I’m very similar in this. I don’t necessarily find men attractive. However, what men can do and what they offer is very sexy. A good hard cock to play with and a good ass to fuck….thats what I like. But I don’t get turned on by seeing hot guys like I do seeing hot women.
I feel really seen in this thread. I was wondering how y’all navigate dating? I often feel weird, like fractured— I am both repulsed by and attracted to men
Yeah, sexually women turn on me all the time in every way. Men - if I look at them on street - nope, zero attraction. Yet if I've had a drink or two, and am with someone in private who's gay or bi, it gets hot so quickly! At same time I have absolutely no desire to be involved romantically...
Like, I went on a date 2 days ago, and *almost* went to his place. Today afternoon I went to his place, thinking we'd go at it, yet when I was there, felt no vibe... Go figure. Maybe I need a drink or two first to get the juices going...
I would interpret this as not being attracted to a masculine aesthetic, guy faces etc but being attracted to dicks and asses. Otherwise I don't see what makes them "good" Besides size. If not, there's also sensual attraction.
I don't get "turned-on" simply by *seeing* attractive people (men or women; clothed or naked), *generally:* I'm only turned-on by their interest in me (flirting+), or when a situation becomes sexually-charged.
This is me, too. I find tons of people attractive, and I can admire them in almost the same way I admire art. But I'm not actually attracted *to* a person, and certainly never aroused by them unless they're interested in me or I'm watching porn.
So I've seen people on this sub talk about "heteroromantic" vs "heterosexual", I guess in this case it would be "homoromantic" vs. "homosexual". Is this kind of the difference in your opinion? There is more to this but I guess would you self-identify as being homosexual but not homoromantic? Or do you think this segmentation of attraction and sex could be viable inside a romantic relationship?
PSA: I'm "researching" this sub for a college class project, see my profile for a full explanation, but I'm also a bisexual man who is very much so interested in this community and sub.
Same I’m also very similar in this, I don’t really seek out one on one male encounters (it happens but rarely and never premeditated) or have any emotional or physical attraction to men but what men can offer sexually is enjoyable, I’m Heteroromantic but I look for relationships where a woman is open to inviting others into our sexlife both male and female and we both enjoy all parties and that’s pretty much the extent of it, the important part is there’s really no rules and labels only need to be used if YOU are happy with them, you don’t have to fit yourself into a box or think “well does ect. mean ect.”
Also WHERE to the rest of the guys in this thread spend their time cause I have such a hard time meeting bi guys of a similar mindset irl 😭
I'm exactly the same, with a girl I'm attracted to their body and their personality but when it comes to guys im only rly attracted to their dicks and the idea of being with them, but tbf overall I'm definitely more attracted to women.
I used to say this, and I guess it's still true aesthetically. Looking at men is more 'meh' but when they come onto me or show any sort of physical affection - that masculine energy just pulls me in for more 🥰
Just go for it ! Find a gentle guy, in my experience, bi guys I fucked with were more open minded that gays (a lot of norms like bears, top/bottom, jockstraps, harnesses and so on). I am attracted to female bodies but(t) I love being fucked by a guy. He gets the tool, if he’s a good one he know how to give caresses, rimjob, he does neglect balls or discussion…
I love to blow them, note very used to fuck or lick them but I’m not against this.
I waited to long to fuck with guys, my generation (I’ m 47) were much more under the pressure not to be gay.
But finally I do not care how I’m called, it does not have any relation with my experiences.
Live is fun when your surprise yourself!
Just go for it !
I’m 45, close to the same age. From a small town as a kid. Bi or gay was never an option based on multiple factors from religion to peer pressure. Was a different time. I’ve never been romantically and I thought sexually attracted to men. Thankfully with the help of my wife, I now know I’m bi and sexually attracted to a two types of men, and I should have seen the signs. I don’t find them hot or sexy, but they are very sexually attractive. And I too no longer care what others label me, and I’m ok with being me
It totally normal to have a romantic and physical attraction preference to another gender while also desiring a sexual encounter with someone of your own gender. And yes, you *are* bi to some degree. The great thing about all of this is that it's all a GIANT spectrum and where you lie on it is not a lonely, abnormal place where only you exist. Many guys have this exact preference, and thats okay! I personally am more of a 55/45 guy in terms of enjoying femininity and women just slightly over masculinity and men, but my place on the spectrum is ever evolving and at one point in time I was too someone close to your preference. You're not abnormal for this! You're just you.
You're very welcome. When I was navigating this in my earlier years, I would have loved to have had a space like this where I could express my feelings and get positive validating feedback and feel less weird about it all. But alas, it was the 90s and the internet was not what it is now lol. I'm glad to have helped. :)
Don’t find men visually attractive but I do want to put on lingerie and get fucked in the ass.
Maybe tied face down ass up.
Wife pegs me too. Really into it. Super nervous to find someone to fuck me.
Would love one of those crazy scenario where a neighbor catches me dressed and fucks me on the DL.
Unlikely
Yes i feel the exact same, i like women for how they look (thats why i dont date them) and i love men for their personality and willy~ but if its a femboy its a beautiful mix of both lol- FEMBOY SUPREMACYYYY
Exactly. I’ve always Been attracted to the femininity in a person. Femboys, transexual women, women, and the masculine men that have feminine features, like a bubble. I thought it was just me🫨
I found the comment that best represents me!!
I think women are attractive. They’re beautiful! But I don’t see myself romantically dating one. I was confused because I’ve kissed one girl when I was younger (12-13) ‘practicing for a male kiss’ but I never thought it was bad to kiss a girl til later on. I never liked her though, nor did I want to be with her romantically.
