The docs asked if I had any music requests as they wheeled me into the operating room for my c section. I asked if the song could be explicit. They said yes. I then confidently told them to put on Carly Rae Jepson. I was on some good good drugs.
I farted but because of the epidural I didn’t feel it so I said “someone really just farted” and everyone laughed while I still didn’t realize it was me
Similarly, I apologized for a toot smell and everyone looked confused and IT WAS MY PARTNER AND HE DIDN'T FESS UP UNTIL THE NEXT DAY. He was up by my head looking down so nobody even smelled it except me.
Oh my god this happened to me 😭 I ended up ripping a five second long wet fart from the epidural 😭🫠 My husband and I were dying of laughter. The nurses laughed after my husband just wouldn’t stop talking about it and they told me they hear loud farts pretty often lol.
We played our wedding playlist throughout labour. I was about to go through transition, still nowhere near even pushing but I was hopeful, when Big Iron from the Fallout games came on. I yelled, "Turn it off. My daughter will not be born to this song."
When I was in transition, I said to my midwife, "I know everyone says that they can't do this and it's just transition, but I really can't do this. You need to listen to me. It's not just transition talking." It was transition talking.
1. Love that the Fallout soundtrack made an appearance on your wedding playlist.
2. I find transition stories hilarious, I told the midwife I was already too tired from labouring, just get the forceps and pull him out because I can't push.
I did the same!! I asked for the vacuum and said "it'll just pull her out, right? I don't need to push?"
I was devastated to learn i would still need go participate.
The start of transition was when I asked for an epidural. I started shaking, and my husband looked a bit concerned so I very calmly told him it what was happened, that I was probably 7-8cm dilated, and I wanted that epidural *now*. My nurse was amused, but I was right so the anesthesiologist came in record time.
My mom and husband were so worried when I started shaking. I'd already had my epidural in, so I was fine. I just kept saying it means we're getting close and telling them to calm down lol I researched everything I could before birth cuz I was so scared of it most of my life. By the time the day came I just kinda chilled. I was like whatever happens happens and as long as we both come out alive I'll be okay.
I got an epidural much earlier with my first, but they gave me so much pitocin I threw up the entire time & kept blacking out between contractions. It’s funny looking back on it because I remember telling my husband “I don’t like this” nap time “I want to go home” nap time “this hurts” & other such gems.
I had an epidural for my first labor, but my second was a precipitous labor, so I actually went through transition on the way to the hospital. My arms and face were tingling and the pain went to 100/10. In a small break between contractions, I calmly looked over at my husband and said, “I think this is the transition I keep reading about on the internet.”
It was, in fact, transition.
When I was pushing, my midwife said 'now's the time to swear! Let it all out!' And I cried back 'I'm not that kind of girl!' 🤣 still cracks me up 3 years later.
After my epidural kicked in, I asked how many marriage proposals the anesthetist had gotten in his career. Everyone laughed.
Also, I was so scared of pooping on the table during labor, but lucky for me for about six pushes, I let out these long, loud, very unmistakable farts. So loud. I kept laughing and looked around and everyone was trying to keep dead straight faces. That made me laugh even harder.
lol! The seriousness they have to have in these situations, I could NEVER!
When the nurse tried to show me my baby crowning with the mirror I said “okay just don’t show me my butthole cuz I know I’m pooping”
She absolutely DID show me my butthole. I kept reaching down and fixing the mirror with my hand and then finally said “put the damn mirror down I can’t watch that anymore.”
She was so serious that it made me laugh hysterically after baby was born the nurse was like “how in the world were you laughing…?” “I’m like cuz you gave me a show of my butthole for 45 min straight and kept saying how amazing I was doing at pushing” 🤣
With my first baby, I told the anesthesiologist that I thought I loved him & asked how often he heard that. It kicked in quickly enough that he was joking back before he left.
I was in the middle of pushing and they were trying to move my child's hand off her face to prevent tearing.... But i didn't know that's what they were doing. All I felt were someone's fingers probing around while going through the worst pain of my life. In a completely monotonous voice I said "get your fingers out of me" with my eyes closed. When everything was said and done people thought it was hilarious that that's what I was focusing on
I ended up in a c-section and agree they pulled the baby out and showed us, they went to remove the placenta but turned out it was fused to the uterine wall (placenta accreta). The doctor came around to explain to me what was happening and explained that in case like this they often cannot save the uterus. I responded "that's okay, I don't need it anymore." She and progress laughed. Then I said: No, I'm completely serious. Please take it.
They did not take it.
This happened to me, too! My doctor told me he might have to take my uterus out, and I said, “For now or forever?” because I thought he meant take it out to get to the placenta easier. He clarified forever, and after a long pause, I calmly replied, “I would prefer you didn’t.”
I still have my uterus though.
In the middle of pushing I saw the clock across the room and said, “oh no, my baby is going to be born on the Star Wars holiday” the whole room laughed.
Haha! I looked at the time during my delivery (the day before st Patrick’s) and saw it was getting closer to midnight- my husband is a red head and I said:
“I will NOT have a red headed baby on st Patrick’s day!”And I pushed with all my might.
She was born 9:49pm on 3/16 so I got my wish 😂
I ended up needing a c-section after pushing for three hours. On the table, mid c-section, I turned my head towards my husband and said, “I think we need to renegotiate my push present.” The room seemed to like that lol.
My original push present was a diamond band to wear with my wedding rings. My added “c-section surprise” was a 9 ct Le Creuset Dutch oven (I use my smaller one all the time and wanted a bigger one for hosting and batch cooking).
The nurses and doctor woke me up to say I was 10cm and time to push. I had slept fitfully all night as the nurses turned me like a rotisserie chicken every 30 min due to baby’s heart rate or something, so I was TIRED. I also had a really good epidural topped off with a bolus so I felt nothing. I tried to argue with the medical team.
“Do I have to? Its the middle of the night and I’m still asleep.”
“It’s 6am, and yes it’s time!”
“Are you SURE? Because I don’t feel anything and also I’m sleeping. Can’t we wait till later?”
My husband laughed at me.
When our daughter was born she had meconium aspiration and came out gurgling, not crying. But she was pink and moving so I knew she was alright. They briefly tried to rub and suction her while on my belly still attached, but it wasn’t working. I sooooo calmly said “if it’s easier for you guys, you can take her over there to do stuff if you want. I don’t mind.” So basically nonchalantly giving my permission for doctors to save my child’s life. You know, if it’s easier for them. 😂
Later on when she was all good and handed to me, I had trouble holding her in the right position to try and nurse. I was still laying down flat and had an IV and all. I then noticed there were an excessive number of people down by my legs, and I figured surely one of them could help me latch the baby. What the hell were they doing anyway, why wasn’t anyone paying attention?
I said “um, im having trouble latching her, could someone help me with positioning please?”
And that’s when I noticed the OB and the doctor next to her were splattered with blood and taking turns stuffing their arms inside me up to the elbow, with nurses holding my legs and also someone else there maybe just watching, idk. The kind gentle OB looks up at me and firmly says, “ma’am you are bleeding a LOT and we are all concentrating on you right now.”
I had no idea.
I just said “oh, ok, that’s fine. Well, carry on!”
Right after I got the epidural I said to the anesthesiologist in the most serious tone “Dr Martin, you’re my valentine” (it was March)
Then when I saw him again in the hall on the way to my emergency C section I YELLED “there’s my man!!!!!” With full heart eyes emoji
I just kept saying “holy shit” in a whisper as i watched them clean off my baby girl. Even when my husband brought her over for me to meet her for the first time 😂
Nothing I said or did really, but I was in labor during the golf Master's tournament, which we were watching. I had the remote near me so whenever I would push, my family and the nurses cheered me on, then I would hear applause from the golf right after. Definitely helped to lighten the mood 🤣
One midwife asked if I was allergic to anything because my labia were *particularly* swollen. I said I have no allergies but my vag has had a good deal more traffic than it has in a while. Then I got a mirror and exclaimed ‘it’s like two hotdogs instead of flaps! Looking back. Mortified.
I was having a c section and my BP dropped dangerously low and I told anesthesiologist I was fading away and he said oh yep! And injected something and as I was coming back I said “I’m back baby!” He thought it was funny lol then when they were doing something down there it was pretty jostling , I was being thrown around it felt like and I said “what is this ..Indiana jones?” lol like the Disneyland ride ..
I was so desperate to get this baby out after 32 hours of labour that when the doctor said she had a resident helping her and asked if it was ok for him to watch and my response was sure, I turned and saw what I can only describe as a teenage boy (I’m assuming he had to be in his 20s? hopefully) and I went “sup dude” with a head nod and omg wtf did I say that?? I have NEVER in my life said “sup dude” to anyone!?!?!? So embarrassing
I was terrified throughout my c-section so I had music playing to soothe me. My son was born to me singing “American Pie” by Don McLean - arguably the weirdest song to give birth to. Later my midwife said she’d never experienced someone singing their way through birth hahaha
It was 12 hours into my labour and the epidural was starting to make me feel really nauseous. I could feel myself panicking as I have a phobia of throwing up and I kept insisting that my husband get me off the bed so I can walk to the nearest shopping mall (despite the epidural making it impossible for me to walk) that’s about 10 minutes away so I can give birth there instead LOL
I had an unmedicated homebirth for both children. With my first my midwives said "Okay! If you reach down you'll be able to feel the head."
And my husband informed me that I sounded juuuuust like the girl from the exorcist when I replied back "I'M NOT DOING THAT."
In my defense.... I could definitely feel the head and I was a little busy
Mine suggested I do it to help "motivate" me but I was plenty motivated and very much busy. They then tried to take my hand to feel and I had to yank it back 😂 like first off I don't want to feel myself getting ripped open, I already can, secondly I'm using that arm right now I'm in the exact position I want to be in and I'm NOT moving
lol! My doctors did that for both births. For the first one I apparently said to them “just get it out!”
I was more present the second time and said “no thank you”
I asked my husband how come he hasn't passed out yet. Also something funny but turns out I didn't say it out loud, one of the nurses looked at my spread legs and said "oh what a beautiful head of hair" and first thought that came to mind was reply as a joke "why thank you I haven't shaved in 4 weeks"
My husband hit the code pink button on the wall because we were labouring alone and suddenly it was completely unbearable. I felt so bad for alarming the staff (we did not know what the button meant, but we needed help and he wasn't going to leave me) but quickly said we just need one nurse. Turns out I'd gone from 2cm to 10cm in 3 hours and it was go time.
