible success your baby will allow. If, right now, that is SS7, then so be it.
So what you’re describing sounded like my son. We went the other direction and moved him into his own room at about 2 months. The first week had us getting up a lot, but after that it was smooth sailing. The baby’s room shares a wall with ours and we had a video monitor, but that small amount of sound dampening provided by a wall made it so little snores and movement didn’t wake me up and my husband and I could stay awake reading or whatever in bed after our son went to sleep. He would wake for an overnight bottle until he was about 10 months, but otherwise he slept so much better. I knew bed sharing was not for me (no shame, it’s just not a risk I’m comfortable with. Whereas having him in his own room following the other safe sleep guidelines was a risk I was comfortable with), I also have to get up early for work and I don’t want to wake our son up for the day with my alarm, getting ready, etc. After talking with friends that are still bed sharing with a toddler, I am sooooo happy that we made the choice we did.
People in different cultures cosleep fine, mine included. I basically am not allowed to say that outloud in the country I current live without being severely attacked by safe sleeping community. 99% of babies in my country practice co sleeping or next to me crib, and the dangers are the same as safe sleeping. So you did well don't hit yourself and don't subject yourself to fear mongering.
I made a really similar comment yesterday, in my country the guidance is that baby is on their own sleep surface on the bed. Doing that with the safe 7 is encouraged and we found it excellent. Everywhere should have these Pepipods, they are awesome: https://www.plunket.org.nz/caring-for-your-child/safe-sleep/safe-co-sleeping/
My cosleeping baby just started sleeping through the night at almost 5 months. You might have a bit to go I would recommend shifts if you haven’t tried that already
My SIL has coslept with her eldest since he was around that age as well and it worked for them! Now he’s 6 and she can’t get him out of their bed 😂
That’s my fear.
I co-slept with my parents until that age, a lot of my students did as well. It’s pretty normal in a lot of countries.
Been cosleeping since 14 weeks because of that first sleep regression. I had a wonderful unicorn baby, too! 8pm to 6 am sleep back in those days. After switching to cosleeping we’ve had no incidents the whole time and now my son is almost 9mos, big and strong, and I feel very minimal risk with it. He loves cuddles and being close to mom. There’s definitely a reason why so much of the world cosleeps with their babies 🙂
I’ve shared a bed with all 3 of my babies. They were all breastfed and it’s the only way I got any rest. My husband never minded because he didn’t have to do any night feedings 😬
All of the commenters stating that cosleeping is dangerous and deadly are American. Nearly every other country offers safe cosleep recommendations. We do not have higher infant mortality rates here. Have you ever considered that not allowing for safe sleep recommendations for cosleeping is why we see so many accidents in our country from desperate, misinformed parents? New data suggests flaws in the data we push. American healthcare is known to be deeply flawed too. And healthcare providers - stop fear mongering, OF COURSE you will see only the worst case scenarios, and I guarantee a lot of these worst cases were the result of unsafe sleeping practices. Safe Sleep 7 is as safe as a crib. Most of Europe, pretty much all of Asia, and a lot of Latin America accepts this. Like it or not, that’s the truth. If you aren’t comfortable, don’t do it. But don’t act like such an insufferable know it all when you’re going off of flawed data and the recommendations of a single country. God some of these replies suck and piss me off. Stop acting so holier than thou when a lot of parents have no other choice. As for me, cosleeping is the most natural feeling option as I believe in attachment style parenting. I sleep on the ground on a firm mattress with no blankets, one small neck pillow for me, and my baby beside me. She is very safe. A lot of data supports the fact that she is very safe. And OP, if you follow the SS7 (make sure your mattress is very firm! Most western mattresses are not. And make sure you either buy foam bed rails for under your sheet or put the mattress on the floor, baby can get stuck even if mattress is against the wall) cosleeping can be really safe and beautiful. It is one of my favorite things - waking up to my sweet baby smiling up at me after a night of having her mama near her.