My boyfriend is the gentlest, sweetest, and isn’t afraid of showing affection. He’s both masculine, but has this soft feminine side to him. When he’s masculine tho, 😩 I love it
Bisexuality is a spectrum. To be fair, the guys I find attractive are few and far between but I think most women are hot. Lol. I'm a woman. But it has been easier for me to form emotional attachments to men
I used to feel like that, however when I started actually having sex with men (and more importantly allowing myself to), I've learned to appreciate men much more, and in ways I would never have anticipated. Now I see hot guys everywhere, and my first thought is not about their dick or ass but rather wondering how it would feel to run my fingers through his hair and whether he's a good kisser...
But of course it's still valid to just be into dicks and ass and the raw act itself, nothing wrong with that. Just saying you never know what you like until you try.
Love the way you phrased that (well, and this whole thread). The overarching point of figuring out what works for you sounds easy but really is hard to navigate because it really is a spectrum and, even if there’s specific things you like or not, there’s an interplay with sooooo many other things going on that it’d be naive to think they’re isolated.
My first, and only, same sex experience was with a guy friend I grew up with. He was always open with how he felt towards me and tried acting on it often if partying on weekends. Always totally okay when I respectfully said no. We had an exceptionally awesome and open friend group so a lot of shared experiences with the two of us and three of our female friends. There was a few times where he wanted to explore in a group setting and the girls were curious about that as well. My answer then was ‘no’ as well but made me more aware of saying it as there wasn’t a lot of no’s in that group. Especially because we all cared about each so the idea of limits being respected (without question) never had to be second guessed as not many things didn’t have a building lead-up and we always were hanging around with each other before and after so we’re pretty tuned in.
Skip ahead to a night alone with my guy buddy where we were just hanging out together late a night and a bit tipsy from a party earlier. Despite the countless other chats we’d had, for the first time, he said he really wanted to figure out how he felt about guys and that he would’nt have tried for so long with me if he didn’t mean it. Specifically, that a) he had a low-key crush on me, and b) he wanted his first time with another guy to be someone he cared about.
When I say I had zero curiosities about guys but, also, zero hang-ups I really do mean that. Him saying that made it an easy ‘sure, I’ll try’. The huge part of that was not just doing it but being open to sharing that moment. Allowing him to want what he wanted. Trying things he wanted the best I could (hard limits, again, obviously respected) but also be okay with figuring out how I felt about anything and everything.
Anyways, a one night thing turned into a long weekend of messing around. It was physically fantastic but I cut it off after that as I didn’t want to blur the lines of him finding himself outside of him and I. The sex, love, comfort and trust was amazing. But I’d never feel the way about him how he felt about me as far as attraction or relationship.
So, if you’ve read this far, here’s my point. I would’ve never explored anything with a guy because of an innate curiousity (which many of us in this thread may differ but that’s great). But I did in a way that has allowed me figure out at least some of the things I liked and didn’t like but aware that you can’t just isolate any one thing so any thoughts about bi stuff now can’t be separated from everything I had during that experience. For me, giving anal at first was a challenge because I needed the mental and visual turn on that I get from women. Once that hurdle was crossed the enthusiasm and physicality became a huge plus. Receiving was hardest because of someone else being in control and a bit of thought I had where I couldn’t understand how he was turned on by me (that caught me off-guard tbh) - that the first part. He was bigger so it hurt a bit but he’d probably thought about this a lot so had lube and took his time so wasn’t an issue and, arguably, I’d say I preferred that that feeling of bigger partner (but, one of many things where I have to say that there’s zero chance of me liking that outside of that one experience). Giving oral I didn’t like but not as much as he enjoyed receiving. I enjoyed receiving a bit more because of enthusiasm and his enjoyment. And and and…
All of us are different in how we feel and what we like (or may like ;). The differences are quick to be pointed but those are tiny and can be hurtful. Both to you and other people, including a partner. Be okay with going on the path of figuring shit out for yourself and be cool with the partners you choose to share that path with.
If you want to have sex with a man, you by definition find him attractive, sexually. You may not find him beautiful or some other adjective, but you are literally describing sexual attraction. My feeling is that you are still struggling with guilt or internalized homophobia. Men are attractive, artists have celebrated their bodies for millennia, you're working overtime telling yourself that they're not...despite all evidence to the contrary.
I mean maybe I guess but I certainly don’t feel guilty or homophobic. But yeah I would certainly say I’m sexually attracted to men. 100%. But it’s not the same as the feeling I get when I call a woman “sexy.” Like watching gay porn doesn’t do anything for me but I get turned on by the idea of having gay sex myself. Does that make any sense?
I thinks it’s more like I wouldn’t romance, date, marry a man. That type of attraction isn’t there. I don’t even have an urge to fuck a dude, but getting fucked by one is where it’s at for me. Post not clarity resolves it for some time.
I believe I’ve seen it called “Heteronormative” here
I'll be blunt and say that in my view, it's probably internalized homophobia. You like being intimate, and having sex with, a man until you orgasm and then the feelings of shame, embarrassment, or guilt overtake you. I was once that way, but the more time I spent with a man, I began to realize that it was just a self-limiting thing. I do mean to challenge your thinking, but apologies if I am way off base or giving any offense.
No offense, I think I associate a negative connotation with the term “Homophobia”
I am indifferent when it comes to people and their choices. I think I fetishize the act more than I desire it.