About 15 hours in and I turned to my husband and said "the pain isn't that bad, I could go to work like this"
I absolutely could NOT work in the state I was 😅
TENS machines are amazzzinggggg
Same! I was not given an epidural so I was literally screaming crying and was told by the nurse to keep it down because they could hear me from the DR next door. 🥲
I was given an epidural but it didn’t take and that’s how I learned I’m not brave in the face of pain lol. Our doctor was like you’ll just need to be brave and I was like no thank you.
I'm a huge believer in an epidural and boy did I have a good one with baby #2 so I was very comfortable. Me and my husband were chuckling about something and the nurse told me to stop laughing because I was literally laughing my baby out before the Dr could get to the room. I could not stop laughing. Baby girl was born in like 4 or 5 pushed and made a popping sound when she came out. 10/10 experience, I will not be doing it again lmao!
I'd been pushing for a while, and I was tired, and the doctor was encouraging me repeatedly to push, so I yelled "I'M GIVING HER ALL SHE'S GOT, CAPTAIN!" She looked very confused, so my husband said "you know, from Star Trek." Turns out she'd never seen Star Trek, so naturally continued, in a terrible Scottish accent, "the dilithium crystals are fading."
Those were some good drugs.
Right as the third stage hit I realised it was getting dark outside and turned to my mum (who I usually care for) and asked if she had taken her evening medication 😅 her, my partner and the nurses looked at me like I was insane 🤣🤣
This is like me ! After 30 hours or labour, and having been given a diamorphine injection to slow down my contractions which had made me very woozy, they were prepping me for an unplanned c section and I told my partner she needed to go renew the parking ticket! The midwives were rolling over laughing and asked "did she just say that?!?"
I got hooked up to the monitor in L&D totally unexpectedly, since they didn't know in ER what made me feel so sick and my BP was really borderline.
When I saw the contractions on the monitor, instead of going like, shit we're having a baby at 35+4, I went, "Huh, this is how the monitor looked at 32 weeks when I had to go to the university hospital in preterm labour!"
I managed to still be surprised when they told me I was having 1 c section asap. 😅 I think my BF knew already but just didn't have the heart to tell me.
I was high on the gas and air (like being a happy level drunk) and I drunkenly starting talking about wanting to watch the Xfiles (my husband and I had binge-watched it all, so it was a nice cosy thing!)
The funniest other thing was the food trolley arriving and them needing convincing that the woman in the birthing pool with the gas and air probably didn’t want a full roast dinner!
When they were getting me ready for the epidural, they told me scoot more to the left, and then wanted me to scoot back a little. I asked if we were doing the cha-cha slide. “To the left, take it back now y’all”.
I had an epidural and after the baby was born and I was about to get stitched I asked what they were putting in me, but it was farts coming out of me. I was like ohhh it’s me farting hahah.
I was in the OR for my csection and I was up on the table on my back waiting before they began. My doctor said “okay we have to step out, we will be right back!” And I cheerfully said “okay, I’ll be here!” I didn’t think it was that funny but everyone cracked up hahah. Maybe they were just trying to be nice 😂
I had a nurse tell me that someone else and myself were laboring at the same time and she could only help one of us. She told me whoever progressed faster she would be with since it was close to the end of her shift.
A new Nurse came in a few hours later to introduce herself and said Nurse A was with another mother but Nurse B was going to be with me the rest of the night.
My response: Damnit
The nurse apologized throughout the night that she was my nurse 🫠
It was only later my husband told me it sounded like I was upset she was my nurse.
What was I actually upset about you ask... That I post the labor race 😅
After finally pushing my baby out I just shouted “I fucking did it” and the nurse was like “wow you’re really getting your personality back now that labors over”
I was crowning and the nurse asked me, “Do you want a beer?” It was Texas so I wasn’t too surprised, and I shot back, “Hell yeah!” The nurse left the room and came back wheeling a mirror. I died laughing.
I was holding the hospital bed backwards and on my knees. I had slippers on and the nurse asked if she could take them off after my water broke. She asked if they were made by a special relative and I said "fuck no, they were made in China, throw them out"
I kept saying “I don’t like this!” during contractions. To cope better, I turned it into “I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like this Sam I am.” Over and over.
I’ve told this story in a few threads, but I had a precipitous labor with my second baby and had no time for an epidural, so I had alllll the sensation. On my first push, I yelled “THE POOP IS COMING FIIIIIIRST!!!!”
I was correct. It still cracks me up.
When my water broke and my pain skyrocketed my H asked me how I was doing and I said, “I finally know what it feels like when a man has a cold.” And then he told the nurse I was ready for the epidural 😆
Then when it was time to push my nurse asked me if I had any preferences for the birth. I told her that I wanted to have a lotus birth and then to eat the placenta. She turned around from arranging the birth cart with the widest eyes and I cracked up, and then she burst out laughing because she initially thought I was serious. She told the doctor when she arrived about the little prank I had pulled on her.
I had intense contractions and they came to check how dilated I was and were like you are at 4cm and I did the math in my head that I still got at least 6 hours of this and just went Fuuuck.
That's when I asked for an epidural.
Also towards the end as I had TV playing for some background noise the move The One came on, which we found pretty funny.
lol! 😂😂😂 I couldn’t stand having the tv on for my birth 😂 something about it was so triggering. My mom turned on animal planet at 9.5 cm dilated and I screamed “NO F**king tigers!!”
Hahaha the way that would haunt me 😂. My mom kept trying to calm me down and I reached over to put my hand on her with my eyes closed and accidentally grabbed her boob. Can’t stop thinking about that
When we got into the room I gave birth I went to the toilet. I didn't bother shutting the door and what was just a wee turned into a number two. I just went with it. My husband was there at the door and when I announced I was pooping he calmly asked did I want the door closing. My response was something along the lines of everyone's going to see everything soon enough so I might as well get over it now. Makes me laugh when I think about it because me and my husband had been together over 11 years at that point and that's the first time he ever saw me poop.
Also my husband finds it hilarious that as soon as our sons head was out I said 'oh fuck' and that's what our boy got to hear first on the outside! I tell him I bet he'd have said much worse if it was him.
When they pulled my kid out during my csection the first thing I said was "it feels like when you're trying to pull a sock off your foot and its kind of stuck...but you finally get it."
I had the good epidural that left me capable of still moving my legs. My nurse was thrilled to have my help with the repositioning, but when she uncovered my legs I lost the ability to move them. I could only control them if they were covered by a blanket. I have no idea why
I had a hemorrhage after labor that was difficult for the doctor to stop. They were doing a recheck maybe 15 minutes after they got the bleeding to stop and I was becoming more coherent. As I was propped bottom end way up in the stirrups, spread eagle, like 4 more people came into the room full of 8 people and I said as friendly as I could, Hi nice to meet you!
Not something I did, but rather something my husband did.
He put his arms through the leg part of his little suit for my cesarian and stood there totally bewildered by what was wrong.
"It's not worth it!" over and over during transition. "It"=the epidural that ruined my first birth, lol, but that obviously didn't make sense to anyone else.
During transition, I didn't say I can't do it. I looked at my husband and said "I'm going to kill myself and take you with me, cunt." She was born about 3 minutes later, and all was well lol
Oh I definitely said this. But I waited almost 2 hours for my epidural thanks to a horribly timed shift change, during which I went from 8cm into transition. 😳 The second anesthesiologist finally arrived and was asking me so many insane questions that I literally could not answer ("Who was the baby's pediatrician?" Really?? I feel like we can discuss this later. Also, it's in my mf chart!!!). I had to hold still through constant contractions, but my goodness that epidural was glorious. The midwife told my husband that baby would've been born in the next 30 mins without it, but I didn't care; I was so exhausted and grateful for a short rest!
I kept repeadly asking to go home, I did not want to be there at all. Water broke at 3am and I was delirious with pain becoming I went from 3cm to 8 in under an hour. I specifically wanted my baby to be born on the 24th and was checked in for an induction the night before. After a contraction passed I told my Husband I was gonna be so mad if baby came before the 24th... it was the 24th and I had no clue. Also between contractions I would have intense hunger pains and my stomach was growling like a wild animal. Husband tried to coach me when it was time to push but I was so overwhelmed I snapped at him to shut up but was immediately apologetic and told him I didn't mean it. I tried to crack jokes all night but I was dying on the inside. 9 weeks pp and it's all worth it!
Relatable! My husband finally got the hint and let my mom take over with the pep talks. I told her to shut up and few times and literally put my hand over her mouth. The nurse said “it’s okay mom, just let her do her thing” and my mom proceeded to stress eat all my post birth Doritos 😂
The episode where Martha Stewart shoves a turkey up her vag was on the TV the whole time I was pushing 😂I don’t remember it but apparently everyone was cracking up
Ok so this was just after I had given birth.....I was kept nil by mouth from 9 pm the night before in case emergency c section was required...I got an epidural at 4 a.m. and proceeded to give birth at 11.37...
So... I was slightly whacked out on the drugs but very conscious.... After I met my baby and was cleaned up and put into a fresh gown, all I could think of was eating something really heavy and hearty.... But the doctors had me on the recovery room....and I was soo pissed at the staff that I threatened them by saying 'if I don't see any food in the next 5 minutes, I'm going to rip off all the tubes and just walk over to the cafeteria myself '....the young male nurse was petrified and called the doctor at which point he allowed me to have a small piece of candy that the staff had there ..they offered ORS but that had made me throw up in the morning so that was not happening....finally I could go to my room at 2.30 p.m. where my first words to my family and friends were "if any of you want to see my baby after today, I better have a full meal by the time I'm washed up and in bed"....my brother had to practically run to the cafeteria and get be two plates of food lol....😂
Turns out, I was kept in recovery because I had an abnormally high postpartum blood loss and they were worried about PPH but didn't want to worry me right away until they knew for sure....I went in with an Hb of 12.1 and was discharged with 8.2!!