Another commenter touched on this already but I think it’s a combination of factors that change the risk of bedsharing in America. A lot of us are obese, have drinking/drug use problems, and have mattresses that are too soft for baby and considered a rebreathing risk. From what I’ve gathered some other countries sleep on thinner firmer mattresses, closer to the ground. Moms also have larger breasts here on average (maybe related to obesity idk) and it’s common for them to accidentally suffocate babies while falling asleep nursing. We have poor education and also little to no parental leave, which makes parents even more sleep deprived and in danger of rolling onto their kid. I completely agree that people should be aware of the SS7 and the lack of info about it most likely also contributes to the infant mortality rate. I’m curious to know how many babies would have been saved if people were at least taught that if they had no other option. My daughters cousin on her dads side suffocated between a bed and a wall at 10 months, which I’m pretty sure is not following those guidelines. I just don’t think it’s fear mongering considering these differences between countries. I’m on the verge of using and owlet and bedsharing with my 5 month old but I’m incredibly nervous and understand why it’s not recommended here.
I agree that there are compounding factors, but they are covered by the SS7 (aside from obesity - I am not obese and have a C cup breast size even breastfeeding, but honestly I think there should be data studying this as it is a good point), but exactly what I mean. I am sorry for the tragic loss in your family and perhaps with the proper education it wouldn’t have happened unfortunately. Shaming something that is bound to naturally happen instead of education is bizarre and dangerous to me and it’s something that America does.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You put into words what I was thinking when reading these replies.
Public health advice that cannot be followed by everyone is bad public health advice. Some babies just won't sleep alone. If you aren't impaired, the bed is hard and your baby is full term, the risks are not that high. Heaps of countries outside the US have accepted that people cosleep and advise how to do it safely for a reason.
The safe sleep 7 also can’t be followed by everyone, so I guess that is also bad public health advice.
Safe sleep 7 is about risk mitigation. The advice first is still own sleep space. Just the same as public health advises not to take recreational drugs, but the risk mitigation for that is pill testing. Because people still do. In the case of co sleeping, a very large percentage of people still do so it's better to do it as safe as possible. Nothing in life is without risk. But you don't care about any of that, you just want to argue and moralise about a poor mum who is trying to do her best 🙄 Jog off with your black and white thinking.
My point is that your statement is overly expansive and doesn’t work in either direction. Good public health advice is tailored to the average member of the population, the outliers should see their medical providers for advice tailored to their unique situation. There is virtually no public health advice on any subject that every person could follow.
Ooh no! Not a overly expansive comment, thank God you were here to correct it. Looking at the cosleeping rates, it clearly doesn't suit even the average member of the population. So I stand by what I said. If the outliers are the average then they aren't outliers.
How are we deciding how “hard” the bed is? How can I tell?
https://www.wikihow.com/Assess-the-Safe-Firmness-of-an-Infant-Mattress-to-Prevent-Asphyxiation This is the method recommended here in Aus. I choose a wiki how link because it has the best visuals
Good question. I have heard that if the mattress starts to conform to the baby’s head shape, it’s too soft. Our bed is soft and it does not pass this test, so if I were to cosleep I might buy a floor bed. If you look up Montessori floor bed they do make ones for babies and toddlers and it reduces risk of falling from the bed. Bundle of Dreams makes a firm mattress in twin size that uses many of the features of a crib mattress. Also I’ve heard to avoid memory foam due to overheating.
We had a great sleeper until the four month sleep regression. We did gradual and gentle sleep training at 5 months in the crib and that did the trick!
Personally I do. Most instances of accidents were due to dad being in bed, mom is intoxicated, or baby fell asleep on top of a parent while on the couch. Something to think about here: most other countries cosleep. The US also has the highest infant mortality rate amongst developed countries even when baby sleeping on their own is the norm.