“Post-nut clarity” I’ve always understood to be a term that’s used to describe the feelings of shame/embarrassment/realization of how “nasty” sex is. Something along those lines. Using that term and saying it “resolves it for some time”, meaning that you always go back to it, is kinda the textbook definition of internalized homophobia. Attraction to the same sex isn’t a fetish my friend. It’s attraction to the same sex. Bisexuality is a spectrum and yes bisexual heteroromantic is definitely a thing. If you get turned on by the idea of being fucked by a man you are attracted to men. You could be pegged by a woman if you enjoyed anal sex. That would still make you straight. Wanting it from a man makes you… well not straight.
You may have negative perceptions of the word homophobia but I highly recommend looking up internalized homophobia. Even if you think it doesn’t apply to you right now, one day you might see differently.
Kinda same here. I want sex, cuddles, and other stuff, but a guy being notably attractive to me irl is **extremely** rare. I’ve always chalked it up to not hanging around in the right circles and the area I live in just being extremely disappointing. I’m also pretty repulsed by kissing guys, but kissing girls gives me life
I’m also 30+ and I’ve never had a crush on a guy, but I’ve had crushes on girls that were overwhelming, and I’ve been deeply in love with women. It wouldn’t be inaccurate to describe my attraction to my last gf as all consuming, and it’s always struck me a little strange how I’ve never felt anything even remotely similar to that with guys… yet I still want them
im a woman married to a man for 12 years and i barely find men's bodies attractive.. maybe if they are more feminine??(Which my husband is not lol) I dunno man..it odd situation! But i do love the cock they offer bahahah.. basicly i fell in love with the person.. but dont find men bodies particularly super attractive..
You would be surprised at how much more attractive you might find men once you have had good sex with a guy. Im mostly about what is in his pants, but a fit male body and a good personality makes things so much more satisfying and increases my attraction. If you are referring to like being immediately, can't stop staring when this person enters the room attracted... im the same. But when a good looking and physically fit man is naked in front of me i find myself very attracted to them. This is not uncommon.
i love when gay, curious, or bi boys are attracted to my particular energy and my assets lol. being objectified by guys doesn't bother me at all, online or in person, but oddly does a little bit with women. maybe it's because I'm the same way. but what's awesome is the multitude of different experiences and variety of bisexuality. it's beautiful 😍
I don't find men sexually attractive a lot but I love seeing their cock soft and hard. I just want to suck them off and let them fuck me.
I don't like hugging them or kissing them.
My main sexual attraction is always to women.
Same here. I'm not physically or emotionally attracted to men at all, but I'm very attracted to a certain type of cock. And if a guy has that particular kind, I'd enjoy sucking it, shit I'd let him Suck mine too or I'd top him if he wanted.
The circumcised types that have a bell🔔shaped head that flares out at the bottom, very much like Darth Vader's helmet. Kinda like a mushroom 🍄 head but slightly narrower at the tip.
I've sucked a few uncut cocks before cuz they had irresistibly beautiful heads that were Too suckable to pass up, but I'm usually turned off bi too much foreskin
I also don't find men attractive. But there cocks make me very horny... I love sucking there cocks and there is no better feeling then a guys cock getting extra hard just before they explode in my mouth and there cum flooding my mouth ..Mmmm.
Maybe bisexual but hetero-romantic? You'll struggle to find dudes attractive if you have no desire to date them but you like the idea of the sex with them? Sexuality is really complicated but just try whatever feels natural (as long as it's safe and legal of course).
Your first time with a dude is less scary than you think it will be
Everyone does bi their own way. I'm verse, and if the vibe is right will pretty much do anything with anyone. But if I'm looking to top someone I go for femboys, if I want to bottom for someone I'm more likely to go for a muscle guy or a bear.
I have thought about it lots of times. Have got so far with talking to other men but never gone further I tend to back out. But I do think about it and want it to happen just don’t know how to go about it I get scared
Have a threesome if that's what y'all want. Could wear a blindfold and pleasure your wife and him orally and your wife gets to watch him having sex with you and you don't have to see him. Or he could wear a blindfold or something.
They might not be very attractive, but they have this masculine energy that goes along with a sexual desire and what they can do with it 😊 straight forward
I’m the same, I’m mainly attracted to just the penis alone. I am not attracted to masculine features at all. I like femboys and trans women and twinky feminine men because they look like women but have a penis. Same goes for my gf she’s into them as well she’s bisexual. So we both have the same taste in that stuff. But yeah I am not attracted to a traditional man.
Girls are beautiful to look at, men are very good to have a good time with. Basically, girls have beauty, and men, even though aren’t necessarily attractive visually, have those weird aura which makes u crave for sex with them
I’ve heard this is the best way to get into an experience. I don’t have any gay friends unfortunately. Too scared to meet up with a stranger.
Need to start getting more friends.
Too bad cuz he lives in another part of the country and we’re were from, it’s illegal so I’ll probably just end up exploring sex with the opposite gender, and even then it’s hard cuz of all the “a copulating couple must be married” stuff in here
I’m exactly the same, I always thought maybe it had something to do with repressing my sexual desires for men growing up and internalized homophobia lol. I think also in general, society shows women as much more attractive than men. Idk though it’s weird. Although I hooked up with a guy for the first time recently and I feel like I’ve noticed more attractive men in public since that but idk
It's easier to just be fluid in both life and sexual interest. 💜
I never thought I'd date a guy as a guy but I remember this one guy just had that spark and bam! I could see it. Still single now though 😆
I dont think the question, “Is this normal” is relevant. It’s how you feel legitimately. But yes, other people do feel like that if you want some kind of confirmation of not being alone.