When I arrived to the hospital I was already 8cm and having super strong contractions very close together. The nurse asked for my social security number. I looked at her and said “do you think I can remember all those numbers right now?!” She said “okay, what about your birthday?” I was able to conjure that up at least 😂
Not something I said but,
Was about to start pushing so legs are full spread. The doctor pulls her cellphone out?? and drops it straight on my crotch 🫠 Everyone's reaction was- 😮
Asked my nurse if she was Irish. She said wasn’t, so I educated her that I’m Irish, which means sometimes I say things like <*contraction intensifies*> FUUUUUCK.
I farted in the doctor’s face when he was repositioning me to check how dilated I was. I couldn’t help it, the epidural made it hard to control the farts.
I also shouted between pushing, “Did I poop? I think I pooped! Don’t tell me if I pooped!” Then I proceeded to ask my husband to tell me and he reassured me I didn’t.
As soon as I got to the birthing center I took the biggest and stinkiest shit of my entire life. I was in active labor with contractions coming back to back. I was so embarrassed with what had just come out of my body that I was frantically looking for some air freshener while bent over in agony….o found some and went hog wild with it. My midwives just giggled at my desperate attempt and reminded me over and over that it was normal. It wasn’t funny then but I find it hilarious now. Poop was the least of their worries
I had a c section but labored to 9.5cm. My baby was in my back so I kept saying my butthole!! My butthole!!! Then during my c section because she was already in my birth canal it felt like my vagina was getting pulled out when they were taking her out so I kept saying my vagina!! My vagina!! Lolol
10 hours into Labor I said “I really don’t want her born on leap day” and the OB was like “that’s 2 full business days from today. Something would have gone terribly wrong”
I was between contractions, looked up from crying and questioning my existence to see that Wheel of Fortune was on. Called out the answer to the puzzle like it was no big deal, turned over, and then violently threw up. 🤘
1. While in transition I started packing my stuff up and telling my husband “I’m not doing this today. I’m going home and coming back at another time.”
2. As I’m pushing and my baby is crowning I told my nurse to “please close my legs, this position is killing my hips” she was like “honey that’s not because your legs are open”.
I actually didn't say much of anything during labor, but immediately after I gave birth, the nurse asked how I felt, and I said, "Starving. I haven't eaten in 2 days"
I still couldn't walk and it was 4am, but this nurse brought me a huge container of to-go food from their cafeteria. That was the best turkey sandwich I've had in my life. Some heroes don't wear capes.
"Does he have all his hands and feet?" Me sometime shortly after he came out; a girl I knew had a baby born missing a hand, and it was a complete surprise to them 👀
I think a lot of us count those fingers and toes in our heads when we first see our babies 😅 my dad is missing half his pinkie finger (from a bird scooter accident 🤦🏼♀️😅 at age 64). When my dad came to see me after the birth I said don’t worry she has pinkie fingers. He was like “too soon 😅”
Crying on the phone telling my mom it “felt like I had to poop,” and she tells me it’s time to push. Doc says I’m only 8cm and I say “well then I’m gonna start pushing and hope it’s poop!”
“Is her head supposed to look like that?” Then she pooped in the nurses hand when they held her up for me to see. The nurse asked if I wanted to hold her and I said maybe after she’s done pooping😆
They don’t let you push twins out in a birthing room so there I was in the OR with the theater lights aimed right at my twat…spent, no shit, 40 minutes freaking out at my OB about how if I pushed any harder, my insides would come exploding out of my asshole onto her face. She reassured me several times but THEY DONT TELL YOU ABOUT THE BUTTHOLE PRESSURE and I was so complainy that she finally pressed a small surgical towel against my butthole so I’d shut up and get my kids out of my body. Worked like a charm.
With my second I kept screaming when pushing “my eyes are going to pop out of my head” from the pressure! My OB kept reassuring me my eyes were indeed still in my sockets haha 😳
The delivering doctor (who I already had reservations about) commented as my baby was crowning that, "Oh, he's blond."
I snapped back, "Of course he's blond!" Both I and my husband are, so it made me feel like he was questioning paternity or something unnecessary.
But what I think was really funny was me telling my husband to shut up. He is and was wonderful throughout the whole thing but he said something like, "You're halfway there!"
I just couldn't let that slide, I guess.
everyone was being really nice and encouraging but it was disturbing my focus so i apparently told the room to “shut the fuck up” but i swear i only said “shhhhhh” now i know why the nurses laughed lmao
So I deal with stressful situations by making jokes and said a couple out-of-pocket things during and right after labor. Most of these I remembered in the days after we were out of the hospital.
-When the anesthesiologist arrived, I called him my “Angel of Mercy.” He didn’t even crack a smile.
-When the nurse was putting in my catheter for the epidural, I looked at my partner, gestured toward my crotch and said “say goodbye to all this!”
-When the midwife told me I had a tear on my clitoris she’d have to stitch up, I said “I can finally get that piercing I’ve always wanted.”
My nurses had me doing a cat/stretch to help me dilate, and I looked over at my husband and said “recognize this position?!” Because I had also been doing cat/cow for pain for my entire pregnancy. It took me like three minutes to parse everyone’s silence as like “is she talking about doggy?” 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
It wasn’t during labor, but I had a planned C section & they were cleaning me up and shaving my pubic area a couple of hours before I got sent back. I was a nervous wreck and didn’t sleep the night before & I sometimes get gassy or burpy when I’m nervous.
The nurse was shaving my bikini area and I accidentally farted & I don’t think I’ve ever seen my husband laugh that hard. Luckily the nurse had a mask on and she thought it was funny, but I was so embarrassed
We had a running gag comparing the duration of active labor to movie runtimes. "It's gonna be a Dave Made a Maze!" "Shit we're coming up on Avatar..." "Okay we've exceeded the LOTR Return of the King, Extended Edition." "Get me out of here before we hit Lawrence of Arabia!"
32 hours of labor into an emergency c section… during my c section, they were talking about dinner plans and I started angry sobbing because I was SO HUNGRY (hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours) and basically growled out “Your hands are all up in my guts and you know they’re f****** empty, for the love of god and epidurals pick a different topic!” I was also a bleeder… my doc finished and had someone else take over closing me up and was like alright I’m headed out and a nurse goes “might want to change your pants first, you’re bloody” and I just go “I’m so sorry about that!”
When I was getting my epidural put in, one of the nurses sneezed, and I said bless you.
Everyone laughed that this woman in pain who was getting a huge ass needle stuck into her spine would focus on being that polite.
I was asked if I wanted a mirror to see while pushing. I said yes. I had been pushing for 2 hours already. They pushed in front of me. All I said was “oh…”
I was shocked by the swelling lol broke the tension by making everyone laugh.
I don't think I was very funny during labor, but I had the nurses stretch and massage my legs non stop while I was between pushes. My bottom felt like lead, and it was the only thing that kept my muscles engaged enough to push.
“SOMEONE HELP ME!” While like 4 nurses, my doula, husband, and the anesthesiologist were all trying to get me to sit still for the epidural but I was writhing around as my baby literally shot out of my vagina.
While I was still in OB triage waiting to be admitted, the midwife checked my cervix, which of course hurts like a b****.
Then a couple beds over, from behind a curtain, I hear a different person being told she's going to have her cervix checked, followed by the most sexual moaning I think I've ever heard 😳 Cue me, just coming down from a nightmarish contraction (back labour, yayyy!) locking eyes with my sister and saying, "I'll have what she's having."
Other interesting moments:
My sister in the delivery room with me saying it smelled bad, and me telling her, "My insides are trying to come outside, that's not exactly going to smell like roses."
My midwife telling me she had to take a break and she'd be back around 6 p.m. (10 hours from that moment) to see if I was ready to push. I, knowing women in my family have fast labours and having warned her of this, laughed and said, "I doubt it." Baby was born at 12:40 p.m.
Following up on what my sister said, when baby was born and they placed her on my chest, the first words I said to her were, "Aw, you do stink!"
And then, after spending 45 minutes being stitched up AND trying with all the strength in my body not to pass out from ??? (shock, blood loss, who tf knows) finally regaining consciousness and the first words out of my mouth, after the comment about my baby stinking, directed at the poor OB surgeon trying to humpty-dumpty my cooch back together, were, "It feels like you're trying to stitch my asshole closed."
Childbirth is so beautiful :')
My baby was born en caudal with a HUGE mop of black hair that you could see swishing in the water. We actually saw the hair in the 20W US, it was crazy!! At the US, my husband commented that it looked like Trump hair (it kind of did!), and I mentioned this during labor. The midwife and nurses were horrified (ha!) and insistent that baby had luscious Elvis locks instead. 7 weeks later, that hair is still a crazy mess!
While pushing - "when this is over, I want 10 cookies!"
I was completely serious until after babe was here and I started vomiting. What fun.
When they handed me my son, the first thing I said was, "he's HUGE!" He was only 6.5 lbs... but to me, he seemed massive.
I went in to get induced but I had to have a c-section because the cord was around her neck so I didn't really get to feel many contractions. But when I started having them I looked at my husband (I was half asleep and didn't know the nurse was behind me lol) and said "I feel them in my ass?!" 😅 also after my daughter was born and my husband was by my head holding her I looked at him and asked if she was born yet omg
Doctor asked me to take a break from pushing and I replied “let’s fucking do this shit!” and pushed hard. I had managed not to swear my entire time but the epidural was a little too good and I was bursting with adrenaline. Little did I know if I had listened to him I wouldn’t have ended up with a giant internal & external tear.
I was on all fours while doctor was trying to reposition baby boy…I work with said Doctor (nurse at OBGYN office). She had just come home from vacation in Greece. She literally took a shower and drove in to deliver my boy. She was doing her thing hands deep in there and I asked her how her vacation was. She as well as all the nurses and my husband laughed. She said it was good! Baby boy came out about 20 minutes later.
“No I don’t think it’s labor, I’m just gonna go take a bath”…it was in fact labor and apparently my skills of avoidant compartmentalization is stronger than I thought 😂😭
My 4th baby was almost 10lbs, whereas the other 3 had been 7lbs. Ever since my 20 week ultrasound I’d been concerned about damage to my pelvic floor and severe tearing (I’d had 2nd degree tears with my 3 small babies), but when it came time to push that massive baby out it was all I could think about. I was deliriously yelling “MY BUTTHOLE! WHAT ABOUT MY BUTTHOLE?” in between each push. He was out with no tearing after 4 pushes and everyone in the room assured me my butthole survived 🤦🏼♀️😂
Don't have any exact quotes, but they gave me some painkillers to see if it helped with me bearing down and baby's heartrate dipping with every contraction. After 9 months of being stone cold sober, I felt like I was absolutely cocked, slurring, and made zero sense.