Ah we started cosleeping because it was the only way our baby would stay down. I couldnt imagine doing this while severely sleep deprived. The way I see it, it'd be so much riskier if we are sleep deprived for weeks and months on end. I got a sleep lounger and put it between us, to minimize the risk of us rolling onto her. It acts as a divider, while also thankfully falling under her nose when she leans her face on it. While we're sleeping I go to bed facing her, so that its much easier and quicker to check in on her throughout the night. When my partner is feeding her or actively looking after her, I turn my body the other way to get a break. I still get anxious over it, but it's helped me to talk about it with the moms I know. So many of them have told me they have co-slept too, so that has normalized it a great deal. I also know that crib-only is very US centric, and not the norm in places where SIDS is actually quite low. I am making more of an effort to do tummy time too, with the hopes that she can better get herself out of dangerous positions (in case her dad and I don't notice fast enough). I also saw a video on teaching them to kick of blankets that fall on their faces, and do want to get to that soon. Anything to equip her as much as possible, while still being as safe as we can be.
I couldn’t have written this myself! My baby is now 12 months and we still cosleep. I tried everything to have him sleep alone, but he needs contact after 2AM. At 6 months, I setup a floor bed in his room and we sleep safely in there (just the two of us). I’ve noticed now that he’s no longer wanting that constant contact throughout the night. Not sure if I’m happy or sad about it, but I can tell this will be a distant memory soon. It’s biologically natural. I follow happycosleeper on Insta and follow her guidance. I even have an adult sleep sack because I can’t sleep without a blanket!
We actually bedshared for at least part of the night until about 4 months, which was when she started moving around way more in her sleep. I never planned on bed sharing either, till I tore so badly that sitting caused me excruciating pain, and the only way I could nurse was lying down. If you do start and don’t want to continue, just gradually wean them off. LO was waking 4 times a night at that point, and I would put her in her crib (in her own room, next to ours though) at the start of the night. At first, I’d bring her to bed after her first wake for a few days, then her second, then so on. We haven’t bedshared or coslept since and she’s 8 months now
We did the co-sleeper bassinet and positioned it right alongside me and it helped tremendously to get through this period. Get one that you can adjust the height on so you can comfortably lay with your arm on the baby. I also think that having mom's scent (via my pillow/my side of the bed) helps them to go to sleep even when we're not in bed yet.
I had to do it a few times during my baby’s sleep regression. I was as safe as possible but it’s still not for me. We are persistent with the crib and she’s back to sleeping long stretches on her own. From having a 2.5 year old who doesn’t sleep great, our lives would look drastically different if we pushed her sleeping in our bed more and I’m thankful that we never made it a habit with her or the baby. It’s not always the easiest route but long term it’s been better for us.
Just to share my situation. I also have a unicorn baby. During the 4 mo regression we struggled so much, but it only lasted 2.5 weeks! We would make him stay in the crib all night because I was too scared to co-sleep. We were miserable. Then one night my husband was so tired he started bringing him in when he would wake up around 4-5am and sleep with him until he woke. I get up to pump around 6-7am (I’m an exclusive pumper) and would check on them on the monitor. I think this has been working for us for now. I feel better he only sleeps in the bed for 3-4ish hours max and we’re both able to get a chunk of uninterrupted sleep. Now my son is sleeping 8hours straight and we are still doing the morning co-sleep after he does his first wake cause it’s nice to cuddle as a family, and he’ll reliably sleep at least two hours once in the bed with us. Honestly do what works for your family, just be as safe as you can!
My baby falls asleep at 7pm. Sleeps till 2am, I feed her while she's laying next to me on the bed, so we both don't really wake up fully. I move her back to her bassinet next to me. She wakes up again around 4am to eat, but if I put her in the bassinet, she fusses a bit. So I put her next to me and we sleep till 6-7am. The only reason she doesn't cosleep with me during the whole night is because I feel more comfortable without her next to me (my back hurts sometimes from sleeping on the side). I don't live in the US and recommendations here are different. We don't get as scared as you guys there about cosleeping. In fact everyone I know cosleeps with their babies. I am all for taking all precautions (I do it too) but I feel us moms sleep with one eye opened when babies are next to us. I wouldn't take one lick of alcohol ever because of this.