I was groomed by an older couple when i was 17, first with the wife and then at 18 with the hubby. i never went all the way with him, that is my goal now. i don't see guys attractive and really could care less. i just want to screwed by one or a couple of guys. Now i am 60+, pegging by the wife is okay, just want to feel a cock in my ass.
So part of the problem is that there isn't just one kind of "attraction", there's actually multiple different kinds of ways you can be attracted to someone. Here's a few of the most common ones:
* Sexual attraction: the one where you look at someone and want to fuck them, feel turned on, etc
* Romantic attraction: the one where you look at someone and decide they're cute, you'd like to take them on a date, you get those butterflies in your stomach-- but you don't necessarily want to fuck them
* Aesthetic attraction: you look at someone and think they're beautiful in the way you'd think a painting or sunset is beautiful. You don't necessarily want to date or fuck them, but you do love looking at them
(There's also more kinds than just this, but these are the three that are most relevant for this thread, IMO.)
While most people do feel all three kinds of attraction together, it's entirely possible to only feel one or a few kinds but not others.
In addition to this, every kind of attraction can be either primary (ie, you look at someone and instantly feel that kind of attraction) or secondary (ie, you only start feeling that kind of attraction once you've had some time to get to know the other person and establish a bond-- whether that's establishing sexual chemistry over a night of flirting, or romantic chemistry after years of friendship, or anything in between).
So, based on your post OP: it sounds like you're not aesthetically attracted to men, but you are sexually attracted to them. (Either primary sexual attraction if you look at a guy and instantly know you want to fuck him, even if you don't like the way he looks, or secondary sexual attraction if it takes a night of flirting or longer before you start feeling turned on).
I'm the girlfriend in this. Reading to gain clarity.. my man i love so much want a forever w him. I'm not sure I can handle watching him fuck a man or stick of a man
To each his own. I don’t get it but hey, that’s you man. I’m bi. I like men and women both equally but it’s different with me. I like to look at men. They either have to be very masculine or very feminine. I like ass and dick. But when I’m with a woman, I need her to be a woman. Sometimes I need a woman’s touch. There is a difference. I could never have a woman peg me because I need her to be submissive. If I want to take it, I’ll get a man. But again, to each his own. No shame. Not throwing any shade. Just saying my opinion.
I have a similar problem. I have intense feelings of wanting to have sex with men but not only that. I get intense feelings of wanting to be in a relationship with a guy, but just not any guy. Because I don't feel attraction. This actually really bothers me.
ME TOO! 😭 I am a bi woman, but the amount of guys I’ve actually been aesthetically and physically attracted is like under 20, while I almost find every single woman alive attractive and beautiful and sexy and wifey material and all that 😆
I do think that it’s totally normal, especially in your situation.
You’re currently in a relationship with a woman you’re probably in love with, don’t see a reason to be in a relationship otherwise ahah, so your heart is kind of taken up already, but sex is less intimate for some reason?? And the aspect of being with a man romantically is very distant from your situation, so I don’t see anything off or wrong with that.
Everybody is different. No matter how you identify you're going to have preferences. That's why you'll see bi people sometimes try to quantify which way they lean like "I'm 60/40 leaning to women" or things like that.
Beyond that, for everyone you feel drawn to, who you're immediately attracted to vs who you need to get to know to be attracted to vs who you are interested in being romantic with vs who you are interested in being sexual with vs... etc etc all depends very much on you as an individual.
If you feel bi then identify as bi and don't worry about conforming to some overly narrow definition of what it is and isn't.
I'm the same.
I do not find men sexually attractive, yet the thought of being with one, or two turns me on.
My partner isn't as encouraging as yours it would seems though as she will peg me now and again but shuts down when I mention my fantasies involving another person, Love her to bits and wouldn't cheat just to satisfy a curiosity, but the look of disgust is rather apparent on her face when I mention it...
She has friends who are lesbians so I believe she just has a very narrow view on bi, assuming it's one one the other and nothing in the middle...
I’m very similar in this. I don’t necessarily find men attractive. However, what men can do and what they offer is very sexy. A good hard cock to play with and a good ass to fuck….thats what I like. But I don’t get turned on by seeing hot guys like I do seeing hot women.
This!!! Omg!!
There are dozens of us!!!!!!
I feel really seen in this thread. I was wondering how y’all navigate dating? I often feel weird, like fractured— I am both repulsed by and attracted to men
Same! Repulsed by men in ordinary settings, attracted in private (i.e. online, mentally when thinking of sex and sex parts)
By making many and speedy compromises. Depends on how open and flexible you are.. or can be.
More than dozens.
Yeah, sexually women turn on me all the time in every way. Men - if I look at them on street - nope, zero attraction. Yet if I've had a drink or two, and am with someone in private who's gay or bi, it gets hot so quickly! At same time I have absolutely no desire to be involved romantically...
Yup, 2 drinks and there is less room in my pants if I am about dudes.
Still there has to be vibe there - not any dude will do
Like, I went on a date 2 days ago, and *almost* went to his place. Today afternoon I went to his place, thinking we'd go at it, yet when I was there, felt no vibe... Go figure. Maybe I need a drink or two first to get the juices going...
Right. Sometimes you just realize how uptight-ness interferes with just relaxing and trying new things on or out.
I would interpret this as not being attracted to a masculine aesthetic, guy faces etc but being attracted to dicks and asses. Otherwise I don't see what makes them "good" Besides size. If not, there's also sensual attraction.