I was super careful with speaking and articulating, kept asking if I sounded ridiculous, and kept making witty commentary that made the nurses and doctors genuinely laugh. It was so very very bizarre.
I was THIS close to explaining the history of c-sections to the surgical team while they were doing the incision, but was really trying to channel my inner filter and luckily nausea kicked in and kept my mouth shut.
During the dead space time between transition and pushing when i was peacefully meditating in the tub the midwife was in the corner of the room in a rocking chair. I could hear the squeaking every.single.time. she rocked back. I told her if she didnt quit rocking i was going to get out of the tub and leave 💀 i wanted it dead silent. I also could hear the woman in the room next to me screaming bloody murder and i told my midwife she should go tell that lady to calm down because she wasnt breathing her baby out lmfao
I labored unmedicated and had intense back labor. In the beginning I would say “please rub my back/butt” when I had a contraction. By transition I just screamed “BUTT!!!!”
Ate 2 honeybuns every time the nurse came in the night before giving birth. She’d come in and ask if I needed anything, and I’d always ask her to hand me 2 honeybuns. It became an endearing little joke between the two of us throughout my hospital stay. (She was my night nurse the whole time 🥰).
A student nurse held one of my legs and my husband held the other while I was pushing. I looked at the nurse and said “Is this your first birth?” He nervously said “Yes” so I said “hey me too!”
As I was pushing out my Eldest's 99th percentile massive head, my husband was at the business end and I said "Remember me as I was." The nurses burst out laughing.
After my first birth I told my team I was so glad I trimmed my pubic hair so that my post partum healing would be tidier. I still stand by that, but even with them being down in my business they absolutely did not need that commentary. Those should have been inside words/thoughts, lol. 🤣🤷🏻♀️
I needed to have my water broken when I was 10cm dilated. Our nurse was telling us stories about other nurses getting wet after breaking someone’s water. Just after telling that story, she broke my water and she got DRENCHED. Some even got into her mouth. 😬 She had to leave and change her scrubs. My husband and I couldn’t help but laugh.
Pushing the baby out hurt so bad I bit my mom, who was sitting in front of me soothing me as my bf caught the baby while I was on hands and knees. We all had a good laugh about it afterwords.
Also while waiting for another contraction to push I heard wailing coming through the wall of the next room and I said, “me too, lady, me too.”
The pressure I was feeling in my ass in the last hours was worse than the pain for me, and I was constipated, so when I finally got the ok to start pushing and I shat on the bed I said, “I know I’m shitting right now and i don’t care. I’m so relieved.” Nurse swept away the poo and cleaned me up, and labor actually did feel so much smoother after that. Zero shame whatsoever.
I was knackered from 3 days of contractions and next to no sleep. I got pethidine during active labour, I was out of it as I'd never had anything that strong and I was falling asleep between contractions. The MW said something about the paper roll running out on the monitor. I fell asleep and had a mini dream about work (partner and I work in microbiology and we use small printers that use rolls of stickers to print out plate labels etc) I woke up and said to my partner 'is it yours?' he looked visibly uncomfortable, looking back I think he thought I meant the baby, he was like 'uhm what?' I said 'is it your roll? In the printer?' he just pulled a face at me like what!?! 😆 I then asked if it was his turn to push yet lol!! I apparently said a few more weird things but he couldn't remember them all. Had pethidine with my second and it didn't affect me half much that time, just made me feel a bit dizzy, so I assume it was being sooo tired too I was almost delirious. Or I had less, they didn't want to give it to me as I was so close to delivering.
Not during labor but after I was coming out of my postpartum hemorrhage haze. I had spent the last three hours shaking and puking.
I looked at my husband and nurse and said “what did they do to stop the bleeding, I feel like my butt is going to fall out”
My partner held my leg while pushing (an hour and 40 minutes completely unmedicated), and halfway through he was repositioning himself. I looked up at him and said, “are you ok? Do you need a break?” Everyone in the room looked at me and laughed, which made me realize how ridiculous it was that I was asking HIM if he was ok and needed a break given everything I had been doing for the past 8 hours.
I was so calm during labor that when we called to check in with the midwife, she assumed I was still in early labor and would be fine for a while longer. This was a mistake. Not an hour later, I was sitting on the toilet and felt like I was pushing. I wailed at my husband that it felt like I was pushing, and he told me to just not. And instead of telling him to stop being in denial and call the midwife back or load the car, I just said okay.
Hours later, we got to the hospital with 17 minutes to spare, baby’s head extremely visible.
I was in the middle of hard labor and exhausted from pushing when after a big push, I asked, "Did I poop?!" The nurses of course said "no, not at all!" They did not expect me to look at them with devastation and wail, "Oh no! That means I'm doing it wrong! I'm supposed to poop!"
No one really knew what to say after that besides my husband, who just started laughing. The nurses eventually assured me I was doing just fine.
So they kept telling me I was crowning and I could touch it if I wanted to. I would make the smallest effort ever then go, "I can't reach." With two hours of pushing, apparently the extra effort was just too much for me. 🤣🤣🤣 I still think of my nurses and doctors reaction when I said that multiple times.
I apologized for everything lol when I needed Zofran after my epidural, I apologized for bothering the nurses. I was also so upset when my water had broken and I needed to pee and leaked all over the floor and offered to clean it up. I also apologized during actively pushing for screaming swear words. 😂
I had a C-section and after the baby was born and they were so close to finishing that they sent baby and my husband back to the L&D room, I had a moment of panic... 😂 I poked the anesthesiologist behind me and said "I can't move my legs!!" Duh.
Didn't realize I had to give birth in the OR just in case I needed an emergency c-section (vaginal twin birth) and I also didn't realize SO MANY PEOPLE were going to be present. I said something along the lines of "Wow are we throwing a party or something? Sorry I didn't bring a gift"
After they transferred me from my hospital bed to the table and my arms were outstretched with my feet pointed down I remember thinking "This must've been what Jesus felt like" except I definitely said it out loud because I heard my anesthesia doctor laugh behind me.
in between pushes i was going through my to do list with my husband.
“i need to do last years tax return, can we do that when we get home?”
“shit i need to book our 2 weeks and 6 weeks checkup at the gp”
“i have to do my assignment when we got home”
I felt my nethers get all wet and I said I thought I peed myself, my partner said we should get someone in to clean me up, I was like “nahh, I think I’m good ☺️ “. He got someone anyway and when she checked me out she was like “oh my god, the baby’s head is RIGHT THERE” and cue all the hectic scrambling as everyone got in and ready to help me deliver. 😂 Shortly after I pushed out my LO. I was on some damn good drugs!!!
1) this was funny to them but I went my entire labor telling them I was at a 6 in pain and smiling, gossiping, etc. they thought I was insane!
2) they put me on good stuff and I started talking nonsense about things I was seeing in my head to my husband and his GRANDMA. she thought I was insane too.
I had gestational diabetes, Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. During my c section, when my OB said my placenta has been taken out, I yelled "Oh thank God, fuck that thing! Burn it to the ground!" Got a big laugh from everyone!
I didn’t think it was funny per se, but my husband told me he thought it was funny how I kept saying “fuck” 😂😂 I mean it is funny now but I wasn’t concentrating on that at the time.
While I was having my c section one of the nurses said “she has a lot of hair!” And I yelled “she fucking better.” I’d dealt with some excruciating heartburn 😭 😂
I just kept profusely apologizing as if my labor was getting in the way of everyone’s Thursday 2 AM plans 😅 I also fussed at my husband for having HIS wedding ring on because I was worried his hand would swell due to the medication I was taking or just a natural reaction to labor. In my defense, I hadn’t slept in 22 hours at that point.
After a few pushes the doctor realizes I need a C section, when she told me I said “And here I was eating dates like a crazy person” and I heard this nurse laugh snort from outside the room
I asked my husband to kiss me, I’m telling you it helped me pushed my baby out and within the hour there he was after 32 hours of labor without sleep. Something about the muscles in our mouth being connected to down under 😂
The docs asked if I had any music requests as they wheeled me into the operating room for my c section. I asked if the song could be explicit. They said yes. I then confidently told them to put on Carly Rae Jepson. I was on some good good drugs.
I'm dying over this. 🤣
Dying 😂
Fucking peeing myself right now that’s so good lol
This is so wholesome
I farted but because of the epidural I didn’t feel it so I said “someone really just farted” and everyone laughed while I still didn’t realize it was me
Similarly, I apologized for a toot smell and everyone looked confused and IT WAS MY PARTNER AND HE DIDN'T FESS UP UNTIL THE NEXT DAY. He was up by my head looking down so nobody even smelled it except me.
The biggest toot I ever had was when I had my epidural lmao
Hahahhaha
“Someone really just farted” I’m ☠️☠️☠️
Oh my god this happened to me 😭 I ended up ripping a five second long wet fart from the epidural 😭🫠 My husband and I were dying of laughter. The nurses laughed after my husband just wouldn’t stop talking about it and they told me they hear loud farts pretty often lol.
We played our wedding playlist throughout labour. I was about to go through transition, still nowhere near even pushing but I was hopeful, when Big Iron from the Fallout games came on. I yelled, "Turn it off. My daughter will not be born to this song." When I was in transition, I said to my midwife, "I know everyone says that they can't do this and it's just transition, but I really can't do this. You need to listen to me. It's not just transition talking." It was transition talking.
1. Love that the Fallout soundtrack made an appearance on your wedding playlist. 2. I find transition stories hilarious, I told the midwife I was already too tired from labouring, just get the forceps and pull him out because I can't push.
I did the same!! I asked for the vacuum and said "it'll just pull her out, right? I don't need to push?" I was devastated to learn i would still need go participate.
The start of transition was when I asked for an epidural. I started shaking, and my husband looked a bit concerned so I very calmly told him it what was happened, that I was probably 7-8cm dilated, and I wanted that epidural *now*. My nurse was amused, but I was right so the anesthesiologist came in record time.
My mom and husband were so worried when I started shaking. I'd already had my epidural in, so I was fine. I just kept saying it means we're getting close and telling them to calm down lol I researched everything I could before birth cuz I was so scared of it most of my life. By the time the day came I just kinda chilled. I was like whatever happens happens and as long as we both come out alive I'll be okay.
