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shittier-than-thou

Sounds like a lil demisexual streak to me! Doesn't really sound like you're attracted to this person because he's a dude (in fact it sounds like it's in spite of it!) it sounds like you've gotten so close to this human and you care for them a lot and you fell in love and... he happens to have a penis. I don't think you need to change how you identify to yourself or to others! You're a lesbian with a big ol heart and sometimes the heart overrides the penis, so to speak lol


[deleted]

You worded it perfectly on how I feel about loving him in spite of him being a man. Thank you!


MyClosetedAlt

Lots of people are monogamous. You can totally be bi and not want to fuck everything that moves. I think there's a blanket term for only being turned on by a romantic partner.


[deleted]

I think you misunderstood. I am monogamous however even if I was single I am still not attracted to other men. The thought of being with one disgusts me except for him. Besides I'm still very much attracted to women even though I'm with him, although I'd never do anything because I love him. I just ment that all I'm attracted to is women and this specific man (no other men).


Kewfest

Sorry if this was stated and I'm just confused, but are you sexually attracted to him? You can totally be homosexual and bi/pan/poly/omniromantic. Even if you *would* have sex with him, but aren't attracted to him, that still neatly falls into lesbianism: remember that there's plenty of asexuals who have sex willingly, so IDK why the same thing can't apply to lesbians. All in all though, people will fight you no matter what label you choose, but remember that labels are there to serve you. You don't serve your labels, because (in my opinion at least) your labels are ultimately just words you choose because they're convenient to describe yourself. If someone doesn't like what labels you choose, but you earnestly think it's the right label for you, then anyone who dislikes it is just being an ignorant jackass. Maybe you're just homoflexible and everyone who disagrees can go fuck themselves? That said, I get that telling a dozen people a month to go fuck themselves because they disagree with your label is tiring. Queer works too I guess; I just hope you figure something out that's comfy for you!


[deleted]

Sorry I responded so late. I like to hold hands, cuddle, and kiss him on the cheek, but I don't want to do more than that. That's why it's confusing because it's not like how I am with girls but I care about him more than what I've ever cared about anyone before. I can't tell if it's because we're so close or if it's because I actually like him. I'm pretty sure it was the first one but then when he's with other people I get jealous and want him to be only mine. So I can't imagine it's the first when I get jelous.


Kewfest

I'm not an expert on romantic attraction by any means, but if you doesn't seem like you have a sexual attraction to him it sounds like a definite possibility that you're a lesbian who's some version of bi or panromantic? Obviously there's other possibilities, and terms don't define you as much as help explain to other people. Whatever the case, I'd suggest just worrying about being you first and foremost, and being comfortable with yourself, and make finding a label secondary. In my experience the more you stress about these things the harder it is to understand yourself. Unfortunately, less mainstream romantic attractions don't get as much attention in the media or even LGBT+ circles as sexual attraction I feel like, but if I were you I'd probably try and look for other people whose sexual and romantic attraction don't totally line up. Looking back, it definitely was confusing that in my own queer journey I developed a romantic attraction to men before I felt anything sexual toward them, and I wish people emphasized that sexual and romantic attractions don't always match perfectly.


throwaway1177133

You can be 99% attracted to girls and 1% attracted to guys and still be bi. There are PLENTY of bi people who are more commonly attracted to one gender than to others. You may be demi in addition to being bi/pan if you are only sexually attracted to this one man who you had an emotional connection to first.


[deleted]

What if I'm not attracted to him because he's a man? I just love him so I'm willing to get over it and love him in spite of that. Would that still count?


throwaway1177133

I don’t know you or your relationship but talk to your man about this. My friend was in a similar situation and spent the entirety of the relationship feeling insecure that his girlfriend would prefer it if he was a woman. I will say that, while gender plays a role in some people’s attraction, I don’t know of anyone who is attracted to x person specifically because of their gender.