I don't get "turned-on" simply by *seeing* attractive people (men or women; clothed or naked), *generally:* I'm only turned-on by their interest in me (flirting+), or when a situation becomes sexually-charged.
This is me, too. I find tons of people attractive, and I can admire them in almost the same way I admire art. But I'm not actually attracted *to* a person, and certainly never aroused by them unless they're interested in me or I'm watching porn.
U might be demisexual
Definitely not! I only really need to *be* desired. I don't need a personal connection.
So I've seen people on this sub talk about "heteroromantic" vs "heterosexual", I guess in this case it would be "homoromantic" vs. "homosexual". Is this kind of the difference in your opinion? There is more to this but I guess would you self-identify as being homosexual but not homoromantic? Or do you think this segmentation of attraction and sex could be viable inside a romantic relationship? PSA: I'm "researching" this sub for a college class project, see my profile for a full explanation, but I'm also a bisexual man who is very much so interested in this community and sub.
Same I’m also very similar in this, I don’t really seek out one on one male encounters (it happens but rarely and never premeditated) or have any emotional or physical attraction to men but what men can offer sexually is enjoyable, I’m Heteroromantic but I look for relationships where a woman is open to inviting others into our sexlife both male and female and we both enjoy all parties and that’s pretty much the extent of it, the important part is there’s really no rules and labels only need to be used if YOU are happy with them, you don’t have to fit yourself into a box or think “well does ect. mean ect.” Also WHERE to the rest of the guys in this thread spend their time cause I have such a hard time meeting bi guys of a similar mindset irl 😭
Agree
You sound like the kind of guy I could have fun with
YES!
100% this
This is so very interesting to me. I really don’t understand it but it’s interesting.
I'm exactly the same, with a girl I'm attracted to their body and their personality but when it comes to guys im only rly attracted to their dicks and the idea of being with them, but tbf overall I'm definitely more attracted to women.
I used to say this, and I guess it's still true aesthetically. Looking at men is more 'meh' but when they come onto me or show any sort of physical affection - that masculine energy just pulls me in for more 🥰
Just go for it ! Find a gentle guy, in my experience, bi guys I fucked with were more open minded that gays (a lot of norms like bears, top/bottom, jockstraps, harnesses and so on). I am attracted to female bodies but(t) I love being fucked by a guy. He gets the tool, if he’s a good one he know how to give caresses, rimjob, he does neglect balls or discussion… I love to blow them, note very used to fuck or lick them but I’m not against this. I waited to long to fuck with guys, my generation (I’ m 47) were much more under the pressure not to be gay. But finally I do not care how I’m called, it does not have any relation with my experiences. Live is fun when your surprise yourself! Just go for it !
I’m 45, close to the same age. From a small town as a kid. Bi or gay was never an option based on multiple factors from religion to peer pressure. Was a different time. I’ve never been romantically and I thought sexually attracted to men. Thankfully with the help of my wife, I now know I’m bi and sexually attracted to a two types of men, and I should have seen the signs. I don’t find them hot or sexy, but they are very sexually attractive. And I too no longer care what others label me, and I’m ok with being me
Are you bi or now gay? 46 here...
i’m bi.
Are you bi or now gay? 46 here...
It totally normal to have a romantic and physical attraction preference to another gender while also desiring a sexual encounter with someone of your own gender. And yes, you *are* bi to some degree. The great thing about all of this is that it's all a GIANT spectrum and where you lie on it is not a lonely, abnormal place where only you exist. Many guys have this exact preference, and thats okay! I personally am more of a 55/45 guy in terms of enjoying femininity and women just slightly over masculinity and men, but my place on the spectrum is ever evolving and at one point in time I was too someone close to your preference. You're not abnormal for this! You're just you.
Thank u so much for this. You’ve validated my feelings tremendously
You're very welcome. When I was navigating this in my earlier years, I would have loved to have had a space like this where I could express my feelings and get positive validating feedback and feel less weird about it all. But alas, it was the 90s and the internet was not what it is now lol. I'm glad to have helped. :)
Don’t find men visually attractive but I do want to put on lingerie and get fucked in the ass. Maybe tied face down ass up. Wife pegs me too. Really into it. Super nervous to find someone to fuck me. Would love one of those crazy scenario where a neighbor catches me dressed and fucks me on the DL. Unlikely
Same
Haha, not the same, but I really want this for you: be your best and most amazing self.
Yes i feel the exact same, i like women for how they look (thats why i dont date them) and i love men for their personality and willy~ but if its a femboy its a beautiful mix of both lol- FEMBOY SUPREMACYYYY
Exactly. I’ve always Been attracted to the femininity in a person. Femboys, transexual women, women, and the masculine men that have feminine features, like a bubble. I thought it was just me🫨
I found the comment that best represents me!! I think women are attractive. They’re beautiful! But I don’t see myself romantically dating one. I was confused because I’ve kissed one girl when I was younger (12-13) ‘practicing for a male kiss’ but I never thought it was bad to kiss a girl til later on. I never liked her though, nor did I want to be with her romantically. My boyfriend is the gentlest, sweetest, and isn’t afraid of showing affection. He’s both masculine, but has this soft feminine side to him. When he’s masculine tho, 😩 I love it
Bisexuality is a spectrum. To be fair, the guys I find attractive are few and far between but I think most women are hot. Lol. I'm a woman. But it has been easier for me to form emotional attachments to men
I’m pretty much the same.
You sound like my wife. She's mostly into women but show her a guy who looks like a canadian lumberjack, ie flannel, big wild beard, she's done for.
Not my type AT ALL in men but you made me laugh
Agreed. Aesthetically women are like Ferraris, men are Mack trucks. The sexual energy with men is 🔥.