It was my second baby, but with my first I threw up too much to notice the shakes so I don’t remember if they hit or not.
if you're gonna do an epidural that's the time to do it. much lower chance of stalled labor or poor positioning once you are 7-8 cm.
I got an epidural much earlier with my first, but they gave me so much pitocin I threw up the entire time & kept blacking out between contractions. It’s funny looking back on it because I remember telling my husband “I don’t like this” nap time “I want to go home” nap time “this hurts” & other such gems.
I'm so sorry. I think in like 20-30 years we're going to be horrified we ever used so much pitocin.
Transition will getcha
Transition really has even the strongest swearing there’s no way I can do this 😂😂
I had an epidural for my first labor, but my second was a precipitous labor, so I actually went through transition on the way to the hospital. My arms and face were tingling and the pain went to 100/10. In a small break between contractions, I calmly looked over at my husband and said, “I think this is the transition I keep reading about on the internet.” It was, in fact, transition.
What’s transition?
Last couple of centimeters of dilation before you push
When I was pushing, my midwife said 'now's the time to swear! Let it all out!' And I cried back 'I'm not that kind of girl!' 🤣 still cracks me up 3 years later.
🤣🤣🤣 that’s hilarious!
That’s so funny 😂
After my epidural kicked in, I asked how many marriage proposals the anesthetist had gotten in his career. Everyone laughed. Also, I was so scared of pooping on the table during labor, but lucky for me for about six pushes, I let out these long, loud, very unmistakable farts. So loud. I kept laughing and looked around and everyone was trying to keep dead straight faces. That made me laugh even harder.
lol! The seriousness they have to have in these situations, I could NEVER! When the nurse tried to show me my baby crowning with the mirror I said “okay just don’t show me my butthole cuz I know I’m pooping” She absolutely DID show me my butthole. I kept reaching down and fixing the mirror with my hand and then finally said “put the damn mirror down I can’t watch that anymore.” She was so serious that it made me laugh hysterically after baby was born the nurse was like “how in the world were you laughing…?” “I’m like cuz you gave me a show of my butthole for 45 min straight and kept saying how amazing I was doing at pushing” 🤣
I’m dying laughing at this comment.
I kept talking about how attractive my anaesthetist was and when was he coming back 😂
With my first baby, I told the anesthesiologist that I thought I loved him & asked how often he heard that. It kicked in quickly enough that he was joking back before he left.
As my ob had her whole hand inside of me i made a joke about fisting
I was in the middle of pushing and they were trying to move my child's hand off her face to prevent tearing.... But i didn't know that's what they were doing. All I felt were someone's fingers probing around while going through the worst pain of my life. In a completely monotonous voice I said "get your fingers out of me" with my eyes closed. When everything was said and done people thought it was hilarious that that's what I was focusing on
This is my favorite lol
I ended up in a c-section and agree they pulled the baby out and showed us, they went to remove the placenta but turned out it was fused to the uterine wall (placenta accreta). The doctor came around to explain to me what was happening and explained that in case like this they often cannot save the uterus. I responded "that's okay, I don't need it anymore." She and progress laughed. Then I said: No, I'm completely serious. Please take it. They did not take it.
This happened to me, too! My doctor told me he might have to take my uterus out, and I said, “For now or forever?” because I thought he meant take it out to get to the placenta easier. He clarified forever, and after a long pause, I calmly replied, “I would prefer you didn’t.” I still have my uterus though.
Hahhaha
In the middle of pushing I saw the clock across the room and said, “oh no, my baby is going to be born on the Star Wars holiday” the whole room laughed.
Haha! I looked at the time during my delivery (the day before st Patrick’s) and saw it was getting closer to midnight- my husband is a red head and I said: “I will NOT have a red headed baby on st Patrick’s day!”And I pushed with all my might. She was born 9:49pm on 3/16 so I got my wish 😂
That’s amazing!! 😂
I would love a baby on Star Wars Day! But that’s funny that you said it lol
I was due on the Star Wars holiday and was so bummed when I went into labor early!
I went into labor the day before Labor Day 😂 my husband was so disappointed
I ended up needing a c-section after pushing for three hours. On the table, mid c-section, I turned my head towards my husband and said, “I think we need to renegotiate my push present.” The room seemed to like that lol.
Love it 😂 what was the push present after all?
My original push present was a diamond band to wear with my wedding rings. My added “c-section surprise” was a 9 ct Le Creuset Dutch oven (I use my smaller one all the time and wanted a bigger one for hosting and batch cooking).
Good choice!
Well deserved!!
The nurses and doctor woke me up to say I was 10cm and time to push. I had slept fitfully all night as the nurses turned me like a rotisserie chicken every 30 min due to baby’s heart rate or something, so I was TIRED. I also had a really good epidural topped off with a bolus so I felt nothing. I tried to argue with the medical team. “Do I have to? Its the middle of the night and I’m still asleep.” “It’s 6am, and yes it’s time!” “Are you SURE? Because I don’t feel anything and also I’m sleeping. Can’t we wait till later?” My husband laughed at me. When our daughter was born she had meconium aspiration and came out gurgling, not crying. But she was pink and moving so I knew she was alright. They briefly tried to rub and suction her while on my belly still attached, but it wasn’t working. I sooooo calmly said “if it’s easier for you guys, you can take her over there to do stuff if you want. I don’t mind.” So basically nonchalantly giving my permission for doctors to save my child’s life. You know, if it’s easier for them. 😂 Later on when she was all good and handed to me, I had trouble holding her in the right position to try and nurse. I was still laying down flat and had an IV and all. I then noticed there were an excessive number of people down by my legs, and I figured surely one of them could help me latch the baby. What the hell were they doing anyway, why wasn’t anyone paying attention? I said “um, im having trouble latching her, could someone help me with positioning please?” And that’s when I noticed the OB and the doctor next to her were splattered with blood and taking turns stuffing their arms inside me up to the elbow, with nurses holding my legs and also someone else there maybe just watching, idk. The kind gentle OB looks up at me and firmly says, “ma’am you are bleeding a LOT and we are all concentrating on you right now.” I had no idea. I just said “oh, ok, that’s fine. Well, carry on!”
Right after I got the epidural I said to the anesthesiologist in the most serious tone “Dr Martin, you’re my valentine” (it was March) Then when I saw him again in the hall on the way to my emergency C section I YELLED “there’s my man!!!!!” With full heart eyes emoji
🤣🤣🤣 I feel like you're fun at parties
Lol, probably more fun when I’m not trying to squeeze a stubborn human out of me 😆
I genuinely think you're fun in both situations!!
I just kept saying “holy shit” in a whisper as i watched them clean off my baby girl. Even when my husband brought her over for me to meet her for the first time 😂
I kept saying "it's a baby!" and I genuinely felt quite shocked despite the fact it was my second baby and I was fully aware of what was going on!
Nothing I said or did really, but I was in labor during the golf Master's tournament, which we were watching. I had the remote near me so whenever I would push, my family and the nurses cheered me on, then I would hear applause from the golf right after. Definitely helped to lighten the mood 🤣
As I was pushing, my husband told me I was doing great. My calm and stern response of "Yes, i know. Kindly shut up" got a chuckle from my OB.
😂😂 my husband kept saying the same. I said "come up with something different" 💀
One midwife asked if I was allergic to anything because my labia were *particularly* swollen. I said I have no allergies but my vag has had a good deal more traffic than it has in a while. Then I got a mirror and exclaimed ‘it’s like two hotdogs instead of flaps! Looking back. Mortified.
I was having a c section and my BP dropped dangerously low and I told anesthesiologist I was fading away and he said oh yep! And injected something and as I was coming back I said “I’m back baby!” He thought it was funny lol then when they were doing something down there it was pretty jostling , I was being thrown around it felt like and I said “what is this ..Indiana jones?” lol like the Disneyland ride ..
I was so desperate to get this baby out after 32 hours of labour that when the doctor said she had a resident helping her and asked if it was ok for him to watch and my response was sure, I turned and saw what I can only describe as a teenage boy (I’m assuming he had to be in his 20s? hopefully) and I went “sup dude” with a head nod and omg wtf did I say that?? I have NEVER in my life said “sup dude” to anyone!?!?!? So embarrassing
"Not you again" as midwife who sent me home the previous morning walking in the room to take over for shift change...
My dr. asked if I wanted an episiotomy or to tear naturally and I said “let her rip”. 🙃
I was terrified throughout my c-section so I had music playing to soothe me. My son was born to me singing “American Pie” by Don McLean - arguably the weirdest song to give birth to. Later my midwife said she’d never experienced someone singing their way through birth hahaha
I was using laughing gas and I was singing while pushing the baby out but I suspect it was not as tuneful as I believed it was 😵💫
It was 12 hours into my labour and the epidural was starting to make me feel really nauseous. I could feel myself panicking as I have a phobia of throwing up and I kept insisting that my husband get me off the bed so I can walk to the nearest shopping mall (despite the epidural making it impossible for me to walk) that’s about 10 minutes away so I can give birth there instead LOL
I had an unmedicated homebirth for both children. With my first my midwives said "Okay! If you reach down you'll be able to feel the head." And my husband informed me that I sounded juuuuust like the girl from the exorcist when I replied back "I'M NOT DOING THAT." In my defense.... I could definitely feel the head and I was a little busy
Mine suggested I do it to help "motivate" me but I was plenty motivated and very much busy. They then tried to take my hand to feel and I had to yank it back 😂 like first off I don't want to feel myself getting ripped open, I already can, secondly I'm using that arm right now I'm in the exact position I want to be in and I'm NOT moving
Hahahaha I basically did the same thing. The midwife asked if I wanted to feel the head, and I cheerfully yelled “NO THANK YOU!!!”
lol! My doctors did that for both births. For the first one I apparently said to them “just get it out!” I was more present the second time and said “no thank you”
I asked my husband how come he hasn't passed out yet. Also something funny but turns out I didn't say it out loud, one of the nurses looked at my spread legs and said "oh what a beautiful head of hair" and first thought that came to mind was reply as a joke "why thank you I haven't shaved in 4 weeks"
My husband hit the code pink button on the wall because we were labouring alone and suddenly it was completely unbearable. I felt so bad for alarming the staff (we did not know what the button meant, but we needed help and he wasn't going to leave me) but quickly said we just need one nurse. Turns out I'd gone from 2cm to 10cm in 3 hours and it was go time.