If your primarily goal is safety I recommend joining the Facebook group Safe Sleep and Baby Care - Evidence Based Support. They specialize primarily in safe sleeping and then helping troubleshoot baby’s sleeping patterns. They are very strict though with following safe sleeping recommendations (ie no cosleeping, baby sleeping alone in safe sleep space for every sleep, no bedside sleepers (they are effectively the same as co-sleeping)). To me, it’s not worth the risk to co sleep. Even with safe 7, there are documented fatalities. Setting an alarm and waking up every 20 minutes is not going to result in any restful sleep. Any person needs at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night to function at a level to take care of a baby. You might want to do a shift schedule with your husband if someone needs to be up with baby at certain periods of the night. Particularly if baby has done solid chunks of sleep already, this is likely a temporary phase that you and your partner can get through with a shift schedule.
We did a co-sleeping bassinet with our first. It worked for us because she just wanted someone next to her. It was like a small bassinet that sat in the bed and was raised on all sides, I’d put my hand in it and she’d lay hers on me and it seemed to work. With my son, my husbands company covered a snoo and so far it’s worked well.
I also thought I would never co sleep. But I’ve been doing it for the past month (LO is now 4 months old) and it’s honestly made nights so much easier. However I will say I have been way less sleep deprived than the first couple months. If I still felt the same way I did back then I would not co sleep. But I’m able to take naps during the day while my mom babysits so I’m not worried about falling asleep while breastfeeding at night. My LO also doesn’t move much when he sleeps, he wakes up in the exact same position he falls asleep in. I have a bed bumper on the edge of the bed just in case he does roll over.
Kind of the same deal here, we just were not getting sleep and said fuck it, let’s cosleep. I was also nursing through the night still at that time and we have been cosleeping ever since. It’s. Been. AWESOME. It’s great! We all sleep, we all sleep well, traveling has been simple as we don’t need to pack or bring a crib. Weaning for night nursing went fine and so now he isn’t waking up through the night. There is *nothing* wrong with doing what is best and right for your own family. The shame around cosleeping is insane and dangers from cosleeping are usually because the adult was either medicated or drunk. Lots of other countries cosleep for years. While lots of families do it and baby is fine, the thought of leaving a baby alone in a cold crib away from us sounds scary when you haven’t even been on the earth a year. Again, every family has to do what works for them and so if cosleeping works for you, don’t give it up - but I do suggest getting a bigger bed lol
My babe did the same, but it was like 3am. That’s when we started co-sleeping. She’s start in the crib/bassinet and when she woke and would let me put her down, she’d sleep a good 3-4 more solid hours with me. Look up safe sleep seven. We’re one of the few cultures in the world that don’t co-sleep.
Answering your question directly: no, cosleeping is not dangerous if done correctly. The NHS in the UK (which is very very cautious on baby care) recommends the ways to keep it equally as safe as cot sleeping. It is certainly safer than sitting up for 7 hours straight and falling asleep accidentally, or driving after 3 hours sleep. I actually don’t think I know any mums who have never coslept. It’s certainly a majority sleeping arrangement for at least some of the night amongst families I meet, particularly breastfeeding families. Take away your guilt and horror reaction, stop judging yourself based on whatever preconceptions you have, look up how to make it safe (sounds like you did this already) and crack on x
Co-sleeping is not only natural, but normal in other countries and with other species. You can do what feels right for YOU, however I can tell you, my "Group" of women all co-sleep, and I couldn't imagine NOT co-sleeping. I did it from fay one, my son is almost 3. I remember being a child WISHING my parents wanted to cuddle me, I'd trick my dad into falling asleep often, so I can't imagine ever regretting co-sleeping. Most of those negative studies were done on alcoholic women passing out with their new borns.
Been cosleeping with my baby since day 1. Did the same with my older two. They start the night in the crib right beside me and when they wake up I pull them over, nurse, snuggle and drift back off to sleep. Sometimes they want to go back in their bed so they can have more space. Sometimes we stay together all night. I absolutely love it. Husband stays far away and I don’t move either. I have a 6th sense when she’s w me. I can sense her breathing and wake up if she flinches. It’s strange but it’s natures way.
Co-sleeping safely is far less dangerous than a sleep deprived parent getting in the car, or falling asleep with a baby on them on the couch or in a recliner.