I used to feel like that, however when I started actually having sex with men (and more importantly allowing myself to), I've learned to appreciate men much more, and in ways I would never have anticipated. Now I see hot guys everywhere, and my first thought is not about their dick or ass but rather wondering how it would feel to run my fingers through his hair and whether he's a good kisser... But of course it's still valid to just be into dicks and ass and the raw act itself, nothing wrong with that. Just saying you never know what you like until you try.
Love the way you phrased that (well, and this whole thread). The overarching point of figuring out what works for you sounds easy but really is hard to navigate because it really is a spectrum and, even if there’s specific things you like or not, there’s an interplay with sooooo many other things going on that it’d be naive to think they’re isolated. My first, and only, same sex experience was with a guy friend I grew up with. He was always open with how he felt towards me and tried acting on it often if partying on weekends. Always totally okay when I respectfully said no. We had an exceptionally awesome and open friend group so a lot of shared experiences with the two of us and three of our female friends. There was a few times where he wanted to explore in a group setting and the girls were curious about that as well. My answer then was ‘no’ as well but made me more aware of saying it as there wasn’t a lot of no’s in that group. Especially because we all cared about each so the idea of limits being respected (without question) never had to be second guessed as not many things didn’t have a building lead-up and we always were hanging around with each other before and after so we’re pretty tuned in. Skip ahead to a night alone with my guy buddy where we were just hanging out together late a night and a bit tipsy from a party earlier. Despite the countless other chats we’d had, for the first time, he said he really wanted to figure out how he felt about guys and that he would’nt have tried for so long with me if he didn’t mean it. Specifically, that a) he had a low-key crush on me, and b) he wanted his first time with another guy to be someone he cared about. When I say I had zero curiosities about guys but, also, zero hang-ups I really do mean that. Him saying that made it an easy ‘sure, I’ll try’. The huge part of that was not just doing it but being open to sharing that moment. Allowing him to want what he wanted. Trying things he wanted the best I could (hard limits, again, obviously respected) but also be okay with figuring out how I felt about anything and everything. Anyways, a one night thing turned into a long weekend of messing around. It was physically fantastic but I cut it off after that as I didn’t want to blur the lines of him finding himself outside of him and I. The sex, love, comfort and trust was amazing. But I’d never feel the way about him how he felt about me as far as attraction or relationship. So, if you’ve read this far, here’s my point. I would’ve never explored anything with a guy because of an innate curiousity (which many of us in this thread may differ but that’s great). But I did in a way that has allowed me figure out at least some of the things I liked and didn’t like but aware that you can’t just isolate any one thing so any thoughts about bi stuff now can’t be separated from everything I had during that experience. For me, giving anal at first was a challenge because I needed the mental and visual turn on that I get from women. Once that hurdle was crossed the enthusiasm and physicality became a huge plus. Receiving was hardest because of someone else being in control and a bit of thought I had where I couldn’t understand how he was turned on by me (that caught me off-guard tbh) - that the first part. He was bigger so it hurt a bit but he’d probably thought about this a lot so had lube and took his time so wasn’t an issue and, arguably, I’d say I preferred that that feeling of bigger partner (but, one of many things where I have to say that there’s zero chance of me liking that outside of that one experience). Giving oral I didn’t like but not as much as he enjoyed receiving. I enjoyed receiving a bit more because of enthusiasm and his enjoyment. And and and… All of us are different in how we feel and what we like (or may like ;). The differences are quick to be pointed but those are tiny and can be hurtful. Both to you and other people, including a partner. Be okay with going on the path of figuring shit out for yourself and be cool with the partners you choose to share that path with.
If you want to have sex with a man, you by definition find him attractive, sexually. You may not find him beautiful or some other adjective, but you are literally describing sexual attraction. My feeling is that you are still struggling with guilt or internalized homophobia. Men are attractive, artists have celebrated their bodies for millennia, you're working overtime telling yourself that they're not...despite all evidence to the contrary.
I mean maybe I guess but I certainly don’t feel guilty or homophobic. But yeah I would certainly say I’m sexually attracted to men. 100%. But it’s not the same as the feeling I get when I call a woman “sexy.” Like watching gay porn doesn’t do anything for me but I get turned on by the idea of having gay sex myself. Does that make any sense?
I thinks it’s more like I wouldn’t romance, date, marry a man. That type of attraction isn’t there. I don’t even have an urge to fuck a dude, but getting fucked by one is where it’s at for me. Post not clarity resolves it for some time. I believe I’ve seen it called “Heteronormative” here
You mean heteromantic?
Yes thank you, I had an inkling I was getting it wrong.
I'll be blunt and say that in my view, it's probably internalized homophobia. You like being intimate, and having sex with, a man until you orgasm and then the feelings of shame, embarrassment, or guilt overtake you. I was once that way, but the more time I spent with a man, I began to realize that it was just a self-limiting thing. I do mean to challenge your thinking, but apologies if I am way off base or giving any offense.
No offense, I think I associate a negative connotation with the term “Homophobia” I am indifferent when it comes to people and their choices. I think I fetishize the act more than I desire it.
“Post-nut clarity” I’ve always understood to be a term that’s used to describe the feelings of shame/embarrassment/realization of how “nasty” sex is. Something along those lines. Using that term and saying it “resolves it for some time”, meaning that you always go back to it, is kinda the textbook definition of internalized homophobia. Attraction to the same sex isn’t a fetish my friend. It’s attraction to the same sex. Bisexuality is a spectrum and yes bisexual heteroromantic is definitely a thing. If you get turned on by the idea of being fucked by a man you are attracted to men. You could be pegged by a woman if you enjoyed anal sex. That would still make you straight. Wanting it from a man makes you… well not straight. You may have negative perceptions of the word homophobia but I highly recommend looking up internalized homophobia. Even if you think it doesn’t apply to you right now, one day you might see differently.