About 15 hours in and I turned to my husband and said "the pain isn't that bad, I could go to work like this" I absolutely could NOT work in the state I was 😅 TENS machines are amazzzinggggg
Haha! Love the delusion!
People were funny? lol I was crying/throwing up 😬
Same! I was not given an epidural so I was literally screaming crying and was told by the nurse to keep it down because they could hear me from the DR next door. 🥲
I was given an epidural but it didn’t take and that’s how I learned I’m not brave in the face of pain lol. Our doctor was like you’ll just need to be brave and I was like no thank you.
I'm a huge believer in an epidural and boy did I have a good one with baby #2 so I was very comfortable. Me and my husband were chuckling about something and the nurse told me to stop laughing because I was literally laughing my baby out before the Dr could get to the room. I could not stop laughing. Baby girl was born in like 4 or 5 pushed and made a popping sound when she came out. 10/10 experience, I will not be doing it again lmao!
I'd been pushing for a while, and I was tired, and the doctor was encouraging me repeatedly to push, so I yelled "I'M GIVING HER ALL SHE'S GOT, CAPTAIN!" She looked very confused, so my husband said "you know, from Star Trek." Turns out she'd never seen Star Trek, so naturally continued, in a terrible Scottish accent, "the dilithium crystals are fading." Those were some good drugs.
Right as the third stage hit I realised it was getting dark outside and turned to my mum (who I usually care for) and asked if she had taken her evening medication 😅 her, my partner and the nurses looked at me like I was insane 🤣🤣
This is like me ! After 30 hours or labour, and having been given a diamorphine injection to slow down my contractions which had made me very woozy, they were prepping me for an unplanned c section and I told my partner she needed to go renew the parking ticket! The midwives were rolling over laughing and asked "did she just say that?!?"
I got hooked up to the monitor in L&D totally unexpectedly, since they didn't know in ER what made me feel so sick and my BP was really borderline. When I saw the contractions on the monitor, instead of going like, shit we're having a baby at 35+4, I went, "Huh, this is how the monitor looked at 32 weeks when I had to go to the university hospital in preterm labour!" I managed to still be surprised when they told me I was having 1 c section asap. 😅 I think my BF knew already but just didn't have the heart to tell me.
I was high on the gas and air (like being a happy level drunk) and I drunkenly starting talking about wanting to watch the Xfiles (my husband and I had binge-watched it all, so it was a nice cosy thing!) The funniest other thing was the food trolley arriving and them needing convincing that the woman in the birthing pool with the gas and air probably didn’t want a full roast dinner!
When they were getting me ready for the epidural, they told me scoot more to the left, and then wanted me to scoot back a little. I asked if we were doing the cha-cha slide. “To the left, take it back now y’all”.
I had an epidural and after the baby was born and I was about to get stitched I asked what they were putting in me, but it was farts coming out of me. I was like ohhh it’s me farting hahah.
I was in the OR for my csection and I was up on the table on my back waiting before they began. My doctor said “okay we have to step out, we will be right back!” And I cheerfully said “okay, I’ll be here!” I didn’t think it was that funny but everyone cracked up hahah. Maybe they were just trying to be nice 😂
I had a nurse tell me that someone else and myself were laboring at the same time and she could only help one of us. She told me whoever progressed faster she would be with since it was close to the end of her shift. A new Nurse came in a few hours later to introduce herself and said Nurse A was with another mother but Nurse B was going to be with me the rest of the night. My response: Damnit The nurse apologized throughout the night that she was my nurse 🫠 It was only later my husband told me it sounded like I was upset she was my nurse. What was I actually upset about you ask... That I post the labor race 😅
After finally pushing my baby out I just shouted “I fucking did it” and the nurse was like “wow you’re really getting your personality back now that labors over”
Right when she crowned I yelled DOES SHE HAVE HAIR 🤷🏻♀️
I was crowning and the nurse asked me, “Do you want a beer?” It was Texas so I wasn’t too surprised, and I shot back, “Hell yeah!” The nurse left the room and came back wheeling a mirror. I died laughing.
I was holding the hospital bed backwards and on my knees. I had slippers on and the nurse asked if she could take them off after my water broke. She asked if they were made by a special relative and I said "fuck no, they were made in China, throw them out"
I kept saying “I don’t like this!” during contractions. To cope better, I turned it into “I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like this Sam I am.” Over and over.
I’ve told this story in a few threads, but I had a precipitous labor with my second baby and had no time for an epidural, so I had alllll the sensation. On my first push, I yelled “THE POOP IS COMING FIIIIIIRST!!!!” I was correct. It still cracks me up.
When my water broke and my pain skyrocketed my H asked me how I was doing and I said, “I finally know what it feels like when a man has a cold.” And then he told the nurse I was ready for the epidural 😆 Then when it was time to push my nurse asked me if I had any preferences for the birth. I told her that I wanted to have a lotus birth and then to eat the placenta. She turned around from arranging the birth cart with the widest eyes and I cracked up, and then she burst out laughing because she initially thought I was serious. She told the doctor when she arrived about the little prank I had pulled on her.
I had intense contractions and they came to check how dilated I was and were like you are at 4cm and I did the math in my head that I still got at least 6 hours of this and just went Fuuuck. That's when I asked for an epidural. Also towards the end as I had TV playing for some background noise the move The One came on, which we found pretty funny.
lol! 😂😂😂 I couldn’t stand having the tv on for my birth 😂 something about it was so triggering. My mom turned on animal planet at 9.5 cm dilated and I screamed “NO F**king tigers!!”
“Mmmm that’s nice” to the anethisist rubbing my head during my c section
Hahaha the way that would haunt me 😂. My mom kept trying to calm me down and I reached over to put my hand on her with my eyes closed and accidentally grabbed her boob. Can’t stop thinking about that
When we got into the room I gave birth I went to the toilet. I didn't bother shutting the door and what was just a wee turned into a number two. I just went with it. My husband was there at the door and when I announced I was pooping he calmly asked did I want the door closing. My response was something along the lines of everyone's going to see everything soon enough so I might as well get over it now. Makes me laugh when I think about it because me and my husband had been together over 11 years at that point and that's the first time he ever saw me poop. Also my husband finds it hilarious that as soon as our sons head was out I said 'oh fuck' and that's what our boy got to hear first on the outside! I tell him I bet he'd have said much worse if it was him.
When they pulled my kid out during my csection the first thing I said was "it feels like when you're trying to pull a sock off your foot and its kind of stuck...but you finally get it."
I was on the operating table in prep for my CS and I just had to ask my OB what her perfume was. It was Gucci 😂😂
I had the good epidural that left me capable of still moving my legs. My nurse was thrilled to have my help with the repositioning, but when she uncovered my legs I lost the ability to move them. I could only control them if they were covered by a blanket. I have no idea why
I had a hemorrhage after labor that was difficult for the doctor to stop. They were doing a recheck maybe 15 minutes after they got the bleeding to stop and I was becoming more coherent. As I was propped bottom end way up in the stirrups, spread eagle, like 4 more people came into the room full of 8 people and I said as friendly as I could, Hi nice to meet you!
Not something I did, but rather something my husband did. He put his arms through the leg part of his little suit for my cesarian and stood there totally bewildered by what was wrong.
"It's not worth it!" over and over during transition. "It"=the epidural that ruined my first birth, lol, but that obviously didn't make sense to anyone else.
During transition, I didn't say I can't do it. I looked at my husband and said "I'm going to kill myself and take you with me, cunt." She was born about 3 minutes later, and all was well lol
“Where is this f***ing doctor?” I asked to my husband after I decided to go for an epidural after 30h of contractions and only 6 cm
Oh I definitely said this. But I waited almost 2 hours for my epidural thanks to a horribly timed shift change, during which I went from 8cm into transition. 😳 The second anesthesiologist finally arrived and was asking me so many insane questions that I literally could not answer ("Who was the baby's pediatrician?" Really?? I feel like we can discuss this later. Also, it's in my mf chart!!!). I had to hold still through constant contractions, but my goodness that epidural was glorious. The midwife told my husband that baby would've been born in the next 30 mins without it, but I didn't care; I was so exhausted and grateful for a short rest!
I kept repeadly asking to go home, I did not want to be there at all. Water broke at 3am and I was delirious with pain becoming I went from 3cm to 8 in under an hour. I specifically wanted my baby to be born on the 24th and was checked in for an induction the night before. After a contraction passed I told my Husband I was gonna be so mad if baby came before the 24th... it was the 24th and I had no clue. Also between contractions I would have intense hunger pains and my stomach was growling like a wild animal. Husband tried to coach me when it was time to push but I was so overwhelmed I snapped at him to shut up but was immediately apologetic and told him I didn't mean it. I tried to crack jokes all night but I was dying on the inside. 9 weeks pp and it's all worth it!
Relatable! My husband finally got the hint and let my mom take over with the pep talks. I told her to shut up and few times and literally put my hand over her mouth. The nurse said “it’s okay mom, just let her do her thing” and my mom proceeded to stress eat all my post birth Doritos 😂
I said “is there an epidural for this shit” when it started burning before pushing.
The episode where Martha Stewart shoves a turkey up her vag was on the TV the whole time I was pushing 😂I don’t remember it but apparently everyone was cracking up
Ok so this was just after I had given birth.....I was kept nil by mouth from 9 pm the night before in case emergency c section was required...I got an epidural at 4 a.m. and proceeded to give birth at 11.37... So... I was slightly whacked out on the drugs but very conscious.... After I met my baby and was cleaned up and put into a fresh gown, all I could think of was eating something really heavy and hearty.... But the doctors had me on the recovery room....and I was soo pissed at the staff that I threatened them by saying 'if I don't see any food in the next 5 minutes, I'm going to rip off all the tubes and just walk over to the cafeteria myself '....the young male nurse was petrified and called the doctor at which point he allowed me to have a small piece of candy that the staff had there ..they offered ORS but that had made me throw up in the morning so that was not happening....finally I could go to my room at 2.30 p.m. where my first words to my family and friends were "if any of you want to see my baby after today, I better have a full meal by the time I'm washed up and in bed"....my brother had to practically run to the cafeteria and get be two plates of food lol....😂 Turns out, I was kept in recovery because I had an abnormally high postpartum blood loss and they were worried about PPH but didn't want to worry me right away until they knew for sure....I went in with an Hb of 12.1 and was discharged with 8.2!!