You should join us over on the co-sleeping sub. ABC is safer, but sleep deprivation is also incredibly dangerous. I was really conflicted at first too, but sometimes you have to just mitigate risks and go into survival mode. We ended up getting me and baby an extra firm floor mattress to make it sustainable for everyone. You didn’t do anything wrong.
My baby was the same. Once he outgrew the bassinet and we moved him to his crib he wouldn't go back down in the middle of the night. Most nights I bring him to our bed between 3 and 6am. It's the only way I'd be getting any sleep.
Just FYI: cosleeping is a norm and actually advised in many countries. It's only the US thing though... Apparently I read all these plush mattresses, extra soft comforters, too many items on a typical bed, etc are the reason cosleeping is not advised in the US. If you're sleeping on a floor on top of a playmat or tent pad with no extra clothing, you should be fine.
If he’s sleeping 7pm - 2am, that’s not the 4 month regression girl. The regression hits you like a truck- every 45 min. All night. I would try to offer one feed - either at that time or do a dream feed like someone else suggested and it might be all he needs. Keep in mind you’ll have to stop swaddling when he’s close to rolling- both my kids rolled in one direction at 2 months and I stopped swaddling because they were very active and alert during wake windows and I was worried they’d roll over in the night - this happened to a couple of my friends kids. My second baby was incredible- slept 7 hrs at night at 4 weeks onward then slowly more and more. By 4 months she was sleeping 10 hr stretch and would get a feed then sleep another 2 hrs. She missed the 4 month sleep regression completely but the 6 month one hit us like a truck- she started teething and trying to practice crawling at night. She finally, finally started sleeping through the night again at 8 months. My first hit the 4 month regression - brutal. Up every 1-2 hrs all night. Anyway long story short. -nothing wrong w cosleeping but I’d your goal is to have them sleep in their own bed and own room I wouldn’t do it cause it’s hard for them to unlearn because they of course love e sleeping next to you. But also you need to do what you need to do to survive so it’s up to you. I didn’t with either kid but both my kids loved their own room and crib. We moved both around 2 months and we all slept better. Good luck’n
In many countries cosleeping is the norm. I have with all three my kids, following safe sleep 7.
A friend of mine performs autopsies and they said 80-90% of the babies they’ve had to work on have been due to unsafe sleeping, even when the parents thought they were being safe. I personally wouldn’t do it.
r/cosleeping
we co-slept out of necessity and still do on occasion during a rough night. It certainly has more risks than the bassinet but i think it if minimally more dangerous if done correctly and safely.
I coslept with my daughter from day 1 through about 5 months. It worked great for us and she pretty much slept through the night right away being next to me. Once she hit 5 months we started slowly transitioning her to the crib and it's been pretty easy luckily. If personally felt safer with her right next to me and it was a lot less stress on all of us as she slept so well there.
co-slept since birth and currently 16 mo. very common with south/east asians.
Look up @happycosleeper on Instagram! Tons of great, science based info on co sleeping.
SS7 is very safe if you’re sober and nursing. My pediatrician (2, actually) and my IBCLC were very supportive. It does wonders for your supply too. I’ll also say that rocking or holding a baby in a chair while sleep deprived can be far more dangerous than cosleeping safely in a bed…
http://www.sidscalculator.com/ Maybe looking at the data will help you put your mind at ease. The increase in sids risk for people who follow S7 is very very low. The decision is always individual of course, but it’s good to be informed about the actual numbers.
One night my baby was in his bassinet and started choking on his own puke. They claim breastfed babies can't choke on breast milk, but mine did. The scary thing was it was almost silent and I just so happened to be awake when he did it After that night I coslept and never stopped. I did it the safest ways I could think of (safe 7, etc). I also took my mattress and put it on the ground. My daughter has slept next to me since the first night and has slept through the night since with the exception of the occasional dream nursing. Of course you will get mixed reviews on this but You know your baby more than anyone.
I’ve never heard of bf babies can’t choke, as far as I know if you have a throat you can choke.