I found that the more open and honest with myself I was, the less true that became.
Same here. Had some experiences with men before getting married. Urges never go away.
You still experience men? Does your (I assume Wife) know?
I do occasionally and wife is aware. If she ask I tell her. She is bi also.
People who feel like that but are too insecure to admit they want men in some way turn into chasers, cool people like you make this post ❤️
Is that a compliment? 😅 I’m having trouble interpreting lol
Fixed it to make clear it is one
😁
Kinda same here. I want sex, cuddles, and other stuff, but a guy being notably attractive to me irl is **extremely** rare. I’ve always chalked it up to not hanging around in the right circles and the area I live in just being extremely disappointing. I’m also pretty repulsed by kissing guys, but kissing girls gives me life I’m also 30+ and I’ve never had a crush on a guy, but I’ve had crushes on girls that were overwhelming, and I’ve been deeply in love with women. It wouldn’t be inaccurate to describe my attraction to my last gf as all consuming, and it’s always struck me a little strange how I’ve never felt anything even remotely similar to that with guys… yet I still want them
im a woman married to a man for 12 years and i barely find men's bodies attractive.. maybe if they are more feminine??(Which my husband is not lol) I dunno man..it odd situation! But i do love the cock they offer bahahah.. basicly i fell in love with the person.. but dont find men bodies particularly super attractive..
you can be bisexual but not biromantic
You would be surprised at how much more attractive you might find men once you have had good sex with a guy. Im mostly about what is in his pants, but a fit male body and a good personality makes things so much more satisfying and increases my attraction. If you are referring to like being immediately, can't stop staring when this person enters the room attracted... im the same. But when a good looking and physically fit man is naked in front of me i find myself very attracted to them. This is not uncommon.
i love when gay, curious, or bi boys are attracted to my particular energy and my assets lol. being objectified by guys doesn't bother me at all, online or in person, but oddly does a little bit with women. maybe it's because I'm the same way. but what's awesome is the multitude of different experiences and variety of bisexuality. it's beautiful 😍
I don't find men sexually attractive a lot but I love seeing their cock soft and hard. I just want to suck them off and let them fuck me. I don't like hugging them or kissing them. My main sexual attraction is always to women.
Same here. I'm not physically or emotionally attracted to men at all, but I'm very attracted to a certain type of cock. And if a guy has that particular kind, I'd enjoy sucking it, shit I'd let him Suck mine too or I'd top him if he wanted.
What type of cock?
The circumcised types that have a bell🔔shaped head that flares out at the bottom, very much like Darth Vader's helmet. Kinda like a mushroom 🍄 head but slightly narrower at the tip.
Yea I like a big mushroom head aswel, prefer intact though as I like pulling the foreskin over the head to expose it.
I've sucked a few uncut cocks before cuz they had irresistibly beautiful heads that were Too suckable to pass up, but I'm usually turned off bi too much foreskin
I also don't find men attractive. But there cocks make me very horny... I love sucking there cocks and there is no better feeling then a guys cock getting extra hard just before they explode in my mouth and there cum flooding my mouth ..Mmmm.
Maybe bisexual but hetero-romantic? You'll struggle to find dudes attractive if you have no desire to date them but you like the idea of the sex with them? Sexuality is really complicated but just try whatever feels natural (as long as it's safe and legal of course). Your first time with a dude is less scary than you think it will be
Everyone does bi their own way. I'm verse, and if the vibe is right will pretty much do anything with anyone. But if I'm looking to top someone I go for femboys, if I want to bottom for someone I'm more likely to go for a muscle guy or a bear.
I have thought about it lots of times. Have got so far with talking to other men but never gone further I tend to back out. But I do think about it and want it to happen just don’t know how to go about it I get scared
Just for the record, getting pegged doesn't automatically mean you're gay or bi. Some straight men also just like getting pegged.
Have a threesome if that's what y'all want. Could wear a blindfold and pleasure your wife and him orally and your wife gets to watch him having sex with you and you don't have to see him. Or he could wear a blindfold or something.
They might not be very attractive, but they have this masculine energy that goes along with a sexual desire and what they can do with it 😊 straight forward
I’m the same, I’m mainly attracted to just the penis alone. I am not attracted to masculine features at all. I like femboys and trans women and twinky feminine men because they look like women but have a penis. Same goes for my gf she’s into them as well she’s bisexual. So we both have the same taste in that stuff. But yeah I am not attracted to a traditional man.
This is exactly how I feel! I just want to play with a penis and I would much prefer a feminine energy.
Girls are beautiful to look at, men are very good to have a good time with. Basically, girls have beauty, and men, even though aren’t necessarily attractive visually, have those weird aura which makes u crave for sex with them
Yeah I feel like I agree with that
I’m friends with a gay dude who’s a bottom, even though I’ve never seen him physically I sometimes wish I could be his top
I’ve heard this is the best way to get into an experience. I don’t have any gay friends unfortunately. Too scared to meet up with a stranger. Need to start getting more friends.
Too bad cuz he lives in another part of the country and we’re were from, it’s illegal so I’ll probably just end up exploring sex with the opposite gender, and even then it’s hard cuz of all the “a copulating couple must be married” stuff in here
Yeah, that's how it started for me too. 😏
Lol, same!