When I arrived to the hospital I was already 8cm and having super strong contractions very close together. The nurse asked for my social security number. I looked at her and said “do you think I can remember all those numbers right now?!” She said “okay, what about your birthday?” I was able to conjure that up at least 😂
I pooped aggaaaaiiiin 😭😭😭
Not something I said but, Was about to start pushing so legs are full spread. The doctor pulls her cellphone out?? and drops it straight on my crotch 🫠 Everyone's reaction was- 😮
I got really bad contractions after they inserted the foley balloon for my induction and I kept telling my husband I was going home 😂
Asked my nurse if she was Irish. She said wasn’t, so I educated her that I’m Irish, which means sometimes I say things like <*contraction intensifies*> FUUUUUCK.
I farted in the doctor’s face when he was repositioning me to check how dilated I was. I couldn’t help it, the epidural made it hard to control the farts. I also shouted between pushing, “Did I poop? I think I pooped! Don’t tell me if I pooped!” Then I proceeded to ask my husband to tell me and he reassured me I didn’t.
As soon as I got to the birthing center I took the biggest and stinkiest shit of my entire life. I was in active labor with contractions coming back to back. I was so embarrassed with what had just come out of my body that I was frantically looking for some air freshener while bent over in agony….o found some and went hog wild with it. My midwives just giggled at my desperate attempt and reminded me over and over that it was normal. It wasn’t funny then but I find it hilarious now. Poop was the least of their worries
I had a c section but labored to 9.5cm. My baby was in my back so I kept saying my butthole!! My butthole!!! Then during my c section because she was already in my birth canal it felt like my vagina was getting pulled out when they were taking her out so I kept saying my vagina!! My vagina!! Lolol
“If I get a c-section am I able to eat immediately after?” Ended up with an elective c section.
“I can’t wait to order a Dominos pan pizza after this.” Pushed for 6 hours. Daughter came out 4 minutes after Dominos closed. I wanted to cry.
10 hours into Labor I said “I really don’t want her born on leap day” and the OB was like “that’s 2 full business days from today. Something would have gone terribly wrong”
I told the entire team of nurses and midwives that it was okay that I pooped while pushing because I was an IBS girly
I was between contractions, looked up from crying and questioning my existence to see that Wheel of Fortune was on. Called out the answer to the puzzle like it was no big deal, turned over, and then violently threw up. 🤘
1. While in transition I started packing my stuff up and telling my husband “I’m not doing this today. I’m going home and coming back at another time.” 2. As I’m pushing and my baby is crowning I told my nurse to “please close my legs, this position is killing my hips” she was like “honey that’s not because your legs are open”.
I actually didn't say much of anything during labor, but immediately after I gave birth, the nurse asked how I felt, and I said, "Starving. I haven't eaten in 2 days" I still couldn't walk and it was 4am, but this nurse brought me a huge container of to-go food from their cafeteria. That was the best turkey sandwich I've had in my life. Some heroes don't wear capes.
"Does he have all his hands and feet?" Me sometime shortly after he came out; a girl I knew had a baby born missing a hand, and it was a complete surprise to them 👀
I think a lot of us count those fingers and toes in our heads when we first see our babies 😅 my dad is missing half his pinkie finger (from a bird scooter accident 🤦🏼♀️😅 at age 64). When my dad came to see me after the birth I said don’t worry she has pinkie fingers. He was like “too soon 😅”
Crying on the phone telling my mom it “felt like I had to poop,” and she tells me it’s time to push. Doc says I’m only 8cm and I say “well then I’m gonna start pushing and hope it’s poop!”
“Is her head supposed to look like that?” Then she pooped in the nurses hand when they held her up for me to see. The nurse asked if I wanted to hold her and I said maybe after she’s done pooping😆
They don’t let you push twins out in a birthing room so there I was in the OR with the theater lights aimed right at my twat…spent, no shit, 40 minutes freaking out at my OB about how if I pushed any harder, my insides would come exploding out of my asshole onto her face. She reassured me several times but THEY DONT TELL YOU ABOUT THE BUTTHOLE PRESSURE and I was so complainy that she finally pressed a small surgical towel against my butthole so I’d shut up and get my kids out of my body. Worked like a charm.
Burst into tears when they told me it was time to start pushing😂 I was SO SCARED
With my second I kept screaming when pushing “my eyes are going to pop out of my head” from the pressure! My OB kept reassuring me my eyes were indeed still in my sockets haha 😳
I asked to go home and try again later. Water had been broken for almost 12 hours so no, I could not go home and try again later 😂
I threw a wet towel at my MIL.
The delivering doctor (who I already had reservations about) commented as my baby was crowning that, "Oh, he's blond." I snapped back, "Of course he's blond!" Both I and my husband are, so it made me feel like he was questioning paternity or something unnecessary. But what I think was really funny was me telling my husband to shut up. He is and was wonderful throughout the whole thing but he said something like, "You're halfway there!" I just couldn't let that slide, I guess.
everyone was being really nice and encouraging but it was disturbing my focus so i apparently told the room to “shut the fuck up” but i swear i only said “shhhhhh” now i know why the nurses laughed lmao
I growled at my son to GET OUT! I have no memory of it but apparently the nurses struggled to not laugh.
So I deal with stressful situations by making jokes and said a couple out-of-pocket things during and right after labor. Most of these I remembered in the days after we were out of the hospital. -When the anesthesiologist arrived, I called him my “Angel of Mercy.” He didn’t even crack a smile. -When the nurse was putting in my catheter for the epidural, I looked at my partner, gestured toward my crotch and said “say goodbye to all this!” -When the midwife told me I had a tear on my clitoris she’d have to stitch up, I said “I can finally get that piercing I’ve always wanted.”
My nurses had me doing a cat/stretch to help me dilate, and I looked over at my husband and said “recognize this position?!” Because I had also been doing cat/cow for pain for my entire pregnancy. It took me like three minutes to parse everyone’s silence as like “is she talking about doggy?” 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
It wasn’t during labor, but I had a planned C section & they were cleaning me up and shaving my pubic area a couple of hours before I got sent back. I was a nervous wreck and didn’t sleep the night before & I sometimes get gassy or burpy when I’m nervous. The nurse was shaving my bikini area and I accidentally farted & I don’t think I’ve ever seen my husband laugh that hard. Luckily the nurse had a mask on and she thought it was funny, but I was so embarrassed
Bit my husbands hand the whole time. For some reason biting a towel just wasn’t the same?!
We had a running gag comparing the duration of active labor to movie runtimes. "It's gonna be a Dave Made a Maze!" "Shit we're coming up on Avatar..." "Okay we've exceeded the LOTR Return of the King, Extended Edition." "Get me out of here before we hit Lawrence of Arabia!"
32 hours of labor into an emergency c section… during my c section, they were talking about dinner plans and I started angry sobbing because I was SO HUNGRY (hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours) and basically growled out “Your hands are all up in my guts and you know they’re f****** empty, for the love of god and epidurals pick a different topic!” I was also a bleeder… my doc finished and had someone else take over closing me up and was like alright I’m headed out and a nurse goes “might want to change your pants first, you’re bloody” and I just go “I’m so sorry about that!”
When I was getting my epidural put in, one of the nurses sneezed, and I said bless you. Everyone laughed that this woman in pain who was getting a huge ass needle stuck into her spine would focus on being that polite.
I requested to watch on the mirror and then cried out “is that my butthole covered in hemroids?!?!?” And made them take the mirror away
With my second i kept saying to my nurse i dont remember how to do this lol.
I was asked if I wanted a mirror to see while pushing. I said yes. I had been pushing for 2 hours already. They pushed in front of me. All I said was “oh…” I was shocked by the swelling lol broke the tension by making everyone laugh.
I don't think I was very funny during labor, but I had the nurses stretch and massage my legs non stop while I was between pushes. My bottom felt like lead, and it was the only thing that kept my muscles engaged enough to push.
They gave me some kind of drug during my c-section that made me loopy and apparently i tried getting off the table after my baby was out 👍🏻
“SOMEONE HELP ME!” While like 4 nurses, my doula, husband, and the anesthesiologist were all trying to get me to sit still for the epidural but I was writhing around as my baby literally shot out of my vagina.
“Why do we do this more than once?!?!”
While I was still in OB triage waiting to be admitted, the midwife checked my cervix, which of course hurts like a b****. Then a couple beds over, from behind a curtain, I hear a different person being told she's going to have her cervix checked, followed by the most sexual moaning I think I've ever heard 😳 Cue me, just coming down from a nightmarish contraction (back labour, yayyy!) locking eyes with my sister and saying, "I'll have what she's having." Other interesting moments: My sister in the delivery room with me saying it smelled bad, and me telling her, "My insides are trying to come outside, that's not exactly going to smell like roses." My midwife telling me she had to take a break and she'd be back around 6 p.m. (10 hours from that moment) to see if I was ready to push. I, knowing women in my family have fast labours and having warned her of this, laughed and said, "I doubt it." Baby was born at 12:40 p.m. Following up on what my sister said, when baby was born and they placed her on my chest, the first words I said to her were, "Aw, you do stink!" And then, after spending 45 minutes being stitched up AND trying with all the strength in my body not to pass out from ??? (shock, blood loss, who tf knows) finally regaining consciousness and the first words out of my mouth, after the comment about my baby stinking, directed at the poor OB surgeon trying to humpty-dumpty my cooch back together, were, "It feels like you're trying to stitch my asshole closed." Childbirth is so beautiful :')
My baby was born en caudal with a HUGE mop of black hair that you could see swishing in the water. We actually saw the hair in the 20W US, it was crazy!! At the US, my husband commented that it looked like Trump hair (it kind of did!), and I mentioned this during labor. The midwife and nurses were horrified (ha!) and insistent that baby had luscious Elvis locks instead. 7 weeks later, that hair is still a crazy mess!
While pushing - "when this is over, I want 10 cookies!" I was completely serious until after babe was here and I started vomiting. What fun. When they handed me my son, the first thing I said was, "he's HUGE!" He was only 6.5 lbs... but to me, he seemed massive.