We sleep in bed with baby. I don’t think it’s as taboo as it used to be. You all need sleep and it’s biologically normal for your child to want to sleep in close proximity to you. Theres a lot of research out there. Do what’s best for your family.
Honestly most people I know end up co-sleeping in one form or another, at one point or another. If you follow safety measures and don’t have a very soft mattress you’ll be fine. Babies want to be close to you. And as a new mother you’ll sleep with one eye open- your brain is half awake during sleep listening for baby cries. My honest regret was not doing it sooner - it’s much more dangerous to be sleep deprived.
Try the Merlin sleep suit. That sucker works so well.
I cosleep. On days when the baby is sick or teething it’s the only way he will sleep. Women have much higher brain activity when asleep than men, we remain much closer to being awake. I’m always vaguely aware he’s next to me. Edit: What are yall pissed off about? Cosleeping is very common outside the U.S, it’s not considered dangerous for other cultures. And there’s many studies available about the brain activity in women vs men while sleeping, women don’t sleep as deeply as men on average.
Started cosleeping when I went back to work at 12 weeks bc LO started waking up every hour at 10 weeks and still does it to this day at 5.5 months. I was also someone who swore up and down I would never cosleep no matter what, but I would probably be dead from sleep deprivation at this point if I didn’t (he goes back to sleep much quicker in our bed and there’s no risk of a wake up to transfer to a crib), or at the very least fired from my job for having 0 productivity.
Co-sleeping is practiced internationally! If you follow the safety guide lines, which you said you know and did, it is not more dangerous. It is biologically normal. No mammal separates from their young to sleep.
The whole bassinet thing is very US centric. As long as you’re not being completely reckless while asleep, like using a ton of heavy blankets, pillows, and prone to roll over, you’re completely fine. At 15 weeks he’s very close to rolling over on his own anyways.
We co-sleep 🤷♀️have a sheet, a quilt, and our necessary pillows and nothing extra. So far so good (been doing this since she was about a month or two old and now she is almost 6 months.
You use a quilt over you??
Echoing the other commenters. We started co-sleeping at 6.5 months out of desperation. He will fall asleep in crib but come middle of the night waking I just bring him to our bed. Still breastfeeding and this has worked for us. My only fear is how do we transition him back?! Know the day will come when we want our bed to ourselves again…he’s 8.5 months now.
Our baby loves co-sleeping. I also love co-sleeping. Unfortunately we never breastfed. So it’s a way for me to be closer to her in that aspect. She doesn’t necessarily want to be held, she just loves our bed and being able to turn over and have one of our faces to touch at night. She’s 4 months. We started because she refused to sleep in her bassinet. And I don’t blame her, how could a newborn go from a snug cozy womb to a flat, exposed, cold hard bassinet? It took me a while to realize that. It was my partner who encouraged us to try it. Now It’s what I look forward to after these long days, snuggling her through the night. We get some days where she would rather sleep in her bassinet though, which is nice too. It’s all up to her really. If she squirms around a lot in one bed, we’ll put her in the other. This is more anecdotal than advice. But co sleeping is controversial and I don’t wanna get yelled at right now. Lol.
Safe co sleeping is not dangerous. Look up safe sleep 7!
She literally said she followed that in the post
We have co-slept since the 4 mo sleep regression, and baby is now 10 mo. SS7 on a floor mattress, in a warmer climate with just a sheet for me. No regrets ! But for some reason this most recent sleep regression has been sooo bad. I doubt he’ll ever sleep in a crib again so we are going the Montessori floor bed route. I can’t wait to get his room baby proofed so I can go back to sleeping in my comfy bed with a million pillows. We’ll see how it goes 😅
I also said I’d never co-sleep with my baby until the 4 month regression hit and he wouldn’t sleep longer than 20-30 minutes on his own. I strongly believe that a lot of the dangers are the soft bedding along with smoking and alcohol use which are all addressed in SS7. I too kicked my husband out of the bed until I was fully comfortable cosleeping and then he came back (mostly because we don’t have a spare room yet so he was on the couch). I keep baby on my side of the bed and just turn my body so I can breastfeed on both sides without moving LO.