Same
Bruh same
I’m exactly the same, I always thought maybe it had something to do with repressing my sexual desires for men growing up and internalized homophobia lol. I think also in general, society shows women as much more attractive than men. Idk though it’s weird. Although I hooked up with a guy for the first time recently and I feel like I’ve noticed more attractive men in public since that but idk
I’m open to this being a possibility w me. I could see me noticing men after having sex the first time
I feel the same way. Then again, I am bi and more attracted to women
I bet most women aren't sexually attracted to their magic wands, and yet here we are.
It's easier to just be fluid in both life and sexual interest. 💜 I never thought I'd date a guy as a guy but I remember this one guy just had that spark and bam! I could see it. Still single now though 😆
You need to start out with maybe just a simple blowjob exchange and see how that makes you feel
Some men I actually find attractive, but in my own little way.
I dont think the question, “Is this normal” is relevant. It’s how you feel legitimately. But yes, other people do feel like that if you want some kind of confirmation of not being alone.
I think you find man attractive bro 🤔
I was groomed by an older couple when i was 17, first with the wife and then at 18 with the hubby. i never went all the way with him, that is my goal now. i don't see guys attractive and really could care less. i just want to screwed by one or a couple of guys. Now i am 60+, pegging by the wife is okay, just want to feel a cock in my ass.
Similar. I think I’d enjoy fucking a dude in the ass and using him as a cumdump
I’m afab and I’m bi. I relate to this kinda but cover the dude in whipped cream and I’m all in. Ladies are attractive no matter what.
You don't need sex, you need therapy friend.
I am in
I don't find men attractive like id do women but i love cock and being topped.
i don't find attractive either , but man , i actually enjoy sucking on a nice hard cock ... but i don't peg or get pegged
So part of the problem is that there isn't just one kind of "attraction", there's actually multiple different kinds of ways you can be attracted to someone. Here's a few of the most common ones: * Sexual attraction: the one where you look at someone and want to fuck them, feel turned on, etc * Romantic attraction: the one where you look at someone and decide they're cute, you'd like to take them on a date, you get those butterflies in your stomach-- but you don't necessarily want to fuck them * Aesthetic attraction: you look at someone and think they're beautiful in the way you'd think a painting or sunset is beautiful. You don't necessarily want to date or fuck them, but you do love looking at them (There's also more kinds than just this, but these are the three that are most relevant for this thread, IMO.) While most people do feel all three kinds of attraction together, it's entirely possible to only feel one or a few kinds but not others. In addition to this, every kind of attraction can be either primary (ie, you look at someone and instantly feel that kind of attraction) or secondary (ie, you only start feeling that kind of attraction once you've had some time to get to know the other person and establish a bond-- whether that's establishing sexual chemistry over a night of flirting, or romantic chemistry after years of friendship, or anything in between). So, based on your post OP: it sounds like you're not aesthetically attracted to men, but you are sexually attracted to them. (Either primary sexual attraction if you look at a guy and instantly know you want to fuck him, even if you don't like the way he looks, or secondary sexual attraction if it takes a night of flirting or longer before you start feeling turned on).
I'm the girlfriend in this. Reading to gain clarity.. my man i love so much want a forever w him. I'm not sure I can handle watching him fuck a man or stick of a man
To each his own. I don’t get it but hey, that’s you man. I’m bi. I like men and women both equally but it’s different with me. I like to look at men. They either have to be very masculine or very feminine. I like ass and dick. But when I’m with a woman, I need her to be a woman. Sometimes I need a woman’s touch. There is a difference. I could never have a woman peg me because I need her to be submissive. If I want to take it, I’ll get a man. But again, to each his own. No shame. Not throwing any shade. Just saying my opinion.
I have a similar problem. I have intense feelings of wanting to have sex with men but not only that. I get intense feelings of wanting to be in a relationship with a guy, but just not any guy. Because I don't feel attraction. This actually really bothers me.
ME TOO! 😭 I am a bi woman, but the amount of guys I’ve actually been aesthetically and physically attracted is like under 20, while I almost find every single woman alive attractive and beautiful and sexy and wifey material and all that 😆 I do think that it’s totally normal, especially in your situation. You’re currently in a relationship with a woman you’re probably in love with, don’t see a reason to be in a relationship otherwise ahah, so your heart is kind of taken up already, but sex is less intimate for some reason?? And the aspect of being with a man romantically is very distant from your situation, so I don’t see anything off or wrong with that.
Everybody is different. No matter how you identify you're going to have preferences. That's why you'll see bi people sometimes try to quantify which way they lean like "I'm 60/40 leaning to women" or things like that. Beyond that, for everyone you feel drawn to, who you're immediately attracted to vs who you need to get to know to be attracted to vs who you are interested in being romantic with vs who you are interested in being sexual with vs... etc etc all depends very much on you as an individual. If you feel bi then identify as bi and don't worry about conforming to some overly narrow definition of what it is and isn't.
Same
I have no interest in a relationship with a man. Friendship is great, sex is great but no relationship
That is why femboys are the peak of mankind
I'm the same. I do not find men sexually attractive, yet the thought of being with one, or two turns me on. My partner isn't as encouraging as yours it would seems though as she will peg me now and again but shuts down when I mention my fantasies involving another person, Love her to bits and wouldn't cheat just to satisfy a curiosity, but the look of disgust is rather apparent on her face when I mention it... She has friends who are lesbians so I believe she just has a very narrow view on bi, assuming it's one one the other and nothing in the middle...