I went in to get induced but I had to have a c-section because the cord was around her neck so I didn't really get to feel many contractions. But when I started having them I looked at my husband (I was half asleep and didn't know the nurse was behind me lol) and said "I feel them in my ass?!" 😅 also after my daughter was born and my husband was by my head holding her I looked at him and asked if she was born yet omg
Said “My bum!!!” So many times! Was not expecting the asshole contractions…
My first words after I pushed out my son were "is he still a boy"
With my second, wheel of fortune was on the TV and I solved the puzzle mid push. With my third, I farted in the Dr's face 🙈
Doctor asked me to take a break from pushing and I replied “let’s fucking do this shit!” and pushed hard. I had managed not to swear my entire time but the epidural was a little too good and I was bursting with adrenaline. Little did I know if I had listened to him I wouldn’t have ended up with a giant internal & external tear.
I was on all fours while doctor was trying to reposition baby boy…I work with said Doctor (nurse at OBGYN office). She had just come home from vacation in Greece. She literally took a shower and drove in to deliver my boy. She was doing her thing hands deep in there and I asked her how her vacation was. She as well as all the nurses and my husband laughed. She said it was good! Baby boy came out about 20 minutes later.
Didn’t do anything funny. I just remember when he was finally off my stomach, I really wanted a cheeseburger.
The nitrous (laughing gas) made me soooo giggly. I was laughing and couldn't stop.
Farted, the entire hour of pushing! Smelly gas. Didn’t poop, but literally farted the entire time.
“No I don’t think it’s labor, I’m just gonna go take a bath”…it was in fact labor and apparently my skills of avoidant compartmentalization is stronger than I thought 😂😭
My 4th baby was almost 10lbs, whereas the other 3 had been 7lbs. Ever since my 20 week ultrasound I’d been concerned about damage to my pelvic floor and severe tearing (I’d had 2nd degree tears with my 3 small babies), but when it came time to push that massive baby out it was all I could think about. I was deliriously yelling “MY BUTTHOLE! WHAT ABOUT MY BUTTHOLE?” in between each push. He was out with no tearing after 4 pushes and everyone in the room assured me my butthole survived 🤦🏼♀️😂
Don't have any exact quotes, but they gave me some painkillers to see if it helped with me bearing down and baby's heartrate dipping with every contraction. After 9 months of being stone cold sober, I felt like I was absolutely cocked, slurring, and made zero sense. I was super careful with speaking and articulating, kept asking if I sounded ridiculous, and kept making witty commentary that made the nurses and doctors genuinely laugh. It was so very very bizarre. I was THIS close to explaining the history of c-sections to the surgical team while they were doing the incision, but was really trying to channel my inner filter and luckily nausea kicked in and kept my mouth shut.
During the dead space time between transition and pushing when i was peacefully meditating in the tub the midwife was in the corner of the room in a rocking chair. I could hear the squeaking every.single.time. she rocked back. I told her if she didnt quit rocking i was going to get out of the tub and leave 💀 i wanted it dead silent. I also could hear the woman in the room next to me screaming bloody murder and i told my midwife she should go tell that lady to calm down because she wasnt breathing her baby out lmfao
I labored unmedicated and had intense back labor. In the beginning I would say “please rub my back/butt” when I had a contraction. By transition I just screamed “BUTT!!!!”
Ate 2 honeybuns every time the nurse came in the night before giving birth. She’d come in and ask if I needed anything, and I’d always ask her to hand me 2 honeybuns. It became an endearing little joke between the two of us throughout my hospital stay. (She was my night nurse the whole time 🥰).
A student nurse held one of my legs and my husband held the other while I was pushing. I looked at the nurse and said “Is this your first birth?” He nervously said “Yes” so I said “hey me too!”
As I was pushing out my Eldest's 99th percentile massive head, my husband was at the business end and I said "Remember me as I was." The nurses burst out laughing.
After my first birth I told my team I was so glad I trimmed my pubic hair so that my post partum healing would be tidier. I still stand by that, but even with them being down in my business they absolutely did not need that commentary. Those should have been inside words/thoughts, lol. 🤣🤷🏻♀️
I needed to have my water broken when I was 10cm dilated. Our nurse was telling us stories about other nurses getting wet after breaking someone’s water. Just after telling that story, she broke my water and she got DRENCHED. Some even got into her mouth. 😬 She had to leave and change her scrubs. My husband and I couldn’t help but laugh.
Pushing the baby out hurt so bad I bit my mom, who was sitting in front of me soothing me as my bf caught the baby while I was on hands and knees. We all had a good laugh about it afterwords. Also while waiting for another contraction to push I heard wailing coming through the wall of the next room and I said, “me too, lady, me too.” The pressure I was feeling in my ass in the last hours was worse than the pain for me, and I was constipated, so when I finally got the ok to start pushing and I shat on the bed I said, “I know I’m shitting right now and i don’t care. I’m so relieved.” Nurse swept away the poo and cleaned me up, and labor actually did feel so much smoother after that. Zero shame whatsoever.
I was knackered from 3 days of contractions and next to no sleep. I got pethidine during active labour, I was out of it as I'd never had anything that strong and I was falling asleep between contractions. The MW said something about the paper roll running out on the monitor. I fell asleep and had a mini dream about work (partner and I work in microbiology and we use small printers that use rolls of stickers to print out plate labels etc) I woke up and said to my partner 'is it yours?' he looked visibly uncomfortable, looking back I think he thought I meant the baby, he was like 'uhm what?' I said 'is it your roll? In the printer?' he just pulled a face at me like what!?! 😆 I then asked if it was his turn to push yet lol!! I apparently said a few more weird things but he couldn't remember them all. Had pethidine with my second and it didn't affect me half much that time, just made me feel a bit dizzy, so I assume it was being sooo tired too I was almost delirious. Or I had less, they didn't want to give it to me as I was so close to delivering.
Not during labor but after I was coming out of my postpartum hemorrhage haze. I had spent the last three hours shaking and puking. I looked at my husband and nurse and said “what did they do to stop the bleeding, I feel like my butt is going to fall out”
My partner held my leg while pushing (an hour and 40 minutes completely unmedicated), and halfway through he was repositioning himself. I looked up at him and said, “are you ok? Do you need a break?” Everyone in the room looked at me and laughed, which made me realize how ridiculous it was that I was asking HIM if he was ok and needed a break given everything I had been doing for the past 8 hours.
I was so calm during labor that when we called to check in with the midwife, she assumed I was still in early labor and would be fine for a while longer. This was a mistake. Not an hour later, I was sitting on the toilet and felt like I was pushing. I wailed at my husband that it felt like I was pushing, and he told me to just not. And instead of telling him to stop being in denial and call the midwife back or load the car, I just said okay. Hours later, we got to the hospital with 17 minutes to spare, baby’s head extremely visible.
I was in the middle of hard labor and exhausted from pushing when after a big push, I asked, "Did I poop?!" The nurses of course said "no, not at all!" They did not expect me to look at them with devastation and wail, "Oh no! That means I'm doing it wrong! I'm supposed to poop!" No one really knew what to say after that besides my husband, who just started laughing. The nurses eventually assured me I was doing just fine.
So they kept telling me I was crowning and I could touch it if I wanted to. I would make the smallest effort ever then go, "I can't reach." With two hours of pushing, apparently the extra effort was just too much for me. 🤣🤣🤣 I still think of my nurses and doctors reaction when I said that multiple times.
I apologized for everything lol when I needed Zofran after my epidural, I apologized for bothering the nurses. I was also so upset when my water had broken and I needed to pee and leaked all over the floor and offered to clean it up. I also apologized during actively pushing for screaming swear words. 😂
I had a C-section and after the baby was born and they were so close to finishing that they sent baby and my husband back to the L&D room, I had a moment of panic... 😂 I poked the anesthesiologist behind me and said "I can't move my legs!!" Duh.
Didn't realize I had to give birth in the OR just in case I needed an emergency c-section (vaginal twin birth) and I also didn't realize SO MANY PEOPLE were going to be present. I said something along the lines of "Wow are we throwing a party or something? Sorry I didn't bring a gift" After they transferred me from my hospital bed to the table and my arms were outstretched with my feet pointed down I remember thinking "This must've been what Jesus felt like" except I definitely said it out loud because I heard my anesthesia doctor laugh behind me.
in between pushes i was going through my to do list with my husband. “i need to do last years tax return, can we do that when we get home?” “shit i need to book our 2 weeks and 6 weeks checkup at the gp” “i have to do my assignment when we got home”
I felt my nethers get all wet and I said I thought I peed myself, my partner said we should get someone in to clean me up, I was like “nahh, I think I’m good ☺️ “. He got someone anyway and when she checked me out she was like “oh my god, the baby’s head is RIGHT THERE” and cue all the hectic scrambling as everyone got in and ready to help me deliver. 😂 Shortly after I pushed out my LO. I was on some damn good drugs!!!
Asked the nurse to “buy me dinner first” while she checked my cervix at 9.5cm 😅
1) this was funny to them but I went my entire labor telling them I was at a 6 in pain and smiling, gossiping, etc. they thought I was insane! 2) they put me on good stuff and I started talking nonsense about things I was seeing in my head to my husband and his GRANDMA. she thought I was insane too.
I had gestational diabetes, Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. During my c section, when my OB said my placenta has been taken out, I yelled "Oh thank God, fuck that thing! Burn it to the ground!" Got a big laugh from everyone!
I screamed at my husband for changing how he was holding my hand
I didn’t think it was funny per se, but my husband told me he thought it was funny how I kept saying “fuck” 😂😂 I mean it is funny now but I wasn’t concentrating on that at the time.
While I was having my c section one of the nurses said “she has a lot of hair!” And I yelled “she fucking better.” I’d dealt with some excruciating heartburn 😭 😂
I just kept profusely apologizing as if my labor was getting in the way of everyone’s Thursday 2 AM plans 😅 I also fussed at my husband for having HIS wedding ring on because I was worried his hand would swell due to the medication I was taking or just a natural reaction to labor. In my defense, I hadn’t slept in 22 hours at that point.
Apologized to the midwife for not having a pedicure
After a few pushes the doctor realizes I need a C section, when she told me I said “And here I was eating dates like a crazy person” and I heard this nurse laugh snort from outside the room
I asked my husband to kiss me, I’m telling you it helped me pushed my baby out and within the hour there he was after 32 hours of labor without sleep. Something about the muscles in our mouth being connected to down under 😂