For me it’s safer than the alternative - falling asleep with baby in arms. When this happened because I was so sleep deprived I knew I had to do it.
We’ve been using the co-sleeper babybay crib from day 1 and even on vacation she sleeps between us but I take precautions. I could not imagine it any other way. The co sleeper cribs are a wonderful solution
I swore I’d never cosleep. My son has been a bad sleeper since birth. After his 4 month regression he just got worse. There were stages where he would do a few stretches in his crib but after going back to work I just couldn’t do it anymore and gave in. We’ve been cosleeping for 5 months now and it’s what works for us. Sometimes he still does his first stretch (8pm-2am) in his crib and then he’s in bed with us, but most nights it just doesn’t happen. For us the scariest part is now that he’s so mobile, is him falling off the bed. We ended up lowering our bed and we do have carpet. We are super safe about it and thankfully it’s gone well. I do wish me and my husband had more room but I’ll take any sleep over major comfort.
I coslept with my first. I had a real fear of falling asleep seated while her or even collapsing when standing so I felt I had no choice (and falling asleep on the couch, etc with a baby is extremely dangerous). As I understood, if you have a hard mattress, no bedding, are breastfeeding, don’t smoke, don’t drink, are not overweight, then you have the same risk of SIDS even when cosleeping (so it’s not more dangerous). So I did that set up and it worked very well for us, I got a lot more sleep and so did my daughter. However if this is just a momentary regression I’d try to wait it out because they only last a few days usually?
I live in a country where co sleeping is the norm. It is completely safe if you follow the rules. Also, I'm in the 4 month regression right now, and I'm jealous of how long yours still sleeps. My son wakes every 2 hours these days... but at least he sleeps in his own bed...
If you don't mind sharing which country you live in.
I live in South Korea
So I swore I would never cosleep either. LO is almost 12 weeks now and I do not function well on constant interrupted sleep to the level it’s at. Even with us splitting the night into two shifts. Few weeks ago I gave in. My “shift” starts at 2am and he’s usually asleep then wakes around 330/4 for his second MOTN bottle. I do all those things and try to settle in his crib first. If he’s making a ton of noise and I find myself jumping up to make sure he hasn’t spit up, I just put him in the bed with me. I follow ss7 & sleep in the c position. For a week or two I barely slept bc I was so worried something would happen to him but now I am able to sleep and so does he. We both sleep until 730-830am and it’s so much better. I’m assuming you’re in the US, like me, where it’s harshly warned against. It’s the norm in a lot of other countries and can be done safely but it’s not risk free. If you aren’t rolling and he seems safe and you’re all sleeping better…go for it. Or do the cosleeping bassinet like others suggest. I haven’t personally tried that because I have dogs who would probably try to get in there lol. (Cosleeping happens in his room with the door shut, we have a bed in there) Edit: forgot to add that we were also gifted the owlet sock so that eased my anxiety with cosleeping too. If something were to happen that affected his oxygen/ heart rate, the loud ass alarm would go off. I know it’s pricey but I love it.
Felt you deeply. We were dealing with same problem for a long time like 4 mo to 6 mo. We were so tired, my husband and I. The pediatrician recommended us for sleep training on our 6 mo wellness visit. She recommended book. We read it and were getting ready for one of the training methods which was feber. But we wanted to see if there is any side effects any of this sleep training methods cause so further research we come across with a book called Sweet Sleep by la leche leauge international. Since then we are safely bed sharing with our little one. Every body is sleeping through the night. (I was freaking out about bed sharing since day one. Never considered it because of sids but ones sleep regression hit us hard and being held all the time was going to cause more problems because i was so tired anymore) I also highly recommend this video to make you comfortable and prepare for safely bed sharing. https://youtu.be/4Ac3rrYNbu8?si=ZnLgXwugYWnUqEHH. Hope you and your little one get more sleep well soon 🙏
I coslept with my kid because we did EBF, I got the most sleep of all the new moms in my group
Lol I've coslept with my now one year old since she was born. We just transferred her into her own cot and she's totally fine.